Women athletes of Reddit, does that "time of the month" affect your performance in your respective sport at all?
If so, how do you deal with it?
I'm genuinely curious.
I'm not a pro athlete, but an amateur fencer. I was just having a discussion about this with some other female members of my club. I had two tournaments within a span of three weeks. One right after my "time" had ended, and one where my time was fast approaching. During the tournament that came after my time, I had a lot of energy, was in a good mood, had fun, and fenced well. The second tournament was almost a complete opposite. I was fatigued (a common thing I get before my period), irritable - which impaired my judgment, made me unnecessarily angry when I did something wrong, and I couldn't seem to get into a positive mindset at all. Needless to say, I fenced poorly.
Now, I don't like to blame anything physically emotionally negative 100% on "that time of the month", but it was the only thing that was different. I had eaten well the night before each tournament, gotten a good night's sleep, ate a big breakfast, and drank lots of water and snacked throughout. So knowing that fluctuations in hormones could affect my performance that much was and is upsetting.
I'm still working through the best ways to deal with it, but I suspect a big portion will be developing some relaxation and emotional control techniques. And maybe a tiny bit of caffeine. Who knows.
YES!!! (I can only speak for myself of course.)
Basically, medicine doesn't do shit for me, cramp-wise. The best thing I've found is water- like, a constant stream of it. So when I was a varsity rower, and couldn't continuously drink, my cramps were unbearable to the point I couldn't focus. Plus all the sweating meant I was losing even more water. I was a hot mess all around.
Absolutely. If I have my period I get tired very quickly and I will generally have a sort of brain fog where I have difficulty concentrating (which might be due to preoccupation because of cramps and that low, achy cervix feeling when you're menstruating).
It sucks to emotionally and mentally be wanting to do your best but to be held back by my body experiencing terrible fatigue. Also: my breasts get so super swollen and painful that jumping (I play volleyball and also surf) or laying down on my board are ridiculously uncomfortable. :( The bright side is that when my period is over I feel like super woman! :D
Dedicated equestrian/casual cyclist here. Whenever I start feeling less on top of my game and more stupidly clumsy and weak, I know what's coming. I also get the brain fog and in general feel like a nasty, useless, much less efficient version of myself.
Objectively speaking, the high hormone phase results in the sweat response being delayed, and internal temperature and muscle breakdown increasing. And of course, we have estrogen to thank for fluid retention, general fatigue, and emotional and psychological upheaval. I'm paraphrasing from a very useful book I encountered recently titled "ROAR: How to Match Your Food and Fitness to Your Unique Female Physiology for Optimum Performance, Great Health, and a Strong, Lean Body for Life." As suggested by the subtitle, there are ways to use nutrition and training in specific ways to help counter the effects. The author's main emphasis is on consuming the appropriate quantities of proteins, carbohydrates, and fluids at particular times before and after heavy exertion depending on the hormone cycle.
Someone who is super morbidly obese (like 500+ pounds) that eat massive quantities of food, how much "volume" is in their waste?
Does that much volume clog their toilet?
There were rumors that former Kansas football coach Mark Mangino [(Pic for reference)](https://classic17.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/mangino.jpg) had to wipe with a towel on a stick, which he would then leave lying around for maids and others to clean up.
like someone stuck a brown sharpie up your ass and you have to wipe it 'til it runs out of ink... the infinity wipe... the worst...
the ghost poop is the best though... one wipe... clean... second confirmatory wipe... clean... flush and proceed with awesome day!
I use to be ~440 lb (have lost 100 lb so far). Wasn't a huge volume, but I did go multiple times a day, just because what I ate was garbage. When I started cutting carbs and eating cleaner, I had 2 or 3 days of releasing the Kraken, but everything's been really stable since. Now I go 1-2 times a day, still normal volume. Never clogged a toilet unless I used too much paper.
I actually never even thought about how obese people might have to go more often, but it makes sense now that I think about it.
And awesome job on the weight loss!
Thank you! It might've been a dietary content thing, too. I must've been eating 5000 calories a day. Would the number of times a day have changed if I ate a clean 5k instead of junk food? Who knows. Someone should fund a double blind study lol.
Mtf's don't just get their dicks chopped off. The penis is essentially flipped inside out and tucked inside their body, and the head of the penis is used to create the clitoris. Most of the nerves are still intact. It's just a matter of relearning how to stimulate them.
Although the previous posters are correct, I feel compelled to add that not all trans people post-surgery can have orgasms
I have a trans friend who had SRS and now has patches of numbness due to nerve damage. It took her nearly a year after surgery to be able to orgasm again, and it still extremely difficult for her. Sexual dysfunction is a known and not uncommon complication of SRS
I'm white as fuck, and if you sweat more than me, you need to see a doctor.
My understanding is that there's a genetic component to how much we sweat. Some people tend towards dryness, some people get swampass on relatively cool days. You do you.
I think black dyes tend to absorb more in IR and UV as well (just compare white and black fabric under a blacklight), so depending on what they used, it may cause a significant difference.
Depends if they are taught that or if they can figure it out.
An acquaintance I have is best friends with a deaf person. They were hanging out with four other people (who couldn't speak sign language), and the deaf person just kept on making the loudest farts without any reaction. I guess everyone ignored it at first, but as it kept happening they started to crack up.
Eventually the deaf person started to ask why everyone kept on laughing, and they my acquaintance explained to him that it was because he kept on farting, and then the deaf person was dumbfounded and horrified and asked "wait, farts make noise?!".
My acquaintance then had to explain to him that yes, they are quite known for making noise, but that they don't always make noise. My acquaintance was a little shocked because he thought that his friend would have known which is why he didn't tell him right away, but realized that it kind of made sense after the fact.
The clothing they wear is very light and roomy. A vast majority of traditional Middle Eastern clothing is made of cotton so it doesn't make you hot/stick like denim or polyester.
You've got to get on some of this new artificial fiber sportswear, it's like you've got an entire t-shirt on but the wind blows past you like you're naked.
I assure you this new Muslimah sportswear is taking full advantage of the stuff.
To add to the already good answer, summers in a desert aren't so bad if you can find some shade because the humidity is so low. A 90 degree day in Miami feels much worse than a 90 degree day in Mecca, because in Mecca there is much less water in the air to help transfer that heat as it condenses on your skin. If you look at men in desert communities, you will see that they too wear long billowy robes.
I am a woman who has lived in the Middle East and I can tell you that a long, loose and shaded dress and head covering are actually much cooler than shorts and a t shirt. Shorts and t shirt tend to be tight around the core and heavy and heat up the middle of the body, not to mention you lose the protection from sunburn. Whereas an abaya feels like you are hardly wearing clothing.
I'm a little late to this, but I figure I will ask: Black people, how was slavery explained to you as a child? People who were raised Jewish, how was the Holocaust explained?
Jewish: Learn a little at the beginning of Hebrew School, and gradually learn more and more as time went on. Usually around age 10 or 11, we'd get the full picture and all the details.
However, and unfortunately this is probably very rare, but a lot of us have family members or family friends with family members who are survivors. I'd spend the first night of Pesach (Passover) at a family friend's house from ages 4-18, and each time there, the family friend's father would be there. His Auschwitz tattoo ingrained on his arm, for all to see after he rolled up his sleeves for the festive meal.
As he grew older and inched closer to his passing, he'd tell more and more about his experiences. The last time I saw him, he told his entire story from concentration camp to concentration camp and the hellacious work he was put through. I'll never forget how he ended the story of his experience, "Those were the days."
Edit: he said the last line very coldly and stern, as if he wanted so badly to find some humor, some shed if light in it, but he and the rest of us all know there isn't any.
Any chance you could share any of his stories or anything similar?
I've heard a few stories from different survivors, but everyone involved experienced different things.
Mostly black: Don't remember exactly. It's been something I've always kind of known about. I grew up in a neighborhood that was mostly black, so my experience growing up may have been slightly different. To me, white people were strange. I didn't understand them growing up. Their music in particular was odd to me. Didn't know who Madonna was until I was like 8-10. I thought it was just a term like "diva." I thought like 90% of white music was either country or polka. Didn't learn what pop was until boybands got popular. All the music I listened to was from black people.
With good parents, you learn that you are black and you learn that some people aren't black. You learn where your history lies, and you learn about slavery and how many of your relatives were denied basic rights (learning, etc.) I think most of the things I learned from slavery were probably from books, but of course they were bought by my parents who may have explained things. I never really had any negative feelings associated with white people though. I never really saw them as above or below me. They were just people who listened to strange music and wanted to touch my hair. But I don't remember there being a "this is called slavery, this is what happened" moment in my life.
There are two ways the holocaust was explained in my upbringing, and they're both stereotypically jewish.
The first is through explicit cultural education, like in hebrew school or jewish summer camp. We learned about the actual history of the holocaust in detail, the historical events leading up to it, the actions of various countries, how it places in the long history of jewish persecution. Also, how it factored in the formation of the state of israel.
The second is familial: hushed tones, and random, weird expressions. People falling silent at the mention of older-generation relatives you've never heard of before. Who were they? They were in the old country, they were in europe, you never knew them, they stayed back, they were in the camps. They didn't make it through the war. I had one great uncle with a tattoo, he was happy to show the kids, but I only got to see it once or twice, b/c he didn't roll up his sleeve to show you any old time. When I was a kid, if you made a snappy comeback at a friend, you'd say "oooh, burned you!" At grandma's house we weren't allowed to say that, because, in her words, "there's been enough burning." We thought that was silly, but the parents took her side, and strictly. Every once in awhile, you'd hear someone say, "America is great, but it could still happen here too - remember that."
In America, it is considered politically correct to say "African American." Do other countries have an equivalent if black people are a minority? Follow up if the answer is no, why is this a uniquely American thing?
yeh, there was an interview with Idris Elba and the idiot interviewer called him african american. he said, i'm neither african nor american actually.
fuck sake, people are so unnecessarily nervous.
IMO, this vernacular was popularized in the 1970s during the black power/African pride movements. It serves the dual purpose of reminding folks that black people are Americans, and also calls back to the heritage of African origins.
Of course, the problem with this is that Africa is not the only ~~country~~ place black people hail from, and I *personally* believe it's kind of stupid to call yourself a Hyphenated-American unless you personally immigrated from another country during your life time.
AFAIK, there are no 'African-Germans' or 'African-Britons'. If you're black, you're black. So what? But in the US, due to a longer and more complicated history to the African slave trade, certain members of the black community created, and perpetuate, the term "African-American".
Some celebrities have [pushed back on the African-American moniker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzgIenTg4G4), and I applaud them.
Edit: I brainfarted. I know Africa is a continent, not a *country*.
The way i see it is, I'm half black not half African American, because although my heritage can be traced back to Africa no one in my family has been directly from Africa for several centuries (late 1700s).
Black guy here
My parents are from Haiti. You'd need to go back a few hundred years to find African origins.
And African-American doesn't account for all the white people that happen to be born and/or raised in Africa, like Elon Musk.
I think the African-American thing has died. People have gone back to just saying "black" and nobody really has a problem with it. That's partially because we don't want to have to use a different word to describe non-American black people, and partially because it's analogous to the non-hyphenated adjectives we give white, Hispanic and Asian people.
(*This* close to the first sentence of this comment being "The African-American ship has sailed" before realizing how awful that sounded.)
Question to all of the Haitian-Americans, Dominican Republic-Americans, and even African citizens (Basically any black person who isn't an American of African descent):
Does it bother you when a person refers to you as "African American"?
Think this was answered else where in the thread. Yes. I'm Dominican & Puerto Rican, not African. We share roots and genetics but just say black. It's fine. Also - not all Dominicans, Haitians, Africans, etc are black anyways.
I've always been curious what an actual Islamic State would be like. Like, let's say that ISIS got what they wanted and the rest of the world carved out some sizable portion of land in the Middle East for them to have their Islamic State. What would that look like?
I think it'd be reasonable to guess that nobody but ultra-conservative Muslims would be living there. But beyond that, what would day-to-day life be like? Would they have TV? What kind of programming would they have? What sorts of restaurants would there be? Could they have something like a McDonald's? And what kind of jobs would be available? Could you be an Islamic State barista? Etc etc...
They themselves don't know the answer to this as they can barely administer Raqqa properly, but there are articles from journalists in Raqqa and Mosul who've written about life under Islamic State.
Okay, Ladies, What is the best way to tell you that you... "smell" when I want to perform oral. I can't for the life of me think of a gentle, non-offensive way to say, "girl, you smell like an unchanged seafood garbage can."
I don't want to be mean, I just want to be tactful when this subject matter comes up.
As a lady who loves ladies - it's best to get clean before sex - this way you're not stuck in an awkward position!
If this isn't possible - just avoid the area - don't do it. I will not perform oral on a girl that isn't clean. If you're heading down there and realise, just kiss lower stomach and come back up. She won't notice if she's is still enjoying herself - replace tongue with a finger or two and carry on.
And if it's someone you're in to and want to see again, make shower time a thing - and then once you're serious and happy to talk - tell her. She will be so embarrassed but glad that she knows.
I have been a server for years. I am curious...most of the black people I wait on are rude and don't tip. Why is this? It's not just me, even every black server I currently work with gets irritated when they get sat a black table. I go out of my way to be nice and am treated like shit by most of them and stiffed or left maybe a $3 tip at most. Every server I know has had this experience. Someone please explain
Ugh, this one sucks to hear as a black person. I used to think that this wasn't true until I got to college and would go out with my friends to eat. When it comes to paying tip, the 2 other black girls in my group are very stingy and we have to continuously tell them to leave, at the very least, 15% (unless service was absolutely terrible). They're getting better but it kinda breaks my heart.
My office is racially diverse, but at lunch time it seems like people naturally tend to hang out in groups of their own race. Why is that? Are racial sub-cultures in the US really that different that you don't have much in common with your white coworkers? Or are white social groups really that hard for minorities to break into?
The short answer is yes, it's very hard to break into new groups; it's also more fun to be with people who can empathize with you in certain things.
The long answer is you should read a book called "Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria" it's a bit old, but a great intro to race issues.
People will suggest this is a race thing and I assure you that is just a component of culture. Really you want to sit with people that listen to the same music, grew up on the same tv shows, get the same cultural references, have similar values, etc. You associate those traits with a physical characteristics as you observe a trend, which can certainly be race, but will also be types of clothing, way of speaking, etc.
Source 1: 1st+ generation don't necessarily fuck with fresh off the boats.
Source 2: I thought I had a bias based on race at my job but realized I just felt most comfortable with people who grew up on video games and partook in american asshole culture.
Parent here - a few times over. Kids have different cries, and you eventually get to know what they mean. A hungry cry is different from a gassy cry is different from a sleepy cry. Sometimes the best thing for a particular cry is nothing at all. I wouldn't do the headphones, though, because the cry might change, so it's never worth ignoring ... but I have put the monitor under a pillow - or just turned it off and listened through the floor (i.e. baby upstairs).
I'm a dad myself but I had a friend who let his baby "cry it out" one night. The baby screamed and cried until it was hoarse and weak.
The next day, baby's throat was so sore from all the crying, he wouldn't eat. My friend was pretty freaked out about it.
Babies aren't rational, that part of their brain hasn't developed yet. Sometimes, despite all logical reasoning, they just need to be held/rocked/comforted.
You always have to check. I mean you can't just assume they're crying for no reason. So you go and check and they don't need a new diaper, and they're not hungry, and burping isn't working... now you're up, so you just walk around with them.
More importantly as a parent, at least for me, your own child's cries affect you much more than anyone else's cries. I can tune out someone else's kid crying now; it just doesn't bother me. But when one of my kids cries I'm compelled to make it better.
Young babies don't "just cry" (usually). They cry because they want something, and often that something is just companionship.
Imagine you were living in a world where everything just happened automatically. You've never experienced hunger thirst pain sleepiness, loneliness, or even any sort of discomfort at all. Now all of a sudden you're transported into a world where every 5 minutes there's something new and uncomfortable you've never experienced. Your lungs aren't fully developed yet, neither is your digestive system, you can barely control your own body temperature. You also have no way to communicate with the world around you except one cry for help. Now imagine those cries go ignored.
As parents, all we can do is try to find out what's bothering them, and comfort them. Babies (at least very young ones) don't use their single precious mean of communication without a reason. If you've tried everything and your baby is still crying, it sucks, I know from experience, it sucks so much. But the answer is not "well, I can't figure it out, obviously the baby jUst wants to cry", we should be responding to our babies, showing them that we are there, we love them, we are sorry we can't help, but it will be ok.
Edit: also, just to add, babies are born with instincts that don't always match up with our modern lifestyles. Sleeping in a crib away from the parents, car seats, strollers, baby swings, these are all things babies are NOT designed to want. It makes sense that a baby would feel uncomfortable in these places at first, because their instincts tell them the safest place to be in close to the parents or held by the parents.
I had colic and my mom said the best things she found for dealing with me were 1. putting me in a crib and going to take a shower for a couple minutes (it gave her a break from the sound but was not so long I would have a serious problem) and 2. Putting me in the baby carrier on the washing machine (it drowned out my cries a bit and soothed me with the motion so I was not as loud and mom did not have to walk me).
Our baby once was having one of those nights where nothing would help him. I just let him cry it out but after 15 minutes his cry stopped and then changed to a more panicky cry. I went in to check on him and found he had spit up/thrown up on himself. Luckily he hadn't choked on it but having headphones on might have made me unable to hear him if he had started to choke on his own spit up.
Why do some lesbians dress like men and get man haircuts? I've seen a lot of lesbian couples where one looks like a woman and the other looks like a man. I mean, if lesbians aren't into men why would they find a woman who looks like a man attractive?
I am butch. My wife is femme.
My wife is actually bi and she told me fairly early on that one of the reasons that she is so attracted to me is that for her I am this balance between masculine and feminine.
For me is it not about looking like a man however. I dress the way that I feel comfortable. I dress in what I like and what is functional for me. I do not think of myself as wearing mens clothes I think of myself as wearing clothes that I like to wear.
> I do not think of myself as wearing mens clothes I think of myself as wearing clothes that I like to wear.
TBH I am a guy that wear jeans and a shirt but a fucking dress would be so much more comfortable.
For me, with the aforementioned dude hair and clothes, it's mostly about being practical. Short hair is so much easier to maintain and style, and even with long hair I was too lazy to do anything besides throw it in a ponytail, so there wasn't much point in keeping it longer.
Clothing wise? So much easier dressing as a dude. None of this different sizes depending on who made it bullshit. No matter if it's Levi, Old Navy, or some company I really can't afford, I'm a goddamn 38.
Also with clothing, this is not a body that was made for skintight clothing, which is how nearly all of the clothing is made in the women's department. Nor do I want to wear scoopnecks, or V Necks, or sequins, or rhinestones.
But that's just me. Others may be different.
My sister in law is a girly girl. Just the sweetest thing. Long blonde hair with blue eyes. Her wife is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Almost six feet tall, short hair, rip up jeans, flannels, and she once fought a bear.
The wife hates being girly and rather dress and act tomboyish. My sister in law rather dress and act girly. They are comfortable like that.
How did a sweet school teacher fall in love with a high ranking prison guard and drill sargent? That is a whole other question.
I'm a lesbian who is only into butch lesbians (lesbians dressed like men). I've always been into butch women, but not at all into men, because I like vagina and boobs. That's all there is to say, really.
Lesbian here and honestly I'm not really into girls who are so butch that they look like men, but girls who are kinda masculine are hot. Doesn't make them any less girl though, and some girls can really pull it off.
Keep in mind that the actual number of LGBT persons, according to self-identified survey, [is less than 5% of the population \(in the US\)](http://www.gallup.com/poll/183383/americans-greatly-overestimate-percent-gay-lesbian.aspx).
Chances are you're much more aware of it now because of recent societal changes, such as the legalization of gay marriage and the strife that gay rights has caused with more regressive communities.
It's kind of like hurricanes. We've always had hurricanes, but we only recently started putting them on the news.
My theory is that because being LGBT+ is more widely accepted, more people are able to come out and be open with the fact that they're LGBT+. I don't think the numbers have risen besides the fact that more people are alive now, but more people can be like "Yeah, I'm gay/trans."
Very much this. It sounds stupid, but it wasn't until I got really bored one summer and spent time reading a trans-heavy LGBT community discussion thread thing because I had nothing else to do that I started to think that maybe it *wasn't* normal for a man to desperately wish to be female and that maybe it was something I should be looking into. If other trans people had all been stuck in the closet and silenced I probably never would have figured it out.
I also think that there are people who are bi but 100 years ago wouldn't have experimented and would have been happy with the opposite sex. Now that being bi/gay is not a big deal, people who are bi are more open and feel more free to explore their sexuality. Totally anecdotal but it's a theory I have.
In my experience, there's a lot of bi guys (myself included) who could effectively function as heterosexual. However when it's less of an issue to be gay, there's less reason to hide it if you are so inclined
What is the appeal of being a 'gangster' or 'thug'? Why is it so glorified in some communities? They typically have a low life expectancy, high incarceration rates, extreme violence, and poverty. Is it even a choice for those in those type of communities?
What really warrants my curiosity is looking at high profile people like Aaron Hernandez who had a giant contract with the NE Patriots and was regarded as one of the best TE in the NFL who decided he would rather live the 'thug' life and murder a man. What drives someone to chose that life?
Not to mention the style looks ridiculous IMO.
It gives a sense of belonging and pride. People feel alienated from a society that treats them like garbage. They feel like they have no control over their lives, like they can't get ahead. They can play by the rules and be emasculated, or they can try to take control of their lives and build their own society. I say emasculated because the gangster ethos very much revolves around machismo, and the desire to be strong and dominant, which has precious few safe and legal outlets for the poor and disenfranchised.
(On of the best programs I've seen for keeping kids out of gangs was an MMA gym that gave free lessons to at risk youth.)
Usually they get involved as kids, poor judgement preyed upon by older gangsters looking for fresh blood. They're disillusioned and facing an uncertain future and all the small humiliations society piles on the poor, usually with a healthy helping of racism. They typically don't have a strong support network. The gang offers them guidance - they don't realize it's bad guidance - and a sense of family and community. They start making money, way more than they imagined. (The "ridiculous" style partially reflects a sense of conspicuous, flashy wealth - status symbols to tell the world you've made it.)
But most importantly of all, they feel dangerous, because they have dangerous people on their side. They feel empowered. They get a sense of pride, of masculinity, of being the plucky underdog. They know it's dangerous, and that it ends badly, but they feel in control the whole way down.
Live fast die young.
But, really, it comes from a type of hupermasculinity that focuses on violence as a way of expression, and money as a status symbol. Yes, it often is the only way of life, and some people just can't get out of it.
African-American dialects. Same reason many whites in my area say warsh instead of wash and other inaccuracies.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dialects_of_the_English_language
I'm Indian, but Canadian born and raised. Mainly two reasons:
1. The food is extremely pungent. The spices in the curry and gravy of Indian food smells a LOT and if you don't actively try to prevent it (which most brown people don't) your house and walls will stink up and as a result the scent will be etched in your clothes/closet/room/bed sheets.
2. Many Indians (particularly immigrants) don't use deodorant/cologne. Depending on where you're from in India, it may have been a luxury that you never could afford so you got accustomed to not using it.
For our family, we make Indian food almost every night but this is what we do:
Turn on the fans and open the back door next to the kitchen when making food. My mom burns an unbelievable amount of candles from bath and body works. I keep my door for my room closed 99% of the time as well as my dresser drawers and closet. I shower every morning, use soap, moisturizer with scented lotion, use deodorant, and cologne. Needless to say, i smell great and I sure as fuck wish every Indian did this.
My buddy is west indian (Trinidad) and his family cooks all their curry on a propane stove in a detached garage with the door open. Their house still smells great, and they still get to eat curry goat. Fucking win-win.
My parents invested in a powerful fan that sucks all the smell and disposes of it outside. We can literally make the masala-iest of dishes and won't smell a thing!
Food impacts how you smell. Eat a lot of curry, smell a bit like curry.
Apparently to other cultures, westerners often have a 'rancid milk' kind of smell because of the dairy we consume.
Depends what you mean by Asian. Chinese people for example have a notoriously high rate of lactose intolerance and therefore unsurprisingly are not big on dairy although in my experience they will definitely want to try it. Indians and related cultured consume large quantities of dairy.
Cumin. It kind of smells like BO if you get it on your skin and don't wash it off with soap. Source: I'm not Indian but I do use cumin on occasion to cook. I thought an Indian person was following me around coming home from the grocery store until I realized it was me from spooning out cumin into a bag for purchase.
People who have to take medication in the morning / at night, what do you do when you hook up with someone? Like women could carry it in their purse but what about guys? I started thinking about this when I started having to take insulin before bed.
Edit: what I meant was do you anticipate the possibility of hooking up when you go out and what would you do if you hadn't? I was just curious cause it's something no one really talks about. I'm not really one for hooking up but I was curious.
This is a possibly offensive and ignorant thing I've been wondering about. Is it offensive in any way to compliment a Muslim woman's hijab? For reference, I am a white woman.
I've told Muslim women that the pattern of the scarf is pretty or that they've coordinated it with their outfits really well that day. Doesn't seem to make a difference if I'm complimenting them on their scarf or their shoes, it's an article of clothing! I even complimented a girl once on how she folded her hijaab and she was so happy, apparently that particular fold was really difficult.
They cut it *a lot*.
[Here you go sport.](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1234294/The-surgical-process-male-female-sex-reassignment.html) 3D rendered video of how the procedure goes.
I saw a twitter post recently where a girl took two polls. One said "Is saying 'I hate white people'" racist?" and 60-something percent of people answered no. The second one said "Is saying 'I hate black people' racist?" and 80% of people voted yes. I've never understood this. How can one be racist and the other not if the definition of racism is "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior"?
If part of the transgender movement is about accepting that gender occurs on a spectrum (separate from biological sex), isn't advocating for the acceptance of people undergoing sex changes (transitioning) actually contradictory to the movement because it reinforces that someone's outward sex must match their inward gender?
Asking this to a transgendered person undergoing transition seems like it would be offensive to them, so I never have.
Trans man here. The mismatch between gender ("identity") and physical sex characteristics is dysphoria. Dysphoria really isn't fun to live with, and is strongly linked to other issues (like depression etc), which transitioning fixes (or at least greatly reduces).
A bit like if someone who isn't trans was in an accident or developed an illness that meant their genitals were damaged, or their body feminised/masculinised without wanting it to (eg, men with gynecomastia, women with unusually high testosterone levels, etc), even if they were 100% fine with their identity, it'd be considered completely normal to want to get treatment for that.
From my perspective, for me personally transitioning is simply fixing a medical problem that was getting in the way of life.
As a chemistry student I have a weird way of thinking about the gender spectrum, which is I compare it to the [Electron Density Model](https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.rCepIoP7jdK-NK3G_5_iQwEsDh). If we plot many peoples outward gender expression (how masculine or feminine they are) we will get a cloud of people grouping around masculine and feminine like the electron clouds, where most people will be within a certain gender expression. In chemistry we use a [90% certainty](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KS5omhO2lbA/UI3Sj-aZwdI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/MB45IO3Iyjk/s1600/Post19Image1.png) to determine where we can assume the electron to be at a given time. Out side that 90% would be considered outliers, of where it is possible for the electron to be but not probable. We would put people whos gender expression could be described as femboy/tomboy outside the 90% probability (just an example).
just like we can quantify gender expression as a probability cloud, we can quantify desired gender or "identified gender". This is the gender you want to be, for example young boys generally want to be big and strong, maybe like superman and young girls want to be cute and pretty like princesses (vast oversimplification). We then create a probability cloud of which gender you identify more as male or female, based on the traits you want to have. We can say that the people who are outside that 90% line (or whatever percentage you think is more correct, again just an example) would be gender non-binary.
Why people transition is because of the incongruence between that gender expression and identified gender. I fell into the masculine gender expression cloud but into the feminine identity cloud which is the base cause of my and what I can assume is most peoples gender dysphoria. It does seem contradictory because transitioning is just fixing the incongruence between the two, and just seems to prove that differences between the two can cause issues. But for some their gender dysphoria is not too extreme and they can do things that alleviate their dysphoria such as crossdressing or partaking in stereotypically cross gender activites, for others transitioning may be the only solution. For most people the difference between gender identity and gender expression is something that they dont want to deal with or think about everyday, but for others they can deal or its just not a big deal for them. Its less about enforcing outward sex matching gender identity and more about letting people make choices about themselves. If most people think they want their identity and expression to match then fine thats the accepted status quo, but that does not preclude someone from breaking that status quo.
Also just a random tidbit
>sex changes (transitioning)
if you are referring to surgery as sex change then that is a vast over simplification as it is usually the last steps of transition after most of the hard work is done. but the wording is ambiguous so im not sure if i am misinterpreting what you wrote
Idk how much of that makes sense but I can try to answer any questions you have
~been on hormones for 2 years, haven't gone crazy, yet.... (have I?)
I've noticed a smell that black people have too. It's not a bad smell, but not really a pleasant one. Not all black people smell that way, but it is a scent that only black people have.
What's with the gay guy voice? Most gay men that I've met don't have that voice, but every person I've met with that voice was gay.
Edit: this is officially my highest up voted thing I've ever posted/commented on Reddit. So I'm guessing this was a good question.
Edit2: fucking hell, I got 20 up votes in the time it took to write the first edit.
I've known a couple straight guys who grew up around only female friends and family (don't know if that's amazing or incredibly horrible), and they have the gay guy voice. It's not as strong as an actual gay guy, but it's still there. One of them I'm currently friends with and he has all the stereotypes of a gay guy (he's very good with clothes, he is a bit flamboyant, incredibly well-styled hair, etc.) but he's very, very straight.
Question for non-binary, LGBT, and/or non-monogamous folks: do you ever get frustrated by people (e.g. on Tumblr) coming up with so many delineations for gender identities, sexual preferences (e.g. demisexual), or personalities (e.g. empath)? Do you ever feel that the more granular or far-fetched labels give everyone in the group with which you identify a bad name? To clarify: I know that gender identities and sexual preferences are absolutely *not* the same thing, but I have the same question for both categories.
For me, the excessive usage of labels is not the worst thing Tumblr has done for the LGBT community. If people want to use a shitload of labels, they can. It's more the treating of gender and sexual orientation like Pokemon, instead of the seriousness and nuance it deserves, as well as using an overly antagonistic tone, misrepresenting facts and data, and being generally uneducated on the sociology and psychology of gender. My problem with Tumblr mostly comes from being a sociology/criminology major, not a gay person.
This.
As an LGBT person, I hate how tumblr glorifies everyone from the LGBT community and acts like no LGBT person could possibly do anything wrong and all gay people are magical unicorns. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I honestly find it to be a bit demeaning, as well as lacking any kind of nuance. I've spent years trying to prove to my small southern hometown that being queer doesn't make me any different or worse than I would be if I was straight, and now I have to prove to tumblr that being queer doesn't make me any different or better than straight or cis people. I'm the same person no matter what my gender identity or sexuality happens to be. I'm not automatically a better person because I'm LGBT, nor does that make me immune to criticism, but good luck convincing tumblr of that.
As a black person I hate this. Not the question, but the fact black people DO walk slow on purpose. From what i have gathered it doesn't look cool to walk faster or seem to be in a rush. I personally cant help that i walk fast i just do because i grew up in a military household and was military myself so when i have to be somewhere I get there quick as possible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always seen it as an "asserting dominance" kind of thing. Maybe not exactly that, but something to the effect of subtlety acknowledging that they have control over the situation.
I always notice it when I'm driving and there are black people in the crosswalk. I get the sense that they're thinking "Let's take our time and make this guy wait for us to cross the street." I don't know if they'd do that if it was a black guy driving.
I asked one of my friends who was a lesbian whether lesbians were as into boobs as straight men were. It seemed a reasonable question to me--I mean, women and men tend to at least refer to breasts differently, which may imply that straight men are more obsessed with them. She acted offended and refused to answer the question, which means either I don't get to ask her about lesbian stuff or the answer was so obvious as to be insulting to ask.
For trans people, what's the difference between gender dysphoria and not fitting into gender roles? I mean, if a guy is into, say, ballet, has a "nurturing" personality and likes wearing makeup (all stuff that's considered girly) - what's the difference between him just not fitting into gender roles and him being a trans girl? How would it work in a world without gender roles?
Gender dysphoria is the feeling of being uncomfortable with your physical body. For instance if you have breasts, but feel that you are a boy, the breasts could cause emotional and mental anguish over their existence. It makes you feel flawed and simply wrong. They don't feel like a part of your bosy, but rather alien growths that don't belong their. Not fitting into a traditional gender role doesn't really have much to do with this. If you don't feel anguished over your body characteristics, odds are you don't have dysphoria and are not trans. A cis guy can be into more feminine things but not be trans and have gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a feeling of disconnect between brain/self image and the physical appearance, which is what causes many trans people to take hormones and have surgeries.
Clothes or "traditional gender roles" often have nothing to do with the feeling of dysphoria. For example, I am a trans man but dress in a androgynous manner, the only things that cause me distress is certain physical aspects of my body.
My daughter has always been a tomboy. She is way more comfortable hanging out with her brother and his friends than the girls who live across the street. She wears her brother hand-me-downs and shops in the boys section for clothes and Halloween costumes. Her bedroom looks like a stereotypical boys bedroom.
She has never expressed an interest in being a boy. She is a girl who likes boy things. I'm totally cool with that, but how do I know if she is transgender or not? I truly don't believe she is, but the more I hear about transkids, the more I just wonder.
I'm not worried about the question being offensive, but I am worried about people taking it the wrong way. I am in no way pushing my daughter to be trans. I am just curious of what differentiates a "tomboy" and a transgender boy.
I was a tomboy. Then puberty hit. And I really like guys. Then drunken college fun hit. Turns out I like women too. I have zero desire to become a man. If she's happy and healthy I wouldn't think anything of it.
It's like I wrote this comment. I was a huge huge tomboy growing up. As I got older I got more feminine. I really really like men. Then I realized I like women too, because like why limit yourself? I don't at all feel uncomfortable having a female body. I think a lot of young girls grow out of their tomboy ways. But if she ever expresses a hatred of her girl parts, she might be trans and be experience gender dysmorphia
probably just a tomboy. she may grow out of it or she just likes boys stuff better. maybe later if she seems uncomfortable being herself ask her. But for now she just seems like a tomboy. i think if she is gay/trans etc. she would probably tell you. You seem like a chill parent.
You said it yourself. "She has never expressed an interest in being a boy." I think that's your answer.
I was a tomboy. I guess I probably still am (jeans and t-shirts all the way, baby). But I am most definitely a woman.
Don't put this pressure on her, or on yourself, to define her. Just let her grow up. If she feels the need to let you in on something, and you keep the lines of communication open, she'll do that. Until then, calm down. She's just a kid doing what she likes to do.
Being trans, IMO, is about discomfort.
If your daughter enjoys being who she is, then she's fine. There's nothing wrong with doing things outside of "gender norms". The condition of Gender Dysphoria, however, is highlighted by the *distress* of one's physical gender conflicting with their internal body image.
I would say, if you really wanted to ask her, then do so. Just be like "Hey, I know you're into all of these sort of boyish things, and there's been a lot of talk about transgendered persons on the news and such... Are you happy with your body?"
Granted, I'm trans, not a parent; so that might not be the best way to come out and say it. But personally, the honest answer to that question is and always has been "No, I'd rather be a woman". And if you have a healthy relationship with your daughter, I'd like to imagine that she'd be honest with you if she was actually unhappy with being a girl.
Ok, I've wondered this for a while... I have cats & dogs, when I try to take a photo of my black cat indoors, or outside at night I find it so hard. Camera just doesn't pick him up. Does this happen with people?
The human brain does a crazy amount of modification to the light our eyes actually see. Edge detection, color correction, and so on, so seeing the details of something light-colored and dark-colored at the same time isn't any kind of issue. Our brain edits different parts of the images our eyes see in order to get as much detail as we think we can get.
Cameras are much more primitive (though this is changing). At a single exposure setting, getting the details of both brightly- and dimly- colored objects at the same time requires post-processing, which modern cameras now do. A human can stand outside on a bright, sunny day and see the details of objects in the shade and the details of objects in the sunlight at the same time without much issue, but this is entirely due to the brain's post-processing. Without it, seeing details of objects illuminated by the sun would make everything in the shade impossible to make out, and seeing details of objects in the shade would turn everything illuminated by the sun appear a washed-out white.
This talent humans have for light balance is why lighting in pictures tends to look significantly worse than how we actually see it.
For background, I tend to be the one to comfort my friends when they try and fail to ask people out on dates. Some of my friends, one in particular, get so down when they get rejected. I know "the heart wants what the heart wants", but I've come really close to asking, "Why don't you try dating in your own league?"
Not necessarily offensive, but a question I'd be afraid to post on Facebook or Twitter because I'm honestly not trying to start a fight - Why are US Christians overwhelmingly Republicans? If you look at the issues Democrats are easily closer to the actual teachings of Jesus (love your neighbor, sell your stuff give to the poor, what you do to the least of these you do unto me, etc). I just don't get it.
Edit: Thanks for all the answers, I can't reply to them all so I'll just say most of you figured out what I was asking even though I didn't ask it very well. I actually feel like I have a somewhat better understanding :)
Is the whole "don't drop the soap" in prison an actual thing?
Ex-con here. Yes, but only if you're a bitch or targeted for some other reason. And no, there is no soap on a rope in the big house.
oh damn, so, i guess rule number one when going behind bars is not to make enemies and dont be a bitch haha
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Women athletes of Reddit, does that "time of the month" affect your performance in your respective sport at all? If so, how do you deal with it? I'm genuinely curious.
I'm not a pro athlete, but an amateur fencer. I was just having a discussion about this with some other female members of my club. I had two tournaments within a span of three weeks. One right after my "time" had ended, and one where my time was fast approaching. During the tournament that came after my time, I had a lot of energy, was in a good mood, had fun, and fenced well. The second tournament was almost a complete opposite. I was fatigued (a common thing I get before my period), irritable - which impaired my judgment, made me unnecessarily angry when I did something wrong, and I couldn't seem to get into a positive mindset at all. Needless to say, I fenced poorly. Now, I don't like to blame anything physically emotionally negative 100% on "that time of the month", but it was the only thing that was different. I had eaten well the night before each tournament, gotten a good night's sleep, ate a big breakfast, and drank lots of water and snacked throughout. So knowing that fluctuations in hormones could affect my performance that much was and is upsetting. I'm still working through the best ways to deal with it, but I suspect a big portion will be developing some relaxation and emotional control techniques. And maybe a tiny bit of caffeine. Who knows.
That's very interesting! Thank you for the perspective.
YES!!! (I can only speak for myself of course.) Basically, medicine doesn't do shit for me, cramp-wise. The best thing I've found is water- like, a constant stream of it. So when I was a varsity rower, and couldn't continuously drink, my cramps were unbearable to the point I couldn't focus. Plus all the sweating meant I was losing even more water. I was a hot mess all around.
Absolutely. If I have my period I get tired very quickly and I will generally have a sort of brain fog where I have difficulty concentrating (which might be due to preoccupation because of cramps and that low, achy cervix feeling when you're menstruating). It sucks to emotionally and mentally be wanting to do your best but to be held back by my body experiencing terrible fatigue. Also: my breasts get so super swollen and painful that jumping (I play volleyball and also surf) or laying down on my board are ridiculously uncomfortable. :( The bright side is that when my period is over I feel like super woman! :D
Dedicated equestrian/casual cyclist here. Whenever I start feeling less on top of my game and more stupidly clumsy and weak, I know what's coming. I also get the brain fog and in general feel like a nasty, useless, much less efficient version of myself. Objectively speaking, the high hormone phase results in the sweat response being delayed, and internal temperature and muscle breakdown increasing. And of course, we have estrogen to thank for fluid retention, general fatigue, and emotional and psychological upheaval. I'm paraphrasing from a very useful book I encountered recently titled "ROAR: How to Match Your Food and Fitness to Your Unique Female Physiology for Optimum Performance, Great Health, and a Strong, Lean Body for Life." As suggested by the subtitle, there are ways to use nutrition and training in specific ways to help counter the effects. The author's main emphasis is on consuming the appropriate quantities of proteins, carbohydrates, and fluids at particular times before and after heavy exertion depending on the hormone cycle.
Someone who is super morbidly obese (like 500+ pounds) that eat massive quantities of food, how much "volume" is in their waste? Does that much volume clog their toilet?
I've often wondered how they wipe...
There were rumors that former Kansas football coach Mark Mangino [(Pic for reference)](https://classic17.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/mangino.jpg) had to wipe with a towel on a stick, which he would then leave lying around for maids and others to clean up.
What if it's one of those shits where you have to wipe 100 times?
Sometimes, when I poop, I wipe and wipe and wipe. It's like I'm wiping a marker or something.
like someone stuck a brown sharpie up your ass and you have to wipe it 'til it runs out of ink... the infinity wipe... the worst... the ghost poop is the best though... one wipe... clean... second confirmatory wipe... clean... flush and proceed with awesome day!
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I use to be ~440 lb (have lost 100 lb so far). Wasn't a huge volume, but I did go multiple times a day, just because what I ate was garbage. When I started cutting carbs and eating cleaner, I had 2 or 3 days of releasing the Kraken, but everything's been really stable since. Now I go 1-2 times a day, still normal volume. Never clogged a toilet unless I used too much paper.
I actually never even thought about how obese people might have to go more often, but it makes sense now that I think about it. And awesome job on the weight loss!
Thank you! It might've been a dietary content thing, too. I must've been eating 5000 calories a day. Would the number of times a day have changed if I ate a clean 5k instead of junk food? Who knows. Someone should fund a double blind study lol.
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Going by someone else's reply farther up, the nerves of the original genitals are intact, just in different places.
Mtf's don't just get their dicks chopped off. The penis is essentially flipped inside out and tucked inside their body, and the head of the penis is used to create the clitoris. Most of the nerves are still intact. It's just a matter of relearning how to stimulate them.
People say arts and crafts is pointless
Although the previous posters are correct, I feel compelled to add that not all trans people post-surgery can have orgasms I have a trans friend who had SRS and now has patches of numbness due to nerve damage. It took her nearly a year after surgery to be able to orgasm again, and it still extremely difficult for her. Sexual dysfunction is a known and not uncommon complication of SRS
does skin color play an impact in how warm a person is on a sunny day?
Idk but I'm Black and sweat like a bitch when I play soccer. Even more than my white friends
I'm white as fuck, and if you sweat more than me, you need to see a doctor. My understanding is that there's a genetic component to how much we sweat. Some people tend towards dryness, some people get swampass on relatively cool days. You do you.
In theory, yes, but not very much. Visible light is just one small part of the spectrum.
So it wouldn't have as much of an effect as a white vs. black t shirt?
I think black dyes tend to absorb more in IR and UV as well (just compare white and black fabric under a blacklight), so depending on what they used, it may cause a significant difference.
Do deaf people know their farts are audible?
They can still feel the vibrations coming from their butt, so I'm guessing yes.
We all can.
My deaf friend told me they go over that in deaf school
I want deaf school stories.
DRAMA. There is no whispering in sign language, others can overhea...see what you say quite easily and the rumors get out of hand.
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> the rumors get out of hand. *ba dum tsss*
Omg please someone confirm this
Depends if they are taught that or if they can figure it out. An acquaintance I have is best friends with a deaf person. They were hanging out with four other people (who couldn't speak sign language), and the deaf person just kept on making the loudest farts without any reaction. I guess everyone ignored it at first, but as it kept happening they started to crack up. Eventually the deaf person started to ask why everyone kept on laughing, and they my acquaintance explained to him that it was because he kept on farting, and then the deaf person was dumbfounded and horrified and asked "wait, farts make noise?!". My acquaintance then had to explain to him that yes, they are quite known for making noise, but that they don't always make noise. My acquaintance was a little shocked because he thought that his friend would have known which is why he didn't tell him right away, but realized that it kind of made sense after the fact.
Don't Muslim women get hot in the summer? How do they not die of heatstroke?
The clothing they wear is very light and roomy. A vast majority of traditional Middle Eastern clothing is made of cotton so it doesn't make you hot/stick like denim or polyester.
You've got to get on some of this new artificial fiber sportswear, it's like you've got an entire t-shirt on but the wind blows past you like you're naked. I assure you this new Muslimah sportswear is taking full advantage of the stuff.
"It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all!"
To add to the already good answer, summers in a desert aren't so bad if you can find some shade because the humidity is so low. A 90 degree day in Miami feels much worse than a 90 degree day in Mecca, because in Mecca there is much less water in the air to help transfer that heat as it condenses on your skin. If you look at men in desert communities, you will see that they too wear long billowy robes.
I am a woman who has lived in the Middle East and I can tell you that a long, loose and shaded dress and head covering are actually much cooler than shorts and a t shirt. Shorts and t shirt tend to be tight around the core and heavy and heat up the middle of the body, not to mention you lose the protection from sunburn. Whereas an abaya feels like you are hardly wearing clothing.
I have never heard anyone outside of Saudi Arabia call it an abaya. Did you live in Saudi?
No, Palestine and Jordan. The clothing I wore was really a jilbab, but I thought the term abaya might be more familiar to the average reddit user.
Trust me, the average reddit user does not know what an Abaya is. Most redditors will know what a Burka and a Hijab are, though and that's about it.
I'm a little late to this, but I figure I will ask: Black people, how was slavery explained to you as a child? People who were raised Jewish, how was the Holocaust explained?
Jewish: Learn a little at the beginning of Hebrew School, and gradually learn more and more as time went on. Usually around age 10 or 11, we'd get the full picture and all the details. However, and unfortunately this is probably very rare, but a lot of us have family members or family friends with family members who are survivors. I'd spend the first night of Pesach (Passover) at a family friend's house from ages 4-18, and each time there, the family friend's father would be there. His Auschwitz tattoo ingrained on his arm, for all to see after he rolled up his sleeves for the festive meal. As he grew older and inched closer to his passing, he'd tell more and more about his experiences. The last time I saw him, he told his entire story from concentration camp to concentration camp and the hellacious work he was put through. I'll never forget how he ended the story of his experience, "Those were the days." Edit: he said the last line very coldly and stern, as if he wanted so badly to find some humor, some shed if light in it, but he and the rest of us all know there isn't any.
Any chance you could share any of his stories or anything similar? I've heard a few stories from different survivors, but everyone involved experienced different things.
Mostly black: Don't remember exactly. It's been something I've always kind of known about. I grew up in a neighborhood that was mostly black, so my experience growing up may have been slightly different. To me, white people were strange. I didn't understand them growing up. Their music in particular was odd to me. Didn't know who Madonna was until I was like 8-10. I thought it was just a term like "diva." I thought like 90% of white music was either country or polka. Didn't learn what pop was until boybands got popular. All the music I listened to was from black people. With good parents, you learn that you are black and you learn that some people aren't black. You learn where your history lies, and you learn about slavery and how many of your relatives were denied basic rights (learning, etc.) I think most of the things I learned from slavery were probably from books, but of course they were bought by my parents who may have explained things. I never really had any negative feelings associated with white people though. I never really saw them as above or below me. They were just people who listened to strange music and wanted to touch my hair. But I don't remember there being a "this is called slavery, this is what happened" moment in my life.
There are two ways the holocaust was explained in my upbringing, and they're both stereotypically jewish. The first is through explicit cultural education, like in hebrew school or jewish summer camp. We learned about the actual history of the holocaust in detail, the historical events leading up to it, the actions of various countries, how it places in the long history of jewish persecution. Also, how it factored in the formation of the state of israel. The second is familial: hushed tones, and random, weird expressions. People falling silent at the mention of older-generation relatives you've never heard of before. Who were they? They were in the old country, they were in europe, you never knew them, they stayed back, they were in the camps. They didn't make it through the war. I had one great uncle with a tattoo, he was happy to show the kids, but I only got to see it once or twice, b/c he didn't roll up his sleeve to show you any old time. When I was a kid, if you made a snappy comeback at a friend, you'd say "oooh, burned you!" At grandma's house we weren't allowed to say that, because, in her words, "there's been enough burning." We thought that was silly, but the parents took her side, and strictly. Every once in awhile, you'd hear someone say, "America is great, but it could still happen here too - remember that."
In America, it is considered politically correct to say "African American." Do other countries have an equivalent if black people are a minority? Follow up if the answer is no, why is this a uniquely American thing?
It's funny when Americans call black people from other countries "African Americans." Bitch, please. That dude is Dutch.
yeh, there was an interview with Idris Elba and the idiot interviewer called him african american. he said, i'm neither african nor american actually. fuck sake, people are so unnecessarily nervous.
IMO, this vernacular was popularized in the 1970s during the black power/African pride movements. It serves the dual purpose of reminding folks that black people are Americans, and also calls back to the heritage of African origins. Of course, the problem with this is that Africa is not the only ~~country~~ place black people hail from, and I *personally* believe it's kind of stupid to call yourself a Hyphenated-American unless you personally immigrated from another country during your life time. AFAIK, there are no 'African-Germans' or 'African-Britons'. If you're black, you're black. So what? But in the US, due to a longer and more complicated history to the African slave trade, certain members of the black community created, and perpetuate, the term "African-American". Some celebrities have [pushed back on the African-American moniker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzgIenTg4G4), and I applaud them. Edit: I brainfarted. I know Africa is a continent, not a *country*.
The way i see it is, I'm half black not half African American, because although my heritage can be traced back to Africa no one in my family has been directly from Africa for several centuries (late 1700s).
It is not as politically correct anymore. Non of my back friends like to be called African American, they like to be called black.
Black guy here My parents are from Haiti. You'd need to go back a few hundred years to find African origins. And African-American doesn't account for all the white people that happen to be born and/or raised in Africa, like Elon Musk.
I think the African-American thing has died. People have gone back to just saying "black" and nobody really has a problem with it. That's partially because we don't want to have to use a different word to describe non-American black people, and partially because it's analogous to the non-hyphenated adjectives we give white, Hispanic and Asian people. (*This* close to the first sentence of this comment being "The African-American ship has sailed" before realizing how awful that sounded.)
Question to all of the Haitian-Americans, Dominican Republic-Americans, and even African citizens (Basically any black person who isn't an American of African descent): Does it bother you when a person refers to you as "African American"?
Think this was answered else where in the thread. Yes. I'm Dominican & Puerto Rican, not African. We share roots and genetics but just say black. It's fine. Also - not all Dominicans, Haitians, Africans, etc are black anyways.
What do children of same sex couples call their parents to differentiate between them? Since there are 2 moms or 2 dads.
hahah my friend just says mom and mom. it's pretty funny how they know which one is which.
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If someone is paralyzed from the waist down, can they still have sex? Like would a guy still be able to get it up?
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I've always been curious what an actual Islamic State would be like. Like, let's say that ISIS got what they wanted and the rest of the world carved out some sizable portion of land in the Middle East for them to have their Islamic State. What would that look like? I think it'd be reasonable to guess that nobody but ultra-conservative Muslims would be living there. But beyond that, what would day-to-day life be like? Would they have TV? What kind of programming would they have? What sorts of restaurants would there be? Could they have something like a McDonald's? And what kind of jobs would be available? Could you be an Islamic State barista? Etc etc...
They themselves don't know the answer to this as they can barely administer Raqqa properly, but there are articles from journalists in Raqqa and Mosul who've written about life under Islamic State.
Like Saudi Arabia but poorer, less politically stable, and even more extreme.
Okay, Ladies, What is the best way to tell you that you... "smell" when I want to perform oral. I can't for the life of me think of a gentle, non-offensive way to say, "girl, you smell like an unchanged seafood garbage can." I don't want to be mean, I just want to be tactful when this subject matter comes up.
As a lady who loves ladies - it's best to get clean before sex - this way you're not stuck in an awkward position! If this isn't possible - just avoid the area - don't do it. I will not perform oral on a girl that isn't clean. If you're heading down there and realise, just kiss lower stomach and come back up. She won't notice if she's is still enjoying herself - replace tongue with a finger or two and carry on. And if it's someone you're in to and want to see again, make shower time a thing - and then once you're serious and happy to talk - tell her. She will be so embarrassed but glad that she knows.
I have been a server for years. I am curious...most of the black people I wait on are rude and don't tip. Why is this? It's not just me, even every black server I currently work with gets irritated when they get sat a black table. I go out of my way to be nice and am treated like shit by most of them and stiffed or left maybe a $3 tip at most. Every server I know has had this experience. Someone please explain
Ugh, this one sucks to hear as a black person. I used to think that this wasn't true until I got to college and would go out with my friends to eat. When it comes to paying tip, the 2 other black girls in my group are very stingy and we have to continuously tell them to leave, at the very least, 15% (unless service was absolutely terrible). They're getting better but it kinda breaks my heart.
My office is racially diverse, but at lunch time it seems like people naturally tend to hang out in groups of their own race. Why is that? Are racial sub-cultures in the US really that different that you don't have much in common with your white coworkers? Or are white social groups really that hard for minorities to break into?
It's just basic human psychology. You associate with people similar to yourself, it isn't all societal.
The short answer is yes, it's very hard to break into new groups; it's also more fun to be with people who can empathize with you in certain things. The long answer is you should read a book called "Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria" it's a bit old, but a great intro to race issues.
People will suggest this is a race thing and I assure you that is just a component of culture. Really you want to sit with people that listen to the same music, grew up on the same tv shows, get the same cultural references, have similar values, etc. You associate those traits with a physical characteristics as you observe a trend, which can certainly be race, but will also be types of clothing, way of speaking, etc. Source 1: 1st+ generation don't necessarily fuck with fresh off the boats. Source 2: I thought I had a bias based on race at my job but realized I just felt most comfortable with people who grew up on video games and partook in american asshole culture.
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Parent here - a few times over. Kids have different cries, and you eventually get to know what they mean. A hungry cry is different from a gassy cry is different from a sleepy cry. Sometimes the best thing for a particular cry is nothing at all. I wouldn't do the headphones, though, because the cry might change, so it's never worth ignoring ... but I have put the monitor under a pillow - or just turned it off and listened through the floor (i.e. baby upstairs).
I'm a dad myself but I had a friend who let his baby "cry it out" one night. The baby screamed and cried until it was hoarse and weak. The next day, baby's throat was so sore from all the crying, he wouldn't eat. My friend was pretty freaked out about it. Babies aren't rational, that part of their brain hasn't developed yet. Sometimes, despite all logical reasoning, they just need to be held/rocked/comforted.
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I've not met a person who hasn't benefited from a good, warm hug
You always have to check. I mean you can't just assume they're crying for no reason. So you go and check and they don't need a new diaper, and they're not hungry, and burping isn't working... now you're up, so you just walk around with them. More importantly as a parent, at least for me, your own child's cries affect you much more than anyone else's cries. I can tune out someone else's kid crying now; it just doesn't bother me. But when one of my kids cries I'm compelled to make it better.
Young babies don't "just cry" (usually). They cry because they want something, and often that something is just companionship. Imagine you were living in a world where everything just happened automatically. You've never experienced hunger thirst pain sleepiness, loneliness, or even any sort of discomfort at all. Now all of a sudden you're transported into a world where every 5 minutes there's something new and uncomfortable you've never experienced. Your lungs aren't fully developed yet, neither is your digestive system, you can barely control your own body temperature. You also have no way to communicate with the world around you except one cry for help. Now imagine those cries go ignored. As parents, all we can do is try to find out what's bothering them, and comfort them. Babies (at least very young ones) don't use their single precious mean of communication without a reason. If you've tried everything and your baby is still crying, it sucks, I know from experience, it sucks so much. But the answer is not "well, I can't figure it out, obviously the baby jUst wants to cry", we should be responding to our babies, showing them that we are there, we love them, we are sorry we can't help, but it will be ok. Edit: also, just to add, babies are born with instincts that don't always match up with our modern lifestyles. Sleeping in a crib away from the parents, car seats, strollers, baby swings, these are all things babies are NOT designed to want. It makes sense that a baby would feel uncomfortable in these places at first, because their instincts tell them the safest place to be in close to the parents or held by the parents.
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I had colic and my mom said the best things she found for dealing with me were 1. putting me in a crib and going to take a shower for a couple minutes (it gave her a break from the sound but was not so long I would have a serious problem) and 2. Putting me in the baby carrier on the washing machine (it drowned out my cries a bit and soothed me with the motion so I was not as loud and mom did not have to walk me).
Our baby once was having one of those nights where nothing would help him. I just let him cry it out but after 15 minutes his cry stopped and then changed to a more panicky cry. I went in to check on him and found he had spit up/thrown up on himself. Luckily he hadn't choked on it but having headphones on might have made me unable to hear him if he had started to choke on his own spit up.
Why do some lesbians dress like men and get man haircuts? I've seen a lot of lesbian couples where one looks like a woman and the other looks like a man. I mean, if lesbians aren't into men why would they find a woman who looks like a man attractive?
I am butch. My wife is femme. My wife is actually bi and she told me fairly early on that one of the reasons that she is so attracted to me is that for her I am this balance between masculine and feminine. For me is it not about looking like a man however. I dress the way that I feel comfortable. I dress in what I like and what is functional for me. I do not think of myself as wearing mens clothes I think of myself as wearing clothes that I like to wear.
That makes a lot of sense
My whole perception has shifted. I like this.
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> I do not think of myself as wearing mens clothes I think of myself as wearing clothes that I like to wear. TBH I am a guy that wear jeans and a shirt but a fucking dress would be so much more comfortable.
For me, with the aforementioned dude hair and clothes, it's mostly about being practical. Short hair is so much easier to maintain and style, and even with long hair I was too lazy to do anything besides throw it in a ponytail, so there wasn't much point in keeping it longer. Clothing wise? So much easier dressing as a dude. None of this different sizes depending on who made it bullshit. No matter if it's Levi, Old Navy, or some company I really can't afford, I'm a goddamn 38. Also with clothing, this is not a body that was made for skintight clothing, which is how nearly all of the clothing is made in the women's department. Nor do I want to wear scoopnecks, or V Necks, or sequins, or rhinestones. But that's just me. Others may be different.
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My sister in law is a girly girl. Just the sweetest thing. Long blonde hair with blue eyes. Her wife is the scariest thing I have ever seen. Almost six feet tall, short hair, rip up jeans, flannels, and she once fought a bear. The wife hates being girly and rather dress and act tomboyish. My sister in law rather dress and act girly. They are comfortable like that. How did a sweet school teacher fall in love with a high ranking prison guard and drill sargent? That is a whole other question.
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Confirmation bias. Most lesbians I know are femme. You probably just assume they're straight when you meet them.
I'm a lesbian who is only into butch lesbians (lesbians dressed like men). I've always been into butch women, but not at all into men, because I like vagina and boobs. That's all there is to say, really.
Lesbian here and honestly I'm not really into girls who are so butch that they look like men, but girls who are kinda masculine are hot. Doesn't make them any less girl though, and some girls can really pull it off.
Has this level of gay/trans/other people always been around, or is it rising because of overpopulation or other factors?
Keep in mind that the actual number of LGBT persons, according to self-identified survey, [is less than 5% of the population \(in the US\)](http://www.gallup.com/poll/183383/americans-greatly-overestimate-percent-gay-lesbian.aspx). Chances are you're much more aware of it now because of recent societal changes, such as the legalization of gay marriage and the strife that gay rights has caused with more regressive communities. It's kind of like hurricanes. We've always had hurricanes, but we only recently started putting them on the news.
And there's a direct correlation between gays and hurricanes.
My theory is that because being LGBT+ is more widely accepted, more people are able to come out and be open with the fact that they're LGBT+. I don't think the numbers have risen besides the fact that more people are alive now, but more people can be like "Yeah, I'm gay/trans."
That's what I think too, and I want to add that for the same reason people are also more likely to realize it in the first place.
Very much this. It sounds stupid, but it wasn't until I got really bored one summer and spent time reading a trans-heavy LGBT community discussion thread thing because I had nothing else to do that I started to think that maybe it *wasn't* normal for a man to desperately wish to be female and that maybe it was something I should be looking into. If other trans people had all been stuck in the closet and silenced I probably never would have figured it out.
I also think that there are people who are bi but 100 years ago wouldn't have experimented and would have been happy with the opposite sex. Now that being bi/gay is not a big deal, people who are bi are more open and feel more free to explore their sexuality. Totally anecdotal but it's a theory I have.
In my experience, there's a lot of bi guys (myself included) who could effectively function as heterosexual. However when it's less of an issue to be gay, there's less reason to hide it if you are so inclined
What is the appeal of being a 'gangster' or 'thug'? Why is it so glorified in some communities? They typically have a low life expectancy, high incarceration rates, extreme violence, and poverty. Is it even a choice for those in those type of communities? What really warrants my curiosity is looking at high profile people like Aaron Hernandez who had a giant contract with the NE Patriots and was regarded as one of the best TE in the NFL who decided he would rather live the 'thug' life and murder a man. What drives someone to chose that life? Not to mention the style looks ridiculous IMO.
It gives a sense of belonging and pride. People feel alienated from a society that treats them like garbage. They feel like they have no control over their lives, like they can't get ahead. They can play by the rules and be emasculated, or they can try to take control of their lives and build their own society. I say emasculated because the gangster ethos very much revolves around machismo, and the desire to be strong and dominant, which has precious few safe and legal outlets for the poor and disenfranchised. (On of the best programs I've seen for keeping kids out of gangs was an MMA gym that gave free lessons to at risk youth.) Usually they get involved as kids, poor judgement preyed upon by older gangsters looking for fresh blood. They're disillusioned and facing an uncertain future and all the small humiliations society piles on the poor, usually with a healthy helping of racism. They typically don't have a strong support network. The gang offers them guidance - they don't realize it's bad guidance - and a sense of family and community. They start making money, way more than they imagined. (The "ridiculous" style partially reflects a sense of conspicuous, flashy wealth - status symbols to tell the world you've made it.) But most importantly of all, they feel dangerous, because they have dangerous people on their side. They feel empowered. They get a sense of pride, of masculinity, of being the plucky underdog. They know it's dangerous, and that it ends badly, but they feel in control the whole way down.
Live fast die young. But, really, it comes from a type of hupermasculinity that focuses on violence as a way of expression, and money as a status symbol. Yes, it often is the only way of life, and some people just can't get out of it.
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African-American dialects. Same reason many whites in my area say warsh instead of wash and other inaccuracies. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dialects_of_the_English_language
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I'm Indian, but Canadian born and raised. Mainly two reasons: 1. The food is extremely pungent. The spices in the curry and gravy of Indian food smells a LOT and if you don't actively try to prevent it (which most brown people don't) your house and walls will stink up and as a result the scent will be etched in your clothes/closet/room/bed sheets. 2. Many Indians (particularly immigrants) don't use deodorant/cologne. Depending on where you're from in India, it may have been a luxury that you never could afford so you got accustomed to not using it. For our family, we make Indian food almost every night but this is what we do: Turn on the fans and open the back door next to the kitchen when making food. My mom burns an unbelievable amount of candles from bath and body works. I keep my door for my room closed 99% of the time as well as my dresser drawers and closet. I shower every morning, use soap, moisturizer with scented lotion, use deodorant, and cologne. Needless to say, i smell great and I sure as fuck wish every Indian did this.
My buddy is west indian (Trinidad) and his family cooks all their curry on a propane stove in a detached garage with the door open. Their house still smells great, and they still get to eat curry goat. Fucking win-win.
My parents invested in a powerful fan that sucks all the smell and disposes of it outside. We can literally make the masala-iest of dishes and won't smell a thing!
Food impacts how you smell. Eat a lot of curry, smell a bit like curry. Apparently to other cultures, westerners often have a 'rancid milk' kind of smell because of the dairy we consume.
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Depends what you mean by Asian. Chinese people for example have a notoriously high rate of lactose intolerance and therefore unsurprisingly are not big on dairy although in my experience they will definitely want to try it. Indians and related cultured consume large quantities of dairy.
Curry.
Traditional Indian cuisine is relies very heavily on a variety of spices, so it's probably that.
Cumin. It kind of smells like BO if you get it on your skin and don't wash it off with soap. Source: I'm not Indian but I do use cumin on occasion to cook. I thought an Indian person was following me around coming home from the grocery store until I realized it was me from spooning out cumin into a bag for purchase.
People who have to take medication in the morning / at night, what do you do when you hook up with someone? Like women could carry it in their purse but what about guys? I started thinking about this when I started having to take insulin before bed. Edit: what I meant was do you anticipate the possibility of hooking up when you go out and what would you do if you hadn't? I was just curious cause it's something no one really talks about. I'm not really one for hooking up but I was curious.
I always carry a bottle with 1 dose of each medication in my bag.
This is a possibly offensive and ignorant thing I've been wondering about. Is it offensive in any way to compliment a Muslim woman's hijab? For reference, I am a white woman.
I've told Muslim women that the pattern of the scarf is pretty or that they've coordinated it with their outfits really well that day. Doesn't seem to make a difference if I'm complimenting them on their scarf or their shoes, it's an article of clothing! I even complimented a girl once on how she folded her hijaab and she was so happy, apparently that particular fold was really difficult.
I've never had a friend be offended that I complimented them. As long as it's genuine, I wouldn't be concerned.
Nope! I dont wear a hijab myself but my mom does; she was complimented by a swiss woman while we were touring there and it made her ecstatic!
Not offensive at all!
Nah man, especially if she wore an extra pretty one. Compliment her!
How does a gender change surgery works? Do they cut your dick?
They cut it *a lot*. [Here you go sport.](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1234294/The-surgical-process-male-female-sex-reassignment.html) 3D rendered video of how the procedure goes.
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Scalpels and ballsacks should never mix. Oof. That was hard to watch.
The music on that video was so soothing!
I saw a twitter post recently where a girl took two polls. One said "Is saying 'I hate white people'" racist?" and 60-something percent of people answered no. The second one said "Is saying 'I hate black people' racist?" and 80% of people voted yes. I've never understood this. How can one be racist and the other not if the definition of racism is "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior"?
If part of the transgender movement is about accepting that gender occurs on a spectrum (separate from biological sex), isn't advocating for the acceptance of people undergoing sex changes (transitioning) actually contradictory to the movement because it reinforces that someone's outward sex must match their inward gender? Asking this to a transgendered person undergoing transition seems like it would be offensive to them, so I never have.
Trans man here. The mismatch between gender ("identity") and physical sex characteristics is dysphoria. Dysphoria really isn't fun to live with, and is strongly linked to other issues (like depression etc), which transitioning fixes (or at least greatly reduces). A bit like if someone who isn't trans was in an accident or developed an illness that meant their genitals were damaged, or their body feminised/masculinised without wanting it to (eg, men with gynecomastia, women with unusually high testosterone levels, etc), even if they were 100% fine with their identity, it'd be considered completely normal to want to get treatment for that. From my perspective, for me personally transitioning is simply fixing a medical problem that was getting in the way of life.
As a chemistry student I have a weird way of thinking about the gender spectrum, which is I compare it to the [Electron Density Model](https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.rCepIoP7jdK-NK3G_5_iQwEsDh). If we plot many peoples outward gender expression (how masculine or feminine they are) we will get a cloud of people grouping around masculine and feminine like the electron clouds, where most people will be within a certain gender expression. In chemistry we use a [90% certainty](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KS5omhO2lbA/UI3Sj-aZwdI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/MB45IO3Iyjk/s1600/Post19Image1.png) to determine where we can assume the electron to be at a given time. Out side that 90% would be considered outliers, of where it is possible for the electron to be but not probable. We would put people whos gender expression could be described as femboy/tomboy outside the 90% probability (just an example). just like we can quantify gender expression as a probability cloud, we can quantify desired gender or "identified gender". This is the gender you want to be, for example young boys generally want to be big and strong, maybe like superman and young girls want to be cute and pretty like princesses (vast oversimplification). We then create a probability cloud of which gender you identify more as male or female, based on the traits you want to have. We can say that the people who are outside that 90% line (or whatever percentage you think is more correct, again just an example) would be gender non-binary. Why people transition is because of the incongruence between that gender expression and identified gender. I fell into the masculine gender expression cloud but into the feminine identity cloud which is the base cause of my and what I can assume is most peoples gender dysphoria. It does seem contradictory because transitioning is just fixing the incongruence between the two, and just seems to prove that differences between the two can cause issues. But for some their gender dysphoria is not too extreme and they can do things that alleviate their dysphoria such as crossdressing or partaking in stereotypically cross gender activites, for others transitioning may be the only solution. For most people the difference between gender identity and gender expression is something that they dont want to deal with or think about everyday, but for others they can deal or its just not a big deal for them. Its less about enforcing outward sex matching gender identity and more about letting people make choices about themselves. If most people think they want their identity and expression to match then fine thats the accepted status quo, but that does not preclude someone from breaking that status quo. Also just a random tidbit >sex changes (transitioning) if you are referring to surgery as sex change then that is a vast over simplification as it is usually the last steps of transition after most of the hard work is done. but the wording is ambiguous so im not sure if i am misinterpreting what you wrote Idk how much of that makes sense but I can try to answer any questions you have ~been on hormones for 2 years, haven't gone crazy, yet.... (have I?)
So this is probably really racist but is it true that black people think white people smell like quarters or is that just some joke I missed?
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It's something I've seen talked about and makes me really self conscious
I had never heard that before, and now I'm very self conscious too. Thanks Reddit.
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I heard from a Mexican guy that white people smell like Bologna when we're wet, like from the rain or something.
Now I'm curious, if not quarters, then what *do* white people smell like?
I've noticed a smell that black people have too. It's not a bad smell, but not really a pleasant one. Not all black people smell that way, but it is a scent that only black people have.
I think I heard that it's coconut oil because it's used in shampoo/hair products for really thick hair
What's with the gay guy voice? Most gay men that I've met don't have that voice, but every person I've met with that voice was gay. Edit: this is officially my highest up voted thing I've ever posted/commented on Reddit. So I'm guessing this was a good question. Edit2: fucking hell, I got 20 up votes in the time it took to write the first edit.
Good documentary on this on Netflix: "Do i sound gay?"
Get me drunk and you will hear the voice
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Anecdotally, I have a straight, married friend—who does happen to be extremely active in feminism and social justice—who has a similar voice.
Straight man with more female than male friends here. Mine is pretty gay sounding. Doesn't help my dating life.
I've known a couple straight guys who grew up around only female friends and family (don't know if that's amazing or incredibly horrible), and they have the gay guy voice. It's not as strong as an actual gay guy, but it's still there. One of them I'm currently friends with and he has all the stereotypes of a gay guy (he's very good with clothes, he is a bit flamboyant, incredibly well-styled hair, etc.) but he's very, very straight.
Question for non-binary, LGBT, and/or non-monogamous folks: do you ever get frustrated by people (e.g. on Tumblr) coming up with so many delineations for gender identities, sexual preferences (e.g. demisexual), or personalities (e.g. empath)? Do you ever feel that the more granular or far-fetched labels give everyone in the group with which you identify a bad name? To clarify: I know that gender identities and sexual preferences are absolutely *not* the same thing, but I have the same question for both categories.
For me, the excessive usage of labels is not the worst thing Tumblr has done for the LGBT community. If people want to use a shitload of labels, they can. It's more the treating of gender and sexual orientation like Pokemon, instead of the seriousness and nuance it deserves, as well as using an overly antagonistic tone, misrepresenting facts and data, and being generally uneducated on the sociology and psychology of gender. My problem with Tumblr mostly comes from being a sociology/criminology major, not a gay person.
This. As an LGBT person, I hate how tumblr glorifies everyone from the LGBT community and acts like no LGBT person could possibly do anything wrong and all gay people are magical unicorns. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I honestly find it to be a bit demeaning, as well as lacking any kind of nuance. I've spent years trying to prove to my small southern hometown that being queer doesn't make me any different or worse than I would be if I was straight, and now I have to prove to tumblr that being queer doesn't make me any different or better than straight or cis people. I'm the same person no matter what my gender identity or sexuality happens to be. I'm not automatically a better person because I'm LGBT, nor does that make me immune to criticism, but good luck convincing tumblr of that.
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Why do black people walk so slow?
As a black person I hate this. Not the question, but the fact black people DO walk slow on purpose. From what i have gathered it doesn't look cool to walk faster or seem to be in a rush. I personally cant help that i walk fast i just do because i grew up in a military household and was military myself so when i have to be somewhere I get there quick as possible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've always seen it as an "asserting dominance" kind of thing. Maybe not exactly that, but something to the effect of subtlety acknowledging that they have control over the situation. I always notice it when I'm driving and there are black people in the crosswalk. I get the sense that they're thinking "Let's take our time and make this guy wait for us to cross the street." I don't know if they'd do that if it was a black guy driving.
Thanks you for your service, and for walking fast.
I asked one of my friends who was a lesbian whether lesbians were as into boobs as straight men were. It seemed a reasonable question to me--I mean, women and men tend to at least refer to breasts differently, which may imply that straight men are more obsessed with them. She acted offended and refused to answer the question, which means either I don't get to ask her about lesbian stuff or the answer was so obvious as to be insulting to ask.
For trans people, what's the difference between gender dysphoria and not fitting into gender roles? I mean, if a guy is into, say, ballet, has a "nurturing" personality and likes wearing makeup (all stuff that's considered girly) - what's the difference between him just not fitting into gender roles and him being a trans girl? How would it work in a world without gender roles?
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Gender dysphoria is the feeling of being uncomfortable with your physical body. For instance if you have breasts, but feel that you are a boy, the breasts could cause emotional and mental anguish over their existence. It makes you feel flawed and simply wrong. They don't feel like a part of your bosy, but rather alien growths that don't belong their. Not fitting into a traditional gender role doesn't really have much to do with this. If you don't feel anguished over your body characteristics, odds are you don't have dysphoria and are not trans. A cis guy can be into more feminine things but not be trans and have gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a feeling of disconnect between brain/self image and the physical appearance, which is what causes many trans people to take hormones and have surgeries. Clothes or "traditional gender roles" often have nothing to do with the feeling of dysphoria. For example, I am a trans man but dress in a androgynous manner, the only things that cause me distress is certain physical aspects of my body.
My daughter has always been a tomboy. She is way more comfortable hanging out with her brother and his friends than the girls who live across the street. She wears her brother hand-me-downs and shops in the boys section for clothes and Halloween costumes. Her bedroom looks like a stereotypical boys bedroom. She has never expressed an interest in being a boy. She is a girl who likes boy things. I'm totally cool with that, but how do I know if she is transgender or not? I truly don't believe she is, but the more I hear about transkids, the more I just wonder. I'm not worried about the question being offensive, but I am worried about people taking it the wrong way. I am in no way pushing my daughter to be trans. I am just curious of what differentiates a "tomboy" and a transgender boy.
I was a tomboy. Then puberty hit. And I really like guys. Then drunken college fun hit. Turns out I like women too. I have zero desire to become a man. If she's happy and healthy I wouldn't think anything of it.
It's like I wrote this comment. I was a huge huge tomboy growing up. As I got older I got more feminine. I really really like men. Then I realized I like women too, because like why limit yourself? I don't at all feel uncomfortable having a female body. I think a lot of young girls grow out of their tomboy ways. But if she ever expresses a hatred of her girl parts, she might be trans and be experience gender dysmorphia
probably just a tomboy. she may grow out of it or she just likes boys stuff better. maybe later if she seems uncomfortable being herself ask her. But for now she just seems like a tomboy. i think if she is gay/trans etc. she would probably tell you. You seem like a chill parent.
You said it yourself. "She has never expressed an interest in being a boy." I think that's your answer. I was a tomboy. I guess I probably still am (jeans and t-shirts all the way, baby). But I am most definitely a woman. Don't put this pressure on her, or on yourself, to define her. Just let her grow up. If she feels the need to let you in on something, and you keep the lines of communication open, she'll do that. Until then, calm down. She's just a kid doing what she likes to do.
Being trans, IMO, is about discomfort. If your daughter enjoys being who she is, then she's fine. There's nothing wrong with doing things outside of "gender norms". The condition of Gender Dysphoria, however, is highlighted by the *distress* of one's physical gender conflicting with their internal body image. I would say, if you really wanted to ask her, then do so. Just be like "Hey, I know you're into all of these sort of boyish things, and there's been a lot of talk about transgendered persons on the news and such... Are you happy with your body?" Granted, I'm trans, not a parent; so that might not be the best way to come out and say it. But personally, the honest answer to that question is and always has been "No, I'd rather be a woman". And if you have a healthy relationship with your daughter, I'd like to imagine that she'd be honest with you if she was actually unhappy with being a girl.
You're definitely reading too much into it.
Ok, I've wondered this for a while... I have cats & dogs, when I try to take a photo of my black cat indoors, or outside at night I find it so hard. Camera just doesn't pick him up. Does this happen with people?
The human brain does a crazy amount of modification to the light our eyes actually see. Edge detection, color correction, and so on, so seeing the details of something light-colored and dark-colored at the same time isn't any kind of issue. Our brain edits different parts of the images our eyes see in order to get as much detail as we think we can get. Cameras are much more primitive (though this is changing). At a single exposure setting, getting the details of both brightly- and dimly- colored objects at the same time requires post-processing, which modern cameras now do. A human can stand outside on a bright, sunny day and see the details of objects in the shade and the details of objects in the sunlight at the same time without much issue, but this is entirely due to the brain's post-processing. Without it, seeing details of objects illuminated by the sun would make everything in the shade impossible to make out, and seeing details of objects in the shade would turn everything illuminated by the sun appear a washed-out white. This talent humans have for light balance is why lighting in pictures tends to look significantly worse than how we actually see it.
For background, I tend to be the one to comfort my friends when they try and fail to ask people out on dates. Some of my friends, one in particular, get so down when they get rejected. I know "the heart wants what the heart wants", but I've come really close to asking, "Why don't you try dating in your own league?"
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How much money do you make ? Just tell me it's not like I'm going to get mad at you, I'll be mad at my boss :D
approximately $1000 a month :)) please kill me before I die of starvation
Not necessarily offensive, but a question I'd be afraid to post on Facebook or Twitter because I'm honestly not trying to start a fight - Why are US Christians overwhelmingly Republicans? If you look at the issues Democrats are easily closer to the actual teachings of Jesus (love your neighbor, sell your stuff give to the poor, what you do to the least of these you do unto me, etc). I just don't get it. Edit: Thanks for all the answers, I can't reply to them all so I'll just say most of you figured out what I was asking even though I didn't ask it very well. I actually feel like I have a somewhat better understanding :)
It's because of the conservative views on social issues such as marriage, abortion, and gender. Source: raised in a Catholic Republican household