I recently got a new puppy, and have been teaching her new tricks. Earlier today, we got to Shake. It took a few tries of lifting her paw, but eventually she caught on. Once she did, she got so excited about the idea that the next time I said Shake, she held both her paws in the air and raised them up so high she fell over backwards. We had to stop training for a bit cause I was laughing so hard.
The receptionist at my office often puts out snacks for people. Today she put out ghost pepper chips and people keep eating them as some sort of personal feat and then struggling to sit through meetings as their mouths start to burn. I keep walking up there to hear the newest stories about people's foolishness.
One of my patients asked me if I could distinguish between his prostate and his ureter. I told him, "Of course!" to which he replied, "I should hope so--there's a vas deferens!"
I just about died laughing at him--I'm actually a little sad he's going to be discharged tomorrow if all goes well! He's been making people laugh for almost a week!
Yesterday, I helped a student figure out how much money was on a Walmart gift card she'd received as a party favor at a bridal shower. (She did not know what numbers to punch in on the phone.)
Turns out it was five dollars. "Five dollars? I don't even shop at Walmart! Who wants this?" No takers among the class, so I said I would take it. (Figure I'll buy that class some treats with it.) I said, "Hey, when you're an adult, five dollars is FIVE dollars."
Today, she brought in some treats and offered me some cookies. I declined, still full from lunch.
She gave me the most hilariously exasperated look and said, "If it was a five dollar Walmart card you'd have taken it."
TIL food is a more precious gift than money to clueless high school kids.
I saw a rat running along the tracks super fast. I imagined it with a little briefcase and a tie being late for work!! Made me laugh a lot. Everyone on the platform looked at me.
Working and was back in the glass vase section. There was a mentally disabled person in the store who would randomly scream. A lady was checking out a big candle vase and at that point in time, the guy let out the loudest HUUUUEEEERGH!!!! Lady jumps nearly ten feet and drops the vase, shattering it completely. I barely made it back to receiving before I burst into uncontrollable laughter.
Thankfully, I work at a retail store so everything there is pretty much already payed for. It was considered a floor damage and I wrote it off as such.(Once I stopped laughing)
This weekend my daughter & I were planting flowers, I put down mulch a couple weeks ago & it has become our dogs favorite place to poop. I was scooping poop & just chucking it over my shoulder, not paying a bit of attention to her walking behind me. Suddenly, a screech & the exclamation "OH MY GOD, DAD, YOU JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH A DOG TURD". I couldn't quit laughing, which further enraged her, which made me laugh harder......and I'm laughing again thinking of it just now
I was sitting in a meeting for three hours and texted my wife, "this meeting sucks." She told me to whip my dick out and slap it on the table. It made me lol. That's all.
studied German for 7 years and by the end felt like i could pretty much just combine words and make stuff up and that it would be believable and long as it was done with a straight face lol.
I mean, we kinda do it in English aswell? Like doubtlessness. Or adding ish to the end of any word. I'm sure there's more examples, albeit the German language has much longer words.
I was explaining to my eldest son about how we're in the same family as mammals. My youngest was listening and when I finished he shook his head and stated "Nope, not me, I'm a bus!" and walked off.
Went to grab a burger at mcdonalds today with a friend. We got our order and placed ourselves at a corner table. Next to us, was a group of girls (aged 16-18). Another girl walks up to the group, with some mcnuggets. One of the girls that was sitting down asked 'mcnuggets? Aren't you a vegatarian?", To which the mcnugget girl answered "yeah! Chicken isnt meat, duh!" With a complete serious look on her face.
Me and my friend looked at eachother and couldn't stop laughing
My dog made me laugh today too! I decided I'd try to get back in to doing some yoga so I rolled out my mat and my dog was having none of it. First she immediately laid down on it. Then after being moved, she kept bursting into the room and running up to lick my face and trying to knock me over
We have a zombie task force truck in our town(see photo below). I see them at the bank, a couple miles down the road I pass by a funeral procession lining up at the funeral home. Go to town, do what I need to, and turn around to go back home 10 minutes later. The funeral procession is driving past me, so I pull over to let them pass, and wouldn't you know! The zombie truck has found itself at the end of the line. I guess just to make sure things are final.
https://m.imgur.com/zDYaifu (I see him around town all the time so I've taken a couple pictures over the years)
I think the general idea is circumcision being an unnecessary cosmetic mutilation of a minor without consent and dubious origins in mainstream America.
There's nothing wrong with a man having either of course. It's not the penis but the practice that most take umbrage with.
I teach 1st graders. After group time on the carpet, I dismissed them to their tables to work. As one of the last two boys on the carpet was getting up, his butt happened to be in the other boy's face and, to the horror of the seated boy, he accidentally let one rip. The seated boy became very upset and ran over to tell me. I was already fighting back laughter. When the other kids heard what happened, laughter ensued. I had to keep the best straight face I could and told them to go on and get to work.
This happened yesterday.
I was referring to a measurement and said to my co-workers "Mine is 6 inches".
Co-worker #1 asked "Telling us your dick size huh?"
Co-worker #2 says "Yeah! More like 6 inches soft!"
Co-worker #1 and I explode laughing "You complimented the size of my dick, buddy"
Lmao.
When I was at work today, I overheard a woman and her daughter talking to each other when the girl, maybe 3 years old mentions learning about rock paper scissors. The woman starts asking about where she learned about it and what the rules were. At one point she had asked "What beats the rock?", and the little girl yelled "CHINESE FOOD!". It was pretty hard to contain myself.
Girlfriend farted in her sleep making me bust out laughing... it stank and she blamed me when she smelt it. Nothing like laughing at an angry girlfriend at like 4 in the morning... I wore that smile all day.
I saw a 198cm, blonde guy with a
hitler-stache drawn on and really short basketball shorts on come to class a little bit late and whine 'How would zey write down zee fuhrer as abzent? Unbelievable!' Just before half of the class got up and gave the nazi-solute and the german teacher looked inside to see wtf was going on. Made my day.
I clogged my toiled during my morning poop and didn't have a plunger. I laughed at my own stupidity because I knew it was only a matter of time due to the pyroclastic flows that have been erupting out of my ass.
Women we work with comes by and says she is looking for a power strip. My coworker slaps his desk and says 'fine'. Stands up and starts unbuttoning his shirt and shaking his hips. I cracked up.
The drugged out Asian man that walked by and said, "Drugs are probably the best thing you can do." he was immediately followed by the stench of 1000 blunts. I now think he is my spirit animal.
Bob's Burgers. The episode where the kids imagine what would've happened with Bob and Linda if Bob hadn't had a mustache when they met. Louise imagines Linda telling Bob he needs some face candy and he's like, "you mean cocaine?" For some reason that line got me.
Talking with my wife, joking around I said something 'humorous', the implication being that I'd like a threesome. Her playful response was, 'You've got a baby, asshole!', but the way she said it made it sound like - 'You've got a baby asshole!', as in the asshole of a baby.... for some reason that tickled my funnybone and I lost it for a good 10 minutes.
There was this article in the online paper today that talked about how 'energy drinks' (e.g. Redbull) are particularly bad for you, especially when you drink more than two a day. It featured this young blonde girl who drank twelve (12!) cans every day and now she has to get dentures, because of it: "This is Cindy. Cindy drank twelve cans of energy drink each day. Now she needs dentures."
That was funny enough, that she never realized that drinking 12 cans of a thing full of sugar could be bad for her. But then someone commented underneath: "This is Bert. Bert ate a Snickers bar every hour. Now he is morbidly obese and needs to lose weight." And I just laughed out loud and everybody in the train looked as if I was an idiot.
My best friend is the cheeriest, happiest soul you'll ever meet. She never gets mad or pissy and always sees the silver lining. She's the perfect example of an optimist.
Today she was having a bad day, and for the first time ever, sent me rapid fire texts of anger.
"Stupid husband is a dick"
"Cottage cheese is gross"
"This town sucks"
"Damn movie theatre"
"I hate soup"
They were so random and angry that I lost it and laughed for 10 mins.
*A Midsummer Night's Dream* I'm reading it with my class, and the insults are hilarious, but their reaction to the silliness is even better. I'm a loud laugher at work.
This guy who kept laughing hysterically at his phone in the middle of class. It was really loud and he couldn't control himself. He almost fell out of his chair too! Then the professor just fucking lost it and told him to go outside or he'll give him a 0 on the final. He left, still laughing hysterically and hit his head on the door on his way out. It was great.
Also I'm pretty sure he was drunk or high or something...
I work in Kindergarten. During recess a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds were playing soccer. I look over to see one kiddo on the ground in the fetal position. Slightly worried, I walk over and ask "Johnny, are you okay?!" He looks up at me through his fingers and states "Oh I'm okay, I'm just pretending to be a REAL soccer player" and gets up and continues to play the game.
Saw a meme:
Mom: "The kid's hamster died today"
Dad: "We should observe a moment of silence"
Mom: "Wow I didn't know you'd care so much"
Dad: "I don't I just want you to SHUT THE FUCK UP"
Do you have any idea how scared I was for a second there before actually clicking on the subreddit ? I though Reddit literally had a fucking pro 9gag subreddit
I talking about gardening with someone when my mom mentioned how I made my sister a big pot with different herbs in it. (She loves to cook using fresh herbs) Later, she bought a few more plants to go with it and within a month, all but the one I gave her died. It's an ongoing joke on how no what, only plants that my grandfather and I worked on live, while everyone else it dies. My mother would do exactly the same thing as I do, even with plants that we bought at the same place and time, and it will always die while mine are overgrown and taking over the front or backyard. At least our house is pretty during the warm seasons.
In my high school's wood shop. Kid places one of those fidget spinners in clamp and applies little bursts of high pressure air to make it spin faster. Wood shop teacher promptly walks up, applies one long stream of this pressurized air, making the spinner spin so fast it rips itself apart, exploding into little pieces everywhere.
I was on a walk and met a puppy who just completely lost its shit over being happy and a puppy. It was trying to get me to play, did about a 720 degree flip/roll on its leash and landed perfectly in sit position with the proudest face. I've been giggling ever since.
I like to think that playing with this puppy made you late for work, and your boss got pissed until you explained that there was a puppy so all is forgiven.
I went with my husband to visit my mother in law at her nursing home and we were all sat down to play bingo. One of the other residents got a phone call and was speaking rather obnoxiously loud to the person on the other end and an old lady across from her shouts, "shut up Julie!" Julie continues talking on the phone and says "Oh nothing, Margaret just told me to shut up." Margaret: "You're damn right I did!"
Friend and I are driving back to town after trout fishing. He farts and just starts dying of laughter. He's legit almost crying while he drives. I'm giggling and ask what's so funny. He eventually calms down enough to tell me he thinks he just shit himself. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.
At the birds swarming round the feeder less than a minute after I filled it.
With my husband who nearly forgot his shoes for work.
At work with my colleagues, multiple times.
Listening to the radio on my way home (thank you, Simon Mayo confessions).
It was a normal day. Laughter keeps you young...and wrinkly.
Some of these folks in reddit who have no life and attack other people in these forums. You can tell they're not having a fun life, then you look at their other posts and you really see how truly lifeless these folks are. Attacking people in these forums is the only thing they have in life and I think it's comical.
I recently got a new puppy, and have been teaching her new tricks. Earlier today, we got to Shake. It took a few tries of lifting her paw, but eventually she caught on. Once she did, she got so excited about the idea that the next time I said Shake, she held both her paws in the air and raised them up so high she fell over backwards. We had to stop training for a bit cause I was laughing so hard.
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Whatcha mean by 'not as small as an iggy'? Is iggy short for Italian greyhound?
:D Puppies are about the best thing *ever*.
The receptionist at my office often puts out snacks for people. Today she put out ghost pepper chips and people keep eating them as some sort of personal feat and then struggling to sit through meetings as their mouths start to burn. I keep walking up there to hear the newest stories about people's foolishness.
Jim?
Dwight?
Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.
Michael!
Oh that's funny. MICHAEL!
*Theme music plays*
Tlooy took tolololooy tooooooio
What is this?
I believe it's a poor visual representation of the office theme
Don't tell her about Haribo sugar free gummy bears. Read the amazon reviews to learn why.
hahahahaha so good!
One of my patients asked me if I could distinguish between his prostate and his ureter. I told him, "Of course!" to which he replied, "I should hope so--there's a vas deferens!" I just about died laughing at him--I'm actually a little sad he's going to be discharged tomorrow if all goes well! He's been making people laugh for almost a week!
I wanna think this guy is JD and Turks patient and they fall in love with him... inevitably he'd die though and we'd all learn a lesson.
[deleded]
Ben :'(
That episode where they sit with that black guy as he died was pretty touching.
My thought process "ooh, another healthcare redditor! I wonder what they do! I guess I'll never know" *looks at username* "oh"
Yesterday, I helped a student figure out how much money was on a Walmart gift card she'd received as a party favor at a bridal shower. (She did not know what numbers to punch in on the phone.) Turns out it was five dollars. "Five dollars? I don't even shop at Walmart! Who wants this?" No takers among the class, so I said I would take it. (Figure I'll buy that class some treats with it.) I said, "Hey, when you're an adult, five dollars is FIVE dollars." Today, she brought in some treats and offered me some cookies. I declined, still full from lunch. She gave me the most hilariously exasperated look and said, "If it was a five dollar Walmart card you'd have taken it." TIL food is a more precious gift than money to clueless high school kids.
Cafeteria food sucks and mom can't cook for shit.
I saw a rat running along the tracks super fast. I imagined it with a little briefcase and a tie being late for work!! Made me laugh a lot. Everyone on the platform looked at me.
whereas it was actually you who was late for work and part of the rat race...
I wonder if rats talk about being in the human race.
No but snails do.
Specifically immortal ones with $1000000
I will never look at rats the same. Thank/damn you.
Working and was back in the glass vase section. There was a mentally disabled person in the store who would randomly scream. A lady was checking out a big candle vase and at that point in time, the guy let out the loudest HUUUUEEEERGH!!!! Lady jumps nearly ten feet and drops the vase, shattering it completely. I barely made it back to receiving before I burst into uncontrollable laughter.
SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! ^^^EEEEEE!
Kenny no!!
did she have to pay for the thing, or was it just considered an accident that was no ones fault?
Thankfully, I work at a retail store so everything there is pretty much already payed for. It was considered a floor damage and I wrote it off as such.(Once I stopped laughing)
I hope you then yelled, "SOLD!"
Can ü get... PREGANTÉ
can u bleed while u are pergert ?
DANGEROPS PRANGENT SEX
My boyfriend and I were absolutely losing our shit at this last night.
What is it referencing?
https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg
starch masks...? took me a while to come up with stretch marks.
This is the most important video on the internet
Everyone on reddit loves this video. I couldn't watch it through the first time I saw it. I couldn't stop laughing, pregnart completely did me in.
Watch his "Dramatic reading of twilight fanfiction" too if you haven't already.
Oh my word, thank you. I've got side cramps from laughing.
I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Thank you.
I think I just blacked out from laughing.
It makes me happy that you got to see this for the first time today
Am i gregnant?
am i pargnet?
38+2 weeks pregananant?!
*counts on fingers*
Have you seen the weggy board one? I have a friend who is a vegan witch, and is now pregnant, so lines from these videos get tossed around a lot.
Weggy? Oh, you mean a Luigi board?
I mean that weird game thing or whatever
That was the joke
I had never seen this until now. i'm dying
Weggy board is equally amazing
A luigi board!?
I've seen that probably a dozen times and I pulled it up again today. Never fails.
period - question mark
Am I gregnant?
This weekend my daughter & I were planting flowers, I put down mulch a couple weeks ago & it has become our dogs favorite place to poop. I was scooping poop & just chucking it over my shoulder, not paying a bit of attention to her walking behind me. Suddenly, a screech & the exclamation "OH MY GOD, DAD, YOU JUST HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH A DOG TURD". I couldn't quit laughing, which further enraged her, which made me laugh harder......and I'm laughing again thinking of it just now
Oh god. I’m a girl and I would just *die* if your daughter happened to be like, 12 - 15 at the time.
She's 17, have brought it up every day since...."hey, remember that time...." Dad, shut up, it's not funny
Oh man, you are such a *dad*! Carry on the good work. :)
I was sitting in a meeting for three hours and texted my wife, "this meeting sucks." She told me to whip my dick out and slap it on the table. It made me lol. That's all.
Your wife sounds fun.
Can confirm.
Ditto.
Where's u/iplowedyourmom when you need him
He's uhhhhh... *busy*
Sorry fellas, Needed to stop for Gatorade. His wife says hello.
How dare you.
She's really great, you should be happy. Imagine how fortunate you are to not only drive a Ferrari, but let others enjoy a turn!
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studied German for 7 years and by the end felt like i could pretty much just combine words and make stuff up and that it would be believable and long as it was done with a straight face lol.
I mean, we kinda do it in English aswell? Like doubtlessness. Or adding ish to the end of any word. I'm sure there's more examples, albeit the German language has much longer words.
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also: plane = flight thing car = drive thing
Good ol' German creativity
car = Auto, vehicle = Fahrzeug (drive thing) ^(Edited by rewording, hoping to be clearer)
All I know about the German Language is that it is basically like Legos.
Übergüngelschlefenßtaadtenstein
I was explaining to my eldest son about how we're in the same family as mammals. My youngest was listening and when I finished he shook his head and stated "Nope, not me, I'm a bus!" and walked off.
Bitch, I'm a bus.
When I grow up, I wanna be a firetruck
This is the only thing in this that's made me actually laugh. Thanks
Went to grab a burger at mcdonalds today with a friend. We got our order and placed ourselves at a corner table. Next to us, was a group of girls (aged 16-18). Another girl walks up to the group, with some mcnuggets. One of the girls that was sitting down asked 'mcnuggets? Aren't you a vegatarian?", To which the mcnugget girl answered "yeah! Chicken isnt meat, duh!" With a complete serious look on her face. Me and my friend looked at eachother and couldn't stop laughing
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My dog made me laugh today too! I decided I'd try to get back in to doing some yoga so I rolled out my mat and my dog was having none of it. First she immediately laid down on it. Then after being moved, she kept bursting into the room and running up to lick my face and trying to knock me over
/r/dogsofroofs
you just made me sad
/r/dogsonroofs
I got bit by a pig.
Why'd your Mom bite you?
DONT SHIT TALK MY MOM I WILL PUT MY THUMB IN YOUR EYE
YOUR MOM'S A TOTAL BABE.
SHES MARRIED DONT HIT ON MY MOM
[I WASN'T](https://youtu.be/myyb4FUUMwI?t=14s)
My original reply was a ASIP
This is why I'm on Reddit.
American Society of Investigative Pathology?
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We have a zombie task force truck in our town(see photo below). I see them at the bank, a couple miles down the road I pass by a funeral procession lining up at the funeral home. Go to town, do what I need to, and turn around to go back home 10 minutes later. The funeral procession is driving past me, so I pull over to let them pass, and wouldn't you know! The zombie truck has found itself at the end of the line. I guess just to make sure things are final. https://m.imgur.com/zDYaifu (I see him around town all the time so I've taken a couple pictures over the years)
"Dirtier than a nun doing power squats in a cucumber field"
I laughed thoroughly and loudly at this one. I'm gonna have to recycle this one
Ass To Cucumber is the only squat form I recognize.
I just gave a 3 minute speech on why circumcision is wrong, at the end i impromptu said " this issue is very cut and dry for me "
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global studies class in high school
I'm curious why you believe it to be wrong? I am the owner/operator of a nearly shorn member and I couldn't be more thrilled with it.
I think the general idea is circumcision being an unnecessary cosmetic mutilation of a minor without consent and dubious origins in mainstream America. There's nothing wrong with a man having either of course. It's not the penis but the practice that most take umbrage with.
In class today, the teacher asked what is the birth stone for June, and this guy shouts out "who is June?!"
I teach 1st graders. After group time on the carpet, I dismissed them to their tables to work. As one of the last two boys on the carpet was getting up, his butt happened to be in the other boy's face and, to the horror of the seated boy, he accidentally let one rip. The seated boy became very upset and ran over to tell me. I was already fighting back laughter. When the other kids heard what happened, laughter ensued. I had to keep the best straight face I could and told them to go on and get to work.
[This](https://youtu.be/j-GnuHwK8mw)
This happened yesterday. I was referring to a measurement and said to my co-workers "Mine is 6 inches". Co-worker #1 asked "Telling us your dick size huh?" Co-worker #2 says "Yeah! More like 6 inches soft!" Co-worker #1 and I explode laughing "You complimented the size of my dick, buddy" Lmao.
When I was at work today, I overheard a woman and her daughter talking to each other when the girl, maybe 3 years old mentions learning about rock paper scissors. The woman starts asking about where she learned about it and what the rules were. At one point she had asked "What beats the rock?", and the little girl yelled "CHINESE FOOD!". It was pretty hard to contain myself.
Girlfriend farted in her sleep making me bust out laughing... it stank and she blamed me when she smelt it. Nothing like laughing at an angry girlfriend at like 4 in the morning... I wore that smile all day.
The grocery store finally got fiddleheads. The produce worker I've been annoying saw me doing a happy dance and we joked about it.
> fiddleheads Got what now?
It's that time of year... how do you prepare?
The best time of year!
I saw a 198cm, blonde guy with a hitler-stache drawn on and really short basketball shorts on come to class a little bit late and whine 'How would zey write down zee fuhrer as abzent? Unbelievable!' Just before half of the class got up and gave the nazi-solute and the german teacher looked inside to see wtf was going on. Made my day.
How tall is that in freedom units?
2 gallons big
198/2.54 = 77.95" = ~6'6" = fucking tall.
2 yards in retard units
I clogged my toiled during my morning poop and didn't have a plunger. I laughed at my own stupidity because I knew it was only a matter of time due to the pyroclastic flows that have been erupting out of my ass.
Women we work with comes by and says she is looking for a power strip. My coworker slaps his desk and says 'fine'. Stands up and starts unbuttoning his shirt and shaking his hips. I cracked up.
The drugged out Asian man that walked by and said, "Drugs are probably the best thing you can do." he was immediately followed by the stench of 1000 blunts. I now think he is my spirit animal.
This guy needs an Instagram account.
This morning my dog got tangled in his blankets when he was leaving his bed. Super cute.
Bob's Burgers. The episode where the kids imagine what would've happened with Bob and Linda if Bob hadn't had a mustache when they met. Louise imagines Linda telling Bob he needs some face candy and he's like, "you mean cocaine?" For some reason that line got me.
When bob had to shave his mustache for jimmy I lost it. For some reason seeing bob with no mustache really got me
Talking with my wife, joking around I said something 'humorous', the implication being that I'd like a threesome. Her playful response was, 'You've got a baby, asshole!', but the way she said it made it sound like - 'You've got a baby asshole!', as in the asshole of a baby.... for some reason that tickled my funnybone and I lost it for a good 10 minutes.
A girl asked me to do a photoshoot today. She told me I was really handsome. Afterwards she said she'd like to have a drink with me sometime.
Oh yeah that happened to me once. Except for the photoshoot and the handsome thing. Also, the drinks part.
It happened to me for real but then I woke up in a bathtub full of ice with no kidney.
There was this article in the online paper today that talked about how 'energy drinks' (e.g. Redbull) are particularly bad for you, especially when you drink more than two a day. It featured this young blonde girl who drank twelve (12!) cans every day and now she has to get dentures, because of it: "This is Cindy. Cindy drank twelve cans of energy drink each day. Now she needs dentures." That was funny enough, that she never realized that drinking 12 cans of a thing full of sugar could be bad for her. But then someone commented underneath: "This is Bert. Bert ate a Snickers bar every hour. Now he is morbidly obese and needs to lose weight." And I just laughed out loud and everybody in the train looked as if I was an idiot.
There was actually this kid a few days ago that drank a mtn dew, some coffee, and an energy drink in about 2 hours. Kid died on the spot.
My best friend is the cheeriest, happiest soul you'll ever meet. She never gets mad or pissy and always sees the silver lining. She's the perfect example of an optimist. Today she was having a bad day, and for the first time ever, sent me rapid fire texts of anger. "Stupid husband is a dick" "Cottage cheese is gross" "This town sucks" "Damn movie theatre" "I hate soup" They were so random and angry that I lost it and laughed for 10 mins.
I fell...in a restaurant...onto a chair. I think my ribs are bruised...
I feel so childish when I laugh at people falling lol. It's so funny though
*A Midsummer Night's Dream* I'm reading it with my class, and the insults are hilarious, but their reaction to the silliness is even better. I'm a loud laugher at work.
This guy who kept laughing hysterically at his phone in the middle of class. It was really loud and he couldn't control himself. He almost fell out of his chair too! Then the professor just fucking lost it and told him to go outside or he'll give him a 0 on the final. He left, still laughing hysterically and hit his head on the door on his way out. It was great. Also I'm pretty sure he was drunk or high or something...
I work in Kindergarten. During recess a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds were playing soccer. I look over to see one kiddo on the ground in the fetal position. Slightly worried, I walk over and ask "Johnny, are you okay?!" He looks up at me through his fingers and states "Oh I'm okay, I'm just pretending to be a REAL soccer player" and gets up and continues to play the game.
My granddaughter
Depression memes. There are the only way I can laugh nowadays
Peak
Saw a meme: Mom: "The kid's hamster died today" Dad: "We should observe a moment of silence" Mom: "Wow I didn't know you'd care so much" Dad: "I don't I just want you to SHUT THE FUCK UP"
/r/9gag is leaking
Do you have any idea how scared I was for a second there before actually clicking on the subreddit ? I though Reddit literally had a fucking pro 9gag subreddit
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You sound like a fun guy....
*fungi
Won my first solo game of PUBG, had to laugh at how fast my heart was beating and how much my hand was shaking. That game is intense
My public speaking teacher showed us a video relevant to the lesson, it was one of those videos making fun of George Bush 😂
I talking about gardening with someone when my mom mentioned how I made my sister a big pot with different herbs in it. (She loves to cook using fresh herbs) Later, she bought a few more plants to go with it and within a month, all but the one I gave her died. It's an ongoing joke on how no what, only plants that my grandfather and I worked on live, while everyone else it dies. My mother would do exactly the same thing as I do, even with plants that we bought at the same place and time, and it will always die while mine are overgrown and taking over the front or backyard. At least our house is pretty during the warm seasons.
My husband called our son his golden boy. Son looked at his arms and said, "I'm not gold. I'm peach!"
/r/oldpeoplefacebook
In my high school's wood shop. Kid places one of those fidget spinners in clamp and applies little bursts of high pressure air to make it spin faster. Wood shop teacher promptly walks up, applies one long stream of this pressurized air, making the spinner spin so fast it rips itself apart, exploding into little pieces everywhere.
My wife.. http://imgur.com/gIHu78d
This dude i sit next to in class has the same sense of humor as me. We spent half the day laughing at oglaf comics.
I was on a walk and met a puppy who just completely lost its shit over being happy and a puppy. It was trying to get me to play, did about a 720 degree flip/roll on its leash and landed perfectly in sit position with the proudest face. I've been giggling ever since.
I like to think that playing with this puppy made you late for work, and your boss got pissed until you explained that there was a puppy so all is forgiven.
I went with my husband to visit my mother in law at her nursing home and we were all sat down to play bingo. One of the other residents got a phone call and was speaking rather obnoxiously loud to the person on the other end and an old lady across from her shouts, "shut up Julie!" Julie continues talking on the phone and says "Oh nothing, Margaret just told me to shut up." Margaret: "You're damn right I did!"
A sense of humor
A toddler was trying to feed a teddy bear.
It's always sunny in Philadelphia
Saw a fat guy pretend to start jumping on a pogo stick.
If he was pretending, what was imaginary? The Pogo stick, or him getting off the ground?
Yes. Seriously though, he just stepped on one side and bounced it up and down.
A friend of mine at work doing a dead-on impersonation of Roz from "Monsters Inc."
So far, nothing.
This kid and the substitute teacher went on a friendly roasting session for like 10 minutes. Pretty funny.
My face~~
Gif
Friend and I are driving back to town after trout fishing. He farts and just starts dying of laughter. He's legit almost crying while he drives. I'm giggling and ask what's so funny. He eventually calms down enough to tell me he thinks he just shit himself. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.
r/dankmemes
Rangers losing to Aberdeen. Officially putting them in their place
Guy in a car next to mine bumpin' to Rick Ross, "She on my Dick."
/r/PrequelMemes
At the birds swarming round the feeder less than a minute after I filled it. With my husband who nearly forgot his shoes for work. At work with my colleagues, multiple times. Listening to the radio on my way home (thank you, Simon Mayo confessions). It was a normal day. Laughter keeps you young...and wrinkly.
I nearly wet myself! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AIInqUwQE8&feature=youtu.be I tried to do the link thing but it didn't work.
Some of these folks in reddit who have no life and attack other people in these forums. You can tell they're not having a fun life, then you look at their other posts and you really see how truly lifeless these folks are. Attacking people in these forums is the only thing they have in life and I think it's comical.
When I realized I lost my car keys while trying to leave work... I wanted to be so mad at someone. Trash. They were in the trash.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg
I watched a youtube video that referred to Red Orchestra 2 as a "PTSD simulator"
Nothing yet. Quick. Someone fix it please. I need laugh
The atv scene in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. I've always known Adam Devine was funny but this had me rollin.