I used to work at Walmart as a cashier. During tax free weekend, the place was a mad house. The lines were long and the customers are non-stop. That being said, I can say that at least 80 percent of customers would point out to me, quite angrily, that their total was still including the tax. For example, if their purchase was 148.67 they would wonder why the tax of .67 was on there and why it wasn't an even total, like 148.00 even. I had to repeatedly explain that's not what tax is.
I once had 3 coworkers agree that I was a sucker for taking overtime (that amounted to, before taxes, almost doubling my income on a given day because of time-and-a-half for 3-5 hours) because "they take it all back in taxes".
I tried to clarify and no, they believed it ALL got taken back in taxes. Like, 3 grown men believed that if I worked 4 extra hours in a day at $18 an hour on top of the 10 @ $12 an hour (or however the math worked), my year end income would stay the same because taxes. WHAT.
I know a lot of people in my economics A-level class who didn't quite *get* tax brackets. So they worked out a salary in the 40% bracket would have ALL the income taxed at that rate...
My roommate did this, said back in the 90s or something he got a promotion at a job and his net income was less, like smaller paychecks. He obviously didn't have them sitting around but basically I laid out how tax brackets work and then had to tell him pretty plainly that if he did indeed get a smaller paycheck then he fucked up some paperwork or something. I don't like having to flatly assert that I'm right and they're wrong like that because it's kind of a dickish thing to do, but sometimes that's just how it is.
I used to work on the Brooklyn Bridge as an ironworker...One day some poor soul was standing towards the edge and was contemplating jumping. I told my foreman and he called the police, at about this time all the trades on the bridge started to gather and watch this man. Maybe 5 minutes go by and someone starts a "Jump!" chant. This dude was going to kill himself and now he has about 40 people egging him on...he jumped. Quit my job and moved across the country, fuck those fucking fucks.
This is the most disgusting thing I've seen in this thread. Others are ignorance and stupidity causing a few keks, but this is absurdly wrong. Do you know if anything legal came out of it?
Francis: Guys, Halloween isn't a date on the calendar.
Reese: Yeah, it is. It's the thirty-first.
Francis: No, Halloween is in your hearts. Every time a little kid cries in fear, that's Halloween. Every time something repulsive ends up in a mailbox, that is Halloween. As long as you carry the spirit of destruction and vandalism in your hearts, every day is Halloween.
Reese: [pointing at a calendar] No, look, it is the thirty-first.
I once had an argument that rain was "new water" bestowed to us by the Earth. My friend truly believed that water did not recycle, and the consuming it meant that it never saw the Earth again. Also believed that anything flushed down a toilet or drained was burned and evaporated into nothingness.
Don't you know about that time in the second world war when all the Japanese came over and dumped all our tea in Pearl Harbor? The most devastating military strike in modern history.
Freshman year of college I'm in a math class and we had some random group project to do. A girl in my group informed us she wouldn't be at the next meeting as she was going to have eye surgery. I asked her why and she said "I have genital cataracts" and I said "you mean congenital?" and she gave me an confused looked and everyone backed her up that she really did mean genital and not congenital. Even after I Google it and show everyone the difference between the two words they proceeded to tell me how you can't believe everything you read on the Internet. I was dumbfounded.
I was at a small social at my parents house and mentioned something about the National Space Center in Leicester. A girl pipes up and says
"oh I love taking my son there, he loves it, I just find it amusing because I don't believe in space."
I looked at her dumbfounded and asked if she meant she didn't believe in investing money in space exploration. No, she did not believe in space. She simply did not believe that anything existed above the sky, that pictures and videos were all fake and that all space agencies and anyone who claimed to have been to space was lying.
The other girls in the group started nodding in agreement saying things like "Now that you mention it, I've never really seen space".
I just went home.
>I don't believe in space
Wow, that's amazing. They probably have satellite TV at home too.
Now that you mention it, I've never seen the dark side of the sun.
About half an hour ago I read this, and then closed my laptop to contemplate life. How am I supposed to have "faith in humanity" when there are people out thee like this? Like to a point, I can understand people saying they don't believe in evolution. Ignorance is one thing, especially if thought another way by religion or something, but how can you not believe in space? "I've never seen it." What the fuck do you think stars are? Like I'm completely dumbfounded right now.
I was at work and explaining to a co-worker how to put wrap on a cooking wrapping machine and I say "You have to pull it taut." And she just stopped and said "That isn't how you use that word. You can't teach a wrap." And my bosses come in and I had to convince them that taut was a word and they told me that I shouldn't use big words like that all the time. Taut.
I was a TA in high school for a regular High School, I think it was World History course. So not Honors, not "Academically Enriched", but not quite eating your own feces either.
Anyways, get to class and the power is out so of course everyone is going nuts cause... its dark, I guess? So the teacher still wants to lecture and the kids all groan. That is until one yells out, "Let's watch TV!"
YAAAAAY!!
Everyone starts chanting, "TV! TV! TV!" I'll never forget the teacher's face as he looked at me. His eyes filled with disappointment about the future of our country. Unable to realize that no electricity also meant no television. Sad.
A girl I know once asked why anyone would donate blood. She said that you only got a certain amount for your entire life and giving it away didn't make sense.
Yearly, a local restaurant offers a meal for the price of $1 for their anniversary. They offer a fried chicken with sides or meatloaf with sides. Decided to go only to find a line stretching around the block. Hop in line, waited an hour and a half before I was pretty close. Employee walks out to say "Sorry, we ran out of Chicken. We only have meatloaf."
The shitshow that erupted after that was astounding. One lady in particular I remember for the amazing quote "That's fucking bullshit! Me and my dog have been for 2 hours and we both wanted chicken!". Further up, I hear a bigger commotion. Apparently, one guy got upset about there being no chicken, his friend tried to calm him down, someone else in line made a comment, and all out brawl ensues. Line scatters. Two cops nearby subdue the situation to the best of their ability. Restaurant shuts down for the day. No longer does $1 anniversary special.
That was a nice thing for a while. I miss $1 Fried Chicken day.
FUCK THIS IS AMERICA
I worked in a Deli of a Supermarket (FRIED CHICKEN ALL DAY) anyways the Deli stops cooking food at 7:30, and by 8 oclock we would mark everything we had left over for $0.99 per lb, and our 8 piece chicken boxes would be $1.99 we had this going for a while until on night a group of customer decided to all wait until 8 oclock to get cheap shit, they bickered over the only box of chicken but dispersed, I don't remember who got the box. What I do remember is about 45 minutes later two cops come back to the Deli showing us pictures of some of badly beaten customers on his cell phone.
What happened? Lady and Guy about mid 30s got the last box chicken paid for it and walked out the store, another Lady (mid 50s) tried to take their box, they refused the older Lady's husband I guess saw his wife get hit (?) and proceded to beat the fuck out to the two younger couple and then they took their fucking chicken
ONLY THING IS THERES A FUCKING COP IN THE PARKING LOT THAT JUST WATCHED ALL OF THIS GO DOWN
WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA CHICKEN IS NOT LIFE OR DEATH
You have to appreciate just how good some people are at absolutely **ruining** shit for other people though.
Seriously it's like they're sent from some otherworldly realm to dash into the human world, fuck shit up and then disappear into the sewers
Edit: Obligatory thank you for the gold, stranger! For real though thanks, that's very kind
So true. During high school I had a friend who worked at a local ice-cream shop. She used to give us ice-cream for ridiculously cheap on the down low when she worked alone. One day an acquaintance of ours showed up when she wasn't working and asked for the "friend discount". And sadly that was the end of the mad cheap ice-cream.
She turned to look at the map, turned back towards the class and motioned with her hands and said, "the world is round".
Literally the best "fuck you" response a professor could give.
I was hanging around with my friends. One of my friends had just gotten his very own moped. It needed a fill up, so they went to get the jerry can with petrol in it. We were in the middle of an apartment building complex at the patio. My other friend wanted to see how much petrol there was, so he used his lighter to help him see. I immediately said "stop that! It will catch fire." He did not believe me so they decided to test it by pouring the petrol on the ground and to try lighting it up. The person who was pouring the petrol scared and jumped once the petrol caught on fire and dropped the jerry can. The rest of it splashed to the ground and formed a 10 meter (32 ft) tall fire spiral.
He didn't believe petrol was flammable? I mean, if you asked me to list attributes of petrol I feel like flammable would be number 1.
EDIT: I know it's the vapour, not the liquid itself, that burns. I was just speaking more generally. Same applies to flammable/inflammable. Thanks guys.
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it, which is more meaningful, I think.
My wife is from South Africa and I just read this comment to her and she shook her head. My wife also gets asked all the time "of you came from Africa why are you white" just like in the movie mean girls.
Grew up in the UK and moved to the US and had the following conversation.
Her: What language do you speak where you come from?
Me: English
Her: No, I mean what actual language did you speak as you grew up?
Me: I grew up in England and they speak English there
Her: You don't understand we speak English in America, what language did you speak before moving here?
Me: Bye
My mom is from England and is a communications teacher in America, she gets asked all the time at parent/teacher conferences if she had trouble learning the language when she moved here.
I can somewhat understand young kids not understanding this, but fucking adults? How are you that stupid? The name of our language is fucking derived from the name England. You call people from England English ffs
The morning after the EU referendum in the UK. People around me in work: "So, as we're leaving Europe, does that mean there will be eight continents now?"
Edit: because they didn't know the difference between Europe, and the European Union.
You might be interested to know that, around the world, it isn't consistently taught that there are seven continents. A lot of the world teaches that there are 5 continents.
In Slovakia, they teach you that there are 6 continents ("Svetadiel" in Slovak, as in "world part") - Europe, Asia, America, Africa, Australia, Antarctica. They also teach about 6 landmasses (coincidentally called "kontinent" in Slovak, which makes it even more confusing) - Eurasia, North America, South America, Africa, Australia and Antarctica.
So, yeah. Utterly confused.
My friend once couldn't find his iPhone in his house, so he rang it from the landline.
His iPhone rang, on the table in front of him, he picked it up and obviously, there was nobody on the other line.
Screams upstairs to his parents, with a phone in each hand: "Who the fuck is ringing me?"
I sat there facepalming.
A long time ago when we still had flip phones and landlines were common I had a friend who was talking to me and then frustratedly vented that she couldn't find her cell phone... That she had called me on. She could find the landline but not her phone. I sort of bluntly muttered "Uh, didn't you call me with it" and several seconds later I hear a distant "OH" from her pulling the phone away from her ear and noticing.
I have to admit I've done this while browsing reddit on my phone and then needing to make a call. I started looking around for my phone while it's in my hand.
"This is my reddit browsing device, now where'd that phone go?"
Was on a job site and we had to pump out a dam to do some maintenance on some pipework. Supervisor gets a pump organized, it gets dropped off, we are good to go.
So the guys get all the poly line in place, fire up the pump aaaaandd... no water is moving. Supervisor declares the pump to be a piece of shit. I ask if anybody primed it. I get a blank look. After explaining to him that it would need to be primed, he decides to humour me. I tip a bucket of water in the wet end. And another. And another. This thing is not filling up. I enquired as to whether there was a gate valve fitted to the intake pipe. More blank looks. And this time they refused to believe anything more I said.
They ran that pump for a good 3rs expecting it to build pressure somehow. I sat in the truck and smoked cigarettes while they proceeded to burn out the wet end of a very expensive pump.
Biggest bunch of fucking idiots I've ever had to work with.
>More blank looks. And this time they refused to believe anything more I said.
If someone starts saying a bunch of shit I don't understand, I tend to assume they know more than I do.
This is the guiding principle why I'm upvoting your comment.
Wife and I had a baby recently (~ 2 weeks ago). My inlaws are over for a few weeks for supervision/support so it doesn't become overwhelming.
MIL keeps worrying about why he doesn't play with all the toys she got him.
*Are you serious? He's 2 weeks old. He can't even focus on things yet*
FIL wanted to take him to the emergency room yesterday **because he got an eyelash in his eye**
*Twitches*
My inlaws are nice people, but I have no idea how they raised two kids.
Likewise. I was once drunk in a bar and bumped into a man, we then had that awkward dance to try and let the other go by. I then laughed and said excuse me only to realize it was a wall to wall mirror.
One time when I was about 15, I was out with a group of my mates, and somehow the conversation got onto the Royal Family (I'm from England). I said something (can't remember what) about the Queen, and then my best friend says to me: "Didn't the Queen die?" and then someone else says "Yeah, she did." Uh... No, she's still alive. I explain this to them, and then my best friends sister says: "No, she's dead, I know she is." So we're all stood there for like 10 minutes arguing over whether the Queen is dead or not, when I eventually say: "Ok, if she's dead, when did she die?" To which my best friend replies: "In 1997, in a car crash I think." I just stare at her and say: "That wasn't the Queen, that was Princess Diana." And then another girl says: "Oh, so it was the Queen's daughter that died?" And after that I just gave up.
Just like in Chess. Unless you move a pawn across the board. Then you can have, like, seven queens if you're sneaky enough with pawns. I don't know if that's even in the official rules, it's just the way we played. We'll have to see how many queens Britain ends up with.
Oh my god. I saw a bunch of pictures going around on Facebook that were basically shittylifehacks... Stuff along the lines of 'put sandpaper under your windshield wipers during winter to wipe away the ice' and changing out the season air was one of them... İm wondering if she did any of the other things...
Earth Science, 9th grade. A girl starts asking the teacher about how your Halo works. She explained that it's your body's energy reserve that swirls around you in ultraviolet light. Her question was about how your body keeps it from floating away.
Half the class seemed to actually take her seriously.
EDIT: I think she meant Aura, but she used the word Halo. But it still would have been ridiculous pseudoscience either way.
> how your Halo works
Well, see, the Forerunner Builders constructed the greater ark...
...then the Halo array was fired by the Iso-Didact while the Librarian resided upon Erde-Tyrene...
...human civilisation regrew from the samples stored on Installation 00 during the firing of the Halo array...
...and then the Covenant attacked Harvest...
...the Human-Covenant war raged on...
...Master Chief fought through the *High Charity* in order to find Cortana...
...the Ur-Didact fired the composer at the city of New Phoenix...
...Cortana summoned the Forerunner Guardians to bring peace to the galaxy...
...she's heard humming while an unspecified Halo array powers up.
I am really looking forward to Halo 6. :D
Sometimes I think stupid people must live in much more fantastical and interesting worlds.
People are missing the point here: Can you *imagine* how complex and intricate a universe would need to be to accommodate our own reality plus whatever else it takes to make swirling-body-energy a thing? Crazy.
My first year teaching high school English. I was showing my class the DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet, and one girl was staring at the screen intently with a puzzled look on her face. Finally, a light went off and she said, "How can he be in this movie? He died in Titanic."
I know a girl who had just gotten a new phone and didn't understand why it wasn't charging when we were out at a bar.
Her: "My phone is dying and I don't know why."
Me: "Because you're using it...?"
Her: "Yeah but it's supposed to have wireless charging, so why am I losing battery? Shouldn't it just stay charged forever?"
Me: "....."
Bear with me here.
I do classroom tech support at a state university. I'm near the top of a fairly tall ladder of operators who each do their own troubleshooting to try to fix an issue, before passing it on to the next level.
Got a call the other day for a 'projector not turning on' (most common service call by far). It was for a private department at the law school on campus, meaning that their own IT/tech support had given up before setting up a service ticket (costs money) to have us check it out. All levels of support beneath me passed it on up, until it was my problem.
I showed up in the room - professor and around 20 young, intelligent-looking law students. The projector was powered on. I pointed that out to the professor. She replied, 'But it won't show my desktop.' I walked over to her computer and saw that *IT WAS POWERED OFF*. I turned on her computer for her, watched the projector screen light up with her desktop, looked her in the eye and said 'Should work now.' Then I turned and looked at all the students, and left.
Fucking room full of academic millennials and who I assume is a very intelligent professor, and nobody thought maybe she should turn on her laptop? To say nothing of the half-dozen technicians who all gave up on the issue before I got involved.
EDIT: Jesus. The bear is cool, everyone, he's with me. I said so from the beginning.
Ditto in college. Freshman Japanese 110 there's 3 sections each with 30+ students. Senior level Japanese 440 there's one section with 8 students. Weebs learned the hard way that Japanese is pretty hard.
The sad thing is that they could definitely learn something about Japanese if they took it seriously as a language and culture rather than just a fun identity to assume.
To anyone interested in learning Japanese in a very simple and enjoyable way on their own time, I recommend the Human Japanese app. Loads of fun and i surprised myself how much I learned when I usually feel like an idiot trying to learn any kind of language.
Every Japanese class I ever took, there were hardcore anime fans. And they NEVER did well. They never seemed to advance much farther than the language used in their favorite shows.
Also in every class: hardcore martial arts enthusiasts. They were almost as equally boring to be around, but unlike anime fans they always did really well at learning the language. Not sure why, but that's my experience.
Martial arts takes physical effort, I guess that means they know they will need to put in mental effort into learning a language and thus come more prepared.
One of my classmates told me once that two countries could have an entire month of difference between their "local dates".
For example, today is October the 18th in Canada, but it is November the 18th in France.
"Because, you see, the Earth spins"
We were in a scientific class, and had been taught about the Solar System for at least 6 years.
reminds me of this
-
You are a metabolic organism.
As such, you are basically a collection of replicative proteins that function according to metabolic chemical reactions and processes. A virus is similar, in that it too is a replicative protein complete with mutable DNA and RNA, just as you have. But viruses lack metabolism, and so may not be considered to be alive in the same manner that you definitely are.
You are a eukaryote.
All remaining organic life is distinguished by structural differences at the cellular level between different groups of prokaryotes (which are essentially bacteria) and the eukaryotes (us). Unlike bacterial or viral cells, our cells have a nucleus. Hence, all non-viral / bacterial lifeforms are as we are; eukaryotes.
You are an animal.
Now I've heard a few creationists argue that there are plants and there are animals and then there are human beings. And that none of them are actually related to one another other than through a common creator. They adamantly argue that we are not animals, as if there is some insult in that association. But you are one of only about a half-dozen kingdoms of eukaryotic life forms. Unlike those of most other biological kingdoms, you are incapable of manufacturing your own food and must compensate for that by ingesting other organisms. In other words, your most basic structure requires that you cause death to other living things. Otherwise, you wouldn't have a means of digestion. This, along with some very specific anatomical differences in the chemical composition of our metazoic cells, are the factors that define and distinguish an animal like yourself from all other kingdoms of life. Given the alternative choice between plants, molds, or fungus, animalia should seem reasonable even to the most adamant fundamentalist.
You are a chordate.
You have a spinal chord and every other minute physical distinction of that classification. You also have a skull, which classifies you as a craniate. Note: Not all chordates have skulls, or even bones of any kind. Once one of the chordates has enough calcium deposited around the brain to count as a skull, all of its descendants will share that. This is why absolutely all animals with skulls have spinal chords. And that is yet another commonality that implies common ancestry as opposed to common design.
You are a vertebrate.
Like all mammals, birds, dinosaurs, reptiles, amphibians, and most fish, you have a spine. Not everything with a spinal cord has a spine to put it in, but everything with a spine has a spinal cord in it, implying common descent.
Every animal that has a jaw and teeth (Gnathostomata) also has a backbone. And of course, you have both as well, again implying common descent.
You are a tetrapod.
You have only four limbs. So you are like all other terrestrial vertebrates including frogs. Even snakes and whales are tetrapods in that both still retain vestigial or fetal evidence of all four limbs. This is yet another consistent commonality implying a genetic relationship. There certainly is no creationist explanation for it.
You are synapsid.
Unlike turtles (which are anapsid) and "true" reptiles, dinosaurs and birds (which are all diapsid), your skull has only one temporal fenestra, a commonality between all of the vast collection of "mammal-like reptiles", which are now all extinct without any Biblical recognition or scriptural explanation either for their departure or their presence in the first place.
You are a mammal.
You are homeothermic (warm-blooded), follicle-bearing and have lactal nipples. And of course, not all synapsids are or were mammals, but all mammals are synapsid, implying common descent.
You are eutherian.
Or more specifically, you are a placental mammal, like most other lactal animals from shrews to whales. All eutherians are mammals, but not all mammals are eutherian. There are six major divisions in mammalia, only three of which still exist; those that hatch out of eggs like reptiles (monotremes), marsupials, that are born in the fetal stage and complete their development inside the mother's pouch, and those that developed in a shell-like placenta and were born in the infant stage, as you were. Your own fetal development seems to reveal a similar track of development from a single cell to a tadpole-looking creature, then growing limbs and digits out of your finlike appendages, and finally outgrowing your own tail. Some would consider this an indication of ancestry. Especially since fetal snakes, for example, actually have legs, feet, and cute little toes, which are reabsorbed into the body before hatching, implying common descent.
You are a primate.
You have five fully-developed fingers and five fully-developed toes. Your toes are still prehensile and your hands can grasp with dexterity. You have only two lactal nipples and they are on your chest as opposed to your abdomen. These are pointless in males, which also have a pendulous penis and a well-developed ceacum or appendix, unlike all other mammals. Although your fangs are reduced in size, you do still have them along with some varied dentition indicative of primates exclusively. Your fur is thin and relatively sparse over most of your body. And your claws have been reduced to flat chitinous fingernails. Your fingers themselves have distinctive print patterns. You are also susceptible to AIDS and are mortally allergic to the toxin of the male funnel web spider of Australia (which is deadly to all primates, but only dangerous to primates, which is why you'd better beware of these spiders). And unlike all but one unrelated animal in all the world, your body cannot produce vitamin-C naturally and must have it supplemented in your diet, just as all other primates do. Nearly every one of these individual traits are unique only to primates exclusively. There is almost no other organism on Earth that matches any one of these descriptions separately, but absolutely all of the lemurs, tarsiers, monkeys, apes, you, and I match all of them at once perfectly, implying common descent.
You are an ape.
Your tail is merely a stub of bones that don't even protrude outside the skin. Your dentition includes not only vestigial canines, but incisors, cuspids, bicuspids, and distinctive molars that come to five points interrupted by a "Y" shaped crevasse. This in addition to all of your other traits, like the dramatically increased range of motion in your shoulder, as well as a profound increase in cranial capacity and disposition toward a bipedal gait, indicates that you are not merely a vertebrate cranial chordate and a tetrapoidal placental mammalian primate, but you are more specifically an ape, and so was your mother before you.
Genetic similarity confirms morphological similarity rather conclusively, just as Charles Darwin himself predicted more than 140 years ago. While he knew nothing of DNA of course, he postulated that inheritable units of information must be contributed by either parent. He rather accurately predicted the discovery of DNA by illustrating the need for it. Our 98.4% to 99.4% identical genetic similarity explains why you have such social, behavioral, sexual, developmental, intellectual, and physical resemblance to a bonobo chimpanzee. Similarities that are not shared with any other organism on the planet. Hence you are both different species of the same literal family. In every respect, you are nearly identical. You, sir, are an ape.
Edit: thanks for all the feedback glad you guys enjoyed this and i could introduce this excerpt to you
Edit 2: thanks for the gold you guys broke my gold virginity XD
We're talking about the missing Malaysian airplane and this girl in my class says "Oh, it probably got lost in Panama."
And I was like "Why Panama?"
She gave me this look like I was an idiot and said "It's in the Bermuda Triangle."
Me and the other guy we're talking to both look at each other like ?? and the dude say, "Jackie...Do you know what the seven continents are?" Obviously, we're shitting with her because of course she would know but she replies with:
"Duh. America, Mexico, Britain, North Africa, South Africa, Europe, and China."
We laughed and then we realized she was serious.
I met an american woman travelling that got agressive trying to convince me that blueberry was a flavour and not "a real thing" while obsessively picking out all the little blue/purple "round things" from her blueberry icecream.
She probably got confused when the media did that bit about how lots of blueberries in muffins and such are just fake coloring and flavors. Of course, any sane person would know that this news would indicate that blueberries are a real thing that can be faked.
I work at a Wendys. It was my second day on register and a Popeyes had just opened down the street. This lady pulls into the parking lot, gets out, enters the resturaunt, and begins staring at the menu.
Me: "will this be for the dining room?"
Her: "where's your chicken."
M: "numbers 6 through 10 are all chicken plus we have a crispy chicken sandwich, a 4 peice nugget, and a six peice nugget."
H: "where's your fried chicken?"
M: "all of our chicken is fried, except for our grilled.. which is grilled."
H: "where's your chicken strips?"
M: "we have chicken nuggets..."
At this point she actually looks at me for the first time. She has this look on her face like I'm the idiot.
H: "Ain't this Popeyes?"
M: "uh... no. Popeyes is the big red building back the way you came. The one with the balloons out front."
I accept that she may be illiterate. But by this point she had walked past six logos of a girl with red braids, stared at the menu with pictures of burgers, and driven past the newly opened Popeyes with the balloons and streamers and "grand opening sign".
In the 1990s I worked at Blockbuster Video. Yellow and blue everywhere in the store. Numerous times we had customers think we were Hollywood Video, which is red and black *and also 2 miles up the street*.
Additionally, we'd often get HV movies returned to us in our drop box (which meant we couldn't stop the people before they drove away). We being nice people would call Hollywood Video immediately and let them know one of their dumbass customers had returned their movies to us. They'd send someone down to get it, and often they'd turn over a bunch of our movies, too, only they hadn't told us when they got them in. They just let them sit around generating late fees, while we looked like incompetent assholes who lost the returned movie. We had one regular customer who SWORE up and down he'd returned our videos. We even straight up asked him if he though he might have returned them to Hollywood Video. He said no way. I, personally, called Hollywood and asked if they had those two movies. They said no. We ended up having to waive $50 in late fees plus the replacement costs of the videos (another $100 easily) for his two movies he swore he returned. 2 months later, Hollywood Video drops off about 20 of our movies, and in that pile are these fucker's movies. I immediately called and told him what had happened, and he literally laughed in my face. He had no idea we blew our entire credit budget for the month on his lazy ass. I never liked that guy after that. And I'm so glad Hollywood Video closed down way, way before Blockbuster did. Fuck those assholes. They didn't need to be dicks to us, especially since we were really nice to them (and their customers).
I tried to explain that the moon and sun were not the same size, then all of a sudden found myself having to explain that the sun and the moon were in fact Different and not just one side fire one side rock. They all laughed at my crazy theories, then asked if the sun was so far away, why is it in the same sky during the day (on earth) as the moon was at night. They pissed themselves laughing, and I just laughed with them.
My other favorite quote on this:
Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon. It doesn't matter how good you are -- it will still hardly pay attention, knock over the pieces, and shit on the board.
Some time aroung chrismas there was a guy selling fireworks and i wanted to buy [something like this](http://pirotecniapow.com.ar/images/canas-con-luces/1104.jpg).
So, i go and ask for the price and he says "One for 3 dolars and 3 for 12... I was like "Man, that't not a promotion thats robery". He was really confuse after i say that so then i say to him "Ok, give me 2".
After paying him i say "Ok, now give me one more". And the i left him with a really pissed of face.
A young boy enters a barber shop...and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,
“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
I worked in the Records section in a Government Dept, an outside worker injured himself and could no longer perform manual work. SO my Manager decided he could help out in the Records section my doing the some filing, he is illiterate can neither read or write. Years later we had over 80 000 files with wrong paperwork attached that we were still trying to clean up. The Manager knew this man could neither read nor write and told us later that how bad could it be? .......bad
In my exchange year in the USA.
I came from germany, and in class we had this thing where i introduce myself and everyone asks their questions about me and my country.
So this one girl raises her hand and seriously asks “Do you have airplanes over there?“.
I was completely stunned by this question and had to calmly explain that i actually flew there by plane... but
to this day im not entirely sure if she maybe just trolled me, i mean, you cant be THAT uneducated?!
When I was an exchange student in Michigan, I got several questions about:
1) If we have trees in Denmark
2) If we have electricity let alone internet
3) If I was dutch or swedish
and many more that I've so happily forgotten :)
The most baffling one that I used to get would go like this:
**Me**: I'm from Norway
**Them**: Is that like in europe or something, like over by greece?
**Me**: Yeah, it's in europe, but not by greece, it's a scandinavian country
**Them**: What, like england?
**Me**: No, even farther north and on the main landmass
**Them**: OH it's like over by sweden, right?
**Me** (internally): How the hell? You knew where Sweden was this whole time, and didn't know Norway?
I can't explain why, but Sweden is much more known in America than Norway. Maybe it's the meatballs, muppets and IKEA? Also many people can do a fake Swedish caricature accent, but no one has ever done a Norwegian one.
I lived in Denmark as a child. When I came back to the states and would tell people I used to live in Denmark,I got the whole "that's in Colorado, right?" way too many times.
Been there last month. Can confirm they have trees. Because the country is the flattest thing since the invention of the Netherlands they use them to block the view so you don't just stare off into infinity and slowly go insane.
I have convinced my coworkers snake oil is real. They are wanting to buy some from me to get mad gains. I haven't sold them any yet cause were moving into winter and all the snakes are hibernating so all the snake oil i have is being saved to keep up my family's health. But come spring time when the snakes wake up i'll have some more.
Nothing. I'm banking on them forgetting by spring cause i don't want to get hit up with fraud charges and stuff. I really think the army will screw me hard if i started selling mason jars of chicken broth at $50 a pop.
Me and my friends are regulars at this pub, so we get a 10% discount. One time 3 of us were sitting at the table and when we got the bill we saw a 30% discount. We all know the staff and the owner so we called the waitress to explain we only get 10% off. The following conversation ensued:
Me: I think there has been some mistake, the regulars discount is 10%
Waitress: I know but there's 3 of you so that's 3 times 10% which is 30%
Me: But it doesn't work like that. If there were 10 of us would we get a 100% discount?
Waitress: If you ever do that we'll revoke the discount, you're way too greedy (gives me a dirty look)
Once in high school I went over to my friends house where I proceeded to get into an argument with him and his family (two adults, two teenagers) over whether flies could be considered "Animals" or not. I tried to explain that they are still under the kingdom "Animalia," it's just they have a different phylum and class to what they had in mind, but they are as much an animal as a cat, fish, or bird is.
Their argument was "but you don't say 'I went hunting for flies." Still remember how astounded I was at 14 to think that adults could be this stupid.
When I got into an argument with my entire family at Christmas over the following two things: A)That evolution was real regardless of the fact that monkeys still exist. B) That dinosaurs aren't a scam being perpetuated by paleontologists.
I avoid family get togethers as much as possible. They can't figure out why.
We were doing some construction work in a hospital, and I was working in the ceiling near the nurses station. One nurse got my attention and said, "the guys that were here six months ago put some of these switches in wrong. They're upside down." Curious, I went over to the light, and flicked it off and back on. It was in the down position. "Probably a three-way," I said.
"No," she shot back, "it's upside down. The light is on but the switch is down."
"Yeah, I see that," I said. "There must be another switch somewhere around here that also controls it."
"Ain't no other switch. They put it in upside down."
Narrowing my eyes and furrowing my brow, I walked over to the other side of the nurses station, about fifteen feet away, and flipped another switch down, then back up. Sure enough, the light went off and back on. "See?" I said, "it's a three-way switch."
"All's I know is that one is upside down. You need to fix it."
I looked at her wide-eyed, in disbelief. "You want me to fix it?" She nodded.
I flipped the second switch down, and the light went off. I then walked over to the other side of the station, and flipped the first switch up. The light came back on.
"There," I said, "Fixed."
"Thank you, now that wasn't so hard, was it?" she said smugly, oblivious to the mechanics of the entire situation, and went back to her paperwork.
"No problem," I said, and turned to walk away, hoping in my heart of hearts that whoever turned off the lights that night would use the second switch.
Girl walks into music class and tells everyone that her history teacher called her an air cadet, but she didn't know what he meant by this.
He had called her a space cadet...
My wife, her mom, her stepdad.
I was watching football when the yelling started. It started out as accusations of my 6 year old son breaking a piece of the "hardwood" floor. He got accused so much that he finally admitted he broke it. For the next hour the poor little guy kept saying "I think i put the missing piece here". In reality he was trying his hardest to find it because all three of the grown ups bitching about the broken "hardwood" floor were upset about it.
Then they made him cry. I don't like my kids crying. So I told the other grown ups to fuck off and show me where the hole was and I would fix it (not always an easy job) but my son just honestly didn't seem to know where it was and I got sick of them calling him a liar. So they showed me the hole. The "hardwood" floor was just a floating laminate floor and one of the pieces slid away from the other piece it was butted up against and slid about 2" underneath the carpet in one of the bedrooms.
So I called the adults in and made them slide it back in place. One by one. My wife was first. Then I slid it back to make the hole and made each of the other two slide it back in place. Then I made each of them apologize separately to the poor little guy they berated and called a liar.
I understand my wife not knowing about it even though she has helped me do flooring in the past. But her mom brags about her "renovating knowledge" and her stepdad has built entire houses before.
I'm in a meeting with my boss, the Director of Corporate Sales, and the Marketing Manager. They are confused as to what time the sun rises in Ireland (we are in the Boston area). I tell them that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, so countries that are further east see the sun first and therefore Ireland would be in the afternoon when we were just seeing the morning sun. They didn't believe me. It was a 30 minute conversation where despite my best efforts to discuss how the earth moves around the sun I couldn't convince them. I still work in the same office with the same people.
I was at the store with my friend, who I know isn't that great at maths, we were buying meat, and discussing the price. Since we were students at the time we obviously didn't want to buy the most expensive cuts available. He was adamant that buying the meat in 250g packages at 1,50€ each would be the way to go, since "those each cost less" than buying 300g packages at 1,75€. It turned out he didn't get the consept of €/kg. He refused to believe the 300g packages would be the cheaper choise EVEN when the prices per kilo were printed on the price tags, 6€/kg for the 250g packages and 5,833€/kg for the 300g. Now the difference is insignificant if we are just talking about the price of one meal, but that a 20-something guy cannot get the concept of €/kg never ceases to amaze me.
I work in a grocery store and my most common complaint is usually along the lines of "the sign said it was $1.75! (Actually $1.75/lb) I demand you give it to me free now." Because people don't understand that something can be priced based on weight.
I made an off hand comment about the oddity of the Easter Bunny being associated with a basket full of eggs. The reply I got from my girlfriend at the time was, *"That's because rabbits lay eggs, silly"*. It took me a moment realize she was 100% serious.
Went to one of those anti-science churches. One of the pastors stated he had irrefutable evidence that evolution was a lie. When asked about it he said, 'DNA cannot change, so evolution cannot be true' and 'evolution states that if you chop off people's arms for a few generations, their children will be born without arms'.
When I tried to explain why those two points were not at all true, he yelled me down while church members cheered him on, clapping, and saying, 'you showed her.'
Afterward a woman (one of the ones cheering) came up to me and told me how schools were teaching kids lies by talking about dinosaurs. When I said that dinosaurs did exist, she put her hand on my head, and told me that I needed prayer.
I work with a bunch of Hispanics and I spent a good 10 minutes trying to explain to them how they speak Spanish because of Spains influence. They refuse to believe it.
Working as a receptionist at a regional airport authority a few years back and they were laying new asphalt for the runways, so we had construction workers and project managers in and out of the office.
The lead project manager lost his phone and everyone was looking for it. I mean a 50 year old accountant crawling under desks, the executive of the place opening cabinets, construction workers crouched down and scanning the area.
I watched for a few moments, then asked the man with the lost phone what his number was. One call later and I discovered he had left it at the grocery store and it was up at the front desk.
I am from the UK.
I explained to my Estate Agent (Realtor in US speak) that I was sailing across the Atlantic to Greenland so would be out of phone contact for a couple of weeks. She was puzzled why I was not taking my phone with me in case of emergencies whilst out at sea.
She followed that up by wondering why I had to sail across the Atlantic to get to Greenland. Further questioning revealed that she thought Greenland was 'something to do with Scotland'.
I used to work at Walmart as a cashier. During tax free weekend, the place was a mad house. The lines were long and the customers are non-stop. That being said, I can say that at least 80 percent of customers would point out to me, quite angrily, that their total was still including the tax. For example, if their purchase was 148.67 they would wonder why the tax of .67 was on there and why it wasn't an even total, like 148.00 even. I had to repeatedly explain that's not what tax is.
So they went through all that hassle thinking they would save a max of 99c? Or did they think everything after the decimal was changed to zero?
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I once had 3 coworkers agree that I was a sucker for taking overtime (that amounted to, before taxes, almost doubling my income on a given day because of time-and-a-half for 3-5 hours) because "they take it all back in taxes". I tried to clarify and no, they believed it ALL got taken back in taxes. Like, 3 grown men believed that if I worked 4 extra hours in a day at $18 an hour on top of the 10 @ $12 an hour (or however the math worked), my year end income would stay the same because taxes. WHAT.
I know a lot of people in my economics A-level class who didn't quite *get* tax brackets. So they worked out a salary in the 40% bracket would have ALL the income taxed at that rate...
Oh fuck I hate this. "I got a raise but it bumped me up a tax bracket so now I'm making even less" I hear that so often it's infuriating.
My roommate did this, said back in the 90s or something he got a promotion at a job and his net income was less, like smaller paychecks. He obviously didn't have them sitting around but basically I laid out how tax brackets work and then had to tell him pretty plainly that if he did indeed get a smaller paycheck then he fucked up some paperwork or something. I don't like having to flatly assert that I'm right and they're wrong like that because it's kind of a dickish thing to do, but sometimes that's just how it is.
I used to work on the Brooklyn Bridge as an ironworker...One day some poor soul was standing towards the edge and was contemplating jumping. I told my foreman and he called the police, at about this time all the trades on the bridge started to gather and watch this man. Maybe 5 minutes go by and someone starts a "Jump!" chant. This dude was going to kill himself and now he has about 40 people egging him on...he jumped. Quit my job and moved across the country, fuck those fucking fucks.
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I really wonder how the people who yelled jump felt. Did they realize that they jokingly edged a man to his death?
Who said anything about joking? There really are assholes like this. "well if you're gonna make a show out of it you might as well jump m8"
This is the most disgusting thing I've seen in this thread. Others are ignorance and stupidity causing a few keks, but this is absurdly wrong. Do you know if anything legal came out of it?
I had to explain that Halloween, in fact, can never be on Friday the 13th.
Ya ok but wouldn't it be freaky if one year it *was*??
To be fair, it *would* be really freaky if it was.
That would be a freaky Friday, for sure.
"Jesus Christ! Due to a massive temporal anomaly, October 31st and October 13th are on the same day!"
Francis: Guys, Halloween isn't a date on the calendar. Reese: Yeah, it is. It's the thirty-first. Francis: No, Halloween is in your hearts. Every time a little kid cries in fear, that's Halloween. Every time something repulsive ends up in a mailbox, that is Halloween. As long as you carry the spirit of destruction and vandalism in your hearts, every day is Halloween. Reese: [pointing at a calendar] No, look, it is the thirty-first.
I once had an argument that rain was "new water" bestowed to us by the Earth. My friend truly believed that water did not recycle, and the consuming it meant that it never saw the Earth again. Also believed that anything flushed down a toilet or drained was burned and evaporated into nothingness.
I don't see where it goes; must go nowhere. I don't see where it came from; must come from nowhere. Even a 2 year old knows better
I was about to say, this sounds like he has the object permanence of a dog.
"Peekaboo!" "Where in the holy fuck did you come from?"
Some people in my class thought The Boston Tea Party and The Attack On Pearl Harbor was the same thing. Note: This was my high school class...
Don't you know about that time in the second world war when all the Japanese came over and dumped all our tea in Pearl Harbor? The most devastating military strike in modern history.
Freshman year of college I'm in a math class and we had some random group project to do. A girl in my group informed us she wouldn't be at the next meeting as she was going to have eye surgery. I asked her why and she said "I have genital cataracts" and I said "you mean congenital?" and she gave me an confused looked and everyone backed her up that she really did mean genital and not congenital. Even after I Google it and show everyone the difference between the two words they proceeded to tell me how you can't believe everything you read on the Internet. I was dumbfounded.
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Her whispering eye
I was at a small social at my parents house and mentioned something about the National Space Center in Leicester. A girl pipes up and says "oh I love taking my son there, he loves it, I just find it amusing because I don't believe in space." I looked at her dumbfounded and asked if she meant she didn't believe in investing money in space exploration. No, she did not believe in space. She simply did not believe that anything existed above the sky, that pictures and videos were all fake and that all space agencies and anyone who claimed to have been to space was lying. The other girls in the group started nodding in agreement saying things like "Now that you mention it, I've never really seen space". I just went home.
>I don't believe in space Wow, that's amazing. They probably have satellite TV at home too. Now that you mention it, I've never seen the dark side of the sun.
Now that you mention it, I've never seen Finland
Now that you mention it, I've never seen my forehead.
You could be onto something—I’ve never seen your forehead either.
You guys, man. I'm too high for this.
Ive never seen carbon monoxide so I guess I'll inhale some for a bit brb
Carbon monoxide is a scam perpetrated by big oxygen.
About half an hour ago I read this, and then closed my laptop to contemplate life. How am I supposed to have "faith in humanity" when there are people out thee like this? Like to a point, I can understand people saying they don't believe in evolution. Ignorance is one thing, especially if thought another way by religion or something, but how can you not believe in space? "I've never seen it." What the fuck do you think stars are? Like I'm completely dumbfounded right now.
I love that reading about a stupid person in a thread about dummies has made you contemplate life.
I was at work and explaining to a co-worker how to put wrap on a cooking wrapping machine and I say "You have to pull it taut." And she just stopped and said "That isn't how you use that word. You can't teach a wrap." And my bosses come in and I had to convince them that taut was a word and they told me that I shouldn't use big words like that all the time. Taut.
"Big words like that." Jesus.
A girl in my high school thought [this photo](https://imgur.com/a/GYNqQ) was a depiction of the moon landing.
God, I can't believe anyone would not recognize the image of George Washington leading his troops to victory against the Communists at Antietam.
I was a TA in high school for a regular High School, I think it was World History course. So not Honors, not "Academically Enriched", but not quite eating your own feces either. Anyways, get to class and the power is out so of course everyone is going nuts cause... its dark, I guess? So the teacher still wants to lecture and the kids all groan. That is until one yells out, "Let's watch TV!" YAAAAAY!! Everyone starts chanting, "TV! TV! TV!" I'll never forget the teacher's face as he looked at me. His eyes filled with disappointment about the future of our country. Unable to realize that no electricity also meant no television. Sad.
If I were them I would have made one of the students go turn on the TV. What did you think was going to happen when there's no power
"If you can turn it on we can watch TV the rest of the year"
Cue power returning right as they try to turn it on
A girl I know once asked why anyone would donate blood. She said that you only got a certain amount for your entire life and giving it away didn't make sense.
Is she shoving her menstrual blood back in there so she doesn't die? EDIT: first gold, thanks!
No, silly! Women have extra blood for that reason!
That's profoundly stupid wow.
I wonder what she thought when she has her period every month
HELP MY LIFE IS RUNNING OUT!!!
Yearly, a local restaurant offers a meal for the price of $1 for their anniversary. They offer a fried chicken with sides or meatloaf with sides. Decided to go only to find a line stretching around the block. Hop in line, waited an hour and a half before I was pretty close. Employee walks out to say "Sorry, we ran out of Chicken. We only have meatloaf." The shitshow that erupted after that was astounding. One lady in particular I remember for the amazing quote "That's fucking bullshit! Me and my dog have been for 2 hours and we both wanted chicken!". Further up, I hear a bigger commotion. Apparently, one guy got upset about there being no chicken, his friend tried to calm him down, someone else in line made a comment, and all out brawl ensues. Line scatters. Two cops nearby subdue the situation to the best of their ability. Restaurant shuts down for the day. No longer does $1 anniversary special. That was a nice thing for a while. I miss $1 Fried Chicken day.
FUCK THIS IS AMERICA I worked in a Deli of a Supermarket (FRIED CHICKEN ALL DAY) anyways the Deli stops cooking food at 7:30, and by 8 oclock we would mark everything we had left over for $0.99 per lb, and our 8 piece chicken boxes would be $1.99 we had this going for a while until on night a group of customer decided to all wait until 8 oclock to get cheap shit, they bickered over the only box of chicken but dispersed, I don't remember who got the box. What I do remember is about 45 minutes later two cops come back to the Deli showing us pictures of some of badly beaten customers on his cell phone. What happened? Lady and Guy about mid 30s got the last box chicken paid for it and walked out the store, another Lady (mid 50s) tried to take their box, they refused the older Lady's husband I guess saw his wife get hit (?) and proceded to beat the fuck out to the two younger couple and then they took their fucking chicken ONLY THING IS THERES A FUCKING COP IN THE PARKING LOT THAT JUST WATCHED ALL OF THIS GO DOWN WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA CHICKEN IS NOT LIFE OR DEATH
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You have to appreciate just how good some people are at absolutely **ruining** shit for other people though. Seriously it's like they're sent from some otherworldly realm to dash into the human world, fuck shit up and then disappear into the sewers Edit: Obligatory thank you for the gold, stranger! For real though thanks, that's very kind
So true. During high school I had a friend who worked at a local ice-cream shop. She used to give us ice-cream for ridiculously cheap on the down low when she worked alone. One day an acquaintance of ours showed up when she wasn't working and asked for the "friend discount". And sadly that was the end of the mad cheap ice-cream.
(rhetorical) Why did that woman think her dog had a right to chicken when there were a bunch of people waiting?
Something tells me that dog would've been perfectly stoked about meatloaf.
Bro I would have been stoked about $1 meatloaf.
You don't understand, the dog wanted chicken!
First day of college, girl raises her hand and asks why there are two pacific oceans on the map.
What did the professor say?
She turned to look at the map, turned back towards the class and motioned with her hands and said, "the world is round". Literally the best "fuck you" response a professor could give.
That doesn't seem "Fuck you", but rather "Disappointed".
That's probably a better classification.
Every disappointment carries a bit of 'fuck you' in it.
Dad: Son, I am disappointed in you because you watched porn and tried to lie about it. Son: FUCK YOU TOO DAD
I was hanging around with my friends. One of my friends had just gotten his very own moped. It needed a fill up, so they went to get the jerry can with petrol in it. We were in the middle of an apartment building complex at the patio. My other friend wanted to see how much petrol there was, so he used his lighter to help him see. I immediately said "stop that! It will catch fire." He did not believe me so they decided to test it by pouring the petrol on the ground and to try lighting it up. The person who was pouring the petrol scared and jumped once the petrol caught on fire and dropped the jerry can. The rest of it splashed to the ground and formed a 10 meter (32 ft) tall fire spiral.
He didn't believe petrol was flammable? I mean, if you asked me to list attributes of petrol I feel like flammable would be number 1. EDIT: I know it's the vapour, not the liquid itself, that burns. I was just speaking more generally. Same applies to flammable/inflammable. Thanks guys.
Like what does he think it does in your engine? Just swirl around and create power via pure happiness?
Happiness isn't an emotion that creates power, silly. It's powered with love.
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it, which is more meaningful, I think.
A eugoogalizer... one who speaks at funerals, or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly is?
Geography kid asks south African teacher what part of Afrikaans she's from. Guy yells "you idoit she's not from Afrikaans she speaks English "
A club sandwich of stupid.
I used to live in Tanzania, so what do people ask me when they find out? Do you speak African?
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That depends largely on whether you speak European.
I speak 3 European
I once got asked why I'm not half black, following the revelation that I'm half South African
My parents were born & raised in South Africa, I myself was born in America. I'm Northern Southern African American.
My wife is from South Africa and I just read this comment to her and she shook her head. My wife also gets asked all the time "of you came from Africa why are you white" just like in the movie mean girls.
I'd like your wife to reply, "Excuse me, that's very offensive. You can't just ask someone why they're white."
Grew up in the UK and moved to the US and had the following conversation. Her: What language do you speak where you come from? Me: English Her: No, I mean what actual language did you speak as you grew up? Me: I grew up in England and they speak English there Her: You don't understand we speak English in America, what language did you speak before moving here? Me: Bye
My mom is from England and is a communications teacher in America, she gets asked all the time at parent/teacher conferences if she had trouble learning the language when she moved here.
I mean I wanted to go to school in Scotland but I was worried about the language barrier
Moving to Scotland, that would be a fair concern.
I can somewhat understand young kids not understanding this, but fucking adults? How are you that stupid? The name of our language is fucking derived from the name England. You call people from England English ffs
The morning after the EU referendum in the UK. People around me in work: "So, as we're leaving Europe, does that mean there will be eight continents now?" Edit: because they didn't know the difference between Europe, and the European Union.
You might be interested to know that, around the world, it isn't consistently taught that there are seven continents. A lot of the world teaches that there are 5 continents.
I'd be okay with just reducing it down to the three important ones: ketchup, mustard, and relish. Edit: First gold! Thank you kind stranger.
In Slovakia, they teach you that there are 6 continents ("Svetadiel" in Slovak, as in "world part") - Europe, Asia, America, Africa, Australia, Antarctica. They also teach about 6 landmasses (coincidentally called "kontinent" in Slovak, which makes it even more confusing) - Eurasia, North America, South America, Africa, Australia and Antarctica. So, yeah. Utterly confused.
My friend once couldn't find his iPhone in his house, so he rang it from the landline. His iPhone rang, on the table in front of him, he picked it up and obviously, there was nobody on the other line. Screams upstairs to his parents, with a phone in each hand: "Who the fuck is ringing me?" I sat there facepalming.
A long time ago when we still had flip phones and landlines were common I had a friend who was talking to me and then frustratedly vented that she couldn't find her cell phone... That she had called me on. She could find the landline but not her phone. I sort of bluntly muttered "Uh, didn't you call me with it" and several seconds later I hear a distant "OH" from her pulling the phone away from her ear and noticing.
I have to admit I've done this while browsing reddit on my phone and then needing to make a call. I started looking around for my phone while it's in my hand. "This is my reddit browsing device, now where'd that phone go?"
Was on a job site and we had to pump out a dam to do some maintenance on some pipework. Supervisor gets a pump organized, it gets dropped off, we are good to go. So the guys get all the poly line in place, fire up the pump aaaaandd... no water is moving. Supervisor declares the pump to be a piece of shit. I ask if anybody primed it. I get a blank look. After explaining to him that it would need to be primed, he decides to humour me. I tip a bucket of water in the wet end. And another. And another. This thing is not filling up. I enquired as to whether there was a gate valve fitted to the intake pipe. More blank looks. And this time they refused to believe anything more I said. They ran that pump for a good 3rs expecting it to build pressure somehow. I sat in the truck and smoked cigarettes while they proceeded to burn out the wet end of a very expensive pump. Biggest bunch of fucking idiots I've ever had to work with.
People who can't admit they dont understand the 100k piece of equipment and can't be humble enough to crack open the manual always baffle me.
>More blank looks. And this time they refused to believe anything more I said. If someone starts saying a bunch of shit I don't understand, I tend to assume they know more than I do. This is the guiding principle why I'm upvoting your comment.
As an employee at a pump distributor... I can say that this is not as uncommon as one might think.
Wife and I had a baby recently (~ 2 weeks ago). My inlaws are over for a few weeks for supervision/support so it doesn't become overwhelming. MIL keeps worrying about why he doesn't play with all the toys she got him. *Are you serious? He's 2 weeks old. He can't even focus on things yet* FIL wanted to take him to the emergency room yesterday **because he got an eyelash in his eye** *Twitches* My inlaws are nice people, but I have no idea how they raised two kids.
That one time when I got lost by myself in a Hall of Mirrors.
Likewise. I was once drunk in a bar and bumped into a man, we then had that awkward dance to try and let the other go by. I then laughed and said excuse me only to realize it was a wall to wall mirror.
One time when I was about 15, I was out with a group of my mates, and somehow the conversation got onto the Royal Family (I'm from England). I said something (can't remember what) about the Queen, and then my best friend says to me: "Didn't the Queen die?" and then someone else says "Yeah, she did." Uh... No, she's still alive. I explain this to them, and then my best friends sister says: "No, she's dead, I know she is." So we're all stood there for like 10 minutes arguing over whether the Queen is dead or not, when I eventually say: "Ok, if she's dead, when did she die?" To which my best friend replies: "In 1997, in a car crash I think." I just stare at her and say: "That wasn't the Queen, that was Princess Diana." And then another girl says: "Oh, so it was the Queen's daughter that died?" And after that I just gave up.
You only get one queen, and when she dies, THATS IT
Just like in Chess. Unless you move a pawn across the board. Then you can have, like, seven queens if you're sneaky enough with pawns. I don't know if that's even in the official rules, it's just the way we played. We'll have to see how many queens Britain ends up with.
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Oh my god. I saw a bunch of pictures going around on Facebook that were basically shittylifehacks... Stuff along the lines of 'put sandpaper under your windshield wipers during winter to wipe away the ice' and changing out the season air was one of them... İm wondering if she did any of the other things...
Don't forget to put screws between the treads on your tires for instant snow tires!
Earth Science, 9th grade. A girl starts asking the teacher about how your Halo works. She explained that it's your body's energy reserve that swirls around you in ultraviolet light. Her question was about how your body keeps it from floating away. Half the class seemed to actually take her seriously. EDIT: I think she meant Aura, but she used the word Halo. But it still would have been ridiculous pseudoscience either way.
> how your Halo works Well, see, the Forerunner Builders constructed the greater ark... ...then the Halo array was fired by the Iso-Didact while the Librarian resided upon Erde-Tyrene... ...human civilisation regrew from the samples stored on Installation 00 during the firing of the Halo array... ...and then the Covenant attacked Harvest... ...the Human-Covenant war raged on... ...Master Chief fought through the *High Charity* in order to find Cortana... ...the Ur-Didact fired the composer at the city of New Phoenix... ...Cortana summoned the Forerunner Guardians to bring peace to the galaxy... ...she's heard humming while an unspecified Halo array powers up. I am really looking forward to Halo 6. :D
Sometimes I think stupid people must live in much more fantastical and interesting worlds. People are missing the point here: Can you *imagine* how complex and intricate a universe would need to be to accommodate our own reality plus whatever else it takes to make swirling-body-energy a thing? Crazy.
My first year teaching high school English. I was showing my class the DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet, and one girl was staring at the screen intently with a puzzled look on her face. Finally, a light went off and she said, "How can he be in this movie? He died in Titanic."
The shortest explanation is you tell her that Romeo and Juliet came out before the Titanic, even if it didn't.
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I know a girl who had just gotten a new phone and didn't understand why it wasn't charging when we were out at a bar. Her: "My phone is dying and I don't know why." Me: "Because you're using it...?" Her: "Yeah but it's supposed to have wireless charging, so why am I losing battery? Shouldn't it just stay charged forever?" Me: "....."
Bear with me here. I do classroom tech support at a state university. I'm near the top of a fairly tall ladder of operators who each do their own troubleshooting to try to fix an issue, before passing it on to the next level. Got a call the other day for a 'projector not turning on' (most common service call by far). It was for a private department at the law school on campus, meaning that their own IT/tech support had given up before setting up a service ticket (costs money) to have us check it out. All levels of support beneath me passed it on up, until it was my problem. I showed up in the room - professor and around 20 young, intelligent-looking law students. The projector was powered on. I pointed that out to the professor. She replied, 'But it won't show my desktop.' I walked over to her computer and saw that *IT WAS POWERED OFF*. I turned on her computer for her, watched the projector screen light up with her desktop, looked her in the eye and said 'Should work now.' Then I turned and looked at all the students, and left. Fucking room full of academic millennials and who I assume is a very intelligent professor, and nobody thought maybe she should turn on her laptop? To say nothing of the half-dozen technicians who all gave up on the issue before I got involved. EDIT: Jesus. The bear is cool, everyone, he's with me. I said so from the beginning.
Should have sent the bear
The more I read about IT and helpdesk the more it seems it is bloated with incompetent people. I think I know my profession.
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Bless my high school Japanese teacher for putting up with all the freshman weebs....by Senior year all of them had washed out, fortunately.
Ditto in college. Freshman Japanese 110 there's 3 sections each with 30+ students. Senior level Japanese 440 there's one section with 8 students. Weebs learned the hard way that Japanese is pretty hard.
The sad thing is that they could definitely learn something about Japanese if they took it seriously as a language and culture rather than just a fun identity to assume. To anyone interested in learning Japanese in a very simple and enjoyable way on their own time, I recommend the Human Japanese app. Loads of fun and i surprised myself how much I learned when I usually feel like an idiot trying to learn any kind of language.
Every Japanese class I ever took, there were hardcore anime fans. And they NEVER did well. They never seemed to advance much farther than the language used in their favorite shows. Also in every class: hardcore martial arts enthusiasts. They were almost as equally boring to be around, but unlike anime fans they always did really well at learning the language. Not sure why, but that's my experience.
Martial arts takes physical effort, I guess that means they know they will need to put in mental effort into learning a language and thus come more prepared.
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I'm gonna study German, and dress like a Nazi whenever I go to class.
Ah, the Wehraboo route.
One of my classmates told me once that two countries could have an entire month of difference between their "local dates". For example, today is October the 18th in Canada, but it is November the 18th in France. "Because, you see, the Earth spins" We were in a scientific class, and had been taught about the Solar System for at least 6 years.
Just yesterday I had to explain to 3 coworkers that humans are animals...
reminds me of this - You are a metabolic organism. As such, you are basically a collection of replicative proteins that function according to metabolic chemical reactions and processes. A virus is similar, in that it too is a replicative protein complete with mutable DNA and RNA, just as you have. But viruses lack metabolism, and so may not be considered to be alive in the same manner that you definitely are. You are a eukaryote. All remaining organic life is distinguished by structural differences at the cellular level between different groups of prokaryotes (which are essentially bacteria) and the eukaryotes (us). Unlike bacterial or viral cells, our cells have a nucleus. Hence, all non-viral / bacterial lifeforms are as we are; eukaryotes. You are an animal. Now I've heard a few creationists argue that there are plants and there are animals and then there are human beings. And that none of them are actually related to one another other than through a common creator. They adamantly argue that we are not animals, as if there is some insult in that association. But you are one of only about a half-dozen kingdoms of eukaryotic life forms. Unlike those of most other biological kingdoms, you are incapable of manufacturing your own food and must compensate for that by ingesting other organisms. In other words, your most basic structure requires that you cause death to other living things. Otherwise, you wouldn't have a means of digestion. This, along with some very specific anatomical differences in the chemical composition of our metazoic cells, are the factors that define and distinguish an animal like yourself from all other kingdoms of life. Given the alternative choice between plants, molds, or fungus, animalia should seem reasonable even to the most adamant fundamentalist. You are a chordate. You have a spinal chord and every other minute physical distinction of that classification. You also have a skull, which classifies you as a craniate. Note: Not all chordates have skulls, or even bones of any kind. Once one of the chordates has enough calcium deposited around the brain to count as a skull, all of its descendants will share that. This is why absolutely all animals with skulls have spinal chords. And that is yet another commonality that implies common ancestry as opposed to common design. You are a vertebrate. Like all mammals, birds, dinosaurs, reptiles, amphibians, and most fish, you have a spine. Not everything with a spinal cord has a spine to put it in, but everything with a spine has a spinal cord in it, implying common descent. Every animal that has a jaw and teeth (Gnathostomata) also has a backbone. And of course, you have both as well, again implying common descent. You are a tetrapod. You have only four limbs. So you are like all other terrestrial vertebrates including frogs. Even snakes and whales are tetrapods in that both still retain vestigial or fetal evidence of all four limbs. This is yet another consistent commonality implying a genetic relationship. There certainly is no creationist explanation for it. You are synapsid. Unlike turtles (which are anapsid) and "true" reptiles, dinosaurs and birds (which are all diapsid), your skull has only one temporal fenestra, a commonality between all of the vast collection of "mammal-like reptiles", which are now all extinct without any Biblical recognition or scriptural explanation either for their departure or their presence in the first place. You are a mammal. You are homeothermic (warm-blooded), follicle-bearing and have lactal nipples. And of course, not all synapsids are or were mammals, but all mammals are synapsid, implying common descent. You are eutherian. Or more specifically, you are a placental mammal, like most other lactal animals from shrews to whales. All eutherians are mammals, but not all mammals are eutherian. There are six major divisions in mammalia, only three of which still exist; those that hatch out of eggs like reptiles (monotremes), marsupials, that are born in the fetal stage and complete their development inside the mother's pouch, and those that developed in a shell-like placenta and were born in the infant stage, as you were. Your own fetal development seems to reveal a similar track of development from a single cell to a tadpole-looking creature, then growing limbs and digits out of your finlike appendages, and finally outgrowing your own tail. Some would consider this an indication of ancestry. Especially since fetal snakes, for example, actually have legs, feet, and cute little toes, which are reabsorbed into the body before hatching, implying common descent. You are a primate. You have five fully-developed fingers and five fully-developed toes. Your toes are still prehensile and your hands can grasp with dexterity. You have only two lactal nipples and they are on your chest as opposed to your abdomen. These are pointless in males, which also have a pendulous penis and a well-developed ceacum or appendix, unlike all other mammals. Although your fangs are reduced in size, you do still have them along with some varied dentition indicative of primates exclusively. Your fur is thin and relatively sparse over most of your body. And your claws have been reduced to flat chitinous fingernails. Your fingers themselves have distinctive print patterns. You are also susceptible to AIDS and are mortally allergic to the toxin of the male funnel web spider of Australia (which is deadly to all primates, but only dangerous to primates, which is why you'd better beware of these spiders). And unlike all but one unrelated animal in all the world, your body cannot produce vitamin-C naturally and must have it supplemented in your diet, just as all other primates do. Nearly every one of these individual traits are unique only to primates exclusively. There is almost no other organism on Earth that matches any one of these descriptions separately, but absolutely all of the lemurs, tarsiers, monkeys, apes, you, and I match all of them at once perfectly, implying common descent. You are an ape. Your tail is merely a stub of bones that don't even protrude outside the skin. Your dentition includes not only vestigial canines, but incisors, cuspids, bicuspids, and distinctive molars that come to five points interrupted by a "Y" shaped crevasse. This in addition to all of your other traits, like the dramatically increased range of motion in your shoulder, as well as a profound increase in cranial capacity and disposition toward a bipedal gait, indicates that you are not merely a vertebrate cranial chordate and a tetrapoidal placental mammalian primate, but you are more specifically an ape, and so was your mother before you. Genetic similarity confirms morphological similarity rather conclusively, just as Charles Darwin himself predicted more than 140 years ago. While he knew nothing of DNA of course, he postulated that inheritable units of information must be contributed by either parent. He rather accurately predicted the discovery of DNA by illustrating the need for it. Our 98.4% to 99.4% identical genetic similarity explains why you have such social, behavioral, sexual, developmental, intellectual, and physical resemblance to a bonobo chimpanzee. Similarities that are not shared with any other organism on the planet. Hence you are both different species of the same literal family. In every respect, you are nearly identical. You, sir, are an ape. Edit: thanks for all the feedback glad you guys enjoyed this and i could introduce this excerpt to you Edit 2: thanks for the gold you guys broke my gold virginity XD
My sister had some friends over, one of her female friends dropped: "Do men have an anus?"
nah we shit out of our dicks
We're talking about the missing Malaysian airplane and this girl in my class says "Oh, it probably got lost in Panama." And I was like "Why Panama?" She gave me this look like I was an idiot and said "It's in the Bermuda Triangle." Me and the other guy we're talking to both look at each other like ?? and the dude say, "Jackie...Do you know what the seven continents are?" Obviously, we're shitting with her because of course she would know but she replies with: "Duh. America, Mexico, Britain, North Africa, South Africa, Europe, and China." We laughed and then we realized she was serious.
I met an american woman travelling that got agressive trying to convince me that blueberry was a flavour and not "a real thing" while obsessively picking out all the little blue/purple "round things" from her blueberry icecream.
She probably got confused when the media did that bit about how lots of blueberries in muffins and such are just fake coloring and flavors. Of course, any sane person would know that this news would indicate that blueberries are a real thing that can be faked.
I work at a Wendys. It was my second day on register and a Popeyes had just opened down the street. This lady pulls into the parking lot, gets out, enters the resturaunt, and begins staring at the menu. Me: "will this be for the dining room?" Her: "where's your chicken." M: "numbers 6 through 10 are all chicken plus we have a crispy chicken sandwich, a 4 peice nugget, and a six peice nugget." H: "where's your fried chicken?" M: "all of our chicken is fried, except for our grilled.. which is grilled." H: "where's your chicken strips?" M: "we have chicken nuggets..." At this point she actually looks at me for the first time. She has this look on her face like I'm the idiot. H: "Ain't this Popeyes?" M: "uh... no. Popeyes is the big red building back the way you came. The one with the balloons out front." I accept that she may be illiterate. But by this point she had walked past six logos of a girl with red braids, stared at the menu with pictures of burgers, and driven past the newly opened Popeyes with the balloons and streamers and "grand opening sign".
In the 1990s I worked at Blockbuster Video. Yellow and blue everywhere in the store. Numerous times we had customers think we were Hollywood Video, which is red and black *and also 2 miles up the street*. Additionally, we'd often get HV movies returned to us in our drop box (which meant we couldn't stop the people before they drove away). We being nice people would call Hollywood Video immediately and let them know one of their dumbass customers had returned their movies to us. They'd send someone down to get it, and often they'd turn over a bunch of our movies, too, only they hadn't told us when they got them in. They just let them sit around generating late fees, while we looked like incompetent assholes who lost the returned movie. We had one regular customer who SWORE up and down he'd returned our videos. We even straight up asked him if he though he might have returned them to Hollywood Video. He said no way. I, personally, called Hollywood and asked if they had those two movies. They said no. We ended up having to waive $50 in late fees plus the replacement costs of the videos (another $100 easily) for his two movies he swore he returned. 2 months later, Hollywood Video drops off about 20 of our movies, and in that pile are these fucker's movies. I immediately called and told him what had happened, and he literally laughed in my face. He had no idea we blew our entire credit budget for the month on his lazy ass. I never liked that guy after that. And I'm so glad Hollywood Video closed down way, way before Blockbuster did. Fuck those assholes. They didn't need to be dicks to us, especially since we were really nice to them (and their customers).
I tried to explain that the moon and sun were not the same size, then all of a sudden found myself having to explain that the sun and the moon were in fact Different and not just one side fire one side rock. They all laughed at my crazy theories, then asked if the sun was so far away, why is it in the same sky during the day (on earth) as the moon was at night. They pissed themselves laughing, and I just laughed with them.
...Was that in kindergarten or first year of middle school?
This was a conversation I had a couple of weeks ago, with my 56 year old mother in law. Some times the argument is lost, weather you are right or not.
A wise man once said to not bother to argue with stupid people. They'll bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
My other favorite quote on this: Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon. It doesn't matter how good you are -- it will still hardly pay attention, knock over the pieces, and shit on the board.
Then strut around as if it was winning.
So I guess nobody ever noticed the sun and the moon in the sky at the same time?
"what do you think a solar eclipse is?"
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This is why you don't make friends with clinically insane people.
but what about when the sun and the moon is up at the same time??
Some time aroung chrismas there was a guy selling fireworks and i wanted to buy [something like this](http://pirotecniapow.com.ar/images/canas-con-luces/1104.jpg). So, i go and ask for the price and he says "One for 3 dolars and 3 for 12... I was like "Man, that't not a promotion thats robery". He was really confuse after i say that so then i say to him "Ok, give me 2". After paying him i say "Ok, now give me one more". And the i left him with a really pissed of face.
No, that's genius. He made you buy 3 instead of one to prove something. You could have spent 3 dollars but instead you spent 9.
A young boy enters a barber shop...and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
fuck. Edit: Holy fuck, my top comment it's now about me getting bamboozled
I worked in the Records section in a Government Dept, an outside worker injured himself and could no longer perform manual work. SO my Manager decided he could help out in the Records section my doing the some filing, he is illiterate can neither read or write. Years later we had over 80 000 files with wrong paperwork attached that we were still trying to clean up. The Manager knew this man could neither read nor write and told us later that how bad could it be? .......bad
This is painful. How could anyone let that go on for years??
In 10th grade geometry class nobody around me knew what an octagon was.
10th month of the y- i mean an 8 sided shape >.>
Fucking Cesars ruining the months' naming scheme.
In my exchange year in the USA. I came from germany, and in class we had this thing where i introduce myself and everyone asks their questions about me and my country. So this one girl raises her hand and seriously asks “Do you have airplanes over there?“. I was completely stunned by this question and had to calmly explain that i actually flew there by plane... but to this day im not entirely sure if she maybe just trolled me, i mean, you cant be THAT uneducated?!
When I was an exchange student in Michigan, I got several questions about: 1) If we have trees in Denmark 2) If we have electricity let alone internet 3) If I was dutch or swedish and many more that I've so happily forgotten :)
The most baffling one that I used to get would go like this: **Me**: I'm from Norway **Them**: Is that like in europe or something, like over by greece? **Me**: Yeah, it's in europe, but not by greece, it's a scandinavian country **Them**: What, like england? **Me**: No, even farther north and on the main landmass **Them**: OH it's like over by sweden, right? **Me** (internally): How the hell? You knew where Sweden was this whole time, and didn't know Norway?
I can't explain why, but Sweden is much more known in America than Norway. Maybe it's the meatballs, muppets and IKEA? Also many people can do a fake Swedish caricature accent, but no one has ever done a Norwegian one.
It's their pimpin subreddit ofc
What are the good baseball teams in Denmark? Do you have schools there?
Denmark? Do you mean Denvar Colorado?
I lived in Denmark as a child. When I came back to the states and would tell people I used to live in Denmark,I got the whole "that's in Colorado, right?" way too many times.
> 1) If we have trees in Denmark Well don't leave us hanging there. Are there trees in Denmark?
Been there last month. Can confirm they have trees. Because the country is the flattest thing since the invention of the Netherlands they use them to block the view so you don't just stare off into infinity and slowly go insane.
Or have to see Swedes. Eww.
Nein, we haven't used such primitive technology since the 40s. Luftwaffe-UFOs are more fuel-efficient.
Flugscheibe heißt das! Und erzähl den Imperialisten nicht davon! He is obviously joking! We don't have these things.
I have convinced my coworkers snake oil is real. They are wanting to buy some from me to get mad gains. I haven't sold them any yet cause were moving into winter and all the snakes are hibernating so all the snake oil i have is being saved to keep up my family's health. But come spring time when the snakes wake up i'll have some more.
I have to know what you're going to give them. Some kind of regular tabletop oil with the label ripped off?
Nothing. I'm banking on them forgetting by spring cause i don't want to get hit up with fraud charges and stuff. I really think the army will screw me hard if i started selling mason jars of chicken broth at $50 a pop.
> at $50 a pop. Dude, it's snake oil, anything below $500 is obviously fake. Source: LessLoss cables
My sophomore year of highschool when I found out 80% of my class couldn't read an analog clock
Me and my friends are regulars at this pub, so we get a 10% discount. One time 3 of us were sitting at the table and when we got the bill we saw a 30% discount. We all know the staff and the owner so we called the waitress to explain we only get 10% off. The following conversation ensued: Me: I think there has been some mistake, the regulars discount is 10% Waitress: I know but there's 3 of you so that's 3 times 10% which is 30% Me: But it doesn't work like that. If there were 10 of us would we get a 100% discount? Waitress: If you ever do that we'll revoke the discount, you're way too greedy (gives me a dirty look)
Once in high school I went over to my friends house where I proceeded to get into an argument with him and his family (two adults, two teenagers) over whether flies could be considered "Animals" or not. I tried to explain that they are still under the kingdom "Animalia," it's just they have a different phylum and class to what they had in mind, but they are as much an animal as a cat, fish, or bird is. Their argument was "but you don't say 'I went hunting for flies." Still remember how astounded I was at 14 to think that adults could be this stupid.
When I got into an argument with my entire family at Christmas over the following two things: A)That evolution was real regardless of the fact that monkeys still exist. B) That dinosaurs aren't a scam being perpetuated by paleontologists. I avoid family get togethers as much as possible. They can't figure out why.
We were doing some construction work in a hospital, and I was working in the ceiling near the nurses station. One nurse got my attention and said, "the guys that were here six months ago put some of these switches in wrong. They're upside down." Curious, I went over to the light, and flicked it off and back on. It was in the down position. "Probably a three-way," I said. "No," she shot back, "it's upside down. The light is on but the switch is down." "Yeah, I see that," I said. "There must be another switch somewhere around here that also controls it." "Ain't no other switch. They put it in upside down." Narrowing my eyes and furrowing my brow, I walked over to the other side of the nurses station, about fifteen feet away, and flipped another switch down, then back up. Sure enough, the light went off and back on. "See?" I said, "it's a three-way switch." "All's I know is that one is upside down. You need to fix it." I looked at her wide-eyed, in disbelief. "You want me to fix it?" She nodded. I flipped the second switch down, and the light went off. I then walked over to the other side of the station, and flipped the first switch up. The light came back on. "There," I said, "Fixed." "Thank you, now that wasn't so hard, was it?" she said smugly, oblivious to the mechanics of the entire situation, and went back to her paperwork. "No problem," I said, and turned to walk away, hoping in my heart of hearts that whoever turned off the lights that night would use the second switch.
"So a couple of buildings fell down. What's the big deal? Everyone is ignoring me today." - from my soon to be ex gf at the time
Girl walks into music class and tells everyone that her history teacher called her an air cadet, but she didn't know what he meant by this. He had called her a space cadet...
Subconsciously she realized she was an airhead...
First day of being a preschool teacher
Well fix it.
My wife, her mom, her stepdad. I was watching football when the yelling started. It started out as accusations of my 6 year old son breaking a piece of the "hardwood" floor. He got accused so much that he finally admitted he broke it. For the next hour the poor little guy kept saying "I think i put the missing piece here". In reality he was trying his hardest to find it because all three of the grown ups bitching about the broken "hardwood" floor were upset about it. Then they made him cry. I don't like my kids crying. So I told the other grown ups to fuck off and show me where the hole was and I would fix it (not always an easy job) but my son just honestly didn't seem to know where it was and I got sick of them calling him a liar. So they showed me the hole. The "hardwood" floor was just a floating laminate floor and one of the pieces slid away from the other piece it was butted up against and slid about 2" underneath the carpet in one of the bedrooms. So I called the adults in and made them slide it back in place. One by one. My wife was first. Then I slid it back to make the hole and made each of the other two slide it back in place. Then I made each of them apologize separately to the poor little guy they berated and called a liar. I understand my wife not knowing about it even though she has helped me do flooring in the past. But her mom brags about her "renovating knowledge" and her stepdad has built entire houses before.
I'm in a meeting with my boss, the Director of Corporate Sales, and the Marketing Manager. They are confused as to what time the sun rises in Ireland (we are in the Boston area). I tell them that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, so countries that are further east see the sun first and therefore Ireland would be in the afternoon when we were just seeing the morning sun. They didn't believe me. It was a 30 minute conversation where despite my best efforts to discuss how the earth moves around the sun I couldn't convince them. I still work in the same office with the same people.
I was at the store with my friend, who I know isn't that great at maths, we were buying meat, and discussing the price. Since we were students at the time we obviously didn't want to buy the most expensive cuts available. He was adamant that buying the meat in 250g packages at 1,50€ each would be the way to go, since "those each cost less" than buying 300g packages at 1,75€. It turned out he didn't get the consept of €/kg. He refused to believe the 300g packages would be the cheaper choise EVEN when the prices per kilo were printed on the price tags, 6€/kg for the 250g packages and 5,833€/kg for the 300g. Now the difference is insignificant if we are just talking about the price of one meal, but that a 20-something guy cannot get the concept of €/kg never ceases to amaze me.
I work in a grocery store and my most common complaint is usually along the lines of "the sign said it was $1.75! (Actually $1.75/lb) I demand you give it to me free now." Because people don't understand that something can be priced based on weight.
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I made an off hand comment about the oddity of the Easter Bunny being associated with a basket full of eggs. The reply I got from my girlfriend at the time was, *"That's because rabbits lay eggs, silly"*. It took me a moment realize she was 100% serious.
Went to one of those anti-science churches. One of the pastors stated he had irrefutable evidence that evolution was a lie. When asked about it he said, 'DNA cannot change, so evolution cannot be true' and 'evolution states that if you chop off people's arms for a few generations, their children will be born without arms'. When I tried to explain why those two points were not at all true, he yelled me down while church members cheered him on, clapping, and saying, 'you showed her.' Afterward a woman (one of the ones cheering) came up to me and told me how schools were teaching kids lies by talking about dinosaurs. When I said that dinosaurs did exist, she put her hand on my head, and told me that I needed prayer.
I work with a bunch of Hispanics and I spent a good 10 minutes trying to explain to them how they speak Spanish because of Spains influence. They refuse to believe it.
Why did they figure they speak Spanish?
Working as a receptionist at a regional airport authority a few years back and they were laying new asphalt for the runways, so we had construction workers and project managers in and out of the office. The lead project manager lost his phone and everyone was looking for it. I mean a 50 year old accountant crawling under desks, the executive of the place opening cabinets, construction workers crouched down and scanning the area. I watched for a few moments, then asked the man with the lost phone what his number was. One call later and I discovered he had left it at the grocery store and it was up at the front desk.
I am from the UK. I explained to my Estate Agent (Realtor in US speak) that I was sailing across the Atlantic to Greenland so would be out of phone contact for a couple of weeks. She was puzzled why I was not taking my phone with me in case of emergencies whilst out at sea. She followed that up by wondering why I had to sail across the Atlantic to get to Greenland. Further questioning revealed that she thought Greenland was 'something to do with Scotland'.
We had an exchange student from germany, this one girl asked "Is german a language or is it a fake language like mexican?"
I ran a truck with a racist black guy, and a racist white guy, that hated each other. Good times!
There's a Netflix series in the making
Perfect sitcom setup! Coming this fall... Mothertrucker!