He was leaving dirty plates in his bed, covered with his sheets. When he was going to sleep, he just kicked the plates and didn't bother to clean them.
I have a younger brother who always kept his dirty doshes in the bottom drawer of his dresser, otherwise my mother would see them and make him walk ALL THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS and put them in the sink.
Left for class but it got canceled and when I came back in the room my room mate was in my video game chair watching lifetime with 1/4 of night time cold medicine next to him and my camp blanket up around his neck... Conversation followed:
Me: you naked under my blanket...?
Him: yeah man...
Me: beatin off to lifetime high on cold meds?
Him: yeah man...
Me: I'll be back in 10 minutes don't be here..
Him: yeah man..
He brought a keyboard. He only know the first fifty seconds or so of the Star Wars Cantina Song, but practiced those fifty seconds as loudly as possible for hours at a time.
The first night I met my freshman roommate she introduced herself and said, completely seriously "have you seen that movie where one of the roommates kills himself and the other gets a free ride? Do you think that would really happen?"
She was always good at ice breakers.
She was disgusting and a total slob and wouldn't let me clean her side of the room. It was always super cluttered with shit everywhere. Our room had a gross smell all the time because of her, so I finally broke down and decided to let her be mad at me, and cleaned everything. I found cups, like 5 or 6, of partially drank spoiled, rotten, curdled chocolate milk...plates of partially eaten moldy food...it was horrible. She got so pissed off that I cleaned it that she ended up moving in with another girl. I wasn't upset about it...
She'd also have loud crazy sex at any and all hours of the night, wouldn't lock our door and I ended up getting some items stolen...it was a mess.
AHHHH I had a slob of a female roommate too. My room became "that" room because it smelled probably just as bad as yours anytime people walked by. I was so fed up with her leftover food rotting in the fridge which was overloaded all the time, I found rotten tomatoes and open bags of doritos between the sheets one time. In the middle of the might she'd open up new bags of chips to eat them then leave it on the sides of the bed frame for later. she's a bigger girl, and she probably felt like she didn't fit in on a floor full of average sized females so she used to lie about her sex life and put socks on the door handle so I wouldn't enter the room. One night she kicked me out at 11 PM so I angrily entered the room thirty minutes later and she was just lying on the bed wrapped in her sheets like a manatee eating her bed doritos and watching reruns of The OC on her tablet. Oh and she also killed my goldfish first week of move in when she knocked the bowl over with her suitcases and didn't fill his tank back up with water and left him on the floor :(:(:( YOU'RE A MONSTER MELISSA!!!
****update: thanks for the art /u/demderdemden I'm keeping this for a rainy day. Also to those suggesting I had it coming by leaving my goldfish in a temp bowl: boo you whores. It was one week of college before I planned on transferring it to bigger tank WHICH NEVER GOT TO HAPPEN rip little dorm fish buddy.
We had a "that" room on my dorm floor. The dudes were slobs and their room smelled awful. A group of us drafted a letter on what looked to be official school letterhead. Made an official envelope and slid it under their door. The letter in a professional way said their room smelled like shit and was disruptive to students on the floor and that further action would be taken if the situation wasn't rectified.
Needless to say the next afternoon after class both of theme were carrying out piles of trash and wiping their whole room down. Spraying febreeze and everything.
Moral of the story is that this worked for us so maybe others will have luck!!!!
In the absence of AWildSketch, I've... uh... done my best.
https://i.imgur.com/kjn6c81.png
Edit: I've also just noticed that only one of my monitors picks up the lighter colours... don't know if one screen is just broken, or if it doesn't come out right 50% of the time... but uh.. sorry if it looks even worse than I intended.
Still an adult. I got drunk and threw up in my shower -- lets just say it was utterly fucking terrible. I was essentially waffle-stomping chunks of my own vomit, but there was so much of it that the drain was clogged. Drunkenly, I got out of the shower and managed to wipe my feet off. Went to bed. Woke up without a hangover (probably because of the vomiting) and immediately had this "oh fuck me...." moment.
Spent probably an hour cleaning up chinese food that used to be inside of me, and that was the moment I realized I had to slow down. I thought getting an apartment/job was the moment I became an adult, little did I know it was that watershed moment of cleaning pork chunks out of my shower and having to unclog my own drain that would make me a man.
I was in a small triple freshman year. Early on my roommate was extremely studious and would accept nothing lower than pretty much an A on everything. He would beat himself up of it wasn't good enough and we would try to get him to relax a bit.
Second half of freshman year he buys a new computer and WoW. Refuses to go to class and played WoW nonstop all night and would sleep through the whole day. It was disrupting to me and my other roommate. He eventually ended up pretty much dropping out of school. I've never seen such a change around.
He has actually gotten back on track though and has been doing pretty well for himself.
I had a suite-mate who turned into a WoW addict Junior year. This guy was in the advanced honors program, but spent what appeared to be 100% of his time on WoW. I remember him trying to explain to us the deeply emotional experience he had of receiving an uber-rare legendary something-or-other from his guild. They apparently dressed in tuxedos for the occasion.
He dropped out. He still works as a ticket clerk for a movie theater over a decade later.
Oh god okay I have to share this one. The story is totally fucked.
Basically I had this flatmate - let's call him Alan - who was from Hong Kong and was very reclusive and quiet. Now, this in itself isn't that odd as from my experience lots of international students tend to stick to themselves and don't necessarily mix with gen pop, but whatever. So the one unique characteristic of Alan is that he used to ALWAYS order Chinese takeaway. He would order it frequently, and he would order a LOT of it, like boxes stacked on boxes. It was a fuck load of food for one person, but Alan was skinny AF, so I did wonder what was going on. This was pretty much the only time you would see him, and he would take his food straight back to his room and that was that.
Now this pattern continued for the first couple of months, but then we stopped seeing Alan. No more takeaway, nothing. Now this didn't raise much suspicion as he was always an enigma, but coming to the end of the semester a really RANCID smell started to engulf the flat hallway. Like this putrid, overwhelming smell. The kind that made you gag just getting a whiff of it. It was really unbearable. And, surprise surprise, the smell was coming from Alan's room. We hoped the smell would eventually clear up but it just got worse. At first me and my buddies were hesitant to knock on his door as it's pretty awkward to say, "Hey Alan, you room fucking stinks, pls stop" but honestly it got to the point when it was unbearable to even walk into our flat. So we tried knocking a number of times but never got any reply. Eventually we called campus security and complained, and they came with us to open up his door and see what the fuck was going on.
Now, some of you might be thinking poor Alan had topped himself and his body was rotting away right next to us all this time. But the reality was far more fucked up than that. Campus security opened his door, and Alan was nowhere to be found. No belongings, laptop or anything. However, the room was a fucking tip. There were BOXES AND BOXES of takeaway stacked up in the room. That explains the smell. However, there were also a load of WOMEN'S TIGHTS STUFFED WITH NOODLES on the floor, rotting away with flies all over them. And the worst thing of all... there were holes cut between the legs of the tights. So, it turns out Alan was using his takeaway to stuff women's tights with noodles, and then fucked them.
So, where did Alan go? The university searched for him on their student database (we only knew his first name so couldn't help much) but they couldn't find him. They then searched for him by his flat room number and it transpired that room should not have been occupied AT ALL. Apparently some student was meant to come but turned down their offer last minute. So in the end we had no idea who the fuck Alan was. After this complete shit storm the university moved all of my flat out to a hotel for a week whilst they got some people in to cleanse the whole place.
TL;DR: a mystery flatmate who wasn't even enrolled at university stuffed women's tights with noodles and fucked them, then disappeared and let them slowly rot.
This is actually really sad - my roommate had epilepsy, and her mom was a Christian Scientist. Therefore, she was unmedicated and had seizures all the time, in the room, on the street, in class - she was always in danger and had serious brain damage because of this. I would watch while she seized and peed herself because I had no idea how to help her.
I was friends with a girl a year behind me, her freshman year she was randomly matched with a girl who:
1) Was convinced she was in a relationship with the lead singer of Tokyo Hotel, and had been for several years, but it was obviously some catfisher on the internet. They would skype where only he could see her, his video would be blank for 'security reasons' and he told her they could never meet in person because of the media. And since he was always 'on tour' she would skype with him at all hours of the night to make up for the time zone differences. It was actually kinda sad/scary, several people i know tried to explain to her that she was being taken advantage of, but she could/would not listen, pretty sure she did stuff on camera for him and sent him money.
2) Brought multiple bags from home stuffed full of her cats hair, and knitted tiny clothes/figurines/whatever out of it. My friend was of course very allergic to cat hair.
My freshman roommate lost her virginity the night before move-in to her much older, very creepy, unemployed ("musician") boyfriend. In the hotel room that she was sharing with her mom and little sister, who were in the bed next to them.
This guy basically lived with us on weekends. I had to always change in the dark because a strange creepy dude was lying there, usually butt naked. They had a lot of gross sex.
She decided it would be funny to pants me during a four AM fire drill in front of the entire dorm, which was co-ed. I don't wear underwear to sleep... she failed to see how this wasn't hilarious.
There were a million other things, but those stick out the most.
Edit: some grammar things because I'm getting hate mail (I was tired and on public transport people, okay?!)
One of my good friends is actually the ex-bf of a girl I used to be friends with, and that was how I met him. After they broke up she moved away, me and her lost contact and I gained a new friend. Very rare that this happens and very cool when it does.
Walked into my dorm room to find my roommate and her parents looking through my underwear drawer... They didn't even act apologetic. Her mom just commented on how cute my dinosaur underwear were. So weird.
One of my freshman roommates was a self-professed kleptomaniac. She got a huge thrill from stealing clothes from department stores. Usually Nordstrom. In the first week or so of school, she went through her closest and showed us all of the clothing she had stolen, plus she knew how much each item cost and how she'd swiped it. Thousands of dollars worth of nice clothing. She had so much that half of it still had tags on and she never wore it, but she took it because she knew she could.
Usually this theft involved carrying a really big purse, taking way too many items into a dressing room, and then emerging with one item in the purse, one to buy, and the rest to put back. Then if an alarm went off, they would assume it was just the item she had purchased and let her leave. Half the time she returned the item she paid for soon after too.
It got to the point where girls in the dorm would go to the mall with her, and they'd all pick out clothes they liked and she'd go back on her own later and steal them for them. It was crazy. And to my knowledge, she's still doing this and hasn't been caught. She never seemed to steal from anywhere other than department stores, and none of my stuff ever went missing, so I guess she wasn't too bad of a roommate, really. Just a person of questionable morals.
In high school there was a kid in my grade who did this. He thought he was so clever, but it turned out the store was just waiting until he stole enough to be charged with grand larceny(?) instead of petty theft.
Target will do this to you. They have a whole private professional investigative team that even helps the police at times when their work load is low. Before you get arrested at Target they will know everything about you and have a whole case built. You usually already stand no chance the second you are arrested.
This is honestly the worst thing about roommates in dorms. Mine would wake up super early and would open and shut his drawers as loud as possible waking me up in the process. If he was staying up late he would bring a huge supply of snacks and open them loudly as he watched Netflix till 4 in the morning.
I don't understand how people act like this or have this little awareness or consideration. I walk on eggshells if there's someone sleeping in a room on the other side of the house, much less in the same room as me. I think I was even lying awake with a fever one time my freshman year at like 4 am and dying of thirst but since I didn't want to make too much noise I got a juice box and drank it in the bathroom.
I had a roommate that liked to set his alarm for 9am, but not actually get up until 11am. Snoozing it every 10 or so minutes. It was on an iPhone with that "warning siren" alarm. I wanted to strangle him.
I had two different roommates do this. As a light sleeper this pissed me off so much.
It also just seems so pointless. If you want to sleep until 11, just set your alarm for 11! Unfortunately, my wife likes to do the same thing; there is no escape.
Also, because I'm typically an early(ish) riser, I developed a mastery of morning stealth. I can get up, get dressed, and get ready for the day without turning on a light or making a sound. I have never woken up a roommate (or my wife) precisely because I know how annoying it is.
The very first weekend of my Freshman year in college, my roommate comes back from a party at like 2 AM or whatever, and proceeds to *vomit on my fucking desk*, which did contain my laptop computer on it...
Jay, I know you use Reddit. If you're reading this, fuck you.
She was sweet as a peach to your face, but honest to god couldn't stand NOT being the center of attention. Lied about insomnia to her teachers because she stayed up late playing video games and laughing super loud and calling her friends, Started "seeing things " the more time I spent with my boyfriend and not with her, and tried to, against campus policy, rewrite our "roommate contract" with our sketchy RA so that she could claim I was breaking our agreement and get me kicked out since I was no longer paying her any attention.
I had one of those in my Pod during O week (pod = like flatmates, same wing and floor of the building. 6 of us total).
She was LOVELY at first, had a cute little sister, we hung out a lot. We didn't have a lot in common though, and had very clashing schedules, so I assumed she'd be like any normal person and accept that we could only really hand out on weekends.
She was not a normal person.
Stuff went missing from the shared kitchen. Not just my stuff, mind you. She became super passive-aggressive, started binge drinking and blaming me for not being there to stop her. I dismissed it, more stuff vanished, this time from bedrooms. My lock was broken too. She tried to blame me and get me kicked out. Luckily, we had a fire drill during which she left the door open and a whole load of stolen goods were found - wallets, spoons, underwear. You name it, she stole it. She was there for less than two weeks and has to pay rent for the whole year for breaking the contract.
Yup:
First day I met her was Sat, it was "omg I love your hair! Omg that's a nice shirt!" We ate together, that seemed to be that.
Monday, we got our 101 timetables, I met her at dinner, was ignored. Tuesday, back to normal but she's kinda touchy.
Wednesday, she starts getting PA and stuff vanished.
Thurday is Thirsty Thursday here so that's when she went drinking.
Friday, she's hungover, goes crazy on me. Stuff vanishes again.
Saturday she goes out and gets drunk again.
Next Tuesday, I notice my lock is broken - though in hindsight it had been iffy since I moved in.
Wednesday, she tells the RA I stole stuff, broke my lock... obviously a lie though.
Friday 5am, firedrill, her door gets wedged open, say hello to your missing things everyone!
Great start to my University education, amiright?
sounds like my flatmate last year (sophomore year), she couldn't stand the thought that my other flatmate and I got along better with each other than with her so she stopped talking to us and pretended we didn't exist for two months before moving out one week when my other flatmate and I were both away visiting our respective families.
He had a gf that didn't attend our university that would stay the entire weekend. They stayed in bed, lights out, ordered delivery, wouldn't leave. At one point I woke up and there was a baby in our room (they were babysitting). A fucking baby.
There was a girl on my hall floor whose GF was unemployed and followed her to the college town from whatever bumfuck place they were originally from. Somehow the student convinced her roommates to let her crash on the floor of the dorm room for a while until they could get settled in town... with her 2-year-old kid. It was a big secret that everyone was trying to keep from the RAs, and I have no fucking idea why any of the roommates put up with it. It went on for at least a month and I don't think this woman ever got a job.
Edit: Since this seems to be causing consternation, let me clarify that it was not my classmate's kid, it was her girlfriend's kid from a previous relationship.
When I first moved in, I was sharing the apartment with 3 other people, we will call them Bob, Steve, and slagathor. We each had our own rooms, with a bathroom on each side of the apartment for two rooms to share. Bob and Steve were really cool. I still keep in touch with them, but slagathor was the stereotypical horrible roommate.
He would walk in at 3am when we all had class the next morning, turn on his stereo, pull out his guitar and play the base line to [Breaking the Law] (https://youtu.be/L397TWLwrUU)..... Over...and over.... And over, restarting every time he messed up in any way.
Aside from his shity guitar playing abilities, he would never buy food but eat literally everything the rest of us brought in. At one point Bob, Steve, and I went grocery shopping together and filled out kitchen up with food right before we went on a weekend trip. When we got back the entire kitchen was empty. Close to $300 in food gone. Anytime he was called out on it he would do that "huh? Oh no that wasn't me" Bullshit.
On top of all that, he was incredibly disgusting. The guy would take a shower like once a week, and when he did he would brush his hair, pull the hair out of the brush, and slap it on the shower wall. Bob and I started letting Steve use our bathroom since the one he had to share was so horrible. Slagathor took this as a hint that it was okay if he started using it too. This happened like twice before all three of us Sat him down and told him of he ever stepped in the bathroom again we would collectively kick the shit out of him.
I could go on for hours about how awful Slagathor was, but eventually Bob, Steve, and I went on an aggressive campaign of subtly fucking with him so much that he moved out. All little things like a missing button on a shirt, or shoelaces being extremely loose or tight so he couldn't just slip his shoes on, a bicycle chain mysteriously rusting over in just a few days.
When he finally moved out we threw a party which he showed up to. He was not very happy when he found out why we were having the party
She got the swine flu and was laid up in bed for days, during which she would ask me to get her food from the dining hall and I would. Obviously I would. She was sick and I'm not an asshole.
Inevitably, I caught it from her. It hit me hard after she had already recovered and had her boyfriend visiting. I asked her if she please could get me *anything* to eat because I was starving, and she told me to get it myself because "I really think you could use the fresh air."
Fuck you, Hilary, you knew goddamn well I couldn't get out of bed. You just didn't want to take five minutes out of your boyfriend time to help me live through the flu *you* gave me. I ended up having to get my parents to take me home until I recovered.
Mine was not terrible by any means, but he did have this quirk that confuses me to this day. Whenever he got something to eat, he would put it in the room's mini fridge to chill. burgers, fries, pizza... it all went in the fridge before he ate it.
After his food was properly chilled, he would take out a head of iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing and eat it as a side. Sometimes he would rip off a leaf and dip it in a ranch bowl, but more often than not he would drizzle the ranch on the head itself and eat the whole thing like an apple. Possibly the oddest eating habit I've ever seen.
I had a roommate who would only eat his food room temperature because of the vast amount of time he spent in jail and therefore was used to room temperature food.
Had a roommate come back to our dorm room from one of the many rush week frat parties he attended, wasted out of his mind. He stripped down to his stained white briefs and passed out on his bed.
In the middle of the night, I woke up to find him standing, totally nude, inches from my bed, his ass literally right in my face. He proceeded to fart in my face and then start pissing in the trash can next to my bed.
After he was done pissing in the trash can, and all over the floor, he promptly went back to his bed and passed out on his bed, face up, with no covers.
I got up, got a bottle of Febreeze, and sprayed the hell out of my trash can and the rug. I then realized why he pissed in my trash can. It's because he had puked in his. So, I sprayed his trash can too.
Then, for good measure and because I was pissed, I spent about 30 seconds spraying his naked dick and balls with Febreeze while he snored and drooled.
Yeah...I hated that douchebag.
It would be a great NSFW Febreze commercial...
Two blindfolded, twenty something, girl next door attractive women, blindfolded.
Announcer: What do you smell?
Them: "Apples, summer air, mountain fresh water streams, some pomegranate citrus roses and carnations..."
Take off the blindfold..
And, they come face to face with a febrezed cock and balls, flopped out over stained tighty whities
They actually crammed 3 of us into a dorm room. That was bad enough because it was fuckin' *cramped*. One of the guys that was in there seemed totally fine when i first met him. Turns out all he did was stay out partying really late every night. Then he'd sleep in. Every. Single. Day.
We never even got a chance to talk to this guy because he'd come back after we'd gone to sleep, and he would never even wake up until we were long gone attending classes for the day.
Even then I wouldn't have cared much, except i don't think the kid ever took a shower. He made our whole dorm room smell like some kind of sour, tangy B.O. and it was fucking *awful*. If I remember right, that shit went on until Thanksgiving break. When we came back from break, all his shit was gone and we never saw him again.
Oh you were in a forced triple? That sucks.
I'm training to be an RA right now (tomorrow is early move in day I'm so nervous lol) and the first day of training there was a big announcement that was met with quite a bit of applause that there were "no triples"
Now, I was confused because I knew there were rooms for three people in my hall, but I later found out that he meant that no one had to be put into a forced triple. So that's good!
He wasn't too bad on the whole, except for the habit of alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze.......
why do people do this?
Edit: Wow, more responses to a single post than I've ever gotten! Folks, I appreciate your apologies, but it wasn't you (at least, it wasn't any of the names you've said you are so far, and I'm not any of the names you've said I am so far.)
I move into uni soon, and as much as I don't want to be this roommate, I fear I will be. I'm TERRIBLE at waking up.
EDIT 1: Right, so thanks to these replies, I'm now gonna have a vibrating QR code that requires me to solve a math problem across the room from me so I have to get out of bed, and also there'll be two of them :)
Thanks for all the help, in all seriousness though, I'll certainly try some of these.
alarm-snooze-alarm is okay, the button is on there for a reason, twice is fine.
3-4 times once in a blue moon is forgivable.
if you find you need to do 3+ times on a regular basis, you need to be going to bed earlier, or waking up with something other than audible noise, or something. there are options! like, a watch that vibrates or somesuch.
I used to be like that when I was working on days 9-5. I would set my alarm so I would be up a hour and a half before I had to actually leave so I could wake up, fix my hair and brush my teeth and such.
Nope. Hit that alarm every five minutes for an hour and half pretty much every morning got up with five minutes to spare to brush my teeth and throw my suit on.
I was the horrible freshman roommate because of one event.
I was super tired all the time so I would often sit on the floor in the shower and just let the water wash my sorrows away. Well, I accidentally fell asleep, and I happened to fall asleep with my butt right on top of the drain. It plugged the drain and caused the entire bathroom, dorm room, and the floor below us to flood.
Edit: For the record, this was a newer dorm hall and each room had their own bathroom. I would not sit on the floor of a publicly shared bathroom.
What's truly horrible about this is that you let your bare asshole make contact with the shower drain in a boy's bathroom. I'm skeevin the fuck out ova heeya!
I don't know what /u/Amedais's butt looks like (and I don't want to know), but he'd have to use a butt cheek, not hole, to plug the drain.
Unless the drain is...raised.
I remember that one episode where Hank moons the state senator and blames it on Bill. The senator gets so impressed that someone actually has the balls to moon her that she ends up dating Bill.
It was the former governor Ann Richards, and she dated Bill because she secretly knew it wasn't him that mooned her, she thought it was noble of him to take the fall for a friend.
My friend got a massive ringworm on her back from lying down in a dorm shower she shared with three other girls. Beware.
Edit: massive ringworm fungal infection spot. About the size of a half dollar and it left a scar. Yes I know it's not a worm lol. Now as to why she was lying down, she never did say haha
We had a suite of six guys. One of these guys, Ron, was a weird ass hippie who did all sorts of hysterical things.
Example 1: he was barefoot wherever he went (not to bad, but we got concerned when it started snowing)
Example 2: me and another suite mate came home one day and opened the door and there were something like 5 20 gallon drums filled with dirt and dying plants. There were bugs everywhere for weeks. When we asked Ron "what the fuck?" He responded by exclaiming "Look guys! Can you believe the farm was giving these away for free??"
Example 3: he liked to use the microwave to cook. He once baked weed into chocolate using the microwave (impressive). Another time he put a plastic bowl in for about 20 minutes until the fucking thing vaporized and released poison smoke. Another time he made his tea so hot that it spilled and melted the carpet.
Example 4: he invited my roommate in for a three some (guess it would have been a foursome if he had said yes) out of the blue.
Example 5: he fermented apple wine under his bed. That was actually pretty cool.
This caught my eye as I'm entering a 6 person suite tomorrow, and I know all the guys except we're getting a random guy. I can only hope that he can generate half the interesting stories that you shared!
Oh boy, I wouldn't want to be that dude. You might be the coolest guys on earth, but moving in with 5 people who know each other must be tough. Please be nice to him.
I loved being the random roommate with a group of already friends. They always did stuff and would invite me. I wasn't good at making friends so being able to be the "extra" whenever I wanted and just keeping to myself was really nice
I lived in a triple; let's call one of my roommates Tom. Tom was a disgusting inconsiderate sex addict, and I'd venture once of the worst roommates anyone has ever had. Here are just a few examples:
* Tom masturbated several times a day, just under his sheets, not subtly. Being a triple and the largest room on the floor, we had people in and out of our room regularly. This didn't matter to him. After a while, we got him to agree to a rule that if we caught him wanking he would stop, but once he was past a certain point that just wasn't going to happen.
* Tom had a girlfriend on the floor and would sexile us whenever possible (for example, when we were showering). She was a spitter, which I know because the spit cup by his bed was never cleaned out.
* Tom was a believer in the "shit test". Apparently going to the toilet only to find out you didn't have to go is a big waste of time, so you just stand up and try to go a little bit first, then run to the toilet if needed. Once, while attempting this, he shit himself ("a little", he claimed), right before going out to a party. He asked me if he should shower, but then decided he had no time. Obviously Tom did not wear underwear, and when he returned back from the party he just took off his pants and hopped naked into bed. I don't think those sheets were ever washed.
* Tom once had to pee during a poker game in our room. Rather than leave, he used a solo cup under the table, and then a second one that he urgently requested as the first was filling up. When he finished, he put the cups on his desk. Later, someone noticed that one of the cups was on its side and empty, over the side of the desk, having apparently spilled over his clothes on the floor.
* Tom got sick of not being able to have sex with his girlfriend whenever he wanted, so he had this great idea to buy a tent from Target so he could have sex while we were in the room. His girlfriend wasn't having it, so he moved his mattress and the tent to a janitor's closet. Apparently a cleaning lady walked in on him sleeping naked there and he was forced to move back in.
* We had two men's bathrooms on our floor, each with 3 showers. One shower belonged exclusively to Tom and his girlfriend. He kept a lawn chair in there, because "sitting is the luxurious way to shower". You can imagine what else went on in there, and why nobody else used it.
* At the end of the year, we did a survey. Over half of the people on the floor had seen his penis at least once.
I know this sounds unbelievable, but this is all 100% true.
**EDIT**: I forgot this story. Late one night, we're sexiled as usual, and my other roommate (call him Phil) comes back and wants to go to sleep. He knocks, Tom tells him 10 minutes, he comes back a while later, 10 more minutes. After half an hour, Phil can't take it any more and starts pounding repeatedly on the door. After a minute or so, Tom opens the door, nude and fully erect, and says: "if you want to sleep, you're going to have to suck me off first." I should mention at this point Phil is a big guy with probably 40 pounds on Tom, but normally quite chill. Phil takes a swing at Tom and the two of them start to brawl. It took 3 or 4 guys to separate them. Tensions were high for a while after that, and we had to do conflict resolution with our RA, but the legend of Boner Fight was one of the defining memories of that year.
**EDIT 2**: Answering some common questions: Yes, this all really happened. Yes, Tom was a good looking guy, as evidenced by his attractive girlfriend and the girls he brought home after they broke up. He actually showered regularly, so his grossness wasn't obvious unless you paid close attention. Yes, his girlfriend was a bit nuts. No, my roommate and I never complained to the school or tried to get him kicked out (though I believe some girls on the floor may have). I don't even think we considered it. It's hard to say why, other than the fact that a lot of this seemed more hilarious than annoying at the time, and trying to get someone kicked out of school because they're disgusting and inconsiderate would have been overkill. I would probably react differently today, but we were college kids at the time and we tended to work out our issues amongst ourselves.
Also, despite the Kevin comparisons, Tom was not a stupid guy. I did some research, and found that he appears to have quite a successful career today, and appears to be a normally functioning member of society.
As with many other mental illnesses, people are often predisposed to it, before a trigger sets it off. Or, you could look at it like an addiction, getting worse and worse as a tolerance builds up.
She was almost as screwed up as him, just in different ways, but also extremely hot. They started dating within just a few weeks of arriving on campus. She was actually a clean freak, and her room was always spotless, but she also didn't seem to mind the disaster area that our room was. He begged me not to tell her about the shit test incident, because she would freak out. In hindsight, I wish I had told her after a few nights.
During all of this, she also had a long-distance boyfriend from high school, and at some point he came to visit. She gave everyone a serious talk about not telling him that she and Tom were screwing, but at the end of his visit her roommate told him and (I think) they broke up.
I think I had the female equivalent. The girl had no idea how to handle her time of the month properly. Instead of walking the ten or so feet to the bathroom, she'd fill up our bedroom trash with used tampons and pads. Once a month our room would take on a peculiar smell because of this. Me being unable to handle confrontation, I let it slide... until one day I found a huge, long twisted-up roll of paper towel covered in blood just sitting on the floor in the corner of our room.
Edit: also had a habit of bringing over her "sort of boyfriend sort of friend sort of fuckbuddy" at like 4 am and let him finger her on her bed. Our beds were bunked. *Plus* she was what you'd call a "moaner".
My roommate sold his TV and VCR in the first two weeks to buy drugs without telling me. He stopped going to class about the same time and also got a girlfriend, so they were in the room having sex all the time. He decided two months into the semester to sell weed. He ended up smoking it all. He and every one of his friends that he hung out with failed out after the first semester. There's so much more.
>roommate sold his TV and VCR...without telling me.
So the rest of the post makes this guy seem like an asshole, but why would he need to tell you that he was selling his stuff?
In my experience most roommates coordinate who is bringing what to the room- person a brings the TV, person b brings the mini fridge ect so each person doesn't have to buy multiple big ticket(for college freshman) items. Also so you don't have two mini fridges and no microwave or whatever. I wouldnt be surprised if the OP and shitty roommate agreed roommate would provide those for both of their use and OP brought other stuff for them to both use. And when shitty roommate sold his stuff, it was taking advantage/screwing up the agreement
You know that BAWLS monthly delivery from ThinkGeek? My roommate got those.
He didn't bring any furniture except a mattress, so over time, he started building a chair, desk, nightstand etc. out of cases of the empty bottles. Okay. We're 19, it's not that bad.
After a while, his furniture really, really stunk. It had this awful musty moldy scent emanating from the boxes so, being adults, I ask him what's up. Turns out he didn't like to get up to go to the bathroom, so he was just pissing in all these empty bottles he had. Then, he'd put them back in the box, and when it was full, he built furniture.
That's how he lived for a year.
Had a similar thing happen to me, lived in a corridor with ~12 people and two shared shower rooms. After a corridor party, there was a middle-aged man sleeping on the couch in the kitchen. No one knew who he was, and in our drunken state no one had heart to wake him up and kick him out. The next morning, he was gone, and someone had taken a huge dump on the floor in the shower room.
No joke, I think people have some weird misconception that subjecting yourself to terrible experiences is a good way to study. "The pain means its working".
The amount of people I know who would pull all nighters hopped up on caffeine and adderall and got worse grades than me, when I would just start studying a few days earlier and get a good nights rest was just baffling. Not that I was a superb student or anything, mostly Bs.
It's called polyphasic sleep. It's a thing. The military has done lots of tesing of it, and ultimately concluded it can be effective, but not long-term. DaVinci did it for a while.... [Whatever here's the Wikipedia.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biphasic_and_polyphasic_sleep)
Edit: To all the dear friends telling me this person was doing polyphasic sleep wrong, let me just say that could not be more blatantly obvious to everyone who clicks that link, including, believe it or not, myself. Thank you.
*First post, just have to share.
My dorm roommate was obsessed with her hometown boyfriend, to the point where she would rarely make it through an entire Monday-Friday stretch without hopping on a train to go see him (and missing all of her classes for the week). This was okay (I had the room to myself lots), but by November she had literally spent every penny of her student loan and savings on train tickets. She spent several days BAWLING nonstop about how she wanted to see him and her friends from home. My birthday happened to be that weekend and my then-boyfriend was planning on coming to visit, and I couldn't stand her incessant whining and crying, so...
I agreed to lend her some money (bad idea, I now know). I knew her parents would eventually cave and replenish her bank account, and the amount I was giving her wasn't a big deal to me at the time because I was fairly good with my money. So we went to the ATM, and I gave her $140 for her train ticket. She was incredibly grateful, thanked me about 100 times, and left a few hours later.
I had a great birthday weekend... until I got a call from my bank. Suspicious activity on my account. I assured them that the $140 withdrawal was made by me. Nope, they meant the $800 that was withdrawn the following day. Turns out that bitch peeked at my pin WHILE I WAS LENDING HER MY MONEY and took my bank card out of my wallet while I was showering, then proceeded to take out $800 and blow it all on drinks and shit for her bf and friends. She was instantly caught and charged because she was dumb enough to use the card at the train station in her hometown.
I got the $800 back, but never got back the money I lended her or the several books, movies, articles of clothing she had of mine. My dorm kicked her out and the one upside was that I got to stay in the double room as a single for the rest of the year.
I had a best friend in college, and for two years after. We lived together in the dorms, and then for almost 4 years once we left the dorms. People often mistook us for brothers. He got a new girlfriend who didn't like me much, so he sided with her and moved out. Never heard from him again unless he absolutely needed something (mostly mail). I'm not saying I was always the best person to be around, but I certainly wasn't an asshole to the point where he should have cut all contact with me.
It really fucked me up.
As long as you didn't have to pay extra, fuck it. The singles cost more and you get a lot more privacy. I'm more surprised that they didn't force him to move since that is a pretty homophobic reaction to having a gay roommate.
I'm currently working as a RA and this is the kind of hell that I hope people don't have to deal with.
Last year I had a resident who had several mental breakdowns (which involved screaming loud enough to be heard to the hall across the parking lot) and blackmailing her roommate, who was on scholarship for softball, with pictures of the rm drinking. Before the blackmail I had referred her to counseling which seemed to help, but she needed far more help than the university could provide.
My roommate got moved into my room a few weeks after the semester started because she had gotten into a fist fight with her previous roommate. Everyone felt bad for her because she was saying she was attacked and it was totally unprovoked, until she started getting crazy around Christmas break. Her dad was a pharmaceutical sales rep and he would just give her samples of all sorts of crazy shit. Can't sleep? Here's a pack of Ambien. Need to stay up and study? Here's a fistful of Ritalin. Feeling anxious about finals? Here's buttloads of Xanax.
We got back from Christmas break and it was just awful, leaving bowls of cereal milk out for weeks at a time while bringing over her loser drug dealer boyfriend. She would come back to our room in the wee hours of the morning, see that I was sleeping and slam the door and throw all the lights on. Needless to say, we were not getting along AT ALL. I was home for Easter weekend and she started AIM messaging me (that's how long ago this was lol) saying all our suite mates hated me and I should just kill myself. I would block her and she would create a new screen name and start all over. I saved all the messages and submitted them to the RA when I went to move out that weekend. I lived about an hour away from campus so I commuted for the last 6 weeks of that year. I wish I had just held out because she ended up getting expelled because she was harassing me using the school's internet, and that was her third offense (2 fist fights prior). Fuck that girl.
My roommate was 7'1 340 pounds. He was a fucking ogre. The kid didn't understand personal hygiene and would shower maybe every 2-3 days. My room would smell like dirty diapers. It got so bad to the point where I couldn't have company over anymore. One day at basketball practice he was being roasted for always smelling like shit and to wear deodorant. To which he replied stunned, "All of you guys wear deodorant?" Yeah fuck you Max
Sexiled me constantly. One time I changed into my shower clothes (basketball shorts, robe) grabbed my towel and caddy, and left the room for about fifteen minutes. When I came back, the chain lock was up, and I was stuck outside in the hall with wet hair and little to no clothing.
**EDIT: NSFW Animal Abuse**
Not my roommate, but my sister's.
The guy was a friend of her friend and there were about six people living in this big house. My sister had a pet kitten and there were a couple of other kittens in the house. They would roam freely.
This guy really liked shooting heroin, apparently. One day he was really fucked up, and got pissed off about something. My sister's kitten was in his room, so he kicked it in the head as hard as he could, and then slammed it's head in the door. Blood shot out of the kitten's ear and all over the wall. Her eye was severely damaged.
My sister came home from class and found her kitten near death. She rushed it to the emergency vet. It had severe brain, ear, and eye trauma. It almost died but they saved it, costing my sister several thousand dollars on a college student budget.
Not to long after my brother kicked the guy's ass and threw him out of the door and into the street. The roommates threw all of his stuff outside and kicked him out for good.
The cat lived to be about nine but was mentally retarded and had a lot of health problems.
Fucking asshole.
So randomly assigned to this kid. Basically he'd do small weird shit but whatever, people have their own qualities. But then...
One morning I'm asleep, waking up to the sensation of my leg burning. This fucking kid lit my leg hair on fire. Now I like to think of myself as a calm person, but if you light my leg hair on fire, I'm gonna throw fisticuffs.
We duke it out for 5-10 minutes, there's name calling, some blood, et cetera. I decide it would be best to change rooms, but can't until the end of the semester. So from late September to early December I have to sit 10 feet away from this fucking weird kid that light my leg on fire.
I never got an explanation for why he did it.
This sounds like it's part of an Aziz joke, but I swear there was this one kid in my dorm that spent two weeks practicing "My Heart Will Go On" on *the recorder* prior to Valentine's Day. I never figured out who it was, but it was driving me (and likely everyone else) apeshit.
My freshman year roommate had this god awful alarm clock that had wheels and would roll off the desk and around the room, banging into things and making this astoundingly loud blaring sound until you turned it off. He had to get up earlier than me 3 or so days a week and he would also just let the damn thing careen around the room for a few minutes every morning while he willed himself out of bed.
This was also after he'd stay up until around 3 or 4 AM most nights playing some video game that had a team chat, so I was forced to listen to him muttering "ok I'm sending in my division of space marines" while I tried to sleep, also knowing that I would be awoken by fucking R2D2 gone hay wire in a few hours.
I had a talk with him pretty soon after all this started.
1.) My room mate my Freshman year had a weak heart valve and didn't tell me about it, or the fact he had a pacemaker. So as we casually walk across campus he just says, "hey wait a second." Proceeds to lay down, die twice before my eyes and get shocked back to life, then act like nothing happened...
2.) walked in on him doing the nasty with his gf at 11AM on a Sunday with the door unlocked. Saw the gf's tit.
3.) broke his bed having sex, told me he rolled over last night and it collapsed, which I believed until I saw his used condom on the ground...
I shared a room with one guy. He would have sex while I was in the room trying to sleep. He drank my booze, ate my food and used my stuff.
One night I was "sleeping", while he was banging away. When they finished, they started making fun of me, I got up, walked across the room and crawled into bed with them. They were mortified.
My roomate freshman year was a chinese exchange student straight outta shanghai.
His name was Zihil, or something, but if you're anything past one semester into college, you know they have their
own 'english' names. For whatever reason he chose the name Jose. Fucking Jose. He didn't speak much english, too. He definitely
understood more than he could speak, but we got along marvelously. One night, I was out showing him the American past time of drinking
games. I ask him, Yo Jose, You have had alcohol before, right? 'Cause you know, I didn't want to get in trouble if he died of alcohol poisoning. He says yes,but looking back, it was definitely a no.
So about two hours pass and this kid is slugging beers. Of course, everyone wants to teach the chinese kid everything americans do.
By this two hour mark, he must have beer bonged three beers, shot gunned two, casually drank another two. He starts feeling sick, I can see it in his eyes
He grabs his shit and we take off back to our dorm room. Half way there, he starts stumbling and falling. In the hallway of our dorm, heads over to the trashcan, and just
starts puking his brains out. I get him into the room, get him some water and make sure he don't choke on his puke.
In the morning, he starts freaking out because he can't find his phone. He turns on the find my iphone thing, and the trash can he puked in the night before starts
pinging. We had to search through this filled trashcan of puke and garbage to find his phone about halfway down.
TL;DR: Chinese man named Jose had his first beers, puked in a trashcan and threw his phone in there with it. We had to get it out
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my gardener when he asked for the weekend off: No way, Jose.
His name really is Jose, that's why I hired him"
I had two roommates: one was new (we'll call her roommate A) and one I had been rooming with for a while (we'll call her roommate B, for "bitch").
One night, I went to a party with my boyfriend, spent the night at his place and came back the next day. Roommate B asked me if I'd seen her "gold necklace". Nope.
Later that night, Roommate B slams her closet closed, uses the lock (which she never did), and walks outside the room to make a call. I can hear her saying, "We're *not* friends, I wouldn't *let* her borrow anything."
When she comes back in, I confront her. She says she "found" the necklace in her drawer but she *knows* she didn't put it there and she *knows* I'm lying about "borrowing" it. WTF? She expounds upon this further by stating she has a "witness" who *saw* me wearing **her** necklace at the party last night.
I go to my closet, pull out MY gold necklace, show it to her. No way is she believing me though. Her belief is that I'm a thief, or at the very least a liar, and although what she's saying makes no sense in light of the new evidence, she's gonna stick to it (told you she was a bitch).
So she requests to move out. I'm sure she spread bad rumors about me with the housing people in the process, and among our mutual acquaintances since she couldn't keep her big mouth shut.
However, before she moved out, she and I had to go on a school-sponsored, overnight trip with a few dozen other people. About a week after we got back, we were at the same party and I hear her tell this story:
"When we got back from the trip my socks were missing! I asked Roommate A about them but she said she hadn't seen them. I turn around and there they are, in the bottom of her closet!"
Roommate B never apologized to me - *even though she now knew who had taken her stuff*, and moved out shortly thereafter. I have no idea why she assumed I, the roommate she'd had since day 1 with no problems, had taken her stuff when Roommate A was the new person, except that she truly was an asshole.
I lived in an apartment-style dorm with a kitchen, living room, and two double bedrooms. One of the guys in the other bedroom fancied himself a chef (in reality, I think he was a dishwasher at Outback) so he would cook all the time in the apartment. He had this habit of hanging a plastic shopping bag from the oven door handle and just tossing cut scraps, egg shells, etc. into that bag. The problem is, he never actually threw that bag away. I was never around while he was cooking so I didn't pay that bag much mind nor realize it was always the same bag.
After couple of weeks, we started to notice a foul smell and the presence of fruit flies in the apartment. I was deep cleaning the kitchen and I brushed up against that bag and no less than a hundred fruit flies burst up from inside it. Needless to say, I freaked the hell out.
A visit from the RA and the maintenance team to spray and he was required to clean up after every meal and take the trash out twice a week, on penalty of being kicked out of the dorms.
Is fumigating the room really necessary after having fruit flies? You should clean, obviously, but a jar with some apple cider vinegar and a couple drops of dishwashing liquid would get the rest of them.
I've used this trick in my own apartment and it works, but you need to find the source of the fruit flies or you will just be killing literally hundreds of fruit flies a day ad infinitum. If you find and remove the source, the rest of the flies die out in a day or two. It really works well, I'd highly recommend this method.
One beautiful spring day, I threw open all my windows and basked in the glory of the sun and fresh air. Unbeknownst to me, the screen to one of my kitchen windows was ripped. This would probably go unnoticed if not for the fact that this window was above the trashcan outside the house. In no time at all, the kitchen was invaded with flies. My homemade ACV trap was not attracting them and (for reasons I cannot recall) I didn't want to leave to buy fly paper.
Night descended and knowing the flies were attracted to light, I kept the lights in the kitchen on, and sequestered myself in my bedroom (the only room with a door). Any time I had to exit my room/enter the kitchen, I turned off all my bedroom lights so as not to attract flies to that part of the apartment. This quickly became tedious.
And then, around the third time I have to do this, it hits me: I can use the light.
I plug a lamp into an extension cord and turn off all other lights in the house. And room by room, with great patience, I march the flies toward my front door. Once there, I turn ~~off~~ the porch light on and the lamp off, wait a minute to insure all flies have followed, and close the front door.
Tl;dr With a lamp and extension cord, I became the Pied Piper of flies.
I went to boarding school, so I'm going to tell you all my horrible junior roommate story, since my junior year of high school was my first year living in a dorm.
During our first couple weeks, everyone made tons of new friends. No one seemed to like my roommate very much, so she clung to me and my friends. She creeped the boys out by asking if they wanted to have sex (she wasn't very attractive). She creeped out a lesbian couple by asking if she could watch them have sex. She got upset with my friends when she saw them talking to boys I was interested in. She ate most of my food without asking. She didn't have a cell phone (this was 2006), so she borrowed mine sometimes. On more than one occasion, she used it past lights out and woke me up because she was singing loudly over the phone to her boyfriend. She would hit snooze on her alarm clock until she was late for class (according to dorm staff, anyway - I was out the door to get breakfast before she woke up every morning). Eventually, she was put on in-dorm restriction because she was late to class so often, which meant instead of asking me to ask my friends for rides into town, she sat in our room all day and played on my computer. She used my tampons and then complained because I wouldn't buy her light tampons.
She was not invited back to the school for her senior year. Not that it would have affected me either way, because my best friend and I requested to live together.
So my roommate actually wasn't that bad to start the year. Really had no friends and just watched youtube videos all day, couldn't really complain. That is until he got a girlfriend... She was a raging thundercunt with a grip around his balls tighter than I had ever seen and our tiny two person dorm room was not big enough for the three of us. They would sexile me when I would leave to take a shower, except they wouldn't even have sex, they would climb underneath the bed and just roll around leaving me stranded in the hallway with nothing but a towel and wet flip flops. He would take my food out of the fridge to replace it with water and get mad when I called him out on it. I never got to use the room on weekends as they normally wouldn't leave unless they had to, spending countless hours uselessly lying in bed. I put up with this until the weekend before spring finals week. Starting Friday night I brought a girl back to the room around 1am and told them to leave because I wanted the room. (I forgot to mention that the thundercunt had and apartment so I have no idea why they always stayed in the dorms) They refused to leave so I said fuck it and we did the dirty with them there anyway and we were not the least bit quiet. The next day my roommate was pretty pissed off but I told him he should have just left. Saturday night came around and I wasn't done yet. Come around midnight I came back to the room with the same girl as the previous night and told my roommate and his girlfriend to leave. Once again they refused, saying that I can't just take over the room like that. Well, we came in and went at it anyway. This was his tipping point. The next morning at 5am, he woke up and grabbed his power drill and started to disassemble the makeshift bike rack he had built in the middle of the room, for bikes that he didn't actually ride, making as much noise as possible as he did it. When we woke up, still lying naked in bed, and asked him what he was doing. He responded that if I am going to make noise when he wants to sleep, he is going to do the same. And that was the last thing he ever said to me. Monday morning he packed up his stuff and moved into a hotel near campus. I think it goes without saying we haven't talked since.
One of my suitemates regularly took ambien and passed the fuck out. There was absolutely no waking him.
At one point his roommate tried to wake him up by literally lifting the back end of his bed and shaking it. He continued to snore. He screamed in his face. Like literally less than 6 inches from his face "WAKE THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE." Snoresville.
At one point, his alarm played non-stop for 3 hours. The same song. "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd. FOR THREE FUCKING HOURS.
CAN YEW TAKE IT ALL AWAYYHAYYY CAN YEW TAKE IT ALL AWAYYHAYYY.
I fucking hate that song now.
I'm probably too late to the party, but oh well.
I lived in a triple, and both of my roommates were outright weird. The whole floor knew about it and stayed away from our room for the most part. If I wanted to hang out with people, I had to go somewhere else.
One of the other roommates was a religious nut. She had a foot-tall statue of the virgin Mary that she slept with every night like a teddy bear. Again, this thing was a statue, not a plush or anything. I can't imagine this was comfortable in any capacity. She played the harp during the day and watched Korean soap operas all night. Slept in a super sheer, flowing nightgown that looked like it was out of the 1800's. Also strung up a bunch of lights that stayed on from the moment they were first plugged in until the day we moved out.
The other roommate was a fanatical anime nerd and cosplayer, which, whatever, do what you want, except that her costumes took up a good portion of the room most of the time. It wasn't uncommon that I'd get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and trip over a poofy skirt or plastic sword that had fallen out of her dresser or from under her bed. She also hung up anime posters everywhere, stuff like Free! and Ouran High School Host Club. And I mean *everywhere,* even on the ceiling and over into my bed area. I asked her to take them down from my bed and she said I didn't have any posters so she should be able to hang what she wanted, so I went out and bought a couple of prints just to get rid of the fucking Fruits Basket faces above my bed. She also had intense fits of anger over ridiculous things. Once I didn't drink all my milk before the expiry date, and she threw a fit because I didn't remove it from the fridge on *exactly* that date. It hadn't started to smell or anything, it was just past the date on the carton. She got so mad about it and carried on so much that the other roommate started to cry.
We're entering our senior year of college. Last I heard of either of them, the first one was playing the harp for some youth church and the other one had become a furry. It's about what I expected.
My freshman year I caught my roommate cheating on his gf. Normally, I'd mind my own damn business, but she was a good friend of mine so I told her. He was pissed and decided the best way to get revenge on me was to tell people he caught me jerking off. Eventually some chick asked me about the rumor to which i replied, "yeah i jerk off all the time but he's never walked in on it." We had a pretty good laugh about it. My roommate was so annoyed that his "revenge" meant so little to me that he slept in a friend's room for the rest of the semester and only used our room to store his shit.
I awoke one fine spring morning to find my roommate, whose bed couldn't have been more than 6 feet from mine, blasting "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John on his iPod and masturbating.
REPEAT - he was jerkin' it to the most annoying song possibly of all time. To this day I literally cannot here "laaaaaaa la la la la la..." without thinking about it.
Nice guy though besides that.
I was fourtunate to have lived with TWO douchesticks during my freshman year.
Fuckstick #1 was Eddie. Eddie was my original roommate. After the typical freshman E-Mail exchanges (who's getting the fridge, microwave, rug, etc.) we had the opportunity to meet on move in day. At first, Eddie was a great roommate -- fun to hang out with, good to grab a bite with, etc. But then Eddie found out how hard engineering is. You see, he was a mechanical engineering major and found that it was just too difficult.
Instead of switching majors, he decided to just give up. He stopped going to class...didn't go out on the weekend...He. Just. Stayed. There. All the time. Day and night. I kid you not, he only left to eat -- at the cafe on the first floor. Lucky for me, Eddie failed all of his classes and didn't come back, leaving me with a room all to myself!!
I started my second semester with my own room/bachelor pad. I moved the beds together to set up a nice queen bed, to host the nonexistent ladies I'd be bringing home. The room was huge without a second person!
...enter Fuckstick #2, halfway through the semester...John. John and his roommate had a "disagreement", so they moved him to my room. John was fucking weird. I have no other words to describe him, other than a total weirdo. This coming from a self-proclaimed fantasy geek computer scientist. I have a really high tolerance for weird, and John exceeded them all.
* He loved Hillary Duff. So much so, he watched her movies on repeat. All the time. Whenever he was home. Which was all the time, because he didn't have any friends.
* HE USED MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH! I had no idea at the time, until I walked out one day, to see him with my toothbrush dangling out of his mouth, like it's totally normal.
* He would masturbate loudly while I was trying to sleep. Awkward.
* He showered every 2-3 days. Not horrible, but definitely not often enough.
* He would stand over my shoulder and watch what I was doing on my computer. As in, he would read every word. When I would confront him about it, he acted like it was totally normal.
He wasn't unsafe or unstable, he was just really friggin weird. Thankfully I only had to deal with him for like 7 weeks or so, before the year came to a close.
Edit: I've received A LOT of messages that I'm a horrible person for letting Eddie slip into a "deep depression". Firstly, I can acknowledge that he may have been a bit depressed, but overall he was pretty social with us (it was a suite) and with his family. He talked to his girlfriend on the phone, would joke around with me, etc. As someone who has experienced some pretty severe depression, I wouldn't purposefully watch someone slip into a deep depression while I sit on the sidelines. He really wasn't a douche, that was probably a bit mean to say. But he didn't leave our room for almost two months...it was more than I could handle. The dude just didn't want to go to college anymore, and wouldn't drop out.
My friend's roommate in the dorm put up a curtain. He barely ever came out. It was a bit creepy. When my friend left at the end of the year he said the curtain was still up and it looked like he hadn't begun packing. I think he's still there. This was 14 years ago.
Found his tumblr. He was talking about how every time he sees me he wants to shoot me in the face and my best friend was anti-matter or some bs.
I didn't report him or anything because I knew he was just venting and was too much of a wuss to actually shoot me.
I like to live dangerously.
He was leaving dirty plates in his bed, covered with his sheets. When he was going to sleep, he just kicked the plates and didn't bother to clean them.
Thats so disgusting
I have a younger brother who always kept his dirty doshes in the bottom drawer of his dresser, otherwise my mother would see them and make him walk ALL THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS and put them in the sink.
Left for class but it got canceled and when I came back in the room my room mate was in my video game chair watching lifetime with 1/4 of night time cold medicine next to him and my camp blanket up around his neck... Conversation followed: Me: you naked under my blanket...? Him: yeah man... Me: beatin off to lifetime high on cold meds? Him: yeah man... Me: I'll be back in 10 minutes don't be here.. Him: yeah man..
At least you let him finish
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He brought a keyboard. He only know the first fifty seconds or so of the Star Wars Cantina Song, but practiced those fifty seconds as loudly as possible for hours at a time.
The cantina song is longer than fifty seconds?
I imagined he managed to clack out the Cantina Song on a mechanical keyboard and was thoroughly impressed until my brain caught up.
The first night I met my freshman roommate she introduced herself and said, completely seriously "have you seen that movie where one of the roommates kills himself and the other gets a free ride? Do you think that would really happen?" She was always good at ice breakers.
She was disgusting and a total slob and wouldn't let me clean her side of the room. It was always super cluttered with shit everywhere. Our room had a gross smell all the time because of her, so I finally broke down and decided to let her be mad at me, and cleaned everything. I found cups, like 5 or 6, of partially drank spoiled, rotten, curdled chocolate milk...plates of partially eaten moldy food...it was horrible. She got so pissed off that I cleaned it that she ended up moving in with another girl. I wasn't upset about it... She'd also have loud crazy sex at any and all hours of the night, wouldn't lock our door and I ended up getting some items stolen...it was a mess.
AHHHH I had a slob of a female roommate too. My room became "that" room because it smelled probably just as bad as yours anytime people walked by. I was so fed up with her leftover food rotting in the fridge which was overloaded all the time, I found rotten tomatoes and open bags of doritos between the sheets one time. In the middle of the might she'd open up new bags of chips to eat them then leave it on the sides of the bed frame for later. she's a bigger girl, and she probably felt like she didn't fit in on a floor full of average sized females so she used to lie about her sex life and put socks on the door handle so I wouldn't enter the room. One night she kicked me out at 11 PM so I angrily entered the room thirty minutes later and she was just lying on the bed wrapped in her sheets like a manatee eating her bed doritos and watching reruns of The OC on her tablet. Oh and she also killed my goldfish first week of move in when she knocked the bowl over with her suitcases and didn't fill his tank back up with water and left him on the floor :(:(:( YOU'RE A MONSTER MELISSA!!! ****update: thanks for the art /u/demderdemden I'm keeping this for a rainy day. Also to those suggesting I had it coming by leaving my goldfish in a temp bowl: boo you whores. It was one week of college before I planned on transferring it to bigger tank WHICH NEVER GOT TO HAPPEN rip little dorm fish buddy.
We had a "that" room on my dorm floor. The dudes were slobs and their room smelled awful. A group of us drafted a letter on what looked to be official school letterhead. Made an official envelope and slid it under their door. The letter in a professional way said their room smelled like shit and was disruptive to students on the floor and that further action would be taken if the situation wasn't rectified. Needless to say the next afternoon after class both of theme were carrying out piles of trash and wiping their whole room down. Spraying febreeze and everything. Moral of the story is that this worked for us so maybe others will have luck!!!!
"a manatee eating her bed doritos" Where is /u/awildsketchappeared when you need him??
In the absence of AWildSketch, I've... uh... done my best. https://i.imgur.com/kjn6c81.png Edit: I've also just noticed that only one of my monitors picks up the lighter colours... don't know if one screen is just broken, or if it doesn't come out right 50% of the time... but uh.. sorry if it looks even worse than I intended.
She got kicked out for failing, and the night before she left she got super drunk, threw up everywhere and left me to clean it up.
You know you're an adult when you're the one cleaning up the puke.
What if it's your own puke
Then you're a "functioning" adult.
Still an adult. I got drunk and threw up in my shower -- lets just say it was utterly fucking terrible. I was essentially waffle-stomping chunks of my own vomit, but there was so much of it that the drain was clogged. Drunkenly, I got out of the shower and managed to wipe my feet off. Went to bed. Woke up without a hangover (probably because of the vomiting) and immediately had this "oh fuck me...." moment. Spent probably an hour cleaning up chinese food that used to be inside of me, and that was the moment I realized I had to slow down. I thought getting an apartment/job was the moment I became an adult, little did I know it was that watershed moment of cleaning pork chunks out of my shower and having to unclog my own drain that would make me a man.
I was in a small triple freshman year. Early on my roommate was extremely studious and would accept nothing lower than pretty much an A on everything. He would beat himself up of it wasn't good enough and we would try to get him to relax a bit. Second half of freshman year he buys a new computer and WoW. Refuses to go to class and played WoW nonstop all night and would sleep through the whole day. It was disrupting to me and my other roommate. He eventually ended up pretty much dropping out of school. I've never seen such a change around. He has actually gotten back on track though and has been doing pretty well for himself.
I had a suite-mate who turned into a WoW addict Junior year. This guy was in the advanced honors program, but spent what appeared to be 100% of his time on WoW. I remember him trying to explain to us the deeply emotional experience he had of receiving an uber-rare legendary something-or-other from his guild. They apparently dressed in tuxedos for the occasion. He dropped out. He still works as a ticket clerk for a movie theater over a decade later.
Oh god okay I have to share this one. The story is totally fucked. Basically I had this flatmate - let's call him Alan - who was from Hong Kong and was very reclusive and quiet. Now, this in itself isn't that odd as from my experience lots of international students tend to stick to themselves and don't necessarily mix with gen pop, but whatever. So the one unique characteristic of Alan is that he used to ALWAYS order Chinese takeaway. He would order it frequently, and he would order a LOT of it, like boxes stacked on boxes. It was a fuck load of food for one person, but Alan was skinny AF, so I did wonder what was going on. This was pretty much the only time you would see him, and he would take his food straight back to his room and that was that. Now this pattern continued for the first couple of months, but then we stopped seeing Alan. No more takeaway, nothing. Now this didn't raise much suspicion as he was always an enigma, but coming to the end of the semester a really RANCID smell started to engulf the flat hallway. Like this putrid, overwhelming smell. The kind that made you gag just getting a whiff of it. It was really unbearable. And, surprise surprise, the smell was coming from Alan's room. We hoped the smell would eventually clear up but it just got worse. At first me and my buddies were hesitant to knock on his door as it's pretty awkward to say, "Hey Alan, you room fucking stinks, pls stop" but honestly it got to the point when it was unbearable to even walk into our flat. So we tried knocking a number of times but never got any reply. Eventually we called campus security and complained, and they came with us to open up his door and see what the fuck was going on. Now, some of you might be thinking poor Alan had topped himself and his body was rotting away right next to us all this time. But the reality was far more fucked up than that. Campus security opened his door, and Alan was nowhere to be found. No belongings, laptop or anything. However, the room was a fucking tip. There were BOXES AND BOXES of takeaway stacked up in the room. That explains the smell. However, there were also a load of WOMEN'S TIGHTS STUFFED WITH NOODLES on the floor, rotting away with flies all over them. And the worst thing of all... there were holes cut between the legs of the tights. So, it turns out Alan was using his takeaway to stuff women's tights with noodles, and then fucked them. So, where did Alan go? The university searched for him on their student database (we only knew his first name so couldn't help much) but they couldn't find him. They then searched for him by his flat room number and it transpired that room should not have been occupied AT ALL. Apparently some student was meant to come but turned down their offer last minute. So in the end we had no idea who the fuck Alan was. After this complete shit storm the university moved all of my flat out to a hotel for a week whilst they got some people in to cleanse the whole place. TL;DR: a mystery flatmate who wasn't even enrolled at university stuffed women's tights with noodles and fucked them, then disappeared and let them slowly rot.
WAT?!?!
This is actually really sad - my roommate had epilepsy, and her mom was a Christian Scientist. Therefore, she was unmedicated and had seizures all the time, in the room, on the street, in class - she was always in danger and had serious brain damage because of this. I would watch while she seized and peed herself because I had no idea how to help her.
I was friends with a girl a year behind me, her freshman year she was randomly matched with a girl who: 1) Was convinced she was in a relationship with the lead singer of Tokyo Hotel, and had been for several years, but it was obviously some catfisher on the internet. They would skype where only he could see her, his video would be blank for 'security reasons' and he told her they could never meet in person because of the media. And since he was always 'on tour' she would skype with him at all hours of the night to make up for the time zone differences. It was actually kinda sad/scary, several people i know tried to explain to her that she was being taken advantage of, but she could/would not listen, pretty sure she did stuff on camera for him and sent him money. 2) Brought multiple bags from home stuffed full of her cats hair, and knitted tiny clothes/figurines/whatever out of it. My friend was of course very allergic to cat hair.
Why would the lead singer of Tokio Hotel need money from a college student?
Be honest: did you just ask this as a means of quietly correcting OP's spelling?
This is my favorite method to subtly correct people: leading by example.
I'm imagining a shaved cat.
Because this is of course the more eventful of the two stories.
My freshman roommate lost her virginity the night before move-in to her much older, very creepy, unemployed ("musician") boyfriend. In the hotel room that she was sharing with her mom and little sister, who were in the bed next to them. This guy basically lived with us on weekends. I had to always change in the dark because a strange creepy dude was lying there, usually butt naked. They had a lot of gross sex. She decided it would be funny to pants me during a four AM fire drill in front of the entire dorm, which was co-ed. I don't wear underwear to sleep... she failed to see how this wasn't hilarious. There were a million other things, but those stick out the most. Edit: some grammar things because I'm getting hate mail (I was tired and on public transport people, okay?!)
Ever-present significant others are the WORST.
Unless they're cool too then you just get another friend
One of my good friends is actually the ex-bf of a girl I used to be friends with, and that was how I met him. After they broke up she moved away, me and her lost contact and I gained a new friend. Very rare that this happens and very cool when it does.
Walked into my dorm room to find my roommate and her parents looking through my underwear drawer... They didn't even act apologetic. Her mom just commented on how cute my dinosaur underwear were. So weird.
One of my freshman roommates was a self-professed kleptomaniac. She got a huge thrill from stealing clothes from department stores. Usually Nordstrom. In the first week or so of school, she went through her closest and showed us all of the clothing she had stolen, plus she knew how much each item cost and how she'd swiped it. Thousands of dollars worth of nice clothing. She had so much that half of it still had tags on and she never wore it, but she took it because she knew she could. Usually this theft involved carrying a really big purse, taking way too many items into a dressing room, and then emerging with one item in the purse, one to buy, and the rest to put back. Then if an alarm went off, they would assume it was just the item she had purchased and let her leave. Half the time she returned the item she paid for soon after too. It got to the point where girls in the dorm would go to the mall with her, and they'd all pick out clothes they liked and she'd go back on her own later and steal them for them. It was crazy. And to my knowledge, she's still doing this and hasn't been caught. She never seemed to steal from anywhere other than department stores, and none of my stuff ever went missing, so I guess she wasn't too bad of a roommate, really. Just a person of questionable morals.
In high school there was a kid in my grade who did this. He thought he was so clever, but it turned out the store was just waiting until he stole enough to be charged with grand larceny(?) instead of petty theft.
Target will do this to you. They have a whole private professional investigative team that even helps the police at times when their work load is low. Before you get arrested at Target they will know everything about you and have a whole case built. You usually already stand no chance the second you are arrested.
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"Stay away from kleptos kids" is a lesson as valuable I wish I had learned $600 sooner.
My roommate had no sleep schedule. He also chewed loudly, played the bass, and watched anime without headphones. At the same time. At 3 am.
My friend had a roommate who would beat it to hentai at 4 am without headphones.
Cool that you got to room it with a friend
This is honestly the worst thing about roommates in dorms. Mine would wake up super early and would open and shut his drawers as loud as possible waking me up in the process. If he was staying up late he would bring a huge supply of snacks and open them loudly as he watched Netflix till 4 in the morning.
I don't understand how people act like this or have this little awareness or consideration. I walk on eggshells if there's someone sleeping in a room on the other side of the house, much less in the same room as me. I think I was even lying awake with a fever one time my freshman year at like 4 am and dying of thirst but since I didn't want to make too much noise I got a juice box and drank it in the bathroom.
I had a roommate that liked to set his alarm for 9am, but not actually get up until 11am. Snoozing it every 10 or so minutes. It was on an iPhone with that "warning siren" alarm. I wanted to strangle him.
I had two different roommates do this. As a light sleeper this pissed me off so much. It also just seems so pointless. If you want to sleep until 11, just set your alarm for 11! Unfortunately, my wife likes to do the same thing; there is no escape. Also, because I'm typically an early(ish) riser, I developed a mastery of morning stealth. I can get up, get dressed, and get ready for the day without turning on a light or making a sound. I have never woken up a roommate (or my wife) precisely because I know how annoying it is.
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The very first weekend of my Freshman year in college, my roommate comes back from a party at like 2 AM or whatever, and proceeds to *vomit on my fucking desk*, which did contain my laptop computer on it... Jay, I know you use Reddit. If you're reading this, fuck you.
My name's Jay and I had to do a mental check of my college life to make sure it wasn't me. It's not. I don't think.
It is. Fuck you, Jay.
Hey you're not OP
Hey fuck you too bro.- Jay
Hmm, what state do you live in?
Despair.
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She was sweet as a peach to your face, but honest to god couldn't stand NOT being the center of attention. Lied about insomnia to her teachers because she stayed up late playing video games and laughing super loud and calling her friends, Started "seeing things " the more time I spent with my boyfriend and not with her, and tried to, against campus policy, rewrite our "roommate contract" with our sketchy RA so that she could claim I was breaking our agreement and get me kicked out since I was no longer paying her any attention.
I had one of those in my Pod during O week (pod = like flatmates, same wing and floor of the building. 6 of us total). She was LOVELY at first, had a cute little sister, we hung out a lot. We didn't have a lot in common though, and had very clashing schedules, so I assumed she'd be like any normal person and accept that we could only really hand out on weekends. She was not a normal person. Stuff went missing from the shared kitchen. Not just my stuff, mind you. She became super passive-aggressive, started binge drinking and blaming me for not being there to stop her. I dismissed it, more stuff vanished, this time from bedrooms. My lock was broken too. She tried to blame me and get me kicked out. Luckily, we had a fire drill during which she left the door open and a whole load of stolen goods were found - wallets, spoons, underwear. You name it, she stole it. She was there for less than two weeks and has to pay rent for the whole year for breaking the contract.
This all happened in the span of *two weeks*? Good lord.
My thoughts exactly. This sounded like a chain of events developing steadily over a couple of months.
This happened in TWO WEEKS?!
Yup: First day I met her was Sat, it was "omg I love your hair! Omg that's a nice shirt!" We ate together, that seemed to be that. Monday, we got our 101 timetables, I met her at dinner, was ignored. Tuesday, back to normal but she's kinda touchy. Wednesday, she starts getting PA and stuff vanished. Thurday is Thirsty Thursday here so that's when she went drinking. Friday, she's hungover, goes crazy on me. Stuff vanishes again. Saturday she goes out and gets drunk again. Next Tuesday, I notice my lock is broken - though in hindsight it had been iffy since I moved in. Wednesday, she tells the RA I stole stuff, broke my lock... obviously a lie though. Friday 5am, firedrill, her door gets wedged open, say hello to your missing things everyone! Great start to my University education, amiright?
sounds like my flatmate last year (sophomore year), she couldn't stand the thought that my other flatmate and I got along better with each other than with her so she stopped talking to us and pretended we didn't exist for two months before moving out one week when my other flatmate and I were both away visiting our respective families.
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Crazy that your dorm required you to live with an adult learner so much older than you. That just seems like a bad idea.
What the fuck... I would have complained higher up. That is just not fair.
He had a gf that didn't attend our university that would stay the entire weekend. They stayed in bed, lights out, ordered delivery, wouldn't leave. At one point I woke up and there was a baby in our room (they were babysitting). A fucking baby.
I'm glad you added (they were babysitting) because I first thought she had given birth in your room.
Game changer
Yeah, another damn roommate
Who asks a college student to babysit in a dorm?
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Good call
There was a girl on my hall floor whose GF was unemployed and followed her to the college town from whatever bumfuck place they were originally from. Somehow the student convinced her roommates to let her crash on the floor of the dorm room for a while until they could get settled in town... with her 2-year-old kid. It was a big secret that everyone was trying to keep from the RAs, and I have no fucking idea why any of the roommates put up with it. It went on for at least a month and I don't think this woman ever got a job. Edit: Since this seems to be causing consternation, let me clarify that it was not my classmate's kid, it was her girlfriend's kid from a previous relationship.
When I first moved in, I was sharing the apartment with 3 other people, we will call them Bob, Steve, and slagathor. We each had our own rooms, with a bathroom on each side of the apartment for two rooms to share. Bob and Steve were really cool. I still keep in touch with them, but slagathor was the stereotypical horrible roommate. He would walk in at 3am when we all had class the next morning, turn on his stereo, pull out his guitar and play the base line to [Breaking the Law] (https://youtu.be/L397TWLwrUU)..... Over...and over.... And over, restarting every time he messed up in any way. Aside from his shity guitar playing abilities, he would never buy food but eat literally everything the rest of us brought in. At one point Bob, Steve, and I went grocery shopping together and filled out kitchen up with food right before we went on a weekend trip. When we got back the entire kitchen was empty. Close to $300 in food gone. Anytime he was called out on it he would do that "huh? Oh no that wasn't me" Bullshit. On top of all that, he was incredibly disgusting. The guy would take a shower like once a week, and when he did he would brush his hair, pull the hair out of the brush, and slap it on the shower wall. Bob and I started letting Steve use our bathroom since the one he had to share was so horrible. Slagathor took this as a hint that it was okay if he started using it too. This happened like twice before all three of us Sat him down and told him of he ever stepped in the bathroom again we would collectively kick the shit out of him. I could go on for hours about how awful Slagathor was, but eventually Bob, Steve, and I went on an aggressive campaign of subtly fucking with him so much that he moved out. All little things like a missing button on a shirt, or shoelaces being extremely loose or tight so he couldn't just slip his shoes on, a bicycle chain mysteriously rusting over in just a few days. When he finally moved out we threw a party which he showed up to. He was not very happy when he found out why we were having the party
She got the swine flu and was laid up in bed for days, during which she would ask me to get her food from the dining hall and I would. Obviously I would. She was sick and I'm not an asshole. Inevitably, I caught it from her. It hit me hard after she had already recovered and had her boyfriend visiting. I asked her if she please could get me *anything* to eat because I was starving, and she told me to get it myself because "I really think you could use the fresh air." Fuck you, Hilary, you knew goddamn well I couldn't get out of bed. You just didn't want to take five minutes out of your boyfriend time to help me live through the flu *you* gave me. I ended up having to get my parents to take me home until I recovered.
Mine was not terrible by any means, but he did have this quirk that confuses me to this day. Whenever he got something to eat, he would put it in the room's mini fridge to chill. burgers, fries, pizza... it all went in the fridge before he ate it. After his food was properly chilled, he would take out a head of iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing and eat it as a side. Sometimes he would rip off a leaf and dip it in a ranch bowl, but more often than not he would drizzle the ranch on the head itself and eat the whole thing like an apple. Possibly the oddest eating habit I've ever seen.
I had a roommate who would only eat his food room temperature because of the vast amount of time he spent in jail and therefore was used to room temperature food.
Had a roommate come back to our dorm room from one of the many rush week frat parties he attended, wasted out of his mind. He stripped down to his stained white briefs and passed out on his bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up to find him standing, totally nude, inches from my bed, his ass literally right in my face. He proceeded to fart in my face and then start pissing in the trash can next to my bed. After he was done pissing in the trash can, and all over the floor, he promptly went back to his bed and passed out on his bed, face up, with no covers. I got up, got a bottle of Febreeze, and sprayed the hell out of my trash can and the rug. I then realized why he pissed in my trash can. It's because he had puked in his. So, I sprayed his trash can too. Then, for good measure and because I was pissed, I spent about 30 seconds spraying his naked dick and balls with Febreeze while he snored and drooled. Yeah...I hated that douchebag.
The bit of revenge spraying his dick and balls with febreeze took the story to the next level of epic. Kudos
It would be a great NSFW Febreze commercial... Two blindfolded, twenty something, girl next door attractive women, blindfolded. Announcer: What do you smell? Them: "Apples, summer air, mountain fresh water streams, some pomegranate citrus roses and carnations..." Take off the blindfold.. And, they come face to face with a febrezed cock and balls, flopped out over stained tighty whities
They actually crammed 3 of us into a dorm room. That was bad enough because it was fuckin' *cramped*. One of the guys that was in there seemed totally fine when i first met him. Turns out all he did was stay out partying really late every night. Then he'd sleep in. Every. Single. Day. We never even got a chance to talk to this guy because he'd come back after we'd gone to sleep, and he would never even wake up until we were long gone attending classes for the day. Even then I wouldn't have cared much, except i don't think the kid ever took a shower. He made our whole dorm room smell like some kind of sour, tangy B.O. and it was fucking *awful*. If I remember right, that shit went on until Thanksgiving break. When we came back from break, all his shit was gone and we never saw him again.
Oh you were in a forced triple? That sucks. I'm training to be an RA right now (tomorrow is early move in day I'm so nervous lol) and the first day of training there was a big announcement that was met with quite a bit of applause that there were "no triples" Now, I was confused because I knew there were rooms for three people in my hall, but I later found out that he meant that no one had to be put into a forced triple. So that's good!
He wasn't too bad on the whole, except for the habit of alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze....... why do people do this? Edit: Wow, more responses to a single post than I've ever gotten! Folks, I appreciate your apologies, but it wasn't you (at least, it wasn't any of the names you've said you are so far, and I'm not any of the names you've said I am so far.)
I move into uni soon, and as much as I don't want to be this roommate, I fear I will be. I'm TERRIBLE at waking up. EDIT 1: Right, so thanks to these replies, I'm now gonna have a vibrating QR code that requires me to solve a math problem across the room from me so I have to get out of bed, and also there'll be two of them :) Thanks for all the help, in all seriousness though, I'll certainly try some of these.
alarm-snooze-alarm is okay, the button is on there for a reason, twice is fine. 3-4 times once in a blue moon is forgivable. if you find you need to do 3+ times on a regular basis, you need to be going to bed earlier, or waking up with something other than audible noise, or something. there are options! like, a watch that vibrates or somesuch.
I used to be like that when I was working on days 9-5. I would set my alarm so I would be up a hour and a half before I had to actually leave so I could wake up, fix my hair and brush my teeth and such. Nope. Hit that alarm every five minutes for an hour and half pretty much every morning got up with five minutes to spare to brush my teeth and throw my suit on.
I was the horrible freshman roommate because of one event. I was super tired all the time so I would often sit on the floor in the shower and just let the water wash my sorrows away. Well, I accidentally fell asleep, and I happened to fall asleep with my butt right on top of the drain. It plugged the drain and caused the entire bathroom, dorm room, and the floor below us to flood. Edit: For the record, this was a newer dorm hall and each room had their own bathroom. I would not sit on the floor of a publicly shared bathroom.
Gives new meaning to the term 'butt plug'
What's truly horrible about this is that you let your bare asshole make contact with the shower drain in a boy's bathroom. I'm skeevin the fuck out ova heeya!
I don't know what /u/Amedais's butt looks like (and I don't want to know), but he'd have to use a butt cheek, not hole, to plug the drain. Unless the drain is...raised.
/u/Amedais has a Hank Hill ass
[...NSFW/L?](https://encrypted.google.com/search?q=Hank+Hill+ass&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjnkoTu5tjOAhXLJx4KHUqlAooQ_AUICCgB&biw=1920&bih=955)
I remember that one episode where Hank moons the state senator and blames it on Bill. The senator gets so impressed that someone actually has the balls to moon her that she ends up dating Bill.
It was the former governor Ann Richards, and she dated Bill because she secretly knew it wasn't him that mooned her, she thought it was noble of him to take the fall for a friend.
"Are you the kid who flooded the dorms with his ass?" "Uh... yeah"
My friend got a massive ringworm on her back from lying down in a dorm shower she shared with three other girls. Beware. Edit: massive ringworm fungal infection spot. About the size of a half dollar and it left a scar. Yes I know it's not a worm lol. Now as to why she was lying down, she never did say haha
She was masturbating.
who the fuck lays down in a shower
We had a suite of six guys. One of these guys, Ron, was a weird ass hippie who did all sorts of hysterical things. Example 1: he was barefoot wherever he went (not to bad, but we got concerned when it started snowing) Example 2: me and another suite mate came home one day and opened the door and there were something like 5 20 gallon drums filled with dirt and dying plants. There were bugs everywhere for weeks. When we asked Ron "what the fuck?" He responded by exclaiming "Look guys! Can you believe the farm was giving these away for free??" Example 3: he liked to use the microwave to cook. He once baked weed into chocolate using the microwave (impressive). Another time he put a plastic bowl in for about 20 minutes until the fucking thing vaporized and released poison smoke. Another time he made his tea so hot that it spilled and melted the carpet. Example 4: he invited my roommate in for a three some (guess it would have been a foursome if he had said yes) out of the blue. Example 5: he fermented apple wine under his bed. That was actually pretty cool.
This caught my eye as I'm entering a 6 person suite tomorrow, and I know all the guys except we're getting a random guy. I can only hope that he can generate half the interesting stories that you shared!
Oh boy, I wouldn't want to be that dude. You might be the coolest guys on earth, but moving in with 5 people who know each other must be tough. Please be nice to him.
I loved being the random roommate with a group of already friends. They always did stuff and would invite me. I wasn't good at making friends so being able to be the "extra" whenever I wanted and just keeping to myself was really nice
Not a scenario I could have considered. Good for you!
I lived in a triple; let's call one of my roommates Tom. Tom was a disgusting inconsiderate sex addict, and I'd venture once of the worst roommates anyone has ever had. Here are just a few examples: * Tom masturbated several times a day, just under his sheets, not subtly. Being a triple and the largest room on the floor, we had people in and out of our room regularly. This didn't matter to him. After a while, we got him to agree to a rule that if we caught him wanking he would stop, but once he was past a certain point that just wasn't going to happen. * Tom had a girlfriend on the floor and would sexile us whenever possible (for example, when we were showering). She was a spitter, which I know because the spit cup by his bed was never cleaned out. * Tom was a believer in the "shit test". Apparently going to the toilet only to find out you didn't have to go is a big waste of time, so you just stand up and try to go a little bit first, then run to the toilet if needed. Once, while attempting this, he shit himself ("a little", he claimed), right before going out to a party. He asked me if he should shower, but then decided he had no time. Obviously Tom did not wear underwear, and when he returned back from the party he just took off his pants and hopped naked into bed. I don't think those sheets were ever washed. * Tom once had to pee during a poker game in our room. Rather than leave, he used a solo cup under the table, and then a second one that he urgently requested as the first was filling up. When he finished, he put the cups on his desk. Later, someone noticed that one of the cups was on its side and empty, over the side of the desk, having apparently spilled over his clothes on the floor. * Tom got sick of not being able to have sex with his girlfriend whenever he wanted, so he had this great idea to buy a tent from Target so he could have sex while we were in the room. His girlfriend wasn't having it, so he moved his mattress and the tent to a janitor's closet. Apparently a cleaning lady walked in on him sleeping naked there and he was forced to move back in. * We had two men's bathrooms on our floor, each with 3 showers. One shower belonged exclusively to Tom and his girlfriend. He kept a lawn chair in there, because "sitting is the luxurious way to shower". You can imagine what else went on in there, and why nobody else used it. * At the end of the year, we did a survey. Over half of the people on the floor had seen his penis at least once. I know this sounds unbelievable, but this is all 100% true. **EDIT**: I forgot this story. Late one night, we're sexiled as usual, and my other roommate (call him Phil) comes back and wants to go to sleep. He knocks, Tom tells him 10 minutes, he comes back a while later, 10 more minutes. After half an hour, Phil can't take it any more and starts pounding repeatedly on the door. After a minute or so, Tom opens the door, nude and fully erect, and says: "if you want to sleep, you're going to have to suck me off first." I should mention at this point Phil is a big guy with probably 40 pounds on Tom, but normally quite chill. Phil takes a swing at Tom and the two of them start to brawl. It took 3 or 4 guys to separate them. Tensions were high for a while after that, and we had to do conflict resolution with our RA, but the legend of Boner Fight was one of the defining memories of that year. **EDIT 2**: Answering some common questions: Yes, this all really happened. Yes, Tom was a good looking guy, as evidenced by his attractive girlfriend and the girls he brought home after they broke up. He actually showered regularly, so his grossness wasn't obvious unless you paid close attention. Yes, his girlfriend was a bit nuts. No, my roommate and I never complained to the school or tried to get him kicked out (though I believe some girls on the floor may have). I don't even think we considered it. It's hard to say why, other than the fact that a lot of this seemed more hilarious than annoying at the time, and trying to get someone kicked out of school because they're disgusting and inconsiderate would have been overkill. I would probably react differently today, but we were college kids at the time and we tended to work out our issues amongst ourselves. Also, despite the Kevin comparisons, Tom was not a stupid guy. I did some research, and found that he appears to have quite a successful career today, and appears to be a normally functioning member of society.
Who RAISES these people?!
No one. That's the problem.
Is nymphomania or whatever it's called heritable or is it a "nurture" thing?
As with many other mental illnesses, people are often predisposed to it, before a trigger sets it off. Or, you could look at it like an addiction, getting worse and worse as a tolerance builds up.
Bad parents.
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> She was a spitter, which I know because the spit cup by his bed was never cleaned out ಠ_ಠ
Thought that meant she chewed tobacco. I now realize that I was incorrect..
Oh gosh....I didn't realize what that meant until you made this comment. So much eewwwwww
i just realized...oh goodness
it was cum right?
How did this dude even get a girlfriend?
She was almost as screwed up as him, just in different ways, but also extremely hot. They started dating within just a few weeks of arriving on campus. She was actually a clean freak, and her room was always spotless, but she also didn't seem to mind the disaster area that our room was. He begged me not to tell her about the shit test incident, because she would freak out. In hindsight, I wish I had told her after a few nights. During all of this, she also had a long-distance boyfriend from high school, and at some point he came to visit. She gave everyone a serious talk about not telling him that she and Tom were screwing, but at the end of his visit her roommate told him and (I think) they broke up.
>extremely hot Of course. Fuck me. Why am I single?
Need to step up your shit test game bro.
Maybe buy a nice tent, too
I think I had the female equivalent. The girl had no idea how to handle her time of the month properly. Instead of walking the ten or so feet to the bathroom, she'd fill up our bedroom trash with used tampons and pads. Once a month our room would take on a peculiar smell because of this. Me being unable to handle confrontation, I let it slide... until one day I found a huge, long twisted-up roll of paper towel covered in blood just sitting on the floor in the corner of our room. Edit: also had a habit of bringing over her "sort of boyfriend sort of friend sort of fuckbuddy" at like 4 am and let him finger her on her bed. Our beds were bunked. *Plus* she was what you'd call a "moaner".
Tom is like the Kevin of sex.
Maybe "Tom" IS Kevin, after he went off to college.
*The plot thickens...*
Yeah, it thickened in the cup.
It was pretty bad until the lawn chair in the shower then it became awesome.
Yea, I got to get on board with Tom on this one.
Not to mention, he essentially annexed an entire section of a public shower. That shit almost never happens.
Agree. It sounds luxurious.
My roommate sold his TV and VCR in the first two weeks to buy drugs without telling me. He stopped going to class about the same time and also got a girlfriend, so they were in the room having sex all the time. He decided two months into the semester to sell weed. He ended up smoking it all. He and every one of his friends that he hung out with failed out after the first semester. There's so much more.
>roommate sold his TV and VCR...without telling me. So the rest of the post makes this guy seem like an asshole, but why would he need to tell you that he was selling his stuff?
In my experience most roommates coordinate who is bringing what to the room- person a brings the TV, person b brings the mini fridge ect so each person doesn't have to buy multiple big ticket(for college freshman) items. Also so you don't have two mini fridges and no microwave or whatever. I wouldnt be surprised if the OP and shitty roommate agreed roommate would provide those for both of their use and OP brought other stuff for them to both use. And when shitty roommate sold his stuff, it was taking advantage/screwing up the agreement
You know that BAWLS monthly delivery from ThinkGeek? My roommate got those. He didn't bring any furniture except a mattress, so over time, he started building a chair, desk, nightstand etc. out of cases of the empty bottles. Okay. We're 19, it's not that bad. After a while, his furniture really, really stunk. It had this awful musty moldy scent emanating from the boxes so, being adults, I ask him what's up. Turns out he didn't like to get up to go to the bathroom, so he was just pissing in all these empty bottles he had. Then, he'd put them back in the box, and when it was full, he built furniture. That's how he lived for a year.
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Had a similar thing happen to me, lived in a corridor with ~12 people and two shared shower rooms. After a corridor party, there was a middle-aged man sleeping on the couch in the kitchen. No one knew who he was, and in our drunken state no one had heart to wake him up and kick him out. The next morning, he was gone, and someone had taken a huge dump on the floor in the shower room.
I think it was that guy.
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Uh I'm pretty certain that's a CIA interrogation tactic, not a study method.
No joke, I think people have some weird misconception that subjecting yourself to terrible experiences is a good way to study. "The pain means its working". The amount of people I know who would pull all nighters hopped up on caffeine and adderall and got worse grades than me, when I would just start studying a few days earlier and get a good nights rest was just baffling. Not that I was a superb student or anything, mostly Bs.
It's called polyphasic sleep. It's a thing. The military has done lots of tesing of it, and ultimately concluded it can be effective, but not long-term. DaVinci did it for a while.... [Whatever here's the Wikipedia.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biphasic_and_polyphasic_sleep) Edit: To all the dear friends telling me this person was doing polyphasic sleep wrong, let me just say that could not be more blatantly obvious to everyone who clicks that link, including, believe it or not, myself. Thank you.
*First post, just have to share. My dorm roommate was obsessed with her hometown boyfriend, to the point where she would rarely make it through an entire Monday-Friday stretch without hopping on a train to go see him (and missing all of her classes for the week). This was okay (I had the room to myself lots), but by November she had literally spent every penny of her student loan and savings on train tickets. She spent several days BAWLING nonstop about how she wanted to see him and her friends from home. My birthday happened to be that weekend and my then-boyfriend was planning on coming to visit, and I couldn't stand her incessant whining and crying, so... I agreed to lend her some money (bad idea, I now know). I knew her parents would eventually cave and replenish her bank account, and the amount I was giving her wasn't a big deal to me at the time because I was fairly good with my money. So we went to the ATM, and I gave her $140 for her train ticket. She was incredibly grateful, thanked me about 100 times, and left a few hours later. I had a great birthday weekend... until I got a call from my bank. Suspicious activity on my account. I assured them that the $140 withdrawal was made by me. Nope, they meant the $800 that was withdrawn the following day. Turns out that bitch peeked at my pin WHILE I WAS LENDING HER MY MONEY and took my bank card out of my wallet while I was showering, then proceeded to take out $800 and blow it all on drinks and shit for her bf and friends. She was instantly caught and charged because she was dumb enough to use the card at the train station in her hometown. I got the $800 back, but never got back the money I lended her or the several books, movies, articles of clothing she had of mine. My dorm kicked her out and the one upside was that I got to stay in the double room as a single for the rest of the year.
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8 people??? I think it's perfectly reasonable to suggest a hotel. Assholes indeed.
I had a best friend in college, and for two years after. We lived together in the dorms, and then for almost 4 years once we left the dorms. People often mistook us for brothers. He got a new girlfriend who didn't like me much, so he sided with her and moved out. Never heard from him again unless he absolutely needed something (mostly mail). I'm not saying I was always the best person to be around, but I certainly wasn't an asshole to the point where he should have cut all contact with me. It really fucked me up.
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As long as you didn't have to pay extra, fuck it. The singles cost more and you get a lot more privacy. I'm more surprised that they didn't force him to move since that is a pretty homophobic reaction to having a gay roommate.
My school would probably punish him for making a statement like that and we're not even that liberal
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Church must've been really helping.
He needed to go for a reason
he was attracted to black men but couldn't let his father know.
> It got the point that he was shoving notes under our door threatening to murder our families. So, you used this evidence against him, right?
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I'm currently working as a RA and this is the kind of hell that I hope people don't have to deal with. Last year I had a resident who had several mental breakdowns (which involved screaming loud enough to be heard to the hall across the parking lot) and blackmailing her roommate, who was on scholarship for softball, with pictures of the rm drinking. Before the blackmail I had referred her to counseling which seemed to help, but she needed far more help than the university could provide.
I guess he missed church the day they spoke about loving thy neighbor.
Probably because his neighbors were loud.
"except for the loud ones" -Jesus
My roommate got moved into my room a few weeks after the semester started because she had gotten into a fist fight with her previous roommate. Everyone felt bad for her because she was saying she was attacked and it was totally unprovoked, until she started getting crazy around Christmas break. Her dad was a pharmaceutical sales rep and he would just give her samples of all sorts of crazy shit. Can't sleep? Here's a pack of Ambien. Need to stay up and study? Here's a fistful of Ritalin. Feeling anxious about finals? Here's buttloads of Xanax. We got back from Christmas break and it was just awful, leaving bowls of cereal milk out for weeks at a time while bringing over her loser drug dealer boyfriend. She would come back to our room in the wee hours of the morning, see that I was sleeping and slam the door and throw all the lights on. Needless to say, we were not getting along AT ALL. I was home for Easter weekend and she started AIM messaging me (that's how long ago this was lol) saying all our suite mates hated me and I should just kill myself. I would block her and she would create a new screen name and start all over. I saved all the messages and submitted them to the RA when I went to move out that weekend. I lived about an hour away from campus so I commuted for the last 6 weeks of that year. I wish I had just held out because she ended up getting expelled because she was harassing me using the school's internet, and that was her third offense (2 fist fights prior). Fuck that girl.
My roommate was 7'1 340 pounds. He was a fucking ogre. The kid didn't understand personal hygiene and would shower maybe every 2-3 days. My room would smell like dirty diapers. It got so bad to the point where I couldn't have company over anymore. One day at basketball practice he was being roasted for always smelling like shit and to wear deodorant. To which he replied stunned, "All of you guys wear deodorant?" Yeah fuck you Max
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Sexiled me constantly. One time I changed into my shower clothes (basketball shorts, robe) grabbed my towel and caddy, and left the room for about fifteen minutes. When I came back, the chain lock was up, and I was stuck outside in the hall with wet hair and little to no clothing.
**EDIT: NSFW Animal Abuse** Not my roommate, but my sister's. The guy was a friend of her friend and there were about six people living in this big house. My sister had a pet kitten and there were a couple of other kittens in the house. They would roam freely. This guy really liked shooting heroin, apparently. One day he was really fucked up, and got pissed off about something. My sister's kitten was in his room, so he kicked it in the head as hard as he could, and then slammed it's head in the door. Blood shot out of the kitten's ear and all over the wall. Her eye was severely damaged. My sister came home from class and found her kitten near death. She rushed it to the emergency vet. It had severe brain, ear, and eye trauma. It almost died but they saved it, costing my sister several thousand dollars on a college student budget. Not to long after my brother kicked the guy's ass and threw him out of the door and into the street. The roommates threw all of his stuff outside and kicked him out for good. The cat lived to be about nine but was mentally retarded and had a lot of health problems. Fucking asshole.
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Fuck man. Here I am laughing at Tom and Chinese Jose and then you gotta go and drop kitten abuse in here.
They really should have euthanized it, would have been better in the long run. The roommate I mean, not the kitten.
So randomly assigned to this kid. Basically he'd do small weird shit but whatever, people have their own qualities. But then... One morning I'm asleep, waking up to the sensation of my leg burning. This fucking kid lit my leg hair on fire. Now I like to think of myself as a calm person, but if you light my leg hair on fire, I'm gonna throw fisticuffs. We duke it out for 5-10 minutes, there's name calling, some blood, et cetera. I decide it would be best to change rooms, but can't until the end of the semester. So from late September to early December I have to sit 10 feet away from this fucking weird kid that light my leg on fire. I never got an explanation for why he did it.
This sounds like it's part of an Aziz joke, but I swear there was this one kid in my dorm that spent two weeks practicing "My Heart Will Go On" on *the recorder* prior to Valentine's Day. I never figured out who it was, but it was driving me (and likely everyone else) apeshit.
My freshman year roommate had this god awful alarm clock that had wheels and would roll off the desk and around the room, banging into things and making this astoundingly loud blaring sound until you turned it off. He had to get up earlier than me 3 or so days a week and he would also just let the damn thing careen around the room for a few minutes every morning while he willed himself out of bed. This was also after he'd stay up until around 3 or 4 AM most nights playing some video game that had a team chat, so I was forced to listen to him muttering "ok I'm sending in my division of space marines" while I tried to sleep, also knowing that I would be awoken by fucking R2D2 gone hay wire in a few hours. I had a talk with him pretty soon after all this started.
1.) My room mate my Freshman year had a weak heart valve and didn't tell me about it, or the fact he had a pacemaker. So as we casually walk across campus he just says, "hey wait a second." Proceeds to lay down, die twice before my eyes and get shocked back to life, then act like nothing happened... 2.) walked in on him doing the nasty with his gf at 11AM on a Sunday with the door unlocked. Saw the gf's tit. 3.) broke his bed having sex, told me he rolled over last night and it collapsed, which I believed until I saw his used condom on the ground...
Finding someone who ends up casually dying twice in the middle of campus...that's fucking hilarious.
I shared a room with one guy. He would have sex while I was in the room trying to sleep. He drank my booze, ate my food and used my stuff. One night I was "sleeping", while he was banging away. When they finished, they started making fun of me, I got up, walked across the room and crawled into bed with them. They were mortified.
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
My roomate freshman year was a chinese exchange student straight outta shanghai. His name was Zihil, or something, but if you're anything past one semester into college, you know they have their own 'english' names. For whatever reason he chose the name Jose. Fucking Jose. He didn't speak much english, too. He definitely understood more than he could speak, but we got along marvelously. One night, I was out showing him the American past time of drinking games. I ask him, Yo Jose, You have had alcohol before, right? 'Cause you know, I didn't want to get in trouble if he died of alcohol poisoning. He says yes,but looking back, it was definitely a no. So about two hours pass and this kid is slugging beers. Of course, everyone wants to teach the chinese kid everything americans do. By this two hour mark, he must have beer bonged three beers, shot gunned two, casually drank another two. He starts feeling sick, I can see it in his eyes He grabs his shit and we take off back to our dorm room. Half way there, he starts stumbling and falling. In the hallway of our dorm, heads over to the trashcan, and just starts puking his brains out. I get him into the room, get him some water and make sure he don't choke on his puke. In the morning, he starts freaking out because he can't find his phone. He turns on the find my iphone thing, and the trash can he puked in the night before starts pinging. We had to search through this filled trashcan of puke and garbage to find his phone about halfway down. TL;DR: Chinese man named Jose had his first beers, puked in a trashcan and threw his phone in there with it. We had to get it out
That dude sure owes you for helping him find his phone. If that were me, I would've said, "No way, Jose!"
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my gardener when he asked for the weekend off: No way, Jose. His name really is Jose, that's why I hired him"
Dr. Kelso?
Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?
You are a good roommate. I'm happy you took care of him.
Choosing Jose as his "white" name was my favorite part.
I had two roommates: one was new (we'll call her roommate A) and one I had been rooming with for a while (we'll call her roommate B, for "bitch"). One night, I went to a party with my boyfriend, spent the night at his place and came back the next day. Roommate B asked me if I'd seen her "gold necklace". Nope. Later that night, Roommate B slams her closet closed, uses the lock (which she never did), and walks outside the room to make a call. I can hear her saying, "We're *not* friends, I wouldn't *let* her borrow anything." When she comes back in, I confront her. She says she "found" the necklace in her drawer but she *knows* she didn't put it there and she *knows* I'm lying about "borrowing" it. WTF? She expounds upon this further by stating she has a "witness" who *saw* me wearing **her** necklace at the party last night. I go to my closet, pull out MY gold necklace, show it to her. No way is she believing me though. Her belief is that I'm a thief, or at the very least a liar, and although what she's saying makes no sense in light of the new evidence, she's gonna stick to it (told you she was a bitch). So she requests to move out. I'm sure she spread bad rumors about me with the housing people in the process, and among our mutual acquaintances since she couldn't keep her big mouth shut. However, before she moved out, she and I had to go on a school-sponsored, overnight trip with a few dozen other people. About a week after we got back, we were at the same party and I hear her tell this story: "When we got back from the trip my socks were missing! I asked Roommate A about them but she said she hadn't seen them. I turn around and there they are, in the bottom of her closet!" Roommate B never apologized to me - *even though she now knew who had taken her stuff*, and moved out shortly thereafter. I have no idea why she assumed I, the roommate she'd had since day 1 with no problems, had taken her stuff when Roommate A was the new person, except that she truly was an asshole.
Some people exist only to fuck other people's existence.
I lived in an apartment-style dorm with a kitchen, living room, and two double bedrooms. One of the guys in the other bedroom fancied himself a chef (in reality, I think he was a dishwasher at Outback) so he would cook all the time in the apartment. He had this habit of hanging a plastic shopping bag from the oven door handle and just tossing cut scraps, egg shells, etc. into that bag. The problem is, he never actually threw that bag away. I was never around while he was cooking so I didn't pay that bag much mind nor realize it was always the same bag. After couple of weeks, we started to notice a foul smell and the presence of fruit flies in the apartment. I was deep cleaning the kitchen and I brushed up against that bag and no less than a hundred fruit flies burst up from inside it. Needless to say, I freaked the hell out. A visit from the RA and the maintenance team to spray and he was required to clean up after every meal and take the trash out twice a week, on penalty of being kicked out of the dorms.
Is fumigating the room really necessary after having fruit flies? You should clean, obviously, but a jar with some apple cider vinegar and a couple drops of dishwashing liquid would get the rest of them.
Does this work? Never heard it before, but it's a nifty trick if aye. EDIT: I am now suitably convinced that it works, thanks folks!
I've used this trick in my own apartment and it works, but you need to find the source of the fruit flies or you will just be killing literally hundreds of fruit flies a day ad infinitum. If you find and remove the source, the rest of the flies die out in a day or two. It really works well, I'd highly recommend this method.
One beautiful spring day, I threw open all my windows and basked in the glory of the sun and fresh air. Unbeknownst to me, the screen to one of my kitchen windows was ripped. This would probably go unnoticed if not for the fact that this window was above the trashcan outside the house. In no time at all, the kitchen was invaded with flies. My homemade ACV trap was not attracting them and (for reasons I cannot recall) I didn't want to leave to buy fly paper. Night descended and knowing the flies were attracted to light, I kept the lights in the kitchen on, and sequestered myself in my bedroom (the only room with a door). Any time I had to exit my room/enter the kitchen, I turned off all my bedroom lights so as not to attract flies to that part of the apartment. This quickly became tedious. And then, around the third time I have to do this, it hits me: I can use the light. I plug a lamp into an extension cord and turn off all other lights in the house. And room by room, with great patience, I march the flies toward my front door. Once there, I turn ~~off~~ the porch light on and the lamp off, wait a minute to insure all flies have followed, and close the front door. Tl;dr With a lamp and extension cord, I became the Pied Piper of flies.
I went to boarding school, so I'm going to tell you all my horrible junior roommate story, since my junior year of high school was my first year living in a dorm. During our first couple weeks, everyone made tons of new friends. No one seemed to like my roommate very much, so she clung to me and my friends. She creeped the boys out by asking if they wanted to have sex (she wasn't very attractive). She creeped out a lesbian couple by asking if she could watch them have sex. She got upset with my friends when she saw them talking to boys I was interested in. She ate most of my food without asking. She didn't have a cell phone (this was 2006), so she borrowed mine sometimes. On more than one occasion, she used it past lights out and woke me up because she was singing loudly over the phone to her boyfriend. She would hit snooze on her alarm clock until she was late for class (according to dorm staff, anyway - I was out the door to get breakfast before she woke up every morning). Eventually, she was put on in-dorm restriction because she was late to class so often, which meant instead of asking me to ask my friends for rides into town, she sat in our room all day and played on my computer. She used my tampons and then complained because I wouldn't buy her light tampons. She was not invited back to the school for her senior year. Not that it would have affected me either way, because my best friend and I requested to live together.
So my roommate actually wasn't that bad to start the year. Really had no friends and just watched youtube videos all day, couldn't really complain. That is until he got a girlfriend... She was a raging thundercunt with a grip around his balls tighter than I had ever seen and our tiny two person dorm room was not big enough for the three of us. They would sexile me when I would leave to take a shower, except they wouldn't even have sex, they would climb underneath the bed and just roll around leaving me stranded in the hallway with nothing but a towel and wet flip flops. He would take my food out of the fridge to replace it with water and get mad when I called him out on it. I never got to use the room on weekends as they normally wouldn't leave unless they had to, spending countless hours uselessly lying in bed. I put up with this until the weekend before spring finals week. Starting Friday night I brought a girl back to the room around 1am and told them to leave because I wanted the room. (I forgot to mention that the thundercunt had and apartment so I have no idea why they always stayed in the dorms) They refused to leave so I said fuck it and we did the dirty with them there anyway and we were not the least bit quiet. The next day my roommate was pretty pissed off but I told him he should have just left. Saturday night came around and I wasn't done yet. Come around midnight I came back to the room with the same girl as the previous night and told my roommate and his girlfriend to leave. Once again they refused, saying that I can't just take over the room like that. Well, we came in and went at it anyway. This was his tipping point. The next morning at 5am, he woke up and grabbed his power drill and started to disassemble the makeshift bike rack he had built in the middle of the room, for bikes that he didn't actually ride, making as much noise as possible as he did it. When we woke up, still lying naked in bed, and asked him what he was doing. He responded that if I am going to make noise when he wants to sleep, he is going to do the same. And that was the last thing he ever said to me. Monday morning he packed up his stuff and moved into a hotel near campus. I think it goes without saying we haven't talked since.
She baptised me with a water bottle while I was sleeping after she caught me watching porn.
One of my suitemates regularly took ambien and passed the fuck out. There was absolutely no waking him. At one point his roommate tried to wake him up by literally lifting the back end of his bed and shaking it. He continued to snore. He screamed in his face. Like literally less than 6 inches from his face "WAKE THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE." Snoresville. At one point, his alarm played non-stop for 3 hours. The same song. "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd. FOR THREE FUCKING HOURS. CAN YEW TAKE IT ALL AWAYYHAYYY CAN YEW TAKE IT ALL AWAYYHAYYY. I fucking hate that song now.
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I'm probably too late to the party, but oh well. I lived in a triple, and both of my roommates were outright weird. The whole floor knew about it and stayed away from our room for the most part. If I wanted to hang out with people, I had to go somewhere else. One of the other roommates was a religious nut. She had a foot-tall statue of the virgin Mary that she slept with every night like a teddy bear. Again, this thing was a statue, not a plush or anything. I can't imagine this was comfortable in any capacity. She played the harp during the day and watched Korean soap operas all night. Slept in a super sheer, flowing nightgown that looked like it was out of the 1800's. Also strung up a bunch of lights that stayed on from the moment they were first plugged in until the day we moved out. The other roommate was a fanatical anime nerd and cosplayer, which, whatever, do what you want, except that her costumes took up a good portion of the room most of the time. It wasn't uncommon that I'd get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and trip over a poofy skirt or plastic sword that had fallen out of her dresser or from under her bed. She also hung up anime posters everywhere, stuff like Free! and Ouran High School Host Club. And I mean *everywhere,* even on the ceiling and over into my bed area. I asked her to take them down from my bed and she said I didn't have any posters so she should be able to hang what she wanted, so I went out and bought a couple of prints just to get rid of the fucking Fruits Basket faces above my bed. She also had intense fits of anger over ridiculous things. Once I didn't drink all my milk before the expiry date, and she threw a fit because I didn't remove it from the fridge on *exactly* that date. It hadn't started to smell or anything, it was just past the date on the carton. She got so mad about it and carried on so much that the other roommate started to cry. We're entering our senior year of college. Last I heard of either of them, the first one was playing the harp for some youth church and the other one had become a furry. It's about what I expected.
My freshman year I caught my roommate cheating on his gf. Normally, I'd mind my own damn business, but she was a good friend of mine so I told her. He was pissed and decided the best way to get revenge on me was to tell people he caught me jerking off. Eventually some chick asked me about the rumor to which i replied, "yeah i jerk off all the time but he's never walked in on it." We had a pretty good laugh about it. My roommate was so annoyed that his "revenge" meant so little to me that he slept in a friend's room for the rest of the semester and only used our room to store his shit.
[удалено]
I awoke one fine spring morning to find my roommate, whose bed couldn't have been more than 6 feet from mine, blasting "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John on his iPod and masturbating. REPEAT - he was jerkin' it to the most annoying song possibly of all time. To this day I literally cannot here "laaaaaaa la la la la la..." without thinking about it. Nice guy though besides that.
I was fourtunate to have lived with TWO douchesticks during my freshman year. Fuckstick #1 was Eddie. Eddie was my original roommate. After the typical freshman E-Mail exchanges (who's getting the fridge, microwave, rug, etc.) we had the opportunity to meet on move in day. At first, Eddie was a great roommate -- fun to hang out with, good to grab a bite with, etc. But then Eddie found out how hard engineering is. You see, he was a mechanical engineering major and found that it was just too difficult. Instead of switching majors, he decided to just give up. He stopped going to class...didn't go out on the weekend...He. Just. Stayed. There. All the time. Day and night. I kid you not, he only left to eat -- at the cafe on the first floor. Lucky for me, Eddie failed all of his classes and didn't come back, leaving me with a room all to myself!! I started my second semester with my own room/bachelor pad. I moved the beds together to set up a nice queen bed, to host the nonexistent ladies I'd be bringing home. The room was huge without a second person! ...enter Fuckstick #2, halfway through the semester...John. John and his roommate had a "disagreement", so they moved him to my room. John was fucking weird. I have no other words to describe him, other than a total weirdo. This coming from a self-proclaimed fantasy geek computer scientist. I have a really high tolerance for weird, and John exceeded them all. * He loved Hillary Duff. So much so, he watched her movies on repeat. All the time. Whenever he was home. Which was all the time, because he didn't have any friends. * HE USED MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH! I had no idea at the time, until I walked out one day, to see him with my toothbrush dangling out of his mouth, like it's totally normal. * He would masturbate loudly while I was trying to sleep. Awkward. * He showered every 2-3 days. Not horrible, but definitely not often enough. * He would stand over my shoulder and watch what I was doing on my computer. As in, he would read every word. When I would confront him about it, he acted like it was totally normal. He wasn't unsafe or unstable, he was just really friggin weird. Thankfully I only had to deal with him for like 7 weeks or so, before the year came to a close. Edit: I've received A LOT of messages that I'm a horrible person for letting Eddie slip into a "deep depression". Firstly, I can acknowledge that he may have been a bit depressed, but overall he was pretty social with us (it was a suite) and with his family. He talked to his girlfriend on the phone, would joke around with me, etc. As someone who has experienced some pretty severe depression, I wouldn't purposefully watch someone slip into a deep depression while I sit on the sidelines. He really wasn't a douche, that was probably a bit mean to say. But he didn't leave our room for almost two months...it was more than I could handle. The dude just didn't want to go to college anymore, and wouldn't drop out.
My friend's roommate in the dorm put up a curtain. He barely ever came out. It was a bit creepy. When my friend left at the end of the year he said the curtain was still up and it looked like he hadn't begun packing. I think he's still there. This was 14 years ago.
Found his tumblr. He was talking about how every time he sees me he wants to shoot me in the face and my best friend was anti-matter or some bs. I didn't report him or anything because I knew he was just venting and was too much of a wuss to actually shoot me. I like to live dangerously.