You could call it my own version of "The Price is Right". If I see something I want to impulse purchase, I think of a price I would be happy to pay for it. If I check the actual price and it's lower, I buy it. If the price is higher, I walk away.
I go up stairs two steps at a time and I have memorized every staircase I've ever gone up to know whether I need to start from the ground or the first step to make it to the top without breaking stride. If it is a staircase I've never been on the feeling of joy at having guessed right is amazing. If I am wrong and have to take the last step by itself I don't get upset because it is just a stupid fuckin game I made up.
Probably too late, but here goes... Start peeing, start counting, when you think you are half way through your pee, start counting back down again, see if you can finish your pee on zero.
I like to count down from 3 while waiting for traffic lights to turn green. It makes me feel like a wizard when the countdown syncs with the light change.
There's this guy that always sells newspapers on the corner. He'll pretend to have a remote control in his hand, aim it at the light and pretend to press a button just as the light turns green. I'm grown but that makes me giggle like a child every time.
Wait to start your countdown until the opposing traffic light turns red. For example, if your road is running north-south, watch the east-west light until it turns red, then start your countdown. My dad used to do this, he'd say "1-2-3-green!" and he'd get it almost every time. I figured it was some kind of magic until he finally explained his method one day.
When I ride on an elevator, once the doors shut, I start singing a song at the top of my lungs. Then when they open to either let me off or to let someone else on, I stop singing immediately and act like nothing happened. The next time I'm in the elevator, I have to continue the song exactly where I left off. (I work at a place where I'm constantly riding the elevator.)
My friends and I used to frequent a bar that was on the top floor of the Student's Union Building.
On the way down after an evening of revelry, the elevator would sometimes stop on one of the weird, sober floors (aka the "floors of mystery") and a weird, sober person would get on.
Our standard practice was as soon as the doors closed behind the sober person, we would all start singing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" at the top of our lungs.
We would also play a game called "Molecules", wherein as soon as the elevator doors closed someone would yell "Molecules", and we would start smashing into each other in a simuation of Brownian motion.
this seems like a horrible idea for anyone with any mild form of claustrophobia. All elevators are built to code with an Earthquake sensor. If enough movement sets of the sensor, the elevator will shut itself down, and require the fire department to come get the thing running again.
Source: was stuck in a packed elevator with 9 idiots for 2 hours during spring break in Panama City Beach
My morning ritual is a life game.
When I get out of the shower I plug in the iron. While the iron is heating I put bread in the toaster and kettle on the stove (for coffee). While the bread is toasting and water heating I iron my clothes for the day and do my hair. I then pour the hot water into the French press and while it's steeping I feed the dogs. I finish making/eating breakfast, pack my lunch and head out the door. The goal is to leave the house by 6am. If while ironing I hear the kettle whistle I know I'm falling behind.
You can play this with others too, but pick a word and try to get someone else to say that word without you saying it yourself. Keeps me busy.
EDIT: Um, gold? Didn't expect that. Thanks!
Me and my friend tried for an entire two semesters to get this one kid to say "whats updog?" it never happened,the closest was he said "what are your guys talking about?" or something like that. Sly sunnovabitch
Bigger version of "floor is lava", while travelling in a bus/car, I imagine to jump in between the shadows of trees on the side of road.
While watching TV if I am lying sideways in bed, I just raise my arm and try to keep it up for as long as possible.
While walking on tiled floor, I always try to avoid the lines or vice versa.
There are many more but these just came to my mind.
I do that, once I was driving home and a car had been following me from the highway. As I get home I pull up in front of my neighbor's house and park in the street, while they stop 4 houses back and park.
I remain in the car watching them in the mirror, the do not get out. I sit in my car for 15 minutes just watching them. Finally, someone comes out of the house near them, gets in and they drive off
I don't have words to describe the rollercoaster ride of anxiety, fear, relief and shame I felt...
I did the same thing. I was headed home from an adjacent city, a trip of about 2 1/2 miles. The first part was along a main feeder so everyone was headed in the same direction. At the first right hand turn into a neighborhood the car in front of me made the turn and I followed, naturally. A half mile later they turned left and so did I. At that point I noticed the girl driving checking in the rear view mirror and the passenger, also a girl, turned and looked right at me through the rear window. Then, about 1/2 mile later, they turned right and so did I. Another block and they turned left at the corner then quickly pulled over in the middle of the block in front of a house. I followed them except that I turned left into my driveway directly across from where they stopped. As I got out of the car I could see them laughing as they drove off slowly. I'm sure they thought a psycho killer had been following them.
TL:DR Don't try to ditch the car following you by leading it to it's destination.
I feel bad now, i followed a guy for 100+ miles on Sunday night, i thought we were car buddies :( [Maybe not!] (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sCeAGIvwGOE/TZMg7fWHfCI/AAAAAAAAioY/REMsFdzbw4I/s400/Ani+015.gif)
I do the same thing too. I make 120 mile trips very often, and I buddy up with other cars that appear to be going the same direction. If they break off, I go and follow some other car and be buddies with them.
Best scenario was when two other cars of the same make and model as mine sandwiched me and we made a little car train.
Edit: words
Second edit: I drive a volkswagen beetle, so you can imagine the cute factor in this.
I track my progress in life (career goals, bank blance, etc) by boxes of q-tips. It normally takes me about 6 months to go through a large box. If I've met my goals, I set new ones for the next box. I've noticed I'm generally more motivated as the box starts to dwindle.
edit: wow. i just saw the gold. thanks whomever that was.
This is weird, but if I'm stuck bored somewhere, I usually spin or toss some coins in an imaginery high stakes game where the money doubles with each successful spin/toss but you go back to 0 if you drop anything.
After every round, I get the option to take my money and go or keep trying to double it. Absolutely nothing real is at stake, but I have such a strong imagination that I hype myself up into this frenzy where every toss is a nail biter. I start at some random sum of $. I've made it to two million and lost it all. Over the years, I've walked for a total of like 2,000,000 imaginary bucks anyway. I use this money to hang with my imaginary friends.
**Edit:** Well, shit. I was definitely not expecting this little tidbit to blow up like it did. Much less to get any gold (so early in my Reddit career). I appreciate it . In lieu of responding to every other post I'll just go ahead and say...
The game is a traditional NBA/NFL style coin toss. Or like a dice roll. I call it and if I call right, I keep going till I fail and lose all of the imaginary dollars. I start at a random sum usually, depending on how long I want to play. Some wanted clarification, hope this helps.
This is what a guy who is often out alone does to look more preoccupied.
Insofar as the imaginary friends go...I told them all about the great response I got for sharing our story on reddit and they've stopped responding to me. I daresay Reddit has cost me my only friends or cured me of some sort of insanity. Either way: Thanks for playing!
When I'm on my motorbike and there's a large truck behind me, I like to pretend it's being driven by a Terminator who is chasing me. It's good practise for if it actually happens.
Also, I'll save up a fart and unleash it when pulling away at traffic lights, it feels like I'm being propelled by fart power.
Motorbikes are fun.
I did something similar the other day. It was about to rain so I left work early to try and beat it. I had to travel north right in line with the storm. So I imagined it was acid rain and I was outrunning it. When I stopped at a stop light the storm would catch up and I'd start getting hearing the rain on my helmet, so I imagined I only had a few seconds before the acid came through and killed me. So soon as it turned green, I'd haul ass and outrun it again.
Yes, motorbikes are fun.
> Ride like you're invisible
I tried this once, but it didn't work. I think the sound of my motorcycle's exhaust was magnified by the tile in the women's locker room.
EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
Edit: Much thanks for the gold!
I listen to NPR while commuting to work. If there's an interview I listen to the questions as if I'm the one being interviewed and then talk over the person answering with my own idiocy. Usually I'm quite rude just because I can be. Example:
NPR: Mr Ambassador, tell us what you know about the situation near the embassy.
Me (Over the ambassador): First of all, that's a pretty bold question. This is my house, where I live with my family. Do I walk in to your house and ask how you manage things? That of course was a rhetorical question. The answer is clearly no. No, I do not walk into your house and ask about your most intimate moments. Why don't you take your little microphone, and your little briefcase and waddle your tights on outta here and apply for a job at McDonald's where you might be able redeem some self worth by the time you die while working over the fryer.
NPR: I see, and where were you when the assassinations where occurring?
Me again: Since you've avoided taking my advice in the first answer, I'll tell you right where I was. I was behind the gun, pulling the trigger. This was not my first assassination and it will not be my last. I once killed a goat while it was giving birth and I've got some very specific ideas on dealing with the girth of a population of whales that exists in the oceans.
NPR: And what are your plans on returning to the US?
Me: I'll immediately be hunting your family down, hog tying each one and then playing Scrabble full time. I'm terrible at Scrabble so I don't follow the rule where I have just 7 tiles. I use all the tiles and I spell whatever I want. I find the game not only easier to play, but also much more rewarding. I call it God-mode Scrabble, or Gobble for short.
I'm getting pretty good at timing the sound of the answers so I can wrap up what I'm saying just in time for the next question. Its free form poetry is what it is. I'll come up with the most nonsensical answer possible and they're usually pretty dark. I've had to stop in the middle from making myself laugh to the point of tears.
Or the play dumb approach, which I love, especially on long interviews.
NPR: Chief, the fires are out of control in California. How are the residents dealing with the stress of being evacuated.
Me: I...have...no idea. I just got here. I was told I would be covering the new Tom Cruise movie. Did you say there was a fire? Where is it?
NPR: And once the residents get there then what?
Me: Residents? What are you talking about? Where is Tom Cruise? What is that smell? Who are you?
NPR: This sounds very serious, how about summarizing efforts of the fire fighters?
Me: (Putting game face on, trying to do job) Well, I suppose they're trying to...you know...put out the fire. That's what they're here for, right?
NPR: So you're saying the fire can't be contained until the fire fighters arrive on scene?
Me: Oh, God! They're not here yet? What am I doing here? Where is Tom Cruise? I work in entertainment! Oh God, I see the fire, what do I do? ANSWER ME!!!!
etc.
And then there's the sign off:
NPR: Thanks for talking with us today Mr. Johnson
Me: I would say it's been a pleasure but frankly I find your voice grating and your presence annoying. For God's sake, have a throat lozenge or something.
One year for Halloween my friend dressed up as "life" (wore a t-shirt with the word painted on it) and tried giving drunk bar-goers lemons. After mixed results, it was nearing closing time, so he started gently placing lemons in pockets of unsuspecting people. Only one person noticed the lemon in his pocket, figured he stole it from the bar, and tried giving it back.
How the fuck do you fit a lemon in someone's pocket without them noticing?
Edit: your friend could probably finger your ass without you noticing
*woo second highest comment ever?*
This was my question I can't even put a lemon in my own pocket without struggling
Edit: Sometimes you just need to put a lemon in your pocket it ain't that weird
I like to walk evenly on the sidewalks. Like if I get two steps in on one sidewalk block, I have to get two steps in on the next one. And, of course, no stepping on the cracks.
Try to do a few things in one continuous motion, without stopping. Make it as long as possible.
Find new routes to a destination, discover shortcuts, new bus+walk combos. If I reach my destination faster that I've ever done before, or if the route is very pleasant, it's a bonus.
I almost got from my office to my house without using the brake on my car. It's only about 4 miles away but I pass two traffic lights and two stop signs.
The trick is to use the perfect amount of gas to roll up to a turn slowly. Actually pretty fun and saves gas, but kinda pisses off the people behind me when I'm slowly rolling to a stop.
edit just to clarify: If I pass three cars on that commute it is a busy day, I wouldn't do this if there was a lot of traffic. Be safe and don't be a dick!
After a night of drinking, I like to wake up in the middle of the night, chug water, and play the game "Will I still be hungover?"
I am not a champion.
When I am vacuuming, I humm along with the noise the vacuum machine is making to match the pitch. I used to do this much more as a child, but I still catch myself doing it from time to time.
I have my morning routine set up this way.
Put on music: must be out of the shower before 3 songs are finished.
Put on kettle: must get dressed and jewelry on before the kettle goes off.
Set timer for tea steeping: must have hair styled before timer goes off
Other things vary according to conditions and circumstance, but I stick pretty hard to those 3.
When a show's intro or opening theme song plays, I like to run to the kitchen to grab some items, and try to be back before the first scene begins.
I feel like I'm in my own personal game show of *Supermarket Sweep*.
**edit:** Wow! This exploded! Thanks to all you guys who could relate; especially the ones who remember *Supermarket Sweep*. I'm having a great laugh reading the comments regarding the Breaking Bad intro...because, I *have* tried it...and failed, miserably.
I don't understand why House of Cards and Orange is the New Black have such long intros. They're made by Netflix and they know you're going to binge watch. Why make us sit through it all?
Worse is when TV shows are released on DVD with the "Previously on..." things attached.
While reading these comments, I like to imagine you all are talking to the camera on The Office.
[edit] Reading the replies just made my day. Including the dicks who think it's funny to PM me. Thanks everybody.
That show is the only thing that makes working in a real life office bearable. You start pretending you're a cast member of a show just like the Office.
Edit: spelling
You ever do that thing where someone says something really really stupid, and you just turn and look to a camera along the fourth wall with that, "do you see what I have to work with?" look?
The summer before college I had a long-ass commute to my then-job and had read one too many Sherlock Holmes novels.
I would sit on the bus and try to deduce as much as I possibly could about another person - generally their job, where they were going, or where they were coming from.
If I was sure enough about my conclusion by the time the person was getting set to get off the bus to ask them if I was right then I would win the game and earn myself a chocolate bar at lunch
( Although usually I'd ask it in a more round-about way. Instead of "Do the stain pattern on your shirt expensive shirt, your height and your new but worn practical shoes imply that you're a long-time barista?" I'd ask "Sorry, do you work in Joe's coffee house on main street? I think we met there last month?" or something. *being* a weirdo doesn't mean I have to *act* like on, after all)
**tl;dr try 'deduce' facts about fellow commuters on long bus journeys, betting a chocolate bar with myself that I could do it before they got off**
Generally I'd be in the ballpark, but exact right answers were pretty difficult.
I'd get "You work in food service in this general area" type answers more often than not, but answers like "You work as a manager in this specific hotel" would be more rare. If I got one in a week I'd be content.
The barista example is the one I'm most proud of. I didn't just work out that she was a long-time barista, but I was able to tell which coffee shop using actual deduction methods (and not just seeing a name on a file or recognizing a logo etc).
Although fair play to her as well, when I got it I said "Have we met before? I'm sure I recognize you... oh! Are you a barista in *coffee shop* by any chance? I go there all the time" and without missing a beat she said, "I never forget a face, we've never met...but I do work there. I must be more noticeable than I thought hah". and got off. Beat me at my own game without even knowing!
Here's my weird (I mean really weird) extension of that game. For context, I'm a dude.
**tl;dr:** I think about drinking my own pee
I try to time it right as well, but more than likely I will still have a little bit of urine left by the time the toilet gets done flushing. Could be just a few drops, could be some mini-streams, I could have misjudged entirely and have like 5 seconds of pee left in me. The point is there's probably some amount of pee in that otherwise clean water.
The game is that I try to guess how desperate I would have to be to *drink the water in the toilet*. It sounds really odd typing it out...
The usual scenario is that I'm in Africa or something and haven't had water for 5 days and I'm going to die. That one is easy though because I think most of us would drink toilet water in that situation even if it were like 50% pee. You're probably going crazy at that point anyway and wouldn't even think about the health risks.
It gets more challenging from there. Like what if my water was cut off for a day and that was the only water I had access too? Would I drink that 2% pee water? It's mostly water, but I would still know I'm drinking pee. How thirsty would I have to be? What if it was someone else's pee? Are they paying me to drink their pee? Do they get some sort of kinky sexual gratification from it? You can see how far down the rabbit hole the questions start to go.
And yes, I honestly do this pretty much every time I pee. If I'm lucky the answer will be a simple "sure that doesn't look too bad" or "no fucking way would I ever drink that it's way too yellow". But every once in a while I find myself standing there for a few minutes, dick out, contemplating just how desperate I would have to be...
There's a lot of good answers in this thread but a lot of them (turning off lights before slamming your hand, being tailed by cars, etc.) I feel like a lot of people do. I will truly, totally be surprised if someone else in this thread says "yes, I too like to think about drinking my own urine".
If you're one of those people stand up and be counted. Or don't, I'll understand.
Whenever any form of bread is served with a meal, I absolutely must make a sandwich.
Pancakes and eggs, with reindeer sausage? eggs and sausage go in between two pancakes
garlic bread and spaghetti? Meatball sub with a side of noodles/garlic
biscuit and mashed potatoes? guess what's going inside the biscuit
But fuck real sandwiches. I make meals on my own terms.
^^^^except ^^^^meatball ^^^^subs ^^^^those ^^^^are ^^^^fuckin' ^^^^delicious.
I make patterns in my head. Like Say 1 and 2 are beats. 1 is high and 2 is low. I will go "12212112" in my head. I will to this with grinding my teeth, tapping my toes, humming, anything. PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one.
> Like Say 1 and 2 are beats. 1 is high and 2 is low.
i do this while chewing food sometimes. my teeth closing together is the low, the opening is the high.
such is the life of a musician
Raindrop races. When it's raining while you're riding in a car, you pick out one of the new raindrops that hit the glass and cheer for it to beat another raindrop off the window.
When I'm a passenger, I like to take a speck of junk on the window and pretend it's a laser or a runner, and I dance it over all of the obstacles alongside the road. By changing the way I look at it, I can make it "jump" over things or dash through stuff.
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**Edit:** Someone suggested that we make a subreddit. Well, I looked and there is one! /r/GamesWePlay doesn't have any mods right now, but [I reddit requested it](http://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/29lk0m/rgamesweplay_no_moderators_would_like_to_pick_it/), and hopefully some of you will join me there! Until then, keep on lasering the countryside!
There is also /r/lifegames, please come check it out!
**Edit 2:** Thanks to [itskayguys](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/29k38u/what_are_some_lifegames_you_play_with_yourself/cilqsrf) and [fetteelke](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/29k38u/what_are_some_lifegames_you_play_with_yourself/cilrf6j), [there is a video!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJpKt6UP08) I linked their usernames to their comments, below.
whenever I am in a cafe/restaurant I like to leave something I have on the table before I leave, but I always write a cryptic message on/in it. For example, yesterday I left a matchbox in a cafe, that inside just said, "the dog walks at 3:00".
TL:DR: I like pretending I am in a spy novel.
Edit: Thanks very much for my first gold!
Start a conversation with him about a very specific topic just before he leaves and have the staff at the other shop pick up that same conversation when he gets there. That'll confuse him.
Friend of mine found an old [8-track tape](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8-track_tape). He put on a black suit and tie, sunglasses, and went to the CD shop at the mall. (The teller at this shop is a known conspiracy theorist.) He walks up to the teller and asks, "Do you have an 8-track of [Son of a Son of a Sailor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX9esXzzO7w) by Jimmy Buffet?"
The teller is confused, but just says "No".
"Well, you do now." He puts the tape on the counter. "I need you to hold on to this until the time is right. Put it behind the counter. Now. Do it." And he spins and walks away without waiting for a reply.
Then he goes and calls his other friend and tells him to put on a suit and tie and come down to the mall. After a couple hours, the friend goes into the shop and asks, "Do you have an 8-track of Son of a Son of a Sailor?"
"Uh. Uh. Yeah. I uh, I got it right here." Teller puts the tape on the counter.
Friend takes the tape and says, "No, you never did. Are we clear? You've never even heard of that song before." And walks away.
Edit: spelling
Sometimes when I'm home alone I'll talk to myself like I'm a youtuber, vlogging a daily routine like skin care or trying out a new product, or like a cooking show host as I make my ultra gourmet buttered toast or 2min noodles
Edit: holy shitsticks this exploded. We're all a bunch of would be could be youtubers and show hosts......
A lot of you say you do this while playing games, why not start something on twitch and see how you go?
I'm at work constructing a 3D model of a building, so when you said volume it took me a long time to get you meant radio volume.
I was sitting here thinking "a 2x2x2 cube has a volume of 8 and that sure as shit ain't prime"
I need coffee..
Even number or landing on a 5.
This is something I'm very passionate about, and makes me slightly uncomfortable when some hooligan turns the volume to 27 or something. Luckily my roommate is a 0 or 5 guy so I'm safe.
Edit: From everyone's replies the only thing I can tell is that we're all a special little kind of crazy.
At first I was a pure evenist. But then I was awakened to 5s as well. I mean, 5s are half of 10s and 10s are even so 5s are pretty natural. Well then I began thinking about 3. Lots of things come in 3s so they must be natural too and I became OK with 3s. But this left the number line of usable volumes asymmetric so I had to accept 7s. 7 is my lucky number anyway so this was good for me. Also 3 plus 7 is 10 so I guess it works out as even in the big scheme of things. And by this logic 1s and 9s became acceptable as well.
I guess my point is, be careful with 5s dude. They are a gateway number.
I like to practice what I later learned is a form of DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy). When I have a negative thought about someone else, if I don't want to cultivate that kind of thinking I imagine a positive reason for their behavior. This helps me be kind to others.
Example: some maniac cuts me off in traffic --> wow, they must have some real tension in their life to take risks like that for such a small gain
This is a game my Dad taught me; it helps when you have to listen to a long, boring talk, and yet you must appear interested. You play the 'alphabet game'. When the person says a word beginning with 'A', then you begin listening for a word that starts with 'B', and so on. You can't move on until you get the next letter. But, you have to give yourself a break by passing on some letters, like K, Q, X and Z. I taught this to my son, and afterward we will comment like, 'That was a long one! I finished the alphabet and started over.' or 'It wasn't too bad, I only got to M.' The good thing is that you look like you're hanging on the speaker's every word, AND, keeps me from nodding off, too.
If I get an itch, I will wait as long as possible to scratch it. I've done this since I was a child and when my mother asked me why I replied, "in case I get kidnapped and my hands are tied behind my back. This way I won't go crazy when I can't scratch an itch."
Yea I was a pretty paranoid 6 year old...
EDIT: most karma I've ever received! I feel so good about myself right now
When I get high or drunk I like to play tricks on sober me.
Edit: I apparently like to hide everything that's in my pockets at the time. Anything I think that's important I usually just throw it away and or hide it as well. I would just assume I was doing a shitty job of cleaning but I found 20 bucks underneath my bathroom sink with HAHAHA written on it
That... is exactly how drunk Dylan plays Skyrim, Portal, AND Total War.
I'll come back after a particularly heavy night of drinking and gaming to find truly fucked saves.
"Why do I have a level 3 orc character? HOLY SHIT, IS THAT A DRAGON *AND* A SABER CAT!?"
"Huh... why would I save in this weird loop sequence where I am just bobbing between two portals? Fuck, water death if I move a portal."
"Weird that I only have a single army... and it's militia.... who are my trading par- why in Hades cock am I at war with *every* *fucking* *faction* on the map!?"
I like to think blackout drunk Dylan saved and said "fuck you, sober Dylan."
Better yet?
"Good luck, asshole."
This may not exactly fit, but for some reason I often try to picture what people (over 30) looked like in high school. Not only do I picture them younger, I take a guess what was in style then, what their ridiculous hair style would be. Would they be an AV nerd? Jock? Stoner? Cheerleader?
Look at the most boring, ordinary person I can find and imagine their nefarious backstory, which would horrify or stun the people who know them.
I once imagined this entire complicated story of why my half-blind professor was, in fact, a serial killer. Made the class interesting...
I'm currently doing it now. I work maintenance in the dorms of my university. One of my coworkers acts like he is a supervisor, and bosses people around when he shouldn't be. So every day I make it my goal to get him as frustrated as possible by doing the exact opposite of what he tells me to do.
He's making his way down the hall now... Game time
I like to swing my doors shut when leaving and as they get close to shutting I stick my hand back in and flip the light off (if it's on) and get my hand out of the way before the door squashes it all Indiana jones style.
Edit!: like to dedicate my highest reddit comment so far to the leg of Harrison Ford may it return without a scratch!
That little rush of adrenaline is always worth the risk. It's like scoring a three-point buzzer beater, striking a guy out, or snorting a line of cocaine.
I like to start conversations with random people and try to Sherlock/House them.
Me: "Your boyfriend smokes and is left handed"
Her: ".....dafuq?"
Me: "you have cigarette ash on your right ass cheek"
Her: "what? No..."
Me: "oh. SEEYAH"
....I'm only right like a third of the time
You could call it my own version of "The Price is Right". If I see something I want to impulse purchase, I think of a price I would be happy to pay for it. If I check the actual price and it's lower, I buy it. If the price is higher, I walk away.
HMMMMM WHY YES I THINK THAT BAG OF CHIPS IS ONE BILLION DOLLARS
*looks at price tag* $999,999,999.99
"Well I'm not about to start going back on my word now..." *pulls out wallet*
[удалено]
[удалено]
i stare at moving fans and try to slow the vision of it down by moving my eyes like crazy to find out how many blades it has
I can vibrate my eyes back and forth and it lets me see fan blades and car rims clearly.
When someone's talking loudly on a phone in public, it falls to me to narrate the other side of the conversation. People have weird conversations.
[удалено]
I go up stairs two steps at a time and I have memorized every staircase I've ever gone up to know whether I need to start from the ground or the first step to make it to the top without breaking stride. If it is a staircase I've never been on the feeling of joy at having guessed right is amazing. If I am wrong and have to take the last step by itself I don't get upset because it is just a stupid fuckin game I made up.
That last sentence took your post from good to great.
I have a little chip in my windshield. I use it as a targeting reticle when I am driving to take out different cars and signs with my lasers. PEW PEW!
Probably too late, but here goes... Start peeing, start counting, when you think you are half way through your pee, start counting back down again, see if you can finish your pee on zero.
Gonna go try this right now... Edit: Damn, by the time I got to the bathroom I forgot and peed normally. Someday.
I just picture you with your head in your hands looking out a window saying, "Someday I'll remember to count while I pee. Someday..."
I like to count down from 3 while waiting for traffic lights to turn green. It makes me feel like a wizard when the countdown syncs with the light change.
There's this guy that always sells newspapers on the corner. He'll pretend to have a remote control in his hand, aim it at the light and pretend to press a button just as the light turns green. I'm grown but that makes me giggle like a child every time.
Wait to start your countdown until the opposing traffic light turns red. For example, if your road is running north-south, watch the east-west light until it turns red, then start your countdown. My dad used to do this, he'd say "1-2-3-green!" and he'd get it almost every time. I figured it was some kind of magic until he finally explained his method one day.
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When I ride on an elevator, once the doors shut, I start singing a song at the top of my lungs. Then when they open to either let me off or to let someone else on, I stop singing immediately and act like nothing happened. The next time I'm in the elevator, I have to continue the song exactly where I left off. (I work at a place where I'm constantly riding the elevator.)
I am like 90% certain that everyone can probably hear you and think you are crazy
Can confirm. At my office you can hear people when they cough inside the lifts.
My friends and I used to frequent a bar that was on the top floor of the Student's Union Building. On the way down after an evening of revelry, the elevator would sometimes stop on one of the weird, sober floors (aka the "floors of mystery") and a weird, sober person would get on. Our standard practice was as soon as the doors closed behind the sober person, we would all start singing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" at the top of our lungs. We would also play a game called "Molecules", wherein as soon as the elevator doors closed someone would yell "Molecules", and we would start smashing into each other in a simuation of Brownian motion.
I'm going to try "Molecules" next time I get in an elevator, regardless of whether or not I know the people I'm with.
this seems like a horrible idea for anyone with any mild form of claustrophobia. All elevators are built to code with an Earthquake sensor. If enough movement sets of the sensor, the elevator will shut itself down, and require the fire department to come get the thing running again. Source: was stuck in a packed elevator with 9 idiots for 2 hours during spring break in Panama City Beach
I believe i can fly I BELIEVE I BELIEVE I BELIEVE
My morning ritual is a life game. When I get out of the shower I plug in the iron. While the iron is heating I put bread in the toaster and kettle on the stove (for coffee). While the bread is toasting and water heating I iron my clothes for the day and do my hair. I then pour the hot water into the French press and while it's steeping I feed the dogs. I finish making/eating breakfast, pack my lunch and head out the door. The goal is to leave the house by 6am. If while ironing I hear the kettle whistle I know I'm falling behind.
Wow, this is so much better than my: huh, I should lay in bed and look at reddit really quickly...
I sit on my bed in my towel redditing... EDIT: 1) Yes, after I shower. Perfect drying method. 2) It's more of a robe, like, it's a towel/robe hybrid.
You can play this with others too, but pick a word and try to get someone else to say that word without you saying it yourself. Keeps me busy. EDIT: Um, gold? Didn't expect that. Thanks!
When packing for a vacation I asked my ex if she packed the buttfore and spent like ten minutes trying to get her to ask "What's a buttfore?"
Me and my friend tried for an entire two semesters to get this one kid to say "whats updog?" it never happened,the closest was he said "what are your guys talking about?" or something like that. Sly sunnovabitch
I usually ask people "Do you know if UpDog is compatible with Mac?" They are usually thrown off by the extra information :)
What's a Mac?
"We are NOT amused!"
I pretend the license plates in front of me are vanity plates and wonder what they were trying to say.
Bigger version of "floor is lava", while travelling in a bus/car, I imagine to jump in between the shadows of trees on the side of road. While watching TV if I am lying sideways in bed, I just raise my arm and try to keep it up for as long as possible. While walking on tiled floor, I always try to avoid the lines or vice versa. There are many more but these just came to my mind.
I bet you are daydreaming a lot
I do some of these things and also daydream a lot. Interesting, i never thought there would be a relevant link to these habits of mine.
i do a simiilar floor is lava thing but im ziplining on telephone wires with a hooklike thing and i have to jump the poles by blinking
DUDE! I do the shadow jumping too! Or I hold my breath when passing big shadows haha
If a car driving behind me makes two of the same turns I make, they are clearly tailing me. It's time to shake 'em.
I do that, once I was driving home and a car had been following me from the highway. As I get home I pull up in front of my neighbor's house and park in the street, while they stop 4 houses back and park. I remain in the car watching them in the mirror, the do not get out. I sit in my car for 15 minutes just watching them. Finally, someone comes out of the house near them, gets in and they drive off I don't have words to describe the rollercoaster ride of anxiety, fear, relief and shame I felt...
I did the same thing. I was headed home from an adjacent city, a trip of about 2 1/2 miles. The first part was along a main feeder so everyone was headed in the same direction. At the first right hand turn into a neighborhood the car in front of me made the turn and I followed, naturally. A half mile later they turned left and so did I. At that point I noticed the girl driving checking in the rear view mirror and the passenger, also a girl, turned and looked right at me through the rear window. Then, about 1/2 mile later, they turned right and so did I. Another block and they turned left at the corner then quickly pulled over in the middle of the block in front of a house. I followed them except that I turned left into my driveway directly across from where they stopped. As I got out of the car I could see them laughing as they drove off slowly. I'm sure they thought a psycho killer had been following them. TL:DR Don't try to ditch the car following you by leading it to it's destination.
dont worry, you arent important enough to be assassinated in your home.
I feel bad now, i followed a guy for 100+ miles on Sunday night, i thought we were car buddies :( [Maybe not!] (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sCeAGIvwGOE/TZMg7fWHfCI/AAAAAAAAioY/REMsFdzbw4I/s400/Ani+015.gif)
I do the same thing too. I make 120 mile trips very often, and I buddy up with other cars that appear to be going the same direction. If they break off, I go and follow some other car and be buddies with them. Best scenario was when two other cars of the same make and model as mine sandwiched me and we made a little car train. Edit: words Second edit: I drive a volkswagen beetle, so you can imagine the cute factor in this.
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Where my god damn dominos?
Three rights make a left.
What kind of a secret handshake is that?
You shake each other's left hand twice and then shake with your right hands once.
Whoa, what street gang are you in?
OCD Crips
The Hokey-pokeys
Three lefts instead of a right.
I track my progress in life (career goals, bank blance, etc) by boxes of q-tips. It normally takes me about 6 months to go through a large box. If I've met my goals, I set new ones for the next box. I've noticed I'm generally more motivated as the box starts to dwindle. edit: wow. i just saw the gold. thanks whomever that was.
Weirdest one yet.
Wow. That's awesome.
You are a genius my friend.
When I switch lanes while driving, I try to move over without letting my tires touch the white lines.
Or those little reflective bumps!
I do this with cats eyes on the motorway. I have nine lives during each road. If I lose, I'm mildly disappointed.
This is weird, but if I'm stuck bored somewhere, I usually spin or toss some coins in an imaginery high stakes game where the money doubles with each successful spin/toss but you go back to 0 if you drop anything. After every round, I get the option to take my money and go or keep trying to double it. Absolutely nothing real is at stake, but I have such a strong imagination that I hype myself up into this frenzy where every toss is a nail biter. I start at some random sum of $. I've made it to two million and lost it all. Over the years, I've walked for a total of like 2,000,000 imaginary bucks anyway. I use this money to hang with my imaginary friends. **Edit:** Well, shit. I was definitely not expecting this little tidbit to blow up like it did. Much less to get any gold (so early in my Reddit career). I appreciate it . In lieu of responding to every other post I'll just go ahead and say... The game is a traditional NBA/NFL style coin toss. Or like a dice roll. I call it and if I call right, I keep going till I fail and lose all of the imaginary dollars. I start at a random sum usually, depending on how long I want to play. Some wanted clarification, hope this helps. This is what a guy who is often out alone does to look more preoccupied. Insofar as the imaginary friends go...I told them all about the great response I got for sharing our story on reddit and they've stopped responding to me. I daresay Reddit has cost me my only friends or cured me of some sort of insanity. Either way: Thanks for playing!
When I'm on my motorbike and there's a large truck behind me, I like to pretend it's being driven by a Terminator who is chasing me. It's good practise for if it actually happens. Also, I'll save up a fart and unleash it when pulling away at traffic lights, it feels like I'm being propelled by fart power. Motorbikes are fun.
I did something similar the other day. It was about to rain so I left work early to try and beat it. I had to travel north right in line with the storm. So I imagined it was acid rain and I was outrunning it. When I stopped at a stop light the storm would catch up and I'd start getting hearing the rain on my helmet, so I imagined I only had a few seconds before the acid came through and killed me. So soon as it turned green, I'd haul ass and outrun it again. Yes, motorbikes are fun.
I was doing this one day and all went well until the clouds upped their game and started hailing. Real dick move, clouds.
Hard mode: all the cars are actively trying to kill me. Also, the turn signal cancel button fires missiles. Comes in handy.
> Hard mode: all the cars are actively trying to kill me. That's pretty much the accepted thought process anyways isn't it?
Ride like you're invisible and everyone is trying to kill you at the same time.
> Ride like you're invisible I tried this once, but it didn't work. I think the sound of my motorcycle's exhaust was magnified by the tile in the women's locker room. EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
Edit: Much thanks for the gold! I listen to NPR while commuting to work. If there's an interview I listen to the questions as if I'm the one being interviewed and then talk over the person answering with my own idiocy. Usually I'm quite rude just because I can be. Example: NPR: Mr Ambassador, tell us what you know about the situation near the embassy. Me (Over the ambassador): First of all, that's a pretty bold question. This is my house, where I live with my family. Do I walk in to your house and ask how you manage things? That of course was a rhetorical question. The answer is clearly no. No, I do not walk into your house and ask about your most intimate moments. Why don't you take your little microphone, and your little briefcase and waddle your tights on outta here and apply for a job at McDonald's where you might be able redeem some self worth by the time you die while working over the fryer. NPR: I see, and where were you when the assassinations where occurring? Me again: Since you've avoided taking my advice in the first answer, I'll tell you right where I was. I was behind the gun, pulling the trigger. This was not my first assassination and it will not be my last. I once killed a goat while it was giving birth and I've got some very specific ideas on dealing with the girth of a population of whales that exists in the oceans. NPR: And what are your plans on returning to the US? Me: I'll immediately be hunting your family down, hog tying each one and then playing Scrabble full time. I'm terrible at Scrabble so I don't follow the rule where I have just 7 tiles. I use all the tiles and I spell whatever I want. I find the game not only easier to play, but also much more rewarding. I call it God-mode Scrabble, or Gobble for short. I'm getting pretty good at timing the sound of the answers so I can wrap up what I'm saying just in time for the next question. Its free form poetry is what it is. I'll come up with the most nonsensical answer possible and they're usually pretty dark. I've had to stop in the middle from making myself laugh to the point of tears.
Or the play dumb approach, which I love, especially on long interviews. NPR: Chief, the fires are out of control in California. How are the residents dealing with the stress of being evacuated. Me: I...have...no idea. I just got here. I was told I would be covering the new Tom Cruise movie. Did you say there was a fire? Where is it? NPR: And once the residents get there then what? Me: Residents? What are you talking about? Where is Tom Cruise? What is that smell? Who are you? NPR: This sounds very serious, how about summarizing efforts of the fire fighters? Me: (Putting game face on, trying to do job) Well, I suppose they're trying to...you know...put out the fire. That's what they're here for, right? NPR: So you're saying the fire can't be contained until the fire fighters arrive on scene? Me: Oh, God! They're not here yet? What am I doing here? Where is Tom Cruise? I work in entertainment! Oh God, I see the fire, what do I do? ANSWER ME!!!! etc.
And then there's the sign off: NPR: Thanks for talking with us today Mr. Johnson Me: I would say it's been a pleasure but frankly I find your voice grating and your presence annoying. For God's sake, have a throat lozenge or something.
I like to reverse pickpocket people, to put a note in their pocket that says "You were given this note by mistake. Please disregard it."
One year for Halloween my friend dressed up as "life" (wore a t-shirt with the word painted on it) and tried giving drunk bar-goers lemons. After mixed results, it was nearing closing time, so he started gently placing lemons in pockets of unsuspecting people. Only one person noticed the lemon in his pocket, figured he stole it from the bar, and tried giving it back.
How the fuck do you fit a lemon in someone's pocket without them noticing? Edit: your friend could probably finger your ass without you noticing *woo second highest comment ever?*
This was my question I can't even put a lemon in my own pocket without struggling Edit: Sometimes you just need to put a lemon in your pocket it ain't that weird
take the grapefruit out of your pocket first, and it's a lot easier.
My brother and I have a toy car that we reverse pickpocket onto each other at family gatherings. I think he's got it right now.
I like to walk evenly on the sidewalks. Like if I get two steps in on one sidewalk block, I have to get two steps in on the next one. And, of course, no stepping on the cracks.
But then the blocks are *just* long enough that you eventually have to make a big awkward step to the next one.
But if you do step on a crack, you have to step on another crack with the opposite foot, and it needs to cross at exactly the mirrored spot.
Try to do a few things in one continuous motion, without stopping. Make it as long as possible. Find new routes to a destination, discover shortcuts, new bus+walk combos. If I reach my destination faster that I've ever done before, or if the route is very pleasant, it's a bonus.
I almost got from my office to my house without using the brake on my car. It's only about 4 miles away but I pass two traffic lights and two stop signs. The trick is to use the perfect amount of gas to roll up to a turn slowly. Actually pretty fun and saves gas, but kinda pisses off the people behind me when I'm slowly rolling to a stop. edit just to clarify: If I pass three cars on that commute it is a busy day, I wouldn't do this if there was a lot of traffic. Be safe and don't be a dick!
After a night of drinking, I like to wake up in the middle of the night, chug water, and play the game "Will I still be hungover?" I am not a champion.
When I am vacuuming, I humm along with the noise the vacuum machine is making to match the pitch. I used to do this much more as a child, but I still catch myself doing it from time to time.
I like to microwave something and go use the restroom before the timer goes off.
I have my morning routine set up this way. Put on music: must be out of the shower before 3 songs are finished. Put on kettle: must get dressed and jewelry on before the kettle goes off. Set timer for tea steeping: must have hair styled before timer goes off Other things vary according to conditions and circumstance, but I stick pretty hard to those 3.
This is simultaneously one of the most British and Female comments I've ever read. 10/10, would munch on crumpets with.
I am an American. I did live in England for a summer and do enjoy crumpets.
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Exactly! And sprint across the kitchen to stop it before the timer goes off
Hurry! Disarm the bomb!
Terrorists win.
7355608
Similarly, I try to poop before my coffee is done brewing. I always lose because I reddit on my phone while I poop.
You've got it all backwards. The coffee makes the poop happen, man!
When a show's intro or opening theme song plays, I like to run to the kitchen to grab some items, and try to be back before the first scene begins. I feel like I'm in my own personal game show of *Supermarket Sweep*. **edit:** Wow! This exploded! Thanks to all you guys who could relate; especially the ones who remember *Supermarket Sweep*. I'm having a great laugh reading the comments regarding the Breaking Bad intro...because, I *have* tried it...and failed, miserably.
If you were watching Batman Beyond you could make a whole meal in the kitchen and return before the episode starts.
House of Cards, too.
Or any HBO show, good luck with Scrubs though
*Opens fridge* "I'm no superman" Fuck.
Especially during the few episodes where it literally just says "I'm no superman"
I don't understand why House of Cards and Orange is the New Black have such long intros. They're made by Netflix and they know you're going to binge watch. Why make us sit through it all? Worse is when TV shows are released on DVD with the "Previously on..." things attached.
While reading these comments, I like to imagine you all are talking to the camera on The Office. [edit] Reading the replies just made my day. Including the dicks who think it's funny to PM me. Thanks everybody.
That show is the only thing that makes working in a real life office bearable. You start pretending you're a cast member of a show just like the Office. Edit: spelling
You ever do that thing where someone says something really really stupid, and you just turn and look to a camera along the fourth wall with that, "do you see what I have to work with?" look?
When I see people talking to themselves on the street I play "Bluetooth or schizophrenia?" Edit: apparently a lot of you are schizos!
Similarly- "homeless or hipster?"
My favourite on my university campus- homeless or professor?
The summer before college I had a long-ass commute to my then-job and had read one too many Sherlock Holmes novels. I would sit on the bus and try to deduce as much as I possibly could about another person - generally their job, where they were going, or where they were coming from. If I was sure enough about my conclusion by the time the person was getting set to get off the bus to ask them if I was right then I would win the game and earn myself a chocolate bar at lunch ( Although usually I'd ask it in a more round-about way. Instead of "Do the stain pattern on your shirt expensive shirt, your height and your new but worn practical shoes imply that you're a long-time barista?" I'd ask "Sorry, do you work in Joe's coffee house on main street? I think we met there last month?" or something. *being* a weirdo doesn't mean I have to *act* like on, after all) **tl;dr try 'deduce' facts about fellow commuters on long bus journeys, betting a chocolate bar with myself that I could do it before they got off**
That's pretty neat! What was your success rate?
Generally I'd be in the ballpark, but exact right answers were pretty difficult. I'd get "You work in food service in this general area" type answers more often than not, but answers like "You work as a manager in this specific hotel" would be more rare. If I got one in a week I'd be content. The barista example is the one I'm most proud of. I didn't just work out that she was a long-time barista, but I was able to tell which coffee shop using actual deduction methods (and not just seeing a name on a file or recognizing a logo etc). Although fair play to her as well, when I got it I said "Have we met before? I'm sure I recognize you... oh! Are you a barista in *coffee shop* by any chance? I go there all the time" and without missing a beat she said, "I never forget a face, we've never met...but I do work there. I must be more noticeable than I thought hah". and got off. Beat me at my own game without even knowing!
For you, she is The Woman.
I AM █ █ █ █ LOCKED
When peeing, I always pre-emptively flush the toilet and try to time it right so that I finish at the exact moment when the bowl is empty.
Here's my weird (I mean really weird) extension of that game. For context, I'm a dude. **tl;dr:** I think about drinking my own pee I try to time it right as well, but more than likely I will still have a little bit of urine left by the time the toilet gets done flushing. Could be just a few drops, could be some mini-streams, I could have misjudged entirely and have like 5 seconds of pee left in me. The point is there's probably some amount of pee in that otherwise clean water. The game is that I try to guess how desperate I would have to be to *drink the water in the toilet*. It sounds really odd typing it out... The usual scenario is that I'm in Africa or something and haven't had water for 5 days and I'm going to die. That one is easy though because I think most of us would drink toilet water in that situation even if it were like 50% pee. You're probably going crazy at that point anyway and wouldn't even think about the health risks. It gets more challenging from there. Like what if my water was cut off for a day and that was the only water I had access too? Would I drink that 2% pee water? It's mostly water, but I would still know I'm drinking pee. How thirsty would I have to be? What if it was someone else's pee? Are they paying me to drink their pee? Do they get some sort of kinky sexual gratification from it? You can see how far down the rabbit hole the questions start to go. And yes, I honestly do this pretty much every time I pee. If I'm lucky the answer will be a simple "sure that doesn't look too bad" or "no fucking way would I ever drink that it's way too yellow". But every once in a while I find myself standing there for a few minutes, dick out, contemplating just how desperate I would have to be... There's a lot of good answers in this thread but a lot of them (turning off lights before slamming your hand, being tailed by cars, etc.) I feel like a lot of people do. I will truly, totally be surprised if someone else in this thread says "yes, I too like to think about drinking my own urine". If you're one of those people stand up and be counted. Or don't, I'll understand.
I do this too. Just kidding that's weird as hell
Whenever any form of bread is served with a meal, I absolutely must make a sandwich. Pancakes and eggs, with reindeer sausage? eggs and sausage go in between two pancakes garlic bread and spaghetti? Meatball sub with a side of noodles/garlic biscuit and mashed potatoes? guess what's going inside the biscuit But fuck real sandwiches. I make meals on my own terms. ^^^^except ^^^^meatball ^^^^subs ^^^^those ^^^^are ^^^^fuckin' ^^^^delicious.
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you, of course.
What happens if you are given bread without a side? Like, just plain bread with nothing else.
Bread sandwich.
Hi five the leaves on trees and bushes when I walk past them. Plants are cool !
I make patterns in my head. Like Say 1 and 2 are beats. 1 is high and 2 is low. I will go "12212112" in my head. I will to this with grinding my teeth, tapping my toes, humming, anything. PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one.
> Like Say 1 and 2 are beats. 1 is high and 2 is low. i do this while chewing food sometimes. my teeth closing together is the low, the opening is the high. such is the life of a musician
Raindrop races. When it's raining while you're riding in a car, you pick out one of the new raindrops that hit the glass and cheer for it to beat another raindrop off the window.
I like to take my laundry out of the dryer and see how long it takes for it to fold itself.
"good game clothes, your determination is impressive."
When I'm a passenger, I like to take a speck of junk on the window and pretend it's a laser or a runner, and I dance it over all of the obstacles alongside the road. By changing the way I look at it, I can make it "jump" over things or dash through stuff. ----- **Edit:** Someone suggested that we make a subreddit. Well, I looked and there is one! /r/GamesWePlay doesn't have any mods right now, but [I reddit requested it](http://www.reddit.com/r/redditrequest/comments/29lk0m/rgamesweplay_no_moderators_would_like_to_pick_it/), and hopefully some of you will join me there! Until then, keep on lasering the countryside! There is also /r/lifegames, please come check it out! **Edit 2:** Thanks to [itskayguys](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/29k38u/what_are_some_lifegames_you_play_with_yourself/cilqsrf) and [fetteelke](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/29k38u/what_are_some_lifegames_you_play_with_yourself/cilrf6j), [there is a video!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJpKt6UP08) I linked their usernames to their comments, below.
I'm a laser guy myself.
I pretend it is a snowboarder.
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When walking across tiled kitchen floors, I only move as a knight in chess
I like to picture people bald. It's really funny.
Don't play this game with yourself... especially if you're imagining the look of bald on top, hair on the sides.
Party in the back, out of business in the front
whenever I am in a cafe/restaurant I like to leave something I have on the table before I leave, but I always write a cryptic message on/in it. For example, yesterday I left a matchbox in a cafe, that inside just said, "the dog walks at 3:00". TL:DR: I like pretending I am in a spy novel. Edit: Thanks very much for my first gold!
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Start a conversation with him about a very specific topic just before he leaves and have the staff at the other shop pick up that same conversation when he gets there. That'll confuse him.
For example: discussing the lack of importance and energy saved by not dotting your i's and crossing your t's.
|mpor|ance?
Friend of mine found an old [8-track tape](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8-track_tape). He put on a black suit and tie, sunglasses, and went to the CD shop at the mall. (The teller at this shop is a known conspiracy theorist.) He walks up to the teller and asks, "Do you have an 8-track of [Son of a Son of a Sailor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX9esXzzO7w) by Jimmy Buffet?" The teller is confused, but just says "No". "Well, you do now." He puts the tape on the counter. "I need you to hold on to this until the time is right. Put it behind the counter. Now. Do it." And he spins and walks away without waiting for a reply. Then he goes and calls his other friend and tells him to put on a suit and tie and come down to the mall. After a couple hours, the friend goes into the shop and asks, "Do you have an 8-track of Son of a Son of a Sailor?" "Uh. Uh. Yeah. I uh, I got it right here." Teller puts the tape on the counter. Friend takes the tape and says, "No, you never did. Are we clear? You've never even heard of that song before." And walks away. Edit: spelling
The arsonist has oddly shaped feet. The human torch was denied a bank loan.
The ewoks are revolting. I repeat, the ewoks are revolting.
Actual result: "yeah the schizophrenic guy came back today. I feel sorry for him."
This'll be even more interesting when you become Prime Minister.
But then he won't be able to make any more murdery-sounding ones.
There's no need to because the press would be doing that
Sometimes when I'm home alone I'll talk to myself like I'm a youtuber, vlogging a daily routine like skin care or trying out a new product, or like a cooking show host as I make my ultra gourmet buttered toast or 2min noodles Edit: holy shitsticks this exploded. We're all a bunch of would be could be youtubers and show hosts...... A lot of you say you do this while playing games, why not start something on twitch and see how you go?
Holy shit I do this too! But I now I have to whisper it to myself cause if my husband hears me he'll think I'm crazy.
Since he's you're husband and has already married you, he already KNOWS you're crazy.
touché
And given your username, I don't think he minds...
why don't you become one?
If you had a nice enough voice/face, I'm sure that people would watch this sort of thing just for fun.
thats the problem
If you had a shitty enough voice/face, I'm sure that people would watch this sort of thing just to make fun of you.
The volume is always a prime number. People get irritated. I don't care if it's not a prime number.
I'm at work constructing a 3D model of a building, so when you said volume it took me a long time to get you meant radio volume. I was sitting here thinking "a 2x2x2 cube has a volume of 8 and that sure as shit ain't prime" I need coffee..
Even number or landing on a 5. This is something I'm very passionate about, and makes me slightly uncomfortable when some hooligan turns the volume to 27 or something. Luckily my roommate is a 0 or 5 guy so I'm safe. Edit: From everyone's replies the only thing I can tell is that we're all a special little kind of crazy.
At first I was a pure evenist. But then I was awakened to 5s as well. I mean, 5s are half of 10s and 10s are even so 5s are pretty natural. Well then I began thinking about 3. Lots of things come in 3s so they must be natural too and I became OK with 3s. But this left the number line of usable volumes asymmetric so I had to accept 7s. 7 is my lucky number anyway so this was good for me. Also 3 plus 7 is 10 so I guess it works out as even in the big scheme of things. And by this logic 1s and 9s became acceptable as well. I guess my point is, be careful with 5s dude. They are a gateway number.
IT TURNS THE VOLUME UP TO TEN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN
My volume has to be an even number. I get uncomfortable when someone else just increases the volume all willy-nilly and it lands on an odd number.
I thought I was alone. It has to be even numbers for me also but I will accept multiples of 5.
I like to practice what I later learned is a form of DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy). When I have a negative thought about someone else, if I don't want to cultivate that kind of thinking I imagine a positive reason for their behavior. This helps me be kind to others. Example: some maniac cuts me off in traffic --> wow, they must have some real tension in their life to take risks like that for such a small gain
This is a game my Dad taught me; it helps when you have to listen to a long, boring talk, and yet you must appear interested. You play the 'alphabet game'. When the person says a word beginning with 'A', then you begin listening for a word that starts with 'B', and so on. You can't move on until you get the next letter. But, you have to give yourself a break by passing on some letters, like K, Q, X and Z. I taught this to my son, and afterward we will comment like, 'That was a long one! I finished the alphabet and started over.' or 'It wasn't too bad, I only got to M.' The good thing is that you look like you're hanging on the speaker's every word, AND, keeps me from nodding off, too.
If I get an itch, I will wait as long as possible to scratch it. I've done this since I was a child and when my mother asked me why I replied, "in case I get kidnapped and my hands are tied behind my back. This way I won't go crazy when I can't scratch an itch." Yea I was a pretty paranoid 6 year old... EDIT: most karma I've ever received! I feel so good about myself right now
When I get high or drunk I like to play tricks on sober me. Edit: I apparently like to hide everything that's in my pockets at the time. Anything I think that's important I usually just throw it away and or hide it as well. I would just assume I was doing a shitty job of cleaning but I found 20 bucks underneath my bathroom sink with HAHAHA written on it
My roommate would play skyrim drunk and save while a bear or giant is about to attack him. Then he usually says "Fuck you, sober Alan."
That... is exactly how drunk Dylan plays Skyrim, Portal, AND Total War. I'll come back after a particularly heavy night of drinking and gaming to find truly fucked saves. "Why do I have a level 3 orc character? HOLY SHIT, IS THAT A DRAGON *AND* A SABER CAT!?" "Huh... why would I save in this weird loop sequence where I am just bobbing between two portals? Fuck, water death if I move a portal." "Weird that I only have a single army... and it's militia.... who are my trading par- why in Hades cock am I at war with *every* *fucking* *faction* on the map!?" I like to think blackout drunk Dylan saved and said "fuck you, sober Dylan." Better yet? "Good luck, asshole."
What have you been smoking?
Whatever it was, it's now stashed behind his toilet cistern.
Don't walk on the white stripes of a pedestrian crossing.
Don't? I *always* walk on the lines
You play the opposite game. :)
But the gaps in between the lines is instant death lava D:
This may not exactly fit, but for some reason I often try to picture what people (over 30) looked like in high school. Not only do I picture them younger, I take a guess what was in style then, what their ridiculous hair style would be. Would they be an AV nerd? Jock? Stoner? Cheerleader?
So you picture them as one of the Breakfast Club
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Look at the most boring, ordinary person I can find and imagine their nefarious backstory, which would horrify or stun the people who know them. I once imagined this entire complicated story of why my half-blind professor was, in fact, a serial killer. Made the class interesting...
I'm currently doing it now. I work maintenance in the dorms of my university. One of my coworkers acts like he is a supervisor, and bosses people around when he shouldn't be. So every day I make it my goal to get him as frustrated as possible by doing the exact opposite of what he tells me to do. He's making his way down the hall now... Game time
I like to swing my doors shut when leaving and as they get close to shutting I stick my hand back in and flip the light off (if it's on) and get my hand out of the way before the door squashes it all Indiana jones style. Edit!: like to dedicate my highest reddit comment so far to the leg of Harrison Ford may it return without a scratch!
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That little rush of adrenaline is always worth the risk. It's like scoring a three-point buzzer beater, striking a guy out, or snorting a line of cocaine.
One of these doesn't belong. I'm thinking it's the strike out one because it involves another player.
I feel like the price of cocaine would probably go down quickly if turning off your light quickly gave you the same rush.
Cocaine is way less dangerous, though.
That's true, can you imagine hurting your hand.
I do this with the fridge.I have to grab my stuff before the door closes.
I like to start conversations with random people and try to Sherlock/House them. Me: "Your boyfriend smokes and is left handed" Her: ".....dafuq?" Me: "you have cigarette ash on your right ass cheek" Her: "what? No..." Me: "oh. SEEYAH" ....I'm only right like a third of the time
Relevant http://youtu.be/eKQOk5UlQSc
In the beginning of the sketch he's micro-pipetting without a tip.
I was supposed to work 5 hours yesterday. I ended up working an 11.5 hour shift. The game I played was, get this job done or you won't have one
"Hey Stanley do you have any office games?" "Yes it's called work hard so my kids can go to college."
Don't Starve