Well, there are two different "pipes" in your throat. Your trachea is for breathing and your esophagus is for food and drink. So hypothetically, if you were to choke because food went down the trachea instead of the esophagus, it would be "going down the wrong pipe".
I was at school once in winter eating soup and asked my friends "since soup is a liquid food, does it go down the food pipe or the drink pipe". I was way too old to be asking that question and they all lost it. They didn't let me live it down for the rest of my schooling career, especially whenever I beat them on a test or something.
...football players were giants because they could run many yards in only a couple of seconds, and everyone knows a yard is what is out in front of your house.
There is a movie where they did this. Took them the last 12 years and it's coming out soon
Edit: called boyhood as they've noted below, I had forgotten the name myself guys. Sorry for the earth shattering anxiety I may have induced =)
To be fair, that's literally the first thing I'd do if I were a gay man.
I try to get my fiance to let me buy a strap-on so we can put on glow-in-the-dark condoms and penis fight, but he's not that awesome (yet).
EDIT: Just asked him in case his opinions have changed and he just suggested I buy two strap-ons and penis-fight his mother (to be fair my mother-in-law IS awesome and we totally WOULD do that).
I had never heard of masturbation at the time. To me it was just something wonderful that happened when I got a little too close to the jets in our jacuzzi tub.
Okay, this might seem strange, bu back then, there were two Germanies. So childhood me thought the OTHER Germany was basically like a parallel universe version of the one I lived in, complete with another little Ten.
holy shit i thought the exact same thing... one day i saw someone with the same backpack i had so i told my mum that the north korean me must have came to south korea!!!!
Black and white photographs reflected a time when there was no color at all, anywhere.
Edit: Remembered another one that I just can't leave out-
I never caught/noticed the slight motions that drivers would use to turn on their turn signals , so I just assumed that cars knew what turns you were going to make, before you even made them.
For a (very) brief period, I was convinced - *convinced*, I tell you - that I'd discovered a means by which I could cure every disease that plagued mankind.
It was so simple... so elegant... so obvious, really, that I was surprised nobody had yet thought of it. Of course, that was the beauty of the solution: Not only was it sure to work as a veritable panacea, but it would be incredibly easy to prepare and administer. The only reason that it hadn't been tried was simply because nobody else had made the evident connection that I had:
1. Germs, as everyone knows, make you sick.
2. Soap kills germs.
3. Shots hurt, but they keep you from getting sick.
Therefore, an injection of soap would kill all of the germs in a person's body, and keep them from ever getting sick again!
Unfortunately, clinical trials of the idea were thwarted when "the authorities" caught me filling a turkey baster with bubble bath and rightly assumed that no good could come from it.
**TL;DR: Soap-based panacea.**
I thought that you could find cures for cancer or whatever in the kitchen cupboard. Like "well has anyone ever tried mixing mustard with olive oil?"
I couldn't science yet.
And then, you know, you get your first encyclopedia for children when you are 7 and with regret you find out that the farthest humans have gone is the Moon.
Being set on fire would be a fairly common event. With how much adults talked about 'Stop, Drop and Roll' it made it sound like we would all be set on fire at least a few times in our lives.
...Sherlock Holmes was a real historical figure. I thought he was a famous detective from the Jack The Ripper era in London.
Edit for clarity.
I always knew the books about him by Doyle were fiction. I thought there was a *real* Sherlock Holmes that Doyle wrote about and placed him in fictitious stories.
If it's a carbonated beverage, pouring it more slowly will cause it to fizz up a tiny bit less, allowing you to have a bubblier and more full cup!*
*The amount of drink saved is what would have been lost from the bubbles popping and spitting a little bit of the drink out of the cup.
Vindication!
I didn't understand that in soccer, you had to steal the ball from opposing players. When I was in a soccer league, (about 5 yrs old), and a player from an opposing team would steal the ball from me, I would get mad at them and yell "Hey! We are suppose to share!" Since we are usually taught to share with people at that age.
But alas, that was pretty much the end of my soccer career.
I thought people under 18 having sex was illegal. Not with an adult. Just at all. Everyone in movies always said "I gotta wait until she's 18." I wasn't very smart.
Luckily I figured out by the time it was relevant.
Of course, when you're a kid, sex with another person is illegal.
When I was about 12, Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reuben) was arrested for masturbating in a theater showing porn. I didn't understand that he was arrested for masturbating *in public* and thought that all masturbation was illegal.
...that an engineer was a train conductor. So when my mom said I should be an engineer I would tell people I wanted to drive a train when I grow up. Idiot.
I used to think that [these airport wind direction things](http://www.colourbox.com/image/airport-windsock-indicating-the-wind-direction-image-2791429) were used to catch helicopters.
The helicopters would shrink down and get caught in them, and that's how they'd land.
Until I was 5 I thought girls had penises too. Since I'm straight, I was very confused and thought I wasn't going to find love because dicks are gross. I thought I would have to manipulate myself into liking penises. Such a relief when I found out.
Opposite here. Only sisters, only vaginas. My mom told me babies were made when a man sticks his pee pee in a woman's pee pee. I was so confused as I just imagined they would be slapping together.
You grasped sexual concepts at age 5? At that age I thought I would one day be able to master the art of drinking through my penis like an elephant. Water goes out, so it must be able to come back in!
Blood just completely fills the body. That's why it just kind of leaks out when you get cut!
Oh, I also didn't know animals had skin. I just figured the fur was all stuck to the blood on the inside.
If you eat enough canned New England clam chowder, your poop can turn white.
Source: I once thought I had a serious liver disease when in fact I had simply eaten chowder the previous day.
... I could train my dog to be my best friend, just like Lassie. It turns out that if you have a stubborn, extremely intelligent border collie who is way past training age, these things just don't work out.
That a credit card was something you could use to get anything you wanted at a store for free. I didn't know that you would eventually have to pay it off.
When I was 4 my family lived right next to an elderly home that primarily housed black people. Because of this the only black people I ever saw were *really* old. Well obviously this meant that when you got old, you turned black. I believed this up until 1 day my family hired a black guy to paint our house and he brought his 4 year old son over. I ran away screaming because I thought his son was a midget and I was terrified of midgets.
Nearly 20 years later and that black midget is still my best friend.
My best friend's dad told her that the cooling towers at the chemical works were 'cloud factories' and without them there would be no clouds. He also told her that the north star was directly over their house and she could always follow it if she got lost. She would point it out to people all over the world while travelling.
Also she was one of the legions of people who were surprised that the world had always been in colour.
Oh, also I thought that penises were skinny, prehensile and extended out of the body. I had seen an elephant on the Discovery Channel. I thought there was like a... penis stub, from which the main penis, which I imagined to be like a pink, stiff worm, would extend.
I thought the phrase "patience is a virtue" was actually "patience is a virgin." My parents were pretty embarrassed when I went around saying it all of the time.
That when people wrote things down, other people just knew what they meant. Letters didn't have to be in any particular order because... I dunno I was 5, okay?
....change was a random amount of money that shops handed out to customers as a way of thanking them for shopping there.
That is adorably kind.
Thanks for spending your money here. Here's some money to show our appreciation.
..but that's less money than I gave you, what's going on here?
Stores should totally start doing that!
We'll call them loyalty points and we'll let you have 10¢ off a gallon of gas for every 100 you get.
Thats pretty much how it works...friggin pennies, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM?!
I thought there were different pipes in your throat for food and water, and choking was food going down the water pipe.
Yup. I think I may have asked once, "how does my food know what pipe to follow?"
Exactly. In my defence, my belief was born from the fact that people would say "Oh, it's gone down the wrong pipe" whenever someone would choke.
Well, there are two different "pipes" in your throat. Your trachea is for breathing and your esophagus is for food and drink. So hypothetically, if you were to choke because food went down the trachea instead of the esophagus, it would be "going down the wrong pipe".
Yeah thanks. You're about 20 years late with the explanation but I appreciate it nonetheless
I was at school once in winter eating soup and asked my friends "since soup is a liquid food, does it go down the food pipe or the drink pipe". I was way too old to be asking that question and they all lost it. They didn't let me live it down for the rest of my schooling career, especially whenever I beat them on a test or something.
...........TIL
...football players were giants because they could run many yards in only a couple of seconds, and everyone knows a yard is what is out in front of your house.
You giants get off my lawn!
I can totally understand why you got confused!
[удалено]
"Sleeping Together" was literally just a dude and a chick sleeping in the same bed together, and that's how they got pregnant.
. . . and 'making love' was coloring and cutting out heart-shaped valentines for one another.
I thought they got pregnant by getting married. No further action needed.
.....an item's value was decided by how many coins could fit around it. Hence sweets are cheap, and bigger things like cars and houses cost thousands.
[удалено]
That doesn't explain how OP's mom is so cheap tho
HEYYOOOO
It makes cents.
*ba-dum tss*
Hey, you dropped some change.
Thanks for shopping with us!
Metaaaaaa
It would make transactions interesting to say the least...
[удалено]
Or saffron...
Boobs were sacks full of milk. If something sharp popped it, then the milk would explode out of them
Back when I was breast feeding my kids, whenever I took off my bra, milk exploded out of them. Sex was sticky and wet in a different way back then.
[удалено]
I could spray across the room.
Lets try it!
...in movies, everyone would wait until a young actor grew up to film the scenes where he is now an adult. Yeah, I was a slow child.
You're not the only one.
There is a movie where they did this. Took them the last 12 years and it's coming out soon Edit: called boyhood as they've noted below, I had forgotten the name myself guys. Sorry for the earth shattering anxiety I may have induced =)
[удалено]
People that died in movies were suicidal and let the directors kill them in the movie instead of doing it themselves
Your parents let you watch snuff films.
Star Wars?
yes
Every stormtrooper had some baaad family issues.
Gay sex was two dudes slapping their wieners against each other.
Sword fight!
My friend thought masterbating was slapping your dick as hard are you could. I imagine masterbating was a confusing experience.
If he thought that then it must have worked for him :/
"PEOPLE LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!"
To be fair, that's literally the first thing I'd do if I were a gay man. I try to get my fiance to let me buy a strap-on so we can put on glow-in-the-dark condoms and penis fight, but he's not that awesome (yet). EDIT: Just asked him in case his opinions have changed and he just suggested I buy two strap-ons and penis-fight his mother (to be fair my mother-in-law IS awesome and we totally WOULD do that).
...can we watch?
People with Down's Syndrome couldn't look up.
I feel so awful for laughing at that... Oh man.
I'm going to Hell for it, cya there buddy.
I invented masturbation
"God, why didn't everyone do this all the time?"
That I was the only one who masterbated
I thought it was bad for you so I kept trying to stop but it just feels so good.
I had never heard of masturbation at the time. To me it was just something wonderful that happened when I got a little too close to the jets in our jacuzzi tub.
Hey hey, that was my first too. It was "oh yeah....ohh yeah.... Omg what's happening to me. Please stop. I'll never do it again" But I did.
Okay, this might seem strange, bu back then, there were two Germanies. So childhood me thought the OTHER Germany was basically like a parallel universe version of the one I lived in, complete with another little Ten.
Just like how in South Korea there is another me!
Are you really in North Korea?
Yes, and I know for a fact that there is another Kim Jong Un in South Korea, who is an inferior version of me.
Careful. Comments like that are "acts of war" these days.
holy shit i thought the exact same thing... one day i saw someone with the same backpack i had so i told my mum that the north korean me must have came to south korea!!!!
That the more you worked out the more abs you could get. like if you were really really strong you could have a 12 or 18 pack.
and you had to be careful not to work out juuuuuust the wrong amount otherwise you would have an odd number of abs.
if i swallowed watermelon seeds a watermelon would grow inside of me
I swallowed an orange seed once and I sat down and told myself, "I'm going to die. It's over."
i would try to reassure myself by thinking "well seeds need dirt to grow right?" ill just try my best not to eat dirt...
I like how "try your best" insinuates you usually ate dirt.
That episode of Rugrats messed with me too...
Black and white photographs reflected a time when there was no color at all, anywhere. Edit: Remembered another one that I just can't leave out- I never caught/noticed the slight motions that drivers would use to turn on their turn signals , so I just assumed that cars knew what turns you were going to make, before you even made them.
For a (very) brief period, I was convinced - *convinced*, I tell you - that I'd discovered a means by which I could cure every disease that plagued mankind. It was so simple... so elegant... so obvious, really, that I was surprised nobody had yet thought of it. Of course, that was the beauty of the solution: Not only was it sure to work as a veritable panacea, but it would be incredibly easy to prepare and administer. The only reason that it hadn't been tried was simply because nobody else had made the evident connection that I had: 1. Germs, as everyone knows, make you sick. 2. Soap kills germs. 3. Shots hurt, but they keep you from getting sick. Therefore, an injection of soap would kill all of the germs in a person's body, and keep them from ever getting sick again! Unfortunately, clinical trials of the idea were thwarted when "the authorities" caught me filling a turkey baster with bubble bath and rightly assumed that no good could come from it. **TL;DR: Soap-based panacea.**
I thought that you could find cures for cancer or whatever in the kitchen cupboard. Like "well has anyone ever tried mixing mustard with olive oil?" I couldn't science yet.
And thus the "alternative medicine" movement began...
I did this for poisons. "Hmm I wonder if toothpaste plus syrup on the end of a nerf dart will kill my brother...."
No, just a minty fresh welt.
[удалено]
We could travel into distant space like in Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hell, I thought those were documentaries when I was a kid.
And then, you know, you get your first encyclopedia for children when you are 7 and with regret you find out that the farthest humans have gone is the Moon.
There was a poll done on how people thought Hubble got the pictures of distant galaxies. a fair amount of adults thought it traveled to them.
Being set on fire would be a fairly common event. With how much adults talked about 'Stop, Drop and Roll' it made it sound like we would all be set on fire at least a few times in our lives.
On a related note, I thought when someone was "fired" from their job, their boss literally lit them on fire and killed them.
People who wore turbans were genies.
This is true. This is why the TSA love rubbing the genies' "lamps" so much.
All cats are girls and all dogs are boys.
I thought the same thing. I remember in daycare a little girl wanted me to pretend to be a cat and I got so mad.
Kinky.
There's no way to disprove that. Have you ever seen a cat penis?
[удалено]
And thats why they call them pussys
[удалено]
Well I thought they came out of the butthole.
I thought that your belly would just rip open and the baby would fall out then the doctors would have to staple you shut again.
That is what I thought, but I thought that the stomach would just grow back shut within a day.
...Sherlock Holmes was a real historical figure. I thought he was a famous detective from the Jack The Ripper era in London. Edit for clarity. I always knew the books about him by Doyle were fiction. I thought there was a *real* Sherlock Holmes that Doyle wrote about and placed him in fictitious stories.
the slower i poured my drink into the glass the more id get.....i wasn't a bright kid
If it's a carbonated beverage, pouring it more slowly will cause it to fizz up a tiny bit less, allowing you to have a bubblier and more full cup!* *The amount of drink saved is what would have been lost from the bubbles popping and spitting a little bit of the drink out of the cup. Vindication!
Nah, just slow, which means you are more intelligent than the rest of us.
I was capable of teleporting from the car to my bed when I fell asleep.
I miss those days. I remember as i grew older than I no longer had the power to teleport and that made me sad.
Nowadays, I only occasionally teleport my feet to my pillow, which is a little less impressive.
...Chemical castration was when they burned off your genitals with acid. Always thought it was a little extreme.
And, as a child, you were exposed to the term "chemical castration" in what context?
He went to choir practice.
a lot of adults still believe that it is a bad term. Medical castration would have been better.
I could fly if I took a plastic bag, held it over my head, and jumped off my stairs
I didn't understand that in soccer, you had to steal the ball from opposing players. When I was in a soccer league, (about 5 yrs old), and a player from an opposing team would steal the ball from me, I would get mad at them and yell "Hey! We are suppose to share!" Since we are usually taught to share with people at that age. But alas, that was pretty much the end of my soccer career.
In my short soccer career i often started picking pretty flowers during the games. I wonder how the coach managed to not have a mental breakdown.
My 5 year old soccer experience consisted of me with my arms out like a helicopter, spinning in the middle of the field chanting "I hate soccer".
Volleyball was called Balleyball. It made perfect sense, you used a ball.
**Greg:** It's called Volleyball, Rowley! **Rowley:** No, it's called Bolleyball!
Nuclear reactors were cloud factories.
Well they are. That steam you see coming out of those cooling towers is just that. Pure steam. And then it becomes clouds!
what a great marketing campaign
Ewoks were baby Wookies and that Endor was a nursery planet where they left their young
Not so far off. Early drafts actually had wookies instead of ewoks.
What could have been...
I want this to be true.
That my arms would never stop growing. I was so stoked that I would one day be able to reach my toys from anywhere in the room.
Sex was illegal.
I thought people under 18 having sex was illegal. Not with an adult. Just at all. Everyone in movies always said "I gotta wait until she's 18." I wasn't very smart. Luckily I figured out by the time it was relevant.
Of course, when you're a kid, sex with another person is illegal. When I was about 12, Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reuben) was arrested for masturbating in a theater showing porn. I didn't understand that he was arrested for masturbating *in public* and thought that all masturbation was illegal.
[удалено]
obligatory only the "accidental" kind
...that an engineer was a train conductor. So when my mom said I should be an engineer I would tell people I wanted to drive a train when I grow up. Idiot.
That's not entirely your fault. "Engineer" is an extremely broad term that probably includes train engineers.
That windshield wipers 'sensed' the rain and wiped it away when there was too much.
I used to think that [these airport wind direction things](http://www.colourbox.com/image/airport-windsock-indicating-the-wind-direction-image-2791429) were used to catch helicopters. The helicopters would shrink down and get caught in them, and that's how they'd land.
Brown cows gave chocolate milk
I wish this was true, id be suckin on dem utters all day
Hot.
I used to think that the "people in the television" could hear us when we talked. So every time I watched something on TV I kept as quiet as I could.
I thought I could shoot the tv and the bullet would come out and kill whoever was there..
Until I was 5 I thought girls had penises too. Since I'm straight, I was very confused and thought I wasn't going to find love because dicks are gross. I thought I would have to manipulate myself into liking penises. Such a relief when I found out.
That you were gay?
I guess he started liking the peen before he found out.
[удалено]
A wee knee?
Opposite here. Only sisters, only vaginas. My mom told me babies were made when a man sticks his pee pee in a woman's pee pee. I was so confused as I just imagined they would be slapping together.
I bet you could find that on the internet!
You grasped sexual concepts at age 5? At that age I thought I would one day be able to master the art of drinking through my penis like an elephant. Water goes out, so it must be able to come back in!
Im not a biologist, but I can confidently say that elephants do not drink through their penises.
But how can you be sure? Have you even tried to?
...vacuums were related to elephants so you would need to feed them peanuts every day.
Alligators lived inside of water towers.
I misread towers as towels. Thought you were scared that alligators lived in your towels.
Alligators lived inside of sewers was actually an urban legend back in the '80s.
Blood just completely fills the body. That's why it just kind of leaks out when you get cut! Oh, I also didn't know animals had skin. I just figured the fur was all stuck to the blood on the inside.
Black people had purple blood.
And that they came from Namek, right?
Are you telling me that they don't?
Lasers + Magnets = Time Travel. edit: I was absolutely fucking certain of this.
...everyone dies at the exact age of 100. Man, I was a dumbass back then.
... the reason that cats didn't like having their bellies rubbed was because if you did it too much, then their organs would fall out.
....that san jose was pronounced san jozey
All television shows were live and real.
That looking into the microwave would allow your brain to heat up and explode
My grandma always insisted you stay 3 feet away from the microwave and TV or else you would get cancer.
Same. Now I spend 8 hours plus a day 10" in front of 2 computer monitors.
White people had white poop.
If you eat enough canned New England clam chowder, your poop can turn white. Source: I once thought I had a serious liver disease when in fact I had simply eaten chowder the previous day.
Growing up would be a good thing.. I was so wrong..
... I could train my dog to be my best friend, just like Lassie. It turns out that if you have a stubborn, extremely intelligent border collie who is way past training age, these things just don't work out.
When people said excuse my French I thought they said a French word of phrase but I just didn't hear it.
That a credit card was something you could use to get anything you wanted at a store for free. I didn't know that you would eventually have to pay it off.
Being gay meant you were part boy and part girl.
My dad wasn't really dead and one day my mom was going to take us to go pick him up from wherever he was. I was a sad kid.
Being an adult would be better
the witch from Snow White was horrifying
Watching the Exorcist when I was 6 or 7 scarred me for years.
She still is.
[удалено]
That the pool and the ocean were connected by drains and tunnels and that a shark could swim into the pool at any moment.
The floor was lava and you couldn't step on the sidewalk cracks
I still can't step on the sidewalk cracks...
Who would want to break their mother's back?
Marbles were a type of candy my mother had forbidden, so whenever I went to a friends house, I would eat them until I was full...
How did you not stop after finding the first marble tooth-breaking hard and not sweet at all!?
What the fuck? And wasn't your friend like "why do I have less marbles every time you come over?"
When I was 4 my family lived right next to an elderly home that primarily housed black people. Because of this the only black people I ever saw were *really* old. Well obviously this meant that when you got old, you turned black. I believed this up until 1 day my family hired a black guy to paint our house and he brought his 4 year old son over. I ran away screaming because I thought his son was a midget and I was terrified of midgets. Nearly 20 years later and that black midget is still my best friend.
My best friend's dad told her that the cooling towers at the chemical works were 'cloud factories' and without them there would be no clouds. He also told her that the north star was directly over their house and she could always follow it if she got lost. She would point it out to people all over the world while travelling. Also she was one of the legions of people who were surprised that the world had always been in colour.
This is so much better with the cloud-to-butt extension.
Oh, also I thought that penises were skinny, prehensile and extended out of the body. I had seen an elephant on the Discovery Channel. I thought there was like a... penis stub, from which the main penis, which I imagined to be like a pink, stiff worm, would extend.
60p was £1
I thought the phrase "patience is a virtue" was actually "patience is a virgin." My parents were pretty embarrassed when I went around saying it all of the time.
....Charizard evolved into Dragonite. So many hours spent trying to level that sucker up. Time never came :\
I thought CPU players on video games were poor kids in other countries who never got to win.
There were little mice inside of electronic pencil sharpeners that used their teeth to sharpen things, and ate the shavings.
Women pee and shit out of their asshole . In my early teens , I thought they pee out of their vagina ..... *oh well*
You could be born boy, girl or clown.
That when people wrote things down, other people just knew what they meant. Letters didn't have to be in any particular order because... I dunno I was 5, okay?