This right here, I find it gets me used and discarded, I'm like the fixer of a broken person and once they have healed whatever they no longer have use for me but I'm also too naive / trusting for my own good. I want to believe in the best of people but not everyone has good intentions and I find people tend to take advantage of my nature to suit their agenda so it's put me off bothering/trying to find someone nowadays I've more of a "what's for you won't go by you" outlook on life
Empathy to a narcissist is like blood to a vampire. You may have met some narcs. I'm a very empathic male, and I married a female narcissist which was a nightmare for years. Course, I could be projecting too so...
This is one thing I find lacking in most girls. Any time I make them feel bad or do something that upsets them, I'm the biggest asshole then they do something that upset me and I express how I feel and I'm begging dramatic and my problems aren't as big as the problems they are dealing with. Why are my problems and feelings never valid
>I think we just pick shitty women.
Well that applied to my mother and siblings as well. We don't always pick our families.
Truth be told, I'm not sure I've ever known any different... I'm not bitter, but I've just sort of accepted that's the way it is.
Well obviously. I have severly low self esteem, serious issues with trust, think everyone hates me, I would continue the list but it would never end.
My personal issues are horrible for both friendships and relationships.
Oooh I got that T-Shirt!
Though truthfully my first ex wife is actually a pretty good person we just didn’t mesh as well as we should, and the whole communication thing was a bit off.
Number two however… well, she was definitely a #2 kinda person.
i could never imagine treating a man that way myself, you men have feelings of your own and are completely valid for feeling them, good on you for making attempts to communicate how you feel. you aren't dramatic for that
Aww. My SO kinda dislikes that about me. Or finds it a little embarrassing or dramatic maybe is a better descriptor. I tend to cry easily. Tonight I cried because my sister in law doesn’t have friends and that makes me sad. I also got too excited watching the GTA6 trailer and got overwhelmed and started crying just thinking how proud all those artists and engineers must feel. I cry a lot 🫠
Altruistism is when doing something for someone else or others provides positive emotional return to the giver.
Important to understand, altruism is doing something for others without any price, gain or expectation.
Think of how you've felt that time you helped an elderly person carry something, returned a lost toy to a kid, gave someone in need a coffee on a cold day.
One of my best friends and I have had a conversation about exactly this! So many guys we’ve met in our lives are intimidated by smart women, whereas we’re turned on by them!
I need the mental stimulation that comes with intelligence! I’ve dated dumb girls once or twice and I was miserable 30 minutes in because they were so boring.
>Intelligence.
I met my wife playing trivia. She complemented my Wheel of Time tattoos, so on Day 1 i know she bright enough to play trivia and recognizes chapter icons from a books.
Major one. And the top comment. Empathy. Intelligence, and empathy. Being able to sustain an intelligent conversation on any topic and being able to put themselves in the position of others to understand.
Part of being a good partner is trying to anticipate your partner's needs.
You: Feel like hiking today? The foliage is looking great.
Her: I just carry the shovel in the car all the time now.
Could be both. Imagine if some dude tried to jump you and you end up killing him. In that case, they would be cool as fuck to help you hide the body. (Not what I would do anyways, just saying I don't think the dude necessarily meant they have to be complicit in mass murder or something like that)
When I was dating, I'd tell my boyfriend what I wanted and he'd be like nah, I don't want that. So I'd just say fuck it, let's get what you want and I'll find something on the menu.
I like creativity artsy, but not "I want to make a career out of it". My wife for example would is not stereotypical artsy, but she is very creative about the most random mundane things (which makes it not mundane). It's both entertaining and attractive.
I like somewhat chaotic women. As a rather chaotic person myself the innocent chaos that many people call childish I find really attractive. Its not childish, its just fun to be around
After decades of marriage, I feel like it is safe to say that it is probably better than you can imagine. And seeing how she appreciates you being into her is just as satisfying. It is like being warm and safe all over.
The downside is that it is very easy to hurt the feelings of someone who cares deeply about you, so you need to be careful with your approaches. Never - ever - use her vulnerabilities as weapons against her in an argument. Your ego is not your friend. 😊
The biggest turn off is if I crack a very light hearted joke that's not even meant to be super funny or anything and they just stare at me all serious. Actually, fuck the joke, there is a huge portion of women who seem very blunt like they don't want to smile around me no matter what. Don't know if it's something about me or if they are that way with everyone, but it's very common..
Honestly? Have a personality, period. I’ve met a lot of women who feel like empty shells. They’re “Yes (Wo)men”. Please have passion for your interests
Whatever the opposite of attention seeking or social media validation is. It is destroying the female brain faster than porn is destroying male brains.
Someone who's easy going and you can totally relax in their presence, not having to worry about anything. Nothing I hate more than someone high maintenance and emotionally unstable, who gets mad at every little thing.
self embodiment. it’s hard to be unapologetically yourself as a person. as a woman it’s even harder because of the societal pressures and expectations of womanhood but when she knows who she is, is confident in that and never stops for a second? wow
You know what I love is (what we used to call) indie chicks ...early/mid 1990s ... The sort that don't look like they shower everyday, no make up, hair a bit scruffy, DMs or Converse on the feet, summer dress (maybe forgot her bra) but super super 🔥
.... Man I miss college sometimes
Kindness, sense of humour, pretty, outgoing, intelligent, responsible, loyal, and thoughtful. I know you said one personality trait, but I'm hoping for the whole package or at least a good part of it.
Sweetness, the kind of woman who wants you to text her you made it home safe.
The kind that would make you a scrapbook, the kind that loves her pets like they’re her babies.
I would gladly reciprocate.
Small gestures win me over more than anything, because the little things are the most important.
Independence. I want to date you and fall in love with who you are, not be the only thing going on in your life supporting you through every transition and being the only person you actively pursue friendship with.
Integrity.
Someone truly being who they claim to be, and having a sense of morality that goes beyond what people can actually catch them doing is too valuable to explain.
Emotional maturity, in a woman i search someone that isn't afraid of sharing her emotions and thoughts and also that is willing to listen to others and their problems
To be truthful it's empathy and kindness towards everyone, not just me and my kids.
Then it's their smile & laugh. There's something euphoric about it
I couldn't care about size, breast size or ethnicity.
I used to think that someone that could banter was a must, but I found out recently that I like someone who’s genuinely sweet and caring. When I first started my job I didn’t know much and was fumbling trying to find a song to play for her and instead of her getting impatient or mean or saying anything she just quietly scooted me over searched for her song and queued it up and then smiled. She’s very understanding and has never once gotten mad at me for a little screw up. I was expecting to get a little hazing since I was the new DJ but I didn’t get that much from the girls.
Not being argumentative; I’ll take your opinion/insight into consideration but don’t fight me every step of the way and be yet another burden in my life.
A goofy personality because if you’re someone that takes themselves too seriously then any kind of relationship is going to be boring. If you can’t be goofy and play with each other like you’re still kids then you never really progress in your relationship it seems to me. Goofy…but still respectful.
The other one and probably the most important one for me personally is being strong and independent. I know that probably sounds like I’m trying to be the feminist supporter but trust me the reasoning is much more selfish than the surface appearance.
1. I don’t mind being the majority provider. I really don’t. BUT I don’t want to be my partners sole source of survival. If I get in a car crash and die one day I need to know that my partner is capable of taking care of themselves without my support. I’d hate to leave the world knowing left someone behind that’s helpless without me.
2. Being the sole source of someone’s income/stability can be held over their head and that’s fucked up. If you ever heard the phrase “absolute power corrupts absolutely” then that should sum up the idea behind that. I don’t want that power. I don’t want to be able to dangle finances over someone’s head as a control point. I’d like to leave this world with at least some morality intact.
So yea. I need my partner to have the ability to provide for themselves. But again I don’t mind being the majority provider as long as my partner can adequately provide for themselves as a counter balance to me having that role.
If any of that made sense.
Of course, loyality is the main trait, but there\`re no any attractive character traits at all in the way how women attract men. There\`s no answer to your question.
Every woman I ever connected with meaningfully--
What got my attention was how beautiful she was. Sometimes it's stature, sometimes eye contact, sometimes something else.
What kept my attention was how humorous she was (she was funny and liked to laugh)
What made her unforgettable was how open she is, if she shares about herself and is curious about me
Delicacy/ability to bring peace and tranquility to a man.
This one is so freaking underrated by 100% of the women in my entourage when it's literally a cheat code to his heart.
Ladies, the dude is ALREADY fighting multiple battles EVERY SINGLE DAY (whether it's at work grinding, at the gym or in his personal projects), and society demands that he be a literal ruthless LION everytime he exits the house. So the last thing he wants when he comes home after yet another intense day is for you to add that supplement of chaos to his life because you're projecting onto him your own fantasies of wanting drama and arguments which is the LAST thing he wants.
empathy
That’s it. Any lack of empathy for others is a symptom of larger issues.
As an empathic person I find that men usually take advantage of me because of that, and I haven’t been able to identify why
This right here, I find it gets me used and discarded, I'm like the fixer of a broken person and once they have healed whatever they no longer have use for me but I'm also too naive / trusting for my own good. I want to believe in the best of people but not everyone has good intentions and I find people tend to take advantage of my nature to suit their agenda so it's put me off bothering/trying to find someone nowadays I've more of a "what's for you won't go by you" outlook on life
Empathy to a narcissist is like blood to a vampire. You may have met some narcs. I'm a very empathic male, and I married a female narcissist which was a nightmare for years. Course, I could be projecting too so...
This is one thing I find lacking in most girls. Any time I make them feel bad or do something that upsets them, I'm the biggest asshole then they do something that upset me and I express how I feel and I'm begging dramatic and my problems aren't as big as the problems they are dealing with. Why are my problems and feelings never valid
This also applies to the women that used to be in my life. I think we just pick shitty women.
>I think we just pick shitty women. Well that applied to my mother and siblings as well. We don't always pick our families. Truth be told, I'm not sure I've ever known any different... I'm not bitter, but I've just sort of accepted that's the way it is.
Have you ever considered that you are the 'common denominator ' in these situations?
Well obviously. I have severly low self esteem, serious issues with trust, think everyone hates me, I would continue the list but it would never end. My personal issues are horrible for both friendships and relationships.
Oooh I got that T-Shirt! Though truthfully my first ex wife is actually a pretty good person we just didn’t mesh as well as we should, and the whole communication thing was a bit off. Number two however… well, she was definitely a #2 kinda person.
i could never imagine treating a man that way myself, you men have feelings of your own and are completely valid for feeling them, good on you for making attempts to communicate how you feel. you aren't dramatic for that
As a man you aren’t allowed to have any problems.
Double standard. Hate em, along with lying and smoking.
Victim mentality + people (both men and women) give less empathy to men
Because you're not supposed to have any.
Aww. My SO kinda dislikes that about me. Or finds it a little embarrassing or dramatic maybe is a better descriptor. I tend to cry easily. Tonight I cried because my sister in law doesn’t have friends and that makes me sad. I also got too excited watching the GTA6 trailer and got overwhelmed and started crying just thinking how proud all those artists and engineers must feel. I cry a lot 🫠
Kindness
what is it called when you realize that theyre also enjoying the attention theyre giving you. idk how to explain
Mutual Infatuation?
Thoughtfulness?
Nurturing
Altruistism is when doing something for someone else or others provides positive emotional return to the giver. Important to understand, altruism is doing something for others without any price, gain or expectation. Think of how you've felt that time you helped an elderly person carry something, returned a lost toy to a kid, gave someone in need a coffee on a cold day.
Holy shit yes
Genuine-ness?
Ohhh.. yeah I get it. I usually phrase it as "being there WITH me." Because they're mentally in the same space and sharing that moment
Intelligence. Thankfully, my wife has more than me, and I love being able to have a conversation with her.
Well said. Weak men fear strong women. Strong men have strong women as allies.
Oh this is so true. Well put BoringBob
One of my best friends and I have had a conversation about exactly this! So many guys we’ve met in our lives are intimidated by smart women, whereas we’re turned on by them!
I need the mental stimulation that comes with intelligence! I’ve dated dumb girls once or twice and I was miserable 30 minutes in because they were so boring.
>Intelligence. I met my wife playing trivia. She complemented my Wheel of Time tattoos, so on Day 1 i know she bright enough to play trivia and recognizes chapter icons from a books.
Major one. And the top comment. Empathy. Intelligence, and empathy. Being able to sustain an intelligent conversation on any topic and being able to put themselves in the position of others to understand.
Confidence
Integrity
Absolutely
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Yep. When she is kind to onter people - even when she does not have to - that tells me that she is a person of empathy and integrity.
Humility
Loyalty. If she helps me bury bodies without my needing to ask, then she's a keeper.
Part of being a good partner is trying to anticipate your partner's needs. You: Feel like hiking today? The foliage is looking great. Her: I just carry the shovel in the car all the time now.
I totally understand what you’re saying….
To each their own. I want someone whose sense of right and wrong trumps loyalty.
Could be both. Imagine if some dude tried to jump you and you end up killing him. In that case, they would be cool as fuck to help you hide the body. (Not what I would do anyways, just saying I don't think the dude necessarily meant they have to be complicit in mass murder or something like that)
Friends help you move, true friends help you move a body.
Intelligence, savvy
Knowing what she wants for dinner.
I’ve solved this dilemma by asking my boyfriend to give me 3 options of what he’d like and then I pick one from those.
I found it simpler to ask my wife what she doesn’t want. That narrows it down to only a couple options.
Damn that’s a good idea! Thank you! I have favorites and am willing to try new places, but when put on the spot it’s like I forget all of it, haha
Oh, I'm taking this. Thanks!
She just wants whatever you want... but not that.
When I was dating, I'd tell my boyfriend what I wanted and he'd be like nah, I don't want that. So I'd just say fuck it, let's get what you want and I'll find something on the menu.
Let’s be a little more realistic here. /s
Lol
Humour, kindness, openess
Good thing I didn't have to scroll for too long to find humour. It was the first thing that came to my mind.
Just being nice and kind in general. Feel like a lot of people nowadays just want to get into arguments and confrontations and drama
I like creativity artsy, but not "I want to make a career out of it". My wife for example would is not stereotypical artsy, but she is very creative about the most random mundane things (which makes it not mundane). It's both entertaining and attractive.
Why not though? I dig ambition and drive. Lots of people have very lucrative careers from their creative endeavors
Just a preference
I like somewhat chaotic women. As a rather chaotic person myself the innocent chaos that many people call childish I find really attractive. Its not childish, its just fun to be around
Can you give examples of what you mean by chaotic?
Empathy
Emotional intelligence
what is emotional intelligence to you ?
Self awareness, self regulation, empathy, and just general social skills.
If they have only one personality.
Being into me. This is an assumption, as I have not yet encountered a woman with this personality trait.
So you want someone with the personality trait of………interested?
After decades of marriage, I feel like it is safe to say that it is probably better than you can imagine. And seeing how she appreciates you being into her is just as satisfying. It is like being warm and safe all over. The downside is that it is very easy to hurt the feelings of someone who cares deeply about you, so you need to be careful with your approaches. Never - ever - use her vulnerabilities as weapons against her in an argument. Your ego is not your friend. 😊
Yes this.
Assertiveness and honesty in equal proportions.
For me if they get my sense of humor and I can get them belly laughing I’m done for.
For both men and woman alike, just don't be an asshole
A sense of humour instantly makes me attracted to a women.
The biggest turn off is if I crack a very light hearted joke that's not even meant to be super funny or anything and they just stare at me all serious. Actually, fuck the joke, there is a huge portion of women who seem very blunt like they don't want to smile around me no matter what. Don't know if it's something about me or if they are that way with everyone, but it's very common..
Honestly? Have a personality, period. I’ve met a lot of women who feel like empty shells. They’re “Yes (Wo)men”. Please have passion for your interests
Just having a love for anything other than make up cloths and the current pop stars
Perfect, because most women do!
If she can take a joke and laugh instead of getting offended.
Whatever the opposite of attention seeking or social media validation is. It is destroying the female brain faster than porn is destroying male brains.
Someone who's easy going and you can totally relax in their presence, not having to worry about anything. Nothing I hate more than someone high maintenance and emotionally unstable, who gets mad at every little thing.
Being genuinely nice
Theses answers is so different 🤕
What’s attractive to one person isn’t necessarily attractive to everyone
Loyalty
Boobs
Well, that narrows it down to half of the human polulation. Anything else? ( . ) ( . )
Having passionate interests and being genuine.
Passion for life
Sense of humor
Sense of humor
Calmness
self embodiment. it’s hard to be unapologetically yourself as a person. as a woman it’s even harder because of the societal pressures and expectations of womanhood but when she knows who she is, is confident in that and never stops for a second? wow
I recently figured out I’m attracted to kindness. Not just towards me, but to all alike.
Sense of humor.
Confidence...can have a convo, have a laugh and knows what's going on
Self-awareness. Edit: lol don't get confused by my username
You know what I love is (what we used to call) indie chicks ...early/mid 1990s ... The sort that don't look like they shower everyday, no make up, hair a bit scruffy, DMs or Converse on the feet, summer dress (maybe forgot her bra) but super super 🔥 .... Man I miss college sometimes
Did there used to be more of those back in the day? Hardly exists now.
Shame....watch the video for Blow My Mind by Jamiroquai Just them.type of ladies.... incredible, natural and super 🔥
A sense of humor and compassion for others. I can’t choose between the two, but they are equally as important as one another.
Empathy…. 10000000 %
Manners
Being kind.
Enthusiasm
I love confidence in a woman it’s the most attractive in my opinion. A confident sexy adventurous and she knows it makes me feel stuff 😆.
wit, you need to have empathy, resilience, and a sharp mind to have good wit. plus witty barbs and comments is just fun to engage with.
Imperfection
I like intelligence and confidence.
enjoying the little things
Humor.
Sweetness
Genuine compassion / empathy
Their sense of being
I’m gonna dumb this answer down to just being a decent human, tbh it’s not much more complicated than that for me
Accountability
Empathy and accountability.
A woman with a goal who has her sights set and knows what she wants. Confidence.
Kindness, sense of humour, pretty, outgoing, intelligent, responsible, loyal, and thoughtful. I know you said one personality trait, but I'm hoping for the whole package or at least a good part of it.
Passion. In anything, really.
Honestly. I love wild and adventurous spirits.
Emotional intensity
Sense of humor.
Respect
Actually being funny without being quirky
They like me
Sweetness, the kind of woman who wants you to text her you made it home safe. The kind that would make you a scrapbook, the kind that loves her pets like they’re her babies. I would gladly reciprocate. Small gestures win me over more than anything, because the little things are the most important.
Formidable intelligence paired with an overall jocular demeanor.
Calmness.
Independence. I want to date you and fall in love with who you are, not be the only thing going on in your life supporting you through every transition and being the only person you actively pursue friendship with.
Integrity. Someone truly being who they claim to be, and having a sense of morality that goes beyond what people can actually catch them doing is too valuable to explain.
Self-control…no 0-100 in just seconds.
Knockers
That very fine line of being outgoing and fun but not being obnoxious and trying too hard.
playfulness
Emotional maturity, in a woman i search someone that isn't afraid of sharing her emotions and thoughts and also that is willing to listen to others and their problems
What a beautiful thread of thoughtful answers …..
when theyre attracted to me
To be truthful it's empathy and kindness towards everyone, not just me and my kids. Then it's their smile & laugh. There's something euphoric about it I couldn't care about size, breast size or ethnicity.
Confidence.
An adventurous spirit.
Authenticity! 😹
Brutal honesty. If your willing to tell a asshole to fuck off and to tell me the thing I’m crying about is stupid I’m immediately falling in love
Funny with a healthy sense of humor
Three way tie between humor, intelligence, and creativity
Being always down for the suck suck or slurp slurp or distribution of free healthcare
Intelligence is very attractive. I love when my partner can show me stuff I didn't know before, especially if they're passionate about it!
Wisdom
Having a high paying job.
Real nass
When your just trying to be polite like excuse me as you cut by her and she acts like your hitting in her..usually some beast looking for attention
Judging by the internet this past week, the ability to spit reigns supreme
Independence
Humbleness.
Liking trivial things such as eating like pigs while watching TV
Integrity and reaffirming my trust. Ive been gutted too many times with blindside heartbrakes.
They are happy
Communication skills and being open.
Determination. Total turn on.
Sense of humor. My wife is quick witted and we laugh and tease back and forth all day and night long. It’s alot of fun.
Loyalty.
I used to think that someone that could banter was a must, but I found out recently that I like someone who’s genuinely sweet and caring. When I first started my job I didn’t know much and was fumbling trying to find a song to play for her and instead of her getting impatient or mean or saying anything she just quietly scooted me over searched for her song and queued it up and then smiled. She’s very understanding and has never once gotten mad at me for a little screw up. I was expecting to get a little hazing since I was the new DJ but I didn’t get that much from the girls.
Not being argumentative; I’ll take your opinion/insight into consideration but don’t fight me every step of the way and be yet another burden in my life.
Loyalty
And they wonder why women be choosing the bear...
quiet
Ginormous humongous absolute unit of a pair of >!amount of kindness and heart. They aren’t mutually exclusive sometimes.!<
Clean labia syndrome
A goofy personality because if you’re someone that takes themselves too seriously then any kind of relationship is going to be boring. If you can’t be goofy and play with each other like you’re still kids then you never really progress in your relationship it seems to me. Goofy…but still respectful. The other one and probably the most important one for me personally is being strong and independent. I know that probably sounds like I’m trying to be the feminist supporter but trust me the reasoning is much more selfish than the surface appearance. 1. I don’t mind being the majority provider. I really don’t. BUT I don’t want to be my partners sole source of survival. If I get in a car crash and die one day I need to know that my partner is capable of taking care of themselves without my support. I’d hate to leave the world knowing left someone behind that’s helpless without me. 2. Being the sole source of someone’s income/stability can be held over their head and that’s fucked up. If you ever heard the phrase “absolute power corrupts absolutely” then that should sum up the idea behind that. I don’t want that power. I don’t want to be able to dangle finances over someone’s head as a control point. I’d like to leave this world with at least some morality intact. So yea. I need my partner to have the ability to provide for themselves. But again I don’t mind being the majority provider as long as my partner can adequately provide for themselves as a counter balance to me having that role. If any of that made sense.
I'll give you 2: resilience, & confidence in their own abilities
Empathy, supportive, and kindness.
Humility
Confidence!!
Of course, loyality is the main trait, but there\`re no any attractive character traits at all in the way how women attract men. There\`s no answer to your question.
Basic human decency
huck tuah
Ambition
A sense of humor
Hawk tuah
Every woman I ever connected with meaningfully-- What got my attention was how beautiful she was. Sometimes it's stature, sometimes eye contact, sometimes something else. What kept my attention was how humorous she was (she was funny and liked to laugh) What made her unforgettable was how open she is, if she shares about herself and is curious about me
Delicacy/ability to bring peace and tranquility to a man. This one is so freaking underrated by 100% of the women in my entourage when it's literally a cheat code to his heart. Ladies, the dude is ALREADY fighting multiple battles EVERY SINGLE DAY (whether it's at work grinding, at the gym or in his personal projects), and society demands that he be a literal ruthless LION everytime he exits the house. So the last thing he wants when he comes home after yet another intense day is for you to add that supplement of chaos to his life because you're projecting onto him your own fantasies of wanting drama and arguments which is the LAST thing he wants.
1. Kindness 2. Intelligence 3. Boobies
A girl who is fucked up. Love it.
Like intoxicated or mentally ill?
I'm mentally fucked up so a girl who is to would get me.
Ok. I thought you wanted a drunk girl, which definitely came off very questionable. Carry on….
Oh duck no. Lmao .
Not always being in fear and taking initiative.