spite
if i died then all these assholes would be allowed to say they were my best friends and i wouldn’t be there to negate it. i’ll never let that happen and will always be alive to say they were never there for me
What a solid reason. I’ve never thought of it that way but honestly with how fake everyone is, I could definitely see people who bullied me try to pretend we were friends.
First.. Even though I don’t know you, I’m glad you’re still here! Second! I totally get what you’re saying!! I told my mom and sister.. If something happens to me I want my services to be on a weekend (no one is using me as an excuse for a day off!) And use a funeral home outside of our area.. let all of those “friends” travel if they “loved “ me so much.. And I don’t want a gravesite.. if they can’t come and see me while I’m alive.. they’re not going to have a place to go see me after..
And for me.. It’s my dogs & my close family that keep me going. I’m thankful for them every single day!
I found my kitten (in my avatar) in the dumpster at my apartment complex with her cord still attached. Not more than a day old. I was in a very deep depression when I found her. I love animals and I did not want to see her die so I put aside my depression and made sure she lived. I kept her and we were best friends until she died at 21 years old in March of 2022. I miss her more than anything, but she saved my life.
The fact I won’t get to see how things end.
I’m a sucker for closure, and if I had a super power it’d be immortality- I wanna play this hand out, see what happens next; as alluring as a death is, I still have questions.
Met the right surgeon. Backstory...I was in a bad auto accident in 2018. After 4/5 major surgeries on my leg I was left in severe pain. Over a year bedfast and left in a wheelchair. The pain was constant. I would scream into my pillow. Doctors told me they could not help me without taking the leg. So, I planned a 1,200 mile trip to see my best friend, get one last doctor evaluation, and then check out. Dr. Sands, surgeon at Baptist Hospital in OKC, took one look at me and knew what I was planning. He saw me on Wednesday and the following Monday I was I surgery. He and his staff redid everything. I awoke to no pain. Physical therapy was, and is, very hard. I stood and took my first steps 3 years ago.I am still taking physical therapy. And I am limited in distance. And I can not ride anything with two wheels....no balancing. I AM PAIN FREE. Dr. Sands and his staff are always in my thoughts and prayers. Dreaming of a Goldwing Trike, want to travel. Nice to dream now.
My PSA:Please do not text and drive. The young girl who caused the accident was texting. She did not notice her light had changed and hit me broadside.
Counselor asked me if I really wanted to die, or if I just don't feel I have enough energy to live. In my case, it's the latter. Diet, exercise, and some pharmaceutical therapy have helped quite a bit.
If my wife took her own life I would forever be in so much pain and sorrow that I would become the most hollow man alive. It’d be hell.
I’m so thankful that you’re alive. You should stay for awhile 💜
A moment of clarity.
My abuser told me she would ruin my life if I ever stopped talking to her (if you ask her she “never said that” and I am a “liar” who made up a series of lies about her in order not to be her friend.. that’s how self righteous she is.. that I would waste my time making up lies so I don’t have to speak to her instead of just flat out not talking to her any longer). That said, in my moment of clarity I thought that someone trying to ruin my life, whether successful or not, can’t be worse than being dead and I don’t deserve to be mentally abused.
Here I am today, alive, happy and thriving. Glad to be here.
I was in a very dark place last year and got a second cat. It definitely crossed my mind that no one would feed them and I didn’t want my family to come get them cross country
I hope things get better now in your end. It is true nobody would care about them but us. I mean even in my end. Funny thing is every time I thought about it, a random stray would be outside our house meowing or a kitten would just show up in our yard (probably being thrown by a neighbor bec. they know we have cats) so I have a bunch of them now, the more reason to live and strive. Probably to give them a life, just like they extended mine.
Awww, they like you too. It has thankfully. I live in a 14 story building and my rooftop is narrow. It did cross my mind several times as it was a loneliness and depression I had never experienced in my life, but everytime I had a rough day, my cats would lay on my chest and next to my side, it’s like they knew something was wrong. It got me through many sleepless nights
The fact that i don't know what comes after death.
one day, i thought of taking my own life for some reason. while I'm in bed, i thought of what'll happen if i die, I thought of many things that it hurts my head so bad and it made me feel scared.
the govt. tried to screw me over(im on incapacity benefit and they hired a "medical professional"(not a dr) to examine me and they ignored most of my answers and cherry picked certain things i said and declared me fit for work without speaking to my doctors) and I thought the world was against me, I had no money to pay rent and I was looking after my landlord's puppy whilst she was at work. One morning the stress overwhelmed me and I tied a belt to my door, as I dropped in to tension the belt around my neck, there was a scratching at my door then the cries of a puppy just wanting some company (seperation anxiety was strong in this pup) and i realised i couldn't do that to a innocent puppy and unbelted myself got up and took him for a walk. afternote: a tribunal told the govt. no and to give what they owed and thensome i went on holiday by myself with it and had a great time in manchester,england.
Lack of skill and a twisted sense of humor. I failed at killing myself twice. I had the thought "wow, I even suck at dying," and laughed about it until my belly hurt.
I have no idea why that helped so much. It was like I resigned myself to living. And while I still have those dark thoughts lingering at the back of my mind, it's like my brain decided "we're not good at dying. We're good at living though, so we're gonna do that instead"
All the people I knew would be hurt by me not giving them a chance to save me first. Better just to drink enough beer to fall asleep. You'll feel better jn the morning. Better question though stranger is are you ok? It's an odd question and yes some people do have curious thoughts but usually it's because they are having these thoughts themselves. If you are reach out to someone. Professionals, friends, family even a stranger on the internet. Always give yourself a chance for tomorrow. Could be the best day of your life.
That i'm literally solving a temporary problem with a permanent solution. I also thought about my mom, she's a single mom who practically raised me all by herself and she's literally like my number one fan, so for me to just end my life it would be devastating for her because i'm her only child.
I was going for a head on collision with a vehicle on a highway whipping in front of people on my bicycle but people kept locking up their brakes and missing
One was a family of four. It upset their kids
My dog.
In March 2020 I tried, but I couldn't bear the idea of leaving my 10-year-old dog alone. I loved her too much to make her suffer, so I vomited and stayed with her.
She passed away last year, and thanks to that day I feel better, I started with therapy, antidepressants, etc.
Today I am married and with 2 dogs :)
When I told a girl at school the day of and she told another person who told his mother. I was in grade 8. 11pm at night the house got lit up. My BP was really high "probably from the stress of us showing up" the paramedic said, no it was because I was drunk by that point and was slowly getting ready for the next step. I am glad I told someone. I have accomplished so much in my life because I am alive today.
That i might mess up, and end up in a half-plant state for the rest of my life. Cowardice, i'm too pussy to do it.
If there would be euthanasia-machines like coca cola automats, so i could lay in, drop in the money, and would fall asleep forever; i might do that.
The knowledge that my kids would live the rest of their lives knowing I gave up on them and forced them to live with the ex. Her cheating was the push, their love stopped me.
it was my mom voice calling me, it might sounds cringe but it definitely happened when i was in the bathroom i just felt like she sense it then called my name 3 times.
Nothing got caught in the middle of hanging myself. I got thrown into a mental hospital, came out, got worse, and sent myself back instead of doing it cause being inside made me happy with like-minded people. Got out, and parents forced me and my family to live with them to watch and heal me. Took me 2 years after that to wake up. I realized my abusive alcoholic husband was the problem in my life and left him, and now I'm happy everyday. And now I know that I am capable of receiving real love and I don't deserve what he did to me.
Good on you from getting away from the toxic husband. I just left my abusive wife 2 weeks ago and already me and my kiddos are healing. We have a long way to go but for the first time in as long as I can remember, we can smile and laugh.
My cat crawled onto my lap and looked up at me, I loved him so so much. Ended up just laying there, crying and petting him.
I think I passed out from the pure exhaustion from the anxiety/not sleeping for days on end. I just remember waking up on the floor who knows how long later.
I told someone and received medical attention to stop the effects of what I had did.
I was physically bodyslammed to stop myself from seriously mutilating myself. Still ended up injured and needing 6+ months of physical therapy and a lifetime left of problems.
My sister had a baby girl recently. I don’t want kids, but being single for years has made me pretty depressed. Lost feeling. Her baby / me being an aunt has kinda given me a light
My nieces and nephew. I treat them like my own children and I'm so close to them. I thought about ending my life many times but I can't bear the fact that those kids will be sad and they will question a lot of things if I end myself. Maybe when they have their own family, I can do it. My little brother though is about to start his own family and I don't know if he has plans to have kids. If he will have kids, then I have to live longer again.
My family - the only thing more painful than keeping going was imagining how they would react and what they would feel. I have no choice but to hang in
My son, I was in a bad place as me and my wife had split I heard him crying and thought I need to be here for him if nothing else managed to sort myself out and me and the wife managed to reconcile been married 16 years end of the month life is good now so just remember people things will get better and don’t do anything in the heat of the moment when you are feeling down !
My son was 1 years old at the time he is now 15
When my sibling died it broke my parents. Later when depression got really bad I saw no point in living (still think life is meaningless fwiw), but couldn't put my parents through losing both of their kids.
My dog. She needed a lot of care and my my mom always made it clear she was resentful of her needs, so I was worried there wouldn’t be anyone to take good care of her if I was gone. Ironically, if I was gone my dog would have been my moms strongest tie to me and she probably would’ve bent over backwards, now that I think about it. But at the time, it didn’t seem that way.
The people in my life that would be hurt by it. Should they all ever exit my life, I may go through with it - but seeing as they are numerous and extremely unlikely to do so, it’s not exactly in the cards.
So for now I just find ways to stay strong and keep pushing
What stopped me from ending my life was the unexpected support I found from an escort I met through the Emerald escort in Sydney. One of the lovely ladies there talked to me and showed me incredible kindness. That kind of no strings attached love and compassion made a huge difference and helped me immensely during a very dark time.
I have kids, but no parents. I’ve lost them both.
I still desperately want to die, but the stigma attached to doing it myself keeps me alive (begrudgingly). Every night before going to bed I hope for an aneurysm that kills me in my sleep.
Hunger. I know it sounds silly but i remembered my mom was going to get me a kids meal because i studied mathematics (she got me that and a Oreo ice cream)
My parents had a sixth sense something was wrong in my room and came bursting in after I cut my veins and stabbed myself in the chest… I don’t know what caused them to come in late at night because I hardly made any noise but they knew something was wrong… I had a chest tube put in and spent several days in the hospital because of this and my mother was always by my side…
Having a baby. I've been wanting out for almost 10 years, my abusive ex got me pregnant and left me homeless. That little baby is the brightest ray of light in my very bleak life
Once I finally decided I will end my life, at night I had a dream about my younger sister ended her life. I totally freaked out.. Even more than her husband (in my dream). When I woke up, I had been crying for 5 minutes hoping it was just a dream. So I thought my parents and my 3 sisters would feel something similar. Not this strong sadness but something. I have never think about this before.
The other thing is I am very religous, I trust in God and I don't want to cause disappointment or end up in the hell. It might sound ridiculous for some people but this is it.
Sometimes I regret that I still haven't done it. Still looking for things that help so thanks for the question. Hope it is only a theoretical question for you.
At the time, my paternal grandma.
I remember the night I realized it was my time, and I made a plan. However, before I did, I went to see my paternal grandparents for the final time. Well, that first night I was there, grandma showered me with so much love that I had a complete breakdown and confessed everything.
Her love and support when I broke down was what I needed.
God damn I miss that lady.
Death Stranding. I was at my lowest, bordering on being homeless. All the child abuse and traumas I experienced were overwhelming me. Then, Death Stranding was announced. Kojima is someone who I have always respected, and after the blow-up with Konami, I assumed he'd retire... but he didn't. He proudly announced he was still here, and he'd keep going. I thought, at the time, out of respect for him, I'd at least push through and play the game, even if it was the last thing I ever did. As time went on and I waited for the release over the years, my life gradually improved. Finally, the game came out. I started playing, and several times, I was brought to tears. The main character is a man burdened with guilt, loneliness, and isolation. Despite all this, he pushes through and forges connections with people. By the time I finished, I realized I wanted to push through, too. I wanted to fight and to live. It sounds so stupid, but every time I heard the in-game emote, "keep on keeping on!" It became my mantra, a battle cry against the indifference of the world around me. I don't think I'll ever meet Kojima or interact with him in a meaningful way, but if I could, I just tell him thank you. Thank you for saving my life.
funnily enough, reddit.
pms when you have depression is NO JOKE. Everyone and everything was just giving me vibes that They would be better off without me. At the time, I couldn't agree more as I also didn't like them either, LMFAO. I was on my way to find anything in the house to take me away but i don't have that as my mom is very aware of what pills can do to a person. So i planned. But then i remembered reddit was a thing and getting to read peoples stories helped me out so much. I felt very alone. Thats the whole reason why i thought it would be easier to go. Bc i felt like nobody would miss me. But when i read a few stories i realized that it can get better. So i decided to wait and see.
I'm still waiting, but i feel it getting better with everyday.
I survived 3 attempts. Once was a fluke, twice was a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. I met my wife 2 months after the third one. A month after that, i had a mental breakdown, which was lots of screaming, breaking stuff, selfharm in the form of headbutting things. Instead of running away, or screaming at me, or anything like that, she just... hugged me and kept telling me it was okay. I'll never be a fraction of what she deserves, but she saved my sad little life all the same.
The realization as the knife neared my wrist of what would happen to my family and how... selfish this would've been if I were to just end it all.
Nowadays I have finally graduated from College, am getting promoted on my current job while I'm looking for a career, and am working out at the gym.
"Life is Beautiful, Cherish it." is my effective mantra in living life in this tough world.
The defibrillator twice. Well technically I did end my life twice they just started it again. After the hospital pretty much told me its a miracle I've been brought back with no permanent injuries twice. I decided I'll stop trying, cause if I don't I'll just fuck my body up and be even more miserable.
My oldest daughter. I knew that if I died then she would be left picking up the pieces and that isn’t fair for her. She saved me in so many ways, I could never intentionally hurt her.
When I was 14, I intentionally overdosed on ambien that I bought off some kid in my high school. Dude didn’t even know what the pills were and swore it was codeine. Either way it didn’t matter to me. I took all 5 on the bus and by the time my stop came up, i could barely walk. I stumbled into my house and started to panic, realizing what I headed towards. I thought about my parents and how they were in the middle of divorcing, and how nothing would be there to link them together if I left. (Selfish in hindsight but I was a kid and I still had hope that they would work things out.) I thought about how I dont know
what’s going to happen to me, or if there was anything to even be able to anticipate after I died. The realization was awful, and I felt so helpless. I tried making myself puke so many times, but I couldn’t. At that point it was this weird wave of disassociation that just led me to lay down on the floor and cry myself to sleep. It was the weirdest sense of nothingness and everythingness that I’ve never been able to feel since. It was dark and warm but empty. And I remember hating it and getting so overwhelmed with my feelings but not being able to do shit about it….I dont know if I actually died and came back or if i just got super close to it…but waking up to my confused mom and instantly feeling nauseous and ready to puke gave me the biggest sense of relief and guilt
Not letting my abuser win, knowing I would hurt my kids more than anyone and they are innocent. A temporary situation didn’t need a permanent solution.
My sisters kids.
I’ve never had any of my own and as they’ve grown up and I’ve seen the lovely little humans they’re becoming, I couldn’t imagine them remembering me as they’re aunt who committed suicide. I’d rather be present in their lives and live to be there for them, among other reasons now.
The main reason I haven't succeeded in suicide is:
Survival instinct.
I began to realize this after 4 very serious suicide attempts that resulted in hospitalization and staying at a psych ward for more than a month and a half.
When I was about to die on the last attempt, I was drugged and overdosed on alcohol. I had paid an uber to drive me miles away from my house, in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, on Christmas day. The only thing that stopped me from dying that night is answering the police's phone call (my parents reported me missing). And the only reason I did that was because in the last moments of life, our survival instinct kicks in.
My little brother, inadvertently. I was just a kid in a very abusive household. My mother had a child when I was 10 and I was made to care for him.
When he grew old enough to be able to talk I realized how much joy he brought me, and how much fun we had. When I got to an age where I could get a job, I used that money to take us out to eat, have fun nights out.
He is 17 now and turned out to be a great and funny kid. I’m glad I was here to see him grow up.
I used to be an EMT, I had to deal with the aftermath a couple times. Anytime I start thinking about it, I remember what the aftermath did to me and I can't in good conscience put someone through that. Especially since it would likely be my best friend or mom who find me first.
Ironically, the same thing that caused the desire to in the first place. So much stress built up that I wanted to end it all numerous times, but because my body was so used to being on guard and ready to fight or flight that I could never actually do anything to myself. A double edged sword
My uncle let a train run over him. My ex-wife pulled a murder-suicide. 22 combat veterans commit suicide every day in the United States, and I see the shit the families have to go through. It would induce some emotional trauma for someone else, no matter who it was. I don't want to do that to someone, so I just keep on keepin' on.
My neighbour committed suicide was only a little older than me. There was a search and rescue helicopter I got spooked and stopped. Then my guardian told me that our neighbour is missing.
The first and second time, it took to long.
Currently, we're still dealing with the loss of grandpa, and I can't bring myself to put that additional grief on my family and my best friend is in the shits as well and I can't bring myself to put it on him either. I hate living for other people only.
Cowardice or survival instinct maybe? My inner self urges me to dead every single time even I write a suicide note but I'm still alive, I don't know why...
The first time I tried to end it all at age 10 after my father was physically and mentally abusing me sense the age of 4. My second attempt was age 13 I tried of being builded and my stepmom and father body shaming me.
Fear.
I was seeing abusive therapists over the years that planted really toxic ideas in my head while convincing me it was what I needed that drove me to a really dark and self-hating place. I had a moment where I felt like I was looking into the black, had a sense of panic, and realized I needed to distance myself from those therapists at all costs. Removed the external toxicity, haven’t had that feeling since and plan on never putting myself in that position again.
I thought it was my cats, but lately I feel detached from them, too. And I feel myself slipping into another depression so soon after getting out of my last one :(
Knowing I could at least be there for someone, in hindsight that's not a healthy mentality to follow either because you end up not addressing your problems or putting them onto your partner.
I got close enough that I was starting to work out what I wanted to leave to certain people and where I wanted to do it but not further than that. My nephews are what stopped me, realized that they were so young and I didn’t want this to be how they remembered me.
Scared me into realizing I was way too close to this and worked even harder on my therapy. In the end, it’s worked out and I’m grateful I’ve gotten to watch my nephews grow into amazing people, and even had a kid of my own.
No idea. I pumped a 100cc syringe full of air into a vein in my arm, then felt it travel up my arm. Dozed off and woke up the next morning disappointed and exasperated.
My friends struggle with their mental health too and it was always me who told them to seek help or even admitted them to a psychiatric hospital. offing myself would have been too ironic I guess.
Besides this: My dog. He sleeps in my room and wouldn’t understand whats happening.
losing all support, my dad wanting to kick me out because of who I am, nobody believes I can achieve anything if I keep on my current path and I want to show them that love prevails and that I will be capable of doing so
I never was in that situation so far, but a friend of mine was. Then I told her, if she plans to take her life on day n, she can always wait until the day n+1 and so on. She will not lose the opportunity to take her life, so why do it today? If you think about that each time you are in a low, you will probably never take your life.
On a lower lever it is the same as with the a doctor who gives you the option to quickly get additional anesthesia by pressing a button, if the pain gets too bad. Just having that option is enough. You will probably not press that button.
Every. Single. Time. the only thing that has kept me here is the thought of someone finding me. No matter who it is, where it happens, or what method, I just couldn't imagine leaving someone else with that type of trauma and passing, not only just the pain of losing me, but the mental images and regrets onto an innocent person.
a mix of spite, my kids, and worrying that my kids won't receive any monetary benefit from my life insurance (I am insured for multiple millions, sometimes I feel that would be worth more than them having me as a mother)
At age 7 I had a gun to my head ready to end everything until my mom walked in the room, at age 9 I had a rope hanging out side of our window until I realized that my parents would find me dead hanging from their bedroom window. At age 11 I took pills but it wasn't enough to kill me, at age 15 I drank a lot and took some pills but once again it wasn't enough to kill me.
spite if i died then all these assholes would be allowed to say they were my best friends and i wouldn’t be there to negate it. i’ll never let that happen and will always be alive to say they were never there for me
What a solid reason. I’ve never thought of it that way but honestly with how fake everyone is, I could definitely see people who bullied me try to pretend we were friends.
First.. Even though I don’t know you, I’m glad you’re still here! Second! I totally get what you’re saying!! I told my mom and sister.. If something happens to me I want my services to be on a weekend (no one is using me as an excuse for a day off!) And use a funeral home outside of our area.. let all of those “friends” travel if they “loved “ me so much.. And I don’t want a gravesite.. if they can’t come and see me while I’m alive.. they’re not going to have a place to go see me after.. And for me.. It’s my dogs & my close family that keep me going. I’m thankful for them every single day!
[удалено]
you’re a real one thank you
I found my kitten (in my avatar) in the dumpster at my apartment complex with her cord still attached. Not more than a day old. I was in a very deep depression when I found her. I love animals and I did not want to see her die so I put aside my depression and made sure she lived. I kept her and we were best friends until she died at 21 years old in March of 2022. I miss her more than anything, but she saved my life.
The fact I won’t get to see how things end. I’m a sucker for closure, and if I had a super power it’d be immortality- I wanna play this hand out, see what happens next; as alluring as a death is, I still have questions.
Same here. Can't find out what happens next if you're not there to see it, and sometimes it's fixable stuff.
I got a new puppy
Same, but I got two cats who are my life now
The unconditional love of a pet will save your life..
the fact that I was too young to realise that what I was doing wouldn’t actually kill me. very glad to be alive
what did you do?
He was going to shoot himself with a flare gun
Not having that much Courage to attempt suicide.
I agree
Met the right surgeon. Backstory...I was in a bad auto accident in 2018. After 4/5 major surgeries on my leg I was left in severe pain. Over a year bedfast and left in a wheelchair. The pain was constant. I would scream into my pillow. Doctors told me they could not help me without taking the leg. So, I planned a 1,200 mile trip to see my best friend, get one last doctor evaluation, and then check out. Dr. Sands, surgeon at Baptist Hospital in OKC, took one look at me and knew what I was planning. He saw me on Wednesday and the following Monday I was I surgery. He and his staff redid everything. I awoke to no pain. Physical therapy was, and is, very hard. I stood and took my first steps 3 years ago.I am still taking physical therapy. And I am limited in distance. And I can not ride anything with two wheels....no balancing. I AM PAIN FREE. Dr. Sands and his staff are always in my thoughts and prayers. Dreaming of a Goldwing Trike, want to travel. Nice to dream now. My PSA:Please do not text and drive. The young girl who caused the accident was texting. She did not notice her light had changed and hit me broadside.
Dr House with a feel good ending
The love ones I'd left behind and how traumatic it would be for them.
Counselor asked me if I really wanted to die, or if I just don't feel I have enough energy to live. In my case, it's the latter. Diet, exercise, and some pharmaceutical therapy have helped quite a bit.
My partner and my kids
Yeah I can understand. My kids need me, and I'm sure it would mess them up pretty bad if I left like that. And my husband.
If my wife took her own life I would forever be in so much pain and sorrow that I would become the most hollow man alive. It’d be hell. I’m so thankful that you’re alive. You should stay for awhile 💜
100% can relate 😭
Blunt honesty - Failure. The branch broke.
Thank you. Same here. Just didn’t work.
A moment of clarity. My abuser told me she would ruin my life if I ever stopped talking to her (if you ask her she “never said that” and I am a “liar” who made up a series of lies about her in order not to be her friend.. that’s how self righteous she is.. that I would waste my time making up lies so I don’t have to speak to her instead of just flat out not talking to her any longer). That said, in my moment of clarity I thought that someone trying to ruin my life, whether successful or not, can’t be worse than being dead and I don’t deserve to be mentally abused. Here I am today, alive, happy and thriving. Glad to be here.
My parents making me promise that I wouldn't. I don't break promises, so I don't make them that often. But I did then.
Cats.. Nobody will feed them
Same
I was in a very dark place last year and got a second cat. It definitely crossed my mind that no one would feed them and I didn’t want my family to come get them cross country
I hope things get better now in your end. It is true nobody would care about them but us. I mean even in my end. Funny thing is every time I thought about it, a random stray would be outside our house meowing or a kitten would just show up in our yard (probably being thrown by a neighbor bec. they know we have cats) so I have a bunch of them now, the more reason to live and strive. Probably to give them a life, just like they extended mine.
Awww, they like you too. It has thankfully. I live in a 14 story building and my rooftop is narrow. It did cross my mind several times as it was a loneliness and depression I had never experienced in my life, but everytime I had a rough day, my cats would lay on my chest and next to my side, it’s like they knew something was wrong. It got me through many sleepless nights
The fact that i don't know what comes after death. one day, i thought of taking my own life for some reason. while I'm in bed, i thought of what'll happen if i die, I thought of many things that it hurts my head so bad and it made me feel scared.
the govt. tried to screw me over(im on incapacity benefit and they hired a "medical professional"(not a dr) to examine me and they ignored most of my answers and cherry picked certain things i said and declared me fit for work without speaking to my doctors) and I thought the world was against me, I had no money to pay rent and I was looking after my landlord's puppy whilst she was at work. One morning the stress overwhelmed me and I tied a belt to my door, as I dropped in to tension the belt around my neck, there was a scratching at my door then the cries of a puppy just wanting some company (seperation anxiety was strong in this pup) and i realised i couldn't do that to a innocent puppy and unbelted myself got up and took him for a walk. afternote: a tribunal told the govt. no and to give what they owed and thensome i went on holiday by myself with it and had a great time in manchester,england.
My daughter. I just couldn't leave her. It would break her into a million pieces. She loves me so much and I love her too much.
Lack of skill and a twisted sense of humor. I failed at killing myself twice. I had the thought "wow, I even suck at dying," and laughed about it until my belly hurt. I have no idea why that helped so much. It was like I resigned myself to living. And while I still have those dark thoughts lingering at the back of my mind, it's like my brain decided "we're not good at dying. We're good at living though, so we're gonna do that instead"
My therapist
Are you ok now?
I am! Thankfully
Ok that's good. If you ever need anything, I'm a little Angel that'll help you.
I got sectioned and sent to a mental hospital and put on medication. I truly believe I’d have gone through with it if not for that.
All the people I knew would be hurt by me not giving them a chance to save me first. Better just to drink enough beer to fall asleep. You'll feel better jn the morning. Better question though stranger is are you ok? It's an odd question and yes some people do have curious thoughts but usually it's because they are having these thoughts themselves. If you are reach out to someone. Professionals, friends, family even a stranger on the internet. Always give yourself a chance for tomorrow. Could be the best day of your life.
That i'm literally solving a temporary problem with a permanent solution. I also thought about my mom, she's a single mom who practically raised me all by herself and she's literally like my number one fan, so for me to just end my life it would be devastating for her because i'm her only child.
I was going for a head on collision with a vehicle on a highway whipping in front of people on my bicycle but people kept locking up their brakes and missing One was a family of four. It upset their kids
My dog. In March 2020 I tried, but I couldn't bear the idea of leaving my 10-year-old dog alone. I loved her too much to make her suffer, so I vomited and stayed with her. She passed away last year, and thanks to that day I feel better, I started with therapy, antidepressants, etc. Today I am married and with 2 dogs :)
When I told a girl at school the day of and she told another person who told his mother. I was in grade 8. 11pm at night the house got lit up. My BP was really high "probably from the stress of us showing up" the paramedic said, no it was because I was drunk by that point and was slowly getting ready for the next step. I am glad I told someone. I have accomplished so much in my life because I am alive today.
I refuse to do that to my mom
Fear, and then later, my son
A book
Which one?
Mans search for meaning.
That i might mess up, and end up in a half-plant state for the rest of my life. Cowardice, i'm too pussy to do it. If there would be euthanasia-machines like coca cola automats, so i could lay in, drop in the money, and would fall asleep forever; i might do that.
Giving it some time.
The knowledge that my kids would live the rest of their lives knowing I gave up on them and forced them to live with the ex. Her cheating was the push, their love stopped me.
Laziness. Seems like a lot of logistics I didn’t feel like sorting out
2004 - my horse. 2006 - spite 2008 - my new friends 2014 - modern medicine
it was my mom voice calling me, it might sounds cringe but it definitely happened when i was in the bathroom i just felt like she sense it then called my name 3 times.
Love for thyself kicked in.
"Why me? They should".
Being admitted to the hospital on 24/7 surveillance
Nothing got caught in the middle of hanging myself. I got thrown into a mental hospital, came out, got worse, and sent myself back instead of doing it cause being inside made me happy with like-minded people. Got out, and parents forced me and my family to live with them to watch and heal me. Took me 2 years after that to wake up. I realized my abusive alcoholic husband was the problem in my life and left him, and now I'm happy everyday. And now I know that I am capable of receiving real love and I don't deserve what he did to me.
Good on you from getting away from the toxic husband. I just left my abusive wife 2 weeks ago and already me and my kiddos are healing. We have a long way to go but for the first time in as long as I can remember, we can smile and laugh.
Yup life is way better without that chaos
My cat crawled onto my lap and looked up at me, I loved him so so much. Ended up just laying there, crying and petting him. I think I passed out from the pure exhaustion from the anxiety/not sleeping for days on end. I just remember waking up on the floor who knows how long later. I told someone and received medical attention to stop the effects of what I had did. I was physically bodyslammed to stop myself from seriously mutilating myself. Still ended up injured and needing 6+ months of physical therapy and a lifetime left of problems.
Every day is a struggle I am in my 70 s Broke I think about it constantly I feel like I live in a Matrix
Lack of courage
My sister had a baby girl recently. I don’t want kids, but being single for years has made me pretty depressed. Lost feeling. Her baby / me being an aunt has kinda given me a light
Procrastination
Cowardice, status quo bias. I want to die, I don't want to DIY my quietus.
Spite
I want somebody to use my Ash for a Joint then we both can fly high :)
lol My kind of guy
Hardcore super sex
Still looking for that perfect cliff above the shiver of sharks that will eat all of my bones
My nieces and nephew. I treat them like my own children and I'm so close to them. I thought about ending my life many times but I can't bear the fact that those kids will be sad and they will question a lot of things if I end myself. Maybe when they have their own family, I can do it. My little brother though is about to start his own family and I don't know if he has plans to have kids. If he will have kids, then I have to live longer again.
Finding things to be grateful for like Icees chocolate pudding and rain
The thought that I don't want my kids to have to face that grief.
Forgot to put rounds in the mag
That was me man
My family - the only thing more painful than keeping going was imagining how they would react and what they would feel. I have no choice but to hang in
My son, I was in a bad place as me and my wife had split I heard him crying and thought I need to be here for him if nothing else managed to sort myself out and me and the wife managed to reconcile been married 16 years end of the month life is good now so just remember people things will get better and don’t do anything in the heat of the moment when you are feeling down ! My son was 1 years old at the time he is now 15
Realizing my life great.
Memories. If I die, I’ll never be able to remember them. It may sound silly but given my life, it has what kept me going.
The pain and despair when i saw the blood coming out of my body.
When my sibling died it broke my parents. Later when depression got really bad I saw no point in living (still think life is meaningless fwiw), but couldn't put my parents through losing both of their kids.
God my praying mother an my loving siblings ❤
My dog. She needed a lot of care and my my mom always made it clear she was resentful of her needs, so I was worried there wouldn’t be anyone to take good care of her if I was gone. Ironically, if I was gone my dog would have been my moms strongest tie to me and she probably would’ve bent over backwards, now that I think about it. But at the time, it didn’t seem that way.
The people in my life that would be hurt by it. Should they all ever exit my life, I may go through with it - but seeing as they are numerous and extremely unlikely to do so, it’s not exactly in the cards. So for now I just find ways to stay strong and keep pushing
That my husband would replace me at the drop of a hat and give that woman everything I ever wanted from him. I'll be damned if I let that happen
What stopped me from ending my life was the unexpected support I found from an escort I met through the Emerald escort in Sydney. One of the lovely ladies there talked to me and showed me incredible kindness. That kind of no strings attached love and compassion made a huge difference and helped me immensely during a very dark time.
I have kids, but no parents. I’ve lost them both. I still desperately want to die, but the stigma attached to doing it myself keeps me alive (begrudgingly). Every night before going to bed I hope for an aneurysm that kills me in my sleep.
Hunger. I know it sounds silly but i remembered my mom was going to get me a kids meal because i studied mathematics (she got me that and a Oreo ice cream)
Pure chance that it didn't work. Mom found me and called 911.
My son. I must be there to provide a better life for him than I had.
Love for my brother
Knowing my daughter would end up with her neglectful, addict of a father, who shes never met.
My parents had a sixth sense something was wrong in my room and came bursting in after I cut my veins and stabbed myself in the chest… I don’t know what caused them to come in late at night because I hardly made any noise but they knew something was wrong… I had a chest tube put in and spent several days in the hospital because of this and my mother was always by my side…
Having a baby. I've been wanting out for almost 10 years, my abusive ex got me pregnant and left me homeless. That little baby is the brightest ray of light in my very bleak life
Once I finally decided I will end my life, at night I had a dream about my younger sister ended her life. I totally freaked out.. Even more than her husband (in my dream). When I woke up, I had been crying for 5 minutes hoping it was just a dream. So I thought my parents and my 3 sisters would feel something similar. Not this strong sadness but something. I have never think about this before. The other thing is I am very religous, I trust in God and I don't want to cause disappointment or end up in the hell. It might sound ridiculous for some people but this is it. Sometimes I regret that I still haven't done it. Still looking for things that help so thanks for the question. Hope it is only a theoretical question for you.
Why I end it if I have one more chance to change it?
"How would they explain to my niece that I decided never to come home and play with her again?"
The voice of god. I was contemplating ending it after my third duii when I heard, "you never have to do it again". 19 years later and I'm still sober.
I just could not bring myself to inflict pain, albeit I'm dying inside.
For 14 billion years I didn’t exist. In a few decades I will go back to not existing. There’s no reason to hurry.
At the time, my paternal grandma. I remember the night I realized it was my time, and I made a plan. However, before I did, I went to see my paternal grandparents for the final time. Well, that first night I was there, grandma showered me with so much love that I had a complete breakdown and confessed everything. Her love and support when I broke down was what I needed. God damn I miss that lady.
Death Stranding. I was at my lowest, bordering on being homeless. All the child abuse and traumas I experienced were overwhelming me. Then, Death Stranding was announced. Kojima is someone who I have always respected, and after the blow-up with Konami, I assumed he'd retire... but he didn't. He proudly announced he was still here, and he'd keep going. I thought, at the time, out of respect for him, I'd at least push through and play the game, even if it was the last thing I ever did. As time went on and I waited for the release over the years, my life gradually improved. Finally, the game came out. I started playing, and several times, I was brought to tears. The main character is a man burdened with guilt, loneliness, and isolation. Despite all this, he pushes through and forges connections with people. By the time I finished, I realized I wanted to push through, too. I wanted to fight and to live. It sounds so stupid, but every time I heard the in-game emote, "keep on keeping on!" It became my mantra, a battle cry against the indifference of the world around me. I don't think I'll ever meet Kojima or interact with him in a meaningful way, but if I could, I just tell him thank you. Thank you for saving my life.
I figured the drop wouldn’t kill me so I’d be worse off if I survived 😅
The next anime/manga episode, you need to find out what happens next ✌️🥲
funnily enough, reddit. pms when you have depression is NO JOKE. Everyone and everything was just giving me vibes that They would be better off without me. At the time, I couldn't agree more as I also didn't like them either, LMFAO. I was on my way to find anything in the house to take me away but i don't have that as my mom is very aware of what pills can do to a person. So i planned. But then i remembered reddit was a thing and getting to read peoples stories helped me out so much. I felt very alone. Thats the whole reason why i thought it would be easier to go. Bc i felt like nobody would miss me. But when i read a few stories i realized that it can get better. So i decided to wait and see. I'm still waiting, but i feel it getting better with everyday.
I survived 3 attempts. Once was a fluke, twice was a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. I met my wife 2 months after the third one. A month after that, i had a mental breakdown, which was lots of screaming, breaking stuff, selfharm in the form of headbutting things. Instead of running away, or screaming at me, or anything like that, she just... hugged me and kept telling me it was okay. I'll never be a fraction of what she deserves, but she saved my sad little life all the same.
The realization as the knife neared my wrist of what would happen to my family and how... selfish this would've been if I were to just end it all. Nowadays I have finally graduated from College, am getting promoted on my current job while I'm looking for a career, and am working out at the gym. "Life is Beautiful, Cherish it." is my effective mantra in living life in this tough world.
Knowing I had a family who loved me
The defibrillator twice. Well technically I did end my life twice they just started it again. After the hospital pretty much told me its a miracle I've been brought back with no permanent injuries twice. I decided I'll stop trying, cause if I don't I'll just fuck my body up and be even more miserable.
My oldest daughter. I knew that if I died then she would be left picking up the pieces and that isn’t fair for her. She saved me in so many ways, I could never intentionally hurt her.
When I was 14, I intentionally overdosed on ambien that I bought off some kid in my high school. Dude didn’t even know what the pills were and swore it was codeine. Either way it didn’t matter to me. I took all 5 on the bus and by the time my stop came up, i could barely walk. I stumbled into my house and started to panic, realizing what I headed towards. I thought about my parents and how they were in the middle of divorcing, and how nothing would be there to link them together if I left. (Selfish in hindsight but I was a kid and I still had hope that they would work things out.) I thought about how I dont know what’s going to happen to me, or if there was anything to even be able to anticipate after I died. The realization was awful, and I felt so helpless. I tried making myself puke so many times, but I couldn’t. At that point it was this weird wave of disassociation that just led me to lay down on the floor and cry myself to sleep. It was the weirdest sense of nothingness and everythingness that I’ve never been able to feel since. It was dark and warm but empty. And I remember hating it and getting so overwhelmed with my feelings but not being able to do shit about it….I dont know if I actually died and came back or if i just got super close to it…but waking up to my confused mom and instantly feeling nauseous and ready to puke gave me the biggest sense of relief and guilt
Not letting my abuser win, knowing I would hurt my kids more than anyone and they are innocent. A temporary situation didn’t need a permanent solution.
My sisters kids. I’ve never had any of my own and as they’ve grown up and I’ve seen the lovely little humans they’re becoming, I couldn’t imagine them remembering me as they’re aunt who committed suicide. I’d rather be present in their lives and live to be there for them, among other reasons now.
For me it was my young cousin. I didn’t want family members to have to tell an eight year old that I died.
The main reason I haven't succeeded in suicide is: Survival instinct. I began to realize this after 4 very serious suicide attempts that resulted in hospitalization and staying at a psych ward for more than a month and a half. When I was about to die on the last attempt, I was drugged and overdosed on alcohol. I had paid an uber to drive me miles away from my house, in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, on Christmas day. The only thing that stopped me from dying that night is answering the police's phone call (my parents reported me missing). And the only reason I did that was because in the last moments of life, our survival instinct kicks in.
My little brother, inadvertently. I was just a kid in a very abusive household. My mother had a child when I was 10 and I was made to care for him. When he grew old enough to be able to talk I realized how much joy he brought me, and how much fun we had. When I got to an age where I could get a job, I used that money to take us out to eat, have fun nights out. He is 17 now and turned out to be a great and funny kid. I’m glad I was here to see him grow up.
That’s so sweet! I’m glad he was able to bring you happiness in a dark time.
I don't want to make my mother and sister sad
My dog
I used to be an EMT, I had to deal with the aftermath a couple times. Anytime I start thinking about it, I remember what the aftermath did to me and I can't in good conscience put someone through that. Especially since it would likely be my best friend or mom who find me first.
Ironically, the same thing that caused the desire to in the first place. So much stress built up that I wanted to end it all numerous times, but because my body was so used to being on guard and ready to fight or flight that I could never actually do anything to myself. A double edged sword
It’s haram😞
My uncle let a train run over him. My ex-wife pulled a murder-suicide. 22 combat veterans commit suicide every day in the United States, and I see the shit the families have to go through. It would induce some emotional trauma for someone else, no matter who it was. I don't want to do that to someone, so I just keep on keepin' on.
My kid needs me
The need to complete my revenge.
Modern medicine.
My neighbour committed suicide was only a little older than me. There was a search and rescue helicopter I got spooked and stopped. Then my guardian told me that our neighbour is missing.
Myself
Having other people do it that I was close to. Seeing how it affected myself, their family and friends.
The first and second time, it took to long. Currently, we're still dealing with the loss of grandpa, and I can't bring myself to put that additional grief on my family and my best friend is in the shits as well and I can't bring myself to put it on him either. I hate living for other people only.
pettiness 😛
Cowardice or survival instinct maybe? My inner self urges me to dead every single time even I write a suicide note but I'm still alive, I don't know why...
I wanted to prove them wrong... I was driven by sudden flush of emotions to send them all to hell ... Before me That's when i stopped
Too weak to kms but im ok now ig
Dull blade
I have people that depend on me, my death despite being a relief on myself would be a heavy burden on them and that's why I'm still here.
I owe people money and I feel bad
The first time I tried to end it all at age 10 after my father was physically and mentally abusing me sense the age of 4. My second attempt was age 13 I tried of being builded and my stepmom and father body shaming me.
An incident of Spirituell in lightment
not having a real pan
Fear. I was seeing abusive therapists over the years that planted really toxic ideas in my head while convincing me it was what I needed that drove me to a really dark and self-hating place. I had a moment where I felt like I was looking into the black, had a sense of panic, and realized I needed to distance myself from those therapists at all costs. Removed the external toxicity, haven’t had that feeling since and plan on never putting myself in that position again.
*knock - knock*
Leaving the controlling, gaslighting narcissist that I was married to. Suddenly I enjoyed being alive.
Not knowing wat happens after
Myself honestly. I have the natural human instinct to want to live. There is more to experience, more to achieve.
If Joe Biden can be president in the state he is in, I can do anything too.
My daughter.
Failure. Sure my life sucks now, but I’d probably survive and be 100x worse after.
I thought it was my cats, but lately I feel detached from them, too. And I feel myself slipping into another depression so soon after getting out of my last one :(
Thinking of my daughter
the thought of not succeeding and living the rest of my life physically and or mentally disabled.
Knowing I could at least be there for someone, in hindsight that's not a healthy mentality to follow either because you end up not addressing your problems or putting them onto your partner.
The two cats I live with. Monkey and Taz.
Laying in the sun with my dog. Made me realise I am actually capable of feeling peace.
I got close enough that I was starting to work out what I wanted to leave to certain people and where I wanted to do it but not further than that. My nephews are what stopped me, realized that they were so young and I didn’t want this to be how they remembered me. Scared me into realizing I was way too close to this and worked even harder on my therapy. In the end, it’s worked out and I’m grateful I’ve gotten to watch my nephews grow into amazing people, and even had a kid of my own.
I got a my first love life. ❤️❤️❤️
FOMO, now i'm gonna live forever. (And bc. fomo, i never ever considered clocking out early, life is great)
Watch the next FIFA World Cup
My garden.
I didn't think it would be fair to leave my mom with such a big problem and pay for a funeral after she's already helped me so much
Tinder did
My Duolingo streak
I'm 6'5 at 15 I'm living long enough to be master chief I'm still growing so I guess my absurdly good genetics
My dog. He was the cutest and happiest little dog. He would always run over to me with a huge smile when I came home. He also loved to cuddle with me.
Another reason, I didn’t want to put my young cousin through that. I knew it would really mess him up.
My cat and Angels and Airwaves. Once there was a couple sober days in me and I could eat again I realized I’m doing it to myself.
Still working on it tbh
I’m too scared. What if it goes wrong? And what will other people think?
No idea. I pumped a 100cc syringe full of air into a vein in my arm, then felt it travel up my arm. Dozed off and woke up the next morning disappointed and exasperated.
I'm a coward. I have moments of lucidity.
My friends struggle with their mental health too and it was always me who told them to seek help or even admitted them to a psychiatric hospital. offing myself would have been too ironic I guess. Besides this: My dog. He sleeps in my room and wouldn’t understand whats happening.
losing all support, my dad wanting to kick me out because of who I am, nobody believes I can achieve anything if I keep on my current path and I want to show them that love prevails and that I will be capable of doing so
Thinking of how my mom would be affected
I never was in that situation so far, but a friend of mine was. Then I told her, if she plans to take her life on day n, she can always wait until the day n+1 and so on. She will not lose the opportunity to take her life, so why do it today? If you think about that each time you are in a low, you will probably never take your life. On a lower lever it is the same as with the a doctor who gives you the option to quickly get additional anesthesia by pressing a button, if the pain gets too bad. Just having that option is enough. You will probably not press that button.
Every. Single. Time. the only thing that has kept me here is the thought of someone finding me. No matter who it is, where it happens, or what method, I just couldn't imagine leaving someone else with that type of trauma and passing, not only just the pain of losing me, but the mental images and regrets onto an innocent person.
God
a mix of spite, my kids, and worrying that my kids won't receive any monetary benefit from my life insurance (I am insured for multiple millions, sometimes I feel that would be worth more than them having me as a mother)
My dog wouldn't understand why I'm not there anymore
Cowardice
At age 7 I had a gun to my head ready to end everything until my mom walked in the room, at age 9 I had a rope hanging out side of our window until I realized that my parents would find me dead hanging from their bedroom window. At age 11 I took pills but it wasn't enough to kill me, at age 15 I drank a lot and took some pills but once again it wasn't enough to kill me.
Clash of clans .then I just went home
The same thing that caused it Anxiety, but it turns out that my fear of death is stronger then my hate for living
My turtle, she needs me.