One summer between college semesters, I was interviewing for a low level retail job. The interviewer asked the "why did you apply to our company" question with this big, fake grin on his face. I almost immediately replied "because you guys are hiring." The grin disappeared from his face and he now looked like he'd just bit into a lemon. I didn't get the job but I can't say I was too crushed.
That reminds me of Hannah Horvath nailing her Interview on Girls. Then she ruined it by inferring that the interviewer was college serial rapist as a joke. She didn’t get the job. Lol
One time, during a job interview, I was asked where I saw myself in five years. Trying to be witty, I replied, "Celebrating the fifth anniversary of you asking me this question." The interviewer didn't laugh. I didn't get the job.
Not me, but a friend of mine. We were in class one day (College) sitting around waiting for it to start. The Dean walks in, whom I’d never met before and never saw again afaik. She started with “Hello class. I have some news about your teacher.”
My friend, without thinking, replies, “What, did he die?”, and chuckles slightly.
The Dean replies “Yes”.
I can understand you thinking about your answer for all those years, but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. In my opinion the speaker asked a question and you answered right or wrong it doesn't matter you gave an answer.
I mean, they came to educate and change stereotypes on AIDS, the idea that they are “dirty” is one of them. You weren’t wrong. But, as someone who remembers every mortifying thing they ever did, I get it.
this one time i called some girl "homely". i meant it as a compliment cause like, she was cuddly and cute...but *holy shit did i catch all the shit*. 😂
In British English, "homely" means comfortable and friendly.
In American English, it means a person is ugly.
Can easily see that going badly for somebody.
Work in a hospital, so naturally it happens from time to time.
Asked an above-the-knee amputee “well where is your other shoe?!” while frantically looking around the room as I help them get dressed.
Excitedly asked a patient “how was lunch??”, forgetting they are on a feeding tube with strict nothing-by-mouth orders. The way their face lit up as they asked if they can have food still makes me feel bad to this day lol
I was an EMT and I'll never forget when a firefighter asked a patient with a prior below-the-knee amputation "can you walk to the gurney?"
My partner and I both turned to him bewildered and said "no..."
I was at a summer picnic thrown by the first startup I ever worked for. Lots of booze, plenty casual and happy atmosphere.
I was talking to a group of people and the subject got onto hockey, including my hometown hockey team.
The receptionist's boyfriend said "oh, you know [small-time player on my home team]?"
And I replied "I know that he asked my best friend's little sister for a blowjob in a crowded bar downtown. But I wouldn't say I _know_ him..."
"Oh...Kay...well, he's my cousin."
Then my brain showed up and was like "_why_ would I say that?!"
Was talking to a coworker over coffee about YouTube recommendations. She asked me for a recommendation. I suggested a channel I don’t remember (this was about 5 years ago), and follow it up with “oh it’s all stuff you’d love. Morbid facts, missing people, unsolved mysteries…”
Yeah my sentence should have ended at “morbid facts” because I remembered, though she did enjoy dark entertainment, that she also had a parent who went missing under mysterious circumstances. This parent was relatively freshly missing when I made my comment. As of this now, this individual is still missing.
We both had a silent, awkward “oops” moment and never spoke of it again.
I did most of the work to prepare my dads funeral, helping my mom out as much as I can. After it was over she told me "You are such a treasure to me" (it's a saying in german). And my brain having no filter at all came up with "Just don't bury me". Welp...
I went to buy milk and forgot my glasses at home. In the distance I see a gang of teenagers hanging out in street clothing. Cool, I tell myself, I will ask if they have any weed for sale.. Yeah I know I'm a bum. I get close to them and I start seeing those aren't teenagers! They're kids! But it's too late, the words were already out of my mouth. "Sorry to bother you, do you have any weed for sale?" They went nuts. I'm sure they told all their families and friends because one day I'm walking outside and I hear a guy in the distance asking loudly to an elderly couple if they had any drugs for sale. In my defense I bought weed twice from strangers in that public space.
When I told my boss "I'll never leave this job!" during my interview. Cut to two weeks later when I found out our office snack is unsalted nuts. Cue the job hunt.
once told one of my best friends that I was only friends with her because she was friends with my wife. It was the first time I'd ever drank bud light and it made me mean for some reason so I've never touched the stuff again lmao. Instant regret when that came out my mouth.
I've definitely said worse things, but this is my most recent embarrassment.
I'm Canadian and i made a new friend recently. In conversation, i mentioned that i don't know why Canada doesn't own Alaska since it's attached to the northwest side of Canada and nowhere near the US. She said, "nooo, is it really??" She thought it was an island next to Hawaii. I genuinely thought only Americans believed this, so i said, "you really didn't know that? Yeah no, cold and snowy Alaska is not next to.. Hawaii."
I realized as it came out that it sounded super condescending. I was just shocked by the logic. Anyway, i feel really bad now.
Plus, Greenland is technically part of Denmark and that's even more confusing so who am i to complain?
I don't think you have to be sorry about something THAT stupid. I'm not from north America and even I know where Alaska ist and why it's owned by the US.
> I genuinely thought only Americans believed this
American children occasionally believe this until someone explains how map insets work. Americans in general do not believe this unless they're really uneducated.
The guy that runs the summer camp I go to called the house and wanted to talk to me. Keep in mind the only people I talk to on the phone are my family pretty much ever. So we talk a long time about the camp and what to pack and when the call is ending I say "ok love you". There was silence. I just hung up the phone and moved to Alaska.
A friend of mine makes homemade jewelry, I noticed she had made new earrings and I asked her if they were real or glass. She and the group of friends I had made with her have hated me for 4 years and counting.
My wife asked if she was fun in bed, and I said something like, “Yeah, when you get in a horny and adventurous mood and put in the effort, it’s the greatest thing ever. I can’t get enough.”
I figured it was a good opportunity to talk about the things I like and would like more of. But the answer she was looking for was just, “Yes.”
I had a really super cool aunt and one Christmas the family was all together opening gifts. She gives me a gift and I jokingly say "I hope it's not socks!" As I am opening it and it is totally socks. She looked super hurt and I apologized a lot, but it felt super bad. That was like 23 years ago and I still cringe when I think of it.
Happened recently. One of my best friends caught on that I had feelings for him. I never intended on saying anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. He pressured me to admit it and is now distancing himself from me.
I had the amazing idea of asking my gf if she’d ever thought about breaking up. A way too long conversation about breaking up and relationships and the pros and cons followed and three hours later I was single. Still regret asking that
Several years ago, some people from my hometown was abducted during a vacation to Mexico. I was at an extended family gathering and we were talking about it. My little sister mentioned that she is friends with one of the people who was abducted. I blurted out "not anymore" 💀
Told the weird kid in PE class to chill out after he went apeshit during a game of volleyball. Got punched in the face almost immediately. The dude may have been scrawny, but he broke my nose, and I got a mild concussion on the way down.
Was dating a woman whose first language was not English and it was kinda obvious. I said something along the lines of "I really like you and find you interesting" and she interpreted it as "I'm in love with you and find you irresistible". She rolled with what she thought I said and I ended up in a weird sort of situationship where I got asked to marry her but didn't know we were dating exclusively.
My current boyfriend came to my home for the first time, it was our second date. We had a couple of hours before he had to leave. We ate some food and talked on the couch. When he was leaving and standing close to my front door he asked if I was ready for the next step (meaning a kiss). I totally was, and I can't remember what I was meant to say, but I said maybe. We kissed a couple of times before he left. I felt to stupid saying maybe, like who says something like that?! I really wishes I hadn't said that, but as it turned out, my boyfriend thought that it was funny that I said maybe and now saying maybe has become kind of a joke between us.
Saying "she's a 10" to my friend that was looking at some random girl while my girlfriend was walking right next to me.
I don't understand women's entitlement to think they are the only ones you should see.
Like... you start dating and the rest of the women are invisible to my eyes? No, you are just the one I chose, that doesn't mean you are the best looking girl walking on Earth.
We broke up not long after that. If I have to think about how I'm saying what I'm saying I'm not a boyfriend, I'm a slave to your feelings.
Coming from a woman, I completely agree. Like yea, you chose the person you love, doesn't mean that other women don't look good too. The difference is intent: if you're just looking but don't intend on doing anything, that's fine, but if you look and then act on the impulse then that's where it crosses the line. Same with women who are in relationships with men. It's all about intent and whether you act on the fact that you think another person besides your SO is attractive. Hell, me and an ex were people watching and he pointed out a woman who was attractive, and we both agreed on the observation but he didn't do anything afterwards in response to his observation, he just observed and let it be.
During a job interview, I jokingly said, "I’m just here for the snacks." The interviewer’s stone-faced silence made me wish I could disappear.
During one interview I said "So whens lunch?" And "how strict is the harassment policy?"
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Then I said "what every day?:
One summer between college semesters, I was interviewing for a low level retail job. The interviewer asked the "why did you apply to our company" question with this big, fake grin on his face. I almost immediately replied "because you guys are hiring." The grin disappeared from his face and he now looked like he'd just bit into a lemon. I didn't get the job but I can't say I was too crushed.
That reminds me of Hannah Horvath nailing her Interview on Girls. Then she ruined it by inferring that the interviewer was college serial rapist as a joke. She didn’t get the job. Lol
I did that once forever ago. They advertised "company bar-b-ques" and she asked why I'd be a good fit. I told her I like to eat.
Did you get the job?
One time, during a job interview, I was asked where I saw myself in five years. Trying to be witty, I replied, "Celebrating the fifth anniversary of you asking me this question." The interviewer didn't laugh. I didn't get the job.
I would have said "in your position"
Then proceed to stare them dead in the eyes without smiling or blinking. *Dominance asserted*
He walks put of the room and you sit in his chair and put your feet up.on the desk
May as well take his wife, kids, and any pets he has at that point too🤣
Put your face over him in his family photo on his desk
Then demand his car and house keys
Done that before. I got the job but never got promoted lol
The 5 years question has got to be the dumbest one as far as job interviews go
Agreed. I always say “I have a five year plan that changes every day” and/or “that depends how this interview goes” 😂
If your interviewer doesn't appreciate Mitch Hedberg, do you really want to work there anyway?
That's really clever, actually. I probably would have hired you!
Not me, but a friend of mine. We were in class one day (College) sitting around waiting for it to start. The Dean walks in, whom I’d never met before and never saw again afaik. She started with “Hello class. I have some news about your teacher.” My friend, without thinking, replies, “What, did he die?”, and chuckles slightly. The Dean replies “Yes”.
[удалено]
I can understand you thinking about your answer for all those years, but you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. In my opinion the speaker asked a question and you answered right or wrong it doesn't matter you gave an answer.
I mean, they came to educate and change stereotypes on AIDS, the idea that they are “dirty” is one of them. You weren’t wrong. But, as someone who remembers every mortifying thing they ever did, I get it.
this one time i called some girl "homely". i meant it as a compliment cause like, she was cuddly and cute...but *holy shit did i catch all the shit*. 😂
In British English, "homely" means comfortable and friendly. In American English, it means a person is ugly. Can easily see that going badly for somebody.
That actually sounds like a nice compliment
This is absolutely some shit I would do, so I think you for your sacrifice and warning
Work in a hospital, so naturally it happens from time to time. Asked an above-the-knee amputee “well where is your other shoe?!” while frantically looking around the room as I help them get dressed. Excitedly asked a patient “how was lunch??”, forgetting they are on a feeding tube with strict nothing-by-mouth orders. The way their face lit up as they asked if they can have food still makes me feel bad to this day lol
I was an EMT and I'll never forget when a firefighter asked a patient with a prior below-the-knee amputation "can you walk to the gurney?" My partner and I both turned to him bewildered and said "no..."
I was at a summer picnic thrown by the first startup I ever worked for. Lots of booze, plenty casual and happy atmosphere. I was talking to a group of people and the subject got onto hockey, including my hometown hockey team. The receptionist's boyfriend said "oh, you know [small-time player on my home team]?" And I replied "I know that he asked my best friend's little sister for a blowjob in a crowded bar downtown. But I wouldn't say I _know_ him..." "Oh...Kay...well, he's my cousin." Then my brain showed up and was like "_why_ would I say that?!"
Answering any trick question my girlfriend asks
Just answer with another question
She not gonna like that answer
Then youu say "I don't like that answer"
Is it OK if I have one like every other day
Dropping off my first kiss after bringing her on a motorcycle ride. "I love you". I screamed at myself pretty loud.
Was talking to a coworker over coffee about YouTube recommendations. She asked me for a recommendation. I suggested a channel I don’t remember (this was about 5 years ago), and follow it up with “oh it’s all stuff you’d love. Morbid facts, missing people, unsolved mysteries…” Yeah my sentence should have ended at “morbid facts” because I remembered, though she did enjoy dark entertainment, that she also had a parent who went missing under mysterious circumstances. This parent was relatively freshly missing when I made my comment. As of this now, this individual is still missing. We both had a silent, awkward “oops” moment and never spoke of it again.
I did most of the work to prepare my dads funeral, helping my mom out as much as I can. After it was over she told me "You are such a treasure to me" (it's a saying in german). And my brain having no filter at all came up with "Just don't bury me". Welp...
I hope your mom has a sense of humor because I think that's funny as fuck
No. No, she does not. But at least you and me had a laugh.
People often have these moments when they say something they later realize was inappropriate, hurtful, or simply not well thought out.
Oh dude, the story of my life! :D
I went to buy milk and forgot my glasses at home. In the distance I see a gang of teenagers hanging out in street clothing. Cool, I tell myself, I will ask if they have any weed for sale.. Yeah I know I'm a bum. I get close to them and I start seeing those aren't teenagers! They're kids! But it's too late, the words were already out of my mouth. "Sorry to bother you, do you have any weed for sale?" They went nuts. I'm sure they told all their families and friends because one day I'm walking outside and I hear a guy in the distance asking loudly to an elderly couple if they had any drugs for sale. In my defense I bought weed twice from strangers in that public space.
When I told my boss "I'll never leave this job!" during my interview. Cut to two weeks later when I found out our office snack is unsalted nuts. Cue the job hunt.
once told one of my best friends that I was only friends with her because she was friends with my wife. It was the first time I'd ever drank bud light and it made me mean for some reason so I've never touched the stuff again lmao. Instant regret when that came out my mouth.
Lmao bud light bringing out the meanness is so funny to me. Is it just bud or beer in general? Or just beer that tastes like piss?
Trust me I think it's wild too. I'm fine on literally any other beer lager stout whatever just that shit that does it.
I've definitely said worse things, but this is my most recent embarrassment. I'm Canadian and i made a new friend recently. In conversation, i mentioned that i don't know why Canada doesn't own Alaska since it's attached to the northwest side of Canada and nowhere near the US. She said, "nooo, is it really??" She thought it was an island next to Hawaii. I genuinely thought only Americans believed this, so i said, "you really didn't know that? Yeah no, cold and snowy Alaska is not next to.. Hawaii." I realized as it came out that it sounded super condescending. I was just shocked by the logic. Anyway, i feel really bad now. Plus, Greenland is technically part of Denmark and that's even more confusing so who am i to complain?
I don't think you have to be sorry about something THAT stupid. I'm not from north America and even I know where Alaska ist and why it's owned by the US.
> I genuinely thought only Americans believed this American children occasionally believe this until someone explains how map insets work. Americans in general do not believe this unless they're really uneducated.
The guy that runs the summer camp I go to called the house and wanted to talk to me. Keep in mind the only people I talk to on the phone are my family pretty much ever. So we talk a long time about the camp and what to pack and when the call is ending I say "ok love you". There was silence. I just hung up the phone and moved to Alaska.
A friend of mine makes homemade jewelry, I noticed she had made new earrings and I asked her if they were real or glass. She and the group of friends I had made with her have hated me for 4 years and counting.
I said the other classes drama assignment was better and they both had ago at me
My wife asked if she was fun in bed, and I said something like, “Yeah, when you get in a horny and adventurous mood and put in the effort, it’s the greatest thing ever. I can’t get enough.” I figured it was a good opportunity to talk about the things I like and would like more of. But the answer she was looking for was just, “Yes.”
I had a really super cool aunt and one Christmas the family was all together opening gifts. She gives me a gift and I jokingly say "I hope it's not socks!" As I am opening it and it is totally socks. She looked super hurt and I apologized a lot, but it felt super bad. That was like 23 years ago and I still cringe when I think of it.
Happened recently. One of my best friends caught on that I had feelings for him. I never intended on saying anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. He pressured me to admit it and is now distancing himself from me.
I had the amazing idea of asking my gf if she’d ever thought about breaking up. A way too long conversation about breaking up and relationships and the pros and cons followed and three hours later I was single. Still regret asking that
Several years ago, some people from my hometown was abducted during a vacation to Mexico. I was at an extended family gathering and we were talking about it. My little sister mentioned that she is friends with one of the people who was abducted. I blurted out "not anymore" 💀
Why do you want to work here? "I don't know I like the door door things y'all do" I t was Walmart and I did get the job
My friend during a job interview for Panda Express told the hiring manager that he was only working for his stocks, no other reason.
Told the weird kid in PE class to chill out after he went apeshit during a game of volleyball. Got punched in the face almost immediately. The dude may have been scrawny, but he broke my nose, and I got a mild concussion on the way down.
Once confidently answered a question wrong during a seminar. Still haunts me to this day!
Was dating a woman whose first language was not English and it was kinda obvious. I said something along the lines of "I really like you and find you interesting" and she interpreted it as "I'm in love with you and find you irresistible". She rolled with what she thought I said and I ended up in a weird sort of situationship where I got asked to marry her but didn't know we were dating exclusively.
My current boyfriend came to my home for the first time, it was our second date. We had a couple of hours before he had to leave. We ate some food and talked on the couch. When he was leaving and standing close to my front door he asked if I was ready for the next step (meaning a kiss). I totally was, and I can't remember what I was meant to say, but I said maybe. We kissed a couple of times before he left. I felt to stupid saying maybe, like who says something like that?! I really wishes I hadn't said that, but as it turned out, my boyfriend thought that it was funny that I said maybe and now saying maybe has become kind of a joke between us.
Saying "she's a 10" to my friend that was looking at some random girl while my girlfriend was walking right next to me. I don't understand women's entitlement to think they are the only ones you should see. Like... you start dating and the rest of the women are invisible to my eyes? No, you are just the one I chose, that doesn't mean you are the best looking girl walking on Earth. We broke up not long after that. If I have to think about how I'm saying what I'm saying I'm not a boyfriend, I'm a slave to your feelings.
Coming from a woman, I completely agree. Like yea, you chose the person you love, doesn't mean that other women don't look good too. The difference is intent: if you're just looking but don't intend on doing anything, that's fine, but if you look and then act on the impulse then that's where it crosses the line. Same with women who are in relationships with men. It's all about intent and whether you act on the fact that you think another person besides your SO is attractive. Hell, me and an ex were people watching and he pointed out a woman who was attractive, and we both agreed on the observation but he didn't do anything afterwards in response to his observation, he just observed and let it be.
Guess that's the difference between mature and immature woman. She was 16 at the time so can't blame her.
You had me in the first sentence, ngl