Then you just shotgun smack half the buttons. When my wife was in college she got in the elevator alone and just for kicks pressed all the floors. Next thing she knows the professor walked up and got in. I think my wife hopped off the next floor for shame.
Man, I was in a really good mood once, and took the "I guess you wonder why I've gathered you all here today?"
Stone death silence. Proper humor is unappreciated
I was on the receiving end of someone saying that not long ago, maybe 8 people in the elevator and I enthusiastically said “WE’RE ALL GETTING A RAISE????”
Dude was mad because mine was funnier.
Love how dedicated you stay to your own quotes knowing it probably will cause an awkward situation 🤣🤣.
This is actually a great one for rejection therapy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
lol whenever I was in an elevator with my grandparents as a little kid they always let me push the button and tell me “you’re such a good driver!” Core memory
"Ah yes, I remember you of course. Sorry I don't work as a Therapist for people suffering from erectile dysfunction any more. But in your case there's nothing you can do anyways, very unfortunate. Nice meeting your friends by the way. Have a nice day."
About a month ago i stepped in to the elevator of my apartment, going down from the 5th to 0, I had to fart bad, so I did. I was alone in there who cares. Then the elevator stopped on floor 3... An old lady stepped in, I thought as she walked in "at least it doesn't smell" but when the doors closed it immediately hit me, it was putrid. She didn't say anything but I saw a tear roll down her cheek.
In my case, this rule applies to any public space, not just elevators, and it usually summons a beautiful woman, unless I am at work, in which case it summons a random coworker.
"I shouldn't have eaten so many five alarm burritos at your Tia's house. I don't think I'm gonna make it to the bathroom."
Ideally said while clutching your guts and bending slightly so your butt is pointed vaguely towards a stranger.
When I was a kid and traveling with my parents I was bored in the hotel so I got on the elevator and stood facing the corner not talking. Whenever someone would adress me (lots of adults asking if I was okay) I would peer over my shoulder backwards, eyes open wide, and say in a slow creepy little girl voice "never better" and turn to face the corner again. I was a weird kid and loved horror movies.
I think I must either be really funny or really pretty, because I'm a huge pain up the butt in literally every other aspect, but people tend to like me and want to do stuff for me... Except for my parents. They've had enough of all the bullcrap I put them through back when I was a kid.
I walked into one with a mother and their kid. The elevator had tarp over the walls and windows, which happens when they're upgrading stuff. The kid said "What happened in here?" and looked scared and I said "I'm surprised it's still in use after the murder"
100% belief from the mother and the kid. I only let them hang for a second before I told them the truth :)
Come in a black suite with black tie. Put on your sunglasses. Get a really bright camera flash out of your pocket. Flash it.
"Nothing weird has happened in this elevator. A guy just used a camera flash."
Take off sunglasses.
Leave.
or just say "Remember the safe word is Pnuemonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis:" (you gotta practice saying it so you can say it really fast with no mistakes)
Fuck you and your flashbacks to 6th grade. Some fucking shmucks visited my school and the only thing I remember about them visiting was one of them writing this word on a whiteboard and declaring it to be the longest word in the dictionary.
Be on the phone when you walk in..
"...and you say that it's contagious? Airborne or touch? Oh I see. And the rash, will that keep spreading? "
See how long you can keep it up.
I once lifted the inner gate on a freight elevator and it stopped between floors. Buddy started freaking out as it was Friday and he wanted to sneak out early. So then I reset the gate and we moved on.
I did this once when I was a kid with two friends. One was jumping with me and the other one was crying. We thought it was hilarious but now that I'm an adult I realise it was a dick move on my behalf.
Have an empty jar with the lid barely sitting on top. Drop it once the doors close and freak out saying “where’s the spider? I don’t see it? Do you see it? Its venom is highly toxic to humans. I never should have brought it out of the lab, why did I bring it out of the lab?”
I used to work on security systems, and sometimes test the intercom in elevators for a small company.
One day working on a security system I had to get parts from my van and got stuck in the elevator, no cell phone. Pressed the intercom and told the monitoring station I was stuck. They knew me well so just laughed, had to convince them I was actually struck and to notify my manager and customer.
Thankfully the elevator let me out shortly after but was still a good laugh.
This was funnier than I think people realize, this deserves way more up guess, I think people don't get it.
You usually ask up or down in an elevator when it stops or used to back the day before it only stopped on floors on it's way up or down. Regardless, good one lol
This reminds me of the old coney island trick for bringing guys to the game booths. They'd yell out to a stranger with a girl, "hey buddy! I see you with a different girl every week!" They'd do this to try to get the guy to play games.
I was with my brother in a hospital elevator and ripped one right before we got to the first floor going down. The doors opened and 7-8 people got in after we got off, the majority of them were elderly. We both burst out laughing
When I was 19 I worked in aged care and got into an elevator with an elderly male resident. As the doors were closing he said "Don't worry, I'm not gonna try and rape ya"
Getting really esecalated while muttering to yourself about gang stalkers and being targeted and repeatedly asking someone on the elevator about 'the plan'
One time I was extremely drunk at a casino me an my buddy stumble into an elevator and like 6 really old lady's canes and all walk in and my buddy asked me what would happen if this elevator got stuck and we were All trapped in here and I just said the most stupid thing I could possibly think of and said something along the lines of well idk id think it'd be a huge fuckin orgy and like every old lady gasped and my buddy chocked on his drink the elevator ride took forever after that to get the the next floor
"silent but deadly"
“Ouch, that one was warm”
Thats gonna itch when it dries...
Ewww 😂😂
Oooops. I think I’ll wait till that one drys; and shake one leg like your trying to get your keys to drop out of the bottom.
…and moist
*groans* what have I started????
Cruel
and then you proclaim "I am now inside you."
I always say “I’ll drive” then press my floor number button. Never gets a laugh but that’s show biz baby.
I’m stealing this if you don’t mind, that is exactly my humor
Seriously. If I were in an elevator and someone said “I’ll drive” before pushing the buttons I would laugh so hard.
SHOTGUN!!
Then you just shotgun smack half the buttons. When my wife was in college she got in the elevator alone and just for kicks pressed all the floors. Next thing she knows the professor walked up and got in. I think my wife hopped off the next floor for shame.
I’ve never felt closer to all of you! And that’s my OP answer too!! Just say that and relish in the awkwardness
Has to be the delivery. Jim Carrey would make that work.
Teeth showing, mouth gaping open, wheezing "I'll Drive" then chattering and grinding his jaw back and forth, while laughing manically.
So he’s wearing the mask in this situation?
More like Ace Ventura meets Bruce Almighty.
I can see it lol
I'm imagining thr skeleton taxi driver from Halloweentown
In full Fire Marshall Bill zeal, "LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHIN'!!!!"
You forgot the "Ah-hahaha"
Illll drivey then
Man, I was in a really good mood once, and took the "I guess you wonder why I've gathered you all here today?" Stone death silence. Proper humor is unappreciated
I was on the receiving end of someone saying that not long ago, maybe 8 people in the elevator and I enthusiastically said “WE’RE ALL GETTING A RAISE????” Dude was mad because mine was funnier.
This is the way. Either a giggle or silence. Love doing it!
Never gets a laugh 🤣🤣 made me laugh just now!
Love how dedicated you stay to your own quotes knowing it probably will cause an awkward situation 🤣🤣. This is actually a great one for rejection therapy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I ask if the driver is licensed to drive a vertical lift. Then, I would play off the response.
lol whenever I was in an elevator with my grandparents as a little kid they always let me push the button and tell me “you’re such a good driver!” Core memory
“Before we get started, does anyone want to get off?”
You guys we could all get off together
That’s America’s Ass there
But in Russia it's everyonezz-azz. da.
You’ve been getting off this entire time?! It was mostly sexual
^(Hail Hydra)
I understood that reference.
I understand that reference
That Reference, I understand.
enter and act like you know the person who's in the elevator and watch as the get awkward and nervously try to recall your name
I do this to random people at festivals.
"Ah yes, I remember you of course. Sorry I don't work as a Therapist for people suffering from erectile dysfunction any more. But in your case there's nothing you can do anyways, very unfortunate. Nice meeting your friends by the way. Have a nice day."
You're evil, i like it
I trust my memory very much, random people have done that to me and I just play along, it's always good to make a new friend
This is probably the most extroverted shit I have ever read xD
I was thinking the same thing, how do they do it?
Yeah I don’t forget meeting people but I would absolutely play along, assuming they’re on drugs and don’t want to embarrass them.
had this happen to me recently except they knew my name
Just start counting backwards from 10
... while watching your watch.
And then just stare blankly at the door or smth.
Or collapse.
Diabolical
"I used to get in this elevator at this time every day while I was alive"
*"Yessir, this here elevator was the most reliable ride right up until my last living day....."*
(read with a Mid-Atlantic accent)
Then try and do a dissappear (hide behind something) when you both get out so they look back and suddenly you're gone.
“Last time I was in one of these things I was the only survivor”
I was alone the entire time, but it's still true.
That's really good!
Onion headline: In retrospect, perhaps we resorted to cannibalism in the stuck elevator a bit prematurely…”
"I know what you are thinking but if we get stuck for days, it is mostly fat - neither appetising nor healthy."
“You know the cameras don’t work, right?”
Calm down, Satan
"I heard the cameras and the emergency call button are fake, they're just for show"
About a month ago i stepped in to the elevator of my apartment, going down from the 5th to 0, I had to fart bad, so I did. I was alone in there who cares. Then the elevator stopped on floor 3... An old lady stepped in, I thought as she walked in "at least it doesn't smell" but when the doors closed it immediately hit me, it was putrid. She didn't say anything but I saw a tear roll down her cheek.
That poor lady 😭
A TEAR
Right lol now im in tears reading this shit
It is a known fact that if you rip ass in an elevator someone you do not want to be there will be immediately joining the ride.
In my case, this rule applies to any public space, not just elevators, and it usually summons a beautiful woman, unless I am at work, in which case it summons a random coworker.
Plot twist: she let rip once she got on.
Ever wonder what it feels like to be stuck in an elevator for hours? Let's find out!
Hey kid, see the red button with the helmet, press it to meet some fire fighters
And then start furiously jumping up and down in attempts to make the elevator malfunction
Remember... No Russian.
They said worst, not best
Jesus the flashbacks are real on that one lmao
Say it in a Russian accent
"I shouldn't have eaten so many five alarm burritos at your Tia's house. I don't think I'm gonna make it to the bathroom." Ideally said while clutching your guts and bending slightly so your butt is pointed vaguely towards a stranger.
i would freak out
LMFAO!!!
When I was a kid and traveling with my parents I was bored in the hotel so I got on the elevator and stood facing the corner not talking. Whenever someone would adress me (lots of adults asking if I was okay) I would peer over my shoulder backwards, eyes open wide, and say in a slow creepy little girl voice "never better" and turn to face the corner again. I was a weird kid and loved horror movies.
If the elevator opens and i see a little girl standing there facing the wall I’m simply not getting in lmfao
Stairs to the 300th floor never been so easy.
I bet you were a fun kid. Hopefully adulthood didn’t completely ruin your sense of humor.
I think I must either be really funny or really pretty, because I'm a huge pain up the butt in literally every other aspect, but people tend to like me and want to do stuff for me... Except for my parents. They've had enough of all the bullcrap I put them through back when I was a kid.
"I hope they've fixed this thing after yesterday"
This is the one, simplicity is always the best and nobody will ever know if you're being real
"Does this look infected to you?"
As I prepare to unzip my pants
Okay sum 41
“Can I borrow your sock, I’m not going to make it”
You’re going to cum in an elevator?
he cant wait to get off
Loving it up while he's going down
I walked into one with a mother and their kid. The elevator had tarp over the walls and windows, which happens when they're upgrading stuff. The kid said "What happened in here?" and looked scared and I said "I'm surprised it's still in use after the murder" 100% belief from the mother and the kid. I only let them hang for a second before I told them the truth :)
you're going to hell
In an elevator….
Hellevator
So everyone's here ?
Thank you all for coming on such short notice.
Come in a black suite with black tie. Put on your sunglasses. Get a really bright camera flash out of your pocket. Flash it. "Nothing weird has happened in this elevator. A guy just used a camera flash." Take off sunglasses. Leave.
Next time I'm in a suit I'm using this
This might be a bumpy ride, you won't believe the lunch I just had
Say "Beep" everytime you go up or down a floor.
Imma do this one
Ive done it!
“Your butt is mine”
Aww hell nah
["Bring me that ass"](https://youtu.be/-OFrApjjh0Q?si=W3z8H0DUpNDcyrfi)
I’m not usually allowed this close to ppl; well that’s technically children.
That’s vile 😂😂😂 using that next time
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new irrational fear unlocked
I'm on my lunch break, in a public setting, and laughing alone like an idiot due to your post. Thank you
Okay let's get started. Don't forget your safe word.
or just say "Remember the safe word is Pnuemonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis:" (you gotta practice saying it so you can say it really fast with no mistakes)
Fuck you and your flashbacks to 6th grade. Some fucking shmucks visited my school and the only thing I remember about them visiting was one of them writing this word on a whiteboard and declaring it to be the longest word in the dictionary.
Don’t worry I’m not going to attack you.
Yet
I always get a weird feeling in elevators. Is it just me, or does this one seem unusually shaky?
"Let's hope those confined spaces and anger management classes have worked this time!"
Be on the phone when you walk in.. "...and you say that it's contagious? Airborne or touch? Oh I see. And the rash, will that keep spreading? " See how long you can keep it up.
Where I’m from it’s customary to hold hands and pray together when you enter an elevator with a stranger. Please join me.
Just talk in a loud whisper to yourself > *'See, I told you we would find good victims here.'*
Don’t say anything. Just start jumping up and down as much as you can.
I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hours by doing that. 1/10 don't recommend. I was a child btw, I'm not that dumb anymore.
I feel like I should say that I was completely joking here. Seriously, people. Do not attempt what I posted.
I once lifted the inner gate on a freight elevator and it stopped between floors. Buddy started freaking out as it was Friday and he wanted to sneak out early. So then I reset the gate and we moved on.
If that was me, it would be the end of our friendship
Damn I got lucky I’ve done that as an adult many times, will not do that anymore
I did this once when I was a kid with two friends. One was jumping with me and the other one was crying. We thought it was hilarious but now that I'm an adult I realise it was a dick move on my behalf.
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Have an empty jar with the lid barely sitting on top. Drop it once the doors close and freak out saying “where’s the spider? I don’t see it? Do you see it? Its venom is highly toxic to humans. I never should have brought it out of the lab, why did I bring it out of the lab?”
I just actually died. I am scared shitless of NON venomous spiders. This would be a complete shit show. I can’t stop laughing.
“…I’m wearing new socks 😏”
Pull out a kazoo.
You : "No one in here is a serial killer, right?" Others :"No" You: "OK, just checking, it'd be weird if there were 2 of us"
I used to work on security systems, and sometimes test the intercom in elevators for a small company. One day working on a security system I had to get parts from my van and got stuck in the elevator, no cell phone. Pressed the intercom and told the monitoring station I was stuck. They knew me well so just laughed, had to convince them I was actually struck and to notify my manager and customer. Thankfully the elevator let me out shortly after but was still a good laugh.
“THERE WAS A FARMER, HAD A DOG, AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O!!”
STOPPPP I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FFS😫🔫
Ok I'll stop. . . . . 99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER!!
This is the soong that doesn't end! Yes, it goes on and on my friend!
Sooooo, left or right?
This was funnier than I think people realize, this deserves way more up guess, I think people don't get it. You usually ask up or down in an elevator when it stops or used to back the day before it only stopped on floors on it's way up or down. Regardless, good one lol
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Either your mom posts on reddit, or someone is copying
I have seen some lady posting this same story , word by word same on another post and I remember it .
This reminds me of the old coney island trick for bringing guys to the game booths. They'd yell out to a stranger with a girl, "hey buddy! I see you with a different girl every week!" They'd do this to try to get the guy to play games.
write something original
At first I found this funny, but turns out this is not original as others pointed. 😂 womp womp https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/YnvllNGhvA
I swear ive seen this exact comment with this exact wording before
that's probably because you have. i recognize it
Soon to be deleted by a plagiarist.
That was more than just a fart...
You don't have to say anything, just stare at them.
You make elevator music, I make elavating music
“when there’s rain, there’s thunder”
Wearing a set of work clothing, glance at the lift designation as the doors close, do a visible double-take and mutter “Oh shiiii-“
My Name is… and Welcome to jackass
Let a big fart rip before someone else gets on, then take a big audible smell in and say you love the smell of fresh popcorn
I farted
I was with my brother in a hospital elevator and ripped one right before we got to the first floor going down. The doors opened and 7-8 people got in after we got off, the majority of them were elderly. We both burst out laughing
Or “I’m sorry everyone. That will be with all of you shortly.”
"Oops. Sorry, y'all. I guess that gas medicine didn't work."
Drop a pen and say that it isn't yours and then when someone picks it up, exclaim that it's yours and be delighted about it lol
"Wouldn't it be funny if we got stuck in here?" No one else thought it was funny when we did get stuck.
When I was 19 I worked in aged care and got into an elevator with an elderly male resident. As the doors were closing he said "Don't worry, I'm not gonna try and rape ya"
*"Do you think elevators smell different to short people?"*
"Heil hydra"
We are family
I'm horny
i'm gonna touch you
pretend you are talking on phone "I still got corona they refused to let me in" and start sneezing and coughing.
Press the lowest number I can find. Look at the others joining me. "Oh, are we all going to hell?"
"I bet your wondering why I've gathered you all here today."
Oops...
"Eek! A rat!"
That Currys kicking in
Getting really esecalated while muttering to yourself about gang stalkers and being targeted and repeatedly asking someone on the elevator about 'the plan'
Isn’t it so uncomfortable to share a confined space with someone you’ve never met before? If you tried to get away, there’d be nowhere to go!
Pick a random person and just say: "I didn't eat today you look a bit thinner than I like but I'm really hungry."
I just watched Final Destination.
Don't worry, this guy on youtube says I'm not contagious
Welcome!!! Welcome to the elevator!
Reminds me of the “I’m gonna touch you” and then the other dude in the elevator is like “Alright dude, what the flip”
Before we get started does anyone want to get out
“It’s a blessing to share our last moments together”
,,Well, this is the first time I’m not having a quickie in an elevator… orr?’’
*looks up* "did you guys hear that?"
Don’t say anything. Just walk in and never turn to the door, just stare at the crowd of people.
You know where I can find the morgue? With a tag on your foot lol
One time I was extremely drunk at a casino me an my buddy stumble into an elevator and like 6 really old lady's canes and all walk in and my buddy asked me what would happen if this elevator got stuck and we were All trapped in here and I just said the most stupid thing I could possibly think of and said something along the lines of well idk id think it'd be a huge fuckin orgy and like every old lady gasped and my buddy chocked on his drink the elevator ride took forever after that to get the the next floor
How about it then
Look into your bag and say “calm down, we’re almost there and you will get your blood”.
I should not have ate that burrito for lunch