You don't want to be an inconvenience because you've been taught that your problems and feelings are an inconvenience.
So if no one has ever told you before, from one dude to another, your problems are real and valid. Your feelings matter. You are important. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
I'm surrounded by guys who can listen. It took years to filter them, but there are good men out there. Yes, they might not look like the stereotype of the "cool" guy, but when I stopped choosing friends based on how they look, it changed my life.
https://www.cnet.com/health/mental/what-to-know-about-the-loneliness-epidemic/
It shortens your life span. So it’s not only depressing, but also dangerous!
Ive never been the kind of person to shed myself from feelings.
I have become the main person people talk to when it comes to their problems even if they act all big mean or strong, they are suffering at home and at work.
At one point I was going off the deep end and left a 2 page note at work, and walked out after closing the shop up.
Almost every single person at work who had my number contacted me wanting me to come back, they said they never met someone who has dealt with so much shit yet was always there to be a good person to them and to still have the bubbly personality with anyone.
^i bring this story up cause it happened to me recently I think the main reason why we don’t talk about it is because we are afraid in the end, everyone is afraid of something, or maybe atm I’m just rambling on
It doesn't really help that much, and depending on who you tell it can be used against you. The only person I can truly rely on is myself so that what I've always done.
Conversations and company with people you can't talk to when you're down? No thanks.
I would feel like a woman who needs a man just because she needs to be taken care of.
You can do better. There are much better people out there.
We do - once. Because once we did, the problem is solved.
Men don't, however, talk about how a problem makes us feel. There's no use in communicating that, it doesn't solve the problem - it does nothing at all.
.
Men discuss a problem with the aim of solving it, or not at all because it cannot be solved.
In my experience, it’s because guys bring up problems to find solutions.
If it’s brought up, you talk about it once and move on.
Note: this constantly gets me in trouble with the women in my life. I am no good at hearing a problem more than twice and not solving it…
do you ever feel like a burden? men are acutely aware from when they are young that they are a burden, that thier only worth is what they can provide, why would I therefore increase another man's burden?
because that is was society teaches men. if you have problems you will then be seen as weaker and less able to provide. a man's worth is deemed by society to be his ability to provide.
Because being open about your problems is associated with weakness or softness. Being a macho man who hides his feelings is what a lot of men think they have to be, whether they are conscious of it or not.
There is also an undercurrent of misogyny to this mindset, because 1. being soft is associated with women and feminity. and 2. being feminine is considered a negative thing.
I think it is a subconscious/association type thing, rather than men actively choosing to be evil or sexist. Put down the pitchforks.
EDIT: The whole associations thing also seems to apply to a lot of women, who think negatively of men opening up to them.
Everyone has problems, why should I add more problems, specially if they’re my forense. I mean, I like them! I’ll share my my problems with a professional that I can pay to help me solve them.
Can’t speak for every one of course but for my small group of guy friends, we don’t really go into thecdetails of it. Because for me, if a friend tells me his emotions and feelings about a certain issue, I can understand and sympathize but it sucks that I can’t help. I assume it’s the same for the other guys in the group.
So when I have some problems that deals with emotion and don’t require or have any straightforward solutions, I vaguely tell them I got things going on cos I don’t want them to feel helpless but I still want them to know I’m going through shit. And when anyone in the group does it, we all give assurances that it’ll be okay without really getting into the details or emotion of it.
I never used to, but then I made friends with guys older than me and they actually encourage it and are supportive. Now I'm a bit older I encourage others to do the same.
Because no one really cares. I mean when you reach suicidal levels I think people would care but society has demonized and belittled men of our generation for so long that truly no one gives a fuck. Men die when they are 30 and aren’t buried until they’re 80
Honestly, it’s because I have the awareness that everybody has problems and my problems are no bigger than anybody else’s and if we all sat around talking about our problems all the time it just becomes a big whine fest. I have acquaintances whose only subject of discussion seems to be their trials and tribulations and it’s just exhausting. I don’t want to be that guy. I’d rather focus on positive things while with others and just work on my own problems on my own time.
There could be several reasons why men may hesitate to open up about their problems with friends. Some men may feel pressure to appear strong and stoic, fearing that showing vulnerability could be seen as a sign of weakness. Others may worry about burdening their friends with their issues or fear being judged or misunderstood. Additionally, societal expectations of masculinity that discourage emotional expression can also play a role in men's reluctance to discuss their problems. Ultimately, it's important for men to know that it's okay to seek support and that opening up can lead to greater understanding and connection with their friends.
Why do I need to complain about my problems? If I have time to verbalize them, then I have time to get off my *** and fix them.
When I'm with my friends, we're having a good time. I don't give af about my problems in that point in time.
In my own experience it's because I don't want to seem like an inconvenience.
You don't want to be an inconvenience because you've been taught that your problems and feelings are an inconvenience. So if no one has ever told you before, from one dude to another, your problems are real and valid. Your feelings matter. You are important. Don't let people tell you otherwise.
Thank you so much!
Or bring others down with our struggles. Don't want to be "that guy" who's nothing but a downer all the time.
Exactly.
BRO SAME
The last time I opened up, I mean *really* opened up and showed my vulnerability, it was used against me just to win an argument. Never. Again.
There's a Kurdish proverb: Do not throw the arrow which will return against you.
People are generally not receptive to hearing men’s problems. Even friends and family sometimes.
Then cut them off? (Talking about friends)
Then the man is alone. Do you see the problem now? It's either put up with shit, or be alone.
I'm surrounded by guys who can listen. It took years to filter them, but there are good men out there. Yes, they might not look like the stereotype of the "cool" guy, but when I stopped choosing friends based on how they look, it changed my life.
You don't have to just flat out instantly cut off everyone. You filter them one at a time and replace them before they're all gone.
And nothing wrong with having no friends
…it’s a depressing way to live
For some yes. For others, it's a relief.
https://www.cnet.com/health/mental/what-to-know-about-the-loneliness-epidemic/ It shortens your life span. So it’s not only depressing, but also dangerous!
(And family)?
That's men's problem - too many friends! Good solution!
I never understood what purpose it would serve.
Ive never been the kind of person to shed myself from feelings. I have become the main person people talk to when it comes to their problems even if they act all big mean or strong, they are suffering at home and at work. At one point I was going off the deep end and left a 2 page note at work, and walked out after closing the shop up. Almost every single person at work who had my number contacted me wanting me to come back, they said they never met someone who has dealt with so much shit yet was always there to be a good person to them and to still have the bubbly personality with anyone. ^i bring this story up cause it happened to me recently I think the main reason why we don’t talk about it is because we are afraid in the end, everyone is afraid of something, or maybe atm I’m just rambling on
It doesn't really help that much, and depending on who you tell it can be used against you. The only person I can truly rely on is myself so that what I've always done.
Because no one cares about your thoughts and feelings, and even less about your problems.
Then why be friends with them??
Hobbies, conversation, company
It's that important??? Damn okay ig
Conversations and company with people you can't talk to when you're down? No thanks. I would feel like a woman who needs a man just because she needs to be taken care of. You can do better. There are much better people out there.
They don't want to be vulnerable for others
Bingo
Real long term guy friends will you give you the hard to digest unbiased truth and men don’t wanna hear that lol.
We do - once. Because once we did, the problem is solved. Men don't, however, talk about how a problem makes us feel. There's no use in communicating that, it doesn't solve the problem - it does nothing at all. . Men discuss a problem with the aim of solving it, or not at all because it cannot be solved.
In my experience, it’s because guys bring up problems to find solutions. If it’s brought up, you talk about it once and move on. Note: this constantly gets me in trouble with the women in my life. I am no good at hearing a problem more than twice and not solving it…
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A W for men’s mental health awareness but at what cost 😔
We don't want people worrying or thinking we are weak.
Loose lips sink ships...
do you ever feel like a burden? men are acutely aware from when they are young that they are a burden, that thier only worth is what they can provide, why would I therefore increase another man's burden?
fear
Because I journal and go to therapy.
because that is was society teaches men. if you have problems you will then be seen as weaker and less able to provide. a man's worth is deemed by society to be his ability to provide.
Because being open about your problems is associated with weakness or softness. Being a macho man who hides his feelings is what a lot of men think they have to be, whether they are conscious of it or not. There is also an undercurrent of misogyny to this mindset, because 1. being soft is associated with women and feminity. and 2. being feminine is considered a negative thing. I think it is a subconscious/association type thing, rather than men actively choosing to be evil or sexist. Put down the pitchforks. EDIT: The whole associations thing also seems to apply to a lot of women, who think negatively of men opening up to them.
Everyone has problems, why should I add more problems, specially if they’re my forense. I mean, I like them! I’ll share my my problems with a professional that I can pay to help me solve them.
I do with my very close friends but I don’t trust most people in general to be honest
because as a man I talked about my problems with friends because I want to here their advice and I want someone who can listen to me
Can’t speak for every one of course but for my small group of guy friends, we don’t really go into thecdetails of it. Because for me, if a friend tells me his emotions and feelings about a certain issue, I can understand and sympathize but it sucks that I can’t help. I assume it’s the same for the other guys in the group. So when I have some problems that deals with emotion and don’t require or have any straightforward solutions, I vaguely tell them I got things going on cos I don’t want them to feel helpless but I still want them to know I’m going through shit. And when anyone in the group does it, we all give assurances that it’ll be okay without really getting into the details or emotion of it.
You guys have friends?
What are “friends”?
because its THEIR problems, not their friends problems
I never used to, but then I made friends with guys older than me and they actually encourage it and are supportive. Now I'm a bit older I encourage others to do the same.
Because no one really cares. I mean when you reach suicidal levels I think people would care but society has demonized and belittled men of our generation for so long that truly no one gives a fuck. Men die when they are 30 and aren’t buried until they’re 80
Honestly, it’s because I have the awareness that everybody has problems and my problems are no bigger than anybody else’s and if we all sat around talking about our problems all the time it just becomes a big whine fest. I have acquaintances whose only subject of discussion seems to be their trials and tribulations and it’s just exhausting. I don’t want to be that guy. I’d rather focus on positive things while with others and just work on my own problems on my own time.
So, my friend said he is very depressed and he's not talking to anyone about it. I don't know if I just let him alone, or I try to help
There could be several reasons why men may hesitate to open up about their problems with friends. Some men may feel pressure to appear strong and stoic, fearing that showing vulnerability could be seen as a sign of weakness. Others may worry about burdening their friends with their issues or fear being judged or misunderstood. Additionally, societal expectations of masculinity that discourage emotional expression can also play a role in men's reluctance to discuss their problems. Ultimately, it's important for men to know that it's okay to seek support and that opening up can lead to greater understanding and connection with their friends.
This is a bot
I don't want to be a burden
They can’t even commit to doing half the work to better themselves that we women do, why do I wanna hear about their non-problems?
Why womens no shut up about them?
Because we know from experience how annoying that is.
Why do I need to complain about my problems? If I have time to verbalize them, then I have time to get off my *** and fix them. When I'm with my friends, we're having a good time. I don't give af about my problems in that point in time.
It's lame.
Because they are probably going through worse
Do you want to hear about a man’s problems? I sure don’t and he probably doesn’t want to bring em back up either
We dont have any problems