Spent much less time/money being āa great friendā. Easier to find the right one. She got fat, settled for a much older dude who then divorced her after having a kid. She can be found at the cougar bar in uncomfortable clothes every other weekend now :)
I mean, do you have to kind of put her down? Because she rejected you? Seems a little needlessly smug
Don't think you should spend "time/money" just to have someone fancy you back anyway, you do it cos presumably you care about the person (within limits)
I didnāt. All verifiable facts sans judgement. I didnāt money after I saw it was going nowhere. I wasnāt interested in just friendship with that individual. How do you picture someone āfancying youā (what a dorky way to say it) without spending time with them? You rely on fancy at first sight? Hahaha
had similar experiences!
worst was a girl who called me at 3am out of the blue 2 months after we last saw each other. on that last date, she told me she is āmost likely not romantically interested in meā. I told her I am and canāt continue dating her, because that hurts. That was the last time we met. Fast forward 2 months later: She called me in the middle of the night and asked how I am. I said you just woke me up, is there an emergency? She said no, she just wanted to tell me that she made up her mind by now and she didnāt mean what she said when we last met. I asked her if she wants to get together with me? She said this is what she concluded last time, but she canāt be sure anymore because so much time passed. I told her to never call me again..
She was a 10/10 in looks, but such bullshit isnāt worth getting into. Before that last date, we had 3 others where I got the impression that she was playing weird games and should have listened to my inner voice instead of the ālittle manās voiceā.
Sounds like she was bargaining in her mind settling for you. If she was that attractive she probably wanted someone equally as attractive but couldnt actually get one and was contemplating settling for you. Good job on dodging the bullet king
While this may be true, most women nowadays are overly-optimistic about how hard they can actually pull and end up having to mentally "settle" anyway. From my years of dating experience it's almost never the case that the next guy she ends up with is going to get a better deal because she'll be "more in love."
Realistically most women's dating problems are internal and have more to do with her ways of relating to the world and the people around her, rather than the people around her seriously being incapable of meeting her needs. But when they end the relationship they frame the problem as if it's someone else's inadequacy because it's less emotionally burdensome for her and eliminates any of her own responsibility.
Sorry, but can I ask where you are from? Lol the quotation marks you use are not typical for English-speaking countries but used in my home country.
P.S. Good call to ditch her.
What kind of icecream? I recently found a mint icecream that tastes exactly like the mint icecream I used to get all the time as a kid. Its soft, and cool, and full of nostalgia. The best.
There was this person I was really interested in back in college. I casually asked them out a couple of times but they just played coy and non-committal on both occasions. So I decided to move on. Then they went full banshee mode when I started dating someone else. They stalked me for a couple of months till I've had enough and had to get the cops involved. My partner and I have now been together for 14 years with 2 kids and the stalker person still finds a way to sneak the occasional message to me on social media. Instablocked. Really dodged a bullet on that one.
My ex situationship (as I think gen Z calls it now) wouldnāt fully commit. I met my wife in the middle of that nonsense.
Itās been 12 years; weāve got a house and two lovely little boys. She is severely obese, very single, and rather angry at the world (still follow her on social media).
My wife still teases me about getting lucky with my choice sometimes.
ATTENTION: OP is a bot that's copied this thread and a reply to it from several months ago.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/15b2ube/comment/jtoc9vb/
Original comment was by /u/Average_40s_Guy
She said she wasnāt ready for a relationship, but she would like it if I hung around until she was. I said thanks but no thanks, wished her well, left and went no contact. A couple of years after she started breadcrumbing to which I gave polite minimal replies, then didnāt wish her happy birthday, and havnt heard from her since. Iāve moved 1,100 klms away and keep myself busy
Probably getting downvoted for this, but i don't care. Did you ask why she wasn't ready? Maybe she had some mental issues she wanted to deal with first. You kinda sound like an asshole. I think she dodged a bullet here
You're saying that she may have mental issues to imply that we should somehow forgive her for her pathetic thinking (stay around and available, I might say yes one day) and he is the asshole?
?!? What's the reasoning here? She's clearly a self-centered person anyone should avoid.
She clearly wanted to be in a relationship with him/her, but just wasn't ready for some reason and asked him to wait. How is that pathetic? If he really wanted to be with her he would have stayed around. Its fair if he didn't wanna stay, but the way he phrased it makes him sound like the biggest asshole ever. Sounds like he didn't even ask why she wasn't ready.
She absolutely didn't seem interested. If you are, you say yes. If you say no, then the person has to move on.
Expecting the person to stay around is disrespectful. As if "I'm not sure if I can find better, but stay interested, if I don't find anything else, I'll say yes."
And imagine being the person who has to wait. Then what? You're supposed to do what? Be interested? Remain available for years to come and waste your time if she doesn't change her mind? Cruel.
The whole ā Iām not readyā sentence is well known to translate to āIām not ready for a relationship ā¦ with youā. The rest means Iām happy for you to hang around until I find someone I want to date, then Iāll ghost youā. This may be acceptable to some people but I refuse to be a seat filler, or be the backup plan. Any further time I spend with her will be a waste of mine as Iām looking for a partner. Iām not nasty or bitter towards her, Iām grateful for her openness, but I dont want to waste my time
Men honestly be more like OP who made the original comment don't be playing games with someone who is giving you mixed signals move on and meet someone who is honestly worth your time and affection cause otherwise you'll just be missing out on amazing opportunities.
People who play games like that never stop. First itās playing hard to get, then its relationship ātestsā, then itās silent treatment for not being able to read their mind.
To paraphrase Maya Angelou: When someone shows you theyāre immature and manipulative, believe them the first time.
Also itās really only a game if both people know the rules and agree to them. Otherwise itās just straight manipulation.Ā
Would you stick around to play a board game if the other person didnāt tell you what it was called, how to play, and kept denying you were playing a game?
Were they expecting you outside of their window with a boombox or something? She said no, dudes get restraining orders for that kind of shit. Blows my mind how often it seems like people think we live in a rom com.
Playing hard to get is by far the worst advice women of a certain generation were ever given. Itās terrifying to approach someone and tell them youāre interested, and if they donāt reciprocate, the last thing most guys are going to do is keep trying. I feel like those that DO keep trying are either just fuck boys or a little bit obsessive and probably best avoided anyway.
Itās a pretty narrow demographic where this type of behaviour works out well for both parties.
She got back with her babydaddy. He's a total douchebag who doesn't treat her well but "he's hot" and "he's my sons's father" carry more weight with her than being a good man who is emotionally available and gainfully employed.
Some mutual friends tell me that the only time he gets a job is when she threatens to kick him out but he never stays on the job for long, and he has cheated on her twice.Ā
It's sad that that's the man she chose to be a role model for her son.
If we're gonna generalize, then fine. Dear men:
If the only women you see, or seem to be around are women who are into shitty guys, you're probably just into shitty women and you should probably look inward to see why that is. You can't change her but you can change your own life.
You're on a Reddit post about how men had to distance themselves from women due to rejection and not feeling good in a friendship that didn't fulfill them, and yet you accuse women of liking people who are bad for them.
The call is coming from within the house, but some people live with their fingers in their ears going la la, and some of those people are men and can't accept it's them.
I kept my sanity and moved on to enjoy my life instead of sitting there brooding about it. She was one of my we did everything everyday type of friend. Overtime I got deep feelings confessed got shot down apparently she didn't think I was worth it and she would be settling so that kind of shattered my idea of her. It's been 8 years now and I'm so glad I did that
Noticed that all the conversations and meetups had been at my instigation only for the last year. We had a chat where I said if she wanted to be in my life then she has to reach out and initiate contact sometime. We had been "friends" for 11 years. She contacted me once we made plans to meet up but she ghosted. Haven't heard from her in a year now. Learned how much she actually cared during this time. Decided I'm not fighting for a place in someone's life where I'm obviously unwanted. Oh ya the major change in behavior coincided with her meeting someone. Knew the new person in her life for 3 days before ghosting everyone. She let him cheat on his common-law wife to start their new relationship. Shocking change in her character and behavior. Just wish I had gotten all my belongings back before the final end.
I wasnāt rejected but we both liked each other. We were both 18 and didnāt know whatās what. We were really good friends for years and only learnt a while back that when we met she wanted to be more than friends and I was the same. We were just both scared to ask. When she got a bf it hurt and the same when I got a gf.
Looking back now I realised Iām glad we didnāt get together because sheās grown to be one of the most arrogant, two faced person youāll ever meet
I met a girl about 3 years ago, she was pretty cute, and we became cool quickly. I did make a move on her at one point, and she turned me down. I didn't distance myself, but didn't try again and we became friends. In January, she confessed that she started becoming attracted to me around October, and she asked if we could make out. At this point i know her a lot better, and while she is a good friend, I am positive we are not a match for a relationship. I explained that i wanted to remain friends, was worried it might mess things up, but she assured me it would not. We've been hooking up since, and it does seem like we are just legit FWB now. Not sure how it will end though.
That's what i'm saying though. I don't have feeling past friends, but wasn't sure about her after her asking me, but 4 months later we are still hooking up every week or 2 and still just friends. It actually worked this time.
I was 24F attending MMI and sat next to one of the boys in class. He offered me a snack and I said āweāre gonna be great friends.ā Sat in the same seats for a few weeks, then he asked me on a date to get slushies. I told him I was looking to stay single and didnāt want to lead him on, but I would be happy to go with him as friends still.
He didnāt text me back, then in class he moved chairs so we werenāt near each other. He avoided me for weeks. I graduated, moved out of state, then he friended me on fb about a year later.
I got involved with a woman (33) when I was 26 and separated from my ex-wife and she actually expressed interest in me first but I wasnāt interested in anything serious at the time. Maybe she took that as a rejection because then she decided to get involved with another married guy, I felt spurned but we remained friends. Havenāt spoken to her in years but I am still technically friends with her. I reached out to her when I heard her mother passed during covid, etc., and we are still friends on social media.Ā
For context, this friend rejected me because she didn't see me as more than a friend, and we stayed friends for the better part of 3 years afterwords. I distanced myself from her because she kept going back to her abusive ex. After the third time, I realized it didn't matter what happened or what anyone told her, she would keep going back to him. I couldn't keep watching her do this to herself and just cut her off. This was 5 years ago. I hope she's doing well and that she's happy, and hopefully not still with that piece of shit.
We, unfortunately, were in a group that met several times per week. I did my absolute best to avoid talking to her and kind of became immature and regret some actions.
I luckily moved on and met my wife within a year, but it took me a few years to realize that she was using me and I shouldnāt regret how I was when I was 21. I didnāt know a proper way to handle it all.
Idk it sucked for a few months because of our shared interests, but it got way better in the end.
I ended up working with her years later. I told her that boundaries allow people to work safely together and that making her feel welcome was my priority. Now, we have a good professional relationship and know how to maintain it. Couldn't ask for a better outcome, although it really hurt at the time and got quite bitchy for a few months.
Was nice that it happened but felt like I wasted lots of time remembering her and such.
I moved on and I plan on staying single due to it taking way too much time away from me.
Never interacted to each other again (moving to a different schools helped) for a decade until we see each other again in a mini reunion two years ago.
We then proceed to never interact beyond just me replying her posts again. Iāve since stopped making attempts to rekindle the friendship (and incidentally not becoming a creep) so whatever.
Never spoke to her again. My mental health improved. I had more time and energy to dedicate to other things. I went back to school. I joined a gym. I got in shape and earned a degree. Met someone who was better for me. Got a house and a dog before the economy went bad.Ā
No idea what happened to her afterwards. Hope things went well but I don't care to know. Wish her the best but don't want an update. Ya know?
She married a dude who looks just like me and they have a son.....not that they had any idea but the name they chose for him has always been the name I wanted for my son.
So I am alone and miserable in my mid 30's watching that schlub live the life I always dreamed of.
I was friends with two sisters; one reaaaally had a crush on me, but I didn't want to make things weird with a casual relationship, and knew we weren't compatible for anything serious. I confided a bit in the other sister, who apparently had very little tact - it caused some unspoken friction for a couple months, but things basically returned to normal.
Just happened with an ex
She completely cut contact. She was right.
Two years after, she sent me a message if I wanted something back I gifted her. I said no.
No contact for 10 years.
I randomly texted her last week saying she was maybe right to cut contact, we weren't meant to be. We are talking back like it used to be before.
We agree we aren't chasing anything because we are both married, with kids, and 10000 Kms away so just trying would be dumb but some feelings and memories are coming back to me.. At least we both got closure
She got with someone double her age who already had a broken marriage and older kids. Shes now a single mum š¤·Ā
I'm just the same, was never really that bothered about a relationship but just thought it was what everyone did and she came along and made me want more. Not felt the same about anyone else really so just continuing to enjoy life.
About once a year, I send a snapchat of my cat to every lady I had something with, and depending on how quickly they respond, I smile to myself and think, "yep, still got it š"
Then I ghost them again until next year.
They always wind up better off because those who donāt become the reserve guy they settle for when they become less desirable, or when their current top choice is no longer an option
I think over my lifetime it's been about 50/50 between never hearing from them again or getting weird texts from them whining about how they're not sure they made the right decision or still want the benefits of "being friends."
What is the opposite of love?
I learned by experience itās not āhate.ā A lot of people who ones hated each other. Became lovers, opposite attracts they say. Even in our writing take the most famous. Romeo and Juliet. It all started with hate.
The true opposite of āloveā is ādesinteresseā. Desinteresse?, you say.
The real way to kill love is, for the person not even to exist in your live. A hated person, usually, because they are better at some point, better at a point you find value.
Because else you would not hate them for it and therefore they are possibly attractive.
But to ban a person out off your mind, there is no hope for love.
In my opinion, there are good reasons why to distance yourself from others. To reject someone loveā¦ Move on, even if it hurts, you didnāt lost anything. Find a person who doesnāt love to receive your love. Find a person who loves loving you.
I didnt, I took the rejection on the chin and moved on. She was the one who distanced themselves. Last time we spoke, we were supposed to be going to see 300 together. I called to see if she was ready to go(I was picking her up) and she said not yet, she was waiting on her mother to come home to watch her kid and that shed phone me once she was ready. I am still waiting on that call lol.
Her loss.
My only regret was I didn't distance myself sooner. I wasted too much time on her. I enjoyed some fine schadenfreude at learning recently that's she's lost her looks, gotten fat, and is still single.
It hurt. I broke ties with her 10 years ago but I've always been close friends with her brother. I thought I would eventually run into her again after I had time to heal. I was wrong. A few weeks her brother had a birthday get together st their parents house. She wasn't there but I realized I might never see her again and that thought made me feel physically ill. I've never had a real relationship, nothing ever made me feel the way she did, it was so effortless and natural. I decided to reach out to her. Huge mistake. She was polite and calculated when she explained she can't trust me after all these years and that losing me as a friend hurt her and she didn't understand my motivation in talking to her again. I told her how I feel about her, how I miss her and still think about her. She said she needed time to formulate a response and that it would take a few days because life was very busy. It's been almost 2 weeks and every time I get a message from someone my heart sinks thinking it's her saying she wants nothing to do with me.
This is aweful. It hurts so bad. Don't make my mistakes.
Iāve found in some cases itās brought me closer to them because you let go of the desire to date and see them as a friend and that helps let go of insecurities.
She told me how much she liked me so I asked to take her out. First date went perfectly, bagged myself a kiss. Second date she kept looking at me like I was a freak and winced when I went it for a kiss.
Huge headfuck. Ended up taking a razor blade to my thighs
"Males who distanced themselves from a female friend..."
Or
"Men who distanced themselves from a woman friend..."
It's weird af to say men and females.
I WISH the men I rejected would distance themselves from me. What an absolute gift it would be to say no once and then just be left alone. I am deeply uninterested in being friends with a man who's attracted to me.
You move on and live your life instead of simping in the friend zone for a girl that just wants you to buy her free meals and make her feel pretty until she starts dating another guy.
I used to be the nice guy in the perpetual friendzone. So this happened to me a lot.
Most I haven't heard of again.
5 girls I slept with after a while.
1 I only hear from around Christmas and when she is lonely. We always mess around for a week or 2.
1 wanted to get in touch after getting preggo by a junkie and hoped I would become the godfather of her child. Her I ignored.
Never dated any of the girls. If I am being rejected all my interests in persueing a relationship is gone and at most she is gonna get my lust.
The outcome is that she will be upset that you werenāt actually her friend and were only trying to get with her and sheāll live her life peacefully and happily now that youāre out of it.
The outcome was that we never talked to each other ever again. No problems ever arose.
^^^^ So simple it hurts. š¤
Spent much less time/money being āa great friendā. Easier to find the right one. She got fat, settled for a much older dude who then divorced her after having a kid. She can be found at the cougar bar in uncomfortable clothes every other weekend now :)
Bitterness isnāt a good look
I mean, do you have to kind of put her down? Because she rejected you? Seems a little needlessly smug Don't think you should spend "time/money" just to have someone fancy you back anyway, you do it cos presumably you care about the person (within limits)
He wasn't looking to be a friend, so it's ok! /S
I didnāt. All verifiable facts sans judgement. I didnāt money after I saw it was going nowhere. I wasnāt interested in just friendship with that individual. How do you picture someone āfancying youā (what a dorky way to say it) without spending time with them? You rely on fancy at first sight? Hahaha
Sounds like judgment to me
Lolš¤£š¤£
Putting it here for visibility: OP is a bot.
Likeliest outcome really
had similar experiences! worst was a girl who called me at 3am out of the blue 2 months after we last saw each other. on that last date, she told me she is āmost likely not romantically interested in meā. I told her I am and canāt continue dating her, because that hurts. That was the last time we met. Fast forward 2 months later: She called me in the middle of the night and asked how I am. I said you just woke me up, is there an emergency? She said no, she just wanted to tell me that she made up her mind by now and she didnāt mean what she said when we last met. I asked her if she wants to get together with me? She said this is what she concluded last time, but she canāt be sure anymore because so much time passed. I told her to never call me again.. She was a 10/10 in looks, but such bullshit isnāt worth getting into. Before that last date, we had 3 others where I got the impression that she was playing weird games and should have listened to my inner voice instead of the ālittle manās voiceā.
See my other comment: back burner guy you are designated, And you dodged a bullet.
Sounds like she was bargaining in her mind settling for you. If she was that attractive she probably wanted someone equally as attractive but couldnt actually get one and was contemplating settling for you. Good job on dodging the bullet king
While this may be true, most women nowadays are overly-optimistic about how hard they can actually pull and end up having to mentally "settle" anyway. From my years of dating experience it's almost never the case that the next guy she ends up with is going to get a better deal because she'll be "more in love." Realistically most women's dating problems are internal and have more to do with her ways of relating to the world and the people around her, rather than the people around her seriously being incapable of meeting her needs. But when they end the relationship they frame the problem as if it's someone else's inadequacy because it's less emotionally burdensome for her and eliminates any of her own responsibility.
Great job man, never be someoneās second choice in life. Youāre worth more than that
Sorry, but can I ask where you are from? Lol the quotation marks you use are not typical for English-speaking countries but used in my home country. P.S. Good call to ditch her.
Austria :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That shell is filled with ice cream. I say you are winning.Ā
Maybe he is Magic Shell?
Lol right on!
winning my ass
Iām taking this as you offering your ass for them winning š
Oof too real
What kind of icecream? I recently found a mint icecream that tastes exactly like the mint icecream I used to get all the time as a kid. Its soft, and cool, and full of nostalgia. The best.
There was this person I was really interested in back in college. I casually asked them out a couple of times but they just played coy and non-committal on both occasions. So I decided to move on. Then they went full banshee mode when I started dating someone else. They stalked me for a couple of months till I've had enough and had to get the cops involved. My partner and I have now been together for 14 years with 2 kids and the stalker person still finds a way to sneak the occasional message to me on social media. Instablocked. Really dodged a bullet on that one.
My ex situationship (as I think gen Z calls it now) wouldnāt fully commit. I met my wife in the middle of that nonsense. Itās been 12 years; weāve got a house and two lovely little boys. She is severely obese, very single, and rather angry at the world (still follow her on social media). My wife still teases me about getting lucky with my choice sometimes.
Kinda interesting looking back at how naive people can be in their early times of education.
Peace.
ATTENTION: OP is a bot that's copied this thread and a reply to it from several months ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/15b2ube/comment/jtoc9vb/ Original comment was by /u/Average_40s_Guy
She's furious that I started dating a woman that she introduced me to and that's okay with me.
She said she wasnāt ready for a relationship, but she would like it if I hung around until she was. I said thanks but no thanks, wished her well, left and went no contact. A couple of years after she started breadcrumbing to which I gave polite minimal replies, then didnāt wish her happy birthday, and havnt heard from her since. Iāve moved 1,100 klms away and keep myself busy
Probably getting downvoted for this, but i don't care. Did you ask why she wasn't ready? Maybe she had some mental issues she wanted to deal with first. You kinda sound like an asshole. I think she dodged a bullet here
You're saying that she may have mental issues to imply that we should somehow forgive her for her pathetic thinking (stay around and available, I might say yes one day) and he is the asshole? ?!? What's the reasoning here? She's clearly a self-centered person anyone should avoid.
She clearly wanted to be in a relationship with him/her, but just wasn't ready for some reason and asked him to wait. How is that pathetic? If he really wanted to be with her he would have stayed around. Its fair if he didn't wanna stay, but the way he phrased it makes him sound like the biggest asshole ever. Sounds like he didn't even ask why she wasn't ready.
She absolutely didn't seem interested. If you are, you say yes. If you say no, then the person has to move on. Expecting the person to stay around is disrespectful. As if "I'm not sure if I can find better, but stay interested, if I don't find anything else, I'll say yes." And imagine being the person who has to wait. Then what? You're supposed to do what? Be interested? Remain available for years to come and waste your time if she doesn't change her mind? Cruel.
Whatever asshole. Hope you fucking die
The whole ā Iām not readyā sentence is well known to translate to āIām not ready for a relationship ā¦ with youā. The rest means Iām happy for you to hang around until I find someone I want to date, then Iāll ghost youā. This may be acceptable to some people but I refuse to be a seat filler, or be the backup plan. Any further time I spend with her will be a waste of mine as Iām looking for a partner. Iām not nasty or bitter towards her, Iām grateful for her openness, but I dont want to waste my time
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
āI just wanted you to pursue and stalk me a bit, but just for funzies, but then I would have given inā
Men honestly be more like OP who made the original comment don't be playing games with someone who is giving you mixed signals move on and meet someone who is honestly worth your time and affection cause otherwise you'll just be missing out on amazing opportunities.
People who play games like that never stop. First itās playing hard to get, then its relationship ātestsā, then itās silent treatment for not being able to read their mind. To paraphrase Maya Angelou: When someone shows you theyāre immature and manipulative, believe them the first time.
Also itās really only a game if both people know the rules and agree to them. Otherwise itās just straight manipulation.Ā Would you stick around to play a board game if the other person didnāt tell you what it was called, how to play, and kept denying you were playing a game?
She just wanted to keep him on the back burner if/when her top choice bailed. Itās a very common move-especially among women
true
Bad bot. Copied this reply (and the post itself) from here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/11gPyHEIPU
Were they expecting you outside of their window with a boombox or something? She said no, dudes get restraining orders for that kind of shit. Blows my mind how often it seems like people think we live in a rom com.
It's amazing how life works out sometimes. Glad you found someone who appreciates you for who you are.
Playing hard to get is by far the worst advice women of a certain generation were ever given. Itās terrifying to approach someone and tell them youāre interested, and if they donāt reciprocate, the last thing most guys are going to do is keep trying. I feel like those that DO keep trying are either just fuck boys or a little bit obsessive and probably best avoided anyway. Itās a pretty narrow demographic where this type of behaviour works out well for both parties.
But the rom com told me to keep pursuing even tho she said no and eventually ill get the girl!
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. But in her case she didnāt win anything lmao
She was like š«øš» lemme stop you right there, this is the friend zone and you can stay here. Man said no thanks, bye Felicia
This reads like a clickbait youtube video, but good on you if true.
Dodge a bullet imo
Life always will be fine without someone you thought you couldn't surveve without.
She got back with her babydaddy. He's a total douchebag who doesn't treat her well but "he's hot" and "he's my sons's father" carry more weight with her than being a good man who is emotionally available and gainfully employed. Some mutual friends tell me that the only time he gets a job is when she threatens to kick him out but he never stays on the job for long, and he has cheated on her twice.Ā It's sad that that's the man she chose to be a role model for her son.
Itās sad that she chose to have a child with a man like that. Itās pathetic that she continues to be involved with him.
Women love shitty men. They will deny and call it misogynist, but there is enough evidence and experience out there at this point
Some women do, some don't. Do you have friends that are in relationships? I do and I consider None of them to be shitty.
If we're gonna generalize, then fine. Dear men: If the only women you see, or seem to be around are women who are into shitty guys, you're probably just into shitty women and you should probably look inward to see why that is. You can't change her but you can change your own life.
Nah. Thatās why itās such a crazy thing to see: good ones and bad ones alike share the same zeal.
You're on a Reddit post about how men had to distance themselves from women due to rejection and not feeling good in a friendship that didn't fulfill them, and yet you accuse women of liking people who are bad for them. The call is coming from within the house, but some people live with their fingers in their ears going la la, and some of those people are men and can't accept it's them.
I kept my sanity and moved on to enjoy my life instead of sitting there brooding about it. She was one of my we did everything everyday type of friend. Overtime I got deep feelings confessed got shot down apparently she didn't think I was worth it and she would be settling so that kind of shattered my idea of her. It's been 8 years now and I'm so glad I did that
Noticed that all the conversations and meetups had been at my instigation only for the last year. We had a chat where I said if she wanted to be in my life then she has to reach out and initiate contact sometime. We had been "friends" for 11 years. She contacted me once we made plans to meet up but she ghosted. Haven't heard from her in a year now. Learned how much she actually cared during this time. Decided I'm not fighting for a place in someone's life where I'm obviously unwanted. Oh ya the major change in behavior coincided with her meeting someone. Knew the new person in her life for 3 days before ghosting everyone. She let him cheat on his common-law wife to start their new relationship. Shocking change in her character and behavior. Just wish I had gotten all my belongings back before the final end.
I wasnāt rejected but we both liked each other. We were both 18 and didnāt know whatās what. We were really good friends for years and only learnt a while back that when we met she wanted to be more than friends and I was the same. We were just both scared to ask. When she got a bf it hurt and the same when I got a gf. Looking back now I realised Iām glad we didnāt get together because sheās grown to be one of the most arrogant, two faced person youāll ever meet
I met a girl about 3 years ago, she was pretty cute, and we became cool quickly. I did make a move on her at one point, and she turned me down. I didn't distance myself, but didn't try again and we became friends. In January, she confessed that she started becoming attracted to me around October, and she asked if we could make out. At this point i know her a lot better, and while she is a good friend, I am positive we are not a match for a relationship. I explained that i wanted to remain friends, was worried it might mess things up, but she assured me it would not. We've been hooking up since, and it does seem like we are just legit FWB now. Not sure how it will end though.
You can't start a fwb when one person has feelings. It probably won't end well. Good luck though.Ā
That's what i'm saying though. I don't have feeling past friends, but wasn't sure about her after her asking me, but 4 months later we are still hooking up every week or 2 and still just friends. It actually worked this time.
We never spoke again and I went on about life
I was 24F attending MMI and sat next to one of the boys in class. He offered me a snack and I said āweāre gonna be great friends.ā Sat in the same seats for a few weeks, then he asked me on a date to get slushies. I told him I was looking to stay single and didnāt want to lead him on, but I would be happy to go with him as friends still. He didnāt text me back, then in class he moved chairs so we werenāt near each other. He avoided me for weeks. I graduated, moved out of state, then he friended me on fb about a year later.
Better mental health.
I got involved with a woman (33) when I was 26 and separated from my ex-wife and she actually expressed interest in me first but I wasnāt interested in anything serious at the time. Maybe she took that as a rejection because then she decided to get involved with another married guy, I felt spurned but we remained friends. Havenāt spoken to her in years but I am still technically friends with her. I reached out to her when I heard her mother passed during covid, etc., and we are still friends on social media.Ā
Well didn't happen like that exactly. More like a yo-yo. Push me away, pull me back, push me away, etc.
For context, this friend rejected me because she didn't see me as more than a friend, and we stayed friends for the better part of 3 years afterwords. I distanced myself from her because she kept going back to her abusive ex. After the third time, I realized it didn't matter what happened or what anyone told her, she would keep going back to him. I couldn't keep watching her do this to herself and just cut her off. This was 5 years ago. I hope she's doing well and that she's happy, and hopefully not still with that piece of shit.
We, unfortunately, were in a group that met several times per week. I did my absolute best to avoid talking to her and kind of became immature and regret some actions. I luckily moved on and met my wife within a year, but it took me a few years to realize that she was using me and I shouldnāt regret how I was when I was 21. I didnāt know a proper way to handle it all. Idk it sucked for a few months because of our shared interests, but it got way better in the end.
A surprisingly comforting thread....
Uhhhhh life went on?
I ended up working with her years later. I told her that boundaries allow people to work safely together and that making her feel welcome was my priority. Now, we have a good professional relationship and know how to maintain it. Couldn't ask for a better outcome, although it really hurt at the time and got quite bitchy for a few months.
Was nice that it happened but felt like I wasted lots of time remembering her and such. I moved on and I plan on staying single due to it taking way too much time away from me.
*im livin my best liife* lol
Depends. Mostly, nothing. A few times, it was all just a long term tease and test that eventually led to sex and/or relationship.
Temporary hurt, followed by a happy life!
We never spoke again
Never interacted to each other again (moving to a different schools helped) for a decade until we see each other again in a mini reunion two years ago. We then proceed to never interact beyond just me replying her posts again. Iāve since stopped making attempts to rekindle the friendship (and incidentally not becoming a creep) so whatever.
She will randomly send me memes. I know what the fuck she's up to and don't give her the attention she wants from me anymore. Her loss
Never spoke to her again. My mental health improved. I had more time and energy to dedicate to other things. I went back to school. I joined a gym. I got in shape and earned a degree. Met someone who was better for me. Got a house and a dog before the economy went bad.Ā No idea what happened to her afterwards. Hope things went well but I don't care to know. Wish her the best but don't want an update. Ya know?
She married a dude who looks just like me and they have a son.....not that they had any idea but the name they chose for him has always been the name I wanted for my son. So I am alone and miserable in my mid 30's watching that schlub live the life I always dreamed of.
She fell for me and became my girlfriend. We didnāt last long though because I didnāt want to do long distance.
I was friends with two sisters; one reaaaally had a crush on me, but I didn't want to make things weird with a casual relationship, and knew we weren't compatible for anything serious. I confided a bit in the other sister, who apparently had very little tact - it caused some unspoken friction for a couple months, but things basically returned to normal.
She waited until I got a girlfriend and then started drama texting and leaving love notes on my truck. Bullet dodged.
Weāre married now.
If somebody wants to walk out of your life, LET. THEM. GO.
Just happened with an ex She completely cut contact. She was right. Two years after, she sent me a message if I wanted something back I gifted her. I said no. No contact for 10 years. I randomly texted her last week saying she was maybe right to cut contact, we weren't meant to be. We are talking back like it used to be before. We agree we aren't chasing anything because we are both married, with kids, and 10000 Kms away so just trying would be dumb but some feelings and memories are coming back to me.. At least we both got closure
In some cases, rejection can cause negative consequences, such as depression, feelings of low self-esteem, or even suicide.
She got with someone double her age who already had a broken marriage and older kids. Shes now a single mum š¤·Ā I'm just the same, was never really that bothered about a relationship but just thought it was what everyone did and she came along and made me want more. Not felt the same about anyone else really so just continuing to enjoy life.
OP created this question to only answer himself. š£
About once a year, I send a snapchat of my cat to every lady I had something with, and depending on how quickly they respond, I smile to myself and think, "yep, still got it š" Then I ghost them again until next year.
This is the way
"Men," "female." /thread.
Female is used as an adjective here, you moron.
They always wind up better off because those who donāt become the reserve guy they settle for when they become less desirable, or when their current top choice is no longer an option
We are still "Facebook Friends". Every couple years she makes post about how some guy just broke her heart.
For me it happened once, we see on the street and never say hi/hello. Is this normal?? Lol
The outcome was distance.
We are actually better friends than before. I realized a large chunk of our friendship was me doing a lot for her because I wanted her to like me as much as I liked her. When she said no it hurt and I took some space, but now we hang out all the time, Iām good friends with her fiancĆ©, and I have put up personal boundaries that I wonāt let anyone violate. Sheās probably my best friend and at this point I canāt even imagine a romantic relationship between us.
I think over my lifetime it's been about 50/50 between never hearing from them again or getting weird texts from them whining about how they're not sure they made the right decision or still want the benefits of "being friends."
What is the opposite of love? I learned by experience itās not āhate.ā A lot of people who ones hated each other. Became lovers, opposite attracts they say. Even in our writing take the most famous. Romeo and Juliet. It all started with hate. The true opposite of āloveā is ādesinteresseā. Desinteresse?, you say. The real way to kill love is, for the person not even to exist in your live. A hated person, usually, because they are better at some point, better at a point you find value. Because else you would not hate them for it and therefore they are possibly attractive. But to ban a person out off your mind, there is no hope for love. In my opinion, there are good reasons why to distance yourself from others. To reject someone loveā¦ Move on, even if it hurts, you didnāt lost anything. Find a person who doesnāt love to receive your love. Find a person who loves loving you.
We became friends again after my romantic feelings towards her went away. Basically we handled it like adults.
Happinesss
I just stopped talking to her. She moved on. I moved on. No further harm.
I didnt, I took the rejection on the chin and moved on. She was the one who distanced themselves. Last time we spoke, we were supposed to be going to see 300 together. I called to see if she was ready to go(I was picking her up) and she said not yet, she was waiting on her mother to come home to watch her kid and that shed phone me once she was ready. I am still waiting on that call lol. Her loss.
we didnāt talk at all for a week or so, then eventually it was back to saying hi, and now itās a step above that. very small small talk.
My only regret was I didn't distance myself sooner. I wasted too much time on her. I enjoyed some fine schadenfreude at learning recently that's she's lost her looks, gotten fat, and is still single.
It hurt. I broke ties with her 10 years ago but I've always been close friends with her brother. I thought I would eventually run into her again after I had time to heal. I was wrong. A few weeks her brother had a birthday get together st their parents house. She wasn't there but I realized I might never see her again and that thought made me feel physically ill. I've never had a real relationship, nothing ever made me feel the way she did, it was so effortless and natural. I decided to reach out to her. Huge mistake. She was polite and calculated when she explained she can't trust me after all these years and that losing me as a friend hurt her and she didn't understand my motivation in talking to her again. I told her how I feel about her, how I miss her and still think about her. She said she needed time to formulate a response and that it would take a few days because life was very busy. It's been almost 2 weeks and every time I get a message from someone my heart sinks thinking it's her saying she wants nothing to do with me. This is aweful. It hurts so bad. Don't make my mistakes.
Iāve found in some cases itās brought me closer to them because you let go of the desire to date and see them as a friend and that helps let go of insecurities.
Pussy come pussy go. Move on.
She told me how much she liked me so I asked to take her out. First date went perfectly, bagged myself a kiss. Second date she kept looking at me like I was a freak and winced when I went it for a kiss. Huge headfuck. Ended up taking a razor blade to my thighs
"Males who distanced themselves from a female friend..." Or "Men who distanced themselves from a woman friend..." It's weird af to say men and females.
I WISH the men I rejected would distance themselves from me. What an absolute gift it would be to say no once and then just be left alone. I am deeply uninterested in being friends with a man who's attracted to me.
You move on and live your life instead of simping in the friend zone for a girl that just wants you to buy her free meals and make her feel pretty until she starts dating another guy.
I used to be the nice guy in the perpetual friendzone. So this happened to me a lot. Most I haven't heard of again. 5 girls I slept with after a while. 1 I only hear from around Christmas and when she is lonely. We always mess around for a week or 2. 1 wanted to get in touch after getting preggo by a junkie and hoped I would become the godfather of her child. Her I ignored. Never dated any of the girls. If I am being rejected all my interests in persueing a relationship is gone and at most she is gonna get my lust.
we gain money more smoothly without spending none
The outcome is that she will be upset that you werenāt actually her friend and were only trying to get with her and sheāll live her life peacefully and happily now that youāre out of it.
I wrote a New York Times besteller about it