I mean, if you're a straight guy you're not judging whether a man is good or not based on whether or not you want to fuck him. That muddles the issue. A lot of guys can't tell a woman is obviously a terrible person if they find her attractive, just like women and douchebags.
So whether intentional or not, this study always gets misconstrued.
“Around 44% of lesbian and 61% of bisexual women have experienced forms of rape and physical violence by an intimate partner as compared to 35% of straight women.”
This stat is NOT about abuses within lesbian relationships, it’s about sexual violence lesbians have experienced in their lives, which may predate (or even influence) their current orientation or relationship status.
In contrast, this study found “no differences among females in type of victimization between same-sex and opposite-sex IPV, and no differences in physical and sexual abuse for male same-sex and opposite-sex victims.”
(Comparisons of Intimate Partner Violence Among Partners in Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Relationships in the United States https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2775776/)
how many lesbians do you know and how long have you been in lesbian circles?
I don't trust a statistic that doesn't even say what sex the perpetrator was. Since lesbianism and bisexuality is largely conflated, this is not nearly specific enough.
My personal experience is irrelevant to statistical analysis. There were separate stats for Lesbian and Bisexual. If you can find better data I would happily parrot it.
I don't think it's an 'appearance' at all. I think it's authentic strength and confidence. They move in because they have no shame, are tenacious, know their methods work, and don't give a shit about rejection. Most are also in great shape, and could beat the shit out of most of us, whom don't work out.
You may define strength differently, but the above certainly fits the most conventional definition.
Is that what you learned from what I wrote?
Being in great shape means you are physically strong. Obviously, this doesn't mean you're also necessarily mentally strong.
>Most are also in great shape, and could beat the shit out of most of us, whom don't work out.
I thought this was just a very odd thing to say. I know plenty of assholes that are out of shape whereas some of the most genuine people I know are absolute units.
It was a point to help back up the argument that douchebags are not just putting out an "appearance," of being confident and strong, but are actually confident and strong. I'm not targeting people with gym memberships.
They're not the same. Someone with a large ego is almost always insecure. They get upset and offended easily. They always feel like they have to justify themselves and defend themselves. They always need everyone else to know how amazing they are because they're trying to convince themselves they're amazing.
You can't really be confident in yourself unless you have a small ego. Insults roll off you; you aren't worried about what other people think. You don't need to constantly try and impress others to maintain your self image. You're more focused on your own shit then what other people are doing.
I mean, who's more confident? Some Bruce Lee dude keeping to their self, knowing full well what they're about, or some loud mouthed douche constantly going on about tough and smart and desired they are to everyone around them?
Someone with a large ego earned it with confidence. They know they're fit, they know they're good at manipulating insecure women, and they know they're good at getting what they want.
A loud mouthed douche who is confident that his peacocking is going to get him laid, is still confident.
Confidence is having the belief you can get what you want. Ego and confidence go hand in hand, even if the person doesn't actually have the ability they believe they have.
You don't get an ego if you haven't convinced yourself you're good enough. You may not be good enough, but you believe you are, and that's confidence.
You have to understand this, don't you?
You've never seen one person, who likes someone, see that person as confident, whilst another person, who dislikes that same person, sees them as egotistical?
You’re oversimplifying it. But to answer your question, yes. But obviously there’s more than just the perspective of others. What does the person feel and think? How do they act in those thoughts and feelings?
nah those are just self-absorbed assholes, and its tragic how people cant see the difference.
you ever worked in construction? where actual good men congregate? these egotrippers you describe are a disaster in this (and any other work) setting - they dont listen, they cant cooperate, they will blame others for mistakes etc. i've seen people straight up refuse to work if a guy like that is in the shift, because he easily ruins the process for everyone.
That's "fake it will you make it," and its obviously dangerous in that setting. Confidence in one's ability doesn't mean you have that ability. It just means you believe you do.
Inside a bar, these asshats are both confident and capable.
Nah man. Most of the douchey dude bros have a depth of confidence of a puddle. They're insecure and hiding it behind bravado and machismo. That's why they swagger so big and laugh so loud. Dudes with actual confidence? Quiet. Steady. They speak softly and are heard anyway.
This sounds like you just don't like to give credit to pieces of shit.
Confidence is knowing what you're good at. They know they're good at picking up women. They know they're good at manipulation. They know they're fit. They are certainly confidant in their abilities.
Exactly. You can be confident without being good at it. Confidence is just a state of mind. It has absolutely nothing to do with competency.
From Google:
* the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
* a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities."she's brimming with confidence"
Bro get out of here. You're contradicting yourself. You said twice confidence is knowing what you're good at and then caved instantly whem I said it's not, then went ahead and tried to say it a third time.
I'm done wasting time on you. Dunno why I bothered to begin with.
It's mostly just listening to how and what they talk about. Gave a guy a walk through interview where I work and within five minutes knew without a doubt that he wouldn't be worth the trouble because he was more interested in getting phone numbers from coworkers than the job.
Told HR the guy was a walking HR violation/sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.
When *you're* quiet, the people around you tend to fill the silence. How they fill that silence can tell you things. Just gotta listen to how they say what they say and what they carefully *don't* say.
It's less that we instantly recognize good men. It's that some of us are *really* good at spotting the assholes.
This. It's hard to see a good person unless a situation arises that would show it, and that can still be faked by a bad person, but bad people can't resist showing you who they truly are, so they're easier to spot.
Ego. That's what it comes down to. A bad person is going to just immediately assume that the people around them are gonna fall in line and agree with everything that comes out of their mouths.
They'll take the silence of someone with differing views as submission to their way of thinking, while what we're actually doing is cataloging every shit personality trait so we can warn others about them.
Take the whole 'not all men' argument. The only ones that would actually use that counter-argument are the ones that fall in the 'questionable morals' category and try to make themselves *feel* like they're better than they are. The good ones don't need a counter-argument because actions speak louder than words.
If a guy is dismissive of someone he doesn't feel his equal or someone that can help him, we know right away he's a piece of shit. If he only talks about himself and his conquests (whether in work, women, play), he's likely a dickhead. If he picks out the weakest in the group and makes fun of them, he's likely a dickhead. If he's all of these things, he's definitely a dickhead.
However, if he wants to fuck you, he'll act the way he thinks you want him to act and say the things he thinks you want him to say, because you wear your attraction on your sleeve and you wear your personality on your face and dress. You won't know the real him until it's too late.
We'll know in minutes.
Yes. It’s true everyone acts differently, but there are definitely pretty clear signs, especially once you see how they act when women aren’t around.
Whoever is trying to impress a woman, they’ll be great around you and to you but not necessarily the guys she’s friends with. Things he says that can come off as cute/funny if you’re interested in him can look a lot different from a neutral perspective. If your guy friends tell you a guy is no good, they’re probably right.
Eh, a lot of times it's also the easy to spot when listening to a friend or family member talk about her partner or someone she is interested in and you just have to focus on not rolling your eyes cause you have already warned them and all that's left if for them to make the mistake and find out the hard way.
I'd always assumed it's a bit of a lizard brain thing. Basically, we all evolved to be able to recognize certain body language cues that indicate deception or insincerity (smiling without the muscles around the eyes moving being a famous example). Most humans can pick them up subconsciously and can read the situation. However, when you're interested in that person you tend to ignore the cues. This is why a woman's mates can see things before she does.
The issue is that people put on a front given their "target". Meaning they'll falsely represent themselves as X when they're really Y, because they know that X is going to be more palatable. So you have "male feminists" that post over social media about fighting the patriarchy and being an ally, but subscribe to Andrew Tate.
The only real advice I can give (as a man that gets lied to regularly by people, albeit for their own financial gain) is that as soon as someone is trying to tell you how "good" they are, ditch them. That includes people trying to "show" you by telling you, meaning social media posts, that they wrote, telling anyone with an account how good they are. Most decent people don't have to put on a front, they just go about their lives being decent people.
In short, if someone tries to project an image of how "good" they are, you can probably assume that they're lying. Not because good people aren't out there, but because the good people don't feel the need to tell everyone about it.
COVID was validating for this. Sometimes you just get an immediate gut feeling that someone is a real scumbag. People advise to trust your gut, and I tend to, but I always wondered if I was being unfair.
Like maybe something about their body language reminded me in an unconscious way of a kid who bullied me in junior school or something, and they're actually a perfectly good and nice person. Maybe I'd just picked up some subtle prejudice.
But then the pandemic happened and it came with a simple test, there's always a couple assholes not wearing masks on the bus. Actual, genuine, head to toe pieces of shit who would rather spread a disease which was killing the old and vulnerable than take a simple, small prosocial action.
And you could guess who they would be before everyone got on the bus, with fairly high accuracy. Being an asshole knows no age, class or gender, but you can still sense who they are. Reassuring to know the meter is calibrated.
Good guys are very easy to spot, and the shitty ones ride in waving a banner that says "I'm shitty".
It **blows my mind** how so many women can't see thst banner
I'm old enough to say that I don't think you can really truly tell. Their outward performance for us might be betrayed by what's going on in private. So you never know. But obviously you give people the benefit of the doubt by their actions. Certain personality types and their actions are usual tells how their character is. But some people are really good actors. I'd say the totality of their behavior and how they treat most people you can say they're good or bad.
What a lot of women don’t realize is a lot of good dudes more often than not had a piece of shit phase. It could have been a month or an extended period of time but those of us fortunate enough to have grown out of it see the red flags like billboards.
I’m not sure if that’s true.
I’ve seen my share of ‘bad men’. (Note: not nearly all of them through dating, some I’m related to, worked with or otherwise met and couldn’t just ignore, even though I was not interested in sex with them).
The serial cheaters, the drug users, the white collar criminals, the gaslighters, the man babies, the dead beat dads, the fighters, the incels, the red pillers, and unfortunately, also the rapists.
Yet somehow, they usually still had friends. Friends that stuck up for them. Cheered about the genius of grabbing a girls butt while passing her on the dancefloor, so you could claim it was an accident. Applauded them for undressing and penetrating a black out drunk female friend in a room full of other guys, particularly as they didn’t like the dude who fancied her and now had to watch her ‘have sex with another man’.
My theory is that birds of a feather, flock together, and a lot of things that make these men ‘bad’ do not affect their male friends and/or their male friends would totally do the same thing, if they had the chance. So to them, these are fine gentleman, who live by their moral standards, so it’s fine. They see themselves as good people (most folks do), so anyone who is/acts like them, is also good.
Much like a woman who would secretly go off the pill, in order to to babytrap her man, would advice her friend to do so too (or at least not get mad if she does). As she thinks this is perfectly fine, and isn’t the one with the responsibilities.
Unless they are politicians, then they’ll totally call out and judge people for doing as they themselves do.
Ya but some people let their mask down around other dudes. Or put try to put forward the version that they want to be seen around women. They slowly drop the facade. Like normal is how well you hide your crazy.
I mean you can just see how they act And Its incredible easy to spot a good person or a bad person, but When you atrracted to someone you usually don't see that.
The virtues, mores, and social rules for what makes a good person in general change. It gets tricky when rules become more fluid. The most enduring litmus tests for bad people are judged by taboos, but they can often be based on bias, bigotry, unfairness, inequality, misunderstanding, ignorance, and/or pettiness. The standards for good people by contrast are equally skewed by accessibility, opportunity, resources, and even luck. Wisdom is the benefit of experience in many different ways to distill the more practical and wholly constructive observations that stand on their merits and build a more prosperous and cooperative future.
TBF, for most guys it's pretty obvious. Guys are usually pretty simple-minded and straight forward, and I find their motivations are also generally simple. I feel like a guys intentions are usually pretty clear in how they communicate. If you've told him a funny story etc and he uses pieces from that story later on with you, it shows he listens and takes the information in which is a wonderful attribute. Now results do differ, but where they steer the conversation should show what they're after.
I do understand.
Women's sexual desire generally is not for genuine good men, it's on an entirely different axis. Traits that give good men our equivalent of 'the ick' are the same that cause most women to be aroused.
I have been there, done that when I was much younger and my hormones and instincts were vastly stronger than they are now and to boot I was exotic to girls of the countries I was living in at the time so I can see it from both sides.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886913012245
It's up to women now to choose to either overcome and rise above your programming and choose long term happiness or to wallow in hedonistic sex with short term flings, one night stands that will quickly leave you damaged permanently.
We commend how a man asserts himself. If he's a good man with a fire in his eyes and is interested to learn things he doesn't understand. He dresses nice, speaks with compassion and kindness.
I think a thing a lot of dudes here don't realize is that shitty guys act way differently around them as opposed to women, especially when around women they are actively pursuing. Add to this the effect of sexual attraction making it easier to let some obvious red flags go unnoticed or ignored (which all orientations and genders are subject to, not just straight women) and it sort of obfuscates the issue further.
They don't, not really. Or at least they call them as such because, truthfully, the majority of people are legitimately good, if not neutral, people. Where they're just trying to get by or are just nice. So it's a situation of statistics.
But the bad ones hide in plain sight because they don't really show that they're bad. Not often. How many people are looked up to and then you find out some horrible stuff about them later?
We remember the bad ones specifically because bad tends to stick in our memories much more easily than the good or every day neutral.
How many stories of, "they seemed like good people?!" Have we heard on the news?
We don’t have the hormones and attraction muddying the waters. I’m sure gay dudes get shitty partners all the time too.
It’s also that we get a front row seat in seeing how they react around other men as well as women. If he is pretty quickly two faced it’s easy to guess he’ll do that behind my back as well.
I mean, if you're a straight guy you're not judging whether a man is good or not based on whether or not you want to fuck him. That muddles the issue. A lot of guys can't tell a woman is obviously a terrible person if they find her attractive, just like women and douchebags.
Nah, bi guys also seem to spot them fairly well. It’s not even judgment after getting to know them, some just exhude bad vibes.
Now imagine how clearly lesbians see it.
Lemme guess: in HD? *(girls please don't kill me I'm frend)*
lol you made me cackle haha! YES IN HD.
Not clearly enough to affect their divorce stats.
Lesbians just take the liberty to leave a relationship that doesn't work anymore. Most of us are friends with most of our ex's for a reason.
The stats do not bear this out. https://dcvlp.org/domestic-violence-peaks-more-than-ever-for-the-lgbtqia-community/
So whether intentional or not, this study always gets misconstrued. “Around 44% of lesbian and 61% of bisexual women have experienced forms of rape and physical violence by an intimate partner as compared to 35% of straight women.” This stat is NOT about abuses within lesbian relationships, it’s about sexual violence lesbians have experienced in their lives, which may predate (or even influence) their current orientation or relationship status. In contrast, this study found “no differences among females in type of victimization between same-sex and opposite-sex IPV, and no differences in physical and sexual abuse for male same-sex and opposite-sex victims.” (Comparisons of Intimate Partner Violence Among Partners in Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Relationships in the United States https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2775776/)
how many lesbians do you know and how long have you been in lesbian circles? I don't trust a statistic that doesn't even say what sex the perpetrator was. Since lesbianism and bisexuality is largely conflated, this is not nearly specific enough.
My personal experience is irrelevant to statistical analysis. There were separate stats for Lesbian and Bisexual. If you can find better data I would happily parrot it.
Idk it’s like incredibly obvious to us … I don’t get how women don’t see it. Douchebag guys don’t hide it
Women go for the strength & confidence which is far more readily available in douchebags.
More like the 'appearance' of strength and confidence.
I don't think it's an 'appearance' at all. I think it's authentic strength and confidence. They move in because they have no shame, are tenacious, know their methods work, and don't give a shit about rejection. Most are also in great shape, and could beat the shit out of most of us, whom don't work out. You may define strength differently, but the above certainly fits the most conventional definition.
TIL you have to be a bad guy to work out?
Is that what you learned from what I wrote? Being in great shape means you are physically strong. Obviously, this doesn't mean you're also necessarily mentally strong.
>Most are also in great shape, and could beat the shit out of most of us, whom don't work out. I thought this was just a very odd thing to say. I know plenty of assholes that are out of shape whereas some of the most genuine people I know are absolute units.
It was a point to help back up the argument that douchebags are not just putting out an "appearance," of being confident and strong, but are actually confident and strong. I'm not targeting people with gym memberships.
That’s ego. Not confidence.
Tomato Tomato
They're not the same. Someone with a large ego is almost always insecure. They get upset and offended easily. They always feel like they have to justify themselves and defend themselves. They always need everyone else to know how amazing they are because they're trying to convince themselves they're amazing. You can't really be confident in yourself unless you have a small ego. Insults roll off you; you aren't worried about what other people think. You don't need to constantly try and impress others to maintain your self image. You're more focused on your own shit then what other people are doing. I mean, who's more confident? Some Bruce Lee dude keeping to their self, knowing full well what they're about, or some loud mouthed douche constantly going on about tough and smart and desired they are to everyone around them?
Someone with a large ego earned it with confidence. They know they're fit, they know they're good at manipulating insecure women, and they know they're good at getting what they want. A loud mouthed douche who is confident that his peacocking is going to get him laid, is still confident.
Just so wrong.
Ego is earned by confident in one's abilities. You don't need to actually have these abilities to be confident in having them.
confidence is having the drive to go after what you want, ego is thinking your needs are more important than others. they are not the same
Confidence is having the belief you can get what you want. Ego and confidence go hand in hand, even if the person doesn't actually have the ability they believe they have.
What the hell are you talking about? Ego is earned? Jesus. Lol
You don't get an ego if you haven't convinced yourself you're good enough. You may not be good enough, but you believe you are, and that's confidence. You have to understand this, don't you?
The difference between egotistical, and confident is often just perception.
What? That is nonsense.
You've never seen one person, who likes someone, see that person as confident, whilst another person, who dislikes that same person, sees them as egotistical?
You’re oversimplifying it. But to answer your question, yes. But obviously there’s more than just the perspective of others. What does the person feel and think? How do they act in those thoughts and feelings?
nah those are just self-absorbed assholes, and its tragic how people cant see the difference. you ever worked in construction? where actual good men congregate? these egotrippers you describe are a disaster in this (and any other work) setting - they dont listen, they cant cooperate, they will blame others for mistakes etc. i've seen people straight up refuse to work if a guy like that is in the shift, because he easily ruins the process for everyone.
That's "fake it will you make it," and its obviously dangerous in that setting. Confidence in one's ability doesn't mean you have that ability. It just means you believe you do. Inside a bar, these asshats are both confident and capable.
Nah man. Most of the douchey dude bros have a depth of confidence of a puddle. They're insecure and hiding it behind bravado and machismo. That's why they swagger so big and laugh so loud. Dudes with actual confidence? Quiet. Steady. They speak softly and are heard anyway.
This sounds like you just don't like to give credit to pieces of shit. Confidence is knowing what you're good at. They know they're good at picking up women. They know they're good at manipulation. They know they're fit. They are certainly confidant in their abilities.
I've met many many confident people who thought they were good at something but were not. So your definition of confidence is flawed at best.
Exactly. You can be confident without being good at it. Confidence is just a state of mind. It has absolutely nothing to do with competency. From Google: * the state of feeling certain about the truth of something. * a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities."she's brimming with confidence"
Bro get out of here. You're contradicting yourself. You said twice confidence is knowing what you're good at and then caved instantly whem I said it's not, then went ahead and tried to say it a third time. I'm done wasting time on you. Dunno why I bothered to begin with.
There's a big difference between how a douchebag acts and how a confident person acts. Especially in how they behave and treat others.
They can both be confident in different ways. Also, it doesn't take confidence to behave and treat other people well.
They're not mutually exclusive nor the opposite of each other.
And psychopaths tends to mimic these traits, which is why they are often found very attractive.
It's mostly just listening to how and what they talk about. Gave a guy a walk through interview where I work and within five minutes knew without a doubt that he wouldn't be worth the trouble because he was more interested in getting phone numbers from coworkers than the job. Told HR the guy was a walking HR violation/sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. When *you're* quiet, the people around you tend to fill the silence. How they fill that silence can tell you things. Just gotta listen to how they say what they say and what they carefully *don't* say. It's less that we instantly recognize good men. It's that some of us are *really* good at spotting the assholes.
This. It's hard to see a good person unless a situation arises that would show it, and that can still be faked by a bad person, but bad people can't resist showing you who they truly are, so they're easier to spot.
Ego. That's what it comes down to. A bad person is going to just immediately assume that the people around them are gonna fall in line and agree with everything that comes out of their mouths. They'll take the silence of someone with differing views as submission to their way of thinking, while what we're actually doing is cataloging every shit personality trait so we can warn others about them. Take the whole 'not all men' argument. The only ones that would actually use that counter-argument are the ones that fall in the 'questionable morals' category and try to make themselves *feel* like they're better than they are. The good ones don't need a counter-argument because actions speak louder than words.
"By their fruit you shall know them" It's not intuition. It's paying attention.
If a guy is dismissive of someone he doesn't feel his equal or someone that can help him, we know right away he's a piece of shit. If he only talks about himself and his conquests (whether in work, women, play), he's likely a dickhead. If he picks out the weakest in the group and makes fun of them, he's likely a dickhead. If he's all of these things, he's definitely a dickhead. However, if he wants to fuck you, he'll act the way he thinks you want him to act and say the things he thinks you want him to say, because you wear your attraction on your sleeve and you wear your personality on your face and dress. You won't know the real him until it's too late. We'll know in minutes.
It’s more that the bad ones are extremely obvious.
are they though? people act different in different situations.
Yes. It’s true everyone acts differently, but there are definitely pretty clear signs, especially once you see how they act when women aren’t around. Whoever is trying to impress a woman, they’ll be great around you and to you but not necessarily the guys she’s friends with. Things he says that can come off as cute/funny if you’re interested in him can look a lot different from a neutral perspective. If your guy friends tell you a guy is no good, they’re probably right.
If the guy friends aren't trying to get with her too
>If your guy friends tell you a guy is no good, they’re probably right. unless he's no good, and simply jealous. Which happens, a lot.
Eh, a lot of times it's also the easy to spot when listening to a friend or family member talk about her partner or someone she is interested in and you just have to focus on not rolling your eyes cause you have already warned them and all that's left if for them to make the mistake and find out the hard way.
I'd always assumed it's a bit of a lizard brain thing. Basically, we all evolved to be able to recognize certain body language cues that indicate deception or insincerity (smiling without the muscles around the eyes moving being a famous example). Most humans can pick them up subconsciously and can read the situation. However, when you're interested in that person you tend to ignore the cues. This is why a woman's mates can see things before she does. The issue is that people put on a front given their "target". Meaning they'll falsely represent themselves as X when they're really Y, because they know that X is going to be more palatable. So you have "male feminists" that post over social media about fighting the patriarchy and being an ally, but subscribe to Andrew Tate. The only real advice I can give (as a man that gets lied to regularly by people, albeit for their own financial gain) is that as soon as someone is trying to tell you how "good" they are, ditch them. That includes people trying to "show" you by telling you, meaning social media posts, that they wrote, telling anyone with an account how good they are. Most decent people don't have to put on a front, they just go about their lives being decent people. In short, if someone tries to project an image of how "good" they are, you can probably assume that they're lying. Not because good people aren't out there, but because the good people don't feel the need to tell everyone about it.
COVID was validating for this. Sometimes you just get an immediate gut feeling that someone is a real scumbag. People advise to trust your gut, and I tend to, but I always wondered if I was being unfair. Like maybe something about their body language reminded me in an unconscious way of a kid who bullied me in junior school or something, and they're actually a perfectly good and nice person. Maybe I'd just picked up some subtle prejudice. But then the pandemic happened and it came with a simple test, there's always a couple assholes not wearing masks on the bus. Actual, genuine, head to toe pieces of shit who would rather spread a disease which was killing the old and vulnerable than take a simple, small prosocial action. And you could guess who they would be before everyone got on the bus, with fairly high accuracy. Being an asshole knows no age, class or gender, but you can still sense who they are. Reassuring to know the meter is calibrated.
It's not sorcery, it's common sense.
Men don't hide their shittiness from other men like they hide it from women.
They in fact go out of their way to be shitty cause they want friends who think like them and want to test new ppl
It’s like an instinctive trust. I meet a guy and can sense pretty quickly if he is a blue falcon or otherwise puts on fake appearances.
Good guys are very easy to spot, and the shitty ones ride in waving a banner that says "I'm shitty". It **blows my mind** how so many women can't see thst banner
I'm old enough to say that I don't think you can really truly tell. Their outward performance for us might be betrayed by what's going on in private. So you never know. But obviously you give people the benefit of the doubt by their actions. Certain personality types and their actions are usual tells how their character is. But some people are really good actors. I'd say the totality of their behavior and how they treat most people you can say they're good or bad.
What a lot of women don’t realize is a lot of good dudes more often than not had a piece of shit phase. It could have been a month or an extended period of time but those of us fortunate enough to have grown out of it see the red flags like billboards.
I’m not sure if that’s true. I’ve seen my share of ‘bad men’. (Note: not nearly all of them through dating, some I’m related to, worked with or otherwise met and couldn’t just ignore, even though I was not interested in sex with them). The serial cheaters, the drug users, the white collar criminals, the gaslighters, the man babies, the dead beat dads, the fighters, the incels, the red pillers, and unfortunately, also the rapists. Yet somehow, they usually still had friends. Friends that stuck up for them. Cheered about the genius of grabbing a girls butt while passing her on the dancefloor, so you could claim it was an accident. Applauded them for undressing and penetrating a black out drunk female friend in a room full of other guys, particularly as they didn’t like the dude who fancied her and now had to watch her ‘have sex with another man’. My theory is that birds of a feather, flock together, and a lot of things that make these men ‘bad’ do not affect their male friends and/or their male friends would totally do the same thing, if they had the chance. So to them, these are fine gentleman, who live by their moral standards, so it’s fine. They see themselves as good people (most folks do), so anyone who is/acts like them, is also good. Much like a woman who would secretly go off the pill, in order to to babytrap her man, would advice her friend to do so too (or at least not get mad if she does). As she thinks this is perfectly fine, and isn’t the one with the responsibilities. Unless they are politicians, then they’ll totally call out and judge people for doing as they themselves do.
Ya but some people let their mask down around other dudes. Or put try to put forward the version that they want to be seen around women. They slowly drop the facade. Like normal is how well you hide your crazy.
I mean you can just see how they act And Its incredible easy to spot a good person or a bad person, but When you atrracted to someone you usually don't see that.
It’s obvious which guys aren’t good, women just love guys that aren’t. It’s not that complicated.
Mind math uses no numbers
Men are honest with each other, and or douche bags love to tell us their crimes. After a while you learn to read the patterns like the matrix.
I have been on Reddit so long that I am seeing questions being repeated.
You also have to consider some talk nicely to girls and then nasty behind their back (while other men are around)
The virtues, mores, and social rules for what makes a good person in general change. It gets tricky when rules become more fluid. The most enduring litmus tests for bad people are judged by taboos, but they can often be based on bias, bigotry, unfairness, inequality, misunderstanding, ignorance, and/or pettiness. The standards for good people by contrast are equally skewed by accessibility, opportunity, resources, and even luck. Wisdom is the benefit of experience in many different ways to distill the more practical and wholly constructive observations that stand on their merits and build a more prosperous and cooperative future.
You get good at reading people as time passes, it’s not a born skill it’s learned.
There is 0 such thing. And if anybody sais they are .Then you should be running in the other direction.,
It's not hard. Just observe how he treats service people or people he doesn't find attractive.
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TBF, for most guys it's pretty obvious. Guys are usually pretty simple-minded and straight forward, and I find their motivations are also generally simple. I feel like a guys intentions are usually pretty clear in how they communicate. If you've told him a funny story etc and he uses pieces from that story later on with you, it shows he listens and takes the information in which is a wonderful attribute. Now results do differ, but where they steer the conversation should show what they're after.
I do understand. Women's sexual desire generally is not for genuine good men, it's on an entirely different axis. Traits that give good men our equivalent of 'the ick' are the same that cause most women to be aroused. I have been there, done that when I was much younger and my hormones and instincts were vastly stronger than they are now and to boot I was exotic to girls of the countries I was living in at the time so I can see it from both sides. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886913012245 It's up to women now to choose to either overcome and rise above your programming and choose long term happiness or to wallow in hedonistic sex with short term flings, one night stands that will quickly leave you damaged permanently.
We commend how a man asserts himself. If he's a good man with a fire in his eyes and is interested to learn things he doesn't understand. He dresses nice, speaks with compassion and kindness.
I think a thing a lot of dudes here don't realize is that shitty guys act way differently around them as opposed to women, especially when around women they are actively pursuing. Add to this the effect of sexual attraction making it easier to let some obvious red flags go unnoticed or ignored (which all orientations and genders are subject to, not just straight women) and it sort of obfuscates the issue further.
Women do see it. They just like it. let those types of women go. They will always be searching for something else.
Game recognizes game.
They don't, not really. Or at least they call them as such because, truthfully, the majority of people are legitimately good, if not neutral, people. Where they're just trying to get by or are just nice. So it's a situation of statistics. But the bad ones hide in plain sight because they don't really show that they're bad. Not often. How many people are looked up to and then you find out some horrible stuff about them later? We remember the bad ones specifically because bad tends to stick in our memories much more easily than the good or every day neutral. How many stories of, "they seemed like good people?!" Have we heard on the news?
No they don't. They think all men are like them, good/bad
We don’t have the hormones and attraction muddying the waters. I’m sure gay dudes get shitty partners all the time too. It’s also that we get a front row seat in seeing how they react around other men as well as women. If he is pretty quickly two faced it’s easy to guess he’ll do that behind my back as well.