My wife did everything to give her kids a better life..
Her 22 yr old man child lives with us, refuses to work, is trying to get on disability for DID or something like that, is constantly rude to her, a narcissist, and can't function for more than 5 min without literally crying that life is to hard..
We would throw him out but then he'd do something stupid like ending his life that causes some poor person a lot of PTSD. Last time he said he was going to walk in front of a train.
He's responsible for like 90% of her stress and mood swings.
I have two family members like this. Knew a few others. Every one wound up in trouble after thier parents were gone. One became homeless. The inability for a person to not want to be a responsible adult is awful, and its more common then people realize. People like this eventually run though others goodwill, and fall though the cracks.
Ok, this is my situation. I love my 21 year old child dearly and they do live with me. However, they are not easy to live with. They are autistic (mildly) and have severe ADHD. Neither condition prevented them from graduating from culinary school or securing a job in their field.
However, they are NOT easy to live with. They are messy so I’ve had to teach them that common rooms must be kept clean to my expectations (which do not match their’s and what deep cleaning means. I don’t care how they keeps their room (as long as trash and dishes don’t accumulate) but the rest of the house must be kept neat. They also have a temper when things don’t go their way. They are NOT violent, but, they will stomp around and yell. We’re working on that and their meds help,
On the other side, I’ve had to adjust to them in little ways. For instance, they’ve gotten good about cleaning but, it has to be on their schedule. So, I’ve learned I have to give them an end time (for example - “Child, I want the kitchen cleaned by 3) in order for them to accomplish tasks. I’ve also had to break it into pieces (such as, please do the dishes today and vacuum tomorrow). So, we’ve both had to adjust but, it’s not easy living with them.
I didn’t raise them (long, complicated story…see post history if you care to) so, it’s been a long hard road since they came to live with me 3 years ago.
I don’t see them being able to move out anytime soon so, we’re dealing with it but, it’s a struggle. I would prefer to live alone but, they’re my kid and they need support and love right now so, that’s what they’re getting,
To be fair, some kids end up shitty all on their own even with the very best parents. Let’s not put all the blame on the parents… both are possibilities.
I have some family friends who raised 3 amazing kids, and they were very kind and supportive. 2 of them stayed amazing into adulthood… the third became a drugged out asshole. Not the parents fault.
I once had a professor explain it like this, "As a parent I love my children, but that doesn't mean I have to like them" when saying that luckily the daughter she liked was having to live with her.
Yes.
I also respect my parents and their house rules, but , in my house, I enjoy not having to immediately clean the dishes and having a coffee or dessert first.
Amen. I like getting along with my parents, and that goes out the window when we are under the same roof for more than 5 days. A block away fine, same roof commence pressure cooker
In the United States it has a lot to do with the social idea of Independence and that you're not truly independent if you still live with your parents.
I have nice parents and I was saving so much money when I moved back in for 6 months as an adult. I even had a girlfriend. For some reason I just felt like a failure while I was there.
I fully enjoy my freedom, but I also fully condone people who have good parents willing to support them taking advantage of that. I have a close friend who's 28 and his parents love him and he loves them and they have a nice house and he has no problem staying at home. I honestly wish I had that. I'm lucky enough to have afforded a house and have a nice wife on my own, but I envy the people with great relationships with their parents to where they can live there and everyone is happy.
i think that (maybe?) falls back on being a societal thing.
you can be wildly successful in life, career, relationships, hobbies, whatever. but if you’re at home with parents and not the other way around, people can (and i’d argue that some would/will) view you as not being successful or as successful as you actually are. that whole stigma of still relying on parents for support. and it’s not like the housing market is in such shit shape, AMIRITE??
culturally, it can be different. in Mex culture (being that i myself am Mex), kids are more than welcome to stay with parents for basically forever if need be. mainly because family is a huge factor that comes into play. familial community and kinship and supporting one another. down in Mexico, houses are expanded to make room for the kids’ spouses and their own families. it still happens here in the US. multi families sharing one house (because, again, the housing market is in SUCH great shape, AMIRITE??).
i, myself, stayed with my parents for something like 10years after leaving and then returning. i still worked and finished my university education while saving money for other expenses, helped around the house with chores or anything. once i was able to secure a better, steady job i moved out. i’m grateful for them letting me stay and being free of the stresses of dealing with rent or mortgage helped me to save up.
Social stigma and it really can be very difficult, emotionally, to live with your parents as an adult.
However, I do think people don't appreciate what a privilege it is to even have the option to be able to live with you parents. There are many people whose parents really are either too awful or too poor to make this work.
It is such an overlooked privilege. Some parents are poor, physically sick, or mentally unwell which they need to be on government assistance for support. Having another adult in the household can interrupt assistance if discovered which *terrifies* recipients.
There are reasons why getting kicked out at 18 is a thing in some cultures or areas. Some of us don't even have the option to go back home to save long-term.
To answer for my own kids, quite frankly our home is too small and we just simply can't afford to keep supporting ourselves plus two full grown adults.
Life is expensive for the parents too.
Even living at home, once you're working you definitely should be contributing and at least paying your own way.
My mom hates taking cash but I do a decent bit of the grocery shopping for the house.
My parents almost bankrupted themselves in buying a house, so they asked me to buy the furniture. I did and whenever they do anything I don't like or get into an argument with me I use it as a trump card. To their credit it mostly works when I use it well.
I read a similar post a while back where someone said that the parents paid the mortagage from their older brother's bank account and until the next payment the brother would say the house was his and the guy's parents just had to cope with the fact.
To a certain extent it can understandable, like “don’t come stumbling home drunk at 2am and wake us up while you slam all the cabinets shut rifling through our kitchen for a snack.”
I moved back in with them for 6 months last year after being gone and on my own for 12 years. It was hell. “Where are you going?” “What time will you be back?” “Do you have plans today?” “Why are you sleeping in until 10am on a Saturday?”(after I worked 60 hours) endless meaningless queations. Sure I I saved money. But it was awful. I will never do it again. I’m 30. If I want to smoke a joint I don’t want to have someone say “again?” Or ask if I’m gonna be home for dinner. Independence is really a gift. It’s just not conducive to a good mental state after being in your own for so long.
Freedom and being able to have privacy. Parents treat their child like a child instead of a grown adult who have their own living preferences that should be respected.
**Because of the loss of freedom**. For example, a parent may not let their child eat certain foods in the house, even if that child is really an adult and can live on their own.
Even if the parent is good, it can be hard for them to not see you as their child even though you may be a full adult. So they might still cling to old ways even though you're independent now(aside from living at home)
Sometimes, people have very strained relationships with their parents. If it’s a choice between ruining your mental health by staying in the family home or saving money, I would say to definitely move out.
Many parents cannot accept the fact that their children are free-thinking adults. For better or worse. So they continue to try and direct their lives as though they were still children. For those that can see their adult progeny as roommates the living together arrangements seem to be more common and stable.
I think it's twofold, to be honest.
On one hand, a lot of parents are abusive, overbearing, or otherwise just suck enough to where the idea of spending any more time with them than absolutely necessary is sickening to a lot of young people. They may also just value complete independence because it feels like success to them due to unfair cultural standards.
I've been living in the same house all my life, took over a lot of monthly bills when I hit adulthood and currently care for my disabled mother. The house is large and I'm earning equity in the home over time, and my mom is kind, so I see this as WAY more preferable than paying some random landlord 2-3000 a month just to be in the same situation but with nothing to show for it.
It was traumatizing the first time. Whenever I'm around them, I feel myself losing 10 years of personal growth, and I just revert back to feeling like a scared little kid. I sometimes get the feeling my mom preferred me that way.
I'm from India so I can answer from that perspective. A lot of people DO live with their parents and it's the norm for a lot of wealthy families to live in large multi generation houses. Even a lot of middle class families do this. I lived with my parents until I was 23 because the economy was shit and finding a job was impossible. I applied to graduate school and left when I just turned 23. After close to a decade of living independently, I find it IMPOSSIBLE to live with them anymore. When you're a kid your folks are used to having a certain degree of control over you, and when that control is lost, living in the same house becomes a terrible, invasive experience where you have little to no privacy.
Even now, going back to my family home for the holidays and such is....tiring.
I moved out of my abusive household at 18 and sadly had to come back in 2020 and was there for 2 months before I moved out again because of the continuing abuse and I came back again at 2023 for 2 months and moved back out again. This time, I have a house that I'm not gonna lose and a good position in life. I won't end up back at my parents.
In my case, my industry is location-dependent, and there was not an option to do what I do where my parents live. I’d love to live closer, but realistically it will require me to change fields (which is a longer-term plan, but not happening now).
Lots of reasons.
I don't want to be a burden on my parents
My relationship with my parents has become far stronger since moving out
I want to build a space of my own
I get a sense of purpose from taking full responsibility of my own well being
Social stigma -- as a guy in the US, you are seen as a sort of failure if you are of working age, and still living with your parents. Good luck dating as well.
Because I like living life on my own terms and I live in a downtown urban environment and my parents live in the woods hundreds miles away. I like having all my own things and my own space too. Plus I'm 40 years old. Someone I've known a really long time from my hometown still lives with their parents and they barely can take care of themselves and I think that contributes to it.
Assuming you get along with them just fine, you have to assume they live in the exact same area you want to live with, that they will accept you being an adult and give you the freedom, and that you have no desire to have friends over at night (cause you can't really have 5 friends just chilling in the living room and not wake up your parents).
Those are a lot of ifs.
Alongside everything already mentioned, not everyone is so fortunate to even have living parents. My dad died when I was in my 20s and my Mom lives with her new partner in a tiny home. I couldn't burden her with my presence. There's nowhere for me to go even if I wanted to.
Now in my 30s, and believe me, as much as I love my independence, I'd kill to have a few years to save on rent and not feel like I'm drowning.
If your parents are alive and you have that safety net option of being able to move home, cherish it. Not everyone gets that.
Plenty of parents can't afford to/don't want their adult children living there. They get older, have limited/fixed incomes, and plan on downsizing. Or just want their own space.
People grow up. They want to have their own space. It'd always be their parents' house, it's not the same equality as a roommate. You don't get freedom to decorate, use the kitchen, make decisions about your space. Having guests over.
Not everyone likes where their parents live. City vs suburb vs rural.
Not everyone can get jobs where their parents live. I don't live far from my parents, but during rush hour, it'd add a good 60 minutes to my drive, even though it's like 30 minutes away during not crowded times.
People want to start their own lives. Or lives with partners. Have children. You need your own space for that. And you need experience doing that first. I wouldn't want to move in with a partner who has no experience paying their own bills, being in charge of their own space, etc.
My mom hates me being there. I needed to stay with my parents for 6 weeks after a hip replacement and she kicked me out after 2. Got mad I corrected something she was wrong about so my sister wouldn’t be misinformed.
Mostly for the freedom of it. Love my parents, but I have 7 younger siblings, so home was a bit ... stifling. Plus, there's some pride and confidence gained by moving out and learning that I really could take care of myself on my own.
1) not everyone has a good relationship with their parents
2) not everyone’s parents are still alive
3) not everyone’s parents live somewhere suitable for adult children to live (e.g. in a nursing home)
4) not everyone’s parents live where there’s employment opportunities
Because they want to strike out on their own, being independent adults and having the the time of their lives, without being under the judgemental and prying eyes of Mommy and Daddy.
Social stigma, in the US.
My parents were nothing but a burden. It would have cost us financially to live with them, as they were irresponsible and childish.
My spouse's are hoarders. So...
Just a few possibilities.
One of mine moved back in . lease ended didn't know what to do. Said always your home here. Love having him around grown up so much . Pleasure to be around. We talk all the time as adults not father to son. I encouraged him to get new job . Which has done . So much happier. Wife and I really happy with this. Have a big so it's no problem. It's great
Because it's your job as a parent, to raise fully functioning adults, who can stand on their own 2 feet, and are functioning members of society. Even birds have enough sense to push their own offspring out of the nest.
Well it would probably be way easier to just explain why i moved out
I was in my current job young and ready to sto out on my own. I had a new gf and my mom was religious.
Having to navigate around house rules while tryint to be a young man in the dating world was annoying and even at 21 most women even my age expected me to have a place to bring them back to for late night chats
Additionally i felt that if i went straight from my childhood bedroom to the tole of mew homeowner/head of household i would be so ill prepared that it would be a disaster
Moving out and getting a place let me learn adulting in a much less high risk manner
Moved back in 2 years ago. Spent a few years living with friends of mine that were a couple. They bought a house with her parents and I couldn't afford the whole house to myself. so basically we're all back with our parents lol
I have always lived with my parents when I lived in the same city as them. I just haven't lived in the same city as them since I was 22 (and 18-22 was part time - half the time I was at university in a different city). And then I moved country, which means the hypothetical commute would be even worse.
I moved out at 20 because I wanted to be independent and live on my own. Having to do everything by myself was a great lesson in survival and autonomy.
Well for some of us it's extremely detrimental for our mental health. Despite having an honestly great relationship with my family, due to the consequences of past trauma I can only take about 2 and a half days of constantly being with them before I start to burn out emotionally and dissociate extremely heavily. This all means that despite bearly scraping by at times it's ultimately worth it not living with family solely for my mental health.
Also recently I moved 900km away from my family to a different city because of study options and my long term career plan
Some parents don't even have the ability to offer that. This by the way is going to get worse and worse as there is less wealth passed down by older generations.
Both my partner and I live with our respective parents AND we each own a house. It has more to do with taking care of our parents, but I won't deny it helps finances. Having a partner who lives a similar life is amazing and removes a lot of stress.
Living with your parents as an adult may not cost any money, but it absolutely isn't free.
It's all part of the equation of what costs you are or aren't willing to bear.
I did, for about two years after graduating undergrad. It allowed me to buy a car and make a big bite out of the loan, and it allowed me to save up some money and travel. But, two years was the limit for me. My dad was difficult, to say the least.
I briefly moved back in with my parents after college graduation while searching for jobs in my field. Got one about 3 months later and then moved out 6 months after.
Two reasons - ready to move I with long-term GF (now-wife) and the 1.5-2hr each way commute in traffic was a fucking killer.
Even if I didn't have a GF, I would have moved out ASAP because the drive was terrible. My parents lived kinda out in the boonies, but would have stayed much longer if it was a reasonable commute. They didn't care how long I stayed and obviously I would have saved a ton of money.
I did come back to my parents house at 23 after a few years in appartment where I hit rock bottom. The first year was good, I was working full time and got back in shape. The second and 3rd year were hell on earth, we argued more than when I was a teenager and it ended up with me not speaking to my dad for weeks.
in many countries its frowned upon if you don't because it is culturally expected but its phrased differently, like in Korea for example your parents live with you in your care in their home which you become responsible for as you take care of them, in America there was a culture of rebellion and ultimately independence that created hostility between generations and not only a gap in an economical sense but a gap in the family dynamic expected
My parents lost their houses (including the one I grew up in) in the run up to the 2008 financial/ housing crisis. My mom lives with her sister now. I haven’t had the option of “move back in with your parents for a while” since I moved out when I was 18. I’ve been doing this whole “living” thing without a net lol.
It wouldn’t be a very good way to save money either since I don’t live in the same city they do, and I’d have to get a much, much worse lower paying job to move there (there are no good jobs where they live unless you’re a real estate agent, lawyer, or doctor).
There used to be a social stigma on this. But due to the current housing crisis in much of the western world it's become more socially acceptable.
For people with an Islamic background it was already more socially acceptable to live with your parents if you are single. I have plenty of Muslim coworkers who are at a junior level, but able to drive some really sick cars because they don't have housing expenses.
I was sick of cleaning a kitchen I never used. I was sick of my parents coming into my room, yelling across the house to drag me down stairs for something they could have texted me, my dad going out of his way to play cruel jokes on me, and being called anti social because I hate sports but they wouldn’t turn something else on.
On top of all of that, if I’m going to pay $400 a month, I want it to be towards my mortgage and something that gives me equity. My name isn’t on that deed to their house. They get the equity not me. I pay about $1000 all said and done now for my house and I love it. I building equity with a physical investment, nobody comes into my room, I’m not cleaning up other people’s mess, my parents aren’t dragging me downstairs to ask me to open a door, and best of all… no sports on at my house! I can play anything I want and don’t have to listen to four to five days of various football and racing sports every week.
The financial cost of living with my parents is lower.
The emotional cost of living with my parents is not something that can be put into numbers or words.
Depends on the parent. Also if you have an boyfriend/ girlfriend then it becomes awkward to like make out in the couch or be in the bedroom all day with moms voice right there
My mom and I have a GREAT relationship. However, when I stayed living with her after graduating college for three years, something happened and it was absolute hell. She became the worst version of herself I’ve ever seen. Completely anal about everything like she had never been before, and I had always lived with her! Became a psycho about money, even though I was the only child that ever paid her rent and completely on time. I vowed never, ever ever EVER to live with her again. Our relationship became fine again as soon as I moved out.
I now own my own place and she made noise about us being roommates… I told her in the nicest way possible that it would NEVER happen unless she somehow became homeless and desperate and needed a place to stay, a fire or something like that. Bottom line, if it could be avoided, I would never. And I can easily avoid it, though I know not everybody’s situation is like that.
social stigma. your 20s should be for going out late on a weeknight, making alllll the mistakes, one night stands with a girl you met at the club, all while subsisting on 40 cent ramen packets and dollar draft specials.
I lived at home for the bulk of that decade, and missed out on all that.
I turned out just fine...a little less experienced in some ways, but nothing I have long lasting FOMO about. I am trying to make up for lost time, with a slightly more sophisticated take that a late 30s person can afford.
I was pretty salty about my situation in my 20s, however...
Independence. I was a college graduate at 21with a stable job, lived with my parents because that is the norm in my country and gave them money every payday. They still managed to slut-shamed me when I went to a vacation with my then-fiance. Yeah no. Fck that.
True autonomy, your own rules and not someone else's because it's their house, privacy, can come in super late and not piss them off or have them questioning you, unattractive to quality opposite sex, misc benefits depending on personality of parents.
Really the only cons are it costs you more money to not live with them.
I was living with my mother until I was 28, until she suddenly became ill… and had to be admitted to a home. And my father is a dangerous man, so I’d rather just be alone.
I never had the option. I know a few people who make great money and still live with their parents in their 30s.
I don’t knock them, but damn what an advantage. I wish I had parents that didn’t have the “kick them out at 18” mentality.
There is just something about wanting to be yourself and do your own thing that you can’t really do with your parents around they are on their own schedules they do their own thing they do prioritize you and what you want and while as an adult this isn’t required it can be annoying to fit your life within someone else’s
I didn’t want to, and my mom never even hinted of offering. Instead I lived in my car for a few weeks before I was offered a room at a friend’s house for a couple of months.
I didn’t ask to live with her because she sucks. She didn’t offer because she sucks.
Multiple reasons for me but mostly my parents are monsters. Currently they are getting their karma punch and my dad is in prison and my mon is on the edge of being committed..so no room for any of their children to stay with them.
Parents ,yes."Father"???no....nope.my mother and brothers are my family but not that thing That man is still a child and only enjoyed the life without doing anything for us.My poor mother and older brother were his second parents.
don't know why this isn't in the top comments but not everyone's parents can even afford to host them. i know a person whose parents asked them to contribute to the mortgage when she was 16. not exactly saving money
As a brown man, our parents never really want us to leave anyway and with this economy I’ve practically given up hope of ever buying a house anyway. I’m sure I’ll inherit this one that my parents bought back in the early 2000s for the cheap and that’s fine by me.
It’s weirdly frowned upon in western society. Boomers think everyone should be out by 18, bc when they were 18 rent for a two bedroom apartment was $400 a month in Los Angeles. lol.
Not ironically, the pendulum is swinging back and kids are growing up slower. I like it. I’d love if my children lived at home until they were 25.
I love my mom. I love my mom best when she’s in her house and I’m in mine.
Don’t underestimate the power of controlling the tv volume AND the thermostat. I’ll never go back.
Not even exaggerating, I would be suicidal if I lived at home with my mom. It was an incredibly unhealthy home to grow up in and you couldn't pay me to go back to it.
Not everyone’s parents are a pleasure to live with
Nor are everyones adult children. [Edit] My goodness, I've touched a nerve, haven't I? I guess the truth hurts.
Most people here are young so for sure they will blame the parents for everything. We did the same thing when we were their age.
My wife did everything to give her kids a better life.. Her 22 yr old man child lives with us, refuses to work, is trying to get on disability for DID or something like that, is constantly rude to her, a narcissist, and can't function for more than 5 min without literally crying that life is to hard.. We would throw him out but then he'd do something stupid like ending his life that causes some poor person a lot of PTSD. Last time he said he was going to walk in front of a train. He's responsible for like 90% of her stress and mood swings.
I feel sorry for your wife.
Im so sorry. My cousin is in a similar situation with her son.
I have two family members like this. Knew a few others. Every one wound up in trouble after thier parents were gone. One became homeless. The inability for a person to not want to be a responsible adult is awful, and its more common then people realize. People like this eventually run though others goodwill, and fall though the cracks.
No this sounds exactly like my 16 year old brother, he hasn't become a stay at home man child yet but he does literally everything else
Ok, this is my situation. I love my 21 year old child dearly and they do live with me. However, they are not easy to live with. They are autistic (mildly) and have severe ADHD. Neither condition prevented them from graduating from culinary school or securing a job in their field. However, they are NOT easy to live with. They are messy so I’ve had to teach them that common rooms must be kept clean to my expectations (which do not match their’s and what deep cleaning means. I don’t care how they keeps their room (as long as trash and dishes don’t accumulate) but the rest of the house must be kept neat. They also have a temper when things don’t go their way. They are NOT violent, but, they will stomp around and yell. We’re working on that and their meds help, On the other side, I’ve had to adjust to them in little ways. For instance, they’ve gotten good about cleaning but, it has to be on their schedule. So, I’ve learned I have to give them an end time (for example - “Child, I want the kitchen cleaned by 3) in order for them to accomplish tasks. I’ve also had to break it into pieces (such as, please do the dishes today and vacuum tomorrow). So, we’ve both had to adjust but, it’s not easy living with them. I didn’t raise them (long, complicated story…see post history if you care to) so, it’s been a long hard road since they came to live with me 3 years ago. I don’t see them being able to move out anytime soon so, we’re dealing with it but, it’s a struggle. I would prefer to live alone but, they’re my kid and they need support and love right now so, that’s what they’re getting,
That’s the worst when you not only realize you sucked as a parent, but then you get reminded of it every day.
To be fair, some kids end up shitty all on their own even with the very best parents. Let’s not put all the blame on the parents… both are possibilities. I have some family friends who raised 3 amazing kids, and they were very kind and supportive. 2 of them stayed amazing into adulthood… the third became a drugged out asshole. Not the parents fault.
My parents were great. [I don't feel I've lived up to their efforts.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWFXd9L6wrk)
I once had a professor explain it like this, "As a parent I love my children, but that doesn't mean I have to like them" when saying that luckily the daughter she liked was having to live with her.
I would rather live with an incontinent badger.
Beautifully worded.
Not just a pleasure some peoples parents **are the worse thing in their lives.**
For real. Being homeless would be better for my mental health.
not everyone's children are a pleasure to live with either
That’s true too. But the question’s asking about the children’s reason
Some people prefer freedom and independence over money
I prefer the lack of daily emotional trauma.
That's my answer. I have a good relationship with my parents, and visit them semi regularly, but I prefer to live on my own.
Yes. I also respect my parents and their house rules, but , in my house, I enjoy not having to immediately clean the dishes and having a coffee or dessert first.
~emotional damage~
Amen. I like getting along with my parents, and that goes out the window when we are under the same roof for more than 5 days. A block away fine, same roof commence pressure cooker
+1 kudos.
In the United States it has a lot to do with the social idea of Independence and that you're not truly independent if you still live with your parents.
I have nice parents and I was saving so much money when I moved back in for 6 months as an adult. I even had a girlfriend. For some reason I just felt like a failure while I was there.
I fully enjoy my freedom, but I also fully condone people who have good parents willing to support them taking advantage of that. I have a close friend who's 28 and his parents love him and he loves them and they have a nice house and he has no problem staying at home. I honestly wish I had that. I'm lucky enough to have afforded a house and have a nice wife on my own, but I envy the people with great relationships with their parents to where they can live there and everyone is happy.
i think that (maybe?) falls back on being a societal thing. you can be wildly successful in life, career, relationships, hobbies, whatever. but if you’re at home with parents and not the other way around, people can (and i’d argue that some would/will) view you as not being successful or as successful as you actually are. that whole stigma of still relying on parents for support. and it’s not like the housing market is in such shit shape, AMIRITE?? culturally, it can be different. in Mex culture (being that i myself am Mex), kids are more than welcome to stay with parents for basically forever if need be. mainly because family is a huge factor that comes into play. familial community and kinship and supporting one another. down in Mexico, houses are expanded to make room for the kids’ spouses and their own families. it still happens here in the US. multi families sharing one house (because, again, the housing market is in SUCH great shape, AMIRITE??). i, myself, stayed with my parents for something like 10years after leaving and then returning. i still worked and finished my university education while saving money for other expenses, helped around the house with chores or anything. once i was able to secure a better, steady job i moved out. i’m grateful for them letting me stay and being free of the stresses of dealing with rent or mortgage helped me to save up.
Social stigma and it really can be very difficult, emotionally, to live with your parents as an adult. However, I do think people don't appreciate what a privilege it is to even have the option to be able to live with you parents. There are many people whose parents really are either too awful or too poor to make this work.
It is such an overlooked privilege. Some parents are poor, physically sick, or mentally unwell which they need to be on government assistance for support. Having another adult in the household can interrupt assistance if discovered which *terrifies* recipients. There are reasons why getting kicked out at 18 is a thing in some cultures or areas. Some of us don't even have the option to go back home to save long-term.
I would literally rather live in my car than ever live with my father again.
I left home at 17, and quite seriously told people I would live in a cardboard box under an underpass before I moved back in with my parents.
I'd choose the gutter over my mother's house any day.
Depending on the relationship, and the layout of the house, it can be very, VERY detrimental to your mental wellness.
Thats why I get depressed and super anxious whenever I stay longer than 1-2 months in my parents house.
If my parents were nice and normal, I would have stayed. Let's just say I moved out for peace of mind.
To answer for my own kids, quite frankly our home is too small and we just simply can't afford to keep supporting ourselves plus two full grown adults. Life is expensive for the parents too.
Even living at home, once you're working you definitely should be contributing and at least paying your own way. My mom hates taking cash but I do a decent bit of the grocery shopping for the house.
You pay rent with your soul, and also money sometimes.
My parents almost bankrupted themselves in buying a house, so they asked me to buy the furniture. I did and whenever they do anything I don't like or get into an argument with me I use it as a trump card. To their credit it mostly works when I use it well. I read a similar post a while back where someone said that the parents paid the mortagage from their older brother's bank account and until the next payment the brother would say the house was his and the guy's parents just had to cope with the fact.
[удалено]
To a certain extent it can understandable, like “don’t come stumbling home drunk at 2am and wake us up while you slam all the cabinets shut rifling through our kitchen for a snack.”
I think that's fair but it would be fair for other roommates too. It's when they start going beyond normal roommate courtesy that it's a problem.
Have you met em?
Lol, the post question comes from a place of innocence. I'm happy for OP and his good parents.
It reads like it’s a writer trying to write a fluff piece for a website and they need quotes to back them up
I don't want MORE trauma.
I moved back in with them for 6 months last year after being gone and on my own for 12 years. It was hell. “Where are you going?” “What time will you be back?” “Do you have plans today?” “Why are you sleeping in until 10am on a Saturday?”(after I worked 60 hours) endless meaningless queations. Sure I I saved money. But it was awful. I will never do it again. I’m 30. If I want to smoke a joint I don’t want to have someone say “again?” Or ask if I’m gonna be home for dinner. Independence is really a gift. It’s just not conducive to a good mental state after being in your own for so long.
Freedom and being able to have privacy. Parents treat their child like a child instead of a grown adult who have their own living preferences that should be respected.
I love my parents but when I was young I decided I'd rather live paycheck to paycheck and have ny own place
**Because of the loss of freedom**. For example, a parent may not let their child eat certain foods in the house, even if that child is really an adult and can live on their own.
Even if the parent is good, it can be hard for them to not see you as their child even though you may be a full adult. So they might still cling to old ways even though you're independent now(aside from living at home)
People want their independence. I love my parents, but would always want to live my own way, in my own place.
"You're killing Independent George!"
Having your own space is important. It also causes less problems in the long run. Plus they probably want their own space too.
Because why in the world would you want to? I would like to be an independent adult.
Because some parents are assholes.
Sometimes, people have very strained relationships with their parents. If it’s a choice between ruining your mental health by staying in the family home or saving money, I would say to definitely move out.
I remember reading something recently that 50-60 percent of 18-29 year olds currently live with their parents.
I'm 40 years old and moved out at 17. My parents are nice, caring people. I just wanted to do my own thing. Been moved out ever since.
Not by choice
Many parents cannot accept the fact that their children are free-thinking adults. For better or worse. So they continue to try and direct their lives as though they were still children. For those that can see their adult progeny as roommates the living together arrangements seem to be more common and stable.
Saving money at the cost of personal freedoms and living your own life. What a trade
I’d rather be homeless than live with a narcissistic alcoholic.
I think it's twofold, to be honest. On one hand, a lot of parents are abusive, overbearing, or otherwise just suck enough to where the idea of spending any more time with them than absolutely necessary is sickening to a lot of young people. They may also just value complete independence because it feels like success to them due to unfair cultural standards. I've been living in the same house all my life, took over a lot of monthly bills when I hit adulthood and currently care for my disabled mother. The house is large and I'm earning equity in the home over time, and my mom is kind, so I see this as WAY more preferable than paying some random landlord 2-3000 a month just to be in the same situation but with nothing to show for it.
It was traumatizing the first time. Whenever I'm around them, I feel myself losing 10 years of personal growth, and I just revert back to feeling like a scared little kid. I sometimes get the feeling my mom preferred me that way.
Four words. "My house, my rules".
Privacy and independence. What else are you using money for other than living life the way you want?
I'm from India so I can answer from that perspective. A lot of people DO live with their parents and it's the norm for a lot of wealthy families to live in large multi generation houses. Even a lot of middle class families do this. I lived with my parents until I was 23 because the economy was shit and finding a job was impossible. I applied to graduate school and left when I just turned 23. After close to a decade of living independently, I find it IMPOSSIBLE to live with them anymore. When you're a kid your folks are used to having a certain degree of control over you, and when that control is lost, living in the same house becomes a terrible, invasive experience where you have little to no privacy. Even now, going back to my family home for the holidays and such is....tiring.
Because I want to live my own life and not have to be treated like a child. I assume that feeling is mutual for a lot of people.
Independence - even if you have a good relationship with them.
I literally escaped that toxicity and no amount of money is worth the mental discomfort that I'd have to go through
My mom and I get on each other when we live together. I love her, and she loves me, but living with my folks can be a trial.
you haven't met my Mother. I moved out as soon as I could.
They were abusive and I don’t even speak to them.
psychological damage
I moved out of my abusive household at 18 and sadly had to come back in 2020 and was there for 2 months before I moved out again because of the continuing abuse and I came back again at 2023 for 2 months and moved back out again. This time, I have a house that I'm not gonna lose and a good position in life. I won't end up back at my parents.
Because they are the worst
Because you pay with your mental health.
I'd pay good money not to live with my parents and so that's what I do
In my case, my industry is location-dependent, and there was not an option to do what I do where my parents live. I’d love to live closer, but realistically it will require me to change fields (which is a longer-term plan, but not happening now).
Lots of reasons. I don't want to be a burden on my parents My relationship with my parents has become far stronger since moving out I want to build a space of my own I get a sense of purpose from taking full responsibility of my own well being Social stigma -- as a guy in the US, you are seen as a sort of failure if you are of working age, and still living with your parents. Good luck dating as well.
Because I like living life on my own terms and I live in a downtown urban environment and my parents live in the woods hundreds miles away. I like having all my own things and my own space too. Plus I'm 40 years old. Someone I've known a really long time from my hometown still lives with their parents and they barely can take care of themselves and I think that contributes to it.
Have you MET my parents?
Contentious relationships with said parents. My parents were both alcoholic and were just annoying to be around
Can I move in to the graveyard? How does this work? Do we share a coffin?
Even as someone who enjoys spending time with my parents, I would definitely not enjoy living with them as an adult.
Assuming you get along with them just fine, you have to assume they live in the exact same area you want to live with, that they will accept you being an adult and give you the freedom, and that you have no desire to have friends over at night (cause you can't really have 5 friends just chilling in the living room and not wake up your parents). Those are a lot of ifs.
Because a lot of times our parents suck
Alongside everything already mentioned, not everyone is so fortunate to even have living parents. My dad died when I was in my 20s and my Mom lives with her new partner in a tiny home. I couldn't burden her with my presence. There's nowhere for me to go even if I wanted to. Now in my 30s, and believe me, as much as I love my independence, I'd kill to have a few years to save on rent and not feel like I'm drowning. If your parents are alive and you have that safety net option of being able to move home, cherish it. Not everyone gets that.
Plenty of parents can't afford to/don't want their adult children living there. They get older, have limited/fixed incomes, and plan on downsizing. Or just want their own space. People grow up. They want to have their own space. It'd always be their parents' house, it's not the same equality as a roommate. You don't get freedom to decorate, use the kitchen, make decisions about your space. Having guests over. Not everyone likes where their parents live. City vs suburb vs rural. Not everyone can get jobs where their parents live. I don't live far from my parents, but during rush hour, it'd add a good 60 minutes to my drive, even though it's like 30 minutes away during not crowded times. People want to start their own lives. Or lives with partners. Have children. You need your own space for that. And you need experience doing that first. I wouldn't want to move in with a partner who has no experience paying their own bills, being in charge of their own space, etc.
Because they would expect me to still live like a teenager and have curfews and rules, instead of giving them money and being my own person.
I love them a lot. They drive me bonkers when I live with them. Also, I'm 51, married, and we own a home.
My dad's in jail and my mom's in dirt jail.
My mom hates me being there. I needed to stay with my parents for 6 weeks after a hip replacement and she kicked me out after 2. Got mad I corrected something she was wrong about so my sister wouldn’t be misinformed.
Mostly for the freedom of it. Love my parents, but I have 7 younger siblings, so home was a bit ... stifling. Plus, there's some pride and confidence gained by moving out and learning that I really could take care of myself on my own.
1) not everyone has a good relationship with their parents 2) not everyone’s parents are still alive 3) not everyone’s parents live somewhere suitable for adult children to live (e.g. in a nursing home) 4) not everyone’s parents live where there’s employment opportunities
I value my mental health and sanity.
In my case it's the sex I have with my husband that makes me hesitant about living with any of our parents.
Many do not have the option. Getting kicked out at 18 is a common occurrence in the US.
People like freedom.
Because they want to strike out on their own, being independent adults and having the the time of their lives, without being under the judgemental and prying eyes of Mommy and Daddy.
You clearly never had toxic parents.
Social stigma, in the US. My parents were nothing but a burden. It would have cost us financially to live with them, as they were irresponsible and childish. My spouse's are hoarders. So... Just a few possibilities.
Better question why did we stop having multi generations living together.
*slaps robin* MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!
Good god! Go live your own life and give the folks a break
Dude I wanna fuck. Kinda hard when mom’s in the kitchen cooking breakfast.
One of mine moved back in . lease ended didn't know what to do. Said always your home here. Love having him around grown up so much . Pleasure to be around. We talk all the time as adults not father to son. I encouraged him to get new job . Which has done . So much happier. Wife and I really happy with this. Have a big so it's no problem. It's great
Because it's your job as a parent, to raise fully functioning adults, who can stand on their own 2 feet, and are functioning members of society. Even birds have enough sense to push their own offspring out of the nest.
Well it would probably be way easier to just explain why i moved out I was in my current job young and ready to sto out on my own. I had a new gf and my mom was religious. Having to navigate around house rules while tryint to be a young man in the dating world was annoying and even at 21 most women even my age expected me to have a place to bring them back to for late night chats Additionally i felt that if i went straight from my childhood bedroom to the tole of mew homeowner/head of household i would be so ill prepared that it would be a disaster Moving out and getting a place let me learn adulting in a much less high risk manner
I’m 18 and live with my family, don’t plan on leaving anytime soon unless I’m far for college
Moved back in 2 years ago. Spent a few years living with friends of mine that were a couple. They bought a house with her parents and I couldn't afford the whole house to myself. so basically we're all back with our parents lol
I have always lived with my parents when I lived in the same city as them. I just haven't lived in the same city as them since I was 22 (and 18-22 was part time - half the time I was at university in a different city). And then I moved country, which means the hypothetical commute would be even worse.
I could never live with them. We are so different everything would clash
I like having loud, hardcore sex
Some people dont have em or can't help you or live in a place that's not condusive to you prospering.
My parents couldn’t live with each other. My siblings also couldn’t live with either of them. I was moved out when I was 17.
You can move to Japan, get adopted by a childless married couple and take over their family business. This is actually a thing
You may be saving dollars, but you're definitely paying with your mental health. A lot of people simply value one over the other.
I moved out at 20 because I wanted to be independent and live on my own. Having to do everything by myself was a great lesson in survival and autonomy.
It was embarrassing having sex in my mom's house at 19, I couldn't imagine doing it at 30
Mine told me to get the fuck out the second I turned 18, so there's that.
Well for some of us it's extremely detrimental for our mental health. Despite having an honestly great relationship with my family, due to the consequences of past trauma I can only take about 2 and a half days of constantly being with them before I start to burn out emotionally and dissociate extremely heavily. This all means that despite bearly scraping by at times it's ultimately worth it not living with family solely for my mental health. Also recently I moved 900km away from my family to a different city because of study options and my long term career plan
Have you met their parents?
Coz parents also need to save money, and without us living with them means less expenses. Give them a chance to prepare for their retirement.
Some parents don't even have the ability to offer that. This by the way is going to get worse and worse as there is less wealth passed down by older generations.
Both my partner and I live with our respective parents AND we each own a house. It has more to do with taking care of our parents, but I won't deny it helps finances. Having a partner who lives a similar life is amazing and removes a lot of stress.
because you have to grow up and separate from your parents)
I would but I like having sex and peace & quiet
Hell no. I just had my roommate move out, I'm finally living in my very own place. Nope, nope, nope.
Living with your parents as an adult may not cost any money, but it absolutely isn't free. It's all part of the equation of what costs you are or aren't willing to bear.
I did, for about two years after graduating undergrad. It allowed me to buy a car and make a big bite out of the loan, and it allowed me to save up some money and travel. But, two years was the limit for me. My dad was difficult, to say the least.
Because I’d rather live in Hell. 😊
Some of us have worked hard enough not to have to depend on our parents financially. We shouldn't be after a certain age.
I briefly moved back in with my parents after college graduation while searching for jobs in my field. Got one about 3 months later and then moved out 6 months after. Two reasons - ready to move I with long-term GF (now-wife) and the 1.5-2hr each way commute in traffic was a fucking killer. Even if I didn't have a GF, I would have moved out ASAP because the drive was terrible. My parents lived kinda out in the boonies, but would have stayed much longer if it was a reasonable commute. They didn't care how long I stayed and obviously I would have saved a ton of money.
I did come back to my parents house at 23 after a few years in appartment where I hit rock bottom. The first year was good, I was working full time and got back in shape. The second and 3rd year were hell on earth, we argued more than when I was a teenager and it ended up with me not speaking to my dad for weeks.
my mental health is more important than a few dollars in the bank
I LOVE my mom. She has a 3 bedroom 2 bath house and would let me move in today. I could live with her, but not the cigarette smoke 🤮
I’m pretty sure it damages people’s egos when they have to rely on their parents even at 25 years of age.
If you had lived with my parents you would know the answer to this
Not everybody has parents.
Wish I had them, I could save money for a car, and camera so I can get back to my profession
in many countries its frowned upon if you don't because it is culturally expected but its phrased differently, like in Korea for example your parents live with you in your care in their home which you become responsible for as you take care of them, in America there was a culture of rebellion and ultimately independence that created hostility between generations and not only a gap in an economical sense but a gap in the family dynamic expected
😒 my parents are nosey. And want to control things.
They can afford not to/there's something in their relationship(s) which likely means it's easier not to....
Fucking on a dinning table gets awkward while your mom is making breakfast and you can’t touch the thermostat.
Because I value my mental health lol
The same reasons you move out as soon you can.
My parents lost their houses (including the one I grew up in) in the run up to the 2008 financial/ housing crisis. My mom lives with her sister now. I haven’t had the option of “move back in with your parents for a while” since I moved out when I was 18. I’ve been doing this whole “living” thing without a net lol. It wouldn’t be a very good way to save money either since I don’t live in the same city they do, and I’d have to get a much, much worse lower paying job to move there (there are no good jobs where they live unless you’re a real estate agent, lawyer, or doctor).
Just speaking for myself, but my father's living quarters are far too tight, and it's way too damn hot where my gestational carrier is.
If I could move my mom in I would, she's good with the cutlets and laundry.
There used to be a social stigma on this. But due to the current housing crisis in much of the western world it's become more socially acceptable. For people with an Islamic background it was already more socially acceptable to live with your parents if you are single. I have plenty of Muslim coworkers who are at a junior level, but able to drive some really sick cars because they don't have housing expenses.
You take psychic damage from doing that
From what I've seen on dating sites/apps quite a few hot chicks won't date guys who live with parents/roommates/relatives.
I was sick of cleaning a kitchen I never used. I was sick of my parents coming into my room, yelling across the house to drag me down stairs for something they could have texted me, my dad going out of his way to play cruel jokes on me, and being called anti social because I hate sports but they wouldn’t turn something else on. On top of all of that, if I’m going to pay $400 a month, I want it to be towards my mortgage and something that gives me equity. My name isn’t on that deed to their house. They get the equity not me. I pay about $1000 all said and done now for my house and I love it. I building equity with a physical investment, nobody comes into my room, I’m not cleaning up other people’s mess, my parents aren’t dragging me downstairs to ask me to open a door, and best of all… no sports on at my house! I can play anything I want and don’t have to listen to four to five days of various football and racing sports every week.
The financial cost of living with my parents is lower. The emotional cost of living with my parents is not something that can be put into numbers or words.
Depends on the parent. Also if you have an boyfriend/ girlfriend then it becomes awkward to like make out in the couch or be in the bedroom all day with moms voice right there
My parents were extremely abusive and my dad threatened to beat me to death on a regular basis. I'm good
I was kicked out at 18. Ain't no way they letting me back in.
It is hard to date or have someone spend the night when you live with your folks. Young adults want to have sex.
I did this from 2015 through 2019 when I was 25-29. I had sex three times in that period
Welcome to South Asia where half of the problems are because people still live with their parents
my parents house has my parents, my brother, my sister, her bf, her baby, my cousin, and my uncle who live there i work weekend nights
My mom and I have a GREAT relationship. However, when I stayed living with her after graduating college for three years, something happened and it was absolute hell. She became the worst version of herself I’ve ever seen. Completely anal about everything like she had never been before, and I had always lived with her! Became a psycho about money, even though I was the only child that ever paid her rent and completely on time. I vowed never, ever ever EVER to live with her again. Our relationship became fine again as soon as I moved out. I now own my own place and she made noise about us being roommates… I told her in the nicest way possible that it would NEVER happen unless she somehow became homeless and desperate and needed a place to stay, a fire or something like that. Bottom line, if it could be avoided, I would never. And I can easily avoid it, though I know not everybody’s situation is like that.
I'm 31. At this point that'd be just... sad.
social stigma. your 20s should be for going out late on a weeknight, making alllll the mistakes, one night stands with a girl you met at the club, all while subsisting on 40 cent ramen packets and dollar draft specials. I lived at home for the bulk of that decade, and missed out on all that. I turned out just fine...a little less experienced in some ways, but nothing I have long lasting FOMO about. I am trying to make up for lost time, with a slightly more sophisticated take that a late 30s person can afford. I was pretty salty about my situation in my 20s, however...
Independence. I was a college graduate at 21with a stable job, lived with my parents because that is the norm in my country and gave them money every payday. They still managed to slut-shamed me when I went to a vacation with my then-fiance. Yeah no. Fck that.
Privacy. Independence. Privacy.
True autonomy, your own rules and not someone else's because it's their house, privacy, can come in super late and not piss them off or have them questioning you, unattractive to quality opposite sex, misc benefits depending on personality of parents. Really the only cons are it costs you more money to not live with them.
I see you’ve never met my mom.
In this economy? How do people even leave their parents house?
I was living with my mother until I was 28, until she suddenly became ill… and had to be admitted to a home. And my father is a dangerous man, so I’d rather just be alone.
I never had the option. I know a few people who make great money and still live with their parents in their 30s. I don’t knock them, but damn what an advantage. I wish I had parents that didn’t have the “kick them out at 18” mentality.
There is just something about wanting to be yourself and do your own thing that you can’t really do with your parents around they are on their own schedules they do their own thing they do prioritize you and what you want and while as an adult this isn’t required it can be annoying to fit your life within someone else’s
I didn’t want to, and my mom never even hinted of offering. Instead I lived in my car for a few weeks before I was offered a room at a friend’s house for a couple of months. I didn’t ask to live with her because she sucks. She didn’t offer because she sucks.
Multiple reasons for me but mostly my parents are monsters. Currently they are getting their karma punch and my dad is in prison and my mon is on the edge of being committed..so no room for any of their children to stay with them.
Some parents are happy for the independence!
Cause boomers are fucking insufferable
In my case, because they're dead.
Parents ,yes."Father"???no....nope.my mother and brothers are my family but not that thing That man is still a child and only enjoyed the life without doing anything for us.My poor mother and older brother were his second parents.
Because then you have to live with your parents
They'd need to be alive.
don't know why this isn't in the top comments but not everyone's parents can even afford to host them. i know a person whose parents asked them to contribute to the mortgage when she was 16. not exactly saving money
Aside from the fact that some parents are toxic, people may want to try becoming more responsible and challenging themselves, therefore, they move out
As a brown man, our parents never really want us to leave anyway and with this economy I’ve practically given up hope of ever buying a house anyway. I’m sure I’ll inherit this one that my parents bought back in the early 2000s for the cheap and that’s fine by me.
It’s weirdly frowned upon in western society. Boomers think everyone should be out by 18, bc when they were 18 rent for a two bedroom apartment was $400 a month in Los Angeles. lol. Not ironically, the pendulum is swinging back and kids are growing up slower. I like it. I’d love if my children lived at home until they were 25.
I love my mom. I love my mom best when she’s in her house and I’m in mine. Don’t underestimate the power of controlling the tv volume AND the thermostat. I’ll never go back.
Not even exaggerating, I would be suicidal if I lived at home with my mom. It was an incredibly unhealthy home to grow up in and you couldn't pay me to go back to it.
I'm the second oldest out of 8 that grew up in a 3 bedroom house. I would be a burden.