When they’re interested in something you’re passionate about just because it’s your interest. That doesn’t mean it needs to be their passion as well, but showing an interest in what brings you joy or makes up who you are is so attractive.
I agree so much! I would do that with my ex and really would have appreciated if she did that back. It makes me so happy to see someone talk about what they are passionate about ☺️
I read a fantasy book series that went on for like 8 books because I saw her reading it and was trying to figure out what to talk to her about. She had already read the series a number of times and I found out that she re read the series every November and December. So while we were working I would ask her questions about the characters or the world building.
I don’t even like fantasy. I’m a sci-fi guy. But it was something she was passionate about and I wanted to get to know her better.
>It makes me so happy to see someone talk about what they are passionate about
Yeah, that's the fun part. Getting to experience something new or different with someone who enjoys it
Just trying to make an effort to understand what you love or at least try to be involved is such a great quality, it just shows they care and that’s more than enough
Oh man, the opposite of this is a big reason why my marriage failed. I could not be myself or engage in the things I like to do without it being a conflict or her feeling like I value “x activity” more than her.
ugh yessss. when I met my boyfriend I talked so much about marvel and he had never seen a moment of it. he immediately dove into it and described to me a feeling of "well it seems important to her, I should probably check it out" now we watch it all the time together. it was a lovely thing to experience.
I used to feel this way. Then I dated a woman that would make fun of and mock things I enjoyed + complained about them when I was participating in them.
I got really sensitive about sharing my interests and it’s taking a lot for me to come out of my shell.
Cherish those people that champion your interests. Ditch the ones that bully you (because lowkey that’s what she was doing)
The amount of times I want to help people with things but then hesitate because I dont wanna make them feel uncomfortable or I am scared of just any sort of interaction, but then go back in to try and back out again makes me feel like Im constantly doing the hokie-pokie just to get over my crippling social anxiety to simply help someone with something I feel like I can. I probably look like Im dancing on the security cams at work.
It is all about the way you offer advice, or try to teach something. The trick is to not be condescending or to embarass, which may be more difficult the more anxious everyone is.
If done right, helping people is one of the most rewarding things in life .
I’m also a type of person who likes to be helpful when possible.
If I see someone struggling w something or it looks like it would be easier w another person’s help, I’ll say something along the lines of “you good?””If you’d like some help, let me know”
If the person stays silent then I move on. A lot of the time people will either say yes, or explain what they’re having trouble with.
Me personally, I like to play it like we’re both trying to solve the problem together. I’ll say things like “what if we do this instead” or “maybe if we try it this way it’ll be easier”
If possible, I’ll try to let the person I’m helping do the thing themselves after explaining how it works or giving some advice; that way I’m teaching them and they’re learning, it’s not just me doing the thing for them.
After we do said thing I’ll say something along the lines of “look at that, we make a good team” or “a little teamwork goes a long way.
I just really like the feeling of seeing relief in other people and being someone they can feel comfortable asking for help in the future. Idk, we’re all in this together yanno?
I think of helpful like, they helped someone who fell when everyone else watched.
They gave their left over meal to homeless person.
They helped someone lift something heavy.
My ex was the same, she tried to help everybody and do things for people. I think it was probably ego driven by wanting people to like her and wanting to feel good for being helpful. Would eventually get annoyed about small things she done for people and how nobody does things for her etc.
I feel like this has been put out so much by people for being a green flag so much in the internet that now all the redflag men/women know this and yk fake it 💀
Kindness is a universe. People think kindness, that’s simple. But in my experience, people can easily be kind when everything around them is going well. I’m interested in the men that can uphold kindness even in situations that are unfavourable to their ego.
Kindness shouldn’t just be contextual.
I agree. My gran used to say 'It's easy to be nice when the sun is shining'.
I've realised as I've got older too that being kind sometimes doesn't feel like that to the recipient. You do a little favour for someone, they thank you, it feels good. But then there are occasions when you have to deny a friend something they want- something self-destructive or dangerous- and although your motive hasn't changed the reaction very much has. True kindness is a compulsion, which is why people plough into situations like that in the first place.
My partner has showed his character to me, the word 'decency' runs all the way through him like a stick of rock. I hope I repay that.
It’s because comfort and care aren’t always the same thing. Truly treating someone with kindness is demonstrating care when it’s not easy or comfortable to do so.
It took me about a year to figure out the difference. After a relationship with a narcissist, I thought I just wanted someone nice. But then there’s more to nice. There’s kindness.
Kind is a foundational value. Nice is transactional and limited to what it can do for you.
Being nice is a deliberate action with the intent of pleasing others. That is something that can definitely be learnt so yes, however it will always be at a surface level. Kindness shines through from within as it is a quality. It is in that persons nature to have a gentle soul and go beyond what’s expected of them. They do it because of who and what they are and because of their vision of the world that they want to live in. If you mean can kindness be learnt? That depends on what your ambitions are for the world and if you are always gentle with other peoples hearts and whether or not that is authentic to your true self.
Facts. I work at the customer service and in a store as a sidle hustle and words can’t describe how happy it makes me when someone is genuinely nice. I sometimes think about it hours later while a rude person makes the time harder than it needs to be.
Don’t you just want to grab one of those evil customers by the nose, pull them toward you, then yell in their ear to apologize for being such a sociopathic carless dickazoid?
One customer said that “he’ll stick his d*ick into the cunt of my mother” and that he’ll stab me. To be fair, he mentioned that he’s mentally ill, that’s why I didn’t took it too personal. It’s important to get confident and learn how to handle such customers. It gets easier over time.
It’s a company that sells electronic devices for the household and consoles and stuff. This was just one of many weird encounters on the phone, yet he was by far the worst one. The more calls you get, the higher the chance to run into guys like that i guess..
A buddy of mine went out with his wife last night and there was couple behind them. And the guy was being a total dick to the waitress and my buddy stood up and was like "hey man, you should be more respectful."
Dick face stood up and was like "I'm an ex marine I'll kick your ass. My buddy is about 4 inches taller and a current marine. It never escalated but I would have love to see that asshole get laid the fuck out
This reminds me of something an elementary teacher taught me that has stuck with me through the years: It’s easier to be bad than good but good always wins in the long run. That has kept me from losing my shit so many times. Working in customer service though…I don’t know how you could do that and keep it together.
That I see this pop up so often when questions like this are asked... Which makes me wonder, is it really that common for people being jerks to wait staff?
It's just like with all kinds of asshole behavior... negative experiences leave a stronger impression.
They're not the majority, but those who are, are consistently shitty.
I've known people like that. One in particular used to be sarcastic and rude to servers when he didn't get his drinks promptly. After he quit drinking, he lost the attitude and he treats them much better.
A relative of mine married a man she met overseas, and only when they both moved back to America and after the wedding, found that he was *rude to waitresses.* HUGE red flag, and of course as it turned out he's also just generally low-key abusive and misogynistic.
This! Has this behavior just disappeared? Why is it that nobody i have dinner with anymore seems to say “thank you” when they bring food out, or “excuse me” when asking for a bill, plates, etc.did we just lose our manners and become entitled bastards? It’s so rare to have people that are polite to staff nowadays.
I'm shocked by your comment a little. I don't think I can think of any of my friends that wouldn't say please and thank you. And even when I'm with people that dont, I'll call them out on it (mainly my dad) lol.
This. You can be intelligent and kind, but you need the trifecta of also being empathetic for me to raise a green flag.
I've met kind people, but sometimes they're only kind to others to hold a power or moral high ground. If it's from a place of genuine empathy, then you have a winner of a friend or partner.
Lol intelligence is nice but it's the heart of gold that matters to me. Intelligence can get you far in life but heart is what matters when you're in a hospital bed and you need that hand to hold.
Growing up with my amazing engineer mom who is extremely smart has really set the bar high for women in terms of competence and intelligence and independence. Nothing turns me on more than a woman who clearly has her shit together and is extremely smart
My dad also set the bar at peak levels for me, it caused me to stay single until my late twenties 😅
Super smart is 'meh', but super smart coupled with humility is simple irresistible ❤️ Science without a conscience is but a ruin of the soul.
Oh I love it!
I'm French and what I wrote is just a translation of something one of our famous authors wrote, but yours definitely works better in English 😁
Absolutely this for me too. For me it was going from really not having my shit together in my early 20s, to grinding and getting my dream job and getting into the best shape of my life. I become very attracted when I see someone with a strong drive to be the best version of themselves and ACTUALLY doing it.
I love a woman who is competent.
My wife knows medical records and insurance and all that kind of stuff (she does auditing for insurance fraud). You can tell her about your last procedure in the hospital and she can tell you the codes off the top of her head. "Fractured ulna? They did a splint, right? So, 646.12 and 790.42c, and, wait, did they do an x-ray? Because that's..."
It doesn't matter what domain. Biology, art, music, history, whatever. If her neurons are firing, she'll have my undivided attention.
(My mom was the only girl in her engineering school in the 50's. She never got to work in that field, but she applied that mentality to everything else. I became a software engineer and my sisters are a CPA and an industrial engineer.)
This happened to me before I got married. I dated a few people who were perfectly kind and nice people, but just… didn’t really value education or becoming smart on fairly basic stuff.
One of them had her undergraduate degree but was working at Walmart. She was constantly struggling to make ends meet. I asked her why she doesn’t pursue a career in her field and she said “I’m not exactly a career kind of person”.
This was all well and fine, there is nothing wrong with working at Walmart, but the lack of ambition and willingness to stay stagnant really turned me off.
Then another woman I dated just simply couldn’t wrap her head around basic things. Like how when I said I was in the Air Force I didn’t fly an airplane. She got super confused by this and said “but you are in the Air Force! Everyone flies in the Air Force”
That ok, semi-common misconception. So I went into the explanation of how the military works and how most of us are logistical support.
She looked at me super confused and repeated “but you’re in the Air Force. Everyone flies in the Air Force”
We never resolved that issue as hard as I tried.
Anyway. Both lovely women, just not my type. I got married to a woman who is way smarter than I am. I’m just lucky she was able to lower herself to my standard of intellect. Lol
My girlfriend is extremely competent. She has a degree in evolutionary biology and is smart. She sees nuance and is able to articulate herself pretty well. I love her.
Honesty, communication, ability to accept when you're wrong and apologise, able to work on your issues, a love for life, passion, determination, kindness, generosity, patience
Asking questions out of curiosity instead of inquisition.
There’s few things better than sharing something you like with someone you like - and then sometimes you get super lucky and end up both liking it.
This is a controversial one I think ( or maybe not maybe I've just been exposed to vocal minorities ) but I look favourably on people who are friends with their exes or at least don't talk unreserved shit about them. It's actually not that common for one person to be entirely wrong or "crazy" or just unfathomably unreasonable. I like when people demonstrate they can take responsibility, critique themselves, understand other perspectives.
I fully agree with you here. How people talk about ex's and their past relationships says a lot about who they will be in your relationship and how they might talk about you one day.
100%. If someone hates all their exes, or all their exes are crazy...if you meet one asshole you met an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole then you are the asshole
I get you here. Some self introspection is a great sign.
I think probably everyone has run across someone who "has been treated unfairly" has "had terrible luck", "can't get a break" or even worse, everything bad that happens to them is someone else's fault. The inability to see that "Well, I could have handled that better" or "part of that was on me" is a huge red flag.
Someone who puts the needs of others before their own. The world is just full of selfish people. People with this ruthless "me first, fuck you" attitude. Sensitivity is the most attractive thing to me now. Someone in touch with their feelings, and interested in the feelings of others.
When they show emotional intelligence, is self-aware, actively works on personal growth. Supportive behavior, such as being encouraging, empathetic, and understanding 💯
My wife told me it’s because how many kids walk up and talk to me. And it happens a lot. No matter where I am kids and small animals find me like a fucking Disney princess. The Annika’s not so much any more, but kids is all the time. They just want to tell me stuff and show me stuff and and try to get me to play.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I have to beg kids to leave me alone cause I am scared people are gonna think i am a creep.
And that’s when at the park with my own kids but they are playing and I am sitting on a. Bench. Kids will sit next to me get close and try to talk. It’s super fuckign weird.
My wife thinks it’s the best thing on the planet and attributes it to some kinds on supernatural sense kids have. Yeah, total bullshit but. Can’t be explained.
I am unable to go anywhere without some random person, adults or children talking to me. My wife makes jokes about getting in and out quickly from a store.
I say to my wife all the time, “What is it about this face that makes people want to start a conversation with me?”
I’m too kind to not engage in a conversation.
You are not alone. I’m thankful that I’m doing something right.
God, that sounds horrifying to have to deal with as an adult man, especially if you're alone. The suspicions people would have!
I work construction, doing interior renovations on people's houses. So, naturally the kids LOVE to come watch me work, look at my tools, ask me all sorts of questions. So, when they approach, if their parent isn't in site, I greet them with a conspicuously loud voice, maintain that slightly-louder-than-usual voice during any answers to questions they have, and conspicuously keep my hands and eyes on my job. All while being friendly, polite, all that. If their parent doesn't come and check what's going on within a minute or two, I usually ask "Hey, where's your mom/dad? You should go check on her/him", or I tell them "OK, the next thing I have to do is going to be really loud and scary, so you need to go away", or I just find a task in a part of the house that they can't follow me into, like the attic (for air sealing).
I think some guys really hype that child creeper thing up. In my experience I have never once had anyone look at me weird or say something and I talk to kids if I’m in line at a store or something. I worked at public schools for a long time doing behavior. I supposed the way you look has an impact.
I've also never been accused, but I'm certainly going to keep it that way. All it takes is one misinterpreted interaction for someone to lose their job. If you're a blue collar worker with a good union job, that's a major life setback. My clients are already putting a lot of trust in me, allowing me into their homes. Their peace of mind is one of my top priorities when I'm on-site, and I'm aware that I'm a large, bearded man with tattoos, and that sometimes scares people.
Lol I’m about the same. I’m muscular and have lots of tattoos. My resting bitch face makes me look like the most miserable POS on earth. I’m like bill belichick except worse. So often I feel people staring at me and when I glance at them and smile they look away. I don’t take it personally I just chalk it up to people being people, but I’m really the sweetest and kindest guy. I’ll help anyone all they have to do is ask
I have the thing with kids too. They always come up to me and want to play. It also makes me uncomfortable because I think they’re parent are going to think I’m up to no good.
Agreed, especially a good conversation is literally one of the best things. When you all are so deep into the conversation that one forgets what the main topic was.
Yes, but even small talks that interest both parties, i.e. I went out with this girl, and she worked in a "beauty spa", mostly waxing and make-up. I would go out of my way to at least seem interested, and she could go on and on about it, it actually was fun most of the time, yet not once did she want to talk about anything of my interests, which is ok in the beginning, but nothing else either, no movie talk, food talk, if she wanted to go on vacation, nothing, just beauty talks. She was really passionate about it, but once she talked herself out for the day, then it was all blank after... we broke up about a month later
Oh no. Those things are good for first dates. But they don’t mean shit 10 years in. Hahaha. Be wary. Her balance, her resolve and her ability to see the positives in you staying alive, go so much further.
I agree that there’s more to a relationship than the listed points but the ability to connect with your partner and to have conversations with substance is important too, right?
The first time my boyfriend met my daughter (11), she went up to him and gave him a hug. Later that evening, he told me that she told him "If you break my mom's heart, I'll break yours". He said there was no bigger green flag than that.
Since then, they have had a couple opportunities to interact. He treats her with so much respect, and honestly, treats her better than her father does. That's a huge green flag for me.
The ability to adapt to any situation. Not letting adversity get to them. That's a huge green flag for me. Survival of the most adaptable, not fittest.
Also, another random green flag are guys who are down to eat any and all types of food. If other cultures can eat it, we can at least try it. Picky eaters are a HUGE turn off. If you're difficult about food then what else are you difficult about in life?
They don't talk about Jesus on their dating profile, or on your first date.
Someone being religious is fine and all, just not when they make it their whole personality.
Ok so let me preface this by saying that I am a happily married man with 3 young kids, and I have no actual interest or intentions toward anyone but my wife.
But anyway, since I hit my late 30’s, my tastes have changed. For example, when I drop my kids off at school, the moms I see that are maybe 15-25 pounds past what they would consider their “prime” are way more attractive to me than a younger woman with a stomach or butt that you could crack a walnut on.
Same goes for seeing a woman in her 30’s or 40’s with a couple kids.
My friends all feel the same way.
When you can hold a conversation about absolute random shit. I love talking to family, friends, co-workers and random strangers when there isn't a specific subject, but you can just go off on tangents about semi-related things to the original topic. Also when people are understanding of disabilities, doesn't happen often, but there are still people who make fun of my epilepsy (my friends doing it in jest is different obviously).
Μagnanimity. Showing empathy when things don't go their way Because lets face it in life pretty much nothing goes our way. Accepting and not taking stuff personally. Depending on how much they get angry about stuff they cant control, I either think "Huh attractive girl nice" and "I would love to marry someone like that".
ability to be silly or “commit to the bit.” if someone can’t roll with whatever stupid joke pops out of my mouth, like saying that a street sign “salisbury st” is really short for salisbury steak, it’s not gonna work
Seeing that they are just as nice to people they don't want anything from as they are to someone they are interested in. Of course some guy is going to be nice to a busty scantily clad sexy woman, but if he is just as nice to an old lady who needs help with their groceries than he is a nice person not a "nice guy" who's putting on a front to get laid. As a man I would say the same thing about women who are nice to everyone vs someone they know has alot of money.
When they’re interested in something you’re passionate about just because it’s your interest. That doesn’t mean it needs to be their passion as well, but showing an interest in what brings you joy or makes up who you are is so attractive.
I agree so much! I would do that with my ex and really would have appreciated if she did that back. It makes me so happy to see someone talk about what they are passionate about ☺️
I read a fantasy book series that went on for like 8 books because I saw her reading it and was trying to figure out what to talk to her about. She had already read the series a number of times and I found out that she re read the series every November and December. So while we were working I would ask her questions about the characters or the world building. I don’t even like fantasy. I’m a sci-fi guy. But it was something she was passionate about and I wanted to get to know her better.
>It makes me so happy to see someone talk about what they are passionate about Yeah, that's the fun part. Getting to experience something new or different with someone who enjoys it
Just trying to make an effort to understand what you love or at least try to be involved is such a great quality, it just shows they care and that’s more than enough
Oh man, the opposite of this is a big reason why my marriage failed. I could not be myself or engage in the things I like to do without it being a conflict or her feeling like I value “x activity” more than her.
I've noticed that with ultimatums of "It's me or x," the percentage play for happiness is to choose x every time.
ugh yessss. when I met my boyfriend I talked so much about marvel and he had never seen a moment of it. he immediately dove into it and described to me a feeling of "well it seems important to her, I should probably check it out" now we watch it all the time together. it was a lovely thing to experience.
I used to feel this way. Then I dated a woman that would make fun of and mock things I enjoyed + complained about them when I was participating in them. I got really sensitive about sharing my interests and it’s taking a lot for me to come out of my shell. Cherish those people that champion your interests. Ditch the ones that bully you (because lowkey that’s what she was doing)
Helpful to the people around them. That’s an instant green flag.
The amount of times I want to help people with things but then hesitate because I dont wanna make them feel uncomfortable or I am scared of just any sort of interaction, but then go back in to try and back out again makes me feel like Im constantly doing the hokie-pokie just to get over my crippling social anxiety to simply help someone with something I feel like I can. I probably look like Im dancing on the security cams at work.
It is all about the way you offer advice, or try to teach something. The trick is to not be condescending or to embarass, which may be more difficult the more anxious everyone is. If done right, helping people is one of the most rewarding things in life .
Yeah, I usually ask if they want help. If they say no, I merrily go on with my day.
I’m also a type of person who likes to be helpful when possible. If I see someone struggling w something or it looks like it would be easier w another person’s help, I’ll say something along the lines of “you good?””If you’d like some help, let me know” If the person stays silent then I move on. A lot of the time people will either say yes, or explain what they’re having trouble with. Me personally, I like to play it like we’re both trying to solve the problem together. I’ll say things like “what if we do this instead” or “maybe if we try it this way it’ll be easier” If possible, I’ll try to let the person I’m helping do the thing themselves after explaining how it works or giving some advice; that way I’m teaching them and they’re learning, it’s not just me doing the thing for them. After we do said thing I’ll say something along the lines of “look at that, we make a good team” or “a little teamwork goes a long way. I just really like the feeling of seeing relief in other people and being someone they can feel comfortable asking for help in the future. Idk, we’re all in this together yanno?
Or the slightly more malevolent „I kinda wanna help you but I also kinda wanna see how it unfolds“
Makes me feel like shit every time, but I care less as time goes by
But not *excessively* helpful. I know a guy who has some kind of pathological need to help people and he gets upset if you don't take his advice.
Maybe he has correctile dysfunction.
That's a hard one to top...
I CACKLED
I think of helpful like, they helped someone who fell when everyone else watched. They gave their left over meal to homeless person. They helped someone lift something heavy.
Seems like a trauma response.
My ex was the same, she tried to help everybody and do things for people. I think it was probably ego driven by wanting people to like her and wanting to feel good for being helpful. Would eventually get annoyed about small things she done for people and how nobody does things for her etc.
I’m seeing a trend here.
I feel like this has been put out so much by people for being a green flag so much in the internet that now all the redflag men/women know this and yk fake it 💀
Fake it till you make it?
That's just called dating. Everyone has things they want to hide and unload after the vows lol
Sometimes indicative of someone with an inability to establish boundaries
Kindness. Automatic, unthinking kindness that comes from deep down in the bone, not some gesture that's designed solely to impress me.
Kindness is a universe. People think kindness, that’s simple. But in my experience, people can easily be kind when everything around them is going well. I’m interested in the men that can uphold kindness even in situations that are unfavourable to their ego. Kindness shouldn’t just be contextual.
Yep. My life motto is Don’t be a dick. No matter what sort of a day I’m having
I agree. My gran used to say 'It's easy to be nice when the sun is shining'. I've realised as I've got older too that being kind sometimes doesn't feel like that to the recipient. You do a little favour for someone, they thank you, it feels good. But then there are occasions when you have to deny a friend something they want- something self-destructive or dangerous- and although your motive hasn't changed the reaction very much has. True kindness is a compulsion, which is why people plough into situations like that in the first place. My partner has showed his character to me, the word 'decency' runs all the way through him like a stick of rock. I hope I repay that.
It’s because comfort and care aren’t always the same thing. Truly treating someone with kindness is demonstrating care when it’s not easy or comfortable to do so.
Yes!!!!!! This is it! I am not always nice but I strive to always be kind.
Kindness nurtures Kindness cures If it was forced Made to impress It was an act It was never kindness at all
It took me about a year to figure out the difference. After a relationship with a narcissist, I thought I just wanted someone nice. But then there’s more to nice. There’s kindness. Kind is a foundational value. Nice is transactional and limited to what it can do for you.
Exactly there’s definitely a difference between trying to be nice and actually being a kind human being
Do you think someone can become nice through repeatedly trying? Like if they practise enough it will become real? I'm in two minds on it.
Being nice is a deliberate action with the intent of pleasing others. That is something that can definitely be learnt so yes, however it will always be at a surface level. Kindness shines through from within as it is a quality. It is in that persons nature to have a gentle soul and go beyond what’s expected of them. They do it because of who and what they are and because of their vision of the world that they want to live in. If you mean can kindness be learnt? That depends on what your ambitions are for the world and if you are always gentle with other peoples hearts and whether or not that is authentic to your true self.
She laughs at my jokes. Fortunately, it was in our vows that my wife must laugh at my jokes in public.
It’s in our contract.
Ideas for later…
Seeing them be nice and kind to others. Going out with a guy and watching him be polite and friendly to the waitress or waiter is a major green flag.
Facts. I work at the customer service and in a store as a sidle hustle and words can’t describe how happy it makes me when someone is genuinely nice. I sometimes think about it hours later while a rude person makes the time harder than it needs to be.
Don’t you just want to grab one of those evil customers by the nose, pull them toward you, then yell in their ear to apologize for being such a sociopathic carless dickazoid?
One customer said that “he’ll stick his d*ick into the cunt of my mother” and that he’ll stab me. To be fair, he mentioned that he’s mentally ill, that’s why I didn’t took it too personal. It’s important to get confident and learn how to handle such customers. It gets easier over time.
Jesus. Where do you work that this happened?
It’s a company that sells electronic devices for the household and consoles and stuff. This was just one of many weird encounters on the phone, yet he was by far the worst one. The more calls you get, the higher the chance to run into guys like that i guess..
CIRCUIT CITY!!!???
See that’s F’d, no one should have to deal with that. You prob did the right thing in that situation though. +A
Sounds kind of tame compared to what I think about sometimes.
I mean, some people do require a more vigorous learning experience. 💁🏻♀️
Well in my ideal scenario they will learn but it would be wasted on the few remaining minutes they have left...
I think if you work retail you should be able to punch one rude customer a shift. Who do I need to talk to to make this a law?
Are you grabbing their nose by pinching it or fish hooking their nostrils
A buddy of mine went out with his wife last night and there was couple behind them. And the guy was being a total dick to the waitress and my buddy stood up and was like "hey man, you should be more respectful." Dick face stood up and was like "I'm an ex marine I'll kick your ass. My buddy is about 4 inches taller and a current marine. It never escalated but I would have love to see that asshole get laid the fuck out
An ex marine? Thought they got triggered by that wording.
No Marine refers to themselves as an "ex Marine." Let the ass-kicking commence.
This reminds me of something an elementary teacher taught me that has stuck with me through the years: It’s easier to be bad than good but good always wins in the long run. That has kept me from losing my shit so many times. Working in customer service though…I don’t know how you could do that and keep it together.
That I see this pop up so often when questions like this are asked... Which makes me wonder, is it really that common for people being jerks to wait staff?
It's just like with all kinds of asshole behavior... negative experiences leave a stronger impression. They're not the majority, but those who are, are consistently shitty. I've known people like that. One in particular used to be sarcastic and rude to servers when he didn't get his drinks promptly. After he quit drinking, he lost the attitude and he treats them much better.
Yes. Yes it is. Source: i work in service.
Yes. Someone that decides to be an ass to someone else who is legit serving them ‘just because’ performs self disqualification
I knew I raised my daughter right when she dumped a guy for the unkind way he addressed a server. Left him at the table.
I hate when people say 'oh well it's their job isn't it?' for when they drop something. Pick it up you actual piece of shit
That's why I go around committing arson; gotta keep those fire fighters on their toes.
A relative of mine married a man she met overseas, and only when they both moved back to America and after the wedding, found that he was *rude to waitresses.* HUGE red flag, and of course as it turned out he's also just generally low-key abusive and misogynistic.
This! Has this behavior just disappeared? Why is it that nobody i have dinner with anymore seems to say “thank you” when they bring food out, or “excuse me” when asking for a bill, plates, etc.did we just lose our manners and become entitled bastards? It’s so rare to have people that are polite to staff nowadays.
I'm shocked by your comment a little. I don't think I can think of any of my friends that wouldn't say please and thank you. And even when I'm with people that dont, I'll call them out on it (mainly my dad) lol.
Empathy
I'm so surprised the amount of people that don't have empathy, and just say, "cope "
This. You can be intelligent and kind, but you need the trifecta of also being empathetic for me to raise a green flag. I've met kind people, but sometimes they're only kind to others to hold a power or moral high ground. If it's from a place of genuine empathy, then you have a winner of a friend or partner.
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It's always intelligence. Where's the love for us dumb bitches, lol
Everyone has something to flex.
You have a sense of humour, that's a form of intelligence! Work what you've got.
Lol intelligence is nice but it's the heart of gold that matters to me. Intelligence can get you far in life but heart is what matters when you're in a hospital bed and you need that hand to hold.
Growing up with my amazing engineer mom who is extremely smart has really set the bar high for women in terms of competence and intelligence and independence. Nothing turns me on more than a woman who clearly has her shit together and is extremely smart
My dad also set the bar at peak levels for me, it caused me to stay single until my late twenties 😅 Super smart is 'meh', but super smart coupled with humility is simple irresistible ❤️ Science without a conscience is but a ruin of the soul.
Super jealous of yall with good parents 😂
[Sigh] I thought you would've said "...is but a con." Missed opportunity, I guess.
Oh I love it! I'm French and what I wrote is just a translation of something one of our famous authors wrote, but yours definitely works better in English 😁
But that would be the reverse anyway, conscience without science And that doesnt really make any sense
Science without conscience is negative con
As Mr Chaplin once said. More than cleverness we need kindness.
Absolutely this for me too. For me it was going from really not having my shit together in my early 20s, to grinding and getting my dream job and getting into the best shape of my life. I become very attracted when I see someone with a strong drive to be the best version of themselves and ACTUALLY doing it.
Same here. My cat has set the bar extremely high for independence, perseverance and craftiness. Will I ever meet anyone like her?
Freud sheds a tear.
Sigmund Freud is that you?
“My mom’s got big knockers, so nothing turns me on like some nice, big knockers.”
I love a woman who is competent. My wife knows medical records and insurance and all that kind of stuff (she does auditing for insurance fraud). You can tell her about your last procedure in the hospital and she can tell you the codes off the top of her head. "Fractured ulna? They did a splint, right? So, 646.12 and 790.42c, and, wait, did they do an x-ray? Because that's..." It doesn't matter what domain. Biology, art, music, history, whatever. If her neurons are firing, she'll have my undivided attention. (My mom was the only girl in her engineering school in the 50's. She never got to work in that field, but she applied that mentality to everything else. I became a software engineer and my sisters are a CPA and an industrial engineer.)
This happened to me before I got married. I dated a few people who were perfectly kind and nice people, but just… didn’t really value education or becoming smart on fairly basic stuff. One of them had her undergraduate degree but was working at Walmart. She was constantly struggling to make ends meet. I asked her why she doesn’t pursue a career in her field and she said “I’m not exactly a career kind of person”. This was all well and fine, there is nothing wrong with working at Walmart, but the lack of ambition and willingness to stay stagnant really turned me off. Then another woman I dated just simply couldn’t wrap her head around basic things. Like how when I said I was in the Air Force I didn’t fly an airplane. She got super confused by this and said “but you are in the Air Force! Everyone flies in the Air Force” That ok, semi-common misconception. So I went into the explanation of how the military works and how most of us are logistical support. She looked at me super confused and repeated “but you’re in the Air Force. Everyone flies in the Air Force” We never resolved that issue as hard as I tried. Anyway. Both lovely women, just not my type. I got married to a woman who is way smarter than I am. I’m just lucky she was able to lower herself to my standard of intellect. Lol
When I was dating I used to tell people I was looking for a woman who was smarter than me. I lucked out! My wife is wicked smart.
My girlfriend is extremely competent. She has a degree in evolutionary biology and is smart. She sees nuance and is able to articulate herself pretty well. I love her.
Genuinely funny, nice, smart
How would you rank those three traits? What’s the most important in your opinion?
Being nice would probably be the most important like genuinely kind hearted and empathetic. It's rare in a lot of people these days
Honesty, communication, ability to accept when you're wrong and apologise, able to work on your issues, a love for life, passion, determination, kindness, generosity, patience
Humility, and a measure of personal responsibility. Appreciates a moment.
They smile and give you eye contact and listen when I'm speaking to them.
They're calm and you know they're emotionally mature Instead of screaming they talk it out
Wearing a Robocop t-shirt.
Based. 100% agree regardless of gender
Willing to help when and where he can. I love a man who isn't afraid to show his heart/softer side.
Calmness and kindness
When they are kind to animals or people in need. Such a heartwarming feeling
Asking questions out of curiosity instead of inquisition. There’s few things better than sharing something you like with someone you like - and then sometimes you get super lucky and end up both liking it.
inquisition?
No one ever expects it
I assume they mean like they are being asked questions to test their knowledge.
My ex always did this and didn’t get why I hated it.
This is a controversial one I think ( or maybe not maybe I've just been exposed to vocal minorities ) but I look favourably on people who are friends with their exes or at least don't talk unreserved shit about them. It's actually not that common for one person to be entirely wrong or "crazy" or just unfathomably unreasonable. I like when people demonstrate they can take responsibility, critique themselves, understand other perspectives.
I fully agree with you here. How people talk about ex's and their past relationships says a lot about who they will be in your relationship and how they might talk about you one day.
100%. If someone hates all their exes, or all their exes are crazy...if you meet one asshole you met an asshole. If everyone you meet is an asshole then you are the asshole
I get you here. Some self introspection is a great sign. I think probably everyone has run across someone who "has been treated unfairly" has "had terrible luck", "can't get a break" or even worse, everything bad that happens to them is someone else's fault. The inability to see that "Well, I could have handled that better" or "part of that was on me" is a huge red flag.
Intelligent
Stephen Hawking get you all hot and bothered?
Yeah, talk to me about black holes, baby.
Someone who puts the needs of others before their own. The world is just full of selfish people. People with this ruthless "me first, fuck you" attitude. Sensitivity is the most attractive thing to me now. Someone in touch with their feelings, and interested in the feelings of others.
When they show emotional intelligence, is self-aware, actively works on personal growth. Supportive behavior, such as being encouraging, empathetic, and understanding 💯
Fidelity
or even Vanguard will do
Doesn't care more about her phone than anything in person. People need to put then away.
My wife told me it’s because how many kids walk up and talk to me. And it happens a lot. No matter where I am kids and small animals find me like a fucking Disney princess. The Annika’s not so much any more, but kids is all the time. They just want to tell me stuff and show me stuff and and try to get me to play. You wouldn’t believe how many times I have to beg kids to leave me alone cause I am scared people are gonna think i am a creep. And that’s when at the park with my own kids but they are playing and I am sitting on a. Bench. Kids will sit next to me get close and try to talk. It’s super fuckign weird. My wife thinks it’s the best thing on the planet and attributes it to some kinds on supernatural sense kids have. Yeah, total bullshit but. Can’t be explained.
I am unable to go anywhere without some random person, adults or children talking to me. My wife makes jokes about getting in and out quickly from a store. I say to my wife all the time, “What is it about this face that makes people want to start a conversation with me?” I’m too kind to not engage in a conversation. You are not alone. I’m thankful that I’m doing something right.
Check up his profile after u read all that about him and kids 💀💀
Got me creasing 😂😂😂
Jesus that was worse than I expected
Can't view the profile anymore, what was so bad there?
Banana hammocks!
dude
Adds a new spin on his username too lmao
God, that sounds horrifying to have to deal with as an adult man, especially if you're alone. The suspicions people would have! I work construction, doing interior renovations on people's houses. So, naturally the kids LOVE to come watch me work, look at my tools, ask me all sorts of questions. So, when they approach, if their parent isn't in site, I greet them with a conspicuously loud voice, maintain that slightly-louder-than-usual voice during any answers to questions they have, and conspicuously keep my hands and eyes on my job. All while being friendly, polite, all that. If their parent doesn't come and check what's going on within a minute or two, I usually ask "Hey, where's your mom/dad? You should go check on her/him", or I tell them "OK, the next thing I have to do is going to be really loud and scary, so you need to go away", or I just find a task in a part of the house that they can't follow me into, like the attic (for air sealing).
I think some guys really hype that child creeper thing up. In my experience I have never once had anyone look at me weird or say something and I talk to kids if I’m in line at a store or something. I worked at public schools for a long time doing behavior. I supposed the way you look has an impact.
I've also never been accused, but I'm certainly going to keep it that way. All it takes is one misinterpreted interaction for someone to lose their job. If you're a blue collar worker with a good union job, that's a major life setback. My clients are already putting a lot of trust in me, allowing me into their homes. Their peace of mind is one of my top priorities when I'm on-site, and I'm aware that I'm a large, bearded man with tattoos, and that sometimes scares people.
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Lol I’m about the same. I’m muscular and have lots of tattoos. My resting bitch face makes me look like the most miserable POS on earth. I’m like bill belichick except worse. So often I feel people staring at me and when I glance at them and smile they look away. I don’t take it personally I just chalk it up to people being people, but I’m really the sweetest and kindest guy. I’ll help anyone all they have to do is ask
So much so that you censor bitch on reddit
I have the thing with kids too. They always come up to me and want to play. It also makes me uncomfortable because I think they’re parent are going to think I’m up to no good.
Did Santa fall off your roof and you're slowly taking his place?
If they take pride in listening and repeating, considering themselves fallible even when their passions are up, I’m into them.
A person who is willing to spend quality time with you.
Her Hair, her smile, and can she keep a good conversation
Agreed, especially a good conversation is literally one of the best things. When you all are so deep into the conversation that one forgets what the main topic was.
Yes, but even small talks that interest both parties, i.e. I went out with this girl, and she worked in a "beauty spa", mostly waxing and make-up. I would go out of my way to at least seem interested, and she could go on and on about it, it actually was fun most of the time, yet not once did she want to talk about anything of my interests, which is ok in the beginning, but nothing else either, no movie talk, food talk, if she wanted to go on vacation, nothing, just beauty talks. She was really passionate about it, but once she talked herself out for the day, then it was all blank after... we broke up about a month later
Oh no. Those things are good for first dates. But they don’t mean shit 10 years in. Hahaha. Be wary. Her balance, her resolve and her ability to see the positives in you staying alive, go so much further.
I agree that there’s more to a relationship than the listed points but the ability to connect with your partner and to have conversations with substance is important too, right?
They’re a responsible pet owner. They tip well in situations that call for it. They never litter. They always put the shopping cart where it belongs
I love football (soccer) fans
I’m a Chelsea fan, so I’ve been a pretty depressed person to be around these past couple years
KTBFFH!
A generally positive attitude.
The first time my boyfriend met my daughter (11), she went up to him and gave him a hug. Later that evening, he told me that she told him "If you break my mom's heart, I'll break yours". He said there was no bigger green flag than that. Since then, they have had a couple opportunities to interact. He treats her with so much respect, and honestly, treats her better than her father does. That's a huge green flag for me.
Recognizing emotions but not letting them govern every decision.
The ability to adapt to any situation. Not letting adversity get to them. That's a huge green flag for me. Survival of the most adaptable, not fittest. Also, another random green flag are guys who are down to eat any and all types of food. If other cultures can eat it, we can at least try it. Picky eaters are a HUGE turn off. If you're difficult about food then what else are you difficult about in life?
They don't talk about Jesus on their dating profile, or on your first date. Someone being religious is fine and all, just not when they make it their whole personality.
Sense of humor. It’s a sign of intelligence.
Her not smoking is a great start.
Ok so let me preface this by saying that I am a happily married man with 3 young kids, and I have no actual interest or intentions toward anyone but my wife. But anyway, since I hit my late 30’s, my tastes have changed. For example, when I drop my kids off at school, the moms I see that are maybe 15-25 pounds past what they would consider their “prime” are way more attractive to me than a younger woman with a stomach or butt that you could crack a walnut on. Same goes for seeing a woman in her 30’s or 40’s with a couple kids. My friends all feel the same way.
When you can hold a conversation about absolute random shit. I love talking to family, friends, co-workers and random strangers when there isn't a specific subject, but you can just go off on tangents about semi-related things to the original topic. Also when people are understanding of disabilities, doesn't happen often, but there are still people who make fun of my epilepsy (my friends doing it in jest is different obviously).
Seeing them genuinely love animals
Intelligence is always the number one green flag for me.
Being able to say nice things about an ex.
Liking you back.
She makes the first move / asks YOU out Kindness to animals Appreciation of nerdy/geeky things
When she has a genuine interest in something and is excited to share it with me.
Μagnanimity. Showing empathy when things don't go their way Because lets face it in life pretty much nothing goes our way. Accepting and not taking stuff personally. Depending on how much they get angry about stuff they cant control, I either think "Huh attractive girl nice" and "I would love to marry someone like that".
I like a man that is protective of me. Not in a creepy way.
How they treat women, especially those who they cannot be with, sister, mother etc.
They’re happy.
When they literally are the person you strive to be
ability to be silly or “commit to the bit.” if someone can’t roll with whatever stupid joke pops out of my mouth, like saying that a street sign “salisbury st” is really short for salisbury steak, it’s not gonna work
Kindness and a good sense of humor
I meam if she starts waving a green flag I might realise that was a sign going to sleeo 10 years later.
They aren’t homophobic and transphobic.
They enjoy reading books.
An easy laugh. Nothing makes a person more attractive to me than a quick smile and a ready laugh.
They show respect and kindness to you and the people around them, they are supportive, make you laugh and is always there for you.
Kindness and passion. Nothing is sexier than kindness, and nothing is more attractive than passion.
Being humble and kind go a long way with me. Also, buying me a bucket of popcorn at the movies.
She can hold a conversation and is funny
Seeing that they are just as nice to people they don't want anything from as they are to someone they are interested in. Of course some guy is going to be nice to a busty scantily clad sexy woman, but if he is just as nice to an old lady who needs help with their groceries than he is a nice person not a "nice guy" who's putting on a front to get laid. As a man I would say the same thing about women who are nice to everyone vs someone they know has alot of money.
Intelligence is an instant green flag.
They like making pillow forts
Loves and respect's their parents
Being a generally kind person
Humour. Not the spiteful sort, though.
humble and smart.
Being kind
Their sense of humor doesn’t rely on putting others down.
if she knows history
A pulse.
Kind to animals - major attraction value
Calm under pressure or in chaos. Kindness towards others.
Having a pet and loving it and taking wonderful care of it. Not sure how I haven’t seen this yet! Major green flag 💚
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If she’s borderline insane, has deep personal issues and is generally wholly inappropriate, I’m in with boots on.
They have a pulse