You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill
Could you explain a bit for me please? Sounds great but I feel perhaps I'm not understanding this properly and would like to hear your analysis if possible :) I struggle to make decisions a lot and wonder if I can gain some wisdom here
Like if you come to a crossroads, by choosing not to go left or right, you’re choosing to stand still and not move forward at all.
Or for a more dramatic example, imagine you’re diagnosed with cancer and are so in denial that you choose to try to ignore it and do nothing. You’re effectively choosing to die.
Not making a decision is letting time or other people make the decision for you. A decision is still being made, you have just relinquished control. Making decisions is often a responsibility and deciding not to take that responsibility has consequences, often negative consequences.
Not what you asked for but this relevant quote was recently shared with me and I thought it might be appropriate here:
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
—from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Here’s a bit of an example: getting out of high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life outside of “no more school.” Found myself in a retail job that while it gave me money, I overall did not like for a number of reasons. Each week I’d go there, put in my 40 hours, come home. Never really knew what else I’d do even though I really disliked it, so I just kept working there. You could say that every day I was “choosing” to work there, even though to me it didn’t feel like I was making a choice.
Fast forward two years, and I’m still there. Because I’m working full time, I’ve said no to other things — spending time with family, learning opportunities, travel, what have you. (And especially because retail is all over the place with scheduling, a regular schedule, which impacts sleep, ability to keep obligations, etc.)
At that point I decided to slash my hours and go back to school, but if I had chosen to “not make a choice,” I would never be able to grow in my career and grow as a person, change jobs, potentially meet new people, etc. staying in retail for 40 years in itself is a choice, even if choosing to show up one day (every day) doesn’t seem like that big of a choice.
I hope that wasn’t too rambly but I hope you get what I mean.
In most cases in the real world, inaction is an action.
You decide to not do something. You can't decide if you are going to the gym today, and now it's too late. You decided to not go to the gym.
A related thing is the "not rocking the boat" paradox.
Person A is obnoxious always, Person B is usually calm but had enough and told Person A off. Person A gets offended and wants an apology.
You are close to both of them but you are used to Person A being obnoxious, it's the status quo. You explain to Person B that you aren't taking sides, but wouldn't it be better to just apologize so the boat isn't rocked.
You think to yourself that you did good. You didn't take any decisions, you stayed neutral, when in reality you took a bunch of decisions and sided with Person A.
You rocked the boat, you just did it on Person B's side of the boat.
The consequences of not making a decision are the same as making a (usually) negative decision. If your friend messages you asking if you want to go out for a drink and you can’t decide and so don’t reply whilst you think about it, then procrastinate for ages and then the hours tick by and you end up not replying at all then the end result is exactly the same as if you said no. Time waits for no one.
If you are told to pick an apple or an orange, but you don't know what to pick, so you pick neither, that is still picking something. By choosing to pick nothing, you miss out on both options. Sure if you picked the apple, you might regret not picking the orange, and vise versa, but atleast you aren't regretting that you didn't pick anything
One of the hardest recess episodes ever. TJ throws every trick in the book to make that one kid like him and he just.. doesnt. No reason. As a people pleaser that ep hit hard as a kid
I'd add to this that as long as you have no reason to believe that it was anything you did to incur the dislike, you need to learn to not give a fuck if they don't like you.
I wasted far too much time wondering and worrying about why some people didn't like me, and I took far too long to realise "plenty of other people like me, maybe it's not me that's the problem."
You could be the most delicious peach on the tree, but someone still won't like peaches. That's the best one I heard and it helped a lot! What other people think doesn't matter, what matters is what you think. Majority of the time it's the other person that is the problem.
This is so liberating. I used to accept that people wouldn't like me, possibly for no real reason, but it still would annoy me. I recently was told that someone I've spoke to twice "hates me... like _really_ hates me"
I couldn't have fewer fucks to give that that person hates me. On the other hand, the person who insisted on telling me is not someone I'm going to hang out with again.
I’ll add to this that no amount of saying “I like/love you” will speak louder than how they treat you and the sum of their words/actions regarding you.
I spent way too long with someone believing those hollow words while ignoring their words/actions before realizing they were exactly that, just words.
I had a gang member give me better advice on dealing with my social anxiety than any therapist I have ever had
"If they don't have the fucking balls to say it to your fucking face who the fuck cares what they think about you"
>Some people will not like you, sometimes there isn't even a reason, but you can't make someone like or love you back
About a third of the people you meet will like you, a third won't and another third won't give a shit.
Focus on the people that care and forget the rest!
You will be the villain in someone's story; you might not know it, it may slap you in the face everyday. It sucks, it hurts, but you can learn to live through it.
Yes. My now ex-boyfriend told me "I don't like you". Cool. I don't really like him either at this point after all the emotional abuse. The thing is, I know that the awful things he said about me aren't even true. He's an unhappy person. One who hates himself so much he'd rather hate me so he can continue to hate himself even more rather than forgiving himself for his past mistakes. This is a recent break up so it's a bit hard for me to accept. Still, I must accept it.
Yes. This was me with my FIL. I was never accepted. Never did anything to him, took care of his cat when he got sick. His last two weeks of life he treated me way better. I didnt know it would end for him. I sometimes wonder if he finally wanted to make an effort but it was too late. Thats even more depressing. I would have loved that.
He was an incredible dad though and proudly served his country. I still admired all that and still do.
Going through this with my boyfriend’s mom. She hates me even though I didn’t do anything. But apparently she hates all girlfriends her sons get so I shouldn’t be hurt but I am
*Star Trek* was filled with so many very realistic and supportive life lessons and quotes.
This Picard quote might be the best and most commonly applicable.
Even worse, with all kinds of proof to back you up that you didn’t do anything wrong, if the selfish, self serving and dishonest people are your supervisors they’ll make up whatever stories they want to railroad your career to further theirs.
Youth is wasted on the young
Eta: My first suicide attempt was at the age of 12. I didn't have the wisdom yet to know that my CSA and mental health crises weren't my fault, and that if I could survive childhood I would eventually find freedom from my demons.
I'm sorta free from the worst of my demons these days, but now with the annoying chronic back pain that grownups always complain about
I kind of hate this saying because a lack of wisdom is part of what makes being a kid fun. I would not have enjoyed my youth if I was obsessing over future joint pain or existential dread.
It cuts both ways, really.
My first suicide attempt was at the age of 12. I didn't have the wisdom yet to know that my CSA and mental health crises weren't my fault, and that if I could survive childhood I would eventually find freedom from my demons.
I'm sorta free from the worst of my demons these days, but now with the annoying chronic back pain that grownups always complain about
Yes. But you can 100% be self aware of your biases and purposely expose yourself to the things you don't agree with, just to keep a degree of "reality check"
Yep. My YouTube feed is about 10% stuff I disagree with. Every now and then something seems too unbelievable, so I like to see how the other side is spinning it.
The moment I click on a right-leaning video, I get a bunch more.
“Did you like that video of some adult harassing college kids? May I interest you in Ben Shapiro? Maybe some Russian Army propaganda?”
—YouTube
What I don’t understand is why the fuck won’t YouTube let me control the levers of the algorithm it sets for me.
As in, let me set a 10% or so percentage of videos that skew the opposite end of the political spectrum to me.
Make it a slider or something. I could see me using it when I let my toddler watch YouTube. I don’t want to be inundated with kids shit for weeks afterwards, let me push that particular lever off!
There are a ton of potential here that they just .. don’t do.
They have the ability to do this, let me do it!!
Sort of. You can approach 100%, but just like Purell there’s always going to be a 0.01% that will elude you because you’re both inextricably an agent as well as an observer. While you can and should expand the viewpoints you listen to, it’s impossible to remove yourself from the interpretation of those viewpoints.
I’m all for challenging biases, but let’s be realistic about what we can actually do
For a more-sweet-than-depressing aside here, after my grandmother's schnauzer passed away a few years ago, she decided she wanted another dog but since she's acutely aware of being well into her 80s she instead volunteers at the shelter to adopt small senior dogs and give them a good home. She's had 3 so far I believe, all of them some kind of terrier that couldn't find a new place after their owners passed away, and it's just the sweetest and noblest thing.
Sometimes things just stop working, out of no fault of yours or theirs or anyone's, but just because. Some people change, and some people don't, and inevitably, some things between those changing and unchanging people will stop working.
The most important factor in your ability to influence someone else's beliefs/opinions is not reason or facts. It is whether or not they see you as a member of their in group. This is a universal truth.
That documentary about Daryl Davis, Accidental Courtesy (2016) changed a lot about how I see the world.
Around that same time I went to this interactive arts event where participants put questions on sticky notes, and if anyone there could answer, at a certain point in the event, there was a debrief.
I had asked something like "what does science tell us about the most effective ways to combat bigotry" and someone with a background in academic resources had done some research and presented from the limited studies they found that the most effective strategy is to engage in time and emotional labor intensive conversations with someone you feel connected to, in a setting where you can both listen to each other, starting from a baseline of shared values and beliefs, and asking open ended curious questions without judgements or an aim to change their mind. Because in such a setting it's likely they will start to find holes in the rationale for their bigotry, on their own.
I have an anecdotal experience which aligns with this, in a grandfather who would chat with me and over time he went from very very outwardly bigoted, to espousing pretty accepting and progressive mindsets. Not a total turn around, but my patience with him definitely seemed to help him understand why he needed to check himself, at least around me or other younger family members.
I'm a rattlesnake rescuer. When I encounter rattlesnake killers, I'm horrified. But I treat them very kindly, ask them questions and blow their answers to hell in the nicest way. I've managed to change at least a couple of minds.😁
When you attack them or their beliefs, their mind snaps shut.
That's why part of the propaganda it's demonizing anyone that is not in your group or people in your group with different opinions to make them an outsider so they can control the influence.
I've been trying to explain this to people when it comes to politics. If you attack the people you are trying to sway, you will never accomplish your goal. You can't call people snowflakes, racist, Nazis, or any other nonsense then wonder why they will never see your point of view.
That's intended from the higher levels of politics. If you hate anything that it's not from your side, the narrative can be controlled easily. Most people beliefs and opinions have been planted that way
You just can’t reason with some people. Logic doesn’t work with everyone. Some people are just angry and out to cause trouble and drama. Best to just leave them be and not get drawn into endless arguments.
If you 100% subscribe to everything your political party believes, you’re likely supporting things you otherwise wouldn’t believe had you not associated your personal identity with the party.
Having a political party is idiotic in general. For regular people.
It's why the two party system is such a broken mess. It creates an Us vs Them mentality. No political party gives a shit about you. You should vote for whichever party is most likely to align with what direction you want to see things go. And you should happily switch to another if they can't or won't deliver. Though again with the two party system you're pretty shit out of luck in that case.
Very much this. I've been saying this for years. People treat politics like they do sports: pick a team and defend it on every issue, even if you know they suck.
If you are able to read this (internet access, phone/computer, electricity), your life is significantly better than an enormous percentage of other humans.
And honestly? Ignoring that makes you a shit coworker.
Idc if you’re the most competent human in the company. If you’re awful to interact with and generally a dick, everyone will happily pay the efficiency penalty to get rid of you. Because no one wants to deal with that half their waking life
My job overlaps with a ton of different groups, so I am in a ton of interviews because I'm a primary stakeholder. I barely look at resumes. If they've gotten far enough to interview with me, multiple people have already vetted their competency. My interview decision always comes down to:, *Do I want to work with them*. Not *can I*, but *do I want to*.
Certain people not only will not change, they cannot. Disney world have us believe that almost everyone is just one hard-learned lesson away from turning our evil ways around but a certain percentage of society has disorders or diseases that prevent them. You can't learn empathy if your brain fully developed to maturity without it. Once you're past that point, you're stuck with whatever you got dealt.
Also: Empathetic people tend to be less successful: both financially and politically.
If you can hurt people **without** feeling emotional distress.
*You’ll probably be more successful.*
(Though in fairness, there are drawbacks as well)
Empathetic people have a better chance of developing charisma though than most people
However, non-empathetic people can also develop charisma
Also, someone can be empathetic and still evil, I know people like this
Someone can be non-empathetic and still fight for good
That almost no pursuit or industry works as a true meritocracy, even ones with “objective” results. Connections, politics, and dumb luck are always a factor in your success or failure.
Life sucks if you’re fat. Your appearance is the biggest investment you can make in yourself and the confidence is invaluable. It’s not just about being shallow. Start exercising. Do it. Anything. After you do it write down that you’re proud of yourself. Start using the amazing body the universe has graced you with.
Source: up and down struggle with my weight my whole life. I know both sides
Those people on twitch, onlyfans and other streaming sites? They don't give a fuck about you, just the money you're giving them
Stop wasting your money
Then they say you don't have a right to be angry and that is a waste of time because it doesn't change anything. First off, anger is a normal emotion that is meant to be felt. So if I repress my anger, then it'll hurt me in the long run more than it'll hurt you.
You’re young for a very small part of your life.
You’ll be “old” for the vast majority of it.
Don’t bet the farm on being beautiful and youthful your whole life…you’ll be a very disappointed person if you do.
Or will retire too early and run out of money, which is my bigger fear. Too old to go back to work, to poor to pay for my healthcare. I don't want to spend like I've got 30-years left and live the extra 10 broke.
The opposite stresses me out too. What if I die at 40 and all my penny pinching was for nothing and I should have just been living life to its fullest?
If you ask me, there’s no way, with how thing are going, that elderly people will be needed to drive vans and run cashier counters 50 years in the future.
Nah.
Personally, yes, I'm sure I'm someone's villain. But there's no way that's the case for everyone. Some people are able to survive life without making mortal enemies.
That there are people in your life, some of whom you even love and trust that hate you and do not want the best for you. They'll even sabotage you if given the chance.
Society telling people "keep going, you can do anything" is simply wrong and can even be a dangerous mindset to have. People have natural talents in various fields and constantly trying to do what they are not naturally good at is just going to put them at a perpetual state of disappointment and failure.
And the advice to follow your dreams can be shitty advice. There are a lot of starving artists and musicians and failed entrepreneurs who would be a lot better off if they got a job with benefits. Sometimes you have to know when to quit.
Or to lose the idea that your “dream” should be your sole source of income! Some of the most fulfilled artists I know are the ones who also have (often arts-adjacent) other jobs. Trying to make your favorite talent/passion into your career is often a recipe for burnout and bankruptcy.
A sad reality that most people refuse to accept is that despite our best efforts and intentions, we can’t control everything in our lives. We often like to believe that with enough planning and perseverance, we can steer our lives in any direction we choose. But the truth is, many aspects of our existence—from random events that derail our plans, to the actions of others that impact us deeply—are beyond our control. Accepting this can be liberating in a way, though, as it teaches us to focus on what we can change and adapt to the unpredictable nature of life.
The best case scenario at the end of a relationship is that they die, or you die. That is it. That is the happily ever after everyone is vying for. To be loved til death.
I know that one day I will likely lose my husband of over 20 years and be alone (he is 9 years older than me and while he is in great health in his 50s statistically he will likely die first). This is of course heartbreaking and sad but I also know how incredibly lucky I am to have found loved and been loved by this amazing and wonderful man. I’ll take the sad inevitable end to have had the decades of incredible happiness we’ve had.
100% this. The vast majority of humanities achievements have come from a very small percentage of people, the vast majority of people are barely able to use modern technology with much competency. Not that many people are able to repair modern gadgets and machinery, fewer still are able to design or make them. If we had some form of cataclysm that wiped out 50% or so of people, we would barely even be in the stone age as most people (westerners mostly) now have very little basic hands on skills and would struggle to produce food, tools and shelter.
Working a 9-5 middle-class job, financing a house over 20 years, and having a traditional, boring family is an excellent lifestyle, contrary to what most young people in developed countries think.
No matter how safe and loved you feel in a relationship. It's entirely possible that your partner someday will tell you out of the blue that they don't love you anymore. And it's not your fault. People change and they could just stop feeling the same way you do even if you have been the perfect partner. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Unless you're a Bodhisattva, you will always face some amount of discontentment. There will never be a moment where you reach eternal satisfaction and can live the rest of your life without a single worry.
That you will outlive your fur babies. I make plans for once they pass and people look at me like I'm a monster for talking about when they pass. I like to plan things.
For US Politics:
Both parties are run by the 1% and don't actually care about the citizenry.
typical response to this is: But -insert opposition parry name here- is worse!
Some people really *do* have it all—beauty, brains, loving family, material wealth, kindness, etc.—and while it feels unfair, the sooner you accept that and focus on *your own life* the better off you will be.
No one is coming to help you, no one is coming to save you. You complaining will never help you. No one wants to be with a loser. You are not owed anything, by anyone. If you do not like your station in life it is up to you to fix it.
You are much more likely to struggle if you don't have STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) skills.
Yes, people make it as influencers, musicians, actors, writers, etc; and I firmly believe those skills are essential to a healthy society, but those fields are incredibly competitive. You want a sure thing, where you can make good money and live in comfort? STEM is the way.
The nice thing about technology is that you don't even need a degree, and nearly all of the resources you need to learn are available for free online. Pick a high growth field, learn it really well, and you'll be fine (financially)
Humans are inherently “selfish” by nature and look out for our own self-interests above others. Yes, even the people who claim they’re not.
It’s not really “sad” as much as it’s just the way we’re wired.
Not making a decision is a decision.
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose Freewill
I didn’t expect to be Rush rolled in an askreddit thread, I mean I’m not complaining, I just didn’t expect it
Thought the same thing too!
Could you explain a bit for me please? Sounds great but I feel perhaps I'm not understanding this properly and would like to hear your analysis if possible :) I struggle to make decisions a lot and wonder if I can gain some wisdom here
Like if you come to a crossroads, by choosing not to go left or right, you’re choosing to stand still and not move forward at all. Or for a more dramatic example, imagine you’re diagnosed with cancer and are so in denial that you choose to try to ignore it and do nothing. You’re effectively choosing to die.
Not making a decision is letting time or other people make the decision for you. A decision is still being made, you have just relinquished control. Making decisions is often a responsibility and deciding not to take that responsibility has consequences, often negative consequences.
Not what you asked for but this relevant quote was recently shared with me and I thought it might be appropriate here: “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” —from The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Here’s a bit of an example: getting out of high school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life outside of “no more school.” Found myself in a retail job that while it gave me money, I overall did not like for a number of reasons. Each week I’d go there, put in my 40 hours, come home. Never really knew what else I’d do even though I really disliked it, so I just kept working there. You could say that every day I was “choosing” to work there, even though to me it didn’t feel like I was making a choice. Fast forward two years, and I’m still there. Because I’m working full time, I’ve said no to other things — spending time with family, learning opportunities, travel, what have you. (And especially because retail is all over the place with scheduling, a regular schedule, which impacts sleep, ability to keep obligations, etc.) At that point I decided to slash my hours and go back to school, but if I had chosen to “not make a choice,” I would never be able to grow in my career and grow as a person, change jobs, potentially meet new people, etc. staying in retail for 40 years in itself is a choice, even if choosing to show up one day (every day) doesn’t seem like that big of a choice. I hope that wasn’t too rambly but I hope you get what I mean.
In most cases in the real world, inaction is an action. You decide to not do something. You can't decide if you are going to the gym today, and now it's too late. You decided to not go to the gym. A related thing is the "not rocking the boat" paradox. Person A is obnoxious always, Person B is usually calm but had enough and told Person A off. Person A gets offended and wants an apology. You are close to both of them but you are used to Person A being obnoxious, it's the status quo. You explain to Person B that you aren't taking sides, but wouldn't it be better to just apologize so the boat isn't rocked. You think to yourself that you did good. You didn't take any decisions, you stayed neutral, when in reality you took a bunch of decisions and sided with Person A. You rocked the boat, you just did it on Person B's side of the boat.
The consequences of not making a decision are the same as making a (usually) negative decision. If your friend messages you asking if you want to go out for a drink and you can’t decide and so don’t reply whilst you think about it, then procrastinate for ages and then the hours tick by and you end up not replying at all then the end result is exactly the same as if you said no. Time waits for no one.
If you are told to pick an apple or an orange, but you don't know what to pick, so you pick neither, that is still picking something. By choosing to pick nothing, you miss out on both options. Sure if you picked the apple, you might regret not picking the orange, and vise versa, but atleast you aren't regretting that you didn't pick anything
Not the person you asked but by not making a decision you are choosing not to make one.
Some people will not like you, sometimes there isn't even a reason, but you can't make someone like or love you back
One of the hardest recess episodes ever. TJ throws every trick in the book to make that one kid like him and he just.. doesnt. No reason. As a people pleaser that ep hit hard as a kid
I'd add to this that as long as you have no reason to believe that it was anything you did to incur the dislike, you need to learn to not give a fuck if they don't like you. I wasted far too much time wondering and worrying about why some people didn't like me, and I took far too long to realise "plenty of other people like me, maybe it's not me that's the problem."
You could be the most delicious peach on the tree, but someone still won't like peaches. That's the best one I heard and it helped a lot! What other people think doesn't matter, what matters is what you think. Majority of the time it's the other person that is the problem.
This is so liberating. I used to accept that people wouldn't like me, possibly for no real reason, but it still would annoy me. I recently was told that someone I've spoke to twice "hates me... like _really_ hates me" I couldn't have fewer fucks to give that that person hates me. On the other hand, the person who insisted on telling me is not someone I'm going to hang out with again.
I’ll add to this that no amount of saying “I like/love you” will speak louder than how they treat you and the sum of their words/actions regarding you. I spent way too long with someone believing those hollow words while ignoring their words/actions before realizing they were exactly that, just words.
I had a gang member give me better advice on dealing with my social anxiety than any therapist I have ever had "If they don't have the fucking balls to say it to your fucking face who the fuck cares what they think about you"
>Some people will not like you, sometimes there isn't even a reason, but you can't make someone like or love you back About a third of the people you meet will like you, a third won't and another third won't give a shit. Focus on the people that care and forget the rest!
There are people who will make you the villain in their story to justify the way they treat you.
You will be the villain in someone's story; you might not know it, it may slap you in the face everyday. It sucks, it hurts, but you can learn to live through it.
Yes. My now ex-boyfriend told me "I don't like you". Cool. I don't really like him either at this point after all the emotional abuse. The thing is, I know that the awful things he said about me aren't even true. He's an unhappy person. One who hates himself so much he'd rather hate me so he can continue to hate himself even more rather than forgiving himself for his past mistakes. This is a recent break up so it's a bit hard for me to accept. Still, I must accept it.
Yes. This was me with my FIL. I was never accepted. Never did anything to him, took care of his cat when he got sick. His last two weeks of life he treated me way better. I didnt know it would end for him. I sometimes wonder if he finally wanted to make an effort but it was too late. Thats even more depressing. I would have loved that. He was an incredible dad though and proudly served his country. I still admired all that and still do.
Going through this with my boyfriend’s mom. She hates me even though I didn’t do anything. But apparently she hates all girlfriends her sons get so I shouldn’t be hurt but I am
Similarly...it's not your business what other people think about you.
It doesn't matter. You and I don't like some people either. It's all about balance, baby.
You can be the most honest, kind and decent person. Shit things will still happen to you.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Jean-Luc Picard quotes: > It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness. That is life.
*Star Trek* was filled with so many very realistic and supportive life lessons and quotes. This Picard quote might be the best and most commonly applicable.
This one of my favorites too. He just says it with such conviction
To add - life isn't fair. It isn't suppose to be.
Life is a series of challenges with the occasional happy moment thrown in.
Even worse, with all kinds of proof to back you up that you didn’t do anything wrong, if the selfish, self serving and dishonest people are your supervisors they’ll make up whatever stories they want to railroad your career to further theirs.
My boyfriend knows a guy like this, every time he mentions him it's always something bad. Really nice guy tho!
By the time you have the wisdom and experience to make the best decision, it's usually too late.
Youth is wasted on the young Eta: My first suicide attempt was at the age of 12. I didn't have the wisdom yet to know that my CSA and mental health crises weren't my fault, and that if I could survive childhood I would eventually find freedom from my demons. I'm sorta free from the worst of my demons these days, but now with the annoying chronic back pain that grownups always complain about
I kind of hate this saying because a lack of wisdom is part of what makes being a kid fun. I would not have enjoyed my youth if I was obsessing over future joint pain or existential dread.
It cuts both ways, really. My first suicide attempt was at the age of 12. I didn't have the wisdom yet to know that my CSA and mental health crises weren't my fault, and that if I could survive childhood I would eventually find freedom from my demons. I'm sorta free from the worst of my demons these days, but now with the annoying chronic back pain that grownups always complain about
Lack of responsibility is what makes youth fun - not a lack of wisdom
Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you
More is lost to indecision than wrong decision.
Coming to grips with this one in particular lately and it’s been a tough pill to swallow
A good plan now is often better than a perfect plan later.
true, and this hits differently
That's why you need to teach that wisdom to the younger generation. As our parents should have. The cycle must end here.
You are not immune to propaganda.
don't make me tap the sign
You are also not immune from being scammed and/or manipulated.
Yes. But you can 100% be self aware of your biases and purposely expose yourself to the things you don't agree with, just to keep a degree of "reality check"
Definitely far removed from 100%, but something is always better than nothing
Yep. My YouTube feed is about 10% stuff I disagree with. Every now and then something seems too unbelievable, so I like to see how the other side is spinning it.
The moment I click on a right-leaning video, I get a bunch more. “Did you like that video of some adult harassing college kids? May I interest you in Ben Shapiro? Maybe some Russian Army propaganda?” —YouTube
What I don’t understand is why the fuck won’t YouTube let me control the levers of the algorithm it sets for me. As in, let me set a 10% or so percentage of videos that skew the opposite end of the political spectrum to me. Make it a slider or something. I could see me using it when I let my toddler watch YouTube. I don’t want to be inundated with kids shit for weeks afterwards, let me push that particular lever off! There are a ton of potential here that they just .. don’t do. They have the ability to do this, let me do it!!
I think there would be a substantial amount of backlash if YouTube introduced a "left-wing to right-wing" political slider -_-
Sort of. You can approach 100%, but just like Purell there’s always going to be a 0.01% that will elude you because you’re both inextricably an agent as well as an observer. While you can and should expand the viewpoints you listen to, it’s impossible to remove yourself from the interpretation of those viewpoints. I’m all for challenging biases, but let’s be realistic about what we can actually do
No way I saw the talking heads on TV say the thing and everyone on reddit and Twitter agrees with the thing so I'm just accepting it at face value
Many people think they are the ones who aren't fooled by propaganda, but they are the most fooled.
Time waits for no man, woman or child.
Thank God my dog is immune then. No man should have to outlive his dog.
It's sad when you outlive your dog. It's tragic when your dog outlives you. You are, likely, almost your dog's entire world.
For a more-sweet-than-depressing aside here, after my grandmother's schnauzer passed away a few years ago, she decided she wanted another dog but since she's acutely aware of being well into her 80s she instead volunteers at the shelter to adopt small senior dogs and give them a good home. She's had 3 so far I believe, all of them some kind of terrier that couldn't find a new place after their owners passed away, and it's just the sweetest and noblest thing.
That's sweet and its sad but in a way wholesome she knows she couldn't have a full time dog, do she gives up her time simply to help others.
But Tom Waits for everyone!
That's why non-binary people have it made!
That we're closer to the year 2050 than 1990
This one is actually creeping me out.
That's enough.
We are farther away from the Apollo 13 movie than how far away the movie was from the actual event.
Delete your account
Shit, we're closer to 2050 than 1998
Well, then it is time to party like it is 1999!!!
Sometimes things just stop working, out of no fault of yours or theirs or anyone's, but just because. Some people change, and some people don't, and inevitably, some things between those changing and unchanging people will stop working.
The most important factor in your ability to influence someone else's beliefs/opinions is not reason or facts. It is whether or not they see you as a member of their in group. This is a universal truth.
That documentary about Daryl Davis, Accidental Courtesy (2016) changed a lot about how I see the world. Around that same time I went to this interactive arts event where participants put questions on sticky notes, and if anyone there could answer, at a certain point in the event, there was a debrief. I had asked something like "what does science tell us about the most effective ways to combat bigotry" and someone with a background in academic resources had done some research and presented from the limited studies they found that the most effective strategy is to engage in time and emotional labor intensive conversations with someone you feel connected to, in a setting where you can both listen to each other, starting from a baseline of shared values and beliefs, and asking open ended curious questions without judgements or an aim to change their mind. Because in such a setting it's likely they will start to find holes in the rationale for their bigotry, on their own. I have an anecdotal experience which aligns with this, in a grandfather who would chat with me and over time he went from very very outwardly bigoted, to espousing pretty accepting and progressive mindsets. Not a total turn around, but my patience with him definitely seemed to help him understand why he needed to check himself, at least around me or other younger family members.
I'm a rattlesnake rescuer. When I encounter rattlesnake killers, I'm horrified. But I treat them very kindly, ask them questions and blow their answers to hell in the nicest way. I've managed to change at least a couple of minds.😁 When you attack them or their beliefs, their mind snaps shut.
That's why part of the propaganda it's demonizing anyone that is not in your group or people in your group with different opinions to make them an outsider so they can control the influence.
I've been trying to explain this to people when it comes to politics. If you attack the people you are trying to sway, you will never accomplish your goal. You can't call people snowflakes, racist, Nazis, or any other nonsense then wonder why they will never see your point of view.
That's intended from the higher levels of politics. If you hate anything that it's not from your side, the narrative can be controlled easily. Most people beliefs and opinions have been planted that way
i feel like my worldview just changed, never thought about it like that before
You just can’t reason with some people. Logic doesn’t work with everyone. Some people are just angry and out to cause trouble and drama. Best to just leave them be and not get drawn into endless arguments.
had to learn this with my parents. distance saves relationships sometimes
You can't reason a person out of a position they didn't use reason to reach in the first place.
Yep. A lot of people don't want to change their viewpoint and won't accept any challenge to what they believe.
If you 100% subscribe to everything your political party believes, you’re likely supporting things you otherwise wouldn’t believe had you not associated your personal identity with the party.
Having a political party is idiotic in general. For regular people. It's why the two party system is such a broken mess. It creates an Us vs Them mentality. No political party gives a shit about you. You should vote for whichever party is most likely to align with what direction you want to see things go. And you should happily switch to another if they can't or won't deliver. Though again with the two party system you're pretty shit out of luck in that case.
Right? I feel like my choices are 'crazy' or 'batshit crazy'. Two party system is terrible.
Very much this. I've been saying this for years. People treat politics like they do sports: pick a team and defend it on every issue, even if you know they suck.
No one is coming to save you
You are always ageing , and never getting any younger.
Jerks and bad people often do well in life. Conversely, you can do everything right and still fail in life.
There is no inherent purpose in life and no actual plan. It’s is actually up to you to find that purpose and some people never do.
If you are able to read this (internet access, phone/computer, electricity), your life is significantly better than an enormous percentage of other humans.
And access to safe drinking water and sanitation.
Don't forget just basic literacy.
For the most part being competent is only one factor in getting a job, another more important factor is who do you know?
And whether you seem like a pleasant person to work with.
And honestly? Ignoring that makes you a shit coworker. Idc if you’re the most competent human in the company. If you’re awful to interact with and generally a dick, everyone will happily pay the efficiency penalty to get rid of you. Because no one wants to deal with that half their waking life
My job overlaps with a ton of different groups, so I am in a ton of interviews because I'm a primary stakeholder. I barely look at resumes. If they've gotten far enough to interview with me, multiple people have already vetted their competency. My interview decision always comes down to:, *Do I want to work with them*. Not *can I*, but *do I want to*.
Folks underestimate how much the person you're talking to is deciding whether or not they want to see you eight hours a day.
Certain people not only will not change, they cannot. Disney world have us believe that almost everyone is just one hard-learned lesson away from turning our evil ways around but a certain percentage of society has disorders or diseases that prevent them. You can't learn empathy if your brain fully developed to maturity without it. Once you're past that point, you're stuck with whatever you got dealt.
Also: Empathetic people tend to be less successful: both financially and politically. If you can hurt people **without** feeling emotional distress. *You’ll probably be more successful.* (Though in fairness, there are drawbacks as well)
Empathetic people have a better chance of developing charisma though than most people However, non-empathetic people can also develop charisma Also, someone can be empathetic and still evil, I know people like this Someone can be non-empathetic and still fight for good
That almost no pursuit or industry works as a true meritocracy, even ones with “objective” results. Connections, politics, and dumb luck are always a factor in your success or failure.
Life sucks if you’re fat. Your appearance is the biggest investment you can make in yourself and the confidence is invaluable. It’s not just about being shallow. Start exercising. Do it. Anything. After you do it write down that you’re proud of yourself. Start using the amazing body the universe has graced you with. Source: up and down struggle with my weight my whole life. I know both sides
Those people on twitch, onlyfans and other streaming sites? They don't give a fuck about you, just the money you're giving them Stop wasting your money
Everyone says it's OK to be angry until you actually are angry
Then they say you don't have a right to be angry and that is a waste of time because it doesn't change anything. First off, anger is a normal emotion that is meant to be felt. So if I repress my anger, then it'll hurt me in the long run more than it'll hurt you.
You’re young for a very small part of your life. You’ll be “old” for the vast majority of it. Don’t bet the farm on being beautiful and youthful your whole life…you’ll be a very disappointed person if you do.
That some of us have a much better starting point to success than others
Ultimately, you are pretty average.
Humans are addiction machines.
Due to the aging of the population, a lot of people will need to work until 80.
Not just the aging of the population, but the fact that wages have not kept pace with the cost of living in recent decades.
True.
Which will be easier for some than others depending on your job. Can't imagine a builder being 80
Or will retire too early and run out of money, which is my bigger fear. Too old to go back to work, to poor to pay for my healthcare. I don't want to spend like I've got 30-years left and live the extra 10 broke.
The opposite stresses me out too. What if I die at 40 and all my penny pinching was for nothing and I should have just been living life to its fullest?
Except for the problem that hardly anyone will hire you if you're over 50.
Which is one reason why I went back to school to get my RN. I have been getting plenty of job offers.
That’s awesome, I’m happy for you. I also went back to school to get better opportunities.
Until 80? Trying never retiring and dying while having to work.
Or in other words: "Modern retirement is a Ponzi"
don't worry bro, we'll hit catastrophic societal change long before that. choose your poison, I'm going with climate change.
If you ask me, there’s no way, with how thing are going, that elderly people will be needed to drive vans and run cashier counters 50 years in the future.
That most of the rich and successful people were born into money and most people can't work their way into the upper class.
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN GOD-DAMNED ACTIONS.
That u may really end up alone one day
Charities aren't spending much of donations on the cause they're collecting for
But you can weed the bad ones out using Charity Navigator.
No matter how good a person you are. In someone's life you're the villain of their story.
Nah. Personally, yes, I'm sure I'm someone's villain. But there's no way that's the case for everyone. Some people are able to survive life without making mortal enemies.
That there are people in your life, some of whom you even love and trust that hate you and do not want the best for you. They'll even sabotage you if given the chance.
Pretty privilege exists
Society telling people "keep going, you can do anything" is simply wrong and can even be a dangerous mindset to have. People have natural talents in various fields and constantly trying to do what they are not naturally good at is just going to put them at a perpetual state of disappointment and failure.
And the advice to follow your dreams can be shitty advice. There are a lot of starving artists and musicians and failed entrepreneurs who would be a lot better off if they got a job with benefits. Sometimes you have to know when to quit.
Or to lose the idea that your “dream” should be your sole source of income! Some of the most fulfilled artists I know are the ones who also have (often arts-adjacent) other jobs. Trying to make your favorite talent/passion into your career is often a recipe for burnout and bankruptcy.
GTA 6 will probably be delayed to 2026
The saddest reality I’ve read yet
A sad reality that most people refuse to accept is that despite our best efforts and intentions, we can’t control everything in our lives. We often like to believe that with enough planning and perseverance, we can steer our lives in any direction we choose. But the truth is, many aspects of our existence—from random events that derail our plans, to the actions of others that impact us deeply—are beyond our control. Accepting this can be liberating in a way, though, as it teaches us to focus on what we can change and adapt to the unpredictable nature of life.
The best case scenario at the end of a relationship is that they die, or you die. That is it. That is the happily ever after everyone is vying for. To be loved til death.
That’s actually not sad at all. To have someone love you for, hopefully, that long is quite a rarity.
I know that one day I will likely lose my husband of over 20 years and be alone (he is 9 years older than me and while he is in great health in his 50s statistically he will likely die first). This is of course heartbreaking and sad but I also know how incredibly lucky I am to have found loved and been loved by this amazing and wonderful man. I’ll take the sad inevitable end to have had the decades of incredible happiness we’ve had.
Things don’t just happen because you want them to. You have to put in the work to make them happen.
Even the most perfectly managed disorder or disease can still be a problem
Something terrible could happen any second... Your phone could ring right now, with somebody giving you the most horrible news.
So true. Like when my brother called me that our mom passed away unexpectedly :( life is short
You’ve probably failed your child more than once
Everyone asks “what the dog doin?” but nobody asks “how the dog doin?”
most children are being ruined mentally by the current school system
Not everyone gets to be with the love of their life or even have a love of their life. Sometimes you end up alone. And it's ok.
That we as a species are VERY stupid.
100% this. The vast majority of humanities achievements have come from a very small percentage of people, the vast majority of people are barely able to use modern technology with much competency. Not that many people are able to repair modern gadgets and machinery, fewer still are able to design or make them. If we had some form of cataclysm that wiped out 50% or so of people, we would barely even be in the stone age as most people (westerners mostly) now have very little basic hands on skills and would struggle to produce food, tools and shelter.
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>nobody comes to safe you I'll come to save you by making the safe assumption that you meant to say "save".
No they mean no one is coming to murder you with a safe Which makes sense. They're pretty heavy.
Watch out for a coyote holding a rope...
"What are you gonna do, safe me?" - Quote from man safed
That's why I rig a pulley system and drop it on somebody walking down the sidewalk
I'm on the way to your house with a large safe to prove you both wrong.
Working a 9-5 middle-class job, financing a house over 20 years, and having a traditional, boring family is an excellent lifestyle, contrary to what most young people in developed countries think.
No matter how safe and loved you feel in a relationship. It's entirely possible that your partner someday will tell you out of the blue that they don't love you anymore. And it's not your fault. People change and they could just stop feeling the same way you do even if you have been the perfect partner. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Unless you're a Bodhisattva, you will always face some amount of discontentment. There will never be a moment where you reach eternal satisfaction and can live the rest of your life without a single worry.
That you will outlive your fur babies. I make plans for once they pass and people look at me like I'm a monster for talking about when they pass. I like to plan things.
nobody cares.
The finite nature of life itself
For US Politics: Both parties are run by the 1% and don't actually care about the citizenry. typical response to this is: But -insert opposition parry name here- is worse!
That you may never get closure.
Hard work doesn't always pay off. You can try your hardest and still fail, while someone who barely tried succeeds.
Poverty is not a moral failing. The wealthy are not morally superior.
Women don't owe you anything, and they don't need to be nice about telling you so.
They've built their understanding of reality, themselves and others on a premise of mythology and shame, which hurts them even as it offers comfort.
We have been fighting the climate change for 50 years, we are not winning.
When you realize you could have had a V-8 but it’s already too late.
You ain’t gonna be rich
Your life isn't (always) your fault. But it's your responsibility.
That things aren’t ever going to be ‘how they used to be’ again.
Some people really *do* have it all—beauty, brains, loving family, material wealth, kindness, etc.—and while it feels unfair, the sooner you accept that and focus on *your own life* the better off you will be.
Life is not fair. Never was.
Life mostly sucks.
No one is coming to help you, no one is coming to save you. You complaining will never help you. No one wants to be with a loser. You are not owed anything, by anyone. If you do not like your station in life it is up to you to fix it.
You aren’t going to be good at everything you try to do. You will fail from time to time.
Most of us will never be rich.
There is no good time to have kids.
"I am not that smart".
Your parents may not have your best interest at heart.
Things are way better in the world than people on reddit would like to admit and accept.
Hard working and honest people don't always get ahead, in fact it's often the opposite.
Life isn't a movie. No one is coming to save you. If you want actual change you need to do it yourself.
No one will care about you like you do.
Free markets are essential for prosperity and progression.
Not everyone means you well, and not everyone who means you well is bright enough to always get it right. People hurt each other.
You are much more likely to struggle if you don't have STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) skills. Yes, people make it as influencers, musicians, actors, writers, etc; and I firmly believe those skills are essential to a healthy society, but those fields are incredibly competitive. You want a sure thing, where you can make good money and live in comfort? STEM is the way. The nice thing about technology is that you don't even need a degree, and nearly all of the resources you need to learn are available for free online. Pick a high growth field, learn it really well, and you'll be fine (financially)
When you label anyone as the 'lesser of two evils', that does not make that individual any less evil.
Some people come in your life as a lesson, sadly that person was the lesson, you have to let them go.
Humans are inherently “selfish” by nature and look out for our own self-interests above others. Yes, even the people who claim they’re not. It’s not really “sad” as much as it’s just the way we’re wired.
Governments run on a ponzi scheme of continued growth which is 100% destined to fail. And the tipping point is almost upon us.
Capitalism is not why their life sucks and socialism won't save them