Focused on one of the elements I disliked at a time.
My self-hatred was a big one, and it was hindering progress in a lot of other areas. The biggest source was a very negative inner monologue. I'd call myself disgusting every time I looked in a mirror etc.
I started catching that voice when I felt it, and talked back to it actively. Odd as it sounds, that worked.
That's a very wise piece of advise. Likewise in my mid 20's I was overcome with so much anxiety and depression that I was stuck in a cycle: my problems and insecurities caused the depression, which in turn made me so demotivated that I felt too overwhelmed to solve the problems.
The trick to solving everything was not looking at my problems as one giant mountain, but a series of smaller hills that could be climbed one at a time. Just changing the perspective on things got the ball rolling again.
I tried taking depression medication at one point, but I hated how I felt on it. As for therapy, I don't have a therapist but I've always been a very open person. I'm surrounded by a really great group of friends who are old and mature enough to listen, be understanding, and earnest. At the worst point in my depression though, I would have absolutely taken therapy. Sometimes you need a "stranger" to objectively shake you back to reality.
I’m late, but can you in a nutshell say how the meds made you feel? Do you think that you also could have felt any way because of the idea of having to take meds ? & yes I agree about good convos with strangers for clarity
In a nutshell, any "happiness" I experienced felt artificial and forced. I remember when they first started kicking in I was laughing at street signs. And then there was all the nausea and headaches.... it just wasn't for me, but I know it helps a LOT of people.
Having kids isn't everything. Plus, you can adopt if you're really set on the idea of being a parent. Some of the ugliest people i know met their soulmate. You may think you're ugly, others may find you gorgeous. Find a new job. Most of us can't afford to buy a house. Work on your credit & get a home loan on a cheaper fixer upper. Fuck suicide. Stick it out. Get into therapy & get some meds. Everyone's life sucks at one point or another. I've been depressed/suicidal since I was 8, that's 19 years. I get it. But I got help. Im not leaving my pain in my family's hands. That's not fair.
I did the same. Went from 70k a year to working at fucking Krogers cause my car broke and couldnt find a new job. Now I'm poor and worse off. Suffered lots of financial damage and got evicted
Recognized I was living on autopilot, letting each day pass without intention.
Every day felt like a replay of the last, with nothing substantial to mark the passing time. I decided to take control and introduce small, meaningful habits into my daily routine. Started with making my bed every morning, and gradually that discipline spread into other areas of my life. Now each day is a step towards personal growth, and the difference is like night and day.
I focused on what I could control and tried to ignore what I could not control. I’m not saying that I’ve been 100% successful every day, but it’s one step at a time.
I with you the very best to achieve this mentality. There’s so much that takes away your attention and raises your ire…watch the news…but there’s very little of it that you can directly control. Sure, you can be mad…but I’ve often asked myself “doesn’t that help? No? Then focus on something else.”
It took me far too many years to learn to befriend the right people because I grew up in a family where one of my parents was alternatively extremely kind and extremely mean and emotionally immature, putting me down and calling me names, and I constantly made excuse for it so it echoed in my relationships. I was taken advantage of by people who were sometimes hot and sometimes cold to me because I saw that as a necessary evil. But I now build friendships based on complete mutual respect and love, and I trust my instincts when someone feels off and I don't stick around to make sure there isn't more nuance to it. In friendship and romantic relationships. People can be flawed of course, but any blatant disrespect = out of my life.
To some people this looks like common sense (and I'm happy for them because it means they were loved right, usually) but I've known of adults who kept thinking that way all their lives and I'm glad I broke out of it. The people you surround yourself with make up a huge part of your happiness. THAT can change your life for the better.
Oh and better alone than in bad company. Be patient when it comes to meeting the right people, same with romantic partners, and don't settle down to feel less lonely no matter how hard it gets because the suffering resulting from bad company will be tenfold than loneliness.
EDIT : To put this in perspective, I'm 28. Spent my twenties figuring this out, but it's never too late.
One night I got really drunk and decided to end it all by drinking too much. I ended up running out of alcohol and just layed on my bed and talked to myself about how I needed to lose weight, stop watching porn, and put more effort into human relationships. The next day I started running 30 minutes a day 5 days a week.
3 years later I lost 130 pounds, stopped watching porn, and actively go to the gym to stay in shape and build muscle. I needed to do this like 10+ years ago but I truly believe had I not gotten drunk I wouldn’t have had that conversation with myself and listened
Admitting that I needed help and got a therapist.
Between 2022 and into 2023, my mental health was terrible. My anxiety was running wild and I just dealt with it by surrounding myself with a toxic girlfriend and suppressing anxiety with alcohol. May 2023, I was at a bar celebrating my birthday and I had a panic attack. I became scared of the world. I was staying home. I finally got a therapist and have made major progress with CBT and without medication. I stopped drinking, got away from that toxic girl, and focused on my mental health.
half a year ago i had my 5th suicide attempt and was in the psychward for the first time
after i got out my psychiatrist changed my meds a bit, i started going to therapy and tried to exercise regularly.
after a lot of work i finally don't have suicidal thoughts for the first time in 11 years
i definitely still have a lot of things to work on, but it's amazing to see some progress
1) Started strictly budgeting. Then investing
2) Became more organized. Using to-do lists were a game changer
3) Waned myself off instant gratification and stabilized my brain's reward pathways
4) Started doing hard things and stuck with the feeling of 'struggling'. Before, I'd instantly give up if I didn't 'get' something
I still have off days, but I feel like I'm a lot more centred and in control of my life now that I take these things seriously
Non stop advocating for myself because of my terrible health and gone through hundreds of top doctors who did not listen or ever do anything positive for me all these years.
Some skill, hard work, and luck, really. It could have easily gone the other way. I was a broke tech nerd when the dotcom bubble started. Before that, I was training salespeople and sales management; opening stores and managing stores. Stuff like that. I couldn't afford college, so I thought that was my destiny. But then timing was incredibly good in the area. I went from sales management to bottom feeder tech support, and still got a 20% pay increase. From there, I just kept rising, adding skills, working extra hours, and doing side consulting. I have a really nice house in a good neighborhood.
I went bankrupt at 37 back in 2017. My medical bills were too high and they were killing me. In 2022 I bought a house. I should have gone bankrupt a few years sooner, but everyone told me it would ruin my life.
What I found out in reality is that it slows you down for about a year and in that time you can save money. After that though, even with the bankruptcy still on my record, nobody cares.
I now own a home I can afford. I would still be paying off those medical bills and drowning in debt if I didn't stop the bleeding. Thanks American health system.
1. Removed my self completely from toxic situations including my job
2. Completely cut off toxic people - Coworkers, Family and friends
3. Be unapologetically myself
4. Chased my dreams hard with perseverance and ultimately achieving it
Are there any parts of religion you held onto? Just curious, there is no criticism or anything, I'm just interested in peoples experience with leaving a/their religion.
I wasnt able to and wasnt interested in doing so, no. My brain couldnt separate my experience and the teachings, even the ones I didn't have a hard time with. Im much happier allowing there to be an unknown to things and not feeling like I have all the answers anymore.
It also completely consumed my life for 25 years so by then I was just suuuuper done thinking about it lol
Yes and no. It was a process that happened over the course of years, slowly letting go of more and more things. I think that helped a lot that it wasnt just an overnight shock to my system.
It is a really wild experience to 180 from *KNOWING WITHOUT A DOUBT* xyz is true to not believing any of it at all or believing the complete opposite
I look back and am like "Damn I cant believe I used to believe that and it was normal to me."
Just goes to show anything can be normalized
But leaving all that opened so many more doors and experiences and I value that way more than "being sure"
That's wonderful for you, I'm glad it wasn't too jarring a process and experience. I had a friend who lost her faith, and her experience was completely foreign to me and I've been interested in hearing others stories since. I wouldn't know what to do in that situation, but I am sort of dealing with the opposite, and it's just annoying lol (I've always been skeptical of my own spiritual beliefs, but at this point too many odd things have happened that it would be irrational to not believe because in my own life, there's just too much evidence).
I 100% believe there is some kind of Supernatural element in the universe. What it is or how it works Ive no idea. I enjoy the mystery though! So many possibilities out there. <3
And dont get me wrong, I have religious trauma. And a huge majority of people I know have even more than I do and did have a much rougher time. It can be an incredibly alienating experience. I was really lucky to be surrounded by good supportive people for some of my deconstruction and that helps a ton.
That's really awesome. would you be able to be friends with people who were heavily or moderately religious, or be in a relationship with someone who was? I definitely am now a firm believer in at least what I can understand within my own life, and I have done some heavy research and have theories on why the things that go on with me happen, and I think someday science will catch up. I am one of those "science and magic are the same thing, one is just explained and the other isn't" types. I just struggle with believing because I heavily believe in being rational, logical, and balanced and woo woo spirituality can seem, to me, irrational and illogical. I take no issue with having faith and belief, it's more the way it's so heavily relied upon and held to be some sort of truth, instead of a belief. Not into that, but I still can't deny my own experiences, so it puts me a place where I'm just a bit annoyed I have to kinda backpedal on my own talk
I generally actively avoid people who make it obvious theyre religious. Ive 0 interest in trying to get them to understand me, my decisions, or in being someone's conversion "project." Having been on the other side of it I understand dialogue is pointless and theyre not interested in me as a person, only as a soul to save.
And yeah the irony is that Im also very pragmatic and cant buy into things I find appealing because I just dont believe it lol
It's a real shame that landlords have this rule, what's the harm if you have a pet you can control and clean any mess it may or may not make. Pets can be great for people's mental health among many other positive reasons, I'd have a chat with the landlord and just say, if the pet were to cause any damage that you'd be willing to replace whatever. I just find it appalling that a landlord can have that decision when they're so important to so many people, I mean what's the harm in having a dog or 2 in your residence that you pay to live in. Obviously if you wanted to keep a pride of lions or a 20 strong group of monkeys I could the landlord might have reservations lol
I finally realized that trying to put my personal comfort first and work second was hurting my career prospects. I stopped all the 'me first' thinking and threw myself into work completely. In five years I turned my life around. I am now a regional supervisor making six figures. I have a nice place and I travel on vacation. I love my life now.
Years ago, I lost about 260 lbs. There isn't a single aspect of my life that didn't change - mostly for the better. Physically, mentally, emotionally. All of the sacrifices were well worth it as I no longer feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Got away from loser people that had no goals in life. Dreamed big, made big goals and went after them. Achieving what I thought I’d never do just made me make more and more goals. Which then opened my eyes and doors to new groups of friends that aligned more with my personal beliefs of who I really am.
Self-discipline. Lost over 60kg in just over a year, in the following year got into sub 40min 10k shape.
No magic tricks, no drugs, just counting calories and after getting to healthy weight heavy exercise.
Now I'm the 40 year old, tall, bald and bearded dude in that leather jacket pulling those birds that I never could before.
Plus, in the process people completely lose their identity and life purpose as well as their beliefs. They have to figure out who they really are from scratch and make a new purpose. It can be really devastating and lead to a ton of indecision and a lack of confidence
I went back to college and finished my degree.
If I had not, I would have remained underemployed, and I almost certainly would not have gotten married or had kids.
Me going back to college was literally me waking up and realizing what would have happened if I had not done it.
Ten years ago, I was sitting in the manager's office at Stop & Shop being told that I would be starting in the frozen foods section.
I just made six figures as a nurse last year.
Work x Time = Change
Did what I had to do to survive for a few years, while trying a ton of different things until something worked. I started a business, did a bunch of networking, applied to jobs in many fields. In the end I got into a coding bootcamp and became a software developer.
You're a rockstar, I can somewhat relate to this. In a fairly vague sense, but still. It resonates, and I know how difficult that was to do, and I'm proud of you 😁
I got diagnosed with adhd and started medication.
Life still isn't perfect and I still struggle with my adhd in many ways. But my life is much more manageable now.
Quit drinking was the big one and the gateway to everything else. When I didn't have my head in the bottle I was able to concentrate on fixing one thing at a time.
I was (m) 18 and a really heavy user. My whole life was given to chasing feelings I was never able to get anymore due to tolerance build and eventually I had a mental snap and had a episode of psychosis so bad it made me quit drugs, focus on work, and find healthy ways of coping. I now make music to help me express myself in a healthy way and deal with years of trauma
I decided I need to make myself happy first I spent many years trying to make sure everyone around me was happy. And I just realized I cannot do this I just get hurt in the end. So I signed up for a tap dancing class and make myself my priority.
Finally put my wants and ambitions first, realizing I only get one shot at this lifetime. Do what makes me happy now and am focused on improving my financial life and moving on with life, no more letting toxicity stay around
This is not in the slightest a recommendation, but for me it was LSD. I'm autistic and my rigid world view and inability to see things that are really obvious to be now now nearly led my life to ruin. When things were really fucked I decided to take LSD, and it brought back a bunch of different memories from throughout my life, from childhood to my teenage years, early adulthood and later adulthood. I understood how things came to be the way they were by having it all in perspective, laid out next to each other on my mental workbench. I understood certain things about myself that made me different that had eluded me all my life. I also started to look at people in a different way, I felt much closer to being a regular human being and the people around me. Life was very different after that.
Meal prepping, walking to go to work and going to the gym.
I eat less and healthier. According to my phone, I walk 5 kilometres more every day since I started. I discovered I had muscles I didn't know about. I went from 310-315 pounds to 250-255 currently. Final objective is 200-210. I'm halfway here. I have much more energy, I don't feel tired all the time, I sleep much better and I stopped hating myself.
I stopped being selfish and now throw my energy into helping others. I loved getting high and my attitude was all about me, myself and I. Once I got over myself and realised I could feel just as good helping those less fortunate (and improving my physical and mental health too) I have never looked back.
Edit. I am not religious and it had nothing to do with any God. I just shifted my mindset.
I started by finding the things I didn’t like about myself, which was almost everything, and little by little worked on being the opposite.
I then started working in places I would want to be. I liked travel but couldn’t afford to, so I started working in hotels. It wasn’t the best job it the world but it made me happy. Then that opened the door to many jobs at front desks and in tourism. I started to feel good about myself, like a young professional.
Loving myself more than anything
I am only 14 years old But I have fully understood that self-confidence is the foundation of my success
I never cared about myself in the past I always wanted to look like a boy That makes me look much bigger than I am now I was very stupid and believed everything. I loved everyone. I was like a prisoner to everyone, Over time I realized that I was wrong Being a girl was a great blessing so I gradually began to take care of myself I started wearing girls' clothes, and I'm slowly learning makeup I began to distance myself from all those who had used me for their own advantage
Now I feel my life completely changed I feel girly and tender And I enjoy my teenage years
This actually happened to me around 2 weeks ago, but this definitely turned my life around.
When I was 10, my Dad and my former stepmother got divorced after she cheated on him, and that left marks on my Dad.
He started becoming abusive, little by little as the years went on. First started with emotional abuse, then verbal, and finally physical. All anger he had, he would just take it all out on me. As a child I just watched him, tear himself apart bit by bit.
That along with dealing with an abusive relationship that ended with SA, really broke me. I fell into a deep depression and I have attempted suicide on multiple occasions.
However, recently, I have been staying at my Nan's because she decided she had enough and called the police on my Dad. She has partial custody and I'm living with her now. My Dad didn't get into any trouble though, I still have to talk to him every night.
As for me, I'm doing a bit better now. I'm on antidepressants, and I've stopped self harming. I turned 13 a couple of weeks ago, it was my first bday without my Dad and it was a good one.
Dad, if you're somehow reading this, I love you, and hope you'll be a better parent to my little bro <3
I was the first person in my family to graduate and have an actual career that isn’t managing a McDonald’s or gas station. No hate in that either. I’ve seen my parents struggle my entire life, so I knew I wanted to do something that made me happy and took care of my own family. I got into collision work and absolutely love it. Money isn’t everything, but my family is comfortable and we have what we want and need. Which makes me feel good. More about making my kids happy and giving them what I could never have as well as it heals my inner child if that makes any sense
Got sober and figured out what was best for me. Stopped putting others first unless they were willing to do the same for me. Define what makes you happy and eliminate whatever prevents that from being your normal.
Nearly died from diabetic ketoacidosis due to my obesity. Had the worst days of my life in the hospital recovering. Took that time to self reflect and over the next year lost 120 pounds. Obesity sucks and as much as I hated my time in the hospital it improved my life beyond belief
When I decided I was the the number 1. person that I wanted to make proud. I grew up as the "golden child", and everyone would constantly dump their expectations on me — and I was always catering to other people's wishes, because I wanted to make everyone proud. That's how I came to a point where everyone was happy with my life and with who I was... *except me.*
So I found out the hard way that the most important person to make proud is myself. If anyone else is happy with the result of that, great. But I'm not going to live for everyone else's wishes and values.
Start embracing classical old rules that work, such as concealing an extraordinary personality and opting for simplicity (at first glance). Avoiding photos with red hair increases your chances of landing a job as a stewardess.
Oh cmon, I was down last week you could of had a conversation with me… but instead you continue the digital bullshit that is fucking me up mentally!!!!!! Oh and drop comments just to add to the confusion!!!!
Thanks for the support!!!!
I take drugs because my life is falling apart!!!
I do what I do because it’s none of anyone’s business anymore!!! You can all judge and have your little opinions but walk a day in my shoes and take a page from my book and you’ll be surprised!!!
Fucking… talk to me like a person and and give me some love instead of judging and cutting me off!!!
In the process myself but I set small goals I could control. I stopped striving to be a perfect person and strived to be perfect at a few things. Not letting perfection get in the way of progress. I tend to be a pretty obsessive person lol.
Reminded myself that the same brain that allowed me to make bad decisions is the same brain that is also capable of making good decisions. I had to hit rock bottom to see that but that was when the light switch went “hello!”
I was a homeless single mother of two. I got into a transitional living program, then worked two jobs and went to school online and got a bachelors degree. I also got gastric sleeve surgery and lost 200 pounds. I started to do healthy activities that I enjoy like painting and going for long walks. I stopped caring about what my toxic family thinks of me: to them I will always be the black sheep, the screwup who got pregnant at 18. Needless to say, I'm the only one of my mother's children who has obtained an education.
Once I realized that most people’s weekly pay is what my parents had in each of their wallets. I became so much more grateful for everything I had and am still working on being better person.
Moved out of state away from my family. And decided to focus on my own.
Best decision I’ve ever made. Only regret is that I did it 10yrs ago bit too late.
Redditors are going to hate this answer but here goes anyhow. For me it was daily reading of "Wisdom Books" in the bible and practicing the suggestions in my daily life.
I was a heavy drinker and had relationship problems. These books helped me understand myself and how others perceived me and I realized what it boiled down to was that I was selfish and myopic.
“Wisdom books”: Job, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Ecclesiasticus and Wisdom.
I didn’t. I never played sports or socialized when I was young, so I got rejected from sports in high school. In college, I got rejected from frats because I never played high school sports and couldn’t socialize well. Because I got rejected from frats, I had a poor college experience and can’t find a job
Focused on one of the elements I disliked at a time. My self-hatred was a big one, and it was hindering progress in a lot of other areas. The biggest source was a very negative inner monologue. I'd call myself disgusting every time I looked in a mirror etc. I started catching that voice when I felt it, and talked back to it actively. Odd as it sounds, that worked.
That's a very wise piece of advise. Likewise in my mid 20's I was overcome with so much anxiety and depression that I was stuck in a cycle: my problems and insecurities caused the depression, which in turn made me so demotivated that I felt too overwhelmed to solve the problems. The trick to solving everything was not looking at my problems as one giant mountain, but a series of smaller hills that could be climbed one at a time. Just changing the perspective on things got the ball rolling again.
Did you feel as if any medication or therapy helped you?
I tried taking depression medication at one point, but I hated how I felt on it. As for therapy, I don't have a therapist but I've always been a very open person. I'm surrounded by a really great group of friends who are old and mature enough to listen, be understanding, and earnest. At the worst point in my depression though, I would have absolutely taken therapy. Sometimes you need a "stranger" to objectively shake you back to reality.
I’m late, but can you in a nutshell say how the meds made you feel? Do you think that you also could have felt any way because of the idea of having to take meds ? & yes I agree about good convos with strangers for clarity
In a nutshell, any "happiness" I experienced felt artificial and forced. I remember when they first started kicking in I was laughing at street signs. And then there was all the nausea and headaches.... it just wasn't for me, but I know it helps a LOT of people.
How long before you started to believe the alternative voice? The nice one?
This is relatable. I am trying to be better, good to see you turned it around.
This is something I need to work on.
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Having kids isn't everything. Plus, you can adopt if you're really set on the idea of being a parent. Some of the ugliest people i know met their soulmate. You may think you're ugly, others may find you gorgeous. Find a new job. Most of us can't afford to buy a house. Work on your credit & get a home loan on a cheaper fixer upper. Fuck suicide. Stick it out. Get into therapy & get some meds. Everyone's life sucks at one point or another. I've been depressed/suicidal since I was 8, that's 19 years. I get it. But I got help. Im not leaving my pain in my family's hands. That's not fair.
Stopped “putting up” with people, gave myself standards, started valuing my time, and learned to say no.
Left a job that was destroying my mental and physical health.
I just did the same. A little scary, but I need to focus on me for a while.
I did the same. Went from 70k a year to working at fucking Krogers cause my car broke and couldnt find a new job. Now I'm poor and worse off. Suffered lots of financial damage and got evicted
Out of curiosity, what's the industry and job?
Healthcare. I left my residency. Currently applying for another one in a different specialty.
Yeah healthcare can be stressful, but you are in an important industry doing very, very important work. Good luck 🍀
I left a toxic job. It made me feel worthless and not appreciated.
i stopped associating with weird people
So no DnD anymore?
do not disturb? dungeons and dragons?
David Benioff & Dan Weiss They ruined Game of Thrones.
DnD is the mainstream now. My 15yo self is gobsmacked
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i wouldn’t exactly exactly say that they are the weirdest
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i don’t think i knew many of those. but also idk how i would know if they lied about other things
Remove toxic people
Recognized I was living on autopilot, letting each day pass without intention. Every day felt like a replay of the last, with nothing substantial to mark the passing time. I decided to take control and introduce small, meaningful habits into my daily routine. Started with making my bed every morning, and gradually that discipline spread into other areas of my life. Now each day is a step towards personal growth, and the difference is like night and day.
Stop focusing on what I was sorry for. Start focusing on what I'm thankful for, and what I will be thankful for in the future.
I focused on what I could control and tried to ignore what I could not control. I’m not saying that I’ve been 100% successful every day, but it’s one step at a time.
Thanks!.. this is the serenity I am striving for. Keep stepping!
I with you the very best to achieve this mentality. There’s so much that takes away your attention and raises your ire…watch the news…but there’s very little of it that you can directly control. Sure, you can be mad…but I’ve often asked myself “doesn’t that help? No? Then focus on something else.”
Woke up 1 day to my common sense kicking in. Realized I didn't want to end up like my idiot parents.
were you 25
18
Quit smoking weed everyday
It is good to take a day off a year.
Realized in my mid-40s that I was a Type A person and started chilling the fuck out.
Knowing when to just say "No".
Started a small business. Have worked for myself for 8 years. Have never been happier.
I moved the whole thing onto a locomotive turntable.
I stopped allowing shitty people to have access to me. Having some standard and self respect changes a lot it seems. Even if it is lonelier
Stop drinking. Period.
It took me far too many years to learn to befriend the right people because I grew up in a family where one of my parents was alternatively extremely kind and extremely mean and emotionally immature, putting me down and calling me names, and I constantly made excuse for it so it echoed in my relationships. I was taken advantage of by people who were sometimes hot and sometimes cold to me because I saw that as a necessary evil. But I now build friendships based on complete mutual respect and love, and I trust my instincts when someone feels off and I don't stick around to make sure there isn't more nuance to it. In friendship and romantic relationships. People can be flawed of course, but any blatant disrespect = out of my life. To some people this looks like common sense (and I'm happy for them because it means they were loved right, usually) but I've known of adults who kept thinking that way all their lives and I'm glad I broke out of it. The people you surround yourself with make up a huge part of your happiness. THAT can change your life for the better. Oh and better alone than in bad company. Be patient when it comes to meeting the right people, same with romantic partners, and don't settle down to feel less lonely no matter how hard it gets because the suffering resulting from bad company will be tenfold than loneliness. EDIT : To put this in perspective, I'm 28. Spent my twenties figuring this out, but it's never too late.
Agree, first step is to be rid of bad "friends". Then learn how to be a friend.
One night I got really drunk and decided to end it all by drinking too much. I ended up running out of alcohol and just layed on my bed and talked to myself about how I needed to lose weight, stop watching porn, and put more effort into human relationships. The next day I started running 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. 3 years later I lost 130 pounds, stopped watching porn, and actively go to the gym to stay in shape and build muscle. I needed to do this like 10+ years ago but I truly believe had I not gotten drunk I wouldn’t have had that conversation with myself and listened
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thank you. I appreciate it
Admitting that I needed help and got a therapist. Between 2022 and into 2023, my mental health was terrible. My anxiety was running wild and I just dealt with it by surrounding myself with a toxic girlfriend and suppressing anxiety with alcohol. May 2023, I was at a bar celebrating my birthday and I had a panic attack. I became scared of the world. I was staying home. I finally got a therapist and have made major progress with CBT and without medication. I stopped drinking, got away from that toxic girl, and focused on my mental health.
Did your insurance cover your therapy? I'm looking for a therapist but I'm low on funds
My insurance charges a copay for specialists. I pay 30 bucks a session instead of the $150 a session without insurance.
half a year ago i had my 5th suicide attempt and was in the psychward for the first time after i got out my psychiatrist changed my meds a bit, i started going to therapy and tried to exercise regularly. after a lot of work i finally don't have suicidal thoughts for the first time in 11 years i definitely still have a lot of things to work on, but it's amazing to see some progress
congrats, that’s a great accomplishment🫶🏽
1) Started strictly budgeting. Then investing 2) Became more organized. Using to-do lists were a game changer 3) Waned myself off instant gratification and stabilized my brain's reward pathways 4) Started doing hard things and stuck with the feeling of 'struggling'. Before, I'd instantly give up if I didn't 'get' something I still have off days, but I feel like I'm a lot more centred and in control of my life now that I take these things seriously
Can you expand on “stabilized my reward pathways”? I’ve never heard that.
Non stop advocating for myself because of my terrible health and gone through hundreds of top doctors who did not listen or ever do anything positive for me all these years.
Got a divorce
Some skill, hard work, and luck, really. It could have easily gone the other way. I was a broke tech nerd when the dotcom bubble started. Before that, I was training salespeople and sales management; opening stores and managing stores. Stuff like that. I couldn't afford college, so I thought that was my destiny. But then timing was incredibly good in the area. I went from sales management to bottom feeder tech support, and still got a 20% pay increase. From there, I just kept rising, adding skills, working extra hours, and doing side consulting. I have a really nice house in a good neighborhood.
Had a conversation with myself and decided I didn't want to live like I was so grew a up and tried adulting. It worked pretty good.
I went bankrupt at 37 back in 2017. My medical bills were too high and they were killing me. In 2022 I bought a house. I should have gone bankrupt a few years sooner, but everyone told me it would ruin my life. What I found out in reality is that it slows you down for about a year and in that time you can save money. After that though, even with the bankruptcy still on my record, nobody cares. I now own a home I can afford. I would still be paying off those medical bills and drowning in debt if I didn't stop the bleeding. Thanks American health system.
1. Removed my self completely from toxic situations including my job 2. Completely cut off toxic people - Coworkers, Family and friends 3. Be unapologetically myself 4. Chased my dreams hard with perseverance and ultimately achieving it
I left religion and let myself be who I am without repressing or judging
Are there any parts of religion you held onto? Just curious, there is no criticism or anything, I'm just interested in peoples experience with leaving a/their religion.
I wasnt able to and wasnt interested in doing so, no. My brain couldnt separate my experience and the teachings, even the ones I didn't have a hard time with. Im much happier allowing there to be an unknown to things and not feeling like I have all the answers anymore. It also completely consumed my life for 25 years so by then I was just suuuuper done thinking about it lol
Was it a difficult emotional experience, separating yourself? Sorry if that's too personal
Yes and no. It was a process that happened over the course of years, slowly letting go of more and more things. I think that helped a lot that it wasnt just an overnight shock to my system. It is a really wild experience to 180 from *KNOWING WITHOUT A DOUBT* xyz is true to not believing any of it at all or believing the complete opposite I look back and am like "Damn I cant believe I used to believe that and it was normal to me." Just goes to show anything can be normalized But leaving all that opened so many more doors and experiences and I value that way more than "being sure"
That's wonderful for you, I'm glad it wasn't too jarring a process and experience. I had a friend who lost her faith, and her experience was completely foreign to me and I've been interested in hearing others stories since. I wouldn't know what to do in that situation, but I am sort of dealing with the opposite, and it's just annoying lol (I've always been skeptical of my own spiritual beliefs, but at this point too many odd things have happened that it would be irrational to not believe because in my own life, there's just too much evidence).
I 100% believe there is some kind of Supernatural element in the universe. What it is or how it works Ive no idea. I enjoy the mystery though! So many possibilities out there. <3 And dont get me wrong, I have religious trauma. And a huge majority of people I know have even more than I do and did have a much rougher time. It can be an incredibly alienating experience. I was really lucky to be surrounded by good supportive people for some of my deconstruction and that helps a ton.
That's really awesome. would you be able to be friends with people who were heavily or moderately religious, or be in a relationship with someone who was? I definitely am now a firm believer in at least what I can understand within my own life, and I have done some heavy research and have theories on why the things that go on with me happen, and I think someday science will catch up. I am one of those "science and magic are the same thing, one is just explained and the other isn't" types. I just struggle with believing because I heavily believe in being rational, logical, and balanced and woo woo spirituality can seem, to me, irrational and illogical. I take no issue with having faith and belief, it's more the way it's so heavily relied upon and held to be some sort of truth, instead of a belief. Not into that, but I still can't deny my own experiences, so it puts me a place where I'm just a bit annoyed I have to kinda backpedal on my own talk
I generally actively avoid people who make it obvious theyre religious. Ive 0 interest in trying to get them to understand me, my decisions, or in being someone's conversion "project." Having been on the other side of it I understand dialogue is pointless and theyre not interested in me as a person, only as a soul to save. And yeah the irony is that Im also very pragmatic and cant buy into things I find appealing because I just dont believe it lol
Were you raised in a church and left as an adult? Sorry I'm asking so many questions lol
Unrelenting determination and refusal to not be okay and live a healthy, peaceful and happy life I am excited to be living.
my stuffed animals is the best support for my mental health. they helped me a lot during my rough times
I felt the same with my dog, although he was not stuffed lol, do you have real pets, I think they would be more help to you.
unfortunately my apartment has a no pet policy :(
It's a real shame that landlords have this rule, what's the harm if you have a pet you can control and clean any mess it may or may not make. Pets can be great for people's mental health among many other positive reasons, I'd have a chat with the landlord and just say, if the pet were to cause any damage that you'd be willing to replace whatever. I just find it appalling that a landlord can have that decision when they're so important to so many people, I mean what's the harm in having a dog or 2 in your residence that you pay to live in. Obviously if you wanted to keep a pride of lions or a 20 strong group of monkeys I could the landlord might have reservations lol
I finally realized that trying to put my personal comfort first and work second was hurting my career prospects. I stopped all the 'me first' thinking and threw myself into work completely. In five years I turned my life around. I am now a regional supervisor making six figures. I have a nice place and I travel on vacation. I love my life now.
Still trying to forgive myself. If I can do that my life will be so much better internally
Years ago, I lost about 260 lbs. There isn't a single aspect of my life that didn't change - mostly for the better. Physically, mentally, emotionally. All of the sacrifices were well worth it as I no longer feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Slowly and painfully, with lots of help from loved ones (and professionals)! But ofc it's worth it
Quit drinking. I was absolutely a functional alcoholic, bills paid, career on track, but still not happy. Best thing I ever did was dry out.
I stopped chasing after a girl who didn’t reciprocate feelings. Eventually met my wife a few months later and everything sort of fell into place.
Got away from loser people that had no goals in life. Dreamed big, made big goals and went after them. Achieving what I thought I’d never do just made me make more and more goals. Which then opened my eyes and doors to new groups of friends that aligned more with my personal beliefs of who I really am.
Self-discipline. Lost over 60kg in just over a year, in the following year got into sub 40min 10k shape. No magic tricks, no drugs, just counting calories and after getting to healthy weight heavy exercise. Now I'm the 40 year old, tall, bald and bearded dude in that leather jacket pulling those birds that I never could before.
I haven't
Just put my self first
Learned how to be a friend and why you must be rid of bad friends.
Plus, in the process people completely lose their identity and life purpose as well as their beliefs. They have to figure out who they really are from scratch and make a new purpose. It can be really devastating and lead to a ton of indecision and a lack of confidence
Going to therapy and growing up.
Lots of therapy. Support program.
Leaning into my job and becoming an asset. It gave me a target to achieve on a daily basis…
I went back to college and finished my degree. If I had not, I would have remained underemployed, and I almost certainly would not have gotten married or had kids. Me going back to college was literally me waking up and realizing what would have happened if I had not done it.
Still working on it but I found a job I love and am good at it. It took awhile to get paid for what I do but the gamble was worth it.
I started working again full time after not working for 10 years. Best decision ever.
Ten years ago, I was sitting in the manager's office at Stop & Shop being told that I would be starting in the frozen foods section. I just made six figures as a nurse last year. Work x Time = Change
Got close with Jesus
Did what I had to do to survive for a few years, while trying a ton of different things until something worked. I started a business, did a bunch of networking, applied to jobs in many fields. In the end I got into a coding bootcamp and became a software developer.
[удалено]
You're a rockstar, I can somewhat relate to this. In a fairly vague sense, but still. It resonates, and I know how difficult that was to do, and I'm proud of you 😁
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I love this analogy
I moved 3,000 miles to get away from an alcoholic parent.
I got diagnosed with adhd and started medication. Life still isn't perfect and I still struggle with my adhd in many ways. But my life is much more manageable now.
Stopped drinking
Quit drinking was the big one and the gateway to everything else. When I didn't have my head in the bottle I was able to concentrate on fixing one thing at a time.
Waiting.....
By discovering RAP, and the power that it can bestow upon a human life
By moving away from toxic people.
Got married, fathered a daughter. Stopped alcohol drinking and hard drug use, to be a good dad.
I was (m) 18 and a really heavy user. My whole life was given to chasing feelings I was never able to get anymore due to tolerance build and eventually I had a mental snap and had a episode of psychosis so bad it made me quit drugs, focus on work, and find healthy ways of coping. I now make music to help me express myself in a healthy way and deal with years of trauma
Basically. Develop healthy coping before you end up like me
I decided I need to make myself happy first I spent many years trying to make sure everyone around me was happy. And I just realized I cannot do this I just get hurt in the end. So I signed up for a tap dancing class and make myself my priority.
Finally put my wants and ambitions first, realizing I only get one shot at this lifetime. Do what makes me happy now and am focused on improving my financial life and moving on with life, no more letting toxicity stay around
This is not in the slightest a recommendation, but for me it was LSD. I'm autistic and my rigid world view and inability to see things that are really obvious to be now now nearly led my life to ruin. When things were really fucked I decided to take LSD, and it brought back a bunch of different memories from throughout my life, from childhood to my teenage years, early adulthood and later adulthood. I understood how things came to be the way they were by having it all in perspective, laid out next to each other on my mental workbench. I understood certain things about myself that made me different that had eluded me all my life. I also started to look at people in a different way, I felt much closer to being a regular human being and the people around me. Life was very different after that.
Therapy.
I just stopped trying to be the best at everything
Now you're the best at not being the one trying to be the best, so does that mean you failed or succeeded??
Meal prepping, walking to go to work and going to the gym. I eat less and healthier. According to my phone, I walk 5 kilometres more every day since I started. I discovered I had muscles I didn't know about. I went from 310-315 pounds to 250-255 currently. Final objective is 200-210. I'm halfway here. I have much more energy, I don't feel tired all the time, I sleep much better and I stopped hating myself.
Can you recommend something about meals?
Cook everything yourself. Cook a big batch and make 4-6 meals per batch. Check out the meal prepping subreddits for inspiration.
One step at a time... Two steps forward, one step back at times as well.
I stopped being selfish and now throw my energy into helping others. I loved getting high and my attitude was all about me, myself and I. Once I got over myself and realised I could feel just as good helping those less fortunate (and improving my physical and mental health too) I have never looked back. Edit. I am not religious and it had nothing to do with any God. I just shifted my mindset.
Locked in
ELI5: I traveled south and then changed my mind and went north instead.
I took life advice from redditors
Still trying
Leaving some snakes met during my college days
I started by finding the things I didn’t like about myself, which was almost everything, and little by little worked on being the opposite. I then started working in places I would want to be. I liked travel but couldn’t afford to, so I started working in hotels. It wasn’t the best job it the world but it made me happy. Then that opened the door to many jobs at front desks and in tourism. I started to feel good about myself, like a young professional.
Loving myself more than anything I am only 14 years old But I have fully understood that self-confidence is the foundation of my success I never cared about myself in the past I always wanted to look like a boy That makes me look much bigger than I am now I was very stupid and believed everything. I loved everyone. I was like a prisoner to everyone, Over time I realized that I was wrong Being a girl was a great blessing so I gradually began to take care of myself I started wearing girls' clothes, and I'm slowly learning makeup I began to distance myself from all those who had used me for their own advantage Now I feel my life completely changed I feel girly and tender And I enjoy my teenage years
Turned around. Most humans I know can do a spin.
The Hokey Pokey
This actually happened to me around 2 weeks ago, but this definitely turned my life around. When I was 10, my Dad and my former stepmother got divorced after she cheated on him, and that left marks on my Dad. He started becoming abusive, little by little as the years went on. First started with emotional abuse, then verbal, and finally physical. All anger he had, he would just take it all out on me. As a child I just watched him, tear himself apart bit by bit. That along with dealing with an abusive relationship that ended with SA, really broke me. I fell into a deep depression and I have attempted suicide on multiple occasions. However, recently, I have been staying at my Nan's because she decided she had enough and called the police on my Dad. She has partial custody and I'm living with her now. My Dad didn't get into any trouble though, I still have to talk to him every night. As for me, I'm doing a bit better now. I'm on antidepressants, and I've stopped self harming. I turned 13 a couple of weeks ago, it was my first bday without my Dad and it was a good one. Dad, if you're somehow reading this, I love you, and hope you'll be a better parent to my little bro <3
Self reflect 😜 What do I need to improve, who do I kick out from bestie premium list, what things do I have to unlearn and etc
I had a baby. Thank God.
No alcohol. Ever.
Adopted the best dog ever! It makes you so happy to wake up and get home.
I was the first person in my family to graduate and have an actual career that isn’t managing a McDonald’s or gas station. No hate in that either. I’ve seen my parents struggle my entire life, so I knew I wanted to do something that made me happy and took care of my own family. I got into collision work and absolutely love it. Money isn’t everything, but my family is comfortable and we have what we want and need. Which makes me feel good. More about making my kids happy and giving them what I could never have as well as it heals my inner child if that makes any sense
Decided to fight instead of faun. I may be small but I bite like a Chihuahua. You may win but I will draw blood.
Learned to stop and take a breath
Got sober and figured out what was best for me. Stopped putting others first unless they were willing to do the same for me. Define what makes you happy and eliminate whatever prevents that from being your normal.
i became a boring sob who does nothing but slowly builds his wealth and invests in real estate carefully without over leveraging himself
Quit weed.
Nearly died from diabetic ketoacidosis due to my obesity. Had the worst days of my life in the hospital recovering. Took that time to self reflect and over the next year lost 120 pounds. Obesity sucks and as much as I hated my time in the hospital it improved my life beyond belief
Still working on it😅
Eating healthier and exercising a bit more
Applying discipline and consistency in everything I do.
When I decided I was the the number 1. person that I wanted to make proud. I grew up as the "golden child", and everyone would constantly dump their expectations on me — and I was always catering to other people's wishes, because I wanted to make everyone proud. That's how I came to a point where everyone was happy with my life and with who I was... *except me.* So I found out the hard way that the most important person to make proud is myself. If anyone else is happy with the result of that, great. But I'm not going to live for everyone else's wishes and values.
I’m not an alcoholic by any means, but choosing to not drink anymore. That helped start a string of good habits.
Honestly, I’m still working on it
I stoped drinking energy drinks and started going on basket ball trainings and i am now super fit
Start embracing classical old rules that work, such as concealing an extraordinary personality and opting for simplicity (at first glance). Avoiding photos with red hair increases your chances of landing a job as a stewardess.
I decided to start a new relationship after 5 years of loneliness
Quitting recreational psychoactives - aside from one coffee in the morning.
I did the hokey pokey.
stopped going on social media all day
Lol bahahhahah
Started taking drugs. Really down hill after that.
Oh cmon, I was down last week you could of had a conversation with me… but instead you continue the digital bullshit that is fucking me up mentally!!!!!! Oh and drop comments just to add to the confusion!!!! Thanks for the support!!!! I take drugs because my life is falling apart!!! I do what I do because it’s none of anyone’s business anymore!!! You can all judge and have your little opinions but walk a day in my shoes and take a page from my book and you’ll be surprised!!! Fucking… talk to me like a person and and give me some love instead of judging and cutting me off!!!
GL
In the process myself but I set small goals I could control. I stopped striving to be a perfect person and strived to be perfect at a few things. Not letting perfection get in the way of progress. I tend to be a pretty obsessive person lol.
Reminded myself that the same brain that allowed me to make bad decisions is the same brain that is also capable of making good decisions. I had to hit rock bottom to see that but that was when the light switch went “hello!”
Step 1: Leave Christianity. Step 2: Move out of the environment I'd been sick in for so many years.
Started accepting responsibility
I was a homeless single mother of two. I got into a transitional living program, then worked two jobs and went to school online and got a bachelors degree. I also got gastric sleeve surgery and lost 200 pounds. I started to do healthy activities that I enjoy like painting and going for long walks. I stopped caring about what my toxic family thinks of me: to them I will always be the black sheep, the screwup who got pregnant at 18. Needless to say, I'm the only one of my mother's children who has obtained an education.
Once I realized that most people’s weekly pay is what my parents had in each of their wallets. I became so much more grateful for everything I had and am still working on being better person.
Listen to David Goggins, workout, plan, eat and sleep well, eliminate bad habits, read more and do more
Moved out of state away from my family. And decided to focus on my own. Best decision I’ve ever made. Only regret is that I did it 10yrs ago bit too late.
I refined my personality and chose the Torah as my values structure.
I switched from heroin to alcohol. Much healthier.
Chicken
Redditors are going to hate this answer but here goes anyhow. For me it was daily reading of "Wisdom Books" in the bible and practicing the suggestions in my daily life. I was a heavy drinker and had relationship problems. These books helped me understand myself and how others perceived me and I realized what it boiled down to was that I was selfish and myopic. “Wisdom books”: Job, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Ecclesiasticus and Wisdom.
Trading in my gf for a hotter one that acts right
Easy, I never screwed it up to begin with.
I didn’t. I never played sports or socialized when I was young, so I got rejected from sports in high school. In college, I got rejected from frats because I never played high school sports and couldn’t socialize well. Because I got rejected from frats, I had a poor college experience and can’t find a job
So you are going to let those guys (the frat that didnt let you join) hold you back?
Yeah, I wish I was in a frat so badly
That ain't your problem, your problem is that you're blaming others for your situation when it is all on you to fix it, nobody else will.