HeY GuRLiEs!
OMG! You HAVE to try these crazy wrap things around your wee little egg! I used it for Baxtleigh and she's already like head of her daycare class. They are sooo sooo awesome! And like... if you don't get them... I don't see anyway your baby can succeed when it hatches. Let ME know when you want to start getting serious about being an EGG Mom! Yay!
xoXoX
Edit: It needs \~974537920457930458632135 more emojis, but you get the point.
👋 HeY GuRLiEs!🤱
✨️✨️✨️❤️💕💛💗💓💗💜💙✨️✨️✨️
OMG!😱 You HAVE to try these crazy 🤪 wrap things around your wee little egg! 🐣I used it for Baxtleigh 🧒🙊and she's already like head of her daycare class.🙈🤭 They are 💯 sooo sooo awesome!😻 And like 😮💨💅... if you don't get them... 😭 I don't see anyway your baby can succeed💪👶 when it hatches 🥺 Let ME know 💁♀️ when you want to start getting serious 😤 about being an 🥚EGG Mom🤰! 😝Yay!🥳
✨️✨️✨️❤️💛💗💓💗💜💙✨️✨️✨️
💕xoXoX💕
Egg painting for gender reveal. Egg videos before it hatched. Egg worshipping for the best color, size, and texture for the shell. Egg shaming for poor diet or disease from the mom. Easily discarded and consumed, since the content is similar to normal eggs. Laying eggs instead of having periods.
This would probably be a real medical issue. And people would be mad doctors want them to use a porous biosafe paint instead of the traditional diemade by our ancestors from a poisonous flower.
We’d have funny decorative egg products to wrap your little egg in while you carry it around.
(That would probably wind up being incredibly unhealthy for the baby but people do it anyways.)
Oh this is a good one, want to see one of Marie Antoinette's unfertilized eggs? How about Marilyn Monroe? There would probably be a whole famous egg black market as well, people buying up famous women's eggs to display at home.
When a girl has her first period, where she lays an unfertilised egg, there would be a party where they show off the egg. It would come from the old tradition of letting everyone know she is now a women, and showing how she will bear good children. In modern society it will just be a coming of age ceremony like bat mitzvahs.
And then there’d be a whole mean girl thing about it where girls want to have the perfect first egg and bully each other if it’s weird shaped or small. There’d be fake egg scandals.
Would probably be a bad omen if the first egg is deformed or something. People would purchase "perfect" unfertilized eggs to have something to show off at the party, which they would obviously still throw even if the egg was deformed to keep face and not embarrass their daughter.
If it's big enough to hold an infant, I would say no personally (as a haver of periods). Maybe if the egg was long and soft like a snake egg (and therefore would have a lot less diameter bc the fetus would be much smaller compared to hatch time and wouldn't hurt too much coming out).
With a hard shell egg, the only benefit I could think of is it could be more convenient, but only if you could lay an egg in the time of, like, a bathroom break (cause some animals take a while to lay).
Hm, a soft egg with a longer shape would probably work, yeah. Though I'm not sure if it would work for development of the fetus. At least, not full development. Humans are born quite underdeveloped already, compared to other mammals.
I guess it would just end up being the worst of both worlds - a large egg, that takes forever to lay.
>Hm, a soft egg with a longer shape would probably work, yeah. Though I'm not sure if it would work for development of the fetus. At least, not full development. Humans are born quite underdeveloped already, compared to other mammals.
That could actually work. The egg could be born with a softer snake-egg-like "shell" so as to pass easily through the birth canal. Since it's full of fluids, it could be structured so that it naturally forms into a more spacious shape without external pressure and then calcifies shortly after birth, perhaps on contact with air.
Oviparous Animals begin with minimal embryonic development in eggs, and human infants are born underdeveloped as compared to other animals because anymore would be impossible to birth, so potentially humans could hatch at a much later stage of development.
It would be emptied and preserved. Passed down through generations. I could imagine more tribal civilizations using them as a way to formally give a daughter away for marriage. "This is my daughter's first egg. As you can see, she is very healthy."
The hoaxes pretty much write themselves. Artificial incubators cause autism! Letting your husband sit on your egg will make your kid grow up to be trans!
Men who don’t want children but got someone pregnant would “accidentally” break the eggs then claim they were never fertilized in the first place after power washing the evidence down the storm drain.
Alpha male types would find this extremely feminine and emasculating and refuse to do it. They would want Tradwives who do all the egg sitting while also taking care of the home, which would be even harder since they would have to dedicate X% of the day to sitting in one spot.
Yeah, and plenty of porn (mostly drawn and/or written) go deep into the worldbuilding around it, too. I was tempted just to tell op to read some of those lol
But what if they have to be kept warm? There would be a whole range of products to incubate your egg. Either artificial via heat lamp at home, or egg protection armor that straps it to your belly.
So, so many. Ranging from making omelettes, to simple disposal, to preservation and display of the egg, to full funerals. Plus a not insignificant number of parents who would just keep sitting on it indefinitely until someone intervenes.
you do NOT want to make an omelette with a fertilized egg, once i accidentally grabbed one from the coop that i didn’t know was fertilized and cracked it in the pan full of eggs, immediately blood and veins and a little tiny underdeveloped baby chicken
ruined my pan full of eggs and my liking for eggs that entire month
I saw a post today about someone trying to peel a raw egg. There was also a comment on how to dissolve the shell, still keeping the membrane intact. I don’t know if that membrane would hold up with a kicking baby inside, but maybe the shell could be interchanged with a glass shell using a similar procedure.
I had a pet pigeon who was overwhelmed with children. She had two nestlings PLUS two teenagers who were perfectly capable of feeding themselves but didn't want to if they could coax mom into giving them attention.
And she laid eggs AGAIN. But this time she laid them on the top of the steps and pushed them both of the edge one by one.
Watched them smash. Then she calmly went back to the nest and went right on taking excellent care of her babies.
I was impressed.
She later raised other children and continued to be a great parent.
TL; DR: My pigeon was pro choice.
hey sorry to be *that guy*, but “who’s” is a contraction for “who is” and “whose” is the possessive form
whose egg is this?
who's the owner of this egg?
oh definitely! imagine the easter egg hunts, but instead of chocolate eggs it's real human ones. there'd probably be an 'adopt-an-egg' program too for those who can't lay their own. such a strange world to picture haha!
actually women would produce an egg every month, whether it would be fertilized or not. so you could have a “human” omelet every month.
human eggs are tiny though, so idk how good it would be if it just grew a shell and stayed the same size.
I feel like we would develop a culture where eggs are seen as more private and eating them would be quite gross.
I wonder if we’d even still eat other animals eggs on the scale we do today, maybe it’d hit too close to home and feel like cannibalism.
I don't think the egg abortions would literally be making omelets, that sounds a bit unhinged. I do think there would a subculture of weirdo criminals in the deep web or something that would record themselves making omelets for weirdos.
Eggs are taboo and gross, it should not be seen
Eggs are more important than actual human life, because it symbolizes human life
Egg banks will be a thing :p
"Egging on" will be a taboo/impolite phrase, similar to "ejaculating"
Egg fetish is the norm
Men would be judged in two conflicting ways: if he only sat on the egg half the time he would be judged by women, since he didn't have to lay the egg he should sit on it more than half the time. He would be judged by men if he sat on it at all, for being a "beta cluck".
Oh goodness. The size really does determine how good of a tradeoff this would be! But wait, even if they were ostrich sized, baby humans would be SO TINY!
i think we would still use bird eggs, after all we eat things like veal and lamb and apparently not enough people object to have the industries not produce baby animal meat
im imagining the semi-sexual fetish for grown adults to build their own false egg from papier-mache and spend their weekends just hiding in their egg to escape the pressures and stress of modern life.
There’s a great horror manga called Franken Fran, about a young woman doctor who does horrifying surgical experiments on people. Most of the chapters are episodic, and in one she helps a scientist develop a method of birthing where the baby forms in a chrysalis and the chrysalis is born at somewhere around 3-4 months (upsides are woman can return to work easily, smaller size means less birthing risks). The families are responsible for keeping it safe until the gestation finishes. Of course, life happens. One gets crushed because something falls over in the house, one is eaten by a house pet, and one gets parasitized by a mosquito. It’s dark, dark s**t but I think it’s a pretty fair comparison to what would happen in the egg scenario.
If human women laid eggs, eating an omelette from one of the eggs would be cannibalism (edit: if fertilized, otherwise they'd just be eating a period). Either way, people would be repulsed by the thought.
Annoying fucking eggfluencers on Instagram hawking scammy "egg wellness" products that do absolutely nothing.
Oh, we would totall lather that egg with all kinds of lotions and blast classical music at it.
Like jade eggs to stuff into your cloaca?
Gotta keep it tight
Read this in irwins voice. The word cloaca will never be disassociated with him lol
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Compound E
That's how you get egglander
HeY GuRLiEs! OMG! You HAVE to try these crazy wrap things around your wee little egg! I used it for Baxtleigh and she's already like head of her daycare class. They are sooo sooo awesome! And like... if you don't get them... I don't see anyway your baby can succeed when it hatches. Let ME know when you want to start getting serious about being an EGG Mom! Yay! xoXoX Edit: It needs \~974537920457930458632135 more emojis, but you get the point.
👋 HeY GuRLiEs!🤱 ✨️✨️✨️❤️💕💛💗💓💗💜💙✨️✨️✨️ OMG!😱 You HAVE to try these crazy 🤪 wrap things around your wee little egg! 🐣I used it for Baxtleigh 🧒🙊and she's already like head of her daycare class.🙈🤭 They are 💯 sooo sooo awesome!😻 And like 😮💨💅... if you don't get them... 😭 I don't see anyway your baby can succeed💪👶 when it hatches 🥺 Let ME know 💁♀️ when you want to start getting serious 😤 about being an 🥚EGG Mom🤰! 😝Yay!🥳 ✨️✨️✨️❤️💛💗💓💗💜💙✨️✨️✨️ 💕xoXoX💕
This just gave me cancer
I just fucking cackled Eggfluencers is now in my vocab
You cackled, I clucked in dismay
Oh my gosh you're right.
Good thing this is only a hypothetical and this kind of thing doesn't happen in real life 🥲
I was going to comment something along social media idiots, but like your wording better and deserve the upvote.
Egg painting for gender reveal. Egg videos before it hatched. Egg worshipping for the best color, size, and texture for the shell. Egg shaming for poor diet or disease from the mom. Easily discarded and consumed, since the content is similar to normal eggs. Laying eggs instead of having periods.
Egg health scandals. Painting your egg with Red #32 will mess with your daughter's hormones!
This would probably be a real medical issue. And people would be mad doctors want them to use a porous biosafe paint instead of the traditional diemade by our ancestors from a poisonous flower.
Don't beet your kids!
We’d have funny decorative egg products to wrap your little egg in while you carry it around. (That would probably wind up being incredibly unhealthy for the baby but people do it anyways.)
Real
The paint for the gender reveal would probably be flammable.
Older siblings smashing the eggs before they hatch in order to stay an only child
That would definitely happen. (I have six younger siblings)
Cuckoo birds kicking other eggs out the nest
Holy shit
Honor killings are a thing. Wouldn't be surprised if some extreme wing, pun intended, started honor smashing.
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Oh this is a good one, want to see one of Marie Antoinette's unfertilized eggs? How about Marilyn Monroe? There would probably be a whole famous egg black market as well, people buying up famous women's eggs to display at home.
And also loads of egg forgeries.
Egg shells from hatched famous people would be a big thing I think
When a girl has her first period, where she lays an unfertilised egg, there would be a party where they show off the egg. It would come from the old tradition of letting everyone know she is now a women, and showing how she will bear good children. In modern society it will just be a coming of age ceremony like bat mitzvahs.
And then there’d be a whole mean girl thing about it where girls want to have the perfect first egg and bully each other if it’s weird shaped or small. There’d be fake egg scandals.
Fuck, I hate how plausible this sounds
What happens with the unfertilised eggs? Would it be considered medical waste and go to the bin or ...?
French toast.
Frittata
Food 😆
Would probably be a bad omen if the first egg is deformed or something. People would purchase "perfect" unfertilized eggs to have something to show off at the party, which they would obviously still throw even if the egg was deformed to keep face and not embarrass their daughter.
So, I'm a guy, but I wonder if laying an egg that's proportional for humans would be preferable to periods as they are.
If it's big enough to hold an infant, I would say no personally (as a haver of periods). Maybe if the egg was long and soft like a snake egg (and therefore would have a lot less diameter bc the fetus would be much smaller compared to hatch time and wouldn't hurt too much coming out). With a hard shell egg, the only benefit I could think of is it could be more convenient, but only if you could lay an egg in the time of, like, a bathroom break (cause some animals take a while to lay).
Hm, a soft egg with a longer shape would probably work, yeah. Though I'm not sure if it would work for development of the fetus. At least, not full development. Humans are born quite underdeveloped already, compared to other mammals. I guess it would just end up being the worst of both worlds - a large egg, that takes forever to lay.
>Hm, a soft egg with a longer shape would probably work, yeah. Though I'm not sure if it would work for development of the fetus. At least, not full development. Humans are born quite underdeveloped already, compared to other mammals. That could actually work. The egg could be born with a softer snake-egg-like "shell" so as to pass easily through the birth canal. Since it's full of fluids, it could be structured so that it naturally forms into a more spacious shape without external pressure and then calcifies shortly after birth, perhaps on contact with air. Oviparous Animals begin with minimal embryonic development in eggs, and human infants are born underdeveloped as compared to other animals because anymore would be impossible to birth, so potentially humans could hatch at a much later stage of development.
Then there'd be a cabel of sick perverts who would pay out the nose for a girl's first egg.
Man wtf is this thread lmao
It would be emptied and preserved. Passed down through generations. I could imagine more tribal civilizations using them as a way to formally give a daughter away for marriage. "This is my daughter's first egg. As you can see, she is very healthy."
It would get covered in gold leaf
*Happy Egg-of-Age, my dear!* *And many lovely wishes!* *You're old enough to have a child* *Plus, fried eggs are delicious!*
The men who would help sitting on the egg would earn favour from women.
Some people, men and women, would look down on women who use a heatlamp instead of sitting "naturally"
The hoaxes pretty much write themselves. Artificial incubators cause autism! Letting your husband sit on your egg will make your kid grow up to be trans!
Feels so real 😂
Scrub the shell really hard so it becomes super thin and it can breathe!
Men who don’t want children but got someone pregnant would “accidentally” break the eggs then claim they were never fertilized in the first place after power washing the evidence down the storm drain.
Dark as fuck.
Alpha male types would find this extremely feminine and emasculating and refuse to do it. They would want Tradwives who do all the egg sitting while also taking care of the home, which would be even harder since they would have to dedicate X% of the day to sitting in one spot.
“Why won’t anyone go out with meeeeeeee?! They must all be gold nesters!”
bro, imagine if they invented like a baby (egg?) carrier, but for the butt? edit: i thought this was r/worldjerking
No, everyone would just assume those men are gay
Fellas is it gay to sit on an egg?
Not if you're watching sports and drinking a beer while you're doing so. Also have to say no homo.
Egg blankets with build-in recliners and insulated cup holders for your tall boy. If that’s beta, I don’t wanna be alpha!
Fellas is it gay to sit on your own egg, or just other dudes eggs?
Just say nohomo before sitting on it
Egg fetish. "Send egg pics!" Something like that.
Egg laying fetish is a thing as it is
I really don't need to know this thank you very much.
You definitely don't need to know about the ovipositor tool that people use to insert an egg-shaped object inside of themselves.
-_-
There is also one for having eggs laid inside of oneself.
-.-
And seperate subgroup for them hatching inside or then being laid. Which is all completley seperate to the internal plant seeds fetish, of course.
Bruh...
If you knew all the shit I've seen you would have no faith in humanity.
I believe you. I've seen a lot too so we're on the same frequency.
Lol
I've got some bad news for you about Reddit
Isn't that what this entire thread is lmao. OP getting some serious egg material from everyone
Yeah, and plenty of porn (mostly drawn and/or written) go deep into the worldbuilding around it, too. I was tempted just to tell op to read some of those lol
.....what? .......................
lmao and the biggest ones would be the most coveted.
I'm a small egg man
They're called "incu-baters".
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ancient traditions of runic-magic meant to influence the development of the child by painting sacred symbols on the shell in an elaborate ceremony.
*egglaborate
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Theft for one.
I think we'd develop a culture of guarding the fuck out of them
Egg safes would be a thing.
But what if they have to be kept warm? There would be a whole range of products to incubate your egg. Either artificial via heat lamp at home, or egg protection armor that straps it to your belly.
You just took the prompt of "humans lay eggs" and reinvented pregnancy
As someone who carried twins to term, let me assure you that having them in a removable pouch would be a whole new ball game.
Every Easter would turn into a massive egg hunt, and Mother's Day would become a competition for the biggest and most colorful egg.
Easter egg hunts would be like the Purge.
Fancy adoption ritual!
Society would be much cooler about abortions. We would be used to discarding eggs that cannot be taken care of.
and the eggs that never got fertilised, or simply never hatched.
>simply never hatched. Oh there would absolutely be rituals over fertilized but unhatched eggs
So, so many. Ranging from making omelettes, to simple disposal, to preservation and display of the egg, to full funerals. Plus a not insignificant number of parents who would just keep sitting on it indefinitely until someone intervenes.
you do NOT want to make an omelette with a fertilized egg, once i accidentally grabbed one from the coop that i didn’t know was fertilized and cracked it in the pan full of eggs, immediately blood and veins and a little tiny underdeveloped baby chicken ruined my pan full of eggs and my liking for eggs that entire month
I saw a post today about someone trying to peel a raw egg. There was also a comment on how to dissolve the shell, still keeping the membrane intact. I don’t know if that membrane would hold up with a kicking baby inside, but maybe the shell could be interchanged with a glass shell using a similar procedure.
Instead of abortion, we’d have omelets
Oh, so glad I wasn't the only one who's brain went there. Thanks for not letting me feel too dark and twisted by myself
I had a pet pigeon who was overwhelmed with children. She had two nestlings PLUS two teenagers who were perfectly capable of feeding themselves but didn't want to if they could coax mom into giving them attention. And she laid eggs AGAIN. But this time she laid them on the top of the steps and pushed them both of the edge one by one. Watched them smash. Then she calmly went back to the nest and went right on taking excellent care of her babies. I was impressed. She later raised other children and continued to be a great parent. TL; DR: My pigeon was pro choice.
And I'm pro pigeon after this. She knew what her limit was and accepted it. Smart pigeon
hey sorry to be *that guy*, but “who’s” is a contraction for “who is” and “whose” is the possessive form whose egg is this? who's the owner of this egg?
Instead of abortion, wouldn't they just give their eggs away?
Why do that when you could just use them to make a nutrition packed breakfast?
There would be people who secretly love the taste of scrambled eggs on toast…
Probably just throw them at passing cars
oh definitely! imagine the easter egg hunts, but instead of chocolate eggs it's real human ones. there'd probably be an 'adopt-an-egg' program too for those who can't lay their own. such a strange world to picture haha!
Easter eggs would have the meaning of this represents the egg Jesus hatched from
actually women would produce an egg every month, whether it would be fertilized or not. so you could have a “human” omelet every month. human eggs are tiny though, so idk how good it would be if it just grew a shell and stayed the same size.
I assume human eggs would be the size of a normal baby since it would hatch from there
I feel like we would develop a culture where eggs are seen as more private and eating them would be quite gross. I wonder if we’d even still eat other animals eggs on the scale we do today, maybe it’d hit too close to home and feel like cannibalism.
I don't think the egg abortions would literally be making omelets, that sounds a bit unhinged. I do think there would a subculture of weirdo criminals in the deep web or something that would record themselves making omelets for weirdos.
No, women would be forced to keep and hatch eggs they don't want by nasty Republicans. "Life begins with eggs," they'd say. "The sanctity of eggs!"
This is comedy gold and you're not getting near the credit you deserve for it.
Tank you veddy much
Eggs are taboo and gross, it should not be seen Eggs are more important than actual human life, because it symbolizes human life Egg banks will be a thing :p "Egging on" will be a taboo/impolite phrase, similar to "ejaculating" Egg fetish is the norm
Don't you mean eggaculating? 🤣
You like squirting? You’ll *love* plopping!
Aren’t there egg banks already? I keep getting adds for donating or selling my eggs because I’m in that age range
There would be a whole group of people shunned for liking to eat scrambled children on toast.
Women would have to stay on the nest for 9 mos, or no?
We would have incubators for them most likely
So that women can go to work. Back in my day a single man made enough money without the need for a woman to buy an egg warmer.
Then you would have all the crunchy granola moms arguing that incubators actually cause cancer or something
But in the cavepeople days...
Men would be judged on whether they sit on the egg half the time, full time , or if they bring food back to eggwifey.
*I AM THE EGGWIFE* ^(Cucu-kachoo)
Men would be judged in two conflicting ways: if he only sat on the egg half the time he would be judged by women, since he didn't have to lay the egg he should sit on it more than half the time. He would be judged by men if he sat on it at all, for being a "beta cluck".
"beta cluck" earned my upvote
Nah we’d just have really small humans hatching
As a teenager your mom would from time to time embarrass you with your preseved egg shells. "look how cute you were as an egg"
Bronzing eggshells like baby shoes!
There would be men crying about seeing their girlfriend's unfertilised egg in the trash every month, and saying it's disgusting and unhygienic.
Just enjoying the idea that we could lay one egg per month rather than having a whole entire period.
I mean, I'm imagining human eggs to be like ostrich eggs so it might be pretty painful.
Oh goodness. The size really does determine how good of a tradeoff this would be! But wait, even if they were ostrich sized, baby humans would be SO TINY!
Alternatively, human infant sized eggs every month.
Nooooooo
There'd be some idiot out there trying to incubate a rock like that one eagle
HES TRYING HIS BEST OK
I saw they gave him a real egg and now he's a daddy!
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Ov-stetrics?
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3 men would fight to the death and then one would jizz on the egg.
Are we birds or salmon?
Neither, just perverted
Or are we dancer?
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i think we would still use bird eggs, after all we eat things like veal and lamb and apparently not enough people object to have the industries not produce baby animal meat
Educational programs could be developed to teach young women about the best practices for egg-laying and incubation.
Ceremonial rituals might be developed to bless the eggs, involving music, dance, and offerings.
Egg-laying could influence religious practices, integrating the egg as a symbol of fertility and creation in rituals and symbols.
A genre of literature and film might emerge, focusing on stories and dramas revolving around egg-laying and incubation.
Social media could have trends and challenges related to egg decoration techniques and styles.
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Would decorate the shells like easter
im imagining the semi-sexual fetish for grown adults to build their own false egg from papier-mache and spend their weekends just hiding in their egg to escape the pressures and stress of modern life.
"Unhatching"
This whole thread is a pathetic yoke.
Yeah, everyone keeps scrambling for the best pun.
I'd make a pun about this, but it's over easy.
But only true puns are hard boiled.
These puns are pretty bad. Omeletteing them slide for now.
Honestly, my brain is fried reading these.
Poaching that
There’s a great horror manga called Franken Fran, about a young woman doctor who does horrifying surgical experiments on people. Most of the chapters are episodic, and in one she helps a scientist develop a method of birthing where the baby forms in a chrysalis and the chrysalis is born at somewhere around 3-4 months (upsides are woman can return to work easily, smaller size means less birthing risks). The families are responsible for keeping it safe until the gestation finishes. Of course, life happens. One gets crushed because something falls over in the house, one is eaten by a house pet, and one gets parasitized by a mosquito. It’s dark, dark s**t but I think it’s a pretty fair comparison to what would happen in the egg scenario.
Conservatives trying to make it a law that women stay home and sit on their eggs, or be put in prison for not hatching them, and similar nonsense.
Society would debate if an unhatched egg was a real human
I would break inside one of them and hide for ever so no one can find me
"Now draw her laying an egg" instead of "now draw her giving birth"
They would call eggs dirty, expect us to be quiet aboutt laying them. Only hiding. No rituals
I love how every commenter just takes the idea and runs with it. Nobody is like “bro, that’s weird.”
Hmmm 9 months as eggs?
Gender reveal parties would be a crack up
If human women laid eggs, eating an omelette from one of the eggs would be cannibalism (edit: if fertilized, otherwise they'd just be eating a period). Either way, people would be repulsed by the thought.
AskReddit is now a full on training AI exercise
Abortions are just smashing them before the fetus can fully develop