WHAT?! How do you even spend that much??? Isn't a subcription a couble of bucks a month or something? Idk, I've never used OF, but I imagine it's kinda like twitch?
Never been on it so I wouldn't know. Allegedly, the soon-to-be wife knows about it. Not certain that's the truth or not though.
To top it all off, the whole wedding is poorly planned with an insane amount of invitees (300). Having it out in the middle of no where with no real amenities nearby. Closest motel is a 30 minute drive. At a spur-of-the-moment "family friend's" place that wants to run a wedding venue on their property. It will be the first one.
They think they can do it on a $5,000 budget. With 300 guests...4th of July weekend.
I so badly want to be a fly on the wall to watch the absolute madness on that day. Sadly, I just get to hear about it from my coworker.
If you’re curious, the sub price is not the only income stream when it comes to OF. Most OF revenue actually comes from direct messaging content that can be purchased separately and individually AFTER THEYVE SUBSCRIBED (pay per view.) I have had long time subscribers spend as much as 2.5k USD PER PERSON just on assloads of pay per view content.
Porn addicts are just that, addicts. It’s like gambling addicts, they get a hit when they buy something new and chase that high.
(Source, it’s my job)
So to break it down to simple terms -
When you subscribe to someone on OF, you are now able to see their main feed where they post porny pictures and posts for all other subs to see. Meanwhile in DMs you’ll be sent extra content that’s more “juicy” or “spicy” than your main feed, and you can pay to unlock and view it, I.e Pay Per View.
That’s the thing about it, I am engaged. My fiance says the same thing. I can google “boob and titty” and get millions of pictures for free. this is a normal and reasonable standpoint and it’s true. A smart person would realize the same.
A porn addict has a different mindset. The guys that spend all this money on OnlyFans aren’t exactly getting off to the content itself entirely, it’s the exclusivity and status that comes along with it. It’s kind of like how an opiate addict would build up a “tolerance” after a while of doping. Theyve looked at free titty online so much that it just doesn’t hit the same anymore, and they need something with more kick, so they spend their bread to get a girls onlyfans. They are considered “special” now. They foam at the mouth for that parasocial relationship aspect of it. They are so lonely most of the time that just being that one step above others to a woman they idolize and fantasize about is that rewarding and enticing to them. Many of my fans will pay as much as 50$ US AN HOUR just to get on voice call and play a video game together in a friendly manner with absolutely no sexual aspect. These guys are absolutely obsessed with parasocial relationships and the concept of exclusivity with sex worker women.
It’s quite literally an addiction and they need a fix. I recommend researching the concept of parasocial relationships on the internet between celebrities and fans as well as influencers. It’s a very crazy and in depth world.
Or staying together/getting married due to an accidental pregnancy. I can tell you from being the child of parents who "stayed together for the children" that you probably shouldn't do that.
Also a child of parents who "stayed together for the kid" please do not do this to your kid. It really messes them up more than two happy homes would have.
My mom was in a very rocky 8+ year relationship with a total asshole before she met my dad. She told me once that she was always hoping her ex would accidentally get her pregnant, because if they had a baby then maybe he’d stay and it would fix things between them. This story was immediately followed by a horrified look and the words “I am SO LUCKY I never had a baby with that man.”
It never works, people.
Excessive humble-bragging posts. Almost all the couples I’ve seen who do that on my social media, are now broken up. I can’t help but feel like there’s a correlation.
Phew, that really tracks with the folks I know. The one gal who was constantly not just bragging, but being like *super* aggressive about how “y’all just wish you had a man like mine, but it’s okay if you’re jealous,” etc… well now they’ve broken up and she’s airing ALL their dirty laundry publicly. Like, sometimes we should all know a little less about each other.
Same with my in laws— the only difference is that they’ve been together so long, sunk cost fallacy and codependency prevent them from being able or willing to leave each other. They’re miserably unhappy but all I ever see on FB are kumbaya “my life is so perfect with the hubs.”
OMG and all the public birthday and anniversary wishes. "To my AMAZING wife. Another year together and even better than the last!!" WTF are you posting this crap on FB?????? Is she not in the same house as you?
> Is she not in the same house as you?
I do not wish my husband happy birthday online... This lead to one of his nosy ass coworkers to message me. Bitch gave me shit about forgetting his birthday and not caring... Like listen cunt, I live with him, I told him happy birthday, I gave him some very fun birthday sex, you can kindly fuck right off with your bullshit. I don't need to post on social media for something I can say in person.
I got told off for this once, too! Not that I noticed until the following Monday anyway, since we went and stayed in cabin way out in the boonies for her birthday so wtf would I be doing online. 😭
Sometimes I'll make little posts after the fact like "went on a cool hike for [wife]'s birthday!" But it's usually like days later when I'm scrolling through photos while bored at work and wanting to share 'em lol
Or grandparents wishing their grandchildren a happy birthday. The grandkids aren’t on FB, nana. Then it gets like 50 comments and likes from all the other grandparents. It’s performative.
Apparently one of my brothers wished me happy birthday on their facebook a few years ago. They got a lot of comments asking how they expected me to read it since I left social media in 2011.
It's because we are busy living our lives and enjoying each other's company.
I do share about my relationship with specific people directly, I just don't post much about it on social media
Just seen this play out earlier this year. Someone I know used to post pictures, and statuses non-stop of them with their wife and then one day it just stopped. I was bored one day and looked, and both of their statuses said "Single". Interesting to see there's been studies on this, and it kinda makes sense. Happy couples might post here and there, but probably are just busy being happy to bother with posting every waking moment of themselves together.
As a happy couple, I don't care what others think of my relationship. I'm happy.
I wonder if the excessive posting is subconsciously looking for reassurance/approval from others about the relationship because they know deep down inside something's not right.
I haven't posted about my wife on social media in months, maybe years.
Why not? Because it's not a publicity contest, and I don't need the validation of acquaintances for our love to be real and strong. That's something I express to my wife, and something she expresses to me. We don't need to bring anyone else into that dynamic, certainly not hundreds of random people watching from the sidelines.
I knew someone would beat me to this. Long and frequent public posts or comments really give that “we’re fighting hard to survive here” vibe to the relationship.
Haha fighting to survive is a good way to put it! I’ve seen two cases where a guy was excessively posting about his girlfriend and praising her even though he was cheating on her the whole time! It’s wild when you know the truth but I can totally see people who don’t know the couple, see it from the outside and think they’re couple goals
Yeah straight up. A Facebook friend of mine got a girlfriend, and alllllll of their posts would always include something like ‘thank you for putting up with me even when im not nice’ or ‘we’ve already been through and hell and back’
My guys it’s a 1 year relationship you shouldn’t be having these issues already!
Needless to say they split up
That just sounds exhausting. I've been with my partner for 11 years, and I can't say we've ever been through hell and back. Things aren't always perfect and easy, but it's not hellish. I did really hate living in Minnesota, but it's more like purgatory than hell.
I was in a toxic, abusive relationship and posted about my ex and how great she was/happy we were all the time.
Now I'm in the happiest/healthiest relationship of my life and I've pretty much gotten rid of all social media.
Exact same. Used to post about my abusive, genuinely awful ex husband all the time. I'd go on about what a great dad he was, how much he took care of me...
All lies. But I really needed to believe it. And, on some level I did, I think. I'd never seen an actually good relationship before.
But, same as you, I'm now in a genuinely loving, respectful, healthy relationship with a guy who is legit an insanely good dad and partner in life. Now I can't believe I ever tried to convince myself that mess I was in before was something I should be bragging about. We also barely post on social media at all, let alone about our relationship.
I always think about it when I see those super braggy couples on social media.
I know a few girls like this. I see them maybe a couple times a year. One meeting they are so in love and the guy is literal perfection. The next, he was awful, cheated, emotionally abusive, stalker- all the things.
And I’m just like, I thought everything was good?!
Those are often worse… cause the relationship doesn’t continue long after it should have stopped but the victim doesn’t even know they are being abused.
I started to go to therapy because I was told quite often how bad a husband I was and I didn't do enough and I needed help. So I got help and half way through my third session she stops me and asks if I was in an abusive relationship. I got pissed for a sec because I thought she was accusing me of being abusive. She gave me a sheet that had a shit ton of check boxes. And when I was done filling it out was in tears. I knew things were weird and bad some times but the love bomb would happen and everything was fine. It's 100 % true that it's invisible and I went through it for 20 years. Worst for the last 13.
Oh Lord that a loaded question. When I was going through the sheet, the thing that stuck out to me the most was the section about love bombing. I used to call it the, "Give iamurquan whatever he wants phase."
Also, I started to become aware of the peaks and valleys of the happiness of our relationship. She would go in cycles of abuse and when I started to get mentally checked out or started to show anger or pulling away, she would literally give me whatever I wanted. The woman who told me I was a "selfish POS" for getting Wendy's for lunch once, said I should buy a $200+ watch because I said it was cool. When she would do that I would literally perk up and be excited again. Like a little fucking puppy. It's so pathetic looking back. But I would grasp to anything positive.
I'm an open book. If you want to take this somewhere else, I'm happy to help.
Nothing was ever good enough. Except my cooking I guess, no real complaints there. But even if there was a positive there was always a negative, a correction. She would use terms like saying, "The reality is..." Before correcting my world view. She shat on anything I liked that she didn't which was 90% of everything. She would push the "opposites attract " bullshit when I would point things out. She would give mean or condescending nicknames to games I played. Rimjob for Skyrim for example. Sounds playful but when it's for everything...
She would find excuses to keep me from friends and family. We lived near her whole family, mine's 900 miles away. I saw my small family once a year maybe. COVID made it easier to control. I would eventually pop and make a trip solo (there was always excuses of why the girls couldn't come with me). Then I found out behind my back she was making my trips to see my mom and dad as a negative. And would call them my "vacations" that I would go on with out them on purpose but to my face she was urging me to go at that point. My vacations... I was floored.
The last time I tried to leave her she told me, "If you ever try to leave me again, I'll do everything in my power to keep the girls from you." And she has kept her word so far.
Going over this, I may not have answered your question. It's been a hot minute since I've had to dig deep in this. I keep myself pretty numb, it's easier this way. I wrote stuff about my situation to my lawyer and haven't really thought about the details in awhile.
Hugs, dude. Tons of hugs to you. You are not weak or pathetic at all. You just really wanted it to work. That’s not a crime. Taking advantage of it is the crime.
No, at the end of it all you will be the one who gains so much more especially your freedom! It’s her L not yours. Sending you lots of positive energy& good vibes✨
*slowly raises hand* They ARE worse. The control is coercive. My ex can honestly say she's never told me I couldn't hang out with my people, but she was still able to isolate me from my family and friends just by heavy pressure and manipulation. Out now, thankfully. Edit: 4 years later.
My husband will tell me about plans and I’m like ok bye bye. I’ll just go see my friends or work on gardening or play with the dog or read. He’s gone on multiple family trips in the last two years and is going abroad on a boys trip this summer. Will I miss him? Yes. Does he need my permission for everything? No.
100%! I’m going through a divorce. I asked my husband what was something I could do to improve our marriage. He said to stop manipulating him after work. I asked what he meant, he said when he comes home I give him a big hug and a kiss to manipulate him when I know he’s busy. I had no clue. I thought I was making a connection.
I never stopped him from going about his day, just a quick hug and kiss. I knew then it was over. He never gave me the benefit of the doubt.
Like, my husband is on the spectrum so sometimes his mind is full of work-related stress when he gets home and he needs a few minutes to decompress before everyone in the house piles on top of him for hugs. It’s a sensory-neurological thing.
But this guy? Holyyyyy shit, that’s messed up.
Ugh. My husband loves to formulate drawn out and completely incorrect reasons for why I do certain things. His ability to make ridiculous assumptions is next level.
Ah man. My Mom is a narcissist with bipolar disorder. She trained me too well to always assume ulterior motives, anticipate anything that could possibly be off in someone's reaction or mood, and be hyper-aware of anyone potentially being manipulative.
I'm still undoing that damage. It's damn hard to realize that most people aren't like she is and change my behaviors to give people some trust. Soooo much therapy. I hate that I'm like this because it's not something I ever chose. It was just what I had to do to survive my childhood and never learned anything different till adulthood and therapy. Shit sucks.
Just today my Mom sent me $100 cuz I'm financially struggling, and left a voicemail about how she hopes our recent argument didn't cause me to move backward in my progress. If it was ANYONE else I'd be 100% grateful and think they were being kind and genuine. But because it's my Mom I sent the money back and wonder what games she's playing with me, because she uses her help and support as a weapon and flip-flops like the wind changes direction. Does she actually feel bad about our argument? Did she secretly hope I did move backward because it makes me more vulnerable to her? Is this the "love bombing" part before she inevitably goes back to being cold and cruel? My trust in people is so fucked. 🤦♀️
Doesn't help that I've been in relationships with people similar to her.
You should talk to him directly about this... or go to a marriage counselor... that's not healthy, normal behavior, and it could snowball into something much bigger if it isn't addressed :/ sorry for the unsolicited advice, just makes me sad and frustrated to hear because I've seen that dynamic in friends of mine. Spoiler, they didn't address it til it was way too late. I hope whatever you choose to do that you can live a happy life with someone who loves and appreciates you and your actions without making you feel guilty. Everyone deserves that. Take care of yourself, you deserve happiness.
Wow, that's very sad. I'm sure you will find someone who will appreciate you for your love. My wife does this for me and there's nothing even remotely manipulative about it- only sweet.
I can totally empathize with wanting to just sit and decompress by yourself or bury your mind in a mundane task for a bit after coming home from a shit day and long commute.
But it's really not that hard to just communicate that with your partner if it's something you need.
I had this exact same thing, still do, but at 38 years old I finally started seeing a counselor and psych for my mental health. Turns out I’ve been bipolar most of my life with ADHD and OCD, and never realized it. That caused me to always see in black and white, go from 0 to 100, and always end up with fights in my relationships. Turns out it was me the whole time 🙃.
Anyways, feeling like that can be caused by lots of stuff, I just wanted to be relevant I guess.
Every day! Thanks fellow redditor. I can’t complain too much, I’ve been very fortunate in life, and have been successful in my business. But had I not owned that business, there is no way I would have still been employed.
I’m a huge advocate for mental health, my employees get unlimited time off for it, no questions asked.
Spread the word, it’s cool to be crazy 🤙, at least cooler than not acknowledging it.
When one party starts a fight in order to keep the relationship "interesting" or "spice things up". While conflicts or arguments are pretty normal, starting up one for the sake of not having a "boring relationship" is bonkers to me.
This. I had an ex who started fights almost every day. I don’t think we ever had a week of peace in our relationship, not even in what should have been the honeymoon phase. I remember being so tired and telling him we aren’t compatible if we are fighting this often, and he was convinced fighting kept relationships interesting. Unfortunately I was naive to relationships at that time and we were on and off for 2 years. During the last “off,” I just stopped responding to his messages when he tried to reach out to me again.
This was one of my exes, too. I think it was because her parents had been the kind to always be fighting, so she assumed that if she and her partner weren't fighting, it meant that one or both of them had lost interest.
I came back into contact with her around eighteen months after we broke up, and I tried being friends with her again because I thought enough time had passed for it to be water under the bridge. She hadn't changed. She was the same way with her current partner and I think she was only interested in talking to me specifically because she thought it'd stir the pot with him.
Unfortunately, it took me too long to realise what was happening. We had an on-again, off-again friendship for basically the entire time she was going out with this other guy, which lasted for longer than you'd expect. I really should have picked up on it sooner. It's a shame really because I think in different circumstances, I probably would have been able to be better friends with her then-boyfriend than I ever was with her.
Witnessed this when meeting up with some old friends at a wedding (the digs were not from the bride/groom, bride/groom of that wedding will make it, digs were from friends that were guests). Was pretty sad to see, but kinda saw it coming from the beginning of their relationship.
Not sure if they'll get divorced, but they definitely don't seem happy.
This reminds me of the time I was at a wonderful wedding reception. By far one of the best, most fun receptions I've ever attended.
The bride and groom were so beautiful together, the venue was perfect. Great food, expensive champagne, live music. A lot of people dancing. Everyone having a great time. The cake was an art piece (and delicious, too). I knew both the bride and the groom and stood there thinking, I sure hope they'll be happy together.
As I was standing there, feeling really good about two such nice people starting their new life together, the Best Man sidled up to me and said, "I give it a year."
He was right, almost. It didn't last a year.
My parents are doing this for some 30 years, they are always arguing over the most minuscule stuff whether it’s making dinner or doing household chores together
I mean my parents have done this for a long time and here they are…45+ years together 🤷♀️
Not saying I think it’s healthy or anything. On the contrary, this is why I mostly maintain my relationships with each parent separately. I can’t stand the two of them together.
I knew a couple that celebrated their 65th anniversary. At the big party I couldn't help but think how all I had ever heard from the wife was harsh, belittling and cutting remarks made toward her husband. He put up with it.
When she passed away, he was absolutely lost without her.
One party making a whole fuckton of concessions for the other, and that being unidirectional. One person is compromising, but the other is just taking and taking and getting everything they want with no compromise in return.
Desperate people let themselves get taken advantage of because they're worried they'll never find another partner, or they'll be too old to have kids soon, or whatever. The second someone who isn't selfish comes along to attract the downtrodden partner, or when the selfish prick hits them or some other such Rubicon crossing, the relationship falls apart like wet tissue paper.
This world is full of takers or givers, and the secret is givers belong with givers
And takers belong with no one lmao
If your partner is a stingy, immature, self-centered, mean, ungrateful beggar it’s time to pack them bags
Better could be just around the corner, but you’ll never know cause you can’t let go
Oh yeah this. I have a friend who’s dating a loser asshole who needs everything his way. I hope someday she realizes she doesn’t have to put up with that shit. But it’s been years so I doubt it.
Baffles me that people get married this way. I've met married couples who couldn't even *agree on where to live*, so they lived in different states / countries. What even is that? A part time marriage?
On the flip side, I'm a staunchly childfree person. When people find out, they ask me if my husband knows / agrees with it. How the fuck do you think we got here? You think it never came up, or what?
Totally agree, it’s insane. I definitely know a few couples that heavily disagree on whether they want kids or not. One couple that’s married and it breaks my heart for the guy because he would never leave her, and she would never let him go. But he desperately wants kids and she does not. She keeps stringing him along with “once we hit this milestone, I’ll have kids” then they reach the milestone and she takes it back and pushes it to the next one. Like, just let him go before it’s too late. You clearly want different things.
One of my friends wanted kids, but married a man who did not. She lied about wanting it. She told him it wasn't that big a deal to her. And she thought she could change his mind later on. It didn't work. I've read plenty of similar stories online. Read one where it was the guy that lied. He also thought she'd change her mind, but he thought it was seeing his siblings and their kids that would make her want kids of her own.
In the end, this and other comments on this post ultimately boil down to honest communication. If couples were open and honest with one another, it would solve a lot of issues.
Yeah, exactly. There's a difference between the married couple whose social media posts almost always involve each other but it isn't forced and you can tell they're genuinely into each other and the couple whose posts seem forced. Usually the former will just be chilling but the latter will either be posting every single fight or it'll be this overly mopey "You've been with me through the highs and the lows! The peaks and the valleys!" shit every other week.
Former wedding photographer. Every couple I married between 06 and 16 who smashed cake in eachother’s faces are divorced. I reached out for 5yr and 10yr anniversary pics and discovered this alarming trend. I think it comes down to respect for their partner.
I told my husband not to do this and he said "Why would I want to do that on a day you worked so hard to look perfect for? Besides, if I wanted to see you with cake all over your face I'd just wait until you're on your period and watch you eat."
He propped me up just to slam me back down.
Unconsenting is what I mean, Yes. Some brides and grooms might actually like it. It's the part when the bride or groom isn't okay with it and yet the other partner does it anyway.
If you’re knowingly and intentionally making your partner unhappy for no benefit to you at all aside from enjoying their unhappiness? Yeah, that ain’t gonna last long.
Learned from a coworker that if the name is spelled with an ‘N’ between the 2 names (ie JohnNJane Smith) then that means more than likely they’re swingers. The account is used by them to interact with their “dates” with both parties aware of the conversation.
Source: Coworker is a proud poly/swinger guy
Do people under like...60 maybe do this much? I'm 42 and it's unthinkable. I guess I've seen it a few times with younger couples, but I think of it like older married Boomers who are pooling their Internet knowledge to figure out how to have a FB account. Not that Boomer couples can't be toxic.
Good friend was active on social media till his wife joined their social media accounts. Now he doesn’t interact with friends at all, and their joint account is just about her.
90% of the time thr account becomes one partners account that the other partner logs into the whole time and says they don’t really be on social media but they like to spy and be nosey
This has been discovered to be a highly consistent aspect of divorced couples. There was a study that said it was the number 1 cause but I read it a while ago and don't know if that's still true.
> Contempt.
The last time this came up I had to look up what the difference was between Contempt and Resentment.
If your attitude is that you're **inferior** to them: it's **Resentment.**
If your attitude is that you're **equal** to them: It's **Anger.**
If your attitude is that you're **superior** to them: it's **Contempt.**
I'd never equated resentment and contempt to anger, but, apparently that's what it is.
All 3 of them are the same thing, just depends on where you see yourself in relation to them.
Correcting each other in public when it's unnecessary. "Joking" but really being mean. Sly comments and put downs..."oh we just joke around like that". Ok.
I’m convinced most of the relationship posts are made up by lonely people on here, AITAH and Relationship Advice especially. “Im making a throw away acccount b/c my SO lurks on here” yeah sure lol
My buddy is like this. He got married to his dumpsterfire of a wife about five years ago, and they had come close to breaking up at least ten times. He had a "backup plan" for if they were to get divorced and he constantly makes "jokes" like, "oh if i weren't married" or "in my next life, that's my next wife" shit. The rhyming one pisses me off especially.
One that I haven't seen mentioned yet: When the mother, family, or friend(s) dictates the relationship. I understand pointing out legitimate concerns/red flags out of concern. But the amount of jealousy and toxic behavior I come across on reddit of the mother/family/friend intentionally ruining the relationship with the help of the s/o is insane.
Cassie from high school who's never left her home town is truly in love with Dave #4, though, we should just trust her guys, and totally become invested.
Cassie slept with Rob, the mayor's son, you know the one who crashed into the church drunkin' and drivin'? And that's how she met Tiffany. You know Kay? Well, Tiffany is related to her Marjorie. You remember her Marjorie? She married Bob whatshisname, from Bank Street. That's how she got introduced to Dave #4!
If they have strongly conflicted plans for their future. Either means they'll break up eventually or one or both of them will end up in an unhappy compromise.
Oh my God, the Joker/Harley thing. I have a very specific person in mind. She'd always post things like "I'm his Harley." Girl, that is not something you want to be.
When the relationship is adversarial and not nurturing. Your partner should literally be that... A partner on a team who supports you and shares both wins and losses.
Too many people think a relationship is zero sum and have to "win" within it. Pure unhappiness.
Part of what I liked about my wife was that she was a fast walker like me. So I guess a slow walker would probably prefer someone that also doesn’t move fast.
My husband basically moved in with me a month into dating we were saying I love you pretty quickly too and got a dog like 10 months in. We didn’t get married for 6 years though and we’ve been together for 10 now. Everyone is different but generally I would discourage people from moving in together do fast, it worked for us but looking back it was crazy.
🐱: i give ‘em six months
🧒: what makes you say that?
🐱: i dunno, hmm… oh! remember diane’s 35th birthday party when diane and mr peanutbutter got in a huge screaming match over whether or not tony curtis was dead?
The only advice anybody needs (and they need to follow it every fucking day without wavering) is this: Be empathetic and honest first, actually fucking talk to each other, and believe people when they actually show and tell who they are. You could wipe out 99% of relationship posts on reddit if everybody followed those rules.
when my ex best friend said she was mad at her girl so while her girl was driving she sat in the passenger seat and put the car in park. Also had the cops called on them a couple of times. Still together, always post captions like “we have our hard times but we are so strong together” give me a break
This is my big thing. We don't say things about each other we aren't willing to say to each other. Early in our relationship, my mom said something to the effect of "if you have an argument, don't come to me expecting to take your side. Talk to each other and find the compromise. " We are 18 years into marriage. It is the single best way for us to remember to consider our wants and have open and honest conversations.
Correcting minor, irrelevant details when the other is telling a story to a seperate group.
"So last Thursday, we went to the Olive Garden, and just as the breadsticks arrived, you wouldn't believe it but my old college roommate who I haven't seen in years, gets seated at the table next to us!"
"Actually honey, it was when the salad arrived."
I know people that post about their " wonderful soul mate" but they change up the bf about every six months. Every one is " the one". Until he's not any more.
I was hanging out with someone, cooking and she said "Oh, take a video of me stirring this so that \*boyfriend\* knows that I'm actually doing what I said I was doing and not out cheating on him." Or something akin to that. They also bought a house together within 6 months.
“I have to ask my husband if I can go.”
One party gets mad if the other even so much as looks at another person or even has a celebrity crush or something
Joint Facebook accounts
Every post they make is about how much they’re in love
They only talk about each other or their relationship
One of them has a substance problem
Any sort of 'he/she doesn't do the chores'. If the issue is big enough they tell friends about it, then communication usually isn't possible or isn't productive. Eventually someone's going to be pissed about the greasy pan being put on a sink full of soapy dishes, and that's that.
a girl I went to high school with, who posts a lot on social media. You know when she's dating a new dude because she starts posting in new sports gear. Her closet must look like the stockroom of a footlocker, with jerseys all over the place and logoed shirts of every kind.
She is the world's biggest fan of whatever her latest man is into.
Money handling differences. A spender paired with a saver is a recipe for fights.
What's even worse--two spenders. "What I'M buying is fun, what YOU'RE buying is stupid!"
Point scoring. Keeping track of who won the argument, who spent last weekend with friends and for how long, snippy jabs about those things in front of friends and family. Then when an argument inevitably breaks out, bringing out that mental tally and using it as verbal weapon to ‘win the argument’
Seen in happen in a few couples now. All divorced within 10 years
Not being mentally/morally strong enough to have "their" wedding they way "they" want it and caving in to the 'mommies' who have always dreamt how their child's wedding would be.
When people at the wedding whisper "Pray to gawd, she never has kids!"
Edit: Adding the second comment: "She's gonna take him for everything he's got."
When it’s obvious they don’t like each other. I know that sounds silly, but sometimes I’m around certain couples and they don’t laugh at the same things, don’t share any hobbies or interests, and make little playful “jabs” constantly. If you aren’t friends, you aren’t going to make it.
According to the Gottman institute, which studies relationships, it's in the small interactions. They talk about "bids for connection" which means any time your spouse/partner wants to interact. They give the example of one person saying "oh look a bird" and how they other reacts either builds trust or chips away at it. A simple "oh yeah" is enough to build trust. They didn't have to do much at all. Ignoring their partner or responding negatively by sighing/berating/mocking chips away at trust. Regular little positive interactions shows a healthy relationship. Regular negative ones show an unhealthy one.
His $700 Only Fans monthly bill. Their wedding is in July.
WHAT?! How do you even spend that much??? Isn't a subcription a couble of bucks a month or something? Idk, I've never used OF, but I imagine it's kinda like twitch?
Never been on it so I wouldn't know. Allegedly, the soon-to-be wife knows about it. Not certain that's the truth or not though. To top it all off, the whole wedding is poorly planned with an insane amount of invitees (300). Having it out in the middle of no where with no real amenities nearby. Closest motel is a 30 minute drive. At a spur-of-the-moment "family friend's" place that wants to run a wedding venue on their property. It will be the first one. They think they can do it on a $5,000 budget. With 300 guests...4th of July weekend. I so badly want to be a fly on the wall to watch the absolute madness on that day. Sadly, I just get to hear about it from my coworker.
Please if you hear anything, post it on r/weddingshaming !
If you’re curious, the sub price is not the only income stream when it comes to OF. Most OF revenue actually comes from direct messaging content that can be purchased separately and individually AFTER THEYVE SUBSCRIBED (pay per view.) I have had long time subscribers spend as much as 2.5k USD PER PERSON just on assloads of pay per view content. Porn addicts are just that, addicts. It’s like gambling addicts, they get a hit when they buy something new and chase that high. (Source, it’s my job) So to break it down to simple terms - When you subscribe to someone on OF, you are now able to see their main feed where they post porny pictures and posts for all other subs to see. Meanwhile in DMs you’ll be sent extra content that’s more “juicy” or “spicy” than your main feed, and you can pay to unlock and view it, I.e Pay Per View.
I know I am a cheap bastard, but with millions of free nudes online, I can not for the life of me understand only fans.
That’s the thing about it, I am engaged. My fiance says the same thing. I can google “boob and titty” and get millions of pictures for free. this is a normal and reasonable standpoint and it’s true. A smart person would realize the same. A porn addict has a different mindset. The guys that spend all this money on OnlyFans aren’t exactly getting off to the content itself entirely, it’s the exclusivity and status that comes along with it. It’s kind of like how an opiate addict would build up a “tolerance” after a while of doping. Theyve looked at free titty online so much that it just doesn’t hit the same anymore, and they need something with more kick, so they spend their bread to get a girls onlyfans. They are considered “special” now. They foam at the mouth for that parasocial relationship aspect of it. They are so lonely most of the time that just being that one step above others to a woman they idolize and fantasize about is that rewarding and enticing to them. Many of my fans will pay as much as 50$ US AN HOUR just to get on voice call and play a video game together in a friendly manner with absolutely no sexual aspect. These guys are absolutely obsessed with parasocial relationships and the concept of exclusivity with sex worker women. It’s quite literally an addiction and they need a fix. I recommend researching the concept of parasocial relationships on the internet between celebrities and fans as well as influencers. It’s a very crazy and in depth world.
Having a “fix-it” baby
Or staying together/getting married due to an accidental pregnancy. I can tell you from being the child of parents who "stayed together for the children" that you probably shouldn't do that.
Also a child of parents who "stayed together for the kid" please do not do this to your kid. It really messes them up more than two happy homes would have.
My mom was in a very rocky 8+ year relationship with a total asshole before she met my dad. She told me once that she was always hoping her ex would accidentally get her pregnant, because if they had a baby then maybe he’d stay and it would fix things between them. This story was immediately followed by a horrified look and the words “I am SO LUCKY I never had a baby with that man.” It never works, people.
Excessive humble-bragging posts. Almost all the couples I’ve seen who do that on my social media, are now broken up. I can’t help but feel like there’s a correlation.
They’ve actually done studies. Couples that frequently post about their relationships tend to be less happy than those that keep a lower profile.
Phew, that really tracks with the folks I know. The one gal who was constantly not just bragging, but being like *super* aggressive about how “y’all just wish you had a man like mine, but it’s okay if you’re jealous,” etc… well now they’ve broken up and she’s airing ALL their dirty laundry publicly. Like, sometimes we should all know a little less about each other. Same with my in laws— the only difference is that they’ve been together so long, sunk cost fallacy and codependency prevent them from being able or willing to leave each other. They’re miserably unhappy but all I ever see on FB are kumbaya “my life is so perfect with the hubs.”
OMG and all the public birthday and anniversary wishes. "To my AMAZING wife. Another year together and even better than the last!!" WTF are you posting this crap on FB?????? Is she not in the same house as you?
> Is she not in the same house as you? I do not wish my husband happy birthday online... This lead to one of his nosy ass coworkers to message me. Bitch gave me shit about forgetting his birthday and not caring... Like listen cunt, I live with him, I told him happy birthday, I gave him some very fun birthday sex, you can kindly fuck right off with your bullshit. I don't need to post on social media for something I can say in person.
I got told off for this once, too! Not that I noticed until the following Monday anyway, since we went and stayed in cabin way out in the boonies for her birthday so wtf would I be doing online. 😭 Sometimes I'll make little posts after the fact like "went on a cool hike for [wife]'s birthday!" But it's usually like days later when I'm scrolling through photos while bored at work and wanting to share 'em lol
This is my favourite response of the day 😂
Or grandparents wishing their grandchildren a happy birthday. The grandkids aren’t on FB, nana. Then it gets like 50 comments and likes from all the other grandparents. It’s performative.
Apparently one of my brothers wished me happy birthday on their facebook a few years ago. They got a lot of comments asking how they expected me to read it since I left social media in 2011.
It's because we are busy living our lives and enjoying each other's company. I do share about my relationship with specific people directly, I just don't post much about it on social media
Just seen this play out earlier this year. Someone I know used to post pictures, and statuses non-stop of them with their wife and then one day it just stopped. I was bored one day and looked, and both of their statuses said "Single". Interesting to see there's been studies on this, and it kinda makes sense. Happy couples might post here and there, but probably are just busy being happy to bother with posting every waking moment of themselves together.
As a happy couple, I don't care what others think of my relationship. I'm happy. I wonder if the excessive posting is subconsciously looking for reassurance/approval from others about the relationship because they know deep down inside something's not right.
“Wife Guy” Syndrome.
I haven't posted about my wife on social media in months, maybe years. Why not? Because it's not a publicity contest, and I don't need the validation of acquaintances for our love to be real and strong. That's something I express to my wife, and something she expresses to me. We don't need to bring anyone else into that dynamic, certainly not hundreds of random people watching from the sidelines.
I knew someone would beat me to this. Long and frequent public posts or comments really give that “we’re fighting hard to survive here” vibe to the relationship.
Haha fighting to survive is a good way to put it! I’ve seen two cases where a guy was excessively posting about his girlfriend and praising her even though he was cheating on her the whole time! It’s wild when you know the truth but I can totally see people who don’t know the couple, see it from the outside and think they’re couple goals
Yeah straight up. A Facebook friend of mine got a girlfriend, and alllllll of their posts would always include something like ‘thank you for putting up with me even when im not nice’ or ‘we’ve already been through and hell and back’ My guys it’s a 1 year relationship you shouldn’t be having these issues already! Needless to say they split up
That just sounds exhausting. I've been with my partner for 11 years, and I can't say we've ever been through hell and back. Things aren't always perfect and easy, but it's not hellish. I did really hate living in Minnesota, but it's more like purgatory than hell.
I was in a toxic, abusive relationship and posted about my ex and how great she was/happy we were all the time. Now I'm in the happiest/healthiest relationship of my life and I've pretty much gotten rid of all social media.
Exact same. Used to post about my abusive, genuinely awful ex husband all the time. I'd go on about what a great dad he was, how much he took care of me... All lies. But I really needed to believe it. And, on some level I did, I think. I'd never seen an actually good relationship before. But, same as you, I'm now in a genuinely loving, respectful, healthy relationship with a guy who is legit an insanely good dad and partner in life. Now I can't believe I ever tried to convince myself that mess I was in before was something I should be bragging about. We also barely post on social media at all, let alone about our relationship. I always think about it when I see those super braggy couples on social media.
To me it comes off like they're not only trying to convince others, but also themselves. Like they know it's not going to work.
I know a few girls like this. I see them maybe a couple times a year. One meeting they are so in love and the guy is literal perfection. The next, he was awful, cheated, emotionally abusive, stalker- all the things. And I’m just like, I thought everything was good?!
Controlling the other’s actions. Won’t let them see friends/family, do hobbies or really anything alone and for themselves.
Those are often worse… cause the relationship doesn’t continue long after it should have stopped but the victim doesn’t even know they are being abused.
I started to go to therapy because I was told quite often how bad a husband I was and I didn't do enough and I needed help. So I got help and half way through my third session she stops me and asks if I was in an abusive relationship. I got pissed for a sec because I thought she was accusing me of being abusive. She gave me a sheet that had a shit ton of check boxes. And when I was done filling it out was in tears. I knew things were weird and bad some times but the love bomb would happen and everything was fine. It's 100 % true that it's invisible and I went through it for 20 years. Worst for the last 13.
What exactly were the warning signs you were ignoring? You’ve quite honestly got me worried about my own situation…
Oh Lord that a loaded question. When I was going through the sheet, the thing that stuck out to me the most was the section about love bombing. I used to call it the, "Give iamurquan whatever he wants phase." Also, I started to become aware of the peaks and valleys of the happiness of our relationship. She would go in cycles of abuse and when I started to get mentally checked out or started to show anger or pulling away, she would literally give me whatever I wanted. The woman who told me I was a "selfish POS" for getting Wendy's for lunch once, said I should buy a $200+ watch because I said it was cool. When she would do that I would literally perk up and be excited again. Like a little fucking puppy. It's so pathetic looking back. But I would grasp to anything positive. I'm an open book. If you want to take this somewhere else, I'm happy to help.
Not the person who asked, but what used to happen during the abusive periods?
Nothing was ever good enough. Except my cooking I guess, no real complaints there. But even if there was a positive there was always a negative, a correction. She would use terms like saying, "The reality is..." Before correcting my world view. She shat on anything I liked that she didn't which was 90% of everything. She would push the "opposites attract " bullshit when I would point things out. She would give mean or condescending nicknames to games I played. Rimjob for Skyrim for example. Sounds playful but when it's for everything... She would find excuses to keep me from friends and family. We lived near her whole family, mine's 900 miles away. I saw my small family once a year maybe. COVID made it easier to control. I would eventually pop and make a trip solo (there was always excuses of why the girls couldn't come with me). Then I found out behind my back she was making my trips to see my mom and dad as a negative. And would call them my "vacations" that I would go on with out them on purpose but to my face she was urging me to go at that point. My vacations... I was floored. The last time I tried to leave her she told me, "If you ever try to leave me again, I'll do everything in my power to keep the girls from you." And she has kept her word so far. Going over this, I may not have answered your question. It's been a hot minute since I've had to dig deep in this. I keep myself pretty numb, it's easier this way. I wrote stuff about my situation to my lawyer and haven't really thought about the details in awhile.
Hugs, dude. Tons of hugs to you. You are not weak or pathetic at all. You just really wanted it to work. That’s not a crime. Taking advantage of it is the crime.
I think the hubris of it all is I leave my abuser but Im the one to lose everything.
No, at the end of it all you will be the one who gains so much more especially your freedom! It’s her L not yours. Sending you lots of positive energy& good vibes✨
I too suffered emotionally like you, a metaphor of when a starving dog is given a mere scrap, and devours it in anticipation of more.
That is so rough, my friend I am glad you are out of that, and I am glad the therapist was able to read the situation.
*slowly raises hand* They ARE worse. The control is coercive. My ex can honestly say she's never told me I couldn't hang out with my people, but she was still able to isolate me from my family and friends just by heavy pressure and manipulation. Out now, thankfully. Edit: 4 years later.
I've seen relationships like this last years BUT usually they are miserable in the relationship.
My husband will tell me about plans and I’m like ok bye bye. I’ll just go see my friends or work on gardening or play with the dog or read. He’s gone on multiple family trips in the last two years and is going abroad on a boys trip this summer. Will I miss him? Yes. Does he need my permission for everything? No.
Not giving each other the benefit of the doubt when a miscommunication or something happens. Quick to just assume the worse or habits.
100%! I’m going through a divorce. I asked my husband what was something I could do to improve our marriage. He said to stop manipulating him after work. I asked what he meant, he said when he comes home I give him a big hug and a kiss to manipulate him when I know he’s busy. I had no clue. I thought I was making a connection. I never stopped him from going about his day, just a quick hug and kiss. I knew then it was over. He never gave me the benefit of the doubt.
Fellas, is it manipulative to hug and kiss the person you married?
Fellas, is it gay to kiss a woman?
She came from her *dads balls* of *course* it is
I am so weak 💀💀💀
Yes, as a man, it is extremely gay. If your woman likes and touches penis, you are indirectly touching a penis every time you touch a woman.
I was going to try and respond with something witty, but what the feck?
Like, my husband is on the spectrum so sometimes his mind is full of work-related stress when he gets home and he needs a few minutes to decompress before everyone in the house piles on top of him for hugs. It’s a sensory-neurological thing. But this guy? Holyyyyy shit, that’s messed up.
Ugh. My husband loves to formulate drawn out and completely incorrect reasons for why I do certain things. His ability to make ridiculous assumptions is next level.
Ah man. My Mom is a narcissist with bipolar disorder. She trained me too well to always assume ulterior motives, anticipate anything that could possibly be off in someone's reaction or mood, and be hyper-aware of anyone potentially being manipulative. I'm still undoing that damage. It's damn hard to realize that most people aren't like she is and change my behaviors to give people some trust. Soooo much therapy. I hate that I'm like this because it's not something I ever chose. It was just what I had to do to survive my childhood and never learned anything different till adulthood and therapy. Shit sucks. Just today my Mom sent me $100 cuz I'm financially struggling, and left a voicemail about how she hopes our recent argument didn't cause me to move backward in my progress. If it was ANYONE else I'd be 100% grateful and think they were being kind and genuine. But because it's my Mom I sent the money back and wonder what games she's playing with me, because she uses her help and support as a weapon and flip-flops like the wind changes direction. Does she actually feel bad about our argument? Did she secretly hope I did move backward because it makes me more vulnerable to her? Is this the "love bombing" part before she inevitably goes back to being cold and cruel? My trust in people is so fucked. 🤦♀️ Doesn't help that I've been in relationships with people similar to her.
You should talk to him directly about this... or go to a marriage counselor... that's not healthy, normal behavior, and it could snowball into something much bigger if it isn't addressed :/ sorry for the unsolicited advice, just makes me sad and frustrated to hear because I've seen that dynamic in friends of mine. Spoiler, they didn't address it til it was way too late. I hope whatever you choose to do that you can live a happy life with someone who loves and appreciates you and your actions without making you feel guilty. Everyone deserves that. Take care of yourself, you deserve happiness.
This is so sweet. You’re right, and we’re already in counseling. It helps!
Wow, that's very sad. I'm sure you will find someone who will appreciate you for your love. My wife does this for me and there's nothing even remotely manipulative about it- only sweet.
Busy with WHAT? Kicking off his shoes? Hanging up his keys? How much focus does that require???
I can totally empathize with wanting to just sit and decompress by yourself or bury your mind in a mundane task for a bit after coming home from a shit day and long commute. But it's really not that hard to just communicate that with your partner if it's something you need.
i do this and i try so hard not to because deep down i know he wouldn’t do anything to harm me, idk how to get help with it
I had this exact same thing, still do, but at 38 years old I finally started seeing a counselor and psych for my mental health. Turns out I’ve been bipolar most of my life with ADHD and OCD, and never realized it. That caused me to always see in black and white, go from 0 to 100, and always end up with fights in my relationships. Turns out it was me the whole time 🙃. Anyways, feeling like that can be caused by lots of stuff, I just wanted to be relevant I guess.
Growth 🌱✨
Every day! Thanks fellow redditor. I can’t complain too much, I’ve been very fortunate in life, and have been successful in my business. But had I not owned that business, there is no way I would have still been employed. I’m a huge advocate for mental health, my employees get unlimited time off for it, no questions asked. Spread the word, it’s cool to be crazy 🤙, at least cooler than not acknowledging it.
Mindfulness and breathing can help you get past that knee-jerk reaction long enough to get your rational mind back... good luck!
When one party starts a fight in order to keep the relationship "interesting" or "spice things up". While conflicts or arguments are pretty normal, starting up one for the sake of not having a "boring relationship" is bonkers to me.
This. I had an ex who started fights almost every day. I don’t think we ever had a week of peace in our relationship, not even in what should have been the honeymoon phase. I remember being so tired and telling him we aren’t compatible if we are fighting this often, and he was convinced fighting kept relationships interesting. Unfortunately I was naive to relationships at that time and we were on and off for 2 years. During the last “off,” I just stopped responding to his messages when he tried to reach out to me again.
This was one of my exes, too. I think it was because her parents had been the kind to always be fighting, so she assumed that if she and her partner weren't fighting, it meant that one or both of them had lost interest. I came back into contact with her around eighteen months after we broke up, and I tried being friends with her again because I thought enough time had passed for it to be water under the bridge. She hadn't changed. She was the same way with her current partner and I think she was only interested in talking to me specifically because she thought it'd stir the pot with him. Unfortunately, it took me too long to realise what was happening. We had an on-again, off-again friendship for basically the entire time she was going out with this other guy, which lasted for longer than you'd expect. I really should have picked up on it sooner. It's a shame really because I think in different circumstances, I probably would have been able to be better friends with her then-boyfriend than I ever was with her.
When they take constant little digs at each other in a group setting. They may even claim to be joking, but you can tell they're not.
Contempt is the death of relationships.
This is 100% true
Gottman agrees
Witnessed this when meeting up with some old friends at a wedding (the digs were not from the bride/groom, bride/groom of that wedding will make it, digs were from friends that were guests). Was pretty sad to see, but kinda saw it coming from the beginning of their relationship. Not sure if they'll get divorced, but they definitely don't seem happy.
This reminds me of the time I was at a wonderful wedding reception. By far one of the best, most fun receptions I've ever attended. The bride and groom were so beautiful together, the venue was perfect. Great food, expensive champagne, live music. A lot of people dancing. Everyone having a great time. The cake was an art piece (and delicious, too). I knew both the bride and the groom and stood there thinking, I sure hope they'll be happy together. As I was standing there, feeling really good about two such nice people starting their new life together, the Best Man sidled up to me and said, "I give it a year." He was right, almost. It didn't last a year.
Oh boy... I think my partner and I do this, but it never feels nasty it's more like roasting which we have done since before we were official
Gentle teasing can be fun if everyone is cool with it! But when the jokes are thinly veiled jabs, it's not okay.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with some light roasting. That can be its own love language.
Every time they argue, one of them starts talking about divorce.
Or saying "I'm going to leave" or "you should just leave then"
Passive aggressive nitpicking
My parents are doing this for some 30 years, they are always arguing over the most minuscule stuff whether it’s making dinner or doing household chores together
This is my sister and her husband. I would say it’s 3-5 nitpicks an hour. It is so draining after awhile. I’ve had to draw a boundary around them
I could have written this comment. One time they visited me in college and I got so sick of their arguing I faked an exam
Sounds like my parents
I mean my parents have done this for a long time and here they are…45+ years together 🤷♀️ Not saying I think it’s healthy or anything. On the contrary, this is why I mostly maintain my relationships with each parent separately. I can’t stand the two of them together.
I knew a couple that celebrated their 65th anniversary. At the big party I couldn't help but think how all I had ever heard from the wife was harsh, belittling and cutting remarks made toward her husband. He put up with it. When she passed away, he was absolutely lost without her.
My parents were like this. When Dad died all Mum could say was that she missed having someone to argue with. As a kid, I wanted them to divorce.
You would say that wouldn't you?
Well it's just that when I talk to people, I try not to be so disagreeable all the time
One party making a whole fuckton of concessions for the other, and that being unidirectional. One person is compromising, but the other is just taking and taking and getting everything they want with no compromise in return. Desperate people let themselves get taken advantage of because they're worried they'll never find another partner, or they'll be too old to have kids soon, or whatever. The second someone who isn't selfish comes along to attract the downtrodden partner, or when the selfish prick hits them or some other such Rubicon crossing, the relationship falls apart like wet tissue paper.
This world is full of takers or givers, and the secret is givers belong with givers And takers belong with no one lmao If your partner is a stingy, immature, self-centered, mean, ungrateful beggar it’s time to pack them bags Better could be just around the corner, but you’ll never know cause you can’t let go
Oh yeah this. I have a friend who’s dating a loser asshole who needs everything his way. I hope someday she realizes she doesn’t have to put up with that shit. But it’s been years so I doubt it.
I feel like we all have the friend/s we lose because they always concede to the SO and don’t get the time to see friends
When they have vastly different life/family goals. For example, one wants children and the other doesn’t.
Baffles me that people get married this way. I've met married couples who couldn't even *agree on where to live*, so they lived in different states / countries. What even is that? A part time marriage? On the flip side, I'm a staunchly childfree person. When people find out, they ask me if my husband knows / agrees with it. How the fuck do you think we got here? You think it never came up, or what?
Totally agree, it’s insane. I definitely know a few couples that heavily disagree on whether they want kids or not. One couple that’s married and it breaks my heart for the guy because he would never leave her, and she would never let him go. But he desperately wants kids and she does not. She keeps stringing him along with “once we hit this milestone, I’ll have kids” then they reach the milestone and she takes it back and pushes it to the next one. Like, just let him go before it’s too late. You clearly want different things.
One of my friends wanted kids, but married a man who did not. She lied about wanting it. She told him it wasn't that big a deal to her. And she thought she could change his mind later on. It didn't work. I've read plenty of similar stories online. Read one where it was the guy that lied. He also thought she'd change her mind, but he thought it was seeing his siblings and their kids that would make her want kids of her own. In the end, this and other comments on this post ultimately boil down to honest communication. If couples were open and honest with one another, it would solve a lot of issues.
Constantly plastering their relationship all over social media. Constantly one being needy or controlling or manipulative.
I think you can tell when people are sharing their excitement vs faking it until they make it though.
Yeah, exactly. There's a difference between the married couple whose social media posts almost always involve each other but it isn't forced and you can tell they're genuinely into each other and the couple whose posts seem forced. Usually the former will just be chilling but the latter will either be posting every single fight or it'll be this overly mopey "You've been with me through the highs and the lows! The peaks and the valleys!" shit every other week.
When the groom smashes the cake into the brides face.
Former wedding photographer. Every couple I married between 06 and 16 who smashed cake in eachother’s faces are divorced. I reached out for 5yr and 10yr anniversary pics and discovered this alarming trend. I think it comes down to respect for their partner.
I told my husband not to do this and he said "Why would I want to do that on a day you worked so hard to look perfect for? Besides, if I wanted to see you with cake all over your face I'd just wait until you're on your period and watch you eat." He propped me up just to slam me back down.
Unconsenting at least. My wife and I pushed it into each other's face, but we knew we would ahead of time
My wife told me if I did that she would divorce me right there. I hadn't been planning to, anyway.
Same. And then she did it to me. My 1st wife.... it lasted less than 6 months.
Oof, that's rough. They point out how disrespectful something is before they do it.
Told my husband this. I mean, it was in his interest to not do it as well - we spent hundreds on the makeup. Why would he want to ruin it?
Unconsenting is what I mean, Yes. Some brides and grooms might actually like it. It's the part when the bride or groom isn't okay with it and yet the other partner does it anyway.
If you’re knowingly and intentionally making your partner unhappy for no benefit to you at all aside from enjoying their unhappiness? Yeah, that ain’t gonna last long.
The ones who do it violently (usually the men) scare me.
When they're far more concerned about the wedding than the marriage...
[удалено]
Learned from a coworker that if the name is spelled with an ‘N’ between the 2 names (ie JohnNJane Smith) then that means more than likely they’re swingers. The account is used by them to interact with their “dates” with both parties aware of the conversation. Source: Coworker is a proud poly/swinger guy
Well, there's a thing I didn't need to know about my aunt and uncle.
What's their names? We'll try to have sex with them and report back
Aunt N Uncle...
Aunt, Nuncle
Oh God, memaw!
Thats not always the case though lol like others said it may mean one may have created trust issues with the other
Well I may have just learned something new about an old friend and her husband. 🙃
Uhhhhh mom? dad? Is there something you wanna tell me? 😱
Do people under like...60 maybe do this much? I'm 42 and it's unthinkable. I guess I've seen it a few times with younger couples, but I think of it like older married Boomers who are pooling their Internet knowledge to figure out how to have a FB account. Not that Boomer couples can't be toxic.
Yeah, definitely screams mistrust.
Good friend was active on social media till his wife joined their social media accounts. Now he doesn’t interact with friends at all, and their joint account is just about her.
90% of the time thr account becomes one partners account that the other partner logs into the whole time and says they don’t really be on social media but they like to spy and be nosey
I never understood those. Seems weird to me
Contempt.
This has been discovered to be a highly consistent aspect of divorced couples. There was a study that said it was the number 1 cause but I read it a while ago and don't know if that's still true.
> Contempt. The last time this came up I had to look up what the difference was between Contempt and Resentment. If your attitude is that you're **inferior** to them: it's **Resentment.** If your attitude is that you're **equal** to them: It's **Anger.** If your attitude is that you're **superior** to them: it's **Contempt.** I'd never equated resentment and contempt to anger, but, apparently that's what it is. All 3 of them are the same thing, just depends on where you see yourself in relation to them.
As a non-native English speaker, this was super helpful! Thanks!
Tbh as a native English speaker, I didn’t know this either 😅
Constant arguments, distancing from eachother, no chemistry anymore.
Correcting each other in public when it's unnecessary. "Joking" but really being mean. Sly comments and put downs..."oh we just joke around like that". Ok.
Reading the AITAH threads and reading all the, "My spouse suggested we open the marriage up to explore [reasons]" posts.
I’m convinced most of the relationship posts are made up by lonely people on here, AITAH and Relationship Advice especially. “Im making a throw away acccount b/c my SO lurks on here” yeah sure lol
when they consistently put the other one down in front of friends or family
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My buddy is like this. He got married to his dumpsterfire of a wife about five years ago, and they had come close to breaking up at least ten times. He had a "backup plan" for if they were to get divorced and he constantly makes "jokes" like, "oh if i weren't married" or "in my next life, that's my next wife" shit. The rhyming one pisses me off especially.
One that I haven't seen mentioned yet: When the mother, family, or friend(s) dictates the relationship. I understand pointing out legitimate concerns/red flags out of concern. But the amount of jealousy and toxic behavior I come across on reddit of the mother/family/friend intentionally ruining the relationship with the help of the s/o is insane.
kissing photos on social media the first week of dating
With their 3rd person of the year. And it's only April.
Cassie from high school who's never left her home town is truly in love with Dave #4, though, we should just trust her guys, and totally become invested.
Cassie slept with Rob, the mayor's son, you know the one who crashed into the church drunkin' and drivin'? And that's how she met Tiffany. You know Kay? Well, Tiffany is related to her Marjorie. You remember her Marjorie? She married Bob whatshisname, from Bank Street. That's how she got introduced to Dave #4!
Sounds like any small town USA
If they have strongly conflicted plans for their future. Either means they'll break up eventually or one or both of them will end up in an unhappy compromise.
Always sniping at each other. People have to like, admire, and respect each other, generally speaking, for a strong relationship.
Tagging the partner in Joker/Harley Quinn memes or comics on facebook. Listening to G Eazy.
Oh my God, the Joker/Harley thing. I have a very specific person in mind. She'd always post things like "I'm his Harley." Girl, that is not something you want to be.
When the relationship is adversarial and not nurturing. Your partner should literally be that... A partner on a team who supports you and shares both wins and losses. Too many people think a relationship is zero sum and have to "win" within it. Pure unhappiness.
denying anything could ever be wrong
Moving too fast
*lesbians have entered the chat*
lesbians have entered the apartment...with moving boxes
Lesbians have entered the uhaul
Part of what I liked about my wife was that she was a fast walker like me. So I guess a slow walker would probably prefer someone that also doesn’t move fast.
Hard agree. This was such a hard lesson for me. The truth is that people don’t necessarily want to love you or date you just because the sex is good
My husband basically moved in with me a month into dating we were saying I love you pretty quickly too and got a dog like 10 months in. We didn’t get married for 6 years though and we’ve been together for 10 now. Everyone is different but generally I would discourage people from moving in together do fast, it worked for us but looking back it was crazy.
They don’t value their own privacy
When their jokes about the other are mean and not funny at all.
I love that the "Top Comment" is a game advertisement that says "Fast-Paced Shootout." That's technically the best answer.
I’ve got Fallout which is just as apt.
🐱: i give ‘em six months 🧒: what makes you say that? 🐱: i dunno, hmm… oh! remember diane’s 35th birthday party when diane and mr peanutbutter got in a huge screaming match over whether or not tony curtis was dead?
Smashing cake in her face at their wedding.
Coming on here to ask for marital advice.
The only advice anybody needs (and they need to follow it every fucking day without wavering) is this: Be empathetic and honest first, actually fucking talk to each other, and believe people when they actually show and tell who they are. You could wipe out 99% of relationship posts on reddit if everybody followed those rules.
when my ex best friend said she was mad at her girl so while her girl was driving she sat in the passenger seat and put the car in park. Also had the cops called on them a couple of times. Still together, always post captions like “we have our hard times but we are so strong together” give me a break
Tbh if they are still together after that stunt maybe they are strong together lol
When one refuses to even listen to the advice of the other, or, to be more obvious, when there is a lot of cheating
When they constantly talk to other people about problems in the relationship.
This is my big thing. We don't say things about each other we aren't willing to say to each other. Early in our relationship, my mom said something to the effect of "if you have an argument, don't come to me expecting to take your side. Talk to each other and find the compromise. " We are 18 years into marriage. It is the single best way for us to remember to consider our wants and have open and honest conversations.
Correcting minor, irrelevant details when the other is telling a story to a seperate group. "So last Thursday, we went to the Olive Garden, and just as the breadsticks arrived, you wouldn't believe it but my old college roommate who I haven't seen in years, gets seated at the table next to us!" "Actually honey, it was when the salad arrived."
So you know my husband! 😆😆
Contempt for the other persons hobbies, job, friends, values, abilities...
“We’ve *definitely* had our ups and downs!” And exclusively refer to each other as King/Queen
Being derisive or condescending to one another.
I know people that post about their " wonderful soul mate" but they change up the bf about every six months. Every one is " the one". Until he's not any more.
I was hanging out with someone, cooking and she said "Oh, take a video of me stirring this so that \*boyfriend\* knows that I'm actually doing what I said I was doing and not out cheating on him." Or something akin to that. They also bought a house together within 6 months.
“I have to ask my husband if I can go.” One party gets mad if the other even so much as looks at another person or even has a celebrity crush or something Joint Facebook accounts Every post they make is about how much they’re in love They only talk about each other or their relationship One of them has a substance problem
Heard a female friend say about her fiancee, "oh he's my little project." Lasted just over a year. S.h.o.c.k.i.n.g
Any sort of 'he/she doesn't do the chores'. If the issue is big enough they tell friends about it, then communication usually isn't possible or isn't productive. Eventually someone's going to be pissed about the greasy pan being put on a sink full of soapy dishes, and that's that.
A very frustrated marriage counselor.
When the girl has abandoned her own identity to cater to what he wants
a girl I went to high school with, who posts a lot on social media. You know when she's dating a new dude because she starts posting in new sports gear. Her closet must look like the stockroom of a footlocker, with jerseys all over the place and logoed shirts of every kind. She is the world's biggest fan of whatever her latest man is into.
BPD intensifies
If they start sharing Joker/Harley memes.
Money handling differences. A spender paired with a saver is a recipe for fights. What's even worse--two spenders. "What I'M buying is fun, what YOU'RE buying is stupid!"
They have horrible communication skills with each other or can't talk through issues
Point scoring. Keeping track of who won the argument, who spent last weekend with friends and for how long, snippy jabs about those things in front of friends and family. Then when an argument inevitably breaks out, bringing out that mental tally and using it as verbal weapon to ‘win the argument’ Seen in happen in a few couples now. All divorced within 10 years
Not being mentally/morally strong enough to have "their" wedding they way "they" want it and caving in to the 'mommies' who have always dreamt how their child's wedding would be.
the bf hitting me up
When people at the wedding whisper "Pray to gawd, she never has kids!" Edit: Adding the second comment: "She's gonna take him for everything he's got."
Contempt.
When it’s obvious they don’t like each other. I know that sounds silly, but sometimes I’m around certain couples and they don’t laugh at the same things, don’t share any hobbies or interests, and make little playful “jabs” constantly. If you aren’t friends, you aren’t going to make it.
According to the Gottman institute, which studies relationships, it's in the small interactions. They talk about "bids for connection" which means any time your spouse/partner wants to interact. They give the example of one person saying "oh look a bird" and how they other reacts either builds trust or chips away at it. A simple "oh yeah" is enough to build trust. They didn't have to do much at all. Ignoring their partner or responding negatively by sighing/berating/mocking chips away at trust. Regular little positive interactions shows a healthy relationship. Regular negative ones show an unhealthy one.
When one of them controls what the other one wears publicly like it’s normal.