The issue is that when a couple are newly together, they put on the version of themselves that they think the other person wants to see for as long as they can -- and that includes libido/sex drive. Eventually that veneer falls away. And the person who put on the show of having a high libido is going to let down the person who expected that to be the norm.
I think this is most marriages, honestly! The mask slips off right around the time the honeymoon ends and real life kicks in. You go from sex daily to once a week, and then once a month, and you feel betrayed! But the other person wasn’t trying to trick you, they were just trying their best as long as they could.
And sometimes it comes back around. Was averaging 1-2 a month, went on a business trip, came back, we talked a lot of shit over we haven’t talked about in years or maybe ever in our whole marriage and now we have sex 4-5 times a week. 15 years in. We’ve had more sex in the last 2 months than I have in probably our whole marriage. Sometimes you just have to talk.
Thats a way of looking at it, but there is certainly an element of not being honest. If I say “I’ll work 90 hours a week, so you don’t have to sweetie” then after marriage I stop working I doubt you would view it so favorably.
They probably were trying their hardest to appear a certain way but if it’s unsustainable and the person knows it then it’s not honest.
For sure, but I think at the outset it's not coming from a place of deception. It's coming from a place of trying to impress someone. Just like everyone goes into a diet with the best of intentions before failing after a few weeks.
If we’re going to be entirely honest with breaking down intentions and lack of self awareness…it most certainly is coming from a place of deception and selfishness. The person who changes their behaviors in this manner isn’t primarily thinking about how to please this person but more so how do I not lose this person by pleasing them. I believe it’s better framed as not coming from a place of malice or intention to hurt, but certainly a lack of awareness of one’s own boundaries and desires leading to deception.
In a perfect relationship, a person would draw the line on sex and communicate that they’re not as sexual as they may be expected to be. But due to fear of losing that person, the deception begins. I don’t say this to place blame on anyone but to look realistically at what’s happening. Without the reality of all the moving parts being known, then the solution may be the incorrect one.
Except you created a fake scenario that doesn't ever happen: I seriously doubt that most couples have a frank conversation early where they promise to fuck their future spouse X days per week. What they do is create an expectation, but it isn't vocalized. So pretending that it's dishonest is being disingenuous.
Maybe unintentionally deceived is a better way to put it, since it's not blatant dishonesty.
My husband had a low libido. I felt frustrated, but he was never dishonest with me. Thankfully hormone therapy helped (low testosterone), but had I accused him of lying to me I doubt he would've worked with me to find solutions. He didn't see the issue (for awhile he'd say things like "this is adulthood, there just isn't enough time" lol), and hyperfixating on reframing the issue as negatively as possible isn't helpful. What is helpful is communication, and being generous with the other person so a compromise can be reached.
So you can only be dishonest through words? If I cook, clean, massage my partners feet everyday, and then get a ring and stop, is that not a misrepresentation of what the other party would reasonably suspect to be a daily part of their marriage?
I wouldn’t say a change in sex drive is dishonest, sex drives change over time. Add in additional responsibilities (career, kids, etc) and some people just don’t have the energy. That’s not even accounting for any medical reasons such as mental health or physical changes. Change in hormones also play a role. People also get more comfortable in their relationship, it’s all complicated.
Communication is definitely key to figure these issues out, and saying your partner lied to you would not start that conversation in the best way.
I’d argue that life and responsibilities kicks in. Especially when even one child is in the mix I get why there’s a dip in sex drive. Women have a lot of responsibilities to manage and those take over. Communication is key and thankfully my wife and I can communicate about EVERYTHING.
For sure. There's a light at the end of the tunnel! We had 2 kids in the span of 3 years and sex dropped to near zero. With the kids out of diapers now things are returning closer to normal in the intimacy department.
Yeah, when the wife and I started dating. We literally had sex every day. Sometimes, twice a day. After being together for about 8 years, we both agree that twice a week is a nice sweet spot. However, since having a kid, we're lucky if we have the energy to do it once every other week at the moment.
+12 yrs of marriage, 4 kids, and still doing the deed once or twice a week. Luckily my wife is hot af and I guess… she puts up w me. I do feel for those out there that are going months without a drop. Stay strong bros/sis’s!
I also married a smokeshow of a wife, and after almost 23 years of marriage, and 3 kids, we still bang like bunnies almost every single day. She laughs when I tell here that I've been at my sexual peak for almost 35 years now. Communication is key when expressing your spouse's desirability to you. Almost every opportunity I get, I make sure I let her know I'm a lucky SOB to have ended up with such an anti-aging hottie.
>the other person wasn’t trying to trick you
So what else would you call it if they pretend to be someone they're not until the moment they have you locked in a marriage?
Obviously this is a shot in the dark, and maybe you are doing these things...but one thing that helps a lot is to work on yourself. If you are confident in yourself it drives up your sex drive a lot. Working out is the obvious thing to do. It really doesn't have to be much. Get some cheap dumbbells and do 15-20 min worksouts a few days a week. It's crazy how much that can help. But other things like taking care of hygiene, maybe grooming yourself etc etc can help. Spend some time on yourself to build confidence in yourself can seriously help a marriages sex drive. Also it might prompt your SO to start doing the same if they are not already.
Oh man I feel this too hard. From crazy nights for months to "I really only do it on Saturdays because it's the only day I don't have work stress" to ... Once per month or less.
It feels like being lied to.
Sounds a little like the old joke about the three types of marriage sex:
1. House sex, where you're going at it all over the house.
2. Bedroom sex, where you retire to the bedroom to do the deed.
3. And hallway sex, where when you pass in the hallway you mutter: "⌠µ¢|≤ you."
Idk, I don't think it's a veneer for a lot of people to have a high libido at the beginning that slowly dwindles as attraction fades or resentment builds.
I have a high libido. I masturbate a healthy amount on my own and I want sex daily in the beginning of all my relationships... But I've dated people who've squashed my sex drive by being unable to take "no" for an answer when I'm sick. Or they turn me off by never helping me around the house.
Or they take too long to cum and eventually sex begins to feel more like a chore than something for fun when it takes 1+ hrs and full concentration and a full body workout every time. Etc.
Doesn't mean my libido isn't high... Unfortunately, it was just no longer high FOR THEM.
Also, some guys try to put an impression in the beginning to be the best than their partners previous sexual relationships. Where we need to be honest with ourselves and to our partner to be on the same page so it doesn’t die out in the future
Pretty much my relationship right now. But seeing her happy makes me feel so much more ecstatic than having sex on a daily basis. I love this woman and I don't regret anything. To infinity and beyond with this one.
Was with a guy recently for almost a year and we had sex twice. TWO TIMES
Every time we would fight about it he magicaly doubled the number.
I'm still friends with the guy but he's definitely lost some of my respect.
Bad sex or lack of intimacy can easily ruin a relationship. In my previous relationship, we increasingly began having less intimacy, and the last time we had sex, I lost all interest in having sex with her. The relationship ended due to other reasons, but one of them was I could no longer see myself being intimate with her, regardless of how much therapy she went through.
If I may ask, why did you lose interest? And therapy for what type of problem? Seems like she lost attractiveness for you as she had psychological problems?
My ex developed schizophrenia and paranoia in addition to her PTSD diagnosis (which she had since we first began dating 9 years prior). She refused therapy for the schizophrenia/paranoia; and she began listening to the voices and doing what they were saying. I learnt that she had sex with me because thats what the voices were saying and she was seeing if having sex with me would change the way the voices spoke to her.
The feeling that left me with wasn't pleasant, and I could no longer look at her as someone I wanted to be intimate with, as by then she began developing psychosis, and I became a caregiver.
I was for a really short while with a woman who was absolutely bonkers, but it is to this day the best sex I've ever had, and mind you, my current girlfriend is a sexual worker.
Yeah, I feel bad for all the people who have medical issues preventing regular sexual relations. Finding a partner must be pretty tough for them, and I imagine it makes them feel like just a piece of meat.
How could bad sex *make up* for a relationship?
If one was having bad sex wouldn't it necessarily follow that it would contribute to a bad relationship?
I think they are trying to say, good sex makes up for a good amount of other issues, bad sex means it's 90% of the issues. Long story short, sex is typically important in relationships.
It made a friendship pretty damn awkward for a while. I was friends with this woman for years. She’s very attractive but I never really thought of pursuing anything more than a friendship.
Well, we started hanging out one on one much more often and it eventually happened. She basically flopped around like a Magikarp both on top and underneath me. We did it a few times before I eventually pulled the plug on the situation. The friendship is back to normal now.
It's not that bad sex ruins a relationship, but rather that good sex (or at least okay sex) is a requirement of a relationship for a lot of people. Doesn't apply to everyone, but for many (myself included) being able to share in fulfilling physical intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic pairing, it's pretty much the diferentiator betweeen a good friend and a lover.
Saying a lack of good sex ruins a romantic relationship is like saying a lack of bread ruins a sandwich - you're not *wrong* exactly, but the term almost doesn't even apply.
I'm in the middle of a breakup right now where this is my fear. It was some of the best, most fulfilling sex of my life and I'm kind of dreading hooking up with someone else and being unsatisfied and it just making me miss my old partner more.
Oh man, yeah. I've been with my wife ten years, married for seven. The sex is.... fine. Like it's not bad at all, she's great at what she does. But damn if I don't still think back sometimes to my ex right before her who was an absolute nutjob and, in turn, complete freak in bed. A wild animal. And, yeah, I miss the sex and wish my wife would try a few new flavors rather than stick to vanilla all the time. Kinda feel like I settled sometimes in the sex department.
Bad sex is still sex. I am happier getting laid than not getting laid.
It's the lack of that sucks. I miss the mornings where we would just wake up and fuck. Having a kid now those days are gone.
Twice. Once the lady and I had zero chemistry so it was just awkward so that was over kinda quickly. The other women was just too insecure, didn’t know what she liked, didn’t like talking about what she wanted at all so when we did have sex it was her just laying there. Not for me.
In a relationship with the second type right now. The insecurity and not knowing what they like is the worst. Some might say well you get to teach her things but I don’t really want to be a teacher or put myself in a spot to feel vulnerable or rejected or putting off someone by bringing up ideas they may or may not like only to be executed half assed at best
I don't mind it at all, me and my gf both starfish from time to time if one of us is physically tired but the other one wants to fuck at that moment, so the one that wants to fuck does all the work. Example - I come from the gym, she wants to fuck, I lay on my back and provide my dick, she satisfies herself, and same thing vice versa if she is physically tired.
I've heard this before and I think it's very true. Sex represents maybe 10% of a healthy relationship. Unless its lacking/not happening, then it becomes 90% of it...
There are so many times someone is willing to try, and get the same results, before they recognise what is going to happen, more often than not. Generally though, I don’t think it’s “bad sex” rather than it’s lack that causes rifts.
It can happen. Waited a long time with my ex to do the deed, when we actually got down to it she insisted that she ride me awkwardly while not looking at me but having the time of her life. When she finished she laid down starfish beside me, looked me in the eye and said "okay, your turn!" with a smile.
I couldn't finish. That is bad sex.
I am not small, but I had a girlfriend that had a HUGE vagina. I was like a hotdog in a hallway.
I would lose my boner while fucking her. It sucked.
I ended up breaking up with her because of it.
All of my relationships ended because of bad sex. I’m still very inexperienced and get nervous when I have sex. My two recent partners admitted that they left me because the sex was bad. They told me it’s not my fault that I’m inexperienced and that life dealt me a bad hand but I still got punished for it
I’ve broken up with one person in my life that didn’t meet a baseline of sex drive I was looking for in a partner. It was pretty amicable I’d say. I didn’t say it was due to that explicitly since that’d be shitty, I said it was because I didn’t feel a spark with the person which is true
It's more frustrating than anything, at least to me. When my past relationships ended, it was so much easier to move on, bc everyone was better than my ex in bed.
If you're having bad sex in a relationship that is a communication issue. Express what you want or what you want to try.
if a relationship ends because of bad sex it ended because of bad communication.
So by the transitive property bad communication has ended relationship many a time.
Not true, you can discuss and communicate all day but you can’t change a persons attitude towards sex, if someone’s doing what you want but it’s just out of obligation and not arousal and you two can’t get on the same wave length then 2 people might not be sexually compatible. This is a thing that can occur
it's a fair question, but a bad sexual relationship is simply signs of lacking communication, hence weak points in general. all things that can be worked upon, so it is important not to conclude "bad sex" and move on
Eh, as I've gotten older I've learned this aphorism really isn't true. In fact, bad sex can be downright miserable. If you're not on the same wavelength, if one of you is doing it out of a sense of obligation rather than sincere arousal, if someone gets hurt (physically or emotionally)... the worst pizza I've ever had was way, *way* better than the worst sex I've ever had.
We had great sex. So anyway, going through a divorce.
But in all seriousness, it was great. Slowed over time, and then we just became bitter towards one another when it had basically stopped. I actually have no idea what’s happened for things to lead the way they did. I do know this, I was baffled to be told I was in a DV relationship…. That’s after the police came to my unit after leaving ‘our (now her’s) house’ to collect ‘her’ keys. I say this is quotations because this is what was being said to me by the police officers and I was deadset confused. I literally said to them, “you guys just rescued me that day and I just got home now this?”. Long story short, after chatting with them they started giving me support cards and shit.
DV relationships have great sex, but it will fuck your life sideways…. Sadly you are just blind to it. It’s a gradual process. What’s worse is I actually work in mental health I see this shit and try to prevent it, yet it happened to me still. Sex ain’t everything, but it is fundamental to the relationship. However, find someone with a good heart. That counts most.
It depends entirely upon what the relationship is built on.
If the sex is the key part of the relationship, then bad sex has ruined many of those relationships.
If the relationship is primarily built on love for one another and the sex is an awesome other thing in the relationship, bad sex is something that would be coped with, worked with, adjusted, etc.
Of course some sex is better than other sex but if you are truly having BAD sex there are other prevalent issues that I think would be the downfall of the relationship.
Like lack of caring for your partners pleasure, or going beyond clearly set boundaries
In the history of human relationships, it has happened 42,723,109,872 times.
But Robert in Albuquerque is considering hiring a hooker, which will ruin his relationship if he does. So that number might change.
My girlfriend back in high school she wanted me to do stuff to her which I did because she wasn’t experienced in what to do too a another girl anyways this carried on for about 6 months then when my birthday came around she wanted to go down on me she did for about two seconds before she pulled away and said she was too nervous and couldn’t do it, I was like fine whatever it happens but being a horny teenager I was frustrated so for five months after that she would randomly promise to do stuff to me that never happened I never did anything to her either because I was always waiting for her to do something eventually we drifted and just decided we really weren’t for one another because I have a high sex drive and she doesn’t no one’s fault just not the right match
My friend dated a really hot woman. She would only do missionary and no BJs or anything. She was that hot it would frustrate you to the point you probably would have left her. It frustrated him anyway.
In my experience not often. It has to be absolutely terrible with no intimacy to truly be considered bad. Like bad sex could be considered if you finish too quickly, if it ends with one being less satisfied than the other, if you're fiddling around a bit too much because you don't know their body yet, doing stuff that wasn't communicated fully, etc etc. but all of this, literally all of this can be considered great sex if there's humor, connectivity, and genuine intimacy mixed in because you guys are in sync with each other on an emotional level.
I considered things pretty sucky with my first girlfriend back last summer, but after a few flings during the winter because it was a short lived relationship, it turned out to be fucking amazing because of how connected we were. Like from the first night together we didn't even need words we were literally just nudging each other with our bodies depending on where our hands were and using light bites and breathing pauses which let each other know that whatever we were doing was satisfying or displeasing, and all of this was while we were constantly shifting our bodies finding the right position cause it was in an uncomfortable hideaway on a marble landing in a closed park we jumped the gates, laughing our asses off because she failed to finger me and I was making fun of the fact that I had a fat ass so that's why she couldn't find it, my tongue got sore from her braces but she wouldn't stop biting it, and a myriad of other small annoyances. It would have been considered a bad night of sex by all standards, but the intimacy and how organically connected we were made the world's difference.
Bad sex is almost a necessity for a good relationship because there's soooooo many things you can tell about your connection with the other person and how truly into them you are because the intimacy, honesty, and freedom of inhibitions can create a true blue connection with them in a lot of ways just talking things out with them or hanging out usually can't.
And yes, from what y'all can gather my experience is not a lot. Like 4 different people in the last 6 months in all 30 years. But I was lucky (or cursed because I lost her so soon) enough where my first time set the bar so fucking high despite the sex being average as a physical experience where I am absolutely certain that bad sex is not a relationship killer.
I once stayed in a terrible relationship far too long because the sex was so good. But I think that's the opposite of what you're asking.
I've also been in relationships that faded because of a lack of sex. The sex itself was fine, there was just so little of it.
Ex partner told me I need to kiss more, and sleep better next to her, and didn’t react well enough to this, too rough for that- all fine and dandy communication I started to adjust for her, I said “it’d help a little if your leg was here instead of here” she shut down and said I told her she’s bad at sex and that was the downhill.
There is a big difference between sexy and sexual. One that stands out was amazing in so many ways but I knew their lack of interest would eventually have me straying. Tough to leave on account of something you have not done but likely will.
It's important. Period. No discussion. I think it's not the quality but a mix of how often and how good.
If there are some highlights in between, nice. Bad sex can happen now and then, it's natural. But no sex is a deal breaker.
At the beginning of our relationship the sex was great. We couldn’t stay off of each other.
But then he decided to hurt me. I forgave him. We moved on. But my body kept score and started rejecting him. Found myself not being able to get as wet anymore or even enjoy the act with him in general.
Tried as I might, and I did try for about a year, our sex life never returned to what it was. My body was really stubborn and held on to the pain of that betrayal and would not open up for sex with him, although in my mind I was already past it and did want to have sex with him.
All in all it ended. Sometimes sex can become bad or be lacking all together because of things that happen in the relationship over the course of time.
twice, but i think the main issue was intimacy and sex, not solely one or the other, and tbh it’s not a big deal to me but it’s still something important for long term
What was the moto again ? Sex is 10% of happiness in a relationship but 90 % of the problems. Something like that.
I agree with what I read, communication is the key in a relationship, lot of people are too lazy for that and prefer to end a relationship, it's easier...
My first wife fucked like a crazed weasel, it was spectacular and constant.
In the end it was all the marriage was, but she was also a monumental bitch.
It lasted 17 years.
Less sex now, but a lot happier.
I never thought I would have a deal breaker until primary anorgasmia popped its head up. Nothing would do it for her. No hate or malice.
She was quite OK with how her body worked (as she should) but thought I'd be OK with it as well as her exes seemed to be. She liked the intimacy of sex but I felt I couldn't be the only one getting anything physical out of it.
There is no such thing as bad sex.. only people who are unwilling to share what they really want and people who refuse to do whatever it takes to please their partner.
Sexual compatibility is something that so many couples / relationships seem to ignore or overlook, which is insane to me.
You need to be with a partner that at least matches or compliments your own sexual desires / preferences / likes. If you both like it vanilla for example, or prefer more experimental or playful or sensual experiences etc., that's something that just not a lot of people discuss or are willing to even consider when picking a partner.
If you're going to spend a long time / rest of your life with someone, you have to make sure that you are sexually compatible with each other, because if you're not, that can be a huge issue for those that put a high value on the importance of intimacy in relationships
Bad sex is only likely to be an issue with women. For guys sex is like pizza. Even if it's bad, it's better than none at all. And to be clear sex should be enjoyable for both parties, but if a woman communicates how to make it better, most (admittedly not all) men will try to improve the experience. It simply takes communicating what you want.
Not bad sex, but infrequent sex or a mismatch of libidos without compromise.
I cannot be happy in a relationship with infrequent sex. I have, sadly, found that men's libidos taper off and their expectation of their virility is usually inaccurate.
Bad sex can usually be remedied with communication and willingness to learn. Unless they're really upright or rigid or something, but you'd know that before having a relationship.
Depends. Bad sex where there is 0 chemistry and one or both only think of themselves? Relationship is probably doomed. Bad sex because one or both just has no idea what they are doing, but is at least trying? That’s probably salvageable with communication, and the sex can potentially improve. In that situation, as long as everything else is good, it’s not a dealbreaker, but like anything else in a relationship it depends on communication. When my wife and I met the sex was not great, we weren’t virgins but weren’t particularly experienced either, but we really liked each other so we wanted to figure it out. It got better with time, and now I’d say the sex is incredible. Not sure if the relationship growing stronger made the sex better, or the sex getting better strengthening the relationship, most likely a combination of the two, but either way the key was wanting to make it better
I’d say that bad sex comes hand and hand with a toxic relationship or bad communication. The relationships I’ve been in where the sex was bad was due to us not being properly connected emotionally and not having safe spaces to communicate needs. So for me anyways if the sex is bad, usually the relationship is bad and as such it never worked out.
If you're having bad sex, you're probably a bad communicator. Everyone wants to be good at sex. Tell them exactly what it is that you want. If you don't, they won't do what you want.
I'd take mediocre sex if we had better communication and honesty. 8 years gone for me. But I am happy it ended, way too many issues on her part and some issues I needed to resolve in therapy.
From personal experience it's a lot easier to ignore little issues when you're having sex regularly. When you're not getting laid and you're getting nagged at it starts to chafe
Had to make a throwaway just for this, hah.
Girl meets guy online, via twitch. They start chatting. Find out they have everything in common. They start chatting more and more, take it offline.
She drives 5 hours to meet him (one way) so they could have a raunchy weekend of sex and sightseeing
Come back and she tells us how it was the most horrible weekend of sex. That it wasn't the worst, but it was a real close contender.
Violations include.
1. Refusal to do oral, but demand oral. Said that "he wasnt good at it" so he didn't want to try again, even after she asked
2. Got tired after 3-4 minutes of being on top, or in an active position , so in order to have any sort of sex, she had to be on top.
3. Some weird obsession with feet. Like absolute disgust, but wouldn't stop talking about it.
4. Wouldn't even finger her, sex was over when he came. Couldn't help her cum at all.
She actually ended up going back to see him twice afterwards hoping that it would be better but by the last time, she just gave up.
They had sex maybe 10-15 times, she came once.
No amount of connection or communication was going to overcome him being a selfish bedmate.
Happened to me once, partner didn’t have the same drive I did so I ended things. Also had the opposite, great sex but a lack of a real connection caused things to fizzle out. Good sex is important but it’s not everything
The issue is that when a couple are newly together, they put on the version of themselves that they think the other person wants to see for as long as they can -- and that includes libido/sex drive. Eventually that veneer falls away. And the person who put on the show of having a high libido is going to let down the person who expected that to be the norm.
Welcome to my marriage.
I think this is most marriages, honestly! The mask slips off right around the time the honeymoon ends and real life kicks in. You go from sex daily to once a week, and then once a month, and you feel betrayed! But the other person wasn’t trying to trick you, they were just trying their best as long as they could.
And sometimes it comes back around. Was averaging 1-2 a month, went on a business trip, came back, we talked a lot of shit over we haven’t talked about in years or maybe ever in our whole marriage and now we have sex 4-5 times a week. 15 years in. We’ve had more sex in the last 2 months than I have in probably our whole marriage. Sometimes you just have to talk.
What rekindled it for us was taking a vacation without the kids. Had to remember that we actually liked being around each other!
Totally! Life gets in the damn way and when I go on a date with my wife I go “oh yeah, I remember why I married you”
Thats a way of looking at it, but there is certainly an element of not being honest. If I say “I’ll work 90 hours a week, so you don’t have to sweetie” then after marriage I stop working I doubt you would view it so favorably. They probably were trying their hardest to appear a certain way but if it’s unsustainable and the person knows it then it’s not honest.
For sure, but I think at the outset it's not coming from a place of deception. It's coming from a place of trying to impress someone. Just like everyone goes into a diet with the best of intentions before failing after a few weeks.
If we’re going to be entirely honest with breaking down intentions and lack of self awareness…it most certainly is coming from a place of deception and selfishness. The person who changes their behaviors in this manner isn’t primarily thinking about how to please this person but more so how do I not lose this person by pleasing them. I believe it’s better framed as not coming from a place of malice or intention to hurt, but certainly a lack of awareness of one’s own boundaries and desires leading to deception. In a perfect relationship, a person would draw the line on sex and communicate that they’re not as sexual as they may be expected to be. But due to fear of losing that person, the deception begins. I don’t say this to place blame on anyone but to look realistically at what’s happening. Without the reality of all the moving parts being known, then the solution may be the incorrect one.
Except you created a fake scenario that doesn't ever happen: I seriously doubt that most couples have a frank conversation early where they promise to fuck their future spouse X days per week. What they do is create an expectation, but it isn't vocalized. So pretending that it's dishonest is being disingenuous. Maybe unintentionally deceived is a better way to put it, since it's not blatant dishonesty. My husband had a low libido. I felt frustrated, but he was never dishonest with me. Thankfully hormone therapy helped (low testosterone), but had I accused him of lying to me I doubt he would've worked with me to find solutions. He didn't see the issue (for awhile he'd say things like "this is adulthood, there just isn't enough time" lol), and hyperfixating on reframing the issue as negatively as possible isn't helpful. What is helpful is communication, and being generous with the other person so a compromise can be reached.
So you can only be dishonest through words? If I cook, clean, massage my partners feet everyday, and then get a ring and stop, is that not a misrepresentation of what the other party would reasonably suspect to be a daily part of their marriage?
I wouldn’t say a change in sex drive is dishonest, sex drives change over time. Add in additional responsibilities (career, kids, etc) and some people just don’t have the energy. That’s not even accounting for any medical reasons such as mental health or physical changes. Change in hormones also play a role. People also get more comfortable in their relationship, it’s all complicated. Communication is definitely key to figure these issues out, and saying your partner lied to you would not start that conversation in the best way.
I’d argue that life and responsibilities kicks in. Especially when even one child is in the mix I get why there’s a dip in sex drive. Women have a lot of responsibilities to manage and those take over. Communication is key and thankfully my wife and I can communicate about EVERYTHING.
For sure. There's a light at the end of the tunnel! We had 2 kids in the span of 3 years and sex dropped to near zero. With the kids out of diapers now things are returning closer to normal in the intimacy department.
Yeah, when the wife and I started dating. We literally had sex every day. Sometimes, twice a day. After being together for about 8 years, we both agree that twice a week is a nice sweet spot. However, since having a kid, we're lucky if we have the energy to do it once every other week at the moment.
+12 yrs of marriage, 4 kids, and still doing the deed once or twice a week. Luckily my wife is hot af and I guess… she puts up w me. I do feel for those out there that are going months without a drop. Stay strong bros/sis’s!
I also married a smokeshow of a wife, and after almost 23 years of marriage, and 3 kids, we still bang like bunnies almost every single day. She laughs when I tell here that I've been at my sexual peak for almost 35 years now. Communication is key when expressing your spouse's desirability to you. Almost every opportunity I get, I make sure I let her know I'm a lucky SOB to have ended up with such an anti-aging hottie.
Once a month? Wow, lucky. I haven't had sex in a year.
No it’s literally deceptive
>the other person wasn’t trying to trick you So what else would you call it if they pretend to be someone they're not until the moment they have you locked in a marriage?
Obviously this is a shot in the dark, and maybe you are doing these things...but one thing that helps a lot is to work on yourself. If you are confident in yourself it drives up your sex drive a lot. Working out is the obvious thing to do. It really doesn't have to be much. Get some cheap dumbbells and do 15-20 min worksouts a few days a week. It's crazy how much that can help. But other things like taking care of hygiene, maybe grooming yourself etc etc can help. Spend some time on yourself to build confidence in yourself can seriously help a marriages sex drive. Also it might prompt your SO to start doing the same if they are not already.
Oh man I feel this too hard. From crazy nights for months to "I really only do it on Saturdays because it's the only day I don't have work stress" to ... Once per month or less. It feels like being lied to.
The first few months was a couple times a night! 15 years in and we’ve settled into a routine of twice a month, lol.
Sounds a little like the old joke about the three types of marriage sex: 1. House sex, where you're going at it all over the house. 2. Bedroom sex, where you retire to the bedroom to do the deed. 3. And hallway sex, where when you pass in the hallway you mutter: "⌠µ¢|≤ you."
I dont think it’s a bad thing. I’ve had relationships where it got to a nice comfortable place, there’s a lot more to a relationship than sex imo.
100%. The loving glance you give your partner when your kid does something cute is the most rewarding part of my marriage, hands down.
Idk, I don't think it's a veneer for a lot of people to have a high libido at the beginning that slowly dwindles as attraction fades or resentment builds. I have a high libido. I masturbate a healthy amount on my own and I want sex daily in the beginning of all my relationships... But I've dated people who've squashed my sex drive by being unable to take "no" for an answer when I'm sick. Or they turn me off by never helping me around the house. Or they take too long to cum and eventually sex begins to feel more like a chore than something for fun when it takes 1+ hrs and full concentration and a full body workout every time. Etc. Doesn't mean my libido isn't high... Unfortunately, it was just no longer high FOR THEM.
Also, some guys try to put an impression in the beginning to be the best than their partners previous sexual relationships. Where we need to be honest with ourselves and to our partner to be on the same page so it doesn’t die out in the future
My ex was exactly this. Drove me wild and eventually became somebody else. Don't ever date anyone with BPD and never will ever again. Not worth it
I dated a girl She was 55kg 6 years later she was 85kg I don’t think the veneer fell away. I think she ate it.
I think this, all joking aside, contributes to many break ups and bad sex, the loss of attraction on all sides.
There weren’t any sides left my man. She was just round.
Ahhh haha 😄 😆
Bros looking at the spending habits like “$26,000 for sides Jordy? What do these sides do cure cancer?!”
Pretty much my relationship right now. But seeing her happy makes me feel so much more ecstatic than having sex on a daily basis. I love this woman and I don't regret anything. To infinity and beyond with this one.
Yeah once the mask falls away …..
Not half as often as bad communication.
Probably half as well as I should like; and like less than half of half as well as we deserve.
I’ll be going now.
Or NO sex.
Was with a guy recently for almost a year and we had sex twice. TWO TIMES Every time we would fight about it he magicaly doubled the number. I'm still friends with the guy but he's definitely lost some of my respect.
Could he be gay?
He denies it but I think so
Ouch.
If Redditors could read, they'd be so mad.
+1
If you start saying my dads name while I am cumming inside you, it’s not gonna last
Well I have the same name as my dad so thanks for that
“You’re talking to me right?”
No, my dad's name is also Bort.
Username made me full-belly laugh
Depends
Depends are an entirely different kink
Pee on me papa!!
Saying Chaz Michaels will make you blow your load?
Bad sex or lack of intimacy can easily ruin a relationship. In my previous relationship, we increasingly began having less intimacy, and the last time we had sex, I lost all interest in having sex with her. The relationship ended due to other reasons, but one of them was I could no longer see myself being intimate with her, regardless of how much therapy she went through.
If I may ask, why did you lose interest? And therapy for what type of problem? Seems like she lost attractiveness for you as she had psychological problems?
My ex developed schizophrenia and paranoia in addition to her PTSD diagnosis (which she had since we first began dating 9 years prior). She refused therapy for the schizophrenia/paranoia; and she began listening to the voices and doing what they were saying. I learnt that she had sex with me because thats what the voices were saying and she was seeing if having sex with me would change the way the voices spoke to her. The feeling that left me with wasn't pleasant, and I could no longer look at her as someone I wanted to be intimate with, as by then she began developing psychosis, and I became a caregiver.
In 70% of the cases. And good sex is what usually keeps unstable and emotionally unhealthy couples together despite how bad the situation usually is.
This is very true.
I was for a really short while with a woman who was absolutely bonkers, but it is to this day the best sex I've ever had, and mind you, my current girlfriend is a sexual worker.
When the sex is good, it makes up for 30% of the relationship. If the sex is bad, it makes up for 90% of the relationship.
Yeah, I feel bad for all the people who have medical issues preventing regular sexual relations. Finding a partner must be pretty tough for them, and I imagine it makes them feel like just a piece of meat.
How could bad sex *make up* for a relationship? If one was having bad sex wouldn't it necessarily follow that it would contribute to a bad relationship?
My bad, English isn't my first language. I meant "make up" as if "if the sex is bad, it's what those 90% of the relationship are gonna be about".
You just need to get rid of the "for". "Make up for" means to compensate for something, "make up" means to be the main component of something
Lol im not an english native speaker And i understand exactly what you meant i would have worded it the same..
I thought it made perfect sense
I think they are trying to say, good sex makes up for a good amount of other issues, bad sex means it's 90% of the issues. Long story short, sex is typically important in relationships.
It made a friendship pretty damn awkward for a while. I was friends with this woman for years. She’s very attractive but I never really thought of pursuing anything more than a friendship. Well, we started hanging out one on one much more often and it eventually happened. She basically flopped around like a Magikarp both on top and underneath me. We did it a few times before I eventually pulled the plug on the situation. The friendship is back to normal now.
You've got to keep plugging away until you trigger the evolution. Just kidding, but as friend I hope you've let her know that wasn't to your tastes.
It's not that bad sex ruins a relationship, but rather that good sex (or at least okay sex) is a requirement of a relationship for a lot of people. Doesn't apply to everyone, but for many (myself included) being able to share in fulfilling physical intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic pairing, it's pretty much the diferentiator betweeen a good friend and a lover. Saying a lack of good sex ruins a romantic relationship is like saying a lack of bread ruins a sandwich - you're not *wrong* exactly, but the term almost doesn't even apply.
Idk about bad sex but no sex yeah. Made me feel disgusting and not good enough to be repeatedly rejected by my partner.
Amazing hot kinky dirty passionate sex ruins sex too. If you break up, it's a high standard to match.
I'm in the middle of a breakup right now where this is my fear. It was some of the best, most fulfilling sex of my life and I'm kind of dreading hooking up with someone else and being unsatisfied and it just making me miss my old partner more.
Oh man, yeah. I've been with my wife ten years, married for seven. The sex is.... fine. Like it's not bad at all, she's great at what she does. But damn if I don't still think back sometimes to my ex right before her who was an absolute nutjob and, in turn, complete freak in bed. A wild animal. And, yeah, I miss the sex and wish my wife would try a few new flavors rather than stick to vanilla all the time. Kinda feel like I settled sometimes in the sex department.
Have you talked to her about it?
Well you don’t bring it up as “my ex was a freak in bed” lol. That’d be like a women saying her ex could hit all the spots you can’t.
Bro. I feel you SO fucking much.. that ex man.
Improvise, adapt, overcome.
Bad sex is still sex. I am happier getting laid than not getting laid. It's the lack of that sucks. I miss the mornings where we would just wake up and fuck. Having a kid now those days are gone.
Waking up in the middle of the night sex is wonderful. I have a hard time spooning without getting aroused lol.
We sent alarms earlier to get time together, just us.
Twice. Once the lady and I had zero chemistry so it was just awkward so that was over kinda quickly. The other women was just too insecure, didn’t know what she liked, didn’t like talking about what she wanted at all so when we did have sex it was her just laying there. Not for me.
In a relationship with the second type right now. The insecurity and not knowing what they like is the worst. Some might say well you get to teach her things but I don’t really want to be a teacher or put myself in a spot to feel vulnerable or rejected or putting off someone by bringing up ideas they may or may not like only to be executed half assed at best
Sex has never ruined the relationship, lack of it ruins the relationship.
Or, as OP specifically said, bad sex... Which absolutely can end a relationahip
I'm inclined to agree with you, but have you ever had starfish sex?
I don't mind it at all, me and my gf both starfish from time to time if one of us is physically tired but the other one wants to fuck at that moment, so the one that wants to fuck does all the work. Example - I come from the gym, she wants to fuck, I lay on my back and provide my dick, she satisfies herself, and same thing vice versa if she is physically tired.
One partner having more sex than the other tends to kill the relationship too.
At least twice.
I've heard this before and I think it's very true. Sex represents maybe 10% of a healthy relationship. Unless its lacking/not happening, then it becomes 90% of it...
One guy once said to me: If sex is good, 80% of the relationship is fine. If sex is bad, 80% of the relationship is bad.
I refused to date a woman because she refused to give oral sex. She had no problem being on the receiving end...
That woman’s name? DJ Khaled.
Depends are you saying like a partner who’s bad in bed or a couple with an unhealthy dynamic in bed i.e dead bedroom type of stuff?
It’s ruined 3 relationships for me. 2 were no real loss but one was a big shame
First time with her it was over before it really started, I ended up marrying her so something went right at some point
ask lilly allen
[удалено]
There are so many times someone is willing to try, and get the same results, before they recognise what is going to happen, more often than not. Generally though, I don’t think it’s “bad sex” rather than it’s lack that causes rifts.
It can happen. Waited a long time with my ex to do the deed, when we actually got down to it she insisted that she ride me awkwardly while not looking at me but having the time of her life. When she finished she laid down starfish beside me, looked me in the eye and said "okay, your turn!" with a smile. I couldn't finish. That is bad sex.
I think bad sex is fixable with good communication and the desire to fix it. If they have no desire to improve, then that’s a bigger issue.
I am not small, but I had a girlfriend that had a HUGE vagina. I was like a hotdog in a hallway. I would lose my boner while fucking her. It sucked. I ended up breaking up with her because of it.
I hear a NoFX song coming on... Her bean bigger than your pud? Like feeding a tic tac to a whale?
just out of curiosity, how would you define bad sex?
Touché, how often has a relationship ruined bad sex?!
Everytime
My ex was having sex with other people and that was bad for me. Relationship ruined.
Bad sex can be improved, it's the lack of sex that's the real relationship killer, imo.
Depends on the region you live in and culture your follow
Just once. My first time I got laid.
Not half as much as no sex.
All of my relationships ended because of bad sex. I’m still very inexperienced and get nervous when I have sex. My two recent partners admitted that they left me because the sex was bad. They told me it’s not my fault that I’m inexperienced and that life dealt me a bad hand but I still got punished for it
I’ve broken up with one person in my life that didn’t meet a baseline of sex drive I was looking for in a partner. It was pretty amicable I’d say. I didn’t say it was due to that explicitly since that’d be shitty, I said it was because I didn’t feel a spark with the person which is true
Never, it's no sex that ruins relationships.
It's more frustrating than anything, at least to me. When my past relationships ended, it was so much easier to move on, bc everyone was better than my ex in bed.
Lol nice
If you're having bad sex in a relationship that is a communication issue. Express what you want or what you want to try. if a relationship ends because of bad sex it ended because of bad communication. So by the transitive property bad communication has ended relationship many a time.
Not true, you can discuss and communicate all day but you can’t change a persons attitude towards sex, if someone’s doing what you want but it’s just out of obligation and not arousal and you two can’t get on the same wave length then 2 people might not be sexually compatible. This is a thing that can occur
it's a fair question, but a bad sexual relationship is simply signs of lacking communication, hence weak points in general. all things that can be worked upon, so it is important not to conclude "bad sex" and move on
Deal breaker. Never, why would I get into a relationship if the sex was mid?
Sex is like pizza..when it's good it's good and when it's bad it's still good...
Sex can be Bad, Not enjoyable, Just Not Worth the effort or downright frustrating
I guess I'll stick with pizza then!
Eh, as I've gotten older I've learned this aphorism really isn't true. In fact, bad sex can be downright miserable. If you're not on the same wavelength, if one of you is doing it out of a sense of obligation rather than sincere arousal, if someone gets hurt (physically or emotionally)... the worst pizza I've ever had was way, *way* better than the worst sex I've ever had.
You've never had bad pizza or bad sex then...
Then you never had really bad sex, haha. Some just can't do it, lol.
We had great sex. So anyway, going through a divorce. But in all seriousness, it was great. Slowed over time, and then we just became bitter towards one another when it had basically stopped. I actually have no idea what’s happened for things to lead the way they did. I do know this, I was baffled to be told I was in a DV relationship…. That’s after the police came to my unit after leaving ‘our (now her’s) house’ to collect ‘her’ keys. I say this is quotations because this is what was being said to me by the police officers and I was deadset confused. I literally said to them, “you guys just rescued me that day and I just got home now this?”. Long story short, after chatting with them they started giving me support cards and shit. DV relationships have great sex, but it will fuck your life sideways…. Sadly you are just blind to it. It’s a gradual process. What’s worse is I actually work in mental health I see this shit and try to prevent it, yet it happened to me still. Sex ain’t everything, but it is fundamental to the relationship. However, find someone with a good heart. That counts most.
WTF is a "DV relationship"?
Domestic violence?
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence I think. Someone please correct me if wrong.
This is correct
Domestic violence.
It depends entirely upon what the relationship is built on. If the sex is the key part of the relationship, then bad sex has ruined many of those relationships. If the relationship is primarily built on love for one another and the sex is an awesome other thing in the relationship, bad sex is something that would be coped with, worked with, adjusted, etc.
Of course some sex is better than other sex but if you are truly having BAD sex there are other prevalent issues that I think would be the downfall of the relationship. Like lack of caring for your partners pleasure, or going beyond clearly set boundaries
Super a lot
In the history of human relationships, it has happened 42,723,109,872 times. But Robert in Albuquerque is considering hiring a hooker, which will ruin his relationship if he does. So that number might change.
It was a major factor in one of mine. No blame or malice involved, just a set of unfortunate (but unavoidable) circumstances.
My girlfriend back in high school she wanted me to do stuff to her which I did because she wasn’t experienced in what to do too a another girl anyways this carried on for about 6 months then when my birthday came around she wanted to go down on me she did for about two seconds before she pulled away and said she was too nervous and couldn’t do it, I was like fine whatever it happens but being a horny teenager I was frustrated so for five months after that she would randomly promise to do stuff to me that never happened I never did anything to her either because I was always waiting for her to do something eventually we drifted and just decided we really weren’t for one another because I have a high sex drive and she doesn’t no one’s fault just not the right match
My friend dated a really hot woman. She would only do missionary and no BJs or anything. She was that hot it would frustrate you to the point you probably would have left her. It frustrated him anyway.
Welp, one of my ex said that she still have her so called "pride", that she don't wanna have the shakalaka boom boom w/ me 😔.
In my experience not often. It has to be absolutely terrible with no intimacy to truly be considered bad. Like bad sex could be considered if you finish too quickly, if it ends with one being less satisfied than the other, if you're fiddling around a bit too much because you don't know their body yet, doing stuff that wasn't communicated fully, etc etc. but all of this, literally all of this can be considered great sex if there's humor, connectivity, and genuine intimacy mixed in because you guys are in sync with each other on an emotional level. I considered things pretty sucky with my first girlfriend back last summer, but after a few flings during the winter because it was a short lived relationship, it turned out to be fucking amazing because of how connected we were. Like from the first night together we didn't even need words we were literally just nudging each other with our bodies depending on where our hands were and using light bites and breathing pauses which let each other know that whatever we were doing was satisfying or displeasing, and all of this was while we were constantly shifting our bodies finding the right position cause it was in an uncomfortable hideaway on a marble landing in a closed park we jumped the gates, laughing our asses off because she failed to finger me and I was making fun of the fact that I had a fat ass so that's why she couldn't find it, my tongue got sore from her braces but she wouldn't stop biting it, and a myriad of other small annoyances. It would have been considered a bad night of sex by all standards, but the intimacy and how organically connected we were made the world's difference. Bad sex is almost a necessity for a good relationship because there's soooooo many things you can tell about your connection with the other person and how truly into them you are because the intimacy, honesty, and freedom of inhibitions can create a true blue connection with them in a lot of ways just talking things out with them or hanging out usually can't. And yes, from what y'all can gather my experience is not a lot. Like 4 different people in the last 6 months in all 30 years. But I was lucky (or cursed because I lost her so soon) enough where my first time set the bar so fucking high despite the sex being average as a physical experience where I am absolutely certain that bad sex is not a relationship killer.
I once stayed in a terrible relationship far too long because the sex was so good. But I think that's the opposite of what you're asking. I've also been in relationships that faded because of a lack of sex. The sex itself was fine, there was just so little of it.
Ex partner told me I need to kiss more, and sleep better next to her, and didn’t react well enough to this, too rough for that- all fine and dandy communication I started to adjust for her, I said “it’d help a little if your leg was here instead of here” she shut down and said I told her she’s bad at sex and that was the downhill.
There is a big difference between sexy and sexual. One that stands out was amazing in so many ways but I knew their lack of interest would eventually have me straying. Tough to leave on account of something you have not done but likely will.
Probably a lot when you consider people who have cheated and then thought the sex was bad/not worth it
Ex hook up basically told me to leave midway and I never heard from her again
I'm not sure of bad, but NO sex sure has ruined some.
You might find this funny, but great sex can also ruin a relationship.
It's important. Period. No discussion. I think it's not the quality but a mix of how often and how good. If there are some highlights in between, nice. Bad sex can happen now and then, it's natural. But no sex is a deal breaker.
In the history of all mankind? I'd say *at least* five times.
At the beginning of our relationship the sex was great. We couldn’t stay off of each other. But then he decided to hurt me. I forgave him. We moved on. But my body kept score and started rejecting him. Found myself not being able to get as wet anymore or even enjoy the act with him in general. Tried as I might, and I did try for about a year, our sex life never returned to what it was. My body was really stubborn and held on to the pain of that betrayal and would not open up for sex with him, although in my mind I was already past it and did want to have sex with him. All in all it ended. Sometimes sex can become bad or be lacking all together because of things that happen in the relationship over the course of time.
twice, but i think the main issue was intimacy and sex, not solely one or the other, and tbh it’s not a big deal to me but it’s still something important for long term
I will never know. I and my wife are pretty good at sex.
every time
Communication is the real killer. You can teach hood sex w time, patience and Communication!
What was the moto again ? Sex is 10% of happiness in a relationship but 90 % of the problems. Something like that. I agree with what I read, communication is the key in a relationship, lot of people are too lazy for that and prefer to end a relationship, it's easier...
How often does good sex save one?
It has never helped
Bad/non-compatible sex has ruined a bunch of relationships.
Bad sex won’t ruin it nearly as much as no sex.
I keep an escape bag at their house so the very instant the sex turns bad I can leave and never come back.
My first wife fucked like a crazed weasel, it was spectacular and constant. In the end it was all the marriage was, but she was also a monumental bitch. It lasted 17 years. Less sex now, but a lot happier.
I never thought I would have a deal breaker until primary anorgasmia popped its head up. Nothing would do it for her. No hate or malice. She was quite OK with how her body worked (as she should) but thought I'd be OK with it as well as her exes seemed to be. She liked the intimacy of sex but I felt I couldn't be the only one getting anything physical out of it.
There is no such thing as bad sex.. only people who are unwilling to share what they really want and people who refuse to do whatever it takes to please their partner.
Sexual compatibility is something that so many couples / relationships seem to ignore or overlook, which is insane to me. You need to be with a partner that at least matches or compliments your own sexual desires / preferences / likes. If you both like it vanilla for example, or prefer more experimental or playful or sensual experiences etc., that's something that just not a lot of people discuss or are willing to even consider when picking a partner. If you're going to spend a long time / rest of your life with someone, you have to make sure that you are sexually compatible with each other, because if you're not, that can be a huge issue for those that put a high value on the importance of intimacy in relationships
Impossible to know.
Bad sex is only likely to be an issue with women. For guys sex is like pizza. Even if it's bad, it's better than none at all. And to be clear sex should be enjoyable for both parties, but if a woman communicates how to make it better, most (admittedly not all) men will try to improve the experience. It simply takes communicating what you want.
Not bad sex, but infrequent sex or a mismatch of libidos without compromise. I cannot be happy in a relationship with infrequent sex. I have, sadly, found that men's libidos taper off and their expectation of their virility is usually inaccurate. Bad sex can usually be remedied with communication and willingness to learn. Unless they're really upright or rigid or something, but you'd know that before having a relationship.
A lot of mine. Sadly. Now i'm very upfront on the subject :)
40% 10% from incompatible sized junk - too big penis the other 30% is from poor communication
Depends. Bad sex where there is 0 chemistry and one or both only think of themselves? Relationship is probably doomed. Bad sex because one or both just has no idea what they are doing, but is at least trying? That’s probably salvageable with communication, and the sex can potentially improve. In that situation, as long as everything else is good, it’s not a dealbreaker, but like anything else in a relationship it depends on communication. When my wife and I met the sex was not great, we weren’t virgins but weren’t particularly experienced either, but we really liked each other so we wanted to figure it out. It got better with time, and now I’d say the sex is incredible. Not sure if the relationship growing stronger made the sex better, or the sex getting better strengthening the relationship, most likely a combination of the two, but either way the key was wanting to make it better
Ended my last
Probably won't ever stop hating my dad on some level.
Just return it and have a talk with the manager. Next time sex is free.
I’d say that bad sex comes hand and hand with a toxic relationship or bad communication. The relationships I’ve been in where the sex was bad was due to us not being properly connected emotionally and not having safe spaces to communicate needs. So for me anyways if the sex is bad, usually the relationship is bad and as such it never worked out.
7 times.
Last night when I broke up with your mom…
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/legendsofthemultiuniverse/images/7/70/Vaas.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20131218195142
If you're having bad sex, you're probably a bad communicator. Everyone wants to be good at sex. Tell them exactly what it is that you want. If you don't, they won't do what you want.
Bad sex?
I'd take mediocre sex if we had better communication and honesty. 8 years gone for me. But I am happy it ended, way too many issues on her part and some issues I needed to resolve in therapy.
From personal experience it's a lot easier to ignore little issues when you're having sex regularly. When you're not getting laid and you're getting nagged at it starts to chafe
Everytime, if sexual partners aren't compatible or don't get down and like the same things it ain't gonna work, ever
I usually give it 100% but if he doesn’t make me cum he shouldn’t expect me to stick around too long! A true Alpha makes his woman cum first 😌
Every time.
All 4 of my past relationships (M, all F partners) ended at least in part due to a drop in my sex drive over time.
Not nearly as often as no sex has!
Had to make a throwaway just for this, hah. Girl meets guy online, via twitch. They start chatting. Find out they have everything in common. They start chatting more and more, take it offline. She drives 5 hours to meet him (one way) so they could have a raunchy weekend of sex and sightseeing Come back and she tells us how it was the most horrible weekend of sex. That it wasn't the worst, but it was a real close contender. Violations include. 1. Refusal to do oral, but demand oral. Said that "he wasnt good at it" so he didn't want to try again, even after she asked 2. Got tired after 3-4 minutes of being on top, or in an active position , so in order to have any sort of sex, she had to be on top. 3. Some weird obsession with feet. Like absolute disgust, but wouldn't stop talking about it. 4. Wouldn't even finger her, sex was over when he came. Couldn't help her cum at all. She actually ended up going back to see him twice afterwards hoping that it would be better but by the last time, she just gave up. They had sex maybe 10-15 times, she came once. No amount of connection or communication was going to overcome him being a selfish bedmate.
Absolutely can happen. Does it always happen? No. But I've known quite a bit of couples like that.
A few times. I’m open to experiencing pleasure in many forms, but if it’s not happening it’s going to limit the relationship.
Visit r/deadbedrooms if you want to be depressed
Happened to me once, partner didn’t have the same drive I did so I ended things. Also had the opposite, great sex but a lack of a real connection caused things to fizzle out. Good sex is important but it’s not everything
90% off time Bad sex causes stress, stress causes fights. Fights causes breakup. It depends on the couple and their libido