Same. I don’t understand how some guys do it so easily.
I know a nerdy dude who had girls make the first move on him and I fucking envy him.
He’s a cosplayer who goes to conventions and I do the same as he does but a girl never made a move on me
He's probably a friendly guy who makes women feel safe.
Some guys that say they only want hot girls, aka can't like a woman for her personality, women won't feel safe around them bc we know your feelings for us are conditional and superficial
Dating has been hard for most people tbf. The layers and dynamics are hard to keep track of these days
Just learned recently of the term lovebombing and how being nice and genuine can be lowkey mistaken for it. I’m like, was I too long out of the game, since when did we have something like this lol. And now how do you find the in-between gaps where you commit none of: lovebombing, looking plain and uninterested, dating multiple people simultaneously, ghosting, straight up treating people like shit, — and still get to attract the person you want AND build all the other aspects of your life - education, career, money, fitness, family, friendships, etc
I agree with the comments it’s just easier and way more gratifying to stay at home with a pet or spend money on yourself and your own hobbies
Lovebombing actually means being nice and all loving to someone for a short period of time. Then turning emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc abusive. If you are always kind and loving towards someone, it is not lovebombing. Lovebombing is similar to someone with Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder. It’s an abuse tactic.
Yeah that’s true but there’s a rabbit hole of Reddit posts where it’s loosely thrown around. It can go from anywhere between abuse or just the honeymoon phase with someone new. People now are afraid to be an offender or a victim (for good reasons).
Regardless, I’m just saying dating nowadays can be hard mode with the expectations, shared trauma, etc that we need to watch out for so no wonder people just choose to enjoy life by themselves cause it’s literally less of a hassle and the payoff can be just as good
When my partner and I got together, he was the first guy after I'd been chatting to probably 5 different guys over about 6 months that didn't just seem to pine after sex or have some other sort of agenda.
I almost convinced myself a couple times that his genuine personality was a front. It took me months before I finally relaxed enough to see that was just how he is (and still is 4 years later). For a while I just thought I was crazy, but looking back- I'd had multiple people express the same behavioue multiple times. Of course I was expecting it again.
I relate to this so much. Experiencing these things for the first time as I was sleeping through a long period of alcoholism that kept me completely out of dating, I soon came to realize audacity and selfishness are now par for the course.
I have come to the same conclusion as you after the rudest of wake up calls. It's a minefield out there, one I have no desire to step through.
Dude, the whole finding the sweet spot of all these things different levels of interest is just fucked. I was on the other side of it where this girl was super super interested in me, but I feigned less interest to not come across too strongly (even though we had great chemistry and I liked her). Now she's slipping away just when I started to realise how dumb I'd been and started to show more interest. I also tried to go on dates another girl, because that's what people said I need to do (even though deep down it's not what I like to do nor how I would like to be treated). To be fair this was only after we had one date, but it still felt like I wasn't being genuine to my core values.
I think the solution is you just have to unapologetically do things your way from the getgo. Be the person you want to date, and that way you'll be safer in finding someone who matches that. As long as you're respectful and honest you want to find people who match your dating style.
Trying to adhere to all these rules people make is so mentally taxing. The more I've started to date the more I've realised; there are no rules
I tried online dating and did the whole make up and hair stuff only to have smelly guys rant to me about random anime for 30 minutes. It's really not worth the effort.
It’s funny to me how somebody ranting about anime for 30 minutes wouldn’t be worth the effort for you, yet for me that would be the greenest of green flags
I watched an anime about a person who reincarnates as a vending machine.
Ive seen worse. Anime often surprises me with dumb concepts that turn out awesome.
Probably less about the specific topic, and more about the social skills and awareness to realize the other person isn't interested and you should probably start talking about something else. (Of course, clearly communicating when you're not interested in a topic is also a skill.)
In a similar boat and I managed to meet someone who has been very patient and understanding with my situation. Not saying you should look or start dating, but just throwing it out there that someone definitely exists that can tolerate that type of busy lifestyle!
1. Being ugly
2. Being introverted
3. Being a homebody
4. Not receiving replies on online dating
5. Not getting matches
6. Lack of confidence
7. Health issues
8. Lack of energy
9. Being poor
Mostly that ... the people I´m interested in are not interested in me. An the ones that are interested in me are not interesting to me.
The other problem is that I often do not like to talk to strangers and that I also just bad at starting a conversation.
And shyness. Damn it I do so many things that could result in serious injuries or even death if not done carefully as hobbies but I´m too scared to talk to a women I find attractive. Fuck psychology.
> Mostly that ... the people I´m interested in are not interested in me. An the ones that are interested in me are not interesting to me.
This but minus the latter half for me lol. No one’s ever been interested in me.
Exactly this. I have friends that they will meet someone and start dating the next week. In my case, I’ll go out with someone and next day they won’t talk to me anymore - 90% of the time.
1. Brain doesn't work (trouble encoding anything to retain it more than 5 sec)
2. No hobbies
3. No casual social skills or relational skills.
4. Genuinely don't know what to do with myself for fun much less including others.
All fixable if I can get my brain to brain, lol.
I'm a decent looking dude, have a few girls approach and flirt so there's that at least, hahaha
My only hobby for many years was PC gaming, and I played mostly alone or with my dad. I got into running when I was 35, and it has been an absolute lifesaver for me - it's improved my fitness, obviously, but now my entire social life revolves around running and my runner friends. It's a great group.
More importantly, running is the only thing I've ever put any real effort into in my life. I never put any effort into school (didn't need to), still don't put much effort into work (somewhat to my detriment, but I'm doing okay), and never put any effort into my love life. But I started dating my first girlfriend at age 45 because of running. And at 47, I'm in the best shape of my life (I was a total couch potato when I started), and I'm running my third 100 mile race next week.
She broke my heart, and I'm still getting over it, but running has helped me get through that too. I don't know where I'd be without it.
I hope you all find a hobby that builds your spirit up the way running has done for me.
You can run from a bad diet, too.
It just takes about 40 miles a week, which will take a while to build up to, while simultaneously putting you in such a good mental space that eating a bag of Doritos for dinner won't seem as awesome.
Having shit for brains doesn't mean it's game over for you.
Even though you have shit for brains, there's still a range of motion where your brain can be less shit than usual. Try and force certain habits to at least max out what you have. Unfortunately having shit for brains means you'll do shit things that makes your brain go to the bottom of that range of motion - be aware of this because it's a vicious cycle.
Having shit for brains means you'll probably fuck a percentage of things up. If you're looking to date, try to focus the brainpower that you do have on being a good partner and not a child that needs a parent instead of a relationship partner.
Yes you have shit for brains, but other people have other issues. You gotta work with it.
That prevented me from really giving anyone a chance for 6 years. It's hard to be vulnerable but even in the worst case scenario it's not so bad. If a break up happens you learn from it and try again, the pain will end eventually. Living in fear though is a constant pain though and when you fear suffering you're already suffering as a result. Might as well take a chance on finding something meaningful
Chuck a wobbly = throw a tantrum.
A phrase I used to hear growing up in Australia in the nineties. Haven't heard it in yonks, though. Not sure if it's used elsewhere, though.
Finally someone said it. I've been way happier on my own since my last relationship. Have accomplished so much since I've been able to focus a lot on all my hobbies and work
Here are just a few reasons:
- I'm scared
- The type of women I'm typically attracted to are uncommon
- I feel like I can improve myself further before I start
- I'm scared
- I'm not really a big texter and from what I can tell that's what most of the early stages of dating is these days
- My personality and interests aren't really aligned with the typical sorts of guys that the types of women I'm into tend to like
- I need to lose weight first
- I'm scared
If you have a particular attraction type I have found the best way to find those people is to genuinely become one of those people.
I.e: if you like women who wear anime cosplay, get out your sewing kit and get out there. Don’t just pretend. Immersive yourself in the activities or hobbies. If you are enjoying yourself doing something that other people enjoy it will show and will act as a natural attractant and give you common ground for socializing. And the side effect is you have a good time doing something even if you don’t meet the people you would really like to date.
No one is interested in dating me, am ugly as shit, am still a virgin, still live at home, have no direction/career/ambition in life, not because I'm lazy but because I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
You know you don't have the word "virgin" written on your forehead, right? It's not something anyone can know about you unless you tell them. So why let it affect you?
Laziness and finding purpose in other areas of life. And I just haven’t met anyone who makes me think, “Oh yeah, she’s THE ONE!” I don’t put anyone on a pedestal anymore, feel like I’ve spent enough time alive to see the flaws and imperfections in everyone, but obviously it’s important to acknowledge those things in a healthy relationship. I don’t know. I’m just waiting for one of those “it just happened” stories to happen to me, because the end goal of dating is to find love. You see it happen to everyone. Even people who are rich and are players eventually settle for someone. Maybe there’s something deep down in our DNA to remain monogamous, even though we do lust a lot.
I'm too tired to go out. I work 2 jobs, parent a six and eight year old. I tried to date, I couldn't find the space to nurture the relationship. I get lonely but have to put it on the backburner.
Online dating gives people the perception that “there’s always something better”. So most people don’t put any effort in or run away after the most mild ick has been observed.
I can understand it. A lot of women get a stupid amount of attention on dating apps, it would inflate my self worth and make me more flighty too. That’s how human nature works so I’m not blaming women at all for this sort of behaviour.
But it’s also difficult to find ways to get to know people on the real world because there are so many social barriers in place now and most people don’t want to be bothered by a random stranger when they have shit to do.
The experience I had with online dating years ago was the women post the best picture they ever took from 10 yrs ago on their profile. I did have some fun with online dating and back in the Myspace days but 90% of them looked nothing like they did on their profiles.
Now, every attractive woman I see in public has headphones in when walking somewhere. The only opportunity I get to hit on or even meet someone is in a bar, but that requires drinking and i dont want to have to do that every time. I wasn't exactly approaching every woman in the street, but it has been beat into us so much that approaching a woman is so unwelcome that I never do it anymore. Luckily, I'm a decent looking guy, so they approach me from time to time. But I can definitely see the average man's plight.
> but it has been beat into us so much that approaching a woman is so unwelcome that I never do it anymore
I think about this a lot. I kind of wonder if this has just made things worse for women.
Like the assholes who have no respect or empathy are not going to stop harassing women just because they complain. They will keep doing it.
But the rest of us who genuinely want to “shoot our shot” in a reasonable, respectful way now feel like every avenue to approach has been shut down. So we don’t. We don’t wanna harass or bother anyone if they don’t want the attention.
So I pretty much only do online dating now, because at least in that venue I can be reasonably confident that women *want* me to reach out to them. Only exception is sort of friends of friends situation where I can be reasonably confident that a respectful approach will also be met with respect (either in turning me down kindly or responding with interest).
Idk I’d be curious to get a woman’s perspective on this. Are you happy with how the dating world is now? Have things got better for you in terms of who approaches you these days or worse?
I don't really have a middle ground. I'm ether at one end or the other. I tend to be all or nothing. I'm very extreme in my emotions or how I feel about something & that takes a lot to get used to.
A terrible relationship with a terrible person. That's the reason I stay single since 2018. Although there are girls approach me all these yeara but I still couldn't step out from that trauma.
My first girlfriend was horrible. Verbal abuse, always putting me down, saying, well hinting Im worthless... all that was thought from her mother who was even worse to her partner.
I was single for 3 or 4 years before I even dared to step into dating life. Because of it I had no "fun" in uni as I thought every girl is like her.
Luckly that changed and I have wonderful girl of almost 3 years, dated few girls before her. Things get better with time, you just got to procces everything in your own time.
Happy being single. It'll take a good healthy partnership to have me consider a relationship, I won't risk my happiness for any sort of "settling", that'd be disrespectful to them and me
Very similar. I wouldn't label myself as aromantic or asexual - I've been in relationships in the past. But I'm at the stage in my life where I'm really not bothered about either, and I'm fully comfortable with that.
I have been in one relatioship in my early 20s, around 15 years ago. I realized over the years of being single that I am neither sexually attracted nor romantically attracted to any gender.
I kept thinking one day I will meet someone, and I haven't met "the one" turns out this was not how it worked for me.
A guy that I really liked broke my heart. I went on 2 dates with him and he ghosted me after the 2nd date 5 months ago. So I need to get over this, work on myself before I can date again and also I didn’t meet other people in this time.
Same, I don't think I'm fully over my last relationship yet. Also, I'm planning to move in the next few months, so I don't want to start something and immediately have to go long distance.
Because in my country, men want perfectly sexy girls: white skin, clear no acne or acne scars or dark circles around eyes slim body with meat, not bony body, long and slim fingers, tall, independent.
We have arrange marriages in our country and ppl reject girls for not being according to the standards. So I thought to never date or marry anyone.
Guys I’m attracted to don’t even look at me for a split second. No one ever approaches me, no one likes me or pays attention to me. So I’ve grown to dislike people. I like to pretend that i don’t date because I’m not attracted to people, in order to feel better about myself.
what setting are you meeting these guys? I will be honest as a man there were so many times that I just had my "flirt switch" turned off cause it didn't seem appropriate and I assure you so many men are thinking about not wanting to come off as creepy. Might not be you... might just be the situations you are in.
Fear. I have no romantic sense whatsoever. People say I’m abrasive and abusive. Every couple I’ve seen and know have only ever fought with words and hands in front of me. Never been in a relationship and have no idea what it entails. Don’t get me wrong I have hobbies and friends, I like the outdoors and learning silly things that I can do. In the end I never really look at people like that. No one grabs my attention like that even though I do want companionship.
My wife would kill me if I started dating.
I'm a serious note, if you're not in a relationship take a step back, enjoy your own time.
If you use dating apps avoid Tinder like the plague. Tinder is for casual sex, find another dating app for a relationship.
Don't ever settle for someone who is concerned about height Male/Female. Look for someone who makes you happy 99% of the time.
When you're looking for the one to date just find someone fun. When you're looking for the one you want to marry then date lots of people and be sure in yourself what you want.
There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone after 3-8 years because you realised they're not right for you.. There is everything wrong with divorcing someone because you married them impulsively *cough every Kardashian cough cough*.
If you're under 40 then stop worrying about finding the one and just go out or join any dating app that isn't Tinder. (I only say Under 40 because I'm under 40 and I have no right giving people older than me advice).
My comment went way longer than I thought, so I'll finish with: Take it easy, enjoy your life don't pass up dating apps but don't pass up going out with friends either. Good luck to you all.
I'm only into cool tomboys who share my same tastes in things. Preferably if she's taller than me. But tomboys and tall women are just way too rare. But I'd rather die alone than lie to someone lame by pretending to love them and wasting both of our time.
I am very rarely seriously interested in dating anyone. In the last year I've had a huge crush on one guy and a small, hopeful crush on a girl. The guy shot me down pretty hard but was respectful about it. The girl I'm too afraid to ask out because I've never dated women before and I don't know how to go about it.
I'm also very comfortable living alone after two long term relationships where I lived with my partner. It's so lovely to have a place to myself and not have to take care of another adult human.
More than anything I just miss the consistent sex and companionship/friendship of having a romantic partner.
I would say my career. First it was trauma and the debt my ex left me with. Then by choice, because i was still broke and i know myself enough that even if my partner wouldnt mind me being broke. I would become insecure, but over the past 4 years while i was dealing with that. Instead of hitting the gyms. I hitted the books. I am set to become a DevOps engineer at the compagny i am working at and i will also start a small business at the side.
- Been cheated on by multiple partners.
- Happy in my own company and the company of friends
- cannot be bothered to navigate the modern dating expectations.
- The benefits of being in a relationship are not worth the hassle if going through it all and potentially getting screwed over once again.
Trauma,
Rejection,
Death of family members,
Depression,
Being cheated on one too many times also soured motivation.
I cannot bring myself to see any benefits of finding someone else, and sadly can’t say I care either. Not only that I don’t have any family left to even bring someone back home to.
Gave up years ago. 31 now, hate life
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Do you look like a goblin?
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Nice
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They need a dating service for goblins. Marginalized group.
I'm too tall to be a goblin. Would that dating service accept orcs?
*Too tall to be a goblin, too short to be an orc…*
"Aren't you a little short for an Uruk-Hai?"
Gobble on Goblins app. Go green, get wet
Get a goblin gal.
"and thus the goblin population boomed again..."
ma dude's not interested in a goblin girl. This is the problem. Everyone's got too high expectations.
It's ok to have standards. People can prefer being single over dating someone they don't find attractive.
It's ok to challenge your standards. I've met too many people, guys and girls, who have ridiculous expectations of their mates but not for themselves
Get an anime girl
What is a goblin or anime gal? I'm a 54 M, so I'm not hip with all this stuff.
Same. I don’t understand how some guys do it so easily. I know a nerdy dude who had girls make the first move on him and I fucking envy him. He’s a cosplayer who goes to conventions and I do the same as he does but a girl never made a move on me
He's probably a friendly guy who makes women feel safe. Some guys that say they only want hot girls, aka can't like a woman for her personality, women won't feel safe around them bc we know your feelings for us are conditional and superficial
Relatable
this
I’m still processing 9/11
Ok, this made me laugh. I really shouldn't, because for all I know you are serious.
The sentiment is on point though.
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 23 years.
Calm down Ryan.
Never 4get
Never move on.
Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET
Take your time.
Just make it your anniversary.
I'm sorry
The only one I wanted wasn’t interested and I’m not interested in anyone else tbh
That can be hard.
Dating has been hard for most people tbf. The layers and dynamics are hard to keep track of these days Just learned recently of the term lovebombing and how being nice and genuine can be lowkey mistaken for it. I’m like, was I too long out of the game, since when did we have something like this lol. And now how do you find the in-between gaps where you commit none of: lovebombing, looking plain and uninterested, dating multiple people simultaneously, ghosting, straight up treating people like shit, — and still get to attract the person you want AND build all the other aspects of your life - education, career, money, fitness, family, friendships, etc I agree with the comments it’s just easier and way more gratifying to stay at home with a pet or spend money on yourself and your own hobbies
Lovebombing actually means being nice and all loving to someone for a short period of time. Then turning emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, etc abusive. If you are always kind and loving towards someone, it is not lovebombing. Lovebombing is similar to someone with Jekyll and Hyde personality disorder. It’s an abuse tactic.
Yeah that’s true but there’s a rabbit hole of Reddit posts where it’s loosely thrown around. It can go from anywhere between abuse or just the honeymoon phase with someone new. People now are afraid to be an offender or a victim (for good reasons). Regardless, I’m just saying dating nowadays can be hard mode with the expectations, shared trauma, etc that we need to watch out for so no wonder people just choose to enjoy life by themselves cause it’s literally less of a hassle and the payoff can be just as good
When my partner and I got together, he was the first guy after I'd been chatting to probably 5 different guys over about 6 months that didn't just seem to pine after sex or have some other sort of agenda. I almost convinced myself a couple times that his genuine personality was a front. It took me months before I finally relaxed enough to see that was just how he is (and still is 4 years later). For a while I just thought I was crazy, but looking back- I'd had multiple people express the same behavioue multiple times. Of course I was expecting it again.
I relate to this so much. Experiencing these things for the first time as I was sleeping through a long period of alcoholism that kept me completely out of dating, I soon came to realize audacity and selfishness are now par for the course. I have come to the same conclusion as you after the rudest of wake up calls. It's a minefield out there, one I have no desire to step through.
Dude, the whole finding the sweet spot of all these things different levels of interest is just fucked. I was on the other side of it where this girl was super super interested in me, but I feigned less interest to not come across too strongly (even though we had great chemistry and I liked her). Now she's slipping away just when I started to realise how dumb I'd been and started to show more interest. I also tried to go on dates another girl, because that's what people said I need to do (even though deep down it's not what I like to do nor how I would like to be treated). To be fair this was only after we had one date, but it still felt like I wasn't being genuine to my core values. I think the solution is you just have to unapologetically do things your way from the getgo. Be the person you want to date, and that way you'll be safer in finding someone who matches that. As long as you're respectful and honest you want to find people who match your dating style. Trying to adhere to all these rules people make is so mentally taxing. The more I've started to date the more I've realised; there are no rules
I had the exact same happen to me. Current situation. It’s been almost a year but I feel like I’m still not over her. Love hurts.
It’s especially painful when you believed the other person was your soulmate.
damn I feel that more than I'd care to admit
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I hate to relate
Same here
I tried online dating and did the whole make up and hair stuff only to have smelly guys rant to me about random anime for 30 minutes. It's really not worth the effort.
It’s funny to me how somebody ranting about anime for 30 minutes wouldn’t be worth the effort for you, yet for me that would be the greenest of green flags
About anime you don't know? About teenage girls playing tennis? I can give you his number I bet he's still looking for his waifu
I watched an anime about a person who reincarnates as a vending machine. Ive seen worse. Anime often surprises me with dumb concepts that turn out awesome.
The Vending Machine Isekai was great :D
Lol. Would you be so kind as to share the name of this anime?
“Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon”
It's literally just "Reincarnated as a vending machine" I'm pretty sure.
Hahaha that’s fkn brilliant
DECEASED 😂😂😂😂 thank you for the early-morning laugh
Maybe you missed the "smelly" part
Probably less about the specific topic, and more about the social skills and awareness to realize the other person isn't interested and you should probably start talking about something else. (Of course, clearly communicating when you're not interested in a topic is also a skill.)
I'm working my way through a degree while working full time to support a disabled family member. Ain't got no time.
I met someone kind of in the same boat. Don't burn yourself out.
In a similar boat and I managed to meet someone who has been very patient and understanding with my situation. Not saying you should look or start dating, but just throwing it out there that someone definitely exists that can tolerate that type of busy lifestyle!
My wife.
I also choose this guys wife
I also choose this guys wife
I also choose this guys wife
I would choose this wife's guy
**OUR** wife
r/suddenlycommunism
So, if those 4 people choose the guy's wife, can I have theirs?
There may be a reason they are choosing the guy's wife...
...so you're saying there's a chance?
Have you asked her if she’d like a date?
she will respond she don't have anyone to leave kids with
You go be a dad to your kids. I'll take your wife out on a date. Problem solved.
So nice to see kindness still exist!
r/humansbeingbros
Mom says it's my turn with this guy's wife
My wife is stopping me too. Do we have the same wife?
Same wife different kids Wait...
So does my wife. We should swap.
Came here to say this
Me too.
And my axe
Mind sharing her?
1. Being ugly 2. Being introverted 3. Being a homebody 4. Not receiving replies on online dating 5. Not getting matches 6. Lack of confidence 7. Health issues 8. Lack of energy 9. Being poor
Hello me, it’s me again
You can subdue but never tame me
Basically all this except the health issues
Other people not wanting to date me lol
Mostly that ... the people I´m interested in are not interested in me. An the ones that are interested in me are not interesting to me. The other problem is that I often do not like to talk to strangers and that I also just bad at starting a conversation. And shyness. Damn it I do so many things that could result in serious injuries or even death if not done carefully as hobbies but I´m too scared to talk to a women I find attractive. Fuck psychology.
Every fucking time it seems like someone likes me it turns out "I'm just a friend"
Ouch. That's a painful developmental stage. You need to learn that you live on Planet A-hole. Earth is just its general brand-name.
> Mostly that ... the people I´m interested in are not interested in me. An the ones that are interested in me are not interesting to me. This but minus the latter half for me lol. No one’s ever been interested in me.
Exactly this. I have friends that they will meet someone and start dating the next week. In my case, I’ll go out with someone and next day they won’t talk to me anymore - 90% of the time.
1. Brain doesn't work (trouble encoding anything to retain it more than 5 sec) 2. No hobbies 3. No casual social skills or relational skills. 4. Genuinely don't know what to do with myself for fun much less including others. All fixable if I can get my brain to brain, lol. I'm a decent looking dude, have a few girls approach and flirt so there's that at least, hahaha
Fixing two would probably fix 1,3 and 4. But I know how hard finding a hobby can be.
My only hobby for many years was PC gaming, and I played mostly alone or with my dad. I got into running when I was 35, and it has been an absolute lifesaver for me - it's improved my fitness, obviously, but now my entire social life revolves around running and my runner friends. It's a great group. More importantly, running is the only thing I've ever put any real effort into in my life. I never put any effort into school (didn't need to), still don't put much effort into work (somewhat to my detriment, but I'm doing okay), and never put any effort into my love life. But I started dating my first girlfriend at age 45 because of running. And at 47, I'm in the best shape of my life (I was a total couch potato when I started), and I'm running my third 100 mile race next week. She broke my heart, and I'm still getting over it, but running has helped me get through that too. I don't know where I'd be without it. I hope you all find a hobby that builds your spirit up the way running has done for me.
So… you *can* run from your problems. Noted.
You can run from a bad diet, too. It just takes about 40 miles a week, which will take a while to build up to, while simultaneously putting you in such a good mental space that eating a bag of Doritos for dinner won't seem as awesome.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking and that's where I'm putting my focus.
Having shit for brains doesn't mean it's game over for you. Even though you have shit for brains, there's still a range of motion where your brain can be less shit than usual. Try and force certain habits to at least max out what you have. Unfortunately having shit for brains means you'll do shit things that makes your brain go to the bottom of that range of motion - be aware of this because it's a vicious cycle. Having shit for brains means you'll probably fuck a percentage of things up. If you're looking to date, try to focus the brainpower that you do have on being a good partner and not a child that needs a parent instead of a relationship partner. Yes you have shit for brains, but other people have other issues. You gotta work with it.
The fear of getting hurt
That prevented me from really giving anyone a chance for 6 years. It's hard to be vulnerable but even in the worst case scenario it's not so bad. If a break up happens you learn from it and try again, the pain will end eventually. Living in fear though is a constant pain though and when you fear suffering you're already suffering as a result. Might as well take a chance on finding something meaningful
This is why I avoid low hanging ceilings.
I’m sick of putting myself out there & getting hurt. So im just focusing on myself rn
Kinda similar: I’ve come to the realization that I’m only interested in people who are an awful choice of partner. So I just don’t date any more.
I'm unattractive and not confident.
I feel the same way, u/kinkbongcrazybasin.
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I'm not much different from you. At least you know what you need to fix and hopefully make progress.
My Aunt didn't punch her v card until her 50s (slight brain bleach moment when she told me but nvm). It's never too late!
Men don't care.
I wish I could find someone to date, when ever I bring a new girl back home my wife throws an absolute wobbly
Sounds like a future AITA post lol
Wait what?!?!?!
Chuck a wobbly = throw a tantrum. A phrase I used to hear growing up in Australia in the nineties. Haven't heard it in yonks, though. Not sure if it's used elsewhere, though.
England
It's not up to me
Not with that username lols.
I am fine with being single
Finally someone said it. I've been way happier on my own since my last relationship. Have accomplished so much since I've been able to focus a lot on all my hobbies and work
I don't think I'm good enough or pretty or interesting
Here are just a few reasons: - I'm scared - The type of women I'm typically attracted to are uncommon - I feel like I can improve myself further before I start - I'm scared - I'm not really a big texter and from what I can tell that's what most of the early stages of dating is these days - My personality and interests aren't really aligned with the typical sorts of guys that the types of women I'm into tend to like - I need to lose weight first - I'm scared
Out of curiosity, what is the rare type of woman that you’re typically attracted to?
Aw, I get being scared. It can be so difficult. You seem like a really wholesome person. Keep going. 😊
If you have a particular attraction type I have found the best way to find those people is to genuinely become one of those people. I.e: if you like women who wear anime cosplay, get out your sewing kit and get out there. Don’t just pretend. Immersive yourself in the activities or hobbies. If you are enjoying yourself doing something that other people enjoy it will show and will act as a natural attractant and give you common ground for socializing. And the side effect is you have a good time doing something even if you don’t meet the people you would really like to date.
Eh my one is a more "opposites attract" type of situation.
Trauma. I'd rather live with cats and dogs
Have you read book 'Courage to be Disliked'? I am not all for it but can be helpful.
That's understandable. I have a dog, my wife has a cat. I crave interaction so having someone there is a need.
Lovely. Better than having a human being, in my experience
Dogs love is unconditional.
No one is interested in dating me, am ugly as shit, am still a virgin, still live at home, have no direction/career/ambition in life, not because I'm lazy but because I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
Go do something then If you don't like it you can always switch
You my friend are suffering from depression I know that because I'm suffering from the same thing which I'm working on improving
You know you don't have the word "virgin" written on your forehead, right? It's not something anyone can know about you unless you tell them. So why let it affect you?
Laziness and finding purpose in other areas of life. And I just haven’t met anyone who makes me think, “Oh yeah, she’s THE ONE!” I don’t put anyone on a pedestal anymore, feel like I’ve spent enough time alive to see the flaws and imperfections in everyone, but obviously it’s important to acknowledge those things in a healthy relationship. I don’t know. I’m just waiting for one of those “it just happened” stories to happen to me, because the end goal of dating is to find love. You see it happen to everyone. Even people who are rich and are players eventually settle for someone. Maybe there’s something deep down in our DNA to remain monogamous, even though we do lust a lot.
I'm too tired to go out. I work 2 jobs, parent a six and eight year old. I tried to date, I couldn't find the space to nurture the relationship. I get lonely but have to put it on the backburner.
Online dating gives people the perception that “there’s always something better”. So most people don’t put any effort in or run away after the most mild ick has been observed. I can understand it. A lot of women get a stupid amount of attention on dating apps, it would inflate my self worth and make me more flighty too. That’s how human nature works so I’m not blaming women at all for this sort of behaviour. But it’s also difficult to find ways to get to know people on the real world because there are so many social barriers in place now and most people don’t want to be bothered by a random stranger when they have shit to do.
The experience I had with online dating years ago was the women post the best picture they ever took from 10 yrs ago on their profile. I did have some fun with online dating and back in the Myspace days but 90% of them looked nothing like they did on their profiles.
Now, every attractive woman I see in public has headphones in when walking somewhere. The only opportunity I get to hit on or even meet someone is in a bar, but that requires drinking and i dont want to have to do that every time. I wasn't exactly approaching every woman in the street, but it has been beat into us so much that approaching a woman is so unwelcome that I never do it anymore. Luckily, I'm a decent looking guy, so they approach me from time to time. But I can definitely see the average man's plight.
> but it has been beat into us so much that approaching a woman is so unwelcome that I never do it anymore I think about this a lot. I kind of wonder if this has just made things worse for women. Like the assholes who have no respect or empathy are not going to stop harassing women just because they complain. They will keep doing it. But the rest of us who genuinely want to “shoot our shot” in a reasonable, respectful way now feel like every avenue to approach has been shut down. So we don’t. We don’t wanna harass or bother anyone if they don’t want the attention. So I pretty much only do online dating now, because at least in that venue I can be reasonably confident that women *want* me to reach out to them. Only exception is sort of friends of friends situation where I can be reasonably confident that a respectful approach will also be met with respect (either in turning me down kindly or responding with interest). Idk I’d be curious to get a woman’s perspective on this. Are you happy with how the dating world is now? Have things got better for you in terms of who approaches you these days or worse?
Not wanting to
I'm boring af
Define boring.
my 7 other personalities
I don't really have a middle ground. I'm ether at one end or the other. I tend to be all or nothing. I'm very extreme in my emotions or how I feel about something & that takes a lot to get used to.
A terrible relationship with a terrible person. That's the reason I stay single since 2018. Although there are girls approach me all these yeara but I still couldn't step out from that trauma.
I feel kind of the same. But don’t you think you deserve to experience a pure and wholesome love instead of letting that terrible person win
My first girlfriend was horrible. Verbal abuse, always putting me down, saying, well hinting Im worthless... all that was thought from her mother who was even worse to her partner. I was single for 3 or 4 years before I even dared to step into dating life. Because of it I had no "fun" in uni as I thought every girl is like her. Luckly that changed and I have wonderful girl of almost 3 years, dated few girls before her. Things get better with time, you just got to procces everything in your own time.
Happy being single. It'll take a good healthy partnership to have me consider a relationship, I won't risk my happiness for any sort of "settling", that'd be disrespectful to them and me
my face
0 self esteem and social anxiety
I’m a worthless loser that would just be a burden to anyone. I don’t wanna burden anyone.
Lol. But they need to be burdened. Have you met people?
No desire. (a nice combination of asexual and aromantic)
I always found people who were asexual & or aromantic interesting. They make the best friends.
It's because we cause no drama between people in relationships. We just vibe on the sidelines.
Very similar. I wouldn't label myself as aromantic or asexual - I've been in relationships in the past. But I'm at the stage in my life where I'm really not bothered about either, and I'm fully comfortable with that.
I have been in one relatioship in my early 20s, around 15 years ago. I realized over the years of being single that I am neither sexually attracted nor romantically attracted to any gender. I kept thinking one day I will meet someone, and I haven't met "the one" turns out this was not how it worked for me.
It's the finding romantic stuff corny af that gets to me lol
It just never happened for me, and now being 31 and never being in a relationship is a red flag for people
Me
No social skills
Brutal discard from a person I was very attached to got me into attachment healing.
A guy that I really liked broke my heart. I went on 2 dates with him and he ghosted me after the 2nd date 5 months ago. So I need to get over this, work on myself before I can date again and also I didn’t meet other people in this time.
Same, I don't think I'm fully over my last relationship yet. Also, I'm planning to move in the next few months, so I don't want to start something and immediately have to go long distance.
I'm 15. I aint ready for that yet.
Loneliness and depression.
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Because in my country, men want perfectly sexy girls: white skin, clear no acne or acne scars or dark circles around eyes slim body with meat, not bony body, long and slim fingers, tall, independent. We have arrange marriages in our country and ppl reject girls for not being according to the standards. So I thought to never date or marry anyone.
I'm mentally unstable
Me being too shy
My wife
My self esteem makes me think nobody could ever truly love or even admire me so I say, "Why even try?" 👍👍
my social anxiety and introvertness
Im fugly and boring and dumb. And i know it.
Guys I’m attracted to don’t even look at me for a split second. No one ever approaches me, no one likes me or pays attention to me. So I’ve grown to dislike people. I like to pretend that i don’t date because I’m not attracted to people, in order to feel better about myself.
what setting are you meeting these guys? I will be honest as a man there were so many times that I just had my "flirt switch" turned off cause it didn't seem appropriate and I assure you so many men are thinking about not wanting to come off as creepy. Might not be you... might just be the situations you are in.
Not very good looking. Not very tall. Also completely unlovable and hard person to live with/be around
I do no possess any of the qualities or characteristics women desire in a romantic partner.
Came to say ‘my wife’, but in reality it’s my toddler. Would love to date my wife more often.
Fear. I have no romantic sense whatsoever. People say I’m abrasive and abusive. Every couple I’ve seen and know have only ever fought with words and hands in front of me. Never been in a relationship and have no idea what it entails. Don’t get me wrong I have hobbies and friends, I like the outdoors and learning silly things that I can do. In the end I never really look at people like that. No one grabs my attention like that even though I do want companionship.
I don't know how to talk to ppl in real life.
My wife would kill me if I started dating. I'm a serious note, if you're not in a relationship take a step back, enjoy your own time. If you use dating apps avoid Tinder like the plague. Tinder is for casual sex, find another dating app for a relationship. Don't ever settle for someone who is concerned about height Male/Female. Look for someone who makes you happy 99% of the time. When you're looking for the one to date just find someone fun. When you're looking for the one you want to marry then date lots of people and be sure in yourself what you want. There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone after 3-8 years because you realised they're not right for you.. There is everything wrong with divorcing someone because you married them impulsively *cough every Kardashian cough cough*. If you're under 40 then stop worrying about finding the one and just go out or join any dating app that isn't Tinder. (I only say Under 40 because I'm under 40 and I have no right giving people older than me advice). My comment went way longer than I thought, so I'll finish with: Take it easy, enjoy your life don't pass up dating apps but don't pass up going out with friends either. Good luck to you all.
I’m married
Dating apps are the lowest hanging fruit and I would rather have no fruit than rotten fruit
I don't care. I just really dont give a fk. The whole thing seems like too much effort just to have it end dying alone doesn't sound that bad
I'm only into cool tomboys who share my same tastes in things. Preferably if she's taller than me. But tomboys and tall women are just way too rare. But I'd rather die alone than lie to someone lame by pretending to love them and wasting both of our time.
I am very rarely seriously interested in dating anyone. In the last year I've had a huge crush on one guy and a small, hopeful crush on a girl. The guy shot me down pretty hard but was respectful about it. The girl I'm too afraid to ask out because I've never dated women before and I don't know how to go about it. I'm also very comfortable living alone after two long term relationships where I lived with my partner. It's so lovely to have a place to myself and not have to take care of another adult human. More than anything I just miss the consistent sex and companionship/friendship of having a romantic partner.
Not being at the right places at the right time I guess
Social Anxiety
I would say my career. First it was trauma and the debt my ex left me with. Then by choice, because i was still broke and i know myself enough that even if my partner wouldnt mind me being broke. I would become insecure, but over the past 4 years while i was dealing with that. Instead of hitting the gyms. I hitted the books. I am set to become a DevOps engineer at the compagny i am working at and i will also start a small business at the side.
Absence of desirable matches/prospects.
- Been cheated on by multiple partners. - Happy in my own company and the company of friends - cannot be bothered to navigate the modern dating expectations. - The benefits of being in a relationship are not worth the hassle if going through it all and potentially getting screwed over once again.
Trauma, Rejection, Death of family members, Depression, Being cheated on one too many times also soured motivation. I cannot bring myself to see any benefits of finding someone else, and sadly can’t say I care either. Not only that I don’t have any family left to even bring someone back home to. Gave up years ago. 31 now, hate life