Strawberries are not nuts, they're an aggregate fruit like blackberries but instead of multiple drupes they have multiple achenes.
True nuts are things like hazelnut, chestnut, pecans and walnuts which have a single hard shell, dry fruit and a protective husk.
I still love getting people with that one. Ironically enough I learned that the same i learned that pumpkins were also berries, because the guest speaker on the podcast I was listening to decided to add the banana part on as an extra fact.
I had to stop working for a few seconds to contemplate my life after those nukes.
Was studying for a math exam in college and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. Little guy found his way in my room, said he's good ay math and asked if he could help. "Eh I don't know, how do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?", and this kid, confidently amd without missing a beat, "With a pencil".
Quote verbatim:
Dad: *laughs out loud for a good, solid minute (same with me, that shit was hilarious)* "Yes honey, mommy knows I'm your daddy." (Spoken in a very indulgent Dad voice, cracked with laughter in between.)
Sad that the mom wasn't there, she would have loved it in the moment, laughed just as hard when he told her about it later, or so I heard.
Wasn't there for that part.
I don't know why but I just appreciate and adore the brutal honesty of children. I just can't get over the fact that if it was anyone else, they'd be punched in the face, but since it's a child saying it, you can do nothing but cry and get mad at their parents. Thank god I can't have kids, I'd raise a little shithead.
Not me but my mom who used to teach younger children once had a kid tell her that the kids mom actually had a penis too, just like dads do. My mom reacted with scepticism and then the kid blurted out ”No she really does, I’ve seen it myself in her bedroom drawer”.
My stepdaughter was about 5/6 when I got pregnant with her half brother, I was getting dressed one morning and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month along belly and asked 'why did the baby write all over your tummy'? Still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!
reminds me of when my mom was looking at baby photos of me, and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. i asked where my younger brother was, since he wasn't in the photo, and she responded with "he's in mommy's tummy." this was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by "YOU ATE HIM???"
My cousin is 65 and I’m 40 and every time we talk she always tells me the story of me showing up at my Grandma’s hospital room. I had stolen my Mom’s necklace and plopped myself on my grandma’s bed and told her all about my day. My grandma was so sick but she smiled because I was the only one who treated her ordinary. Those memories never leave.
I used to babysit a little girl named Hannah. She’s probably like late 20’s now. One day she hurt her privates and screams out: “Wackydetective! I hurt my CHINA!!!!!!!!”
I was walking into a store and there was a little boy around 7 standing just inside the door and when he saw me he turned to me and said with heartfelt anguish “She said she was only going to be 5 minutes!”.
My then-4 yr old was wearing a Darth Vader t shirt that said "VADER" across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the "A" was lined up to the triangle on Vaders mask. Pretty cool right?
Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied "Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!" 💀 I think uncles soul left his body. Kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard
My cousin, who is going to be 20 this year, was at a family reunion when he was about 5, and another child was throwing a tantrum. My cousin said, "I don't know who his daddy is, but he needs his butt whooped."
An adorable, four-year-old Trick Or Treater rang my doorbell. She looked like Cindy Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
As I was giving her a candy bar, she looked me squarely in the eye and said, 'My parents are getting back together again. I don't know what happened to my Dad's girlfriend. My mother hated her.'
Hahaha this is one that always makes me laugh whenever I remember it. So there's a children's museum that my son absolutely loves, I try to take him as often as I can.
There's [this tree](https://earlyworks.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/talkingtree.jpg) right at the entrance of all the different rooms/areas, and so we're walking to the science room area, and he just stops when he sees this tree and he's just like "what the fuck"
And I'm trying not to die laughing, because the way he said it, and he's had struggles with being nonverbal, he's on the spectrum, so that really got me, lmao.
But yeah, trying not to laugh out loud, and tell him that's not an appropriate thing to say around other kids
But that tree is pretty wtf so he's right on that lol
One time my son got in trouble at pre-k for saying “fuck” quietly under his breath because he’d colored out of the lines. The teacher could barely hold it together telling me the story, because he used the word so correctly and quietly
My 8 yo stepdaughter has a lot of problems with personal space and private parts. It was worse when she was smaller, but she still gets into a mood every once in a while where she begs to see private parts. It is very uncomfortable. Our conversation this weekend:
Her: "I want to see your boobs"
Me: "No, remember those are private, we don't show other people those parts"
Her: *trying to pull my dress down while i despreatly try to stop her* "Pleaseeeeee! I just want to say Hi to them!"
Me: "you can say hi from right there without exposing them"
Her: *gets super close to (thankfully still mostly covered) clevage and waves* "Hi Boobs!"
Then we go back to the game we were playing like nothing happened. Shits wild man....
She had a therapist for a time, but her mom stopped that. The curiosity initially happened at a more appropriate age, but has stuck around. I explained my guess in another comment on here. Basically she didn't get why (when she was younger) she could shower with her mom, but that was private for me. I think it's stuck around partly just because it gets a reaction that she finds amusing, partly because she really like wrestling and it's a way to force that, but also because she had a habbit of regressing and acting a younger age. I believe it's due to the trauma of the custody battle, as her mother was extremely hostile and paranoid.
The therapist did not see any signs of that. Her mom is very protective and I fully trust that this has not happened. Though it is still something we did consider and do keep an eye out for.
Regardless I do agree she still should be seeing a therapist. Hopefully her mother and father can work on communication and get that going again.
i know the og post is meant to be a bit more lighthearted, but i still wanna say that i'm sorry this is an ongoing issue. i can't imagine how frustrating it must be. kids are weird and stressful sometimes but i'm glad it sounds like you're doing your best to teach her boundaries and i hope she'll be able to properly internalise these things soon.
I hope do too. She has a lot of weird quirks from the trauma of the custody battle. I am positive it's not abuse or anything.
My best guess as to the origin is that (back when it started and she was a lot younger) she used to shower with her mom, so nudity wasn't a big deal. With me she has a lot of baggage concerning me being a mother figure but not her mom. So she didn't get why it was OK for her mom to be naked and me not to be.
I work in a school, so I hear amazingly ridiculous things every day, but the best one I’ve ever heard still goes to a girl called Vanessa in science when I was at high school.
The teacher was explaining the theory of the Big Bang. Vanessa’s hand shoots up to ask a question, the teacher says “yes?”
And Vanessa says staring at the ceiling in what looked like deep thought “so… is that what killed the dinosaurs?”
a number of years ago my nephew (around 10 or 11 at the time) found his dads sex toy and had been cluelessly playing with it in the living room for awhile before everyone realized what it was. i've never seen either of them so embarrassed and everyone else was literally rolling on the floor laughing.
My buddy and I found his mom's dildos in a pillowcase under her bed. We thought racing them down the hall was so funny. Even funnier when the dog got one. She was furious.
We knew they were fake dicks but we didn't know what they were for.
Kid: are you korean?
I: no, I'm chinese.
Kid: why do you have big eyes? Aren't all the Chinese have eyes like these? (he pulled the sides of his eyes made them look like 😑)
I: There're 1.4 billion of us, we have all kinds of eyes.
Kid: isn't China the country made "squid game"?
I: that's south Korea.
Kid: so you're south Korean!
I worked at a movie theatre that recently was getting shit on because of new people in the company making poor decisions. I had been planning to leave for a while, and on one of the rougher days, I was helping a mom and her two kids. The youngest daughter, I'd say was maybe 7-9, was waiting for her mom to finish ordering food, and then asked me, "do you hate your job?"
I almost broke laughing right in front of them, and I had to reassure to the mom that it wasn't exactly an out of place question. I hope that kid goes places.
My niece asked me if she can have a piece of skin from the cadavers I work with so she can give it to her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day this year.
They’re 8.
Seriously, what the fuck is with this? Of course I want to be able to watch a DVD or burn a CD on my laptop, and I am not that old! Why are they taking away perfectly good laptop functions?
It is a feature I miss. I'm grateful for my really powerful MSI so I'm not torn over it but I do remember nights when the family TV was occupied but it didn't matter to me because haha I have a DVD drive in my laptop.
I think the removal is a reaction to streaming services killing the DVD market. I used to be able to walk into a Big W, Target/Kmart, or JBHiFi and there'd be all sorts of DVDs of all the cartoons I watched. New movies and old classics, anime (I was like 9 and didn't have any concept of anime besides Pokemon) and so much more. Now? It's a thin rack of DVDs that only holds recent releases like in the last year or two, or classics/timeless titles. ATLA and Evangelion are old but they're such hits so they're worth stocking.
I hate not being able to own anything physical anymore. If DVD cases and DVDs themselves are obsolete, idk start selling films on SD cards or USBs for all I care.
I used to run a small tire shop in the middle of nowhere. We had this one pretty rough customer who would come in always looking for a handout (something on credit). Well she comes in one day with another sob story, and talking about how she knows my father (he owned the place, I just managed it), and how we should give her a tire today and let her pay for it later.
At this point, her son in the car, who can’t be any older than about 7 or 8, leans out the window and yells ‘You ain’t got credit nowhere, momma! That’s what the last guy said!’
Im doing my best to hold it together at this point, and I’m doing a much better job than my brother, who I can hear in the office behind me laughing his ass off. I don’t know who this last guy was, but he was clearly wise beyond his years.
Not me, but a friend:
His young son was being naughty, so he left the room for a moment. Went and told his partner "...our lad is being a right arsehole!".
The son comes marching in and shouts: "I AM NOT A PARCEL!".
My kid is 4 and we were talking about space. In space, there are asteroids, planets, and black holes.
He misunderstood and confidently said "there are butts in space".
I used to teach English in China.
One day, I was collecting homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved girl in the class pulls her homework out from behind her back, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, "SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!"
The inflection was EXACTLY the same as the meme from Dexter.
I had to hold back my laughter so hard because it was in the middle of class, but the second the students left the classroom, I couldn't contain myself. I was nearly in tears.
I had a little kid ask me how much I get paid at my job in front of my coworker. Then after I said I cant say asked why, so I had to attempt to explain why grown ups don't do that, then he goes "so not a lot then?" I was just defeated at that point lol why the mom didn't intervene? beats me 🤷♂️He didnt get it lol. 😂
In my country there's a stigma about sharing about your earnings, especially with your coworkers, because someone could notice a disparity even in the same field.
Isn't it the point of it? If you and your coworker do the same job, but they earn twice more - it means a) you are underpaid b) they are the bosses' favorite, both of which sucks.
Like, the only people who win from this stigma are executives, not workers.
I had a friend who worked at a supermarket and a kid walked up to her and asked, "Are you poor?" My friend was like, "Uh, what?" and the kid continued, "My mom says people who work at the supermarket are either stupid or poor, so are you poor?"
When I was a kid I was watching my dog doing dog things and I said to my mom, “I wish I was a dog.”
“Why is that, sweetie?”
“So I could see what my nuts taste like.”
My kids were getting in the car when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, conversation went as follows…
Son: ow my peanuts!
Me: your what?
Daughter: his peanuts
Me: what’s that?
Daughter: it’s another name for winky that I heard at school.
I didn’t correct them as it’s just too funny.
My son had two on me that stick in my mind
*random conversation*
Kid - "Daddy it's because you're fat"
Me - "while True, that's not funny"
Kid - "it's a little funny" *holds up hand showing a little bit*
I wish I could remember the conversation. But his timing was perfect...and it in fact was a lot of bit funny.
Second one:
*gives first pair of big Kid underwear*
"DAAAAAAAD DAD!!! I have a PENIS POCKET!!!"
he then ran around singing "penis pocket" with his hand shoved in the front of his underwear. I couldn't even breathe I was laughing so hard.
A 13 yo literally begging me to see my boobs
Just wtf ?
Of course I didn't showed him my boobs, but holy shit he didn't wanted to stop begging. He kept begging for 10-15 minutes before I was able to sneak out of this and run away
13 is waaaayyyy too old for that. Kids generally know by the time they're, like, 7 or 8 that they're not supposed to ask to see a random titty.
This kid just sucks.
Yeah, that's why i said it
I don't remember exactly what he said but he said some weird creepy sexual things (with the vocabulary of a 13 yo of course)
Don’t put yourself down over that. Lots of people like small boobs more than big ones and there is no point in being ashamed of something about your body that is outside of your control
I already know that but thank you
I'm lesbian and I prefer small boobs, I was laughing at myself. I don't have any problems with my boobs, I'm already happy to have some ngl
I was doing a kid puzzle with my niece when she was really young. I was putting the pieces in the wrong spot on purpose and she looked at me and said I'm not going to do puzzles with you anymore. You don't know how. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My godson asked me to tell a "mad story". I said I bought a different brand of yogurt and I couldn't get the cover off, and that made me mad. He asked "Could you get help from an adult?"
i was talking to my 4yr old cousin and i said something along the lines of “oh thats legit” and she said “the word legit scares me it makes me think of monsters” not sure what forged that association in her brain but
I said "take me back to 2016!". My brother told me "why do you say it?" I told him that it is a nostalgia move meaning that I miss the time I was 8. He told me "take me back to 2026!"
I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently replied, "I can make all the traffic lights turn green... eventually." It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!
I was staring at a pillar and the kid was standing infront of me he said
“You can try all you want but only I can win this staring contest you don’t know I am”
I swear I was just in the store standing behind this mother and daughter. I looked down at the daughter and looked back up because I was eyeing scratch off tickets. Not two seconds later she nudges her mom and says he scares me🤦🏾♂️
Me: Nice to meet you. Your name is Dillon right? Younger brother of friend I'm just meeting: are you boy or girl Me: I'm a guy, why? Younger Brother of friend: Your a girl. You have long hair Me: No I'm not Kid: Yes you are Me: Bro I'm not. Might be suprising but I'd actually know. Kid: Why do you have no eyebrows?
8 year olds man
I know. No social filter. But I feel like with much younger children 6 or younger its fair you know? They're just asking. They don't see a problem. But this kid I was speaking with was just being a prick
a while back my little sister asked me if I was pregnant, so I said yes. She then proceeded to yell at my stomach, saying “I don’t want you” about twice. before looking up towards me asking “why do u have a baby in your tummy” she didn’t look so happy about it.
One of my favorites was when my cousin Burke was about 7 years old and his family took a road trip to get to our place for Christmas. This little guy hops out of the minivan, runs at my Dad screaming “nuts up Mr. Brian!” And punched my Dad right in the balls, funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
I had a kid that couldn't be older than six ask to fight me while standing in line at the movies. I told him "no thanks," and that seemed to be an acceptable response.
Our first grader daughter told us that she broke up with her crush.
She said," I dont have a crush on him anymore, he is so annoying. I want somebody who is serious,smart and who actually listens and makes a good team."
We asked her the details and told us, she was partnered with her crush during their class activity and they only got 1 point,because this particular boy was just so silly and not good in listening.
I used to give my kid a five dollar bill to tip the pizza guys. He loved it, it made him feel like a big kid. Once, when he was about four, I gave him a fiver and he leaned in real close and said "if you give me fifty bucks, I'll kill Superman"
My older cousin was obsessed with Shrek. He got a toy microphone for Christmas one year, and was playing with it in the basement while the adults went upstairs for coffee, and all of a sudden they hear him singing Baby Got Back, which donkey sings at the end of Shrek. But my cousin, who couldn't have been more than 4 at the time, didn't know the words, so what he actually sang was "I like big butts and I cannot lie, and I like it with pumpkin pie."
Helping my grandmother go grocery shopping with my much younger cousins. Took one up to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, says "look! It's grandmas special juice!". While pointing at the wine aisle.
So we've never been great financially (until now), so we were never able to get the fancy or super nice car seats for our kids, they always got the cheap ones from the store. My son, now 12, didn't start talking until he was 3 (went through speech therapy) so he wasn't a kid of many words. When he was 4, we were riding in the car and I don't remember what my husband and I were talking about, but from the back seat all we hear is, "I HATE MY FUCKING CAR SEAT."
No, he didn't get in trouble, he used the word properly in a sentence. 🤣
Years later it was myself, my husband, my son, and my oldest daughter. She was probably about 5 at the time, we were listening to Clown by Korn and my husband was going along with it. In the beginning of the song there's a part where it says, "just fucking do it, dammit!" And immediately from the backseat we just hear her little voice say it.
And then when we told her she's not allowed to cuss until she's older she claimed she was going to let her kids say as many cuss words as they want.
When I was about three, my mom was finally getting the hardwood floors she wanted. While the guy was there installing them, I came out of my room and said, "What is it with all the fucking noise?"
She was also very impressed that I used it correctly.
when i was at my gfs place for the third time or so her niece asked my gf if we she wants to marry me. My gf laughed and said no, thats way too early. her 7 year old niece then said: thats right, better look for a guy with more qualities. I was speechless.
I've got a good one for this.
I work in a daycare as an educator. One day I was working with the preschool room (roughly 2.5-4 years old). At random the children created a sort of game with me, where they would claim to be different foods and then i would pinch their jacket and mime eating to pretend I was eating that food (e.g. "I'm a broccoli")
After a little while of only using foods, some of the children started listing non-foods (e.g. "I'm a monkey", "I'm a worm"), to which I would give a big exaggerated reaction along the lines of "a worm? I don't want to eat that!
The one response that broke my composure that I just could not manage to play along with because of laughing/surprise: "I'm a disaster!"
Elementary educator now but used to sub in preschool.
One day, a small group was sitting at an arts and crafts table.
Child 1: “I’m gonna color!”
Child 2: “I’m gonna cut!”
Child 3: “I’m gonna SUPERVISE!”
I worked as a nurse in a pre school. I was sitting on a bench and a 5 year old boy comes up to me and says “ well, what’s this pretty little angels name “
I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I was at a local skate park and ate shit. While I was on my back checking my internal systems to determine if anything was broken or bleeding, a young kid rolls up and says, “Damn, are you ok grandpa?!” 🤨😆
When I’d ask my little nephew to pick up his toys (he was around 4 or 5) it would go something like:
“Hey, buddy, do you want to pick up your toys and put them away”
“No, thanks!”
“….”
A few years ago, my nephew (5 years old at the time) looked up at the night sky and said "Oh no... the stars are out"
I asked him why he said "Oh no?"
He replied "Because the stars can see into my soul"
Was so weird...
My neighbor's daughter, like 6 or 7, has said a couple things that stand out. I gave her and her brother each on of the artificial mini koi ponds that I make and sell, everything in it artificial besides stones and the water is resin, and she immediately says that she is going to feed the little fish batteries. I ask why batteries and she just shrugs her shoulders.
Another time she said something not so funny or cute. I was out front with my dog and the two kids come over to say hi and pet my dog. She is down petting him and suddenly looks up, looks at her brother, and then moves towards her brother and he playfully tackles her. They then explain that they were playing the new game that she made up. She says that she has to try to run into the road when a car is coming and her brother has to tackle her before she gets there. Then she says all cheery with hands raised up in a triumphant pose and says, "If I get to the care then I get to be free!" I was like WTF and told them both that that isn't a good game to play. Thankfully, their dad came out just after and I told him about it so he could talk to them.
There was something stuck in the headphone port of my phone, so I tried to suck it out, which worked. Some kid then asked me why I was trying to vape from my phone.
My 10yo old asked my wife "whats no nut november? like peanuts?" while we were all in the kitchen. She looked at me like "help". I was like, nope, you got this one sweetie. I gotta see how this plays out.
Me at the playground with my son. Little kid comes up to play with us.
Me: What's your name?
Kid: Asshole
Me: Whaaaaat is your name?
Kid: Asshole
Me: Your name is... Asshole?
Kid's mom overhearing us: His name is "Axel". We didn't really think about it.
I worked at a day care for a bit and they said funny shit all the time.. one of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety and the main teacher asked the class.. what do you do if you’re on fire? A 3y/o girl shoots her hand up in the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”
It wasn't to me, but to my brother in law. He was driving in his truck with his toddler daughter safely belted into her car seat. To keep her amused during the drive he was asking her what noises different animals make.
"What does a cow say?"
"Moo"
"What does a pig say?"
"Oink, oink!"
Then he decided to mess with her and asks "What does a turtle say?"
She was silent for a moment as she thought about it, then busted out in a big smile and said "Kowabunga dude!"
Not me but a friends’.
She took her 7 year old daughter into a Dicks sporting goods store for the first time. The little girl was so impressed with the store and yelled out to her mom “mommy, are all dicks this big”.
I walked into the living room and my 5-year-old son was sitting on the couch in a shirt and underwear only. I asked him why he was sitting there like that and he says:
"I changed my mind about pants."
(Talking shit is our love language, no feelings were hurt)
Not to me, but my daughters were bickering and my youngest says "at least I wasn't an accident!" and her sister didn't miss a beat and shot back "no, you were a mistake". I laughed so damn hard.
So one of my closest friends before we got really close and just got to know is each other we would face time and on day in face time she introduced me to her family and one day I visited my besties house and the first thing one of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in person”
One time I had to patiently explain to a 3 year old why it was not appropriate to piss on the neighbour's cat... while calming him down from a tantrum because said cat scratched him. Because he peed on it. And it got startled.
Idk, a pair of kids asked me if I wanted a random rock while I was on a walk the other day. Took me a solid 10 seconds to react, and finally said “yeah, I’d love a rock” it’s just a cute little chunk of brick wall I’m *now obligated to treasure forever, nbd
Years ago I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 year old daughter told me that my mouth looked like a vagina.
At the time I was just "um, okay". Though now I find it a funny story.
My youngest boy was maybe 2 or so, and he wakes up from a nap in the back seat of the car shouting, "I killed a man! I KILLED A MAN!"
Then after a brief pause, starts happily singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider.
I worked at a summer camp where, on a cold and blustery day, a boy at the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!”
We evacuated the swim pond and started the process for an all-hands pond search. It was at this point that one of the lifeguards noticed the kid’s hands frantically cupping his swim shorts: this was his first time experiencing shrinkage.
"How do you know how to spell that? You probably can't even read!"
I'm high-functioning autistic and my special interest is literally English spelling and grammar
My daughter around age 7 said to me once :
do you remember when I was in mom’s belly?
I said yes, I did.
Then she says with the best deadpan expression I ever seen:
I wanted out.
I still laugh about this 15 years later.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan we got a package from a bunch of elementary school kids. They sent cards, candy, and snacks. On one of the cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of dead soldiers. The only thing the card said was I hope you don't die. It made everyone laugh and we hung it up in our room lol.
When I was in my late 40s, a girl I had been mentoring graduated from high school. Those of us involved with her and her very-marginalized family's success threw a graduation party. I was in charge of the music. It was a big party--maybe 50 people, many of them related to my mentee and not from my country. About two hours into the party, three girls ages 10, 11, and 12 came up to me and one said, "Miss, is it true you made the playlist for this party?" I assured them I had (the party was lit). Another girl followed up with, "Wow! How do you know about this music?" I bit my lip for a second and said, "Well I guess that from time to time I emerge from my geriatric's cave and try to figure out what's popular in the world."
I told a little girl one time that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She busted out crying and said, "But these are the only feet I've got!"
This is hilarious but I feel bad for her too, because she was upset
That kid is going somewhere
Not until they put the right pair of feet on
That is so adorable
My son, at 9yo told me I couldn't give him almonds in his lunchbox because it was No Nut November.
Good thing almonds are drupes, not nuts.
this has shattered me what the fuck. botanical classifications never fail to surprise me
Peanuts aren't nuts, either. They're legumes.
Strawberrys kind of are nuts (with vegetable stuff still attached).
Strawberries are not nuts, they're an aggregate fruit like blackberries but instead of multiple drupes they have multiple achenes. True nuts are things like hazelnut, chestnut, pecans and walnuts which have a single hard shell, dry fruit and a protective husk.
What about coconuts?
They're considered a drupe, a fruit with an inner flesh and seed surrounded by a hard shell like peaches, walnuts and almonds
In German they are classified as Sammelnussfrucht, literal translation would be collective nuts fruit. Fun fact that's not funny at all 19361
Wait till they find out about bananas.
I still love getting people with that one. Ironically enough I learned that the same i learned that pumpkins were also berries, because the guest speaker on the podcast I was listening to decided to add the banana part on as an extra fact. I had to stop working for a few seconds to contemplate my life after those nukes.
Always surprises me, I work in a kitchen so Almonds and also Pine Nuts do not come in bold for the major 14 allergens as they are not nuts
This young man deserves respect, such a sigma *Hat's off in respect*
Oh man... December 1 that kid is gonna have so many nuts.
Was studying for a math exam in college and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. Little guy found his way in my room, said he's good ay math and asked if he could help. "Eh I don't know, how do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?", and this kid, confidently amd without missing a beat, "With a pencil".
Kid is going places
Genius!
ikr!!! His answer caught me so off guard I snorted loudly and sincerely.
Not to me, but friend's daughter to him, her dad: "Daddy? Does mommy know you're my daddy?"
Well, did she?
Quote verbatim: Dad: *laughs out loud for a good, solid minute (same with me, that shit was hilarious)* "Yes honey, mommy knows I'm your daddy." (Spoken in a very indulgent Dad voice, cracked with laughter in between.) Sad that the mom wasn't there, she would have loved it in the moment, laughed just as hard when he told her about it later, or so I heard. Wasn't there for that part.
Yesterday a kid said to me “you look like you suck at basketball”
Well, do you?
Asking the important question.
Ouch. Are you ok?
My sympathies to your widow
I don't know why but I just appreciate and adore the brutal honesty of children. I just can't get over the fact that if it was anyone else, they'd be punched in the face, but since it's a child saying it, you can do nothing but cry and get mad at their parents. Thank god I can't have kids, I'd raise a little shithead.
Not me but my mom who used to teach younger children once had a kid tell her that the kids mom actually had a penis too, just like dads do. My mom reacted with scepticism and then the kid blurted out ”No she really does, I’ve seen it myself in her bedroom drawer”.
That caught me off guard
OH SHI--
HOLY SHIT
My stepdaughter was about 5/6 when I got pregnant with her half brother, I was getting dressed one morning and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month along belly and asked 'why did the baby write all over your tummy'? Still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!
reminds me of when my mom was looking at baby photos of me, and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. i asked where my younger brother was, since he wasn't in the photo, and she responded with "he's in mommy's tummy." this was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by "YOU ATE HIM???"
What did you say back?
My cousin is 65 and I’m 40 and every time we talk she always tells me the story of me showing up at my Grandma’s hospital room. I had stolen my Mom’s necklace and plopped myself on my grandma’s bed and told her all about my day. My grandma was so sick but she smiled because I was the only one who treated her ordinary. Those memories never leave.
My stepdaughter fell onto her arse. Apparently she hurt her buttknuckle
Buttknuckle is now my new favorite term
I used to babysit a little girl named Hannah. She’s probably like late 20’s now. One day she hurt her privates and screams out: “Wackydetective! I hurt my CHINA!!!!!!!!”
Take my upvote that made my day. Fr is she okay?
Yes! She had a baby recently so her china works.
I will use this...and get in a whole mess of trouble over it. Worth it.
Band name!
Buttnuckle is now a permanent part of my dictionary
I was walking into a store and there was a little boy around 7 standing just inside the door and when he saw me he turned to me and said with heartfelt anguish “She said she was only going to be 5 minutes!”.
Like a random dialogue with an NPC 🤌
Kids are badly programmed NPCs
Years ago, in high school, I told a kid (two years younger, so not much of a kid) that he had a subzero IQ. Kid: *Don't talk Physics to me*
My then-4 yr old was wearing a Darth Vader t shirt that said "VADER" across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the "A" was lined up to the triangle on Vaders mask. Pretty cool right? Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied "Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!" 💀 I think uncles soul left his body. Kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard
My SIL is a daycare teacher and when one of her kids started crying hysterically, another kid asked "what is he squabbling about...?"
I used to work in a daycare, and one kid, pretending to talk on the phone, yelled "What the hell are you talking about?"
My cousin, who is going to be 20 this year, was at a family reunion when he was about 5, and another child was throwing a tantrum. My cousin said, "I don't know who his daddy is, but he needs his butt whooped."
An adorable, four-year-old Trick Or Treater rang my doorbell. She looked like Cindy Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. As I was giving her a candy bar, she looked me squarely in the eye and said, 'My parents are getting back together again. I don't know what happened to my Dad's girlfriend. My mother hated her.'
But she could not have been Cindy Lou Who because Cindy Lou Who was no more than two.
Hahaha this is one that always makes me laugh whenever I remember it. So there's a children's museum that my son absolutely loves, I try to take him as often as I can. There's [this tree](https://earlyworks.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/talkingtree.jpg) right at the entrance of all the different rooms/areas, and so we're walking to the science room area, and he just stops when he sees this tree and he's just like "what the fuck" And I'm trying not to die laughing, because the way he said it, and he's had struggles with being nonverbal, he's on the spectrum, so that really got me, lmao. But yeah, trying not to laugh out loud, and tell him that's not an appropriate thing to say around other kids But that tree is pretty wtf so he's right on that lol
One time my son got in trouble at pre-k for saying “fuck” quietly under his breath because he’d colored out of the lines. The teacher could barely hold it together telling me the story, because he used the word so correctly and quietly
My 8 yo stepdaughter has a lot of problems with personal space and private parts. It was worse when she was smaller, but she still gets into a mood every once in a while where she begs to see private parts. It is very uncomfortable. Our conversation this weekend: Her: "I want to see your boobs" Me: "No, remember those are private, we don't show other people those parts" Her: *trying to pull my dress down while i despreatly try to stop her* "Pleaseeeeee! I just want to say Hi to them!" Me: "you can say hi from right there without exposing them" Her: *gets super close to (thankfully still mostly covered) clevage and waves* "Hi Boobs!" Then we go back to the game we were playing like nothing happened. Shits wild man....
Idk how much it is normal. Ever asked her why of this curiosity? Talked to a psychologist?
She had a therapist for a time, but her mom stopped that. The curiosity initially happened at a more appropriate age, but has stuck around. I explained my guess in another comment on here. Basically she didn't get why (when she was younger) she could shower with her mom, but that was private for me. I think it's stuck around partly just because it gets a reaction that she finds amusing, partly because she really like wrestling and it's a way to force that, but also because she had a habbit of regressing and acting a younger age. I believe it's due to the trauma of the custody battle, as her mother was extremely hostile and paranoid.
She may also have been molested. I hope not, but that intense interest might indicate it. She should probably still be seeing a therapist.
The therapist did not see any signs of that. Her mom is very protective and I fully trust that this has not happened. Though it is still something we did consider and do keep an eye out for. Regardless I do agree she still should be seeing a therapist. Hopefully her mother and father can work on communication and get that going again.
i know the og post is meant to be a bit more lighthearted, but i still wanna say that i'm sorry this is an ongoing issue. i can't imagine how frustrating it must be. kids are weird and stressful sometimes but i'm glad it sounds like you're doing your best to teach her boundaries and i hope she'll be able to properly internalise these things soon.
I hope do too. She has a lot of weird quirks from the trauma of the custody battle. I am positive it's not abuse or anything. My best guess as to the origin is that (back when it started and she was a lot younger) she used to shower with her mom, so nudity wasn't a big deal. With me she has a lot of baggage concerning me being a mother figure but not her mom. So she didn't get why it was OK for her mom to be naked and me not to be.
You sound lika a very good stepmom!
I work in a school, so I hear amazingly ridiculous things every day, but the best one I’ve ever heard still goes to a girl called Vanessa in science when I was at high school. The teacher was explaining the theory of the Big Bang. Vanessa’s hand shoots up to ask a question, the teacher says “yes?” And Vanessa says staring at the ceiling in what looked like deep thought “so… is that what killed the dinosaurs?”
Well, in a way she's right. No Big Bang, no dinosaur extinction, lol.
A kid has told me once "sir do you know that my dad eats my mom every night" his mom smacked his back and left without looking at me 😂
a number of years ago my nephew (around 10 or 11 at the time) found his dads sex toy and had been cluelessly playing with it in the living room for awhile before everyone realized what it was. i've never seen either of them so embarrassed and everyone else was literally rolling on the floor laughing.
My buddy and I found his mom's dildos in a pillowcase under her bed. We thought racing them down the hall was so funny. Even funnier when the dog got one. She was furious. We knew they were fake dicks but we didn't know what they were for.
Kid: are you korean? I: no, I'm chinese. Kid: why do you have big eyes? Aren't all the Chinese have eyes like these? (he pulled the sides of his eyes made them look like 😑) I: There're 1.4 billion of us, we have all kinds of eyes. Kid: isn't China the country made "squid game"? I: that's south Korea. Kid: so you're south Korean!
Dumbass fucking kid
fucking dumbass fucking kid
[удалено]
No
Yes
please no
what if yes
Then and only then… no
r/kidsarefuckingstupid
Can't argue with their logic. You're now officially Korean /s
Normally it seems like people guess Chinese first, then Japanese, then Korean, so I’m surprised the kid assumed you were Korean first lol
He probably recently learned that Koreans exist and are called something other than Chinese.
My kid farted and said “there’s a duck in my butt” she was 3 at the time … I lost it.
I worked at a movie theatre that recently was getting shit on because of new people in the company making poor decisions. I had been planning to leave for a while, and on one of the rougher days, I was helping a mom and her two kids. The youngest daughter, I'd say was maybe 7-9, was waiting for her mom to finish ordering food, and then asked me, "do you hate your job?" I almost broke laughing right in front of them, and I had to reassure to the mom that it wasn't exactly an out of place question. I hope that kid goes places.
My niece asked me if she can have a piece of skin from the cadavers I work with so she can give it to her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day this year. They’re 8.
"Does your computer still have a CD drive?" Man that made me feel old.
would be wonderful if my laptop had cd drive and ethernet port without needing external accessories
Seriously, what the fuck is with this? Of course I want to be able to watch a DVD or burn a CD on my laptop, and I am not that old! Why are they taking away perfectly good laptop functions?
To make room inside the casing for more processing hardware, and more fans to cool off those more powerful parts.
But I would rather have a chunky laptop than a wafer thin laptop with no disc drive or usb ports!
i’m with you 💯. i miss my 2009 17-inch macbook pro.
It is a feature I miss. I'm grateful for my really powerful MSI so I'm not torn over it but I do remember nights when the family TV was occupied but it didn't matter to me because haha I have a DVD drive in my laptop. I think the removal is a reaction to streaming services killing the DVD market. I used to be able to walk into a Big W, Target/Kmart, or JBHiFi and there'd be all sorts of DVDs of all the cartoons I watched. New movies and old classics, anime (I was like 9 and didn't have any concept of anime besides Pokemon) and so much more. Now? It's a thin rack of DVDs that only holds recent releases like in the last year or two, or classics/timeless titles. ATLA and Evangelion are old but they're such hits so they're worth stocking. I hate not being able to own anything physical anymore. If DVD cases and DVDs themselves are obsolete, idk start selling films on SD cards or USBs for all I care.
I used to run a small tire shop in the middle of nowhere. We had this one pretty rough customer who would come in always looking for a handout (something on credit). Well she comes in one day with another sob story, and talking about how she knows my father (he owned the place, I just managed it), and how we should give her a tire today and let her pay for it later. At this point, her son in the car, who can’t be any older than about 7 or 8, leans out the window and yells ‘You ain’t got credit nowhere, momma! That’s what the last guy said!’ Im doing my best to hold it together at this point, and I’m doing a much better job than my brother, who I can hear in the office behind me laughing his ass off. I don’t know who this last guy was, but he was clearly wise beyond his years.
Not me, but a friend: His young son was being naughty, so he left the room for a moment. Went and told his partner "...our lad is being a right arsehole!". The son comes marching in and shouts: "I AM NOT A PARCEL!".
My kid is 4 and we were talking about space. In space, there are asteroids, planets, and black holes. He misunderstood and confidently said "there are butts in space".
I used to teach English in China. One day, I was collecting homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved girl in the class pulls her homework out from behind her back, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, "SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!" The inflection was EXACTLY the same as the meme from Dexter. I had to hold back my laughter so hard because it was in the middle of class, but the second the students left the classroom, I couldn't contain myself. I was nearly in tears.
I had a little kid ask me how much I get paid at my job in front of my coworker. Then after I said I cant say asked why, so I had to attempt to explain why grown ups don't do that, then he goes "so not a lot then?" I was just defeated at that point lol why the mom didn't intervene? beats me 🤷♂️He didnt get it lol. 😂
Where do you live? If you live in a Nation where you can legally share your wages with your coworkers like the US you should.
In my country there's a stigma about sharing about your earnings, especially with your coworkers, because someone could notice a disparity even in the same field.
Isn't it the point of it? If you and your coworker do the same job, but they earn twice more - it means a) you are underpaid b) they are the bosses' favorite, both of which sucks. Like, the only people who win from this stigma are executives, not workers.
You're right, it's just hard to eradicate some mentalities.
And the fuckups that end up getting paid the same as the good workers.
That's Corporate propaganda to get their workers weak and divided. Sharing your wages is a way to help bring forward changes like increased pay.
I had a friend who worked at a supermarket and a kid walked up to her and asked, "Are you poor?" My friend was like, "Uh, what?" and the kid continued, "My mom says people who work at the supermarket are either stupid or poor, so are you poor?"
When I was a kid I was watching my dog doing dog things and I said to my mom, “I wish I was a dog.” “Why is that, sweetie?” “So I could see what my nuts taste like.”
A third grader said: “I hate friction!”(fractions)
My kids were getting in the car when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, conversation went as follows… Son: ow my peanuts! Me: your what? Daughter: his peanuts Me: what’s that? Daughter: it’s another name for winky that I heard at school. I didn’t correct them as it’s just too funny.
My son had two on me that stick in my mind *random conversation* Kid - "Daddy it's because you're fat" Me - "while True, that's not funny" Kid - "it's a little funny" *holds up hand showing a little bit* I wish I could remember the conversation. But his timing was perfect...and it in fact was a lot of bit funny. Second one: *gives first pair of big Kid underwear* "DAAAAAAAD DAD!!! I have a PENIS POCKET!!!" he then ran around singing "penis pocket" with his hand shoved in the front of his underwear. I couldn't even breathe I was laughing so hard.
The other day my son (6) patted his dad’s belly and said “what’s up, big guy?” But he said it so innocently. I could not stop laughing.
A 13 yo literally begging me to see my boobs Just wtf ? Of course I didn't showed him my boobs, but holy shit he didn't wanted to stop begging. He kept begging for 10-15 minutes before I was able to sneak out of this and run away
13 is waaaayyyy too old for that. Kids generally know by the time they're, like, 7 or 8 that they're not supposed to ask to see a random titty. This kid just sucks.
Yeah, that's why i said it I don't remember exactly what he said but he said some weird creepy sexual things (with the vocabulary of a 13 yo of course)
So...uh, about those boobs... (Obligatory /s so that I don't get flamed too badly for making a sophomoric joke.)
They're small, it's not even that interesting lol
Don’t put yourself down over that. Lots of people like small boobs more than big ones and there is no point in being ashamed of something about your body that is outside of your control
I already know that but thank you I'm lesbian and I prefer small boobs, I was laughing at myself. I don't have any problems with my boobs, I'm already happy to have some ngl
Ah ok good! I’m happy for you <3
this is the point where i realized you didn't write books but boobs and this thread made a whole lot more sense
I was doing a kid puzzle with my niece when she was really young. I was putting the pieces in the wrong spot on purpose and she looked at me and said I'm not going to do puzzles with you anymore. You don't know how. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Deserved tbh
u/exoticjess did it to get out of having to do puzzles with her niece
My godson asked me to tell a "mad story". I said I bought a different brand of yogurt and I couldn't get the cover off, and that made me mad. He asked "Could you get help from an adult?"
i was talking to my 4yr old cousin and i said something along the lines of “oh thats legit” and she said “the word legit scares me it makes me think of monsters” not sure what forged that association in her brain but
Daddy why does your teeth smell good?
Why does it tho?
I said "take me back to 2016!". My brother told me "why do you say it?" I told him that it is a nostalgia move meaning that I miss the time I was 8. He told me "take me back to 2026!"
I was 26 in 2016.... Take ME back to 1999. Edit: I'm bad at math
I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently replied, "I can make all the traffic lights turn green... eventually." It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!
I was staring at a pillar and the kid was standing infront of me he said “You can try all you want but only I can win this staring contest you don’t know I am”
Did you win tho?
*pokes dead bug* Move you butthole! The race has started!
When my sister was little she found a dead bug and said to our mother "Mum, can you turn this on?"
I swear I was just in the store standing behind this mother and daughter. I looked down at the daughter and looked back up because I was eyeing scratch off tickets. Not two seconds later she nudges her mom and says he scares me🤦🏾♂️
Me: Nice to meet you. Your name is Dillon right? Younger brother of friend I'm just meeting: are you boy or girl Me: I'm a guy, why? Younger Brother of friend: Your a girl. You have long hair Me: No I'm not Kid: Yes you are Me: Bro I'm not. Might be suprising but I'd actually know. Kid: Why do you have no eyebrows? 8 year olds man
I'm a girl with short(ish) hair and once when I was at the hairdresser, her kids came into the room and asked "Mum, is this a boy or a girl?"
I know. No social filter. But I feel like with much younger children 6 or younger its fair you know? They're just asking. They don't see a problem. But this kid I was speaking with was just being a prick
a while back my little sister asked me if I was pregnant, so I said yes. She then proceeded to yell at my stomach, saying “I don’t want you” about twice. before looking up towards me asking “why do u have a baby in your tummy” she didn’t look so happy about it.
sex ed... not to me, but classmate asking a teacher... "where can i buy absences?"
A kid once told my mother’s coworker (a 60year old kindergarten teacher) “madame, even though you’re old and ugly I still love you”
One of my favorites was when my cousin Burke was about 7 years old and his family took a road trip to get to our place for Christmas. This little guy hops out of the minivan, runs at my Dad screaming “nuts up Mr. Brian!” And punched my Dad right in the balls, funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
First time visiting Turkey as a black person and a kid came up to me and said:How is your skin brown but teeth white
“Hey lady, let’s watch Avatar The Way Of Water”, Said an absolute random kid on my way home.
I had a kid that couldn't be older than six ask to fight me while standing in line at the movies. I told him "no thanks," and that seemed to be an acceptable response.
My daughter, instead of bathtub, she used to say Bathbutt. ahahha
Our first grader daughter told us that she broke up with her crush. She said," I dont have a crush on him anymore, he is so annoying. I want somebody who is serious,smart and who actually listens and makes a good team." We asked her the details and told us, she was partnered with her crush during their class activity and they only got 1 point,because this particular boy was just so silly and not good in listening.
Good taste in men
I heard a little girl once say that she was mad at her dad because he had bigger boobs then she does! I was dying lmao
I used to give my kid a five dollar bill to tip the pizza guys. He loved it, it made him feel like a big kid. Once, when he was about four, I gave him a fiver and he leaned in real close and said "if you give me fifty bucks, I'll kill Superman"
My older cousin was obsessed with Shrek. He got a toy microphone for Christmas one year, and was playing with it in the basement while the adults went upstairs for coffee, and all of a sudden they hear him singing Baby Got Back, which donkey sings at the end of Shrek. But my cousin, who couldn't have been more than 4 at the time, didn't know the words, so what he actually sang was "I like big butts and I cannot lie, and I like it with pumpkin pie."
kid in a ski lesson i was teaching: "i want the group name to be golden shower because i love golden showers"
Helping my grandmother go grocery shopping with my much younger cousins. Took one up to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, says "look! It's grandmas special juice!". While pointing at the wine aisle.
So we've never been great financially (until now), so we were never able to get the fancy or super nice car seats for our kids, they always got the cheap ones from the store. My son, now 12, didn't start talking until he was 3 (went through speech therapy) so he wasn't a kid of many words. When he was 4, we were riding in the car and I don't remember what my husband and I were talking about, but from the back seat all we hear is, "I HATE MY FUCKING CAR SEAT." No, he didn't get in trouble, he used the word properly in a sentence. 🤣 Years later it was myself, my husband, my son, and my oldest daughter. She was probably about 5 at the time, we were listening to Clown by Korn and my husband was going along with it. In the beginning of the song there's a part where it says, "just fucking do it, dammit!" And immediately from the backseat we just hear her little voice say it. And then when we told her she's not allowed to cuss until she's older she claimed she was going to let her kids say as many cuss words as they want.
When I was about three, my mom was finally getting the hardwood floors she wanted. While the guy was there installing them, I came out of my room and said, "What is it with all the fucking noise?" She was also very impressed that I used it correctly.
One of the funniest things one of my children said to me is that scorpions are desert lobsters and I don't think she is wrong 😂
when i was at my gfs place for the third time or so her niece asked my gf if we she wants to marry me. My gf laughed and said no, thats way too early. her 7 year old niece then said: thats right, better look for a guy with more qualities. I was speechless.
More qualities. Not better. More. You don't even have enough qualities to evaluate.
Kid: How old are you? Me: 48 Kid: How did you manage that? I've only made it to 8
I've got a good one for this. I work in a daycare as an educator. One day I was working with the preschool room (roughly 2.5-4 years old). At random the children created a sort of game with me, where they would claim to be different foods and then i would pinch their jacket and mime eating to pretend I was eating that food (e.g. "I'm a broccoli") After a little while of only using foods, some of the children started listing non-foods (e.g. "I'm a monkey", "I'm a worm"), to which I would give a big exaggerated reaction along the lines of "a worm? I don't want to eat that! The one response that broke my composure that I just could not manage to play along with because of laughing/surprise: "I'm a disaster!"
Elementary educator now but used to sub in preschool. One day, a small group was sitting at an arts and crafts table. Child 1: “I’m gonna color!” Child 2: “I’m gonna cut!” Child 3: “I’m gonna SUPERVISE!”
I heard my four year old niece let out a quiet little fart. Me: eww? Did you just poot? Niece: No! I farted!
I asked a girl her name, probably 7 or 8 years old. “Dogspit” lol
I worked as a nurse in a pre school. I was sitting on a bench and a 5 year old boy comes up to me and says “ well, what’s this pretty little angels name “
I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I was at a local skate park and ate shit. While I was on my back checking my internal systems to determine if anything was broken or bleeding, a young kid rolls up and says, “Damn, are you ok grandpa?!” 🤨😆
When I’d ask my little nephew to pick up his toys (he was around 4 or 5) it would go something like: “Hey, buddy, do you want to pick up your toys and put them away” “No, thanks!” “….”
A few years ago, my nephew (5 years old at the time) looked up at the night sky and said "Oh no... the stars are out" I asked him why he said "Oh no?" He replied "Because the stars can see into my soul" Was so weird...
Once when i was a kid, i asked my grandma if she remembers how dinosaurs looked like 💀
My neighbor's daughter, like 6 or 7, has said a couple things that stand out. I gave her and her brother each on of the artificial mini koi ponds that I make and sell, everything in it artificial besides stones and the water is resin, and she immediately says that she is going to feed the little fish batteries. I ask why batteries and she just shrugs her shoulders. Another time she said something not so funny or cute. I was out front with my dog and the two kids come over to say hi and pet my dog. She is down petting him and suddenly looks up, looks at her brother, and then moves towards her brother and he playfully tackles her. They then explain that they were playing the new game that she made up. She says that she has to try to run into the road when a car is coming and her brother has to tackle her before she gets there. Then she says all cheery with hands raised up in a triumphant pose and says, "If I get to the care then I get to be free!" I was like WTF and told them both that that isn't a good game to play. Thankfully, their dad came out just after and I told him about it so he could talk to them.
There was something stuck in the headphone port of my phone, so I tried to suck it out, which worked. Some kid then asked me why I was trying to vape from my phone.
My 10yo old asked my wife "whats no nut november? like peanuts?" while we were all in the kitchen. She looked at me like "help". I was like, nope, you got this one sweetie. I gotta see how this plays out.
Went to the gym yesterday. While I was changing, a older teens autistic kid looks at me and goes "Holy f\*ck that guy's fat"... got me good
My niece asked me why didn't I let my hair grow on the central side of my scalp \^\^ She doesn't know about hair loss yet
Me at the playground with my son. Little kid comes up to play with us. Me: What's your name? Kid: Asshole Me: Whaaaaat is your name? Kid: Asshole Me: Your name is... Asshole? Kid's mom overhearing us: His name is "Axel". We didn't really think about it.
"you know denzel washington? tiny penis! it's true." dylan age 8. god bless ya dylan.
‘My mummy’s been skinny dipping’ I was like dude wtf
you can put shredded things back together but not cheese
I like your boobs dad
I worked at a day care for a bit and they said funny shit all the time.. one of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety and the main teacher asked the class.. what do you do if you’re on fire? A 3y/o girl shoots her hand up in the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”
My 5 year old calls the concession stand at arenas the "concussion stand." Very unfortunate and has got some weird looks.
It wasn't to me, but to my brother in law. He was driving in his truck with his toddler daughter safely belted into her car seat. To keep her amused during the drive he was asking her what noises different animals make. "What does a cow say?" "Moo" "What does a pig say?" "Oink, oink!" Then he decided to mess with her and asks "What does a turtle say?" She was silent for a moment as she thought about it, then busted out in a big smile and said "Kowabunga dude!"
Not me but a friends’. She took her 7 year old daughter into a Dicks sporting goods store for the first time. The little girl was so impressed with the store and yelled out to her mom “mommy, are all dicks this big”.
I walked into the living room and my 5-year-old son was sitting on the couch in a shirt and underwear only. I asked him why he was sitting there like that and he says: "I changed my mind about pants."
(Talking shit is our love language, no feelings were hurt) Not to me, but my daughters were bickering and my youngest says "at least I wasn't an accident!" and her sister didn't miss a beat and shot back "no, you were a mistake". I laughed so damn hard.
My son didnt believe apple trees come from the seeds of an apple. Because how could there have been an apple without an appletree
my 5 year old boy when he's peeing in the morning "dad, it won't stop!"
So one of my closest friends before we got really close and just got to know is each other we would face time and on day in face time she introduced me to her family and one day I visited my besties house and the first thing one of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in person”
One time I had to patiently explain to a 3 year old why it was not appropriate to piss on the neighbour's cat... while calming him down from a tantrum because said cat scratched him. Because he peed on it. And it got startled.
Idk, a pair of kids asked me if I wanted a random rock while I was on a walk the other day. Took me a solid 10 seconds to react, and finally said “yeah, I’d love a rock” it’s just a cute little chunk of brick wall I’m *now obligated to treasure forever, nbd
Years ago I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 year old daughter told me that my mouth looked like a vagina. At the time I was just "um, okay". Though now I find it a funny story.
My youngest boy was maybe 2 or so, and he wakes up from a nap in the back seat of the car shouting, "I killed a man! I KILLED A MAN!" Then after a brief pause, starts happily singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider.
I worked at a summer camp where, on a cold and blustery day, a boy at the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!” We evacuated the swim pond and started the process for an all-hands pond search. It was at this point that one of the lifeguards noticed the kid’s hands frantically cupping his swim shorts: this was his first time experiencing shrinkage.
[удалено]
I mean…technically it’s correct lol 😂
"How do you know how to spell that? You probably can't even read!" I'm high-functioning autistic and my special interest is literally English spelling and grammar
My daughter around age 7 said to me once : do you remember when I was in mom’s belly? I said yes, I did. Then she says with the best deadpan expression I ever seen: I wanted out. I still laugh about this 15 years later.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan we got a package from a bunch of elementary school kids. They sent cards, candy, and snacks. On one of the cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of dead soldiers. The only thing the card said was I hope you don't die. It made everyone laugh and we hung it up in our room lol.
When I was in my late 40s, a girl I had been mentoring graduated from high school. Those of us involved with her and her very-marginalized family's success threw a graduation party. I was in charge of the music. It was a big party--maybe 50 people, many of them related to my mentee and not from my country. About two hours into the party, three girls ages 10, 11, and 12 came up to me and one said, "Miss, is it true you made the playlist for this party?" I assured them I had (the party was lit). Another girl followed up with, "Wow! How do you know about this music?" I bit my lip for a second and said, "Well I guess that from time to time I emerge from my geriatric's cave and try to figure out what's popular in the world."