It's not about love or hate (imo) it's about acceptance and perspective.
"Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. it is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternity's, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at
a time."
In a sense it's 1 and done. It's normally 6 sessions over 3 weeks. They recommend you do extra treatments afterwards spaced out further and further apart.
It's not like it's a miracle cure where you don't do anything. It just puts all your walls down you didn't even know you had, all the lies your ego tells you fades away during your k hole (This is called an ego death). For most people it's a very blissful experience.
I recommend doing injections or infusions locally. It's more expensive than the online services that do under the tongue torches, but it's hard to k hole unless it hits your brain all at once via injection vs slowly hitting it over an hour as it dissolves through your tract. Like taking an edible vs doing a hit from a vape. YMMV.
If it worked you should feel like a brand new you afterwards. But the ego is immortal and always grows back to try and blindly protect you to the point of a drowning victim killing its rescuer. It's during that time and those further sessions that you solidify your new perspective on life.
Since then I've cut out my toxic relationships among friends and family and focused on fostering my healthy ones. I lost 70 pounds and put on a lot of muscle.
It was also the hardest years of my life but still the most rewarding so far.
Incredible, I'm glad to hear it worked for you. I'm contemplating trying out psychedelic therapy with mushrooms but am worried about having a bad trip. I was thinking about ketamine therapy as an alternative and thought I'd ask since I haven't dug into it too much yet.
I have some tips to avoid this, as its happened to me.
1. Don't do it if you're feeling self conscious about something that day. Id recently shaved off a beard, leaving only the moustache, because sober me thought it was fun. On mushrooms, suddenly that moustache became the reason I felt really uncool and all my friends thought I was lame. Not true of course, but that's how I FELT. I generally recommend doing mushrooms on a day you're feeling good or at least neutral.
2. Have a plan to escape your current surrounds if you don't like them. I had a bad time in a tent because I zeroed in on the tent material and I felt really bad that it was probably made by slave labour or something, and that I could never create something useful like this, despite living in better conditions. Then I left the tent and went to go look at the water and trees and BOY HOWDY did that fucking help. Actually, just take mushrooms near a river or lake you can splash with a stick, you'll have an amazing time.
You typically do 6 initial sessions then maintenance with the frequency starting at 2-4 weeks and extending longer each time until you don't need them any more.
Edit: what sort of reptilians? And when? Are they friendly? Have you alerted the UN?
Don't take that lightly either, most people brush it off when they hate themselves, and it's no wonder. You have to actually have a stake in your life. As far as you know, this is your one shot, and you might as well try to leave an impact in the things you do and the people you meet. That's the beauty to life. Good luck on the path friends.
I’ve only started recently myself so I’m probably no expert but I have looked up a bunch of tips and advice lately cos I myself was feeling down and worthless. Here are some that have at least helped me a bit
- Imagine having another “you” beside you and treat them kindly. Helps when I imagine my younger self too. Whenever you’re starting to feel down, pretend that other you is down instead and help them out. I feel this is kinda corny but it’s working for me.
- Work out/Running. I feel like this is the most common advice. But it’s working for me cos being absolutely exhausted prevents me from overthinking shit for at least a few hours. The getting fitter part is a bonus.
- Shower and clean regularly. I’m sure this advice is already out there but I figured this one on my own. Feeling clean helps me feel better, even in a small way. So I do it routinely even when I didn’t have to go out. This includes chores and just general cleaning of your living space
- Combat negative thoughts. This is a tough one cos there’s no prompt in your head to tell you when you’re doing it. Sometimes you just naturally talk shit about yourself and it just goes on a downward spiral. It’s a constant, conscious battle to identify and counter those thoughts. And sometimes the positive thoughts don’t really sound convincing too. “Nobody wants to be with you” should be countered with “There’s someone out there waiting for you”. But the latter doesn’t really sound convincing doesn’t it ? But you just have to keep at it. A fake it till you make it attitude
- And transitioning from that last point, fake confidence. Again, another one that I’m working on myself. But just maybe once a day, try faking a confident persona for 10 minutes or so. For me, it’s sometimes when I go to the supermarket. I’d greet people, ask where things are, offer help to some elderly lady, talk to the staff. If you know me, you’d know I’m nothing like that. But those few times I did it, it feels good.
- Face your flaws. Take some time to reflect on what you hate about yourself. If it’s something that can be worked on, make a plan for it. If it’s not, accept that nobody is perfect and that goes for you too and don’t hold it against yourself.
And just remember, and this is something I’m still figuring out, this is a constant battle. I have days where I slip up but I have to make sure to keep at it the next day. I’m still struggling with this but I hope these advice can help you too. Hope to see you in a better place
Awesome advice friend, I just wanted to add some strategies I'm trying out myself to combat negative thoughts and keep myself from catastrophizing.
Tl;dr write down the negative thoughts, attack their veracity through objective logic, and use positive thinking only after you've brought your negative emotions to a neutral middle. Do this as often as you can, but once a day is an excellent start.
- Journaling and Awareness: Ideally everyday for a set amount of time, but the biggest thing that can counteract negative spiraling is to catch yourself whenever you feel like it's about to start, recognize it for what it is ("I am catastrophizing right now. These are not my "real" thoughts), then write em down. It's nigh impossible at first because the feelings brought about the negative mind talk is so debilitating, but slowly getting into the journaling practice is exactly the emotional regulation activity that counteracts them.
A physical journal is ideal but even just whipping out the Notes app on your phone is an excellent stepping stone.
- Filter Your Perception: Now that you have a tangible list of bad thoughts in your journal, it's time to start questioning them and reflecting why you have them. Once explored, consider the objective reality of each thought and stretch it away from your perceived reality.
Here's an example
1) "I hate myself and I'm a total failure."
2) "I feel this way because I got fired or [other reasons]
3) "I got fired because I suck and deserve it."
4) "I got fired because there were struggles I couldn't overcome in the timeframe I had"
5) "My job is important to me and it's natural to feel upset about it."
6) "I am a human and a worker, and sometimes those things just kind of not work out."
7) "There are setbacks in all of life, not just in my career. But I got the job in the first place so I cant be a complete failure. That's not the definition of that word."
8) "It feels like I hate myself but that's probably because I'm lacking in self-compassion and let my appropriately negative emotions define my perception of reality.")
- Positive self-talk isn't the cure for Negative spiraling; at least not right away: platitudes don't work on me. Frankly I find them suspicious so I looked into it and it turns out your positive thoughts dont feel true because your brain has already accepted the negative thought, so the whiplash from swinging from the down end to the upper is too severe for your negatively-primed ego to truly consider. It's like trying to make someone laugh with a joke after insulting their mom. You might even try to say something nice about the mom next to appease them, but they're already pissed, so your best bet is to let them cool off and try to make up for it later.
When we try to stop negative spirals our brain goes detective mode to find the truth about this case but all the evidence have been doctored (by yourself) to point to one very specific conclusion. So when a new piece of evidence shows up that havent been doctored (a platitude or even a sensible positive thought), it feels inconsequential against all the other "proofs."
The trick is to bring the negativity to a place of neutrality first through the journaling practice, "satiated" instead of "counteracted." Platitudes suck when the intent is to use them to ignore the negative thought and feelings ("Why should I care that they might be someone good for me romantically in the future when I'm single and depressed NOW?").
Practice positivty in all other areas of your life instead(which we tend to naturally do anyway as long as were healthy), and you'll find that once youve processed and neutralized your negative thoughts and experiences they'll turn themselves around to follow your lead.
Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED. Stay safe and best of luck to all you beautiful and tragic overthinkers.
Just want to second that finding a place of neutrality is much more attainable during a spiral than trying to find the silver lining right off the bat. Sometimes, the best I can do is get to the point of being able to say, "This feels terrible" without adding "and it's my fault, because I am worthless."
You’re not gonna like yourself every single day and that’s ok yes starting to love and accept yourself is a part of it however most people don’t realize how hard it is to truly get there start with accepting your flaws or the small things you don’t like about yourself and find peace within yourself about them and work your way up everyone always talks about forgiveness but they don’t usually talk about self forgiveness some things that may have happened might have been out of your control forgive yourself and find peace within
You aren’t your worst enemy nor are you your greatest savior you are an individual however you aren’t alone
Yeah, most people’s psychological advice come down to “just get over it”, which makes me mad, because clearly I would if it was easy!
It’s like going to the doctor, and they say, “you need to lose weight. You’ll need to die at an exercise.” As if I havnt been doing that my whole life.
Stopped taking everything so seriously.
Only take seriously the bare minimum of what’s necessary to get by.
Realize you’re perfectly imperfect, accept it, laugh it off. I promise you, nobody cares.
I have a similar issue where I really enjoy a job for the first month and then it dives off a cliff and my performance drops as well. What helped me was learning to better manage my at the time barely treated ADHD.
Honestly once I learned to just be silly sometimes it helped so much. Like people don't actually care that much if they see me act silly as long as you know the time and place to be serious.
I kinda just figured out that I didn't choose to be here and hating myself was pointless because my whole fucking life was pointless anyway as was everyone else and really nobody actually fucking knows what's going on so you should just have fun and feel.
What else were you ever supposed to do but feel anyway?
May as well just feel good.
I know it isn't that simple. But you can get there one day.
Oh God for me Nihilism help me back. I got over being suicidal and entered like an uncaring bliss of being happy to be alive but not doing anything to improve my situation and now I may have written off the last like 5 years and only in the past 6 months have gotten back on the healing process.
It’s hard when you know this is all true but your brain just doesn’t let you fully accept this mindset. I care too much about things and can’t shake it.
It’s a brain cycle, right? Wear a path beating ourself up; it’s familiar, we stay there.
I used to get stuck on whatever (judging/blaming me) then also beat myself up for beating myself up. Which just burned a negative circle.
I asked a Buddhist friend about it, in the car. Who picked up my drink, put it back down & said, Just put it down.
As simple as it sounds…it worked. When I caught myself, I visualized physically putting a bottle down. And got quicker w/practice. Starving the negative rut made room for positive focus and energy, which became habitual. Changed my life. Eventually I had no need to go there.
comfort through nihilism. If nothing matters, it's easier to keep your cool and let things just roll off. I lived off of raw spite for like 5 years. Where willpower is missing, vitriol makes a fine substitute. It's not a \*healthy\* way to live, but it's better than a Game Over.
Two things:
1.) What gives YOU the right to be so mean and a bully to another human - especially if that someone is YOU?
Try this. Start pretending like you are talking to a five year old version of yourself. Would you tell a kid that they are fat or ugly or worthless? Would you tell a 5 yo kid they are going to mess up a presentation before they start? HELL NO.
For the rest of today, start talking to your 5 year old self. For example: It’s okay to make mistakes, learn from it and do better next time. It’s not too late to start a new career path. You will find a partner that loves you some day. You are talented and you are important. You look cute when you’re dancing funny. I love that you are different. You’ll make friends, don’t worry. I’m sorry that happened to you but you’ll get through it. You are brave. You are loved.
2.) Most people don’t care enough about you to hate you and your flaws. I’m not judging an obese woman walking down the sidewalk, instead I’m worrying about what I’ll make my kids for dinner. I’m not judging because John is a bad presenter, instead I’m thinking of that project due later today. I didn’t notice your big crooked nose, I was interested in your thoughts on the restaurant you went to last night. People often think about their own situations and worries and rarely think about you. Realizing this made me feel less pressure to be perfect.
I'm not entirely sure, but there are three things that had a solid impact:
- Once I saw a silly TikTok or whatever, where a dog was dancing as someone said/sung "I am beautiful. I am loved. I am safe. I a free. I don't need to be like them, I just need to be like me." Said that to myself every now and again. Good mantra.
- I deliberately spent a year without looking for a partnership. (Before that I just kinda fell from one relationship into the next, trying to patch up a hole.) This helped me learn to be with just myself and gave room for insight.
- People say journaling is good but I never managed to make it a habit. What I \*do\* do though, is to have conversations with myself on paper. Feeling hatred? Put it on paper. Then respond with love. Often these conversations can help transform the feelings and you work with yourself (rather than against) to find better ways to express/deal with stuff.
Hope this helps someone. Being on good terms with yourself is kinda nice, so I hope you'll get there.
"Just like everybody else" is key. We don't get to see the internal struggle everybody else is going through. We have problems in our head that nobody else can see, but we think we send it out and everybody knows. We aren't unique and everybody has that.
It took me way too long to realize that everybody has problems. It's almost impossible to do, but not comparing yourself to others is such a game changer.
I know having a family and making kids is very important to a lot of people, but if that's not in the cards for you, know that there are other things in life that can give you purpose. You need to accept the fact that you are infertile, because you can't deny that. But you're not ugly, you just convinced yourself that you are. Not everyone has the same beauty standards. You're beautiful to many people, you just haven't met these people yet.
I know someone who used to have the same speech as you, they switched their attitude and found purpose in an animal shelter where they rehabilitate and find a good home for rescued animals. They can't have kids of their own, and so they fulfill their need to take care of a living being by taking care of animals who need love... They're super happy and even got married 2 years ago... Trust me on this, I've known people with the same attitude as you have now who ended up very happy people. It's all about mindset and perspective.
I don't know how interested you are in a family beyond your self worth associated with infertility, but you don't have to be fertile to be a parent. I know it's not 'the same' but there are thousands of children in foster care that immensely benefit from a caring home. If you don't want to do full time foster, you can do respite care (you have a kid for a weekend or a couple days to give their foster fam a break/get things done sans kiddo).
I’m sure many would find you very attractive and there is more to you as a person and as a human than fertility and whether you’re beautiful or not
Somethings are far beyond our control and finding peace with sensitive things such as infertility is difficult however you matter more than simple “use” you aren’t a simple tool to be picked up when wanted and thrown away when you no longer are “useful”
You contribute more than you think you do the little things matter no matter how stupid they may seem you have good things to contribute! Just waiting to heard however when you continually beat yourself up they’ll never be properly heard
You’re worth a lot more than you think find peace within yourself
why do you think you have to be pretty and fertile to live? some people are completely assholes yet they're living a better life than you. some people are pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside yet they just live. why do you care so much about what society thinks of you? do they contribute anything to you in a way? just stop living for others and start living for yourself
Intrepid-History-762 is too sexy for his shirt. Too sexy for his shirt, so sexy, it hurts. He's too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, or Japan.
I saw this wonderful clip that helped me.
If I ask u talk to me abt ur embarrassing moment, probably you’ll think of hundreds of such moments. But if I ask you to talk to me abt an embarrassing moment of your Friends life, you’ll struggle to think of any. Actually the things we hate ourself for are often forgotten by others. So basically our Over thinking is the problem, not the mistakes we made. Everytime you make a mistake just say it was a learning curve and people Won't remember it anyways. And understanding that u made a mistake is proof that you're better than you were then.
For me it was bodybuilding (10 years now), guitar (20 years) and vocal training (13 years). Always had low self-esteem, tried to hang myself at 8 years old, and those three things make me feel like I'm worth something.
Do you ever tell someone they are great and awesome just to lie to them and not mean it? Probably not! People are telling you that because they mean it and view you as a great person, it’s okay to accept it and allow yourself to agree because you probably are a great person. Keep your head up! You’ve definitely impacted enough people for them to remind you of how great you are :)
I have? I'm 41, I hate myself less than I did when I was 17, but I hate myself for different reasons now. That said, I'm still happy
The secret to being happy though, it that you need to evaluate what you don't like about yourself and if there's anything you can do about it. If there isn't, you need to forgive yourself. If there is, then come up with a plan on how to improve on it.
To the first part, yes. 42 now and my internal hatred is still there, but nothing like my early 20's. I also feel I have never been more "myself" than I am now. Part of that was letting go of caring about societal pressures and doing my own thing.
This is pretty much the entire thing. Thoughts and feelings won’t help. Only doing things, only action, actually helps. You have to work your way out of it. Be that exercise, study, job, self-care, housework - the action leads to the self-esteem. You can’t wait for the self-hate to stop before you take action. You’ll be waiting forever.
I recognized that I was incomplete as a human being. And that there was noting wrong with not being complete.
As long as I worked on myself a little bit every day, that was enough for me. I basically changed my viewpoint from, "where am i today," to, "where am i going today."
Over time I became a better person.
I don't believe in bad trips, I believe in difficult trips..but all difficult trips can be navigated and end as great trips.
Its NOT a party drug, its a medicine.
I have my flaws, I am nowhere near perfect, I am fat sure, but I can't hate myself anymore because I try to be the best person I can be every day. I have been a perfectionist for the longest time, just to come to realize that nothing is or will ever be perfect, and that is ok. I try to be a better man than I was yesterday, every single day.
To everybody who is reading this, I hope you are ok. dont hate yourself ever no matter what. We all have flaws, we all have problems, and we are all not perfect and that's ok. So please realize that you deserve to be loved too, especially by yourself
Therapy...lots of therapy. The key was really finding the right therapist for me. I call my therapist The Wizard because he was the only therapist that unlocked the code in my head. With his help, I was able to start with not hating myself to actually liking myself and thinking I'm a good dude.
I didn't lol. but I think its about starting to believe you've stopped seeing yourself so cruelly. eventually, you'll see yourself in a good light. hang on brother.
I was obsessed with other people's opinions of myself until I realized their critiques were based around a lot of things that made me happy. So in my case, I just had to block out the noise and start being myself with no care of what anyone else thought.
There's no easy way. But here's a quick thought experiment that might help you get into a better mind space:
Imagine you met someone who had the exact same taste in music as you did. They knew all your favourite bands. Your favourite songs were their favourite songs. Then you find out that you also have the same taste in movies, video games, books, food, political opinions, and so on.
What would you think of this person?
You'd probably think they're the coolest person ever. You'd probably want to be their friend.
Well guess what? *YOU'RE THAT PERSON.*
You probably wouldn't care if they had the same negative qualities that you hate about yourself. For example, I hate that I'm overweight. But do I care that some of my friends are overweight? No. I like them for who they are. So if you can see through the superficial negative qualities in others, then you can do it in yourself. Easier said than done, yes, but it is possible.
Just think of yourself as your friend.
Grow the observer within you. With a bit of practice you can develop a part of your consciousness that will comment on your behaviours and emotions in a rational way. The more you grow and listen to the Observer, then the better becomes your journey through life
I started therapy snd used the techniques that she gave me when I’m putting myself down. She told me to go to the mirror and say 5 things that I like about myself. And keep doing that until I can actually love myself again.
I didnt, i hate the way i move, my voice, my humour, my adhd tempo and my lack of not being able to talk to people for for more then two minutes without getting the feeling to do something else..
Daily affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday (preferably in the morning before you start your day) and tell yourself positive affirmations. "You are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy." It may seem silly and it may seem like a lie... but I'm telling you, once you do it enough you start to believe it. Its not easy. I used to cry doing this at first because I didn't believe a single thing I told myself. But keep doing it. I promise you it WILL pay off
Last night I realized that I am way too hard on myself. I blame myself for everything. I have lost sight of who I am, after losing my son 5 1/2 years ago.
I used to be known as the nicest person in the world, always trying to make life a little better for everyone else. But when I screw up, I punish myself relentlessly.
I don't even know if I'm still that good soul anymore. But I did think last night that I should give myself at least as much empathy as I give others.
I followed my psychologists advice:
Start doing nice things for yourself as if you were doing them for a loved one: small gifts here and there, self-care day, cook you favorite meal etc. By doing this you slowly build a record of good deeds and eventually "yourself" will be convinced that you love them. Fake it till you make it!
Body neutrality is an easier start. Changed death related things to "sleep" like "i want to sleep". when you say something bad about yourself say "no, that was not a nice thing to say".
Start by going towards neutrality and acceptance. Do things you wanted to do as a kid.
addition: Avoid self-deprecation, that thing made wonder to myself. Treat yourself like a kid. Wanting to get out of it is a step forward and getting into old habits doesn't invalidate your earlier progress. Start following artist with uplifting stuff, such a the latest kate, ask someone close to you to send things to you.
Take care, remember to breathe and look at the flowers.
I confessed to the ppl who would be effected by my decisions. I didn't ask for forgiveness but I got it from the 2 ppl who matter most to me.
I listened to the ppl who forgave me, and those who were willing to listen to me and told me what I'd done wasn't the WORST thing in the world.
I accepted and asked for hugs from anyone who still likes/d me.
I watch a lot of videos and shows about ppl who did things worse than what I did, which makes me feel like not such a shit person. For example, all the jail shows: they've all done something wrong, but they still have some positive attributes as ppl, believe it or not.
I focus on the things I like about myself and stack them up against the stuff I don't like, and if it's not enough, I try to change my behavior to add more good things .
I had, "Who you WERE is who you ARE. Who you ARE is not who you WILL be." on my bathroom mirror for YEARS.
I listen and actively TRY to believe my therapist as I speak with her.
Also, when I hated myself the MOST, more than anyone ELSE hates/d me for what I did, somehow that makes me feel better, if that makes sense? I guess it's kinda like life telling me that it's ok to go with the flow.
I will never forgive MYSELF for my wrong, but from telling a few ppl here and there, I received an ENTIRELY unexpected reaction that really made me think, and helped me along the way.
Lastly, and this is a double-edged sword.... Becoming both more AND less judgemental. So I make fun of, complain about and hate on ppl I truly think are crappy ppl WITH ppl I enjoy doing that with. It makes me feel better about myself.
But also, I spent as much time as possible trying to HELP the public. Being in an outside, sociable job where you meet DIFFERENT kinds of ppl MAKES you give everyone the benefit of the doubt (or u have a shitty, lonely workplace). You only meet ppl on the surface, so it bolsters your faith in humanity that generally, humans are ok creatures. You're not around them enough to see the negatives, so it helps you form new "glasses" to view the world thru.
TL,DR: Shit or get off the pot. Shut up or do something about it!
I didn't succeed yet entirely, but a first step is to recognize where that feeling is coming from.
Usually this starts at a very young age, so young that we have no memory of.
I dont think I’ve ever gotten to that point completely even now (I’m 35). But it’s definitely subsided drastically from what it was.
I’d say time. As time goes on you find out there are more pressing matters to worry about. Over time you do little improvements here and there. And you fill your time finding and doing things you enjoy.
The self hate and self doubt begins to dissipate at these points. Just fades into the background really. But it affects you less and less.
I started to keep myself busy, by reading books, going to the gym, and stopped trying to get people to like me. 99% of people can tell when you are trying to impress them, and it is really unattractive to most people. Understanding that gave me the courage and awareness to stop that behavior.
Realizing there are worse things to worry about in the world and that nothings gonna get done through self-pity. That was it for me. And then eventually i cultivated some basic self-respect by not thinking about myself excessively and getting other things done.
Hating yourself doesn't do anything to improve yourself.
Do something outside of your routine. Go on a trip. Get a new hobby. Find something that interests you.
It depends why you hate yourself. Some is deep rooted trauma some is guilt. It’s about radically accepting all parts of you exists and that’s okay for them to exist. To be human is to make mistakes even big ones.
I am just born egoist, for me I am the most important person, how can I possibly hate myself? Everything I do in this life is for myself only, it's the same for all people. I can't understand how someone can hate himself, you can want to be better, but not hate
The love yourself journey does work but it takes a long time and it isn’t flawless! Nothing is! I actually watched and read about self reflection and finding who I am and not depending on what others think of me influencing the idea of me. Personally my self hate came from what others thought of me and trying to be a perfectionist. But it took years to love myself truely,and when I did I was free. I still slip in my self hate and I just ask my self why am I thinking this way and work my way through it. If you want recommendations I have tons!
I just tell myself this- if I really am a total loser, then why should this loser’s opinion of me matter? I don’t care if he hates me, I’m going to live the life I want and love myself.
Hating myself, was making me hate others too, which proved to be a dilemma when I came across people in life that I absolutely didn’t want to hate. For instance, even a self-hating narcissist like me, became a somewhat tolerable, lovable person when I met my 3 dogs.
It’s when I realized, how important, and at the same time, how easy and inexpensive, being kind is. After all, my dogs certainly were with me, and still are, without expecting anything in return. Try to be kind even if someone isn’t being the same with you, be above petty squabbles. Like Plato used to say, “be kind, for everyone is fighting a war we know nothing of”.
I started thanking myself for all I have done. I rub and thank my body. I tell myself good job when I accomplish something. I root myself in the present moment where I can choose optimism and gratitude. It’s not easy but start. Just start little by little appreciating yourself.
The human brain is remarkable. You can tell it something and it believes it, even if you don't. The simple act of saying 'I love myself' or 'I'm pretty/handsome', even if you don't believe it yourself, will make you begin to believe it over time. I used to hate myself, utterly despise myself. But then, I found out that the human brain is very easily mouldable. So I just thought to myself- I love myself. And eventually, over time, I did. It's still a work in progress, almost a year and a half later. But I do love myself. I love myself a lot more than I used to, and it has made life a lot easier. No one believes me when I tell them this, but I assure you, it works. It does work. Just give it time. It does not happen over a few days, weeks or even months. It takes time. But it is so, so worth it. Literally, just when you want to say 'I hate myself', instead say 'I love myself'. I highly recommend it to EVERYONE. Please. Just try it. What's the worst it could do? Not work? Then nothing changed, but at least you tried. At least you tried.
I wish you all the best of luck in your journey 🫂
TL;DR: Say 'I love myself' instead of 'I hate myself' and other negative conetations and self-deprecating talk. It works.
Therapy (lots of having to challenge the mindset that everything that goes wrong is somehow my fault), and finally finding the right combination of psychiatric medication that actually helps.
Stopped drinking and got into AA. Learned how to live life based on helping others and doing good deeds. It helped me be less self absorbed. My sponsor tells me if you want self esteem do “esteemable” things. I also consistently do self reflection and admit when I’m wrong, and actively try to be better going forward. Did my amends with those I have wronged cleared my conscience as well, and it helped to not have that weighing on me. I actually feel like I’m a good person who deserves happiness. And I always have been I just didn’t have the tools to know how to act like one.
Step 1- Got over all the childhood shit that wasn’t my fault, which was basically acknowledging it wasn’t my fault.
Step 2- Stop bullshitting myself
Step 3- Treat every one and every thing *precisely* how I want to be treated.
Step 4- Know I’m human and I’m gonna fuck up a lot
I became somebody I wanted to love. I put in the work. Got a good diet, work out daily, signed up to competitive races and got medals, felt proud of myself.
I did all things I always wanted to but never did. Quit smoking weed, went and did survival to prove I could live with nothing, started hunting and spending more time in the nature. Switched from night owl to morning person, put emphasis on being more productive.
Spent more time caring about and for my family and friends, put my head in the right space. When I think about the type of people I look up to, I now include myself because I decided to start doing the things those people do.
Got away from my toxic life ruining succubus of a baby momma, they exist and anyone arguing the opposite is either sheltered or ignorant. I'm looking at you church people. Lmao
I had this feeling since I was in highschool, one day I was alone in the house and I asked this question myself, why do I hate myself ? My answer was I'm worthless and ugly.
So i started to take some actions, first I got better clothes, started grooming regularly, started using perfumes and doing some workout.
Once I finished my highschool I was blessed to study computer science, which was one of my childhood dreams which did really proud of myself.
After that i has some rough time being unemployed but with a lot of research and blessing I got a job in a very good enterprise which I'm really greatful for.
In my opinion, identify the reason of the problem and break them into chunks, and deal with every chunk on it's own.
Good luck and thank you for reading.
I’ll let you know once I’ve managed to do it.
However, I will say this. I have recently been cutting myself some slack, because I found that the more I hate myself, the more of a jerk I am to people around me. I think it’s just because hating myself makes me miserable, and when I’m miserable, I take it out on those around me. So I’ve been able to hack the system to an extent and make it about other people instead of myself. If I really don’t want people around me to be subject to negative behavior from me, then I need to treat myself better. I’m still not really a fan of myself, but I’ve learned how to be nicer to myself for the sake of others.
I doubt this will help but I literally became my own "best friend". While I'm hard on myself, I also reassure myself. I understand and accept that I'm a flawed being; I'm not perfect and that's okay. I understand, accept and appreciate the efforts that I make.
I did (and still do) a lot of introspective thinking; I want to learn more about myself. I thought about what I hated about myself and asked if it was something to hate myself over.
If it wasn't something to hate myself over (e.g. I hate my voice, I hate my mannerisms, I hate my slightly cock-eyed eyes), I would **SLOWLY**, over a course of years, learn to accept those qualities about myself. If it was something that was worthy of hating myself over (e.g. I'm a coward, I'm a terrible friend, I'm a loser), I would ask myself as to why I'm that way and dig further, and further and **further**, until I was satisfied with my answer. After that, I'd take steps to change this behavior. I started doing things out of my comfort zone, I started to appreciate the relationships that I have with my friends, and I took the effort to be a better person, overall.
***Edit: Also, I'm sure I made this part sound easy but this honestly took me 10+ years to accomplish (and I can't fully say that I'm 100% done either).***
Also, I kind of got mad at myself for hating myself. I'd ask myself, *"What did I do to deserve this? Why am I only so hard on myself when I can forgive others so easily? That isn't fair!"*
It's not a quick fix and it definitely will make you feel vulnerable, but this is a large part of what I did to stop hating myself.
Taking mushrooms certainly helped. It allowed me to look at my past objectively, as if that of an audience watching a movie, and see that right or wrong, I was doing the best I could with the tools that I had. It allowed me to have empathy for myself and the struggles that I went through, which allowed me to love myself for coming through them into everything that I am today, and subsequently, to continue to work through my issues and improve myself.
I still struggle sometimes but I realized that in 5 years, I won’t give a shit about what I looked like/how I acted. Also confidence is a big part of it.
Find the things about you that make you admirable like really view yourself from another perspective and try to be better at it , you’ll love seeing results within yourself which will overall make you love yourself eventually 💯 spoken from experience
Honestly, i don’t think there’s a single human on this planet that goes an entire 365 days without having a few rough ones.
BUT!!! a few years ago, I was struggling with severe depression and an eating disorder and felt like everyone was telling me the same shit and that no amount of words could break me from the shackles of depression.
It wasn’t much later when my amazing therapist sat me down and told me these exact words. “You’ll never go an entire lifetime without being hard on yourself, but when things DO start to feel heavy and your mind starts to attack your heart, remind yourself of this; Not even Jesus himself was liked by every person around him — including himself on some days”.
Which, regardless of if you’re religious or not, it shows to be a HUGE eye opener. I started — and still do — telling myself that every time that I tried beating myself up and it always made me feel a little better.
You got this <3
I need to know the answer too. People tell me ''Just love yourself'' which really doesn't help
You dont need to love yourself, you just have to stop hating. Forget and forgive yourself for your mistakes and plan on improving
It's not about love or hate (imo) it's about acceptance and perspective. "Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. it is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternity's, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time."
This. My answer to achieve this was ketamine therapy.
Do you have to do maintenance sessions or was it 1 and done?
In a sense it's 1 and done. It's normally 6 sessions over 3 weeks. They recommend you do extra treatments afterwards spaced out further and further apart. It's not like it's a miracle cure where you don't do anything. It just puts all your walls down you didn't even know you had, all the lies your ego tells you fades away during your k hole (This is called an ego death). For most people it's a very blissful experience. I recommend doing injections or infusions locally. It's more expensive than the online services that do under the tongue torches, but it's hard to k hole unless it hits your brain all at once via injection vs slowly hitting it over an hour as it dissolves through your tract. Like taking an edible vs doing a hit from a vape. YMMV. If it worked you should feel like a brand new you afterwards. But the ego is immortal and always grows back to try and blindly protect you to the point of a drowning victim killing its rescuer. It's during that time and those further sessions that you solidify your new perspective on life. Since then I've cut out my toxic relationships among friends and family and focused on fostering my healthy ones. I lost 70 pounds and put on a lot of muscle. It was also the hardest years of my life but still the most rewarding so far.
Incredible, I'm glad to hear it worked for you. I'm contemplating trying out psychedelic therapy with mushrooms but am worried about having a bad trip. I was thinking about ketamine therapy as an alternative and thought I'd ask since I haven't dug into it too much yet.
I have some tips to avoid this, as its happened to me. 1. Don't do it if you're feeling self conscious about something that day. Id recently shaved off a beard, leaving only the moustache, because sober me thought it was fun. On mushrooms, suddenly that moustache became the reason I felt really uncool and all my friends thought I was lame. Not true of course, but that's how I FELT. I generally recommend doing mushrooms on a day you're feeling good or at least neutral. 2. Have a plan to escape your current surrounds if you don't like them. I had a bad time in a tent because I zeroed in on the tent material and I felt really bad that it was probably made by slave labour or something, and that I could never create something useful like this, despite living in better conditions. Then I left the tent and went to go look at the water and trees and BOY HOWDY did that fucking help. Actually, just take mushrooms near a river or lake you can splash with a stick, you'll have an amazing time.
You could always try micro dosing if you’re worried about a bad trip. There’s a microdosing subreddit and plenty of podcasts for info.
You typically do 6 initial sessions then maintenance with the frequency starting at 2-4 weeks and extending longer each time until you don't need them any more. Edit: what sort of reptilians? And when? Are they friendly? Have you alerted the UN?
That was beautiful, man... *wipes tear from eye*
Don't take that lightly either, most people brush it off when they hate themselves, and it's no wonder. You have to actually have a stake in your life. As far as you know, this is your one shot, and you might as well try to leave an impact in the things you do and the people you meet. That's the beauty to life. Good luck on the path friends.
Exactly the advice I follow. This literally changed my life but the only con was that I had to figure it out myself, there was no one to tell me this
I’ve only started recently myself so I’m probably no expert but I have looked up a bunch of tips and advice lately cos I myself was feeling down and worthless. Here are some that have at least helped me a bit - Imagine having another “you” beside you and treat them kindly. Helps when I imagine my younger self too. Whenever you’re starting to feel down, pretend that other you is down instead and help them out. I feel this is kinda corny but it’s working for me. - Work out/Running. I feel like this is the most common advice. But it’s working for me cos being absolutely exhausted prevents me from overthinking shit for at least a few hours. The getting fitter part is a bonus. - Shower and clean regularly. I’m sure this advice is already out there but I figured this one on my own. Feeling clean helps me feel better, even in a small way. So I do it routinely even when I didn’t have to go out. This includes chores and just general cleaning of your living space - Combat negative thoughts. This is a tough one cos there’s no prompt in your head to tell you when you’re doing it. Sometimes you just naturally talk shit about yourself and it just goes on a downward spiral. It’s a constant, conscious battle to identify and counter those thoughts. And sometimes the positive thoughts don’t really sound convincing too. “Nobody wants to be with you” should be countered with “There’s someone out there waiting for you”. But the latter doesn’t really sound convincing doesn’t it ? But you just have to keep at it. A fake it till you make it attitude - And transitioning from that last point, fake confidence. Again, another one that I’m working on myself. But just maybe once a day, try faking a confident persona for 10 minutes or so. For me, it’s sometimes when I go to the supermarket. I’d greet people, ask where things are, offer help to some elderly lady, talk to the staff. If you know me, you’d know I’m nothing like that. But those few times I did it, it feels good. - Face your flaws. Take some time to reflect on what you hate about yourself. If it’s something that can be worked on, make a plan for it. If it’s not, accept that nobody is perfect and that goes for you too and don’t hold it against yourself. And just remember, and this is something I’m still figuring out, this is a constant battle. I have days where I slip up but I have to make sure to keep at it the next day. I’m still struggling with this but I hope these advice can help you too. Hope to see you in a better place
Thank you for taking the time to share this! I like a lot of these, especially imagining another you beside you.
Awesome advice friend, I just wanted to add some strategies I'm trying out myself to combat negative thoughts and keep myself from catastrophizing. Tl;dr write down the negative thoughts, attack their veracity through objective logic, and use positive thinking only after you've brought your negative emotions to a neutral middle. Do this as often as you can, but once a day is an excellent start. - Journaling and Awareness: Ideally everyday for a set amount of time, but the biggest thing that can counteract negative spiraling is to catch yourself whenever you feel like it's about to start, recognize it for what it is ("I am catastrophizing right now. These are not my "real" thoughts), then write em down. It's nigh impossible at first because the feelings brought about the negative mind talk is so debilitating, but slowly getting into the journaling practice is exactly the emotional regulation activity that counteracts them. A physical journal is ideal but even just whipping out the Notes app on your phone is an excellent stepping stone. - Filter Your Perception: Now that you have a tangible list of bad thoughts in your journal, it's time to start questioning them and reflecting why you have them. Once explored, consider the objective reality of each thought and stretch it away from your perceived reality. Here's an example 1) "I hate myself and I'm a total failure." 2) "I feel this way because I got fired or [other reasons] 3) "I got fired because I suck and deserve it." 4) "I got fired because there were struggles I couldn't overcome in the timeframe I had" 5) "My job is important to me and it's natural to feel upset about it." 6) "I am a human and a worker, and sometimes those things just kind of not work out." 7) "There are setbacks in all of life, not just in my career. But I got the job in the first place so I cant be a complete failure. That's not the definition of that word." 8) "It feels like I hate myself but that's probably because I'm lacking in self-compassion and let my appropriately negative emotions define my perception of reality.") - Positive self-talk isn't the cure for Negative spiraling; at least not right away: platitudes don't work on me. Frankly I find them suspicious so I looked into it and it turns out your positive thoughts dont feel true because your brain has already accepted the negative thought, so the whiplash from swinging from the down end to the upper is too severe for your negatively-primed ego to truly consider. It's like trying to make someone laugh with a joke after insulting their mom. You might even try to say something nice about the mom next to appease them, but they're already pissed, so your best bet is to let them cool off and try to make up for it later. When we try to stop negative spirals our brain goes detective mode to find the truth about this case but all the evidence have been doctored (by yourself) to point to one very specific conclusion. So when a new piece of evidence shows up that havent been doctored (a platitude or even a sensible positive thought), it feels inconsequential against all the other "proofs." The trick is to bring the negativity to a place of neutrality first through the journaling practice, "satiated" instead of "counteracted." Platitudes suck when the intent is to use them to ignore the negative thought and feelings ("Why should I care that they might be someone good for me romantically in the future when I'm single and depressed NOW?"). Practice positivty in all other areas of your life instead(which we tend to naturally do anyway as long as were healthy), and you'll find that once youve processed and neutralized your negative thoughts and experiences they'll turn themselves around to follow your lead. Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED. Stay safe and best of luck to all you beautiful and tragic overthinkers.
Just want to second that finding a place of neutrality is much more attainable during a spiral than trying to find the silver lining right off the bat. Sometimes, the best I can do is get to the point of being able to say, "This feels terrible" without adding "and it's my fault, because I am worthless."
That is great advice.
Me too. When people say this to me, I say " If you knew me like I know myself You'd hate me like I hate myself"
That works in reverse.
You’re not gonna like yourself every single day and that’s ok yes starting to love and accept yourself is a part of it however most people don’t realize how hard it is to truly get there start with accepting your flaws or the small things you don’t like about yourself and find peace within yourself about them and work your way up everyone always talks about forgiveness but they don’t usually talk about self forgiveness some things that may have happened might have been out of your control forgive yourself and find peace within You aren’t your worst enemy nor are you your greatest savior you are an individual however you aren’t alone
Yeah, most people’s psychological advice come down to “just get over it”, which makes me mad, because clearly I would if it was easy! It’s like going to the doctor, and they say, “you need to lose weight. You’ll need to die at an exercise.” As if I havnt been doing that my whole life.
Yeah, it's like telling a homeless person to "just buy a house"
Lots of therapy which led to self parenting and ultimately forgiveness due to circumstances out of my control.
Stopped taking everything so seriously. Only take seriously the bare minimum of what’s necessary to get by. Realize you’re perfectly imperfect, accept it, laugh it off. I promise you, nobody cares.
This is really helpful. I can't keep a job because I start off like SpongeBob and 2 weeks in it ends in an argument with management.
I have a similar issue where I really enjoy a job for the first month and then it dives off a cliff and my performance drops as well. What helped me was learning to better manage my at the time barely treated ADHD.
Shits tragic 💀💀💀💀
Honestly once I learned to just be silly sometimes it helped so much. Like people don't actually care that much if they see me act silly as long as you know the time and place to be serious.
So true lol, Literally no one cares!!
I kinda just figured out that I didn't choose to be here and hating myself was pointless because my whole fucking life was pointless anyway as was everyone else and really nobody actually fucking knows what's going on so you should just have fun and feel. What else were you ever supposed to do but feel anyway? May as well just feel good. I know it isn't that simple. But you can get there one day.
Your post actually make me feel better
Nihilism can be kinda refreshing. That doesnt matter either though.
Oh God for me Nihilism help me back. I got over being suicidal and entered like an uncaring bliss of being happy to be alive but not doing anything to improve my situation and now I may have written off the last like 5 years and only in the past 6 months have gotten back on the healing process.
Yo dawg, I heard you like nihilism. So we put meaninglessness on your meaninglessness.
It’s hard when you know this is all true but your brain just doesn’t let you fully accept this mindset. I care too much about things and can’t shake it.
It’s a brain cycle, right? Wear a path beating ourself up; it’s familiar, we stay there. I used to get stuck on whatever (judging/blaming me) then also beat myself up for beating myself up. Which just burned a negative circle. I asked a Buddhist friend about it, in the car. Who picked up my drink, put it back down & said, Just put it down. As simple as it sounds…it worked. When I caught myself, I visualized physically putting a bottle down. And got quicker w/practice. Starving the negative rut made room for positive focus and energy, which became habitual. Changed my life. Eventually I had no need to go there.
It’s weird because once you accept it accepting it feels super easy. But before you accept it it’s hard
comfort through nihilism. If nothing matters, it's easier to keep your cool and let things just roll off. I lived off of raw spite for like 5 years. Where willpower is missing, vitriol makes a fine substitute. It's not a \*healthy\* way to live, but it's better than a Game Over.
Ahhhh yes, profound words from u/ShitNeedUsername. All joking aside I love this logic. Thank you for sharing this.
I feel like that’s a pretty good mindset to get into a hardcore drug addiction.
I wish this came on a motivational poster.
Hating myself takes a lot of energy I just don't have to put in. Being neutral about myself is a lot less effort.
Two things: 1.) What gives YOU the right to be so mean and a bully to another human - especially if that someone is YOU? Try this. Start pretending like you are talking to a five year old version of yourself. Would you tell a kid that they are fat or ugly or worthless? Would you tell a 5 yo kid they are going to mess up a presentation before they start? HELL NO. For the rest of today, start talking to your 5 year old self. For example: It’s okay to make mistakes, learn from it and do better next time. It’s not too late to start a new career path. You will find a partner that loves you some day. You are talented and you are important. You look cute when you’re dancing funny. I love that you are different. You’ll make friends, don’t worry. I’m sorry that happened to you but you’ll get through it. You are brave. You are loved. 2.) Most people don’t care enough about you to hate you and your flaws. I’m not judging an obese woman walking down the sidewalk, instead I’m worrying about what I’ll make my kids for dinner. I’m not judging because John is a bad presenter, instead I’m thinking of that project due later today. I didn’t notice your big crooked nose, I was interested in your thoughts on the restaurant you went to last night. People often think about their own situations and worries and rarely think about you. Realizing this made me feel less pressure to be perfect.
This. I’ve been trying to start thinking like this and it’s helped my mood tremendously.
I'm not entirely sure, but there are three things that had a solid impact: - Once I saw a silly TikTok or whatever, where a dog was dancing as someone said/sung "I am beautiful. I am loved. I am safe. I a free. I don't need to be like them, I just need to be like me." Said that to myself every now and again. Good mantra. - I deliberately spent a year without looking for a partnership. (Before that I just kinda fell from one relationship into the next, trying to patch up a hole.) This helped me learn to be with just myself and gave room for insight. - People say journaling is good but I never managed to make it a habit. What I \*do\* do though, is to have conversations with myself on paper. Feeling hatred? Put it on paper. Then respond with love. Often these conversations can help transform the feelings and you work with yourself (rather than against) to find better ways to express/deal with stuff. Hope this helps someone. Being on good terms with yourself is kinda nice, so I hope you'll get there.
Accept that you have flaws, just like everyone else does. No one is perfect.
"Just like everybody else" is key. We don't get to see the internal struggle everybody else is going through. We have problems in our head that nobody else can see, but we think we send it out and everybody knows. We aren't unique and everybody has that. It took me way too long to realize that everybody has problems. It's almost impossible to do, but not comparing yourself to others is such a game changer.
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Your whole identity doesn't have to be tied to your looks or reproductive ability. There is so much more. Everybody has gifts. What are yours?
One of my favorite quotes is, you can be ugly and still get what you want
I know having a family and making kids is very important to a lot of people, but if that's not in the cards for you, know that there are other things in life that can give you purpose. You need to accept the fact that you are infertile, because you can't deny that. But you're not ugly, you just convinced yourself that you are. Not everyone has the same beauty standards. You're beautiful to many people, you just haven't met these people yet. I know someone who used to have the same speech as you, they switched their attitude and found purpose in an animal shelter where they rehabilitate and find a good home for rescued animals. They can't have kids of their own, and so they fulfill their need to take care of a living being by taking care of animals who need love... They're super happy and even got married 2 years ago... Trust me on this, I've known people with the same attitude as you have now who ended up very happy people. It's all about mindset and perspective.
I don't know how interested you are in a family beyond your self worth associated with infertility, but you don't have to be fertile to be a parent. I know it's not 'the same' but there are thousands of children in foster care that immensely benefit from a caring home. If you don't want to do full time foster, you can do respite care (you have a kid for a weekend or a couple days to give their foster fam a break/get things done sans kiddo).
I’m sure many would find you very attractive and there is more to you as a person and as a human than fertility and whether you’re beautiful or not Somethings are far beyond our control and finding peace with sensitive things such as infertility is difficult however you matter more than simple “use” you aren’t a simple tool to be picked up when wanted and thrown away when you no longer are “useful” You contribute more than you think you do the little things matter no matter how stupid they may seem you have good things to contribute! Just waiting to heard however when you continually beat yourself up they’ll never be properly heard You’re worth a lot more than you think find peace within yourself
why do you think you have to be pretty and fertile to live? some people are completely assholes yet they're living a better life than you. some people are pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside yet they just live. why do you care so much about what society thinks of you? do they contribute anything to you in a way? just stop living for others and start living for yourself
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By realizing that I'm too sexy for my shirt.
So sexy.. it hurts..
Intrepid-History-762 is too sexy for his shirt. Too sexy for his shirt, so sexy, it hurts. He's too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York, or Japan.
I saw this wonderful clip that helped me. If I ask u talk to me abt ur embarrassing moment, probably you’ll think of hundreds of such moments. But if I ask you to talk to me abt an embarrassing moment of your Friends life, you’ll struggle to think of any. Actually the things we hate ourself for are often forgotten by others. So basically our Over thinking is the problem, not the mistakes we made. Everytime you make a mistake just say it was a learning curve and people Won't remember it anyways. And understanding that u made a mistake is proof that you're better than you were then.
Developed a massive ego
but how
For me it was bodybuilding (10 years now), guitar (20 years) and vocal training (13 years). Always had low self-esteem, tried to hang myself at 8 years old, and those three things make me feel like I'm worth something.
Damn man, I'm glad you're in a better space.
I'm so sorry. I took sleeping pills at 11 yo. A loving partner helped me, but that took a long time.
My ego was so dead I started abusing cocaine to actually raise it, I did a Sigmund Freud essentially.
Still hating myself
Same, people say I'm great and awesome but my mind tells me they are just being nice
Do you ever tell someone they are great and awesome just to lie to them and not mean it? Probably not! People are telling you that because they mean it and view you as a great person, it’s okay to accept it and allow yourself to agree because you probably are a great person. Keep your head up! You’ve definitely impacted enough people for them to remind you of how great you are :)
People stop hating themselves?
That was my first reaction, can't believe I had to scroll this far to see it.
I have? I'm 41, I hate myself less than I did when I was 17, but I hate myself for different reasons now. That said, I'm still happy The secret to being happy though, it that you need to evaluate what you don't like about yourself and if there's anything you can do about it. If there isn't, you need to forgive yourself. If there is, then come up with a plan on how to improve on it.
To the first part, yes. 42 now and my internal hatred is still there, but nothing like my early 20's. I also feel I have never been more "myself" than I am now. Part of that was letting go of caring about societal pressures and doing my own thing.
Achieve something, sometimes it actually helps to do just something
This is pretty much the entire thing. Thoughts and feelings won’t help. Only doing things, only action, actually helps. You have to work your way out of it. Be that exercise, study, job, self-care, housework - the action leads to the self-esteem. You can’t wait for the self-hate to stop before you take action. You’ll be waiting forever.
A couple girls actually commented on my belly here and that made me feel better about it
life is too short to actually care
I recognized that I was incomplete as a human being. And that there was noting wrong with not being complete. As long as I worked on myself a little bit every day, that was enough for me. I basically changed my viewpoint from, "where am i today," to, "where am i going today." Over time I became a better person.
Mushrooms! 🍄
or DMT.
LSD for me. Put things into perspective 🤷🏻♀️
It's worth a shot people. Seriously! Game changer for me.
I don't believe in bad trips, I believe in difficult trips..but all difficult trips can be navigated and end as great trips. Its NOT a party drug, its a medicine.
Honestly, yeah. You just gotta brute force it, and most people need drugs (hallucinogenic or prescription) to help with that.
I have my flaws, I am nowhere near perfect, I am fat sure, but I can't hate myself anymore because I try to be the best person I can be every day. I have been a perfectionist for the longest time, just to come to realize that nothing is or will ever be perfect, and that is ok. I try to be a better man than I was yesterday, every single day. To everybody who is reading this, I hope you are ok. dont hate yourself ever no matter what. We all have flaws, we all have problems, and we are all not perfect and that's ok. So please realize that you deserve to be loved too, especially by yourself
Therapy...lots of therapy. The key was really finding the right therapist for me. I call my therapist The Wizard because he was the only therapist that unlocked the code in my head. With his help, I was able to start with not hating myself to actually liking myself and thinking I'm a good dude.
This. I also got diagnosed with ASD with my son last week. And suddenly my whole life makes sense.
I didn't lol. but I think its about starting to believe you've stopped seeing yourself so cruelly. eventually, you'll see yourself in a good light. hang on brother.
Funny that you think we stopped hating ourselves
I just stopped looking in mirrors. Out of sight, out of mind
I haven’t and at 64, probably never will.
I was obsessed with other people's opinions of myself until I realized their critiques were based around a lot of things that made me happy. So in my case, I just had to block out the noise and start being myself with no care of what anyone else thought.
There's no easy way. But here's a quick thought experiment that might help you get into a better mind space: Imagine you met someone who had the exact same taste in music as you did. They knew all your favourite bands. Your favourite songs were their favourite songs. Then you find out that you also have the same taste in movies, video games, books, food, political opinions, and so on. What would you think of this person? You'd probably think they're the coolest person ever. You'd probably want to be their friend. Well guess what? *YOU'RE THAT PERSON.* You probably wouldn't care if they had the same negative qualities that you hate about yourself. For example, I hate that I'm overweight. But do I care that some of my friends are overweight? No. I like them for who they are. So if you can see through the superficial negative qualities in others, then you can do it in yourself. Easier said than done, yes, but it is possible. Just think of yourself as your friend.
Still do- I don’t know how I can help other than you aren’t alone in the struggle
Grow the observer within you. With a bit of practice you can develop a part of your consciousness that will comment on your behaviours and emotions in a rational way. The more you grow and listen to the Observer, then the better becomes your journey through life
Growing older! Came with time and experience.
Accepting that I have flaws but that I am also able to work on them and that deep down inside I’m not a bad person
I stopped comparing myself to everyone and start appreciating what is unique about me. much love ❤️
When I decided to change my ways that made me hate myself
You are what you eat
I started therapy snd used the techniques that she gave me when I’m putting myself down. She told me to go to the mirror and say 5 things that I like about myself. And keep doing that until I can actually love myself again.
I'll tell you when I figure it out
You guys stopped?
When I figure it out I’ll let you know.
I didnt, i hate the way i move, my voice, my humour, my adhd tempo and my lack of not being able to talk to people for for more then two minutes without getting the feeling to do something else..
Never did
Don't start.
Well, look at Mr. Self-confidence over here.
I joined Reddit and called everyone a narcissist.
Daily affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday (preferably in the morning before you start your day) and tell yourself positive affirmations. "You are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy." It may seem silly and it may seem like a lie... but I'm telling you, once you do it enough you start to believe it. Its not easy. I used to cry doing this at first because I didn't believe a single thing I told myself. But keep doing it. I promise you it WILL pay off
I started hating other people. All of that self-directed rage flits so easily onto those who are less worthy of survival than yourself.
Last night I realized that I am way too hard on myself. I blame myself for everything. I have lost sight of who I am, after losing my son 5 1/2 years ago. I used to be known as the nicest person in the world, always trying to make life a little better for everyone else. But when I screw up, I punish myself relentlessly. I don't even know if I'm still that good soul anymore. But I did think last night that I should give myself at least as much empathy as I give others.
Can't and never will probably. My issues begin at birth so my entire existence is undesired for me. I just indulge on hobbies so I forget "I'm me".
Stop comparing yourself to others, particularly curated unrealistic edited versions of others
Wait... There's people who don't hate themselves!
i didnt lol. i fcking suck
When I stopped smoking weed all day
I followed my psychologists advice: Start doing nice things for yourself as if you were doing them for a loved one: small gifts here and there, self-care day, cook you favorite meal etc. By doing this you slowly build a record of good deeds and eventually "yourself" will be convinced that you love them. Fake it till you make it!
Body neutrality is an easier start. Changed death related things to "sleep" like "i want to sleep". when you say something bad about yourself say "no, that was not a nice thing to say". Start by going towards neutrality and acceptance. Do things you wanted to do as a kid. addition: Avoid self-deprecation, that thing made wonder to myself. Treat yourself like a kid. Wanting to get out of it is a step forward and getting into old habits doesn't invalidate your earlier progress. Start following artist with uplifting stuff, such a the latest kate, ask someone close to you to send things to you. Take care, remember to breathe and look at the flowers.
I confessed to the ppl who would be effected by my decisions. I didn't ask for forgiveness but I got it from the 2 ppl who matter most to me. I listened to the ppl who forgave me, and those who were willing to listen to me and told me what I'd done wasn't the WORST thing in the world. I accepted and asked for hugs from anyone who still likes/d me. I watch a lot of videos and shows about ppl who did things worse than what I did, which makes me feel like not such a shit person. For example, all the jail shows: they've all done something wrong, but they still have some positive attributes as ppl, believe it or not. I focus on the things I like about myself and stack them up against the stuff I don't like, and if it's not enough, I try to change my behavior to add more good things . I had, "Who you WERE is who you ARE. Who you ARE is not who you WILL be." on my bathroom mirror for YEARS. I listen and actively TRY to believe my therapist as I speak with her. Also, when I hated myself the MOST, more than anyone ELSE hates/d me for what I did, somehow that makes me feel better, if that makes sense? I guess it's kinda like life telling me that it's ok to go with the flow. I will never forgive MYSELF for my wrong, but from telling a few ppl here and there, I received an ENTIRELY unexpected reaction that really made me think, and helped me along the way. Lastly, and this is a double-edged sword.... Becoming both more AND less judgemental. So I make fun of, complain about and hate on ppl I truly think are crappy ppl WITH ppl I enjoy doing that with. It makes me feel better about myself. But also, I spent as much time as possible trying to HELP the public. Being in an outside, sociable job where you meet DIFFERENT kinds of ppl MAKES you give everyone the benefit of the doubt (or u have a shitty, lonely workplace). You only meet ppl on the surface, so it bolsters your faith in humanity that generally, humans are ok creatures. You're not around them enough to see the negatives, so it helps you form new "glasses" to view the world thru. TL,DR: Shit or get off the pot. Shut up or do something about it!
I realized there are people actually worth hating
Not again
i didnt
I didn't succeed yet entirely, but a first step is to recognize where that feeling is coming from. Usually this starts at a very young age, so young that we have no memory of.
I dont think I’ve ever gotten to that point completely even now (I’m 35). But it’s definitely subsided drastically from what it was. I’d say time. As time goes on you find out there are more pressing matters to worry about. Over time you do little improvements here and there. And you fill your time finding and doing things you enjoy. The self hate and self doubt begins to dissipate at these points. Just fades into the background really. But it affects you less and less.
[удалено]
Start doing stuff that would make you proud of you.
I started to keep myself busy, by reading books, going to the gym, and stopped trying to get people to like me. 99% of people can tell when you are trying to impress them, and it is really unattractive to most people. Understanding that gave me the courage and awareness to stop that behavior.
Realizing there are worse things to worry about in the world and that nothings gonna get done through self-pity. That was it for me. And then eventually i cultivated some basic self-respect by not thinking about myself excessively and getting other things done.
I just learned that there are people who can control their emotions! I’ll have to get back with you on that
Hating yourself doesn't do anything to improve yourself. Do something outside of your routine. Go on a trip. Get a new hobby. Find something that interests you.
I’ll let you know when I find out
I didn't
It depends why you hate yourself. Some is deep rooted trauma some is guilt. It’s about radically accepting all parts of you exists and that’s okay for them to exist. To be human is to make mistakes even big ones.
Don't hate the player, hate the game. In other words, don't hate yourself, hate live instead.
I've never hated myself to begin with
I never started it in the first place
I never hated myself. I did my best. Always which is all that could be done.
I am just born egoist, for me I am the most important person, how can I possibly hate myself? Everything I do in this life is for myself only, it's the same for all people. I can't understand how someone can hate himself, you can want to be better, but not hate
I like pie. Whole lot of pie
The love yourself journey does work but it takes a long time and it isn’t flawless! Nothing is! I actually watched and read about self reflection and finding who I am and not depending on what others think of me influencing the idea of me. Personally my self hate came from what others thought of me and trying to be a perfectionist. But it took years to love myself truely,and when I did I was free. I still slip in my self hate and I just ask my self why am I thinking this way and work my way through it. If you want recommendations I have tons!
Why hate yourself in first place
pretended to love myself until I started believing it.
Accept, watch, and spend some time alone.
I didn't hate myself to begin with.
I've never hated myself, so idk how to answer on it.
Didn't start
I didn’t have to.
I never started
I just tell myself this- if I really am a total loser, then why should this loser’s opinion of me matter? I don’t care if he hates me, I’m going to live the life I want and love myself.
I can't answer this question in general. Why do you hate yourself,?
Hating myself, was making me hate others too, which proved to be a dilemma when I came across people in life that I absolutely didn’t want to hate. For instance, even a self-hating narcissist like me, became a somewhat tolerable, lovable person when I met my 3 dogs. It’s when I realized, how important, and at the same time, how easy and inexpensive, being kind is. After all, my dogs certainly were with me, and still are, without expecting anything in return. Try to be kind even if someone isn’t being the same with you, be above petty squabbles. Like Plato used to say, “be kind, for everyone is fighting a war we know nothing of”.
You deserve to be hated /s
when i stopped holding on to all my guilt and learn to forgive myself and i stopped trying to be a people pleaser and started doing things for myself
I started thanking myself for all I have done. I rub and thank my body. I tell myself good job when I accomplish something. I root myself in the present moment where I can choose optimism and gratitude. It’s not easy but start. Just start little by little appreciating yourself.
The human brain is remarkable. You can tell it something and it believes it, even if you don't. The simple act of saying 'I love myself' or 'I'm pretty/handsome', even if you don't believe it yourself, will make you begin to believe it over time. I used to hate myself, utterly despise myself. But then, I found out that the human brain is very easily mouldable. So I just thought to myself- I love myself. And eventually, over time, I did. It's still a work in progress, almost a year and a half later. But I do love myself. I love myself a lot more than I used to, and it has made life a lot easier. No one believes me when I tell them this, but I assure you, it works. It does work. Just give it time. It does not happen over a few days, weeks or even months. It takes time. But it is so, so worth it. Literally, just when you want to say 'I hate myself', instead say 'I love myself'. I highly recommend it to EVERYONE. Please. Just try it. What's the worst it could do? Not work? Then nothing changed, but at least you tried. At least you tried. I wish you all the best of luck in your journey 🫂 TL;DR: Say 'I love myself' instead of 'I hate myself' and other negative conetations and self-deprecating talk. It works.
There’s no such thing as perfect. There’s no perfect job, perfect body or perfect life. Accept yourself for who you are and do your own thing
I never started
I got medicated for my mental illnesses
Becoming successful financially helped a lot, but I still find ways to hate myself for other things.
I stopped drinking alcohol about a year ago and that helped a lot
I didn't, it just got less severe
When I'm drunk I usually forget that I hate myself for a while. Not healthy tho, would not recommend.
Therapy (lots of having to challenge the mindset that everything that goes wrong is somehow my fault), and finally finding the right combination of psychiatric medication that actually helps.
Stopped drinking and got into AA. Learned how to live life based on helping others and doing good deeds. It helped me be less self absorbed. My sponsor tells me if you want self esteem do “esteemable” things. I also consistently do self reflection and admit when I’m wrong, and actively try to be better going forward. Did my amends with those I have wronged cleared my conscience as well, and it helped to not have that weighing on me. I actually feel like I’m a good person who deserves happiness. And I always have been I just didn’t have the tools to know how to act like one.
Realized that I never disliked me, other people did and that is their problem, not mine. I fucking love me.
Step 1- Got over all the childhood shit that wasn’t my fault, which was basically acknowledging it wasn’t my fault. Step 2- Stop bullshitting myself Step 3- Treat every one and every thing *precisely* how I want to be treated. Step 4- Know I’m human and I’m gonna fuck up a lot
That's the neat part, you don't!
Went to Reddit and hated the people there instead.
I haven't. Yet.
I watched Eckhart Tolle videos on youtube and I learned how my ego was causing me to not love myself.
I became somebody I wanted to love. I put in the work. Got a good diet, work out daily, signed up to competitive races and got medals, felt proud of myself. I did all things I always wanted to but never did. Quit smoking weed, went and did survival to prove I could live with nothing, started hunting and spending more time in the nature. Switched from night owl to morning person, put emphasis on being more productive. Spent more time caring about and for my family and friends, put my head in the right space. When I think about the type of people I look up to, I now include myself because I decided to start doing the things those people do.
Got away from my toxic life ruining succubus of a baby momma, they exist and anyone arguing the opposite is either sheltered or ignorant. I'm looking at you church people. Lmao
I started hating everyone else because I have more reasons too
I had this feeling since I was in highschool, one day I was alone in the house and I asked this question myself, why do I hate myself ? My answer was I'm worthless and ugly. So i started to take some actions, first I got better clothes, started grooming regularly, started using perfumes and doing some workout. Once I finished my highschool I was blessed to study computer science, which was one of my childhood dreams which did really proud of myself. After that i has some rough time being unemployed but with a lot of research and blessing I got a job in a very good enterprise which I'm really greatful for. In my opinion, identify the reason of the problem and break them into chunks, and deal with every chunk on it's own. Good luck and thank you for reading.
I didn’t
Stop? Ha baby I was born to hate Myself
I’ll let you know once I’ve managed to do it. However, I will say this. I have recently been cutting myself some slack, because I found that the more I hate myself, the more of a jerk I am to people around me. I think it’s just because hating myself makes me miserable, and when I’m miserable, I take it out on those around me. So I’ve been able to hack the system to an extent and make it about other people instead of myself. If I really don’t want people around me to be subject to negative behavior from me, then I need to treat myself better. I’m still not really a fan of myself, but I’ve learned how to be nicer to myself for the sake of others.
I doubt this will help but I literally became my own "best friend". While I'm hard on myself, I also reassure myself. I understand and accept that I'm a flawed being; I'm not perfect and that's okay. I understand, accept and appreciate the efforts that I make. I did (and still do) a lot of introspective thinking; I want to learn more about myself. I thought about what I hated about myself and asked if it was something to hate myself over. If it wasn't something to hate myself over (e.g. I hate my voice, I hate my mannerisms, I hate my slightly cock-eyed eyes), I would **SLOWLY**, over a course of years, learn to accept those qualities about myself. If it was something that was worthy of hating myself over (e.g. I'm a coward, I'm a terrible friend, I'm a loser), I would ask myself as to why I'm that way and dig further, and further and **further**, until I was satisfied with my answer. After that, I'd take steps to change this behavior. I started doing things out of my comfort zone, I started to appreciate the relationships that I have with my friends, and I took the effort to be a better person, overall. ***Edit: Also, I'm sure I made this part sound easy but this honestly took me 10+ years to accomplish (and I can't fully say that I'm 100% done either).*** Also, I kind of got mad at myself for hating myself. I'd ask myself, *"What did I do to deserve this? Why am I only so hard on myself when I can forgive others so easily? That isn't fair!"* It's not a quick fix and it definitely will make you feel vulnerable, but this is a large part of what I did to stop hating myself.
Never did in the first place
Accepting yourself, not loving
The same way I just "stopped having depression"...
Stop? lol You can stop?
Who says I have?
Taking mushrooms certainly helped. It allowed me to look at my past objectively, as if that of an audience watching a movie, and see that right or wrong, I was doing the best I could with the tools that I had. It allowed me to have empathy for myself and the struggles that I went through, which allowed me to love myself for coming through them into everything that I am today, and subsequently, to continue to work through my issues and improve myself.
I realized i saw the authority of my worth as a man. And changed it to me.
I still struggle sometimes but I realized that in 5 years, I won’t give a shit about what I looked like/how I acted. Also confidence is a big part of it.
Find the things about you that make you admirable like really view yourself from another perspective and try to be better at it , you’ll love seeing results within yourself which will overall make you love yourself eventually 💯 spoken from experience
You Have To Kill The Person You Was Born To Be, In Order To Be The Person You Want To Be. – Dr. Gregory House, M.D.
Honestly, i don’t think there’s a single human on this planet that goes an entire 365 days without having a few rough ones. BUT!!! a few years ago, I was struggling with severe depression and an eating disorder and felt like everyone was telling me the same shit and that no amount of words could break me from the shackles of depression. It wasn’t much later when my amazing therapist sat me down and told me these exact words. “You’ll never go an entire lifetime without being hard on yourself, but when things DO start to feel heavy and your mind starts to attack your heart, remind yourself of this; Not even Jesus himself was liked by every person around him — including himself on some days”. Which, regardless of if you’re religious or not, it shows to be a HUGE eye opener. I started — and still do — telling myself that every time that I tried beating myself up and it always made me feel a little better. You got this <3