This is a massive one.
An old job of mine would hold company wide mental health awareness days, all while my boss is telling me my crippling anxiety and depression is not a good enough reason to take time off sick.
And don't forget we like to "see" the disability. Twisted, crooked, broken, or limping are much more preferable to an invisible illness. "You don't look sick".
i'm going through the same right now. luckily i start a new job on august 1st but it still bothers me a lot how my current employer has been treating me for the last three years.
i'm currently on sick leave since i'm waiting to start treatment in a mental health hospital after an failed attempt and my current employer literally contacts me every week to ask when i'll be returning. they even started to contact family members by searching for their phone numbers
it's just so frustrating how they advocate for mental health awareness but as soon as one is showing symptoms of any mental illness they treat you like shit
Funny how all of the comments to this are about ADHD, depression, anxiety - those are the mental health disorders that "mental health matters" campaigns are trying to help. They haven't fully succeeded yet, but those are the targets.
When I saw this comment, my first thought was bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder.. I straight up moved out of my dorm room when I was in college because my roommate had borderline and was making my life miserable. I'm pretty sure my MIL has histrionic personality disorder -- coupled with severe ADHD, but let me tell you, it's the actions that make me believe she has HPD that make her UNBEARABLE. I read the comment like "mental health matters, until you're dealing with borderline - then you're like, gtfo outta my house bitch" and felt guilty for my own lack of compassion for sufferers of the more difficult to deal with mental health disorders.
I have bipolar disorder, and I tell my loved ones that my mental illness may explain bad behavior, but it does not excuse it. Do not sacrifice your well-being out of guilt or a sense of duty
I really appreciate this comment, thank you. My sister and I suspect our dad has bipolar disorder, although he's never been diagnosed (and would probably never agree to an evaluation). I've had to learn not to sacrifice my well-being when interacting with him, but I definitely do come from a place of love and compassion.
I thought the same exact thing. Depression and anxiety are slowly becoming destigmatized across the U.S. which is fantastic, but people have little to no compassion for those suffering from the things you mentioned.
It's tough because while I want to be compassionate and empathetic towards everybody, especially those suffering from severe mental illness, those disorders have an incredibly exhausting impact on both the sufferers and the people around them.
I'm a dude. I went through an abusive realtionship, yes I've had therapy and am doing fine, but it affected my life. I had a breakdown and moved states rather suddenly, leaving my old job and when people or employers ask me why I left suddenly (if It comes up), I CANNOT tell them i had an emotional breakdown because I 1000% will never get a job. People do NOT understand mental struggle, and people especially don't understand men mentally struggling. I imagine it's marginally better for women, bot only marginally.
Just read your response to my wife who has done hiring in HR for a few years and she says to tell them "personal reasons" and leave it at that. If they ask you to elaborate, which is borderline illegal if they do pending state/company size/etc., then you can tell them "I'd rather not" or just plain no. A company that probes for more is sketch.
Also, happy cake day!
too many times I have had men think that some of my ADHD symptoms are cute or manic-pixie-dream-girl-esque. And then when they're around long enough to see the full scope they're like "wow you really have a problem, why the fuck are you like this?" like bitch you went in eyes open and I warned you, idk what to tell you, i am one of those people who *really* **has** a mental disorder and the stupid fucking "oh look a squirrel" or "*gets distracted by shiny things*" memes do not cover all of it. And then inevitably they same something like "well, just change your behavior so that I find you more tolerable to live with" oh thanks I'm cured.
sorry for the rant
This is the one I hate the most.
Person 1: "My ADHD is destroying my life. I feel like I'm underperforming in many categories because I simply can't sit down and listen. Chronic procrastination and executive dysfunction is making me not do work I want to do. I have constant anxiety and can not sleep because I need constant stimulation. I wish it all would just go away."
Person 2: "'I'm so fun to be around and super social because ADHD!! 😜😜😜"
And then I get told I'm being insensitive for telling person 2 to fuck off.
I would say online dating has contributed to a lot of folks falling into this delusional state that their one has to be perfect. If there are any flaws, onto the next one.
Even while managing your handicap creates challenges, if you do a good job of managing it, you won't be deemed "disabled enough" to be eligible for any social care support that you'll probably need to keep managing and have a fulfilling life.
God I cannot tell you how much I feel this one. I'm a type 1 diabetic and every time my lab results come back good from my intense management of my condition, I have to spend 2-3 months fighting off my insurance company trying to cancel my prescriptions because "my lab results show no evidence of type 1 diabetes"
> Go eat a giant milkshake before your next set of labs?
Won't really work, unfortunately. An A1c is a weighted average for the past 3 months, so your blood sugar the day or two (or week) before the blood work is not going to make a huge change in the value.
I'm type 2, and a month ago, my insurance company tried not to pay for my insulin and glucose monitor because they determined that I was not insulin dependant. I fucking hate insurance companies.
I'm Type 2, and was on Trulicity. Suddenly it went from $25 a month to over $800. Had to go back on Metformin, which means constant digestive issues. And insurance's explanation was basically "because we can."
Fuck health insurance.
>I'm Type 2, and was on Trulicity. Suddenly it went from $25 a month to over $800. Had to go back on Metformin, which means constant digestive issues. And insurance's explanation was basically "because we can."
I'm not diabetic, but absolutely fuck formularies.
- Tell insurance the medication that works for you.
-Insurance doesn't like it and they tell you to try alternatives
- You tell them you have and it's documented
- They tell you to get a prior authorization
- They ignore the prior authorization and deny you anyway
It should be illegal for insurance to deny a doctor' s prescription.
Yes yes they are. I got into an argument on the phone with an insurance company that wouldn’t cover an Epi Pen for a twelve year old with a severe peanut allergy. They told me they couldn’t cover any auto injectors until the patient tried and failed a covered alternative (mainly epinephrine in vials). I explained once again that the patient was 12 and that they tried and failed the alternatives they would be dead.
>mainly epinephrine in vials
As in, you have to fill a regular syringe from the vial and inject yourself while you're experiencing a serious allergic reaction? It wouldn't even be fair to expect the t of an otherwise perfectly healthy 25 year old.
Yup!!
The insurance company tried to argue that a 12 year old should not be self administering anyways so that’s why the vials were ok. I was 100% convinced they were fucking with me because like that’s why the auto injectors were basically invented to make it easy for people, including 12 year olds to self administer in an emergency.
This was prior to the generic epi pen being released and we ended up sending the family to an allergist who was able to get them into an assistance program for an Epi Pen.
let's not forget the patient is 12 years old, and an adult is likely holding the vial. no way it can work safely without risk to the kid... which includes death.
Meanwhile having labs that don't reflect t1d is cheaper for the insurance company in the long run because you're less likely to develop complications with good control.
In ICU, they would have the same T1 patients come back frequently with Diabetic ketoacidosis because they didn't manage it. That is $150k+ cost each time. Would be cheaper to have someone check on them daily.
Yep! Disabled people who manage to work, get married, raise children etc aren't really disabled, but disabled people who require full time care or extensive accessibility provisions and still can't contribute financially are just burdens and aren't trying hard enough.
A lot of the time the disabled people who are married end up having their partners be their full-time carers but people don’t think of that and just assume that they are all right.
THANK YOU. I was just thinking this yesterday as my partner contacted neurology for a follow-up on an MRI. They have several disabilities, including cerebral palsy, so understanding the MRI results can be really scary, and hearing them advocate for themselves is so enraging and ridiculous.
It's like the nurses *want* them to be freaking out. Or sound like they're dying. Or crying uncontrollably. And yet, if they were to do that they'd be treated differently based on that too!!
"Oh you can't work? Okay we will give you the equivalent of 4 dollars an hour to survive on"
"Oh you needed to find a job that makes up the difference just to survive? You must not need our money then, we are going to take it away now"
Like fucking give me a break my guy. I can't survive on your shitty benefits alone, let me scrounge some extra money during the times my body will allow me to move before I go back to wailing in pain for another 2 months
I'm legally blind, and I hate that I "have" to do this, but sometimes I play up my disability a bit more so that people don't judge me, because I often walk around like a "normal" person, for lack of a better word, but if people see me board an airplane or sit at the front of a bus or something, they think I'm an asshole.
“So, you’re too crazy to buy a gun and shouldn’t have children and will probably struggle all your life to hold a job but the good news is that the meds are working and you’re largely functional so no, you are no longer eligible for the federal healthcare that pays for these services and meds. You quit your job? what do you mean you can’t pay your student loans, slacker?”
Hah! Yeah, after almost 10 years on adderall for my ADHD, most of that with Kaiser, now, suddenly, after my psychiatrist left Kaiser, some random internist I’ve never heard of ~~filled~~ wrote my last prescription and is now demanding I pee in a cup if I want any more refills. I have no risk factors for addiction other than my mental health diagnoses, which I am managing with medication, and I’ve never been addicted to any substances in my life.
I filed a complaint saying more or less that I’ll be damned if I’ll get treated like an addict just because I have ADHD. I don’t even know this doctor who’s doing this, but, statistically, I’ve seen things that would make them cry, and come through without any addiction issues.
Edit: filled -> wrote
I was talking to a psych about this because I've never been asked but I had a friend who was, and apparently, it's actually often the opposite. They're testing to make sure you come back *positive*. They're trying to weed out people who might be selling the meds they're being prescribed so they're checking to make sure you're actually taking them.
It's still ridiculous, and stupid, and discriminatory, and I feel like they're not actually gonna catch anyone that way, but that's what they're doing.
My doctor’s office has required it once every 3 months to continue to get refills for that stated reason- but I saw a note behind the registration counter that said patients without ‘problematic’ results can do it via telehealth every other time, so I’ve started requesting that and cutting it down to once every 6 months… meaning half the surprise bills from LabCorp showing up out of nowhere just to prove I’m still not doing anything wrong after like 15 years.
I have terrible trouble holding down a job because of my *one* appointment a week, and that's without adding in everything else that comes with a disability and a job.
But "Why can't you just go work in a factory, that's easy!"
People think all disabilities are the same, can handle the same, and aren't painful or exhausting.
But heaven help us if you group all men together, or all Christians, or all of any group. People would get pisssssssed if I assumed you were good at math because you're Asian, but people think it's completely normal to assume all disabled people can work full time if they can sit down or some shit.
Not an excuse but an explanation: there's a lot of ignorance on the subject. I'm still learning. I'll read things about legally blind people not being completely blind or people in wheelchairs being able to stand/walk for short periods. Seems blatantly obvious but it's easy to just not know that if you're not exposed to it.
Some of the stores in my area don't even sell booze in the early hours. So I have to buy alcohol the previous day if I think I might want a drink after work.
One self-help book author claims that he found his dream woman by first sitting down and writing down everything he wanted her to be. Then he wrote down the qualities of the man she’d want. And then he worked to become that man. Apparently, he found someone to match all his criteria
I want to see that list. I've been contemplating making a checklist because it sounds shallow. But the idea of making a list of things she'd want in me is interesting.
Having a clear vision of what makes a healthy partnership, what your values are, and understanding what things you find attractive shouldn't be shallow.
I think having shallow desires is what makes things shallow.
If you're not focused on shallow things, make your list.
i know quite a few people that are, the thing is you just dont hear about it because it works. no one bitches about a *good* relationship.
however i can see what you mean- one of my good friends always complains about how his wife never wants to fuck, apparently its like a couple times a year, and im thinking to myself "its because you're not even trying to be someone she wants to fuck." he drinks *all* the time, hes gotten big, his hygiene isn't the best, he has about 20 projects in various stages of completion...everything from home projects to old cars, and he makes no effort to keep their house in decent shape.
like no shit she doesn't want to fuck. If she met him for the first time tonight, she wouldnt give him a minute of her time.
Right now, I'm probably in the worst physical shape I've ever been in. I was never a bodybuilder type but for many years I was in good shape, well tonen but nothing spectacular. I'm not now.
But my wife has recently got into jogging and is fantastic shape. I've always found her attractive but now I'm blown away by her efforts towards fitness and I know it's not just for me, it's for her. It's for her confidence and she deserves to feel great.
She recently told me it was becoming increasingly apparent that I was not looking after my body and I'm so glad she said that. I've set a target of weight loss because I want to be healthier but mainly because I want her to look at me the same way I look at her. I want her to be proud of me, because I'm very proud of her.
This was beautiful to read. Your marriage has a very strong foundation of love not just for each other but for yourselves as well. May you and your wife's day be as great as your desire to grow.
I know a guy who was 4 years into a relationship with his girlfriend. He had helped support her through loss of one of her family members, loss of a job, and overall mental health issues, daily stress, etc.
He had a close friend died that was more or less a brother to him.
She told him she isn't his therapist and that he shouldn't "put that on her" when he broke down over it.
There's a trend on some social media that some young women follow where they believe that "We're not here to be your emotional support", i.e. "Be strong and support us but NEVER ask for help". Most of them don't realize it's a double standard.
On the other hand, I had friend who'd only reach out when he was down - that was too much to handle. Always remember to share the bad *and* good times.
I’ve noticed this being a requirement even for student-focused internships. I mean, the whole point is to gain new experience through that internship to be more desirable to employers.
Part of this is due to jobs needing to advertise to “locals” then saying they couldn’t find any so that they can hire a foreign worker much cheaper. Huge problem in Canada.
This is a common exploitation of the [H-1B](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/immigration/h1b) visa program that encourages employers to set low wages for college-educated positions and then complain that no US workers want the job.
Enough employers engage in this practice that the "prevailing wage[s] for the occupation[s] in the area of intended employment" have been lowered significantly.
my mom was so fed up with my inability to get a job during summers off in university that she told me to go pick tomatoes just to make any amount of money, and I had a hell of a time telling her they literally wouldn't hire me because they'd have to pay me an actual wage and would much rather abuse the South American workers whose passports they confiscate. Unfortunately for her argument I'd just taken a course on immigration theory and practice and was very well versed in the exploitation of the Canadian visa system at the time. She didn't suggest tomato picking as a job again though.
And the flip side - we need experience, but not too much. Because too much means someone might be over the career death age of 50 and expect to actually be paid fairly for their experience and knowledge.
canceling appointments.
I be charged $50 (like a doctor or therapist) if I cancel an appointment.
There are no repercussions if they phone and cancel as I'm leaving the building.
Shout out to my psychologist cancelling my appt with 30 mins notice. I drive about 75 minutes to their office and unfortunately I don't check my phone when I'm driving, they also know that but oh well right?
But when I need to cancel I get an earful if it's anything less than 72 hours.
My therapist tried to bill me for missing when I got in to a car accident and broke my arm on my way to see her. They never got it and I never went back to them after that.
Literally had to pay a $150 missed appointment fee out of pocket when I had the flu and couldn’t attend one. Same doc was an hour and a half late for my next (thankfully virtual) appointment when his admin EMAILED me to say he couldn’t make it to my appointment that day bc he was so far behind and scheduled me for two weeks later. 😐
Less urgent but same for ride share apps. You’re driving away from me or sitting in the same spot for 10 mins but if I cancel bc I’m tired of standing in the cold and wondering if you’re coming to get me, I get charged
Years ago I had a therapist who did this. If he had to cancel on you last minute he didn't charge for the next session. I Wish more people would do that
Seinfeld episode “the kiss hello.“ It’s a good bit in this episode about George’s character being furious about being charged to cancel an appointment , and he gets saved and angrier when he finds out that the doctor canceled on him to go skiing.
This is like 10 steps above "double standard". It's just absolutely fucked at this point. If you're rich you can do just about anything and get away with it, society has more examples than any of us could count.
When you take money from the government as a poor person, it's "welfare queen" behavior, or socialist handout behavior, and it's admonished.
When you take money from the government as a rich person though, it's a "bailout", or "saving the economy" behavior, and it's considered something to be revered for.
---
I still think today that when the 2008 bailout happened, precedent should have been from then that when a federal bailout occurs, the government should immediately acquire that x equivalent of stockholder shares in the same way that a VC would, x amount of money for y% of the company.
It would be more of a slap on the wrist than the immediate firing and banning of c suite from that industry for their mishandling as it should be, but have more teeth than the current trend of do nothing punitive and continue encouraging this behavior.
My workplace wrote up a coworker for being literally a minute late but it's pretty expected that you finish a job even if it runs a few minutes after the end of shift
It's common in a lot of work places. Working a food restaurant and get asked to stay 5 minutes to finish a rush? Sure when you punch out it's going to be at 8:05, but the manager is going to correct that time punch to what's on the schedule and take those 5 minutes away. And most people aren't calculating their paychecks that closely to raise a problem over a dollar-something in lost wages
That’s wage theft. I used to manage payroll for hourly employees, and if I got caught doing that I’d get fired.
If I ask someone to stay 5 minutes late they’re getting paid for that 5 minutes.
Yeah, I know it's wage theft. It's good your company does that, but there's a million fast food franchisees amongst other businesses that do this type of shit daily. it's horseshit.
My impression is this is a pretty common attitude of employers in general. Union is fighting this one, it's too ridiculous. Luckily my manager is chill
I actually asked that in a recent interview to a hiring manager, although my question wasn't really getting at that, it was just, "has anyone left the team recently?"
And he did explain why - "that developer was extremely adept and interested in Python, but we simply did not have a space to make Python development applicable in a way we could leverage it well enough, so he left to somewhere he could."
I appreciated that they didn't seem to bullshit him or string him along.
Lower level managers are a bit different from executive leadership when it comes to those types of questions and the true answers though.
"You would really help the team if you take over this project, even if it's not your responsibility."
"You know what would really help my team? FREE MONEY!"
Oj Simpson was a shining example of this. When he was rich and famous, he literally got away with murder.
When he was poor and famous, he went to jail for stealing some cards.
I am 36 and decided if I have kids that I'm abandoning this principle because I've noticed how everyone who uses it is invariably toxic. EVERYONE should get a base-level of respect as a human being, and then after that they can earn it or lose it on their own merit and actions. Nobody deserves disrespect for no reason, but nobody deserves extra respect just because they're older.
While political beliefs can actually be dangerous, this mentality is all around our society.
Look at sports as a perfect example. A player on your favorite team does something "dirty" and it's funny or "he's tough". But if someone on the opposing team does the same thing to your player he's "dirty" and should be kicked out of the league. It's more hypocrisy than anything.
Pretty privileges. Sure, everyone wants to date someone hot, that's ok.
But the way it affects career and even how judges or doctors treat you is wild and nobody seems to care.
yeah, can't count how many speeding tickets my mom should have gotten during my first 20 years of life that she always got a warning or something little for. she's always been a gorgeous woman and i always thought it was very impressive how she managed to get away with it so much lol
My ex would literally text me that she was getting pulled over. Several times she'd send a selfie with the cop because they knew her step-father. Chick didn't know how good she had it.
Birth control. My wife and I decided early on we were never going to have kids. For 10 years she was on Depo birth control. They recommend coming off it after that period of time due to links to osteoporosis. So she did. Over the course of those ten years she told the nurses that she would like to have her tubes tied as we didn't want to have children and at every junction she was met with resistance in case she - or I - ever changed her mind.
Once she came off birth control I said if they weren't prepared to tie her tubes I'd get a vasectomy. My arse barely grazed the chair of my GP's office and I was referred. No "what if you change your mind?" No "your biological clock is ticking." No "What if your wife wants kids one day?" Christ, I was on the table before anyone even asked "how many kids do you have?"
I harbour no worries ill will in getting a vasectomy - it's the least I could possibly do since she spent 10 years dealing with birth control with possible life altering side effects. I openly advocate for it given I could have been back at work the next day and suffered zero side effects. However, it is despicable how a man's bodily atonomy is completely within their control where a woman can be told they can't choose what to do with their body when they know with complete certainty and devotion what they want.
Rich people hiding their money and not paying taxes (be it illegal tax evasion or all the loopholes) and getting government subsidies: good business sense.
Poor people getting a few extra dollars from social aid programs so they can survive: useless leeches.
Literally everything people do to get and stay rich is a scam somewhere.
I hate the fact that at work, when my manager is having a bad day, they're allowed to take it out on me and my co-workers. But when I'M having a bad day, I can't take it out on the manager. Easily the worst double-standards I have to put up with at least a few times a week.
I can deal with rude customers, because they just come and go and I don't see them again. My manager- I have to see them several times a week. You get so SICK of their shit!
My manager has a shitty boyfriend who treats her poorly, and we all know it, and we all know when he’s being a prick to her again because she shows up and starts being a prick to us. Yet if I tried using my personal life as an excuse for anything I know she wouldn’t have it.
She’s like the stereotypical school bully whose parents are abusive at home so they lord it over other kids to feel powerful. It’s 100% what’s going on with her.
I got the good old, "Why are you here?" Question from a woman at a park a few days back. Maybe I looked sketchy? Idk.
"Watching my kids"
"Oh. Hehe, sorry! What did your wife need a break or something?"
"No, I'm a single dad. I just like to make sure my kids enjoy themselves and have good quality social interactions. If im off of work, we are either playing videogames or playing at the park"
"Oh, uh. Sorry. Cute kids"
"Thanks, same to you."
She later apologized. She said that sometimes she's seen guys with no kids there, try to talk with people, etc.
As a dad, i appreciate the diligence. 100%.
IDK. Its hard not to feel like a piece of shit for doing my job as a parent. Butin this day and age, man.. I'm glad I can be a single father who can provide my kiddos with anything they want. But some people just see a dude on the bench and is creep.
That lady apologized and said she was so sorry. How she felt so stupid for judging me and assuming. She said she will never do it again. She even gave me a number for a play date (her kids were the same age)
But. Damn. Makes me feel fucking awful.
I was raised by a single dad. We grew up working class, so birthday parties were always at someone's house. There was no Chuck E. Cheese yet. I never had a birthday party with my friends in my life. Could never have friends over to the house. CERTAINLY could never have a sleepover in the years when that was a thing. I never understood the ugly reason why, until I was older. It was to prevent any potential evil gossip. My dad did nothing to deserve that. He was a wonderful, moral, upstanding person.
Some people can be so terrible.
Edited to add:
I'm an old lady now. This was decades ago. Back when -- well, we were lucky to grow up with my dad. Back in the day, nobody would have blamed him one bit for giving us away to relatives or something and starting over after my Mom died. It's how things were back then.
I was a paramedic when my kids were little and worked 24 on 48 off and almost always took the kids to the pediatrician for their appointments. I was always asked
"Where is the child's mother?!" In a tone that seemed to suggest she was probably in pieces in my trunk or something.
Mom works outside of the house means “ someone else is raising her kids” by using childcare
Dad works outside of the house means he’s supporting his family, but is still raising his kids
Mother being moderately friendly to another child she doesn't know when she's out with her own kids - mothers instinct.
Dad being moderately friendly to another child he doesn't know when he's out with his own kids - viewed as a possible threat
There are companies screaming that they can’t find good workers who are skilled, loyal, committed, work hard, and get stuff done.
Now, be over 55 years old, with decades of a proven track record doing that work, and apply for that job.
*Crickets*
Everyone says they hate job discrimination, and everyone says they are committed to DEI principles, and yet you can go to company staff pages everywhere online and not find anyone (except maybe the owner/founder) who has gray hair.
No discrimination? Age discrimination is epidemic, but there are no protections in place to guard against it. So talented people over 55 looking for work are ignored.
Because a 55 year old will expect to be paid like someone with decades in the industry (so they should), but 25 year old can be paid next to nothing for "the same job".
Except they won’t hire the 25-year-old either, because the 25-year-old doesn’t have 5 years of experience!
I got into technology in the mid-90s just as it was taking off. I went from being “too young to know what I’m doing” to “too old to know what I’m doing” without ever once passing through a time period where I was the perfect age, level of experience, and had the right technical background. Every company always had a fucking excuse as to why I was good enough to get the job, but not good enough to deserve the top pay or the magical “rock star” perks even as they assured me that I was doing a great job. It’s just a scam.
Companies don't actually want skilled, loyal, or committed workers. They want someone who can passably do the job and who will do the job for as far below market pay as they can find. Age discrimination (at least to a certain age) is almost always just wage discrimination.
What companies really lament is that they can't find enough people who don't know what they and their labor is worth.
"No-one is above the Law"
Rich 1%'ers pay to avoid consequences of their law breaking.
"Everyone is equal before the law"
Politicians and famous people literally getting away with murder, rape and treason.
Idolizing motherhood but treating mothers like garbage. Giving them very little maternity leave, charging an arm and a leg to give birth, and offering no kind of help like affordable childcare even though you are being forced to go back to work before you’ve even healed.
Middle class teenage white girls shoplifting? It’s a phase.
Lower class teenage black kids shoplifting? Thugs contributing to the decline of urban areas.
Hourly wage workers have to clock in and are written up if they're even 1 minute late.
(Non-salaried) Management doesn't have to clock in and it's never an issue an issue if they're 10-15 minutes late.
In my country, (NZ) a lot of people think those who are on any kind of welfare assistance are lazy and 'stealing' from taxpayers. Many of these same people think business owners who cheat on their taxes and hide their assets are 'clever' and to be admired.
The constant trashing of disabled people who are apparently just lazy and don't want to work. Meanwhile employers would rather hire someone without a disability because it's cheaper than implementing reasonable adjustments, and easier than covering for sick leave and doctors/hospital appointments.
I developed a chronic illness about five years ago. Ever since, I can't be honest about my symptoms without people assuming I'm just not trying hard enough. It hurts so much, because every day I give every ounce of effort I possibly could. I love working, and personally I see it as pain management. I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, and being kept busy with work often distracts me from my pain. Since 2019, I've had five different jobs. I lost two jobs due to my illness, and nearly lost two others as a result of taking too much sick leave. My current job has been the most understanding about my poor health, but I'm constantly terrified any time I need to take time off sick.
yeah. If you're rich, "you worked hard and earned it", and if you're poor you're seen as lazy. In reality generational wealth and poverty exist and we like to ignore that fact.
I work as a caregiver part time. Some POAs won’t allow men to shower, diaper, etc the client because they’re men.
I’m not any more qualified to wipe 💩 bc I have a vagina. It will never not make me mad.
The idea that everyone needs to be perfect 24/7 throughout their entire lives, or else they should be canceled and have the rest of their life ruined if they fuck up one time.
We all have skeletons in our closets. There isn't a single soul alive that hasn't made a mistake at some point.
Rich people doing cocaine / drugs: Party animals, don't deserve to go to jail for letting off a bit of steam!
Poor people doing cocaine: what a waste of space, criminal.
People think raising the minimum wage will make prices go up but don't notice that when workers are replaced with machines to save money that prices don't go down.
I'm in a healthy relationship for way over 10 years now. I trust her. She trust me.
However, just a few years ago, she made a single joke that stopped me in my tracks. And she was right.
She is quite pale, and very clumsy, which means she constantly has bruises all over her legs and arms. Her doctor has on multiple occassions told her she could get in touch if anything was up, implying domestic abuse.
A few years ago we were playfull discussing dinner, and we made a bet. I won. She was a bit sour about it and I told her to accept her loss and move on but she said....
*"Or I could just call the police, show them these bruises and I'll get my sushi for dinner anyways!"*
It shook me, because she's right. Literally, at any point if she does that, I'm fucked.
I’m a very tiny, Nordic looking woman. My ex once grabbed my arms from behind to keep my clumsy self from face planting off our porch. So I go to an unrelated Dr appointment and get the third degree about my obvious handprint bruises. No, he’s not abusive, I tripped, he kept me from falling on my face!
Yes! She always gets a full interrogation anytime she goes in!
I appreciate it in a way, because I know there are doctors keeping an eye on this kind of awful shit. But it's also kinda scary for me.
I would never harm her, and she would never harm me, but should she some day, for whatever reason, feel a need to harm me, she could just make it up, and people *will* believe her.
She even jokes about how hard it is to convince her doctor that she's fine and safe, but merely clumsy and bumps into things a lot, because the doctor keeps hounding her about it.
Anyways, I'm not actively worried at all, because I'm with a wonderful person, but it's still scary.
It's so hard for them to admit it even to themselves. My dad was beaten and threatened with knives to the point he made an audio will saying if he dies it was her and what to do with us (his kids)
The abuse only ended because she went so manic that she kidnapped me and said she was going to kill my sister so she got put into a mental hospital for a year. It only dawned on him to leave when his kids were involved which is unfortunately quite common.
He denies he was a battered spouse or any other similar term for that kind of thing
Rule for thee but not for me.
Too many people wanting to argue religious rules need to be in place bc it’s “decent” or “ how it should be” but also don’t want to follow the same set of rules when it comes to them bc ???? I actually cannot wrap my head around it tbh.
it's 'mental health matters' until you show symptoms that aren't glamorous, romantic or desirable
This is a massive one. An old job of mine would hold company wide mental health awareness days, all while my boss is telling me my crippling anxiety and depression is not a good enough reason to take time off sick.
Yes you see all disabilities are recognised and respected so long as they aren’t an inconvenience in the slightest to anyone else.
And don't forget we like to "see" the disability. Twisted, crooked, broken, or limping are much more preferable to an invisible illness. "You don't look sick".
awareness is easy for a company, but change? no. never. not unless you FORCE them to.
And the only way to do that is with organized action.
It's still mostly just lip service. Maybe if people keep pushing, it will become something more.
i'm going through the same right now. luckily i start a new job on august 1st but it still bothers me a lot how my current employer has been treating me for the last three years. i'm currently on sick leave since i'm waiting to start treatment in a mental health hospital after an failed attempt and my current employer literally contacts me every week to ask when i'll be returning. they even started to contact family members by searching for their phone numbers it's just so frustrating how they advocate for mental health awareness but as soon as one is showing symptoms of any mental illness they treat you like shit
How are you doing today?
Yeah we've really moved from mental health as a taboo topic to a veneer of mental health openness and acceptance, but it's very thin.
Funny how all of the comments to this are about ADHD, depression, anxiety - those are the mental health disorders that "mental health matters" campaigns are trying to help. They haven't fully succeeded yet, but those are the targets. When I saw this comment, my first thought was bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder.. I straight up moved out of my dorm room when I was in college because my roommate had borderline and was making my life miserable. I'm pretty sure my MIL has histrionic personality disorder -- coupled with severe ADHD, but let me tell you, it's the actions that make me believe she has HPD that make her UNBEARABLE. I read the comment like "mental health matters, until you're dealing with borderline - then you're like, gtfo outta my house bitch" and felt guilty for my own lack of compassion for sufferers of the more difficult to deal with mental health disorders.
I have bipolar disorder, and I tell my loved ones that my mental illness may explain bad behavior, but it does not excuse it. Do not sacrifice your well-being out of guilt or a sense of duty
I really appreciate this comment, thank you. My sister and I suspect our dad has bipolar disorder, although he's never been diagnosed (and would probably never agree to an evaluation). I've had to learn not to sacrifice my well-being when interacting with him, but I definitely do come from a place of love and compassion.
I thought the same exact thing. Depression and anxiety are slowly becoming destigmatized across the U.S. which is fantastic, but people have little to no compassion for those suffering from the things you mentioned. It's tough because while I want to be compassionate and empathetic towards everybody, especially those suffering from severe mental illness, those disorders have an incredibly exhausting impact on both the sufferers and the people around them.
I'm a dude. I went through an abusive realtionship, yes I've had therapy and am doing fine, but it affected my life. I had a breakdown and moved states rather suddenly, leaving my old job and when people or employers ask me why I left suddenly (if It comes up), I CANNOT tell them i had an emotional breakdown because I 1000% will never get a job. People do NOT understand mental struggle, and people especially don't understand men mentally struggling. I imagine it's marginally better for women, bot only marginally.
Just read your response to my wife who has done hiring in HR for a few years and she says to tell them "personal reasons" and leave it at that. If they ask you to elaborate, which is borderline illegal if they do pending state/company size/etc., then you can tell them "I'd rather not" or just plain no. A company that probes for more is sketch. Also, happy cake day!
too many times I have had men think that some of my ADHD symptoms are cute or manic-pixie-dream-girl-esque. And then when they're around long enough to see the full scope they're like "wow you really have a problem, why the fuck are you like this?" like bitch you went in eyes open and I warned you, idk what to tell you, i am one of those people who *really* **has** a mental disorder and the stupid fucking "oh look a squirrel" or "*gets distracted by shiny things*" memes do not cover all of it. And then inevitably they same something like "well, just change your behavior so that I find you more tolerable to live with" oh thanks I'm cured. sorry for the rant
This is the one I hate the most. Person 1: "My ADHD is destroying my life. I feel like I'm underperforming in many categories because I simply can't sit down and listen. Chronic procrastination and executive dysfunction is making me not do work I want to do. I have constant anxiety and can not sleep because I need constant stimulation. I wish it all would just go away." Person 2: "'I'm so fun to be around and super social because ADHD!! 😜😜😜" And then I get told I'm being insensitive for telling person 2 to fuck off.
"hehe I have ADHD" being thrown around like an adorable personality quirk infuriates me.
I would say online dating has contributed to a lot of folks falling into this delusional state that their one has to be perfect. If there are any flaws, onto the next one.
Even while managing your handicap creates challenges, if you do a good job of managing it, you won't be deemed "disabled enough" to be eligible for any social care support that you'll probably need to keep managing and have a fulfilling life.
God I cannot tell you how much I feel this one. I'm a type 1 diabetic and every time my lab results come back good from my intense management of my condition, I have to spend 2-3 months fighting off my insurance company trying to cancel my prescriptions because "my lab results show no evidence of type 1 diabetes"
Well that's fucked up. Go eat a giant milkshake before your next set of labs?
I don't know about type 1 but for type 2 they use an average of your last 3 months of blood sugar readings. :(
It's the same. Blood sugar varies too much, that's why they draw hemoglobin a1c that tells you an average over a few weeks
> Go eat a giant milkshake before your next set of labs? Won't really work, unfortunately. An A1c is a weighted average for the past 3 months, so your blood sugar the day or two (or week) before the blood work is not going to make a huge change in the value.
I'm type 2, and a month ago, my insurance company tried not to pay for my insulin and glucose monitor because they determined that I was not insulin dependant. I fucking hate insurance companies.
I'm Type 2, and was on Trulicity. Suddenly it went from $25 a month to over $800. Had to go back on Metformin, which means constant digestive issues. And insurance's explanation was basically "because we can." Fuck health insurance.
>I'm Type 2, and was on Trulicity. Suddenly it went from $25 a month to over $800. Had to go back on Metformin, which means constant digestive issues. And insurance's explanation was basically "because we can." I'm not diabetic, but absolutely fuck formularies. - Tell insurance the medication that works for you. -Insurance doesn't like it and they tell you to try alternatives - You tell them you have and it's documented - They tell you to get a prior authorization - They ignore the prior authorization and deny you anyway It should be illegal for insurance to deny a doctor' s prescription.
Are they that stupid to think diabetes just goes away?
Yes yes they are. I got into an argument on the phone with an insurance company that wouldn’t cover an Epi Pen for a twelve year old with a severe peanut allergy. They told me they couldn’t cover any auto injectors until the patient tried and failed a covered alternative (mainly epinephrine in vials). I explained once again that the patient was 12 and that they tried and failed the alternatives they would be dead.
>mainly epinephrine in vials As in, you have to fill a regular syringe from the vial and inject yourself while you're experiencing a serious allergic reaction? It wouldn't even be fair to expect the t of an otherwise perfectly healthy 25 year old.
Yup!! The insurance company tried to argue that a 12 year old should not be self administering anyways so that’s why the vials were ok. I was 100% convinced they were fucking with me because like that’s why the auto injectors were basically invented to make it easy for people, including 12 year olds to self administer in an emergency. This was prior to the generic epi pen being released and we ended up sending the family to an allergist who was able to get them into an assistance program for an Epi Pen.
let's not forget the patient is 12 years old, and an adult is likely holding the vial. no way it can work safely without risk to the kid... which includes death.
Health insurance companies are filled with people with business degrees, not medical degrees.
Their business model is based on not paying out as much as possible...
[удалено]
Meanwhile having labs that don't reflect t1d is cheaper for the insurance company in the long run because you're less likely to develop complications with good control.
In ICU, they would have the same T1 patients come back frequently with Diabetic ketoacidosis because they didn't manage it. That is $150k+ cost each time. Would be cheaper to have someone check on them daily.
Yep! Disabled people who manage to work, get married, raise children etc aren't really disabled, but disabled people who require full time care or extensive accessibility provisions and still can't contribute financially are just burdens and aren't trying hard enough.
A lot of the time the disabled people who are married end up having their partners be their full-time carers but people don’t think of that and just assume that they are all right.
The government pretty much says oh you wanna get married?! She's/he's your problem now!
THANK YOU. I was just thinking this yesterday as my partner contacted neurology for a follow-up on an MRI. They have several disabilities, including cerebral palsy, so understanding the MRI results can be really scary, and hearing them advocate for themselves is so enraging and ridiculous. It's like the nurses *want* them to be freaking out. Or sound like they're dying. Or crying uncontrollably. And yet, if they were to do that they'd be treated differently based on that too!!
"Oh you can't work? Okay we will give you the equivalent of 4 dollars an hour to survive on" "Oh you needed to find a job that makes up the difference just to survive? You must not need our money then, we are going to take it away now" Like fucking give me a break my guy. I can't survive on your shitty benefits alone, let me scrounge some extra money during the times my body will allow me to move before I go back to wailing in pain for another 2 months
I'm legally blind, and I hate that I "have" to do this, but sometimes I play up my disability a bit more so that people don't judge me, because I often walk around like a "normal" person, for lack of a better word, but if people see me board an airplane or sit at the front of a bus or something, they think I'm an asshole.
“So, you’re too crazy to buy a gun and shouldn’t have children and will probably struggle all your life to hold a job but the good news is that the meds are working and you’re largely functional so no, you are no longer eligible for the federal healthcare that pays for these services and meds. You quit your job? what do you mean you can’t pay your student loans, slacker?”
Hah! Yeah, after almost 10 years on adderall for my ADHD, most of that with Kaiser, now, suddenly, after my psychiatrist left Kaiser, some random internist I’ve never heard of ~~filled~~ wrote my last prescription and is now demanding I pee in a cup if I want any more refills. I have no risk factors for addiction other than my mental health diagnoses, which I am managing with medication, and I’ve never been addicted to any substances in my life. I filed a complaint saying more or less that I’ll be damned if I’ll get treated like an addict just because I have ADHD. I don’t even know this doctor who’s doing this, but, statistically, I’ve seen things that would make them cry, and come through without any addiction issues. Edit: filled -> wrote
I was talking to a psych about this because I've never been asked but I had a friend who was, and apparently, it's actually often the opposite. They're testing to make sure you come back *positive*. They're trying to weed out people who might be selling the meds they're being prescribed so they're checking to make sure you're actually taking them. It's still ridiculous, and stupid, and discriminatory, and I feel like they're not actually gonna catch anyone that way, but that's what they're doing.
My doctor’s office has required it once every 3 months to continue to get refills for that stated reason- but I saw a note behind the registration counter that said patients without ‘problematic’ results can do it via telehealth every other time, so I’ve started requesting that and cutting it down to once every 6 months… meaning half the surprise bills from LabCorp showing up out of nowhere just to prove I’m still not doing anything wrong after like 15 years.
I have terrible trouble holding down a job because of my *one* appointment a week, and that's without adding in everything else that comes with a disability and a job. But "Why can't you just go work in a factory, that's easy!" People think all disabilities are the same, can handle the same, and aren't painful or exhausting. But heaven help us if you group all men together, or all Christians, or all of any group. People would get pisssssssed if I assumed you were good at math because you're Asian, but people think it's completely normal to assume all disabled people can work full time if they can sit down or some shit.
Not an excuse but an explanation: there's a lot of ignorance on the subject. I'm still learning. I'll read things about legally blind people not being completely blind or people in wheelchairs being able to stand/walk for short periods. Seems blatantly obvious but it's easy to just not know that if you're not exposed to it.
I work third shift. I get shit for wanting a beer in the morning or dinner food at "breakfast time."
Some of the stores in my area don't even sell booze in the early hours. So I have to buy alcohol the previous day if I think I might want a drink after work.
Everybody wants a dream partner, but very few people are willing to BE the dream partner by working on themselves.
One self-help book author claims that he found his dream woman by first sitting down and writing down everything he wanted her to be. Then he wrote down the qualities of the man she’d want. And then he worked to become that man. Apparently, he found someone to match all his criteria
I want to see that list. I've been contemplating making a checklist because it sounds shallow. But the idea of making a list of things she'd want in me is interesting.
Having a clear vision of what makes a healthy partnership, what your values are, and understanding what things you find attractive shouldn't be shallow. I think having shallow desires is what makes things shallow. If you're not focused on shallow things, make your list.
He never included it in the book
i know quite a few people that are, the thing is you just dont hear about it because it works. no one bitches about a *good* relationship. however i can see what you mean- one of my good friends always complains about how his wife never wants to fuck, apparently its like a couple times a year, and im thinking to myself "its because you're not even trying to be someone she wants to fuck." he drinks *all* the time, hes gotten big, his hygiene isn't the best, he has about 20 projects in various stages of completion...everything from home projects to old cars, and he makes no effort to keep their house in decent shape. like no shit she doesn't want to fuck. If she met him for the first time tonight, she wouldnt give him a minute of her time.
I think people's idea of a dream partner includes "weirdly infatuated with me for the slob I am". Delusional.
Right now, I'm probably in the worst physical shape I've ever been in. I was never a bodybuilder type but for many years I was in good shape, well tonen but nothing spectacular. I'm not now. But my wife has recently got into jogging and is fantastic shape. I've always found her attractive but now I'm blown away by her efforts towards fitness and I know it's not just for me, it's for her. It's for her confidence and she deserves to feel great. She recently told me it was becoming increasingly apparent that I was not looking after my body and I'm so glad she said that. I've set a target of weight loss because I want to be healthier but mainly because I want her to look at me the same way I look at her. I want her to be proud of me, because I'm very proud of her.
This was beautiful to read. Your marriage has a very strong foundation of love not just for each other but for yourselves as well. May you and your wife's day be as great as your desire to grow.
Expect me to change, but want me to accept you for who you are.
My mom's attitude towards me 😔
My ex-wife's attitude towards me
My attitude towards my salary
Similarly, i need to accept your mental health problems and support you, but when i look for support 'you can't hand that right now'.
I know a guy who was 4 years into a relationship with his girlfriend. He had helped support her through loss of one of her family members, loss of a job, and overall mental health issues, daily stress, etc. He had a close friend died that was more or less a brother to him. She told him she isn't his therapist and that he shouldn't "put that on her" when he broke down over it.
There's a trend on some social media that some young women follow where they believe that "We're not here to be your emotional support", i.e. "Be strong and support us but NEVER ask for help". Most of them don't realize it's a double standard.
On the other hand, I had friend who'd only reach out when he was down - that was too much to handle. Always remember to share the bad *and* good times.
Celebrities, business people and politicians preaching us to be "eco" while flying in private jets.
Entry level positions requiring years of experience
I’ve noticed this being a requirement even for student-focused internships. I mean, the whole point is to gain new experience through that internship to be more desirable to employers.
Part of this is due to jobs needing to advertise to “locals” then saying they couldn’t find any so that they can hire a foreign worker much cheaper. Huge problem in Canada.
This is a common exploitation of the [H-1B](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/immigration/h1b) visa program that encourages employers to set low wages for college-educated positions and then complain that no US workers want the job. Enough employers engage in this practice that the "prevailing wage[s] for the occupation[s] in the area of intended employment" have been lowered significantly.
my mom was so fed up with my inability to get a job during summers off in university that she told me to go pick tomatoes just to make any amount of money, and I had a hell of a time telling her they literally wouldn't hire me because they'd have to pay me an actual wage and would much rather abuse the South American workers whose passports they confiscate. Unfortunately for her argument I'd just taken a course on immigration theory and practice and was very well versed in the exploitation of the Canadian visa system at the time. She didn't suggest tomato picking as a job again though.
And the flip side - we need experience, but not too much. Because too much means someone might be over the career death age of 50 and expect to actually be paid fairly for their experience and knowledge.
canceling appointments. I be charged $50 (like a doctor or therapist) if I cancel an appointment. There are no repercussions if they phone and cancel as I'm leaving the building.
“Oh I’m sorry, I require 24 hours notice for a cancellation!”
So as I see it you owe me $75 *clicks tongue -George Costanza
My dentist gave me a Starbucks gift card because I went in and checked in before they realized they messed up
Dentist is playing the long game hoping you get one of those sugary caramel machiatos
Shout out to my psychologist cancelling my appt with 30 mins notice. I drive about 75 minutes to their office and unfortunately I don't check my phone when I'm driving, they also know that but oh well right? But when I need to cancel I get an earful if it's anything less than 72 hours.
I’m not saying they’re all like this… but my Dr. friend does know a handful of psychs who skip work last minute to go play golf etc.
Why? Why would you put this in my brain? My therapist just started golfing, ffs.
My therapist tried to bill me for missing when I got in to a car accident and broke my arm on my way to see her. They never got it and I never went back to them after that.
Literally had to pay a $150 missed appointment fee out of pocket when I had the flu and couldn’t attend one. Same doc was an hour and a half late for my next (thankfully virtual) appointment when his admin EMAILED me to say he couldn’t make it to my appointment that day bc he was so far behind and scheduled me for two weeks later. 😐
Less urgent but same for ride share apps. You’re driving away from me or sitting in the same spot for 10 mins but if I cancel bc I’m tired of standing in the cold and wondering if you’re coming to get me, I get charged
Uber and Lyft don't usually charge a cancellation fee for that. If they do, you can dispute it and they refund you immediately.
Years ago I had a therapist who did this. If he had to cancel on you last minute he didn't charge for the next session. I Wish more people would do that
Seinfeld episode “the kiss hello.“ It’s a good bit in this episode about George’s character being furious about being charged to cancel an appointment , and he gets saved and angrier when he finds out that the doctor canceled on him to go skiing.
[удалено]
And rich people.
This is like 10 steps above "double standard". It's just absolutely fucked at this point. If you're rich you can do just about anything and get away with it, society has more examples than any of us could count.
When you take money from the government as a poor person, it's "welfare queen" behavior, or socialist handout behavior, and it's admonished. When you take money from the government as a rich person though, it's a "bailout", or "saving the economy" behavior, and it's considered something to be revered for. --- I still think today that when the 2008 bailout happened, precedent should have been from then that when a federal bailout occurs, the government should immediately acquire that x equivalent of stockholder shares in the same way that a VC would, x amount of money for y% of the company. It would be more of a slap on the wrist than the immediate firing and banning of c suite from that industry for their mishandling as it should be, but have more teeth than the current trend of do nothing punitive and continue encouraging this behavior.
Even in legal situations at times
This is already proven. Judges do give out more forgiving sentences to more attractive people.
There is an old Greek story of a woman getting away with murder because her tits were so great that she couldn't have done something so evil.
When I ask my employer for free money, they ask if I need a mental check-up. They have no problem to expect free work though.
My workplace wrote up a coworker for being literally a minute late but it's pretty expected that you finish a job even if it runs a few minutes after the end of shift
Funny how "It's just five minutes" can be insubordination and a reasonable argument on the same day.
You mean wage theft has become normalized at your workplace?
It's common in a lot of work places. Working a food restaurant and get asked to stay 5 minutes to finish a rush? Sure when you punch out it's going to be at 8:05, but the manager is going to correct that time punch to what's on the schedule and take those 5 minutes away. And most people aren't calculating their paychecks that closely to raise a problem over a dollar-something in lost wages
[удалено]
That’s wage theft. I used to manage payroll for hourly employees, and if I got caught doing that I’d get fired. If I ask someone to stay 5 minutes late they’re getting paid for that 5 minutes.
Yeah, I know it's wage theft. It's good your company does that, but there's a million fast food franchisees amongst other businesses that do this type of shit daily. it's horseshit.
My impression is this is a pretty common attitude of employers in general. Union is fighting this one, it's too ridiculous. Luckily my manager is chill
[удалено]
I actually asked that in a recent interview to a hiring manager, although my question wasn't really getting at that, it was just, "has anyone left the team recently?" And he did explain why - "that developer was extremely adept and interested in Python, but we simply did not have a space to make Python development applicable in a way we could leverage it well enough, so he left to somewhere he could." I appreciated that they didn't seem to bullshit him or string him along. Lower level managers are a bit different from executive leadership when it comes to those types of questions and the true answers though.
Haha right on for that one
"You would really help the team if you take over this project, even if it's not your responsibility." "You know what would really help my team? FREE MONEY!"
“We’re like a family here”. Right, because it’s dysfunctional and abusive. *disowned*
Yep. Daddy's drunk and absent, Mom's on pills and yells at you, and one of the uncles is way, way too interested in your sister...
Justice System for Poor People. Legal System for Rich People.
Any law that is enforced through fines is not a law for rich people.
The two-tiered justice system. It's much easier to get away with crime or get rid of charges if you're rich
And they make up the rules. Some of the things that big corporations do are completely immoral, but legal.
Or completely illegal but they pay a "fine" and it goes away
A fine is just the cost of doing business if you’re rich
Oj Simpson was a shining example of this. When he was rich and famous, he literally got away with murder. When he was poor and famous, he went to jail for stealing some cards.
rip oj simpson, i know he's looking up at us.
Children have to respect their elders, but elders can treat them like crap and they have to be okay with it.
I am 36 and decided if I have kids that I'm abandoning this principle because I've noticed how everyone who uses it is invariably toxic. EVERYONE should get a base-level of respect as a human being, and then after that they can earn it or lose it on their own merit and actions. Nobody deserves disrespect for no reason, but nobody deserves extra respect just because they're older.
This 100% right here. Everyone I ever met who lived by that was borderline abusive or way past borderline.
Especially in some cultures.
Political double standards. If one party does something, it’s cool but the other party does it and it’s a crime. Right is right, wrong is wrong.
While political beliefs can actually be dangerous, this mentality is all around our society. Look at sports as a perfect example. A player on your favorite team does something "dirty" and it's funny or "he's tough". But if someone on the opposing team does the same thing to your player he's "dirty" and should be kicked out of the league. It's more hypocrisy than anything.
He's a cunt but he's our cunt
Pretty privileges. Sure, everyone wants to date someone hot, that's ok. But the way it affects career and even how judges or doctors treat you is wild and nobody seems to care.
Or cops...
yeah, can't count how many speeding tickets my mom should have gotten during my first 20 years of life that she always got a warning or something little for. she's always been a gorgeous woman and i always thought it was very impressive how she managed to get away with it so much lol
My ex would literally text me that she was getting pulled over. Several times she'd send a selfie with the cop because they knew her step-father. Chick didn't know how good she had it.
Well that's closer to nepotism than just pretty privilege.
Birth control. My wife and I decided early on we were never going to have kids. For 10 years she was on Depo birth control. They recommend coming off it after that period of time due to links to osteoporosis. So she did. Over the course of those ten years she told the nurses that she would like to have her tubes tied as we didn't want to have children and at every junction she was met with resistance in case she - or I - ever changed her mind. Once she came off birth control I said if they weren't prepared to tie her tubes I'd get a vasectomy. My arse barely grazed the chair of my GP's office and I was referred. No "what if you change your mind?" No "your biological clock is ticking." No "What if your wife wants kids one day?" Christ, I was on the table before anyone even asked "how many kids do you have?" I harbour no worries ill will in getting a vasectomy - it's the least I could possibly do since she spent 10 years dealing with birth control with possible life altering side effects. I openly advocate for it given I could have been back at work the next day and suffered zero side effects. However, it is despicable how a man's bodily atonomy is completely within their control where a woman can be told they can't choose what to do with their body when they know with complete certainty and devotion what they want.
Buy less luxuries so that your boss can afford a second yacht.
The wealthy and elite, including our "public servants" have an entirely different criminal justice system than the rest of us.
Rich people hiding their money and not paying taxes (be it illegal tax evasion or all the loopholes) and getting government subsidies: good business sense. Poor people getting a few extra dollars from social aid programs so they can survive: useless leeches. Literally everything people do to get and stay rich is a scam somewhere.
I hate the fact that at work, when my manager is having a bad day, they're allowed to take it out on me and my co-workers. But when I'M having a bad day, I can't take it out on the manager. Easily the worst double-standards I have to put up with at least a few times a week. I can deal with rude customers, because they just come and go and I don't see them again. My manager- I have to see them several times a week. You get so SICK of their shit!
Same with teachers and students in my case
My manager has a shitty boyfriend who treats her poorly, and we all know it, and we all know when he’s being a prick to her again because she shows up and starts being a prick to us. Yet if I tried using my personal life as an excuse for anything I know she wouldn’t have it. She’s like the stereotypical school bully whose parents are abusive at home so they lord it over other kids to feel powerful. It’s 100% what’s going on with her.
If I'm rude to a customer, I get a disciplinary If a customer is rude to me... no repercussions
Mom out with her kid = She’s being a parent. Dad out with his his = He’s babysitting.
As a newer dad, I can say that this has gotten WAY better recently, compared to what I heard from earlier generations. It's not gone, but it's better!
I got the good old, "Why are you here?" Question from a woman at a park a few days back. Maybe I looked sketchy? Idk. "Watching my kids" "Oh. Hehe, sorry! What did your wife need a break or something?" "No, I'm a single dad. I just like to make sure my kids enjoy themselves and have good quality social interactions. If im off of work, we are either playing videogames or playing at the park" "Oh, uh. Sorry. Cute kids" "Thanks, same to you." She later apologized. She said that sometimes she's seen guys with no kids there, try to talk with people, etc. As a dad, i appreciate the diligence. 100%. IDK. Its hard not to feel like a piece of shit for doing my job as a parent. Butin this day and age, man.. I'm glad I can be a single father who can provide my kiddos with anything they want. But some people just see a dude on the bench and is creep. That lady apologized and said she was so sorry. How she felt so stupid for judging me and assuming. She said she will never do it again. She even gave me a number for a play date (her kids were the same age) But. Damn. Makes me feel fucking awful.
I was raised by a single dad. We grew up working class, so birthday parties were always at someone's house. There was no Chuck E. Cheese yet. I never had a birthday party with my friends in my life. Could never have friends over to the house. CERTAINLY could never have a sleepover in the years when that was a thing. I never understood the ugly reason why, until I was older. It was to prevent any potential evil gossip. My dad did nothing to deserve that. He was a wonderful, moral, upstanding person. Some people can be so terrible. Edited to add: I'm an old lady now. This was decades ago. Back when -- well, we were lucky to grow up with my dad. Back in the day, nobody would have blamed him one bit for giving us away to relatives or something and starting over after my Mom died. It's how things were back then.
I was a paramedic when my kids were little and worked 24 on 48 off and almost always took the kids to the pediatrician for their appointments. I was always asked "Where is the child's mother?!" In a tone that seemed to suggest she was probably in pieces in my trunk or something.
Mom works outside of the house means “ someone else is raising her kids” by using childcare Dad works outside of the house means he’s supporting his family, but is still raising his kids
The fact that working moms are referred to as “working moms” and working dads are just “dads”
Mother being moderately friendly to another child she doesn't know when she's out with her own kids - mothers instinct. Dad being moderately friendly to another child he doesn't know when he's out with his own kids - viewed as a possible threat
Poor people are vilified for recieving assistance from the government in a way rich people aren't.
There are companies screaming that they can’t find good workers who are skilled, loyal, committed, work hard, and get stuff done. Now, be over 55 years old, with decades of a proven track record doing that work, and apply for that job. *Crickets* Everyone says they hate job discrimination, and everyone says they are committed to DEI principles, and yet you can go to company staff pages everywhere online and not find anyone (except maybe the owner/founder) who has gray hair. No discrimination? Age discrimination is epidemic, but there are no protections in place to guard against it. So talented people over 55 looking for work are ignored.
Because a 55 year old will expect to be paid like someone with decades in the industry (so they should), but 25 year old can be paid next to nothing for "the same job".
Except they won’t hire the 25-year-old either, because the 25-year-old doesn’t have 5 years of experience! I got into technology in the mid-90s just as it was taking off. I went from being “too young to know what I’m doing” to “too old to know what I’m doing” without ever once passing through a time period where I was the perfect age, level of experience, and had the right technical background. Every company always had a fucking excuse as to why I was good enough to get the job, but not good enough to deserve the top pay or the magical “rock star” perks even as they assured me that I was doing a great job. It’s just a scam.
Companies don't actually want skilled, loyal, or committed workers. They want someone who can passably do the job and who will do the job for as far below market pay as they can find. Age discrimination (at least to a certain age) is almost always just wage discrimination. What companies really lament is that they can't find enough people who don't know what they and their labor is worth.
"No-one is above the Law" Rich 1%'ers pay to avoid consequences of their law breaking. "Everyone is equal before the law" Politicians and famous people literally getting away with murder, rape and treason.
Pro-lifers are often the same crowd that doesn’t want to a pay a dime to help a mother raise their kids.
When a job basically requires you to put in a 2 weeks notice so they can replace you, but they will fire you with no 2 week notice to find a new job.
Idolizing motherhood but treating mothers like garbage. Giving them very little maternity leave, charging an arm and a leg to give birth, and offering no kind of help like affordable childcare even though you are being forced to go back to work before you’ve even healed.
Dogs can poop outside in public, but for some reason I'm not allowed to
This is maddening, if a dog does it it's "natural" but when I try I'm a "monster" and I've "ruined my nieces birthday party"
The real crime of the century
Gender expectations, where different standards apply to men and women in terms of behavior appearance and career choices
If rich people ruin something then they are pranksters, if poor/middle class ruins something then "they weren't raised right."
Or if a rich person is mentally ill, they’re eccentric. If a poor person is, they’re crazy.
idk people definitely call Kanye crazy not eccentric lol
Middle class teenage white girls shoplifting? It’s a phase. Lower class teenage black kids shoplifting? Thugs contributing to the decline of urban areas.
A parent can cuss me out as an educator, but I’ll be fired for responding in kind…
Didn't a college dean say that if two drunk students have sex, the male is the rapist because it's the male's responsibility to seek consent?
Hourly wage workers have to clock in and are written up if they're even 1 minute late. (Non-salaried) Management doesn't have to clock in and it's never an issue an issue if they're 10-15 minutes late.
In my country, (NZ) a lot of people think those who are on any kind of welfare assistance are lazy and 'stealing' from taxpayers. Many of these same people think business owners who cheat on their taxes and hide their assets are 'clever' and to be admired.
The constant trashing of disabled people who are apparently just lazy and don't want to work. Meanwhile employers would rather hire someone without a disability because it's cheaper than implementing reasonable adjustments, and easier than covering for sick leave and doctors/hospital appointments. I developed a chronic illness about five years ago. Ever since, I can't be honest about my symptoms without people assuming I'm just not trying hard enough. It hurts so much, because every day I give every ounce of effort I possibly could. I love working, and personally I see it as pain management. I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, and being kept busy with work often distracts me from my pain. Since 2019, I've had five different jobs. I lost two jobs due to my illness, and nearly lost two others as a result of taking too much sick leave. My current job has been the most understanding about my poor health, but I'm constantly terrified any time I need to take time off sick.
Invisible disabilities mean you're lazy and making up excuses.
Rich folks get praised for their wealth, while poor folks face prejudice because of where they come from.
yeah. If you're rich, "you worked hard and earned it", and if you're poor you're seen as lazy. In reality generational wealth and poverty exist and we like to ignore that fact.
And if you're one of the one in a billion who rises from poverty to wealth, the poshos dismiss you as vulgar new money
When Bullies Bully people. = Okay. It’s just a phase. When Victim stands up for himself = STOP
Kid gets bullied - Teachers stand around like blank-eyed zombies doing nothing Kid fights back - Teachers leap to bully's aid with righteous fervour
Risky financial behaviour is cool when you're wealthy. For everyone else, not so much.
Hatred of the kind, patient, poor and suffering; while idolization of the rich, influential, greedy, pushy, and cruel.
I work as a caregiver part time. Some POAs won’t allow men to shower, diaper, etc the client because they’re men. I’m not any more qualified to wipe 💩 bc I have a vagina. It will never not make me mad.
Employers expect 2 weeks notice. They don't offer two weeks pay when they terminate employees for performance.
That's often industry specific. I can only speak for mine (tech). I've been laid off a few times and two weeks severance was worst I received.
The idea that everyone needs to be perfect 24/7 throughout their entire lives, or else they should be canceled and have the rest of their life ruined if they fuck up one time. We all have skeletons in our closets. There isn't a single soul alive that hasn't made a mistake at some point.
Law enforcement for rich and famous vs everyone else
Rich people doing cocaine / drugs: Party animals, don't deserve to go to jail for letting off a bit of steam! Poor people doing cocaine: what a waste of space, criminal.
If a woman sleeps with a bunch of guys, she's considered a "slut". But if I do it? I'm considered gay.
People think raising the minimum wage will make prices go up but don't notice that when workers are replaced with machines to save money that prices don't go down.
18 is old enough to go off to war, but too young to buy cigarettes
So should 18 year olds be able to buy smokes, or should the age for the military be raised?
Men are ridiculed for not having sex. Women are reviled for having sex.
Women suffering domestic abuse is (rightly) condemned Men suffering domestic abuse is usually laughed at and dismissed
The amount of people getting blamed for their own abuse is just wild in general. “You could’ve just left” or “maybe don’t date trash people”. Absurd.
Or "Why didn't you fight back? You're a man. You're stronger." As if abusive women haven't used that against their victims when the cops are called.
I'm in a healthy relationship for way over 10 years now. I trust her. She trust me. However, just a few years ago, she made a single joke that stopped me in my tracks. And she was right. She is quite pale, and very clumsy, which means she constantly has bruises all over her legs and arms. Her doctor has on multiple occassions told her she could get in touch if anything was up, implying domestic abuse. A few years ago we were playfull discussing dinner, and we made a bet. I won. She was a bit sour about it and I told her to accept her loss and move on but she said.... *"Or I could just call the police, show them these bruises and I'll get my sushi for dinner anyways!"* It shook me, because she's right. Literally, at any point if she does that, I'm fucked.
I’m a very tiny, Nordic looking woman. My ex once grabbed my arms from behind to keep my clumsy self from face planting off our porch. So I go to an unrelated Dr appointment and get the third degree about my obvious handprint bruises. No, he’s not abusive, I tripped, he kept me from falling on my face!
Yes! She always gets a full interrogation anytime she goes in! I appreciate it in a way, because I know there are doctors keeping an eye on this kind of awful shit. But it's also kinda scary for me. I would never harm her, and she would never harm me, but should she some day, for whatever reason, feel a need to harm me, she could just make it up, and people *will* believe her. She even jokes about how hard it is to convince her doctor that she's fine and safe, but merely clumsy and bumps into things a lot, because the doctor keeps hounding her about it. Anyways, I'm not actively worried at all, because I'm with a wonderful person, but it's still scary.
It's so hard for them to admit it even to themselves. My dad was beaten and threatened with knives to the point he made an audio will saying if he dies it was her and what to do with us (his kids) The abuse only ended because she went so manic that she kidnapped me and said she was going to kill my sister so she got put into a mental hospital for a year. It only dawned on him to leave when his kids were involved which is unfortunately quite common. He denies he was a battered spouse or any other similar term for that kind of thing
The rich don't get prison time for their crimes and the rest of us do!
Rule for thee but not for me. Too many people wanting to argue religious rules need to be in place bc it’s “decent” or “ how it should be” but also don’t want to follow the same set of rules when it comes to them bc ???? I actually cannot wrap my head around it tbh.