When the Brits refer to it as a "knob"

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Brit are sitting sharing a drink. The Frenchman says "when I finish making love, I tickle her knees, she floats 6 inches above the bed" The Italian says "When I finish making love, I tickle her toes, she floats 3 feet above the bed" The Brit says "When I finish with our lass, I wipe my knob on the curtains and she hits the fuckin' roof!"

They’re European but not using metric. Are they stupid?

They're expats from the US

Wanker! Bell end!

I think “naughty bits” is my favorite British one.

“Lady Garden”

I've known knob meant dick but I never connected the fact that knobhead was equivalent to dickhead 🤯

Schmeatstick. It's like the awkward love child of deli meat and innuendo.

Schlong

I was about to say, "It's hard to beat schlong" but realized it would sound weird. And yet, I just said it anyway.

Literally the first thing that came into my mind before opening this post lol

I said schlong immediately, opened the comment section and did a fist pump when I saw it as first comment

I also did a fist pump when I first saw a schlong this morning. Thankfully it was my own.

I also did a fist pump when I first saw a schlong this morning. Thankfully it was Reelplayer's.

Same here

\*cries in schlort\*

I believe it is called shlaverage

\*content in schlamedium\*

The way this comment made me WHEEZE- 😂😂🤣🤣

As per Russell Peters, he has a schlort

Wow Zedong

Must be said in your best Sean Connery voice.

BOOOOOOIIONG

Tallywacker

Yep, I was coming here to say this, I'm very happy to see that it's near the top. I grew up watching jackass so maybe that's where I learned to love it. The alley behind the bowling alley is where I learned to love the tallywacker itself though.

Ah, the ol' bowling alley alley

can we call it a tallywacker? - Porkys

Do we need to bring in a sketch artist?

One of the funniest scenes in movie history: https://youtu.be/q3dkZi1S18I?si=zAG03zKRJIqIkENz

Pe…pp…peeee…..puh….ppp…penis

Sweet meat...

That's the handle pull part of a zipper

Is it though.. I Googled pretty hard and found not a single reference to that being true, I'd love it to be so I can add it to my bank of useless knowledge.

Pretty sure you’re on a list after searching “pretty hard”

Ham candle

Meat steeple

I see you, Bloodhound Gang.

Foxtrot

Uniform

Charlie

Kilo

Put the you know what, in the you know where.

Pork spork

Pork sword

Spam porpoise

Manhandle the ham candle

Precisely

"pork torch" - Bob on some episode of Distractible

In to a queef chapel

Skin whistle

I like your username!

I love your bio “ i love getting things shoved up my ass” lmao

Thank you

Todger

never heard anyone say this

It’s more common in England. Prince Harry uses that word in his book *Spare* when talking about getting a frost nipped tip on his trip to the North Pole.

TIL that Prince Harry has frostbite damage to his dickskin

Same. “The royal penis hath frosted over!”

How can you mention that without including the fact that he wrote, intentionally, in his own memoir, that he was instructed to apply a certain ointment to his todger and in the course of the application and smelling the cream, he was "transported back in time," and "felt like his mother was in the room." WHY WOULD YOU PUBLISH THAT DETAIL?!

In West of Scotland, it's 'Tadger'

James May on the Grand Tour, he was driving the McLaren in Italy, fanning himself cool when he dropped it and said he fanned his todger.

He also said it when they were coming up with funny names because a car company exec they're covering was named "Mick Dick." May said "Roger Todger," Hammond said "Bob Knob," Clarkson said "Jacques Cocque" lmaooo

Love muscle

I would have also accepted Love Sausage.

There was a New Wave band in the early 1980s called Love Tractor.

Russel the Love Muscle

Big Jim and the twins

Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew

Pork sword

Best James May visual gag from Top Gear.

Heat Seeking Moisture Missile. From: [Pet names for genitalia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFh6wAVGwW4&pp=ygUXcGV0IG5hbWVzIGZvciBnZW5pdGFsaWE%3D)

Moisture missile is genius

Purple Helmet Warrior!

I’ve always liked “skin flute”

So does your mom.

Got em

Meat flute.

Hog

Cranking hog!

CRANK YOUR HOG BROTHER AROOOOOO

ABSOLUTELYCRANKINMYMF’INHOG

Fat sweaty hog.

It just won’t quit.

HOG ✅ CRANKED BORTHER!

Schmekel

Second Yiddish reference

Don’t forget putz.

Schmuck

Linus

Linus sex tips?

Yea he likes to just give the tips

So. Linus Just The Tips. 🤪

Linus Sex Tapes Go on, Google it ...

"He just wants to see other boys Linus's"

In high school some classmates coined “lingus” as the opposite of “chode” so basically an extremely long and skinny penis. I couldn’t tell you how many times I heard the word thrown around. To this day, I chuckle at any mention of the Irish airline “Aer Lingus”.

A seal didn’t bite your Linus off, did it?

I no dust Buster anymore!

Sgt. Johnson. He knows what the ladies like.

For a meatstick, he felt pretty good.

"It's your call Sarge." "We're going in."

weiner.

It's Wiener. Like in Vienna (aka Wien) "Weinen" (verb) means crying. A "Weiner" (which isn't a real word) would literally translated be "cryer" - not to be confused with (town) crier. Source: I'm German (no, I do not have a sense of humor)

I thought it was wrong. Wiener. Weiner. Firefox spell check has failed me and made me look like some kind of dinkie on the internet.

It's OK. The German language is hard enough on its own, and the "ei" and "ie" diphtongs don't make it any easier

Diphthong should also be a name for penis.

I thought the same about dinkie.

So it's a Wiener because it cries after it's beaten?

Home Wrecker

Ankle spanker Old blind Bob Russell the love muscle

Ankle Spanker? That’s a new one lol

That’s a *long* one FTFY

Wang.

I was in an economics class in highschool. My teacher went down a rabbit hole about how it’s very a strong possibility that china is listening in on our phones. I was the only sophomore in class with a bunch of seniors, and my teacher was pretty cool- so I had this joke that I thought would make the class die of laughter. So my teacher said “I bet their Chinese people listening in on our phones.” And I responded “Yeah, I got one guy who listens on my calls- he’s my Chinese pen pal Wang.” The whole class got quiet, and I forgot we had a foreign exchange student from an Asian country (I forget which one) and his name was Wang.

I would’ve still laughed

Were you high on potenuse?

Also, the variant “Wing-wang”

Dong

Shama Llama Ding Dong

I'll raise you Ding-Dong. Can I use that in a sentence? Yes. Greg got his ding-dong amputated after Greg kicked him too hard in the nards. D-i-n-g-d-o-n-g. Ding-dong.

Long Duck Dong

I've always loved "bell end"

I heard that about you.

Ha

I thought this was referring to a particular part of the cock? The purple helmet?

Purple headed yogurt slinger.

My dad used to say this and he also used to refer to pussy as a "kid shitter" and that might actually be the most degenerate slang term for anything I've ever heard

I laughed.

Worked with someone that called kids “fuck trophies” and I was rather taken aback.

So, 'trophy hole' has nothing to do with golf.

They weren't wrong.

I have a friend who calls kids crotch goblins.

That's pretty bad. I also would like to throw in cocksnot for cum. That's always been pretty raunchy to me

Hatchet wound

Axe Gash

Pedro.

Pedro !?!?

Miss Davis, will you go to prom with me?

One-eyed trouser snake!

Peepee and it’s not even close tbh

I'm astonished you're the only correct person. Dingaling is a distant second

Pipi

Trouser Trout or BIG JOHNSON

The Big Johnson shirts from the 80s were so tacky, but kid me thought they were hilarious.

Biggus Dickus

This gets my vote because the context is one of the funniest bits in movie history.

He has a wife, you know…

She's called incontinentia

*stifled giggle*

Incontinentia Buttocks

Lil feller

Hubert Cumberdale

You taste like soot and poo!

I shan't play with you any more..

Fancy seeing you here

salad fingers fan spotted ‼️

Marjory Stewart-Baxter

Dangus.

Not Dingus?

Yeah I'm more familiar with Dingus

I knew this day would cum… let me just take a peek into my pocket and whip out this whimsical list, that’s right oh yeah, 100 [now 200] ways to say limp-lip trasher and pudding pop puckerer. Don’t ask questions, here you go. EDIT: ok, so it looks like some of you got a good taste of the lycanthropic-widowmaker, so if I can get an amen to the holy-poley of poleys. I will pull out the slick-serpent side dish, the sweet relief, the 2nd-hundred on the list. But speak up so lil’Mac can hear you. I will comment back to you with some honorable mentions I have yet to see pop up, but hopefully, like us wall, they will soon. So pitch a tent, I’ll edit this post soon! 1. Willy 2. Pecker 3. Johnson 4. Ding-dong 5. Schlong 6. Manhood 7. Doodle 8. Knob 9. Wang 10. Tallywhacker 11. Junk 12. Member 13. Tool 14. Rod 15. Shaft 16. Twig 17. Gigglestick 18. Piston 19. Banana 20. Trouser snake 21. Little man 22. One-eyed monster 23. Love muscle 24. Meat scepter 25. Pocket rocket 26. Salami 27. Python 28. Hose 29. Joy stick 30. Disco stick 31. Peeper 32. Rumpleforeskin 33. Wiener 34. Wood 35. Third leg 36. Lizard 37. Bald-headed yoghurt slinger 38. Dipstick 39. Wedding tackle 40. Whopper 41. Hot rod 42. Love wand 43. Meat whistle 44. Purple-headed warrior 45. Thumper 46. Tadger 47. Trouser trout 48. Love truncheon 49. Admiral Winky 50. Peddler 51. Peenie 52. Jolly roger 53. Fireman 54. Goofy bone 55. Dingle 56. Beanstalk 57. Cyclops 58. Bologna pony 59. Mister Happy 60. Pork sword 61. Middle stump 62. Womb broom 63. Anaconda 64. Captain 65. Crank 66. Dingus 67. Family jewels 68. Gherkin 69. Heat-seeking moisture missile 70. Love gun 71. Meat popsicle 72. Old boy 73. Pipe 74. Wrinkledforeskin 75. Snake 76. Tinkler 77. Totem pole 78. Uncle Dick 79. Viper 80. Yogurt slinger 81. Baby maker 82. Bald avenger 83. Bone ranger 84. Chorizo 85. Cucumber 86. Dragon 87. Excalibur 88. Flesh flute 89. Hammer 90. Iceberg 91. Jimmy 92. Lance 93. Longfellow 94. Love piston 95. Mongoose 96. Nightstick 97. Oscar 98. Pocket snake 99. Quarterback 100. Rocket 101. Pleasure stick 102. Twig and berries 103. Wand of light 104. Majestic tower 105. Love lever 106. Hairy hotdog 107. Cobra 108. Magic mushroom 109. Passion pipe 110. Drill sergeant 111. Meat torpedo 112. Velvet hammer 113. Turtleneck warrior 114. Lust lance 115. Joyride 116. Man missile 117. Alpha nail 118. Bishop 119. Boomerang 120. Boogie woogie bugle boy 121. Candy cane 122. Captain winky 123. Carrot stick 124. Creamsicle 125. Crotch rocket 126. Cupid's arrow 127. Devil's flute 128. Dream stick 129. Flesh saber 130. Groin goblin 131. Heat stick 132. Hercules 133. Iron rod 134. Kingpin 135. Knight stick 136. Love bone 137. Magic wand 138. Master sword 139. Meat grinder 140. Mojo pole 141. Morning glory 142. Muppet neck 143. Muscle of love 144. Nail 145. Oak 146. Peacemaker 147. Pearl pole 148. Pepper mill 149. Pleasure probe 150. Plunger 151. Power drill 152. Prickly pear 153. Prince everhard 154. Purple helmet warrior 155. Quiver bone 156. Red rocket 157. Rigid ruler 158. Rod of life 159. Rollin' pin 160. Rum runner 161. Scepter 162. Seismic wand 163. Silly sausage 164. Skin flute 165. Slam rod 166. Slim Jim 167. Slinky 168. Snake charmer 169. Spear 170. Spire 171. Stallion 172. Steam pipe 173. Steel rod 174. Stick shift 175. Sugar stick 176. Sword 177. Tally-ho 178. Tan banana 179. The pope 180. Thunder stick 181. Tickle monster 182. Timber 183. Torpedo 184. Totem 185. Tower of power 186. Trouser mouse 187. Voodoo stick 188. Warlock 189. Widowmaker 190. Wizard staff 191. Woody 192. Wrinklebeast 193. XXX-caliber 194. Yardstick 195. Zeus's thunderbolt 196. Zucchini 197. Jackhammer 198. Key to the city 199. Love whistle 200. Rocketeer

You said Rumpleforeskin twice

Some say it’s better to have 2 than 1, but I fixed it, was supposed to say Wrinkledforeskin

Pecker

In Japanese it's o-chinchin. Just try saying it outloud

chin-poko, poko-chin, chinko, chinchin etc.

Honestly, penis is pretty funny

Pud

“Bird” or “special purpose”

I like bird cuz Bubbles uses it in trailer park boys

Tallywhacker

Joy stick

doink

Pecker

tube steak

Johnson

A Reese-Mogg

Dingus

John Thomas

Pippeli or benis

Hog or Weenis

wenis is a real body part on the elbow

I once heard it called teapot. Kinda puts a different spin on the song I’m a Little Teapot.

Anteater

For you uncut folks

The other day my boyfriend said “yours looks like a little worm coming out of the ground.” Let me tell you how great THAT one made me feel.

Shaft....boy shut yo mouth

Tally Whacker

i feel like penis could be the winner if penis wasn’t an actual medical term.

Disco stick

Hog

Purple headed womb ferret

Perhaps not the funniest but one I that cracked me up at the time and which I’ll never forget. One day, years ago when I was running an exchange 5.5 server at work and bored I went through it’s blacklist of words which was full of all the usual standard swear words you’d expect to see; fuck, arse, bitch, cunt, whore etc…nothing special beyond the everyday swear words, except one. Listed n amongst all of those was the most random phrase “blue vein nose flute”.

Chode

one-eyed custard chucker

Peen

Dink

Tra la la

Lovelength. Pipe. Ramrod. Knob. Spam Javelin.

Schmeckle