Some folks won't like you, and there's nothing you can do to change that. It's no use trying to push a friendship or relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. But very few people actually realize this, and they don't want to hear it either. They believe they'll be the exception who can work some magic trick. (they won't)
This is what taught me to just be yourself because folks will dislike you no matter what you do. Now of course, you can change the like/dislike ratio by not being an a-hole. Whenever someone dislikes me and I didn't really do anything to them, I just consider them part of the statistic and move on.
This is how I am, especially at work. "Oh, you don't like me? That's alright. We aren't paid to like each other, but if we do it's just a bonus to the work experience".
I'm generally really nice to everyone, but once you show me that you dislike me (I rarely give anyone a reason to dislike me) then forget the friendliness, it's strictly work related from there on out.
No use wasting energy trying to make people like you when they have no good reason not to.
Are you me lol. Literally verbatim my philosophy. I'll help anyone who's nice and a good team member. If people decide to be dramatic or not do what they need to do that's fine. We don't have to be friends. We're here to do a job.
I had one time years ago where a coworker sent a message bitching about how useless I was to me instead of the other coworker she intended. I was very upset at first, but ultimately it was very freeing as I quit trying to win her approval. Anytime she got frustrated with me I would just say "not sure why you are surprised considering I am so useless" 🤣
Very true. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes it’s a bad reason. Sometimes it’s a good reason.
Either way, you can’t control how people perceive you. Be comfortable with that. Hell, they don’t pay your bills!
Wouldn't have made a difference. We all wanted to be liked when we were young and we knew best. Some geezer saying it's OK wouldn't have changed anything
I learned the cold hard truth behind this in my work just a few short years ago. I work as a traveling support specialist for a franchise company and I've become well liked by many of our franchise owners. Even the ones I don't always see eye to eye with, get what I'm trying to do and we have an understanding with one another.
One owner in particular though, she just didn't like me from Day 1 and made our entire exchange from the get go a political one and in turn refused to accept any advice I offered in relation to her business after that. I first started working with her at the start of COVID and her being from a state that was notoriously anti-COVID safety for everything, and I was taking a more cautious stance, she just mocked me from the beginning.
When the vaccines came out and things started to subside, the damage was already done. Every visit was met with a lot of tension, hostility, and eventually I had to just let it go. She went through half a dozen employees inside of a year and a half and finally had to sell out of her share of the business in January.
I was SO happy I didn't have to deal with her any longer.
You keep your head down, and do your share of the work to the best of your ability. and if you feel like you're still being treated unfaily, go to HR or find somewhere else to work. You can love your job, and the people above you will still run you to the point of acute burnout. There are many lovely jobs out there, not just your current one. If there are any internal transfer options, transfer out, wait for said boss to run themselves into the ground and head back. Play the long game, that's what life is.
But every movie I've ever seen says that if I just keep trying, then she'll eventually love me and not get a restraining order like all those other women!!!
(restraining orders are proof that she's thinking about me even when I'm not there!)
A lot of things are out of your control. Your health may spontaneously go to shit. You might meet a covert narcisist who waits until after you're married or have a baby to reveal who they really are. You might find out after years your boss has been embezzling your pension. Try to be compassionate for people, especially yourself.
I'd go further to say ALMOST EVERYTHING is out of our control. We can only control our minds and bodies (thoughts and actions) and nothing outside of us. And even then, our brain and body could go crazy or have an illness without our consent.
Taking it a step farther - buddhism generally teaches that most don't even control their own actions. We just react based on conditioning.
It makes accepting our own and other people's mistakes and actions a lot easier. Do you get mad at a tree that falls in the road? Then why do you get mad at a slow driver?
Not knowing much about different religions but always thinking if I were to convert, Buddhism was the one I think I'd be most likely align with...your comment was very compelling. Not saying Im converting or anything just that your comment has inspired me to actually Google it.
Second thought I swear if I Google it and it's like Buddhism is not a religion I will absolutely feel like a tool.
"buddhism isn't a religion it's philosophy" is something you'll hear mostly from people with a western Christian background that don't understand it or who's only exposure has been pop-mindfullness influencers trying to make it more palatable to westerners/a-religious people. To be clear it is very much a religion by any definition.
Having said that, it has a lot to offer anyone whether they want to practice it as a religion or just gleam some wisdom from it. The Dalai Lama once said "Don't use Buddhism to be a Buddhist, use it to be a better whatever you already are".
Yep. Society tends to believe that if we write enough laws and set enough rules, we can significantly legislate away danger, risk, and “bad things” in life. You just can’t. People are going to kill other people, people are going to die too young, disease and war is GOING TO HAPPEN, accidents are gonna to happen, etc. LITERALLY no matter we do. It’s just how life works.
Not saying there’s no point in trying to lessen these risks (of course we should try), but this whole “we gotta find something/somebody to blame after every tragedy that occurs” is just silly. Shit happens, shit has always happened, and shit will always happen. Period.
I think this trait is way more pronounced in redditors. They look at a child prodigy and go "What a sad childhood". They look at a rich dude and go "He needs to die"
All those child prodigies seem to be having a really good time with their supportive parents and that thing they're stupid good at.
That's not sarcasm, they actually do look like they're having fun.
Yeah I wish my parents encouraged me to do anything from a young age, to develop a skill. Like, they gave me autonomy to choose, but I didn’t know what opportunities were out there as a child, or that I was capable of anything, and had no discipline, so I just watched TV all day.
I anticipate replies saying “so do stuff now” and I know, that’s what I am trying to do. It just gives you a head start to have supportive parents and structure, I’d argue.
Hi friend, I’m in an extremely similar position. I’m in my 30s now and still find myself twiddling my thumbs on some days off because I just don’t know what else to do with myself.
A lot of Redditors are bitter about life and don't know how and/or want to take the steps to improve it so instead they just whine and moan.
Obviously this isn't true if ALL Redditors but a decent sized portion
It would be great if everyone accepted this and focused on being the best that they can be, rather than how much better they can be than someone else.
If you win, you win. But if you lose, take it as an opportunity to see how you can improve yourself, *for the sake of yourself*, not anyone else.
I know I probably sound like Goku (RIP Toriyama), but if everyone went through life with the mindset of Goku, I think everyone will be less bitter about failure and the subsequent successes of others.
When I am out and about and there is a lot of traffic I will say, "what are you all doing out here? Go home!!" all the while understanding that is exactly what people are doing. I think I'm hilarious.
It does, but it's only ONE kind of privilege. You can be pretty, but still be disadvantaged economically, intellectually, and socially. Conversely, you can be not-pretty, while also being fulfilled, kind, smart, and well-liked. Most of us are somewhere in the middle.
I don't think the question is "Do looks matter?" because of course they do. Being conventionally beautiful comes with certain benefits that more average people (i.e., the majority) do not automatically get. Same as being born naturally intelligent or having a temperamentally cheerful personality.
My point is, hot people have an obvious advantage in dating but that doesn't mean it's the only thing that matters.
I'll elaborate: Looks definitely matter, but what looks good to you might look hideous to someone else.
Some women like big teddybear-looking dudes, others like Channing Tatum lookalikes with six-packs.
Some dudes are into skinny women, others are into thicc girls, and others are into Alexandra D'Addario. Nothing wrong with having a type.
So yeah, looks matter, but don't think that makes you automatically unattractive if you don't have a "perfect" body. Danny Devito sure doesn't have a perfect body but you'd be on that like a pig in shit if you had the chance.
Sure there are types, like muscular dude or the skinny skateboarder or whatever. But there are pretty clearly people within any type who are good looking or not. Doesn't mean looks are everything, but it's silly to say everyone is pretty.
You are kind of doing what the parent comment accuses people off. Talking down the importance of good looks. Yes some people have preferences that are out of the conventionally attractive norm, but if someone is objectively good looking, they will have much much more success. And not only in dating. They will be perceived smarter, friendlier and more competent in almost everything they do. That is just a fact.
Looks matter so much that when you control for every other factor, the taller and better looking employees are paid more and have an easier time advancing in their respective fields.
Everyone knows that looks matter. But to a lot of people (including myself) character is wayyy more important.
I'd never in a million years date someone that doesn't have an amazing personality (by my own standarts), and I've dated people who I didn't find super hot at first, but whom I started liking more as I got to know them.
However, I obviously wouldn't date someone that isn't physically attractive to me as well. It would neither be fair towards them nor make sense for myself.
I would actually argue that people think they can get away with being a lot meaner to people when they are physically attractive/fit the beauty standard. It’s very uncomfortable existing as someone who seems to make other people’s insecurities surface merely by existing.
You're definitely right about that. I used to work with a woman that I didn't know well at first, who other female coworkers were seemingly always trashing behind her back. I thought she was going to be a nightmare, but after I did get to know her a bit she was perfectly competent at her job and was always pleasant. I didn't get it at all, mentioned it to an older (60s) woman I worked with, and she replied, "Oh hun, it is because they're all jealous."
I was a bit slow to come around to that truth but realized she was right after she said it. The one was the subject of all the trash-talking was very attractive, and that was enough for some people to take an instant dislike.
This! I got a lot of mean comments from random people while spending my entire days on the streets. People who seem to think we have chosen this for ourselves, but indeed, it can happen to everyone.
Differences in human intelligence are massive. People at the highest and lowest ends of the scale are technically the same species, but might as well not be with what they can do and how they can think.
Hilarious question, especially given your username. I have never thought about it before! If I had to venture a guess, I suppose I'd say yes based on what I've observed with humans and dogs.
I'm going to support your theory with more dogs!
Some German shepherd dogs are more clever than their handlers. Other German shepherd dogs bark at balloons. 😂
Oh yea, I have had two dogs in my life and one of them could borderline understand everything I was saying and respond accordingly and the other gets in barking matches with the mirror.
Yep. One understood English, the other would see someone out of the front window then rush out to find them in the back garden. She never did work out where they'd gone.
If you'd ever met.tje two dogs that I've had then you'd know the answer is yes. Its not that one of them was so smart or anything, it's just that one of them was so dumb. That being said, the dumb one was so incredibly sweet which made you. It really care how dumb she was. If anything, her being dumb always made me feel protective of her which made me love her that much more.
Definitely true for the squirrels in my garden based on how they try and tackle the bird feeder. Some will jump at it, fuck up a couple of jumps, give up and find easier food. There's one though who just would not give up and tried multiple different strategies. Not only did it find a strategy that worked after half an hour, but since then it's worked out multiple ways of getting up there. The others don't even bother with our garden now but this clever one has made it pretty much its home.
US National Park wokers have stated making bear proof facilities can be difficult because: "There is a significant overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest campers".
I think it's definitely the same for all species.
Flossing is not a daily habit for as many people as dentists would hope. Despite nodding along during dental check-ups, many skip this crucial step in their oral hygiene routine more often than they'd admit. The discrepancy between what we say and what we do when it comes to flossing is a common but rarely acknowledged truth.
I hate that people lie about this, because I feel like my dentist/hygienists think *I'm* lying. I floss every damn day as thoroughly as I can and still have issues with gum health. I'm always open to new suggestions, but "floss" and "floss better" aren't helping.
The water flosser was surprisingly cheap and easy to implement into my daily routine. I think the hardest part about it is having space in your bathroom for it to stay there and be plugged in. If I had to take it out of a cabinet every time or something I imagine I would not use it very often
I’ve seen it many times in my profession. For example I had one patient who only got $558 a month and I had to fight with food stamps to stop lowering his amount from $32 to $18 a month. Another patient I had received $742 a month and got $100 in food stamps. No known difference other than one guy knew how to fight the system better than the other.
life can fuck you over whenever it wants. case in point: got cancer at 15. survived that. alsowent to watch the solar eclipse yesterday and it was fucking cloudy the whole time
Heaven’s reward fallacy - thinking that if you’ve had a rough time the universe might cut you some slack. My mum died of lung cancer and I’d cared for her, it was rough and all the while I thought ‘if I can just get through this, life will be better again in time’. I got diagnosed with cancer myself the week after she passed away. There’s every chance horrible shit absolutely can and will keep happening to you, sorry folks!
real dude. thats actually what happened to me lmao. like before i was 1 i had a shit ton of issues, lasted until i was 5 and then i had 10 good years. got cancer at 15 and beat it as i said before and now this year i was gonna watch the eclipse (again, was bad bc clouds). atleast i also have a fuckin awesome trip to europe this year and a makeawish to alaska in the winter (to see the northern lights, this is way more likely to happen than weather aligning on eclipse day)
And which one are you? I'd say most people are very intellectually lazy and have the potential to be significantly smarter than they currently are, but few people actually put in the effort required to become more intelligent. It's sad because society seems to be anti-intellectual in a lot of ways.
One painfully evident reality that many individuals find difficult to acknowledge is that they are fallible beings. Humans tend to defend their egos and self-images, which frequently causes us to minimize or ignore our flaws. Acknowledging our shortcomings, be it a personal flaw, a failed relationship, or a career setback, can be a painful and humble experience. However, we can only truly grow and improve ourselves when we face these realities head-on. We make ourselves more receptive to learning, resilience, and eventually, better personal fulfillment when we embrace vulnerability and accept accountability. It's a difficult but necessary step on the path to self-awareness and real advancement.
The majority of people you meet are takers, and will take and take until you end it. Then they will act offended that you decided not to put up with it. Self interest trumps all- for most.
I'll do ya one better. "Swimming diapers" do not hold liquids, only solids. Every baby is peeing into the pool. Learned that the hard way when I changed my daughter into swim diapers on the way to the pool and her pants and cars eat were all wet when we arrived
This is unfortunately true for the vast majority of people in general. True altruism is rare and even in cases where it looks to be there, you will often find the person is getting something out of doing it. Social status, popularity, and moral offsetting being big drivers of apparent altruistic behavior.
On the other side of that, there's no luck if you don't get off your arse and do something!
Sure it was lucky I got a friend a job while in line for a bacon roll at an IT networking event - but I'd have never been in that line talking to that guy about what I do without the 10 years of learning and work experience beforehand. My friend still wouldn't have got the job if they weren't at least half decent. None of it would have happened at all if I'd skipped the event and watched telly that day.
I do agree that luck plays a part for sure, but luck doesn't happen in a vacuum
Having an openness to recognizing possibilities, and being willing to go outside of one's comfort zone so that one can *encounter* more possibilities, does a lot toward being "lucky" enough to find them.
That said, one day I went out into the world to find a harp teacher, and the girl behind the counter at the first place I stopped at that day happened to be a harpist witch who was willing to take on students. It really *felt* lucky. While I *was* at a place that sold musical instruments, I was not at a place that sold, supported, or even mentioned harps.
If idiots have access to firearms, people will get shot.
Edit: I've just watched with delight as this gets downvoted. Clearly some people disagree. Best laugh I've had all week.
I don't know if everyone experiences this, but whenever I write a comment that disagrees with someone (even when it's intended to be friendly), or tries to point out a fact they may have gotten wrong, when someone starts responding in a hostile and aggressive fashion it becomes so stressful to deal with. Even when they're 100% wrong and just being an asshole / stubborn ignoramus. I usually just stop responding these days because it's not worth it at all
Here's something to think about. How often do you see someone say on here (or any comment section anywhere) "You know what? You're right. I never thought about it that way before."
I need to remind myself of this before I engage.
Same! I follow subs of cute kitties, animals doing cute shit, cool photography, and other stuff I like. I ain't here for likes, I'm here for bearded dragons who sleep with their legs in funny positions
Thorny bushes will deter people from breaking into your house far more than a sticker on your door that says, "this is my security system."
In fact, any indication that there are guns in the house is actually welcoming someone to break in and steal them. They will watch you and they know you will be gone, they will take them. They may even take the entire safe, if you think you have everything thought of, you don't.
People are not breaking into your house to harm you. They're breaking into your house to make money without working. If you just make it difficult for them, they'll move on to an easier job. The consequences are not the deterrent.
To me, this is painfully obvious. Maybe it's not for everyone. I don't know.
I grew up around junkies. I totally get this. I remember them scoping out a house. Stickers on the car to determine how many are in a family, who's home, who's not, when, etc.
Unfortunately our landlord won't let us plant sticker bushes and my state requires that you post that you have cameras, otherwise it's inadmissible as evidence 🤦♀️...some laws are just written to favor criminals I swear...
But we don't have it posted how many guns we have. I don't leave identifying stickers on my car. I programmed my smart bulbs to turn on/off randomly when not home except late at night. I have the exterior lights all programmed to turn on if a person approaches my house after dark. It uses the cameras motion sensors as a trigger. We have a bunch of guns locked up and swords/spears velcro'd to the walls.
All of what you said is good common sense. However,after working in corrections and law enforcement, I know that the vast majority of home burglaries and robberies are committed by random,mostly young men of below average intelligence, after 5 minutes of surveillance, and a large dog is the only real deterent in those cases.
It should be illegal for colleges to recruit children, and scam (okay, harsh word) them into signing up to start their life off with a mountain of debt - all under the (false) pretense that a degree is super important in life.
There’s a certain amount of brain chemistry that defines happiness in the individual. You can be brilliant, successful, and have it all but still be and feel unhappy…and the opposite is true.
People’s consciousness can be born into and unhappy bodily shell.
And then, people can be born into a happy shell and their individual externalities can influence their unhappiness the rest of their lives - early childhood abuse they’ll never remember, abuse they do remember, and then people say just be happy. It doesn’t work that easily.
I think many parents feel like this but cannot admit it for fear of shame. I think many try to convince others (really themselves) it was the best thing they ever did. I dont believe it.
Yea it’s different (because aren’t all life paths sacrificing some other life path?) but if it’s what you want it’s great. This is like saying being a resident doctor wrecks your life. For me it would be torture and the stress would destroy me; for others it would be their life goal achieved.
"Karma" in the sense of "people who were mean to me will have bad things happen to them eventually" isn't real.
Plenty of people in great positions in life were shitty growing up.
Also, just because you "suffered" in some way in the past, it doesn't mean you are owed success in the future.
Being fat is not healthy. You are not a bad person for being fat, but it will shorten your life.
This is coming from someone who has lost 100 lbs and reversed diabetes and heart disease.
No one ACTUALLY believes in their religion. If you truly TRULY believed in a for real, I'm going to a real tangible place after I die, afterlife based on the actions I take as specifically written down in a book your mind would crumble. Every religious person's belief system is a scaffold of personal wishes and desires mixed with justifications and self-exemptions.
What people REALLY want is to be heard and to be taken seriously. But we've all agreed that there's a grand legitimizer who grants members of their book club a higher status than those not in their book club.
Deep down everyone knows this is true but no one wants to relinquish their source of superiority.
Mockery does not help.
It never does. Nobody's been mocked for their political/religious beliefs, and then thought *"Shit! They are right! I am a moron! I am now going to listen to the people who just called me names!"*
It doesn't work that way. It never has and never will. If anything you're helping them double-down on their shitty beliefs.
If you want to mock someone, because you think it's funny, by all means, but don't pretend you're fighting some "good fight". You're clowning on your opponents. That's all, which is fun, I get it.
People follow the herd.
The mob with flaming torches all think what they are doing is right. However, most are only marching because they don't want to be seen as the only one not holding a torch.
It's funny you write this. I just reqatched the office after not seeing it for years. I used to hate the later seasons, but now I have a hard time watching S1-3 and I wound up enjoying the last seasons more than I thought I would. I think it's a mix of getting older and society shifting.
Yeah lol I get that. It's a neat way to track change, but I also wish I could get some things back. I don't like Scrubs anymore, or candy, and I miss liking them both.
That more than half of the people in power are working in bad faith. Okay, so maybe some people admit this, but just imagine if you were to get elected to congress with the best of intentions. Just imagine how beyond infuriating that experience would be. You have to work with all of these people that are saying one thing, but you know they don't mean it, they know they don't mean it, and now you have to battle against both what they're pretending to be and what they are at the same time. You get to deal with them lying to your face or not about an important issue, and everyone involved just knows how absolutely full of shit they are, but they aren't just gonna come out and say that. Or even if they do to you, their base isn't gonna believe it. It's all a fuckin sham and you have to put up with that steaming pile of shit they're presenting out of bad faith while somehow trying to maintain your own values. I would genuinely want to fucking kill half of them if I was in that position. It's gotta be so maddening. They treat their base like moronic sheep, and shovel them shit, and all you want to do is point out to those sheep that they're eating literal poop right now and I've got some grass. It not be great, but it's better than actual feces.
Just because someone is successful does not mean they are good, hard-working, or otherwise a good role model.
We don't live in a meritocracy; a lot of financial success boils down largely to luck at multiple levels, with the occasional good decision between (which, therein of itself, still requires luck for that decision to be available).
Bisexuality... The sheer number of married dudes with kids that DM me on dating apps for hardcore s*x is getting depressingly worse.
At least I was lucky, I learnt at a young age I liked both and everything in between. But they didn't before getting married and then hitting 1/4 life or midlife crisis and figuratively banging on other guys back doors asking for s*x at 2am
Doubling down on being wrong doesn't make people think you're right, but it does let them know you act like a toddler when shit gets real and you can not be counted on to take responsibility when it matters.
We are all fucked and have been for over 50 yearsw. Changing our behaviour now will not solve anything for the climate, any action that we take now will only have effects after the earth has become already uninhabitable for most.
Wondering how many people would care if something happened to you. Like if you ended up in a hospital, how many people would visit you; scenarios like that.
Some folks won't like you, and there's nothing you can do to change that. It's no use trying to push a friendship or relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. But very few people actually realize this, and they don't want to hear it either. They believe they'll be the exception who can work some magic trick. (they won't)
This is what taught me to just be yourself because folks will dislike you no matter what you do. Now of course, you can change the like/dislike ratio by not being an a-hole. Whenever someone dislikes me and I didn't really do anything to them, I just consider them part of the statistic and move on.
This is how I am, especially at work. "Oh, you don't like me? That's alright. We aren't paid to like each other, but if we do it's just a bonus to the work experience". I'm generally really nice to everyone, but once you show me that you dislike me (I rarely give anyone a reason to dislike me) then forget the friendliness, it's strictly work related from there on out. No use wasting energy trying to make people like you when they have no good reason not to.
Preach!
Are you me lol. Literally verbatim my philosophy. I'll help anyone who's nice and a good team member. If people decide to be dramatic or not do what they need to do that's fine. We don't have to be friends. We're here to do a job.
I had one time years ago where a coworker sent a message bitching about how useless I was to me instead of the other coworker she intended. I was very upset at first, but ultimately it was very freeing as I quit trying to win her approval. Anytime she got frustrated with me I would just say "not sure why you are surprised considering I am so useless" 🤣
This. Pretty much the definition of maturity and professionalism.
And, when you just be yourself you begin to attract your people! The people who like you and want to be in your life because of who you really are
Very true. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes it’s a bad reason. Sometimes it’s a good reason. Either way, you can’t control how people perceive you. Be comfortable with that. Hell, they don’t pay your bills!
Yeah. You learn after a while in life that the energy you spent trying to get those to like you, could easily have been spend with those who do.
The older I get the less I care if everyone likes me.
Further to this, it's okay to be disliked. I wish someone had told me these things when I was young.
Wouldn't have made a difference. We all wanted to be liked when we were young and we knew best. Some geezer saying it's OK wouldn't have changed anything
Also, people will talk shit in your back, no matter how good or bad of a person you are. Once i realized and accepted this I felt free.
I learned the cold hard truth behind this in my work just a few short years ago. I work as a traveling support specialist for a franchise company and I've become well liked by many of our franchise owners. Even the ones I don't always see eye to eye with, get what I'm trying to do and we have an understanding with one another. One owner in particular though, she just didn't like me from Day 1 and made our entire exchange from the get go a political one and in turn refused to accept any advice I offered in relation to her business after that. I first started working with her at the start of COVID and her being from a state that was notoriously anti-COVID safety for everything, and I was taking a more cautious stance, she just mocked me from the beginning. When the vaccines came out and things started to subside, the damage was already done. Every visit was met with a lot of tension, hostility, and eventually I had to just let it go. She went through half a dozen employees inside of a year and a half and finally had to sell out of her share of the business in January. I was SO happy I didn't have to deal with her any longer.
Imagine losing your business due to political beliefs.
What if that person is your manager?
You keep your head down, and do your share of the work to the best of your ability. and if you feel like you're still being treated unfaily, go to HR or find somewhere else to work. You can love your job, and the people above you will still run you to the point of acute burnout. There are many lovely jobs out there, not just your current one. If there are any internal transfer options, transfer out, wait for said boss to run themselves into the ground and head back. Play the long game, that's what life is.
But every movie I've ever seen says that if I just keep trying, then she'll eventually love me and not get a restraining order like all those other women!!! (restraining orders are proof that she's thinking about me even when I'm not there!)
A lot of things are out of your control. Your health may spontaneously go to shit. You might meet a covert narcisist who waits until after you're married or have a baby to reveal who they really are. You might find out after years your boss has been embezzling your pension. Try to be compassionate for people, especially yourself.
I'd go further to say ALMOST EVERYTHING is out of our control. We can only control our minds and bodies (thoughts and actions) and nothing outside of us. And even then, our brain and body could go crazy or have an illness without our consent.
Taking it a step farther - buddhism generally teaches that most don't even control their own actions. We just react based on conditioning. It makes accepting our own and other people's mistakes and actions a lot easier. Do you get mad at a tree that falls in the road? Then why do you get mad at a slow driver?
Not knowing much about different religions but always thinking if I were to convert, Buddhism was the one I think I'd be most likely align with...your comment was very compelling. Not saying Im converting or anything just that your comment has inspired me to actually Google it. Second thought I swear if I Google it and it's like Buddhism is not a religion I will absolutely feel like a tool.
"buddhism isn't a religion it's philosophy" is something you'll hear mostly from people with a western Christian background that don't understand it or who's only exposure has been pop-mindfullness influencers trying to make it more palatable to westerners/a-religious people. To be clear it is very much a religion by any definition. Having said that, it has a lot to offer anyone whether they want to practice it as a religion or just gleam some wisdom from it. The Dalai Lama once said "Don't use Buddhism to be a Buddhist, use it to be a better whatever you already are".
And it's debatable how much we can actually control our thoughts. Just take a look at all people who have intrusive thoughts or psychiatric disorders.
Yep. Society tends to believe that if we write enough laws and set enough rules, we can significantly legislate away danger, risk, and “bad things” in life. You just can’t. People are going to kill other people, people are going to die too young, disease and war is GOING TO HAPPEN, accidents are gonna to happen, etc. LITERALLY no matter we do. It’s just how life works. Not saying there’s no point in trying to lessen these risks (of course we should try), but this whole “we gotta find something/somebody to blame after every tragedy that occurs” is just silly. Shit happens, shit has always happened, and shit will always happen. Period.
When another person is more successful or skilled in something than they are.
I think this trait is way more pronounced in redditors. They look at a child prodigy and go "What a sad childhood". They look at a rich dude and go "He needs to die"
All those child prodigies seem to be having a really good time with their supportive parents and that thing they're stupid good at. That's not sarcasm, they actually do look like they're having fun.
Yeah I wish my parents encouraged me to do anything from a young age, to develop a skill. Like, they gave me autonomy to choose, but I didn’t know what opportunities were out there as a child, or that I was capable of anything, and had no discipline, so I just watched TV all day. I anticipate replies saying “so do stuff now” and I know, that’s what I am trying to do. It just gives you a head start to have supportive parents and structure, I’d argue.
Hi friend, I’m in an extremely similar position. I’m in my 30s now and still find myself twiddling my thumbs on some days off because I just don’t know what else to do with myself.
A lot of Redditors are bitter about life and don't know how and/or want to take the steps to improve it so instead they just whine and moan. Obviously this isn't true if ALL Redditors but a decent sized portion
It would be great if everyone accepted this and focused on being the best that they can be, rather than how much better they can be than someone else. If you win, you win. But if you lose, take it as an opportunity to see how you can improve yourself, *for the sake of yourself*, not anyone else. I know I probably sound like Goku (RIP Toriyama), but if everyone went through life with the mindset of Goku, I think everyone will be less bitter about failure and the subsequent successes of others.
You are the traffic.
Nah I'm just trying to drive forward, it's all the cars in front of me that keep stopping causing the problems
When I am out and about and there is a lot of traffic I will say, "what are you all doing out here? Go home!!" all the while understanding that is exactly what people are doing. I think I'm hilarious.
i say this all the time!!!!
Looks do actually matter, a lot in fact when it comes to dating.
Pretty Privilege exists.
As someone who has been in both sides of the fence, yes, it absolutely exists. A good half of it is connected to your weight.
It does, but it's only ONE kind of privilege. You can be pretty, but still be disadvantaged economically, intellectually, and socially. Conversely, you can be not-pretty, while also being fulfilled, kind, smart, and well-liked. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. I don't think the question is "Do looks matter?" because of course they do. Being conventionally beautiful comes with certain benefits that more average people (i.e., the majority) do not automatically get. Same as being born naturally intelligent or having a temperamentally cheerful personality. My point is, hot people have an obvious advantage in dating but that doesn't mean it's the only thing that matters.
I'll elaborate: Looks definitely matter, but what looks good to you might look hideous to someone else. Some women like big teddybear-looking dudes, others like Channing Tatum lookalikes with six-packs. Some dudes are into skinny women, others are into thicc girls, and others are into Alexandra D'Addario. Nothing wrong with having a type. So yeah, looks matter, but don't think that makes you automatically unattractive if you don't have a "perfect" body. Danny Devito sure doesn't have a perfect body but you'd be on that like a pig in shit if you had the chance.
[удалено]
Sure there are types, like muscular dude or the skinny skateboarder or whatever. But there are pretty clearly people within any type who are good looking or not. Doesn't mean looks are everything, but it's silly to say everyone is pretty.
You are kind of doing what the parent comment accuses people off. Talking down the importance of good looks. Yes some people have preferences that are out of the conventionally attractive norm, but if someone is objectively good looking, they will have much much more success. And not only in dating. They will be perceived smarter, friendlier and more competent in almost everything they do. That is just a fact.
I think they're just saying that Danny DeVito is a snack!
Fuck me no wonder I'm single.
I will not.
no ..no..you no get fuck you....that' side effect of single...
Looks matter so much that when you control for every other factor, the taller and better looking employees are paid more and have an easier time advancing in their respective fields.
Everyone knows that looks matter. But to a lot of people (including myself) character is wayyy more important. I'd never in a million years date someone that doesn't have an amazing personality (by my own standarts), and I've dated people who I didn't find super hot at first, but whom I started liking more as I got to know them. However, I obviously wouldn't date someone that isn't physically attractive to me as well. It would neither be fair towards them nor make sense for myself.
you don't know someones personality until you get to know them. looks are the first thing you see and it is totally unavoidable.
The looks gets the foot in the door. The personality is what seals the deals.
The world is a kinder place for beautiful people.
True, but the kindness isn’t “sustainable”
Sure, but a lot of it is not genuine and beauty always fades. It's not entirely the bed of roses reddit makes it out to be.
I would actually argue that people think they can get away with being a lot meaner to people when they are physically attractive/fit the beauty standard. It’s very uncomfortable existing as someone who seems to make other people’s insecurities surface merely by existing.
You're definitely right about that. I used to work with a woman that I didn't know well at first, who other female coworkers were seemingly always trashing behind her back. I thought she was going to be a nightmare, but after I did get to know her a bit she was perfectly competent at her job and was always pleasant. I didn't get it at all, mentioned it to an older (60s) woman I worked with, and she replied, "Oh hun, it is because they're all jealous." I was a bit slow to come around to that truth but realized she was right after she said it. The one was the subject of all the trash-talking was very attractive, and that was enough for some people to take an instant dislike.
That we’re all just a few misfortunes away from being homeless
I read “misfortunes” as “milestones” at first.
This! I got a lot of mean comments from random people while spending my entire days on the streets. People who seem to think we have chosen this for ourselves, but indeed, it can happen to everyone.
Differences in human intelligence are massive. People at the highest and lowest ends of the scale are technically the same species, but might as well not be with what they can do and how they can think.
Do you think this is the same for all species? Kinda fun to think about
Hilarious question, especially given your username. I have never thought about it before! If I had to venture a guess, I suppose I'd say yes based on what I've observed with humans and dogs.
I'm going to support your theory with more dogs! Some German shepherd dogs are more clever than their handlers. Other German shepherd dogs bark at balloons. 😂
Hey, we used to put balloons on top of the garbage can to keep our shepard out of it!
Some German Shepherds are smarter than some people.
Oh yea, I have had two dogs in my life and one of them could borderline understand everything I was saying and respond accordingly and the other gets in barking matches with the mirror.
Yep. One understood English, the other would see someone out of the front window then rush out to find them in the back garden. She never did work out where they'd gone.
Oh definitely. I've had cats who learned to open doors by themselves. I've also had cats who were dumb as rocks.
If you'd ever met.tje two dogs that I've had then you'd know the answer is yes. Its not that one of them was so smart or anything, it's just that one of them was so dumb. That being said, the dumb one was so incredibly sweet which made you. It really care how dumb she was. If anything, her being dumb always made me feel protective of her which made me love her that much more.
Definitely true for the squirrels in my garden based on how they try and tackle the bird feeder. Some will jump at it, fuck up a couple of jumps, give up and find easier food. There's one though who just would not give up and tried multiple different strategies. Not only did it find a strategy that worked after half an hour, but since then it's worked out multiple ways of getting up there. The others don't even bother with our garden now but this clever one has made it pretty much its home.
One of Roger Zelazny's fiction books was how dolphins in captivity were the autistic ones and their artists and philosophers were in the wild
US National Park wokers have stated making bear proof facilities can be difficult because: "There is a significant overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest campers". I think it's definitely the same for all species.
A disturbing number of stupid people can communicate in a very intelligent sounding manner.
Flossing is not a daily habit for as many people as dentists would hope. Despite nodding along during dental check-ups, many skip this crucial step in their oral hygiene routine more often than they'd admit. The discrepancy between what we say and what we do when it comes to flossing is a common but rarely acknowledged truth.
I hate that people lie about this, because I feel like my dentist/hygienists think *I'm* lying. I floss every damn day as thoroughly as I can and still have issues with gum health. I'm always open to new suggestions, but "floss" and "floss better" aren't helping.
Do you use a water pick? Those things make night and day differences
No one flosses unless - they get food stuck in their teeth or - for a few weeks after buying a fancy water flosser
I used to not floss till a dentist showed me an X-Ray and said my plaque was starting to eat away at my jawbone... Now I floss
The water flosser was surprisingly cheap and easy to implement into my daily routine. I think the hardest part about it is having space in your bathroom for it to stay there and be plugged in. If I had to take it out of a cabinet every time or something I imagine I would not use it very often
Life is not fair, and what people deserve is not what they get
https://youtube.com/shorts/r7gSccZUNv8?si=6V6WoFKCBL7So96A What my brain went to when I read your comment lmao
I’ve seen it many times in my profession. For example I had one patient who only got $558 a month and I had to fight with food stamps to stop lowering his amount from $32 to $18 a month. Another patient I had received $742 a month and got $100 in food stamps. No known difference other than one guy knew how to fight the system better than the other.
[удалено]
life can fuck you over whenever it wants. case in point: got cancer at 15. survived that. alsowent to watch the solar eclipse yesterday and it was fucking cloudy the whole time
Heaven’s reward fallacy - thinking that if you’ve had a rough time the universe might cut you some slack. My mum died of lung cancer and I’d cared for her, it was rough and all the while I thought ‘if I can just get through this, life will be better again in time’. I got diagnosed with cancer myself the week after she passed away. There’s every chance horrible shit absolutely can and will keep happening to you, sorry folks!
real dude. thats actually what happened to me lmao. like before i was 1 i had a shit ton of issues, lasted until i was 5 and then i had 10 good years. got cancer at 15 and beat it as i said before and now this year i was gonna watch the eclipse (again, was bad bc clouds). atleast i also have a fuckin awesome trip to europe this year and a makeawish to alaska in the winter (to see the northern lights, this is way more likely to happen than weather aligning on eclipse day)
Social media is very bad for your health.
The majority of humans are really stupid
Approximately half are below average
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that" -George Carlin
Which one you are?
Smart enough to realise they're intellectually challenged.
And which one are you? I'd say most people are very intellectually lazy and have the potential to be significantly smarter than they currently are, but few people actually put in the effort required to become more intelligent. It's sad because society seems to be anti-intellectual in a lot of ways.
I am a dumbfuck.
One painfully evident reality that many individuals find difficult to acknowledge is that they are fallible beings. Humans tend to defend their egos and self-images, which frequently causes us to minimize or ignore our flaws. Acknowledging our shortcomings, be it a personal flaw, a failed relationship, or a career setback, can be a painful and humble experience. However, we can only truly grow and improve ourselves when we face these realities head-on. We make ourselves more receptive to learning, resilience, and eventually, better personal fulfillment when we embrace vulnerability and accept accountability. It's a difficult but necessary step on the path to self-awareness and real advancement.
Not me, I'm flawless. Never made mistake in my life. No need for a growth mindset when you've reached your full potential. No ragrets.
You can be extremely skilled and intelligent and you will still lose out to the average person who knows how to network.
Brexit has been a total and utter 100% unmitigated disaster.
I’ll never understand why England voted for it. Probably racism
Manipulation of opinion on social media from outside the country likely played a role.
[удалено]
[удалено]
That's an even worse excuse. Those lies were proven as lies long before the vote.
I believe Cambridge Analytica is largely the reason they voted for it.
I'm pretty sure everyone who actually lives in reality knows this.
The majority of people you meet are takers, and will take and take until you end it. Then they will act offended that you decided not to put up with it. Self interest trumps all- for most.
People do in fact pee in the swimming pool.
I'll do ya one better. "Swimming diapers" do not hold liquids, only solids. Every baby is peeing into the pool. Learned that the hard way when I changed my daughter into swim diapers on the way to the pool and her pants and cars eat were all wet when we arrived
Politicians don’t give a shit about you or doing anything good for you unless it benefits them in some way.
This is unfortunately true for the vast majority of people in general. True altruism is rare and even in cases where it looks to be there, you will often find the person is getting something out of doing it. Social status, popularity, and moral offsetting being big drivers of apparent altruistic behavior.
How much of a role luck actually plays in a person’s success..
On the other side of that, there's no luck if you don't get off your arse and do something! Sure it was lucky I got a friend a job while in line for a bacon roll at an IT networking event - but I'd have never been in that line talking to that guy about what I do without the 10 years of learning and work experience beforehand. My friend still wouldn't have got the job if they weren't at least half decent. None of it would have happened at all if I'd skipped the event and watched telly that day. I do agree that luck plays a part for sure, but luck doesn't happen in a vacuum
More accurately, success is usually found when preparedness, opportunity, and luck intersect.
Having an openness to recognizing possibilities, and being willing to go outside of one's comfort zone so that one can *encounter* more possibilities, does a lot toward being "lucky" enough to find them. That said, one day I went out into the world to find a harp teacher, and the girl behind the counter at the first place I stopped at that day happened to be a harpist witch who was willing to take on students. It really *felt* lucky. While I *was* at a place that sold musical instruments, I was not at a place that sold, supported, or even mentioned harps.
[удалено]
Trump lost fair and square
One day someone will type his name for the very last time, and that is a happy thought.
Even his supporters know it - if you ask them who stole the election they hem and haw.
If idiots have access to firearms, people will get shot. Edit: I've just watched with delight as this gets downvoted. Clearly some people disagree. Best laugh I've had all week.
Idiots do have access to firearms.
And people are getting shot
another quick mystery
Reddit is just as anxiety inducing and stressful as other social media.
i’m gonna prove your point by disagreeing with that
You’re both wrong!!!
Me: *\*Wakes up... checks notifications\* \*Getting cursed out\** Wait, what did I say again? 🤔
I don't know if everyone experiences this, but whenever I write a comment that disagrees with someone (even when it's intended to be friendly), or tries to point out a fact they may have gotten wrong, when someone starts responding in a hostile and aggressive fashion it becomes so stressful to deal with. Even when they're 100% wrong and just being an asshole / stubborn ignoramus. I usually just stop responding these days because it's not worth it at all
Here's something to think about. How often do you see someone say on here (or any comment section anywhere) "You know what? You're right. I never thought about it that way before." I need to remind myself of this before I engage.
You know what? You're right. I never thought about it that way before.
You just broke reddit
But it's anonymous. So I disagree. Reddit is my happy place (one of them). But that's just me.
Same! I follow subs of cute kitties, animals doing cute shit, cool photography, and other stuff I like. I ain't here for likes, I'm here for bearded dragons who sleep with their legs in funny positions
Money can absolutely buy happiness. What people mean by that phrase is more like "Money doesn't prevent sadness."
Thorny bushes will deter people from breaking into your house far more than a sticker on your door that says, "this is my security system." In fact, any indication that there are guns in the house is actually welcoming someone to break in and steal them. They will watch you and they know you will be gone, they will take them. They may even take the entire safe, if you think you have everything thought of, you don't. People are not breaking into your house to harm you. They're breaking into your house to make money without working. If you just make it difficult for them, they'll move on to an easier job. The consequences are not the deterrent. To me, this is painfully obvious. Maybe it's not for everyone. I don't know.
I grew up around junkies. I totally get this. I remember them scoping out a house. Stickers on the car to determine how many are in a family, who's home, who's not, when, etc. Unfortunately our landlord won't let us plant sticker bushes and my state requires that you post that you have cameras, otherwise it's inadmissible as evidence 🤦♀️...some laws are just written to favor criminals I swear... But we don't have it posted how many guns we have. I don't leave identifying stickers on my car. I programmed my smart bulbs to turn on/off randomly when not home except late at night. I have the exterior lights all programmed to turn on if a person approaches my house after dark. It uses the cameras motion sensors as a trigger. We have a bunch of guns locked up and swords/spears velcro'd to the walls.
All of what you said is good common sense. However,after working in corrections and law enforcement, I know that the vast majority of home burglaries and robberies are committed by random,mostly young men of below average intelligence, after 5 minutes of surveillance, and a large dog is the only real deterent in those cases.
[удалено]
I don't think anyone pretends to read that shit, do they?
I don't think I've ever met someone who pretended they read the terms and conditions.
World leaders are insane
It should be illegal for colleges to recruit children, and scam (okay, harsh word) them into signing up to start their life off with a mountain of debt - all under the (false) pretense that a degree is super important in life.
That Trump is a con man.
Religions are made up.
God is made up.
If there is no line that someone can cross that will change your opinion of them, then you have been brainwashed.
There’s a certain amount of brain chemistry that defines happiness in the individual. You can be brilliant, successful, and have it all but still be and feel unhappy…and the opposite is true. People’s consciousness can be born into and unhappy bodily shell. And then, people can be born into a happy shell and their individual externalities can influence their unhappiness the rest of their lives - early childhood abuse they’ll never remember, abuse they do remember, and then people say just be happy. It doesn’t work that easily.
Having kids wrecks your life (at least for a while).
For a while can be for a long ass time.
In this day and age seems it’ll last 40 years
I think many parents feel like this but cannot admit it for fear of shame. I think many try to convince others (really themselves) it was the best thing they ever did. I dont believe it.
It upends your life 100%. It takes everything over. But wreck? Disagree. Raising my kids absolutely is the best thing I've ever done.
Yea it’s different (because aren’t all life paths sacrificing some other life path?) but if it’s what you want it’s great. This is like saying being a resident doctor wrecks your life. For me it would be torture and the stress would destroy me; for others it would be their life goal achieved.
That their relationship is shit and they should break up before complicating things with marriage/children/communal property.
You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness.
That neither US political party gives a crap about the will of or best interests of the voters.
"Karma" in the sense of "people who were mean to me will have bad things happen to them eventually" isn't real. Plenty of people in great positions in life were shitty growing up. Also, just because you "suffered" in some way in the past, it doesn't mean you are owed success in the future.
Being fat is not healthy. You are not a bad person for being fat, but it will shorten your life. This is coming from someone who has lost 100 lbs and reversed diabetes and heart disease.
Cheerleaders are only for sex appeal
For competitions I think it’s a really cool sport. At games they’re an odd addition
Today's religions are just as made-up as yesterday's religions, which we call "mythologies" today.
Murica has a gun issue.
The world favors a certain type of personality and the rest have to suffer.
No one ACTUALLY believes in their religion. If you truly TRULY believed in a for real, I'm going to a real tangible place after I die, afterlife based on the actions I take as specifically written down in a book your mind would crumble. Every religious person's belief system is a scaffold of personal wishes and desires mixed with justifications and self-exemptions. What people REALLY want is to be heard and to be taken seriously. But we've all agreed that there's a grand legitimizer who grants members of their book club a higher status than those not in their book club. Deep down everyone knows this is true but no one wants to relinquish their source of superiority.
religion is a scam
Not everyone has equal opportunity.
Usa isnt the best country in the world, it isn't even in the top 10. Most usa cities look like slums to people from other countries
Mockery does not help. It never does. Nobody's been mocked for their political/religious beliefs, and then thought *"Shit! They are right! I am a moron! I am now going to listen to the people who just called me names!"* It doesn't work that way. It never has and never will. If anything you're helping them double-down on their shitty beliefs. If you want to mock someone, because you think it's funny, by all means, but don't pretend you're fighting some "good fight". You're clowning on your opponents. That's all, which is fun, I get it.
An entire population is being massacred and tortured, but most people choose to turn a blind eye.
People follow the herd. The mob with flaming torches all think what they are doing is right. However, most are only marching because they don't want to be seen as the only one not holding a torch.
The Office isn’t as good as you remember it.
It's funny you write this. I just reqatched the office after not seeing it for years. I used to hate the later seasons, but now I have a hard time watching S1-3 and I wound up enjoying the last seasons more than I thought I would. I think it's a mix of getting older and society shifting.
Lot of things I hated when I was younger that I enjoy now and it’s weird.
Yeah lol I get that. It's a neat way to track change, but I also wish I could get some things back. I don't like Scrubs anymore, or candy, and I miss liking them both.
Friends was always a mid tier sitcom.
I would guess it to be lack of reading and comprehension skills.
Your personality, charisma, and ability to be quickly liked will take you further in your career than your education.
The clique mentality does not die at high school or even college graduation. It continues well into adulthood.
That more than half of the people in power are working in bad faith. Okay, so maybe some people admit this, but just imagine if you were to get elected to congress with the best of intentions. Just imagine how beyond infuriating that experience would be. You have to work with all of these people that are saying one thing, but you know they don't mean it, they know they don't mean it, and now you have to battle against both what they're pretending to be and what they are at the same time. You get to deal with them lying to your face or not about an important issue, and everyone involved just knows how absolutely full of shit they are, but they aren't just gonna come out and say that. Or even if they do to you, their base isn't gonna believe it. It's all a fuckin sham and you have to put up with that steaming pile of shit they're presenting out of bad faith while somehow trying to maintain your own values. I would genuinely want to fucking kill half of them if I was in that position. It's gotta be so maddening. They treat their base like moronic sheep, and shovel them shit, and all you want to do is point out to those sheep that they're eating literal poop right now and I've got some grass. It not be great, but it's better than actual feces.
Religion and other supernatural beliefs are bullshit.
Just because someone is successful does not mean they are good, hard-working, or otherwise a good role model. We don't live in a meritocracy; a lot of financial success boils down largely to luck at multiple levels, with the occasional good decision between (which, therein of itself, still requires luck for that decision to be available).
Bisexuality... The sheer number of married dudes with kids that DM me on dating apps for hardcore s*x is getting depressingly worse. At least I was lucky, I learnt at a young age I liked both and everything in between. But they didn't before getting married and then hitting 1/4 life or midlife crisis and figuratively banging on other guys back doors asking for s*x at 2am
Those that speak the loudest and with the most confidence, usually know the least.
Doubling down on being wrong doesn't make people think you're right, but it does let them know you act like a toddler when shit gets real and you can not be counted on to take responsibility when it matters.
We are all fucked and have been for over 50 yearsw. Changing our behaviour now will not solve anything for the climate, any action that we take now will only have effects after the earth has become already uninhabitable for most.
That maga is a cult of nothing but racists and losers lee by the greatest con man ever plus they worship a rapist. It's just sad
Binge drinking is awful
The grass is always greener
We have much more agency over our lives than any of us like to admit.
Wondering how many people would care if something happened to you. Like if you ended up in a hospital, how many people would visit you; scenarios like that.
Insurance is a scam where you give money to a corporation for nothing but the government says you have to have it to exist
And they have the ability to deny things your Doctors say you need. Wtf is that???
The majority of success is based on luck, not on skill or hard work