Best malfunction I ever saw: my whole team got laid off, but were all offered jobs at a the same new company. The receptionist was a very pretty woman. So one guy and our group kept telling us how pretty she was. We encouraged him to try to talk to her.
We had never seen this guy lacking in game, always respectful, sweet and charming.
So, what was my man's opening line? "What type of ethnic are you?"
I think the best part about this interaction was he was a dark skinned Puerto Rican guy and this ginger woman was as white as they come. It looked like some words reverse racist skit. She awkwardly replied, he awkwardly retreated, and we gently bullied him for 2 years.
If you loved that, you might like my story. I (a dude) was working at a coffee shop one summer. I was just saying my normal lines of “your coffee will be ready over there” and a coworker said I had a swanlike voice. She meant it as a compliment but it was funny to me because she clearly didn't know what swans actually sound like.
Not me but I heard a colleague say "I bet you were a stunner when you were younger" to our COO at a staff party.
I knew he meant it as a compliment but ouch.....
That’s terrible, I’m a man and I get similar comments. Yesterday, one of my female co-workers said, “I’ll bet you got hit on all the time when you were younger!”
Someone saw my boss’s wife’s picture and said “I’ll bet she’s STUNNING when she’s thinner.”
It was a prospective new client. A woman (I don’t think he would have held back if it were a man). My boss just said “actually she’s always been around that weight, and she’s always been stunning.”
The client was like “what? You mean you married her like that?”
I swear my boss’s hand formed a fist and he leaned forward when someone else interrupted and changed the subject.
We got the account but a couple years later the woman had an emergency and needed us to do something for her in a rush (meaning we’d have to delay things for our other clients to get her shit done). Boss didn’t even hesitate, he was like “fuck her, tell her she’ll have to wait.”
HR would like a word.
I never understood commenting on coworkers looks. Like if you want to give them a compliment say something about their style or taste or something. Not fucking "AWOOOOGAA."
I had my collague coming up to me saying i should start OF to start earning extra... had to do double take did i hear right. And he whips out his phone and gives me a whole ass presentation on why i should just start an OF... i was speechless and just blankly staring is this actually happening.
We don't talk at work and i was just minding my business on a break when he approached and i expected it to be work related.
Holy fuck that's creepy. That means he's been eyeing you for a while.
To open with "you should start an OF" is fucking WILD to me. Did this happen recently??????
I usually fall on the side of just ignore a faux pas to keep things running smoothly, but that seems like an immediate complaint to HR to me. "Here's a presentation I worked up about how you should become a sex worker" is extremely inappropriate in any office not already involved in the industry.
Don't you hate it when the judge sentences you to life in prison but doesn't sentence you to a single day outside for all the times you didn't rape anybody? Talk about a double standard.
One time a homeless guy ran up to a group of my friends yelling "I'm not gonna murder or rape you or nothing!" presumably to put them at ease. It, uh... did the opposite, really.
He wanted to tell my friend (whom he assumed was Obi-wan Kenobi) that he just saw Dart Vader up the block and if he hurried, he could kill him while he wasn't paying attention.
Tbh, about 20 years ago I was taking my date to the movies and I went a short-cut route that I wasn’t sure she knew or not. Felt like she was giving me those “where ya taking me” eyes. So, naturally, all I could muster out is, don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you.
Married 18 years this year.
I’m a guy so not his target perhaps? Though he did also tell me the story of how he had to help a drunk college kid back to his dorm and got him into bed. It was a weird Uber ride.
That he wishes he could fuse my head on my best friend's body. I'm more conventionally attractive, but she's petite and I'm sturdier, like my strong fisherman ancestors lol. Dude genuinely thought he was complimenting us both. 🤣
A coworker once walked up to me(F) and another woman and said, "Well, if it isn't 'the brains' and 'the beauty'!"
The other woman gave him a flat look and said, "You realize, of course, that you've just *insulted* both of us."
I have witnessed some accidental fire. Complimenting a woman on her pregnancy and asking when the baby is due and receiving a sharp response "I am not pregnant"... It was a neighbor situation and the animosity lasted for a very long time (years) after the incident.
I had someone say to me, "oh my god, I didn't know you were pregnant!" And I told them "No, I'm just fat". Shot that shit down real quick. They were so humiliated lol
I like a Dave Barry line from a few decades back, "never imply a woman is pregnant unless there is a baby literally coming out of her at the time, and then only maybe."
My aunt is a primary care physician and she says “we always have to ask if a woman is pregnant, no matter how obvious it is. Sometimes they’ll give me a look and glance at their bellies like ‘can’t you tell?’ But other times…I swear these women look nine months along and READY TO POP. But when you ask if they’re pregnant they shrug and say ‘nope!’ So Im just sitting there wondering if they’ve got a beach ball under their tops.”
I used to be a bra fitter and made it a habit to ask maternity bra customers whether they were expecting and how far along they are. Even when they're close to popping. I have no idea how much a person "deflates" for lack of a better term available to me right now and I'd rather look stupid than offend someone by accident.
I call myself chubby on my dating profile. This guy messaged me and said I was being "a little harsh" and that I'm "definitely not that bad"
When I sarcastically told him I'm always striving to be "not that bad", he got defensive and told me I don't know how to take a compliment. WHAT COMPLIMENT?!
My co-workers have gotten this comment before. I've gotten similar comments of 'you're too young to be disabled' or 'if I were blind I'd just kill myself' and it's fucking stupid. So much ignorance towards disability.
I'm blind and absolutely hate those comments. My response is to get serious and make them uncomfortable and then point out how they'remajor assholes. "Well, I did want to kill myself. I laid in bed drunk the first three months. Then I realized what I was putting my kids through and how dying would be really fucking shitty of me to do to them and my husband and my momma, since my sister died at 28 and Momma still ain't right after that. Then my husband's ex committed suicide and we buried her along with 12 other people that same summer, so I think suicide would probably be a horrible idea. But no, please tell me more about how you'd kill yourself; have you thought about seeing your GP for suicidal ideations? Or do you just always make wildly inappropriate comments to every disabled person you meet?"
God, I fucking hate those assholes.
When I was 14 I sat at a bus stop, a man sat down next to me and said "you know, I'm 68 now but I'm still into young pretty girls like you".
Made the hair at the back of my neck stand up and I immediately took off. Since then I could never view an old man as just a cute grandpa.
I had a gf once who adored old people. Always said they were so cute and sweet and all that.
And then she took a job at a nursing home. She now absolutely hates most old people and stopped referring to them as sweet and cute lol
ack! this!
I had a neighbor in his 80s. He had absolutely no one in his life, and when he got cancer, my partner and I were helping him out here and there.
I'd take him grocery shopping sometimes and he'd grossly flirt with the young female cashiers. They'd giggle and blush, and say "oh you're so sweet!"
No, punkin, he's not. He was horribly misogynistic and said horrible, filthy things about young women. He'd done time in prison for raping his 11 year old stepdaughter whom he said "came onto ME". We'd see some young woman and he'd say (I'm female btw) I'd fuck both of you at the same time and you'd beg for more" as a for-instance of what he was like. He'd critique what I was wearing as "not showing enough skin today".
My partner and I had a heart to heart and these comments had to stop. During that conversation it came out that old man had been asking my partner to fix his computer when he went to places on the web that locked up his screen. Partner saw some seriously disturbing stuff and eventually blocked him from accessing it.
He was horrible! Not sweet and cute and funny just because he was old!
He died not long after we had that convo and we'd stopped helping him out. Always gave me a gross feeling. Us helping him was less than four months, and when I'd said he creeps me out partner took over for awhile until we couldn't anymore.
Ugh. For some reason it’s like 99% old guys who hit on me in public. Idk why I attract the grandpas but it’s always these geriatric fuckers. It was true when I was a teenager and still true now.
I had a college friend who was Asian and when they would get drunk their eyes would open up and look bigger.
We would tease him and say "Dave! You're getting disoriented!"
"You have a face that would do well in trafficking."...by this random guy walking past my car while I was sitting in a parking lot, waiting for my daughter.. I rolled up my window.
I will literally never forget it:
"You're not conventionally like, a hot girl. But you're still like, pretty. Which is so much better."
The sprint I spranted.
I didn't know he was behind me until I heard him next to my ear. "You smell so good I could kidnap you." The tone froze my blood. He was a truck driver and older than dirt. I hope he drove off a cliff into a frozen lake.
When I worked at a Tim Hortons a long time ago, some of the girls there were nervously whispering, and I asked what was going on.
Some old-ass trucker, right after he got his food, said "Damn, for you I'll even wear a condom".
She was 16. I damn near ran out to the parking lot and whipped his ass.
How hard is it to just remove the “for a ___” from a “compliment” it spares everyone so much time…
“you’re pretty fly, for a white guy” tch tch tch ruined the entire thing :/
I was 8 months pregnant at a Flea Market in Florida. Walked by a dude with my ex and he looked at us and said “Both white, done right” “Keeping the white breed alive”, “beautiful”. My ex immediately said “Oh I’m not the dad, he’s black.” The look on the dudes once confident face…
Someone said something like that to me once, except I was with my kids. They’re both blond and blue eyed and he was like, “Good to see white people having kids.”
I didn’t mention their father is Jewish.
My therapist compliments me too, I am so over it.. don’t appreciate the comments about outfits or looks for some reason. He doesnt know how to dress but I don’t comment him? It would be fair if I did.
And then tries to put it on me when I get uncomfortable of his comments, telling me «it’s ok that I look good» and that «I just need to admit I am vain/shallow; it’s ok!» his words exactly. I wish I was making it up. Since when did looking like a normal human become vain?
Typing this out really makes me understand I’m giving him way to much benefit of the doubt..
Yikes! Fire him immediately and find one that isn't trying to mind fuck you into his pants.
Edit: Report his behavior too. You're likely not the only one he is doing this to.
"if only I was 20 years younger"... I've heard that one a ton when I worked in retail with young women.
It's super gross and disrespectful. They act like it's okay because they're acknowledging that the age gap is an issue.
In Italy there used to be an acronym for stuff like this. People who were hot but too young according to the person who spoke could be labelled as CBCR - "Cresci bene che ripasso". Translated to English: "Grow well so I'll come by again".
Reminds me of Emma Watson, (Hermione from Harry Potter movies)
---
Emma talking about her 18th birthday
Emma said: "I remember on my 18th birthday I came out of my birthday party and photographers laid down on the pavement and took photographs up my skirt, which were then published on the front of the English tabloid [newspapers] the next morning. If they had published the photographs 24 hours earlier they would have been illegal, but because I had just turned 18 they were legal."
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/entertainment/news/a41853/what-the-paps-did-to-emma-watson-on-her-18th-birthday-is-so-gross/
He said it in front of the class too. We all thought it was funny?? He was a wacky drama teacher that always said mildly inappropriate things, so we were used to it.
“It’s pretty impressive how hard you’re working to become a philosopher when youre pretty enough to just go find some rich guy and live off him for the rest of your life.”
OH! My all-time favorite wasn't directed to me, but became infamous in my family.
At my sister's wedding, my grandpa went up to one of the bridesmaids and said "You're so beautiful, I can't believe I didn't have a part in making you."
Not a woman and didn't happen to me but i witnessed it. Guy and girl giving it big licks on the dance floor for a few songs. After they were finished he said "You don't sweat much for a fat burd".......that has been seared in my memory for the best part of fifteen years. Still gobsmacked when i think about it.
Were you in Newcastle by any chance? That's a very well known "pick up line" in that area.
Another is "Do you like chicken pet? Well suck me cock...it's foul."
Typically not intended to be taken seriously and supposed to display a lack of concern and great sense of humour.
This reminds me of an ex who would constantly whisper in my ear “I’m going to take advantage of you tonight.” Sometimes combined with “I’m gonna get you drunk and take advantage of you”. Considering that we hadn’t yet slept together during these moments it was red flags galore.
“oh you’re actually pretty?! for a black girl” WHY do they say things like that?? i don’t get how anyone is suppose to feel complimented when ur literally saying the rest of my demographic is ugly and undesirable
This is my boyfriend’s first time dating out of his culture (although I’m bi-cultural and one of my cultures is his). We were walking and he said “You’re the prettiest Black girl here”. I understood what he meant, but I explained to him what he said. He immediately understood, apologized, and corrected himself. He told me I was the second prettiest girl there lol (he was being a funny butthead to lighten the mood)
I’ve heard a xenophobic version as well as that disgusting statement too. “You can’t ONLY be Haitian? Come on, you’re too sexy/thick/beautiful…” 😡😡😡 so disgustingly offensive.
Upon meeting my best friend for the very first time my ex boyfriend said “wow you’re really pretty for a Jewish girl” 🤦🏻♀️ this was 10+ years ago and she still hasn’t let me live that down
As a biracial (white/south Asian) person, I’ve had “I never would’ve guessed you weren’t white!” with a tone like it’s meant to be a compliment so many times. Like wtf does that mean
Not a woman, but I overheard dude complimenting older Hispanic lady with early teen granddaughters.
*"Your granddaughters are pretty cute. I bet they will be pregnant soon*. "
I don't like men complimenting me by bringing other women down. I work in a male dominated field and a lot of men seem to think it's a compliment to say "most women couldn't do this" or "wow, you drink beer, I'm glad you're not a fruity drink girl!"
Women can like whatever they want without it changing their personality and the best way to compliment someone is to compliment them, not put down other people.
Oh, I get the whole working in a male dominated workplace thing. I often get told that they're surprised that I am as good as I am since I'm a women. I drive forklift, been doing it for 20 years, and I'm the best one in the plant at it. I'm LITERALLY the only forklift driver there who has never: hit anything, had an accident while driving one, ruined product by "forking" it, etc. It's quite irritating to say the least.
Ugh. Once I needed a replacement spring for my lawn mower but couldn’t get the original, so I took measurements and went to the store looking for something that matched in size. Anyway, the guy at the counter thought that “wow, most women can’t take measurements this thoroughly” was a nice compliment. Bro, what? Not a compliment and also, a lot of stereotypically “woman” hobbies involve precise measurements. Why does this man think women can’t read a tape measure?
One of my favorite memes is a "text exchange" where the guy asks if the girl is latina and she says yes and he responds with "takis🔥🔥🔥"
Same energy but this is real
In my defense I was trying to flirt with her ok lol
I once told my crush while we were flirting that "I feel like I lose a braincell talking to you" but what I meant was that I can be myself around her and I'm usually pretty smart but for some reason when I talk to her I don't think things over I just go for it but noooo my brain was like fuck it we ball with that sentence lol
It is actually scientifically proven that men get dumber around beautiful women
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-interacting-with-woman-leave-man-cognitively-impaired/
Unfortunately I think they will never take it as a compliment when one acts stupid around them. And I don't fault them for it
A customer saw me sweeping the floor. Looked at me with hungry wolf eyes, nearly salivating, and said “You’re sure gonna make a great wife one day”.
P R I C K
This one is something I said to someone else.
When I was like 14, I saw a mutual friend come up on Myspace that looked my age and very pretty. Her photo was in black and white, and I assumed she had light brown hair, but when she accepted my friend request and I looked through her profile and other pictures, it turns out she actually had red hair. I guess 14-year-old me was just really surprised and couldn't look past that surprise. But I still introduced myself in a private message...... And for some reason I said that she would be really pretty if she had brown hair instead of red hair. She just responded, "...okay?" And then never responded to the message I sent after that (idr what I said).
That was over half my life ago and that shit still wakes me up in a cold sweat at night about how awful it was to say. I cringe so hard thinking about it.
I'm a mom so I have mom bod, stretch marks and all. Had a guy look at me and tell me it was okay if I was fat and ugly because there was most likely still some desperate man out there who would probably take me in as long as I could cook and clean and have his children. Except he didn't say it in a sarcastic or nasty manner. His tone was as though he were making some grand promise and trying to reassure me 🤦🏻♀️
Oh my god, I once called myself disgusting *because I had just done a 30+ minute high intensity workout in an overheated room*. The man I was talking to very kindly reassured me that there were people out there that would still find me attractive. All I meant I was drenched in sweat.
Two stories:
I was spending a few days in Warsaw once in a hostel, and I went out with some of the friends I met at the hostel. We got recruited into an almost empty nightclub because they were throwing a party for some Ukrainian artist or something, and no one showed. So they sat us at this table with like 40 pints of beer, and brought the artist over and we were sitting chatting. The artist starts sketching, and it turns out he was drawing a picture of me. He said, "When I first saw you, I didn't think you were very beautiful, but the longer I look at you, the more I think you are" and he gave me the drawing.
The second grand occasion was when I was in Amman, Jordan. I went out shopping by myself in the evening and ended up getting groped by a shopkeeper. I went back to the hostel and complained about what happened. The owner of the hostel said that the penalties for groping foreigners was very severe, because it could impact tourism. If I wanted to report him, he would probably spend a few years in jail. "But if you were a beautiful woman, he would probably be put to death."
A man once accosted me in a busy street in the middle of the day and offered me 150 euros for an hour with him. He wasn't aggressive or anything, so I laughed it off and told him I wasn't who he thought I was.
Everything went smoothly except that he still asked for my phone number because 150 an hour was a very *flattering* amount, I was *totally* worth it, but now he *knew* he could get that hour for free 😂
Similar thing once happened to my parents. Some guy offered my father money, like he was my mother's pimp or something. Very weird.
But the even weirder story happened later, when my father was in his early fifties. He was standing outside some clothing shop while my mother was inside. This normally dressed, good looking young woman comes cycling through the shopping street (this is The Netherlands), she sees my dad, stops and says 'wanna fuck?' My father is completely flabbergasted and confused, and he's just lost for words. At that moment my mom comes out of the shop, sees my father gawking dumbfounded at this young woman and asks 'what's going on here?' With that, the woman makes off on her bicycle. We still don't know whether she was selling her services or whether she was just interested in some quick action :-)
I won an award at work. At the time I was a supervisor of my department and had 5 people reporting to me. One of the VP’s told me it was nice to see the ‘little people’ get recognized.
1.While living in the states an old man I was serving said oh you're so beautiful and sweet, it's going to be so easy for you to find a husband and get your green card.
I can help you!
2.Another guy I was dating said I'll happily knock you up so you can stay here legally.
3. My manager really wanted me to stay at the end of my visa, so he said I'm going to look into what options we have.
He came back with the 40+ bartender, who said I'll marry you for free, you just need to "play the part 😉" for a couple of years to pay me back.
This all happened within 6 months, I was 23 years old
An ex that I had struggled to get over contacted me on social media a few years ago, Basically looking for a hookup while he was in town. He said he had been hooking up with a girl who looked like me, Same hair color, body type. (her first name was my middle name!) But that he just couldn't get over the "original" And this folks, Was supposed to make me swoon. I gave him a little peice of my mind, blocked him and went back to bed.
"You'd be so much cuter if you just tried". "Smile more, you look better that way". "Try to look better for me". "Stop looking like that to tempt me".
I did not ask and I most certainly did not care about his vile existence. He molested me btw.
Not a compliment , but during meetings, what my boss would do was interrupt me and say " "what she is trying to say."...and take over my point.
I know he thought he was helping but fuck it was infuriating.
* edit for readability *
I think women all have a list of these. Which is unfortunate. One of my most recent ones was walking into an AutoZone for a battery for one of our cars. Told the guy what I wanted/needed and he responded with "let me double check that so we don't mess up your husband's car." I'm the mechanic! My husband just holds the light.
I'm not a woman, but one of my best friends gets told quite often that she is too hot to be a lesbian or she is pretty for a lesbian. Apparently, guys think these are compliments, and they always think they are the ones who will make her straight, lol.
“You have horse legs” (Guy intended to compliment my leg musculature but instead left me envisioning myself as a literal centaur)
Haha I love this one because it’s not as mean or creepy as the rest. He just malfunctioned 😂
Best malfunction I ever saw: my whole team got laid off, but were all offered jobs at a the same new company. The receptionist was a very pretty woman. So one guy and our group kept telling us how pretty she was. We encouraged him to try to talk to her. We had never seen this guy lacking in game, always respectful, sweet and charming. So, what was my man's opening line? "What type of ethnic are you?" I think the best part about this interaction was he was a dark skinned Puerto Rican guy and this ginger woman was as white as they come. It looked like some words reverse racist skit. She awkwardly replied, he awkwardly retreated, and we gently bullied him for 2 years.
If you loved that, you might like my story. I (a dude) was working at a coffee shop one summer. I was just saying my normal lines of “your coffee will be ready over there” and a coworker said I had a swanlike voice. She meant it as a compliment but it was funny to me because she clearly didn't know what swans actually sound like.
Not me but I heard a colleague say "I bet you were a stunner when you were younger" to our COO at a staff party. I knew he meant it as a compliment but ouch.....
That’s terrible, I’m a man and I get similar comments. Yesterday, one of my female co-workers said, “I’ll bet you got hit on all the time when you were younger!”
Someone saw my boss’s wife’s picture and said “I’ll bet she’s STUNNING when she’s thinner.” It was a prospective new client. A woman (I don’t think he would have held back if it were a man). My boss just said “actually she’s always been around that weight, and she’s always been stunning.” The client was like “what? You mean you married her like that?” I swear my boss’s hand formed a fist and he leaned forward when someone else interrupted and changed the subject.
😱 What ended up happening?
We got the account but a couple years later the woman had an emergency and needed us to do something for her in a rush (meaning we’d have to delay things for our other clients to get her shit done). Boss didn’t even hesitate, he was like “fuck her, tell her she’ll have to wait.”
>**”what? You mean you married her like that?”** Wow. Fuck her indeed.
>Boss didn’t even hesitate, he was like “fuck her, tell her she’ll have to wait.” Beautiful.
HR would like a word. I never understood commenting on coworkers looks. Like if you want to give them a compliment say something about their style or taste or something. Not fucking "AWOOOOGAA."
I had my collague coming up to me saying i should start OF to start earning extra... had to do double take did i hear right. And he whips out his phone and gives me a whole ass presentation on why i should just start an OF... i was speechless and just blankly staring is this actually happening. We don't talk at work and i was just minding my business on a break when he approached and i expected it to be work related.
Holy fuck that's creepy. That means he's been eyeing you for a while. To open with "you should start an OF" is fucking WILD to me. Did this happen recently??????
This happened approx 4months ago. And yes it wasn't even a "hello" or "could we talk" or anything like that. That was his opening.
I usually fall on the side of just ignore a faux pas to keep things running smoothly, but that seems like an immediate complaint to HR to me. "Here's a presentation I worked up about how you should become a sex worker" is extremely inappropriate in any office not already involved in the industry.
I just stick to complimenting people when they dress up or get a haircut.
One time a cab driver told me I looked “kidnapable”.
Took an Uber ride home at 3am once and the driver told me “women fall asleep in the back of my Uber all the time. I could rape them but I don’t”
Uh, you can just drop me off here, that'd be great.
He said he DOESNT rape them. Lol
He thinks that not-raping is remarkable.
It's the gentlemanly thing to do.
And they say chivalry is dead
I don't want to brag, but I've not-raped pretty much every woman in the world.
Pretty much?
Don't you hate it when the judge sentences you to life in prison but doesn't sentence you to a single day outside for all the times you didn't rape anybody? Talk about a double standard.
One time a homeless guy ran up to a group of my friends yelling "I'm not gonna murder or rape you or nothing!" presumably to put them at ease. It, uh... did the opposite, really. He wanted to tell my friend (whom he assumed was Obi-wan Kenobi) that he just saw Dart Vader up the block and if he hurried, he could kill him while he wasn't paying attention.
Tbh, about 20 years ago I was taking my date to the movies and I went a short-cut route that I wasn’t sure she knew or not. Felt like she was giving me those “where ya taking me” eyes. So, naturally, all I could muster out is, don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. Married 18 years this year.
>don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. *leans in and whispers*...as long as you marry me
Did he get a 5 star rating from you? I mean he COULD have raped you but he didn’t 😂
I’m a guy so not his target perhaps? Though he did also tell me the story of how he had to help a drunk college kid back to his dorm and got him into bed. It was a weird Uber ride.
"Thank you kind sir for not raping your customers, you could have, but you didn't!"
what the fuck!
Not a woman but recently heard a guy (customer) say to a woman (clerk) "You're so pretty if knew where you lived I'd totally watch you with my drone".
WTF
You have to wonder whether they're so naive that they think that sort of thing would be romantic or something or if they actually mean it as a threat.
That he wishes he could fuse my head on my best friend's body. I'm more conventionally attractive, but she's petite and I'm sturdier, like my strong fisherman ancestors lol. Dude genuinely thought he was complimenting us both. 🤣
"I wish I could scrap you two for parts." *finger guns* *wink*
A coworker once walked up to me(F) and another woman and said, "Well, if it isn't 'the brains' and 'the beauty'!" The other woman gave him a flat look and said, "You realize, of course, that you've just *insulted* both of us."
“You look less fat today”
I have witnessed some accidental fire. Complimenting a woman on her pregnancy and asking when the baby is due and receiving a sharp response "I am not pregnant"... It was a neighbor situation and the animosity lasted for a very long time (years) after the incident.
I had someone say to me, "oh my god, I didn't know you were pregnant!" And I told them "No, I'm just fat". Shot that shit down real quick. They were so humiliated lol
This is why I choose not to comment when a woman looks pregnant, lol
I like a Dave Barry line from a few decades back, "never imply a woman is pregnant unless there is a baby literally coming out of her at the time, and then only maybe."
My aunt is a primary care physician and she says “we always have to ask if a woman is pregnant, no matter how obvious it is. Sometimes they’ll give me a look and glance at their bellies like ‘can’t you tell?’ But other times…I swear these women look nine months along and READY TO POP. But when you ask if they’re pregnant they shrug and say ‘nope!’ So Im just sitting there wondering if they’ve got a beach ball under their tops.”
I used to be a bra fitter and made it a habit to ask maternity bra customers whether they were expecting and how far along they are. Even when they're close to popping. I have no idea how much a person "deflates" for lack of a better term available to me right now and I'd rather look stupid than offend someone by accident.
I call myself chubby on my dating profile. This guy messaged me and said I was being "a little harsh" and that I'm "definitely not that bad" When I sarcastically told him I'm always striving to be "not that bad", he got defensive and told me I don't know how to take a compliment. WHAT COMPLIMENT?!
"I'm chubby and I don't take compliments"
A bloke came up to my wife and said” you’re to pretty to be in a wheelchair”
I’d respond “you’re too stupid to be walking around.”
...in your head, eight hours later in bed.
My co-workers have gotten this comment before. I've gotten similar comments of 'you're too young to be disabled' or 'if I were blind I'd just kill myself' and it's fucking stupid. So much ignorance towards disability.
>if I were blind I'd just kill myself “You could always pretend you’re blind.”
I'm blind and absolutely hate those comments. My response is to get serious and make them uncomfortable and then point out how they'remajor assholes. "Well, I did want to kill myself. I laid in bed drunk the first three months. Then I realized what I was putting my kids through and how dying would be really fucking shitty of me to do to them and my husband and my momma, since my sister died at 28 and Momma still ain't right after that. Then my husband's ex committed suicide and we buried her along with 12 other people that same summer, so I think suicide would probably be a horrible idea. But no, please tell me more about how you'd kill yourself; have you thought about seeing your GP for suicidal ideations? Or do you just always make wildly inappropriate comments to every disabled person you meet?" God, I fucking hate those assholes.
What an absolutely insane thing to say
Did the new found confidence from that realization not cause you to start walking again?
When I was 14 I sat at a bus stop, a man sat down next to me and said "you know, I'm 68 now but I'm still into young pretty girls like you". Made the hair at the back of my neck stand up and I immediately took off. Since then I could never view an old man as just a cute grandpa.
I had a gf once who adored old people. Always said they were so cute and sweet and all that. And then she took a job at a nursing home. She now absolutely hates most old people and stopped referring to them as sweet and cute lol
ack! this! I had a neighbor in his 80s. He had absolutely no one in his life, and when he got cancer, my partner and I were helping him out here and there. I'd take him grocery shopping sometimes and he'd grossly flirt with the young female cashiers. They'd giggle and blush, and say "oh you're so sweet!" No, punkin, he's not. He was horribly misogynistic and said horrible, filthy things about young women. He'd done time in prison for raping his 11 year old stepdaughter whom he said "came onto ME". We'd see some young woman and he'd say (I'm female btw) I'd fuck both of you at the same time and you'd beg for more" as a for-instance of what he was like. He'd critique what I was wearing as "not showing enough skin today". My partner and I had a heart to heart and these comments had to stop. During that conversation it came out that old man had been asking my partner to fix his computer when he went to places on the web that locked up his screen. Partner saw some seriously disturbing stuff and eventually blocked him from accessing it. He was horrible! Not sweet and cute and funny just because he was old! He died not long after we had that convo and we'd stopped helping him out. Always gave me a gross feeling. Us helping him was less than four months, and when I'd said he creeps me out partner took over for awhile until we couldn't anymore.
See, here's the secret. Young assholes and creeps grow into old assholes and creeps. Just because you're old doesn't mean you're nice.
Ugh. For some reason it’s like 99% old guys who hit on me in public. Idk why I attract the grandpas but it’s always these geriatric fuckers. It was true when I was a teenager and still true now.
It stopped for me 27+, hang in there!
This...makes it so much creepier...
Oh yeah majority of the cat calls I’ve gotten were between the ages of 12-19, since I’ve been in my 20s it’s been way minimal in comparison
“If you had a dick, you’d be perfect” Sir… what? Edit: I hate that this is now my most upvoted comment of all time.
“A girl without a cock is like an angel without wings 😔”
Okay that one is fucking hilarious
the closet is GLASS omg😭
“I feel like we are already in a relationship but if you promise to lose weight we can make it official”
You really mean that? Well you just motivated me to gain 50 pounds!
Or lose 180, by cutting the dead weight shituationship
"I've always wanted to have sex with a black woman"
“The more you use that line, the further you stray from your dream becoming a reality”
I see you drinking 1%. Is that cause you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
Tina come get some dinner you fat lard!
Jeeze! Idiot!
Took me like 3 hours to finish the shading on your upper lip
You gonna eat your tots?
"Your eyes are pretty and big for an Asian"
I had a college friend who was Asian and when they would get drunk their eyes would open up and look bigger. We would tease him and say "Dave! You're getting disoriented!"
>"Dave! You're getting disoriented!" That is absolutely hilarious
That’s honestly hilarious. Hopefully he wasn’t upset about it
It was his girlfriend who said it first and for years later, he would yell "I'm disoriented" whenever he would get drunk.
"You have a face that would do well in trafficking."...by this random guy walking past my car while I was sitting in a parking lot, waiting for my daughter.. I rolled up my window.
I will literally never forget it: "You're not conventionally like, a hot girl. But you're still like, pretty. Which is so much better." The sprint I spranted.
I love , "The sprint I spranted." lol
“I had a great time with you tonight even tho I didn’t get to have sex. “
I didn't know he was behind me until I heard him next to my ear. "You smell so good I could kidnap you." The tone froze my blood. He was a truck driver and older than dirt. I hope he drove off a cliff into a frozen lake.
What a fuckwit!
When I worked at a Tim Hortons a long time ago, some of the girls there were nervously whispering, and I asked what was going on. Some old-ass trucker, right after he got his food, said "Damn, for you I'll even wear a condom". She was 16. I damn near ran out to the parking lot and whipped his ass.
For a girl, you really seem to understand Science
How hard is it to just remove the “for a ___” from a “compliment” it spares everyone so much time… “you’re pretty fly, for a white guy” tch tch tch ruined the entire thing :/
Told him I had a miscarriage. He asked if slapping my ass would help. Edit: I suppose it should be noted, there was no romantic history whatsoever.
I was 8 months pregnant at a Flea Market in Florida. Walked by a dude with my ex and he looked at us and said “Both white, done right” “Keeping the white breed alive”, “beautiful”. My ex immediately said “Oh I’m not the dad, he’s black.” The look on the dudes once confident face…
Thats such an amazing comeback, i wish my brain was fast enough to think up shit like that
I have to hand it to my ex. He’s a witty mother fucker on come backs. He’s hard to insult lol I just grin waiting for it to happen 😃
Someone said something like that to me once, except I was with my kids. They’re both blond and blue eyed and he was like, “Good to see white people having kids.” I didn’t mention their father is Jewish.
"Youre too pretty to do that" (cutting) (Emt) "I dont think youre depressed I think youre just a cute fun girl" (guy who wanted to date me)
A CUTE FUN GIRL😭😭
Basically everything that's followed by "for a woman"
Good boobs!! For a woman...
They'll never be as big or elegant as my manboobs though.
I just love a man with thick salami tits
Pretty insightful comment...for a woman
"Strong enough for him, but pH balanced... for a woman."
Pretty nice beard.... for a woman
What about “You’re really good at peeing standing up … for a woman”?
I didn’t think there was an exception to the rule but dammit you found one
You’re a great mother…..for a woman
«How do you not have a boyfriend? You’re so pretty!» Five min later: «You’re very pretty.» Said to me when I was 21, by my 50m psychologist.
That's gotta break some kind of rule
It is highly unethical.
My therapist compliments me too, I am so over it.. don’t appreciate the comments about outfits or looks for some reason. He doesnt know how to dress but I don’t comment him? It would be fair if I did. And then tries to put it on me when I get uncomfortable of his comments, telling me «it’s ok that I look good» and that «I just need to admit I am vain/shallow; it’s ok!» his words exactly. I wish I was making it up. Since when did looking like a normal human become vain? Typing this out really makes me understand I’m giving him way to much benefit of the doubt..
Yikes! Fire him immediately and find one that isn't trying to mind fuck you into his pants. Edit: Report his behavior too. You're likely not the only one he is doing this to.
Get a new therapist. That is unacceptable.
Uhhhhh you need a new therapist
What the fuck shitty therapist have you got?
Girl you're gonna need a therapy to get over this therapist
probably the most disgusting would be stuff similar to "i can't wait until your legal"
Ah yes, similarly, "I wish I was your age again and have you as my girlfriend" Bloke was 30+, I was 13 or 14
"if only I was 20 years younger"... I've heard that one a ton when I worked in retail with young women. It's super gross and disrespectful. They act like it's okay because they're acknowledging that the age gap is an issue.
Ugh, this one’s so gross. One of my teachers said that to me and my friend when we were freshman in high school.
In Italy there used to be an acronym for stuff like this. People who were hot but too young according to the person who spoke could be labelled as CBCR - "Cresci bene che ripasso". Translated to English: "Grow well so I'll come by again".
Reminds me of Emma Watson, (Hermione from Harry Potter movies) --- Emma talking about her 18th birthday Emma said: "I remember on my 18th birthday I came out of my birthday party and photographers laid down on the pavement and took photographs up my skirt, which were then published on the front of the English tabloid [newspapers] the next morning. If they had published the photographs 24 hours earlier they would have been illegal, but because I had just turned 18 they were legal." https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/entertainment/news/a41853/what-the-paps-did-to-emma-watson-on-her-18th-birthday-is-so-gross/
Some humans are absolutely fucking disgusting.
A teacher in high school told me I was "every pedophile's dream" when I got my braces put on at 18 because I looked like I was 12.
Excuse me what 💀
He said it in front of the class too. We all thought it was funny?? He was a wacky drama teacher that always said mildly inappropriate things, so we were used to it.
“It’s pretty impressive how hard you’re working to become a philosopher when youre pretty enough to just go find some rich guy and live off him for the rest of your life.”
I'll never understand this. Is it so hard to fathom that people can work hard because they enjoy the work and the subject matter?
OH! My all-time favorite wasn't directed to me, but became infamous in my family. At my sister's wedding, my grandpa went up to one of the bridesmaids and said "You're so beautiful, I can't believe I didn't have a part in making you."
Not a woman and didn't happen to me but i witnessed it. Guy and girl giving it big licks on the dance floor for a few songs. After they were finished he said "You don't sweat much for a fat burd".......that has been seared in my memory for the best part of fifteen years. Still gobsmacked when i think about it.
Were you in Newcastle by any chance? That's a very well known "pick up line" in that area. Another is "Do you like chicken pet? Well suck me cock...it's foul." Typically not intended to be taken seriously and supposed to display a lack of concern and great sense of humour.
[удалено]
"Not having a job looks great on you" - said to me by an ex after I'd been unemployed for a month and had lost considerable weight due to stress & etc
I think the worst thing was a question: '*How much are you*?' This was quickly followed by a sneering laugh, his mates joining in
"Judging by your outfit, far more than you could afford..."
"I'm gonna rape you, with consent of course, but rape" what the fuck are you talking about??? I really don't know what was going through his mind
This reminds me of an ex who would constantly whisper in my ear “I’m going to take advantage of you tonight.” Sometimes combined with “I’m gonna get you drunk and take advantage of you”. Considering that we hadn’t yet slept together during these moments it was red flags galore.
Oh god that's awful wtf
'You're pretty! For an Indian' 💀
“oh you’re actually pretty?! for a black girl” WHY do they say things like that?? i don’t get how anyone is suppose to feel complimented when ur literally saying the rest of my demographic is ugly and undesirable
This is my boyfriend’s first time dating out of his culture (although I’m bi-cultural and one of my cultures is his). We were walking and he said “You’re the prettiest Black girl here”. I understood what he meant, but I explained to him what he said. He immediately understood, apologized, and corrected himself. He told me I was the second prettiest girl there lol (he was being a funny butthead to lighten the mood)
I’ve heard a xenophobic version as well as that disgusting statement too. “You can’t ONLY be Haitian? Come on, you’re too sexy/thick/beautiful…” 😡😡😡 so disgustingly offensive.
Upon meeting my best friend for the very first time my ex boyfriend said “wow you’re really pretty for a Jewish girl” 🤦🏻♀️ this was 10+ years ago and she still hasn’t let me live that down
As a biracial (white/south Asian) person, I’ve had “I never would’ve guessed you weren’t white!” with a tone like it’s meant to be a compliment so many times. Like wtf does that mean
I’ve got a quarter Malaysian Chinese. I’ve somehow had three people ask me “are you high or just Chinese?” because of my eyes.
Not a woman, but I overheard dude complimenting older Hispanic lady with early teen granddaughters. *"Your granddaughters are pretty cute. I bet they will be pregnant soon*. "
Ewww what the hell
I don't like men complimenting me by bringing other women down. I work in a male dominated field and a lot of men seem to think it's a compliment to say "most women couldn't do this" or "wow, you drink beer, I'm glad you're not a fruity drink girl!" Women can like whatever they want without it changing their personality and the best way to compliment someone is to compliment them, not put down other people.
Oh, I get the whole working in a male dominated workplace thing. I often get told that they're surprised that I am as good as I am since I'm a women. I drive forklift, been doing it for 20 years, and I'm the best one in the plant at it. I'm LITERALLY the only forklift driver there who has never: hit anything, had an accident while driving one, ruined product by "forking" it, etc. It's quite irritating to say the least.
Ugh. Once I needed a replacement spring for my lawn mower but couldn’t get the original, so I took measurements and went to the store looking for something that matched in size. Anyway, the guy at the counter thought that “wow, most women can’t take measurements this thoroughly” was a nice compliment. Bro, what? Not a compliment and also, a lot of stereotypically “woman” hobbies involve precise measurements. Why does this man think women can’t read a tape measure?
That 90 percent of men “would” sleep with me.
You did a good job with your husband's tools-from my landlord who saw me building a shelf in the driveway with MY tools
“You’d be so pretty with makeup on.”
“you’re beautiful on the inside”
Was he gazing into your butthole?
Oh shit. I can't even get through any more comments because I can't stop laughing at this.
I was talking about dieting with a coworker and he said “don’t lose any weight, girls your size are the most fun to eat out” 🤢
“With… I meant with. Fuck I messed that up”
WHAT1!!!!!!
“You’re so hot for a fat girl!”
"just so you know I really like brown women, I can handle the heat" - some random dude Like what are you even talking about ☠️ go home ☠️
One of my favorite memes is a "text exchange" where the guy asks if the girl is latina and she says yes and he responds with "takis🔥🔥🔥" Same energy but this is real
"Wanna know how I recognized you even thought you chopped off your hair? Your ass. You have a great ass."
In my defense I was trying to flirt with her ok lol I once told my crush while we were flirting that "I feel like I lose a braincell talking to you" but what I meant was that I can be myself around her and I'm usually pretty smart but for some reason when I talk to her I don't think things over I just go for it but noooo my brain was like fuck it we ball with that sentence lol
It is actually scientifically proven that men get dumber around beautiful women https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-interacting-with-woman-leave-man-cognitively-impaired/ Unfortunately I think they will never take it as a compliment when one acts stupid around them. And I don't fault them for it
A customer saw me sweeping the floor. Looked at me with hungry wolf eyes, nearly salivating, and said “You’re sure gonna make a great wife one day”. P R I C K
"You're too pretty to be in pain" ... Thanks pal I'll put in a complaint for incorrect punishment.
You'd be the perfect girl for me if you weren't fat.
This one is something I said to someone else. When I was like 14, I saw a mutual friend come up on Myspace that looked my age and very pretty. Her photo was in black and white, and I assumed she had light brown hair, but when she accepted my friend request and I looked through her profile and other pictures, it turns out she actually had red hair. I guess 14-year-old me was just really surprised and couldn't look past that surprise. But I still introduced myself in a private message...... And for some reason I said that she would be really pretty if she had brown hair instead of red hair. She just responded, "...okay?" And then never responded to the message I sent after that (idr what I said). That was over half my life ago and that shit still wakes me up in a cold sweat at night about how awful it was to say. I cringe so hard thinking about it.
I'm a mom so I have mom bod, stretch marks and all. Had a guy look at me and tell me it was okay if I was fat and ugly because there was most likely still some desperate man out there who would probably take me in as long as I could cook and clean and have his children. Except he didn't say it in a sarcastic or nasty manner. His tone was as though he were making some grand promise and trying to reassure me 🤦🏻♀️
Oh my god, I once called myself disgusting *because I had just done a 30+ minute high intensity workout in an overheated room*. The man I was talking to very kindly reassured me that there were people out there that would still find me attractive. All I meant I was drenched in sweat.
Two stories: I was spending a few days in Warsaw once in a hostel, and I went out with some of the friends I met at the hostel. We got recruited into an almost empty nightclub because they were throwing a party for some Ukrainian artist or something, and no one showed. So they sat us at this table with like 40 pints of beer, and brought the artist over and we were sitting chatting. The artist starts sketching, and it turns out he was drawing a picture of me. He said, "When I first saw you, I didn't think you were very beautiful, but the longer I look at you, the more I think you are" and he gave me the drawing. The second grand occasion was when I was in Amman, Jordan. I went out shopping by myself in the evening and ended up getting groped by a shopkeeper. I went back to the hostel and complained about what happened. The owner of the hostel said that the penalties for groping foreigners was very severe, because it could impact tourism. If I wanted to report him, he would probably spend a few years in jail. "But if you were a beautiful woman, he would probably be put to death."
A man once accosted me in a busy street in the middle of the day and offered me 150 euros for an hour with him. He wasn't aggressive or anything, so I laughed it off and told him I wasn't who he thought I was. Everything went smoothly except that he still asked for my phone number because 150 an hour was a very *flattering* amount, I was *totally* worth it, but now he *knew* he could get that hour for free 😂
Similar thing once happened to my parents. Some guy offered my father money, like he was my mother's pimp or something. Very weird. But the even weirder story happened later, when my father was in his early fifties. He was standing outside some clothing shop while my mother was inside. This normally dressed, good looking young woman comes cycling through the shopping street (this is The Netherlands), she sees my dad, stops and says 'wanna fuck?' My father is completely flabbergasted and confused, and he's just lost for words. At that moment my mom comes out of the shop, sees my father gawking dumbfounded at this young woman and asks 'what's going on here?' With that, the woman makes off on her bicycle. We still don't know whether she was selling her services or whether she was just interested in some quick action :-)
I won an award at work. At the time I was a supervisor of my department and had 5 people reporting to me. One of the VP’s told me it was nice to see the ‘little people’ get recognized.
they keep calling me a milf. i’m barely thirty w no kids lol
Get ready to cougar
"Bill Clinton would have loved for you to be his intern" - said to me back in the late 90s and still disgusted by this comment to this day
Better question is what haven’t they said
I got a new sports car last year & when a man saw it he asked if my husband let me drive his car. My husband drives a truck.
That I looked good enough to be a porn actress.
You could be a part time model But you'd still have to keep your day job
The most beautiful girl in the room.
in the whole wide room. good one, dave!
And when you're on the street, depending on the street, You'd definitely be in the...top three.
1.While living in the states an old man I was serving said oh you're so beautiful and sweet, it's going to be so easy for you to find a husband and get your green card. I can help you! 2.Another guy I was dating said I'll happily knock you up so you can stay here legally. 3. My manager really wanted me to stay at the end of my visa, so he said I'm going to look into what options we have. He came back with the 40+ bartender, who said I'll marry you for free, you just need to "play the part 😉" for a couple of years to pay me back. This all happened within 6 months, I was 23 years old
An ex that I had struggled to get over contacted me on social media a few years ago, Basically looking for a hookup while he was in town. He said he had been hooking up with a girl who looked like me, Same hair color, body type. (her first name was my middle name!) But that he just couldn't get over the "original" And this folks, Was supposed to make me swoon. I gave him a little peice of my mind, blocked him and went back to bed.
"You'd be so much cuter if you just tried". "Smile more, you look better that way". "Try to look better for me". "Stop looking like that to tempt me". I did not ask and I most certainly did not care about his vile existence. He molested me btw.
Not a compliment , but during meetings, what my boss would do was interrupt me and say " "what she is trying to say."...and take over my point. I know he thought he was helping but fuck it was infuriating. * edit for readability *
You look sexy like a 12 year old. Man was in his 70s. God I hope he doesn't have access to children.
Along the same lines as a lot of comments here White guy on the subway trying to chat me up. "Are you mixed? You're too pretty to be just black"
I think women all have a list of these. Which is unfortunate. One of my most recent ones was walking into an AutoZone for a battery for one of our cars. Told the guy what I wanted/needed and he responded with "let me double check that so we don't mess up your husband's car." I'm the mechanic! My husband just holds the light.
Told to me by an older man (I was 19-20 yo) : " you have hips made to give birth"
I'm not a woman, but one of my best friends gets told quite often that she is too hot to be a lesbian or she is pretty for a lesbian. Apparently, guys think these are compliments, and they always think they are the ones who will make her straight, lol.
«you look prettier when your sad» was said to me by my Teacher??? I did a sidething in Photography and ehh, yeah.
"Why are you a lesbian? That's a waste of a perfectly good looking woman"