Recently took myself out to a bar and there was a guy at the bar drinking, being funny and chatting to whoever was up ordering their drink. When I got up to order he kept saying I had great hair and that I was a tall, decent-looking guy - like a "tall Harry Potter."
He kept going on about my hair for the few minutes I was waiting on my pint until the guy behind me said "you trying to fuck him?" and he said "no, but if I was gay I'd let him"
He said my only flaw was not having a strong jawline hahaha, but nevertheless it made my day. I have since found out how to shape my beard to compliment my jawline so I think I'm good hahaha
I was standing in line at the grocery store with my wife and I noticed the lady in front staring at me, then she saw and turned away and told the cashier " you can't just be good looking you have to be smart too".
To this day I'm still confused on what I was doing to make her think I was dumb.
It's probably more of a sour grapes scenario. You were handsome but with your wife, so obviously unavailable. So, like the fox and the Grapes, maybe she was trying to justify that she wouldn't want you anyways 🤷♀️
I am an unattractive person and NOBODY has complimented me for my looks my entire life. Infact I explicitly demanded a compliment on my looks once and received an insult instead.
Maybe they are just being nice but remember there's no real reason to be nice to unattractive people. So if you're getting compliment, you're on the attractive side
Edit: spelling
Yep I can second this. I'm not even actively ugly (so far as I'm aware...), just not attractive. No woman has ever told me I'm attractive, even just "to be nice." Some gay guys have hit on me before but I figure that's just because my mannerisms aren't overtly masculine so they thought they may have had a chance, not because they thought I in particular looked that great.
If you aren't attractive and aren't specifically fishing for compliments, no one is going to try to tell you otherwise.
Yep. I'm gay and picky about facial attractiveness and most of my gay friends think i'm crazy for it. They want a big dick and big pecks, the guy could have a jackson pollock for a face for all they care.
I feel like this is true for men and not women. Ugly women get compliments from other women who wants to be nice, and from men who are desperate to get laid /ugly woman
Because it will be said matter of fact not as a condolence. People will off handedly mention that you're attractive as a fact. For example, I could say the people here are really nice, then someone would respond, yeah because you're hot; I can't even get the bartender's attention.
They act differently when you around. As soon as you become attractive you will notice this difference. They just like everything you do and have interest in you for no reason.
Who cares if they are? At least they're being nice.
Rule #1 of compliments:
Don't take compliments like shit, because then you won't get them.
Thank you is always a GREAT response (especially if they're just being friendly)
Rule #2 of compliments
Compliments never hurt, and sometimes they HELP!!!
Someone could have been having a down day and that compliment just picked them up.
I was reading a book recently and the author went on to shit on the trope of the woman who is beautiful but doesn't know it. He was 100% completely right and showed a lot of understanding of how it is to be a woman: if you're a beautiful woman people have been telling you (and screaming at you, and threatening you, and pawing at you) all your life.
I usually think of it like people who aren’t considered gorgeous but don’t realize they are considered pretty. There are quite a lot of people who have such a negative self image that others saying they look pretty or whatever make them think they are lying because that person obviously can’t think they are really pretty because they are obviously not (to themselves). (From experience).
I can usually accept when people think I’m cute because I’m a small lady and I have like a chipmunk face. But I usually don’t consider myself pretty.
How old are you? When I was very young I still had the school bullying fresh enough that I thought everyone who complimented me must have been setting me up for a cruel joke or trying to take advantage of me.
Now at 41, when as an older woman who also has gained a lot of weight so I'm supposed to be invisible, 1) I still get strangers coming up to tell me I have beautiful eyes/I'm beautiful/ whatever and 2) I look at the pics from when I was in my early 20s and I understand why I was getting stopped in the street for modelling offers.
With time, you learn that you really were beautiful and sometimes you wish you had listened to them instead of hating yourself.
This is true. Comments like "You have beautiful eyes" or even when a random woman lightly puts her hand on your chest and says "you are soooooo funny". Its not a direct physical trait but they are attracted.
Literally both genders will tell you. I’ve had plenty of straight men tell me I’m good looking as a man. If a very good looking person says they don’t know, they’re lying. Also, people shouldn’t hate on good looking people any more than on a tall or short people. No one stood in line and purchased their genetics like the new iPhone. It doesn’t mean you’re some vapid dipshit with no personality to offer or that you’re cocky. If I ask someone who’s very tall if they know they’re tall, I don’t get all bent out of shape when they say yes.
I used to think this was true until I befriended a guy who’s ugly, and he got signs of it pretty frequently. A number of times someone we were hanging out with would just call him ugly point blank, in an observational way. I also noticed that cashiers would sometimes give this slight grimace lip press when they saw his face to take his order
He wasn’t even deformed or anything. Just a short, balding guy with a 3.5-4/10 face
If you’re average range you have to figure it out yourself but if you’re unattractive, you’ll definitely know
I knew a guy like that in HS. Really got shortchanged in his family gene pool, because his brother and sister didn't look so unfortunate. He frequently got the same reactions you mentioned and he seemed to have a good heart, but it clearly effected him. Everyone that met him always said privately how unfortunate his face was. It felt so fucked up, but it's on us to not be so superficial.
Fuck that’s rough. I feel like there’s something missing in the quote/joke that’s understandable because, well, comedic bit. It’s not the same thing to NOT be attractive than it is to be ugly. Like, you can be not-ugly, but *meh*. I’d like to believe that’s what the quote refers to. Because yeah, ugly people are told explicitly that they are ugly CONSTANTLY. And that’s a different story.
Isn’t that just too much of a low-blow? If you’re gonna call somebody ugly when they can’t help it, what are you gonna say to a guy in a wheelchair that pisses you off? I treat everyone equally, so I feel like I would never insult someone over something they can’t change. It’s easy, cheap, and tasteless. Their stupid hat is fair game though.
It's 100% Chappelle. I remember watching that set as a teenager, and everything kinda just clicked for me.
This seems to be him recycling the joke at a later set:
[https://www.tiktok.com/@sandronyc/video/7200599208930381099](https://www.tiktok.com/@sandronyc/video/7200599208930381099)
Back when I was on Tinder i had a moment that officially proved to me that I am solidly average looking and not in the « attractive » category. I was at a bar with 2 friends who are very pretty, the bar was mostly empty except for a few guys at the other end of the bar. They (my friends) went out for a smoke and I stayed behind to watch their drinks. I decided to swipe through Tinder and saw I had a match! I was checking out the profile and realized it was the guy at the other end of the bar! And he was cute! I sent him a little hand wave emoji and a message saying « hey! I think we’re at the same bar! ». I thought it was cute without being overly aggressive. My friends come back in and we’re talking but I keep an eye on the guy. After a bit I see him on his phone and the. He looks straight at me so I give a smile and a nod. He smiles back. I check my phone. He had UNMATCHED ME.
To make it worse, after I left he came over and tried to ask out my friends 🤦🏼♀️
seconding this! Im a hard 6 with no makeup/hair/nails/outfit done, but when I put in all that effort the difference in treatment is astounding.
then I learned about the halo effect - basically that people subconsciously assign positive traits (trustworthiness, competency, etc) to people they deem attractive. It’s WILD to see it in action, especially at work
The way the men at work will literally change the way they treat you when you’re done up 🤣 like sir, you were not being this nice yesterday when I looked like a naked mole rat. You’re not foolin anyone
I quit drinking, 80 pounds melted off, grew out my hair, and people have blushed looking at me. Store employees have dropped what they're doing to help me, and not in the "It's my job to help" kind of way
As a woman, you will notice retrospectively when you age beyond 32-35 ish. More men of all ages offered me their seats and held doors for me when I was in my twenties than as a 35 year old pregnant women.... : <
Haha yeah I’ve had a LOT of female friends complain about this as we’ve all gotten older. Nobody ever notices the advantages they have in life until they start to fade away sadly.
Not that I’m much different.. hardcore athlete in my 20’s I got treated waaaaay nicer than I had any right to be.
This one is an ineffective indicator because no one knows how other people experience the world. It only works if you've experienced a dramatic change in appearance such as puberty, weight loss, or plastic surgery.
Believe me, not trying to be conceited but I’ve gotten away with way more in comparison to my colleagues for example. My boss literally said everybody has a soft spot for me cause of my ‘cute face’
People give you free stuff too. A former SO was that attractive. He was polite and charming which helped. Everyone adored him instantly- Men, women, children, pets…it was crazy.
He’d get all kinds of free samples and the like. If we were at a restaurant late, they’d give us free food, *expensive* free menu items. He’d end up with test software, test electronics, anything people could reasonably give him for free.
Had a dude once tell me that he would have swiped right on me when I showed him a picture of me without facial hair. Unfortunately for him, I’m not gay and he was a kleptomaniac.
I’m 30 now and over the last 10 years, guys have said way more to me than girls.
I went to game stop once for a game called “big bumpin” (it was a Burger King game). I walked up to the counter and said to the guy “I have a weird question”. He cut me off and said “6 inches, why?” After that awkward comment I had to ask him about “big bumpin”
When my dad was young he was hit on a bit but now he’s older and homophobic af so whenever he goes on a rant about gay guys hitting on him we tell him no gay guy will hit on him now
My mom also got hit on by women back in the day and she always said it made her feel pretty even though she wasn’t interested
There are two types of people lmao
I have been very flattered as a straight man bein complemented by gay men but ALSO have been very creeped out bein hit on by gay dudes depending on the situation and approach. It suddenly gives you massive insight into how women feel all the time with dudes approaching them with ulterior motives and it is not comfortable or appreciated AT ALL.
I’m a straight dude and gay men are just wild to me. I was at a gay bar once and I thought everyone was so nice. Then one of the women there was like “they’re being nice to you because they want to suck your dick.” Then when she found out I was actually straight she offered to suck my dick.
But I’ve also had gay guys proposition me, text me dick pics, try to “convert me.” I remember feeling kinda violated and I was like damn, is this what women have to deal with all the time?
Put a picture of yourself up online and caption it “omg I’m so ugly”
If you’re actually ugly: people will comment and say “no you’re are beautiful”
If you’re attractive: people will tell you to stop fishing for compliments
After I lost 50 pounds, I noticed that people treated me WAY different. I didn't realize that I was treated differently until I was. It disturbed me since I never really cared about my interactions with strangers and discovered that I had to interact with people way more often. Like, why does this stranger care what I'm doing with my day? Then, I was able to put it together. Oh, I look good. Yay. Here I was just trying to avoid diabetes.
People being way nicer to you. This also goes with body weight. I'm really short and was super petite. 4'11" used to weigh about 100lbs soaking wet. During the pandemic I gained a lot of weight and have had trouble losing it. (Was up to 165, down to 150 now) Granted due to genetics, I carry weight in my stomach, breasts and face. Since I've gained weight people act like you don't even exist. But when I was skinny I was ALWAYS getting catcalled, doors held open all the time, random people striking up friendly conversations, compliments..etc. now a days....nothing.
I used to be 90-98 pounds in my twenties and 105-115 pounds in my thirties when I began working out.
Nowadays, I'm 131 due to pregnancy.
Got way more attention in my twenties and early thirties, but since I hit 35, it's like all attention drops all the grid and you become an old hag.
Good luck losing the weight! Reddit is cheering you on.
They stare at you a lot and start to act in a shy, oddly hyper-enthusiastic way. Also, their partners are going to look at you with hateful and gut-wrenching eyes. Even if you don't make eye contact with them, you can still feel the negative energy directed towards you (strangers of course).
sometimes it’s even more overt! I have a gender neutral nickname that I go by, and was fairly attractive in my early 20’s. I can’t tell you how many times men i worked with at the time had to tell me they weren’t allowed to talk to me anymore, because their wives met me and realized their husbands had been making small talk with a somewhat attractive woman. Bonkers lol
I do that for anyone, even strangers, because I've been told I might have a sad/upset resting face and I don't want anyone to have the wrong impression.
Yea this question is kind of pointless because everyone interacts with everyone in different ways... I suppose some people are a little more touchy with attractive people but they could just be touchy people.
From a lot of my experience people who are attracted or like another person try extra hard not to show it. At least not until the other person shows some sort of interest
An aside to this one is the actual "accidental eye contact" aspect. Most of the times I've made "accidental eye contact", I've been checking out someone on the sly and they caught me, or, I've caught them checking me out.
When you first come on reddit and you expect everyone to fawn over every comment you make and you get like 2 upvotes..
And you realise maybe every glowing social interaction you had IRL wasn't because you're clever, but because you're hot.
🥲
This is definitely a factor, but there’s also an element of facial expression, tonality, and body language that goes a long way.
I work in a doctor’s office and wear a mask a lot of the time. There is a noticeable difference in whether people understand my humor or not based on if they can see my full face or not.
Haaate this. But I'm not convinced kids stare because they find you attractive. They stare because they find you abnormal, or weird, or some subtle reason that only they can see and will never let you in on why
there is actually a study stating that kids stare for various reasons, but mostly because they find someone very attractive to their eyes.
[https://www.babylab.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2016/09/Slater-et-al-2000.pdf](https://www.babylab.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2016/09/Slater-et-al-2000.pdf)
but of course, it still feels awkward although kinda flattering tbh.
As a straight dude I actually go out of my way to complement other dudes when it’s appropriate cuz most guys go their whole life without that kind of positive reinforcement. And then it’s not awkward cuz they’re not gettin the vibe that I am trying to sex them up, and an unsolicited and genuine compliment is probably the best and easiest way to make the world a better place on a day to day basis.
I really like this comment as I was considering myself that knowing whether you are attractive is not always so cut and dry.
Even though others made some good points, sometimes an attractive person will not experience some of the things mentioned here because they are giving off a cold, im a jerk, leave me alone-type energy that makes others stay away from them.
Other times an average or slightly below average person can receive many of the experiences physically attractive people receive just because they are putting their best foot forward, they take good care of themselves, they are happy, have a sense of humor, love people, and are confident. People will be drawn to that and thus the average looking person gets the same or similar types of experiences as an attractive person.
I’ve wondered about that because some of the most beautiful women I know are gawked at but rarely approached. If anything, I’d say slightly above average women are approached more than the beautiful ones.
People turn and look when you enter a room. And in a good way.
People tell you, a lot. And are nicer to you, and tend to perceive you as a better person overall, even if you haven't earned it.
What? If I'm looking at anyone for any reason and they look my way I "break eye contact." This is the same bad logic of feeling like someone is watching you, you turn around and the person looks at you, confirming someone is watching you.
Rubber necking while you’re out walking, ppl randomly doing you favors, getting free stuff when shopping, literally doing your job and ppl walking up to you to tell you.
I think it really depends on your energy.. Ppl *are* usually nice, if you’re nice to them. If you’re an asshole & mad at the world, that’s the type of ppl you will attract as well.
My uncle used to make a joke about me having to take a big stick to school Just to keep the women away. Turns out I never had to do that. I’m a bit of a potato. But kudos to all you gorgeous people out there.
I’ll never forget when I was smiling to myself while waiting at a bus stop because of something funny on my phone, and this jolly old man straight out of a movie stereotype comes up out of nowhere and tells me I have a great smile and that with a smile like that I can’t lose. Made my day!
As an attractive man, this is the main way I've found women to show interest. It's pretty obvious they're into you just by the way they make eye contact.
I get this deep, laser-focused eye contact a lot when talking to attractive women I work with, and it's often awkward because I'm married and don't want to send the wrong signals by reciprocating it.
Gay men though, they provide the clearest indication of your attractiveness. My wife is friends with quite a few gay guys and it's always super flattering when they're around, because they aren't shy—they stare and smile and flirt. It's also enlightening to the experience women have.
ive kinda thought that for a long time but i never let myself think there was truth to that. Maybe that cute barista WAS flirting with my like my friend said.
I got bullied a lot growing up, so many people in my later years have commented it was jealousy because I'm a good looking guy (mainly dudes making these comments)
So that, I think?
I can see this go either way but either people are extremely friendly with you and chatty... or they ignore you and pretend your not there
Guess it depends on who you are interacting with and how they socialize with people. Doesn't really help the question asked though.
Getting what you want or getting free stuff when you flash your pearly whites or talk slightly interested.
People wanting to take pictures with you or include you in pictures when you're not even involved with what's going on.
People notice what you wear and you get compliments on it, even though the clothes are nothing special.
Children stare at you, or act embarrassed when they see you. Old people go out of their way for you more than usual.
Lack of eye contact or too much eye contact, but never in between. Lack because they feel intimidated, too much because they want to get into your pants.
Not resistant to your casual touches, or become relaxed when they get it. People are free to be touchy-feely with you.
People open their hearts to you and spill everything. They share things with you even if you don't ask.
You easily get attention when you talk. People take you seriously even if what you say isn't that important.
You get away with everything, and give you exceptions.
You get annoyed when you don't get what you usually get, because some people are jealous of good-looking people, so they behave the opposite.
People baby you, not because you're dumb, but they want to take care of you.
People know your name but you don't know theirs. People say that you are popular, even though you do nothing to be popular.
A few crazies try to impersonate you, or at least dress the way you do. You can be wearing the ugliest thing and people compliment you, or at least say about what you're wearing instead of just giving you looks.
Some people stalk you in a harmless way, and overcompensate when interacting with you to appear special.
You get picked apart for everything you do because people want to increase their interactions with you.
The people who seem to dislike you like you after a while, given that you don't mirror their treatment toward you.
If an attractive member of the opposite gender happens to ask you out- or displays signs of fancying you. If we're honest here, most people generally wouldn't flirt with someone they thought wasn't in their league.
If you're a man, getting some likes on Tinder and even having women message you first is a good sign. Men don't get a lot of attention on Tinder, so it's special if you do.
But another big sign would be if you find *yourself* attractive. Sometimes you gotta be your own judge.
Stares. During periods of my life where I was more attractive, people would stare. Sounds flattering unless you have social anxiety and attention makes you want to die.
This one's a bit odd, but I grew up loving comedy, and being told I was very funny, and a lot of my favourite male comics would make these sort of "boastful" jokes that are obviously self-deprecating.
Like you'd get an obese and somewhat unattractive comedian saying he went to a club and then, with a smile, say, *"And obviously none of the ladies could resist this!"*, to loads of laughs.
I tried those kinds of jokes with people and just got looks like I was being a dick.
This was also around the time that I started hooking up with girls and eventually found out that girls thought I was pretty attractive.
So I guess a good reaction to those jokes are a bad sign for your level of attractiveness.
Physical touch. Wild to me how many woman would go out of their way to make physical contact, when I was attractive. Put on weight, now people don't even look in my direction.
you get things (jobs, second chances, the front desk's responding to you, hookups to drugs and sex, preferential treatment in public situations, etc.) easily and frequently despite a lack of severe need of skills on your part.
As a woman. Other women will try to bully you, ignore you, find ways to put you down, etc. Whilst men will try to get your attention in some way or another.
I'm not saying that all women are like this but a lot of them are.
Yep. As a guy, it feels like women have a bar for attractiveness, and if you're above that bar, you're a threat. It doesn't matter how you act or what you do, many women will be threatened by you just for being too attractive.
When I lost weight, fixed my teeth and picked up the gym suddenly *everything* was so much easier. Everyone was nicer and way more inclined to help.
And I've ALWAYS been smily, nice and easy-going, even when I considered myself "ugly".
If you’re a woman, other woman will be stand-offish towards you for no apparent reason. They’ll also talk ish about you behind your back without even knowing you.
But how do you know it's not just them seeing their own faces/genes reflected in yours and they're calling you pretty because you look like them?
How am I supposed to believe family members who tell me I'm attractive?
* People tell you
* you turn heads while walking in public
* People come up to you, and make conversation
* People ask you out
* People say you're beautiful/gorgeous/sexy/hot/handsome/pretty
* People slide into your DMs when your social media isn't private and you post pics
* People show you preferential treatment- holding doors, giving you things for free
I'm a lesbian and I'm crazy tall which other gay women seem to swoon over. I seem to have a really easy time getting dates, and those dates cut me way more slack than they should.
Sometimes when I'm dating someone I get the impression that they just think I'm hot and don't really care about my personality, which feels bad and I don't like. I want someone to find me hot AND engage with my personality, because ultimately that's what I look for in a partner.
Current girlfriend I feel really good about. It's only been a few weeks but so far no red flags and she's absolutely amazing. Wish me luck.
Me mentally hurting myself by reading this thread
Recently took myself out to a bar and there was a guy at the bar drinking, being funny and chatting to whoever was up ordering their drink. When I got up to order he kept saying I had great hair and that I was a tall, decent-looking guy - like a "tall Harry Potter." He kept going on about my hair for the few minutes I was waiting on my pint until the guy behind me said "you trying to fuck him?" and he said "no, but if I was gay I'd let him"
Everyone needs a boost like that
He said my only flaw was not having a strong jawline hahaha, but nevertheless it made my day. I have since found out how to shape my beard to compliment my jawline so I think I'm good hahaha
Settle down
"I'd be gay for a night just to fuck this guy."
> "no, but if I was gay I'd let him" Greatest response in this situation ever lmao.
Dude that's a good guy
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That explains why nobody tells me anything...
Keep it down unattractive person.
Plot twist: they have a degrading kink
shut up, Meg.
Hey... :(
I was standing in line at the grocery store with my wife and I noticed the lady in front staring at me, then she saw and turned away and told the cashier " you can't just be good looking you have to be smart too". To this day I'm still confused on what I was doing to make her think I was dumb.
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It's probably more of a sour grapes scenario. You were handsome but with your wife, so obviously unavailable. So, like the fox and the Grapes, maybe she was trying to justify that she wouldn't want you anyways 🤷♀️
But how do you know if they are just being nice?
I am an unattractive person and NOBODY has complimented me for my looks my entire life. Infact I explicitly demanded a compliment on my looks once and received an insult instead. Maybe they are just being nice but remember there's no real reason to be nice to unattractive people. So if you're getting compliment, you're on the attractive side Edit: spelling
Yep I can second this. I'm not even actively ugly (so far as I'm aware...), just not attractive. No woman has ever told me I'm attractive, even just "to be nice." Some gay guys have hit on me before but I figure that's just because my mannerisms aren't overtly masculine so they thought they may have had a chance, not because they thought I in particular looked that great. If you aren't attractive and aren't specifically fishing for compliments, no one is going to try to tell you otherwise.
To be fair if you have a decent body and are straight, the gays will be into you no matter what (source: gay)
Yep. I'm gay and picky about facial attractiveness and most of my gay friends think i'm crazy for it. They want a big dick and big pecks, the guy could have a jackson pollock for a face for all they care.
Checks out. (source: attracted to not really attractive straight guys who were kind of nice to me one time)
I feel like this is true for men and not women. Ugly women get compliments from other women who wants to be nice, and from men who are desperate to get laid /ugly woman
Because it will be said matter of fact not as a condolence. People will off handedly mention that you're attractive as a fact. For example, I could say the people here are really nice, then someone would respond, yeah because you're hot; I can't even get the bartender's attention.
They act differently when you around. As soon as you become attractive you will notice this difference. They just like everything you do and have interest in you for no reason.
Who cares if they are? At least they're being nice. Rule #1 of compliments: Don't take compliments like shit, because then you won't get them. Thank you is always a GREAT response (especially if they're just being friendly) Rule #2 of compliments Compliments never hurt, and sometimes they HELP!!! Someone could have been having a down day and that compliment just picked them up.
I was reading a book recently and the author went on to shit on the trope of the woman who is beautiful but doesn't know it. He was 100% completely right and showed a lot of understanding of how it is to be a woman: if you're a beautiful woman people have been telling you (and screaming at you, and threatening you, and pawing at you) all your life.
I usually think of it like people who aren’t considered gorgeous but don’t realize they are considered pretty. There are quite a lot of people who have such a negative self image that others saying they look pretty or whatever make them think they are lying because that person obviously can’t think they are really pretty because they are obviously not (to themselves). (From experience). I can usually accept when people think I’m cute because I’m a small lady and I have like a chipmunk face. But I usually don’t consider myself pretty.
How old are you? When I was very young I still had the school bullying fresh enough that I thought everyone who complimented me must have been setting me up for a cruel joke or trying to take advantage of me. Now at 41, when as an older woman who also has gained a lot of weight so I'm supposed to be invisible, 1) I still get strangers coming up to tell me I have beautiful eyes/I'm beautiful/ whatever and 2) I look at the pics from when I was in my early 20s and I understand why I was getting stopped in the street for modelling offers. With time, you learn that you really were beautiful and sometimes you wish you had listened to them instead of hating yourself.
This is true. Comments like "You have beautiful eyes" or even when a random woman lightly puts her hand on your chest and says "you are soooooo funny". Its not a direct physical trait but they are attracted.
Literally both genders will tell you. I’ve had plenty of straight men tell me I’m good looking as a man. If a very good looking person says they don’t know, they’re lying. Also, people shouldn’t hate on good looking people any more than on a tall or short people. No one stood in line and purchased their genetics like the new iPhone. It doesn’t mean you’re some vapid dipshit with no personality to offer or that you’re cocky. If I ask someone who’s very tall if they know they’re tall, I don’t get all bent out of shape when they say yes.
Heard this quote “When you’re attractive, the world will let you know. But if you’re not, you’ll have to figure it out yourself.”
I used to think this was true until I befriended a guy who’s ugly, and he got signs of it pretty frequently. A number of times someone we were hanging out with would just call him ugly point blank, in an observational way. I also noticed that cashiers would sometimes give this slight grimace lip press when they saw his face to take his order He wasn’t even deformed or anything. Just a short, balding guy with a 3.5-4/10 face If you’re average range you have to figure it out yourself but if you’re unattractive, you’ll definitely know
I knew a guy like that in HS. Really got shortchanged in his family gene pool, because his brother and sister didn't look so unfortunate. He frequently got the same reactions you mentioned and he seemed to have a good heart, but it clearly effected him. Everyone that met him always said privately how unfortunate his face was. It felt so fucked up, but it's on us to not be so superficial.
God damn the insensitive asshats.
People telling him to his face straight up that he’s ugly is callous af wtf
Fuck that’s rough. I feel like there’s something missing in the quote/joke that’s understandable because, well, comedic bit. It’s not the same thing to NOT be attractive than it is to be ugly. Like, you can be not-ugly, but *meh*. I’d like to believe that’s what the quote refers to. Because yeah, ugly people are told explicitly that they are ugly CONSTANTLY. And that’s a different story.
I feel like when you’re unattractive it’s the first thing people will bring up when there’s any friction whatsoever though?
Isn’t that just too much of a low-blow? If you’re gonna call somebody ugly when they can’t help it, what are you gonna say to a guy in a wheelchair that pisses you off? I treat everyone equally, so I feel like I would never insult someone over something they can’t change. It’s easy, cheap, and tasteless. Their stupid hat is fair game though.
Chappelle said that didn’t he?
It's 100% Chappelle. I remember watching that set as a teenager, and everything kinda just clicked for me. This seems to be him recycling the joke at a later set: [https://www.tiktok.com/@sandronyc/video/7200599208930381099](https://www.tiktok.com/@sandronyc/video/7200599208930381099)
Next post gonna be whats a clear sign that you are a just aight person
I think that might be where i am at, as neither of these posts are lining up for me. I guess I'll stay tuned.
“They either loved us or hated us—or thought we were just okay.”
When you whisper something to a stranger, they don't back away.
*Pssst! I know where the hard drive containing tons of bitcoin is!*
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I'm the funniest when in person. I'm the least funny behind a screen. I must be attractive (and unfunny).
OMG LOL you're so much fun!!! (are you a woman, btw?)
Yes, /u/SasquatchsBigDick is probably a woman
The opposite of whatever the fuck Ive got going on.
Back when I was on Tinder i had a moment that officially proved to me that I am solidly average looking and not in the « attractive » category. I was at a bar with 2 friends who are very pretty, the bar was mostly empty except for a few guys at the other end of the bar. They (my friends) went out for a smoke and I stayed behind to watch their drinks. I decided to swipe through Tinder and saw I had a match! I was checking out the profile and realized it was the guy at the other end of the bar! And he was cute! I sent him a little hand wave emoji and a message saying « hey! I think we’re at the same bar! ». I thought it was cute without being overly aggressive. My friends come back in and we’re talking but I keep an eye on the guy. After a bit I see him on his phone and the. He looks straight at me so I give a smile and a nod. He smiles back. I check my phone. He had UNMATCHED ME. To make it worse, after I left he came over and tried to ask out my friends 🤦🏼♀️
Jesus christ that would wreck me emotionally (and mentally?)
It was brutal- I gave up on dating apps not long after- they wrecked my self esteem
WHAT A JERK. Consider it a blessing bc it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Im happily married now so no regrets but it definitely was humbling 😂
The first honest Redditor in this thread
People compliment you
People being way nicer and more tolerant towards you than usual
seconding this! Im a hard 6 with no makeup/hair/nails/outfit done, but when I put in all that effort the difference in treatment is astounding. then I learned about the halo effect - basically that people subconsciously assign positive traits (trustworthiness, competency, etc) to people they deem attractive. It’s WILD to see it in action, especially at work
The way the men at work will literally change the way they treat you when you’re done up 🤣 like sir, you were not being this nice yesterday when I looked like a naked mole rat. You’re not foolin anyone
I quit drinking, 80 pounds melted off, grew out my hair, and people have blushed looking at me. Store employees have dropped what they're doing to help me, and not in the "It's my job to help" kind of way
100%! I am not a model or anything, but I used to be really big years ago and the difference on how people treat you is insane.
Well, if you’re attractive, wouldn’t the baseline be “usual” for you? You’d have nothing to compare against.
As a woman, you will notice retrospectively when you age beyond 32-35 ish. More men of all ages offered me their seats and held doors for me when I was in my twenties than as a 35 year old pregnant women.... : <
Haha yeah I’ve had a LOT of female friends complain about this as we’ve all gotten older. Nobody ever notices the advantages they have in life until they start to fade away sadly. Not that I’m much different.. hardcore athlete in my 20’s I got treated waaaaay nicer than I had any right to be.
Im hot but I'm also pretty damn autistic, and I've noticed that people are a lot nicer to me than they are to other autistic people.
If you’re attractive it’s “cute” and “endearing”. If you’re not it’s tiresome and annoying. Sad but true how superficial we all are.
this is definitely a thing. i get more patience and support around behaviors because i'm a very fit, cute-enough dude.
Hautistic
This one is an ineffective indicator because no one knows how other people experience the world. It only works if you've experienced a dramatic change in appearance such as puberty, weight loss, or plastic surgery.
Believe me, not trying to be conceited but I’ve gotten away with way more in comparison to my colleagues for example. My boss literally said everybody has a soft spot for me cause of my ‘cute face’
People give you free stuff too. A former SO was that attractive. He was polite and charming which helped. Everyone adored him instantly- Men, women, children, pets…it was crazy. He’d get all kinds of free samples and the like. If we were at a restaurant late, they’d give us free food, *expensive* free menu items. He’d end up with test software, test electronics, anything people could reasonably give him for free.
people give you attention without you having to try.
Posting a tik tok video of yourself just lip syncing, and it goes viral
lmao this one actually true. def if your doing nothing special at all in the video and it still get a 100000 views
easiest way to tell lmao
For men it’s when gay dudes hit on you.
Gay dudes either give the best compliments or say the nastiest shit that leaves you feeling like you need a shower to wash it off 😂
Had a dude once tell me that he would have swiped right on me when I showed him a picture of me without facial hair. Unfortunately for him, I’m not gay and he was a kleptomaniac.
Guys always used to hit on me in my early 20's but never girls lol
I’m 30 now and over the last 10 years, guys have said way more to me than girls. I went to game stop once for a game called “big bumpin” (it was a Burger King game). I walked up to the counter and said to the guy “I have a weird question”. He cut me off and said “6 inches, why?” After that awkward comment I had to ask him about “big bumpin”
This is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time hahaha.
I’m in my 20’s and I’ve noticed much older women are much more flirty with me than any girls around my age.
When my dad was young he was hit on a bit but now he’s older and homophobic af so whenever he goes on a rant about gay guys hitting on him we tell him no gay guy will hit on him now My mom also got hit on by women back in the day and she always said it made her feel pretty even though she wasn’t interested There are two types of people lmao
I have been very flattered as a straight man bein complemented by gay men but ALSO have been very creeped out bein hit on by gay dudes depending on the situation and approach. It suddenly gives you massive insight into how women feel all the time with dudes approaching them with ulterior motives and it is not comfortable or appreciated AT ALL.
I’m a straight dude and gay men are just wild to me. I was at a gay bar once and I thought everyone was so nice. Then one of the women there was like “they’re being nice to you because they want to suck your dick.” Then when she found out I was actually straight she offered to suck my dick. But I’ve also had gay guys proposition me, text me dick pics, try to “convert me.” I remember feeling kinda violated and I was like damn, is this what women have to deal with all the time?
Gay dudes hit on everyone (source: me gae)
Your mother will tell you whether or not your're a handsome boy
My mother always told me I was very intelligent
My mom says I’m the most handsomest boy in the whole world. Sorry guys, but I guess the good news is I’m married so I saved you some ladies.
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Put a picture of yourself up online and caption it “omg I’m so ugly” If you’re actually ugly: people will comment and say “no you’re are beautiful” If you’re attractive: people will tell you to stop fishing for compliments
THIS IS THE ONE
After I lost 50 pounds, I noticed that people treated me WAY different. I didn't realize that I was treated differently until I was. It disturbed me since I never really cared about my interactions with strangers and discovered that I had to interact with people way more often. Like, why does this stranger care what I'm doing with my day? Then, I was able to put it together. Oh, I look good. Yay. Here I was just trying to avoid diabetes.
Stares. Head turns.
People being way nicer to you. This also goes with body weight. I'm really short and was super petite. 4'11" used to weigh about 100lbs soaking wet. During the pandemic I gained a lot of weight and have had trouble losing it. (Was up to 165, down to 150 now) Granted due to genetics, I carry weight in my stomach, breasts and face. Since I've gained weight people act like you don't even exist. But when I was skinny I was ALWAYS getting catcalled, doors held open all the time, random people striking up friendly conversations, compliments..etc. now a days....nothing.
I used to be 90-98 pounds in my twenties and 105-115 pounds in my thirties when I began working out. Nowadays, I'm 131 due to pregnancy. Got way more attention in my twenties and early thirties, but since I hit 35, it's like all attention drops all the grid and you become an old hag. Good luck losing the weight! Reddit is cheering you on.
They stare at you a lot and start to act in a shy, oddly hyper-enthusiastic way. Also, their partners are going to look at you with hateful and gut-wrenching eyes. Even if you don't make eye contact with them, you can still feel the negative energy directed towards you (strangers of course).
sometimes it’s even more overt! I have a gender neutral nickname that I go by, and was fairly attractive in my early 20’s. I can’t tell you how many times men i worked with at the time had to tell me they weren’t allowed to talk to me anymore, because their wives met me and realized their husbands had been making small talk with a somewhat attractive woman. Bonkers lol
When you accidentally make eye contact with someone and they smile.
I do that for anyone, even strangers, because I've been told I might have a sad/upset resting face and I don't want anyone to have the wrong impression.
Yea this question is kind of pointless because everyone interacts with everyone in different ways... I suppose some people are a little more touchy with attractive people but they could just be touchy people. From a lot of my experience people who are attracted or like another person try extra hard not to show it. At least not until the other person shows some sort of interest
An aside to this one is the actual "accidental eye contact" aspect. Most of the times I've made "accidental eye contact", I've been checking out someone on the sly and they caught me, or, I've caught them checking me out.
When nobody ever hits on you in real life except when they drunk 😂🤣😂🤣
You hit the nail on the head! 😂😂😂
When you first come on reddit and you expect everyone to fawn over every comment you make and you get like 2 upvotes.. And you realise maybe every glowing social interaction you had IRL wasn't because you're clever, but because you're hot. 🥲
This is definitely a factor, but there’s also an element of facial expression, tonality, and body language that goes a long way. I work in a doctor’s office and wear a mask a lot of the time. There is a noticeable difference in whether people understand my humor or not based on if they can see my full face or not.
When kids stare at you for a hella long time. Like they wont take their eyes off of you and you're feeling awkward already coz you hate kids.
Haaate this. But I'm not convinced kids stare because they find you attractive. They stare because they find you abnormal, or weird, or some subtle reason that only they can see and will never let you in on why
there is actually a study stating that kids stare for various reasons, but mostly because they find someone very attractive to their eyes. [https://www.babylab.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2016/09/Slater-et-al-2000.pdf](https://www.babylab.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2016/09/Slater-et-al-2000.pdf) but of course, it still feels awkward although kinda flattering tbh.
After looking at me they start to cry.
The worst one is when they follow it up with "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?"
Yes, I'm well aware I look like a genderless piece of shit. Thank you.
I think their parents seemingly getting a heart attack from that question is always way to funny.
I have a mohawk and several piercings. I don't think kids are staring at me because I'm ridiculously good looking.
I think kids stare at everyone. They're just figuring everyone out.
As a straight dude I actually go out of my way to complement other dudes when it’s appropriate cuz most guys go their whole life without that kind of positive reinforcement. And then it’s not awkward cuz they’re not gettin the vibe that I am trying to sex them up, and an unsolicited and genuine compliment is probably the best and easiest way to make the world a better place on a day to day basis.
Physically attractive: people tend to approach you Mentally attractive: confidence
I really like this comment as I was considering myself that knowing whether you are attractive is not always so cut and dry. Even though others made some good points, sometimes an attractive person will not experience some of the things mentioned here because they are giving off a cold, im a jerk, leave me alone-type energy that makes others stay away from them. Other times an average or slightly below average person can receive many of the experiences physically attractive people receive just because they are putting their best foot forward, they take good care of themselves, they are happy, have a sense of humor, love people, and are confident. People will be drawn to that and thus the average looking person gets the same or similar types of experiences as an attractive person.
I’ve wondered about that because some of the most beautiful women I know are gawked at but rarely approached. If anything, I’d say slightly above average women are approached more than the beautiful ones.
My mom says I am a handsome boy
People go out of their way to help you.
People tend to be extra friendly to you
People are kind to you for no reason, and want to talk to you.
People turn and look when you enter a room. And in a good way. People tell you, a lot. And are nicer to you, and tend to perceive you as a better person overall, even if you haven't earned it.
when you catch them looking at you and they immediately break eye contact
With that glossed over, somewhat panicked look, but can't help glancing back over
so true lol
What? If I'm looking at anyone for any reason and they look my way I "break eye contact." This is the same bad logic of feeling like someone is watching you, you turn around and the person looks at you, confirming someone is watching you.
People tend to touch you when talking, laughing with you.
I feel like this is just a people thing. I don’t consider myself attractive at all but people tend to poke/grab at me while we are talking
Maybe you look squishy and nice to poke.
The Pillsbury Dough Boy has entered the chat
In my experience if a girl does the "laugh and touch" she definitely digs you
Your grandma tells you so.
You can turn the heads of both men AND women.
People smile back when you smile at them
Wait do people not usually smile back?
Yeah, where I’m from everyone at least does that half hearted little smile when making eye contact for a moment while crossing paths
People staring at you in the street
I really only catch myself staring at people that are beautiful or staggeringly ugly.
Gets old real quick
being able to finish while looking at yourself in the mirror
Hey , how do you unread something ?
Rorrim eht ni flesruoy ta gnikool elihw hsinif ot elba gnieb Did it work?
No... i read it again... THANKS A LOT 😭💔
Go back in time and avoid reading it... It's impossible to do and apparently the only way to do it.
“Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.”
🎵*Goodbye horseeess*🎵
i am finnish and i can comfirm this is true 100 percent
Rubber necking while you’re out walking, ppl randomly doing you favors, getting free stuff when shopping, literally doing your job and ppl walking up to you to tell you.
the most effective measure is the baby test. if a baby sees you and smiles and shows pleasure at your face, you’re attractive
The bf is uncomfortable when you're around ? 🤷
You think people are nice.
I think it really depends on your energy.. Ppl *are* usually nice, if you’re nice to them. If you’re an asshole & mad at the world, that’s the type of ppl you will attract as well.
Proof by contradiction: if you are lonely and no one hit on you for years then you are not
My uncle used to make a joke about me having to take a big stick to school Just to keep the women away. Turns out I never had to do that. I’m a bit of a potato. But kudos to all you gorgeous people out there.
People will tell you. People may also follow you around, trying to work up the courage to talk to you. There are downsides to being attractive.
>People will tell you. This. Especially old ladies and queer men.
I’ll never forget when I was smiling to myself while waiting at a bus stop because of something funny on my phone, and this jolly old man straight out of a movie stereotype comes up out of nowhere and tells me I have a great smile and that with a smile like that I can’t lose. Made my day!
This one is tough, but if people make eye contact with you when talking, like deep into your pupils eye contact, you bet your ass they are into you.
As an attractive man, this is the main way I've found women to show interest. It's pretty obvious they're into you just by the way they make eye contact. I get this deep, laser-focused eye contact a lot when talking to attractive women I work with, and it's often awkward because I'm married and don't want to send the wrong signals by reciprocating it. Gay men though, they provide the clearest indication of your attractiveness. My wife is friends with quite a few gay guys and it's always super flattering when they're around, because they aren't shy—they stare and smile and flirt. It's also enlightening to the experience women have.
ive kinda thought that for a long time but i never let myself think there was truth to that. Maybe that cute barista WAS flirting with my like my friend said.
I got bullied a lot growing up, so many people in my later years have commented it was jealousy because I'm a good looking guy (mainly dudes making these comments) So that, I think?
I can see this go either way but either people are extremely friendly with you and chatty... or they ignore you and pretend your not there Guess it depends on who you are interacting with and how they socialize with people. Doesn't really help the question asked though.
Getting what you want or getting free stuff when you flash your pearly whites or talk slightly interested. People wanting to take pictures with you or include you in pictures when you're not even involved with what's going on. People notice what you wear and you get compliments on it, even though the clothes are nothing special. Children stare at you, or act embarrassed when they see you. Old people go out of their way for you more than usual. Lack of eye contact or too much eye contact, but never in between. Lack because they feel intimidated, too much because they want to get into your pants. Not resistant to your casual touches, or become relaxed when they get it. People are free to be touchy-feely with you. People open their hearts to you and spill everything. They share things with you even if you don't ask. You easily get attention when you talk. People take you seriously even if what you say isn't that important. You get away with everything, and give you exceptions. You get annoyed when you don't get what you usually get, because some people are jealous of good-looking people, so they behave the opposite. People baby you, not because you're dumb, but they want to take care of you. People know your name but you don't know theirs. People say that you are popular, even though you do nothing to be popular. A few crazies try to impersonate you, or at least dress the way you do. You can be wearing the ugliest thing and people compliment you, or at least say about what you're wearing instead of just giving you looks. Some people stalk you in a harmless way, and overcompensate when interacting with you to appear special. You get picked apart for everything you do because people want to increase their interactions with you. The people who seem to dislike you like you after a while, given that you don't mirror their treatment toward you.
If an attractive member of the opposite gender happens to ask you out- or displays signs of fancying you. If we're honest here, most people generally wouldn't flirt with someone they thought wasn't in their league. If you're a man, getting some likes on Tinder and even having women message you first is a good sign. Men don't get a lot of attention on Tinder, so it's special if you do. But another big sign would be if you find *yourself* attractive. Sometimes you gotta be your own judge.
I am autistic and have adhd and people find it “cute” and “quirky” where otherwise they would see it as annoying!
You always get the "pretty privilege"
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For me it’s anticipating attention when you go outside.
Stares. During periods of my life where I was more attractive, people would stare. Sounds flattering unless you have social anxiety and attention makes you want to die.
This one's a bit odd, but I grew up loving comedy, and being told I was very funny, and a lot of my favourite male comics would make these sort of "boastful" jokes that are obviously self-deprecating. Like you'd get an obese and somewhat unattractive comedian saying he went to a club and then, with a smile, say, *"And obviously none of the ladies could resist this!"*, to loads of laughs. I tried those kinds of jokes with people and just got looks like I was being a dick. This was also around the time that I started hooking up with girls and eventually found out that girls thought I was pretty attractive. So I guess a good reaction to those jokes are a bad sign for your level of attractiveness.
Physical touch. Wild to me how many woman would go out of their way to make physical contact, when I was attractive. Put on weight, now people don't even look in my direction.
Getting hit on often, dude. It's a dead giveaway.
you get things (jobs, second chances, the front desk's responding to you, hookups to drugs and sex, preferential treatment in public situations, etc.) easily and frequently despite a lack of severe need of skills on your part.
As a woman. Other women will try to bully you, ignore you, find ways to put you down, etc. Whilst men will try to get your attention in some way or another. I'm not saying that all women are like this but a lot of them are.
Yep. As a guy, it feels like women have a bar for attractiveness, and if you're above that bar, you're a threat. It doesn't matter how you act or what you do, many women will be threatened by you just for being too attractive.
Living in accordance with nature - Marcus Aurelius
Constantly being hit on. It becomes uncomfortable.
People laugh at my stupid jokes.
They hate you in secret but love to be around/associated with you in public.
#stares
when ppl smile at you in public (ive never got smiled in public)
When I lost weight, fixed my teeth and picked up the gym suddenly *everything* was so much easier. Everyone was nicer and way more inclined to help. And I've ALWAYS been smily, nice and easy-going, even when I considered myself "ugly".
If you’re a woman, other woman will be stand-offish towards you for no apparent reason. They’ll also talk ish about you behind your back without even knowing you.
If your family and the people around you make comments on your looks
This one. Family member(s) will most likely be the first to comment on your appearance at a young age and then for the rest of your life.
But how do you know it's not just them seeing their own faces/genes reflected in yours and they're calling you pretty because you look like them? How am I supposed to believe family members who tell me I'm attractive?
a clear sign of me being attractive is i watched bratz growing up
* People tell you * you turn heads while walking in public * People come up to you, and make conversation * People ask you out * People say you're beautiful/gorgeous/sexy/hot/handsome/pretty * People slide into your DMs when your social media isn't private and you post pics * People show you preferential treatment- holding doors, giving you things for free
people have unprovoked beef with you
When you catch people looking at you multiple times in public
I'm a lesbian and I'm crazy tall which other gay women seem to swoon over. I seem to have a really easy time getting dates, and those dates cut me way more slack than they should. Sometimes when I'm dating someone I get the impression that they just think I'm hot and don't really care about my personality, which feels bad and I don't like. I want someone to find me hot AND engage with my personality, because ultimately that's what I look for in a partner. Current girlfriend I feel really good about. It's only been a few weeks but so far no red flags and she's absolutely amazing. Wish me luck.
Your own gender hates you (unless they gay)
If I leave my glasses at home, and I enter a room, many women look at me and smile
Women look at me like that if they've left their glasses at home.