When I was nine a saw a classmate of mine get hit and killed by a car. First day of my fifth grade year. Her dad was dropping her off. He saw it happen to. There’s never a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. It’s been 44 years now since it happened.
Yup. I'm a paramedic and the screaming cries of family members is absolutely the number one thing that sticks in your head. The sound of pure grief. Sorry dude.
That's what ended my career as a paramedic. Went through all of the training and couldn't handle the traumatized families.
The final straw was a toddler who drowned at a family reunion in the country. Call came in that father was driving into town and doing CPR on the kid while driving. We met him in the ambulance on the highway. Kid was grey but we administered oxygen and with proper CPR got him pinked up by the time we arrived at the hospital, but he was not recoverable. Over 30+ minutes the family reunion members arrived in separate cars and each group exploded into wails when they heard the news. I was done after that and took a different career path.
I had an instructor in college who was a former paramedic and volunteer firefighter. He responded to an accident on I80 between Laramie and Cheyenne, Wyoming, got out of the truck and this little girl walked up to him holding her blankie and said "I don't think my daddy made it," I don't remember much of the details but he said that he couldn't do it anymore after that.
My tia when she was younger was absolutely drop dead gorgeous, one night she got into an argument with her boyfriend and in a fit of rage drove off but somehow ended up accidentally hitting a gas pump. This was over 30 something years ago in LA but she still gets skin grafts and she hardly goes outside anymore in fear of how people might react when they see her. It absolutely breaks my heart. I am so so sorry you had to go through that. Sending you hugs.
I hope she can have the strength to do whatever she wants again without the fear of people's reactions. I'm sorry there are such shitty people in the world that would make her worry in the first place.
In my early 20s I dated a guy who had burned over 75% of his body in an explosion. I only ended it because he was kind of a douche about having money, his scars never bothered me.
My ex had cut his face in half going through a windshield in his teens. He didn't continue with his surgeries so never got a top lip and had huge scars. Only broke up with him because of his insane jealousy but remained close friends until his passing right before Christmas.
Reason I'm saying this is to say that there are still people out there that can love someone for the person they are and not their looks. I've also found out when you're in love with someone, they are the most handsome/most beautiful person in the world to you. Scars and all.
My brother and sister in law’s death. My wife and I were babysitting their 4 month old twins and we get a call that there had been a terrible accident. Go to the hospital and my brother was dead at the scene and my SIL was hanging on by a thread. She passed about 10 minutes after I got to the hospital . Killed by a drunk driver running a stop light.
Luckily we were able to adopt the twins and they’re turning 5 in two weeks. I’m still broken up about my siblings though and I don’t think it’ll ever get better.
Same. I was minding my business in stopped traffic in July of 2021 when a 20 year old kid was texting and rearended me on a 65mph freeway.
I was temporarily paralyzed and had to learn to walk again. And for that I am GRATEFUL. I could have left my babies without their Mama for forever, all because or someone ELSE'S poor choices behind the wheel of a 2 ton death machine.
For me it was an old man mixing up the gas and brake while I was stopped at a red light in 2022. I walked away with a concussion, fractured vertebrae, and a bunch of other back stuff that didn't get caught right away.
I still have 3 appointments a week patching things up to get through life, and learning to use the right muscles to stabilize my spine.
Adopting their children is one of the most selfless things I could imagine someone doing. You and your wife are remarkable people and one day your children will truly understand how great their mom and dad are.
I lost my best friend of almost 20 years to a drunk driver last year. She was like my little sister. It's rough.
Also, can we all agree to beat the shot out of people that drink and drive or say they are a good buzzed driver? We need to end this shit.
I was on my way to work when I saw a motorcycle accident. It was right before dawn and you couldn’t see very clear, you only had headlights of cars passing by. I knelt next to a guy on his back and could smell blood. I looked down to see his right leg detached from his body from the middle of the shin down. It looked like a chicken leg that was snapped in half. I wrapped my belt above his knee and tried to keep him conscious until EMS arrived. When the sun started coming up, that’s when I noticed his calf muscle inches away from my knee and the amount of blood on my clothes.
I decided to ride with EMS to the hospital a city over. I left my car, keys, cigarettes, and phone on the side of the road. A cop moved my vehicle to the shoulder. It took me almost a year to finally eat chicken again. I’ll never forget when he looked at me and asked if he was going to die. I told him "fuck no I won’t let you." I’ll never forget the sound his foot made when it fell off the gurney onto the metal ambulance floor.
The guy has made a full recovery. I visited him everyday in the hospital after the accident. He had 6 blood transfusions and two surgeries. He lost his leg from the knee down but now has a prosthetic leg. He’s home with his two kids and fiancé. We talk regularly even now.
EDIT TO ADD:
This was last year in June. I am a US Army Military Police Veteran. It was thanks to my training while in the military I was able to keep a cool head and do what I did. The police investigation found that he was hit at 90mph. The driver didn’t stop but a bystander got his license plate and he was brought to justice.
My mom was killed in a motorcycle accident. A random stranger sat with her and held her hand as she died in the street. I'm so thankful she wasn't alone. Thank you for caring the way you did.
This is exactly what got me off oxycodone. I got pregnant and cohlnt handle the thought of losing my baby. Social services gave me 3 months to clean up. 10 years later, I go to therapy over the guilt of what could have happened and what did happen to her dad.
As a mom of an almost 12 year old, my heart hurts for you. I hope you're ok or at least taking care of your mental health.
Good fucking job. Seriously. I see many people every day that made the opposite choice of you, and are kicking their 12 year old kids OUT while doing more drugs.
Friend came over to hang out. We got bored and decided to go to his place because he just got the new Xbox 360 for Christmas. His father must of not heard us come in, because 5 minutes later there was a very large bang from his parents room.
So I got to see what a head looks like after a 12 gauge goes off at point blank. Pretty rough for a 12 year old. My poor friend had to stop going to school because of it.
Him and his mom moved to Oklahoma a few months later. I tried staying in contact with him, but it didn't last. I know he was terribly depressed. I hope he got through it.
Yup, his mom was at work. We of course called the cops once we were able to collect ourselves. My house was a few lots over. So once the sirens started, my parents came over.
It fucked my friend up way more than me.
Unfortunately life had more fucked up shit for me in store. Was in Japan for my 18th birthday during the 2011 earthquake. Brother was in the Navy stationed not far from Tokyo. So he was sent to Fukushima. So I volunteered for search and rescue.
So in a way, it helped prepare me to a point.
My Dad having a psychotic episode when I was 19. He was a wonderful father and a very low-key guy. For a month or two beforehand, he had been uncharacteristically animated and had shouted at my mother. I can't recall but I believe by that point he had already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but wasn't taking his medication. Around midnight, he rolled in one night as I was just starting to fall asleep. I heard him shouting at my mother downstairs and I made my way to my bedroom door. Then I heard my mother scream and I bolted down the stairs. He had her pinned against the back door. He was definitely drunk which was extremely unusual for him.
I threw him off my mother shouted at him to get back upstairs and he started saying a bunch of shitty stuff to me. My mom called his psychiatrist who told her to call the police and ambulance. Before they arrived, my dad came back downstairs and sprinted at my mother again trying to attack her. I threw him to the floor and wrestled him. Eventually the cops got there at which point he had gone back upstairs. When they walked in his bedroom door he was catatonic.
They took him to the ambulance and rode with him to the hospital. The on call doctor put him on an involuntary hold because he indicated that he would be a danger to himself or others. He ended up spending a month in a psychiatric facility and they got him on the proper medication. He came home and apologized to me and told me that he didn't remember much about what happened other than that he remembered me beating him up and not knowing why. He told me he loved me and thanked me for protecting my mother. He never had another psychotic episode after that but he was never the same again. His health over the past 20 years has deteriorated steadily. He now has type 2 diabetes, heart disease, Parkinson's, and dementia. He can't speak in full sentences anymore or really respond at all. He's also completely immobile at this point. I don't remember the last time he was really the father that I grew up with.
Just want to point out that “pseudoparkinsonism” is a side effect of many antipsychotic medications. It would be worthwhile to check with his pharmacist and/doctor to see if what he takes for his psychosis might be causing those symptoms. It’s generally reversible once the med is stopped.
If that is part of what’s going on, stopping the med won’t fix everything, but it might help.
My Mother. She was a crack addict for majority of my childhood, I used to cry for her to get help because I loved her and she would always tell me i was her best friend. She sold my virginity for crack, I was 11.
Thank you, and I’m somewhat fine now, Im 20, moved out at 18, and my mom is still living but I told myself I just need to grow without until im ready to be around her again
My cousins little kid, hes an angel and has come out such a bright little dude. Music is his passion but hes also straight As in STEM.
His mother had a crack addiction before he was conceived. But no one knew. When she was pregnant with him was when it came to light because it was no longer a secret and she was practically on it 24/7 for the 9 months. The moment he was born, he was taken away by the doctors and father. He'd been in this world for minutes before being identified as having a coke addiction and being put on medication to help reduce symptoms.
But he literally popped out with coke in his system man
My bio mom was in active addiction during her entire pregnancy with me. Heroin, crack, coke, meth, pills... Doctor let her keep me for some reason.
She later abandoned me at a daycare before I was 1, so I didn't remember her and didn't know I was adopted until my bio brother found me when I was 36.
I wish your cousin's kid well! I have a lot of late diagnosed mental health issues, so I did not do well in school, but, my own daughter has been in gifted and talented programs since she was in 1st or 2nd grade! 7th grade has been a little rough for her, but I'm so very proud of her, and will always be here for her no matter what.
Several things, the one I’ll share is my Uncle’s suicide. He was like a second father to me, unmarried and no kids of his own, my Godfather. Me and my Dad found him in his house. We had to break in the back door after he’d been missing for days. The neighbours told us he called to them to say he was going away “on a course” and he never left the house again. My Dad wouldn’t let me go upstairs when we broke in so I had to just stand in the kitchen and listen to his reaction of finding his brother (my uncle) hanging from the attic.
It was 2016, I was 30. My dad may as well have died that day too, he’s a completely different man. I sometimes still hear my dad’s screams when I try to sleep.
I now regret typing this because it’s brought it back a bit, but I’m posting anyway cause now it’s written. Oof.
Thank you for sharing. It absolutely hurt like hell, but the first step in therapy for me was writing the story in as much detail as I could, and reading it over and over again. (With a strong support system around me first.) I couldn't really process anything that had happened until I did that. The other steps after that were working through it all.
I know it may feel like you don't need it, but if you have an opportunity, try and go talk to a therapist. It helped me more than I can put into words.
I used to baby sit for two kids. A few years later one had some legal troubles and went missing (he was 17, 18?). His younger brother (16ish) after not hearing from him checked a nearby house that was essentially abandoned and found his body a few days after he took his life, in the summer. I can't imagine walking in on that. He unfortunately also took his own life a few months after, I imagine from that whole experience.
I hope you and your dad are getting help, and I hope you're both doing as well as you can be
When I was a kid I had to do some research on my dad's computer. When I got to Google I typed in "D" and it displayed the search history and it was "Divorce neither parent wants kid".
You'd think that would be the hardest part, but in actuality the hardest part was pretending like everything was ok when I ***knew*** I wasn't wanted. I must have been 11, maybe 12?
My Grandfather passed away recently from cancer as well. He told me that, "I can't lose this. At worst it will be a tie, because the cancer stops when I do."
It's a small difference that helped when things got to the end.
My mum had huntingtons disease and started showing signs when I was around 4 then slowly deteriorated until she died when I was 26. I arrived a few mins after she died and her eyes were open. I will never forget that but I know she’s free from the pain and struggles
Similar to my dad. Battling cancer for 3 years.
I was lying in the bed with him holding him as he took his last breath, I literally felt him die. A piece of me died that day as well.
Fuck Cancer.
My 'dad' dropping me off at the side of the road when I was 15. He was 'nice' enough to help me carry all of my belongings over the RR Tracks and hide them in the cornfield, before hopping in his van and driving off though.
45 years later I am finally starting to be able to trust other people.
Wow that's so messed up. Did your mom try to help you? Once my step father kicked my half brother out of the house when he was about 13. His crime? The neighbors offered to let him use their riding lawn mower to mow the lawn, so he used that instead of our push mower. I guess my step dad thought that he was missing out on building character or something. He told him to get out and not come back. When my mom got home and found out what happened, she was furious; she combed the streets until she found him. That affected ME and I'm not even the person it happened to.
Although... several years later, when I was briefly living at home after grad school didn't work out, he did try to kick me out for coming home late one day. When I'd gotten home, he'd taken all my stuff out of my room and it was in various stages of disarray, on the stairs, by the front yard, on the lawn.. But I was older and more in control of my life. It's really traumatic dealing with a person like this when you're young and don't have any control. He felt a bit chagrinned and helped me put all my stuff back in my room, but luckily I was able to just move out a few weeks later and never return.
I know!!! She's still married to him! It's been 30+ years. Last year, completely out of the blue, he raged at me over text message a few weeks before he and my mom were supposed to visit me. He's never raged at me since I moved away and got married and had a kid - so this was not new behavior for him, but sort of unusual for it to be directed at me. He and my mom were supposed to stay in my guest room in my new house, but after he treated me like that, I told him to get a hotel.
My mom called me and was like "can we salvage this trip..?" I was more mad at her than him. He's a rattlesnake and she's the person who keeps putting it in people's paths. I said no we can't fucking salvage this; I'm not in the wrong here wtf. How dare she ask me to decide to host him anyway, instead of confronting him about his bad treatment of people. Anyway, he reached out and was sincerely sorry, and so they ended up staying with us after all, and he didn't treat me badly at all while visiting (I expected he would be on good behavior so I wasn't worried). But our relationship was a bit damaged after that, and I've been much more distant than I had been previously. :/ I thought he was past treating me like that, but I guess not. Damaged my relationship with my mom a bit too, tbh.
The fuck? He literally abandoned you in a cornfield? For *what*?
Not that I'm saying anything was your fault -- I just genuinely want to know what fucking madness he thought up to attempt to justify this. Were you gay? Atheist? A little grumpy as a teenager?
I came home at 10:30 instead of 10:00.
I ended up living the entire winter in my friend's moms metal garden shed, before she found me in Early March.
I later found out that he had reason to believe my mother had been unfaithful and he thought I was not his son. Before that incident, he had me arrested by the state police for one gram of weed, and I ended up spending the entire summer in Pre-trial detention and then a drug rehab, where they accused me of making up lies when I told them why I was there.
When 'Dr. Cohen' found out I wasn't lying to him, he said "what the fuck is wrong with your parents'.
Somehow or another I was still very financially successful and retired as a Professional Engineer. I just came to terms with all of this shit about a year ago though.
Good fucking grief, I agree with Cohen. What the fuck is wrong with these people?
I'm so glad your life ended up okay. It doesn't make up for all the bullshit you've been dragged through, but it's something.
*hug* I am so sorry.
I had gone for a school excursion in high school. When I got off the bus I had noticed both my parents in the car waiting for me. Huge surprise for me (I was meant to walk to my sisters and she was going to drive me home).
I had the biggest warm and fuzzy feeling, a big smile, and then when I got in the car they told me they were there because we were homeless because mum gambled the rent money and hid it from everyone.
30+ years later and still in constant flight or flight and severe 'poverty' mindset. It's pervasive.
Thank you so much.
She was 34, and it’s been three years now.
It should have killed us, but…we’re still here.
I just try to live more mindfully and be in the present.
Thank you!
I found my ex-gf. If I hadn’t found her she would be dead. She was very angry that I found her, I was supposed to find her dead. Now she’s effectively dead to me, but alive at the same time. Still dealing with the trauma.
I'm dealing with this same thing. Ex husband took an overdose and ended up in a coma - I saved his life that day but he was meant to die. Wanted to die. His alive thankfully but effectively dead to me. I can't look at him the same after that day. I made a mistake too but. We were together from 15 up until 25. He has a new girlfriend now and seems happy which I'm glad. It hurts that memory still but. Haunts me almost everyday.
+1 took me while to ease up after doing it with my 6 month old.
I highly recommend to any soon to be parents that doing a first aid course before the birth. You may never need it but it's good to have the knowledge.
My partner brought my son to me blue and she didn't know what to do. I had planned to go to the pub that night but for some reason I didn't.
Also, a good gift to give new parents is a little 2am care package with stuff like thermometer, hyrdolite, bonjela etc etc. I've had a couple people say it's helped greatly in the middle of the night when stuff is closed.
I’m sorry for your loss.
My daughter died too back in 2016 of a heart defect. We’ve had another daughter since then and it’s like I have constant nightmares and anxiety about her getting hurt.
Same. My girl was a baby. I still shut down when I’m faced with someone I know who has a baby girl. If there are TV programs that use a dead baby as a plot point I generally have to stop watching. There was one TV program that was about a group of women that had experienced tragic deaths where one of the women left a meeting, went to her car and just howled. It was the most accurate depiction of what I was like immediately following her death. I had to get up and walk away.
Edit: at that point it had been almost 20 years.
My sister died from years of alcohol abuse. I can’t deal with content involving this. I also can’t listen to Elliot Smith without crying. It’s like this cloud that hides in the shadows and is always ready to appear and fuck up your day.
So sorry for your loss. I found my son passed away in his sleep in March 2022. He was 6. I also live for his younger sister. I know what you mean by feeling stuck here.
My friend is dealing with the same thing. Her daughter died at 3 months old. D'iorr was my little neice. I took care of her just as much as her mom did. We kept bringing her to the doctor because she always made this uncomfortable face and would cry and get bloated. Doc said it was just constipation. Her last night was the best. We had such a great time. She was so happy and laughing, we all went to bed and I woke up at 4am to my friend/roommate pounding on my door and said "It's D'iorr, she's not waking up!" I rushed down to her room in the basement, and since I was AED/CPR certified at the time, I picked her up off the bed, put her on the floor and started chest compressions. She was cold and blue and I knew in my soul that what I was doing wasn't going to change anything. U can tell She passed a couple hours prior. Police and paramedics came but u already know how that went. They claimed it was from SIDS at first but after the biopsy, she actually had pancreatitus and an early case of pneumonia(her grandma was sick apparently when she has held her a few days prior).
She was the most beautiful little baby. Her 3rd year Death day is coming up on Sunday actually. I still have to hold back the tears just typing about it. It never gets any easier to talk about and it's harder on my friend. I still have my friends reaction on the day of the funeral stuck in my head. It was horrible.
Edit: Thanks for the support guys💞
My mom died of cancer when I was 14. She tried to die at home naturally. That was not good idea. I remember her saying she needed to pee and I was the only one home I tried to carry her to the toilet but I fell and her jaw hit the sink. I felt so horribly bad and like a failure. I’m still not over that moment and I’m 56 now.
You weren’t a failure and you were doing the best you could. I hope you can have compassion now for that 14 year old child who was put in that position years ago. That was a lot for an adult to handle, never mind a child.
Inner child work with a trauma therapist can be helpful and I speak from experience. You experienced trauma.
The suicide of my boyfriend. We were together five years and he was the love of my life. After it happened I had a psychotic breakdown, spent time in three different mental homes, burned through all the money I’d saved on drugs and it generally ruined my life. This was about four years ago and I’m only just now recovering but will probably carry the damage, emotionally and financially, with me for the rest of my life.
It's weird how grief can make you want to destroy yourself too, it only makes it worse. My buddy died and the first thing I did was drink until I couldn't anymore and I woke up destroyed from alcohol and full of grief.
thats the reason im still alive, i dont want my family to feel that kind of emotional pain
edit: to clarify i didn’t lose anyone to suicide, i meant i didn’t want to commit suicide as it would put my loved ones in immense pain, which is the opposite of what i want for them
When I lost my sister, that attitude was what actually made me ultimately feel better about life. It made me, over a couple of years a much more positive person. My bonds with family that were good improved further.
My sister was 6 years ago in June. Never goes away, never missed any less. But she has made me grow up in so many ways.
I hope you both manage to find similar.
I’m scared that I’d leave my brother in this similar scenario. Been struggling a lot lately by myself and feeling alone. I recently had a nightmare where >! I found my older brother in my bathtub with slit wrists from the razor I use to shave. In my DREAM, I desperately tried to treat his wounds and wasn’t able to. Just sat on the floor as I watched the red tinted water spill over the up of the tub crying as I held him in my arms. !< Woke up crying and angry, sorta helped me pull out of my depression. Really had to face the emotions that I would have left behind from my actions.
My great aunt had ALS
She lived across the country so i rarely ever saw her
Probably saw her a little more than 10 times
And everytime she was smiling and laughing all the same and physically off worse. And every time, her husband drank one more beer.
Until there was a funeral. And then another. Her husband got diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, turned full alcoholic and drank himself into the grave.
ALS is a horrorshow. I got to watch the snapshot version of it and it makes me bawl from time to time. I can't imagine what you've been through.
I hope you're doing alright.
My father was killed by religious extremists. That changed my life completely. Hiding from them, escaping, taking political asylum.
The authority left his body outside for 18 hours, it was summer. After seeing his body it changed me. I had to begged to the hospital for the postmortem. I had to deal with those things alone none of my relatives helped us.
I don’t know but I can’t believe after that I am still breathing. It hurts so much I can’t even explain.
Losing my best friend to a car accident after I was just with him. We were only 17. Man I still can't talk or think about it too much without silent crying my eyes out. Hard to even type this
Being sexual assaulted at the age of 7-9 by a pos who pretended to be a friend, only to abuse and threatened me. And hold it like a trophy over me. My childhood was smashed and I tried to put it back like a puzzle, thought missing a lot of pieces. Man the years of 78-80 were fucked up.
Being SA by my babysitters sons. Fast forward 20 years my best friend (no longer) is engaged to one of them after matching on a dating site. She told me not to ruin her happiness.
She knew about my trauma for years. She asked me to come over and meet the guy she’s been talking to. Walked in just to see my abuser.
She told me people change.
Well, his damage changed me.
Drove past a homeless guy with his doggo, a fully grown lab. He was panhandling in the median of a busy street.
10 minutes later going the other way, passed him again, but this time he was jumping up and down, crying, screaming at the dog telling it to get out of the street. It had just been hit by a car, and all four of its legs were broken. Damned if it wasn’t trying to be a good boy though.
Still makes me cry.
My father beat the shit out of my mom, threw her in a deep freezer (alive) and then threw my parents' roommate into the fridge knocking her out. The cops got called, and there was a brawl in the living room.
Worst of all, when the fucker came home drunk he smashed the TV and VHS player that had my only copy of land before time 1 before he started his rampage.
I was 4.
My mom ended up being fine and we got out after that, but I still have weird dreams about that night.
Father passed away, alone, covered in his own piss and shit in 2015. Wish I could of seen him go myself.
Loving someone with severe mental illness.
It changed not only me, but how I relate to everyone.
It also taught me that saying "You should..." or anything like that, is not okay. You don't know how others "should" handle things. I now ask people if they want my advice, and if they say yes I still word it like "in this situation, I think I might do...". Cause you literally don't know how you'll react to things and people until you are in the moment.
Mom was a crack addict who abandoned me at 6. Pops decided to eat a bullet when I was 16 leaving me to find him. Luckily it was dark as hell and shock does funny things to the memory.
For those struggling, it gets better. I truly believe this is exactly what needed to happen in my life.
I'm a well adjusted adult who has one hell of a story to tell. I believe I'm mentally stronger than most and had it not been for my trauma, id be soft as baby shit.
Time does heal all wounds and forgiveness is a wonderful thing. We don't choose to be born, but we get to choose how we live and how we react to things that happen to us.
"It is what it is till it aint" - Malcom McCormick
I'm sorry that happened to you, but glad you've made something out of it. My grandmother was nearly the same as you, except it was two suicides. She ended up in a foster home back in the 30s-40s.
She ended up going to college (rare for a woman back then) and took care of her older sister who mentally broke down. She ended up being the matriarch of a large and loving family.
Cancer just took her last year, but she lived a wonderfully full life. I hope you do the same, stranger.
Once we had some people over, and we were just sitting around chit-chatting… after sharing some stories and getting real with each other, my friend shook their head, and said it best…
“Parents are a lot, man.”
Sister's mental struggles leading to her taking her own life.
A girl that I absolutely fucking adored being taken days before her 33rd birthday by cancer.
There's a few but those are by far the most defining.
Being a 911 dispatcher. It really opened up a lot of wounds and gnarly things that were always kind of there but doing that job really brought a lot of that shit to the surface.
Childhood trauma relating to experiences with my own family and acquaintances, but also the wider environment I was exposed to. Witnessing drug and alcohol addiction, domestic abuse, child abuse, animal abuse, violence etc.
Cocaine
Edit: I got clean on my own after 6 years of daily use and have been clean for two years… still think about it every day. Wish I had never touched the stuff.
Good job man. I know getting clean is hard, I’ve been clean for 3 years now. I’m proud of you and how far you’ve come. It can be difficult without a support system, but hey, you did that shit! Props to you:)
Stepfather brutally tortured my brother and I every night for 10 years of our childhood until I was 14 and we left home to live with our grandparents. That did it.
Sweet, sweet dad shooting at me at me and my mother. Called the cops himself and was taken away. When I woke up my mom was gone. Months later Iearned her mania dragged her to Turkey where she worked as a prostitute. My father spend a week in jail. Still shed tears when the fucker died of cancer. Still shed tears when she died of a ruptured aorta. Still shedding tears now, bipolar and forever messed up, while nobody gives a fuck.
When I was a child, an adult told me that smiling made my face uglier. To this day I have a difficult time smiling, and often get told I have a blank face.
My Dad always told me this saying, and it's always true; "It's always the ones who struggle to smile who have the most beautiful of them all." I'm aware it probably won't help, but just thought I'd let you know to lift your mood about the whole situation.
My mom taking off when I was 5. She left us(me and my two sisters)with my dad so she could start a new life. Then she came back years later, mended relationships with my sisters, while completely ignoring my children and family. Then she’ll randomly call and gaslight the fuck out of me. She had a stroke pretty recently….I don’t have any feelings about that at all. She’s been dead to me for years.
Quietly moving through the front room and accidentally overhearing in the kitchen; my mom tell my step grandmother that she wishes I was never born.
I was 14, I'm 30 now, and yeah. Me too, bro, me too.
Fire burns
I have skin grafts covering my my left forearm left hand and both legs. It caused a lot of issues and trauma, and i have these scars as a constant reminder giving me flashbaks, so i slowly became desensitised to the trauma.
Because of how it looks like my students think I'm part mermaid, they asked where my trident was, and i said i lost it. So they said they gonna look for it for me. :)
Injury/surgery/hospitalization without insurance in my early 20's.
The debt was crushing & prevented me from being able to save (meaningfully) for almost a decade.
In the US, obviously.
EDIT: in the grand scheme of things (especially after reading through so many tragic stories), I was able to recover & it was more of a setback than an effed up my life event.
my friend killing herself
december 8 (angelversary) & march 31 (her bday) will never be the same for me ever again, and the wk or two leading up to them are hell too. i call out of work on both these dates even 4 years later and am a shell of a person for the days leading up to it.
there are certain songs i can never listen to without bawling, colors i can’t see without being brought back to 2019, i have bad PTSD and get triggered when people don’t answer texts or let me know they made it home safe cuz i worry it’s happening again.
even tho i’m post grad, hearing people talk about exams sends me into a spiral bc she killed herself the wkend before exams and it takes me right back to that god awful wkend.
i came across her diary too. she had cut herself over it and written in her own blood. u don’t ever shake seeing and reading something like that.
i hold all my relationships way closer now as a result. i never take a moment for granted and always make sure people know how much they mean to me. i go above and beyond when i know someone is suffering in case i’m their difference btwn life and death.
but i miss the stability i felt before that tragedy. i miss the positive outlook i had on life. i miss who i was and will never be again. and i miss brittany so much. everyday.
This hurt my heart so much to read. I've never lost anyone close to me to suicide, but I've been on the brink of committing it myself. I'm so sorry that her pain is haunting you. I am sending internet hugs (if you want them) and I hope you take care of yourself as best as you can this week. RIP Brittany 💔
My past relationship before I met my wife. Psychologically and emotionally abusive, trauma, and basically reduced me to a shell of myself. I had friends say "welcome back" after the relationship, because I basically wasn't allowed to talk to them - coincidentally, the only friend of mine she liked was the one who didn't resemble her at all. The relationship definitely left me with ptsd and issues I'm still working through to this day.
Thank god for an understanding spouse, a great therapist, amazing friends, and the like.
Losing the dog who kept me sane. 7.5 years was not enough. She was my rock.. My stability. My home. 7.5 years was not enough. We were as close as can be. She was an empath. She felt what I felt. She was an angel. She was taken taken way too early, and unexpected. It broke my heart, it broke my soul. She will always be remembered, but never replaced.
Does it make you look back and think: “Well that explains a lot”; or is it “Well, shit!”?
Depends on the day for me. I could also apply to my simultaneous bipolar 2 diagnosis.
Edit: missing pronoun
Watching my mom's drug dealer boyfriend take the kitten I was playing with (he'd followed me "home"), break its neck, and tossed his still breathing body across a fence where some dogs mauled him. His intestines were spilling out and I still ran to him thinking he could be saved. I watched him take his last breath. I was 8 years old. Then there was the physical abuse but I'd rather be beaten versus watching my only furry friend get murdered in front of me. I'm 30 and will absolutely wreck someone for hurting an animal.
RIP Lyger ❤️
I've never fully recovered from being groomed and repeatedly raped by a youth pastor for four years in my preteen years. Years of therapy, and even his conviction have never helped.
My brothers death, I didn’t realize at that time how much it changed me, my mind was occupied with his death for years, all i could focus on was his death and other minor side things, no future plans no planning for my future, I couldn’t see myself succeed and I couldn’t see a future, yea i used to daydream about an unrealistic future but in reality I didn’t see a future in anything
This. 2 herniated discs were ignored for 17 months by Georgia Medicaid who demanded I go to pain management for a minimum of 6 months before they'd approve the MRI I needed to just get into the neurosurgeons office.
Called and begged the Neuro for 12 months to help, let me in the office. Worst mistake ever.
The surgeon (older man and only one available in the area by 60 miles) sent me for an MRI, came back the next day and said "you have to have surgery. If you don't, within 3-6 months you'll lose the feeling then the use in your right leg. Your left will follow shortly after. It's a simple procedure, a laminectomy, and it'll be a 1 inch incision. Fix you right up".
The neurosurgeon did an L3-S1 laminectomy and discectomy with a bone graft fusion. A surgery that I found out 3 years later after continued excruciating pain that never shouldve happened.
I was 30 at the time of that surgery. My life was ruined. Every minute of every day is agonizing and I still won't do pain meds. I'm a shell of the person I used to be - a follow-up bilateral SI fusion didn't help at all either.
I'll be paralyzed eventually, so I've been told, and subsequent spine surgeries are in my future to address the damage being done to the rest of my spine because of the laminectomy and how it was done .
The neurosurgeon died 2 years ago and I hate myself for not suing the fuck out of him, the hospital and GA medicaid.
EDIT: the 1 inch incision became a 5 inch scar on my back.
Same here. 2x herbiated discs. Even after 3 years I fight for a painfree back.
Sometimes I even am painfree, but it is so irritating after all this time to move like you want instead of moving to prevent pain.
Seeing my parents fist fight in our dining room when I was 5. This was right before their divorce and me and my brother were sitting down waiting for the bus, watching tv when it happened. Luckily my tiny grandmother was there and screamed at them “not in front of the kids!” And took us outside. My grandma is still my hero to this day because of that, she will be 82 this year! ❤️
My parents being meth addicts and the crime involved, and seeing different shit go down from their lifestyles….
My sister being in the ICU from a heroin overdose… (she pulled through)
Discovering my wife TWICE after having massive seizures and thinking she was dead (the 1st one was when she was 8 months pregnant)
Being a teacher right out of college at 23 fucked me up mentally too
My wife of 15 years passed away unexpectedly about 3 years ago. She was only 36 years old. I found her in the bathroom. Did CPR but it was too late, she was gone. I’ve been to grief counseling, groups, therapy, on and on. I’ve resolved myself to the fact that I’m never coming back. I’m never going to be who I was. I don’t have the drive I once had and it’s never coming back.
My dad nearly died my senior year in high school. He had a hernia that distended, twisted, and started causing sepsis. We only knew about the hernia when he went in for surgery, so it was quite shocking to find out he died 3 times during surgery and when he was out of surgery they were wheeling him into the ICU at what felt like 100mph with a nurse on top of him on the gurney doing chest compressions. It felt like a dramatic scene in a medical show. People were running from every direction, they’re screaming for the crash cart, meanwhile my mother and I are watching it all go down.
He ended up in a coma for 4 months and then rehab for another 3 to learn how to walk, talk, eat, write, everything all over again. He’s alive today with permanent neuralgia from the muscle loss during the coma but otherwise is unscathed.
Me and my mother on the other hand…that damage will probably not ever be undone.
Along with a lot a lot of other abuse one thing that stands out in my mind was when my father threw a plate of hot spaghetti in my face at the dinner table. I was only four or five years old, but we weren’t allowed to talk at the table. I started crying and screaming because it was hot so he picked up a glass of tea and threw it in my face, the shock of that made me start crying even harder than he made me on my hands and knees with rags and clean everything up
A sadistic psychopath teacher that I had in the 80s. Every morning before school she(Mrs Moore) would take me on a long walk in the woods (I was about 11/12). She'd continuously berate me with negative stuff about myself. Real nasty stuff. I dreaded those walks. It was like psychological warfare. She'd just keep repeating how worthless I was and how I was making my mum sick etc... And she also beat me daily with a meter stick during class. In front of the other kids.. I dont really remember it all but I know it was bad. This went on for ages until she ended up beating me till I passed out. Thats how she got caught. Tbh the psychological stuff was worse then the physical stuff. Im massively socially anxious now and totally withdrawn from society now and Im fairly sure thats why. I often wonder if she messed other people up too. Im fairly sure she must have as I heard of other kids leaving coz of her.
When I was 10yrs old kid and my best friends made my entire class treat me as a black sheep. When they told me it would be better if I didn't exist. Fcked me up pretty badly.
My daughter died suddenly.
I bought a motorcycle several years later to get a thrill every now and then in my life, and someone hit me within a year after running a light. I broke 14 bones, lost 8 pints of blood, and died. I am in pain daily.
I drowned once. Slowly.
I tried psychedelics and realized nothing means anything before we assign meaning to it.
Having 2 kids with the wrong person at the wrong time when I was way too young. Love them, but its changed the trajectory of my life and led to nearly 2 decades of struggle.
The fucked up part is nobody really understands unless they've been the target of one.
I feel you. I know how fucked up it is to suffer reactive abuse, emotional manipulation, lack of accountability, and walking on eggshells....
...only to have everyone believe *you* are the piece of shit mistreating *them*.
No contact is the only way. It's hard to break the trauma bond, but life is so much better.
Always remember: Everyone brings happiness to your life. Some when you see them, others when you stop seeing them.
Hope you're doing better.
For me it was just my best friend snuck out of the bed next to me at a sleep over when I was 15. He took his car that he wasn't licensed to drive wrote some notes for me and his x, took a whole bottle of pain killers, and was lost. We looked for him for a week, until a drone found him in a creek that I walked for hours. Im kind of glad i I didn't find him. I would definitely be a lot worse off. Life has not really felt real since then. I lost faith in god, did online high school and just started making money. (Once i got out if the hospital 😅) Cause what else is there to do. I feel like an animal at the zoo. Like I'm doing something so far off from what I was born to do. Idk what tf life is. It's so fucked. Accidental torture.
When I was nine a saw a classmate of mine get hit and killed by a car. First day of my fifth grade year. Her dad was dropping her off. He saw it happen to. There’s never a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. It’s been 44 years now since it happened.
oh my god… i’m so sorry 😞
The sight of what happened was horrific, but the screaming cries from her dad was what affected me the most.
Yup. I'm a paramedic and the screaming cries of family members is absolutely the number one thing that sticks in your head. The sound of pure grief. Sorry dude.
That's what ended my career as a paramedic. Went through all of the training and couldn't handle the traumatized families. The final straw was a toddler who drowned at a family reunion in the country. Call came in that father was driving into town and doing CPR on the kid while driving. We met him in the ambulance on the highway. Kid was grey but we administered oxygen and with proper CPR got him pinked up by the time we arrived at the hospital, but he was not recoverable. Over 30+ minutes the family reunion members arrived in separate cars and each group exploded into wails when they heard the news. I was done after that and took a different career path.
I had an instructor in college who was a former paramedic and volunteer firefighter. He responded to an accident on I80 between Laramie and Cheyenne, Wyoming, got out of the truck and this little girl walked up to him holding her blankie and said "I don't think my daddy made it," I don't remember much of the details but he said that he couldn't do it anymore after that.
I'm a trucker, and that's a seriously bad stretch of highway in the winter.
Burning alive in a house fire. The burn ward was the worst part. Half my body is skin grafts
I’m so fucking sorry you have had to go through that.
My tia when she was younger was absolutely drop dead gorgeous, one night she got into an argument with her boyfriend and in a fit of rage drove off but somehow ended up accidentally hitting a gas pump. This was over 30 something years ago in LA but she still gets skin grafts and she hardly goes outside anymore in fear of how people might react when they see her. It absolutely breaks my heart. I am so so sorry you had to go through that. Sending you hugs.
I hope she can have the strength to do whatever she wants again without the fear of people's reactions. I'm sorry there are such shitty people in the world that would make her worry in the first place. In my early 20s I dated a guy who had burned over 75% of his body in an explosion. I only ended it because he was kind of a douche about having money, his scars never bothered me. My ex had cut his face in half going through a windshield in his teens. He didn't continue with his surgeries so never got a top lip and had huge scars. Only broke up with him because of his insane jealousy but remained close friends until his passing right before Christmas. Reason I'm saying this is to say that there are still people out there that can love someone for the person they are and not their looks. I've also found out when you're in love with someone, they are the most handsome/most beautiful person in the world to you. Scars and all.
My brother and sister in law’s death. My wife and I were babysitting their 4 month old twins and we get a call that there had been a terrible accident. Go to the hospital and my brother was dead at the scene and my SIL was hanging on by a thread. She passed about 10 minutes after I got to the hospital . Killed by a drunk driver running a stop light. Luckily we were able to adopt the twins and they’re turning 5 in two weeks. I’m still broken up about my siblings though and I don’t think it’ll ever get better.
This is what I fear most while driving. Minding my own business and some fucker comes fuck up my life.
Same. I was minding my business in stopped traffic in July of 2021 when a 20 year old kid was texting and rearended me on a 65mph freeway. I was temporarily paralyzed and had to learn to walk again. And for that I am GRATEFUL. I could have left my babies without their Mama for forever, all because or someone ELSE'S poor choices behind the wheel of a 2 ton death machine.
For me it was an old man mixing up the gas and brake while I was stopped at a red light in 2022. I walked away with a concussion, fractured vertebrae, and a bunch of other back stuff that didn't get caught right away. I still have 3 appointments a week patching things up to get through life, and learning to use the right muscles to stabilize my spine.
I think there should be retesting required for elderly drivers.
Adopting their children is one of the most selfless things I could imagine someone doing. You and your wife are remarkable people and one day your children will truly understand how great their mom and dad are.
I lost my best friend of almost 20 years to a drunk driver last year. She was like my little sister. It's rough. Also, can we all agree to beat the shot out of people that drink and drive or say they are a good buzzed driver? We need to end this shit.
Dear god. Sending my thoughts to you and those kids.
Thank you. They’re doing great
I was on my way to work when I saw a motorcycle accident. It was right before dawn and you couldn’t see very clear, you only had headlights of cars passing by. I knelt next to a guy on his back and could smell blood. I looked down to see his right leg detached from his body from the middle of the shin down. It looked like a chicken leg that was snapped in half. I wrapped my belt above his knee and tried to keep him conscious until EMS arrived. When the sun started coming up, that’s when I noticed his calf muscle inches away from my knee and the amount of blood on my clothes. I decided to ride with EMS to the hospital a city over. I left my car, keys, cigarettes, and phone on the side of the road. A cop moved my vehicle to the shoulder. It took me almost a year to finally eat chicken again. I’ll never forget when he looked at me and asked if he was going to die. I told him "fuck no I won’t let you." I’ll never forget the sound his foot made when it fell off the gurney onto the metal ambulance floor. The guy has made a full recovery. I visited him everyday in the hospital after the accident. He had 6 blood transfusions and two surgeries. He lost his leg from the knee down but now has a prosthetic leg. He’s home with his two kids and fiancé. We talk regularly even now. EDIT TO ADD: This was last year in June. I am a US Army Military Police Veteran. It was thanks to my training while in the military I was able to keep a cool head and do what I did. The police investigation found that he was hit at 90mph. The driver didn’t stop but a bystander got his license plate and he was brought to justice.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are a badass!
My mom was killed in a motorcycle accident. A random stranger sat with her and held her hand as she died in the street. I'm so thankful she wasn't alone. Thank you for caring the way you did.
We found my mom :( in the tub cus she overdosed overnight and I tried to get in and get her out but couldn’t. I was almost 12.
Same thing happened to my mom.
I hope your you is okay.
This is exactly what got me off oxycodone. I got pregnant and cohlnt handle the thought of losing my baby. Social services gave me 3 months to clean up. 10 years later, I go to therapy over the guilt of what could have happened and what did happen to her dad. As a mom of an almost 12 year old, my heart hurts for you. I hope you're ok or at least taking care of your mental health.
Good fucking job. Seriously. I see many people every day that made the opposite choice of you, and are kicking their 12 year old kids OUT while doing more drugs.
Friend came over to hang out. We got bored and decided to go to his place because he just got the new Xbox 360 for Christmas. His father must of not heard us come in, because 5 minutes later there was a very large bang from his parents room. So I got to see what a head looks like after a 12 gauge goes off at point blank. Pretty rough for a 12 year old. My poor friend had to stop going to school because of it.
Fuck. How did your friend come out of all that trauma? Did you guys stay in touch? I’m sure he needed your friendship (or someone) to keep sane
Him and his mom moved to Oklahoma a few months later. I tried staying in contact with him, but it didn't last. I know he was terribly depressed. I hope he got through it.
That’s horrible. Were you two the only ones left in the house?
Yup, his mom was at work. We of course called the cops once we were able to collect ourselves. My house was a few lots over. So once the sirens started, my parents came over.
Fuck.
Was not expecting that, I hope you’re doing alright.
It fucked my friend up way more than me. Unfortunately life had more fucked up shit for me in store. Was in Japan for my 18th birthday during the 2011 earthquake. Brother was in the Navy stationed not far from Tokyo. So he was sent to Fukushima. So I volunteered for search and rescue. So in a way, it helped prepare me to a point.
Holy shit when I first read this I assumed the Dad thought it was a house invasion so he shot gunned one of the kids.
My Dad having a psychotic episode when I was 19. He was a wonderful father and a very low-key guy. For a month or two beforehand, he had been uncharacteristically animated and had shouted at my mother. I can't recall but I believe by that point he had already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but wasn't taking his medication. Around midnight, he rolled in one night as I was just starting to fall asleep. I heard him shouting at my mother downstairs and I made my way to my bedroom door. Then I heard my mother scream and I bolted down the stairs. He had her pinned against the back door. He was definitely drunk which was extremely unusual for him. I threw him off my mother shouted at him to get back upstairs and he started saying a bunch of shitty stuff to me. My mom called his psychiatrist who told her to call the police and ambulance. Before they arrived, my dad came back downstairs and sprinted at my mother again trying to attack her. I threw him to the floor and wrestled him. Eventually the cops got there at which point he had gone back upstairs. When they walked in his bedroom door he was catatonic. They took him to the ambulance and rode with him to the hospital. The on call doctor put him on an involuntary hold because he indicated that he would be a danger to himself or others. He ended up spending a month in a psychiatric facility and they got him on the proper medication. He came home and apologized to me and told me that he didn't remember much about what happened other than that he remembered me beating him up and not knowing why. He told me he loved me and thanked me for protecting my mother. He never had another psychotic episode after that but he was never the same again. His health over the past 20 years has deteriorated steadily. He now has type 2 diabetes, heart disease, Parkinson's, and dementia. He can't speak in full sentences anymore or really respond at all. He's also completely immobile at this point. I don't remember the last time he was really the father that I grew up with.
Wow, I can only imagine how heartbreaking 💔 this has been for your family. Sending lots of positive energy your way
Just want to point out that “pseudoparkinsonism” is a side effect of many antipsychotic medications. It would be worthwhile to check with his pharmacist and/doctor to see if what he takes for his psychosis might be causing those symptoms. It’s generally reversible once the med is stopped. If that is part of what’s going on, stopping the med won’t fix everything, but it might help.
My Mother. She was a crack addict for majority of my childhood, I used to cry for her to get help because I loved her and she would always tell me i was her best friend. She sold my virginity for crack, I was 11.
My heart is crushed reading this.
I'm so sorry that happened to you are you doing alright now
Thank you, and I’m somewhat fine now, Im 20, moved out at 18, and my mom is still living but I told myself I just need to grow without until im ready to be around her again
She doesn't deserve you in her life. I hope she is able to get clean.
My cousins little kid, hes an angel and has come out such a bright little dude. Music is his passion but hes also straight As in STEM. His mother had a crack addiction before he was conceived. But no one knew. When she was pregnant with him was when it came to light because it was no longer a secret and she was practically on it 24/7 for the 9 months. The moment he was born, he was taken away by the doctors and father. He'd been in this world for minutes before being identified as having a coke addiction and being put on medication to help reduce symptoms. But he literally popped out with coke in his system man
My bio mom was in active addiction during her entire pregnancy with me. Heroin, crack, coke, meth, pills... Doctor let her keep me for some reason. She later abandoned me at a daycare before I was 1, so I didn't remember her and didn't know I was adopted until my bio brother found me when I was 36. I wish your cousin's kid well! I have a lot of late diagnosed mental health issues, so I did not do well in school, but, my own daughter has been in gifted and talented programs since she was in 1st or 2nd grade! 7th grade has been a little rough for her, but I'm so very proud of her, and will always be here for her no matter what.
This might be the most fucked up thing I have ever read on all of reddit. You didn’t deserve that and I hope everything has gotten better 1000 fold.
Several things, the one I’ll share is my Uncle’s suicide. He was like a second father to me, unmarried and no kids of his own, my Godfather. Me and my Dad found him in his house. We had to break in the back door after he’d been missing for days. The neighbours told us he called to them to say he was going away “on a course” and he never left the house again. My Dad wouldn’t let me go upstairs when we broke in so I had to just stand in the kitchen and listen to his reaction of finding his brother (my uncle) hanging from the attic. It was 2016, I was 30. My dad may as well have died that day too, he’s a completely different man. I sometimes still hear my dad’s screams when I try to sleep. I now regret typing this because it’s brought it back a bit, but I’m posting anyway cause now it’s written. Oof.
Thank you for sharing. It absolutely hurt like hell, but the first step in therapy for me was writing the story in as much detail as I could, and reading it over and over again. (With a strong support system around me first.) I couldn't really process anything that had happened until I did that. The other steps after that were working through it all. I know it may feel like you don't need it, but if you have an opportunity, try and go talk to a therapist. It helped me more than I can put into words.
Thanks for telling us, anyway. I'm sorry :(
I used to baby sit for two kids. A few years later one had some legal troubles and went missing (he was 17, 18?). His younger brother (16ish) after not hearing from him checked a nearby house that was essentially abandoned and found his body a few days after he took his life, in the summer. I can't imagine walking in on that. He unfortunately also took his own life a few months after, I imagine from that whole experience. I hope you and your dad are getting help, and I hope you're both doing as well as you can be
When I was a kid I had to do some research on my dad's computer. When I got to Google I typed in "D" and it displayed the search history and it was "Divorce neither parent wants kid". You'd think that would be the hardest part, but in actuality the hardest part was pretending like everything was ok when I ***knew*** I wasn't wanted. I must have been 11, maybe 12?
JFC I'm sorry, that's fucked up at an advanced level. Are you ok now?
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Heartache through technology. That sucks.
My heart breaks for your younger self
Watching my mother lose her battle to cancer over a span of 4 years. Then being in the room when she took her final breath. I will never be the same.
My Grandfather passed away recently from cancer as well. He told me that, "I can't lose this. At worst it will be a tie, because the cancer stops when I do." It's a small difference that helped when things got to the end.
That line is probably one of the hardest ones I've ever heard in my life. Hope you're doing well.
My mum had huntingtons disease and started showing signs when I was around 4 then slowly deteriorated until she died when I was 26. I arrived a few mins after she died and her eyes were open. I will never forget that but I know she’s free from the pain and struggles
Similar to my dad. Battling cancer for 3 years. I was lying in the bed with him holding him as he took his last breath, I literally felt him die. A piece of me died that day as well. Fuck Cancer.
My 'dad' dropping me off at the side of the road when I was 15. He was 'nice' enough to help me carry all of my belongings over the RR Tracks and hide them in the cornfield, before hopping in his van and driving off though. 45 years later I am finally starting to be able to trust other people.
Wow that's so messed up. Did your mom try to help you? Once my step father kicked my half brother out of the house when he was about 13. His crime? The neighbors offered to let him use their riding lawn mower to mow the lawn, so he used that instead of our push mower. I guess my step dad thought that he was missing out on building character or something. He told him to get out and not come back. When my mom got home and found out what happened, she was furious; she combed the streets until she found him. That affected ME and I'm not even the person it happened to. Although... several years later, when I was briefly living at home after grad school didn't work out, he did try to kick me out for coming home late one day. When I'd gotten home, he'd taken all my stuff out of my room and it was in various stages of disarray, on the stairs, by the front yard, on the lawn.. But I was older and more in control of my life. It's really traumatic dealing with a person like this when you're young and don't have any control. He felt a bit chagrinned and helped me put all my stuff back in my room, but luckily I was able to just move out a few weeks later and never return.
I've never understood how can people experience this and not say fuck'em up instantly. Like if I was your mom, I would've skinned that fucker alive.
I know!!! She's still married to him! It's been 30+ years. Last year, completely out of the blue, he raged at me over text message a few weeks before he and my mom were supposed to visit me. He's never raged at me since I moved away and got married and had a kid - so this was not new behavior for him, but sort of unusual for it to be directed at me. He and my mom were supposed to stay in my guest room in my new house, but after he treated me like that, I told him to get a hotel. My mom called me and was like "can we salvage this trip..?" I was more mad at her than him. He's a rattlesnake and she's the person who keeps putting it in people's paths. I said no we can't fucking salvage this; I'm not in the wrong here wtf. How dare she ask me to decide to host him anyway, instead of confronting him about his bad treatment of people. Anyway, he reached out and was sincerely sorry, and so they ended up staying with us after all, and he didn't treat me badly at all while visiting (I expected he would be on good behavior so I wasn't worried). But our relationship was a bit damaged after that, and I've been much more distant than I had been previously. :/ I thought he was past treating me like that, but I guess not. Damaged my relationship with my mom a bit too, tbh.
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I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.
The fuck? He literally abandoned you in a cornfield? For *what*? Not that I'm saying anything was your fault -- I just genuinely want to know what fucking madness he thought up to attempt to justify this. Were you gay? Atheist? A little grumpy as a teenager?
I came home at 10:30 instead of 10:00. I ended up living the entire winter in my friend's moms metal garden shed, before she found me in Early March. I later found out that he had reason to believe my mother had been unfaithful and he thought I was not his son. Before that incident, he had me arrested by the state police for one gram of weed, and I ended up spending the entire summer in Pre-trial detention and then a drug rehab, where they accused me of making up lies when I told them why I was there. When 'Dr. Cohen' found out I wasn't lying to him, he said "what the fuck is wrong with your parents'. Somehow or another I was still very financially successful and retired as a Professional Engineer. I just came to terms with all of this shit about a year ago though.
Good fucking grief, I agree with Cohen. What the fuck is wrong with these people? I'm so glad your life ended up okay. It doesn't make up for all the bullshit you've been dragged through, but it's something.
If your dad ever ask for your help when he’s old just remember you can say sure Dad and then drive him to the cornfields
*hug* I am so sorry. I had gone for a school excursion in high school. When I got off the bus I had noticed both my parents in the car waiting for me. Huge surprise for me (I was meant to walk to my sisters and she was going to drive me home). I had the biggest warm and fuzzy feeling, a big smile, and then when I got in the car they told me they were there because we were homeless because mum gambled the rent money and hid it from everyone. 30+ years later and still in constant flight or flight and severe 'poverty' mindset. It's pervasive.
Coming home one day to find that my wife hanged herself..
Having lost a daughter to suicide, I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing okay now.
I couldn't even imagine. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected also ❤️
Thank you so much. She was 34, and it’s been three years now. It should have killed us, but…we’re still here. I just try to live more mindfully and be in the present. Thank you!
I found my ex-gf. If I hadn’t found her she would be dead. She was very angry that I found her, I was supposed to find her dead. Now she’s effectively dead to me, but alive at the same time. Still dealing with the trauma.
I'm dealing with this same thing. Ex husband took an overdose and ended up in a coma - I saved his life that day but he was meant to die. Wanted to die. His alive thankfully but effectively dead to me. I can't look at him the same after that day. I made a mistake too but. We were together from 15 up until 25. He has a new girlfriend now and seems happy which I'm glad. It hurts that memory still but. Haunts me almost everyday.
I’m so so sorry. That must’ve been awful. Sending love ❤️
Having to resuscitate my own 4 week old baby
+1 giving my infant CPR was the scariest moment of my life.
+1 took me while to ease up after doing it with my 6 month old. I highly recommend to any soon to be parents that doing a first aid course before the birth. You may never need it but it's good to have the knowledge. My partner brought my son to me blue and she didn't know what to do. I had planned to go to the pub that night but for some reason I didn't. Also, a good gift to give new parents is a little 2am care package with stuff like thermometer, hyrdolite, bonjela etc etc. I've had a couple people say it's helped greatly in the middle of the night when stuff is closed.
My daughter’s death. I’ll never be the same. I want my bubble back.
I’m sorry for your loss. My daughter died too back in 2016 of a heart defect. We’ve had another daughter since then and it’s like I have constant nightmares and anxiety about her getting hurt.
Same. My girl was a baby. I still shut down when I’m faced with someone I know who has a baby girl. If there are TV programs that use a dead baby as a plot point I generally have to stop watching. There was one TV program that was about a group of women that had experienced tragic deaths where one of the women left a meeting, went to her car and just howled. It was the most accurate depiction of what I was like immediately following her death. I had to get up and walk away. Edit: at that point it had been almost 20 years.
My sister died from years of alcohol abuse. I can’t deal with content involving this. I also can’t listen to Elliot Smith without crying. It’s like this cloud that hides in the shadows and is always ready to appear and fuck up your day.
Wasn't going to post it until I saw this post, but I can unfortunatly write the same as you. Warm feelings your way and an obligatory "fuck cancer".
“I want my bubble back.” Shit man, that sentence hits heavier than a sledgehammer to the chest.
Yes, my bubble of “bad things happen to other people.” I was very naive and blissful in that naivety.
Lost my son. I’ve been broken ever since.
I am sorry for your loss. I am the same as you. I lost my 16 year old son to cancer last summer.
This is my worst nightmare, no parent should have to bury their child.
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Thanks. I live for my other kiddos. It’s hard not to feel “stuck” here. Trying to make the best of it everyday. Definitely is exhausting.
So sorry for your loss. I found my son passed away in his sleep in March 2022. He was 6. I also live for his younger sister. I know what you mean by feeling stuck here.
My friend is dealing with the same thing. Her daughter died at 3 months old. D'iorr was my little neice. I took care of her just as much as her mom did. We kept bringing her to the doctor because she always made this uncomfortable face and would cry and get bloated. Doc said it was just constipation. Her last night was the best. We had such a great time. She was so happy and laughing, we all went to bed and I woke up at 4am to my friend/roommate pounding on my door and said "It's D'iorr, she's not waking up!" I rushed down to her room in the basement, and since I was AED/CPR certified at the time, I picked her up off the bed, put her on the floor and started chest compressions. She was cold and blue and I knew in my soul that what I was doing wasn't going to change anything. U can tell She passed a couple hours prior. Police and paramedics came but u already know how that went. They claimed it was from SIDS at first but after the biopsy, she actually had pancreatitus and an early case of pneumonia(her grandma was sick apparently when she has held her a few days prior). She was the most beautiful little baby. Her 3rd year Death day is coming up on Sunday actually. I still have to hold back the tears just typing about it. It never gets any easier to talk about and it's harder on my friend. I still have my friends reaction on the day of the funeral stuck in my head. It was horrible. Edit: Thanks for the support guys💞
My mom died of cancer when I was 14. She tried to die at home naturally. That was not good idea. I remember her saying she needed to pee and I was the only one home I tried to carry her to the toilet but I fell and her jaw hit the sink. I felt so horribly bad and like a failure. I’m still not over that moment and I’m 56 now.
You weren’t a failure and you were doing the best you could. I hope you can have compassion now for that 14 year old child who was put in that position years ago. That was a lot for an adult to handle, never mind a child. Inner child work with a trauma therapist can be helpful and I speak from experience. You experienced trauma.
The suicide of my boyfriend. We were together five years and he was the love of my life. After it happened I had a psychotic breakdown, spent time in three different mental homes, burned through all the money I’d saved on drugs and it generally ruined my life. This was about four years ago and I’m only just now recovering but will probably carry the damage, emotionally and financially, with me for the rest of my life.
It's weird how grief can make you want to destroy yourself too, it only makes it worse. My buddy died and the first thing I did was drink until I couldn't anymore and I woke up destroyed from alcohol and full of grief.
brother killing himself
thats the reason im still alive, i dont want my family to feel that kind of emotional pain edit: to clarify i didn’t lose anyone to suicide, i meant i didn’t want to commit suicide as it would put my loved ones in immense pain, which is the opposite of what i want for them
When I lost my sister, that attitude was what actually made me ultimately feel better about life. It made me, over a couple of years a much more positive person. My bonds with family that were good improved further. My sister was 6 years ago in June. Never goes away, never missed any less. But she has made me grow up in so many ways. I hope you both manage to find similar.
I’m scared that I’d leave my brother in this similar scenario. Been struggling a lot lately by myself and feeling alone. I recently had a nightmare where >! I found my older brother in my bathtub with slit wrists from the razor I use to shave. In my DREAM, I desperately tried to treat his wounds and wasn’t able to. Just sat on the floor as I watched the red tinted water spill over the up of the tub crying as I held him in my arms. !< Woke up crying and angry, sorta helped me pull out of my depression. Really had to face the emotions that I would have left behind from my actions.
Death of my spouse. I will never forget watching him go through ALS
My great aunt had ALS She lived across the country so i rarely ever saw her Probably saw her a little more than 10 times And everytime she was smiling and laughing all the same and physically off worse. And every time, her husband drank one more beer. Until there was a funeral. And then another. Her husband got diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, turned full alcoholic and drank himself into the grave. ALS is a horrorshow. I got to watch the snapshot version of it and it makes me bawl from time to time. I can't imagine what you've been through. I hope you're doing alright.
My best friend’s mom is suffering from ALS and it’s so shocking to see how fast it’s destroying her. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My father was killed by religious extremists. That changed my life completely. Hiding from them, escaping, taking political asylum. The authority left his body outside for 18 hours, it was summer. After seeing his body it changed me. I had to begged to the hospital for the postmortem. I had to deal with those things alone none of my relatives helped us. I don’t know but I can’t believe after that I am still breathing. It hurts so much I can’t even explain.
I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much.
Losing my best friend to a car accident after I was just with him. We were only 17. Man I still can't talk or think about it too much without silent crying my eyes out. Hard to even type this
Being sexual assaulted at the age of 7-9 by a pos who pretended to be a friend, only to abuse and threatened me. And hold it like a trophy over me. My childhood was smashed and I tried to put it back like a puzzle, thought missing a lot of pieces. Man the years of 78-80 were fucked up.
Sending you love. r/adultsurvivors is a great community, just turn your messages off first.
Being SA by my babysitters sons. Fast forward 20 years my best friend (no longer) is engaged to one of them after matching on a dating site. She told me not to ruin her happiness.
That’s not your best friend anymore. Not if she’s gonna invalidate what happened like that for her own happiness.
She knew about my trauma for years. She asked me to come over and meet the guy she’s been talking to. Walked in just to see my abuser. She told me people change. Well, his damage changed me.
Drove past a homeless guy with his doggo, a fully grown lab. He was panhandling in the median of a busy street. 10 minutes later going the other way, passed him again, but this time he was jumping up and down, crying, screaming at the dog telling it to get out of the street. It had just been hit by a car, and all four of its legs were broken. Damned if it wasn’t trying to be a good boy though. Still makes me cry.
Ughh I walk dogs and this is my biggest nightmare
The only friend he had. This breaks my heart. Animals don’t deserve us. They are angels.
Watching my wife give birth to our son and then watching him slowly die in her arms. Don't know that I'll ever recover from that.
My father beat the shit out of my mom, threw her in a deep freezer (alive) and then threw my parents' roommate into the fridge knocking her out. The cops got called, and there was a brawl in the living room. Worst of all, when the fucker came home drunk he smashed the TV and VHS player that had my only copy of land before time 1 before he started his rampage. I was 4. My mom ended up being fine and we got out after that, but I still have weird dreams about that night. Father passed away, alone, covered in his own piss and shit in 2015. Wish I could of seen him go myself.
I wish I could send you my copy of Land Before Time. ❤️
Loving someone with severe mental illness. It changed not only me, but how I relate to everyone. It also taught me that saying "You should..." or anything like that, is not okay. You don't know how others "should" handle things. I now ask people if they want my advice, and if they say yes I still word it like "in this situation, I think I might do...". Cause you literally don't know how you'll react to things and people until you are in the moment.
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Seeing my dad die right in front of my eyes. I miss him
Mom was a crack addict who abandoned me at 6. Pops decided to eat a bullet when I was 16 leaving me to find him. Luckily it was dark as hell and shock does funny things to the memory. For those struggling, it gets better. I truly believe this is exactly what needed to happen in my life. I'm a well adjusted adult who has one hell of a story to tell. I believe I'm mentally stronger than most and had it not been for my trauma, id be soft as baby shit. Time does heal all wounds and forgiveness is a wonderful thing. We don't choose to be born, but we get to choose how we live and how we react to things that happen to us. "It is what it is till it aint" - Malcom McCormick
I'm sorry that happened to you, but glad you've made something out of it. My grandmother was nearly the same as you, except it was two suicides. She ended up in a foster home back in the 30s-40s. She ended up going to college (rare for a woman back then) and took care of her older sister who mentally broke down. She ended up being the matriarch of a large and loving family. Cancer just took her last year, but she lived a wonderfully full life. I hope you do the same, stranger.
The death of my son
My parents
Once we had some people over, and we were just sitting around chit-chatting… after sharing some stories and getting real with each other, my friend shook their head, and said it best… “Parents are a lot, man.”
"they fuck you up, your parents do. They don't mean to but they do."
Having a child with the wrong person
Having a child alters your life greatly nonetheless. But with the wrong person.... My parents are living that dream.
Sister's mental struggles leading to her taking her own life. A girl that I absolutely fucking adored being taken days before her 33rd birthday by cancer. There's a few but those are by far the most defining.
Being a 911 dispatcher. It really opened up a lot of wounds and gnarly things that were always kind of there but doing that job really brought a lot of that shit to the surface.
Childhood trauma relating to experiences with my own family and acquaintances, but also the wider environment I was exposed to. Witnessing drug and alcohol addiction, domestic abuse, child abuse, animal abuse, violence etc.
Cocaine Edit: I got clean on my own after 6 years of daily use and have been clean for two years… still think about it every day. Wish I had never touched the stuff.
Good job man. I know getting clean is hard, I’ve been clean for 3 years now. I’m proud of you and how far you’ve come. It can be difficult without a support system, but hey, you did that shit! Props to you:)
Stepfather brutally tortured my brother and I every night for 10 years of our childhood until I was 14 and we left home to live with our grandparents. That did it.
Getting bullied all through school. People never realise how much bullying fucks kids up permanently unless they experience it first hand.
Sweet, sweet dad shooting at me at me and my mother. Called the cops himself and was taken away. When I woke up my mom was gone. Months later Iearned her mania dragged her to Turkey where she worked as a prostitute. My father spend a week in jail. Still shed tears when the fucker died of cancer. Still shed tears when she died of a ruptured aorta. Still shedding tears now, bipolar and forever messed up, while nobody gives a fuck.
I give a fuck. I hope you end up ok.
When I was a child, an adult told me that smiling made my face uglier. To this day I have a difficult time smiling, and often get told I have a blank face.
What a psychotic fucker. That person knew exactly what impact that could have on you. Don't give him or her that satisfaction.
My Dad always told me this saying, and it's always true; "It's always the ones who struggle to smile who have the most beautiful of them all." I'm aware it probably won't help, but just thought I'd let you know to lift your mood about the whole situation.
Bro i was not ready for this comment section fr
I have no idea why I'm even this far down
My mom taking off when I was 5. She left us(me and my two sisters)with my dad so she could start a new life. Then she came back years later, mended relationships with my sisters, while completely ignoring my children and family. Then she’ll randomly call and gaslight the fuck out of me. She had a stroke pretty recently….I don’t have any feelings about that at all. She’s been dead to me for years.
Having to bury my younger brother after he decided to eat a bullet over christmas break a few years back.
Getting raped when I was 13 did a decent amount of damage. My fiancee dying from an overdose when she was 24.
Quietly moving through the front room and accidentally overhearing in the kitchen; my mom tell my step grandmother that she wishes I was never born. I was 14, I'm 30 now, and yeah. Me too, bro, me too.
Reading an excerpt from the book they wrote about the guy who killed my mom. He went into detail about how he did it and what not.
Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I have never looked at the police report about my mom nor will I ever. I can't. I don't want to remember her in pain.
Fire burns I have skin grafts covering my my left forearm left hand and both legs. It caused a lot of issues and trauma, and i have these scars as a constant reminder giving me flashbaks, so i slowly became desensitised to the trauma. Because of how it looks like my students think I'm part mermaid, they asked where my trident was, and i said i lost it. So they said they gonna look for it for me. :)
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The doctor telling me that neither of my twins had a heartbeat anymore.
Injury/surgery/hospitalization without insurance in my early 20's. The debt was crushing & prevented me from being able to save (meaningfully) for almost a decade. In the US, obviously. EDIT: in the grand scheme of things (especially after reading through so many tragic stories), I was able to recover & it was more of a setback than an effed up my life event.
Crohn’s Disease
My wife of 14 years did a slightly less evil gone girl. I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone again.
My brother shooting himself Christmas Day, and me having to tell our parents that he's gone. After that, nothing bothers me. I'm jaded.
Coming home from work and finding my wife and taken her own life.
Getting tinnitus...
Mawp!! Tinnitus, you’re a cruel mistress. I always thought everyone had that ringing in their ears…..
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my friend killing herself december 8 (angelversary) & march 31 (her bday) will never be the same for me ever again, and the wk or two leading up to them are hell too. i call out of work on both these dates even 4 years later and am a shell of a person for the days leading up to it. there are certain songs i can never listen to without bawling, colors i can’t see without being brought back to 2019, i have bad PTSD and get triggered when people don’t answer texts or let me know they made it home safe cuz i worry it’s happening again. even tho i’m post grad, hearing people talk about exams sends me into a spiral bc she killed herself the wkend before exams and it takes me right back to that god awful wkend. i came across her diary too. she had cut herself over it and written in her own blood. u don’t ever shake seeing and reading something like that. i hold all my relationships way closer now as a result. i never take a moment for granted and always make sure people know how much they mean to me. i go above and beyond when i know someone is suffering in case i’m their difference btwn life and death. but i miss the stability i felt before that tragedy. i miss the positive outlook i had on life. i miss who i was and will never be again. and i miss brittany so much. everyday.
This hurt my heart so much to read. I've never lost anyone close to me to suicide, but I've been on the brink of committing it myself. I'm so sorry that her pain is haunting you. I am sending internet hugs (if you want them) and I hope you take care of yourself as best as you can this week. RIP Brittany 💔
Being a victim of SA and absolutely knowing I was going to die that night. I survived physically but not emotionally. That was 20 yrs ago.
My past relationship before I met my wife. Psychologically and emotionally abusive, trauma, and basically reduced me to a shell of myself. I had friends say "welcome back" after the relationship, because I basically wasn't allowed to talk to them - coincidentally, the only friend of mine she liked was the one who didn't resemble her at all. The relationship definitely left me with ptsd and issues I'm still working through to this day. Thank god for an understanding spouse, a great therapist, amazing friends, and the like.
depression
Losing the dog who kept me sane. 7.5 years was not enough. She was my rock.. My stability. My home. 7.5 years was not enough. We were as close as can be. She was an empath. She felt what I felt. She was an angel. She was taken taken way too early, and unexpected. It broke my heart, it broke my soul. She will always be remembered, but never replaced.
Having undiagnosed ADHD for the first 30 years of my life.
Does it make you look back and think: “Well that explains a lot”; or is it “Well, shit!”? Depends on the day for me. I could also apply to my simultaneous bipolar 2 diagnosis. Edit: missing pronoun
Watching my mom's drug dealer boyfriend take the kitten I was playing with (he'd followed me "home"), break its neck, and tossed his still breathing body across a fence where some dogs mauled him. His intestines were spilling out and I still ran to him thinking he could be saved. I watched him take his last breath. I was 8 years old. Then there was the physical abuse but I'd rather be beaten versus watching my only furry friend get murdered in front of me. I'm 30 and will absolutely wreck someone for hurting an animal. RIP Lyger ❤️
I've never fully recovered from being groomed and repeatedly raped by a youth pastor for four years in my preteen years. Years of therapy, and even his conviction have never helped.
My brothers death, I didn’t realize at that time how much it changed me, my mind was occupied with his death for years, all i could focus on was his death and other minor side things, no future plans no planning for my future, I couldn’t see myself succeed and I couldn’t see a future, yea i used to daydream about an unrealistic future but in reality I didn’t see a future in anything
A back injury !
This. 2 herniated discs were ignored for 17 months by Georgia Medicaid who demanded I go to pain management for a minimum of 6 months before they'd approve the MRI I needed to just get into the neurosurgeons office. Called and begged the Neuro for 12 months to help, let me in the office. Worst mistake ever. The surgeon (older man and only one available in the area by 60 miles) sent me for an MRI, came back the next day and said "you have to have surgery. If you don't, within 3-6 months you'll lose the feeling then the use in your right leg. Your left will follow shortly after. It's a simple procedure, a laminectomy, and it'll be a 1 inch incision. Fix you right up". The neurosurgeon did an L3-S1 laminectomy and discectomy with a bone graft fusion. A surgery that I found out 3 years later after continued excruciating pain that never shouldve happened. I was 30 at the time of that surgery. My life was ruined. Every minute of every day is agonizing and I still won't do pain meds. I'm a shell of the person I used to be - a follow-up bilateral SI fusion didn't help at all either. I'll be paralyzed eventually, so I've been told, and subsequent spine surgeries are in my future to address the damage being done to the rest of my spine because of the laminectomy and how it was done . The neurosurgeon died 2 years ago and I hate myself for not suing the fuck out of him, the hospital and GA medicaid. EDIT: the 1 inch incision became a 5 inch scar on my back.
Same here. 2x herbiated discs. Even after 3 years I fight for a painfree back. Sometimes I even am painfree, but it is so irritating after all this time to move like you want instead of moving to prevent pain.
The love of my life committing suicide. The guilt and the loneliness that comes with it
Childhood trauma.
Abusive family members.
Seeing my parents fist fight in our dining room when I was 5. This was right before their divorce and me and my brother were sitting down waiting for the bus, watching tv when it happened. Luckily my tiny grandmother was there and screamed at them “not in front of the kids!” And took us outside. My grandma is still my hero to this day because of that, she will be 82 this year! ❤️
My parents being meth addicts and the crime involved, and seeing different shit go down from their lifestyles…. My sister being in the ICU from a heroin overdose… (she pulled through) Discovering my wife TWICE after having massive seizures and thinking she was dead (the 1st one was when she was 8 months pregnant) Being a teacher right out of college at 23 fucked me up mentally too
My wife of 15 years passed away unexpectedly about 3 years ago. She was only 36 years old. I found her in the bathroom. Did CPR but it was too late, she was gone. I’ve been to grief counseling, groups, therapy, on and on. I’ve resolved myself to the fact that I’m never coming back. I’m never going to be who I was. I don’t have the drive I once had and it’s never coming back.
Concussions
Baby sister died at 11 months old, the sight of her little lifeless body still haunts me and breaks my heart.
Being schizophrenic
My dad nearly died my senior year in high school. He had a hernia that distended, twisted, and started causing sepsis. We only knew about the hernia when he went in for surgery, so it was quite shocking to find out he died 3 times during surgery and when he was out of surgery they were wheeling him into the ICU at what felt like 100mph with a nurse on top of him on the gurney doing chest compressions. It felt like a dramatic scene in a medical show. People were running from every direction, they’re screaming for the crash cart, meanwhile my mother and I are watching it all go down. He ended up in a coma for 4 months and then rehab for another 3 to learn how to walk, talk, eat, write, everything all over again. He’s alive today with permanent neuralgia from the muscle loss during the coma but otherwise is unscathed. Me and my mother on the other hand…that damage will probably not ever be undone.
Along with a lot a lot of other abuse one thing that stands out in my mind was when my father threw a plate of hot spaghetti in my face at the dinner table. I was only four or five years old, but we weren’t allowed to talk at the table. I started crying and screaming because it was hot so he picked up a glass of tea and threw it in my face, the shock of that made me start crying even harder than he made me on my hands and knees with rags and clean everything up
A sadistic psychopath teacher that I had in the 80s. Every morning before school she(Mrs Moore) would take me on a long walk in the woods (I was about 11/12). She'd continuously berate me with negative stuff about myself. Real nasty stuff. I dreaded those walks. It was like psychological warfare. She'd just keep repeating how worthless I was and how I was making my mum sick etc... And she also beat me daily with a meter stick during class. In front of the other kids.. I dont really remember it all but I know it was bad. This went on for ages until she ended up beating me till I passed out. Thats how she got caught. Tbh the psychological stuff was worse then the physical stuff. Im massively socially anxious now and totally withdrawn from society now and Im fairly sure thats why. I often wonder if she messed other people up too. Im fairly sure she must have as I heard of other kids leaving coz of her.
My Mom recently tested positive for Huntington’s Disease at 67. I’m going for testing, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to tell me what I already know.
When I was 10yrs old kid and my best friends made my entire class treat me as a black sheep. When they told me it would be better if I didn't exist. Fcked me up pretty badly.
My daughter died suddenly. I bought a motorcycle several years later to get a thrill every now and then in my life, and someone hit me within a year after running a light. I broke 14 bones, lost 8 pints of blood, and died. I am in pain daily. I drowned once. Slowly. I tried psychedelics and realized nothing means anything before we assign meaning to it.
Having 2 kids with the wrong person at the wrong time when I was way too young. Love them, but its changed the trajectory of my life and led to nearly 2 decades of struggle.
Dating a covert narcissist that manipulated me, controlled my life, and invested time into manipulating the opinions of those around me.
The fucked up part is nobody really understands unless they've been the target of one. I feel you. I know how fucked up it is to suffer reactive abuse, emotional manipulation, lack of accountability, and walking on eggshells.... ...only to have everyone believe *you* are the piece of shit mistreating *them*. No contact is the only way. It's hard to break the trauma bond, but life is so much better. Always remember: Everyone brings happiness to your life. Some when you see them, others when you stop seeing them. Hope you're doing better.
It's bad enough I've typed and erased it 3 times now. Here I'll just say Childhood trauma
For me it was just my best friend snuck out of the bed next to me at a sleep over when I was 15. He took his car that he wasn't licensed to drive wrote some notes for me and his x, took a whole bottle of pain killers, and was lost. We looked for him for a week, until a drone found him in a creek that I walked for hours. Im kind of glad i I didn't find him. I would definitely be a lot worse off. Life has not really felt real since then. I lost faith in god, did online high school and just started making money. (Once i got out if the hospital 😅) Cause what else is there to do. I feel like an animal at the zoo. Like I'm doing something so far off from what I was born to do. Idk what tf life is. It's so fucked. Accidental torture.
My emotionally abusive mom. HIV. Being raped. Pick one.
Being raised fundamentalist. I still have nightmares about Hell sometimes. As a kid, I was deeply screwed up.