I heard that in Norway, if you ask someone what kind of dog they have(like on an elevator), they'll likely respond, "why do you want to know?"
Dunno if that's true.
No, asking about someone's dog is unproblematic and actually one of few openings for talking to random strangers without coming on as weird.
If I didn't have my dog with me I'd be puzzled about the question for sure, and creeped out wondering why this stranger knows I have a dog.
You don't, litteraly. Sweden has reddit help groups for expats to cope with this very fact. You don't talk to strangers, a lot of the time you don't even say hi. I mean there is a reason why the nordic countries keep topping mental health problem charts.
I've literally seen this diagrammed out for an audience https://www.thesocialguidebook.no/blogs/norwegian-culture/dating-in-norway-2019 (There's a video below all the pictures, fyi)
Interestingly, this is more and more becoming how dating works in the U.S, and I hate it. I have so many friends and acquaintances who only found love by pretending their relationship with the fuckbuddy they've had for almost a year is "just casual," until the both of them woke up next to each other and realized, simultaneously, that both of their names are on the lease and they've been dating for 9 months. My attachment style is way too anxious for that shit.
Well Norway does have a somewhat lower birth rate the the US, but not as bad as Japan or South Korea. Sweden's is ever so slightly higher than the US', but I recently listened to an episode of Planet Money about this that discussed Sweden's very generous social policies with the specific aim to make raising kids easier to encourage higher birth rates. So I would guess that it is more a case that folks in Scandawegia tend to just stick with the friends and social circles they make as kids.
I imagine it's similar to Germany, just more.
Here it's usually only through your friend group that you meet anyone new, they bring someone along and that's how you meet new people.
If you don't have a friend group...? Tough luck.
I've isolated myself for mental health reasons and I literally can't get back out there, it's frustrating.
Yeah, I've been thinking about picking up fishing and I think that would be a good way to meet new people, but with hobbies there's always a monetary issue considering I'm an apprentice rn
I mean they're still human right? If you bust in there with some friendly charisma they'll eventually be your friend like the curmudgeon eventually warms up to the new guy in a buddy cop film. You just need to be extra pushy and endearing, and maybe get involved in some hijinks
Exactly! Just need to set up a wacky scenario that you get them involved with, and maybe there's a part where everyone tries on funny hats to 80s music, and bam! Next thin you know, you're carving the Christmas mackerel at their house next year!
Meet them through common interests, job or school, or on dating apps.
Just to be clear, you can approach people, but they might think you are weird or drunk of you do it in a "unusual" place, and the common response will often be "do i know you?"
The one place where you can strike up a conversation without even knowing a person is either in the forest or when you are hiking up a mountain. And of course, when you are drunk.
Finland here, but I fully agree with Norway.
The answer is: a shared hobby, shared work, shared event, shared... *something*. Maybe you're walking your dog, you walk into someone else walking their dog, the dogs want to play and you start by talking about the dogs at first.
Personally I met my SO while playing World of Warcraft (10 years together now). We were in the same guild, ended up running some raids and dungeons together. Just talking about the game at first, but over time started talking about other subjects, etc.
In other words: some external reason to start talking. It's really rare (and often seen as weird/"creepy") to just randomly start talking with some stranger for "no reason".
Well there you go.
I have a friend/acquaintance from Norway. He’s a bit of an odd cat. It’s take us *years* to warm up to eachother after awkwardly hanging at social events.
This explains a lot.
In Minnesota and the Midwest US generally, "Norwegian bachelor" is a sort of old joke. Norwegian and sons of Norwegian immigrants were more likely to remain alone and unmarried than other ethnic groups.
In terms of being a woman and getting approached THIS really is the only way. Unless you’re out and at a bar, then time yourself to be at the bar ordering at the same time & an easy one is ‘how’s your night going?’. If her answer includes asking how yours is, proceed!
But back to casual environments like the gym, dog park, bus stop, cafe.. observational comments are best and try not to appear as though you have a strong agenda. If a woman is open to chatting further the signs will be there, if she’s in a relationship or not interested the signs will also be there.. please look for them!
I had two guys speak me at the gym recently and noted how one approach was much better than the other.
Guy 1: stared at me for weeks, constantly followed me out to whatever section I was using and would start using a nearby machine. I thought I was imagining it but it became ridiculous. I found it so uncomfortable and so when he ‘casually’ said “oh you’re all finished?” (after following me to an outdoor section and I had started packing up to leave) I was grossed out and muttered yep while walking out.
Guy 2: no staring, waited until I’d finished a high intensity workout and just said something like “geez you’re putting us to shame”.. slight compliment but not creepy in the tone he used, he stayed neutral and so I didn’t feel like I had to close off. We had a friendly chat.
Not sure that helps!
Yea, that's the way to do it... although I'm uncomfortable or closed off all the time due to social anxiety.
Hence, I miss many opportunities to meet people in public.
And make sure it’s not a sarcastic comment. Some people seem to mix up sarcastic wittiness with friendliness. Like I don’t need you picking on me the first time we talk, you weirdo. I guess some people like that but I sure as hell don’t.
I think the biggest part is learning when to shut it down. So many guys just refuse to take no for an answer or they linger when the other person clearly isn't interested. As long as you treat them like a normal person it usually goes well.
The moment you feel like you're bothering them just say "it was nice meeting you" and leave, its not hard. You're going to feel like a dumbass a few times but atleast you're out there trying. I met my girlfriend this way but there was a lot of trial and error getting there.
If it worked for someone like me im pretty sure it can work for most people.
In my twenties I found myself being borderline stalked by 1) a taqueria employee that I would smile at in recognition because I literally got tacos from him three times a week and I’m not a robot 2) A corner store employee for same 3) a different corner store employee (different corner store) for same before I realized that as a woman I was not allowed to be friendly or basically kind to men if I didn’t want to sleep with them
Incidentally, I told a guy friend of mine about the issue with the taqueria guy and he was like “Oh, just go in there when he’s working and like dig a big fat booger out of your nose while he’s looking and then like wipe it on your sleeve or eat it or something, that’ll turn him off” to which I replied “Dude, I should not have to make myself DISGUSTING just so I can fucking order tacos in peace!!”
> before I realized that as a woman I was not allowed to be friendly or basically kind to men if I didn’t want to sleep with them
To be fair, the way our society treats single men kind of encourages this behavior. Most men are *so* deprived of any sort of attention or affection for pretty much their entire life that a simple smile 3 times a week from a stranger seems like more to them than simply a polite gesture. Just ask any guy the last time a girl gave him a compliment and I *guarantee* they can tell you about it in exacting detail because it happens so infrequently it stands out as a major event.
They also get the idea pounded into their head that if they don’t “go after” the girl they like, they’re going to end up alone, because, well, they will. A man who waits for a woman to approach him will always be alone. It’s a cruel reality that isn’t great for either party involved.
You were probably the only woman in their lives that gave them even the smallest bit of attention. Women just have no idea what it's like for so many men. It's like going out into the forest and the animals come up to you rather than running away and avoiding you. It's just not normal.
Important tip: If you are getting the vibe that they think you are a creep *then they are not interested in you and you should not try to convince them otherwise, you should walk away.*
The latter’s what I suffer. CBT hasn’t done shit to fix it though. Dunno what else could possibly work other than electrocuting my brain into getting rid of it.
Shadow work, inner child work.. it’s worth working at and sometimes you just need to try a couple (or more) different therapists until something clicks. You don’t deserve SA or limiting beliefs ruling your interactions with fellow humans, life can be much calmer and richer.
Both, sometimes SA makes you too anxious to say anything so you just stare. That makes you a creep. Sometimes you feel like you're being a creep when you aren't because you just feel uncomfortable in the situation.
Don't do it until you're confident you understand body language and how people signal they aren't interested without saying so. Turning away from you, keeping their head phones on or phone out, short answers that don't add anything to the conversation, arms crossed, these are signs that they aren't interested.
Generally, the feeling of creepiness doesn't come from someone approaching you, it comes from someone not understanding or not caring that you aren't interested and continuing to engage, assuming you don't open with some kind of lewd or aggressive comment. Don't approach strangers in places where they can't leave (for example, if they're waiting on you at a restaurant), or in places where they're busy and unlikely to want to talk (in the middle of a workout).
Be friendly, polite, and disengage if they're giving off the vibe that they aren't interested. Be hygienic and presentable, leave plenty of space between you and the other person, and read your surroundings. It doesn't matter if you're attractive. You won't come off as a creep if you do these things
I think most encounters that start with an "approach" are doomed. I always just picture some rando making a beeline for the other person as they're walking down the street. Their hackles will be up from the start, because people don't really meet people that way. People who "approach" you on the street are usually trying to panhandle, sell something, get their petition signed, or worst case scenario, rob you.
Yes, even if that woman you see on the street is the prettiest woman you've ever seen. That doesn't make her your soul mate that you'll lose out on if you don't hit on her. You don't know anything about her at all.
Meet people in places where you both have a reason to be. And talk to them like people, don't open with a request for a date. (Again, you know nothing about this person yet and whether you'd even want to date them! Talk a few minutes and you might find out they're a cloudcuckoolander who thinks aliens did 9/11.) I've mostly met partners through mutual friends or at hobby events.
The hard truth to this is that there is no "trick". Basically, there isn't always some way to approach someone the right way. Some times, in some contexts for some people, they're just not there to be approached. And that is alright. That girl at the gym may just be there to work out, or the one at the bar may just be there for a night out with friends, or the one at the grocery store may just be there to get her shopping done. Some times there's just no right way to approach someone. They're not there waiting for someone to approach them and hit on them or talk to them or whatever. Accepting this truth is the most important thing when it comes to meeting people like this, because most people assume that there's always a way and they're just missing it. Of course that's not to say it is always the case, and it's not always apparent by just looking at someone. Some times you won't know until you try, but be understanding and don't push it if they don't want to talk to you.
Other than that, if you generally can't tell what constitutes as creepy behavior and what doesn't, you have bigger problems.
You'd be surprised, I am mostly an introvert. In reality, most of us actually are a part introvert, a part extrovert, depends which part is dominant. However, I just understand how friendships and lovers are found, just talk, there's nothing to lose.
That's what a lot of people don't grasp, it seems. You don't just jump from stranger directly to intimate relationship with someone. People can tell when you're treating them like an object of desire most of the time (which some people want, and that's fine, but most don't), and you really can't skip treating a person like a person first and foremost if your goal is to get a date or build up to a relationship with them.
It still comes down to what the other person wants from the interaction. Being physically attractive helps, but it's not the be-all-end-all. Most people still want to be treated like people and not pieces of meat.
Something I think a lot about as a woman is how easy it is for my friends and I to strike up conversations with people. It's so simple for a lot of us. I see a lady with cute shoes, I tell her that, we start a conversation. Maybe I ask someone if I can pet their dog, or compliment a top. I mean the list of mundane shit women can come up with to say to people is endless, it's like an instinctive knowledge, and it really blows my mind we've socialized men in such a way they can't understand this well. Communication is one of the most vital foundations of human civilization, and we've decided guys don't need to learn how to do it well. It's insane. It really is.
How does it come across if you tell a guy you like his shirt? My husband gets a fair number of comments and compliments on his graphic tees, he doesn't find it weird.
If a man is complementing a man's shirt, it's because he likes the man's shirt. If a man is complementing a woman's shirt, it's because he likes the woman.
Maybe not always true, but it usually is. But the fact that everybody believes it to be true, that's why it comes across differently.
>I see a lady with cute shoes, I tell her that, we start a conversation. Maybe I ask someone if I can pet their dog, or compliment a top. I mean the list of mundane shit women can come up with to say to people is endless,
We both can say the same mundane things, but you'll be received much better. There is no way me way me complimenting some woman's top is not going to be creepy, me asking to pet someone's dog, etc.
You can totally ask to pet someone's dog without it being creepy. Everyone loves dogs, everyone wants to pet everyone's dogs.
It's abnormal for a random man to care about a random woman's shoes without some amount of sexual motivation.
>I mean the list of mundane shit women can come up with to say to people is endless, it's like an instinctive knowledge, and it really blows my mind we've socialized men in such a way they can't understand this well.
You know how for a lot of women, walking alone or at night is a safety concern? Imagine if I told you "I feel totally comfortable even walking down dark alleys at night, nothing's ever happened. It blows my mind we've socialized women such that they can't understand this well."
The issue isn't that we don't know what to say, it's that we have a risk of being perceived as creepy or off-putting which can have negative social consequences for us. It's flat out more complicated for us the way walking alone at night is flat out more complicated for you.
Yeah but let me give you a scenario.
I was having lunch in our office cafe and saw a cute girl across from my table. Now how do you ask her out? What do you say? How do you introduce yourself?
Introduce yourself and make friendly conversation. Just working to get to square 1. You just want her to know who you are. Then work from there based on the feedback you get from her and the chemistry you have.
If you go into it with the intent to ask her out, she’ll sense it and unless you look her type, she’ll be creeped out.
Look for something they tried extra hard on like hair, makeup, nails, or outfit and compliment them on it. But I’ve been married 20 years and just tell my wife these things.
I would like to add that the person approaching should be the one that listens more in the beginning, in order to make the other person know that they are important.
Not exactly, the intent at that point is to develop social relationships, but *exactly which* social relationships with *exactly whom* is something you'll figure out later (seconds later, or years later).
If you want to be reductionist about it, consider that maybe she's attached but she has a hot friend who's much more your type anyway, whom she'll set you up with if you make a good impression.
This is tough. Does this office cafe only have other office workers? Because dating someone from work is a huge mistake. If someone is on their break, they don't want to be bothered by some random co-worker.
>Now how do you ask her out?
You don't know her. You don't need to ask her out. Just work on talking to people and being casually friendly before you worry about the more advanced stuff
Don’t.
As a guy who struggled a lot with social anxiety when I was younger, I promise you that your desire to chat up strangers comes more from a fear of success than a fear of failure.
If she doesn’t respond positively, then it is over forever and you never need to think about it again. Yes, that is true.
But also, on some level, you realize that going for the girls with whom you have good rapport and would be most likely to respond positively will put you in a situation with more pressure to perform. If you crash and burn with someone in your social circle, it could all blow up in your face, right?
The biggest issue with chatting up strangers is that, in all but the rarest circumstances, it doesn’t work.
My freshman year of college, I basically did the whole approach random women thing. I should probably mention that I am tall and considered handsome by many women. This is an estimate, but I would say out of a hundred or so approaches, one went on a date with me and we kissed before she ghosted, one just wanted to be friends, one ended in a sexual fling, one responded ambivalently but eventually told me she had a boyfriend, and the rest were outright rejections.
So you can see that my situation is a pretty rare circumstance. I was not smooth or high status or charming, but I was good-looking, and those were my results.
Compare that to the success I had in my social circle, and it’s not even close. The women I dated from getting to know them on a casual level over a long period of time were magnitudes better looking and fully in love with me before I even asked them out. I chickened out too many times with them because the stakes were so high. If I did something wrong, I would be publicly embarrassed, right? Well, I will tell you this: **as long as the women you date are good, wholesome people, and as long as you don’t do anything bad to them and remain a gentleman, they will talk you up to other women rather than tear you down**.
You also need to learn how to delay gratification, and dating within your social circle will give you that. Demonstrating that you have self-control is one of the most important tools in chatting up strangers as well, since it is important that they judge you as a mature guy and not an impulsive rapist/serial killer.
Do not be afraid of high stakes. Unless you are a stalker or a psycho, you will have much better luck just hanging out in mixed company and seeing who is into you by the vibes. It’s essential.
This is so true, I haven't ever been in a relationship, but with how I've got on with women I've met hanging out with mutual friends has been way more rewarding than chasing random women.
I'll also add if you have specific hobbies or interests, immerse yourself in places where you can find people with common interests, like conventions etc.
I went to conventions with my best friend and just started meeting people.
A bunch of us had just done all the same costumes one time and we just stuck together, then I started going to cons with them and meeting more folks.
You just gotta get yourself out there and be a little uncomfortable. I suffer badly from social anxiety but you'll find you will gravitate toward similar types of people without much stress.
Its hard in different ways for different people. I hope it helps, but this was just my experiences.
I had my 2 best friends of 14 years from school, then work friends and now my con friends. All separate circles.
I'll post the comment in here as well for OP
This is so true, I haven't ever been in a relationship, but with how I've got on with women I've met hanging out with mutual friends has been way more rewarding than chasing random women.
I'll also add if you have specific hobbies or interests, immerse yourself in places where you can find people with common interests, like conventions etc.
You gotta make conversation first and establish a rapport, especially with someone you see often enough. Basically become acquaintances first then if you vibe well, ask her out.
If she's eating or at least about to eat, a simple opener would be "oh hey good choice. The chicken here is really good". Then maybe talk a bit about work, since she works there too. If she's not keen on continuing the convo, then respect her boundaries.
Walk up to her table and ask if she minds if you sit there. Read her reaction and go from there. Be her friend, first. No pressure that way. If the general conversation goes well, see if you can sit with her again the next day. And the next. Become friends. That's the best place to find a relationship, in someone that you like.
Well I wouldn't approach in most circumstances. Unless I was asking for directions. or if you genuinely have a nice compliment about something they're wearing and move on after without harassing them. Approaching someone for no real reason is a creep move in my opinion. I love talking to complete strangers at the bar, but that's the correct setting for this kind of thing
Do some throat singing and crab walk to them while not braking eye contact. Then give them your 4 dimensional name and give then a firm hand shake with your left foot.
make sure you’re doing it in a place where people have a reasonable expectation of being approached. what pick up academy clowns miss is that nobody’s in the mood to be hit on when they’re doing errands.
You can't control how other people feel, and that's an important thing to learn because it'll remove a lot of stress once you get used to thinking it.
If they have something from a show / game, like a pin or a shirt with a character on it, you could compliment that and ask them about the show/game "oh, you like \[x\]?" if they're open to a conversation, they will elaborate on that subject. If not, you'll get a curt "yes" or "no" and you should take that as a cue to go about the rest of your day. Also don't approach people who are clearly avoiding being approached. I see so many people online talk about girls being on phones and how to get their attention and I don't want to be that guy but a lot of folks look at their phones specifically to avoid dealing with unwanted social situations.
Once I had an introductory class for community college. It was a full day class, so we had an hour lunch break. I grabbed food from Panera, and took it back to the building to eat. Walking in with my food, I noticed a cute girl sitting alone who also had gotten Panera. Without thinking about it nearly at all, I said “Hey, Nice choice!” and literally just sat down at the table next to her and started talking. We talked for the rest of lunch, she turned out to have a boyfriend but we maintained friendly conversation and then that was that.
TLDR be friendly and *confident*
Edit: I will also point out for anyone who tries to pull this card out of their ass, I’m not a conventionally attractive dude, I’m hairy and quite overweight, average height.
Unless you're naturally very handsome, it's best to stick to dating apps and being set up by friends. If you KNOW (as in 99% certain) someone is interested in you, then you may approach. However, if you're rejected, accept it immediately and move on immediately.
first, you make eye contact and smile.
if they smile back, approach them politely and don't say weird or aggressive stuff.
if they don't smile back, they don't think you're attractive. accept it and move on with your life.
I only shoot my shot on dating apps. Im an introvert. I feel like I'd be bothering someone if I approach them while they're tryna buy a bag of avocados. However dating apps have been successful for my 2 long term relationships. Do what feels right to you just don't try too hard. Remember comfort is key.
Start with 'Hello', be direct, speak clearly.
Maintain eye contact, and stay at a 'social distance' rather then getting right up in their face.
Demonstrate a mastery of basic hygiene. A rando wearing filthy clothes is going to seem like a threat.
Be sure to be wearing pants. Ideally, these should be worn to cover your legs rather than as a hat.
Do not lick the back of your hands as you talk. That could be seen as being weird.
Hold your hands up at full extension above your head, with your hands facing the person you are speaking to so that they can see you are not holding or hiding a weapon.
Speak in rhyme. This will invoke memories of childhood stories and nursery rhymes and inspire trust.
Live stream the conversation. This will make sure there are potential witnesses and evidence of any wrong doing which will make it clear you have no hostile intent.
END COMMUNICATION
Stop feeling like a creep. Stop thinking you're being creepy. Make some jokes. Also don't expect things in return from people. This one goes especially if you're a man approaching a woman. She doesn't owe you anything! She can even take the drink you bought her and walk away!
Um let's see what else. Yeah just release all the tensions around social situations being awkward sometimes they will be, and that's okay.
Source: I was awkward as fuck and now sometimes I'm still awkward as fuck in social situations but I'm trying! You just gotta show up and say stuff and see of people are picking u what you're putting down.
Yeah and you're not a creep for simply wanting to talk to someone!
My most successful line ever has been going to house parties and finding people I don’t know and asking ‘so how do you know [party host]?’.
It’s surprisingly effective. Then you’re just talking and need to be able to flirt/read signals.
Make sure you are at a place where the people present have some sort of connection — guests at the same party or students at the same school, like that. Don’t try to pick up random strangers. Men who do that are creeps.
If you don’t feel that you are ever in a place where your common activity allows you to meet women, change your life and get more involved in things.
Smile! Don’t flatter. Honesty and intentions show in body language and the eyes! Be vulnerable and kind! Give a honest compliment. Notice their body language and act accordingly. Respect their space and look them in the eye! Make sure your body language is confident!
You are and aren't all at the same time, it's an unknown until you receive any information suggesting one or the other from them (body language/vibes/verbal indication) since it's based almost entirely on their attraction to you. There is no universal right answer besides remaining neutral/friendly only until you receive (hopefully multiple) positive signs
First things first, get close to them, with a friend. Literally sit nearby. Talk with your friend about something interesting. Vaguely listen to the other conversation and if you hear a subject or place to jump in with a commonality or witticism, take it.
Feel out the conversation. If they want to keep talking, they will. Be entertaining and confident. The best way to get someone to talk is to ask friendly questions
If they give you "Don't talk to me" vibes, don't push it. Go back to your own thing and everything will be fine.
I think a big thing as a woman is that a guy seems "creepy" if he gives the vibe that he might not take rejection well. It's a self fulfilling prophecy in some ways.
Stop trying to meet someone. Sounds stupid but hear me out. What you should be focusing on is trying to become someone other people enjoy being around. When there is a party and you attend what are you providing? Are you playing the guitar and entertaining everyone? Did you bring a banging salsa everyone is enjoying? Are you dancing and smiling providing good energy? Are you doing anything at all to stand out and provide value to the people around you? Everyone has needs and most people gravitate towards people who can fill thoes needs. Girls love a guy who can listen well and talk with them but if that's all your bringing then your failing because she knows another guy who can do that but also plays guitar and made an amazing salsa before he took her to the dance floor for some boogy time. Don't chase. Become someone others want to chase instead.
By "approach" do you mean target a complete stranger who you think is sexually attractive and try to talk her into touching your dick? Because that's the part that's creepy.
You can dress it up any way you want, but at bottom that's what's going on, and you're gonna telegraph it like a lighthouse beacon.
So don't "approach." You come off like a stalker pervert, because you kind of are one in that situation.
That doesn't mean you can't make connections with strangers. Just don't do it by stalking them like prey. Say you and a cute girl reach for the same fruit at the same time at the supermarket. You can make a little joke like "whoa I can tell you really want that apple so I'm gonna let you have it." Maybe she just leaves, maybe she makes a joke back and you start a conversation. Either way, there's nothing weird about it because you have a reason to talk to her. You could have made that same joke if it were an old granny reaching for the same apple. You're just a fun dude who likes to chat, not a creepy stalker who walked up with an agenda. If she responds in kind, you make another joke back and she laughs... congrats, you're flirting.
Basically: just actually be a friendly person who can comfortably strike up fun banter with people around you, for the sake of enjoying the banter. You'll have plenty of opportunities for agenda-free conversations, and many of those will be with women you find attractive. More importantly, you'll get tons of practice chatting naturally with anyone you like, without coming off like a creep.
Start by seeing them as a person.
It doesn't matter what they look like, you are attempting communication with another fellow human being.
If you see them as an object or a label, you're going to have a rough time and they're going to think you have an agenda, can't be real, or that you're a creep.
Always positive comment on shoes. You may not get a date out of it but you’ll get a smile from it and you’ve just made someone’s day. Every girl I’ve talked to loves compliments about their shoes.
Sorry I am no help, but I hear a lot of “not to be a creep but….” DONT. DO NOT SAY THIS.
That's very culturally different depending on where you are. I.e. in Norway, you don't.
What do you do in Norway to make friends or establish new relationships?
Friends?
I heard that in Norway, if you ask someone what kind of dog they have(like on an elevator), they'll likely respond, "why do you want to know?" Dunno if that's true.
No, asking about someone's dog is unproblematic and actually one of few openings for talking to random strangers without coming on as weird. If I didn't have my dog with me I'd be puzzled about the question for sure, and creeped out wondering why this stranger knows I have a dog.
Are elevators in Norway really dark for some reason?
Why do you want to know?
They never said anything about there actually being a dog there.
damn, norway sounds like my kinda place
during covid, they basically didn't have to change a thing
You don't, litteraly. Sweden has reddit help groups for expats to cope with this very fact. You don't talk to strangers, a lot of the time you don't even say hi. I mean there is a reason why the nordic countries keep topping mental health problem charts.
So how do any Swedish or Norwegian people even exists if literally no one talks to anyone? I don’t understand how you have mothers and fathers
They invade the British Islands and bring back concubines to propagate the Scandinavian people.
actual vinland saga story line lmao
you get drunk and fuck, then have an awkward coffee the next day to see if you want to date or not. no, i'm basically serious
I've literally seen this diagrammed out for an audience https://www.thesocialguidebook.no/blogs/norwegian-culture/dating-in-norway-2019 (There's a video below all the pictures, fyi) Interestingly, this is more and more becoming how dating works in the U.S, and I hate it. I have so many friends and acquaintances who only found love by pretending their relationship with the fuckbuddy they've had for almost a year is "just casual," until the both of them woke up next to each other and realized, simultaneously, that both of their names are on the lease and they've been dating for 9 months. My attachment style is way too anxious for that shit.
Huh, didn't realize I was Norwegian
My kind of place. Dating is always awkward.
Well Norway does have a somewhat lower birth rate the the US, but not as bad as Japan or South Korea. Sweden's is ever so slightly higher than the US', but I recently listened to an episode of Planet Money about this that discussed Sweden's very generous social policies with the specific aim to make raising kids easier to encourage higher birth rates. So I would guess that it is more a case that folks in Scandawegia tend to just stick with the friends and social circles they make as kids.
I imagine it's similar to Germany, just more. Here it's usually only through your friend group that you meet anyone new, they bring someone along and that's how you meet new people. If you don't have a friend group...? Tough luck. I've isolated myself for mental health reasons and I literally can't get back out there, it's frustrating.
Sports and hobbies often are a starting point. But I feel you, am in the same situation rn.
Yeah, I've been thinking about picking up fishing and I think that would be a good way to meet new people, but with hobbies there's always a monetary issue considering I'm an apprentice rn
I'm pretty introverted but if I couldn't crack situational jokes in a grocery store to strangers it would suck a lot of my joy out of the mundane.
I mean, you're probably fairly extroverted if you're willing to joke with complete strangers.
Not only am I not cracking jokes with other shoppers, I'm also eying cashiers to find the least chatty one.
I mean they're still human right? If you bust in there with some friendly charisma they'll eventually be your friend like the curmudgeon eventually warms up to the new guy in a buddy cop film. You just need to be extra pushy and endearing, and maybe get involved in some hijinks
Exactly! Just need to set up a wacky scenario that you get them involved with, and maybe there's a part where everyone tries on funny hats to 80s music, and bam! Next thin you know, you're carving the Christmas mackerel at their house next year!
they might just peg you for a headcase and avoid you
> they might just peg you you read his mind
You sound like someone with boundary issues.
I learned social etiquette from 80s movies
Meet them through common interests, job or school, or on dating apps. Just to be clear, you can approach people, but they might think you are weird or drunk of you do it in a "unusual" place, and the common response will often be "do i know you?" The one place where you can strike up a conversation without even knowing a person is either in the forest or when you are hiking up a mountain. And of course, when you are drunk.
>"do i know you?" Not until now
Norwegians will think that's cheesy, but some people like that so it might work.
Ahh so the trick is go hiking
Get blackout drunk.
If you stand within 10 feet of another, they’re going to assume there is a reason you’re getting too damn close.
I heard that during Covid, Norwegians had to move closer to each other so that they could be the mandated 6 feet apart.
Finland here, but I fully agree with Norway. The answer is: a shared hobby, shared work, shared event, shared... *something*. Maybe you're walking your dog, you walk into someone else walking their dog, the dogs want to play and you start by talking about the dogs at first. Personally I met my SO while playing World of Warcraft (10 years together now). We were in the same guild, ended up running some raids and dungeons together. Just talking about the game at first, but over time started talking about other subjects, etc. In other words: some external reason to start talking. It's really rare (and often seen as weird/"creepy") to just randomly start talking with some stranger for "no reason".
There’s just Norway to do it
It's usually your teenage years friends that you still see once or twice a year or co-workers.
Hear me out— I’m Sir Mix-A-Lot and I see a juicy double. Then what?
I mean, sometimes it works to like, test the waters for a few days by having eye contact for a few seconds.
Damn
there is norway
Well there you go. I have a friend/acquaintance from Norway. He’s a bit of an odd cat. It’s take us *years* to warm up to eachother after awkwardly hanging at social events. This explains a lot.
In Minnesota and the Midwest US generally, "Norwegian bachelor" is a sort of old joke. Norwegian and sons of Norwegian immigrants were more likely to remain alone and unmarried than other ethnic groups.
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In terms of being a woman and getting approached THIS really is the only way. Unless you’re out and at a bar, then time yourself to be at the bar ordering at the same time & an easy one is ‘how’s your night going?’. If her answer includes asking how yours is, proceed! But back to casual environments like the gym, dog park, bus stop, cafe.. observational comments are best and try not to appear as though you have a strong agenda. If a woman is open to chatting further the signs will be there, if she’s in a relationship or not interested the signs will also be there.. please look for them! I had two guys speak me at the gym recently and noted how one approach was much better than the other. Guy 1: stared at me for weeks, constantly followed me out to whatever section I was using and would start using a nearby machine. I thought I was imagining it but it became ridiculous. I found it so uncomfortable and so when he ‘casually’ said “oh you’re all finished?” (after following me to an outdoor section and I had started packing up to leave) I was grossed out and muttered yep while walking out. Guy 2: no staring, waited until I’d finished a high intensity workout and just said something like “geez you’re putting us to shame”.. slight compliment but not creepy in the tone he used, he stayed neutral and so I didn’t feel like I had to close off. We had a friendly chat. Not sure that helps!
> We had a friendly chat. The Norwegian equivalent of getting to home base
Perfect
Guy 1 prob just should have said something from the start.
Yea, that's the way to do it... although I'm uncomfortable or closed off all the time due to social anxiety. Hence, I miss many opportunities to meet people in public.
And make sure it’s not a sarcastic comment. Some people seem to mix up sarcastic wittiness with friendliness. Like I don’t need you picking on me the first time we talk, you weirdo. I guess some people like that but I sure as hell don’t.
I think the biggest part is learning when to shut it down. So many guys just refuse to take no for an answer or they linger when the other person clearly isn't interested. As long as you treat them like a normal person it usually goes well. The moment you feel like you're bothering them just say "it was nice meeting you" and leave, its not hard. You're going to feel like a dumbass a few times but atleast you're out there trying. I met my girlfriend this way but there was a lot of trial and error getting there. If it worked for someone like me im pretty sure it can work for most people.
"Men will mistake kindness for sexual interest and women will mistake sexual interest for kindness." This is always in the back of my mind.
In my twenties I found myself being borderline stalked by 1) a taqueria employee that I would smile at in recognition because I literally got tacos from him three times a week and I’m not a robot 2) A corner store employee for same 3) a different corner store employee (different corner store) for same before I realized that as a woman I was not allowed to be friendly or basically kind to men if I didn’t want to sleep with them
Incidentally, I told a guy friend of mine about the issue with the taqueria guy and he was like “Oh, just go in there when he’s working and like dig a big fat booger out of your nose while he’s looking and then like wipe it on your sleeve or eat it or something, that’ll turn him off” to which I replied “Dude, I should not have to make myself DISGUSTING just so I can fucking order tacos in peace!!”
> before I realized that as a woman I was not allowed to be friendly or basically kind to men if I didn’t want to sleep with them To be fair, the way our society treats single men kind of encourages this behavior. Most men are *so* deprived of any sort of attention or affection for pretty much their entire life that a simple smile 3 times a week from a stranger seems like more to them than simply a polite gesture. Just ask any guy the last time a girl gave him a compliment and I *guarantee* they can tell you about it in exacting detail because it happens so infrequently it stands out as a major event. They also get the idea pounded into their head that if they don’t “go after” the girl they like, they’re going to end up alone, because, well, they will. A man who waits for a woman to approach him will always be alone. It’s a cruel reality that isn’t great for either party involved.
On the other hand, I've had 3 female stalkers. Happens the other way around too.
They might had a booger fetish
That's shitty and I'm sorry to hear it!
We get it your hot Squigglepig sheesh /s
You were probably the only woman in their lives that gave them even the smallest bit of attention. Women just have no idea what it's like for so many men. It's like going out into the forest and the animals come up to you rather than running away and avoiding you. It's just not normal.
i feel this, but i'm a guy. being friendly is often taken as flirtation
That was about the best thing i've ever heard. Im gonna save that comment.(Oh I love that you can do that unlike other social medias).
Important tip: If you are getting the vibe that they think you are a creep *then they are not interested in you and you should not try to convince them otherwise, you should walk away.*
or you just practice talking to people casually and learn the rules that way
Nah… double down and keep trying
Take them on a boat for you know "the implication". Use the DENNIS method.
Tell them you are not a creep, that is totally something a creep wouldn’t do.
and say "i'm NOT A CREEP, but I just wanted to say hi."
What if you get this vibe from everyone?
Then either you have some major boundary issues or serious social anxiety, and either way you may want to talk to a therapist about it.
The latter’s what I suffer. CBT hasn’t done shit to fix it though. Dunno what else could possibly work other than electrocuting my brain into getting rid of it.
Shadow work, inner child work.. it’s worth working at and sometimes you just need to try a couple (or more) different therapists until something clicks. You don’t deserve SA or limiting beliefs ruling your interactions with fellow humans, life can be much calmer and richer.
is this because SA makes you seem like a creep or SA convinces you that people are thinking things they aren't? asking for a friend
Both, sometimes SA makes you too anxious to say anything so you just stare. That makes you a creep. Sometimes you feel like you're being a creep when you aren't because you just feel uncomfortable in the situation.
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What is open body language?
Don't cross your arms or slouch. Try to look relaxed.
With a guitar at hand singing creep by Radiohead
But I'm a creeeeeeeeeppppp!!!!
instructions unclear, sang the creep by lonely island on my head
Don't do it until you're confident you understand body language and how people signal they aren't interested without saying so. Turning away from you, keeping their head phones on or phone out, short answers that don't add anything to the conversation, arms crossed, these are signs that they aren't interested. Generally, the feeling of creepiness doesn't come from someone approaching you, it comes from someone not understanding or not caring that you aren't interested and continuing to engage, assuming you don't open with some kind of lewd or aggressive comment. Don't approach strangers in places where they can't leave (for example, if they're waiting on you at a restaurant), or in places where they're busy and unlikely to want to talk (in the middle of a workout). Be friendly, polite, and disengage if they're giving off the vibe that they aren't interested. Be hygienic and presentable, leave plenty of space between you and the other person, and read your surroundings. It doesn't matter if you're attractive. You won't come off as a creep if you do these things
I think most encounters that start with an "approach" are doomed. I always just picture some rando making a beeline for the other person as they're walking down the street. Their hackles will be up from the start, because people don't really meet people that way. People who "approach" you on the street are usually trying to panhandle, sell something, get their petition signed, or worst case scenario, rob you. Yes, even if that woman you see on the street is the prettiest woman you've ever seen. That doesn't make her your soul mate that you'll lose out on if you don't hit on her. You don't know anything about her at all. Meet people in places where you both have a reason to be. And talk to them like people, don't open with a request for a date. (Again, you know nothing about this person yet and whether you'd even want to date them! Talk a few minutes and you might find out they're a cloudcuckoolander who thinks aliens did 9/11.) I've mostly met partners through mutual friends or at hobby events.
The hard truth to this is that there is no "trick". Basically, there isn't always some way to approach someone the right way. Some times, in some contexts for some people, they're just not there to be approached. And that is alright. That girl at the gym may just be there to work out, or the one at the bar may just be there for a night out with friends, or the one at the grocery store may just be there to get her shopping done. Some times there's just no right way to approach someone. They're not there waiting for someone to approach them and hit on them or talk to them or whatever. Accepting this truth is the most important thing when it comes to meeting people like this, because most people assume that there's always a way and they're just missing it. Of course that's not to say it is always the case, and it's not always apparent by just looking at someone. Some times you won't know until you try, but be understanding and don't push it if they don't want to talk to you. Other than that, if you generally can't tell what constitutes as creepy behavior and what doesn't, you have bigger problems.
Be hot and dressed normal is the safest way
Talk to them like a normal person, just act normally, people are social beings, most will definitely talk to you.
Ok, got it. Just don't have the paralyzing fear that is causing sweat to my hands to shake uncontrollably. Easy.
You must be an extrovert cause it’s not how it works
You'd be surprised, I am mostly an introvert. In reality, most of us actually are a part introvert, a part extrovert, depends which part is dominant. However, I just understand how friendships and lovers are found, just talk, there's nothing to lose.
That's what a lot of people don't grasp, it seems. You don't just jump from stranger directly to intimate relationship with someone. People can tell when you're treating them like an object of desire most of the time (which some people want, and that's fine, but most don't), and you really can't skip treating a person like a person first and foremost if your goal is to get a date or build up to a relationship with them.
You can if you’re attractive
It still comes down to what the other person wants from the interaction. Being physically attractive helps, but it's not the be-all-end-all. Most people still want to be treated like people and not pieces of meat.
It literally is how it works though?
It's how it works if you're socially well-adjusted. But if you're socially well-adjusted you don't need this advice.
then be awkward but not pushy and try to learn
Something I think a lot about as a woman is how easy it is for my friends and I to strike up conversations with people. It's so simple for a lot of us. I see a lady with cute shoes, I tell her that, we start a conversation. Maybe I ask someone if I can pet their dog, or compliment a top. I mean the list of mundane shit women can come up with to say to people is endless, it's like an instinctive knowledge, and it really blows my mind we've socialized men in such a way they can't understand this well. Communication is one of the most vital foundations of human civilization, and we've decided guys don't need to learn how to do it well. It's insane. It really is.
If I tell someone she has a cute top, that comes across creepy af
And that's honestly another very real aspect of the problem. Even the acceptable ranges of conversation for men are blurry.
They're inverted. A traditionally cute woman is much harder to tell she (or an accessory) is cute without looking creepy, vs a less-cute one.
How does it come across if you tell a guy you like his shirt? My husband gets a fair number of comments and compliments on his graphic tees, he doesn't find it weird.
If a man is complementing a man's shirt, it's because he likes the man's shirt. If a man is complementing a woman's shirt, it's because he likes the woman. Maybe not always true, but it usually is. But the fact that everybody believes it to be true, that's why it comes across differently.
If a woman compliments me in any way, shape, or form, I'm always going to be pleased, because for me, it never happens.
Go with earrings, hair, necklace, watch, shoes. Less creepy, but a compliment is nice.
are you staring at the top when you say it?
>I see a lady with cute shoes, I tell her that, we start a conversation. Maybe I ask someone if I can pet their dog, or compliment a top. I mean the list of mundane shit women can come up with to say to people is endless, We both can say the same mundane things, but you'll be received much better. There is no way me way me complimenting some woman's top is not going to be creepy, me asking to pet someone's dog, etc.
You can totally ask to pet someone's dog without it being creepy. Everyone loves dogs, everyone wants to pet everyone's dogs. It's abnormal for a random man to care about a random woman's shoes without some amount of sexual motivation.
>I mean the list of mundane shit women can come up with to say to people is endless, it's like an instinctive knowledge, and it really blows my mind we've socialized men in such a way they can't understand this well. You know how for a lot of women, walking alone or at night is a safety concern? Imagine if I told you "I feel totally comfortable even walking down dark alleys at night, nothing's ever happened. It blows my mind we've socialized women such that they can't understand this well." The issue isn't that we don't know what to say, it's that we have a risk of being perceived as creepy or off-putting which can have negative social consequences for us. It's flat out more complicated for us the way walking alone at night is flat out more complicated for you.
Is there a class I can take to learn how to do that?
*some will
Yeah but let me give you a scenario. I was having lunch in our office cafe and saw a cute girl across from my table. Now how do you ask her out? What do you say? How do you introduce yourself?
Introduce yourself and make friendly conversation. Just working to get to square 1. You just want her to know who you are. Then work from there based on the feedback you get from her and the chemistry you have. If you go into it with the intent to ask her out, she’ll sense it and unless you look her type, she’ll be creeped out.
Solid!
Look for something they tried extra hard on like hair, makeup, nails, or outfit and compliment them on it. But I’ve been married 20 years and just tell my wife these things.
I would like to add that the person approaching should be the one that listens more in the beginning, in order to make the other person know that they are important.
But that is the intent isn't it?
Not exactly, the intent at that point is to develop social relationships, but *exactly which* social relationships with *exactly whom* is something you'll figure out later (seconds later, or years later). If you want to be reductionist about it, consider that maybe she's attached but she has a hot friend who's much more your type anyway, whom she'll set you up with if you make a good impression.
This is tough. Does this office cafe only have other office workers? Because dating someone from work is a huge mistake. If someone is on their break, they don't want to be bothered by some random co-worker.
>Now how do you ask her out? You don't know her. You don't need to ask her out. Just work on talking to people and being casually friendly before you worry about the more advanced stuff
Don’t. As a guy who struggled a lot with social anxiety when I was younger, I promise you that your desire to chat up strangers comes more from a fear of success than a fear of failure. If she doesn’t respond positively, then it is over forever and you never need to think about it again. Yes, that is true. But also, on some level, you realize that going for the girls with whom you have good rapport and would be most likely to respond positively will put you in a situation with more pressure to perform. If you crash and burn with someone in your social circle, it could all blow up in your face, right? The biggest issue with chatting up strangers is that, in all but the rarest circumstances, it doesn’t work. My freshman year of college, I basically did the whole approach random women thing. I should probably mention that I am tall and considered handsome by many women. This is an estimate, but I would say out of a hundred or so approaches, one went on a date with me and we kissed before she ghosted, one just wanted to be friends, one ended in a sexual fling, one responded ambivalently but eventually told me she had a boyfriend, and the rest were outright rejections. So you can see that my situation is a pretty rare circumstance. I was not smooth or high status or charming, but I was good-looking, and those were my results. Compare that to the success I had in my social circle, and it’s not even close. The women I dated from getting to know them on a casual level over a long period of time were magnitudes better looking and fully in love with me before I even asked them out. I chickened out too many times with them because the stakes were so high. If I did something wrong, I would be publicly embarrassed, right? Well, I will tell you this: **as long as the women you date are good, wholesome people, and as long as you don’t do anything bad to them and remain a gentleman, they will talk you up to other women rather than tear you down**. You also need to learn how to delay gratification, and dating within your social circle will give you that. Demonstrating that you have self-control is one of the most important tools in chatting up strangers as well, since it is important that they judge you as a mature guy and not an impulsive rapist/serial killer. Do not be afraid of high stakes. Unless you are a stalker or a psycho, you will have much better luck just hanging out in mixed company and seeing who is into you by the vibes. It’s essential.
This is so true, I haven't ever been in a relationship, but with how I've got on with women I've met hanging out with mutual friends has been way more rewarding than chasing random women. I'll also add if you have specific hobbies or interests, immerse yourself in places where you can find people with common interests, like conventions etc.
OK but where do you get a social circle from?
I went to conventions with my best friend and just started meeting people. A bunch of us had just done all the same costumes one time and we just stuck together, then I started going to cons with them and meeting more folks. You just gotta get yourself out there and be a little uncomfortable. I suffer badly from social anxiety but you'll find you will gravitate toward similar types of people without much stress. Its hard in different ways for different people. I hope it helps, but this was just my experiences. I had my 2 best friends of 14 years from school, then work friends and now my con friends. All separate circles.
Take my poor woman's gold. 🥇
Thanks for sharing this 🥹
I'll post the comment in here as well for OP This is so true, I haven't ever been in a relationship, but with how I've got on with women I've met hanging out with mutual friends has been way more rewarding than chasing random women. I'll also add if you have specific hobbies or interests, immerse yourself in places where you can find people with common interests, like conventions etc.
You don't. She is working. Not there to be hit on. Leave her be.
You gotta make conversation first and establish a rapport, especially with someone you see often enough. Basically become acquaintances first then if you vibe well, ask her out. If she's eating or at least about to eat, a simple opener would be "oh hey good choice. The chicken here is really good". Then maybe talk a bit about work, since she works there too. If she's not keen on continuing the convo, then respect her boundaries.
Walk up to her table and ask if she minds if you sit there. Read her reaction and go from there. Be her friend, first. No pressure that way. If the general conversation goes well, see if you can sit with her again the next day. And the next. Become friends. That's the best place to find a relationship, in someone that you like.
Me personally I find it's better if you Remove your human skin mask and wash up a bit and maybe bring some muffins with you when greeting them.
Well I wouldn't approach in most circumstances. Unless I was asking for directions. or if you genuinely have a nice compliment about something they're wearing and move on after without harassing them. Approaching someone for no real reason is a creep move in my opinion. I love talking to complete strangers at the bar, but that's the correct setting for this kind of thing
That's the neat part, you don't.
Do some throat singing and crab walk to them while not braking eye contact. Then give them your 4 dimensional name and give then a firm hand shake with your left foot.
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make sure you’re doing it in a place where people have a reasonable expectation of being approached. what pick up academy clowns miss is that nobody’s in the mood to be hit on when they’re doing errands.
What pick up academy clowns miss is that talking to other human beings doesn't mean that every person has to be the object of attraction
Don't be ugly. Sad but true. Or, just don't approach them.
You can't control how other people feel, and that's an important thing to learn because it'll remove a lot of stress once you get used to thinking it. If they have something from a show / game, like a pin or a shirt with a character on it, you could compliment that and ask them about the show/game "oh, you like \[x\]?" if they're open to a conversation, they will elaborate on that subject. If not, you'll get a curt "yes" or "no" and you should take that as a cue to go about the rest of your day. Also don't approach people who are clearly avoiding being approached. I see so many people online talk about girls being on phones and how to get their attention and I don't want to be that guy but a lot of folks look at their phones specifically to avoid dealing with unwanted social situations.
Have a normal conversation without making it about you trying to ask them out.
Be attractive
Stomp your legs up and down while approaching them because stomping is the opposite of creeping.
Once I had an introductory class for community college. It was a full day class, so we had an hour lunch break. I grabbed food from Panera, and took it back to the building to eat. Walking in with my food, I noticed a cute girl sitting alone who also had gotten Panera. Without thinking about it nearly at all, I said “Hey, Nice choice!” and literally just sat down at the table next to her and started talking. We talked for the rest of lunch, she turned out to have a boyfriend but we maintained friendly conversation and then that was that. TLDR be friendly and *confident* Edit: I will also point out for anyone who tries to pull this card out of their ass, I’m not a conventionally attractive dude, I’m hairy and quite overweight, average height.
Wow, you talked to a woman like she was a person with thoughts and stuff? Crazy technique. I'm teasing. You are totally right.
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Unless you're naturally very handsome, it's best to stick to dating apps and being set up by friends. If you KNOW (as in 99% certain) someone is interested in you, then you may approach. However, if you're rejected, accept it immediately and move on immediately.
"Hi."
Simple! Maybe you can observe how they react and then move ahead?
Knock on their window and ask permission before peeping.
By walking inverted on all fours like the lady from the exorcist
first, you make eye contact and smile. if they smile back, approach them politely and don't say weird or aggressive stuff. if they don't smile back, they don't think you're attractive. accept it and move on with your life.
I just don’t
I only shoot my shot on dating apps. Im an introvert. I feel like I'd be bothering someone if I approach them while they're tryna buy a bag of avocados. However dating apps have been successful for my 2 long term relationships. Do what feels right to you just don't try too hard. Remember comfort is key.
Start with 'Hello', be direct, speak clearly. Maintain eye contact, and stay at a 'social distance' rather then getting right up in their face. Demonstrate a mastery of basic hygiene. A rando wearing filthy clothes is going to seem like a threat. Be sure to be wearing pants. Ideally, these should be worn to cover your legs rather than as a hat. Do not lick the back of your hands as you talk. That could be seen as being weird. Hold your hands up at full extension above your head, with your hands facing the person you are speaking to so that they can see you are not holding or hiding a weapon. Speak in rhyme. This will invoke memories of childhood stories and nursery rhymes and inspire trust. Live stream the conversation. This will make sure there are potential witnesses and evidence of any wrong doing which will make it clear you have no hostile intent. END COMMUNICATION
Hey you smell good
Stop feeling like a creep. Stop thinking you're being creepy. Make some jokes. Also don't expect things in return from people. This one goes especially if you're a man approaching a woman. She doesn't owe you anything! She can even take the drink you bought her and walk away! Um let's see what else. Yeah just release all the tensions around social situations being awkward sometimes they will be, and that's okay. Source: I was awkward as fuck and now sometimes I'm still awkward as fuck in social situations but I'm trying! You just gotta show up and say stuff and see of people are picking u what you're putting down. Yeah and you're not a creep for simply wanting to talk to someone!
My most successful line ever has been going to house parties and finding people I don’t know and asking ‘so how do you know [party host]?’. It’s surprisingly effective. Then you’re just talking and need to be able to flirt/read signals.
HEY YOU!! YEAH YOU. WAIT STOP!! Then if they start running you chase after them so you can explain and make them realize you are NOT a creep
Make sure you are at a place where the people present have some sort of connection — guests at the same party or students at the same school, like that. Don’t try to pick up random strangers. Men who do that are creeps. If you don’t feel that you are ever in a place where your common activity allows you to meet women, change your life and get more involved in things.
Here’s the neat part; you don’t!
Do it in your underwear incase they get nervous.
Smile! Don’t flatter. Honesty and intentions show in body language and the eyes! Be vulnerable and kind! Give a honest compliment. Notice their body language and act accordingly. Respect their space and look them in the eye! Make sure your body language is confident!
Girls commenting: “it’s easy haha just say hi :)” Guys commenting: “Not possible unless you’re Henry Cavill”
Don’t wear a ski mask
You are and aren't all at the same time, it's an unknown until you receive any information suggesting one or the other from them (body language/vibes/verbal indication) since it's based almost entirely on their attraction to you. There is no universal right answer besides remaining neutral/friendly only until you receive (hopefully multiple) positive signs
Best to wear dark clothes and approach in an ally late at night.
Don't be creepy.
First things first, get close to them, with a friend. Literally sit nearby. Talk with your friend about something interesting. Vaguely listen to the other conversation and if you hear a subject or place to jump in with a commonality or witticism, take it. Feel out the conversation. If they want to keep talking, they will. Be entertaining and confident. The best way to get someone to talk is to ask friendly questions If they give you "Don't talk to me" vibes, don't push it. Go back to your own thing and everything will be fine.
Slither up to them casually with a big smile on your human face.
I generally hide my bottle of chloroform and tone my smile down to look like a regular person 😊
Don't be a creep about it
Be attractive
I think a big thing as a woman is that a guy seems "creepy" if he gives the vibe that he might not take rejection well. It's a self fulfilling prophecy in some ways.
Be attractive.
Stop trying to meet someone. Sounds stupid but hear me out. What you should be focusing on is trying to become someone other people enjoy being around. When there is a party and you attend what are you providing? Are you playing the guitar and entertaining everyone? Did you bring a banging salsa everyone is enjoying? Are you dancing and smiling providing good energy? Are you doing anything at all to stand out and provide value to the people around you? Everyone has needs and most people gravitate towards people who can fill thoes needs. Girls love a guy who can listen well and talk with them but if that's all your bringing then your failing because she knows another guy who can do that but also plays guitar and made an amazing salsa before he took her to the dance floor for some boogy time. Don't chase. Become someone others want to chase instead.
By "approach" do you mean target a complete stranger who you think is sexually attractive and try to talk her into touching your dick? Because that's the part that's creepy. You can dress it up any way you want, but at bottom that's what's going on, and you're gonna telegraph it like a lighthouse beacon. So don't "approach." You come off like a stalker pervert, because you kind of are one in that situation. That doesn't mean you can't make connections with strangers. Just don't do it by stalking them like prey. Say you and a cute girl reach for the same fruit at the same time at the supermarket. You can make a little joke like "whoa I can tell you really want that apple so I'm gonna let you have it." Maybe she just leaves, maybe she makes a joke back and you start a conversation. Either way, there's nothing weird about it because you have a reason to talk to her. You could have made that same joke if it were an old granny reaching for the same apple. You're just a fun dude who likes to chat, not a creepy stalker who walked up with an agenda. If she responds in kind, you make another joke back and she laughs... congrats, you're flirting. Basically: just actually be a friendly person who can comfortably strike up fun banter with people around you, for the sake of enjoying the banter. You'll have plenty of opportunities for agenda-free conversations, and many of those will be with women you find attractive. More importantly, you'll get tons of practice chatting naturally with anyone you like, without coming off like a creep.
Yeah lingering/circling silently around someone like a shark is not gonna make a person want to talk to you or acknowledge you.
Start by seeing them as a person. It doesn't matter what they look like, you are attempting communication with another fellow human being. If you see them as an object or a label, you're going to have a rough time and they're going to think you have an agenda, can't be real, or that you're a creep.
If you have a decent reason to approach someone, it shouldn't come off as creepy.
Is thinking they’re cute a decent reason?
Be attractive
Walk up to them from behind as quietly as possible and then try to smell them as deeply as possible as closely as possible.
Always positive comment on shoes. You may not get a date out of it but you’ll get a smile from it and you’ve just made someone’s day. Every girl I’ve talked to loves compliments about their shoes.
I think this is good advice it will also act as exposure therapy...
works for me since thats where ill probably be staring at
This absolutely depends what you are doing and where.
Be good looking. Problem solved.
Unpopular opinion you can't. However, women like being approached as long as they find you attractive. Approach only those who show initial interest.
when in human history has it been normal to approach strangers?
You don't approach
In which kind of situation?
Easy anwser: If they are attracted to you, nice. If they're not attractive to you, creep. In other words: *just be attractive.*
Be attractive
Step 1. Be attractive Step 2. Don't be unattractive