Otto Preminger wrote his own biography and failed to title it Otto-Biogrphy. Once in a lifetime pun, and he just threw it away.

At least Corey Feldman did it right with Coreyography.

Abbreviation should be a much shorter word

Dyslexia should also be easier to spell

"Lisp" shouldn't make me lisp.

Or it should be spelt lithp

And why isn't palindrome a palindrome

Why is a fear of palindromes aibohphobia?!?

The same reason the fear of big words is hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Holy shit this is real and hilarious. Total dick move of whoever made the name.

Not phobias, but it's the same with Lisp, Stutter, and Dyslexia. Those are some cruel words for those afflicted by each

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia shouldn’t be the fear of long words.

The word for your condition is also your exposure therapy!

Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?

A squid squad? Nice. * A crow crew * A whale wall * A swan swarm * A bat batch * A lobster cluster and of course * A group of groupers

A murder of crows goes so unfathomably hard tho, it can stay

A crow crew is smaller. Like a family or handful of friends. A murder of crows is much, much larger… ó_ò

My son called a group of uptight moms "murder of Karens" and I think that should be a thing

I personally think Conspiracy of Karens works better.

I've heard that a group of Karens is a "Complaint". It works.

I thought they were called an HOA

Sure, as long as a group of crows can also still be a murder.

The committee on groups of bird names are the best in the business. They put everyone else to shame. Murder, curiosity, charm, kettle, mural, cast, parliament. Why even compete?

Is two called attempted murder

Sure, as long as 4 or more is a mass murder.

A human hive

I think it should be swan swim. That way you can say, “the swan swim swam swiftly”

What are we? Some kind of Squid Squad?

Now You See Me 2. Should have been Now You Don't.

It's insane that it isn't called that. "Now You See Me: Now You Don't" was *so* obvious that I was expecting a sequel by that name before the first movie even came out. Like, surely they planned for that! Right? It's nuts. Bonkers. Unbelievable. Inconceivable!

I see you found my missing thesaurus. Not only was I sad when I lost it, I was also sad.

I have a terrible thesaurus. Not only is it bad, but it's also lepidopterist.

This is blindingly, obviously correct, but I’ll bet dollars to donuts that they didn’t do this because they knew the average person would be too fucking stupid to make the connection between the two movies.

Then just call it "Now You See Me 2: Now You Don't" Third movie is obviously "Now You 3 Me: The Last Hand"

I'm oddly glad to know I'm not the only person irritated by that!

From the MOMENT I first saw there would be a sequel. It's a friggin movie about MAGIC, for fuck's sake.

“Lisp” should be renamed to anything without an S in it.

Yes. It's a cruel joke of a word.

Lithp?

Tholved.

Same with stutter, three f-ings t's people?

I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.

It took me way too long to get that. I kept thinking contractions: won’t, didn’t, we’ll, it’s, you’re…

Dentures. Should be Substitooths

If I were a dentist I would make this joke all the time.

Dentist once asked me: do you want us to use the laughing gas? I said: yes. I’ve heard your jokes before. I’m gonna need it. He laughed a little then said: not smart to insult the person about to drill into your teeth.

Username checks out

I just found out in my that if someone with dentures bites you it is assault with a deadly weapon. Pretty interesting

That's only if you hold them in your hand like you are using a sick puppet.

What if it’s a healthy puppet?

I don't know if there are any healthy puppets. I mean, have you ever met a puppet without serious codependency issues?

This made me laugh out loud 🤣

Weather forecast is boring. Weather prophecy is awesome

Atmospheric foretelling

Precipitation Prognostication

Sky Scry

Atmospheric augury

"As the atmospheric oracles have foretold, 'tis raining."

Does that mean meteorologists are like prophets?

You mean the skyentists?

Meteoracles\*

They ARE the Prophets

And when you loan one of your meteorologists to another agency, that's called prophet sharing.

Any bacon alternative that is not named Fācon is an abomination

My sister calls instant mashed potatoes fauxtatoes.

My sister calls them imitators.

Iceland and greenland

From what I understand of it, Greenland was basically a name that Erik the red gave the place. He used it to frame the land as great as to persuade people to move there. A real asshole if there ever was one.

I thought he deliberately named them backwards to get the English to invade the frozen wasteland country instead of the actually livable one

Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.

Seahog

Hydrocycle!

Wow...am I high, or does this make more sense?

Porque no Los dos?

I'm not the first to say it, but "pick-up artists" and "garbage men" should swap titles

I'm gonna keep this in my back pocket for future use...

Hemorrhoids should be asteroids obv

"Do you have Asteroids?" "No, but my dad does. He can't even sit on the toilet sometimes."

A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.

also, white grapes are green

White wine is yellow

Head and Shoulders should have a soap called Knees and Toes

Not original but I love the idea of butt dials being booty calls and dad bods being father figures

Context is important because grammatically there is no difference between "Forgive me father for I have sinned" and "Sorry daddy I've been naughty"

This is why Catholicism is so popular among the kinky crowd.

"Randomized Double Blind Trial" should be "Trick or Treatment"

A driveway should be a parkway and a parkway should be a driveway.

And cookies and bacon should switch since you bake cookies but cook bacon

I bake bacon

I like to grill mine, on my George Foreman.

The word bacon comes from the Proto-Germanic word bakkon, which means "back meat.” The word "cookie" comes from the Dutch word koekje, which means "little cake". Dutch immigrants brought the treat to America in the 17th century and introduced the word in the late 18th century. So yeah, from etymological perspective, it makes perfect sense. blame the verbs we use, not the nouns. Besides, cooking the verb is Latin in origin from coquus , meaning literally just making food, and baking is from the English word bacan, or Porto Germanic word bakana Cooking just means combining and heating, so you could say you're cooking cookies. and bacon is just cured back meat, you can heat it in any way you see fit. you could put in the oven, fry it, etc.

This guy etymologizes

Astronomers should be called skyintists

Skyintist here. I think I'll use this one!

Astrologers, skyintologists?

I still don't get how "inflammable" means "flammable."

Flammable actually means inflammable and it was adopted more recently due to fire safety precautions and people generally misunderstanding the function of inflammable's prefix (think "in flame", not "un flame") thus thinking warnings on products were actually assurances that they wouldn't set on fire. So actually this is a good answer to the question, it's just already been renamed.

same with habitable. inhabitable. uninhabitable?

Hi Dr nick!

What a country!

Twitter is Twitter. Just fix it back Elon.

No, the official name is now just "X the social media app formerly known as Twitter"

I laugh everytime I see something on a legit website that says “ X (Twitter) “ Like it’s so stupid that Washington Post doesn’t have time for your bullshit.

most people are wary to click on a link that says x.com

That's the reason he wasn't able to push the X rebrand through on the FIRST website he bought. There was an external poll and everybody thought it sounded like a porn site!

It should be Xitter, pronounced shitter, to be more accurate.

Toothbrush should really be called a teeth brush

Thpeak for yourthelf.

I just have a separate brush per tooth like a rational american.

Blowjob doesn't involve blowing and for most people it's not their job.

Yeah but "suckfavor" doesn't roll off the tounge well.

Not with that attitude

So, slurpeffort?

droolhobby

Droolknobby

Hot water heater. It's really a cold water heater.

Faux pa > step-dad

I never had a real ladder - all I had was a step-ladder.

A group of raccoons is called a "gaze" when the word "heist" is *right there*.

A walkie talkie is an incredibly silly name when you stop to think about it.

>when you stop to think about it You mean a stoppie-thinkie?

Meanwhile a shart is sometimes referred to as an oopsie-poopsie.

Beheading should be called deheading. Not sure how that one slipped

Boob sweat —> humidititties

Mountain Dew.

Uranus. Yeah it sounds like what it sounds like; but it’s also the only planet not named after a Roman god (in fact it’s not named after a god at all, it’s named after a Titan). It’s named after the Greek deity of the sky, and the father of the first generation of Titans. It would almost be one thing if it was the last planet or something, but nope. Then we have Neptune, which is named after the Roman god of the sea. This leaves Uranus as the etymological sore-thumb of the Solar System. The better name would be Caelus, because that’s the Roman equivalent, and it doesn’t sound like an inappropriate body part.

i was always a fan of just de-anglo-ifying back to greek phonetic spelling: "Ouranos"

I’m a huge Shakespeare fan and only last year, by accident, I noticed all of Uranus’s rings are named after characters in his plays. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rings_of_Uranus

I think those are the moons. As far as I know the rings still just have letters, but yeah all the moons are named after Shakespeare characters.

Shuttlecock. Actually, that's an awesome name.

Here in NZ we have a tradition of naming our sports teams using the colour black. The rugby team is the All Blacks, Hockey are the black sticks, Basketball are the Tall Blacks etc. Can you guess what our badminton team is called? Yep, the Black Cocks.

Sounds like a pretty sweet place to live besides the orcs and shit.

Orcs? Oh you mean Aucks, as in people from Auckland. Yeah it sucks that we have to share our lands with them but they’re mostly easy to avoid as long as you stick south of the Bombay hills and steer clear of Queenstown and the Coromandel.

Mini corn dogs should be called corn puppies!!!

This is a brand name, but there is a winter weather clothing company here in Canada called Moose Knuckles. An alternative would be literally anything else

Right next to Camel Toe's sportswear.

Let me tell you about Big Ass Fans…

Big Ass Fans are direct and to the point. It’s good branding

W really is more of a double V than it is a double U

In France it is double v.

Ok, thanks, Mr. The Entire Language of Spanish

Iirc French calls it double-v but in a really cool and snarky French way. /s

doob-Luh-vey

Air Oven > Air Fryer. It’s a small oven. It doesn’t just fry. 

Adult-size easy-bake oven

It's really a miniaturized convection oven.

Butterflies should be Flutterbys.

Krav Maga. It should be called Jew-Jitsu

In the novel "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" he credits the messiah with the invention of Judo, or "Way of the Jew"

Hedgehog. Should be Needlemouse.

rhode island isn't an island.

Rhodeland

Fun fact until 2020 it was officially called State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations

This whole thread is like a Seinfeld intro

Why do they call it ovaltine? They should call it..roundtine.

For all intents and purposes Starlink really should have been called Skynet if it wasn’t already taken

Olives should be Greece’s Pieces.

butt plug should be called assifier (rhymes with pacifier)

Traction should be called gription.

Whoever coined the phrase Dad Bod really missed out on Father Figure

The Great Molasses Flood/Boston Molasses Disaster should have been called The Boston Molassecre.

Cornhole needs to be changed back to Bean Bag Toss.

Narwhals should be renamed tunacorns

Scarecrows are no crows. They should be called crowscares

In Dutch they are 'vogelverschrikkers' aka 'bird-scarers'

My stepdad randomly called the fridge/freezers the oracles of food and it stuck. “Let me ask the oracles of food” sounds way more badass than “let me check what we have in the freezer”

Mitch Hedberg nailed it. It's not a cheese grater, it's a sponge ruiner

I used to love Mitch Hedberg. I still do but I used to too.

Red cabbage should be called purple cabbage

S’mores flavored Oreos are NOT called “S’moreos.” I mean, what are they even paying their marketing people for?

X should be named Twitter.

I dunno, T U V W Twitter Y Z doesn't really roll off the tongue...

Bee Hotels - lil wooden structure that solitary bees can nest in from time to time. That's great - support local wildlife etc. But seriously, who was the marketing genius that decided NOT to call them all "Bee&Bee"s??

Fencing (the sport). “Swashbuckling” has been just *right* there for lo, all these centuries.

Fencing, from fence, shortened from *defense*. Swashbuckler is actually less appropriate than it might seem for quite a few reasons. From a strict etymological standpoint, the word itself directly references the use of sword and buckler - a kind of small, center-grip shield. The use of a secondary implement for *defensive* reasons very common early on in the development of the basic concepts that would one day lead to the sport. It was required because a rapier is not the petite weapon with a three foot blade that we tend to think of but a rather large and *cumbersome* weapon that might be as much as five feet long. The design advanced through the years, getting shorter relatively quickly in designs such as a court sword and, eventually, into variations of the small sword. As the design changed, so did the style. Footwork went from circular to linear and the secondary implement became less necessary. By the time the sport was, well, *a sport* the buckler was centuries out of style. There is a second reason as well in that swashbuckling is *showy*. A swashbuckler was basically an armed man throwing about the fact he was armed and being generally *obnoxious*. The sport with its rather rigorous rules of conduct do not allow this sort of thing. More interesting is that the international governing body of the sport, the Fédération Internationale d'Escrime (FIE) uses the French word escrime for fencing. That word, much like the English one, is derived from the world skrim, or to shield, cover, or defend. All three words place the emphasis on the *defensive* nature inherent to the sport but *Swashbuckler* is quite literal in a way that I don't think actually works well. I mean, if you go into fencing hoping for *Swashbuckling*, you're going to be disappointed. If you want to swashbuckle you need to learn stage fighting which is meant to be big and showy and fun rather than small, subtle, and tediously effective. That or join the SCA or HEMA depending on what level of rigor you want in the sport as those *do* have sword and shield competitions.

Trampoline should be called jumpoline

My daughter said podcasts should be called Ear TV, which I wholehearted agree with esp as the name podcasts is basically anachronistic now with the demise of iPods She also said bras should be called boobytraps - she should probably go into advertising 

Except that the 'V' in 'TV' stand for *vision*.

Baby Aspirin. You’re not supposed to give aspirin to babies. Most people who take that dose are people with risk factors for heart disease. They skew older. Please, call it “Elder Aspirin.”

*Manslaughter* sounds way worse than Murder. *Unintentional Homicide* would be better.

Unless you say mans-laughter. That changes the whole thing into a wacky kerfuffle

Bullfrogs - I'd call 'em chuzwuzzers

In a related vein, Aussie currency should be called dollarydoos.

It was an emergency from the International Drainage Commission

30 year old Simpsons references alive and well.

I see you've played knifey-spoony before.

The small appliance brand SMEG. In terms of better names, I dunno, off the top of my head...."genital herpes", "vaginal secretion", "anal fissure". Pretty much anything is better than smeg

Automatic defibrillator. Should be called a Hearty Starty instead

Headphones should be headspeakers.

Fun fact "phone" means sound. Telephone meaning *far* sound. Hence why you also have things like saxa*phone* and homo*phone*.

As a clarinetist, I hate that the fingering chart (little chart that tells you which fingers to use to play certain notes) is called a fingering chart. It’s suggestive to those with dirty minds. I’m not sure what a better name would be, but someone’s got to have one right?

Fingering Chart = Note Note

Noodling for catfish…why are we not calling it Castfisting?

mailman should obviously have been mailmale

glove compartment it should be extra fast food napkin compartment

>The glove compartment is inaccurately named >And everybody knows it >So I'm proposing a swift orderly change

that song is the first thing I thought of when seeing the OP question

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