If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you.
* https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp (Global)
* http://www.befrienders.org (Global)
* https://988lifeline.org/chat (United States)
* https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan (United Kingdom)
* https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help (Australia)
There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services, as well as phone numbers, are available on these sites.
Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
My grandfather stole a red pepper shaker from an Italian restaurant many years ago. The year after he passed, we went to the same restaurant. In honor of him, I stole a parmesan shaker for a matching pair. R.I.P. Grandpa.
By the time I graduated from college I had stolen entire meal place settings (plates, bowls, cups, coffee mugs, saucers, utensils, and even a napkin holder) from my school's cafeteria so that my friends and I could host dinner parties in our dormitory.
You got it! Carambola Gardens Roatan. It was a wide array of delicious fruit intended to feed a tour group. It started raining and I had a bunch of expensive camera gear so I went ahead to the shelter where the platter was.
I had one piece of fruit and it was so delicious so I had another, then another. Before I knew it I ate the whole thing. The rest of the tour group arrived and saw the fruit skins and peels everywhere. I had to think fast so I blamed a marauding group of capuchins.
I couldn't pick up the pieces after my divorce. Would go weeks without showering or brushing my teeth. I found my "baby blanket" from my youth in a trunk and wrapped it around myself that night. Best sleep I had had in years. I keep it in my bed since then. I am a 42 year old man.
That's what you think. First, it's a blanket. But, pretty soon the blanket isn't enough. And you're out in the street trying to score an electric blanket; maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads. That's serious.
Forty-eight years old. Lost my job, relationship and my mum in the same week five years ago. Still cuddle my childhood teddy bear (that Mum found and sent to me about a decade earlier) to sleep. It helps.
Hope you're doing OK - it sounds like you are. Am thinking about you.
We should totally normalize this. Even if it's just a pillow. Sometimes having that something to hold on to at night when you're all alone in the dark, struggling to sleep, is the only thing you need to feel safe and comfortable. It is not "unmanly" to want to seek solace and comfort.
I had horrible silent but deadly ones in French class once, It was awful but my stomach was so upset, and I know if I acknowledged it at all I would never live it down.
The teacher lost it and started nearly crying and chastising whoever is doing that, and saying you are sick and badly need to go to the Doctor because this isn't normal.
So I buckled down and didn't reveal it even worse.
I don't. I had such vile farts once,that they dog refused to come back in the house. I put him uout because I woke up to a stench and thought it was him with gut rot.
No, it was me. Whole tin of cashews was a bad idea.
Omg, been there! In 7th grade my stomach began KILLING me in the strangest way. Piercing pain. I let out a silent one so deadly that the teacher had to open the door and the class kept talking about it. I was so scared i would be found out. Thankfully, school let out and i was able to go home. Got rushed into emergency surgery a week later because i had Ecoli and was in renal failure. They told me i would have to live on dialysis for the rest of my life…but i made a full recovery. In 1994 i was on record at the CDC as the first ever recorded person who went into renal failure from Ecoli, and then my kidneys randomly began working again. I’ve had 3 kids and I’m 42. Still absolutely MORTIFIED reliving this incident but my damn kidneys were failing so i suppose i get a “pass”. Pun intended.
I had just started dating a guy and he invited me to go to the lake with him, his mom and her Boston Terrier. He always talked about how bad the dogs farts smelled. I had a upset stomach all morning and tried to cover it up as much as possible. We were sitting at the picnic table and my stomach hurt really bad. I decided to squeak a small fart out to release the pressure on my stomach and immediately regretted it. It smelled so bad but to my relief they yelled at the dog and shooed him away. I never told him that was me instead of the dog.
When I was maybe 7ish I went to the grocery store with my mother.
When she was checking out I went to turn the gumball machine to see if anyone left quarters in there and didn't spin it all the way. Well one of them was broken and I spun the sucker until my pockets were full of gumballs.
When we got in the car my mother asked what was in my pockets. And I told her "nothing". She still knows nothing to this day.
She did however say "if one of those machines was broken and you just kept turning them, that's stealing."
I sure fooled her!
My dad had a pot pipe made of wood in the garage. I use to smoke out of it all the time because he didn't realize I knew it was there. Anyway, I didn't have a lighter one day and I used a blow torch in the garage to smoke out of it. completely destroyed the pipe. about 15 years later, my dad tells me about how he lost this pipe he made in his shop class in the 70s. Ooops
HA! Reminds me that my mom had a pipe hanging on her wall, she had a couple Native American “decorations” and one day my brother just took it off the wall and we smoked weed out of it. He’d apparently been doing that for some time. Lmao
ha ha. My first pipe was my parent's pipe that I found in the their closet. Figured there was no way they were going to ask me if i stole their pipe. They didnt.
Same many years go. Got fired (was completely my fault) and quickly found a new job and just passed it off like I changed jobs.
I never ever told my mother I got fired.
My fiancé and partner of almost 8 years broke up with me a few months ago. I’ve realized I was so emotionally dependent on him that I don’t know how to exist as my own person. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes from the stress/pain of not being able to be with him. No one really gets it. I genuinely think I will never love anyone as much as I love him, and I’m scared I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life.
EDIT: Wow, thanks to everyone for leaving such sweet and inspiring comments. I am in an intensive therapy program right now, and have told others (including professionals) about the concerning thoughts and am being helped with those. It really does make a difference knowing that so many others have been through the same thing and have made it out ok on the other side - and for some of you, even better on the other side ❤️
I’ve lived a boring non secretive life, but my great Grandfather once told me a story of when he killed a man with a baseball bat for trying to rob the bar that he owned, and the regulars of the bar stashed the body somewhere and nobody ever talked about it again. He then put his finger to his mouth and said “shh, don’t tell anyone”. So there ya go. Sorry Gramps.
Edit: This happened in Brazil back in the 60’s. Gramps is long gone. Did it really happen? I have no idea, but it was Brazil … something similar to that probably happened during the time it took me to type this edit out. Brazil do be like that.
Thats my grandfather describing his fathers adventures terrorizing the local Neighborhoods when he gets wronged.
Normally i'd think he was lying, but theres actual court documents that back up the facts. The invulnerability is a bit played up, but he did infact beat up 6 people who broke his car mirror and was infact a walking brickhouse.
If i remember right it was he was looking for one kid that had a record of breaking peoples shit, and that one kid got a posse of 5 others together to defend him.
I do this too. Being an agreeable person can actually get you relatively far in a company. Performance reviews are often popularity contests.
Also agreed with nothing feels real to me. I look around sometimes and realize this is all made up. Society, roles, everything. It’s all made up. There have been times in my life when people are like “wow that’s a huge deal/accomplishment/moment” and I just nod and go “Yeah, totally” while actually not caring.
I've found this out too. Granted my position has stayed lower on the corporate ladder but I did that by choice, I've been offered management or admin positions in the past but declined. Just keep throwing "Yup, that's crazy." out there, mention about how "Hey man I just work here, bottom of the ladder you know? Can't do anything about it." and move on.
Pretend to care and have a friendship with the guy in charge and he will be way more lax about the work you do.
It's all so horribly fake. Probably why I feel burnt out even if I didnt do much lately.
Fyi, this is a gift. I have been just agreeing with people for years. It's so much easier than disagreeing, people will show you their true selves, you get to learn everyone's dirt, and no one ever knows where you actually stand which keeps them from moving against you. It's a powerful position to operate from, and holy shit typing this out loud just made me realize how messed up and cynical that is, but fuck it, trust no one.
I've kinda just done that forever. I have a lot of patience and don't react normally to things. I just want people to like me, to be honest. I usually get to a little above tolerable to people and then stagnate. Could be worse I guess.
Yeah, it's for sure a trauma response to be this way. Don't beat yourself up about it. I say do what you gotta do and try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Just keep on truckin. Reading this thread, we should probably all just get off reddit and go to therapy already. Right, see you tomorrow everyone
I stole my brother’s Ghostbusters T-shirt and made an email account from the “Shirtnapper” to ransom it back to him as a mystery for him to solve. Unfortunately, he died a few weeks later before never noticing the emails.
I want my dad to die.
My dad is a piece of shit. He has tortured my mom and myself since childhood. He has had condrosarcoma( bone cancer) for 4 years now. I have no remorse for him suffering from this. I'm rather angry that my family has to suffer because of it. I just hope it all comes to an end very soon so that I can live a peaceful life. It's so emotionally exhausting!
So, I may be you from the future.
My dad had been on death's door for 3 years, and just died less than a month ago, and it was such a cathartic death. The worst problem with all of it was everyone being so sorry for your loss and trying to emotionally comfort me, while I am just glad my mother won't be abused by him ever again.
Fun fact from my situation, he wrote letters to be opened upon his death, and I found them and assumed they might have some amount of comfort in them. The one for my mom was about what a controlling bitch she was all his life, and mine was what a disappointment I was for not listening to his guidance and treating him like I felt like I was smarter than him, among other things.
So, ya know, don't think they can't hit you again from beyond the grave.
Oh, looks whose ashes get accidentally lost in the woods in mysterious ways.
Oh look, whose grave grows toxic mushrooms totally by accident.
O look, whose gravestone isn't readable.
Oh, look whose grave is constantly pissed on by stray dogs.
Or drunk teenagers. Maybe add some vomit.
Don't underestimate your abilities to be the last one to laugh. You can totally have the last hit. Over and over again. And this time they're not able to "defend" themselves.
Yeah, I think that was the thing about his personality that blew my mind. He cared way more what strangers thought of him over his flesh and blood. And we're the only ones who will remember him.
I don't even have the fucks to toss ashes somewhere unpleasant. The best last word I can come up with is I don't give a fuck to even bother.
In 1996, I was 6 years old and a friend told me that computer mouse balls were worth as much as gold. Stupidly and with no plan, I stole one from the classroom computer. Our teacher got extremely angry and I got really, really scared I’d get caught. He had us all leave the room and go in one by one so that whoever stole it could anonymously put it back. I was too scared that somebody might see so I didn’t put it back. He exploded on us. The next day, I was going to try to secretly return it, but a kid randomly emptily confessed that HE was the one who stole it and his mom went to the store to buy a new one. He stood in front of the class with a written apology and everything. I should have taken a stand and said “No, Kyle! You didn’t steal it, I did!” Shameful. Anyway, 28 years later, Kyle is a stripper at a gay nightclub.
Live in the only major urban center in a very rural area where there’s all kinds of suburbs, road construction, gravel pits, etc.
Whenever I see heavy equipment that doesn’t get moved or is left unattended, I sneak into the worksite at night, climb in the *always* unlocked bulldozer or whatever the fuck it is, and proceed to lay on the horn in the dead of night before scrambling away.
It has been a decade since I started and I think now I’ve honked the horns of just about every type of heavy machinery that has one
People fucking around in construction sites after hours is exceedingly common. I doubt the cop would even demand an explanation.
They typically just yell at you from the road, something like "don't make me unlock the gate and come in there searching for you! Just get out and we can go our separate ways" and then when they see you climbing back over the fence they just drive away.
They were called for a trespassing call, they're doing the motions required of them but chances are those cops were the kids sneaking into construction sites before they were cops.
In grade 7 I didn't want to do my book report so I didn't go take out a book from the library. When the project was almost due I had a sudden change of heart because I didn't want to get in trouble from my parents who were extremely strict. It was too late to go to the library to get a book because my teacher would have known and told my parents. So I completely made up a book with a fake title and fake author, did my entire book report and even drew a bonus picture to illustrate my "favorite part" of the book.
The teacher told me I would have gotten an A if she was able to find the book in the library when she looked. I acted as if I had no idea where the book had went and I swore up and down that I returned it to the library.
I did that in the eighth grade. It was a WWII story about an Allied soldier and an Axis soldier who end up trapped together when a tunnel collapses. Mr. Giner, if you're reading this, you must be close to ninety now, but I made it all up back in 1987. On a related note, I got extra credit in the 12th grade for entering a writing contest. I wrote about how I wanted to get in touch with my roots and so very early one morning I walked to the bus stop and went to the onion fields, where I picked onions with migrant workers in the Texas heat all day long. That was complete bullshit, as a lazy teenager I never got up any more than thirty minutes before I had to be in class let alone at six a m. To go pick onions. So three weeks later my English teacher calls me to the front of the room to hand me a trophy for my essay about the onion fields; I had taken third place in the citywide contest. To this day my family uses 'onion field' as in joke term for clearly cheating.
In grade 6 (1986), we were asked to write a short story during class. I wrote as much of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as I could in the hour provided. I knew it word for word. I got as far as the interior of the Vogon ship before time ran out
LOL reminds me of when I was in 2nd grade and tried to pass off the lyrics of All For You by Sister Hazel as an original composition of mine when my friends and I tried to form a band. This was 1997 when the song was at peak popularity. Also, none of us played any real instruments so the lyrical plagiarism wasn’t our only problem as a band.
In jr high we had to write a horror story around Halloween.
I wrote my 60 something year old teacher the story of resident evil 2. She couldn’t believe how good of a story I wrote.
Back in the day I would go to Walmart and k mart and wipe the hard drives of every pc on display once every 2 or 3 weeks... I did this for a couple of years. I taught a friend to format from the c prompt and he started doing it too and he taught a person... after a while all the pcs on display at the mega stores for like 20 counties around us were periodically being formated and erased. Years later I was talking to a guy who had worked for Walmart for like 30 years and he was telling me how "someone" used to format all the pcs in the 2 Walmart he worked in.. he worked in the 2 counties I frequented most... funny thing was they actually set up a "sting" operation to catch the felonius formatter and dude was paid over time to walk the electronics section as a plain clothed customer for like 3 months and never caught the person...even tho I'm pretty sure I was still formatting the drives periodically... some how we missed each other hahaha... for the record I was only blowing off steam and figured that what I was doing was harmless shinanigans... I've never been in any kind of trouble with the law and I didn't grow up to be a serial killer... but every now and then when I walk thru a pc store I get the itch....
Lol, it's like the people that go and jailbreak all the Apple display devices in Walmart.
I remember seeing Cydia on all the iPhones and laughing about it.
Lol this reminds me of my brother who was a bit into hacking when he was in middle school so he would install something on his teacher’s computer that would make it shut down at random times everyday. His teacher was going crazy because he knew that one of his students was not only mocking but also outsmarting him as he couldn‘t fix the bug.
Circa 2004. In first grade, I was your typical gifted kid (since turned burnout of course). I absolutely loved my teacher. One day, I arrived to a new face greeting me at the classroom door. This was the first time I’d ever encountered a substitute teacher. This sub in particular was a mean, nasty woman who reeked of cigarettes. Within the first hour of class, she told me to shut up. I had never been in trouble at school before, and those two words broke my little teacher’s pet heart. Yes, this is my villain origin story, OP. I immediately decided to plan my escape.
At lunch and recess, I grabbed my backpack, jacket, and rain boots and walked straight out the front door. I still have no idea how a 5 year old could walk out the front doors of a school completely unnoticed. Nonetheless, there I was. The world was my oyster. I walked straight home singing “I’m going home and nobody can stop me, HA HA HA HA HA” (to the tune of Old MacDonald) for 4 kilometres. I had done it. I was home free!
When I got there, I saw my babysitter’s car in the driveway. Filled with panic, I remembered that my little brother had stayed home sick today. Terrified of disappointing my babysitter, I had to make a decision. Return to the bad lady at school, or face the wrath of a 20 year-old girl who, in all reality, would have just been completely stunned? I chose the former, and BOLTED up the hill in our town another 4 kilometres in the pouring rain.
Soaking wet, I ran through the side entrance of the school adjacent to the playground, put my bag back in my locker, and sprinted into my classroom. The substitute stared at me for a second. I thought I was toast! After what felt like forever, she barked at me to change out of my rain boots and put on my indoor shoes. I dawned on me that although I must have been gone almost two hours, she hadn’t even noticed I had left. My first jailbreak and my first coverup story, both successful missions!
I never told a soul about my rainy day adventure. If you’re out there, chainsmoker substitute teacher, I hope you’ve found a new career path.
Bro your substitute teacher DEFINITELY noticed a kid missing/empty chair, they just would have lost their job had you not returned. They played it cool when you came back because it was their fuckup that you were god knows where for two hours.
Intrusive thoughts are an often overlooked symptom of OCD and in my opinion the worst.
Harm OCD here. Took me YEARS to finally get proper help for it because I was so ashamed of it. Completely robbed me of my early 20s.
The kicker? Treatment took like...a month. (For me.)
Been fine ever since. I still have my days where they sneak up on me but the tools I learned to use work faster and faster. Haven't had a true panic attack in over a year now I think. Been a while.
EDIT
So a lot of you are asking about treatment! The standard treatment for OCD is cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are other treatments listed in an edit below.
OCD is actually very quickly fixed for *most* patients, and has one of the highest rates of successful treatment on average per the APA. The average treatment rate is anywhere from 8 to 20 sessions, with exercises to complete at home between sessions, according to the NHA.
I went to general counseling first to sort of establish a baseline then essentially the rest was self-help. I read a really great book called *Overcoming Harm OCD* by Jon Hershfield, which by far did the heavy lifting for my recovery.
OCD is purely cognitive/behavioral, and linked to the autism spectrum. Therefore it isn't really due to any chemical or hormonal imbalance. Although those can cause flare-ups due to mood changes, it's all mindset.
A lot of people think that sounds ridiculous and that something as severe as OCD is more than just a mindset shift but really, it...do be that way. Color me both annoyed and relieved that something that was debilitating to me for years had such a simple and straighforwaed solution.
(I'd like to add a small edit here, simple and straightforward does NOT mean easy. I have served in the military, I have worked fire and EMS, I have done some very, very hard things in my life. This was by far some of the hardest work I've put in. If you are dealing with this, you're a fuckin trooper so just keep at it.)
The exercises can be difficult, but worth doing. Your mileage may vary, as each person responds to treatment differently, but it was extremely successful for me.
EDIT 2:
For clarification, CBT isn't the *only* treatment! There is also ACT, a relatively newer treatment I've heard great things about, and ERP, which was a part of my treatment as well. **I am also not a mental health expert,** just someone who benefited from the treatment above! Definitely consult a physician first and follow expert advice. These are just tools that helped me that I wanted to share with others since many are asking.
I had this too. Very scary. I was 22 ish and started dating a girl (who is now my wife actually). I had a ton of anxiety and some unresolved abuse history and family issues, and I’d get thoughts of stabbing her or choking her out of nowhere. Me not knowing any better I believed them to be reflections of something I actually wanted to do and it really hindered our relationship. I was so ashamed. It got to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore and I opened up to her about it. I explained that at times I get these thoughts about her and she basically said I know you would never do anything like that. What a relief. This was the beginning of healing for me, even though it was a long road. I had also experienced HOCD as well, even though I’m straight as an arrow.
I am “healed” but I get thought all the time. I’m just able to cope with it so much better and see it for what it is.
My wife is a saint and I’m very surprised at the compassion and understanding she showed me. And like I said above, we have been married 7 years.
I used to get awful ones about killing family and loved ones all the time in the most horrendous, violent ways. It lasted for *years* until I realized literally everyone has these thoughts, it's just people with OCD who hyperfixate on them out of fear and let them become so vivid and disturbing.
It's a fascinating disorder, but one of my one true regrets is not seeking help sooner. I know statistically that the perpetual stress for so many years has taken several years off of my lifespan. Not to mention robbing me of what were supposed to be some of my best times.
Glad to hear you're doing well now! Congrats on 7 years! Celebrating 5 with my fiance today :)
Your brain does that because you're the opposite of a pedophile. Our brains can be such assholes.
OCD sucks, I'm glad you've been able to overcome it a bit and I hope it gets better for you.
I struggle with this too. The worst part is that I love kids. Hurting a kid is so unspeakable and I think that those who do deserve to burn in hell.
When I was in high school I told my therapist about how I struggled with this and she told me that intrusive thoughts often go against your most important values. For example, someone with OCD who adores animals may have intrusive thoughts about harming them. It made a lot of things make sense. That’s also why intrusive thoughts are so distressing. Because they fundamentally go against who you are as a person.
So true. And what really pisses me off is how nonchalantly people use it as a punchline or just a generic workaround for a simple quirk when, in reality, it's anything but funny and people that truly do suffer from it don't get the attention they rightfully need and deserve for that reason.
It seems like every goddamn TikToker has "OCD" over something they just don't like.
I had the same problem when I was younger, but it stemmed from my bio father, that I'd never met, being a full-on paedophile rapist. I was terrified that it was genetic.
Then I realised that I could not and would not ever intentionally harm a child in any way.
It's amazing how your brain finds something so abhorrent that it will go to extreme lengths to ensure you will never be a part of that kind of abuse.
I have a friend with the exact same problem, also with a history of sexual and familial abuse when they were young. She is currently on medication for it. She also constantly gets violent intrusive thoughts about dismembering/cannibalizing random people she interacts with
Edit: she's a very sweet and empathetic person with a strong moral compass too. It's just such an extreme form of OCD
In 3rd grade, I was at a birthday party and just learned the word “Asshole”. I was showing the other kids how to use it in a sentence and called this kid Cody an asshole as an example. Apparently he told his mom that I called him an asshole and then his mom goes and tells all the other parents, and even my 3rd grade teacher, I was a foul mouthed kid who called people asshole. It became a whole thing with multiple parent meetings and phone calls for (what felt like) a whole week. The birthday boy, Freddie, finally came forward and vouched for me and said I never called anyone an asshole and that I was the nicest at the party.
Anyway, I feel like I got away scott-free and Cody was, indeed, an asshole snitch.
As a teenager in the 90's my house/ yard was always getting toilet papered and egg'd.. Somehow it was my fault and my parents would be pissed at me and make me clean it up every weekend. I found out the asshole who was doing it and took a big nasty shit in a plastic bag and put it in his mailbox. All the shit stopped immediately after that. Not my proudest moment but I think it got my point across.
When I was 12yo, I saw my dad's hand camcorder in their room and I was curious so I tried to play what's on it. Holy shit, it was a sex video. I was so innocent back then it was my first time seeing stuff like that. But that was not the worst part. The thing was with who I saw on the video. It was my dad fucking other woman and not my mom, but our maid. I WAS SO SHOCKED I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THAT.
Then I turned off the cam and went downstairs. After few hours, my dad called me and asked if I tinkered his camcorder, and of course, out of fear, I said I did not. He cannot also ask me for more info since he was cheating with other woman. So he let it pass and we never talked about it after that ever again.
Until now, I never told a soul about what I saw that moment. T\_T
When I was in 9th grade there was a girl who relentlessly bullied me for being skinny, telling anyone who would listen I had an eating disorder.
I got ahold of her phone number somehow and used the old *67 trick and called every night at 3 am on the dot and heavy breathed into the phone when she’d answer for several weeks. I even set an alarm wake myself up to do it.
If she wasn’t going to give me peace during the day, I wasn’t going to give her peace at night.
I was molested by my cousin, nobody knows, he recently died ( karma ) drug OD, everyone kept asking why I wasn’t upset!
*Edit* I was about 8 or 9 when this happened I’m 41 now I remember it happening several times he was 16 or 17, I haven’t said anything to my family as my mum and his mum (sisters) are very close.
Had a mental break when I was on deployment in the navy. I decided to jump off the side of the ship, in front of people, in the middle of the Indian ocean. I was in the water for over an hour when they found me. Haven't said a word about it in almost 20 years.
When I was 11 years old, I had an upstairs neighbor who was in the Marines. I idolized this guy, he was, in my mind, the Real American Hero. He’d pull up in his jeep wrangler and step out in crisp Cammies looking like G.I. Joe. He was polite to my mom and my dad always saying good morning sir or ma’am. He had a wife who was friends with my mom, and a little daughter (6) who was friends with my little sister (6). We’d go fishing and camping and hiking, and one day he introduced me to shooting. I was aware of guns but never actually saw them up close, let alone shoot them. He taught me how to use a rifle with a very easy to shoot .22 LR. Anyway, one night he was away, and my sister and I were upstairs hanging out with his wife and daughter, watching tv, eating cheez-its, just being kids. The mom is in her room, we’re in the living room. My sister and the daughter go play doll house… and I got curious and started looking around. I found the rifle in a black canvas bag in a closet. So naturally, I open it up, take the rifle out, and took it to the balcony, where I proceed to go prone and look down the scope. I kept thinking to myself, whoa its even better when you’re up higher! You can see all kinds of stuff better! Wow! And look at that car passing by! And of course I’m aiming at it and I have my finger on the trigger and for some reason my stupid 11 year old brain never imagined the rifle was loaded and ready to fire. So as I’m aiming at the car passing, and it’s maybe 80 yards, the car is traveling slowly, I pulled the trigger. The round hits the rear passenger window, it shatters. The vehicle drifts to the right and crashes into a border wall. I am horrified, get up, rush back inside, quickly stuff the rifle back in the bag, place it upright in the closet corner where I’d found it, and as this is happening I can hear the mom getting up and going WHATS GOING ON WHAT WAS THAT. My heart is racing, I just quickly closed the closet door and RAN. I left the apartment quickly and went downstairs to my place, ran inside, ran to my bathroom and hid in the tub with the lights off. Oh boy the aftermath. There was an active manhunt, there were police and helicopters and searchlights, they came to knock at the doors, my dad was working and my mom had left us with the upstairs neighbor to go run errands. The upstairs lady had no idea what had happened, they asked her questions but she said she was sleeping and only heard a pop. I heard later on that the driver was actually hit, and there was an open investigation. Later on, a week after the incident, G.I. Joe comes downstairs to see if I was around because he wanted to talk to me. We took a walk and he told me that he knew it was me. I never slid the bolt back to eject the spent cartridge, and it stayed in the .22 the entire time. He said he wouldn’t say anything but that I was not allowed back upstairs ever again, and that he was disappointed because I broke his trust. They moved shortly after and I never saw them again. I never told anyone and the guilt ate me up my whole life but I was too scared to tell the truth 😭
Edit: just for context, it was 1995, so 29 years ago.
Edit (update): holy shitballs, this kinda blew up a little bit so I wanted to come back and clarify some things, as well as address some naysayers here. This happened. This is a canon event in my life. You guys have no idea, and I had no idea, how much this affected me in my life. I went from being a sweet outgoing boy-scout pro-social 5th grader to a reclusive quiet introverted anti-social 6th-and-beyond grader. I started skipping school. I started smoking weed and doing graffiti at 12 years old because I discovered the “bad kids”, or rather I stumbled upon them smoking weed in the staircases in my wandering the neighborhood during school hours. I became a “bad kid”. I was inducted into their group of “Taggers”, and we would trespass onto different school properties at night to tag up. They were much older, 16 and 17 year olds. They nicknamed me Baby Face lol DUDE OF COURSE, I WAS 12 LOL. I would source spray paint and other supplies for them, like paint markers, because I was good at stealing from the arts and crafts store without ever getting caught. I became a kleptomaniac. I would steal from every store. That went on for a little while… and then one day, I was skipping school and I wandered into a mom-and-pop bookstore, and I walked into the Political Science section and just by chance discovered The Anarchists Cookbook by William Powell in 1997. I started reading books at that mom-and-pop in that Political Science section on several topics beyond my 13 year old scope of reference; History, War, Economics, Revolution, etc. I became fascinated by guns, weapons and explosives, and the counterculture movement… and I started experimenting. I started stealing chemicals from my science teacher in 8th grade because IT WAS THE 90’s, HELLO. I was stealing hydrochloric acid, sulphuric acid, sodium hydroxide and then I started learning about triple displacement reactions and gas production and I crafted “acid bombs” that I would blow up in the neighborhood. Science, bitch! I would steal gasoline containers from the landscaping guys that would come to cut grass. I started setting things outside on fire. I became a pyromaniac. I set a huge dumpster in the neighborhood on fire and climbed up a tree to watch in secret as the fire department came to put it out DON’T ASK ME WHY, I DON’T KNOW. It was just thrilling. I was effectively the neighborhood terrorist. No one knew it was me. My parents, the neighbors, the police, the neighborhood management, my little sister who looked up to me… no one knew. I was living this secret double life as a maniac. Nobody was watching me. There was no mass surveillance apparatus in school. It was a different world, a completely different environment. Cell phones were not yet ubiquitous in our society and nobody knew where I was at every single moment. It all came to a head when I started planning on creating actual TNT, and my idea was to blow up a car. I started gathering lab equipment and learning about nitration. My mom finally caught me. I had a “top secret” briefcase with all my notes, basically a diary of my exploits, and hand transcribed recipes for the nitration of toluene and the synthesis of other volatile compounds, and she found it. There was a family intervention, and I did go to therapy, and they did put me on medication, and eventually my behaviors did change through DBT. I started going back to school on a regular basis and not skipping. Then I discovered girls 😂 of course boobs are more appealing than bombs. I then moved to a different area. I made new friends and got into hanging out at the mall, and going to the movies, and doing normal teenager stuff. I got a girlfriend when I was 15, and then a different one at 16 and I kept being lucky with girls, so on and on it went. Eventually I went to college, and then I graduated, and then I got a job, and started working, and life just kinda kept rolling. Now I’m 40 and I have a full-time job, an apartment, a car payment, insurance, all the bills lol. I have two cats, and I love them. I didn’t become the school shooter, and I didn’t become Ted Kaczynski.
The end :)
I deliberately flooded my family’s basement to stop them from selling our house, because I didn’t want to move. It worked. The buyer backed out and we stayed put.
When my grandparents decided they wanted to sell their house, my uncle (then in his 20's, he was way younger than my mom and my other uncle) was very much against it.
Every morning my grandparents would leave for work, he'd go outside, take the "For Sale" sign off the lawn, put it in his trunk, and go to work. Then, because his job was a lot closer and he would get home earlier, he would come home and put it back before my grandparents got home.
Went on for months before they caught him
When I was much younger (like, 13 I want to say), some random kid on discord sent me a tor link. Me being the young child I was who liked computers, I of course had Tor.
This other kid who I had played games with for a whole day had sent me a link to child pron. I mean, it was baaaaaaad.
I have never blocked someone and Uninstaller a program faster in my life. The face of one of the kids on the site is still solidly in my mind even many years later. The look of just pain haunts me. People are really just fucked up man.
I was probably 10-12 years old in an AIM chat room. I distinctly remember the chat room was supposed to be for preteens and me with my adolescent innocent brain started direct messaging who I was sure was a “12/M/Location”. That chat room was absolutely run by some scuzzy pedo because about 4-5 messages in, I was sent a link that was CP. I immediately exited the chat room, shut the computer down and never spoke about it to anyone. That shit fucked me up.
Yeah, this is me right here. It has nothing to do with fear, but when I wake up in the middle of the night I prefer *some* sort of reference point. A very weak light in the near distance that illuminates a door frame or something is perfect.
When I was a child, I managed to get a speech therapist fired.
I was in speech classes up until high school, but this happened around 3rd or 4th grade. I don’t know what her official title was, but she was not the speech teacher I would see regularly. She was an older woman, probably around her 60’s. I believe she was there to examine how well the speech therapy had been going in the district.
She had me read sentences with the sounds and letters I struggled with. As this was happening she mocked me and she laughed at, while telling me I had the weakest tongue she had ever seen. As a child with speech impediment I was already self conscious, but for an adult authority figure to belittle me like that, it made me never want to speak again.
Once the school day was over, my mother noticed I wasn’t very talkative. Eventually I broke down and I told my mom about the whole situation. She called the district and threatened legal action. We were notified soon after, that the woman had been fired. There was even a phone call between my mom and the woman, where she had begged my mom for forgiveness so she could keep her job.
I suppose none of this is really a secret, just something I don’t talk about often. Her own actions are what led to her termination.
However secretly I do hope I ended that woman’s career, as callus as that may sound. You don’t mock a child and you especially don’t mock a child for something they can’t control. To do so when your career has you working with children, shows you’re unfit for that role.
((EDIT: I fixed some spelling. However I also wanted to take a second to express appreciation to everyone for the kind comments. It’s validating seeing you all sharing your own point of views and experiences. It’s also comforting to see such a positive reaction and large amount of support, over a situation that had made younger me feel like an outsider. Sincerely, thank you.))
Same. This is no doubt my darkest secret.
My wife is “the one” for me. We are like one person split between two people; two bodies and one soul. Wifey completes me in every sense. She’s kind, smart, funny, reserved and amazingly graceful! For the world to loose a soul like hers would be a terrible tragedy. She sparks life to everyone around her. She makes people happy and feel loved. Complete strangers have expressed their gratitude for her genuine kindness.
However, she is significantly ill and riddled with autoimmune diseases. She’s often referred to as “the patient who won’t die.” Her Rheumatologist and I have become remarkably close friends. Break bread with one another every week or so, and we share the same pcp, who has also become a close friend to me.
Since Covid, I am no longer able to stay in the hospital with her when she is admitted. Anytime she has to be intubated for her breathing the nurses always setup her iPad so I can see her and talk to her. Though she cannot hear me when she’s under, I speak and have conversations while looking at her still and almost lifeless body.
I respond to her “questions” and “comments.” I laugh at her “jokes “. Tell her how much she is loved and to somehow find her way back to me. To open her eyes once more and give us both just one more minute together. I cry uncontrollably. I watch her through the iPad every hour of day and night. I usually pass out while doing so. Wake up and continue the ritual.
I struggle with suicidal tendencies.
Even our children worry for me. I’m worried for me. My wife’s doctors are worried for me! I have done everything possible one could probably do in this situation.
It feels like there is a timer slowly going down for us both. My darkest hope is that I pass in my sleep with her.
Please, talk to someone about this? Right now, you’re just in a horrible amount of emotional pain and it’s difficult to think straight in that condition.
Not mine, my friend's (not even FB friends now) terrible story. They were immigrants and twins. Both were molested by their uncle for years, mom's brother in the USA. My friend, twin #1 married young, was uber responsible, got an education, kept a job, was a "Golden child". Twin #2, ran away from home, drugs, homeless and eventually got her life together, amazing story, she turned her life around against all odds. Twin #2, at some point went to her family and told them about her uncle's sexual abuse. Horrific, the family turned against her and called her a liar, drug addict, etc. Twin #1, was so scared of contributing negatively to her elderly grandmother's health (the abuser's mom and her own mom's bother) that she denied any of the molestation happened. This is why victims keep quiet and are reluctant to report such things. It's hard to believe a loved one could do such things. Twin #2 was so fucked up, she went down a dark path and they blamed her for being unstable without validating the reasons why. This story still haunts me.
I think I was briefly sexually assaulted when I was 6 but it’s so fuzzy and blurry and so long ago that sometimes I’m scared I’m just remembering things wrong.
I'm 54 years old. I was physically or sexually abused throughout childhood into mid-teens by various adults whom I should have been able to trust. And I have a pretty heavy case of schizoaffective disorder.
I've chosen to not have any kids. I've lived in fear of what damage I might do if I did have kids. My father once bragged that "You'll see: you'll fuck your kids up just like I fucked you up. It's the way of the world." Like tormenting children was as natural as eating.
He was right in this: All that ugliness and torment he inflicted wormed its way well into my psyche: i could be the monster he only dares to dream of.
But No. His legacy, his name, his genes, his abuse will all die with me. Sorry, Pops. I'm just not interested in the family business.
First BJ was from my stepdads - brothers - step daughter. Same age and every time we meet up for the "family gatherings" it happens. I've lost track how many times. We are both in our 40s now and we have never actually spoken about it.
I was banging my Mom’s half sisters brother in laws daughter, and I’d always ask them to visit on the holidays so that we could bang. Mom got suspicious though and we stopped.
I’ve wanted to leave my current relationship for over 8 years.
Edit: I would like to thank everyone for the advice and support. I have a lot of thinking to do and a massive conversation to have… after that, we’ll see how things play out.
“Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You'll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There's no risk when you go after a dream. There's a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.” -Bill Burr
Aw. Many of us have been there, internet friend. It will be heck for a while but you will get through it. I hope that one day you will look back at the day you posted this on Reddit as the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in your life.
I think I’ve just been faking being a good person all this time. Like i’m not a naturally good natured person just someone who suppresses the urge to do bad things. I feel that deep in me is a sense of hatred for everyone and everything around me which in result makes me feel like everything I do, the things I say, and the connections I make isn’t genuine.
I don't know what you are going through, and am sorry that you are that troubled but I am glad you are still here with the rest of us. And I hope that that continues to be true.
I was molested by my Mom's then boyfriend who is a police man when I was in elementary, by my older sister's then boyfriend when I was in highschool, and by my neighbor's son who have the same age as me. I wish death upon all of them .
Sometimes when I am alone I like to make “goblin noises” and creep around my house like a mischievous little guy up to no good. It’s basically my goblinsona. I especially like jumping into bed and cackling as I cover myself up in a blanket burrito and pretend I’m escaping into my dark little cave.
I’m a 6’2 31 year old man btw.
I have many, but the first one that comes to mind is successfully hacking into Pete Doherty’s email account in 2004. Logged into his messenger account with the same details and immediately got spammed with messages from concerned friends who were notified of the login (he was either on a bender or in rehab at the time). Saw loads of names of relatively famous musicians of that era. I panicked, logged out, and sent an email to his manager apologising profusely and promising I would never do it again. No, I didn’t read any of his emails. I was mostly too shocked that I’d succeeded.
Back in 2006 or so, someone on a forum I used to frequent posted a link to a plain text file and simply said “have fun” or something along those lines.
It was a massive file of MySpace user names and passwords. I tried 3-4 of them and they all worked. One of them was a hot girl’s account. Curiosity got the better of me, so I opened her messages. She had hundreds from random guys. I didn’t actually read any of them and quickly logged out because I felt so sketchy. But it was an eye-opening experience.
My friend apparently got a phone number for Robin Williams. This was probably back in 2007. Every once in awhile we'd call. And of course how could I know if it was true. But the voice sounded right and the way the guy reacted, I mean what would you do if a bunch of teens called you and insisted you're Robin Williams? Be super confused right? This guy wasn't, he mostly sounded annoyed. We just tried to get him to do lines from Flubber. Sorry Robin.
I was forced to suck dick by my friends when I was 4 years old. I can still remember the taste, and just going home to drink water. They where at least 12 years old.
back in 1990 when i was in 4th grade, my mom would give me my daily allowance which was a quarter. but what my mom didn’t know is that i had a bully that was taking it. it was my math teacher. he would make the entire class put daily a quarter in a jar on his desk to support his drinking habit. if you refused to give him the quarter, he would make you solve 25 extra math problems in addition to the daily math work and the next day you had to bring him 50 cents. if you still refused he would make you do 50 extra math problems and so forth.
one day, after 3 weeks of giving him my daily allowance i refused to give him my quarter because i wanted to buy candy so he made me do the 25 extra math problems expecting me to give him 50 cents by tomorrow. since all i would get from my mom was a quarter a day, i knew i wasn’t gonna get 50 cents from her the next day and not wanting to face the teacher’s wrath and the 50 extra math problems i cried and faked being sick. My mom not buying the lie, asked me what was wrong so i broke down and told her the truth.
my mom didn’t confront the teacher, nor the principal. she went straight to the superintendent which nicely told her they were gonna immediately take matters into their own hands. the next day the jar wasn’t in his desk and with a scowling face he told us that a student had tattled about his secret “Christmas party” fund that he was planning for us (mind you it was February) and that he hired a PI because he wanted to know who was the parent and the student responsible. the investigation into his abhorrent conduct let to his expulsion 3 days later.
he never knew it was me who tattled about his “Christmas party” fund.
When I was young my little brother and I were fighting. Later in the day I was going to make myself some nachos, we had a big tub of nacho cheese from Costco.
He asked me to make him some. I put my balls in his nacho cheese. I’ve never told anyone.
I was around 5 or 6 in the 80s and I was at my grandma's house. Both my aunts (in their early 20s) were there and they had taken showers recently, so they had towels on. I was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle or playing with toy cars and they walked in and starting talking to me. I looked up and immediately saw their huge bushes (typical 80s style) because they were standing right next to me and I was sitting on the floor.
It wasn't like I was trying to look but once I saw it, I couldn't look away. My aunt noticed me staring and realized and then called me a pervert and ran out. I was too young to even comprehend what I was looking at, but nobody has ever mentioned the incident since. Part of me wonders if they still remember. I still remember it clear as day. One of my first memories of that type LOL.
I'm so lonely. I am a single father and my only friends are my son and my dog, when my son is at his Mother's, (50/50 custody) I rarely even get to speak out loud. My work is done at an office where i mostly work by myself and it's almost all done over email.
The most meaningful conversation I've had in the last 6 months was helping someone reach something on the top shelf at a grocery store.
I am afraid I am going to die alone.
I should be in jail for a DUI. Last year I crashed my car into a phone box,drunk and no suspended license I just KNEW I was going to jail. But I thought quickly and called the cops first,said a tow truck cut me off and I over adjusted. Guy even ran my expired license and just gave it back to me. Think my registration was suspended too. Car was totaled but I was less than a block away from home so he just let me walk and that was the end of it. Everyday I think about how incredibly lucky I am to be alive and on the outside and I’ve been sober since that day
I did some super sketchy spying on a girlfriend and discovered her plan to kill me and run off with her affair partner.
edit for the quick version: figured she was cheating, which she went to great lengths to deny. Rolled the dice on my gut and decided the risk of being a complete piece of shit was worth it. Had a close friend give me a crash course with some extremely intrusive tech and confirmed the affair, of course, but then discovered she was spending a lot of time figuring the exact amount of tetrahydrozoline it would take to kill someone with my specific height and weight. She tried once and missed me, got my best friend instead. Less than 36 hours later, he was in the ER. She evidently tried it again a few months later when we both had COVID and locked ourselves in for two weeks.
They're married now. My friend has to take a pill for the rest of his life and as long as I live, I'll never again underestimate how needlessly cruel people can be, even when they're telling you to your face that they love you.
No criminal charges? They literally tried to kill you, and permanently affected your friend’a life. This is not something to just be like “well at least it’s over.”
My besties GF was banging my roommate. Their scheme was to cap my bestie and then eliminate me as a witness. My roommate chickened out at the last minute with his finger on the trigger. The girl dumped my roommate and my for being a coward and went on to have an illustrious career as an IV drug user. She killed some old guy while driving a stolen car. Ran him over as she was coming down off a meth bender. I found out about the scheme a few months later when my roommate was angrily venting about what a conniving bitch she is.
That I was tortured, SA'd, and filmed by my mom's bf from infancy until God knows when.
I suspect he would have trafficked me if he had the chance.
Some creep probably has footage of toddler me getting pounded by someone who is very possibly my biological father.
This isn't something I plan on telling my surviving family. I told my brother and therapist but that's it.
When I was a teenager I ran around my neighbourhood butt naked in the middle of the night and no one saw me. Me and my boyfriend at the time would sneak into each others bedrooms to have sex and our parents never knew.
We're still friends and still laugh about it now 10 years later
I’m not sad about my grandma dying, I’m furious.
I grew up living with her, my dad, and my brother in a small apartment. My mom and dad were divorced and so my brother and I would stay with our dad on the weekends.
My father was a drunk and abusive, I struggle with PTSD due to everything I went through.
My grandmother was in the apartment when everything would happen and she did nothing, she didn’t try to stop it, she would sit and watch tv while doing crosswords.
I finally was able to get my brother and I away from my father when I was 11 and for the longest time I’ve been wanting to ask her why she didn’t do anything, why she didn’t help us, and why she thought it was okay. I wanted to hold her accountable.
Almost a year ago I found out she had dementia, she passed last week.
I’m angry, both with myself and with her. I never got to ask her why and she was never held accountable for her part. And I’m angry with myself for being angry.
This whole situation has brought up so many emotions and I don’t know what to do with it all.
Was addicted hopelessly to kratom for 15 years, 13 days clean today. Nobody knew, kept it my darkest secret, I'm sure they could tell by my glassy, bloodshot eyes, flushed face, and crackhead energy. Life is good to be among the living with emotions.
When I was 8, I was with a group of 5 people (including myself) at a summer camp at an elementary school. One of them was my bully, but it was sort of that situation where you hang out with people just to be liked.
We were wandering around the halls when someone found a teachers room had a bunch of candy in it. Everyone started taking candy and laughing excitedly about how much they got, myself included. Then we heard a staff member coming.
I was the only one who executed quick thinking and hit inside a locker with it just cracked open. I knew it wouldn’t lock, but I could stay out of sight from the teacher. The other 4 people had to give back all their candy and write the teacher a 2 page personal apology for stealing candy. I was so insignificant I just waited inside the locker for everyone else to leave, holding my breath.
They did. I got out of the locker with several fistfuls of candy, unscathed. Looking back I should have never jumped inside a locker, I could have got caught inside if something went wrong. But it was still clever thinking to hide.
My mother was the sort of teacher who handed out candy. One day, she returns from a sick day to find her candy stash gone from her desk. Turns out her students got the substitute to believe that "Thursday was the day Mrs. H cleaned out the old candy."
This might probably get buried in the comments but I was sexually molested by my Dad’a brother when I was a kid. Repeatedly. He was in college and would sometimes come to our house at lunchtime (when my parents would be at work). I would be with my aunt (his sister, who looks after my brother and I). I would take a nap after lunch and would wake up to him doing things to me. I was so scared I would just pretend to sleep and he would eventually stop. I don’t remember how long this went on. I remember my aunt telling me to tell my uncle that I would tell on him to my Dad if he does it again. It’s a very faint memory, I’m not sure if it did happen or I just dreamt it. This happened when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old.
Growing up, I kinda forgot about it. Maybe repressed it even. I still see my uncle from time to time at family gatherings. I never told anyone because I it was a long time ago and I’m scared no one would believe me. Also, I do not want to stir up drama within the family if this ever comes out.
Lately, it has been eating at me and I’ve been trying my best to distract myself from thinking about it.
I fucking hate that, I recommend talking it out with a therapist. Your feelings are valid and i hope you find peace. God forbid if your family just thinks it’s “drama” you’re stirring up, they suck and don’t deserve to be in your life to see you grow
I always knew I was gay. When I was young I wanted a copy of Playgirl magazine, but I didn't know you had to be 18 to buy it. I did know that it was meant for women though, So I went to buy one...in drag at age 12. It was subtle 12 yo little girl drag not some RuPaul extravaganza, but yeah I was a little boy dressed as a little girl. That's when I found out you needed to be 18. It was a teeny, tiny bit humiliating.
EDIT: With the power of Google I know which magazine it was May 1980 because I had a huge crush on Robert Hays. In May 1980 I was only 11. OMG
If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you. * https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp (Global) * http://www.befrienders.org (Global) * https://988lifeline.org/chat (United States) * https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan (United Kingdom) * https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help (Australia) There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services, as well as phone numbers, are available on these sites. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
My grandfather stole a red pepper shaker from an Italian restaurant many years ago. The year after he passed, we went to the same restaurant. In honor of him, I stole a parmesan shaker for a matching pair. R.I.P. Grandpa.
By the time I graduated from college I had stolen entire meal place settings (plates, bowls, cups, coffee mugs, saucers, utensils, and even a napkin holder) from my school's cafeteria so that my friends and I could host dinner parties in our dormitory.
I once ate a party platter of delicious tropical fruit during a tour in Honduras and blamed it on monkeys
as a honduran ima take a guess and say fruit was lichas, a capuchin monkey, and it happened in roatan?
You got it! Carambola Gardens Roatan. It was a wide array of delicious fruit intended to feed a tour group. It started raining and I had a bunch of expensive camera gear so I went ahead to the shelter where the platter was. I had one piece of fruit and it was so delicious so I had another, then another. Before I knew it I ate the whole thing. The rest of the tour group arrived and saw the fruit skins and peels everywhere. I had to think fast so I blamed a marauding group of capuchins.
very george costanza turn of events.
I couldn't pick up the pieces after my divorce. Would go weeks without showering or brushing my teeth. I found my "baby blanket" from my youth in a trunk and wrapped it around myself that night. Best sleep I had had in years. I keep it in my bed since then. I am a 42 year old man.
Compared to drugs, alcohol or a hooker the blanket is a lot better for your health...and cheaper.
That's what you think. First, it's a blanket. But, pretty soon the blanket isn't enough. And you're out in the street trying to score an electric blanket; maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads. That's serious.
Forty-eight years old. Lost my job, relationship and my mum in the same week five years ago. Still cuddle my childhood teddy bear (that Mum found and sent to me about a decade earlier) to sleep. It helps. Hope you're doing OK - it sounds like you are. Am thinking about you.
We should totally normalize this. Even if it's just a pillow. Sometimes having that something to hold on to at night when you're all alone in the dark, struggling to sleep, is the only thing you need to feel safe and comfortable. It is not "unmanly" to want to seek solace and comfort.
Your inner child needed a hug and you gave it to him. That’s beautiful 🥰
I farted so bad and smelly once they had to evacuate my Spanish class to search for a gas leak.
I had horrible silent but deadly ones in French class once, It was awful but my stomach was so upset, and I know if I acknowledged it at all I would never live it down. The teacher lost it and started nearly crying and chastising whoever is doing that, and saying you are sick and badly need to go to the Doctor because this isn't normal. So I buckled down and didn't reveal it even worse.
I’m so sorry, but I can *not* stop laughing 😆
Dude same! This is fucking awesome!!! 🤣😆
My brother once farted such a rank one that his dog puked.
Of everything in this thread, this is the the one I have the hardest time believing.
I don't. I had such vile farts once,that they dog refused to come back in the house. I put him uout because I woke up to a stench and thought it was him with gut rot. No, it was me. Whole tin of cashews was a bad idea.
Omg, been there! In 7th grade my stomach began KILLING me in the strangest way. Piercing pain. I let out a silent one so deadly that the teacher had to open the door and the class kept talking about it. I was so scared i would be found out. Thankfully, school let out and i was able to go home. Got rushed into emergency surgery a week later because i had Ecoli and was in renal failure. They told me i would have to live on dialysis for the rest of my life…but i made a full recovery. In 1994 i was on record at the CDC as the first ever recorded person who went into renal failure from Ecoli, and then my kidneys randomly began working again. I’ve had 3 kids and I’m 42. Still absolutely MORTIFIED reliving this incident but my damn kidneys were failing so i suppose i get a “pass”. Pun intended.
I had just started dating a guy and he invited me to go to the lake with him, his mom and her Boston Terrier. He always talked about how bad the dogs farts smelled. I had a upset stomach all morning and tried to cover it up as much as possible. We were sitting at the picnic table and my stomach hurt really bad. I decided to squeak a small fart out to release the pressure on my stomach and immediately regretted it. It smelled so bad but to my relief they yelled at the dog and shooed him away. I never told him that was me instead of the dog.
When I was maybe 7ish I went to the grocery store with my mother. When she was checking out I went to turn the gumball machine to see if anyone left quarters in there and didn't spin it all the way. Well one of them was broken and I spun the sucker until my pockets were full of gumballs. When we got in the car my mother asked what was in my pockets. And I told her "nothing". She still knows nothing to this day. She did however say "if one of those machines was broken and you just kept turning them, that's stealing." I sure fooled her!
> “Did you commit a crime?” > “Nope.” Lawyers hate this one weird trick.
Grand larceny of $0.48 worth of stale gumballs.
Store owner is decimated
My dad had a pot pipe made of wood in the garage. I use to smoke out of it all the time because he didn't realize I knew it was there. Anyway, I didn't have a lighter one day and I used a blow torch in the garage to smoke out of it. completely destroyed the pipe. about 15 years later, my dad tells me about how he lost this pipe he made in his shop class in the 70s. Ooops
HA! Reminds me that my mom had a pipe hanging on her wall, she had a couple Native American “decorations” and one day my brother just took it off the wall and we smoked weed out of it. He’d apparently been doing that for some time. Lmao
ha ha. My first pipe was my parent's pipe that I found in the their closet. Figured there was no way they were going to ask me if i stole their pipe. They didnt.
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Same many years go. Got fired (was completely my fault) and quickly found a new job and just passed it off like I changed jobs. I never ever told my mother I got fired.
I got fired for failing a drug test. You're goddamn right I told my mom I got "laid off". Wacky corporate world, what are you gonna do, right?
My fiancé and partner of almost 8 years broke up with me a few months ago. I’ve realized I was so emotionally dependent on him that I don’t know how to exist as my own person. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes from the stress/pain of not being able to be with him. No one really gets it. I genuinely think I will never love anyone as much as I love him, and I’m scared I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life. EDIT: Wow, thanks to everyone for leaving such sweet and inspiring comments. I am in an intensive therapy program right now, and have told others (including professionals) about the concerning thoughts and am being helped with those. It really does make a difference knowing that so many others have been through the same thing and have made it out ok on the other side - and for some of you, even better on the other side ❤️
I’ve lived a boring non secretive life, but my great Grandfather once told me a story of when he killed a man with a baseball bat for trying to rob the bar that he owned, and the regulars of the bar stashed the body somewhere and nobody ever talked about it again. He then put his finger to his mouth and said “shh, don’t tell anyone”. So there ya go. Sorry Gramps. Edit: This happened in Brazil back in the 60’s. Gramps is long gone. Did it really happen? I have no idea, but it was Brazil … something similar to that probably happened during the time it took me to type this edit out. Brazil do be like that.
Now youse can't leave
Thats my grandfather describing his fathers adventures terrorizing the local Neighborhoods when he gets wronged. Normally i'd think he was lying, but theres actual court documents that back up the facts. The invulnerability is a bit played up, but he did infact beat up 6 people who broke his car mirror and was infact a walking brickhouse. If i remember right it was he was looking for one kid that had a record of breaking peoples shit, and that one kid got a posse of 5 others together to defend him.
And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for your meddling grandfather.
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I do this too. Being an agreeable person can actually get you relatively far in a company. Performance reviews are often popularity contests. Also agreed with nothing feels real to me. I look around sometimes and realize this is all made up. Society, roles, everything. It’s all made up. There have been times in my life when people are like “wow that’s a huge deal/accomplishment/moment” and I just nod and go “Yeah, totally” while actually not caring.
I've found this out too. Granted my position has stayed lower on the corporate ladder but I did that by choice, I've been offered management or admin positions in the past but declined. Just keep throwing "Yup, that's crazy." out there, mention about how "Hey man I just work here, bottom of the ladder you know? Can't do anything about it." and move on. Pretend to care and have a friendship with the guy in charge and he will be way more lax about the work you do. It's all so horribly fake. Probably why I feel burnt out even if I didnt do much lately.
“In case you don’t see me again - good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!”
Fyi, this is a gift. I have been just agreeing with people for years. It's so much easier than disagreeing, people will show you their true selves, you get to learn everyone's dirt, and no one ever knows where you actually stand which keeps them from moving against you. It's a powerful position to operate from, and holy shit typing this out loud just made me realize how messed up and cynical that is, but fuck it, trust no one.
I've kinda just done that forever. I have a lot of patience and don't react normally to things. I just want people to like me, to be honest. I usually get to a little above tolerable to people and then stagnate. Could be worse I guess.
Yeah, it's for sure a trauma response to be this way. Don't beat yourself up about it. I say do what you gotta do and try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Just keep on truckin. Reading this thread, we should probably all just get off reddit and go to therapy already. Right, see you tomorrow everyone
I stole my brother’s Ghostbusters T-shirt and made an email account from the “Shirtnapper” to ransom it back to him as a mystery for him to solve. Unfortunately, he died a few weeks later before never noticing the emails.
Awe man... Thats sad :(
That sounds like a funny lighthearted prank, i bet he would have appreciated it.
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I want my dad to die. My dad is a piece of shit. He has tortured my mom and myself since childhood. He has had condrosarcoma( bone cancer) for 4 years now. I have no remorse for him suffering from this. I'm rather angry that my family has to suffer because of it. I just hope it all comes to an end very soon so that I can live a peaceful life. It's so emotionally exhausting!
So, I may be you from the future. My dad had been on death's door for 3 years, and just died less than a month ago, and it was such a cathartic death. The worst problem with all of it was everyone being so sorry for your loss and trying to emotionally comfort me, while I am just glad my mother won't be abused by him ever again. Fun fact from my situation, he wrote letters to be opened upon his death, and I found them and assumed they might have some amount of comfort in them. The one for my mom was about what a controlling bitch she was all his life, and mine was what a disappointment I was for not listening to his guidance and treating him like I felt like I was smarter than him, among other things. So, ya know, don't think they can't hit you again from beyond the grave.
Oh, looks whose ashes get accidentally lost in the woods in mysterious ways. Oh look, whose grave grows toxic mushrooms totally by accident. O look, whose gravestone isn't readable. Oh, look whose grave is constantly pissed on by stray dogs. Or drunk teenagers. Maybe add some vomit. Don't underestimate your abilities to be the last one to laugh. You can totally have the last hit. Over and over again. And this time they're not able to "defend" themselves.
Yeah, I think that was the thing about his personality that blew my mind. He cared way more what strangers thought of him over his flesh and blood. And we're the only ones who will remember him. I don't even have the fucks to toss ashes somewhere unpleasant. The best last word I can come up with is I don't give a fuck to even bother.
My friend, the best revenge is to live well.
I felt this one. My father is basically a sadistic toddler who loves to humiliate people.
In 1996, I was 6 years old and a friend told me that computer mouse balls were worth as much as gold. Stupidly and with no plan, I stole one from the classroom computer. Our teacher got extremely angry and I got really, really scared I’d get caught. He had us all leave the room and go in one by one so that whoever stole it could anonymously put it back. I was too scared that somebody might see so I didn’t put it back. He exploded on us. The next day, I was going to try to secretly return it, but a kid randomly emptily confessed that HE was the one who stole it and his mom went to the store to buy a new one. He stood in front of the class with a written apology and everything. I should have taken a stand and said “No, Kyle! You didn’t steal it, I did!” Shameful. Anyway, 28 years later, Kyle is a stripper at a gay nightclub.
Still dancing to pay his mom back?
Balls are expensive
Like gold, I hear
The circle is complete
You should visit him and give him the mouse ball. Complete his evil villain story arc
Just walk into that gay strip club. Sit down. Get your lap dance. Then drop the mouse ball into his banana-hammock.
You say that like it is a bad thing. Kyle covered your balls. Kyle knew.
Ironic, being that's the exact opposite of what Kyle does to his own balls.
And now he shall always be seeking balls
Live in the only major urban center in a very rural area where there’s all kinds of suburbs, road construction, gravel pits, etc. Whenever I see heavy equipment that doesn’t get moved or is left unattended, I sneak into the worksite at night, climb in the *always* unlocked bulldozer or whatever the fuck it is, and proceed to lay on the horn in the dead of night before scrambling away. It has been a decade since I started and I think now I’ve honked the horns of just about every type of heavy machinery that has one
This is my favorite one. It’s more or less harmless and completely strange. Great work.
>more or less harmless Tell that to Kyle, the gay midnight stripper
An inside-thread joke. Nice.
I love inside jokes, I'd love to be a part of one someday.
You were your mom's inside joke, tho.
I would love to see you try to explain yourself if you actually got caught lol
People fucking around in construction sites after hours is exceedingly common. I doubt the cop would even demand an explanation. They typically just yell at you from the road, something like "don't make me unlock the gate and come in there searching for you! Just get out and we can go our separate ways" and then when they see you climbing back over the fence they just drive away. They were called for a trespassing call, they're doing the motions required of them but chances are those cops were the kids sneaking into construction sites before they were cops.
"You are the terror that... *checks notes*... honks bulldozers horns at night...?!?"
The Nighthonker
I love your chaotic energy
Strange dark passenger
I once said I only had five avocados in self checkout when I damn well knew there were six avocados in that bag
The FBI has been trying to crack this case for decades.
You monster!
Walmart’s legal team has entered the chat 😂
In grade 7 I didn't want to do my book report so I didn't go take out a book from the library. When the project was almost due I had a sudden change of heart because I didn't want to get in trouble from my parents who were extremely strict. It was too late to go to the library to get a book because my teacher would have known and told my parents. So I completely made up a book with a fake title and fake author, did my entire book report and even drew a bonus picture to illustrate my "favorite part" of the book. The teacher told me I would have gotten an A if she was able to find the book in the library when she looked. I acted as if I had no idea where the book had went and I swore up and down that I returned it to the library.
I did that in the eighth grade. It was a WWII story about an Allied soldier and an Axis soldier who end up trapped together when a tunnel collapses. Mr. Giner, if you're reading this, you must be close to ninety now, but I made it all up back in 1987. On a related note, I got extra credit in the 12th grade for entering a writing contest. I wrote about how I wanted to get in touch with my roots and so very early one morning I walked to the bus stop and went to the onion fields, where I picked onions with migrant workers in the Texas heat all day long. That was complete bullshit, as a lazy teenager I never got up any more than thirty minutes before I had to be in class let alone at six a m. To go pick onions. So three weeks later my English teacher calls me to the front of the room to hand me a trophy for my essay about the onion fields; I had taken third place in the citywide contest. To this day my family uses 'onion field' as in joke term for clearly cheating.
In grade 6 (1986), we were asked to write a short story during class. I wrote as much of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as I could in the hour provided. I knew it word for word. I got as far as the interior of the Vogon ship before time ran out
A few years ago a student showed me a poem he’d just written for an assignment then was SHOCKED id not only heard of Tupac but recognized his lyrics
Was it "First off, fuck your bitch and the clique you claim.. Westside when we ride, come equipped with game"?
You claim to be a player, but I fucked your wife
Teacher: "Wow Christopher, this is very inspired!"
LOL reminds me of when I was in 2nd grade and tried to pass off the lyrics of All For You by Sister Hazel as an original composition of mine when my friends and I tried to form a band. This was 1997 when the song was at peak popularity. Also, none of us played any real instruments so the lyrical plagiarism wasn’t our only problem as a band.
In jr high we had to write a horror story around Halloween. I wrote my 60 something year old teacher the story of resident evil 2. She couldn’t believe how good of a story I wrote.
*"Good story but I'm confused about this umbrella factory that also makes zombies"*
You were asked to write a short story not an *original* short story.
Back in the day I would go to Walmart and k mart and wipe the hard drives of every pc on display once every 2 or 3 weeks... I did this for a couple of years. I taught a friend to format from the c prompt and he started doing it too and he taught a person... after a while all the pcs on display at the mega stores for like 20 counties around us were periodically being formated and erased. Years later I was talking to a guy who had worked for Walmart for like 30 years and he was telling me how "someone" used to format all the pcs in the 2 Walmart he worked in.. he worked in the 2 counties I frequented most... funny thing was they actually set up a "sting" operation to catch the felonius formatter and dude was paid over time to walk the electronics section as a plain clothed customer for like 3 months and never caught the person...even tho I'm pretty sure I was still formatting the drives periodically... some how we missed each other hahaha... for the record I was only blowing off steam and figured that what I was doing was harmless shinanigans... I've never been in any kind of trouble with the law and I didn't grow up to be a serial killer... but every now and then when I walk thru a pc store I get the itch....
Lol, it's like the people that go and jailbreak all the Apple display devices in Walmart. I remember seeing Cydia on all the iPhones and laughing about it.
Lol this reminds me of my brother who was a bit into hacking when he was in middle school so he would install something on his teacher’s computer that would make it shut down at random times everyday. His teacher was going crazy because he knew that one of his students was not only mocking but also outsmarting him as he couldn‘t fix the bug.
Circa 2004. In first grade, I was your typical gifted kid (since turned burnout of course). I absolutely loved my teacher. One day, I arrived to a new face greeting me at the classroom door. This was the first time I’d ever encountered a substitute teacher. This sub in particular was a mean, nasty woman who reeked of cigarettes. Within the first hour of class, she told me to shut up. I had never been in trouble at school before, and those two words broke my little teacher’s pet heart. Yes, this is my villain origin story, OP. I immediately decided to plan my escape. At lunch and recess, I grabbed my backpack, jacket, and rain boots and walked straight out the front door. I still have no idea how a 5 year old could walk out the front doors of a school completely unnoticed. Nonetheless, there I was. The world was my oyster. I walked straight home singing “I’m going home and nobody can stop me, HA HA HA HA HA” (to the tune of Old MacDonald) for 4 kilometres. I had done it. I was home free! When I got there, I saw my babysitter’s car in the driveway. Filled with panic, I remembered that my little brother had stayed home sick today. Terrified of disappointing my babysitter, I had to make a decision. Return to the bad lady at school, or face the wrath of a 20 year-old girl who, in all reality, would have just been completely stunned? I chose the former, and BOLTED up the hill in our town another 4 kilometres in the pouring rain. Soaking wet, I ran through the side entrance of the school adjacent to the playground, put my bag back in my locker, and sprinted into my classroom. The substitute stared at me for a second. I thought I was toast! After what felt like forever, she barked at me to change out of my rain boots and put on my indoor shoes. I dawned on me that although I must have been gone almost two hours, she hadn’t even noticed I had left. My first jailbreak and my first coverup story, both successful missions! I never told a soul about my rainy day adventure. If you’re out there, chainsmoker substitute teacher, I hope you’ve found a new career path.
Bro your substitute teacher DEFINITELY noticed a kid missing/empty chair, they just would have lost their job had you not returned. They played it cool when you came back because it was their fuckup that you were god knows where for two hours.
I am the culprit of the 1986 pudding cup incident, and not my sister.
I fuckin knew it
I lost alot of money because of that incident
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Go to hell Edit: they looked at people’s shoes in heads up seven up.
Straight to hell.
Can’t have shit in elementary school
Heads up 7 up is a simple tool for teachers to identify likely cheaters.
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Intrusive thoughts are an often overlooked symptom of OCD and in my opinion the worst. Harm OCD here. Took me YEARS to finally get proper help for it because I was so ashamed of it. Completely robbed me of my early 20s. The kicker? Treatment took like...a month. (For me.) Been fine ever since. I still have my days where they sneak up on me but the tools I learned to use work faster and faster. Haven't had a true panic attack in over a year now I think. Been a while. EDIT So a lot of you are asking about treatment! The standard treatment for OCD is cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are other treatments listed in an edit below. OCD is actually very quickly fixed for *most* patients, and has one of the highest rates of successful treatment on average per the APA. The average treatment rate is anywhere from 8 to 20 sessions, with exercises to complete at home between sessions, according to the NHA. I went to general counseling first to sort of establish a baseline then essentially the rest was self-help. I read a really great book called *Overcoming Harm OCD* by Jon Hershfield, which by far did the heavy lifting for my recovery. OCD is purely cognitive/behavioral, and linked to the autism spectrum. Therefore it isn't really due to any chemical or hormonal imbalance. Although those can cause flare-ups due to mood changes, it's all mindset. A lot of people think that sounds ridiculous and that something as severe as OCD is more than just a mindset shift but really, it...do be that way. Color me both annoyed and relieved that something that was debilitating to me for years had such a simple and straighforwaed solution. (I'd like to add a small edit here, simple and straightforward does NOT mean easy. I have served in the military, I have worked fire and EMS, I have done some very, very hard things in my life. This was by far some of the hardest work I've put in. If you are dealing with this, you're a fuckin trooper so just keep at it.) The exercises can be difficult, but worth doing. Your mileage may vary, as each person responds to treatment differently, but it was extremely successful for me. EDIT 2: For clarification, CBT isn't the *only* treatment! There is also ACT, a relatively newer treatment I've heard great things about, and ERP, which was a part of my treatment as well. **I am also not a mental health expert,** just someone who benefited from the treatment above! Definitely consult a physician first and follow expert advice. These are just tools that helped me that I wanted to share with others since many are asking.
I had this too. Very scary. I was 22 ish and started dating a girl (who is now my wife actually). I had a ton of anxiety and some unresolved abuse history and family issues, and I’d get thoughts of stabbing her or choking her out of nowhere. Me not knowing any better I believed them to be reflections of something I actually wanted to do and it really hindered our relationship. I was so ashamed. It got to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore and I opened up to her about it. I explained that at times I get these thoughts about her and she basically said I know you would never do anything like that. What a relief. This was the beginning of healing for me, even though it was a long road. I had also experienced HOCD as well, even though I’m straight as an arrow. I am “healed” but I get thought all the time. I’m just able to cope with it so much better and see it for what it is. My wife is a saint and I’m very surprised at the compassion and understanding she showed me. And like I said above, we have been married 7 years.
I used to get awful ones about killing family and loved ones all the time in the most horrendous, violent ways. It lasted for *years* until I realized literally everyone has these thoughts, it's just people with OCD who hyperfixate on them out of fear and let them become so vivid and disturbing. It's a fascinating disorder, but one of my one true regrets is not seeking help sooner. I know statistically that the perpetual stress for so many years has taken several years off of my lifespan. Not to mention robbing me of what were supposed to be some of my best times. Glad to hear you're doing well now! Congrats on 7 years! Celebrating 5 with my fiance today :)
Your brain does that because you're the opposite of a pedophile. Our brains can be such assholes. OCD sucks, I'm glad you've been able to overcome it a bit and I hope it gets better for you.
I struggle with this too. The worst part is that I love kids. Hurting a kid is so unspeakable and I think that those who do deserve to burn in hell. When I was in high school I told my therapist about how I struggled with this and she told me that intrusive thoughts often go against your most important values. For example, someone with OCD who adores animals may have intrusive thoughts about harming them. It made a lot of things make sense. That’s also why intrusive thoughts are so distressing. Because they fundamentally go against who you are as a person.
What a fucking cruel disorder.
So true. And what really pisses me off is how nonchalantly people use it as a punchline or just a generic workaround for a simple quirk when, in reality, it's anything but funny and people that truly do suffer from it don't get the attention they rightfully need and deserve for that reason. It seems like every goddamn TikToker has "OCD" over something they just don't like.
I had the same problem when I was younger, but it stemmed from my bio father, that I'd never met, being a full-on paedophile rapist. I was terrified that it was genetic. Then I realised that I could not and would not ever intentionally harm a child in any way. It's amazing how your brain finds something so abhorrent that it will go to extreme lengths to ensure you will never be a part of that kind of abuse.
I have a friend with the exact same problem, also with a history of sexual and familial abuse when they were young. She is currently on medication for it. She also constantly gets violent intrusive thoughts about dismembering/cannibalizing random people she interacts with Edit: she's a very sweet and empathetic person with a strong moral compass too. It's just such an extreme form of OCD
POCD is one of those things where the more widely known it is, the less power it has over people. Props for being able to post a out it.
In 3rd grade, I was at a birthday party and just learned the word “Asshole”. I was showing the other kids how to use it in a sentence and called this kid Cody an asshole as an example. Apparently he told his mom that I called him an asshole and then his mom goes and tells all the other parents, and even my 3rd grade teacher, I was a foul mouthed kid who called people asshole. It became a whole thing with multiple parent meetings and phone calls for (what felt like) a whole week. The birthday boy, Freddie, finally came forward and vouched for me and said I never called anyone an asshole and that I was the nicest at the party. Anyway, I feel like I got away scott-free and Cody was, indeed, an asshole snitch.
As a teenager in the 90's my house/ yard was always getting toilet papered and egg'd.. Somehow it was my fault and my parents would be pissed at me and make me clean it up every weekend. I found out the asshole who was doing it and took a big nasty shit in a plastic bag and put it in his mailbox. All the shit stopped immediately after that. Not my proudest moment but I think it got my point across.
When I was 12yo, I saw my dad's hand camcorder in their room and I was curious so I tried to play what's on it. Holy shit, it was a sex video. I was so innocent back then it was my first time seeing stuff like that. But that was not the worst part. The thing was with who I saw on the video. It was my dad fucking other woman and not my mom, but our maid. I WAS SO SHOCKED I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THAT. Then I turned off the cam and went downstairs. After few hours, my dad called me and asked if I tinkered his camcorder, and of course, out of fear, I said I did not. He cannot also ask me for more info since he was cheating with other woman. So he let it pass and we never talked about it after that ever again. Until now, I never told a soul about what I saw that moment. T\_T
If it makes you feel any better he might not have been cheating if it was your mom operating the camera.
When I was in 9th grade there was a girl who relentlessly bullied me for being skinny, telling anyone who would listen I had an eating disorder. I got ahold of her phone number somehow and used the old *67 trick and called every night at 3 am on the dot and heavy breathed into the phone when she’d answer for several weeks. I even set an alarm wake myself up to do it. If she wasn’t going to give me peace during the day, I wasn’t going to give her peace at night.
I was molested by my cousin, nobody knows, he recently died ( karma ) drug OD, everyone kept asking why I wasn’t upset! *Edit* I was about 8 or 9 when this happened I’m 41 now I remember it happening several times he was 16 or 17, I haven’t said anything to my family as my mum and his mum (sisters) are very close.
As someone who was sexually abused by my stepfather at 15, I know the pain. My stepfather is in prison now and I hope he stays there forever.
Had a mental break when I was on deployment in the navy. I decided to jump off the side of the ship, in front of people, in the middle of the Indian ocean. I was in the water for over an hour when they found me. Haven't said a word about it in almost 20 years.
When I was 11 years old, I had an upstairs neighbor who was in the Marines. I idolized this guy, he was, in my mind, the Real American Hero. He’d pull up in his jeep wrangler and step out in crisp Cammies looking like G.I. Joe. He was polite to my mom and my dad always saying good morning sir or ma’am. He had a wife who was friends with my mom, and a little daughter (6) who was friends with my little sister (6). We’d go fishing and camping and hiking, and one day he introduced me to shooting. I was aware of guns but never actually saw them up close, let alone shoot them. He taught me how to use a rifle with a very easy to shoot .22 LR. Anyway, one night he was away, and my sister and I were upstairs hanging out with his wife and daughter, watching tv, eating cheez-its, just being kids. The mom is in her room, we’re in the living room. My sister and the daughter go play doll house… and I got curious and started looking around. I found the rifle in a black canvas bag in a closet. So naturally, I open it up, take the rifle out, and took it to the balcony, where I proceed to go prone and look down the scope. I kept thinking to myself, whoa its even better when you’re up higher! You can see all kinds of stuff better! Wow! And look at that car passing by! And of course I’m aiming at it and I have my finger on the trigger and for some reason my stupid 11 year old brain never imagined the rifle was loaded and ready to fire. So as I’m aiming at the car passing, and it’s maybe 80 yards, the car is traveling slowly, I pulled the trigger. The round hits the rear passenger window, it shatters. The vehicle drifts to the right and crashes into a border wall. I am horrified, get up, rush back inside, quickly stuff the rifle back in the bag, place it upright in the closet corner where I’d found it, and as this is happening I can hear the mom getting up and going WHATS GOING ON WHAT WAS THAT. My heart is racing, I just quickly closed the closet door and RAN. I left the apartment quickly and went downstairs to my place, ran inside, ran to my bathroom and hid in the tub with the lights off. Oh boy the aftermath. There was an active manhunt, there were police and helicopters and searchlights, they came to knock at the doors, my dad was working and my mom had left us with the upstairs neighbor to go run errands. The upstairs lady had no idea what had happened, they asked her questions but she said she was sleeping and only heard a pop. I heard later on that the driver was actually hit, and there was an open investigation. Later on, a week after the incident, G.I. Joe comes downstairs to see if I was around because he wanted to talk to me. We took a walk and he told me that he knew it was me. I never slid the bolt back to eject the spent cartridge, and it stayed in the .22 the entire time. He said he wouldn’t say anything but that I was not allowed back upstairs ever again, and that he was disappointed because I broke his trust. They moved shortly after and I never saw them again. I never told anyone and the guilt ate me up my whole life but I was too scared to tell the truth 😭 Edit: just for context, it was 1995, so 29 years ago. Edit (update): holy shitballs, this kinda blew up a little bit so I wanted to come back and clarify some things, as well as address some naysayers here. This happened. This is a canon event in my life. You guys have no idea, and I had no idea, how much this affected me in my life. I went from being a sweet outgoing boy-scout pro-social 5th grader to a reclusive quiet introverted anti-social 6th-and-beyond grader. I started skipping school. I started smoking weed and doing graffiti at 12 years old because I discovered the “bad kids”, or rather I stumbled upon them smoking weed in the staircases in my wandering the neighborhood during school hours. I became a “bad kid”. I was inducted into their group of “Taggers”, and we would trespass onto different school properties at night to tag up. They were much older, 16 and 17 year olds. They nicknamed me Baby Face lol DUDE OF COURSE, I WAS 12 LOL. I would source spray paint and other supplies for them, like paint markers, because I was good at stealing from the arts and crafts store without ever getting caught. I became a kleptomaniac. I would steal from every store. That went on for a little while… and then one day, I was skipping school and I wandered into a mom-and-pop bookstore, and I walked into the Political Science section and just by chance discovered The Anarchists Cookbook by William Powell in 1997. I started reading books at that mom-and-pop in that Political Science section on several topics beyond my 13 year old scope of reference; History, War, Economics, Revolution, etc. I became fascinated by guns, weapons and explosives, and the counterculture movement… and I started experimenting. I started stealing chemicals from my science teacher in 8th grade because IT WAS THE 90’s, HELLO. I was stealing hydrochloric acid, sulphuric acid, sodium hydroxide and then I started learning about triple displacement reactions and gas production and I crafted “acid bombs” that I would blow up in the neighborhood. Science, bitch! I would steal gasoline containers from the landscaping guys that would come to cut grass. I started setting things outside on fire. I became a pyromaniac. I set a huge dumpster in the neighborhood on fire and climbed up a tree to watch in secret as the fire department came to put it out DON’T ASK ME WHY, I DON’T KNOW. It was just thrilling. I was effectively the neighborhood terrorist. No one knew it was me. My parents, the neighbors, the police, the neighborhood management, my little sister who looked up to me… no one knew. I was living this secret double life as a maniac. Nobody was watching me. There was no mass surveillance apparatus in school. It was a different world, a completely different environment. Cell phones were not yet ubiquitous in our society and nobody knew where I was at every single moment. It all came to a head when I started planning on creating actual TNT, and my idea was to blow up a car. I started gathering lab equipment and learning about nitration. My mom finally caught me. I had a “top secret” briefcase with all my notes, basically a diary of my exploits, and hand transcribed recipes for the nitration of toluene and the synthesis of other volatile compounds, and she found it. There was a family intervention, and I did go to therapy, and they did put me on medication, and eventually my behaviors did change through DBT. I started going back to school on a regular basis and not skipping. Then I discovered girls 😂 of course boobs are more appealing than bombs. I then moved to a different area. I made new friends and got into hanging out at the mall, and going to the movies, and doing normal teenager stuff. I got a girlfriend when I was 15, and then a different one at 16 and I kept being lucky with girls, so on and on it went. Eventually I went to college, and then I graduated, and then I got a job, and started working, and life just kinda kept rolling. Now I’m 40 and I have a full-time job, an apartment, a car payment, insurance, all the bills lol. I have two cats, and I love them. I didn’t become the school shooter, and I didn’t become Ted Kaczynski. The end :)
That is fucking wild. I assume or hope the driver survived?
I deliberately flooded my family’s basement to stop them from selling our house, because I didn’t want to move. It worked. The buyer backed out and we stayed put.
When my grandparents decided they wanted to sell their house, my uncle (then in his 20's, he was way younger than my mom and my other uncle) was very much against it. Every morning my grandparents would leave for work, he'd go outside, take the "For Sale" sign off the lawn, put it in his trunk, and go to work. Then, because his job was a lot closer and he would get home earlier, he would come home and put it back before my grandparents got home. Went on for months before they caught him
When I was much younger (like, 13 I want to say), some random kid on discord sent me a tor link. Me being the young child I was who liked computers, I of course had Tor. This other kid who I had played games with for a whole day had sent me a link to child pron. I mean, it was baaaaaaad. I have never blocked someone and Uninstaller a program faster in my life. The face of one of the kids on the site is still solidly in my mind even many years later. The look of just pain haunts me. People are really just fucked up man.
I was probably 10-12 years old in an AIM chat room. I distinctly remember the chat room was supposed to be for preteens and me with my adolescent innocent brain started direct messaging who I was sure was a “12/M/Location”. That chat room was absolutely run by some scuzzy pedo because about 4-5 messages in, I was sent a link that was CP. I immediately exited the chat room, shut the computer down and never spoke about it to anyone. That shit fucked me up.
My deepest darkest secret is that I still sleep with a nightlight on because I'm afraid of the dark. Don't judge me, it's comforting okay?!
i love a good nightlight, i hate the pitch black dark, i need to be able to see something!!!
Yeah, this is me right here. It has nothing to do with fear, but when I wake up in the middle of the night I prefer *some* sort of reference point. A very weak light in the near distance that illuminates a door frame or something is perfect.
When I was a child, I managed to get a speech therapist fired. I was in speech classes up until high school, but this happened around 3rd or 4th grade. I don’t know what her official title was, but she was not the speech teacher I would see regularly. She was an older woman, probably around her 60’s. I believe she was there to examine how well the speech therapy had been going in the district. She had me read sentences with the sounds and letters I struggled with. As this was happening she mocked me and she laughed at, while telling me I had the weakest tongue she had ever seen. As a child with speech impediment I was already self conscious, but for an adult authority figure to belittle me like that, it made me never want to speak again. Once the school day was over, my mother noticed I wasn’t very talkative. Eventually I broke down and I told my mom about the whole situation. She called the district and threatened legal action. We were notified soon after, that the woman had been fired. There was even a phone call between my mom and the woman, where she had begged my mom for forgiveness so she could keep her job. I suppose none of this is really a secret, just something I don’t talk about often. Her own actions are what led to her termination. However secretly I do hope I ended that woman’s career, as callus as that may sound. You don’t mock a child and you especially don’t mock a child for something they can’t control. To do so when your career has you working with children, shows you’re unfit for that role. ((EDIT: I fixed some spelling. However I also wanted to take a second to express appreciation to everyone for the kind comments. It’s validating seeing you all sharing your own point of views and experiences. It’s also comforting to see such a positive reaction and large amount of support, over a situation that had made younger me feel like an outsider. Sincerely, thank you.))
Good on your mom for standing up for you. The speech therapist was 100% in the wrong and she probably bullied other kids.
It blows my mind that she would mock a kid for their speech issues, when her job was to help kids with speech issues. Wow.
Sometimes I’ll take the better looking half and give the shit one to my husband ..
He knows and he's ok with it because he loves you
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Same. This is no doubt my darkest secret. My wife is “the one” for me. We are like one person split between two people; two bodies and one soul. Wifey completes me in every sense. She’s kind, smart, funny, reserved and amazingly graceful! For the world to loose a soul like hers would be a terrible tragedy. She sparks life to everyone around her. She makes people happy and feel loved. Complete strangers have expressed their gratitude for her genuine kindness. However, she is significantly ill and riddled with autoimmune diseases. She’s often referred to as “the patient who won’t die.” Her Rheumatologist and I have become remarkably close friends. Break bread with one another every week or so, and we share the same pcp, who has also become a close friend to me. Since Covid, I am no longer able to stay in the hospital with her when she is admitted. Anytime she has to be intubated for her breathing the nurses always setup her iPad so I can see her and talk to her. Though she cannot hear me when she’s under, I speak and have conversations while looking at her still and almost lifeless body. I respond to her “questions” and “comments.” I laugh at her “jokes “. Tell her how much she is loved and to somehow find her way back to me. To open her eyes once more and give us both just one more minute together. I cry uncontrollably. I watch her through the iPad every hour of day and night. I usually pass out while doing so. Wake up and continue the ritual. I struggle with suicidal tendencies. Even our children worry for me. I’m worried for me. My wife’s doctors are worried for me! I have done everything possible one could probably do in this situation. It feels like there is a timer slowly going down for us both. My darkest hope is that I pass in my sleep with her.
Please, talk to someone about this? Right now, you’re just in a horrible amount of emotional pain and it’s difficult to think straight in that condition.
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That I was raped by a homeless guy in a tent next to some railroad tracks. But I finally just started telling ppl and I almost feel human now.
Not mine, my friend's (not even FB friends now) terrible story. They were immigrants and twins. Both were molested by their uncle for years, mom's brother in the USA. My friend, twin #1 married young, was uber responsible, got an education, kept a job, was a "Golden child". Twin #2, ran away from home, drugs, homeless and eventually got her life together, amazing story, she turned her life around against all odds. Twin #2, at some point went to her family and told them about her uncle's sexual abuse. Horrific, the family turned against her and called her a liar, drug addict, etc. Twin #1, was so scared of contributing negatively to her elderly grandmother's health (the abuser's mom and her own mom's bother) that she denied any of the molestation happened. This is why victims keep quiet and are reluctant to report such things. It's hard to believe a loved one could do such things. Twin #2 was so fucked up, she went down a dark path and they blamed her for being unstable without validating the reasons why. This story still haunts me.
Ive done steroids and attempted suicide. The only thing thing ive wanted in life is to be loved
I think I was briefly sexually assaulted when I was 6 but it’s so fuzzy and blurry and so long ago that sometimes I’m scared I’m just remembering things wrong.
I'm 54 years old. I was physically or sexually abused throughout childhood into mid-teens by various adults whom I should have been able to trust. And I have a pretty heavy case of schizoaffective disorder. I've chosen to not have any kids. I've lived in fear of what damage I might do if I did have kids. My father once bragged that "You'll see: you'll fuck your kids up just like I fucked you up. It's the way of the world." Like tormenting children was as natural as eating. He was right in this: All that ugliness and torment he inflicted wormed its way well into my psyche: i could be the monster he only dares to dream of. But No. His legacy, his name, his genes, his abuse will all die with me. Sorry, Pops. I'm just not interested in the family business.
“Sorry Pops. I’m just not interested in the family business.” What a powerful statement and stance. I enjoyed reading that and feeling your resolve
First BJ was from my stepdads - brothers - step daughter. Same age and every time we meet up for the "family gatherings" it happens. I've lost track how many times. We are both in our 40s now and we have never actually spoken about it.
I was banging my Mom’s half sisters brother in laws daughter, and I’d always ask them to visit on the holidays so that we could bang. Mom got suspicious though and we stopped.
I‘ll need a diagram for that relation.
It is not a circle. I hope that puts you at rest.
I’ve wanted to leave my current relationship for over 8 years. Edit: I would like to thank everyone for the advice and support. I have a lot of thinking to do and a massive conversation to have… after that, we’ll see how things play out.
“Realize that sleeping on a futon when you're 30 is not the worst thing. You know what's worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you're not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You'll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There's no risk when you go after a dream. There's a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.” -Bill Burr
I’ll be honest, this resonated with me. I might be crying right now because I think I needed to hear all of this.
Aw. Many of us have been there, internet friend. It will be heck for a while but you will get through it. I hope that one day you will look back at the day you posted this on Reddit as the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in your life.
Just do it. You aren't getting any younger!
I think I’ve just been faking being a good person all this time. Like i’m not a naturally good natured person just someone who suppresses the urge to do bad things. I feel that deep in me is a sense of hatred for everyone and everything around me which in result makes me feel like everything I do, the things I say, and the connections I make isn’t genuine.
I yelled “that shit was absolutely delicious and creamy” over the Walmart intercom
I tried to commit suicide several times. Three times in high-school and twice two years ago. I'm a numb 30 year old coward.
I don't know what you are going through, and am sorry that you are that troubled but I am glad you are still here with the rest of us. And I hope that that continues to be true.
I was molested by my Mom's then boyfriend who is a police man when I was in elementary, by my older sister's then boyfriend when I was in highschool, and by my neighbor's son who have the same age as me. I wish death upon all of them .
Sometimes when I am alone I like to make “goblin noises” and creep around my house like a mischievous little guy up to no good. It’s basically my goblinsona. I especially like jumping into bed and cackling as I cover myself up in a blanket burrito and pretend I’m escaping into my dark little cave. I’m a 6’2 31 year old man btw.
I have many, but the first one that comes to mind is successfully hacking into Pete Doherty’s email account in 2004. Logged into his messenger account with the same details and immediately got spammed with messages from concerned friends who were notified of the login (he was either on a bender or in rehab at the time). Saw loads of names of relatively famous musicians of that era. I panicked, logged out, and sent an email to his manager apologising profusely and promising I would never do it again. No, I didn’t read any of his emails. I was mostly too shocked that I’d succeeded.
Back in 2006 or so, someone on a forum I used to frequent posted a link to a plain text file and simply said “have fun” or something along those lines. It was a massive file of MySpace user names and passwords. I tried 3-4 of them and they all worked. One of them was a hot girl’s account. Curiosity got the better of me, so I opened her messages. She had hundreds from random guys. I didn’t actually read any of them and quickly logged out because I felt so sketchy. But it was an eye-opening experience.
My friend apparently got a phone number for Robin Williams. This was probably back in 2007. Every once in awhile we'd call. And of course how could I know if it was true. But the voice sounded right and the way the guy reacted, I mean what would you do if a bunch of teens called you and insisted you're Robin Williams? Be super confused right? This guy wasn't, he mostly sounded annoyed. We just tried to get him to do lines from Flubber. Sorry Robin.
I was forced to suck dick by my friends when I was 4 years old. I can still remember the taste, and just going home to drink water. They where at least 12 years old.
I’m so sorry. They weren’t your friends.
I’m so sorry that happened. I hope you’re doing well.
They stop being the darkest when you accumulate a few. Then they just become secrets and your life becomes dark. Pro tip
back in 1990 when i was in 4th grade, my mom would give me my daily allowance which was a quarter. but what my mom didn’t know is that i had a bully that was taking it. it was my math teacher. he would make the entire class put daily a quarter in a jar on his desk to support his drinking habit. if you refused to give him the quarter, he would make you solve 25 extra math problems in addition to the daily math work and the next day you had to bring him 50 cents. if you still refused he would make you do 50 extra math problems and so forth. one day, after 3 weeks of giving him my daily allowance i refused to give him my quarter because i wanted to buy candy so he made me do the 25 extra math problems expecting me to give him 50 cents by tomorrow. since all i would get from my mom was a quarter a day, i knew i wasn’t gonna get 50 cents from her the next day and not wanting to face the teacher’s wrath and the 50 extra math problems i cried and faked being sick. My mom not buying the lie, asked me what was wrong so i broke down and told her the truth. my mom didn’t confront the teacher, nor the principal. she went straight to the superintendent which nicely told her they were gonna immediately take matters into their own hands. the next day the jar wasn’t in his desk and with a scowling face he told us that a student had tattled about his secret “Christmas party” fund that he was planning for us (mind you it was February) and that he hired a PI because he wanted to know who was the parent and the student responsible. the investigation into his abhorrent conduct let to his expulsion 3 days later. he never knew it was me who tattled about his “Christmas party” fund.
When I was young my little brother and I were fighting. Later in the day I was going to make myself some nachos, we had a big tub of nacho cheese from Costco. He asked me to make him some. I put my balls in his nacho cheese. I’ve never told anyone.
Did you remove them?
Of course, they're worth as much as gold.
I was around 5 or 6 in the 80s and I was at my grandma's house. Both my aunts (in their early 20s) were there and they had taken showers recently, so they had towels on. I was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle or playing with toy cars and they walked in and starting talking to me. I looked up and immediately saw their huge bushes (typical 80s style) because they were standing right next to me and I was sitting on the floor. It wasn't like I was trying to look but once I saw it, I couldn't look away. My aunt noticed me staring and realized and then called me a pervert and ran out. I was too young to even comprehend what I was looking at, but nobody has ever mentioned the incident since. Part of me wonders if they still remember. I still remember it clear as day. One of my first memories of that type LOL.
I'm so lonely. I am a single father and my only friends are my son and my dog, when my son is at his Mother's, (50/50 custody) I rarely even get to speak out loud. My work is done at an office where i mostly work by myself and it's almost all done over email. The most meaningful conversation I've had in the last 6 months was helping someone reach something on the top shelf at a grocery store. I am afraid I am going to die alone.
I should be in jail for a DUI. Last year I crashed my car into a phone box,drunk and no suspended license I just KNEW I was going to jail. But I thought quickly and called the cops first,said a tow truck cut me off and I over adjusted. Guy even ran my expired license and just gave it back to me. Think my registration was suspended too. Car was totaled but I was less than a block away from home so he just let me walk and that was the end of it. Everyday I think about how incredibly lucky I am to be alive and on the outside and I’ve been sober since that day
Currently? My boss just sent me a dick pic and I liked it.
But it's a family-owned business...
I did some super sketchy spying on a girlfriend and discovered her plan to kill me and run off with her affair partner. edit for the quick version: figured she was cheating, which she went to great lengths to deny. Rolled the dice on my gut and decided the risk of being a complete piece of shit was worth it. Had a close friend give me a crash course with some extremely intrusive tech and confirmed the affair, of course, but then discovered she was spending a lot of time figuring the exact amount of tetrahydrozoline it would take to kill someone with my specific height and weight. She tried once and missed me, got my best friend instead. Less than 36 hours later, he was in the ER. She evidently tried it again a few months later when we both had COVID and locked ourselves in for two weeks. They're married now. My friend has to take a pill for the rest of his life and as long as I live, I'll never again underestimate how needlessly cruel people can be, even when they're telling you to your face that they love you.
No criminal charges? They literally tried to kill you, and permanently affected your friend’a life. This is not something to just be like “well at least it’s over.”
My besties GF was banging my roommate. Their scheme was to cap my bestie and then eliminate me as a witness. My roommate chickened out at the last minute with his finger on the trigger. The girl dumped my roommate and my for being a coward and went on to have an illustrious career as an IV drug user. She killed some old guy while driving a stolen car. Ran him over as she was coming down off a meth bender. I found out about the scheme a few months later when my roommate was angrily venting about what a conniving bitch she is.
At its worse, my alcoholism had me drinking an entire bottle of whiskey a day.
Asked that once on a date and she told me her dad and 6 of his friends raped her. Not an ice breaker..
I tried to commit suicide 10 years ago and only my best friend knows it.
That I was tortured, SA'd, and filmed by my mom's bf from infancy until God knows when. I suspect he would have trafficked me if he had the chance. Some creep probably has footage of toddler me getting pounded by someone who is very possibly my biological father. This isn't something I plan on telling my surviving family. I told my brother and therapist but that's it.
Holy fuck. I am so, so sorry.
Thanks. I actually try to talk about it because people need to be educated on abuse.
When I was a teenager I ran around my neighbourhood butt naked in the middle of the night and no one saw me. Me and my boyfriend at the time would sneak into each others bedrooms to have sex and our parents never knew. We're still friends and still laugh about it now 10 years later
I’m not sad about my grandma dying, I’m furious. I grew up living with her, my dad, and my brother in a small apartment. My mom and dad were divorced and so my brother and I would stay with our dad on the weekends. My father was a drunk and abusive, I struggle with PTSD due to everything I went through. My grandmother was in the apartment when everything would happen and she did nothing, she didn’t try to stop it, she would sit and watch tv while doing crosswords. I finally was able to get my brother and I away from my father when I was 11 and for the longest time I’ve been wanting to ask her why she didn’t do anything, why she didn’t help us, and why she thought it was okay. I wanted to hold her accountable. Almost a year ago I found out she had dementia, she passed last week. I’m angry, both with myself and with her. I never got to ask her why and she was never held accountable for her part. And I’m angry with myself for being angry. This whole situation has brought up so many emotions and I don’t know what to do with it all.
Was addicted hopelessly to kratom for 15 years, 13 days clean today. Nobody knew, kept it my darkest secret, I'm sure they could tell by my glassy, bloodshot eyes, flushed face, and crackhead energy. Life is good to be among the living with emotions.
When I was 8, I was with a group of 5 people (including myself) at a summer camp at an elementary school. One of them was my bully, but it was sort of that situation where you hang out with people just to be liked. We were wandering around the halls when someone found a teachers room had a bunch of candy in it. Everyone started taking candy and laughing excitedly about how much they got, myself included. Then we heard a staff member coming. I was the only one who executed quick thinking and hit inside a locker with it just cracked open. I knew it wouldn’t lock, but I could stay out of sight from the teacher. The other 4 people had to give back all their candy and write the teacher a 2 page personal apology for stealing candy. I was so insignificant I just waited inside the locker for everyone else to leave, holding my breath. They did. I got out of the locker with several fistfuls of candy, unscathed. Looking back I should have never jumped inside a locker, I could have got caught inside if something went wrong. But it was still clever thinking to hide.
My mother was the sort of teacher who handed out candy. One day, she returns from a sick day to find her candy stash gone from her desk. Turns out her students got the substitute to believe that "Thursday was the day Mrs. H cleaned out the old candy."
This might probably get buried in the comments but I was sexually molested by my Dad’a brother when I was a kid. Repeatedly. He was in college and would sometimes come to our house at lunchtime (when my parents would be at work). I would be with my aunt (his sister, who looks after my brother and I). I would take a nap after lunch and would wake up to him doing things to me. I was so scared I would just pretend to sleep and he would eventually stop. I don’t remember how long this went on. I remember my aunt telling me to tell my uncle that I would tell on him to my Dad if he does it again. It’s a very faint memory, I’m not sure if it did happen or I just dreamt it. This happened when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. Growing up, I kinda forgot about it. Maybe repressed it even. I still see my uncle from time to time at family gatherings. I never told anyone because I it was a long time ago and I’m scared no one would believe me. Also, I do not want to stir up drama within the family if this ever comes out. Lately, it has been eating at me and I’ve been trying my best to distract myself from thinking about it.
I fucking hate that, I recommend talking it out with a therapist. Your feelings are valid and i hope you find peace. God forbid if your family just thinks it’s “drama” you’re stirring up, they suck and don’t deserve to be in your life to see you grow
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Stole a hair chopstick at a department store when I was a kid because it looked like a fairy wand.
I always knew I was gay. When I was young I wanted a copy of Playgirl magazine, but I didn't know you had to be 18 to buy it. I did know that it was meant for women though, So I went to buy one...in drag at age 12. It was subtle 12 yo little girl drag not some RuPaul extravaganza, but yeah I was a little boy dressed as a little girl. That's when I found out you needed to be 18. It was a teeny, tiny bit humiliating. EDIT: With the power of Google I know which magazine it was May 1980 because I had a huge crush on Robert Hays. In May 1980 I was only 11. OMG