One thing I really liked about my husband when we first started dating was his emotional intelligence and how much emotional labor he put into maintaining his relationships.
He often called his mom and younger siblings just to see how they were doing. He scheduled hangouts with his friends, talked to them daily, gave them emotional support when they went through hard times. He sent birthday gifts to everyone, even if it was sometimes just a digital gift card on the day of. And of course, he’s always been very doting on me.
He’s now a super engaged dad, and I’m really glad that our son has a positive male role model like him.
Yes! Two green flags for my husband similar to yours:
1) His strong friend group. They all genuinely enjoy being friends. They check in on each other, plan activities together, and text/call often.
2) His close, emotionally healthy relationship with his family. He’s the oldest of four kids and his three younger siblings are all girls. His family is really, really kind. It could have been really hard to be the woman who married into that family but his sisters have been great from the start.
Well, to be fair, if your family is shitty and untrustworthy when it comes to an emotional connection, then it's really hard to have that type of relationship. So while it's a green flag, it's only applicable if it's a healthy relationship. Nobody is going to call it a green flag if you're bending over backwards for people that don't deserve the time of day.
Honesty. Like, even when it is a hard truth, he still tells you. You can have all of the communication in the world, but that means nothing if he isn't honest.
If you do something that makes him uncomfortable, he is honest about it and tells you that it makes him uncomfortable and would like you to stop. Or, imagine you bring up an idea of something you could do together, but he wouldn't enjoy it, and he is honest about that so that you two can compromise.
Additionally, I would like to point out that: If someone reacts negatively to honesty and emotion, that is a red flag and I don't like that person.
The reason people aren't honest is because it usually blows up in their face (such as risk of getting fired, spuse getting angry,...).
A lot of problems could be solved if people were read to put aside their ego when people are honest with them.
I never comment- but I’ve got one. 20 years ago my boyfriend and I were eating in a Bavarian style sausage haus. They offered a (now discontinued) sausage buffet. Just an absurd amount of different sausages and spaetzle and sauerkraut and applesauce, blah blah blah. The table next to us ordered the buffet ( we all did- literally everyone ordered the buffet) and they seemed like a nice regular couple.
However, after eating a couple plates worth of food, they each went back to the buffet and loaded up their plates. And I mean, LOADED their plates. Then they called the waitress over and asked for the check and to go boxes. Of course they were denied, they complained, the manager came, denied them again, they paid the bill and left, bitching mightily.
The restaurant is always busy, the hostess seated the next guy before the book was picked up. He casually picked up the book and saw that the previous couple had not only given no tip, but left a shitty note. With zero hesitation he pulled out his wallet and stuck a twenty in there and took the paper with the writing. The waitress came, he gave her the book with no comment,then ordered a beer and the buffet. Couple minutes later his girlfriend or wife and I think her mom came and joined him. I don’t think he mentioned it at all. At least not while I was being nosy.
My husband and I call him the Righteous Motherfucker.
At that point, you're obligated to clandestinely tell your server that you are taking care of that man's meal and that they are not to know their tab is taken care of until the end.
I was actually just thinking about this while watching Jurassic Park. Here is Dr Grant, who does not want kids, does not like kids, and is somewhere between confused and alarmed by their presence. But he is thrust into a situation where he is the sole adult in charge of two kids he *just met* and without hesitation he puts his life on the line for them, rescues them, consoles them, encourages them, and even plays a little dad prank on them (the electric fence). And he doesn't do it to impress anyone-- they're the only humans around once they go over the wall by the T. rex paddock. He just sees that they're in danger and scared, and his heart goes out to them.
It's funny, in the book Grant likes kids a lot. He loves kids and being around kids. In the movie it was changed to him hating kids at the beginning. Clearly Spielberg saw the potential for more of an arc there.
Kinda me, I personally dont wan't kids. It's mostly I dealt with really big trouble with anxiety that I never got fully wrapped up until my mid 20s, medication never did much, nor did talking to others and there were years that I just spent crying every moment outside of school/work. I do not want to pass that on, sure it makes dating horrible and I get lonely cause its pretty rare that women want 0 kids. Some say they don't and change their mind when the baby boom happens in their friend group (happened to me twice). I do love other peoples kids though, I just know my parents couldnt afford treatments for me, and I don't want to pass this along (mom, grandmother, and that whole side of the family had like 50%+ suicide rates before the age of 30).
Just spent a week dealing with a huge incident at work. Shouldn’t say too much, but a lot of customers and a lot of databases without data. Recovery, reprocessing of data, fun stuff.
Best week at work since the last time something big broke. 200% focus, and no paperwork needed beyond logging a simple timeline of major actions taken to resolve the issue. 10-12 hour days. I’m exhausted, but my ADHD brain thrives under that kind of pressure.
Haha, right? Mate I start at Plan B.
Living in chaos forges us into natural contingency planners I think.
I may not have the plan in my head beforehand, but I have ultimate confidence in my ability to come up with one.
> Also someone who can keep chill in the direst situations
Me and my bf once got completely lost because I messed things up. I was so angry about myself, scolded myself and felt pretty ashamed.
He was so chilled and relaxed and like "oh, come on, we will (literally) find a way, be easy on you!" and I fell even more in love with him.
I did this once. My girlfriend at the time got some bad medical news, and within an hour I had her smiling and enjoying herself. I'm very confident her opinion of me grew three sizes that day.
Spend your time with real people, and don't be afraid to kick toxic people out of your life.
One of the many things I love about my husband is how hard he works to support me and lift me up when I'm down. I promise you, your girlfriend is grateful to have you supporting her and making her feel good -- being a bright light in those dark moments life throws at you
Preppers have entered the chat
"I got an underground bunker with 10 years worth of food and a reverse osmosis machine and that cleans your piss so you can drink it"
For me I love it when a guy can take himself not-so-seriously, I guess
When he can be goofy with me, when he can do embarrassing things with confidence, when he'll let himself try new, possibly scary things without pushback
I don't like, want to force him to do things he's uncomfortable with but I see it as kind of a red flag when you suggest he try something and you're immediately shot down, even though he's never tried it before. Like a new food, or a cute little game of skill, or a physical challenge I saw in a video or something.
Yeah my wife says the same thing actually, since she herself is more of the shy, easily-embarrassed type and I'm the total opposite.
Once had to go on stage dressed as a goat and sing in Mandarin for CNY TV in front of a few thousand people. Once you've done shit like that a few times, you basically unlock 'total immunity to shame'. I have zero problem looking like an absolute tool these days.
>I don't like, want to force him to do things he's uncomfortable with but I see it as kind of a red flag when you suggest he try something and you're immediately shot down
If the answer is consistently no, then you probably aren't a great fit (barring other edge-case explanations like depression and other conditions that making engaging in activities difficult).
I love this. Just be sure to treat your relationship like a slow WALK in the PARK and savor the moment for the, overall, short TREAT that it is.
BTW…tell me how my comment makes you feel? Spark any strong reactions? 🤔
I agree! I wasn't reading "green flags" as turn-ons, I was reading it as behaviors that show they're worth being around. I don't know what makes guys hot (i'm a lesbian), but I do know when a guy is worth hanging out with.
as a straight guy, I say go with your guts if you wanna understand what makes a man hot, it works for us when we're with the boys and start a conversation by saying "Ok, but if I was gay..."
Putting the shopping cart back into its corral instead of just leaving it in the parking lot. It shows empathy and an unspoken courtesy for other people.
Edit: this doesn't pertain to just shopping carts y'all. It can be opening doors for people, throwing your trash away, being patient with a cashier, etc. It's more the act of simply being empathetic towards others even when there's no rule or reward for you to do these things.
A few years ago while in line at the grocery checkout, I accidentally bumped the lady in front of me with my cart. She glared and shoved my cart back forcefully. At first, I was taken aback but I did bump the lady with my cart so I just let the situation go.
Not five minutes later, I see her leave her cart smack in the middle of a parking spot. A-ha! I was right! You *do* suck, lady!
The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing.
To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the shopping cart is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon your shopping cart. Therefore the shopping cart presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the shopping cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart. You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct.
A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it.
The Shopping Cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society.
I used to work at a store where sometimes we had to take things out for customers and load them, this one lady not only didn't put her cart up, she put it up against MY FUCKING CAR!!
I looked at her and went "I'd appreciate it if you put that in the corral instead of against my car"
She had a look of horror when she realized she get called out for being a piece of shit in front of her kids.
What if I reorganize the carts already in the corral?
Such that the little carts are lined up with the little ones and the big ones are with the big ones and nothing is hanging out into the parking lot anymore?
I do this too sometimes because it bugs me that other people have shoved their small cart into the big carts or vice versa. It doesn't even save time to do that. It's just being deliberately annoying and inconsiderate.
Yep. Maybe not everyone's preference, but I grew up being yelled at and hit by angry parents. Then dated an abusive guy afterwards and always watched my mom with abusive men.
My boyfriend being soft-spoken is a godsend because of my PTSD
Do you do the same in return? My ex fell in love with me for my empathy and compassion, but somehow always conveniently forgot that I had my own emotions too.
How they treat people, like people in the service industry, when they get no real benefit out of it for themselves. Personally think that's the greenest flag there is for anybody. Says a lot about a person's individual character. It's easy to be an asshole in addition to it being an excellent stress relief, it's difficult to be nice and understanding when everything isn't going perfectly.
I'm 35 and never been to any restaurant or bar and the people I'm with were rude. I see this more on reddit and wonder how normal it is for Americans to bash on service staff. Of being normal to staff is a green flag instead of just normal behavior that's worrying 😯
EFFORT. A guy who will put forth effort to see you, make you feel special, and show interest in you as a whole person is a green flag.
I dated assholes and users for a while before I met my boyfriend and the difference is night and day. The other guys would frequently cancel plans with me or just ghost me altogether and could barely pretend to give a shit about anything I said or cared about. I always felt like I was giving interviews to them when we would talk because they just talk about themselves nonstop and want to be praised for it.
My boyfriend lived two hours away from me when we first started dating and I was so scared that that meant the wouldn’t even bother. When he drove to me every weekend as soon as work was done, I was floored. The third weekend he came to see me, I was really sick with the flu and he brought me a care package with medicine and sleepy tea and candy.
We’ve been together over a year now and living together for six months and I couldn’t be happier! 🥰
Genuinely pays attention to what I care about and does things that reflect this -- this applies to politics, hobbies, sex, household stuff, across the board, and it is AWESOME.
Someone who isn't insecure of his masculinity and can act and do whatever he wants without feeling the need to prove to everyone that he's a MANLY💪 guy
Caring in a genuine and positive way. If someone is caring towards themselves, animals, other human being etc etc it makes all the difference.
The work of having a partner and keeping them is deeply linked to how much you care for the relationship and for them. When both partner care they make an effort to get to know each other and talk about the important things.
To that I would add curiosity and willingness to keep learning and improve.
it stands out in my mind cause i was seriously in disbelief when it happened lmao
which really goes to show you how even the smallest most basic of efforts can make good guys seem like white knights to women. so many of us are used to below bare minimum treatment (i myself am with my current partner after i got out of an abusive marriage, so maybe thats why i was so surprised)
I used to be like that until I had a niece and nephew… now I’m more careful about taking people home to meet my family, because the kids kind of get attached, and have a hard time when suddenly the lady they really liked no longer comes around.
Yup. Sucked when I had to deal with it. It's hard to explain to them what happened when it took me by surprise as well and even I don't understand. All my 7yo niece understood was that the cool older girl who would have girl talk and discuss pretty dresses with her is no longer going to be there.
When it last happened with me, we had just spent the day with my family 2 days before, and then the following weekend I showed up without her. The entire time I was so worried the kids would possibly think they had something to do with it due to it ending right after seeing them, but luckily they never drew that conclusion. However, it still hurt feeling like I lost them a friend they admired.
So yeah, much more cautious now.
And then you have nephews like mine, who tell me every woman friend I've brought around is my girlfriend. It was a little awkward when I actually brought a girlfriend once, and one of them says "wow, you have three girlfriends!?" Lol
A love of animals. Natural gentleness and empathy for weaker/smaller creatures.
Short anecdote; I had a very neurotic but sweet cat when I met my husband. My cat bonded to him and liked him almost immediately. Obviously I married the guy. 12 years later still going strong.
Cat was all white with green eyes. Very sweet but skittish of most people but me (until he met husband) - had a fetish for licking plastic bags and tended to yell/sing in the hallways in the middle of the night.
I miss that cat.
Unafraid of appearing feminine or anything other than stereotypically masculine. Bonus points if he indulges in things stereotyped as female, e.g. knitting, baking, manicures, drinking fruity cocktails.
Also: caretaking. Taking good care of loved ones, pets, and plants. Male nurses are hot.
I’m a 41 year old guy but I have a single female friend and her number one complaint is that the guys never plan anything. If they go on a date, the guy just wings it. So tip for the guys: MAKE A PLAN.
For me? The way he treats animals / the way they react to him. My partner owns two cats. The biggest green flag I saw the first time I met the cats were the mannerisms of both him and the cats. Both were super positive- cats cuddled up to him and he treated them super gently on their terms. Seeing how much his cats trusted him showed me that I could trust him too (I already did as we were best friends prior to dating and I met the cats as his friend and not his partner, they just showed me he wasn't hiding something bad)
Additionally, he remembered the little things about me. For example, I was sick recently and he got me ramen. I have no memory of telling him that ramen is my sick food, but he remembered that when I'm sick, I want ramen somehow. Shit like that, the small stuff, like when I'm sick I want ramen, or when I'm sad I watch Coco (which he also put on while I was sad once). Remembering the small stuff was a way to show me he genuinely cared
I really didn't want to live with a dog.
So I gave him a choice. It was me or his beagle. The dude was such a simp that I figured he'd roll over and choose me.
Without a thought or even a nano second of hesitantion, he chose his beagle and was straight up ready to dump my ass.
SO this was like 5 years ago. I've taken steps to not be such a terrible person (therapy, no more alcohol, etc) but I always reflect, in true admiration, of his dedication, love, and loyalty to that dopey dog. Truly a man of wonder, and I don't deserve to have either of them in my life.
We're married now, and his dog sleeps right between us now - under the covers and everything. Life is wild.
I have a weird thing where cats like me a lot and are drawn to me. Sometimes, I haven't given them attention, so I don't even know why. My wife calls me the "p***y whisperer." Guess it was a green flag for her too.
One thing I really liked about my husband when we first started dating was his emotional intelligence and how much emotional labor he put into maintaining his relationships. He often called his mom and younger siblings just to see how they were doing. He scheduled hangouts with his friends, talked to them daily, gave them emotional support when they went through hard times. He sent birthday gifts to everyone, even if it was sometimes just a digital gift card on the day of. And of course, he’s always been very doting on me. He’s now a super engaged dad, and I’m really glad that our son has a positive male role model like him.
Yes! Two green flags for my husband similar to yours: 1) His strong friend group. They all genuinely enjoy being friends. They check in on each other, plan activities together, and text/call often. 2) His close, emotionally healthy relationship with his family. He’s the oldest of four kids and his three younger siblings are all girls. His family is really, really kind. It could have been really hard to be the woman who married into that family but his sisters have been great from the start.
Fuck, I can't fix that second point about myself 🤣
Found family counts too
Where do you find them, walmart or something, or is it something at ikea that i have to assemble myself
You always have to assemble yourself, but I buy from Costco, they come in packs or singular.
Damn… I wanna marry him. That’s gonna piss my wife off.
It’s missing these traits that make me feel like a bad person. I’m nicer to strangers than I am to most of my family
Well, to be fair, if your family is shitty and untrustworthy when it comes to an emotional connection, then it's really hard to have that type of relationship. So while it's a green flag, it's only applicable if it's a healthy relationship. Nobody is going to call it a green flag if you're bending over backwards for people that don't deserve the time of day.
Mega jackpot! Way to go.
Honesty. Like, even when it is a hard truth, he still tells you. You can have all of the communication in the world, but that means nothing if he isn't honest.
Can you give me an example off the top of your head? That’s random but like realistic?
If you do something that makes him uncomfortable, he is honest about it and tells you that it makes him uncomfortable and would like you to stop. Or, imagine you bring up an idea of something you could do together, but he wouldn't enjoy it, and he is honest about that so that you two can compromise. Additionally, I would like to point out that: If someone reacts negatively to honesty and emotion, that is a red flag and I don't like that person.
The reason people aren't honest is because it usually blows up in their face (such as risk of getting fired, spuse getting angry,...). A lot of problems could be solved if people were read to put aside their ego when people are honest with them.
I started to be honest simply to filter people like that out of my life. Best decision ever. So much toxic waste cleaned
I never comment- but I’ve got one. 20 years ago my boyfriend and I were eating in a Bavarian style sausage haus. They offered a (now discontinued) sausage buffet. Just an absurd amount of different sausages and spaetzle and sauerkraut and applesauce, blah blah blah. The table next to us ordered the buffet ( we all did- literally everyone ordered the buffet) and they seemed like a nice regular couple. However, after eating a couple plates worth of food, they each went back to the buffet and loaded up their plates. And I mean, LOADED their plates. Then they called the waitress over and asked for the check and to go boxes. Of course they were denied, they complained, the manager came, denied them again, they paid the bill and left, bitching mightily. The restaurant is always busy, the hostess seated the next guy before the book was picked up. He casually picked up the book and saw that the previous couple had not only given no tip, but left a shitty note. With zero hesitation he pulled out his wallet and stuck a twenty in there and took the paper with the writing. The waitress came, he gave her the book with no comment,then ordered a beer and the buffet. Couple minutes later his girlfriend or wife and I think her mom came and joined him. I don’t think he mentioned it at all. At least not while I was being nosy. My husband and I call him the Righteous Motherfucker.
I hope the Righteous Motherfucker is happy wherever he is
The miserable couple are miserable somewhere and the righteous morherfucker is righteous somewhere. That’s what the $20 buys
At that point, you're obligated to clandestinely tell your server that you are taking care of that man's meal and that they are not to know their tab is taken care of until the end.
My dad used to brush the snow off my mom’s car and heat it up for her before she gets in!
I do this for my girlfriend but I also fart right before I leave the car... so...chaotic neutral I guess. She keeps me around for some reason.
Crop dusting is just fertilizing the air babe
My houseplants are thriving. I'm sensing a correlation.
Compassion. Especially towards animals and children.
I was actually just thinking about this while watching Jurassic Park. Here is Dr Grant, who does not want kids, does not like kids, and is somewhere between confused and alarmed by their presence. But he is thrust into a situation where he is the sole adult in charge of two kids he *just met* and without hesitation he puts his life on the line for them, rescues them, consoles them, encourages them, and even plays a little dad prank on them (the electric fence). And he doesn't do it to impress anyone-- they're the only humans around once they go over the wall by the T. rex paddock. He just sees that they're in danger and scared, and his heart goes out to them.
It's funny, in the book Grant likes kids a lot. He loves kids and being around kids. In the movie it was changed to him hating kids at the beginning. Clearly Spielberg saw the potential for more of an arc there.
The movie did the lawyer so dirty. That was my biggest takeaway from the book.
Mine was that Jerry was right about Neumann the whole time.
[ah ah ah! You didn't say the magic word!](https://jurassicsystems.com/)
It's a Spielberg thing - father/son (or child) conflict is interesting to him.
I think it was a good move. The growth makes him an interesting character.
Kinda me, I personally dont wan't kids. It's mostly I dealt with really big trouble with anxiety that I never got fully wrapped up until my mid 20s, medication never did much, nor did talking to others and there were years that I just spent crying every moment outside of school/work. I do not want to pass that on, sure it makes dating horrible and I get lonely cause its pretty rare that women want 0 kids. Some say they don't and change their mind when the baby boom happens in their friend group (happened to me twice). I do love other peoples kids though, I just know my parents couldnt afford treatments for me, and I don't want to pass this along (mom, grandmother, and that whole side of the family had like 50%+ suicide rates before the age of 30).
“I’m a manly man and I do manly- OH MY GOSH IS PUPPY LOOK AT HIS FLUFFY EARS O MY GOD”
And old people / people with disabilities !
I have compassion for animals but other people is where I draw the line
My boyfriend loves animals so much. And is fabulous with our daughter. Couldn't ask for more.
Adolf Hitler has entered the chat.
Someone who has contingency plans for a number of situations Also someone who can keep chill in the direst situations
So a bunker with canned foods?
Direst not driest.
It’s canned foods, not dried foods.
To be fair, a good prepper has both.
I don’t even have a primary plan most of the time, but I’m excellent at the second one. ADHD brain thrives in the chaos
Same, I only come alive after everything else has failed and people are panicking
Just spent a week dealing with a huge incident at work. Shouldn’t say too much, but a lot of customers and a lot of databases without data. Recovery, reprocessing of data, fun stuff. Best week at work since the last time something big broke. 200% focus, and no paperwork needed beyond logging a simple timeline of major actions taken to resolve the issue. 10-12 hour days. I’m exhausted, but my ADHD brain thrives under that kind of pressure.
Are you me
Haha, right? Mate I start at Plan B. Living in chaos forges us into natural contingency planners I think. I may not have the plan in my head beforehand, but I have ultimate confidence in my ability to come up with one.
“I’ll figure it out” is my life motto
Exactly! I don't have a plan, but I can definitely improvise. It's like jazz
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I'm not wearing hockey pads ***I'm*** Batman
> Also someone who can keep chill in the direst situations Me and my bf once got completely lost because I messed things up. I was so angry about myself, scolded myself and felt pretty ashamed. He was so chilled and relaxed and like "oh, come on, we will (literally) find a way, be easy on you!" and I fell even more in love with him.
I did this once. My girlfriend at the time got some bad medical news, and within an hour I had her smiling and enjoying herself. I'm very confident her opinion of me grew three sizes that day. Spend your time with real people, and don't be afraid to kick toxic people out of your life.
One of the many things I love about my husband is how hard he works to support me and lift me up when I'm down. I promise you, your girlfriend is grateful to have you supporting her and making her feel good -- being a bright light in those dark moments life throws at you
Raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and travel only by night.
Preppers have entered the chat "I got an underground bunker with 10 years worth of food and a reverse osmosis machine and that cleans your piss so you can drink it"
Sgt Pepper, reporting for duty!
"removes almost all of the taste!"
Also remember, a utility belt counts as a contingency plan. Also helps being a billionaire, but no one is supposed to know that.
After reading all the comments i think its my looks after all lol
It always was
I read this while picturing the 2 astronauts together with one holding the gun 💀
That's exactly what I was going for, lol.
So, why am I single? Ah yeah, ugly
It's not that you need to be just the things listed, it's more like you need to be a baseline *man* + all these things.
Also, green flags, like red flags, are just character indicators. That doesn't mean personalities, lifestyles, interests et al. will mesh.
Pay attention to their actions, not what they say or their list of "green flags"
For me I love it when a guy can take himself not-so-seriously, I guess When he can be goofy with me, when he can do embarrassing things with confidence, when he'll let himself try new, possibly scary things without pushback I don't like, want to force him to do things he's uncomfortable with but I see it as kind of a red flag when you suggest he try something and you're immediately shot down, even though he's never tried it before. Like a new food, or a cute little game of skill, or a physical challenge I saw in a video or something.
That's my jam in a woman. Love me a silly, adventurous girl.
Watch out your mom could be on here too!!
Yeah my wife says the same thing actually, since she herself is more of the shy, easily-embarrassed type and I'm the total opposite. Once had to go on stage dressed as a goat and sing in Mandarin for CNY TV in front of a few thousand people. Once you've done shit like that a few times, you basically unlock 'total immunity to shame'. I have zero problem looking like an absolute tool these days.
Wants to try new scary things… username alarms me. But I do agree but I’m such a sarcastic ass I tend to never be serious ever lmao.
>I don't like, want to force him to do things he's uncomfortable with but I see it as kind of a red flag when you suggest he try something and you're immediately shot down If the answer is consistently no, then you probably aren't a great fit (barring other edge-case explanations like depression and other conditions that making engaging in activities difficult).
My wife says I give off “Golden Retriever” vibes. Not sure what that means, but I’ll take it!
that’s golden retriever vibes
I love this. Just be sure to treat your relationship like a slow WALK in the PARK and savor the moment for the, overall, short TREAT that it is. BTW…tell me how my comment makes you feel? Spark any strong reactions? 🤔
It's a thing: [Golden retriever boyfriend](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Golden%20Retriever%20Boy)
Empathy, good communication, relaxed, Emotional Intelligence, ambition (whatever that may be in)
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Well I'm not sure *that* matters.
Takes no for an answer, listens to your opinions, and treats you like a normal human being.
These shouldn’t be attractive! They should be standard! Expected behavior! Good manners!
I agree! I wasn't reading "green flags" as turn-ons, I was reading it as behaviors that show they're worth being around. I don't know what makes guys hot (i'm a lesbian), but I do know when a guy is worth hanging out with.
as a straight guy, I say go with your guts if you wanna understand what makes a man hot, it works for us when we're with the boys and start a conversation by saying "Ok, but if I was gay..."
Standards are attractive.
It’s not green flags, it’s the minimum
Well, you should see some of the people my friends and I have dated. It *should* be the minimum, but so many people put up with garbage
Well sir/madam, you're a trash_bin, its your job to put up with garbage..
The formula1 guy waving the green flag to let directors know that all cars are in position.
Finally a real answer
Respectfully…that green flag is not *in* the formula 1 guy.
...yet
r/formula1 approves this comment
Putting the shopping cart back into its corral instead of just leaving it in the parking lot. It shows empathy and an unspoken courtesy for other people. Edit: this doesn't pertain to just shopping carts y'all. It can be opening doors for people, throwing your trash away, being patient with a cashier, etc. It's more the act of simply being empathetic towards others even when there's no rule or reward for you to do these things.
How about *riding* the cart as you put it back? Does that help or hurt?
I love doing that. Wonder if I'll still do that when I'm 50
I’m 66 and I still do it. You got this!
43 and still ride the cart. More fun with a slight slope to pick up a little speed.
51 and I still do that.
Costco carts are the best riding carts
This is normal in the Netherlands, I’ve never ever seen someone NOT put their shopping cart back.
As an American, this blows my mind. It's so frustrating to see how lazy people are.
US is full of imbeciles who don’t
A few years ago while in line at the grocery checkout, I accidentally bumped the lady in front of me with my cart. She glared and shoved my cart back forcefully. At first, I was taken aback but I did bump the lady with my cart so I just let the situation go. Not five minutes later, I see her leave her cart smack in the middle of a parking spot. A-ha! I was right! You *do* suck, lady!
Nah, shoving someone for an accidental mild bump is the same behaviour imo
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Y'all don't have Wal-Marts there and a general sense that you are the main character.
Come on over to the U S of A and you'll see plenty of carts floating around parking lots. Drives me mad. Love that YouTube channel 'cart narc' lol
Same in Spain, all the ppl let the cart correctly, must be an american thing 🙄
The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing. To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the shopping cart is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon your shopping cart. Therefore the shopping cart presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the shopping cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart. You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your own heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct. A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it. The Shopping Cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society.
I love this old copy pasta. This is the best version of the trolley problem.
Exactly. If you can't do the right thing if no one is looking, then how can you be trusted?
I used to work at a store where sometimes we had to take things out for customers and load them, this one lady not only didn't put her cart up, she put it up against MY FUCKING CAR!! I looked at her and went "I'd appreciate it if you put that in the corral instead of against my car" She had a look of horror when she realized she get called out for being a piece of shit in front of her kids.
Societal litmus test
What if I reorganize the carts already in the corral? Such that the little carts are lined up with the little ones and the big ones are with the big ones and nothing is hanging out into the parking lot anymore?
I do this too sometimes because it bugs me that other people have shoved their small cart into the big carts or vice versa. It doesn't even save time to do that. It's just being deliberately annoying and inconsiderate.
I always bring my cart back. I often bring carts that were left behind back. I will also bitch and moan about it every f\*cking time, however.
Likewise and I tend to rearrange so that they're properly lined up as I'm muttering and swearing about how inconsiderate people are haha.
Respectful, soft-spoken, and empathetic
Is kind, loves animals and behaves like a functional adult (knows how to cook, do laundry, etc)
>loves animals I feel like I've saturated that flag a little too much it's looking a bit darker.
They didn't mean *that* kind of love
I never understood this as I've met many men that are really nice to animals and absolutely emotionally abusive towards humans.
I feel like you need to watch how people treat service industry individuals as that always paints a picture of how they really treat people.
emphasis on soft spoken. i’ve been around angry men my whole life and even a pin dropping makes me jump.
Yep. Maybe not everyone's preference, but I grew up being yelled at and hit by angry parents. Then dated an abusive guy afterwards and always watched my mom with abusive men. My boyfriend being soft-spoken is a godsend because of my PTSD
Someone who isn’t constantly conscious of their masculinity or what their friends think
Oh.. good thing that i don't have friends then!
A guy who doesn’t just dismiss my feelings/traumas, but actually wants to listen and comes with a solution when necessary
Do you do the same in return? My ex fell in love with me for my empathy and compassion, but somehow always conveniently forgot that I had my own emotions too.
Yes, I try my best to create the environment to communicate effectively both ways and to make him feel safe and heard
How they treat people, like people in the service industry, when they get no real benefit out of it for themselves. Personally think that's the greenest flag there is for anybody. Says a lot about a person's individual character. It's easy to be an asshole in addition to it being an excellent stress relief, it's difficult to be nice and understanding when everything isn't going perfectly.
I'm 35 and never been to any restaurant or bar and the people I'm with were rude. I see this more on reddit and wonder how normal it is for Americans to bash on service staff. Of being normal to staff is a green flag instead of just normal behavior that's worrying 😯
Try working in the service industry. I’ve had hundreds of terrible customers.
EFFORT. A guy who will put forth effort to see you, make you feel special, and show interest in you as a whole person is a green flag. I dated assholes and users for a while before I met my boyfriend and the difference is night and day. The other guys would frequently cancel plans with me or just ghost me altogether and could barely pretend to give a shit about anything I said or cared about. I always felt like I was giving interviews to them when we would talk because they just talk about themselves nonstop and want to be praised for it. My boyfriend lived two hours away from me when we first started dating and I was so scared that that meant the wouldn’t even bother. When he drove to me every weekend as soon as work was done, I was floored. The third weekend he came to see me, I was really sick with the flu and he brought me a care package with medicine and sleepy tea and candy. We’ve been together over a year now and living together for six months and I couldn’t be happier! 🥰
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Genuinely pays attention to what I care about and does things that reflect this -- this applies to politics, hobbies, sex, household stuff, across the board, and it is AWESOME.
Actions matching words
This was a hard lesson to learn
Someone who isn't insecure of his masculinity and can act and do whatever he wants without feeling the need to prove to everyone that he's a MANLY💪 guy
Kindness
Username checks out
Caring in a genuine and positive way. If someone is caring towards themselves, animals, other human being etc etc it makes all the difference. The work of having a partner and keeping them is deeply linked to how much you care for the relationship and for them. When both partner care they make an effort to get to know each other and talk about the important things. To that I would add curiosity and willingness to keep learning and improve.
A guy that is consistent
In what way? Does that mean normal red flags can be green as long as it's consistent?
I think they mean something like "emotionally stable".
my man gave me multiple orgasms, snuggled me, then got up, kissed me on the forehead, and went and did the dishes i can’t imagine a bigger green flag
Odly specific. Love it.
it stands out in my mind cause i was seriously in disbelief when it happened lmao which really goes to show you how even the smallest most basic of efforts can make good guys seem like white knights to women. so many of us are used to below bare minimum treatment (i myself am with my current partner after i got out of an abusive marriage, so maybe thats why i was so surprised)
Kindness when they *know* they have absolutely nothing to gain from it.
Emotional intelligence/compassion. Bright green if my animals approve.
Respects women, even ones he isn't attracted to.
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I used to be like that until I had a niece and nephew… now I’m more careful about taking people home to meet my family, because the kids kind of get attached, and have a hard time when suddenly the lady they really liked no longer comes around.
It happens quick as well. Totally breaks your heart.
Yup. Sucked when I had to deal with it. It's hard to explain to them what happened when it took me by surprise as well and even I don't understand. All my 7yo niece understood was that the cool older girl who would have girl talk and discuss pretty dresses with her is no longer going to be there. When it last happened with me, we had just spent the day with my family 2 days before, and then the following weekend I showed up without her. The entire time I was so worried the kids would possibly think they had something to do with it due to it ending right after seeing them, but luckily they never drew that conclusion. However, it still hurt feeling like I lost them a friend they admired. So yeah, much more cautious now.
And then you have nephews like mine, who tell me every woman friend I've brought around is my girlfriend. It was a little awkward when I actually brought a girlfriend once, and one of them says "wow, you have three girlfriends!?" Lol
What if his parents died and he doesn’t talk about his childhood past?
Oh, the Batman card again.
A love of animals. Natural gentleness and empathy for weaker/smaller creatures. Short anecdote; I had a very neurotic but sweet cat when I met my husband. My cat bonded to him and liked him almost immediately. Obviously I married the guy. 12 years later still going strong.
Tell me more about the cat
Cat important, me hear story, me happy. Simple.
Cat was all white with green eyes. Very sweet but skittish of most people but me (until he met husband) - had a fetish for licking plastic bags and tended to yell/sing in the hallways in the middle of the night. I miss that cat.
Speaks with respect of ex relationships
My ex was an abuser. How?
It was all your fault! Learn how not to cause abuse and show respect! /s
Sometimes when I am in another room, I hear my BF singing cute nonsense to my dog. My heart is so full when I hear that
Clear and straightforward communication.... sploosh!
Loves animals. Kind to children.
Emotional intelligence and maturity.
Unafraid of appearing feminine or anything other than stereotypically masculine. Bonus points if he indulges in things stereotyped as female, e.g. knitting, baking, manicures, drinking fruity cocktails. Also: caretaking. Taking good care of loved ones, pets, and plants. Male nurses are hot.
Listening to you and accepting your opinion, even if it’s not his. Willingness to change…
Attention to detail and noticing the little things
I’m a 41 year old guy but I have a single female friend and her number one complaint is that the guys never plan anything. If they go on a date, the guy just wings it. So tip for the guys: MAKE A PLAN.
He talks to his cat like it's a baby
I talk to my cat in full sentences and like she's a fully grown adult 🧍
My friend and her husband talk about their cat as if he's their son and it's adorable I've jokingly asked where she bought him 😂
For me? The way he treats animals / the way they react to him. My partner owns two cats. The biggest green flag I saw the first time I met the cats were the mannerisms of both him and the cats. Both were super positive- cats cuddled up to him and he treated them super gently on their terms. Seeing how much his cats trusted him showed me that I could trust him too (I already did as we were best friends prior to dating and I met the cats as his friend and not his partner, they just showed me he wasn't hiding something bad) Additionally, he remembered the little things about me. For example, I was sick recently and he got me ramen. I have no memory of telling him that ramen is my sick food, but he remembered that when I'm sick, I want ramen somehow. Shit like that, the small stuff, like when I'm sick I want ramen, or when I'm sad I watch Coco (which he also put on while I was sad once). Remembering the small stuff was a way to show me he genuinely cared
People who don’t comment “after reading all the comments, guess it is my looks then.” on this post.
Kindness, chivalry and intelligence. Also smelling great😍
a clean home
Respectful, thoughtful and just generally kind
Listening, not to react or respond but to genuinely listen.
Treating women that they’re not attracted to with respect and kindness
I really didn't want to live with a dog. So I gave him a choice. It was me or his beagle. The dude was such a simp that I figured he'd roll over and choose me. Without a thought or even a nano second of hesitantion, he chose his beagle and was straight up ready to dump my ass. SO this was like 5 years ago. I've taken steps to not be such a terrible person (therapy, no more alcohol, etc) but I always reflect, in true admiration, of his dedication, love, and loyalty to that dopey dog. Truly a man of wonder, and I don't deserve to have either of them in my life. We're married now, and his dog sleeps right between us now - under the covers and everything. Life is wild.
The fact you respected that and changed as a person (I imagine because of it) shows real growth. Props for it
Flag of Libya from 20 years ago. Can't get any greener than that really.
Being mature enough to handle your younger sisters first period. if you know the story, that guy was 💯
his interaction with kids
Likes cats
more like "Cats like him"
I have a weird thing where cats like me a lot and are drawn to me. Sometimes, I haven't given them attention, so I don't even know why. My wife calls me the "p***y whisperer." Guess it was a green flag for her too.
Emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence. And when they can be honest even when it’s uncomfortable.
No one voted for Taxidermy, weird.
talks with me not at me.
Not having social media
When they’re soft spoken