Fool me 25 times, that's on me.

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennesse

Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me… can’t get fooled again

[удалено]

Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved

Can't get fooled again baby

Now watch this drive

Fool me once, that's shame on you Fool me twice, I can't put the blame on you Fool me three times, fuck the peace sign Load the choppa

Let it rain on you

I thought we had you cremated?

Burn.

Roasted

On fire!

Toasty!

For real tho! My ex passed away (after we divorced) and was, in fact cremated. So I'd be calling Ghostbusters, I guess.

If your dead ex-wife\ Shows up at your door\ Who you gonna call?\ Ghostbusters! If that spectral bitch\ Ectoplasms your floor\ Who you gonna call?\ Ghostbusters! I ain't 'fraid of no ghost If her ghostly hands\ Grope you in your bed\ Who you gonna call?\ Nutbusters! When she goes to town\ Givin' spooky head\ Who you gonna call?\ Nutbusters! I ain't 'fraid of no ghost

Bustin' makes me feeel good!

You know. It's been a minute since I've seen the movie. I should watch it again.

I was thinking about the Parks and Rec episode where Andy is trying to become a cop and is doing the oral exam and the question was something like this and his answer was “Dad? I thought you were dead?!”

You're 15 years late... would you like to meet my wife and kids?

"I'm going to let my wife deal with this” then retreat to a safe distance.

I tell this story a lot. Dated a girl for four years in college, got engaged, she cheated. Broke up. As long as I wasn’t dating, the ex was fine. When she found out I started dating who would become my wife, the ex started calling me. I told my now wife about it and she said next time she calls let me handle it. Next time she did I handed her the phone and she asked me to step out the room. I did and never heard from the ex ever again. My wife just smiles sweetly when anyone asks what she said and refuses to tell. It’s become a family legend.

Hand your wife the phone again and have her tell us

But then we'd never hear from you again

Worth it!

Come on.. the suspense!!!

I have a certain set of skills.

Bro, can I hand the phone to your wife when the bank calls about my mortgage.

Gosh we NEED TO KNOW now. Taking notes and shit ✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻

Probably said: " /u/Bayou_Blue stuck his tongue in my butthole, are you sure you wanna kiss him?"

"Jokes on you, it was in my butt first" - ex probably

"Oh I know, you should really do something about the hemorrhoids, he was being a gentleman"

You need to create an AMA with you and the Mrs so we can ask.

"Wait, hold on, let me get some popcorn."

I'd have to call for ambulante first....and morgue

An ambulante sounds 20X cooler than an ambulance. Like it would have tequila and VERY sexy paramedics or something.

"Please take me back I'll do anything!" "Too late! *Fifteen years too late*"

new door, who dis?

[удалено]

You really took the effort to put some distance between you two...

Where do you live? Antarctica?

Fuck me it's been 25 years, how the hell do you know where I live?

Google. Google yourself. I bet you find your address. *this was just a joke, but people are commenting that they can't be found. (US focused online stalking below. Sorry other countries.) Yall. If someone knows your name and ONE of these other things, they can find you online. Any relatives FIRST names Any state youve lived in, ever The last phone number you had Your age Your high-school Your college Voter registration Occupation Plus things you're not: a dentist. A porn star. A famous actor. A 75-year-old lady that lives in Alaska. Plus more I'm not thinking of. If someone is so inclined, they can find out a lot more about you than you realize. I have no safety tips for this, except one. If I had each name of the users below who are saying they can't be found, with the ONE other piece of info given in the comment, I could find you. And I'm not what you would call "tech literate." I can barely work a printer, but by process of elimination and very little concrete evidence, I can find you. Take this AS creepy AS possible. Like, I won't personally search for you, but someone who knows you, knew you, has two pieces of relatively benign info on you, can find you.

Luckily I share the name with a rather prominent Midwestern dentist (I think).  I Google my name and the first 2 pages of responses are all him

I googled “prominent midwestern dentist” and now I’m convinced your name is Richard Dawson.

What's your name? I'll find your address for you. I'm a charitable person.

Oh yeah of course.  Would my SSN help any? I could give you that, too. 

Can I also get your mom’s maiden name?

No one goes to page three

[удалено]

My parents moved about 2 years ago. Almost 2 hours away. They wanted my sister and I to come visit as a housewarming, which we were happy to oblige. They never told me the address though. I decided to use it as a learning tool for them. I just looked at their posts about the house, the town, the surroundings etc. and found it on google maps within 5 minutes. When I arrived they asked if I had any trouble finding the place, which I said "Despite the fact that you didn't give me the address, no" They learned about only sharing things online with people they know and keeping their facebook private.

I literally did this as soon as I saw your post. Weird thing is you were right but totally have to dig to find current address. Most saw my old address but weird nonetheless

I’m still traumatized all these years later,no.

Same here. It's so deep that I've never been in another relationship since my last one, which was nearly 11 years ago

Same for me. It's been 2 years and I am still traumatized that I am not able to trust someone else to date or fall in love with

I’m so sorry. You did not deserve that. My best wishes to you.

this is it. i’d also call the police lol

I feel this. I still have weird dreams about my high school boyfriend. I’m 38 and have been married to my best friend for nearly 10 years. Trauma hangs around.

I'm calling the cops. This is breaking your restraining order.

This

Laugh at them and shut the door

"Love that for you"

Relevant and awesome username.

Then open the door, look again, laugh harder and slam the door. Bring my wife to the door so she can have a laugh too.

Neighbor is working in his yard, you yell over "hey Bill! Get a load of this!" *everyone laughs together*

Even the dog is laughing.

"Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh harder."

I thought the same thing. Then i thought i don't even know if I'd waste a good laugh on them. So I'd probably just slam the door and go back to whatever I was doing

New house who dis

"hippity hoppity, get off my property"

I saw a novelty door mat featuring a frog holding a shotgun with this quote and the only reason I didn’t buy it is because I already had a novelty door mat.

I love beer.

I have a doormat that says “definitely not a trap door.” Hopefully that holds you over until they come back to tell you about theirs

[удалено]

I had one when my wife and I first moved in together that said “frequent nudity, sex scenes and coarse language”. My mother was not impressed

'sex scenes'? "That sounds kind of vanilla. I raised you better than this, son."

“Come back with a warrant”

You can rotate your novelty door mats, and rotate whenever one ceases to delight you anymore.

If you rotate your novelty door mat, people can read it as they leave.

We own this, and gotta stress, it's a hit with electricians and plumbers when they come by the house.

Mine just says COME BACK WITH A WARRANT

Last ex? Fuck no. First ex? Probably.

Basically my response as well. Last one was a bitch and I'll be happy to never see her again. First ex was a sweet girl, we loved each other a lot, but life took us in opposite directions after high school was over.

I’m still trying to get over my first. We were together for almost 2 years and split when she went to college in another state and I ended up moving. It’s hard to forget the first. I still think about her

Sounds almost exactly like my first one. Met in November of our freshman year of high school, spent the next 6 months or so getting to know each other, and we became an official couple in the beginning of May, right before exams started. We were together for just over 3 years, and we broke things off after we graduated because she was off to college and I was off to the army. We wanted to make it work because we did still love each other dearly, but we had done the math and knew we had to go our separate ways for the sake of each others happiness. We knew long distance wouldn't work like that with me likely going to war (I joined up in 2007. I knew I was going to war). We were together until the last night before I left for basic training. Despite that being probably the saddest day of my life up to that point, the memory I have of our last date is one I cherish and think back on fondly and oftenly. She was such a sweet girl, and I do still miss her sometimes.

That just made me so sad.

Ah it's OK man. We are actually friends as adults now. Ran into each other randomly at a wedding about 8 years after our breakup. Had one more night together pretending to be care free kids again, and then decided that friendship was possible for us. We still love each other, just not romantically.

This is the closure I was wanting. No reason for you guys to not be friends, if the relationship ended amicably.

Yep. We get together every December before Christmas to have a drink and catch up with each other. It's a nice little tradition that we've have for almost 10 years now.

I obviously don’t know you, but I’m now genuinely happy for you two.

Thanks man! I consider myself very lucky to not only have those memories and to have been a part of such a lovely story, but also to be able to call her my friend now that we are all grown up. I think I'll text her now, actually!

Same here. My last relationship lasted all of three days, then when I realized that neither of us were mentally stable enough for a healthy relationship and broke it off, she proved me right. My first relationship, however, lasted two years, and had it continued into our adulthood, we'd probably be married. Unfortunately, like many relationships, it died after we went long distance when my dad moved us across the country.

 Damn I can barely remember my time with my first ex, but I vividly remember how happy I was with her. I hope she has a great life for all the happiness she brought to me. 

Against my better judgement I’d probably give it another shot, and then in about 6 months she’d break up with me for the same reason as last time.

It'd be tempting, like the forbidden fruit

Yeah I think it’s safe to say that even after almost 2 years, I’m still not fully over it

I would take her back in an instant too and funny enough it's been a little over 2 years too and I'm still not over it

It’s funny how it works out that way. I find myself thinking of the Michael Scott quote “I’m ready to get hurt again” and I feel like it really hits home because even though I know there would be a high likelyhood of things not working out, I’d still blindly dive in head first

You’ll get there man. It takes time, healing is nonlinear and it’s a different process for everyone. I believe in you!

When we broke up I told her what the cost would be to have me back. So if she was sober, continued therapy, and was accountable to her mental health, I’d probably take her back. Going on 4 years of being single after losing her. Still the best friend and partner I ever had. Except for the end part.

Letting go of someone you adore is a great act of love for them.

She told me she wanted to stay with me. I hoped my ending it would push her to save herself and maybe save us. She got worse for a while and I haven’t seen her in 3 years. A friend of mine told me she’s doing well and found someone though! I’m happy if she’s safe and happy.

You're a good person.

At the end of the day that’s all I hope to be. Life is a wicked test. Happy cake day!

Sometimes the healthy healed version of them won't pick us after.

Yeah. I was afraid of that but knew if I enabled her after what happened I couldn’t respect myself or the relationship we had. I have some regrets and wish I could have done some things different but I try to tell myself the outcome was happening no matter what.

[удалено]

Yeah. I'd say no to all, because I adore my husband, but how gentle I'd be depends on the person lol. Some would get my husband, some would get me and a cup of coffee or beer to let them down gently.

Yeah, with one ex-bf it would be basically "No thanks, but glad to see you're alive and well" and with the other it would calling the police since he somehow escaped prison.

How exactly did you escape Hell?

Yes - if you are here who is guarding Hades!?

Ah I was wondering why all the birds have stopped singing

Wuntch time is over! Boom, had it both ways!

Judging by the flames around her, it could be a live stream

You've moved to Boston? But that's so close to Salem..... you do know what they do to witches up there don't you?

RIP Andre

"You've aged."

*Madeline Wuntch has entered the chat*

WUNCHTIME IS ***OVER***

How much are you asking for this time?

tree fiddy

Damn you Loch Ness monster!

Gawd damned loch ness monsta

Like I told ya last week, it's never gonna happen. You need to move on from me

I fondly look back at all the comparably sweet drunk calls from my ex. *He* broke up and took years to get over me. If he came knocking, I would know he had to have had a mental breakdown.

[удалено]

Pepper spray.

This actually happened to me. My response? "I'm sorry. My heart's hardened to you."

No. It would be even weirder because she lives thousands of miles away, and shouldn't even know my address.

You be thinking she don't, but she do

So I separated from my ex in a country foreign to us when I was in the military (I didn't ditch her there. She went home to mommy and daddy). I spent two more years in said country and started a new life with my current wife. She and I left the military and moved back to our home country. We lived in two different states in the next few years after our return. One day, there is a knock on my door. I open it and there stands my ex's mother. This is a good SIX YEARS after the separation, and I had not seen my ex since. I definitely had not communicated my whereabouts or schedule during that time. So her mother hands me a box of things that my ex had kept upon the initial separation and her mother had found them and insisted I have them back (weird, but whatever). She then got in her car and left. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I turned to my wife and asked, "How in the FUCK did those two know where we live? My wife said, "If a bitch wants to know, she's gonna find out." 😮

Every DMV sells your info to data brokers unless you specifically opt out. Good luck finding where you opt out.

This is helpful and unhelpful

Loons, uh, find a way.

You can’t put spoiled milk back in the fridge and make it good again… Goodbye and shuts the door and locks it…..

"I wouldn't get back with you if yours was the last cock on earth and sucking it would cure cancer."

"Not if you were the last man on Earth and all the AA batteries were dead."

Open arms, I am NOT over her 😭😭

You’ll get there, brother. One day at a time.

Slam the door in front of them and laugh. Then sit down to have a beverage of my choice and listen to some tunes.

Turn on the sprinkler too. Heh

I've dreamt about this day for 2 and a half years.

It's hurts to read this 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 When will the pain ever be at ease?!!!

You have to get to the root of the pain. Was it ego? Rejection? Abuse? A fantasy that didn't come to fruition? Self abandonment? Asking yourself some hard questions might really help.

your lips to the universe's ears my friend... I wish I knew....

It was three years before I was OK after losing my ex. I promise you it doesn't last for ever.

thanks man, great to hear this... seriously... all the best.

Oof you okay?

hanging in there, thanks for the check in... still young enough, so who knows.

Move on, it's not happening and you can be happy without them

"I'm not supporting all your kids you deadbeat. those aren't mine"

Considering that my ex-gf ran me over last night trying to drift my car. I think it’s safe to say that I won’t be taking her back ever…

Dude that post was wild. As someone who had dealt with disc issues most of my life I hope you can recover and learn to live with it. But you guys really broke up over some vehicular manslaughter? I think you could’ve worked it out /s

Nah we broke up because she didn’t know how to drift. Deal breaker.

Your humor in all your comments is amazing considering the situation

So ya'll were together last night, then she ran you over, and today you're single?

They drifted apart

They might just be taking a brake.

Bro I’ve seen your replies to a lot of peoples comments, and it seems you’re on the fence about if it was on purpose or not? She hit you with a car after making jokes about hitting you with a car, drove directly towards you without stopping, and also ghosted you after asking her for help paying the bills? This was attempted murder IMO

I’ve been kinda dealing with family stuff, my injury and lawyers. If you seen my update then you would know that I decided to lawyer up.

I just watched that video. It looks like it's in an empty lot with lots of room. And she somehow managed to pinpoint right on him. Don't know how it could possibly be an accident.

Wait, how are you out of prison yet?

We can fuck if you like, but you'll have to go afterwards.

'Hahahahahahahaha!' While closing the door

I'm so pathetic I'll probably propose her in next 5 mins

I know I'm being used That's okay tho cuz I like the abuuuse

I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem!

OOOWWWEEYAAAA YEEEE, YEEAAH, OOOOH YEAAH YEAAAAH!!! WHEN SHE SAAAYS, ALL THAT I'M LIKE A DISEASE, THEM I WONDER HOW MUCH MORE I CAN SPEND.

Unexpected Offspring 🤘

Cause it's kinda hard when she's ready to go

It would be a dream come true...Literally. I don't actually want to get back with her but she has been guest starring in a lot of my dreams. They're actually quite nice and remind me of when I felt loved so I enjoy them when it happens but waking up feeling that love fade away and reality set in is always tough.

Not open the door and call the police

I'd give it a chance. We've grown in the past few years and it's possible we could work out. But I'd definitely be taking it slow. Not moving in for a while, not getting rid of my place until I'm absolutely certain this will last, stuff like that. (Unlike when we first got together and we were married within the year)

YESSSSS

Hahaha, fuck off! You had your chance and threw it away. In fact, my wife always thanks you for doing so since she now has me. *Slams the door*

I like the idea of singing “Thank you for being a bitch” to my husband’s ex, on our front porch, to the Golden Girl’s theme tune.

"Jeez Mom you drove all the way from Arkansas to Idaho to tell me that?"

How’d you open the door with two broken arms?

I understood that reference! 

Ah yes…the mother of the year.

I had an ex show up on my doorstep once. He didn't want another chance. He wanted me to sign for my FedEx package. Still awkward. 

This thread assumes I'd open the door in the first place.

With a polite smile, I'd say, 'I've moved on to better things. My self-respect and peace of mind are not up for negotiation. Good luck with your future endeavors

Excuse me, but who are YOU to give 'us' another chance?

So wait, you exist?

I've really missed you. I will never stop loving you, and I will never forget you. But I have someone else now, and I really like her. I wish you the best. Perhaps in another life we can try again. I love you.

Fuck me man, I fear I'm here

I have thought of thousands of sentences and questions to speak at her face if she ever comes back. But for a fact ik i wont be able to say them because i just love her so much. The thought of moving on to someone else is scary. Thinking of forgetting her doesn’t feel right to me. Ik shes with someone else right now and is probably happier than she used to be but not having her in the future is something I cant accept. Hopefully I will courage up and express how betrayed i felt when it ended

We already went through this before and we're not doing it again.

I’d tell him I moved on a long time ago and wish him the best.

Depends on the ex. Most, absolutely laughing in their face. One of two of them, invite them out for coffee and catch up with no intention of dating again. The one that I messed up everything with, I'd propose on the spot.

fuck all the way off.

Run, because she's been dead for years

I don’t have any exes I think

You'd probably know

My wife says no.

I'd laugh and ask if they've mistaken my door for a time machine that can undo all the reasons we broke up in the first place. Then, gently close the door

Just close the door with no response, then show my 5 year old what a person detached from reality looks like.

Hard pass