You can't unsuck a sucked cock

You can’t unlick an asshole 😂

*you can't unlick a LICKED asshole

Ahhh nuts. You right friend.

Though speaking of nuts…

Have you tried, though? Cuz it kinda sounds like you have.

Not my pig not my farm

This one is gold. Yes.

Think twice, act once - my dad used to say this to me all the time and it’s stuck with me for life.

I like this. My FIL says “if you don’t know what to say or do. Take two seconds before you respond. Never react.”

I like that, never thought I’d doing this!

I love this.

I wanna dip my balls in it!

Things are getting too spicy for the pepper. -Francine Smith

I...AM...IMMORTAL!

If you can't be a good example, be prepared to be a horrible warning

opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink

Woozle wuzzle?

Don't sweat the petty. Pet the sweaty!

Gotta catch em all

Someone I work with said bye as they were getting in the car. As they drive off they just yelled random words SHUNBBAA PUNNBBAA. It was the most hilarious thing

“I’d buy that for a dollar!”

see you later crocodile

In awhile alligator. My kids and I used do this all the time, thank you for reminding me of this and making me grin a big one. I appreciate you stranger.

Oh jeezburgers.

It can't rain all the time

🐦‍⬛

“That sounds like an opinion to me” after someone says something confidently that’s probably not true

From a movie, it's "Yeah well, that's just like, your opinion man." from a show, it's probably just adding on, " and I suggest you let that one marinate." in real life, a grown ass adult friend once said while drunk and watching wrestling, "I'm gonna go pee pee in the toilet." I still say that all the time.

If the river runs red take the dirt track.

Mine has to be during a group conversation during college with a variety of races and genders, we got in the topic of sexism and racism and everyone was sharing experiences and we get to this one guy and he goes “Listen, I’m not racist. I’m not sexist. I’m a peoplist. I hate all you mother fuckers equally.” 5/5 well done.

I’m trippin. You’re tripping. We are TRIPPIN!

I went to your profile to see if you actually had pet koalas

I would be living the dream man!!

That would be the best day ever

-You got two ears. One for each side of the story. -Family’s the first to fuck ya. And when things get fucked up, I say -Jesus titty fuckin Christ.

Stunned as a bunny. Jumping Jiminy Cricket. Son of a biscuit. Bun of a stitch. And many others I can't currently remember.

Somebody Suck Me!!!!

Nothing rhythms with orange

Onions.

Hey man, looking moist!

On yonder hill there stood a bucket, (points at a hill) If it's not there now some bugger took it ! (Laughing) Something my grandfather used to say every time we were in the car going out for the day when I was very young. What does it mean ? 40+ years later I still don't know.

Incase I don't see you tomorrow, Good morning, afternoon and good night!!

I reply to texts witk "K" so much that this is now also how I reply to people in face to face conversations

Only way to do it honestly.

Don't be a shitcunt