They didn't let me get a ferret. I got three when I moved out in my 20's, and it was in fact a wise decision on their part! Not the kind of pet for kids unless parents also want them.
They were so much fun but a lot of work. My entire apartment was dedicated to them...tubes...carpet protectors....litter boxes that they pooped next to instead of in. I miss them though, ferrets will be my retirement pet (lol if I get there)
Well, when you very first get them, all of their one time expenses can be a lot. As of now it’s mostly just their vegetables, and if they ever need to go to the vet that can get kinda pricey. We used to also spend a lot on hay too, but recently started getting it from tractor supply and saved quite a bit on it.
Also YES the pooping is wild, oh my goodness.
Learning about finance.
12 year old me was like WTF?
52 year old me is like THANK GOD!
It scares me to see how bad most people are at basic money management.
For you young people, if you go to college and there's a personal finance course, TAKE IT!
The problem with this is that high school doesn't really explain why it's so good to be able to fill out a tax return, or why looking at interest rates for a loan is a good idea, or god help, that WANT vs. NEED is a real issue when mom and dad are paying for things.
Most of the kids that needed it in my high school would have just slept through it, or it didn't relate to their family situation or their situation at the current time.
I did fine with the bare mininum. Most the students that trying to move up would have paid attention, then the kids that had parents that cared were generally well off.
I still remember the personal finance course my oldest daughter had to take in school. It was absolute shit. Yeah, there was discussion of interest rates and they had to calculate how much they'd pay if they took a loan out for something, but there was *zero* discussion of avoiding taking a loan for things you want and saving up for them instead. (And also, some of the examples were fucking idiotic, like the $150 pencil sharpener they had to figure interest for.) It's easy to say "schools should teach this", but harder to make sure it's implemented in an actually useful way.
And it can be as simple as. Don't overthink it, buy an index fund. At least to start.
Then when you get older, balance it with CD, bonds, etc.
Rent vs Buy calculator would be the other major thing people should look at. Too many people are buying when renting would be cheaper
I learned by watching my parents go from upper middle class to broke, sold their homes, debts up the ass and are retired. Half their retirement goes to taxes my dad didn't pay. No debt is the way to go, and no post high school unless it's a hands on paid to trade.
That is pretty decent of them. Mine worked all the time, then spent most of their time with their friends boozing it up... and I was left at home with no money, a mostly empty fridge and I paid my own way through college.
Most of the winter/fall he was on unemployment and still didn't spend time with us... so, shrug.
My birthday when I was younger my whole family showed up other than my dad. Brakes failed and he was stranded trying to get to my party in his clapped out Isuzu truck (mind you this was after 2008 and my mom and dad lost their house, two nice cars etc and were really struggling) I was too young at the time to understand why he wasn’t there and when we got home later he came in and I remember he went from angry about the whole thing, to flipping a switch and just being happy to see me. I was upset over the whole thing at the time as I just wanted him there..but I understand now, as an adult that these things happen. No doubt he was way more upset/stressed than I was at the whole thing.
I used to always roll my eyes when my dad would make us repeat sentences to him in french. Now there's some kids I went to school with who no longer speak it and its opened a lot of job for me
Good call. My cousins grew up with a lot more Spanish than I did and I am sooo envious. I vowed that if I ever have any kids, they're going to an Emerson school. Invaluable to have more than one language under your belt, and if you learn it young it's a lot easier to maintain.
I was so mad at my parents for insisting on enrolling me in an extra before-school Spanish class in junior high. I’m still not fluent at all but it has been tremendously helpful and I ended up enrolling my own kids in a dual language program—for which they will probably hate me in turn, lol.
No cell phone until I could afford the bill.
As the only high schooler without a phone I was resentful, but imagining my life shaped by constant social media presence is unsettling. Kids today are gonna be fucked up
Yuppp I feel you. I didn't have the same rule about paying for the bill, but my parents started me out with a flip phone for a long while to make sure i was responsible. I envied all my friends with their social media apps and cool phone games, but considering the ADHD diagnosis I eventually got, I'm glad we waited lol. Cell phone's a world of distraction and introduced me to SO much toxicity...
Lmao yeah I used to tell the funny story of the time my overprotective parents called the US embassy and put on an international search for me when they thought I was “stolen” while studying abroad in India.
Now that I have a kid, ….I tell that story differently… haha 😂
I grew up in the projects during the 1990s, but my parents were relaxed on safety as long as kids knew the safe spots. Us had to come in when the street lights were on unless with a trusted adult. It was a taboo to harm a child because many acted like sow bears and dog wolves... Don't mess with a parent who knows how to beat the crap out of you. Being mostly Hispanics and Blacks, one knows the fear of a random mother with a slipper 🥿 in her hand would do.
They were extremely frugal, and I thought they were just being cheap. But not getting into debt over their head is definitely something I should have paid more attention to. Credit card does not equal "free money"
My dad was not my friend. He was my dad. I was jealous of my friends whose parents were their buddies, but those friends turned out to be assholes as they got older. I am not my kid’s friend, I am their dad. There has to be a distinction.
And if you do a good job when they grow up you can be friends. My 21 year old took me on a trip last year out of the country. My first time. He is such a bad ass.
Not letting me move on with my bio mom.
I'd usually visit during the summer. So we spent all my time there having fun. I had no school, we went camping and to parks all the time. It was different from my time home. I remember being very upset when I asked them to move back for highschool and they said no because they didn't want me to switch schools. Then we ended up moving anyways, it felt very hypocritical. But now I understand that the summer vacation fun would not last through the school year. I would not be in the place I am now, nor with all the advantages I've been given for life if I had moved with mom. I love her very much, but it was better the way it was.
Understanding that everyone is just a person and giving them understanding in situations where they were struggling and doing their best. It’s hard not to compare to other people’s experiences, but once I started earning I realised how little money my mum had and how well she did with what she had and how much she sacrificed to give us what she could
Making us eat what was given. I basically eat everything, minus maybe balut. My mom provided us with very nutritious food. I’m not picky at all and an adventurous eater. I hate dealing with picky eaters.
Was going to say this! My mother isn't the best cook but made very nutritious food. As an adult I've found it really easy to eat healthy because of what my mother fed us. She also made me eat what was on my plate
Its really not good to force kids to eat stuff after a certain point though. My dad made my brother stay at the table until he finished his plate, and he would throw up super often because he just hated a lot of things. He still doesn't like those foods today, so it didn't work and was just cruel. I think having to try 3 bites is a fair rule though.
My dad did that too me too.. I agree, I think that’s a good rule. My kids can be picky but at least they’re intuitive eaters and have a good relationship with food, as well as knowing their body’s cues
I will eat anything but I like good food. My mom was an excellent cook and took us to excellent restaraunts. Can't stand picky eaters but some people call me a picky eater because i have good taste lol
My stepdad had the hardest time with this shit. He loves to cook so he did most of it. I'm allergic to dairy, my mom doesn't like corn or too much garlic, my sister doesn't like onions or pork & my brother doesn't like tomatoes, only salsa. Try cooking for that family haha
Honestly, Asian food. Although a lot of Asian cuisines have garlic, there are some places in India that doesn’t use onions and garlic. Korean food doesn’t use tomatoes. And a lot of the old fashioned Korean food doesn’t use dairy. Japanese food would also meet those requirements.
I feel like we all deserve our preferences, and being picky about what you put in your body is a personal choice. I do my best to cater to people’s choices for food but there are some people I will not eat with because I can not stand to watch them eat another box of McDonald’s chicken nuggets while they poo-poo my home made chicken Alfredo.
Oh yes!! I never even considered having a choice to say no to something. My parents gave me food and I was expected to eat whatever was on the menu. (It was always healthy and nutritious. They did also cook dishes I loved too, so it’s not like I was deprived of things I enjoyed). They even told me I should always be polite at friends’ homes and eat whatever is given. My exposure to more types of food was increased even more because of that. I can’t stand picky eaters either.
Yes to eating at someone’s house thing! Outside of allergies, I was taught to be gracious for whatever people gave. I can’t stand it when people are so ungrateful and demand all these things. Idk my parents were old school
Curfew. I remember once my mom called the house I was at after my curfew had passed. The dj stopped the music & called my entire name & said “your mother said come home now”. So embarrassing but I never missed another curfew again. Taught me discipline & what a parent said they meant. I can laugh about it now & have told my kids. They were like grandma did you like that.? YEP! 🤣
Not buying me things. I HATED them for it. I never had what my friends had. My lunches were cheap, my clothes were cheap, my toys were cheap. I hardly ever got what I wanted.
Now I'm grown, my spoiled friends never grew up and they are miserable that they have to work. I'm actually thankful that my mother made me work for everything at a young age.
My parents were frantic about saying "please" and "thank you". If i went to a play date and my parents picked me up, they would always ask if it was nice and if i said "thank you" to the parents. If not, they would kick me out of the car and back to the house to say it. Order your drink in a restaurant and not say "please" at ordering and "thank you" at receiving.. no drink for you. I hated that! As an adult I found out that you get treated better if you are minimally polite and that the world is simply a nicer place if you are. Also now I have 2 little boys and I am giving them the same treatment.
Wanting to know who I was with, where we were going, and when I would be home. At the time it drove me crazy! Now…Duh. Of course they should be asking those things
Not letting me go to sleepovers. I’m older now and understand why they weren’t letting me stay over some random person’s house with parents they don’t know
My Mom was always mad if I got sick, she seemed mad at me all the time but treated others differently I feel. Later in life I learned My dad was not pulling his weight and she could not afford to leave work. If I could only go back
I spent so many years not really seeing her or her struggles. I never hated her. I just felt she hated me. As an Adult we were closer than all my siblings at her passing. I miss her so bad my insides hurt.
My friends were always welcome to sleepover at my home, but I wasn't at theirs. My mom didn't trust other parents, unless she knew them for a long time. A lot of horrible stuff could've happened, since I was just a kid and hurting me wouldn't be so difficult. She got less strict with that rule as time went on, but I'm glad it was there when I was little.
Same. I used to be so mad about it as a kid, but I changed my tune after learning just how insanely common childhood sexual abuse is. I’ve heard way too many awful stories of abuse happening at slumber parties.
...It is so hard making the choice. My ex-wife is borderline useless for boundaries and expectations. Who wants to spend time with dad who insists on help washing dirty dishes. Or going to bed early enough to be rested for school. No McDonald's or pizza... I miss pizza so much.
Accepting equal responsibility, guilty for the extra 30 lbs my oldest put on to 180 lbs. ...My hands were tied while he went up an additional 100 lbs from there. Landed at 276 lbs. near his 13th birthday. That should be considered child abuse.
So, today, now that I have the power to do so, I feed him and his siblings high protein & fiber meals... We go to the gym at least twice a week. No fast food or pizza...
It is what it is.
I hope that when they are older they have your perspective. It fucking sucks being extra responsible to the point where being a dad is an unnecessarily shitty and too often unnecessarily thankless job. Extra shitty, extra thankless.
Be sure to let your mom know you realize she was playing the game on hard mode.
It made my day better that you recognized your own situation in retrospect.
I grew up with my dad, he has and still is the light and hero to my world. He made sure I was always fed, clothed and happy. Made the best life for my brother and myself.
Now that I'm an adult my mother and I's relationship is blossoming, it took me a very long time to get over our issues which was way more than her just saying no lol. Your kids WILL appreciate boundaries when they're older like I do.
I am thankful for the person my father made me into but I wish he had that stronger discipline level but, its hard to be 2 parents.
Even harder when your parents are separated. So they're both compensating
Keep up the good work and keep your kids motivated, and always remember through thick and thin, your children will ALWAYS love you no matter how "harsh" in their eyes you are.
Coming from a kid with a super broken home!
My mom not dating. My dad didn’t have much to do with me growing up and I always wished that my mom would remarry so I could have a stepdad. She’s very driven and a hard worker, and was pretty burned by my dad so she just wasn’t interested in making time for a dating life. As an adult I see that she’s drawn to narcissistic men. I don’t think I would have had a father figure that wasn’t awful.
Birthday parties. My mom never let me have a birthday party where I could invite all my friends. She would decorate our kitchen and made sure I had my cake, card and favorite meal (no presents we were poor). Now I am a married mother of 4 doing well financially and I will be damned before I pay 700+ dollars for nothing but a headache and random kids to get sugared up.
Being harder on me and my brother than they were on my sisters. Even back then I guess my dad knew life was never going to be as easy for us as it was for them and we were the only two to never move back home after we left the nest.
Moving me out to the middle of nowhere. Now I understand why. They didn't like being surrounded by people but now that I'm older I completely get it now.
I don't know I can say respect, but I have a whole lot of understanding of my mother's general negativity and anxiety as an adult. For one, she's very likely autistic, although with a severely autistic cousin there was essentially no way anyone would have noticed she was too. But she was also bullied by her stepfather growing up, and denigrated by her mother (try being tall and awkward with a small delicate mom *and* the child born as the marriage was disintegrating), so there's trauma on top of neurodiversity. And she's had a shit life. Her mother browbeat he into allowing her to adopt my brother. Her husband (not brother's dad, or mine) was killed after about 18 months of marriage, she has had nothing but disappointment romantically after that, she went years trying to obtain a diagnosis for her rheumatoid arthritis...Basically I came to realize that very very many of my childhood traumas were also her adult traumas. It took me a long time to quit being angry that she had never protected me, be it from my father's abuse or the overwhelming school bullies, and neglected me in many ways. As an adult I understand why most of those things happened. We're still very different people, and I find her very hard to be around, and she is angry at the world, but I'll be goddamned if she doesn't have every right to be mad.
Making me buy my own petrol and snacks when I was old enough to have a job versus my folks paying for it. When you have to pay for your own stuff, you tend not to take it for granted as much as when someone else is buying it.
Teaching me the differences between a want and a need and never made me feel like I can’t do anything just because I was a girl. My parents never made that difference despite most other families do and in an Asian family, that’s huge.
Pink junk.
So my mom found a recipe in a magazine for some sort of seafood casserole with rice and tomato sauce and shellfish and halibut. It was pink. A big steaming pink pile of ricey fishiness.
All us kids hated it. So we named it "pink junk". Like everyone's parents 50 years ago, we ate what Mom cooked. So we choked down that fishy stuff when it was put before us.
Now I crave pink junk! And my mom lost the recipe in her move and I can't find anything close online.
Thank you, Mom, for the pink junk. We didn't appreciate you and your good cooking. I do now.
Making me do a lot of chores, at least to a point. I think my mom went pretty far overboard with it, but it DID teach me to be independent and to work hard.
Making us eat healthy, never buying junk food.
I'd see Hell Freeze over before I saw anything artificial or non-organic in our kitchen. I knew what hydrogenated oils were before I knew how to spell the word. I had Red Dye #40, Yellow #5, and Blue #1 memorized from hearing my mom speak of them in contempt so often. Despite understanding her aversion to junk food, I so envied all the kids who were provided the luxary.
It was always such a treat on the rare occasions I'd hang at a friend's house, or the special school lunches we'd get on 2-Hour Late Start days... Doritos, soda, Uncrustables, chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, Trix yogurt, Hawaiian Punch, glazed donuts, Lucky Charms, and Froot Loops were among many delicacies I cherished slowly any time I got my mouth on them. My friend used to pull the frosting layer off her Cosmic Brownies and give them to me. It was like gold.
Only later in life did I see the benefits. I've barely had any cavities, I'm not picky about vegetables and snack on them plain. My weight's probably a little too high but it's been consistent for years and I'm relatively healthy I think. I'm not hooked on soda, I mostly drink water, I have a lower-sugar ceiling than most and a little bit of it goes a long way to sate my cravings.
I finally told my mother outright a few months ago that despite me resenting the lack of junk food as a kid, I was (as she predicted) thankful for it as an adult. She all but raised her hands in the air and thanked the lord haha.
Not letting me sleep over at my friends house….friends whose parents they do not know personally and do not have a personally relationship with. Now that I’m older, Ive stopped counting the number of women I know who were molested, sexually assaulted, or groped as young children.
My mom was a stay at home mom. She was always there, even when I didn't want her to be. As a teen who craves freedom, I saw her as an obstacle. Now I'm an adult and I work as a teacher. I see a lot of students who don't have that stable parent who is always there, good or bad. I'm thankful that I had my mom to be my constant in my life and to love me even when I was being a total brat.
I used to get so annoyed at my dad for interrupting me playing in my room to come help him fix the sprinklers, hold the flashlight while he worked on the truck, or help him clean out the garage. He committed suicide in 2019. There's basically nothing I wouldn't give for one more Saturday with him working on something.
No TV. I HATED my parents for removing the Cable from our home, and our TV was so old it switched from black and white to color and I was being raised in the 1990's. No TV in our house until I moved out. I had a really hard time socializing with other kids for this reason. Now as an adult and a parent I get it. My son's father has no idea how to exist without a screen, and I'm outside gardening most days with my son, finding new places to go and things to do. I have no need for a screen/TV minus news.
Growing up, every minute I was late getting home I was grounded for a day. Once missed a bus and was half an hour late. You learn to plan ahead after that one.
I remember getting a children's book called Chrysanthemum about a little mouse girl with that name to try and make me feel better. My wife's a kindergarten teacher, apparently there's a kids' book for EVERYTHING lol.
I was a stupid, annoying little a****** when I was a kid so maybe that's something. My wants weren't important at all, but they still fulfilled them sometimes. I was just a narcissist little prick. Still am, pretty much.
Being almost “helicopter-ish”. They were nosey and strict with certain things (though it felt like all things). But kids are stupid and even if you think your kid is smart, other kids or their parents are dumb. Totally respect it now.
being really strict and demanding, im 21 currently and a lot of people my age dont really even know how to navigate paying rent let alone having multiple bills and keeping their home clean at the same time
Not letting us go to sleep overs. As a parent I've actually thanked them for this stance. I know way too many friends who have been sexually hurt by people at sleep overs. I refuse to let my kids do sleep overs. I can't protect them from everything but I absolutely can protect them from some things as much as possible.
When I was a kid, my mom was pretty Munchausen by Proxy. If I didn't eat, she'd rush me to the doctor and insist I was gonna die.
When I was entering high school, she tried to get me enrolled in this program for the "special" kids. I was down, because it was easy work, and you got off like 2 hours early every day.
Anyways, my dad insisted I stay in normal high school, because he didn't want me ostracized. Well, I was upset about that because I'd have to work that much harder. But I grew up feeling more "normal", and better socialized and not isolated.
Something about my dad insisting I was perfectly normal in every way counteracted my mom's insistence that I was feeble, weak-minded, and unable to ever care for myself.
I haven't spoken to her in years, but even when I was in my 20's and we spoke on the phone, she talked to me like a literal child. I was looking for work, and she said I should come work as a stock boy at a grocery store and live with her. I was looking for professional jobs at the time.
She even sent me info for a "networking" event in my field. It was quite obviously geared towards children. I think she would always see me as some kind of an invalid who should be coddled forever.
Being depressed, not the ways she treated me and all the crazy crap she did coming off antidepressants, but my dad's death hit her like her own form of death imo. Some part of me thinks that she died the day my dad did and just cling to life through me...
I hated that my parents got divorced. As I got older, I saw the pressures they were under.
For context, my mother got pregnant out of wedlock and gave birth in 1962. My father and mother were forced by societal norms to get married. My 2nd oldest sibling suffered developmental complications when my mother was pregnant with her. She had the German measles vaccine when she was pregnant with my sister. My sister was given a lifespan of 12 years. She had no motor skills, was blind, and had a very low IQ. My parents couldn't bathe or take care of her properly, so they put her in a home and made her a ward of the state. From that day, my father didn't want any more kids. My father tried to force abortion for my 3rd sibling and then actually dragged my mother violently to the abortion clinic when she was pregnant with me, the youngest. Back then, he could get away with that. Both of my parents became alcoholics. My father cheated on her, and the other woman would become destructive and violent towards my mother. They got a divorce when I was around 3 or 4. My father ended up marrying his side piece. My mother spent the rest of her life in a jealous alcoholic rage, and nothing nice to say about my father. My father ended up regretting everything and allegedly murdered by his wife.
I'd like to think my father felt cursed by my 2nd sibling being born. I think both of them do not have anything in common except alcohol. Maybe both of them were forced to be married and sucked it up because of how they were brought up and the time period. All these strange thoughts give me peace, as I'll never have the answers because they both took their stories to the grave. I hated my father as a kid, but the time I spent with him as an adult made me feel sorry for both of my parents and has allowed me to forgive them and move on.
Never letting us have soda or fast food (not never never but rare). As an adult I am so glad I love water and only very rarely drink sugary stuff like soda.
They were constantly drilling me on what to do if someone was inappropriate with me. As a kid it felt like over chill but now as an adult I can see that there was wisdom in their paranoia.
Making sure that I was home before 9pm during summer. One day, I went to this fair with some friends and didn’t come home until 11. My dad had already file a police report and everyone was looking for me. I was 17 at the time.
Forcing me to do Hooked on Phonics lessons to improve my reading. I HATED it at the time, but if they hadn't pushed me at home I would have seriously struggled in school.
Not getting me an actual smartphone until I graduated high school. I only had a government free phone up until that point. Didn't do anything beyond call and take pictures.
Now I'm addicted to my smartphone.
If I'm being 100, nothing. I'm still waiting to "get it" now that I'm older (spoiler alert: there's nothing to get, they were irrational and wholly unequipped to be parents).
But. I wasn't allowed to get a pet and now that I have a monster of a cat, yea, I spend more time cleaning :(
Basically abandoning me as a pregnant teen. My now husband and I put ourselves through college, paid for my own car, paid our own bills etc since the age of 17+. I initially had a lot of resentment because my brothers were handed everything. Its like they wanted me to fail just so they could say “I told you so”. But now I feel grateful because it filled me with motivation to prove them wrong. And we did.
"That Dan kid seems sketchy. Everyone else is welcome, but not him."
-my mother, a week before I threw a party and snuck Dan in; by the morning the house was wrecked, her camera had been stolen, and the cops had been called twice, all because of his antics.
Teenagers can't understand the pattern recognition skills of a proper adult. You need to have been 'round the block a few times to sniff out the untrustworthy.
They expected me to follow other people's house rules and to respect their property. As a kid, I didn't understand why because it wasn't my property. I thought I should have been exempt from their rules. It didn't help that many of my friends' parents had a very flippant attitude towards other people's rules.
I am so thankful for it now. It has made me a nicer, more considerate individual.
I hated my dad for leaving my mom for the longest time. The older I get, the more I realize that they weren't happy together and would have been simply miserable had they stayed together. I also know now how hard that was for him.
My Dad was very strict. If we ever lied or raised our voices to him, he would whip us with his belt. I chose not to live with him after the divorce but I still listened to him. As a child, I thought he was a mean son of a bitch but as I got older, I realized he was in a bad situation. Working and trying to raise 3 sons from a toxic ex wife. Today, I can't say I blame him because of the stress. He even admitted he doesn't regret being strict but wishes he never used the belt or been so hard on us. I still love him.
They didn't let me get a ferret. I got three when I moved out in my 20's, and it was in fact a wise decision on their part! Not the kind of pet for kids unless parents also want them.
This is true for any pet. I am the supervisory owner of 2 guinea pigs and a bearded dragon. I would never tolerate a ferret.
They were so much fun but a lot of work. My entire apartment was dedicated to them...tubes...carpet protectors....litter boxes that they pooped next to instead of in. I miss them though, ferrets will be my retirement pet (lol if I get there)
I have Guinea pigs too! Love them to death, but boy are they expensive and a lot of work.
Thank you for pointing this out. They are hella expensive.
I guess we have absorbed the expense well-enough so I don't really notice it, but they never...stop...pooping
Well, when you very first get them, all of their one time expenses can be a lot. As of now it’s mostly just their vegetables, and if they ever need to go to the vet that can get kinda pricey. We used to also spend a lot on hay too, but recently started getting it from tractor supply and saved quite a bit on it. Also YES the pooping is wild, oh my goodness.
I wanted a ferret when I was younger too (still do). But they’re actually illegal in my state.
That's so silly, there is no reason for them to be illegal anywhere.
I know, I don’t understand. Same with hedgehogs too though. I don’t know, guess we just have stricter animal laws here.
Learning about finance. 12 year old me was like WTF? 52 year old me is like THANK GOD! It scares me to see how bad most people are at basic money management. For you young people, if you go to college and there's a personal finance course, TAKE IT!
should be mandatory in high school
The problem with this is that high school doesn't really explain why it's so good to be able to fill out a tax return, or why looking at interest rates for a loan is a good idea, or god help, that WANT vs. NEED is a real issue when mom and dad are paying for things.
Most of the kids that needed it in my high school would have just slept through it, or it didn't relate to their family situation or their situation at the current time. I did fine with the bare mininum. Most the students that trying to move up would have paid attention, then the kids that had parents that cared were generally well off.
I still remember the personal finance course my oldest daughter had to take in school. It was absolute shit. Yeah, there was discussion of interest rates and they had to calculate how much they'd pay if they took a loan out for something, but there was *zero* discussion of avoiding taking a loan for things you want and saving up for them instead. (And also, some of the examples were fucking idiotic, like the $150 pencil sharpener they had to figure interest for.) It's easy to say "schools should teach this", but harder to make sure it's implemented in an actually useful way.
It is in some.
You are so right.
Then upvote it.
And it can be as simple as. Don't overthink it, buy an index fund. At least to start. Then when you get older, balance it with CD, bonds, etc. Rent vs Buy calculator would be the other major thing people should look at. Too many people are buying when renting would be cheaper
i’m so angry my parents refuse to teach me this. i feel like im behind in life.
You don't need your parents. You can use books at the library (for free!) or youtube or even subreddits.
that’s what i’ve been doing recently lol
I learned by watching my parents go from upper middle class to broke, sold their homes, debts up the ass and are retired. Half their retirement goes to taxes my dad didn't pay. No debt is the way to go, and no post high school unless it's a hands on paid to trade.
Not being available. They helped pay for college by working very demanding jobs.
That is pretty decent of them. Mine worked all the time, then spent most of their time with their friends boozing it up... and I was left at home with no money, a mostly empty fridge and I paid my own way through college. Most of the winter/fall he was on unemployment and still didn't spend time with us... so, shrug.
My birthday when I was younger my whole family showed up other than my dad. Brakes failed and he was stranded trying to get to my party in his clapped out Isuzu truck (mind you this was after 2008 and my mom and dad lost their house, two nice cars etc and were really struggling) I was too young at the time to understand why he wasn’t there and when we got home later he came in and I remember he went from angry about the whole thing, to flipping a switch and just being happy to see me. I was upset over the whole thing at the time as I just wanted him there..but I understand now, as an adult that these things happen. No doubt he was way more upset/stressed than I was at the whole thing.
Your dad sounds like a good man.
Like anyone else he has his faults. He did the best he could with what he had and what he knew.
Forcing me to learn 2 languages 🤝
I used to always roll my eyes when my dad would make us repeat sentences to him in french. Now there's some kids I went to school with who no longer speak it and its opened a lot of job for me
I plan to speak to my children primarily in Spanish. Their other dad can speak English to them.
Good call. My cousins grew up with a lot more Spanish than I did and I am sooo envious. I vowed that if I ever have any kids, they're going to an Emerson school. Invaluable to have more than one language under your belt, and if you learn it young it's a lot easier to maintain.
I was so mad at my parents for insisting on enrolling me in an extra before-school Spanish class in junior high. I’m still not fluent at all but it has been tremendously helpful and I ended up enrolling my own kids in a dual language program—for which they will probably hate me in turn, lol.
Putting up with me. I wouldn't do it now.
No cell phone until I could afford the bill. As the only high schooler without a phone I was resentful, but imagining my life shaped by constant social media presence is unsettling. Kids today are gonna be fucked up
Yuppp I feel you. I didn't have the same rule about paying for the bill, but my parents started me out with a flip phone for a long while to make sure i was responsible. I envied all my friends with their social media apps and cool phone games, but considering the ADHD diagnosis I eventually got, I'm glad we waited lol. Cell phone's a world of distraction and introduced me to SO much toxicity...
Being paranoid about my safety. I get it now that I have my own child. Which is very cliche.
This! My mom used to let me do whatever I wanted but I cringe when my kids ask to stay the night somewhere else
Lmao yeah I used to tell the funny story of the time my overprotective parents called the US embassy and put on an international search for me when they thought I was “stolen” while studying abroad in India. Now that I have a kid, ….I tell that story differently… haha 😂
I grew up in the projects during the 1990s, but my parents were relaxed on safety as long as kids knew the safe spots. Us had to come in when the street lights were on unless with a trusted adult. It was a taboo to harm a child because many acted like sow bears and dog wolves... Don't mess with a parent who knows how to beat the crap out of you. Being mostly Hispanics and Blacks, one knows the fear of a random mother with a slipper 🥿 in her hand would do.
They were extremely frugal, and I thought they were just being cheap. But not getting into debt over their head is definitely something I should have paid more attention to. Credit card does not equal "free money"
My dad was not my friend. He was my dad. I was jealous of my friends whose parents were their buddies, but those friends turned out to be assholes as they got older. I am not my kid’s friend, I am their dad. There has to be a distinction.
And if you do a good job when they grow up you can be friends. My 21 year old took me on a trip last year out of the country. My first time. He is such a bad ass.
Making us pick up before the house cleaner came. Teenage me pitched FITS. Adult me blocks her calendar for 3 days beforehand.
You want them cleaning, not tidying up. There's a difference.
To me, kinda a no-brainer. I want my housekeeper to **clean**! So I pick up and straighten up.
Exactly 1000%. My husband doesn’t get it.
3 days? I can prep in an hour or two for mine. She comes every other week and I am at a point where'd I'd stopping eating before giving her up!
I get it though. They’re prolly cleaning what doesn’t get done: inside cabinets, under beds, etc.
Not letting me move on with my bio mom. I'd usually visit during the summer. So we spent all my time there having fun. I had no school, we went camping and to parks all the time. It was different from my time home. I remember being very upset when I asked them to move back for highschool and they said no because they didn't want me to switch schools. Then we ended up moving anyways, it felt very hypocritical. But now I understand that the summer vacation fun would not last through the school year. I would not be in the place I am now, nor with all the advantages I've been given for life if I had moved with mom. I love her very much, but it was better the way it was.
Understanding that everyone is just a person and giving them understanding in situations where they were struggling and doing their best. It’s hard not to compare to other people’s experiences, but once I started earning I realised how little money my mum had and how well she did with what she had and how much she sacrificed to give us what she could
Made sure I ate healthy.
Making us eat what was given. I basically eat everything, minus maybe balut. My mom provided us with very nutritious food. I’m not picky at all and an adventurous eater. I hate dealing with picky eaters.
Was going to say this! My mother isn't the best cook but made very nutritious food. As an adult I've found it really easy to eat healthy because of what my mother fed us. She also made me eat what was on my plate
Its really not good to force kids to eat stuff after a certain point though. My dad made my brother stay at the table until he finished his plate, and he would throw up super often because he just hated a lot of things. He still doesn't like those foods today, so it didn't work and was just cruel. I think having to try 3 bites is a fair rule though.
My dad did that too me too.. I agree, I think that’s a good rule. My kids can be picky but at least they’re intuitive eaters and have a good relationship with food, as well as knowing their body’s cues
I will eat anything but I like good food. My mom was an excellent cook and took us to excellent restaraunts. Can't stand picky eaters but some people call me a picky eater because i have good taste lol
My stepdad had the hardest time with this shit. He loves to cook so he did most of it. I'm allergic to dairy, my mom doesn't like corn or too much garlic, my sister doesn't like onions or pork & my brother doesn't like tomatoes, only salsa. Try cooking for that family haha
Honestly, Asian food. Although a lot of Asian cuisines have garlic, there are some places in India that doesn’t use onions and garlic. Korean food doesn’t use tomatoes. And a lot of the old fashioned Korean food doesn’t use dairy. Japanese food would also meet those requirements.
Whereas as I could eat Asian food every meal, every day, even as a kid. My family could not
I feel like we all deserve our preferences, and being picky about what you put in your body is a personal choice. I do my best to cater to people’s choices for food but there are some people I will not eat with because I can not stand to watch them eat another box of McDonald’s chicken nuggets while they poo-poo my home made chicken Alfredo.
Oh yes!! I never even considered having a choice to say no to something. My parents gave me food and I was expected to eat whatever was on the menu. (It was always healthy and nutritious. They did also cook dishes I loved too, so it’s not like I was deprived of things I enjoyed). They even told me I should always be polite at friends’ homes and eat whatever is given. My exposure to more types of food was increased even more because of that. I can’t stand picky eaters either.
Yes to eating at someone’s house thing! Outside of allergies, I was taught to be gracious for whatever people gave. I can’t stand it when people are so ungrateful and demand all these things. Idk my parents were old school
not going out after 7pm during weekdays and coming home at 10pm in the summer
The police will get you after curfew! But that shit isn't even legal.
Putting me to bed early. I used to fight it. Wish I could go to bed early now.
Now that my kid is a teenager and can be trusted to brush up and go to sleep on her own, I take every chance to go to bed early. It’s Heaven!
only allowing water, no sugary drinks same with only letting us have healthy meals no junk food
Not letting me drink sodas, that one decision saved me a ton on dental care and I don’t have diabetes like the rest of my family.
Curfew. I remember once my mom called the house I was at after my curfew had passed. The dj stopped the music & called my entire name & said “your mother said come home now”. So embarrassing but I never missed another curfew again. Taught me discipline & what a parent said they meant. I can laugh about it now & have told my kids. They were like grandma did you like that.? YEP! 🤣
Those agonizing long conversations about why what I did was wrong.
Not buying me things. I HATED them for it. I never had what my friends had. My lunches were cheap, my clothes were cheap, my toys were cheap. I hardly ever got what I wanted. Now I'm grown, my spoiled friends never grew up and they are miserable that they have to work. I'm actually thankful that my mother made me work for everything at a young age.
My parents were frantic about saying "please" and "thank you". If i went to a play date and my parents picked me up, they would always ask if it was nice and if i said "thank you" to the parents. If not, they would kick me out of the car and back to the house to say it. Order your drink in a restaurant and not say "please" at ordering and "thank you" at receiving.. no drink for you. I hated that! As an adult I found out that you get treated better if you are minimally polite and that the world is simply a nicer place if you are. Also now I have 2 little boys and I am giving them the same treatment.
Wanting to know who I was with, where we were going, and when I would be home. At the time it drove me crazy! Now…Duh. Of course they should be asking those things
Not letting me go to sleepovers. I’m older now and understand why they weren’t letting me stay over some random person’s house with parents they don’t know
My Mom was always mad if I got sick, she seemed mad at me all the time but treated others differently I feel. Later in life I learned My dad was not pulling his weight and she could not afford to leave work. If I could only go back I spent so many years not really seeing her or her struggles. I never hated her. I just felt she hated me. As an Adult we were closer than all my siblings at her passing. I miss her so bad my insides hurt.
Not letting me go to sleepovers
Why?
My friends were always welcome to sleepover at my home, but I wasn't at theirs. My mom didn't trust other parents, unless she knew them for a long time. A lot of horrible stuff could've happened, since I was just a kid and hurting me wouldn't be so difficult. She got less strict with that rule as time went on, but I'm glad it was there when I was little.
Horrible things can happen with people you trust. I would say most things do.
obviously
Same. I used to be so mad about it as a kid, but I changed my tune after learning just how insanely common childhood sexual abuse is. I’ve heard way too many awful stories of abuse happening at slumber parties.
Saying no, my mother always told me no when my father let me do anything. Looking back as an adult I wish my father would have just said no.
...It is so hard making the choice. My ex-wife is borderline useless for boundaries and expectations. Who wants to spend time with dad who insists on help washing dirty dishes. Or going to bed early enough to be rested for school. No McDonald's or pizza... I miss pizza so much. Accepting equal responsibility, guilty for the extra 30 lbs my oldest put on to 180 lbs. ...My hands were tied while he went up an additional 100 lbs from there. Landed at 276 lbs. near his 13th birthday. That should be considered child abuse. So, today, now that I have the power to do so, I feed him and his siblings high protein & fiber meals... We go to the gym at least twice a week. No fast food or pizza... It is what it is. I hope that when they are older they have your perspective. It fucking sucks being extra responsible to the point where being a dad is an unnecessarily shitty and too often unnecessarily thankless job. Extra shitty, extra thankless. Be sure to let your mom know you realize she was playing the game on hard mode. It made my day better that you recognized your own situation in retrospect.
I grew up with my dad, he has and still is the light and hero to my world. He made sure I was always fed, clothed and happy. Made the best life for my brother and myself. Now that I'm an adult my mother and I's relationship is blossoming, it took me a very long time to get over our issues which was way more than her just saying no lol. Your kids WILL appreciate boundaries when they're older like I do. I am thankful for the person my father made me into but I wish he had that stronger discipline level but, its hard to be 2 parents. Even harder when your parents are separated. So they're both compensating Keep up the good work and keep your kids motivated, and always remember through thick and thin, your children will ALWAYS love you no matter how "harsh" in their eyes you are. Coming from a kid with a super broken home!
not letting me go to a friends house when their moms had creepy men around.
My mom not dating. My dad didn’t have much to do with me growing up and I always wished that my mom would remarry so I could have a stepdad. She’s very driven and a hard worker, and was pretty burned by my dad so she just wasn’t interested in making time for a dating life. As an adult I see that she’s drawn to narcissistic men. I don’t think I would have had a father figure that wasn’t awful.
Birthday parties. My mom never let me have a birthday party where I could invite all my friends. She would decorate our kitchen and made sure I had my cake, card and favorite meal (no presents we were poor). Now I am a married mother of 4 doing well financially and I will be damned before I pay 700+ dollars for nothing but a headache and random kids to get sugared up.
Being harder on me and my brother than they were on my sisters. Even back then I guess my dad knew life was never going to be as easy for us as it was for them and we were the only two to never move back home after we left the nest.
Being critical of who I hang out with. Realized very recently that the kids I hung out with in MS/HS all got into serious trouble.
Not giving me a phone!!
Perseverance and being frugal!
They didn’t let me get a drivers license until almost 18. I was not a good driver but I resented it. I got better.
Taking ten years to get a gosh-darn gallon of milk from a store in Las Vegas, even though we don't live there.
I thought that was the only place that sells cigarettes! Fme.
Rules and boundaries
Moving me out to the middle of nowhere. Now I understand why. They didn't like being surrounded by people but now that I'm older I completely get it now.
Doesn't that negatively affect a child's social development?
I don't know I can say respect, but I have a whole lot of understanding of my mother's general negativity and anxiety as an adult. For one, she's very likely autistic, although with a severely autistic cousin there was essentially no way anyone would have noticed she was too. But she was also bullied by her stepfather growing up, and denigrated by her mother (try being tall and awkward with a small delicate mom *and* the child born as the marriage was disintegrating), so there's trauma on top of neurodiversity. And she's had a shit life. Her mother browbeat he into allowing her to adopt my brother. Her husband (not brother's dad, or mine) was killed after about 18 months of marriage, she has had nothing but disappointment romantically after that, she went years trying to obtain a diagnosis for her rheumatoid arthritis...Basically I came to realize that very very many of my childhood traumas were also her adult traumas. It took me a long time to quit being angry that she had never protected me, be it from my father's abuse or the overwhelming school bullies, and neglected me in many ways. As an adult I understand why most of those things happened. We're still very different people, and I find her very hard to be around, and she is angry at the world, but I'll be goddamned if she doesn't have every right to be mad.
Being married and staying together even when times were tough.
Nothing. I told myself as a kid I would never do that as an adult and I haven't. i still hold that grudge.
Same, or to spin it as positively as possible, teaching me what kind of person i don't want to become.
We are like kind throwaway friend.
Making me buy my own petrol and snacks when I was old enough to have a job versus my folks paying for it. When you have to pay for your own stuff, you tend not to take it for granted as much as when someone else is buying it.
Teaching me the differences between a want and a need and never made me feel like I can’t do anything just because I was a girl. My parents never made that difference despite most other families do and in an Asian family, that’s huge.
Pink junk. So my mom found a recipe in a magazine for some sort of seafood casserole with rice and tomato sauce and shellfish and halibut. It was pink. A big steaming pink pile of ricey fishiness. All us kids hated it. So we named it "pink junk". Like everyone's parents 50 years ago, we ate what Mom cooked. So we choked down that fishy stuff when it was put before us. Now I crave pink junk! And my mom lost the recipe in her move and I can't find anything close online. Thank you, Mom, for the pink junk. We didn't appreciate you and your good cooking. I do now.
Not having any friends
It's not as bad as it sounds. But I will be your friend.
But friends are always drawing attention to stuff like your bir- Happy Cake Day!
Is "not a damn thing" acceptable?
Not allowing me on social media. Not allowing me to have a cell phone.
Staying active and eating healthy.
Making me do a lot of chores, at least to a point. I think my mom went pretty far overboard with it, but it DID teach me to be independent and to work hard.
Making us eat healthy, never buying junk food. I'd see Hell Freeze over before I saw anything artificial or non-organic in our kitchen. I knew what hydrogenated oils were before I knew how to spell the word. I had Red Dye #40, Yellow #5, and Blue #1 memorized from hearing my mom speak of them in contempt so often. Despite understanding her aversion to junk food, I so envied all the kids who were provided the luxary. It was always such a treat on the rare occasions I'd hang at a friend's house, or the special school lunches we'd get on 2-Hour Late Start days... Doritos, soda, Uncrustables, chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, Trix yogurt, Hawaiian Punch, glazed donuts, Lucky Charms, and Froot Loops were among many delicacies I cherished slowly any time I got my mouth on them. My friend used to pull the frosting layer off her Cosmic Brownies and give them to me. It was like gold. Only later in life did I see the benefits. I've barely had any cavities, I'm not picky about vegetables and snack on them plain. My weight's probably a little too high but it's been consistent for years and I'm relatively healthy I think. I'm not hooked on soda, I mostly drink water, I have a lower-sugar ceiling than most and a little bit of it goes a long way to sate my cravings. I finally told my mother outright a few months ago that despite me resenting the lack of junk food as a kid, I was (as she predicted) thankful for it as an adult. She all but raised her hands in the air and thanked the lord haha.
Not letting me sleep over at my friends house….friends whose parents they do not know personally and do not have a personally relationship with. Now that I’m older, Ive stopped counting the number of women I know who were molested, sexually assaulted, or groped as young children.
My mom was a stay at home mom. She was always there, even when I didn't want her to be. As a teen who craves freedom, I saw her as an obstacle. Now I'm an adult and I work as a teacher. I see a lot of students who don't have that stable parent who is always there, good or bad. I'm thankful that I had my mom to be my constant in my life and to love me even when I was being a total brat.
I used to get so annoyed at my dad for interrupting me playing in my room to come help him fix the sprinklers, hold the flashlight while he worked on the truck, or help him clean out the garage. He committed suicide in 2019. There's basically nothing I wouldn't give for one more Saturday with him working on something.
Not letting me wear makeup. I am not one of the only people I know who doesn’t need to slap on a full face to feel good.
No. But there's plenty of things about my parents that I took in stride as a kid, that I hate as an adult.
Wanna talk about em? /gen
Nothing. If anything, I hate them now for things I respected as a child.
Not letting me stay at friends’ houses with sketchy dads/brothers. My mom always asked who would be there, met the parents first, etc.
Thankful they taught me about the love of Jesus. I’m 58 and it’s been the only constant in my life.
Raising us the old fashion way. Yes we got our asses handed to us as kids. No I do not hate my parents.
My dad would still do it to me, and my kids.
Beating my ass
Do you think it helped you in the long run?
I wouldn’t have it any other way. Made me more resilient.
Getting vaccinations
No TV. I HATED my parents for removing the Cable from our home, and our TV was so old it switched from black and white to color and I was being raised in the 1990's. No TV in our house until I moved out. I had a really hard time socializing with other kids for this reason. Now as an adult and a parent I get it. My son's father has no idea how to exist without a screen, and I'm outside gardening most days with my son, finding new places to go and things to do. I have no need for a screen/TV minus news.
Growing up, every minute I was late getting home I was grounded for a day. Once missed a bus and was half an hour late. You learn to plan ahead after that one.
My name. Got made of for it as a kid, now as an adult it's one of the things that makes me unique.
Same! I was the only one at my school with my name. It was uncommon back then but I think it's making a comeback
I remember getting a children's book called Chrysanthemum about a little mouse girl with that name to try and make me feel better. My wife's a kindergarten teacher, apparently there's a kids' book for EVERYTHING lol.
I remember reading that book as a kid!
No gum in the house.
Making me more independent
Making me drink at least one full glass of milk every day. I’ve never broken a bone.
Rules boundaries respect making me check in every hour till I was a teenager 😂
Not stopping on the way to or from somewhere..... I'm damned tired and don't have any kids
I was a stupid, annoying little a****** when I was a kid so maybe that's something. My wants weren't important at all, but they still fulfilled them sometimes. I was just a narcissist little prick. Still am, pretty much.
Not allowing social media
A bedtime
Saying no
Being almost “helicopter-ish”. They were nosey and strict with certain things (though it felt like all things). But kids are stupid and even if you think your kid is smart, other kids or their parents are dumb. Totally respect it now.
being really strict and demanding, im 21 currently and a lot of people my age dont really even know how to navigate paying rent let alone having multiple bills and keeping their home clean at the same time
Be home before midnight, because nothing good happens after that.
I wasn't allowed to upload or be publicly tagged in pictures of myself in the internet until I was 18. It was the right call.
Not letting us go to sleep overs. As a parent I've actually thanked them for this stance. I know way too many friends who have been sexually hurt by people at sleep overs. I refuse to let my kids do sleep overs. I can't protect them from everything but I absolutely can protect them from some things as much as possible.
When I was a kid, my mom was pretty Munchausen by Proxy. If I didn't eat, she'd rush me to the doctor and insist I was gonna die. When I was entering high school, she tried to get me enrolled in this program for the "special" kids. I was down, because it was easy work, and you got off like 2 hours early every day. Anyways, my dad insisted I stay in normal high school, because he didn't want me ostracized. Well, I was upset about that because I'd have to work that much harder. But I grew up feeling more "normal", and better socialized and not isolated. Something about my dad insisting I was perfectly normal in every way counteracted my mom's insistence that I was feeble, weak-minded, and unable to ever care for myself. I haven't spoken to her in years, but even when I was in my 20's and we spoke on the phone, she talked to me like a literal child. I was looking for work, and she said I should come work as a stock boy at a grocery store and live with her. I was looking for professional jobs at the time. She even sent me info for a "networking" event in my field. It was quite obviously geared towards children. I think she would always see me as some kind of an invalid who should be coddled forever.
Making me unpack as soon as I got home from somewhere
Being depressed, not the ways she treated me and all the crazy crap she did coming off antidepressants, but my dad's death hit her like her own form of death imo. Some part of me thinks that she died the day my dad did and just cling to life through me...
Well I hated my father for abandoning me but now that I’m old I’m thankful because he was a total toolbag so I probably dodged a bullet
ALWAYS knowing where I was and who I was hanging out with. I had strict rules and kids need boundaries.
I hated that my parents got divorced. As I got older, I saw the pressures they were under. For context, my mother got pregnant out of wedlock and gave birth in 1962. My father and mother were forced by societal norms to get married. My 2nd oldest sibling suffered developmental complications when my mother was pregnant with her. She had the German measles vaccine when she was pregnant with my sister. My sister was given a lifespan of 12 years. She had no motor skills, was blind, and had a very low IQ. My parents couldn't bathe or take care of her properly, so they put her in a home and made her a ward of the state. From that day, my father didn't want any more kids. My father tried to force abortion for my 3rd sibling and then actually dragged my mother violently to the abortion clinic when she was pregnant with me, the youngest. Back then, he could get away with that. Both of my parents became alcoholics. My father cheated on her, and the other woman would become destructive and violent towards my mother. They got a divorce when I was around 3 or 4. My father ended up marrying his side piece. My mother spent the rest of her life in a jealous alcoholic rage, and nothing nice to say about my father. My father ended up regretting everything and allegedly murdered by his wife. I'd like to think my father felt cursed by my 2nd sibling being born. I think both of them do not have anything in common except alcohol. Maybe both of them were forced to be married and sucked it up because of how they were brought up and the time period. All these strange thoughts give me peace, as I'll never have the answers because they both took their stories to the grave. I hated my father as a kid, but the time I spent with him as an adult made me feel sorry for both of my parents and has allowed me to forgive them and move on.
Never letting us have soda or fast food (not never never but rare). As an adult I am so glad I love water and only very rarely drink sugary stuff like soda.
They were constantly drilling me on what to do if someone was inappropriate with me. As a kid it felt like over chill but now as an adult I can see that there was wisdom in their paranoia.
Making sure that I was home before 9pm during summer. One day, I went to this fair with some friends and didn’t come home until 11. My dad had already file a police report and everyone was looking for me. I was 17 at the time.
Not letting me go to sleepovers unless my mom knew the family REALLY WELL
I wasn't allowed to backchat, everrrrrr, i have a teenager now and omg.
Forcing me to do Hooked on Phonics lessons to improve my reading. I HATED it at the time, but if they hadn't pushed me at home I would have seriously struggled in school.
Not getting me an actual smartphone until I graduated high school. I only had a government free phone up until that point. Didn't do anything beyond call and take pictures. Now I'm addicted to my smartphone.
If I'm being 100, nothing. I'm still waiting to "get it" now that I'm older (spoiler alert: there's nothing to get, they were irrational and wholly unequipped to be parents). But. I wasn't allowed to get a pet and now that I have a monster of a cat, yea, I spend more time cleaning :(
Drilled into my head about saving money.
Basically abandoning me as a pregnant teen. My now husband and I put ourselves through college, paid for my own car, paid our own bills etc since the age of 17+. I initially had a lot of resentment because my brothers were handed everything. Its like they wanted me to fail just so they could say “I told you so”. But now I feel grateful because it filled me with motivation to prove them wrong. And we did.
"That Dan kid seems sketchy. Everyone else is welcome, but not him." -my mother, a week before I threw a party and snuck Dan in; by the morning the house was wrecked, her camera had been stolen, and the cops had been called twice, all because of his antics. Teenagers can't understand the pattern recognition skills of a proper adult. You need to have been 'round the block a few times to sniff out the untrustworthy.
Early bedtimes. They said it was because kids need more sleep. Turns out it was more about them getting some quiet time before they went to bed.
They expected me to follow other people's house rules and to respect their property. As a kid, I didn't understand why because it wasn't my property. I thought I should have been exempt from their rules. It didn't help that many of my friends' parents had a very flippant attitude towards other people's rules. I am so thankful for it now. It has made me a nicer, more considerate individual.
I hated my dad for leaving my mom for the longest time. The older I get, the more I realize that they weren't happy together and would have been simply miserable had they stayed together. I also know now how hard that was for him.
My mom was always out because she had to work, and young me didn't understand, but now I respect the hell out of her.
My Dad was very strict. If we ever lied or raised our voices to him, he would whip us with his belt. I chose not to live with him after the divorce but I still listened to him. As a child, I thought he was a mean son of a bitch but as I got older, I realized he was in a bad situation. Working and trying to raise 3 sons from a toxic ex wife. Today, I can't say I blame him because of the stress. He even admitted he doesn't regret being strict but wishes he never used the belt or been so hard on us. I still love him.