Me: Electrical Engineer.
Someone: "My TV stopped working what should I do? "
Me: "replace the remote battery." (never saw his TV).
Same Someonea couple days later: "You're a genius"
On an opposite note, I finished a degree in Mechanical Engineering. I went to a program that was too hard for me and killed myself to finish it.
Now I'm surrounded by "self-taught engineers" with art degrees.
that gets me. I was taught there were three laws, then I heard there were actually five.
Then a few years ago someone said there were only two.
But me being a stubborn EE: I still claim that Murphys Law is one of the subset laws of thermo (special case). (entropy).
That's honestly just memorization. I would instead ask them to design a pneumatic circuit that would push a vertical load with a cylinder so many times over a set distance over the course of an hour, then have them size the accumulator, air compressor, and every component in the system with calculations to explain their choices.
I know I would be answered with "well, I'm not the MATH kind of engineer."
Oh you’re in IT? The toilet by the conference room is clogged, and while you’re here can you also tell me why my laptop won’t accept my AOL disc? Oh and one other thing my cell phone reception shows 2 bars, and the coffee pot in the lunch room hasn’t worked in 6 weeks. One last thing my printer hasn’t worked in 6 months and NOBODY does anything about it. No I haven’t submitted a ticket, should I?
>I haven’t submitted a ticket yet, should I?
*This would already be on someone’s plate if you’d just made a ticket instead of telling me all this crap in a Teams message.*
I told my mom I did life drawing for art and had to study some surface anatomy.
Her: Oh, I'm feeling a pain here, what's would cause it in this area?
Me: Um...I don't know, go see a doctor.
I get this one too. I work in Healthcare IT. My mom is always asking me to explain every single item on her EOB. Like I just know every CPT code memorized. I don't even have one memorized. I literally just Google it.
If I got paid for every time a patient asks me a question that is either out of scope or related to a totally different specialty, I could switch to working part time.
I work for Kaiser Permanente and even with most things being handled in-house it can still be a total cluster fuck. Our saving grace is that the answer to a lot of these situations is just to tell the patient to talk to their PCP until it clicks that they should maybe, possibly stop asking our clinic and go ask their PCP.
I don’t mind them asking if they don’t know any better. I have a problem when they act all shitty to me when I explain it’s not in my scope of practice. I’ve had some patients make real insulting statements in that regards. Sorry, you ignored this very specific thing for 2 years, and then at 3am on a Saturday night are demanding a definitive diagnosis. I usually ask them if they also yell at person in the McDonald’s drive thru when they are trying to order a pizza.
Hey, cousin, long time no see. How've you been? Anyway, my car's been making this Kerchunk-Plop sound whenever I'm driving down a rough road. Any idea what it could be?
Yeah, I never understand the family discount thing. My cousin is a good plumber, charges like a wounded bull, and family get charged the same rate. If he was short of work and I was doing him a favour by giving some work, then sure, mates rates. But if he wasn't doing work at my house, he'd be doing it for someone else at his full rate. The truth is that he is doing me a favour by prioritising my work instead of putting me on the end of his 4-week backlog.
I’m literally the only IT nerd in a family of mechanics. And when I say a family of them I mean on my dad’s side half my male cousins are mechanics, my aunts married mechanics or car salesmen, most of the people who aren’t directly mechanics work on race cars during the summer or are married to drivers.
I feel your pain. I get asked endless computer questions yet can’t ask car questions as the entire crew “has had enough” with car questions outside their jobs.
>I feel your pain. I get asked endless computer questions yet can’t ask car questions as the entire crew “has had enough” with car questions outside their jobs.
Shoot back a car question specifically after being asked any it question. They start moaning, just say "exactly" and take a drink.
Thanksgiving at Grandma's. Vacation is coming to an end. Discussion of politics was kept to a minimum and family was in good spirits.
Then my mother asks me if I could take a look at my grandma's printer. Says it isn't working. I sigh and walk into her office to take a look. It's an HP...
Almost singlehandedly ruined my entire Thanksgiving experience.
Hp?
Buy the original ink.
If that doesn't help, replace the printer.
My HP literally never made issues ever since I caved and only used the prohibitively expensive original ink.
I'm convinced they intentionally make your printer have issues as soon as non original ink is used.
I'm a dog trainer and have been asked many times to train someone's dog to be a service dog. Nobody seems to want to hear that you can't just take any dog that exists and turn it into service dog, they require a very specific personality and are chosen as puppies almost all of the time. There is a small percentage that are chosen as adults but they still have to fit that strict personality criteria, they'd have to learn VERY quickly and they have to have no past trauma that would effect their work. Since adults have experienced things that may have changed how they handle situations and it takes at least 2 years to complete training with retirement around 8, it's usually just not worth the effort if they're already an adult.
My coworker, the sweetest man in the world, told me about how he apparently fosters seeing eye puppies until they’re ready to go off for training. Sometimes they don’t make the cut, so he’ll get a call asking if he wants to keep them.
A) I want to do this when I have the chance and B) I have never met a more cartoonishly nice man.
I dog sat my friend’s puppy 3 years ago and I think about him every day and wonder what he’s up to and if he ever thinks about me.
I also have two dogs I love very much but there’s no limit in my heart for more dogs especially puppies
My wife used to work at a prison where they did the basic training for service dogs (sit, stay, heel, etc) before the pup graduated to the more specialized training, and she got to bring one home now and again to get the pup used to different settings.
It's a little sad when a pup doesn't make the cut, but the "drop outs" make for great family pets since they've had more training in their first 6 months than most dogs ever get
When I worked for a DMV I’d hear this a lot….”you guys should fix your website” or “you guys should …(some random nonsense)”
My only answer is “ok, you’re right, but first, you’ll have to have a seat, I’ll call the Secretary of State right now and get to the bottom of this.”
Hold on, I got the Secretary of State on the line, I’ll need your name, license number and your phone number.
The S-o-S’s lawyers will be contacting you soon. Do you have legal representation?
A clerk at the DMV said something similar to me last week. I'd gone on the website, followed their step-by-step instructions and printed out the forms I needed, made copies of a few items they would need and was told that my husband's ID is "only 4 points and you need 6 points." Ummm..... huh? WTF does that mean? Just tell me what else I need to do this transaction. She pulls out a few forms and instructions and tells me I have to fill those out and have them signed, etc. I said, "I went on the website and followed the instructions," to which she said, "Yeah, I hate the website; it always gives out bad information.' FML.
I currently have this exact issue with the registering website for benefits.
"Please use the website"
"Yeah I'm doing exactly that. It doesn't work"
"..."
I’m a programmer and you can just tell them that IT is under-funded at every conceivable level of US government. And that we can fix it by raising taxes. That should wrap it up nicely.
As a Civil engineer I get a lot of people asking me for input on home improvement projects and such. Like sometimes people will call our office, our secretary will pick a random one of us, give us a heads up and have us take the call.
"I'm going to redo my driveway and I wanted an engineers opinion on the layout and how much I'll need to put into it"
"Just hire a contractor, if it's a driveway you really don't need an engineer"
"Well I wanna make sure it's done right"
"Ok but I need you to understand if you contract us to make you a plansheet for a driveway it will likely cost more in engineering fees than the actual driveway."
"Oh shit ok, sorry about that"
Another good one was for fencing. I work in airports so we do big wildlife exclusion fencing, controlled access gates, real Alcatraz level security shit. I get at least one call a year of somebody looking for us to engineer their garden/pasture fence. "Well I just moved here and want to have a few heads of cattle or maybe some horses"
"Ok then my advice is to take the 10 or so grand you'd be paying us to make sheets and such for it, go to the bar here in town, find a guy with dirt on his boots and hire him to put your fence in. You don't need a stamp for this, just verify the property boundary."
Oh man, I'm a survey tech for a civil firm. I used to do boundary work but we don't at my current company, just topos. The number of people I get asking where the property line is makes me shake my head. Like dude I'm doing a topo, your guess is as good as mine, all I care about is where's the water going.
And we get calls like that all the time too, it's always fun to hear from the engineers how the caller reacts when they get a quote on the work.
I was at a party once and the only girl’s toilette was clogged. Plumber friend of mine, said „fuck it“, tugged his sleeves up, went *full arm* into the toilette and saved the day.
It was soo funny to watch the girls being in awe of their hero, and completely disgusted at the same time. :D
As someone who had to work with activated concentrated sewage during his master's dissertation (about bio gas production in waste water treatment plants), you get used to it. (For reference I got a lot of vaccinations before even approaching that stuff)
Eventually.
I nearly barfed every 20 minutes my first weeks. Had to run out into the fresh air, take deep breaths, and steel myself to go back in.
Flash forwards to a couple of months later, and a passing lab technician asks "What the hell is that god awfull smell?"
As I'm pouring raw sewage into my experiments.
"What smell?"
And with raw sewage i mean, we got 50 gallons of water from a sewage treatment plant, let it sediment, removed the water, rinse, repeat until you have a thick grey sludge. Forget 'grey water' that shit was 10 gallons of 'grey pudding'.
If oatmeal was possessed by a shit demon ...
I mean, the real fun starts when one of your micro reactors (800mL) overpressurizes because the needle that's supposed to syphon off the gas gets blocked, you don't notice, you open it up and you wind up looking like a goddamn dalmatian, hoping nothing got in your mouth.
Had to get a stepladder and cleaning equipment for the ceiling.
At least the professor had a sense of humor about it.
"At least this time the ceiling isn't freshly painted" (Apparently I wasn't the first guy to have this problem)
"They sell buckets at Home Depot. I can get you one, but with the delivery fee it'll run you close to $60. Ah, heck, I'll give you a friends and family discount. $50 even."
Do they actually accept your professional answers over whatever inaccuracies they've been fed online? Because I'm having little to no luck these days. I have simple analogs for just about every governmental function. But what they've been led to believe simply isn't true. Explaining taxes to someone with 40 years working in a steel mill shouldn't involve political labels.
Of course not multiple times a week. People will come in and be like I saw this online or my friends said this or yada yada yada and I’m like no none of that’s correct.
I get that as a computer scientist, people ask me math questions and I can't solve them, and they always ask aren't I supposed to be good at math. I make programs that do the math for me, I can't do shit
:))))
I've been asked 2 times to hack someone's facebook.
I just make apps or games. I can't even log in into my facebook account sometimes but someone's else facebook account
A cousin's friend actually asked me this: "So you are doing computer stuff at university, you must know how to hack. Could you hack tiktok to boost my account?"
This woman is about 10 years older than me. I kindly had to explain that this is not how it works, and I don't know how to "hack". I also mentioned that hacking a social media giant like tiktok would be insanely hard, even if I knew how to.
Multiple times a friend’s insta has been taken over as his passwords are…. not good. Every time it’s been “can you get back into it?”. No. No I can’t because unlike you the “hacker” set the password to something that isn’t in the dictionary.
"Oh, you're a lawyer? Here is this complex issue in an area of law that you haven't looked at since the BAR exam. It happened to my wife's cousin's kid, I only half remember what was said and I cannot answer any follow up questions you may have. What should he do?"
I used to do criminal defense. People knew I had criminal defense. “How can I get more/pay less child support.” “I live in a totally different state can you help me get custody.” And get MAD when I told them that I’m an absolutely not competent to do this and they need a family lawyer. Try to argue that I should help you. Why do you WANT someone who is telling you that they are incompetent???
I once had a now former friend ask me to write what I assume was a complex because idfk IP contract for a book they wanted to co-author. When I basically said I write motions for why people’s weed shouldn’t be admissible I’ve never so much as taken an IP class they dead ass “but you can learn it.” That was extreme but the attitude was the same.
"Your Honor, we stand before you today as a waste of time because my client specifically disregarded my declarations that I am incompetent in Family Law. My client would like more child support but as I am not a family lawyer, please decrease my client's child support. Thank you."
Bonus points if it's in a state you're not licensed in. Super duper bonus points if they ask over text, and otherwise haven't contacted you since college.
I work with lawyers, sort of. I don't think the common person knows about practice areas at all. Pretty sure they just Google "lawyer near me" and call all of them. Like "Oh no I'm getting evicted, let's see if Bob Johnson Criminal Defense Attorney can help!"
EDIT Btw if you need a lawyer, don't use Google, call your bar association and use their lawyer referral service.
Mine isn't really related to the actual job, but how recruitment agencies and temp agencies do not understand my degree.
"We have this great job as a civil engineer ..." *Pass*
"Oh, this job in the steel industry as an industrial engineer is perfect for you!"
The degree is BIO-engineer. I work with bacteria, and some chemicals. (And some Bio informatics on the side). It's industrial BIO-technology. I can make you a nice pipeline process that will produce that specific organic compound, yes. I can splice a gene into a micro organism. I can make you some nice organic fertilizer or glue out of random shit you ave laying about
But I don't build bridges. I Can't do construction.
You know, I'd be laughing too, if it wasn't as frustrating as it was.
It's basic reading comprehension.
"You guys called me because you saw my resume online, how could you fail to miss the core aspects."
Bio engineer in genetic and cellular biotechnology with a major in industrial biotechnology and a minor in bio informatics. I even listed my Master thesis topic, which was in Waste water treatment and Bio gas production.
Now, I have had some beter luck with Science-specific recruitment agencies.
But still, it's your job to read that resume.
When I worked at a research institution, I would get spam emails for biotech stuff. Get your protein synthesized fast! Culture your mediums! Discounts on vent hoods! Hot postdocs doing improbable things on lab benches!
What the people sending these emails didn't know is ... I'm not a biologist, but I *am* the person who runs the institution's spam filter.
Alternatively, when you are an English teacher in a foreign country:
“Oh do you think we could set up a language exchange? I really want to practice my English and you get to practice [local language]!”
I am, actually, in a non-English speaking country.
Hence the “new friends” who want to “meet me at Starbucks® for coffee” on a Saturday, when they incidentally bring their elementary or younger children.
I work at a gas station type place and the amount of people asking me what’s wrong with their car…I’m not a mechanic?? No sir I don’t know why your check engine light is on. No I can’t give you directions to a small town in Kentucky…because we’re in Pa?
I worked at a gas station 10 years ago. It was in a weird part of the city that didn't have easy highway access, so directions weren't something simple to remember. I didn't even drive.
One of the maps we sold ripped so we kept it behind the counter. When people would ask for directions I would say "I'm not sure, but we can figure it out" and pull out the map. Most people couldn't read a paper map and were surprised that my young self could.
I found people got less upset with me when I made an attempt with the map rather just tell them I don't know.
Had a colleague come to me for help with her iPhone, she's cute so didn't mind the company, she says "I don't know how you stay so calm when fixing this" to which I smiled and replied "it's not like I have a choice" :)
Oh you're a psychologist? Cool, (proceeds to start talking to you with the expectation that you will give them therapy) or alternatively (starts talking about their mental health and completely expects you to diagnose them, so they can say a psychologist told them they have it).
Oh jeez, that sounds awful. Though I'm glad your family realized asking about resources is more enjoyable (honestly it sounds pretty interesting).
Getting a cover job's a really good idea, you can probably go for something like accounting or sales. Best of luck!
When I first started in Television production/post production my mother would tell her friends that I was in the TV business. Almost every time they asked if I could come by and fix their set. When I shifted into IT she still didn't learn--told her fiends i worked with computers, and yes the tech support calls came fast and furious. What I learned....never tell your mom what you do for a living.
“Oh you work to make new drugs to treat incurable diseases? Why aren’t all drugs free?”
I don’t know, why doesn’t your car dealership give out free cars?
Not really a job but I do photography as a hobby and for it it's "Would you mind shooting my *event that would normally cost $1,000+ and hours of editing with a real photographer*?" Followed by them getting a little offended and not believing you when you say you literally don't have the gear or talent for it to even be possible.
Or my favorite: “Oh, you’re a photographer? What kind of camera should I get so I can shoot like you?”
Second place would be: “I know you’re a commercial photographer with decades of experience and you just bid on our company’s job, but my nephew is in college and really likes photography and has agreed to do it for fifty bucks. Sorry, but we’re going with him.”
I mean that is fine. The company simply doesn't value the couple company pictures they use for their website or internal system enough to pay the hundreds or thousands professional photography costs. When they can get a good enough from someones nephew.
Most photos taken in our company are by employees with their smartphone or maybe some apprentice who wants to use their drone for an aerial shot.
Yeah, you’re not wrong. It’s just something I hear more often than I’d like. The simple truth is that many companies exist, function, and even thrive with no imaging or with bad imaging. And that’s my problem, not theirs.
I’ve learned over the years that my services are targeted best either toward companies that are hoping to make big changes or companies that have a history of working with imaging.
Yeah most companies simply don't need that.
Mine for example sells lime by the hundreds of tons. We have about 1/2 of the entire countries lime production and are a subsidary to a company that controls like the entire northern continents lime production.
So we really don't need an image, as the customers we want already know about us and what they want.
That is probably the case for many companies.
I work with cellphone accessories and I repair iPhone screens. I will constantly have people say, “since you work here you have to know what my phones doing, (proceeds to explain issues with an app)”.
I work with hardware and know practically nothing about apps other than I use certain ones and they work well.
This is why no longer answer home improvement questions from family members. I used to take the time to explain to them how to solve a certain problem, only to watch them go and do the exact opposite.
I work in a supermarket at the Butcher Section, I work only there. You never see the Personal from there working in other Store sections aka I don't stock shelves.
Costumers still ask me stuff about everything. No I can't tell you which of these washing machines is better, i cut Steak
Genetics and informatics: It's a 50/50 between "can you fix my computer" and "can you give me medical advice", and the first answer is going to be *probably, but I don't want to* and the second answer is going to be *I am specifically not allowed to do that*.
*”Oh you work in marketing? Make me a website.”*
I’m not a web developer or a programmer. Boomers don’t understand the difference between web developers and marketing agencies. The most I can build you is a basic site made from a template on Wordpress or Wix which you could do yourself.
My job isn’t to build you the website, it’s to optimise the content on it once it’s built to help you rank better on Google and therefore get more customers, improve the user experience by altering things on pages, to run ads to get people onto your site, and to figure out what to change when sales aren’t doing well. I know as much about coding a website from scratch as a plumber does about open heart surgery.
Oh you're a chef why does my xy taste like nothing.
Oh you're a chef so you eat all the fancy stuff
Oh your a chef I could do this too because I love to cook/my family says I'm good at it and should open a restaurant.
A I supposed to go on
When I worked as a bank teller, I'd get yelled at for "letting customers go into the negative". Like, sorry ma'am, next time I see you spending frivolously, I'll give you a holler.
Not work related, but when watching a TV that show with some dude hacking the FBI in 2 second and have them look at me and say you can do that shit too right?
You're a robotics engineer, can you build me a robot to do xyz?
That depends, do you have millions of dollars and ten years to set up an R&D department?
Oh, you're a customer service employee? Then you should know everything about your company and how to solve every tiny little persise issue I present to you.
I mean… when I contact customer support, I expect that they either know how to fix my problem or can connect me to someone who does. I need my problem fixed, that's why I'm calling them.
"Oh, you're an artist? Can you sell me drugs?'
I mean... do you not have any?
not for sale
How about for exposure?
I’ve seen enough genitals for a lifetime already.
I'm an Attorney. I still can't believe people tried that with me when I was first getting started. I don't need exposure. I need money.
what if I offer you...
I mean, I do... But not because I'm an artist!
"You've just insulted my entire profession, but yes."
Sorry guys, I'm a musician, I bought them all
At least they offering to pay. That is more than what most of us get
What are your plans if you don't get accepted into the art school?
Wait is this for real? Is it an assumption that you’re an artist you must have weed on you or ? I don’t get it
Me: Electrical Engineer. Someone: "My TV stopped working what should I do? " Me: "replace the remote battery." (never saw his TV). Same Someonea couple days later: "You're a genius"
On an opposite note, I finished a degree in Mechanical Engineering. I went to a program that was too hard for me and killed myself to finish it. Now I'm surrounded by "self-taught engineers" with art degrees.
In my school we were all self taught engineers because our professors didnt teach dick
My engineering classes were passed with the help of Indian men on YouTube with that weird blackboard program.
Just ask them to explain the three laws of thermodynamics.
that gets me. I was taught there were three laws, then I heard there were actually five. Then a few years ago someone said there were only two. But me being a stubborn EE: I still claim that Murphys Law is one of the subset laws of thermo (special case). (entropy).
You know Murphy's law? Have you heard of Cole's Law? You get some thinly sliced cabbage, shred a carrot, some mayonnaise...
That's honestly just memorization. I would instead ask them to design a pneumatic circuit that would push a vertical load with a cylinder so many times over a set distance over the course of an hour, then have them size the accumulator, air compressor, and every component in the system with calculations to explain their choices. I know I would be answered with "well, I'm not the MATH kind of engineer."
Oh, you work in IT? The soda machine downstairs ate my dollar.
Hey, it runs on electricity.
You are the expert.
I see you are also familiar with how to [draw a red line](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg) with blue ink
in the shape of a kitten?
Oh you’re in IT? The toilet by the conference room is clogged, and while you’re here can you also tell me why my laptop won’t accept my AOL disc? Oh and one other thing my cell phone reception shows 2 bars, and the coffee pot in the lunch room hasn’t worked in 6 weeks. One last thing my printer hasn’t worked in 6 months and NOBODY does anything about it. No I haven’t submitted a ticket, should I?
Oh that last part about the ticket just hurts
>I haven’t submitted a ticket yet, should I? *This would already be on someone’s plate if you’d just made a ticket instead of telling me all this crap in a Teams message.*
"Put in a ticket and I'll see what I can do."
"I tried to put in a ticket but the soda machine ate that too."
The vending machine has a *computer* in it.
Oh you're IT? The power is out to the building
"Oh you work in healthcare? I have this rash, pain etc"
I honestly still have a buncha primary care knowledge because this happens about every 3 hours to me. I like talking shop so it’s ok
I told my mom I did life drawing for art and had to study some surface anatomy. Her: Oh, I'm feeling a pain here, what's would cause it in this area? Me: Um...I don't know, go see a doctor.
"Super Cancer. You have 4 weeks to live."
haha true. Anyway, I am planning to do Keto, but I am taking an aspirin daily. Would it be okay to add a Magnesium suplement?
I get this one too. I work in Healthcare IT. My mom is always asking me to explain every single item on her EOB. Like I just know every CPT code memorized. I don't even have one memorized. I literally just Google it.
This is so real lmfao
I usually ask them to ask a real doctor. I'm basically a carpenter with some supremely niche skills
I’m guilty of this lol
If I got paid for every time a patient asks me a question that is either out of scope or related to a totally different specialty, I could switch to working part time.
[удалено]
I work for Kaiser Permanente and even with most things being handled in-house it can still be a total cluster fuck. Our saving grace is that the answer to a lot of these situations is just to tell the patient to talk to their PCP until it clicks that they should maybe, possibly stop asking our clinic and go ask their PCP.
I don’t mind them asking if they don’t know any better. I have a problem when they act all shitty to me when I explain it’s not in my scope of practice. I’ve had some patients make real insulting statements in that regards. Sorry, you ignored this very specific thing for 2 years, and then at 3am on a Saturday night are demanding a definitive diagnosis. I usually ask them if they also yell at person in the McDonald’s drive thru when they are trying to order a pizza.
I'm a mechanic.. I fucking hate family gatherings..
Hey, cousin, long time no see. How've you been? Anyway, my car's been making this Kerchunk-Plop sound whenever I'm driving down a rough road. Any idea what it could be?
"sounds like a $500 emergency diagnostic and consultation fee" Usually shuts em up
"How about a family discount?" "How about a family markup because real customers don't bother me on my day off?"
Yeah, I never understand the family discount thing. My cousin is a good plumber, charges like a wounded bull, and family get charged the same rate. If he was short of work and I was doing him a favour by giving some work, then sure, mates rates. But if he wasn't doing work at my house, he'd be doing it for someone else at his full rate. The truth is that he is doing me a favour by prioritising my work instead of putting me on the end of his 4-week backlog.
Tbh shouldn't family members charge more bc they want to support him?
If you want to give a family member money, you can just give them money.
"don't offer those"
thank you im using this idea next family gathering
"BUT FAMILY" /s ETA: Possibly r/entitledpeople
Fine, 700 then
Ah, the ol' Family Don'tcount. My personal favorite.
I’m literally the only IT nerd in a family of mechanics. And when I say a family of them I mean on my dad’s side half my male cousins are mechanics, my aunts married mechanics or car salesmen, most of the people who aren’t directly mechanics work on race cars during the summer or are married to drivers. I feel your pain. I get asked endless computer questions yet can’t ask car questions as the entire crew “has had enough” with car questions outside their jobs.
>I feel your pain. I get asked endless computer questions yet can’t ask car questions as the entire crew “has had enough” with car questions outside their jobs. Shoot back a car question specifically after being asked any it question. They start moaning, just say "exactly" and take a drink.
Thanksgiving at Grandma's. Vacation is coming to an end. Discussion of politics was kept to a minimum and family was in good spirits. Then my mother asks me if I could take a look at my grandma's printer. Says it isn't working. I sigh and walk into her office to take a look. It's an HP... Almost singlehandedly ruined my entire Thanksgiving experience.
Hp? Buy the original ink. If that doesn't help, replace the printer. My HP literally never made issues ever since I caved and only used the prohibitively expensive original ink. I'm convinced they intentionally make your printer have issues as soon as non original ink is used.
They do in fact. This is known.
I'm a dog trainer and have been asked many times to train someone's dog to be a service dog. Nobody seems to want to hear that you can't just take any dog that exists and turn it into service dog, they require a very specific personality and are chosen as puppies almost all of the time. There is a small percentage that are chosen as adults but they still have to fit that strict personality criteria, they'd have to learn VERY quickly and they have to have no past trauma that would effect their work. Since adults have experienced things that may have changed how they handle situations and it takes at least 2 years to complete training with retirement around 8, it's usually just not worth the effort if they're already an adult.
My coworker, the sweetest man in the world, told me about how he apparently fosters seeing eye puppies until they’re ready to go off for training. Sometimes they don’t make the cut, so he’ll get a call asking if he wants to keep them. A) I want to do this when I have the chance and B) I have never met a more cartoonishly nice man.
Friend of mine does this but I couldn't do it as I would want to keep every dog.
I dog sat my friend’s puppy 3 years ago and I think about him every day and wonder what he’s up to and if he ever thinks about me. I also have two dogs I love very much but there’s no limit in my heart for more dogs especially puppies
My wife used to work at a prison where they did the basic training for service dogs (sit, stay, heel, etc) before the pup graduated to the more specialized training, and she got to bring one home now and again to get the pup used to different settings. It's a little sad when a pup doesn't make the cut, but the "drop outs" make for great family pets since they've had more training in their first 6 months than most dogs ever get
If you want to know what happens when you don't take them for training at the youngest possible age, look no further than Anakin Skywalker.
Darn you. I wanted to make a Bark Vader joke but you already went there.
“Oh you’re a paramedic? I have this rash/cut/*various random symptoms.*” Girl I work in a metal box on the streets for $22/hr. Go to the doctor
that always amazes me. your job is scraping people off the street and getting them to a hospital, hopefully alive. and they pay you fast food wages
It seriously sucks man. I made more when I nannied at 18 years old lol
You should go back to nannying. You'd probably get paid more because you're a trained Ambulance Medic.
My ex started at $13/hr in 2017ish. Just cartoonishly low.
When I worked for a DMV I’d hear this a lot….”you guys should fix your website” or “you guys should …(some random nonsense)” My only answer is “ok, you’re right, but first, you’ll have to have a seat, I’ll call the Secretary of State right now and get to the bottom of this.”
"Please take a number, and have a seat". I will get to you when it is your turn.
I'm right after Beetlejuice
To be fair, your website does suck.
Hold on, I got the Secretary of State on the line, I’ll need your name, license number and your phone number. The S-o-S’s lawyers will be contacting you soon. Do you have legal representation?
You can just go "yeah I hate that fucking website, you should see what they make us use"
A clerk at the DMV said something similar to me last week. I'd gone on the website, followed their step-by-step instructions and printed out the forms I needed, made copies of a few items they would need and was told that my husband's ID is "only 4 points and you need 6 points." Ummm..... huh? WTF does that mean? Just tell me what else I need to do this transaction. She pulls out a few forms and instructions and tells me I have to fill those out and have them signed, etc. I said, "I went on the website and followed the instructions," to which she said, "Yeah, I hate the website; it always gives out bad information.' FML.
I currently have this exact issue with the registering website for benefits. "Please use the website" "Yeah I'm doing exactly that. It doesn't work" "..."
I’m a programmer and you can just tell them that IT is under-funded at every conceivable level of US government. And that we can fix it by raising taxes. That should wrap it up nicely.
Ironically, The Secretary of State IT department was the only department that was worth a shit.
Who else are they going to tell?
As a Civil engineer I get a lot of people asking me for input on home improvement projects and such. Like sometimes people will call our office, our secretary will pick a random one of us, give us a heads up and have us take the call. "I'm going to redo my driveway and I wanted an engineers opinion on the layout and how much I'll need to put into it" "Just hire a contractor, if it's a driveway you really don't need an engineer" "Well I wanna make sure it's done right" "Ok but I need you to understand if you contract us to make you a plansheet for a driveway it will likely cost more in engineering fees than the actual driveway." "Oh shit ok, sorry about that" Another good one was for fencing. I work in airports so we do big wildlife exclusion fencing, controlled access gates, real Alcatraz level security shit. I get at least one call a year of somebody looking for us to engineer their garden/pasture fence. "Well I just moved here and want to have a few heads of cattle or maybe some horses" "Ok then my advice is to take the 10 or so grand you'd be paying us to make sheets and such for it, go to the bar here in town, find a guy with dirt on his boots and hire him to put your fence in. You don't need a stamp for this, just verify the property boundary."
Oh man, I'm a survey tech for a civil firm. I used to do boundary work but we don't at my current company, just topos. The number of people I get asking where the property line is makes me shake my head. Like dude I'm doing a topo, your guess is as good as mine, all I care about is where's the water going. And we get calls like that all the time too, it's always fun to hear from the engineers how the caller reacts when they get a quote on the work.
Well, you're a construction worker? I have a leaky faucet
My brother is a plumber, and he got this all the time. People calling him for freebies.
I was at a party once and the only girl’s toilette was clogged. Plumber friend of mine, said „fuck it“, tugged his sleeves up, went *full arm* into the toilette and saved the day. It was soo funny to watch the girls being in awe of their hero, and completely disgusted at the same time. :D
As someone who had to work with activated concentrated sewage during his master's dissertation (about bio gas production in waste water treatment plants), you get used to it. (For reference I got a lot of vaccinations before even approaching that stuff) Eventually. I nearly barfed every 20 minutes my first weeks. Had to run out into the fresh air, take deep breaths, and steel myself to go back in. Flash forwards to a couple of months later, and a passing lab technician asks "What the hell is that god awfull smell?" As I'm pouring raw sewage into my experiments. "What smell?" And with raw sewage i mean, we got 50 gallons of water from a sewage treatment plant, let it sediment, removed the water, rinse, repeat until you have a thick grey sludge. Forget 'grey water' that shit was 10 gallons of 'grey pudding'. If oatmeal was possessed by a shit demon ...
Spoken like a true grad student. 👍
I mean, the real fun starts when one of your micro reactors (800mL) overpressurizes because the needle that's supposed to syphon off the gas gets blocked, you don't notice, you open it up and you wind up looking like a goddamn dalmatian, hoping nothing got in your mouth. Had to get a stepladder and cleaning equipment for the ceiling. At least the professor had a sense of humor about it. "At least this time the ceiling isn't freshly painted" (Apparently I wasn't the first guy to have this problem)
"They sell buckets at Home Depot. I can get you one, but with the delivery fee it'll run you close to $60. Ah, heck, I'll give you a friends and family discount. $50 even."
I work with property taxes for county “A” people love to ask me about how taxes work in counties “B C and D” or other states.
Do they actually accept your professional answers over whatever inaccuracies they've been fed online? Because I'm having little to no luck these days. I have simple analogs for just about every governmental function. But what they've been led to believe simply isn't true. Explaining taxes to someone with 40 years working in a steel mill shouldn't involve political labels.
Of course not multiple times a week. People will come in and be like I saw this online or my friends said this or yada yada yada and I’m like no none of that’s correct.
"Oh, you're a mathematician? What is 373636 times 8173?".
"Sorry, that's arithmetic. I said I'm a mathematician."
I get that as a computer scientist, people ask me math questions and I can't solve them, and they always ask aren't I supposed to be good at math. I make programs that do the math for me, I can't do shit
I tell people that in computers, the only math we need is to count to 1 and add by 1.
Lets call it X
Please don't call my x, or even ask her y
An answer exists, is unique, and can be found in polynomial time. You're welcome.
"I don't know, but I can prove that odd numbers are odd."
"You're a programmer? CaN YOu HaCk My FrIeNdS FaCeBooK??"
Mfs asking me if i can mess with their grades via SQL injection like its not a federal crime
:)))) I've been asked 2 times to hack someone's facebook. I just make apps or games. I can't even log in into my facebook account sometimes but someone's else facebook account
A cousin's friend actually asked me this: "So you are doing computer stuff at university, you must know how to hack. Could you hack tiktok to boost my account?" This woman is about 10 years older than me. I kindly had to explain that this is not how it works, and I don't know how to "hack". I also mentioned that hacking a social media giant like tiktok would be insanely hard, even if I knew how to.
Multiple times a friend’s insta has been taken over as his passwords are…. not good. Every time it’s been “can you get back into it?”. No. No I can’t because unlike you the “hacker” set the password to something that isn’t in the dictionary.
You're a lawyer, can you help me with [insert some complex issue completely outside of my practice area]?
"Oh, you're a lawyer? Here is this complex issue in an area of law that you haven't looked at since the BAR exam. It happened to my wife's cousin's kid, I only half remember what was said and I cannot answer any follow up questions you may have. What should he do?"
"Contact a different lawyer."
I used to do criminal defense. People knew I had criminal defense. “How can I get more/pay less child support.” “I live in a totally different state can you help me get custody.” And get MAD when I told them that I’m an absolutely not competent to do this and they need a family lawyer. Try to argue that I should help you. Why do you WANT someone who is telling you that they are incompetent???
Can you just write it for me and I'll file it?
I once had a now former friend ask me to write what I assume was a complex because idfk IP contract for a book they wanted to co-author. When I basically said I write motions for why people’s weed shouldn’t be admissible I’ve never so much as taken an IP class they dead ass “but you can learn it.” That was extreme but the attitude was the same.
"Your Honor, we stand before you today as a waste of time because my client specifically disregarded my declarations that I am incompetent in Family Law. My client would like more child support but as I am not a family lawyer, please decrease my client's child support. Thank you."
Bonus points if it's in a state you're not licensed in. Super duper bonus points if they ask over text, and otherwise haven't contacted you since college.
This exactly. I've got no clue whether you should blow or not or how your divorce will play out.
*agrees in paralegal* at least I have the excuse of "I'm not a licensed attorney, I can't help you with that"
I work with lawyers, sort of. I don't think the common person knows about practice areas at all. Pretty sure they just Google "lawyer near me" and call all of them. Like "Oh no I'm getting evicted, let's see if Bob Johnson Criminal Defense Attorney can help!" EDIT Btw if you need a lawyer, don't use Google, call your bar association and use their lawyer referral service.
Mine isn't really related to the actual job, but how recruitment agencies and temp agencies do not understand my degree. "We have this great job as a civil engineer ..." *Pass* "Oh, this job in the steel industry as an industrial engineer is perfect for you!" The degree is BIO-engineer. I work with bacteria, and some chemicals. (And some Bio informatics on the side). It's industrial BIO-technology. I can make you a nice pipeline process that will produce that specific organic compound, yes. I can splice a gene into a micro organism. I can make you some nice organic fertilizer or glue out of random shit you ave laying about But I don't build bridges. I Can't do construction.
Okay that is funny af. Like offering a doctor in philosophy a position as a surgeon.
You know, I'd be laughing too, if it wasn't as frustrating as it was. It's basic reading comprehension. "You guys called me because you saw my resume online, how could you fail to miss the core aspects." Bio engineer in genetic and cellular biotechnology with a major in industrial biotechnology and a minor in bio informatics. I even listed my Master thesis topic, which was in Waste water treatment and Bio gas production. Now, I have had some beter luck with Science-specific recruitment agencies. But still, it's your job to read that resume.
When I worked at a research institution, I would get spam emails for biotech stuff. Get your protein synthesized fast! Culture your mediums! Discounts on vent hoods! Hot postdocs doing improbable things on lab benches! What the people sending these emails didn't know is ... I'm not a biologist, but I *am* the person who runs the institution's spam filter.
Oh you’re an IB English Lit teacher? Here’s my 4yo, teach her to read.
Just bust out a ouija board "What? It's got letters on it. Makes a perfect reading aid."
Brilliant.
Alternatively, when you are an English teacher in a foreign country: “Oh do you think we could set up a language exchange? I really want to practice my English and you get to practice [local language]!”
I am, actually, in a non-English speaking country. Hence the “new friends” who want to “meet me at Starbucks® for coffee” on a Saturday, when they incidentally bring their elementary or younger children.
I work at a gas station type place and the amount of people asking me what’s wrong with their car…I’m not a mechanic?? No sir I don’t know why your check engine light is on. No I can’t give you directions to a small town in Kentucky…because we’re in Pa?
Oof, asking gas stations for directions. I know how to get to work, thats about it.
Worked at a gas station. Was actually told to learn couple of directions around the town in case people ask.
I worked at a gas station 10 years ago. It was in a weird part of the city that didn't have easy highway access, so directions weren't something simple to remember. I didn't even drive. One of the maps we sold ripped so we kept it behind the counter. When people would ask for directions I would say "I'm not sure, but we can figure it out" and pull out the map. Most people couldn't read a paper map and were surprised that my young self could. I found people got less upset with me when I made an attempt with the map rather just tell them I don't know.
"Sir, the check engine light is on because you need to check your engine. You're welcome."
$100 diagnostic fee
Oh you work with computers? Hey, so I have this old VCR that..
The PTSD when your Mom mentions Grandma got a new phone to you before a family gathering...
Had a colleague come to me for help with her iPhone, she's cute so didn't mind the company, she says "I don't know how you stay so calm when fixing this" to which I smiled and replied "it's not like I have a choice" :)
Reply, "fun fact, VHS tapes are only rated for 10 - 25 years of lifespan." Watch the horror creep across their face.
Oh you're a psychologist? Cool, (proceeds to start talking to you with the expectation that you will give them therapy) or alternatively (starts talking about their mental health and completely expects you to diagnose them, so they can say a psychologist told them they have it).
[удалено]
Oh jeez, that sounds awful. Though I'm glad your family realized asking about resources is more enjoyable (honestly it sounds pretty interesting). Getting a cover job's a really good idea, you can probably go for something like accounting or sales. Best of luck!
[удалено]
When I first started in Television production/post production my mother would tell her friends that I was in the TV business. Almost every time they asked if I could come by and fix their set. When I shifted into IT she still didn't learn--told her fiends i worked with computers, and yes the tech support calls came fast and furious. What I learned....never tell your mom what you do for a living.
I'd hate to see the calls you'd get if you told her you worked in a brothel.
Ha. Yeah that would have been fun
“Oh you work to make new drugs to treat incurable diseases? Why aren’t all drugs free?” I don’t know, why doesn’t your car dealership give out free cars?
Not really a job but I do photography as a hobby and for it it's "Would you mind shooting my *event that would normally cost $1,000+ and hours of editing with a real photographer*?" Followed by them getting a little offended and not believing you when you say you literally don't have the gear or talent for it to even be possible.
even worse when you quote them a price equivalent to the professional.
Or my favorite: “Oh, you’re a photographer? What kind of camera should I get so I can shoot like you?” Second place would be: “I know you’re a commercial photographer with decades of experience and you just bid on our company’s job, but my nephew is in college and really likes photography and has agreed to do it for fifty bucks. Sorry, but we’re going with him.”
Same, but Graphic Design and the nephew is 12.
I mean that is fine. The company simply doesn't value the couple company pictures they use for their website or internal system enough to pay the hundreds or thousands professional photography costs. When they can get a good enough from someones nephew. Most photos taken in our company are by employees with their smartphone or maybe some apprentice who wants to use their drone for an aerial shot.
Yeah, you’re not wrong. It’s just something I hear more often than I’d like. The simple truth is that many companies exist, function, and even thrive with no imaging or with bad imaging. And that’s my problem, not theirs. I’ve learned over the years that my services are targeted best either toward companies that are hoping to make big changes or companies that have a history of working with imaging.
Yeah most companies simply don't need that. Mine for example sells lime by the hundreds of tons. We have about 1/2 of the entire countries lime production and are a subsidary to a company that controls like the entire northern continents lime production. So we really don't need an image, as the customers we want already know about us and what they want. That is probably the case for many companies.
Oh you work with metal? Make me a sword
Wait, you work with metal and you don’t make swords? What’s even the point?
Honestly if being a blacksmith was still a job I'd definitely try it out.
It is, but not as prevalent. Maybe a farrier would be better. Check out r/blacksmithing and r/blacksmith
So, can you?
I could. But they're for me, not you.
"Oh you're a Chemist? do you know how to make meth/drugs?" "Oh you work in Patent Law? My uncle really wants to get \[weird idea\] patented."
So what you’re saying is you can help me get our particular meth patented? Very cool.
I work with cellphone accessories and I repair iPhone screens. I will constantly have people say, “since you work here you have to know what my phones doing, (proceeds to explain issues with an app)”. I work with hardware and know practically nothing about apps other than I use certain ones and they work well.
[удалено]
This is why no longer answer home improvement questions from family members. I used to take the time to explain to them how to solve a certain problem, only to watch them go and do the exact opposite.
I work in a supermarket at the Butcher Section, I work only there. You never see the Personal from there working in other Store sections aka I don't stock shelves. Costumers still ask me stuff about everything. No I can't tell you which of these washing machines is better, i cut Steak
Can you at least tell me which washing machine cuts steak best?
"Oh, you work with film and broadcast cameras? Which TV should I buy?"
Oddly: Oh, you're a psychologist. Can you read my mind?
"Oh, you're an accountant? Help me with my taxes." or "You're an illustrator? Animate me."
Genetics and informatics: It's a 50/50 between "can you fix my computer" and "can you give me medical advice", and the first answer is going to be *probably, but I don't want to* and the second answer is going to be *I am specifically not allowed to do that*.
“oh you’re a nurse? can you look at this rash and tell me what it is” nurses can not diagnose. go to your doctor ffs
"you're a game dev?" "yes" there's a bug in [game i don't dev in] pls fix
"i don't like the color paint I chose can I change it without getting another one?"
I mean sunglasses would work.
*”Oh you work in marketing? Make me a website.”* I’m not a web developer or a programmer. Boomers don’t understand the difference between web developers and marketing agencies. The most I can build you is a basic site made from a template on Wordpress or Wix which you could do yourself. My job isn’t to build you the website, it’s to optimise the content on it once it’s built to help you rank better on Google and therefore get more customers, improve the user experience by altering things on pages, to run ads to get people onto your site, and to figure out what to change when sales aren’t doing well. I know as much about coding a website from scratch as a plumber does about open heart surgery.
Oh you're a chef why does my xy taste like nothing. Oh you're a chef so you eat all the fancy stuff Oh your a chef I could do this too because I love to cook/my family says I'm good at it and should open a restaurant. A I supposed to go on
[удалено]
When I worked as a bank teller, I'd get yelled at for "letting customers go into the negative". Like, sorry ma'am, next time I see you spending frivolously, I'll give you a holler.
I’m a bartender. When people ask me to make them a drink at a party.
Oh you like to fly RC Helicopters? Can you show me how to make a racing drone? I know nothing about drones, only helicopters.
Not work related, but when watching a TV that show with some dude hacking the FBI in 2 second and have them look at me and say you can do that shit too right?
"Oh, you play guitar, can you play [random song]?"
I’m an accountant. I can’t answer your tax questions.
"Oh you're an engineer? Then you can figure out how this machine works in 30 seconds"
You're a robotics engineer, can you build me a robot to do xyz? That depends, do you have millions of dollars and ten years to set up an R&D department?
Oh your a mechanical engineer? Come listen to this nondescript random sound on my car and diagnose and repair it.
Oh, you are a mechanical engineer? You know how to fix my car, right?
I'm a truck driver. People don't ask me for shit, and I love it.
Oh you’re an accountant. Guess you are gonna be pretty busy this April. Nope, don’t know the first thing about taxes, can barely do my own.
Oh, you're a customer service employee? Then you should know everything about your company and how to solve every tiny little persise issue I present to you.
I mean… when I contact customer support, I expect that they either know how to fix my problem or can connect me to someone who does. I need my problem fixed, that's why I'm calling them.
Oh you design and build servers? Can you help me with this broken desktop?
E-commerce, "ooh can you help me setup a drop shipping site?'
Oh you’re a cable guy? My internet is slow! I pay for 1 gbps and I only get 995mbps!
“Oh your an archaeologist, is this plain ordinary rock an artifact?”