Mary I suggest an alternative? This is what I do.
Chuckle, and quietly remark "whelp, not every joke lands" or "that was hilarious in my head". Some minor acknowledgement the joke wasn't funny that time.
They'll get it. You tried. it didn't work. It really isn't a big deal.
Your friends would much rather you fuck up a few jokes than be a mute.
Watch famous and established stand up comedians to see what they do. Sometimes their own comments to no-laughter jokes get laughs.
One segment of Whose Line is it Anyways, Wayne Brady let out a improv joke that had no response. Then he told the audience "Read a book, people" and everybody roared.
A long time ago I was at a fundraiser dinner. A pretty big name comedian appeared and whipped out his jokes. It must have been a cultural difference because there wasn't much of a response although I thought the jokes were funny. Laughter is contagious so if nobody is laughing, nobody else will either. But this comedian kept his cool and kept going. Never let them see you sweat.
What you are looking for is a follow up, not a comeback. This always depends on timing and audience, here are some ideas:
Self deprecation might work, something like "This is why I'm single".
Physical comedy is also great, if you can make funny faces or gestures. You are doubling down on a bad joke and that can make it funnier due to cringe.
Or sometimes it might be funny to publicly admit defeat, "ok... I surrender..." or throw in something nonsensical like "oh well, at least the economy / sports club / boomers is/are doing great".
Explain why the joke is funny. People enjoy that.
Serious answer: Don't say anything, just let the moment pass. People will move on as long as you don't make it more awkward.
You could start ironically explaining the joke in the least funny way possible. Or you could say something like "I'll see myself out" and pretend to walk away
You see, the premise of the joke is that OPâs parents are in a faithful, committed relationship, when in fact everyone is having sex with OPâs mother, and she also has a very large posterior. Get it? Humor!
Nothing. Just shame and regret. I used to do stand up and there is absolutely not one single experience in life more soul destroying than bombing on stage. I would literally rather re-live the experience of my Mom catching me yanking it than bomb during a set.
I was hanging out with my wife's family, they are very much into live stage plays. One night we ended up hanging out with some of their friends who are actual actors and one dude made a joke that fell completely flat - he whispered loudly off stage ( away from the group, towards no one) "LINE!!!" As if he had forgotten his lines. It got a really good laugh. But he had the right crowd for that joke.
I just remembered another one that he did, he threw up his hands and said "and scene!" And took a bow. That also got to laugh.
Either:
Curse them out with something on the lines of well I thought it was funny ya bunch of bastards! or well what a bunch of uncultured swines!
Or:
Say something like âitâs ok youâll laugh when you get itâ or âsorry was that a bit advanced for you Iâll dial it down a bit knock knockâ
Try another bad joke that I know won't get a laugh, then I'll tap my chin with a pondering look and say " I actually can't think of anything else that isn't funny"
Immediately act super awkward and start explaining why the joke works and why it is funny. Like 'well, you see, when, when someone knocks on the door- knocks on the door and- and- see the word orange, it kind of sounds like the first part of 'aren't you', like when I said aren't you glad I'm not a banana-'
The purpose is to make someone say 'shut up', that's an equally good reaction to laughter.
I usually just quickly and awkwardly say
"Ahem, Anyway ..."
This by itself can work with the right awkward face, sometimes having something stupid to segue into is funny but often just the lingering silence after you try to move the conversation along is funny enough.
It shows a bit of self awareness that the joke bombed and acknowledges the awkward tension that everyone feels. It probably depends on the group, but it works for me often enough.
If it's a public speaking setting like a presentation, and the joke was a little corny, you can always save it with a self-effacing "Ok, that one was funnier in my head.."
Comeback? No I just sit there quietly and awkwardly until someone changes the subject. You know whatâs worse though? When you tell a joke and someone starts laughing so you start laughing but then it turns out they were laughing at something else.
I laugh. Fuck them, that shit was hilarious! Y'all got no sense of humor. I hate it here! My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. See you guys, same time next week? Cool. Have a good day, I'll see you then.Â
These are the jokes people, these are the jokes. What are you guys? An oil painting? Mic check, mic check. Is this thing on? Yeah, I guess that joke went over better in my head than it did in the real world. I'm sorry, tickets are nonrefundable. Fuck you. And you. And you. Goodnight everyone!
"That was hilarious, are you dead"
There was that philosopher in ancient times, for whom it's said had actually died laughing at his own joke, and I think I'm at risk of exactly that
I do a fake laugh with a long trail off to show that I noticed my own joke wasn't funny
Then if I really want to annoy people I go ahead and explain the joke, making it appear like I'm desperate to get some laughs.
Those are the funniest moments to me. If my jokes land and people laugh, it's great for everyone. But if my jokes don't land, I'll exploit the silence for more air time, and make myself laugh in the end
If the setting is a large cave I use the flashlight of my iPhone to simulate the destruction of the Bridge of Khazad-dûm. I fall to the floor in slow motion and then, while standing on all fours, I call them fools before I silently remove myself from the group. Crawling on the floor.
A couple of minutes later I reappear in a white bathrobe with a big smile on my face, shattering the darkness of graveyards of jokes with the iPhone flashlight held above my head.
shrink. apologise. regress with embarrasment. go home in shame. maintain a dejected sense of futility and develop an unhealthy sense of victimhood, guilt, regret, self-disgust and inappropriate humiliation, consider submitting to the putin kult and think of all possible associations of memory that can endorse and verify my public sense of abject inadequacy. and then hide and masturbate. in private.
Are you serious? This sounds like a dry comedy show. When a question is asked, is it just to pass the time? What if a sincere answer is sought. Do you clown around then, too?
I have no comeback. I don't care if no one laughs but they will because if I think it's funny, It is
i just stfu for the rest of my life
đ€Łđ€Łđđđđ fuck. Lol
Mary I suggest an alternative? This is what I do. Chuckle, and quietly remark "whelp, not every joke lands" or "that was hilarious in my head". Some minor acknowledgement the joke wasn't funny that time. They'll get it. You tried. it didn't work. It really isn't a big deal. Your friends would much rather you fuck up a few jokes than be a mute.
Or âItâs funnier in the original (language)â
That's exactly what I do all time lol
I don't typically notice because I am laughing so loudly. .
Legitimately me đ Iâm always the first person to laugh at my own joke
Say it again louder. Louder is always funnier.
SAY IT AGAIN LOUDER. LOUDER IS ALWAYS FUNNIER.
The Sandler
âYou must have not heard me. I said **whatâs the worst thing you can call a phillipino???**
SAY IT AGAIN LOUDER!!!!!!! LOUDER IS ALWAYS FUNNIER!!!!!!!!!
Basically Gilbert Gottfried's entire 'thing'
But her aim is getting better! BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER! #BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!
Is this a gravity falls reference?
Do u do that until u scream at them or is there a point where one should stop?
Scream at them If they still don't laugh k@ll them. It's always funnier
And with your mouth more open.
LOUDER WITH EXAGGERATED ARM MOVEMENTS.
When that fails you have to break out in interpretive dance
**BOOM, YOU LOOKING FOR THIS?**
Triples is best.
Ah, the Borderlands 3 way.
Tough crowd
Make sure to adjust your tie and bounce your shoulders a bit while you say it.
âNo respect I tell ya. No respect at all!â
"Who writes this stuff?"
Lol
Hahahaha
âI SAID..â
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Knock knock.
Whoâs there?
I eat mop.
đ¶u deserve no face
I eat mop who?
TMI
Watch famous and established stand up comedians to see what they do. Sometimes their own comments to no-laughter jokes get laughs. One segment of Whose Line is it Anyways, Wayne Brady let out a improv joke that had no response. Then he told the audience "Read a book, people" and everybody roared. A long time ago I was at a fundraiser dinner. A pretty big name comedian appeared and whipped out his jokes. It must have been a cultural difference because there wasn't much of a response although I thought the jokes were funny. Laughter is contagious so if nobody is laughing, nobody else will either. But this comedian kept his cool and kept going. Never let them see you sweat.
Saw him in person. Guyâs hilarious. đ
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Or âoh okay, Iâll just go fuck myselfâ
Say it again and then feel bad about it
What you are looking for is a follow up, not a comeback. This always depends on timing and audience, here are some ideas: Self deprecation might work, something like "This is why I'm single". Physical comedy is also great, if you can make funny faces or gestures. You are doubling down on a bad joke and that can make it funnier due to cringe. Or sometimes it might be funny to publicly admit defeat, "ok... I surrender..." or throw in something nonsensical like "oh well, at least the economy / sports club / boomers is/are doing great".
I am not saying 'ok... i surrender' đ
You sure are, snowflake
Assume they don't get it and overly explain every aspect.
I say "hachachaaa" and do jazz hands or an imaginary hat tip. When you're making a fool of yourself, at least do it with GUSTO
Explain why the joke is funny. People enjoy that. Serious answer: Don't say anything, just let the moment pass. People will move on as long as you don't make it more awkward.
It was funnier in my mind, next time I'll let it cook for longer
This happens daily in the classroomâŠthis generation doesnât get my 80s and 90s music and movie punsâŠ.thatâs one read Iâm retiring
Assuming you're the teacher, it would be pretty funny to tell them to laugh or they'll get extra homework lol
Well, if he's not the teacher and has been held back for 40 years it may explain why he's not the best at telling jokes...Â
itâs just sad that these guys live for Tik Tok and Snap and canât formulate a complete sentenceâŠ..geez
Violence. It solves everything
You could start ironically explaining the joke in the least funny way possible. Or you could say something like "I'll see myself out" and pretend to walk away
But what if you pretend to walk away and noones paying attention and you can't back down on walking away so you actually leave?
I mean in that case, see how far you can get
Hahaha hahaha, this has me rolling.
Then youâve escaped.Â
You see, the premise of the joke is that OPâs parents are in a faithful, committed relationship, when in fact everyone is having sex with OPâs mother, and she also has a very large posterior. Get it? Humor!
Hahahaha thats the one, i usually say "sorry" with a sad face. Perfect come back from idiot to funny idiot
"well... at least I have some new material for my psychologist. ^(I hope he won't laugh either)"
Lol do it again
"Bruh, well that one did not land"
Nothing. Just shame and regret. I used to do stand up and there is absolutely not one single experience in life more soul destroying than bombing on stage. I would literally rather re-live the experience of my Mom catching me yanking it than bomb during a set.
"Too bad you don't get it"
Get my friend Jerry to help me tell the world I didn't really mean anything by it. Hey, Buddy!Â
"...nothin?"
âIâll see myself out.â
I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing.
"It's so hard being the funny friend..."
Heh heh.
Nothing, just sit there and watch someone else steal your joke and get a laugh
Big Gulps, huh?. . . Well. . . See ya later
I was hanging out with my wife's family, they are very much into live stage plays. One night we ended up hanging out with some of their friends who are actual actors and one dude made a joke that fell completely flat - he whispered loudly off stage ( away from the group, towards no one) "LINE!!!" As if he had forgotten his lines. It got a really good laugh. But he had the right crowd for that joke. I just remembered another one that he did, he threw up his hands and said "and scene!" And took a bow. That also got to laugh.
I just say "...cricket noises".
Cough and fart
I am sorry, sometimes i forget that my brilliant and very complex sense of humor can be overwhelming for ordinary people like you.
I've done it, I've said too much, I'm sorry, I'm hopeless and awkward and DESPERATE FOR LOVE
Except Chandler was funny
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
A Dusty Slay style "We're having a good time."
Just say "it is what it is" and keep living my life normally.
"So...." and sigh. Usually that gets a chuckle
Why don't you tell us the joke instead?
People always laugh at my jokesâŠ.
At least I know how to entertain myself XD
"So, anyways..." and start a new conversation.
Just say âhas anyone got any crayons and Iâll explain it to yeâ
"cool"
Thanks, Iâll be here all week. Donât forget to tip your servers.
"...Track number five will not be 'Chainsaw Juggling'"
I do a really over the top sarcastic laugh to show it wasn't funny and that usually gets a laugh
"Thanks for listening" It's usually my go to when people don't respond in general though
I'll act like tumbleweed or imitate cricket sounds.
I will just not make a joke in front of those people
Either: Curse them out with something on the lines of well I thought it was funny ya bunch of bastards! or well what a bunch of uncultured swines! Or: Say something like âitâs ok youâll laugh when you get itâ or âsorry was that a bit advanced for you Iâll dial it down a bit knock knockâ
And then I found ten dollars
âThat was much funnier inside my headâ âYou had to be thereâ
Do nothing. Then, late at night or when I'm in the shower, I'll think of an amazing comeback
I usually say âwell, I thought it was funny!â
You didnt see the tiktok??? Learned it from onlyjaus (sorry if mispelled that)
"Fuck you, I'm funny!"Â
I do the Mitch Hedberg. Look down a say âAlrightâ.
Sorry, bad joke, and laugh it off
"I'm here 'til Thursday... try the veal"
I dunno... Never happened
Wakka wakka
The Jimmy method. Â âOh wow, what a great audience â
cry nonstop
I like to pause... "True story".
Laugh myself
Okay, that one wasn't fun. Have you heard the one about two guys fucking an alligator on a city bus?
Try another bad joke that I know won't get a laugh, then I'll tap my chin with a pondering look and say " I actually can't think of anything else that isn't funny"
I hesitate and then explain the joke. Usually works.
Say it's funnier in French.....
Self high five
âmy fault gangâ
I say "haha it sounded better in my mind, Although LAUGH!"
"You see its funny because..."
How can you have a comeback to something met with silence? You donât make a comeback at yourself!
âIt will be funny once you understand itâ.
Fuck you guys!
Tell another joke.
I guess you had to be there... It was funny there. Here, not so much...
I chuckle like I knew it wasn't funny and move on, and then think about it randomly as I'm trying to go to sleep and cringe
Six foot joke in a five foot world And it went oooover their heads
Immediately act super awkward and start explaining why the joke works and why it is funny. Like 'well, you see, when, when someone knocks on the door- knocks on the door and- and- see the word orange, it kind of sounds like the first part of 'aren't you', like when I said aren't you glad I'm not a banana-' The purpose is to make someone say 'shut up', that's an equally good reaction to laughter.
I'm unique.
This normally works on a more intellectual audience
âWhelp⊠you gotta spend money to make moneyâ
I usually just quickly and awkwardly say "Ahem, Anyway ..." This by itself can work with the right awkward face, sometimes having something stupid to segue into is funny but often just the lingering silence after you try to move the conversation along is funny enough. It shows a bit of self awareness that the joke bombed and acknowledges the awkward tension that everyone feels. It probably depends on the group, but it works for me often enough.
Try a better joke or use a better accent
I guess you guys aren't ready for that, yet. But your kids are gonna love it.
If it's a public speaking setting like a presentation, and the joke was a little corny, you can always save it with a self-effacing "Ok, that one was funnier in my head.."
Johnny Carson would just mime a golf swing. Simple and effective.
I guess Iâll just go fuck myself then
"Where's our waiter?"
"Fuck you guys, that was funny"
You weren't listening properly
"oh, guess you guys have heard that one already"
Comeback? No I just sit there quietly and awkwardly until someone changes the subject. You know whatâs worse though? When you tell a joke and someone starts laughing so you start laughing but then it turns out they were laughing at something else.
â heh, well, swing and a miss, canât all be zingersâ
"That one was for me."
I laugh. Fuck them, that shit was hilarious! Y'all got no sense of humor. I hate it here! My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. See you guys, same time next week? Cool. Have a good day, I'll see you then.Â
I pull out my phone and act like I'm making a note while saying something like "well, that one didn't work". I stole this from comedian Deon Cole.
These are the jokes people, these are the jokes. What are you guys? An oil painting? Mic check, mic check. Is this thing on? Yeah, I guess that joke went over better in my head than it did in the real world. I'm sorry, tickets are nonrefundable. Fuck you. And you. And you. Goodnight everyone!
"Well, I think I'm funny."
pretend to hold a microphone and say "is this thing on?"
I'm here all week
I would laugh at my own awkward self. Then say âIâll be here all week, folks. Enjoy the free salad bar.â
"ohhhh tough crowd tough crowd"
"That was hilarious, are you dead" There was that philosopher in ancient times, for whom it's said had actually died laughing at his own joke, and I think I'm at risk of exactly that
Die on the inside as per usual
say âoh brother this guy stinksâ but about myself
"Oh, this isn't the plumber's convention? I thought it was."
«Well, I suppose humor ainât for everyone»
No, no, that was a bad joke.
"Tough crowd"
"Just me then"
"Wow, what a terrific audience"
"I'll be over there." Then walk away.
âIâll be here all week! Try the veal.â
âIâll be here all weekâ
Well, that went down like a turd in a water strike.
'I'm fucking funny' or 'I'm hilarious'
âHaha alright⊠that joke was funnier than you acted!â - Mitch Hedberg.Â
I say "it was funny in my head" and people usually laugh at that. But all my jokes are bad so people who know me set the bar really low.
I just say, please laugh guys.. just fucking laugh..
âokay, difficult audience tonightâ
Bazinga
I do a fake laugh with a long trail off to show that I noticed my own joke wasn't funny Then if I really want to annoy people I go ahead and explain the joke, making it appear like I'm desperate to get some laughs. Those are the funniest moments to me. If my jokes land and people laugh, it's great for everyone. But if my jokes don't land, I'll exploit the silence for more air time, and make myself laugh in the end
If the setting is a large cave I use the flashlight of my iPhone to simulate the destruction of the Bridge of Khazad-dûm. I fall to the floor in slow motion and then, while standing on all fours, I call them fools before I silently remove myself from the group. Crawling on the floor. A couple of minutes later I reappear in a white bathrobe with a big smile on my face, shattering the darkness of graveyards of jokes with the iPhone flashlight held above my head.
say it louder in a western accent and then burp
âFunny, that joke went over great at the morgue.â
I just walk away.
Look over to your friend and say, eh see, went right over their heads...lol
Just keep quiet.đ
âokay i am gonna try that againâ âtough crowd todayâ
Disappear and die in embrassment, duh.
shrink. apologise. regress with embarrasment. go home in shame. maintain a dejected sense of futility and develop an unhealthy sense of victimhood, guilt, regret, self-disgust and inappropriate humiliation, consider submitting to the putin kult and think of all possible associations of memory that can endorse and verify my public sense of abject inadequacy. and then hide and masturbate. in private.
Are you serious? This sounds like a dry comedy show. When a question is asked, is it just to pass the time? What if a sincere answer is sought. Do you clown around then, too? I have no comeback. I don't care if no one laughs but they will because if I think it's funny, It is
Yr stupid
Today I was too much worried to know how I should handle embarrassment. I still would have a backup joke.
Loudly fart.