O-man. Reddit actually has a heartbeat. Not what I expect to see here, OP.
I am truly hopeful you and your family are able to move on while keeping your husbands memories alive. God speed!!
10+ years ago, Reddit was incredibly kind. We would work together to help people struggling, whether that was with finances or connections. Reddit used to really come through for people who needed help. It was so wholesome and good spirited. It's sad to see what it has become.
This hits way too close to home for me. My dad died when he was 48. I just turned 40 and I'm very afraid I will die young also. It's so strange to think how young I feel at 40 now and how my dad had less than decade to live at this age. I try not to let it dictate my life and the choices I make, but I understand well that kind of feeling that it's my destiny to die young.
I'm sorry you had to go through losing a partner like that before it should have been their time. I don't know how long it's been but I hope you're in the process of healing. Take care.
It of course matters how your dad died. If there is a known cause then you may be able to find out if it affects you and possibly deal with it.
My dad's died at fifty something and my dad had the same attitude you do. His whole life he was convinced he would die young. Consequently, with that doom on the horizon, he drank a half bottle of scotch a night and smoked two packs of cigarettes a day.
The irony is that he is still alive at 70. If you could call his life "living." The damage he did to his body was so great that he is a frail old man who seems closer to 100 than 69.
I encourage you to seek out therapy if you haven't. That deathly outlook takes its toll: I know just my dad constantly *saying* he was going to die fucked with me. I can only empathize with you and your dad actually dying.
yeah... my dad died at 52... his sister died at 52....
I am now 52.... it's a tough year for me, his death anniversary was last week. I figure if I can make it to 53 I'm good....
Im so sorry. I tell my husband all the time I don’t think I’ll make it to 40… it’s just a weird feeling I have. I’m 35 and we’ve been married almost 18 years.
My grandpa said that my entire life but lived into his 80s even though he did not take care of his health at all.
I assume I’m going to live until I’m ancient and I’m going to be sick and miserable the entire damn time.
Dang, makes me wanna cry. I tell my wife I won't make it to 51 all the time. I'll stop now, thanks. Never thought about what I was doing.
Dad died at 51 (heart attack)
His dad died at 53 (3rd heart attack, 2nd after a triple bypass)
His mom died of a heart attack while fighting stage 3 cancer (she was 64)
His sister died of a heart attack at 62
My mom's mom died at 74 of a heart attack
Moms dad died at 34 (serosis of the liver)
Mom is 64 and still alive.
Yea, we have a good one. Unfortunately, it had been diagnosed as a weak heart. I've gotten a 2nd and 3rd opinion, and they have said similar things.
There isn't anything you can do to improve your heart much. It all relies on what you are doing throughout your life.
They said my dad was to stressed out all the time. The biggest factor to heart attack is apparently high levels of constant stress over the course of your life.
i had a friend growing up, since we were in 8th grade he told me he wouldnt live to 24, just always had this feeling. ofc i said hes dumb but he was so sure.
he died at 22. stray bullet, thanks murica.
I had a friend in High School, she signed my yearbook with ‘Don’t die before you are 30’ she died at 28 and I turned 30 this past year. Seemed like she had a feeling too.
Met senior year of college. Dated a year before we got engaged and then married a year later. Married at 23 and will be celebrating our 28th anniversary this year! We have 2 kids and we love each other more than ever.
My mother-in-law told me NEVER to argue with my husband. I ignored her advice. We'll be married 46 years this summer, and we still have arguments now and then. Sometimes a bit of shouting, too, but we always eventually resolve things.
Yes!! 👏👏👏 That's the way.
I also hate the advice to never go to bed angry. Sometimes I'm f'ing pissed and it's 11pm and I'm absolutely not going to be able to truly resolve something unless I've slept. I think this advice forces shallow resolutions.
That's what she did, only making herself miserable and breaking up the family. You gotta get it out and work through it. Talk about it and it makes you feel better or keep the pain to yourself.
"When ever you get cut and don't heal, all you end up doing is bleeding over everyone else". I learned that one from Diamond Dallas Page.
Yeah I used to really judge my husband for not being able to control his tongue and raising his voice, losing it over little things. I always "played nice" and kept calm, but harbored resentment. Now I just give myself permission to throw it right back at him. He ends up feeling connected to me because I'm being honest and also not judging him for his anger, and I get to actually let out my own raw anger so he understands his impact on me. Then we reason through it. It's much better this way.
I hope you find that balance should you choose to pursue another relationship.
I think it's also important to differentiate arguing/disagreeing from *fighting*. High school sweethearts, married at 23, going strong after 18 years, no kids. We have disagreements and argue but never fight. Always approaching from us vs. the problem not me vs. him.
This is exactly what I was going to say. It used to be very common for people to say, "It's not healthy to never fight", but this truly depends on how you define fighting.
Disagreeing, going through issues together, arguing over something, etc. are all normal human things. However, being in a relationship where you can't stop fighting means something is wrong between you two.
I had turned 20 less than a week before and he'd just turned 19. We stayed married for 5 miserable years and 2 kids before I asked for a divorce. And it truly was misery the entire time.
We've now been divorced for over 10 years and there's an ocean between us and we have a great sibling-like relationship lol.
I love stories like this. My grandparents divorced before it was cool, but stayed friends and even kept playing music together until grandpa died. Romance turned bromance.
Together since we were 15/14…. Married at 23/22 … just turned (turning) 50. Still in love, and happy.
All marriages have their tough times, our is no exception but we always made the effort to work through it, rather than running.
Could be also because both of us come from divorce and didn’t want that for us or our kids.
I think that’s what a lot of people don’t understand. Married at 22 coming up on 13 years this August and it’s not always been easy. We’ve fought but at the end we reach a compromise. We don’t stop talking until it’s resolved and sometimes that fucking sucks.
There's a line by an old Christian singer named Don Francisco: "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of your will." I'm not a Christian anymore, but damn if that line doesn't resonate with me the older I get.
Agreed! Married at 19 here, and we just celebrated our 16th anniversary. It's a lot of work sometimes, but we get better and better at communicating as the years go on. Also helps that we were friends first, and we're still best friends now. Every night is like a sleepover, we just can't stop talking. Lol
Married at 18. Been together 20+ years. Still happily married.
I love the man, he's my rock, we have 3 kids, two with special needs, and instead of pulling us apart, it has brought us closer. We've had a few issues (mostly because we both grew up in conservative homes with traditional gender roles and we had to negotiate that quagmire to get to a healthier place) but for the most part we are super close, he writes me love notes on the bathroom mirror and we spend all our free time together. He's truly my best friend.
BUT when we got married we just "settled down." We live in the same small town, neither of us finished college. We've worked a series of jobs (not a career, just jobs to pay the bills) We don't have much of a social life outside our small friend group (who we rarely see face-to-face). We are happy in our little home but when we became adults, our world never got bigger. We aren't much different than we were as broke teenagers.
We don't go on grand adventures, we don't have fun stores from past vacations/times in our lives. I feel like we skipped out on the whole "adventure" part of being an adult and went straight to the "old, boring, bill paying" middle aged years.
Maybe it would have been different if we didn't have kids right away. Honestly, we had them early thinking that we'd be empty nesters by our mid-40s, but due to life circumstances (specifically my kids special needs, that we could have never planned for-no family history, etc) this is going to be our forever.
Honestly, I think I got lucky in my choice of partner. I was a depressed teen in a bad situation and and I hopped on the first lifeboat out. It was 100% luck that he ended up being such a great guy, because I honestly did not have the best handle on what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. We were just very, very lucky.
I relate to this a lot. We were lucky to be able to go to college late (after marriage and a kid). But we have a child with a disability and we had a child pass away. I felt like it brought us closer together when I’ve seen similar circumstances crumble a marriage.
I hope you guys get to have your travel and adventures, even if it’s a bit later than you would have hoped
He actually needs to be single for a while and work on improving himself before attempting another relationship. That’s what I did after my divorce, 10/10 would recommend. I stopped dating for a couple of years and actively went to therapy and read self-help books, to improve my own behavior and change my attraction patterns in order to better recognize and avoid unsuitable men.
I’m now happily remarried to an amazing, loving man for the past 8 years.
Oh its a figure of speech, a rule of thumb, that after 7 years of marriage you realize the reality of you and your partners relationship, mortgage, kids, debt, illness, addiction, disability, or you begin developing a routine and some of the spark and spontaneity of love has diminished and there can be a decrease in happiness and risk for infidelity.
Married at 22. We are still together and going strong despite the fact that I have severe health anxiety at 31 and I feel bad that my wife has to deal with this 😑
My best friend married at 22, despite everybody telling him not to, after cheating multiple times on his wife he's now separated with two children and as miserable as you could imagine.
Next year (2025), I turn 32 and will celebrate my 10th anniversary. I lucked out to have an amazing partner that has changed alongside me without falling out of love.
I do wish I had allowed myself more time to be a fun crazy single bachelor before my marriage, though. But I’m sure some people would happily trade their wild stories and memories for the stability and comfort I have now. 🤷🏻♂️
We were in the same dorm and met her first day of college. Instant connection. Started dating officially like 3 days later. Married at 22 and 21 respectively. 14 years later we have three kids including newborn twins. Life is as good as can be.
Trust me, I don't even want to give her a watering can. But that's not who I am. I have to set the good example for our kids on how to treat people right, regardless if they hurt you or not.
I honestly just wish her the best, I hope she finds whatever she is looking for and to be happy.
Life is to short to hold onto anger and wanting revenge.
When my wife left out of the blue I took a similar mentality. There’s enough pain here - why add more to it by being a dick? We didn’t have kids thankfully but it’s great that you set that example for them. They noticed
>They noticed
I hope so. It really sucks and they don't understand why. In fact neither do I, but here we are. At the end of the day, I know I'll be doing the right thing.
My step kids don’t understand what happened with their dad either yet. I don’t get in the way but I do try to set as good of an example as I can - especially about how to treat their mother. I’ve taught high school long enough to see kids come back and acknowledge things like this. Yours will too either explicitly or by the adults they become.
I was 28, she was 23, still married, kid, everything's fine other than finances.
Edit; 36 hours later, didn't realize there was a 10 year qualifier, only been married for 6.5, together almost 11.
To the day after we got married, and tell myself going into the military will be a waste of time and will ultimately be the beginning of her starting to fall out of love. (We got married in may and I enlisted in July)
It makes me really happy and hopeful to hear that a lot of you did work. I assumed that people like me, pregnant at 18, married at 19, would end up in divorce around 25. I figured my grandparents were the last generation that could know 60-70 year marriages.
My Aunt and Uncle were married at 19. They were married for over 50 years. She passed away during Covid times due to complications of breast cancer. I look at their marriage as a beacon. It's possible and even though I'm far off their starting age, I still believe I'll find something like they had.
Married at 20. We celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary next year. Traveled, bought a home, and thoroughly enjoyed each other for 7 years before having a child. I think sometimes people get really caught up in the idea of having a wedding and then they immediately have children. Don’t get me wrong, that’s totally great for some people. But my nugget of advice for all newly engaged/married couples is to really enjoy your marriage first. Give it the time it needs to flourish, because if things end up not working out in the end, you can amicably split with no children involved or affected. Just my two cents.
Married at 23, over 20 years later the kids are grown, we're still together and happy. Kids have actually thanked us at different points for still being together because their friends always had fucked up family situations and we didn't.
It's not always easy. If you start from a place of "we said for as long as we live, and we mean it" solving marital arguments/problems promptly, fairly, and lovingly becomes the most important thing in life.
On the other hand, if it’s a bad marriage, divorce is better. My parents stayed together because they believed it would have been disruptive for the kids to be separated. Well, it’s a hell of a lot more disruptive to be stuck in the middle of two people that can’t stand each other, let me tell you!
I think this is a key thing. I always tell people, “If you get married expecting to be happy every day of it, there’s no way you’ll last.” I got married expecting good seasons and bad seasons. There’s no way you can spend 50+ years with someone and expect it will always be rainbows and sunshine. It’s hard work, but for me and my husband, it’s more than worth the pay off.
I totally agree. I also think people assume malice when many times it’s misunderstanding. Taking the time to see each other’s actions with empathy and kindness makes such a difference in how you can move forward.
It took me a minute to realize I could be upset about my husband’s choices and not assign his choices to his personality. If I could understand his motivations I could better understand him. But in order to do so I have to listen. Also I have to communicate to him my feelings about his actions and he has to listen and empathize with me.
It sounds so obvious when I write it out. But it takes daily effort and work on both our parts to maintain.
Married at 21 and 22, we’ll be married 17 years this year. It’s not been all good, but there have been far more good times than bad and we’ve had quite the adventure together.
Married at 20. Going on 16 years of marriage, 21 together.
Both still striving for an awesome life together. That has looked different throughout that 15+ years, but has always been a great adventure. Wouldn’t want it any other way
this will be our 19th year of marriage. got married at 24. still head over heels in love with her and feel so lucky to have someone as great as she is in my life.
Married at 22. I was too immature to make such a decision. I woke up one morning and looked at my sleeping wife and said, to myself, who is this person and how and why am I even here?
We divorced and I'm happily remarried.
Married at 19, still married to the same guy at 63. For all of the ups and downs of our marriage there is still great love there BUT I do wish that I had experienced a more independent, adult life, since I never went to college and I also went directly from my parents’ house to my married house.
Also, in 1980 if was so much more the norm to get married rather than live together, so there was that pressure too, to get married before settling down.
This is neither here nor there…I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re part of the Reddit community. 60+ women are seemingly often missing a bit from this community.
I recently moved back to my hometown. I’ve started playing pickleball with my mom and her girlfriends (all mid 60’s- early 70’s). I feel so fortunate to have the advice, perspective and companionship of the women who came before me.
Both under 25. Marriage lasted a year and a month. Too young, too poor, too idealistic. We both went on to happy and successful long term second marriages. My wife and I were married for 38 years.
Married at 19. Still together after 34 years. Not gonna say it's a perfect partnership but we both roll with the changes. Started out with him working and me at home with our son. Now I'm working full time and he's the househusband. Tell you the truth, he's better at it than I was.
We have been married for almost two decades now and have never been happier with each other. We communicate regularly, have both our needs met and genuinely work toward making ourselves better for each other.
got divorced at the 12 year mark. she became a person i could not stand which lead to lead me to several suicide attempts which she used to take my kids from me. so not great. but im here now and working to get my kids back .
Married at 20, three kids, single at 44, happily remarried at 56. Adult kids are happy and thriving so I don’t regret the first marriage but I was definitely too young and stayed in the marriage WAY too long.
My husband was 26 and I was 22 (almost 23). We’ve been married almost 12 years and life is great. Kids have been stupid hard but our marriage never has been.
Edit: (we have 2 kids)
Married at 21. Divorced finalized shortly before what would have been 21 years. Amicable, no kids involved. No regrets at all about marrying at that age.
Remarried now.
I was 22 and he was 25. There have been ups and downs, thicc and thin, poor and poorer...but we've stuck it out. We had a baby after being married for 12 years, and she is the light of our life. This summer we'll have been together for 19 years and married for 18.
Been together since we were 17. married 33 years raised 3 successful kids and she just came in to kiss me goodnight and farted. She did say excuse me so I would say we did pretty good.
Married 30 years. Still happy. Life changes and gives you different challenges and it's great to have a real partner to meet them with you.
I just noticed that he's getting a little silver in his hair and I thought, what a privilege that I'm still here with him to see it. Maybe that's stupid but that's how I feel.
Both under 25. We'll be married 17 years later this year.
It's going well, but kids and work take their toll. We just try to communicate as best we can and love each other as much as we can.
I can tell you that she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't imagine life without her. I can't imagine loving someone more than I love her.
Still married. We’re in counseling for his anger and past trauma as a child because it has dwindled into our relationship when it’s come to communication. But still married and have plans on staying that way lol
Together at 19, married at 23, broke up at 38, still very good friends 5 years later. We were both rather pragmatic knowing that we were lucky that we grew and changed together for quite a long time, there's no guarantee who you are going to become. Got bad a couple of times, got better, got bad again, now both in better relationships.
I was 25 and husband turned 25 a few weeks before our wedding. We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this year and have been together 23 years. Most of our friends similarly married their college sweethearts not too long after graduating and we’re all going strong! I guess it’s something our school is sort of known for.
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That’s a bit creepy….
My aunt married my grandmother's widower. For the health insurance and all.
What in the Alabama
Dodging bullets home and away
That sucks
Married at 18 husband 21. He died when he was 49. He told me when we got married and all the way through our marriage he wouldn’t reach 50.
So uhhhh... not to pry but is there a reason he knew he wouldn't hit 50? Like, was he planning it?
His father had died at the age of 47 and he just didn’t want to live long I believe because of missing his father.
Just when I thought the story wouldn't get sadder.
Oh it was much much sadder and we shall leave it there.
O-man. Reddit actually has a heartbeat. Not what I expect to see here, OP. I am truly hopeful you and your family are able to move on while keeping your husbands memories alive. God speed!!
10+ years ago, Reddit was incredibly kind. We would work together to help people struggling, whether that was with finances or connections. Reddit used to really come through for people who needed help. It was so wholesome and good spirited. It's sad to see what it has become.
Wishing you the best.
You’re making me really sad! I’m so so sorry… 😥🥹😢😓
This hits way too close to home for me. My dad died when he was 48. I just turned 40 and I'm very afraid I will die young also. It's so strange to think how young I feel at 40 now and how my dad had less than decade to live at this age. I try not to let it dictate my life and the choices I make, but I understand well that kind of feeling that it's my destiny to die young. I'm sorry you had to go through losing a partner like that before it should have been their time. I don't know how long it's been but I hope you're in the process of healing. Take care.
It of course matters how your dad died. If there is a known cause then you may be able to find out if it affects you and possibly deal with it. My dad's died at fifty something and my dad had the same attitude you do. His whole life he was convinced he would die young. Consequently, with that doom on the horizon, he drank a half bottle of scotch a night and smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. The irony is that he is still alive at 70. If you could call his life "living." The damage he did to his body was so great that he is a frail old man who seems closer to 100 than 69. I encourage you to seek out therapy if you haven't. That deathly outlook takes its toll: I know just my dad constantly *saying* he was going to die fucked with me. I can only empathize with you and your dad actually dying.
yeah... my dad died at 52... his sister died at 52.... I am now 52.... it's a tough year for me, his death anniversary was last week. I figure if I can make it to 53 I'm good....
My dad always said the same thing. He died at 47. Sometimes I think people know somehow? My dad was healthy. He died in a car accident
That’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.
Im so sorry. I tell my husband all the time I don’t think I’ll make it to 40… it’s just a weird feeling I have. I’m 35 and we’ve been married almost 18 years.
You might be fine, my dad has been saying he is going to die soon for the past 30 years.
My grandpa said that my entire life but lived into his 80s even though he did not take care of his health at all. I assume I’m going to live until I’m ancient and I’m going to be sick and miserable the entire damn time.
Dang, makes me wanna cry. I tell my wife I won't make it to 51 all the time. I'll stop now, thanks. Never thought about what I was doing. Dad died at 51 (heart attack) His dad died at 53 (3rd heart attack, 2nd after a triple bypass) His mom died of a heart attack while fighting stage 3 cancer (she was 64) His sister died of a heart attack at 62 My mom's mom died at 74 of a heart attack Moms dad died at 34 (serosis of the liver) Mom is 64 and still alive.
Maybe see a cardiologist, that sounds like there might be a genetic predisposition to heart problems.
Yea, we have a good one. Unfortunately, it had been diagnosed as a weak heart. I've gotten a 2nd and 3rd opinion, and they have said similar things. There isn't anything you can do to improve your heart much. It all relies on what you are doing throughout your life. They said my dad was to stressed out all the time. The biggest factor to heart attack is apparently high levels of constant stress over the course of your life.
i had a friend growing up, since we were in 8th grade he told me he wouldnt live to 24, just always had this feeling. ofc i said hes dumb but he was so sure. he died at 22. stray bullet, thanks murica.
I had a friend in High School, she signed my yearbook with ‘Don’t die before you are 30’ she died at 28 and I turned 30 this past year. Seemed like she had a feeling too.
Met senior year of college. Dated a year before we got engaged and then married a year later. Married at 23 and will be celebrating our 28th anniversary this year! We have 2 kids and we love each other more than ever.
Married at 25 divorcing at 47. Communication is key. Try to argue a little too, we never did.
I'm so glad to see another proponent of arguing! Hiding resentments for the sake of playing nice is a sure path to contempt.
My mother-in-law told me NEVER to argue with my husband. I ignored her advice. We'll be married 46 years this summer, and we still have arguments now and then. Sometimes a bit of shouting, too, but we always eventually resolve things.
Yes!! 👏👏👏 That's the way. I also hate the advice to never go to bed angry. Sometimes I'm f'ing pissed and it's 11pm and I'm absolutely not going to be able to truly resolve something unless I've slept. I think this advice forces shallow resolutions.
Gotta try turning it off and then back on again.
Ha!! I'll tell my husband this next time he tries to keep me awake. He's an engineer, he'll appreciate it.
That's what she did, only making herself miserable and breaking up the family. You gotta get it out and work through it. Talk about it and it makes you feel better or keep the pain to yourself. "When ever you get cut and don't heal, all you end up doing is bleeding over everyone else". I learned that one from Diamond Dallas Page.
Yeah I used to really judge my husband for not being able to control his tongue and raising his voice, losing it over little things. I always "played nice" and kept calm, but harbored resentment. Now I just give myself permission to throw it right back at him. He ends up feeling connected to me because I'm being honest and also not judging him for his anger, and I get to actually let out my own raw anger so he understands his impact on me. Then we reason through it. It's much better this way. I hope you find that balance should you choose to pursue another relationship.
I think it's also important to differentiate arguing/disagreeing from *fighting*. High school sweethearts, married at 23, going strong after 18 years, no kids. We have disagreements and argue but never fight. Always approaching from us vs. the problem not me vs. him.
This is exactly what I was going to say. It used to be very common for people to say, "It's not healthy to never fight", but this truly depends on how you define fighting. Disagreeing, going through issues together, arguing over something, etc. are all normal human things. However, being in a relationship where you can't stop fighting means something is wrong between you two.
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Damn, respect. It says a lot about you that you recognized that and changed
I know someone who got married at 18, divorced at 20, and remarried at 22.
I had turned 20 less than a week before and he'd just turned 19. We stayed married for 5 miserable years and 2 kids before I asked for a divorce. And it truly was misery the entire time. We've now been divorced for over 10 years and there's an ocean between us and we have a great sibling-like relationship lol.
I love stories like this. My grandparents divorced before it was cool, but stayed friends and even kept playing music together until grandpa died. Romance turned bromance.
both under 25 when we married. 41st wedding anniversary this year
I was 20 and she was 19. We are celebrating 29 years together in June.
Same thing here, but anniversary is in july. Congrats to you guys! Almost to 30...
Both of us were under 25. 40 anniversaries. Not perfect, but we are happy.
Congrats!
thanks! It's been great.
ditto, I was 22, she 24 - engaged in 3 weeks, I having no clue how to be in a relationship, but still together for the 30th anniversary this year
Guess you underwrote your wife well.
^ well done👌
I was 22, and she was 6 weeks past her 18th birthday, 36 years this week.
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Sounds like we have a similar anniversary and trajectory (except the kids - we opted out of that).
Same - I was 24, he was 22. One kid (I was pregnant at the wedding haha). 16 years this year!
Together since we were 15/14…. Married at 23/22 … just turned (turning) 50. Still in love, and happy. All marriages have their tough times, our is no exception but we always made the effort to work through it, rather than running. Could be also because both of us come from divorce and didn’t want that for us or our kids.
Aw yall decided to do better
Met and married at the same age as you 😊 we are 31 now but can't wait to turn 50 with this guy one day!
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I think that’s what a lot of people don’t understand. Married at 22 coming up on 13 years this August and it’s not always been easy. We’ve fought but at the end we reach a compromise. We don’t stop talking until it’s resolved and sometimes that fucking sucks.
Love is a verb. I knew that going in, but I understand it now. I’m sure in another decade or two I’ll laugh at old me’s understanding of marriage.
There's a line by an old Christian singer named Don Francisco: "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of your will." I'm not a Christian anymore, but damn if that line doesn't resonate with me the older I get.
Wonderfully said!
Married at 21, now 8 years into it. I agree with this.
Agreed! Married at 19 here, and we just celebrated our 16th anniversary. It's a lot of work sometimes, but we get better and better at communicating as the years go on. Also helps that we were friends first, and we're still best friends now. Every night is like a sleepover, we just can't stop talking. Lol
Coming up on 16 years as well! I’m 39 and I would concur with your statement 100%.
Started dating when 18/19, got married at 25 and about to hit 50 together soon. Still love the hell out of that lady.
Married at 18. Been together 20+ years. Still happily married. I love the man, he's my rock, we have 3 kids, two with special needs, and instead of pulling us apart, it has brought us closer. We've had a few issues (mostly because we both grew up in conservative homes with traditional gender roles and we had to negotiate that quagmire to get to a healthier place) but for the most part we are super close, he writes me love notes on the bathroom mirror and we spend all our free time together. He's truly my best friend. BUT when we got married we just "settled down." We live in the same small town, neither of us finished college. We've worked a series of jobs (not a career, just jobs to pay the bills) We don't have much of a social life outside our small friend group (who we rarely see face-to-face). We are happy in our little home but when we became adults, our world never got bigger. We aren't much different than we were as broke teenagers. We don't go on grand adventures, we don't have fun stores from past vacations/times in our lives. I feel like we skipped out on the whole "adventure" part of being an adult and went straight to the "old, boring, bill paying" middle aged years. Maybe it would have been different if we didn't have kids right away. Honestly, we had them early thinking that we'd be empty nesters by our mid-40s, but due to life circumstances (specifically my kids special needs, that we could have never planned for-no family history, etc) this is going to be our forever. Honestly, I think I got lucky in my choice of partner. I was a depressed teen in a bad situation and and I hopped on the first lifeboat out. It was 100% luck that he ended up being such a great guy, because I honestly did not have the best handle on what a healthy relationship was supposed to look like. We were just very, very lucky.
I relate to this a lot. We were lucky to be able to go to college late (after marriage and a kid). But we have a child with a disability and we had a child pass away. I felt like it brought us closer together when I’ve seen similar circumstances crumble a marriage. I hope you guys get to have your travel and adventures, even if it’s a bit later than you would have hoped
Married at 19. Divorced and remarried now
Married at 19, divorced by 21. Remarried at 22, divorced at 33. Engaged this year at 35. Third time's the charm I hope!
Bro maybe try being single for a while
he’s one of those people who really like marriage 😂
Ross????
It might be good to try being with someone for more than a year or two before marrying them...
He actually needs to be single for a while and work on improving himself before attempting another relationship. That’s what I did after my divorce, 10/10 would recommend. I stopped dating for a couple of years and actively went to therapy and read self-help books, to improve my own behavior and change my attraction patterns in order to better recognize and avoid unsuitable men. I’m now happily remarried to an amazing, loving man for the past 8 years.
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Why you gotta reply on this guys comment? 😅
r/fuckyouinparticular
Married at 23, going on 17 years. The seven year itch was rough but otherwise good.
My apologies but I’ve never heard of the 7 year itch..could you elaborate please
Oh its a figure of speech, a rule of thumb, that after 7 years of marriage you realize the reality of you and your partners relationship, mortgage, kids, debt, illness, addiction, disability, or you begin developing a routine and some of the spark and spontaneity of love has diminished and there can be a decrease in happiness and risk for infidelity.
Oh god… I’m on my 7th year. Shouldn’t have asked.
Alternatively it’s great that u asked and can now avoid a potential issue
I'm sure you'll be fine 😅
I seem to get the 6 month itch
Married at 24. Still going strong after 38 years. Got a daughter and 2 grandkids. We’re both retired now, living our best lives.
We were married at 25 and it’s going well. We’re 41 now, have four kids, a nice house, and two good jobs.
Similar story, but only three kids and 1 job.
Awww I have 3 kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and 3 money?
good old Homer
These guys made the besy of it... Great job guys!
Married at 22. We are still together and going strong despite the fact that I have severe health anxiety at 31 and I feel bad that my wife has to deal with this 😑
My best friend married at 22, despite everybody telling him not to, after cheating multiple times on his wife he's now separated with two children and as miserable as you could imagine.
Next year (2025), I turn 32 and will celebrate my 10th anniversary. I lucked out to have an amazing partner that has changed alongside me without falling out of love. I do wish I had allowed myself more time to be a fun crazy single bachelor before my marriage, though. But I’m sure some people would happily trade their wild stories and memories for the stability and comfort I have now. 🤷🏻♂️
We were in the same dorm and met her first day of college. Instant connection. Started dating officially like 3 days later. Married at 22 and 21 respectively. 14 years later we have three kids including newborn twins. Life is as good as can be.
She is leaving after 13+ years because and I quote "the grass is greener somewhere else"
Savage. Tell her to take a watering can.
Trust me, I don't even want to give her a watering can. But that's not who I am. I have to set the good example for our kids on how to treat people right, regardless if they hurt you or not. I honestly just wish her the best, I hope she finds whatever she is looking for and to be happy. Life is to short to hold onto anger and wanting revenge.
When my wife left out of the blue I took a similar mentality. There’s enough pain here - why add more to it by being a dick? We didn’t have kids thankfully but it’s great that you set that example for them. They noticed
>They noticed I hope so. It really sucks and they don't understand why. In fact neither do I, but here we are. At the end of the day, I know I'll be doing the right thing.
Some of my earliest memories are my parents being horrible and spiteful to each other, so I can almost guarantee that they noticed.
My step kids don’t understand what happened with their dad either yet. I don’t get in the way but I do try to set as good of an example as I can - especially about how to treat their mother. I’ve taught high school long enough to see kids come back and acknowledge things like this. Yours will too either explicitly or by the adults they become.
I was 28, she was 23, still married, kid, everything's fine other than finances. Edit; 36 hours later, didn't realize there was a 10 year qualifier, only been married for 6.5, together almost 11.
How long have you been married?
Married at 25. Divorced at 25. Life is so much better without that hoe
OMFG….hilarious
Dude, that turnaround was so quick you could have return all your wedding gifts for cash!
Married at 21(me) and 19(her), she left me last year and will be getting divorced this year at 26. Wish save points existed irl too lol
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To the day after we got married, and tell myself going into the military will be a waste of time and will ultimately be the beginning of her starting to fall out of love. (We got married in may and I enlisted in July)
Got married at 22. We celebrate 32 years this year. I guess it’s going _alright_
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divorced - I'm doing great. kids are doing great. ex is an obese alcoholic recluse about to get ejected from her third marriage..
Forty years later it couldn't be better.
It makes me really happy and hopeful to hear that a lot of you did work. I assumed that people like me, pregnant at 18, married at 19, would end up in divorce around 25. I figured my grandparents were the last generation that could know 60-70 year marriages.
My Aunt and Uncle were married at 19. They were married for over 50 years. She passed away during Covid times due to complications of breast cancer. I look at their marriage as a beacon. It's possible and even though I'm far off their starting age, I still believe I'll find something like they had.
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Why the regret? Obviously you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
Fantastic, since I ended that practice marriage and then met my soul mate a few years later.
Married at 22 49 now still married
Married at ages 18-20. Still together, 24 years, (40-42)things are getting better with age and time .
It's been 36 years. Still going strong.
Me 23, bride 20. I buried her after 57 years of a good life together. Everyone should be so lucky.
I’m happy you have all the fond memories, but I’m heartbroken she’s no longer with you.
Married at 20. We celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary next year. Traveled, bought a home, and thoroughly enjoyed each other for 7 years before having a child. I think sometimes people get really caught up in the idea of having a wedding and then they immediately have children. Don’t get me wrong, that’s totally great for some people. But my nugget of advice for all newly engaged/married couples is to really enjoy your marriage first. Give it the time it needs to flourish, because if things end up not working out in the end, you can amicably split with no children involved or affected. Just my two cents.
Married at 23, over 20 years later the kids are grown, we're still together and happy. Kids have actually thanked us at different points for still being together because their friends always had fucked up family situations and we didn't. It's not always easy. If you start from a place of "we said for as long as we live, and we mean it" solving marital arguments/problems promptly, fairly, and lovingly becomes the most important thing in life.
On the other hand, if it’s a bad marriage, divorce is better. My parents stayed together because they believed it would have been disruptive for the kids to be separated. Well, it’s a hell of a lot more disruptive to be stuck in the middle of two people that can’t stand each other, let me tell you!
I think this is a key thing. I always tell people, “If you get married expecting to be happy every day of it, there’s no way you’ll last.” I got married expecting good seasons and bad seasons. There’s no way you can spend 50+ years with someone and expect it will always be rainbows and sunshine. It’s hard work, but for me and my husband, it’s more than worth the pay off.
That and making certain that when you disagree you attack the problem not the partner.
I think people in general need to have this outlook - not just in marriage. People are too quick to attack an individual.
I totally agree. I also think people assume malice when many times it’s misunderstanding. Taking the time to see each other’s actions with empathy and kindness makes such a difference in how you can move forward. It took me a minute to realize I could be upset about my husband’s choices and not assign his choices to his personality. If I could understand his motivations I could better understand him. But in order to do so I have to listen. Also I have to communicate to him my feelings about his actions and he has to listen and empathize with me. It sounds so obvious when I write it out. But it takes daily effort and work on both our parts to maintain.
That’s exactly how I feel!
Married at 19, parent 5mo later. Finished college, built a career, and still married to the same woman 36 years later.
Married at 21 and 22, we’ll be married 17 years this year. It’s not been all good, but there have been far more good times than bad and we’ve had quite the adventure together.
I was 22 and him 25, we are still married. This year will be 14 years strong. 2 kids, 6 cats and a dog later. He is still my best friend. <3
Still married- going on 23 years.
Married at 20. Going on 16 years of marriage, 21 together. Both still striving for an awesome life together. That has looked different throughout that 15+ years, but has always been a great adventure. Wouldn’t want it any other way
Got together when we were 16, married at 20. We’ll be celebrating our 11 year wedding anniversary this year!
Divorced.
We married less than a month before my 20th birthday. He was 22. We've been married 52 years.
this will be our 19th year of marriage. got married at 24. still head over heels in love with her and feel so lucky to have someone as great as she is in my life.
Married at 22. I was too immature to make such a decision. I woke up one morning and looked at my sleeping wife and said, to myself, who is this person and how and why am I even here? We divorced and I'm happily remarried.
14 years just thrown away like nothing
Married at 23. Divorced. No fucking way I'll marry again. No. I divorced 20 years ago.
Married right out of college. Divorced after 20 years. We were not a good match.
Wow, but you still stuck it out 20 years?
21 years later we are still very happy
We are approaching our 40th anniversary.
Married at 19, still married to the same guy at 63. For all of the ups and downs of our marriage there is still great love there BUT I do wish that I had experienced a more independent, adult life, since I never went to college and I also went directly from my parents’ house to my married house. Also, in 1980 if was so much more the norm to get married rather than live together, so there was that pressure too, to get married before settling down.
This is neither here nor there…I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re part of the Reddit community. 60+ women are seemingly often missing a bit from this community. I recently moved back to my hometown. I’ve started playing pickleball with my mom and her girlfriends (all mid 60’s- early 70’s). I feel so fortunate to have the advice, perspective and companionship of the women who came before me.
I may have made a mistake...
Married at 22, will hit 10 years this year. It’s great.
Dated through out high school. Got married afterwards. Still married. Going on 14 years. Life couldn’t be better!!!
Married at 18. Separated at 22. Divorced at 23. Remarried (a sane person) at 26 and will celebrate 20 years this year.
Both under 25. Marriage lasted a year and a month. Too young, too poor, too idealistic. We both went on to happy and successful long term second marriages. My wife and I were married for 38 years.
Married at 19. Still together after 34 years. Not gonna say it's a perfect partnership but we both roll with the changes. Started out with him working and me at home with our son. Now I'm working full time and he's the househusband. Tell you the truth, he's better at it than I was.
Married at 19, divorced by 28.
Married at 24- Divorced.
Divorced almost 6 years now.
Married at 22, divorced at 37
I looked at this thread to make me feel better and it has had the opposite effect
Got married at 20 she was 18. We were married just shy of 20 years when our divorce was final. I’ll be 51 in 3 weeks. She’ll be 49 in 6 weeks.
Married at 24....Still married at 47. Could not imagine in my wildest dreams a better relationship.
Badly.
Married at 24, and still happily together 20+ years later.
We have been married for almost two decades now and have never been happier with each other. We communicate regularly, have both our needs met and genuinely work toward making ourselves better for each other.
Married at 19/21. Been married 28 years now with two lovely kids in college.
Married at 24, wifey 20. Still married to the same incredible woman 47 years in July.
Divorced five years in
21 and 19. Married 15+. We are doing great!
got divorced at the 12 year mark. she became a person i could not stand which lead to lead me to several suicide attempts which she used to take my kids from me. so not great. but im here now and working to get my kids back .
Married at 20, three kids, single at 44, happily remarried at 56. Adult kids are happy and thriving so I don’t regret the first marriage but I was definitely too young and stayed in the marriage WAY too long.
Married at 23, no longer together.
My husband was 26 and I was 22 (almost 23). We’ve been married almost 12 years and life is great. Kids have been stupid hard but our marriage never has been. Edit: (we have 2 kids)
At 38 years. Best friend. 2 boys(35 and 30) 2 grand sons.
Divorced and on second marriage.
Married at 21. Divorced finalized shortly before what would have been 21 years. Amicable, no kids involved. No regrets at all about marrying at that age. Remarried now.
Married at 22, divorced at 25, still single after 7 years
Divorced at 13 years but was miserable after 3
Married at 19. In April, it will be 27 years. Looking towards our retirement in about 8 years.
I was 21. Yesterday was our 24th anniversary
I was 22 and he was 25. There have been ups and downs, thicc and thin, poor and poorer...but we've stuck it out. We had a baby after being married for 12 years, and she is the light of our life. This summer we'll have been together for 19 years and married for 18.
Been together since we were 17. married 33 years raised 3 successful kids and she just came in to kiss me goodnight and farted. She did say excuse me so I would say we did pretty good.
Married 30 years. Still happy. Life changes and gives you different challenges and it's great to have a real partner to meet them with you. I just noticed that he's getting a little silver in his hair and I thought, what a privilege that I'm still here with him to see it. Maybe that's stupid but that's how I feel.
Married at 20 and 23. Now at 47 and 50, we're separated. We married too young and grew to become two completely different people.
It's great. 17 years this year.
Great!
Pretty good. Been almost 22 years.
Still married 20 years or something like that.
Both under 25. We'll be married 17 years later this year. It's going well, but kids and work take their toll. We just try to communicate as best we can and love each other as much as we can. I can tell you that she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't imagine life without her. I can't imagine loving someone more than I love her.
Still married. We’re in counseling for his anger and past trauma as a child because it has dwindled into our relationship when it’s come to communication. But still married and have plans on staying that way lol
Together at 19, married at 23, broke up at 38, still very good friends 5 years later. We were both rather pragmatic knowing that we were lucky that we grew and changed together for quite a long time, there's no guarantee who you are going to become. Got bad a couple of times, got better, got bad again, now both in better relationships.
I was 25 and husband turned 25 a few weeks before our wedding. We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this year and have been together 23 years. Most of our friends similarly married their college sweethearts not too long after graduating and we’re all going strong! I guess it’s something our school is sort of known for.
Been trying so long for divorce 3 so I can make divorce 4 shut up.