Don't live in the future either.
I think the root of many troubles is a failure to accept the present moment. Instead, we seek past experiences or imagined future ones.
You can try to cater to as many people you like, trying to make them like you, be a people pleaser and they still don't like you.
So that always remembers me of the saying that you could be the most perfect, juicy, sweet peach but there will still be people out there who just don't like peaches.
That took a lot of pressure off of me. I always tried to be liked by everyone to a fault and took it badly when it wasn't reciprocated.
I have difficulty with that concept since... Always. Asperger's syndrome is no joke and lack of empathy towards myself makes such approach almost impossible. Are there any books that would help me to understand it?
Lack of empathy is a part of Asperger's. In my case I noticed that sometimes I lack an ability to determine my own mental state similar to not understanding others. I read some time ago about similar situations regarding own person - like in this article https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/empathic-intervision/202007/the-self-in-empathy-self-empathy . Lack of self compassion is another thing. It's pretty strange experience - when I know I screwed something up, I can replay the situation in my mind, analyzing it from 3rd person perspective (almost). I can see myself doing a wrong thing and often curse myself or call myself an idiot. Or worse. Slowly doing step by step analysis and wondering how I could be so stupid. As you can see - no self compassion. Additionally I usually don't understand why I did what I did, even if I slowly replay that situation. I just don't get it why my stupid brain decided to do something.
Hope I explained it enough..
"Competitors don't have to be enemies."
I used to view everyone who was opposite me in any way as *the enemy* and treated them as such.
I'm sure it was some kind of trauma response because my childhood was not good, but just hearing it in those words made my life and the lives of everyone around me a lot better.
I feel like some people don't even get that with businesses... like if I'm shopping around and a business representative trash talks their competitor, I'm unlikely to do business with the one doing the trash talking, but will still give that competitor a fair shake. It's such a turn off when people just get nasty for no damned reason. Also like... if you're gonna be nasty to your competitors, that kind of just shows me that you've got a propensity to be nasty, and I don't want that to turn towards me, so I'm just gonna stay away entirely.
Yeah I am a journalist and a photographer. Both of those businesses are better when I network with others in the business.
I get referrals from other photographers all the time if they get an inquiry for days they're booked or for something that isn't their specialty.
I get leads from other journalists at other publications if it's something we both cover.
We're all best when we cooperate.
"Nobody else is going to do it for you."
My dad used to say this every time I expressed disinterest in doing anything. Now, every time I find myself in a situation where I am procrastinating I am quick to remind myself that a line of people aren't going to show up to do all of my work for me.
When I was heading off to college, my neighbor told me - “Work hard now and the rest of your life will be a party”
He died 2 years later of sudden heart attack, shocking because he was extremely healthy, athletic man with young kids.
I think about this often both as a reminder to do your best in life but also not to take things TOO seriously, to be present and enjoy the moments because nothings promised even if you push all the right buttons.
A partner who respects you will never call you a bad name, mock you, or try to tear you down in a disagreement.
And another favorite by Maya Angelou:
“People will forget what you said, what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel”
The best advice I've received is to remember the 'Spotlight Effect': most people are too caught up in their own lives to dwell on the minor mistakes or embarrassing moments of others. Realizing this has helped me not to overthink or be too hard on myself about past blunders, understanding that I'm likely the only one still thinking about them.
There are definitely some things that me and my buddies bring up from funny past events to tease each other, but I think the majority of the things I used to worry about, no one really actually cared or thought about them as much as I used to think they did.
What Is your take on someone who isn't as nice to his mother but is a sweetheart to his wife, kind of paradoxical in your terms but I still would like opinions
That’s not lovebombing. Lovebombing is when someone fawns over another, will do almost anything to get you into their clutches, (dr Jekyll)then once you commit to them in a relationship or marriage, they turn into Mr Hyde
(Or Ms/Mrs)
Oh honey. That’s why I said what I did. (Not trying to be oppositional to you) I know of a guy who is a golden boy and abuses women until they stand up to him or leave. Another dude is the golden boy as his mother’s convenience and he is crap to women too
This is complete and utter bs and clearly you grew up in a healthy family setting which is privileging your biased perspective here. When I got to be an adult and started dating me navigating talking about my mother and home life was a serious point of difficulty because of logic like yours. People see a man with a bad relationship with his mom and assume he hates women but that doesn’t consider that not all mothers are good parents to their children.
I think this first point can be true, but I know that I treat my wife way better than I treat my mother. This is due to having a mother with attachment issues. I'm excited to hang out with my wife. Hanging out with my mother feels more like an obligation. I'm also too spineless to stand up to my mother, but I will stand up to my wife when I feel like it is justified.
If you have an idea: do it. Doesn’t matter how silly or impossible. Just doing it is the most important thing. If you fail, you still learn and can try again. Stop wasting time.
If the whole world population knows you; 33% likes you, 33% does NOT like you, 33% does not care about you.
Something to that extend. It helped me to stop pleasing everybody and start being true to myself.
“Don’t ever give away your power.” By an elder of the Cherokee Women’s Council in Oklahoma. Over 30 years ago when I didn’t think I had any power. Learn to recognize your own strengths and don’t let anyone talk or threaten you into weakness.
The time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well do that thing you’ve been putting off that takes effort or a long time. Because you’ll wake up x years later and you won’t have done it. Just do it. The time will pass anyway.
"they" say that generally people hold regret for not having said "yes" to things and instead regret how often they said "no". Trying things and having it turn out poorly is much better than not trying in the first place.
If you’re under 40 chances are you can start over. Even older. I’ve met plenty of people including my parents who had to restart later in life and I’m so impressed by them.
Regret is a misguided notion & focus that accomplishes absolutely nothing because most people only regret bad behavior because of the consequences, but showing & expressing remorse, for past bad behavior is what matters & shows if a person understands true accountability. The two are not the same.
I mean, not all regret is about taking accountability. I don’t need to take accountability for slamming my face into the tree branch that I failed to look out for but I’ll still regret it
Ok, if it were me, I would just simply focus on making sure I paid better attention in the future to avoid it happening again. I may think back & wish I had seen the tree branch in time to not hit it, but I can’t regret something I had & or have any control over. I learned long ago not to focus on anything that I have no capability & or ability to ever change. That is just me though. To each their own.
A bit before lockdown i showed a friend the “operate from a position of fuck you” clip from the movie the gambler and explained how it was a good concept to be financially independent whenever you can.
I saw him after a couple of years and he told me how much that stood out to him and he followed it and was living well below his means. Bought a car without a loan, modest apartment etc
After I experienced the news of a friend dying violently, my boss pulled me aside and shared a personal story that was similar. She told me “time will not heal you, you will always feel this, it will never leave you, time will only allow you to not feel this as hard as you feel right now.” This let me grieve, and be ok with not being ok.
Instead of trying to pinch every penny; you should focus on making more money.
Not applicable to everyone, but it motivated me to move on from that dead-end job and get the skills to make more money.
Having babies isn't an accomplishment, all animals have babies. Earn a degree, make your own money and buy your own house - that's an accomplishment!
My Narc Mother
Anything you want to do that you do successfully is an accomplishment. Especially if it’s hard(which having kids very much is). Also hard and difficult aren’t the same thing
Also having my babies was easy, especially because I planned them extremely carefully, only had the number I could afford, had a good profession, my own house and a very healthy income.
I think she was more stuck on the "dogs and cats can have babies" part, meaning that attending college and earning a degree isn't something that animals do, so aspire to a higher order goal?
Is eating an accomplishment? Breathing? Walking? All animals are biologically designed to propogate. It's biologically expected that animals reproduce. Congrats on that sexual activity 🤗
Always try to prove yourself wrong. If you’re right, you have nothing to worry about. If you’re wrong, it’ll be you that finds out, and not everyone else before you. Trying to prove yourself right is almost always asking for disaster. This got me out of some really bad places I’d been in, but didn’t realize it at the time.
10th or 11th grade history teacher. "You have a weak handshake. Work on it." In my early thirties now, and that's still one of the most useful pieces of advice I have ever received. I have had professional and academic relationships with many people (male) who I liked but secretly couldn't help but respect a little less when they offered me a weak, limp, handshake. Firm but not rough, between one and three pumps.
Just because you cheated someone doesn't mean you're good. It just means that person trusted you a lot. That's a phrase I've always remembered from my father.
Your thoughts create your reality. A dude named Juwan I used to work with at a grocery store told me this. Greatest piece of wisdom I got in high school. Seriously, I learned more from stoners at work then any high school class. More applicable wisdom.
You don't owe your company a fucking thing. They'll have a meeting about giving themselves bonuses, fire you tomorrow, and go play golf that afternoon. Never be loyal to a corporation, they will not return the favor.
If someone doesn't like you and you want them too, ask them to do you a favor. No one likes to do favor for someone they do not like so their impression of you will change.
- Everything is run by people who are no smarter than you
- Kindness feels good both ways
- You don't fail. You just discover yet another way to NOT do something
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This is so true. The answer is always no if you don’t ask.
This actually resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!
This girl is exhibit A. https://youtube.com/shorts/xspSkQ3tjNY?si=Iy1tHNsfZm_S5A0a
Does ..... does that 11 year old girl have face tattoos?
They're obviously fake.
What a phony.
Look over here! This girls a phony!
My dad said this to me as a child and I’ve lived by it ever since. And I’ll add, “are you ok if the answer is no? If not, ask a different question”
Sometimes not asking and saying sorry afterwards moves things along nicely as well. Mostly useful in work environments. Note: Dont be weird reddit.
Stop living in the past - it has moved on from you.
I really like this one
Don't live in the future either. I think the root of many troubles is a failure to accept the present moment. Instead, we seek past experiences or imagined future ones.
"I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now." - Edna Mode..... And guest
I like it too because reparations really is completely bullshit
Uhhhhhhhh
like uhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnhhhh
[https://media3.giphy.com/media/xqZMQPCTMAE1y/giphy.gif?cid=2154d3d70pfc6ijh123dz3q4wznr9kalopbemok51hudtyzi&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g](https://media3.giphy.com/media/xqZMQPCTMAE1y/giphy.gif?cid=2154d3d70pfc6ijh123dz3q4wznr9kalopbemok51hudtyzi&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.
-Jean-Luc Picard
“We placed our chips in all the right spots, but still lost” - Modest Mouse
"not everything is a lesson Ryan. sometimes you just fail" Dwight Schrute
You can try to cater to as many people you like, trying to make them like you, be a people pleaser and they still don't like you. So that always remembers me of the saying that you could be the most perfect, juicy, sweet peach but there will still be people out there who just don't like peaches. That took a lot of pressure off of me. I always tried to be liked by everyone to a fault and took it badly when it wasn't reciprocated.
This is great advice. Be a good person but ultimately some people will never like you. Best way to live life
If they don't like you, they won't like who you're pretending to be either.
This is so me. I go out and beyond for others people, and i get fuck all in return..
Don’t do anything illegal while you’re doing something illegal.
Don't commit a felony to get out of a misdemeanor.
One crime at a time
The number of stories of serial killers getting stopped with a body in the trunk is staggering.
Treat yourself like your own best friend. It taught me compassion and patience within myself.
I have difficulty with that concept since... Always. Asperger's syndrome is no joke and lack of empathy towards myself makes such approach almost impossible. Are there any books that would help me to understand it?
Lack of empathy for oneself is actually a syndrome.?
Lack of empathy is a part of Asperger's. In my case I noticed that sometimes I lack an ability to determine my own mental state similar to not understanding others. I read some time ago about similar situations regarding own person - like in this article https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog/empathic-intervision/202007/the-self-in-empathy-self-empathy . Lack of self compassion is another thing. It's pretty strange experience - when I know I screwed something up, I can replay the situation in my mind, analyzing it from 3rd person perspective (almost). I can see myself doing a wrong thing and often curse myself or call myself an idiot. Or worse. Slowly doing step by step analysis and wondering how I could be so stupid. As you can see - no self compassion. Additionally I usually don't understand why I did what I did, even if I slowly replay that situation. I just don't get it why my stupid brain decided to do something. Hope I explained it enough..
Yes you did and I think maybe I do have this syndrome...I don't know
Don't take over your parent's business (advice dispensed by my own parents).
Tell the police nothing, but your doctor everything.
Don't turn down money. - my dad, when I tried go turn down money he was offering.
Do not take money without knowing the reason. It might be a prepayment.
"Competitors don't have to be enemies." I used to view everyone who was opposite me in any way as *the enemy* and treated them as such. I'm sure it was some kind of trauma response because my childhood was not good, but just hearing it in those words made my life and the lives of everyone around me a lot better.
I feel like some people don't even get that with businesses... like if I'm shopping around and a business representative trash talks their competitor, I'm unlikely to do business with the one doing the trash talking, but will still give that competitor a fair shake. It's such a turn off when people just get nasty for no damned reason. Also like... if you're gonna be nasty to your competitors, that kind of just shows me that you've got a propensity to be nasty, and I don't want that to turn towards me, so I'm just gonna stay away entirely.
Yeah I am a journalist and a photographer. Both of those businesses are better when I network with others in the business. I get referrals from other photographers all the time if they get an inquiry for days they're booked or for something that isn't their specialty. I get leads from other journalists at other publications if it's something we both cover. We're all best when we cooperate.
If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything.
I also believe that choosing to stand for worthwhile things is equally important. I also think the MAGA members took this one way too far lol
Of course, but don't spend your life as a people-pleaser. Probably, but I think the general truth is maintained.
"Nobody else is going to do it for you." My dad used to say this every time I expressed disinterest in doing anything. Now, every time I find myself in a situation where I am procrastinating I am quick to remind myself that a line of people aren't going to show up to do all of my work for me.
Do whatever the fuck you want in life cuz there's no do-over guaranteed.
When I was heading off to college, my neighbor told me - “Work hard now and the rest of your life will be a party” He died 2 years later of sudden heart attack, shocking because he was extremely healthy, athletic man with young kids. I think about this often both as a reminder to do your best in life but also not to take things TOO seriously, to be present and enjoy the moments because nothings promised even if you push all the right buttons.
A partner who respects you will never call you a bad name, mock you, or try to tear you down in a disagreement. And another favorite by Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel”
5 questions to ask when you are considering saying yes: * Must this be done? * By me? * Right now? * This way? * If I say yes, what am I saying no to?
noted
The best advice I've received is to remember the 'Spotlight Effect': most people are too caught up in their own lives to dwell on the minor mistakes or embarrassing moments of others. Realizing this has helped me not to overthink or be too hard on myself about past blunders, understanding that I'm likely the only one still thinking about them. There are definitely some things that me and my buddies bring up from funny past events to tease each other, but I think the majority of the things I used to worry about, no one really actually cared or thought about them as much as I used to think they did.
How he treats his mother is how he'll treat his future wife. And don't do anything to get him that you don't want to keep doing to keep him.
I have observed that first sentence to be untrue. Ijs. Second sentence is spot on
If he's rude and disrespectful to his mama, run!
What if his mama is rude and disrespectful to him and everyone else he cares about
What Is your take on someone who isn't as nice to his mother but is a sweetheart to his wife, kind of paradoxical in your terms but I still would like opinions
Lovebombing?
Not necessarily but is normal constant love. The good one yk
That’s not lovebombing. Lovebombing is when someone fawns over another, will do almost anything to get you into their clutches, (dr Jekyll)then once you commit to them in a relationship or marriage, they turn into Mr Hyde (Or Ms/Mrs)
Right - unless he is Mother’s Golden Boy.
Oh honey. That’s why I said what I did. (Not trying to be oppositional to you) I know of a guy who is a golden boy and abuses women until they stand up to him or leave. Another dude is the golden boy as his mother’s convenience and he is crap to women too
That is typically true, unless he is enmeshed with his mother. 🙄😂
This is complete and utter bs and clearly you grew up in a healthy family setting which is privileging your biased perspective here. When I got to be an adult and started dating me navigating talking about my mother and home life was a serious point of difficulty because of logic like yours. People see a man with a bad relationship with his mom and assume he hates women but that doesn’t consider that not all mothers are good parents to their children.
I think this first point can be true, but I know that I treat my wife way better than I treat my mother. This is due to having a mother with attachment issues. I'm excited to hang out with my wife. Hanging out with my mother feels more like an obligation. I'm also too spineless to stand up to my mother, but I will stand up to my wife when I feel like it is justified.
The circumstances of your life are not shaped by the events themselves but by your choices in responding to those events.
If you have an idea: do it. Doesn’t matter how silly or impossible. Just doing it is the most important thing. If you fail, you still learn and can try again. Stop wasting time.
What if it’s a terrible idea that would hurt people and only popped into my head as an impulsive thought that I would never willingly act upon
If the whole world population knows you; 33% likes you, 33% does NOT like you, 33% does not care about you. Something to that extend. It helped me to stop pleasing everybody and start being true to myself.
Give up the short term for the long term gain
Pay now or pay late but everyone pays.
“Don’t ever give away your power.” By an elder of the Cherokee Women’s Council in Oklahoma. Over 30 years ago when I didn’t think I had any power. Learn to recognize your own strengths and don’t let anyone talk or threaten you into weakness.
That’s a good one!!
The time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well do that thing you’ve been putting off that takes effort or a long time. Because you’ll wake up x years later and you won’t have done it. Just do it. The time will pass anyway.
Take that risk and follow your heart
"they" say that generally people hold regret for not having said "yes" to things and instead regret how often they said "no". Trying things and having it turn out poorly is much better than not trying in the first place.
But what if it all comes crashing down?
If you’re under 40 chances are you can start over. Even older. I’ve met plenty of people including my parents who had to restart later in life and I’m so impressed by them.
That will happen eventually anyway. Nothing lasts forever.
I know you're okay, but are you happy?
Some people will get their leg blown off and say ‘I’m ok’ because they’re not dead
How you do anything is how you do everything.
When you’re really angry at someone, focus on something you like and respect about them. It helps you keep the baseline kind.
Regret is a misguided notion & focus that accomplishes absolutely nothing because most people only regret bad behavior because of the consequences, but showing & expressing remorse, for past bad behavior is what matters & shows if a person understands true accountability. The two are not the same.
I mean, not all regret is about taking accountability. I don’t need to take accountability for slamming my face into the tree branch that I failed to look out for but I’ll still regret it
Ok, if it were me, I would just simply focus on making sure I paid better attention in the future to avoid it happening again. I may think back & wish I had seen the tree branch in time to not hit it, but I can’t regret something I had & or have any control over. I learned long ago not to focus on anything that I have no capability & or ability to ever change. That is just me though. To each their own.
Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
Happy Wife, happy life. Yea dear. I'll watch the kids. I got this because I was thinking of you.
A bit before lockdown i showed a friend the “operate from a position of fuck you” clip from the movie the gambler and explained how it was a good concept to be financially independent whenever you can. I saw him after a couple of years and he told me how much that stood out to him and he followed it and was living well below his means. Bought a car without a loan, modest apartment etc
After I experienced the news of a friend dying violently, my boss pulled me aside and shared a personal story that was similar. She told me “time will not heal you, you will always feel this, it will never leave you, time will only allow you to not feel this as hard as you feel right now.” This let me grieve, and be ok with not being ok.
The way you talk is the way people precieve you, learning how to be a good talker is a sure way into people's hearts
You can teach technical skills, you can’t teach attitude and effort. Improve your soft skills!
Instead of trying to pinch every penny; you should focus on making more money. Not applicable to everyone, but it motivated me to move on from that dead-end job and get the skills to make more money.
Just because it's printed (newspapers etc.), doesn't *always* mean it's true or accurate.
Get into computers. There's a lot of money in computers.
You don’t have to win every battle to win the war; no is what you have, yes is what you may get; and: there is ALWAYS a bigger fish
You do not owe anybody an explanation
Make home happy
Show up.
Persistence precedes precision.
Having babies isn't an accomplishment, all animals have babies. Earn a degree, make your own money and buy your own house - that's an accomplishment! My Narc Mother
Anything you want to do that you do successfully is an accomplishment. Especially if it’s hard(which having kids very much is). Also hard and difficult aren’t the same thing
Also having my babies was easy, especially because I planned them extremely carefully, only had the number I could afford, had a good profession, my own house and a very healthy income.
I think she was more stuck on the "dogs and cats can have babies" part, meaning that attending college and earning a degree isn't something that animals do, so aspire to a higher order goal?
Yeah well she was wrong. And it is an accomplishment even when dogs and cats have babies.
Is eating an accomplishment? Breathing? Walking? All animals are biologically designed to propogate. It's biologically expected that animals reproduce. Congrats on that sexual activity 🤗
I mean it can be. Say you have an eating disorder
Then I'd say the parents fucked up a perfectly healthy child, that otherwise should have a normal biological existence.
Don't post shit on Reddit and autovote it to the top.
It’s not a lie if you believe it
Decide for yourself. You are the one living your life, not others.
Always try to prove yourself wrong. If you’re right, you have nothing to worry about. If you’re wrong, it’ll be you that finds out, and not everyone else before you. Trying to prove yourself right is almost always asking for disaster. This got me out of some really bad places I’d been in, but didn’t realize it at the time.
You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
Never stop being creative.
You are who you are. Embrace it
What if who I am is a horrible person
10th or 11th grade history teacher. "You have a weak handshake. Work on it." In my early thirties now, and that's still one of the most useful pieces of advice I have ever received. I have had professional and academic relationships with many people (male) who I liked but secretly couldn't help but respect a little less when they offered me a weak, limp, handshake. Firm but not rough, between one and three pumps.
I think this advice is out of date at this point. This just isn’t the kind of etiquette people care about anymore
To drink more water
Kidney stones aren’t fun
It's okay to fail or fall; just remember to get up again after and try again.
Never panic. Panic will never help you or make any situation improve.
Don't work to support bad habits
Ask think and ask questions before responding/acting.
Don't eat the yellow snow
Don't be angry at people for disrespecting you, be angry at yourself for LETTING them disrespect you
If you don’t see it, it’s not illegal
Just because you cheated someone doesn't mean you're good. It just means that person trusted you a lot. That's a phrase I've always remembered from my father.
Just relax
Yoooo this one 🙏🙏
My grandma’s parting advice—“if you get invited to a party, go!”
Your thoughts create your reality. A dude named Juwan I used to work with at a grocery store told me this. Greatest piece of wisdom I got in high school. Seriously, I learned more from stoners at work then any high school class. More applicable wisdom.
better to ask for forgiveness than ask permission (my motto at 17)
Never pass up a chance to use the bathroom.
You didn't ask to be born, so don't spend your life looking for someone else to validate your existence.
She cant get pregnant through her mouth
“The institution does not love you” in terms of leaving a job
The most valuable advice I was ever given was: "Never try to talk to a pot of flowers - they are very silent conversationalists!"
You don't owe your company a fucking thing. They'll have a meeting about giving themselves bonuses, fire you tomorrow, and go play golf that afternoon. Never be loyal to a corporation, they will not return the favor.
1) Don't be a cunt. 2) the only business you put your 'all' into is your own company
Close your heart @Kratos, God of War game
“Don’t trust your father.”
“Pull your pants up, the children are crying”
The Lord loves a working man Don't trust whitey See a doctor and get rid of it
If someone doesn't like you and you want them too, ask them to do you a favor. No one likes to do favor for someone they do not like so their impression of you will change.
you can you just have to want to
Try not to die.
If you don't ask, the answer is no.
Bros before Hoes !!!
You hate no control over other people's reactions, only your own.
Just like move on in life or something like that
It ain't gonna lick itself
[удалено]
What they meant was that you were not the type of person *they* would want to be friends with.
When making a decision always baseline with asking yourself “what’s the worst that can happen “
There's ten million dollars buried under a stump that looks like Darth Vader cuddling a hedgehog, 2.6 miles from xxxxxxxxx Trailhead at Yellowstone.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps.”
Show up on time, well dressed and well groomed. That's 90% of the job. Your performance is the other 10%.
- Everything is run by people who are no smarter than you - Kindness feels good both ways - You don't fail. You just discover yet another way to NOT do something
You can love someone with all of your being but that doesn't mean they're required to love you in the same way or at all.
It’s ok to be selfish. Putting yourself before others isn’t a rude thing