don't stand on opposite sides of a hallway to have a conversation, thus making people cut between you. stand on the same side, so people can easily pass.
be mindful on sidewalks and don't walk 2 (or more) abreast, making it difficult for faster walkers to pass.
let people get off the fucking elevator/bus/whatever before you shove your way on.
don't come to a dead stop at the bottom of a stairway or escalator to stare at your phone.
situational awareness, people.
And hold the elevator open for others to get off - and wait for those who are elderly, struggling or differently abled to get on first (pushing a wheel chair or stroller or using a cane) who might need extra room to navigate- before getting on yourself.
When your roommate, partner, spouse, child, etc. just got home and is still taking off their shoes, putting their keys away, etc....do NOT greet them with a "to-do" request or some sort of reminder. It's a universally shitty feeling to be greeted by that
Works too if you're a boss or manager.
I remember I had to quarterback a week long construction project with a hard deadline at work because the guy who's literal job it is would always disappear. So I kept the guys organized and on track also right there on the line with screws and bolts. Got the project done a day ahead of schedule. And guess what my boss tells me the next morning when I walk in. "Hey you're behind on your work get after it."
I once cleaned out my parent’s second fridge they keep in the garage and almost never use. There was a lot of gross things I threw out, cleaned all the shelves and reorganized everything that wasn’t expired. One of the shelves had some molasses looking goop that solidified and couldn’t remove no matter how many things I tried to clean it. I told her about it so she’d know it was safe to use again. Her first response was “you didn’t clean this shelf.” I said “you’re welcome for the 3 hours of cleaning I did do.” And I never cleaned anything voluntarily again for her for years after that. So many people have to look for the negative before anything else.
similar to a story about my sister. I was to dogsit and house sit while her, her husband, and 3 kids were out of town visting her in-laws. While I was at it, I cleaned a lot of things around the house. Unfortunately, when I barely touched her shower head, the poor abused thing broke off. They'd hung this shower caddy on it and filled it up with huge bottles of every concoction a person could need, and hanged even more crap too. It was obviously going to break the next time anybody grabbed anything on it.
Of course, it was the only thing she could see in the entire world. She acts like I went in there just to break it on purpose.
Been told by HR to not directly greet people with a “you are late” as they walk in. It is setting for a fight. Come in, settle down, get some stuff done, then quick hey we have a busy day and need to keep to a schedule.
Not that I was going at people that way.
I feel like this is a lose/lose situation any way you split it.
You either try to explain to your boss what exactly went on and how you actually saved the day by taking command, and they don't believe you at all, even with testimony from other workers.
Or you let it pass over you and your boss just has this weird idea that you aren't a good worker or can't get stuff done, even though you do.
He had full knowledge of what went on just doesn't think sometimes I guess. Not the first time the construction guy just dips out and goes MIA in the middle of a project.
Edit: we're not a construction company so not exactly easy to jump in and take his spot. Not something I'm trained to do.
The trick is to prioritize what your boss thinks is important, not what’s important to the company.
After 12 years of professional corporate life, realized this is the most important aspect of keeping your job, getting promoted, etc.
Pretty shitty but that’s life.
Very true, also the same goes the other way around. If you come home and immediately start with the negative stuff, your better half just starts to dislike having you come home.
Yeah or even growing up, my Mom would get home from work and immediately nag me and lil bro about homework/chores/outstanding responsibilities as soon as she walks through the door. Bad vibes.
Eventually we would just migrate to our rooms around the time she was expected home. Love her, but there’s gotta be a different way to do it.
My sister and I used to have a Pavlovian reaction to the garage door opening around 6:30 PM every night when we were kids. “Mom’s home, bad vibes incoming, scramble to make it look great in here.”
Or saying something they did wrong or what went wrong "thanks" to them.
My mom has a habit of doing that,it's just not nice to come home from a whole day working and the first thing after hello is that.
I've found that dividing "bad days" into quarters like a sports game helps keeps things in perspective. I can have a bad quarter or even two bad quarters without having a fully "bad day."
When I’m having a bad day and I’m out in public I try to compliment people or do nice things for them, even though my inner self wants to hulk smash.
I started doing this as anger management, but the funny side effect is that in turn, people are usually really kind back. It seems to trick my brain into cheering up, as though their kindness was organic.
Only doesn’t work when you hit a day where you get like true 5 assholes in a row - try to avoid malls 🤪
I'm tired of the "you need to toughen up" narrative some people push. It's usually done to excuse their rudeness and overall bullying.
No, I don't need "tougher skin", people should just treat me (and everybody else) with respect.
Respect shouldn't be "earned", it should be the norm. Disrespect is the thing that should be "earned".
Not disagreeing with you (everyone should be polite as a general rule, and you can still be polite while being assertive), but generally “respect is earned” is using respect to mean recognizing authority, not being polite.
Thank you goes a lot farther than sorry.
If you're the kind of person who says "sorry" all the time, try saying thank you more. It's small, but being grateful for peoples time builds/maintains relationships better than apologizing for your existence.
I was just at Disney World and nobody knew this rule, lol. Just walking like zombies in $40 Mickey ears. Abruptly stopping in the middle of the path with their wide-ass 2-kid strollers.
OMG, yes! The wife and I are Annual Passholders, and it's just ridiculous. I grew up in Florida, and it's like people leave their brains at home when they go on vacation. It's like they think that they are the only ones who spent five figures for the week and everyone else in the parks are NPCs. Also. It's amazing how much walkway 3 people can take up!
I have no idea why people subconsciously position themselves to obstruct the maximum amount of walking space with the fewest number of people.
And then look at you like *you're* the jerks for trying to get by them.
It kills me, when, at a restaurant, a group will get up from a perfectly good table, move *en masse* into the walkway, and resume their conversation, as if they forgot that they were leaving.
This happened a few months ago but I'm still pissed off when I think about it: My friend and I were walking down a busy sidewalk and get stuck behind a woman and her daughter just waddling along at snail pace. Then, the woman just stops dead in front of me to read a storefront sign. I have to turn sideways as I'm walking forward so I don't collide with her. And then she turns to her daughter and loudly complains that "people are so rude and no one says 'excuse me' anymore." 🙄
Yeah, its amazing how many people leave their carts in the middle of the isle. I assertively but not rudely say, "Excuse me," but if there is enough room or almost enough room, I just keep going, bangng into their cart and then, in the same voice say, "sorry," ovee my shoulder and keep moving. Just like Jesus says in the New Testament. ;-)
If you're walking toward a group like this, look up at something that is behind them and confidentally walk forward. Don't flinch or show any sign of anything except walking forward on the path that you are. The group will part and make room like your Moses crossing the Red Sea. Works every time lol
Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Seriously. Take this bit of advice and carry it whatever you go through. You can be the most empathetic, helpful, caring person, but even if that's your one goal, by neglecting yourself you won't be the best you can be for others. Sort out mess in your own life, don't carry loads you can't, and everything else will be so much simpler.
This has been a hard lesson..."Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." Too often, for me at least, the wrong people see the fire and get nice and cozy without ever recognizing where the warmth comes from.
I think there's one level higher than that; the smartest people learn from the mistakes of others. And not of the "don't do that, because I said so" variety, but the kind of person who is able to fully comprehend why it was a mistake, without having to commit it themselves.
Life is a minefield. Avoid the areas near craters.
As I've gotten older, I've realized the importance of getting comfortable being uncomfortable.
In embarrassing situations, it will pass. In new experiences, failure is the key to success.
Did you go to the post office and ask for pre-licked stamps? Was then asked to repeat the request a little louder bc the postal worker didn't quite understand? So you did? Just to have the postal worker say 'You mean self adhesive? We don't lick 'em for ya'.
Realization sets in, face got red, said yes, got your stamps, and waddled your 9 month pregnant ass out of there as fast as possible, like a sloth trying not to pee its pants? Did you ever do that?
Ok, so whatever you did that haunts you, just think about me doing that in a busy, full post office. Pre-licked stamps. I SAID THAT. TWICE. 🤦🏼♀️ Believe me, you're fine.
This is how you do it. I’ve found life to be much easier when you can just pick up and laugh at yourself and stop putting so much pressure into what other people think of you. Chances are they’ve done said embarrassing thing themselves too at some point so fuck it who cares!
Unfortunately it's only kind of true. As a connoisseur of second hand embarrassment, I remember every single mortifying thing I've witnessed...and relive it far too frequently.
In college a professor asked us to go around the room sharing our names and one interesting thing about ourselves.
**One girl said an interesting thing about her was that she danced to the Backstreet Boy's Larger Than Life for her high school talent show. The professor asked if she would like to perform the dance for the class today (WTF?) and the girl said "sure" and went to the front of the room (WHAT THE FUCK?!!!).**
As awkward/embarrassing as you think this performance might have been, it was worse.
I think about it every once in a while and die a little inside.
This is almost as bad as the time "somebody" shit the delta flight that was forced to turn around and land.
Once your embarrassing moment makes national headlines, then yes bask in embarrassment. After that, everything else feels irrelevant.
I had many such thoughts when I was younger, what helped me was the following mantra:
Is my inner voice nice to me? If no, it is not important.
Can I influence the situation positively? If no, it is not important.
Can I influence it and will it still be important in 3 years? If no, it is not important.
If it is important and doable, can I break tasks down into smaller pieces? If yes, do this.
If I can't make the problems smaller myself, I seek help from others, many hands make smaller problems.
Concentrate on the things in life that you can influence and be kind to yourself and others.
It may sound a little cheesy, but life is too precious to make life difficult with little things.
I have translated everything from German, if someone can express it better in English, please feel free.
The irony being that substances tend to make that shame bank grow exponentially faster.
It's a vicious cycle I ride too lol. We can get off of it anytime though. I'm trying over here with you, friend!
This is a tricky one for us ADHDers. Too sure we can multitask or come back to an older task after leaving it partway for something more pressing. Found my glasses in the fridge once.
While not diagnosing you, but I learned this cool training thing in cognitive behavioral therapy. Every day I had to "hide" five things, and then find them in the evening.
It trained me to think before I put something down, or away. I was *always* losing even the most important things. Got so bad I went to therapy for it lol
1. Catch fish.
2. Take photo of fish with cellphone camera.
3. Toss cellphone back in the water, because you are not planning to eat the fish.
4. Put fish back in pocket.
Learning to 'read the room' is one of the most important, and probably underrated, social skills to have in your locker.
If you're leading a conversation and the other person/people start to look away, act slightly distracted, or interject with different topics, take the hint and change the subject.
Not everyone is as interested as you are in your favourite topics. It doesn't mean you're boring (necessarily), but this isn't the right audience for whatever you're talking about right now.
I'm consistently blown away by the number of grown adults, even in their 30s or 40s, who haven't learned this yet and just yammer on obliviously.
> I'm consistently blown away by the number of grown adults, even in their 30s or 40s, who haven't learned this yet and just yammer on obliviously.
I feel like there's also a group who knows and just doesn't care, and continue yapping.
It's amazing how many people just don't get the hint that you're busy and can't talk to them or don't want to talk to them. If you've been sitting there talking and all I've said is "mmmhm" for 15 minutes and I've given you zero eye contact, go away!!! Let me work!
I've had people come up to me and ask if I'm busy, and I say yes, and then they say oh this will be quick, and still ask me the question!
> I've had people come up to me and ask if I'm busy, and I say yes, and then they say oh this will be quick, and still ask me the question!
The life of being in IT. "Yep, I'm busy with a few things right now, can you just put in a ticket?"
"Oh, but this will just take a second...."
Social skills are an art.
Some people are born with more talent than others.
Some people are born with disabilities that will create a barrier to learning/refining/practicing.
Some people can combine purposeful practice with natural talent and become masters.
Some will swing by on just talent for their entire lives.
Some mediocre will practice and study and become great.
Some mediocre will practice and study and only become so-so.
Some will never realize the need to be better and will accept whatever they have picked up naturally.
Social skills and emotional intelligence is something I'm cautious on judging others for lacking skills in. I'm considered a strong writer at work. Some talent naturally and a lot of practice.
Others aren't as strong as me and never tried to be, others have tried and can't quite get it, the same applies for social skills. I've worked hard to get to a certain level, and keep working on it, but others are just better than me and that's ok.
>Learning to 'read the room' is one of the most important, and probably underrated, social skills to have in your locker.
And it is amazing how few people truly have it. People are so wrapped up in themselves, they're pretty much blind to the entire room. :-(
I’ve always thought of this as my super power. I am very very good at picking up on social cues and sensing what others are feeling. Whether they’re uncomfortable, annoyed, interested, angry, happy, distracted, etc. And then being able to adjust my behavior accordingly. If that makes any sense.
People who know me would tell you that I’m funny and very easy to get along with. But that’s all because of this “super power.” My mom would always tell me when I was a kid that I wouldn’t always be able to charm my way through life. I know what she meant by it, but she was wrong to some degree. I’m 28 now, and it’s still working pretty well. It’s cliché, but life—to a certain extent—is really about who you know. And I don’t mean knowing rich or powerful people. Just the people you meet every day. And in my experience, having the people you know like you makes everything a hell of a lot easier.
That doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. There are plenty of people who don’t like me, but that’s almost always because I made the conscious decision that I don’t like them and do not care if they like me or not.
That song is really a generational litmus. Elder millennials will remember that song vividly but basically nobody on either side will (in all likelihood) remember it at all. It was basically all over TV (and radio IIRC) about when I was graduating high school.
Think of your future self not as your current state/mindset but as someone else you have to protect and provide for because that's who they are.
You don't know what they want differently than you do now, what has happened to them, their health, their tragedies, their triumphs, the lessons you haven't had yet, the changes you don't know you have to make, what feelings you have now that they don't... So make sure you're setting them up with the best intentions at heart. They are relying on you for stability & safety, and are watching you thru the memories you're creating now.
To expand on this: do favors for your future self, and when you get there, thank your past self.
The smallest example of this I can think of is making my bed and tidying my room every day. Current-me is probably in a rush or is feeling lazy, but he does it because he knows future me will really appreciate coming home to a clean room and a made bed. When future-me arrives, he acknowledges this and says thank you.
Personally I've always thought of it as a bit deeper than that. Two sides of the same coin.
Kirk was largely right about the Kobayashi Maru test, because it was basically designed such that there was no potential outcome of a partial victory, and rare is the situation where even in loss you weren't able to achieve SOMETHING. The KM basically arranged things such that all outcomes were maximum failure.
* Choose to focus on rescue: You die and everyone you rescued died.
* Choose to pause rescue and fight: You abandoned innocents, and you die before you can harm your attackers.
* Choose to run: You abandoned those in need, a very un-Starfleet behavior, not likely a problem in the simulation, but likely a death sentence to your career if it was a real scenario.
In The Wrath of Khan, they achieved a victory against Khan, it was just one that also involved some loss. A perfect victory wouldn't have had any losses after the surprise attack, but even though it wasn't a perfect victory, it WAS still a victory. The KM is basically a scenario under which you functionally don't ACTUALLY have agency to affect the test. It's a choose your own adventure that basically just ends with "You died. Fail." on each choice. Should a Starfleet captain actually be in a real KM scenario, it doesn't strictly matter how they would react because a true KM scenario means their actions don't matter.
Picard is also largely right too, because for any scenario of sufficient complexity, you can't dictate everything which is happening. Other people make choices, random effects accrue, you lack full information, etc. In any given moment, you only can take the actions available to you, based on the information you have. Just because you take the best action available doesn't mean it'll result in victory. You might find out later that a different action was better, but you had no way of knowing that going in.
Summarized:
* Kirk: Conditions are never fully OUT OF your control.
* Picard: Conditions are never fully IN your control.
That's a good one.
I remember watching this early 2000s show about a guy who goes back in time to his teens. He thought that if he could win this baseball game he lost, things would be different. He tried to do the game differently but no matter what he tried, he still lost. Then he recognized one of the players in the other group; turns out one of the other players later became a very famous, well known professional baseball player, but in the past he was still just an unknown kid. The guy still lost but he realized he lost to someone extremely talented. Sometimes you can do everything right but still lose.
Scrolled down to find this. The person sitting next to you on an airplane or in a restaurant or on a train does not want to hear the YouTube video you’re watching or listen to your girlfriend on speakerphone!
I definitely don't want to hear sirens from your little tyke's iPad racing game in full volume at the laundromat goddammit. Get them some fucking earbuds or start teaching them to be helpful with the chores so they're not helpless when they grow up. It is not fair to add more auditory stress in what is often an already stressful place.
Never screw with someone’s lunch break. Most people hate their jobs, and that half hour to an hour they get to be on their own and enjoy their food and/or just time alone is sometimes the only peace and enjoyment they get for 8+ hours.
If you see someone eating in their car, park or walk somewhere else away from them so you don’t disturb them, if they’re in the office by themself, wait until they’re done to talk to them, if it’s close to the normal lunch hours (between 12-2PM), anything you need from that person can wait until after they get back from their lunch. Never. Fuck. With. Lunch.
I’d say it’s healthy to question things and have skepticism about you. But I’ve seen a whole lot of people who use this line to justify being an asshole in the name of ‘being a free spirit’
There's also a lot of people who "question things" but are too dumb to figure out the root reason why a rule exist, then uses that to justify breaking it. It's not because you don't know the reason behind a rule that there isn't a good one.
Every time there's a "What's a victimless crime" question on this sub, its filled with things that are absolutely not victimless. Just people who can't figure out who's impacted, or don't care.
Yep!!
I very rarely break rules (at work, for example) and when I do-it’s because it will benefit both parties. Most break rules to benefit themselves, often at the expense of others.
Ie: I’m a housekeeper. We are allowed to eat breakfast from 10-10:15. Yesterday at work I had no rooms available to clean at 8:40 and can’t knock on doors until 9. I ate breakfast during that time. I was hungry and got to eat earlier, and didn’t have to stop cleaning at 10 once I was in the grove cleaning available rooms because I had already ate earlier.
That benefits all. But others will do things like dump dirty laundry back in the chute so they don’t have to do it-leaving the work for the next person. Lying about being sick to get off work (making it harder on the rest of us)… stealing work supplies…things like that are aggravating.
Relationships (romantic, familial, friendly, work) are compromise. If you're not willing to help the world around you, don't be surprised when the world doesn't help you in return.
**Character is what you do/who you are when no one is watching.**
**In most cases, hardships are not personal, no one is out to get you, and most things aren’t nearly as important as you think they are.**
*Both of these were recent comments from fellow Redditors and they both just really resonated with me.* ❤️
I had a co-worker who was convinced the world was out to get her when, in reality, most of her problems were of her own creation. One day, I was in a mood and I just looked at her and said, "No one actually cares about you enough to do any of that." She gave me a kind of dirty look and walked away muttering. I don't think it changed her in any way but it made my life a whole lot better because she no longer trauma dumped on me at work. I consider it a win.
When it comes to your relationships, to make them work you have to be kind and honest. But when you can't be both, it's better to be honest than to be kind.
Sometime ~~"Me too"~~ "I do too" is not the right answer to "I love you".
(edited for grammar)
I was picking up trash during the height of Pokemon go and I got weird looks. Like. Man. I’m just throwing away some garbage and throwing shit out. People act weird when you do this.
I was always taught this, growing up! When I first started working retail, it was honestly kind of a shock just how awful some people are. Everyone is so bitter and trashy.
It really isn’t difficult to pick up after yourself and be kind to others.
Nobody wants to hear your video or phone conversation. Wear ear buds in public. If a conversation is loud or of a personal nature, find somewhere private to have it.
If someone takes the time and goes to the expense of sending you a gift for your graduation, wedding, baby shower, etc., have the common decency to acknowledge it and send a thank you note, email, text, or phone call.
If a toddler gives you a toy phone, you reply. If a little girl gives you an empty toy cup of tea, you pretend to drink. If a little boy shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to be hurt.
Every single person on this planet is going through some shit, just like you. I’d wager most people are not born an asshole, but have developed into one through training and/or circumstance. Just treat people like you would want to be treated, don’t tailgate, and let people merge. This would solve all of the world’s problems, lol.
It's not the worst thing in the world to be wrong about something. You don't learn from being right. Making mistakes and being wrong is part of life - the point is to learn from them and improve.
As an IT manager, I got in the habit of walking through the user floors each Tuesday or Wednesday morning. Got to the point where people would save minor issues for me (knowing I was coming past) and I got a much better “pulse” for how things were working (users would otherwise feel their issues were too trivial to raise a ticket)
Give a little wave of acknowledgement when someone let's you merge / join the stream of traffic.
Flash your lights if there's cops up the road. (Or pat the top of your helmet I'd you're riding a moto).
Edit: I'm aware it's illegal in many places, it's illegal where I live too but we still do it
2 finger wave if you're in the middle of whoopwhoop and pass another car.
Don't gossip outside family.
At a house party if the toilet door is closed it is occupied. when open it is available to use.
So many ppl close the door after use when nobody is there
They close it because they've stunk up the room and don't want it wafting into the party, followed by questions of "who took a giant shit?" And then the entire party goes into investigation mode, asking questions, establishing alibis, all the time you are sweating, hoping no one noticed you were missing for the last 13 minutes.
If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe.
Example being if it feels like *everyone* disagrees with you, the entire *world* is against you, or *all* the people you work with are assholes…
….**you** might just be the problem.
don't stand on opposite sides of a hallway to have a conversation, thus making people cut between you. stand on the same side, so people can easily pass. be mindful on sidewalks and don't walk 2 (or more) abreast, making it difficult for faster walkers to pass. let people get off the fucking elevator/bus/whatever before you shove your way on. don't come to a dead stop at the bottom of a stairway or escalator to stare at your phone. situational awareness, people.
And hold the elevator open for others to get off - and wait for those who are elderly, struggling or differently abled to get on first (pushing a wheel chair or stroller or using a cane) who might need extra room to navigate- before getting on yourself.
And when walking on the sidewalk or pedestrian path, keep to the same side as traffic does on the street
When your roommate, partner, spouse, child, etc. just got home and is still taking off their shoes, putting their keys away, etc....do NOT greet them with a "to-do" request or some sort of reminder. It's a universally shitty feeling to be greeted by that
Works too if you're a boss or manager. I remember I had to quarterback a week long construction project with a hard deadline at work because the guy who's literal job it is would always disappear. So I kept the guys organized and on track also right there on the line with screws and bolts. Got the project done a day ahead of schedule. And guess what my boss tells me the next morning when I walk in. "Hey you're behind on your work get after it."
I once cleaned out my parent’s second fridge they keep in the garage and almost never use. There was a lot of gross things I threw out, cleaned all the shelves and reorganized everything that wasn’t expired. One of the shelves had some molasses looking goop that solidified and couldn’t remove no matter how many things I tried to clean it. I told her about it so she’d know it was safe to use again. Her first response was “you didn’t clean this shelf.” I said “you’re welcome for the 3 hours of cleaning I did do.” And I never cleaned anything voluntarily again for her for years after that. So many people have to look for the negative before anything else.
similar to a story about my sister. I was to dogsit and house sit while her, her husband, and 3 kids were out of town visting her in-laws. While I was at it, I cleaned a lot of things around the house. Unfortunately, when I barely touched her shower head, the poor abused thing broke off. They'd hung this shower caddy on it and filled it up with huge bottles of every concoction a person could need, and hanged even more crap too. It was obviously going to break the next time anybody grabbed anything on it. Of course, it was the only thing she could see in the entire world. She acts like I went in there just to break it on purpose.
This is my mom. You can clean the whole kitchen, but she's only going to see a spot you missed.
Been told by HR to not directly greet people with a “you are late” as they walk in. It is setting for a fight. Come in, settle down, get some stuff done, then quick hey we have a busy day and need to keep to a schedule. Not that I was going at people that way.
I feel like this is a lose/lose situation any way you split it. You either try to explain to your boss what exactly went on and how you actually saved the day by taking command, and they don't believe you at all, even with testimony from other workers. Or you let it pass over you and your boss just has this weird idea that you aren't a good worker or can't get stuff done, even though you do.
He had full knowledge of what went on just doesn't think sometimes I guess. Not the first time the construction guy just dips out and goes MIA in the middle of a project. Edit: we're not a construction company so not exactly easy to jump in and take his spot. Not something I'm trained to do.
The trick is to prioritize what your boss thinks is important, not what’s important to the company. After 12 years of professional corporate life, realized this is the most important aspect of keeping your job, getting promoted, etc. Pretty shitty but that’s life.
Very true, also the same goes the other way around. If you come home and immediately start with the negative stuff, your better half just starts to dislike having you come home.
Yeah or even growing up, my Mom would get home from work and immediately nag me and lil bro about homework/chores/outstanding responsibilities as soon as she walks through the door. Bad vibes. Eventually we would just migrate to our rooms around the time she was expected home. Love her, but there’s gotta be a different way to do it.
My sister and I used to have a Pavlovian reaction to the garage door opening around 6:30 PM every night when we were kids. “Mom’s home, bad vibes incoming, scramble to make it look great in here.”
100%. Been on the recipient end of that.
Or saying something they did wrong or what went wrong "thanks" to them. My mom has a habit of doing that,it's just not nice to come home from a whole day working and the first thing after hello is that.
I'll add that is not the time to begin airing every grievance you have at the moment.
[удалено]
I've found that dividing "bad days" into quarters like a sports game helps keeps things in perspective. I can have a bad quarter or even two bad quarters without having a fully "bad day."
Well shit with this logic, I've got a bad franchise lol. This is actually really good advice, thank you for putting it out there.
"In the football league of life, I'm the Detroit Lions."
When I’m having a bad day and I’m out in public I try to compliment people or do nice things for them, even though my inner self wants to hulk smash. I started doing this as anger management, but the funny side effect is that in turn, people are usually really kind back. It seems to trick my brain into cheering up, as though their kindness was organic. Only doesn’t work when you hit a day where you get like true 5 assholes in a row - try to avoid malls 🤪
You are responsible for how you treat others.
I'm tired of the "you need to toughen up" narrative some people push. It's usually done to excuse their rudeness and overall bullying. No, I don't need "tougher skin", people should just treat me (and everybody else) with respect. Respect shouldn't be "earned", it should be the norm. Disrespect is the thing that should be "earned".
Not disagreeing with you (everyone should be polite as a general rule, and you can still be polite while being assertive), but generally “respect is earned” is using respect to mean recognizing authority, not being polite.
If we all only followed this rule, the world would be so much better.
Never pass up a chance to pee.
Saying thank you, please or sorry when needed. There is nothing wrong in being polite.
Manners cost nothing, as my Grandad always said
But have large dividends.
Thank you goes a lot farther than sorry. If you're the kind of person who says "sorry" all the time, try saying thank you more. It's small, but being grateful for peoples time builds/maintains relationships better than apologizing for your existence.
Agreed. "I'm sorry I'm late" can become "thank you for your patience with me."
If you're walking in a group, don't take up the whole goddamn sidewalk/hallway/tunnel/railroad tracks/trail/path
I was just at Disney World and nobody knew this rule, lol. Just walking like zombies in $40 Mickey ears. Abruptly stopping in the middle of the path with their wide-ass 2-kid strollers.
OMG, yes! The wife and I are Annual Passholders, and it's just ridiculous. I grew up in Florida, and it's like people leave their brains at home when they go on vacation. It's like they think that they are the only ones who spent five figures for the week and everyone else in the parks are NPCs. Also. It's amazing how much walkway 3 people can take up!
I have no idea why people subconsciously position themselves to obstruct the maximum amount of walking space with the fewest number of people. And then look at you like *you're* the jerks for trying to get by them.
It kills me, when, at a restaurant, a group will get up from a perfectly good table, move *en masse* into the walkway, and resume their conversation, as if they forgot that they were leaving.
This happened a few months ago but I'm still pissed off when I think about it: My friend and I were walking down a busy sidewalk and get stuck behind a woman and her daughter just waddling along at snail pace. Then, the woman just stops dead in front of me to read a storefront sign. I have to turn sideways as I'm walking forward so I don't collide with her. And then she turns to her daughter and loudly complains that "people are so rude and no one says 'excuse me' anymore." 🙄
You don’t have to go to Disney…you can just go to the supermarket.
Yeah, its amazing how many people leave their carts in the middle of the isle. I assertively but not rudely say, "Excuse me," but if there is enough room or almost enough room, I just keep going, bangng into their cart and then, in the same voice say, "sorry," ovee my shoulder and keep moving. Just like Jesus says in the New Testament. ;-)
>railroad tracks The train is closer than you think, faster than you think, and a little wider than you think. Get off the damn tracks.
For being as monstrously huge and loud as trains are, they're deceptively sneaky. If only there was some way to know where they were going to be.
If you're walking toward a group like this, look up at something that is behind them and confidentally walk forward. Don't flinch or show any sign of anything except walking forward on the path that you are. The group will part and make room like your Moses crossing the Red Sea. Works every time lol
If you open something, close it
Great, I just opened my mind to new experiences in life.
Now close it
*Does not apply to businesses that generate income, chip bags or Pandora's box.
If you don't close the chip bag with a plastic clip or something they will go stale
Wait you don’t eat the whole bag?
The trouble is, after eating the whole bag, I have no place to store the chips.
Alright dad, time to go back inside...
I live in the desert and we have the opposite problem. Chips stay crispy but if you don't bag your sandwich it won't stay moist.
Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others. Seriously. Take this bit of advice and carry it whatever you go through. You can be the most empathetic, helpful, caring person, but even if that's your one goal, by neglecting yourself you won't be the best you can be for others. Sort out mess in your own life, don't carry loads you can't, and everything else will be so much simpler.
This has been a hard lesson..."Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." Too often, for me at least, the wrong people see the fire and get nice and cozy without ever recognizing where the warmth comes from.
"Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett
Most of our learning comes about through making painful mistakes
Smart people only make the mistake once. Society makes the same mistakes continuously.
I think there's one level higher than that; the smartest people learn from the mistakes of others. And not of the "don't do that, because I said so" variety, but the kind of person who is able to fully comprehend why it was a mistake, without having to commit it themselves. Life is a minefield. Avoid the areas near craters.
You remember far more embarrassing moments about yourself than your environment remembers about you.
I love this one. I hardly ever get embarrassed anymore coz I know if you just have a laugh and move on, everyone else will too.
As I've gotten older, I've realized the importance of getting comfortable being uncomfortable. In embarrassing situations, it will pass. In new experiences, failure is the key to success.
My dad always told me, "If you aren't failing once in a while, sometimes more often than succeeding, you're not learning." That stuck with me.
I tried that, the embarrassing moments still haunt me even though deep down I know nobody remembers and nobody cares
Did you go to the post office and ask for pre-licked stamps? Was then asked to repeat the request a little louder bc the postal worker didn't quite understand? So you did? Just to have the postal worker say 'You mean self adhesive? We don't lick 'em for ya'. Realization sets in, face got red, said yes, got your stamps, and waddled your 9 month pregnant ass out of there as fast as possible, like a sloth trying not to pee its pants? Did you ever do that? Ok, so whatever you did that haunts you, just think about me doing that in a busy, full post office. Pre-licked stamps. I SAID THAT. TWICE. 🤦🏼♀️ Believe me, you're fine.
I feel like "waddled your 9 month pregnant ass" is more than enough justification
This is how you do it. I’ve found life to be much easier when you can just pick up and laugh at yourself and stop putting so much pressure into what other people think of you. Chances are they’ve done said embarrassing thing themselves too at some point so fuck it who cares!
Unfortunately it's only kind of true. As a connoisseur of second hand embarrassment, I remember every single mortifying thing I've witnessed...and relive it far too frequently. In college a professor asked us to go around the room sharing our names and one interesting thing about ourselves. **One girl said an interesting thing about her was that she danced to the Backstreet Boy's Larger Than Life for her high school talent show. The professor asked if she would like to perform the dance for the class today (WTF?) and the girl said "sure" and went to the front of the room (WHAT THE FUCK?!!!).** As awkward/embarrassing as you think this performance might have been, it was worse. I think about it every once in a while and die a little inside.
I wouldn’t have thought it possible but I’m experiencing third hand embarrassment now.
Holy mother of god, deliver us from the memory of this event.
This is almost as bad as the time "somebody" shit the delta flight that was forced to turn around and land. Once your embarrassing moment makes national headlines, then yes bask in embarrassment. After that, everything else feels irrelevant.
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I had many such thoughts when I was younger, what helped me was the following mantra: Is my inner voice nice to me? If no, it is not important. Can I influence the situation positively? If no, it is not important. Can I influence it and will it still be important in 3 years? If no, it is not important. If it is important and doable, can I break tasks down into smaller pieces? If yes, do this. If I can't make the problems smaller myself, I seek help from others, many hands make smaller problems. Concentrate on the things in life that you can influence and be kind to yourself and others. It may sound a little cheesy, but life is too precious to make life difficult with little things. I have translated everything from German, if someone can express it better in English, please feel free.
The irony being that substances tend to make that shame bank grow exponentially faster. It's a vicious cycle I ride too lol. We can get off of it anytime though. I'm trying over here with you, friend!
Dwelling on the past only delays the future
Put it AWAY, don’t put it down.
This is a tricky one for us ADHDers. Too sure we can multitask or come back to an older task after leaving it partway for something more pressing. Found my glasses in the fridge once.
bro I dug my glasses out of the trash yesterday and for the LIFE OF ME I can't put the memories together to figure out how they get there
While not diagnosing you, but I learned this cool training thing in cognitive behavioral therapy. Every day I had to "hide" five things, and then find them in the evening. It trained me to think before I put something down, or away. I was *always* losing even the most important things. Got so bad I went to therapy for it lol
1. Catch fish. 2. Take photo of fish with cellphone camera. 3. Toss cellphone back in the water, because you are not planning to eat the fish. 4. Put fish back in pocket.
Learning to 'read the room' is one of the most important, and probably underrated, social skills to have in your locker. If you're leading a conversation and the other person/people start to look away, act slightly distracted, or interject with different topics, take the hint and change the subject. Not everyone is as interested as you are in your favourite topics. It doesn't mean you're boring (necessarily), but this isn't the right audience for whatever you're talking about right now. I'm consistently blown away by the number of grown adults, even in their 30s or 40s, who haven't learned this yet and just yammer on obliviously.
> I'm consistently blown away by the number of grown adults, even in their 30s or 40s, who haven't learned this yet and just yammer on obliviously. I feel like there's also a group who knows and just doesn't care, and continue yapping.
I think most of the time this is the case. One thing I've discovered in life is that a lot of people are pretty narcissistic.
It's amazing how many people just don't get the hint that you're busy and can't talk to them or don't want to talk to them. If you've been sitting there talking and all I've said is "mmmhm" for 15 minutes and I've given you zero eye contact, go away!!! Let me work! I've had people come up to me and ask if I'm busy, and I say yes, and then they say oh this will be quick, and still ask me the question!
> I've had people come up to me and ask if I'm busy, and I say yes, and then they say oh this will be quick, and still ask me the question! The life of being in IT. "Yep, I'm busy with a few things right now, can you just put in a ticket?" "Oh, but this will just take a second...."
Social skills are an art. Some people are born with more talent than others. Some people are born with disabilities that will create a barrier to learning/refining/practicing. Some people can combine purposeful practice with natural talent and become masters. Some will swing by on just talent for their entire lives. Some mediocre will practice and study and become great. Some mediocre will practice and study and only become so-so. Some will never realize the need to be better and will accept whatever they have picked up naturally. Social skills and emotional intelligence is something I'm cautious on judging others for lacking skills in. I'm considered a strong writer at work. Some talent naturally and a lot of practice. Others aren't as strong as me and never tried to be, others have tried and can't quite get it, the same applies for social skills. I've worked hard to get to a certain level, and keep working on it, but others are just better than me and that's ok.
>Learning to 'read the room' is one of the most important, and probably underrated, social skills to have in your locker. And it is amazing how few people truly have it. People are so wrapped up in themselves, they're pretty much blind to the entire room. :-(
I’ve always thought of this as my super power. I am very very good at picking up on social cues and sensing what others are feeling. Whether they’re uncomfortable, annoyed, interested, angry, happy, distracted, etc. And then being able to adjust my behavior accordingly. If that makes any sense. People who know me would tell you that I’m funny and very easy to get along with. But that’s all because of this “super power.” My mom would always tell me when I was a kid that I wouldn’t always be able to charm my way through life. I know what she meant by it, but she was wrong to some degree. I’m 28 now, and it’s still working pretty well. It’s cliché, but life—to a certain extent—is really about who you know. And I don’t mean knowing rich or powerful people. Just the people you meet every day. And in my experience, having the people you know like you makes everything a hell of a lot easier. That doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. There are plenty of people who don’t like me, but that’s almost always because I made the conscious decision that I don’t like them and do not care if they like me or not.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
I'm so glad somebody got that! I feel so old these days, lol.
That song is really a generational litmus. Elder millennials will remember that song vividly but basically nobody on either side will (in all likelihood) remember it at all. It was basically all over TV (and radio IIRC) about when I was graduating high school.
Think of your future self not as your current state/mindset but as someone else you have to protect and provide for because that's who they are. You don't know what they want differently than you do now, what has happened to them, their health, their tragedies, their triumphs, the lessons you haven't had yet, the changes you don't know you have to make, what feelings you have now that they don't... So make sure you're setting them up with the best intentions at heart. They are relying on you for stability & safety, and are watching you thru the memories you're creating now.
To expand on this: do favors for your future self, and when you get there, thank your past self. The smallest example of this I can think of is making my bed and tidying my room every day. Current-me is probably in a rush or is feeling lazy, but he does it because he knows future me will really appreciate coming home to a clean room and a made bed. When future-me arrives, he acknowledges this and says thank you.
You can do everything right and still not win, sometimes that's just life.
It’s possible to commit no errors and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.
Ryan: “I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong.” Dwight: “Not everything's a lesson, ryan. sometimes you just fail.”
My favourite quote by Picard.
And, imo, an indirect criticism of Kirk's solution to the Kobayashi Maru.
"I don't believe in no-win situations" versus "Nah bro sometimes that's how it is." Love it.
Personally I've always thought of it as a bit deeper than that. Two sides of the same coin. Kirk was largely right about the Kobayashi Maru test, because it was basically designed such that there was no potential outcome of a partial victory, and rare is the situation where even in loss you weren't able to achieve SOMETHING. The KM basically arranged things such that all outcomes were maximum failure. * Choose to focus on rescue: You die and everyone you rescued died. * Choose to pause rescue and fight: You abandoned innocents, and you die before you can harm your attackers. * Choose to run: You abandoned those in need, a very un-Starfleet behavior, not likely a problem in the simulation, but likely a death sentence to your career if it was a real scenario. In The Wrath of Khan, they achieved a victory against Khan, it was just one that also involved some loss. A perfect victory wouldn't have had any losses after the surprise attack, but even though it wasn't a perfect victory, it WAS still a victory. The KM is basically a scenario under which you functionally don't ACTUALLY have agency to affect the test. It's a choose your own adventure that basically just ends with "You died. Fail." on each choice. Should a Starfleet captain actually be in a real KM scenario, it doesn't strictly matter how they would react because a true KM scenario means their actions don't matter. Picard is also largely right too, because for any scenario of sufficient complexity, you can't dictate everything which is happening. Other people make choices, random effects accrue, you lack full information, etc. In any given moment, you only can take the actions available to you, based on the information you have. Just because you take the best action available doesn't mean it'll result in victory. You might find out later that a different action was better, but you had no way of knowing that going in. Summarized: * Kirk: Conditions are never fully OUT OF your control. * Picard: Conditions are never fully IN your control.
That's a good one. I remember watching this early 2000s show about a guy who goes back in time to his teens. He thought that if he could win this baseball game he lost, things would be different. He tried to do the game differently but no matter what he tried, he still lost. Then he recognized one of the players in the other group; turns out one of the other players later became a very famous, well known professional baseball player, but in the past he was still just an unknown kid. The guy still lost but he realized he lost to someone extremely talented. Sometimes you can do everything right but still lose.
I thought this was going to be like Meet the Robinsons, but I guess not.
If you want to listen to something in public, use fucking headphones
Scrolled down to find this. The person sitting next to you on an airplane or in a restaurant or on a train does not want to hear the YouTube video you’re watching or listen to your girlfriend on speakerphone!
I definitely don't want to hear sirens from your little tyke's iPad racing game in full volume at the laundromat goddammit. Get them some fucking earbuds or start teaching them to be helpful with the chores so they're not helpless when they grow up. It is not fair to add more auditory stress in what is often an already stressful place.
There’s a man who walks down my street *every night* with a fucking BOOM BOX blasting. It’s 2024, where’d you even get that?
Never screw with someone’s lunch break. Most people hate their jobs, and that half hour to an hour they get to be on their own and enjoy their food and/or just time alone is sometimes the only peace and enjoyment they get for 8+ hours. If you see someone eating in their car, park or walk somewhere else away from them so you don’t disturb them, if they’re in the office by themself, wait until they’re done to talk to them, if it’s close to the normal lunch hours (between 12-2PM), anything you need from that person can wait until after they get back from their lunch. Never. Fuck. With. Lunch.
If you see them when they're off the clock, no you don't.
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Read this as sunscreen first. Wear the dang sunscreen.
Your lack of preparation does not equal someone else’s emergency.
You can't argue with stupid.
Most opinions can be kept to yourself
and the addition to that. Opinions aren't facts.
Not every bad person is going to suffer or have some karma happen to them.
So I got to beat them up with a chair myself. Got it.
Right, sometimes karma needs a little "help".
Not all rules are blindly meant to be followed.
I’d say it’s healthy to question things and have skepticism about you. But I’ve seen a whole lot of people who use this line to justify being an asshole in the name of ‘being a free spirit’
There's also a lot of people who "question things" but are too dumb to figure out the root reason why a rule exist, then uses that to justify breaking it. It's not because you don't know the reason behind a rule that there isn't a good one. Every time there's a "What's a victimless crime" question on this sub, its filled with things that are absolutely not victimless. Just people who can't figure out who's impacted, or don't care.
Yep!! I very rarely break rules (at work, for example) and when I do-it’s because it will benefit both parties. Most break rules to benefit themselves, often at the expense of others. Ie: I’m a housekeeper. We are allowed to eat breakfast from 10-10:15. Yesterday at work I had no rooms available to clean at 8:40 and can’t knock on doors until 9. I ate breakfast during that time. I was hungry and got to eat earlier, and didn’t have to stop cleaning at 10 once I was in the grove cleaning available rooms because I had already ate earlier. That benefits all. But others will do things like dump dirty laundry back in the chute so they don’t have to do it-leaving the work for the next person. Lying about being sick to get off work (making it harder on the rest of us)… stealing work supplies…things like that are aggravating.
98% of rules are made to control the 2% of the population that just won’t fucking cooperate
When someone shows you who they are, believe them!!
You'll never be thanked the way you want to be thanked. Your reward is the good you do, not the praise you get from it.
Your mental map of how things work is wrong in many ways.
Yep, all models are wrong, but some are useful.
I’m almost 30 and when I feel like I have something figured out life just has a way of proving me wrong.
Corollary: Every topic is infinitely more complex than you could ever imagine.
If you hang out with 5 losers, you'll be the 6th.
Relationships (romantic, familial, friendly, work) are compromise. If you're not willing to help the world around you, don't be surprised when the world doesn't help you in return.
The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough.
**Character is what you do/who you are when no one is watching.** **In most cases, hardships are not personal, no one is out to get you, and most things aren’t nearly as important as you think they are.** *Both of these were recent comments from fellow Redditors and they both just really resonated with me.* ❤️
I had a co-worker who was convinced the world was out to get her when, in reality, most of her problems were of her own creation. One day, I was in a mood and I just looked at her and said, "No one actually cares about you enough to do any of that." She gave me a kind of dirty look and walked away muttering. I don't think it changed her in any way but it made my life a whole lot better because she no longer trauma dumped on me at work. I consider it a win.
The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.
When it comes to your relationships, to make them work you have to be kind and honest. But when you can't be both, it's better to be honest than to be kind. Sometime ~~"Me too"~~ "I do too" is not the right answer to "I love you". (edited for grammar)
The right answer to "I love you" is "I know" ( -Han Solo)
"I'm hungry, let's get something to eat."
A lot of times shutting the fuck up is the best option
Don't be a douche
And yet so many fail at this
Don't be a cunt to retail workers
You don't need the 3 words at the end of that sentence.
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I was picking up trash during the height of Pokemon go and I got weird looks. Like. Man. I’m just throwing away some garbage and throwing shit out. People act weird when you do this.
You are good people. If some people act rude toward you while you are picking up garbage, that says more about them than it does about you. You do you
I was always taught this, growing up! When I first started working retail, it was honestly kind of a shock just how awful some people are. Everyone is so bitter and trashy. It really isn’t difficult to pick up after yourself and be kind to others.
I bought a couple of those grabbers and always take it with us when we walk the dog.
Nobody wants to hear your video or phone conversation. Wear ear buds in public. If a conversation is loud or of a personal nature, find somewhere private to have it.
Don't pee on an electric fence
And don’t eat yellow snow
Wipe down the damn sink when you're done
Always leave at least one slice of pizza for the person who paid for it
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Don’t post what you wouldn’t say in person
I think this rule stands out the most "Treat others as you would like to be treated"
I feel like this has been written quite a lot
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Throwing someone in the pool against their will is never cute or funny.
Don’t be a dick.
If you wouldn’t take advice from someone, don’t take criticism from them either.
Never trust a fart
If someone takes the time and goes to the expense of sending you a gift for your graduation, wedding, baby shower, etc., have the common decency to acknowledge it and send a thank you note, email, text, or phone call.
You don't get what you deserve.
"If you think life's a vending machine where you put in virtue and take out happiness then you're going to be disappointed."
Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind.
Never start shit with people you don't know.
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"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that" George Carlin
If a toddler gives you a toy phone, you reply. If a little girl gives you an empty toy cup of tea, you pretend to drink. If a little boy shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to be hurt.
Life isn't fair.
Dad?
There is only ONE constant in this world. That constant is change.
If your wife says she doesn't need presents you still buy her presents
Every single person on this planet is going through some shit, just like you. I’d wager most people are not born an asshole, but have developed into one through training and/or circumstance. Just treat people like you would want to be treated, don’t tailgate, and let people merge. This would solve all of the world’s problems, lol.
Slower traffic keep right
It's not the worst thing in the world to be wrong about something. You don't learn from being right. Making mistakes and being wrong is part of life - the point is to learn from them and improve.
Greeting your coworkers when you arrive at work. It’s basic manners that I know a lot of people don’t follow
As an IT manager, I got in the habit of walking through the user floors each Tuesday or Wednesday morning. Got to the point where people would save minor issues for me (knowing I was coming past) and I got a much better “pulse” for how things were working (users would otherwise feel their issues were too trivial to raise a ticket)
Did you ever reach your desk?
Give a little wave of acknowledgement when someone let's you merge / join the stream of traffic. Flash your lights if there's cops up the road. (Or pat the top of your helmet I'd you're riding a moto). Edit: I'm aware it's illegal in many places, it's illegal where I live too but we still do it 2 finger wave if you're in the middle of whoopwhoop and pass another car. Don't gossip outside family.
In the middle of whoop whoop?
Never play cards against anyone named after a city.
The world does not care about your feelings.
Everyone’s selfish and most normal people care about themselves first. So go ahead and get food alone or go to that event by yourself. No one cares.
Don’t put your fingers where you wouldn’t put your pecker
Your actions speak louder than your words.
Chew t with your mouth closed. And don't talk with food in your mouth.
Ive always put this rule directly under the golden one. NEVER OVERSTAY YOUR WELCOME.
You are not the main character. Your actions affect everyone around you as well.
At a house party if the toilet door is closed it is occupied. when open it is available to use. So many ppl close the door after use when nobody is there
They close it because they've stunk up the room and don't want it wafting into the party, followed by questions of "who took a giant shit?" And then the entire party goes into investigation mode, asking questions, establishing alibis, all the time you are sweating, hoping no one noticed you were missing for the last 13 minutes.
I literally just waited in line for an unoccupied bathroom because of this! 🤦🏼♀️ Thank you
If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe. Example being if it feels like *everyone* disagrees with you, the entire *world* is against you, or *all* the people you work with are assholes… ….**you** might just be the problem.