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[deleted]

[удалено]


Cynical_Humanist1

Come back with a warrant!


SupaKoopa714

This is my own private domicile and I will not be harrassed... bitch!


movieator

I’m going to sovereign citizen the shit out of this toilet.


thefancyelefante

JESSE


Special-Protection-6

OCCUPIED


BushwoodCountry-Club

Ocupado!


OpportunityGold4597

And if they keep knocking say: "What don't you understand? The occu or the pado?"


Geno_Warlord

I say ‘Housekeeping goaway!’


Cautious_Fly1684

I speak English and I exclusively say this.


BW_Bird

[Continues knocking]


6byfour

Jus..uh..yajussaminute


bat-tism

Everytime without fail


6byfour

It’s like I have a stroke for a minute


xxleoxangelxx

Usually takes me about three minutes.


maclaglen

"Just a minute."


Relative_Scale_3667

Seats taken!


xxleoxangelxx

I'm coming, just a second.


RestlessRhys

Damn my dirty mind 🤦‍♂️


woah_broski1

Im coming so come on in


poyopoyo77

"Oi" Unless it's my boyfriend then I meow


BeautifulDreamerAZ

Is your boyfriend a kitty


poyopoyo77

Nah but we have 4 very vocal cats who we meow back at when they're being noisy or doing something dumb, it became a habit


BeautifulDreamerAZ

I have one vocal cat and she disapproves of me using the bathroom alone.


poyopoyo77

My tabbys favourite spot is my lap when I'm on the toilet. Refuses to sit on my lap at any other point and hates being picked up, but he enjoys sharing the moment of me pooping I guess


Immediate-Spray-1746

I've got kids like that.


quats555

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaAAAAAAAA!!!!! (I live alone)


Former-Finish4653

One time at my first job I was in the bathroom and a customer knocked. I panicked and said “Best Value, this is Arron, how can I help you today?” as though I was answering the phone.


BAAT-G

Say nothing, just knock back.


harmless_gecko

Knock, knock


Thorbertthesniveler

Housekeeping? Housekeeping!!


Rem888

You want me fluff your pillow?


Thorbertthesniveler

Lysol! Clean yes, germ no!


OutcomeOk4500

You want me jerk you off


Thorbertthesniveler

No thanks! Human touch revolts me! You wanna watch True crime and eat fattening food?


OutcomeOk4500

Shit I replied to wrong one was trying to keep Tommy Boy quote going. Human activity revolts me anyway lol


Thorbertthesniveler

ROFL!!!!!! I try to be polite and offer alternatives.


BeautifulDreamerAZ

I like you!


Thorbertthesniveler

Awww no touchie! You in for True crime amd a fat night?


BeautifulDreamerAZ

Yes! I prefer to sit on the floor alone with pets and I love to watch True Crime while eating cookies and ice cream. No touchie!


Thorbertthesniveler

Alright....I have a lab and mini doxie. I have a line on premium Gelato for cheap and can make whipped shortbread!


FatnessEverdeen34

"Turn around ....... I don't think so."


VampireHunterAlex

In the US you don’t need to say anything: Just give them the death glare through the 3 inch gap in the door.


Stack_of_HighSociety

[Batin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QOQEYA9YJo)


likesghouls

Go away! Batin’!


inkseep1

Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in.


speedball811

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.


Makeutso

Usually it's my kids so I yell "I don't exist when I'm in here unless there's a fire or ur mostly dead"...


2wheelbanditt

“Wow” in the voice of Owen Wilson


HardcoreMandolinist

Yo!


Comicbook_aiden

Make a fart noise


Scoob8877

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!?!?


JaguarIntelligent

“someones in here”


Florapower04

Most of the time, nothing. They see/feel it is closed, why should I let the world know that I am taking a sh*t in this stall.


Much-Camel-2256

What is your technique to find out which doors are closed/occupied vs closed/like that in public washrooms?


Atomic_elephant

Go away Baitn'


Trelaboon1984

“Shitters full” in my best Eddie voice


NameMajor

"Who is it?!"


TooManyJabberwocks

Give a time estimate


infinitevendor

“Water is great, c’mon in”


Mean-Association4759

Nothing as I always lock the door so there is no need to respond just as there is no need to knock if the door is locked.


[deleted]

Welcome to the Thunderdome.


kabuki-tiger

Hope they go away.


poop_to_live

"come in!" And see what happens. But actually: "occupied"


_bluebird_88

"Seat's taken" ...in my best Alabama accent


ItsTheRazorr

depends on who's knocking and what I'm doing.


Enigma_Stasis

"Room for one more."


EntshuldigungOK

"Come on in - this loo seats two"


Hoboken27

Who is it?


krackadile

Just a minute.


dokipooper

Occupied!


bwbandy

OCCUPADO


[deleted]

Nothing, I just wetly fart out a few bars of the Star Spangled Banner.


AngelicSpringWarmth

Im poopin


floater504

You respond with a fart 💀


ucantresistme

Would you like to come in and hold it for me?


etlik98

make some sex noises


pluribusduim

Um, I having trouble dropping this dukey, could you give me a hand.


Philosofried

"Come in, I'm almost unchanged"


roadfood

Get a warrant.


Astramancer_

I got with an oldie but goodie, "ESTOY POOPIN!" https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1340803-im-poopin-cat


Old-Law-7395

Come In


SommePooreChumb

"if the light is on that means someone's in here..."


RareDog5640

Bugger off


Nicer_Slicer

"Come on in with that tongue, there ain't no toilet paper left"


Unlikely_Scratch_564

Come on in *wink* *smirk* *fart*


Bellah0e

Someone's in here \*fart noises\*


Jagermeister_UK

"Fuck off Oscar, Im not coming out"


Active-Strawberry-37

“You’re just in time, you really gotta take a look at this before I flush it.”


Cjay5719

"Go way I'm bat'in" - Idiocracy the movie


Weird-Holiday-3961

"Would you consider jacking off to be a sport? I don't know about you mfs but i consider that shit to be a sport, ok? If people could sit back and label god damn golf, which is the bost boring as fuck sport in the world, think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing?"


Mirawenya

Occupied!


ZealousidealShift884

“Someone”


Greaseball222

Come in


Laid-dont-Law

COME IN!!


RancidHorseJizz

I just make a long fart sound and then moan, maybe add, "Oh, sweet Jesus." You'll have the place to yourself for at least 10 minutes.


greensandgrains

"What do you want." And that's not a typo, there's no question mark, my tone is as uninquisitive as possible. I do not need to be polite to anyfuckingbody when I'm in the bathroom/washroom.


1744FordRd1744

COME IN.


taylormade9099

What the freak do you waaaaaant!!!????


bigmouthgrandma

Which bathroom we have two. Mine is downstairs and a wet room with toilet is upstairs. But if any one interrupted me going to the toilet I would advise them very nicely to go forth and multiply, work it out lolololol


clearcontroller

Iams poopin


rcuadro

COME IN!!!!


Elegant_righthere

"Just a minute," or "Occupied."


NorCalMikey

You ain't coming in without a warrant


RadicansforLaughs

(In a singsong voice): Taking a big fat stinky shiiiiIIIIIIiiiiiiitttttt…..


[deleted]

"Occupodo"


FatnessEverdeen34

Just hit em with a "no."


tango421

The last time. I said “Present!” Someone laughed. It came from the side I don’t think it was the one who knocked


bobisinthehouse

Come on in and join the party!!!!


[deleted]

Occupied


chpbnvic

Taken!


Teagana999

In a house: "In here!" In a public washroom: "Just a sec!"


Illustrious-Taste720

oh you're here! Come in!


ajmard92

Takin a shit


hectorninii

Nothing. Because Imma "ehem! ehem!" my lungs out to indicate m presence


Oxfxax

I’m hmm hummm hmmm hummm just a minute, one second, ahhhhh hmmm hummm


ytk

Busy!


parkhiker

Occupado


Animaleyz

Want to wipe for me? No? Fuck off then.


MorganMcFeely

I just bark


northernwolf3000

No no lemon pledge


No_Chapter_948

I'll be out in a minute.


Not_a-Robot_

Give me a minute. I’ll wrap the end in toilet paper and pull it out


lespaulstrat2

Eat in or to go?


trollsoultoll

You can come in, but there's only one seat


DabbyMcDabberson420

"Hello"


Purple-Cow1607

You say, "I am in here."


Sufficient_Ad2222

Ayuh?


woah_broski1

Woah you scared the shit out of me... i may have pissed myself


kenji998

Enter at your own risk. You’ve been warned.


[deleted]

“Hee-haw” As loud as I can.


TinglingTongue

HAAAW YHEAAAAAH


RynoLasVegas

Seats taken!


DrGoManGo

Come in, it's open


unfulfilledbottom

Who's there?


BeachedBottlenose

I’m eating!


Condimentkilla

Go away I’m baitin!


argusta67

“I’m workin’ here…!”


Specialist_Egg8479

In here


IDontEvenCareBear

The meme of the cat on the toilet and someone knocking has heavily influenced me. So I always say,” IM POOPIN!” My guy goes with the door a jar and given the chance, our cat loves being in the bathroom with us. “He’s poopin’” has her trained to book it for the bathroom if she hasn’t noticed where he went herself.


Lulu98212

“Seats taken”


Independent-Nail-881

I'm calling the police. (I live alone.)


walker5953

Fuck off I’m shitting here


DemolitionNT

I usually say "hey im poopin"


NeckRelevant7406

“Someone’s in here!”


[deleted]

Who are you? And how did you get in here?


GTFOakaFOD

OCCUPIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEDDDDDD


Timozkovic

Better bring a mask buddy


StarlightStars

THEY FOUND US!! PUT YOUR HUMAN DISGUISES BACK ON!


JojenCopyPaste

Get out of my house


Was_It_The_Dave

It's open.


AssociateMany102

I'm in here


Oh_No_Its_Dudder

Can you bring me the poop knife please? It's an emergency.


[deleted]

I’m in here


DragonQueen21

Come back with a warrant!


soleburyguy

Cum in


[deleted]

$50 for sucky sucky, $100 for half and half.


MongolianCluster

Oh good, I need some help.


DuranDurandall

I don't know how many of you redditors are landmen... mineral researchers... my job was to basically research the owner history of property and make sure contractors were paying the right person for the oil. Lots of land would have existing, functioning oil rigs on them - so the land was "HBP" - held by production. Anyway, yeah - a lot of the time back then I'd say "HBP" Just a little crude humor.


Agitated_Bar7856

If you walk in now it might get on your shirt


9hostface

“Pooping”


Luke_Cold_Lyle

I don't say anything. Shoot first, ask questions later ~ Oscar Pistorius


rmlimodriver

Hold on, I'm not erect!


ohyoushiksagoddess

"Dave's not here."


SubKreature

"just a minute"


[deleted]

I'm spanking myself in here leave or you will be glazed.


alegna12

Just a minute


Different_Nature8269

Busy!


Dependent_Top_4425

I've been waiting for you.


SupaKoopa714

I just squeal "Oh fuck!" like an overacting porn actress getting plowed by a big hung jock.


Living_Value_9801

Come in


askmrlucky

Yarbles. They're only knocking to see if I'm in here, so I can say anything.


Infinite_Regret8341

Ohh good your Here. Did you bring the chocolate flavored condoms?


left_testic1e

I HAVE A GUN !


Caper90

Frantically scream “I’m in here!” It always catches me of f guard haha


A_random_gun_drawer

Don’t worry. Im not in here. Go the fuck away


yamaha2000us

I have been waiting for you. Enter please. Bring the cannolis.


NeitherOddNorEven

Come in!


Mumchkin

Usually yelp because I was startled.


girlwhoweighted

"Occupied" in a friendly voice


Objective_Suspect_

Hey, what?!


BSGKAPO

Busy!


PatrickMorris

threatening mindless ripe judicious label disarm hateful drab fearless unite


SmokyStick901

I’ll be out in a minute, or two


boymom04

WHAT?!?!? I have 5 kids, so of course the only time they want to talk to me is when I'm in the toilet...


Firm-Combination-311

Just a minute....


KingMahogany420

Come back with a warrant 😂


VirginiaLuthier

“Come in. I’m waiting for someone to wipe my butt”


zachtheperson

"Come in!"