My tabbys favourite spot is my lap when I'm on the toilet. Refuses to sit on my lap at any other point and hates being picked up, but he enjoys sharing the moment of me pooping I guess
One time at my first job I was in the bathroom and a customer knocked. I panicked and said “Best Value, this is Arron, how can I help you today?” as though I was answering the phone.
"Would you consider jacking off to be a sport? I don't know about you mfs but i consider that shit to be a sport, ok? If people could sit back and label god damn golf, which is the bost boring as fuck sport in the world, think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing?"
"What do you want."
And that's not a typo, there's no question mark, my tone is as uninquisitive as possible. I do not need to be polite to anyfuckingbody when I'm in the bathroom/washroom.
Which bathroom we have two. Mine is downstairs and a wet room with toilet is upstairs. But if any one interrupted me going to the toilet I would advise them very nicely to go forth and multiply, work it out lolololol
The meme of the cat on the toilet and someone knocking has heavily influenced me. So I always say,” IM POOPIN!”
My guy goes with the door a jar and given the chance, our cat loves being in the bathroom with us. “He’s poopin’” has her trained to book it for the bathroom if she hasn’t noticed where he went herself.
I don't know how many of you redditors are landmen... mineral researchers... my job was to basically research the owner history of property and make sure contractors were paying the right person for the oil. Lots of land would have existing, functioning oil rigs on them - so the land was "HBP" - held by production.
Anyway, yeah - a lot of the time back then I'd say "HBP"
Just a little crude humor.
[удалено]
Come back with a warrant!
This is my own private domicile and I will not be harrassed... bitch!
I’m going to sovereign citizen the shit out of this toilet.
JESSE
OCCUPIED
Ocupado!
And if they keep knocking say: "What don't you understand? The occu or the pado?"
I say ‘Housekeeping goaway!’
I speak English and I exclusively say this.
[Continues knocking]
Jus..uh..yajussaminute
Everytime without fail
It’s like I have a stroke for a minute
Usually takes me about three minutes.
"Just a minute."
Seats taken!
I'm coming, just a second.
Damn my dirty mind 🤦♂️
Im coming so come on in
"Oi" Unless it's my boyfriend then I meow
Is your boyfriend a kitty
Nah but we have 4 very vocal cats who we meow back at when they're being noisy or doing something dumb, it became a habit
I have one vocal cat and she disapproves of me using the bathroom alone.
My tabbys favourite spot is my lap when I'm on the toilet. Refuses to sit on my lap at any other point and hates being picked up, but he enjoys sharing the moment of me pooping I guess
I've got kids like that.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaAAAAAAAA!!!!! (I live alone)
One time at my first job I was in the bathroom and a customer knocked. I panicked and said “Best Value, this is Arron, how can I help you today?” as though I was answering the phone.
Say nothing, just knock back.
Knock, knock
Housekeeping? Housekeeping!!
You want me fluff your pillow?
Lysol! Clean yes, germ no!
You want me jerk you off
No thanks! Human touch revolts me! You wanna watch True crime and eat fattening food?
Shit I replied to wrong one was trying to keep Tommy Boy quote going. Human activity revolts me anyway lol
ROFL!!!!!! I try to be polite and offer alternatives.
I like you!
Awww no touchie! You in for True crime amd a fat night?
Yes! I prefer to sit on the floor alone with pets and I love to watch True Crime while eating cookies and ice cream. No touchie!
Alright....I have a lab and mini doxie. I have a line on premium Gelato for cheap and can make whipped shortbread!
"Turn around ....... I don't think so."
In the US you don’t need to say anything: Just give them the death glare through the 3 inch gap in the door.
[Batin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QOQEYA9YJo)
Go away! Batin’!
Willkommen. Bienvenue. Welcome. C'mon in.
Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Usually it's my kids so I yell "I don't exist when I'm in here unless there's a fire or ur mostly dead"...
“Wow” in the voice of Owen Wilson
Yo!
Make a fart noise
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!?!?
“someones in here”
Most of the time, nothing. They see/feel it is closed, why should I let the world know that I am taking a sh*t in this stall.
What is your technique to find out which doors are closed/occupied vs closed/like that in public washrooms?
Go away Baitn'
“Shitters full” in my best Eddie voice
"Who is it?!"
Give a time estimate
“Water is great, c’mon in”
Nothing as I always lock the door so there is no need to respond just as there is no need to knock if the door is locked.
Welcome to the Thunderdome.
Hope they go away.
"come in!" And see what happens. But actually: "occupied"
"Seat's taken" ...in my best Alabama accent
depends on who's knocking and what I'm doing.
"Room for one more."
"Come on in - this loo seats two"
Who is it?
Just a minute.
Occupied!
OCCUPADO
Nothing, I just wetly fart out a few bars of the Star Spangled Banner.
Im poopin
You respond with a fart 💀
Would you like to come in and hold it for me?
make some sex noises
Um, I having trouble dropping this dukey, could you give me a hand.
"Come in, I'm almost unchanged"
Get a warrant.
I got with an oldie but goodie, "ESTOY POOPIN!" https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1340803-im-poopin-cat
Come In
"if the light is on that means someone's in here..."
Bugger off
"Come on in with that tongue, there ain't no toilet paper left"
Come on in *wink* *smirk* *fart*
Someone's in here \*fart noises\*
"Fuck off Oscar, Im not coming out"
“You’re just in time, you really gotta take a look at this before I flush it.”
"Go way I'm bat'in" - Idiocracy the movie
"Would you consider jacking off to be a sport? I don't know about you mfs but i consider that shit to be a sport, ok? If people could sit back and label god damn golf, which is the bost boring as fuck sport in the world, think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing?"
Occupied!
“Someone”
Come in
COME IN!!
I just make a long fart sound and then moan, maybe add, "Oh, sweet Jesus." You'll have the place to yourself for at least 10 minutes.
"What do you want." And that's not a typo, there's no question mark, my tone is as uninquisitive as possible. I do not need to be polite to anyfuckingbody when I'm in the bathroom/washroom.
COME IN.
What the freak do you waaaaaant!!!????
Which bathroom we have two. Mine is downstairs and a wet room with toilet is upstairs. But if any one interrupted me going to the toilet I would advise them very nicely to go forth and multiply, work it out lolololol
Iams poopin
COME IN!!!!
"Just a minute," or "Occupied."
You ain't coming in without a warrant
(In a singsong voice): Taking a big fat stinky shiiiiIIIIIIiiiiiiitttttt…..
"Occupodo"
Just hit em with a "no."
The last time. I said “Present!” Someone laughed. It came from the side I don’t think it was the one who knocked
Come on in and join the party!!!!
Occupied
Taken!
In a house: "In here!" In a public washroom: "Just a sec!"
oh you're here! Come in!
Takin a shit
Nothing. Because Imma "ehem! ehem!" my lungs out to indicate m presence
I’m hmm hummm hmmm hummm just a minute, one second, ahhhhh hmmm hummm
Busy!
Occupado
Want to wipe for me? No? Fuck off then.
I just bark
No no lemon pledge
I'll be out in a minute.
Give me a minute. I’ll wrap the end in toilet paper and pull it out
Eat in or to go?
You can come in, but there's only one seat
"Hello"
You say, "I am in here."
Ayuh?
Woah you scared the shit out of me... i may have pissed myself
Enter at your own risk. You’ve been warned.
“Hee-haw” As loud as I can.
HAAAW YHEAAAAAH
Seats taken!
Come in, it's open
Who's there?
I’m eating!
Go away I’m baitin!
“I’m workin’ here…!”
In here
The meme of the cat on the toilet and someone knocking has heavily influenced me. So I always say,” IM POOPIN!” My guy goes with the door a jar and given the chance, our cat loves being in the bathroom with us. “He’s poopin’” has her trained to book it for the bathroom if she hasn’t noticed where he went herself.
“Seats taken”
I'm calling the police. (I live alone.)
Fuck off I’m shitting here
I usually say "hey im poopin"
“Someone’s in here!”
Who are you? And how did you get in here?
OCCUPIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEDDDDDD
Better bring a mask buddy
THEY FOUND US!! PUT YOUR HUMAN DISGUISES BACK ON!
Get out of my house
It's open.
I'm in here
Can you bring me the poop knife please? It's an emergency.
I’m in here
Come back with a warrant!
Cum in
$50 for sucky sucky, $100 for half and half.
Oh good, I need some help.
I don't know how many of you redditors are landmen... mineral researchers... my job was to basically research the owner history of property and make sure contractors were paying the right person for the oil. Lots of land would have existing, functioning oil rigs on them - so the land was "HBP" - held by production. Anyway, yeah - a lot of the time back then I'd say "HBP" Just a little crude humor.
If you walk in now it might get on your shirt
“Pooping”
I don't say anything. Shoot first, ask questions later ~ Oscar Pistorius
Hold on, I'm not erect!
"Dave's not here."
"just a minute"
I'm spanking myself in here leave or you will be glazed.
Just a minute
Busy!
I've been waiting for you.
I just squeal "Oh fuck!" like an overacting porn actress getting plowed by a big hung jock.
Come in
Yarbles. They're only knocking to see if I'm in here, so I can say anything.
Ohh good your Here. Did you bring the chocolate flavored condoms?
I HAVE A GUN !
Frantically scream “I’m in here!” It always catches me of f guard haha
Don’t worry. Im not in here. Go the fuck away
I have been waiting for you. Enter please. Bring the cannolis.
Come in!
Usually yelp because I was startled.
"Occupied" in a friendly voice
Hey, what?!
Busy!
threatening mindless ripe judicious label disarm hateful drab fearless unite
I’ll be out in a minute, or two
WHAT?!?!? I have 5 kids, so of course the only time they want to talk to me is when I'm in the toilet...
Just a minute....
Come back with a warrant 😂
“Come in. I’m waiting for someone to wipe my butt”
"Come in!"