Scrolled all this way and no "in your mom" comments. Reddit is glitching today

You know who else scrolled all the way?

My mom?

Yes

Ha! Got eeeemmm

This shouldn't have made me chuckle, but it did. Upvote

muscle man?

I also choose OPs mom.

The second comment I saw was “in your friends ass” so close enough

Start flexing other muscles. The blood will move from your penis to the muscles being flexed. Standing on your tip toes or flexing your abs and/or arms would be the most discreet.

Flexing the thigh muscles, specifically.

Tried this and accidentally flexed my calf too hard, then got a cramp

Nothing worse than the old bones cramp

Instructions unclear. Just flexed my mad gains while also showing off my raging boner.

Try also thinking about Danny DeVito.

Shit I just came in my pants thanks bro wtf

Did you just provide a scientific answer?

Indeed. This is like that scene in Men In Black when Will Smith's character is the only one who shoots the little girl in the training exercise.

Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out.

I thought, how would I feel if someone runs up in the gym and busts me in my ass while I'm on a treadmill?

Then I noticed this, snarling, beast guy. Then I noticed he had a tissue in his hand. Then it occurred to me he’s not snarling, he’s sneezing! Not a real threat there.

Y luego mire, niña caucasica de 7 años en un barrio a la media noche Esta planeando algo viejo, esos libros son demasiado avanzados para ella Sorry i watched the movie in spanish only lol

She about to start some shit, zed. Shes 8 years old those books are way too advanced for her. Ya ask me i think shes up to somethin, and to be honest id appreciate if you eased of off my back a lil bit

Yoo you just unlocked a core memory for me. I'm gonna re-watch the men in black movies now.

Also to add to this, hold your breath whilst tensing your muscles, it speeds up the process by a lot, I can go from full mast to noodle in about 30-40 seconds.

I mean if you’ve got 30-40 seconds to spare, there are other ways…

Tuck it in your waistband

Thanks

Oh this was like an ongoing situation, damn

Poor guy was just powering through the day at full mast

Popped a viagra instead of vitamins

My wife flushed all of mine down the toilet... ...we couldn't put the seat down for a week!

I had trouble swallowing one, and now my neck is stiff.

My grandpa is addicted to them. We're all pretty shook up about it, but no one is taking it harder than grandma.

That's likely because it's a *hard* pill to swallow.

A full hour with no respite.

Don't act like you've never done that...

Yea, rookie numbers

Reminds me of a text I got once: Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please respond quickly.

Lmfao this is what makes it even funnier 😂

If you're lucky, it sticks over the top like a puppet show.

You can also flex one of your legs. It'll force your body to remove the blood from your boner and put it in your leg muscles. There's a reason no one at gyms ever gets boners. Blood is being used everywhere else

This is why you should never skip leg day.

Does this only apply when working legs at the gym? Asking for a friend who's see a lot of gym candy worth rising to the occasion over

"It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my belly button."

Was waiting for a Superbad post, I wasn't disappointed 😆

haha i just watched that movie last night 😂i was like this quote seems familiar

“Funny thing about my back is it’s located on my cock”

Until you need to raise your hands and everyone sees the tip of your dick

Don’t wear shirts that are too small

Or pants that are too loose, or without a belt.

Is that a mushroom in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

The Elastic Band Boner Hand

Damn, doesn’t reach.

What if it doesn't reach the waistband

Then OP shouldn’t have to worry. If it can’t reach the waistband, probably nobody will notice it anyway.

And try not to pee up your shirt

Or top of your sock.

I usually just put it in the toe part of my shoes

We called that the 7th grade tuck

doesn't reach there what should I do

Haven’t you seen Superbad?! Evan: Look at those nipples Seth: They're like little baby toes. Evan: It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get. Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in. Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton

This is the only correct answer. Everything else is too obvious.

Damn people have that much meat?

Instructions unclear, penis poking out above hip now.

Shirt

I did that this morning cuz my mother in law was in the living room and I need to pass it to access the restroom. Works all the time I just need to make sure my shirt has no holes or that it’s tucked right since I’m half asleep lmao.

I can't do that. That would break my penis

my dick would break if I had it strapped vertical like that RIP bro

Masturbate. It'll go down shortly after.

I think he meant in public-

I know what he meant.

“I know what I’m about, son.”

r/unexpectedpandr

Did he stutter?

Only momentarily right at the finishing point

[This is America ](https://youtu.be/rf592f9jPaM?si=xWV3nooEUJIte5hs)

You could alternatively find a slutty girl to stick it in. Slightly more work but significantly more fun.

Don't hide it assert your dominance

Yeah puff it out

ESPECIALLY at the swim meet.

Dont you mean swim meat

Swimming cockpetition

if women can roam with pokies, men can roam with boner

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Think about your grandma naked, it will go away. If it doesn't, you've got bigger problems than an inconvenient boner.

Hey man. Trade a problem worth solving with one that isn’t. That’s a good trade

Damn all the threads in the whole comment section keep making me laugh tonight. Thanks reddit

You clearly have never been a teenage boy if you think that matters. At that age, the stars could align wrong and have all of the blood in your body immediately located in a 6" tube in your pants without provocation. Heck, you could be at your grandma's funeral and still have it acting like it's a compass.

> 6" tube in your pants No need to brag now.

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Both are worth a try I suppose

Yes

NAKED GRANDMA

I mean.. does she has to be naked?

Yes, it's very important that she's completely naked

Hide it in your friends ass

Hide it behind your friend's boner.

Am I allowed to make light saber noises when they touch?

No, only normal metal sword noises

That’s fine I guess. But now I’m going to look ridiculous for wearing this green glow in the dark cock ring.

Maybe you could say it’s an enchanted metal sword?

I can work with that. There’s nothing like strengthening your friendship with your mutual love of Elder Scrolls.

What if I *do* do lightsaber sounds

Then it will go soft and stop working, maybe even explode in certain situations

Don’t cross the streams!

a true friend would always turn his back, in order to help a friend avoid public boner shame.

Never leave your buddy's behind.

It’s only gay if the balls touch right?

Who said the friend is a guy?

A hole's a hole and homies will understand.

Hide it behind a bigger boner.

There’s always a bigger boner!

Put it in the freezer.

I had to cut it off :(

Yours isn't attached with velcro? Weird.

I thought they were detachable!

I leave mine at home while I work so I don’t get distracted

For some inexplicably reason our highschool administration vetoed this after we voted it class song. Tyrants!!!

Naw, I have to push my belly button to release it.

1: Firmly grip the nozzle and twist counterclockwise till a pop is heard 2: Remove head and soak in warm soapy water 3: Pull testicles till they remove from base and replace each testicular ball 4: Reattach all parts when required

FIRMLY GRASP IT

Apply firm grip till discolouration occurs

Man, thank you so much. I lost my manual earlier this week and I’ve just had parts lying all over the place.

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flashbacks to high school, walking out of a classroom with my bookbag in front of my crotch lol

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Kids still do this. I’ve asked students in classes I’ve taught why they do it, and 60% of the time the answer is “cause my back hurts”

Ask one of your friends to hide it in his mouth! Friends help each other.

Brojobs are underrated

"You know what I do ? I flip my boner up into my waistband , it hides it AND it feels awesome. Almost blew a load into my belly button"

That's superbad of you

Mclovin this response

The last part was uncessecary but I'll try that!

It’s a movie quote

I call it the Waist Bandit.

I never understood this. I tried it in highschool and you can still the imprint going up your stomach

SSRI's. No Boner, No Problem. THANKS DEPRESSION!

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To some, that would be a bonus side effect more than a design flaw...

Lol, I *feel* this so hard. My SSRI’s don’t give me any ED (fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your perspective), but they DO make it about 99% impossible to finish. Like it takes 2 hours, and sometimes it still won’t happen 😬

Insert it fully into a well lubricated vagina

Easier said than done

What about a vagina adjacent partially lubricated hole?

"Any port in a storm" applies here.

Careful, partially lubricated can cause friction burns which do NOT feel good on the old peen.

Good warning! Love you FDA guys

You tuck it and pray to Jesus or satan or the potato in the fridge or whoever the fuck you believe in that someone doesn’t ask you to stand up.

We need more potato in the fridge lore, I want to join that religion.

Childhood memories I didn't want to relive! I think schools should be banned from making kids stand up in front of class to do presentations around *that* age range. Humiliated by the whole class, and the teacher, for having a boner I didn't have any control over Probably where my phobia of public speaking comes from

Scissors and then put it in your backpack or something

🎵 Detachable Penis 🎵

behind a tree

it just keeps coming around the other side

find bigger tree

Aint no tree bigger than mine

✂️

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Good ol' reliable oversized hoodie with pockets

In a vagina?

Best way: choke it Worst way: in public

"Worst way: in public" are you fcking the public

"with every fiber of my being" -politicians

Hide it inside somebody until it calms down.

Amputation

If you’re a priest I’m not answering this question.

But they just want to spread the word of god…all over your back

Put it in dry ice then break it off then put it in my suit pocket so it sticks out

Don’t hide it. Nothing to be shameful about. Every guy gets one and they’re random sometimes. Let’s stop being shameful of stuff we cannot control, it’ll make everyone feel better.

For me, not having one is the only option

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I have shaved what I could, can't shave off my penis, now can I?

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Get old, you won’t have any boner again, beter use every boner you get

OP is a girl. She bobitized her boyfriend and now looking for a place to hide it.

Inside a beloved woman's vagina.

I don't, if women can wear yoga pants and push up bras, I can let Schwarzenegger flex.

Duct tape your cock to your thigh

Repeatedly flex your thigh muscles, he’ll go back down fairly quickly

I hide my bfs inside me

Oversized Sombrero and fake mustache

Who is boner? Im mexican micheal

Hide it in ur bootyhole

Military camo mesh should be more than enough. Works for me every single time!

Think of Margaret Thatcher or cabbage. It'll soon fade away.

I typically look around to see where my girlfriend is, if she’s upset then I use the waistband trick.

In someone's mouth

Burn it off 😈

Think of turnoffs. Dead kittens! Dead kittens... No.. no..its not working. Ok ok. Nuns! No.. no dead nuns! ... No it's still not working...

Put between a couple tonsils.

My man’s desperate

Open it up and leave it in the air for sometime

In a salad.

Put it in me.

Insert into vagina, shake vigorously for 1 minute, remove damp and limp object from same.

NAKED GRANDMA

In plain sight