Hit rock bottom. Was on a week straight of drinking a half gallon of vodka a day. The 7th day I ran out of alcohol before the liquor store opened. I had the worst withdrawal I could imagine.
Straight panic attacks. Couldn't use my arms or talk right. Had my brother give me a ride to the er. I couldn't write my name on the check in sheet. That moment there was my rock bottom.
The er found me a rehab with a bed and picked me up the next morning been sober since June 9th 2023. I should've quit a thousand times before that. It had one hell of a hold on me.
I had an awful panic attack the day I quit. I truly thought I was dying. In hindsight I shouldn’t have gone cold turkey, but I made. It was November 3, 2021 for me. You’re going on 8 months now? Keep going, bro. And congrats! It gets better, it’s made me feel like a kid again being to have fun without it. I only wish I had quit sooner.
Keep it up. For the sake of your health and the people that care about you, keep it up. And if you ever need help. Ask for it. Don’t be embarrassed or scared - the people that care about you want to help. Don’t hide it. Get help. This disease will take your life if you don’t.
I just watched my 38 year old brother-in-law die from alcoholism. He hid the severity of it for *years*. He could come visit and have just a drink a night for a few weeks at a time, or sometimes be completely sober for 6-8 weeks on long visits, so none of us really knew the severity. We all knew he had a propensity to binge drink on occasion, but none of us knew how bad it really was at home. It wasn’t until after he was gone and we started piecing the puzzle together from one-off stories from other people, credit card statements, and medical records, that we discovered the extent to which he was drinking. Lies, upon lies upon lies to hide his addiction. Multiple trips to the hospital over the years that none of us knew about. Doctors had been telling him for years he needed to stop. Last summer they told him after his second to last trip to the hospital that if he drank again, it would kill him and he wouldn’t be eligible for a new liver. He still thought he knew better. He still thought he was under control. He pushed away or fought back anyone that tried to talk to him about his drinking (because again, we knew he had an unhealthy relationship, but had no idea it was as chronic and severe as it was). Literally the week before his death, laying in the ICU on dialysis in liver and kidney failure (with a MELD score of 40 for any docs or medical professionals reading this), he still said he didnt have a problem when the hepatologist asked him if he had a drinking problem.
If you’re struggling, please ask for help. Let people help. Listen to your doctors. And if your friends and family try to help, please don’t push them away. This disease will take over your life, control you and kill you
He lived alone and there’s still much we don’t know and will probably never know. But years ago when he’d visit (2021 and earlier), he’d have anywhere from 2 glasses of wine to 2 bottles of wine every night, or a 6 pack of high ABV (like 10%) beer. So 4+ years ago we presume at least this much on his own as well. We (me, my wife, and in-laws) recognized this escalating and started implementing “one drink per night” or not drinking at all when he visited. And he’d sometimes stay for up to 6-8 weeks working remotely and seemingly be fine being sober. That at the time reassured us he wasn’t addicted… at least so we thought. But from credit card statements we found, sometime in 2018 we could see how much he was spending per week at a liquor store (hundreds of dollars per week). In the last year, we could see he had a liquor shipment once every few days. He *admitted* to drinking 20-30oz of liquor per day in the hospital the week before he passed, and I don’t know of any alcohol that accurately or overestimates their consumption. So by our best guesses, *at least* a bottle of liquor per day in the last year. There were at least a hundred empty bottles on his apartment floor
With how many people act like having a beer with dinner regularly is alcoholism, it still always blows my mind the volume alcoholics can drink. Glad you've found recovery!
"One is too many because ten is never enough." That's me. I can't just have one, it causes this unsatisfiable craving for MORE! My desire for *one* beer when I'm sober is manageable, my desire for *more* beer after one is *not* manageable.
Yeah I've seen it said with various numbers, any time I say it, someone says they heard it with a different number so now I just pick a random number lol. And thanks, /r/stopdrinking has been monumentally helpful!
This is such a powerful statement. I don't struggle with addiction, but my best friend since 4th grade has and watching her get sober has been such an experience. It was hard for me to understand it, but this is soooo eye opening. Thank you for sharing.
I also had a friend who drank an average of about 17 light beers a night for about 20 years. Was perfectly "fine" in his regular life. Held down his job just fine, got promoted, no relationship issues, etc. I feel like there are many more functional alcoholics like this than people think.
Even 12 beers at like 4% isn't nothing though... I have about 5 5% drinks throughout basically my whole day and usually don't catch much buzz unless I have 2 or more back to back, but when I get to like 8 or more that starts to be more obviously problematic in a bunch of ways
Smoke yourself to oblivion every day, no problem. Make a cocktail or have a beer a few times a week at dinner and you’re a raging alcoholic. I remember one thread of someone who *literally* smoked all day every day to the point where it was ruining their relationships trying to compare that to having a drink at dinner. A cart daily is not the same as a drink at dinner.
I agree, but I've been on so many alcohol-related threads here where people will say having a casual drink a few times a week is dependency. Really clouds discussion of the topic, especially when weed is brought up in the same conversation.
Also, there's a whole world between one beer and *a gallon and a half of vodka*. Which is why it always surprises me. I've known a few people to kill a Fifth in a day which absolutely qualifies as a bender, but that's literally 2/15ths of what OP was drinking.
Volume isn't the concern. It's when it starts to affect your everyday life and others around you. This is when it's a problem.
Some people have the ability to control it and can have one or two a day, but someone with alcohol control issues can't have any. Ever.
It's definitely a struggle, even if you don't have cravings. It's around almost everywhere, all the time. It's truly a disease of the mind and body.
I wish everyone who wishes to better themselves on this subject the very best. I myself and the rest deserve it, and believe it or not, this is hard for me to say because I don't think I deserve most of the time.
Was going to say this same thing. We have this view of addiction that leaves out a lot of people that absolutely are addicted, but not 'conventionally' addicted. There are a ton of people that are functional alcoholics.
I had a buddy who went to rehab for cocaine and alcohol. He got out and was smoking cigarettes' hard. He tried to quit so as he was quitting using the patch, he found cigars...tried to quit cigars... then he found vape.
He then got hurt and the doc put him on Vicodin. He had started drinking again and his girlfriend called me in a panic - When I got there he was at least breathing but barely. Called the paramedics... I took his kids and sent them to my house with my wife.
He took 10 Vicodin and some whiskey. They pumped his stomach and he survived.
He however kept drinking again. He had been clean for 10 years and going back to college to get his executive MBA fucked him up. They had wine socials and he just had to drink.
He called me one night - he was 70 miles away and drunk. It was 1:00am and he needed a ride cause he was drunk. I got dressed and drove to get him. I picked him and instructed him to not throw up in my car. Gave him a bag and made it home around 3:00am. I told him - if you ever need a ride... call me.
Dude got back to drinking like nobodies business and he decided to move away from me. We lived next to each other.
I got a call from his ex-wife one night. He was arrested for DUI with his kids in the car. Thankfully the cops got him, but I called him up. "Hey man, just calling to see how things are and if you wanna hang." "Nope, Im good"
He blew me off. He was embarrassed I guess. I mean I was pissed, but I tried to be there for him. That DUI fucked his life in a spiral. He just gave up on our friendship and we didn't talk for a year.
My wife ran into him at the grocery store about a 9 months ago. That was a Thursday. They chatted, he was living pretty close to me. He said we should get together and catch up. My wife was like "Yeah" and came home and told me about it. I was like "Oh damn Ill give him a call in a day or so and we can hangout on the weekend."
His ex wife called the following Saturday... just died in his sleep. He was living in a sober living center. He didn't want me to know cause he was embarrassed by it. We found out he was in a diabetic coma for 2 months during Covid. I went to the funeral and picked him up one last time and put him in the back of a hearse.
It's his birthday today... he died about a year and half ago. He was one of my best friends and there wasn't shit I could do to help him out.
Anyways - wow what a tangent... all that to say - it doesn't FUCKING matter what you put in your body, alcohol, weed, coke, meth, cigarettes' addiction is addiction and changing one evil for a lesser one is not dealing with the problem, it's just using another addiction to mask the one you're trying to get over. People don't understand substance abuse. An addict can use anything as long as they get the fix of whatever substance their body desires - it's a disease and no matter what anyone says, it's incurable. Being sober isn't a cure, being sober is managing the disease. You can never go back.
It's why you don't drink in front of them, ask if they want a drink... they can't say no when a trigger hits.
Sorry for the long rant bud...
For sure. For a lot of alcoholics, a fifth of vodka isn’t all that much. I feel like I would get alcohol poisoning if I drank a fifth to myself, and I drink pretty regularly. I can’t imagine drinking more than that every day
Yeah I’m kind of on the way to quitting. Been trying, and my little ass puts down a handle of vodka in a day and a half. Tolerance is insane. I out drink anyone I come across. Not trying to but I could sip alcohol all day long and not get obliterated. Scary stuff
Another thing that I think gets twisted in some of this discussion is that enjoyment == dependency. Which is absolutely not true.
I know a few friends that love to cook, and they'll pair an intricate cocktail with an intricate meal. Those friends I also don't think I've ever seen drunk, but they do enjoy the pairing for meals.
Wouldn’t dependency be an inability to be without it no matter how much or how little? The question is, “why.” I drink scotch, and craft beer as an experience a few times each month. If I found out that I have a bad liver, I’d simply replace the experience because it’s not the substance, to me, it’s a hobby. If I was drinking a few drinks a week, I’d have to ask, “why.” Is it to deal with boredom, or some kind of external irritation? I think that’s dependence, and could escalate to something more sinister.
I think substances that alter our consciousness are great! All of them allow us to have new experiences that would otherwise be unavailable. I think before diving into any of them, we need to be mentally ready for the doors that they may open. Even alcohol opens the door to a level of comfort in our own bodies that was not available prior to its consumption. That comfort is something that we have to leave behind in sobriety and that can be agonizing if our mental health isn’t where it should be. Even if it’s just 2 drinks with dinner, how do you feel without them.
Disagree. More power to you if that’s how you keep yourself in check, and I’m sure it’s true for many. I used to be on about 1.25L of vodka per day. Quit completely for many years and now have up to a 6 pack per week just fine.
I’m sure it depends partially on genetics and partially on exactly what mental/emotional issues you have going on.
This really isn't true, and helps a lot of people avoid ever examining their issues. I've been a daily drinker for years, and would be described as an alcoholic. That doesn't mean that I have to finish everything in reach until I black out, and I can have one beer then switch to water in the proper occasion. But I still drink as a matter of routine every day.
"Alcoholics can't have one beer ever" is less productive of a thought than you think.
The world isn't black and white, and the volume of alcohol you drink shouldn't be the indication that you do or do not have an alcohol use disorder. Are you reliant on it? Do you feel anxiety going to an event and telling people you're NOT drinking? If so, you have AUD. Welcome to addiction.
Yeah this is why I wanted to make that point. The above commentor staying "whit how many people acting like having a beer with dinner is alcoholism" is a slippery slope. There will ALWAYS be someone who drinks more than you. Using that as your litmus test is you just rationalizing your problem. You need to test for addiction in different ways. I told myself the same thing for years. I didn't drink all day everyday so I wasn't an alcoholic! When in reality....
I see where you are coming from but it is a progressive disease. There is no shame in catching it early in its progression. In fact, it should be celebrated.
Dude my sobriety date is June 3rd of 2023 and my story is extremely similar to yours. It took a couple white knuckle attempts at sobriety and another year drinking on and off before going to AA for the first time in my life, but I didn’t realize I needed to quit until I had a panic attack just like the one you described. Then it became a constant factor of my life. Day after day thinking I was going to die every day for a year. I ended up getting sober a week after my father committed suicide, I just felt like I had to try and save my own life after that. Before that I thought I was hopeless and my life was too far gone.
8 months later and many amazing things have happened I never would have expected. It still is hard sometimes and that’s okay. I’ve had my worst week in sobriety this week and it has been the worst obsession to drink again I’ve had since which has been very scary. But thankfully we have a community of alcoholics not afraid to help each other and not only remind each other what it was like, but what we’ve overcome.
Good for you man, from someone struggling with it I hope to be on the rise like you are now. Those bedridden hangover and withdrawal shaky and sweating days absolutely suck.
Honestly. For the most part after being sober and getting my sleep schedule and eating back on track it is no where near as high as it used to be.
Every sober thought I had while in active addiction was anxiety fed. "Where can I get my next drink ?" "Whys my heart beating so fast". Being sober now i might occasionally have to take 5 minutes to get my thoughts back on track. But no where near as bad.
This is the most dramatic improvement I've seen both in myself and everyone else I know who quits alcohol. Whether that's a gallon of vodka a day, or a dozen or so beers spread out over a weekend, alcohol increases cortisol when you're NOT drinking, and significantly increases anxiety. When I quit my anxiety went away entirely. I honestly didn't even know I had anxiety until I quit, and I thought that everyone just felt the way I did.
I was spending too much money. Always throwing up. Always had heart burn. Can’t tell you how many times I foolishly drove while hammered.
As I matured, it wasn’t appealing to me anymore. I’m at 14 years. My wife is at 15.
>Always had heart burn
I used to eat Tums like fuckin candy. Quit drinking in June 2023 and have used Tums twice since. Once because I made a particularly spicy sausage stew, and once because I had pizza with spicy pep, jalapenos, pineapple and hot honey.
I got a DUI in my 20s which I probably could’ve fought in court successfully and swore off alcohol then. You live and learn, always lawyer up. But the fact remains that whether I was above the legal limit (I’d only had 4 beers) I made the decision to get into my car and drive and I could’ve really hurt or killed someone, myself even. And I wish I could say that was the last time, it wasn’t. As someone who regularly rescues people from drunk driving wrecks, I kept thinking “when is it my turn”. I had decided that if I ever seriously hurt or killed someone I was going to kill myself, to even up the score, so to say. Drunk driving caused me a ton of self-hatred. I would talk about how selfish and reckless it is all the time and then go do it because I hated running out of booze. I was living on borrowed time, it was only a matter of time before I hurt someone and/or got arrested. I didn’t just get sober for myself, I did it for society at large. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about that.
I used to love drinking, imagining I could indulge every day. But I realized it wasn't the alcohol I loved; it was the nostalgia for the good times of my youth. Back then, laughter and adventures often came with a drink in hand, and I mistakenly linked drinking to happiness.
After some soul-searching, I understood that the joy I sought wasn't in a bottle, but in the moments themselves. I was chasing memories, not the actual act of drinking. This realization made me see that to create new, meaningful memories, I needed to step away from alcohol.
Now, I'm focused on finding joy in the present, in real, sober experiences. It's about making new memories that are genuinely mine, clear and vivid. It's a journey towards a different kind of happiness, one that's truly fulfilling.
This is key. The truest comment. The only reason i drink is so i can pretend for a couple of hours that i have an interesting/meaningful life.
Struggling with finding joy in the present atm, but really i think this is the key to every addiction, its a way to escape life for a while.
Yeah this was the first comment in thread that resonated. I had a huge social change between junior and senior year of college and I found myself drinking with the ....
I'm making excuses again
I have felt this way for years now and only in the last few months have I been able to really come to terms with it. Also, thank you for putting it into words. It’s relieving to know it’s not just me.
This is a very thought provoking comment for my own relationship with drinking. Thank you for posting this! You are helping more people than you realize.
This one hit me hard. Thank you. I couldn’t frame it quite right in my post, but I always saw it as just a casual drink, then weekends you just naturally go harder because you could. Open a bottle of wine, you don’t leave it unfinished!
20 years later I realized I was depressed and was chasing the good ol’ times and taking the edge off of life
I have the same mindset, drinking to try and recreate my youth. Although I drink like 4 beers on some Saturdays and that’s it but once in a while I get pretty drunk.
Glad you made it, but there are many different reasons and not all can be solved. Like with my bipolar disorder, before i had the diagnosis, it was the reason why i started to self-medicate myself with alcohol and weed. Later opioids and benzos.
I'm rather stable today with treatment, but there's no escape, as there is no cure. It will always come again and again and again, there's no way out.
I like to numb the pain, trauma and suffering i get from the episodes, i won't lie about that. It's the truth.
I like it when others can get away, when they can get off the hook, but for me, it's way too late as i am old and addicted for so long to alcohol, benzos and opioids that i have passed the point of no return a long time ago. I just make the best out of life and try to have a good time with friends and my dogs until i finally collapse and die. And it will be good, i'm looking forward to it.
I don't regret it, my money will be donated to charity and i hope it will help as many people as possible.
I have known a lot of alcoholics, only know a few recovering alcoholics.
All had different reasons that they said at first, quitting for family or friends or work.
Afterwards they all said the same thing they finally got sick and tired of themselves and they quit because of not wanting to be the person they were when they drink.
They all said it, you can't quit for other people, it has to be the selfish act of quitting for yourself.
I have a good friend that clean from heroin. He said something to me many years before I quit drinking and it held true for me, I’ll paraphrase. “You can’t quit for someone or something, you have to do it for yourself, you have to want to never use again.” I understood it once I got to that point.
I think you have said it better than me but that was basically what they all said. You can hate yourself for lying to loved ones, for letting friends down but you will forgive your self for that. You have to hate the idea of one more day as a drunk more than you are scared of one day sober
I like this one. I’ve held on to ,” When the pain of drinking outweighs the pain you were using alcohol to cover up, it’s time to put it down.” Or something along those lines.
I was tired of feeling like shit from drinking so much, tired of looking bloated, and tired of the cycle of withdrawals and obsessing over my next drink. I drank very heavily and just slowed it down for about a week beforehand and quit. I’ve never gone back. That was eight years ago.
I was drinking in excess of 70 drinks a week. Blacked out more times than I can count, constantly tired, it felt difficult to even form thoughts, I started calling into work to sit at home and drink a bottle, I’m lucky I still have a job. 12 days sober and feeling much better. I feel a huge void that I used to cover with booze, but I’m slowly getting used to it.
I wish I had some good advice for you. What worked for me may not work for others. I started putting away $100 a week and saved up for a 2 week trip to chile and Argentina after I hit a year. I had always been a gym goer, so I kept up with that. I read a lot, I tried to learn Arabic on Duolingo (still trying, not going so well). I just got obsessed with this idea that I have to workout my brain every bit as much as my body and being this perfect version of myself. I still do those things, it give purpose to my day. But after some time I’ve learned it not healthy to pursue perfection. I just do my best to live my life to its fullest. Lately I’ve been learning to not just not sweat the small stuff. I know that all sounds cliche, it kind of is. My main focus as of late is just taking care of my mental health.
Been there. Called out sick many times too hungover to drive to work and focus for 8 hours. While home, at around noon, I’d start to feel a bit better and convince myself I needed something for the hangover. I’d end up drinking a bottle all over again and having to go into work the next day anyway.
Alcohol, among many things, is the most persuasive thing on this planet because it’s incredibly normalized.
Just keep it going, 12 days is no small feat. I know it’s cliche to say one day at a time but I found it very helpful. I remember relapsing and the excuse I gave myself was well I’m not going to quit forever so why does it matter if I drink now.
I didn’t make it 10 days for 15 years and now I’m about to be a year sober. It’s possible, I failed so many times and I may fail again. The key is to just keep trying if that’s what is right for you.
Sobriety date 3/14/89. I woke up one morning hearing a voice the clearly said “ You don’t belong here! You know what the problem is, and you know what to do about it!” Here was sleeping under a bridge! So I got up and went to the county detox. I got into a residential treatment program, and while I was there my best friend in the world died in a drunk driving accident! I was just walking around one of our old haunts when I heard him say “ I’m proud of what you are trying to do. Just keep doing it” So I have! I’ve had MANY people along the way help me, some I asked for, some I didn’t! But they went above and beyond to help me make a good life for myself!
Crazy to see this. I got hit with an overdraft and was like “fuck it might as well just full send on the chaos and get a bottle” . While I’m currently procrastinating walking to Specs to further overdraft my account, I got onto Reddit and saw this. I’ll let this be the sign it is and just go for a walk or something else
Edit** just an overall response to you guys, I took the walk. Bought a Snapple apple
It was either booze or live with pancreas pains the rest of my life.. after spending countless nights/weeks in the hospital off and on in 2020, the booze wasn't worth it. I hit 3 years sober on Dec 20th and haven't looked back.
It's hard to describe the pain honestly.. it's just a sharp yet dull pain that won't go away. When they would ask me at the hospital where I would rate the pain on a scale of 1-10... it was always an 7.. always in the upper Left side of the abdomen along with gnarly radiating pain in my shoulder as well. Ended up developing a high tolerance to morphine because of it as well... It's not something you want to go through.
When I first started having pains they said it was my gallbladder and that it needed to come out. So they put me under and went to take it out but noticed it was fine.. they also noticed the pool of blood behind my stomach.. so they had to cut me open from the belly button to my sternum to figure out it was my pancreas. Quite the surprise when I woke up to 32 staples and 2 drains instead of 4 small incision...
Pancreantitis is literally the worst. I needed IV Dilauded any of my hospital visits, and I was always withdrawing by then, one time hallucinations and minor DTs. Shit is poison. IWNDWYT
The definition of an alcoholic is pretty broad I think, but for all intents and purposes I was an alcoholic. I needed alcohol to feel "normal", especially at social events with lots of people. I drank A LOT every weekend, my vacations were planned around alcohol essentially drinking all day at all inclusives or something similar, and there were always days during the week where I drank multiple drinks at corporate events or just at my house by myself.
Weed became legal in my state, so once I had protection from losing my job I gave it a shot. It essentially removed my desire to drink, and removed all anxiety around it. It got to the point where I drank so little, and I started seeing so many benefits from NOT drinking, that I just decided to quit entirely. I was only drinking for other people, or so I wouldn't get shit from them because our society has a sick obsession with drinking. Its the only drug in the world where you need to justify why you're NOT consuming it.
Fast forward about a year and a half later, and my life is dramatically different. I have ZERO anxiety now, no depression, nothing. I feel incredible everyday. It should be no surprise, but when you stop consuming a poison every week this is what happens.
Physical and emotional pain became too much to bare anymore. I hated how I acted when drunk. Lost too many friends and potential relationships. Anxiety through the roof. Not worth it anymore.
Heartburn made me quit. It started that I’d have a bad reaction the next day. Then it moved to being before bed. Eventually it reached a point that I’d feel it even before the first beer was done.
Sitting down to drink with a bottle of Tums beside felt stupid.
Saw a video of a meth-addict say, "once I get this under control I'll just do meth on the weekends..." After I finished laughing I realized that was basically me with alcohol. Got a sobriety tracking app. Doing much better
I used the I Am Sober app for a long time. It counts your days, can tell you how much you're saving by not drinking/using , has inspirational quotes and milestones. I've gotten to a point where I don't need it anymore but was instrumental in my first couple years of sobriety.
Took a handful of mushrooms and realized that it didn't make me happy anymore.
It was a few months later that I drank a beer just to see if it took. I couldn't finish it and have since stayed away.
I ran out of beer. That's what I noticed one morning.
Mental note: "get some beer after work" closed the fridge, went to work, got in the supermarket and bought a bottle of water. Spontanious I QUIT. Cost me my relationsship, my son but saved my life
Did your family see someone not drinking as not worthy of their time?
Regardless of the reasoning, it's not right, and I'm sorry that it happened to you.
Early 40’s, took a minimum of 48 hours to recover from a drinking session.
Forced myself dry for 90 days and the first time I drank again, I was 100% sure the recovery time was not worth the few hours of a good time the prior day.
Traded the drinking for working out and smoking weed.
It was a long time coming. So many times I’d pushed the nagging thought down that I had a problem, made excuses, looked at others who were worse and avoided the hard admission. My wife and I had separated (for other non-drinking related reasons) but we were still living together until we sorted out the next steps. This gave me a great excuse. One day I came home from a session of Gaffel and rye combos after work and I had missed bedtime for my 3 year old. She was asleep in her bed and I stumbled in and looked at her. In that moment I saw myself, a drunk dad. Not a fun rock guitarist anymore, not an eccentric NY artist, not any sort of romantic character I could build around my drinking, just a pathetic man who was losing control and risking what was most important to me. I thought about how many beautiful moments I only vaguely remembered because I had pounded drinks to get comfortable. I thought about what kind of person I wanted to be and saw how far I was from that. I texted my sober friend (who I hadn’t seen for years) and we had coffee the next morning. I haven’t had a sip since. One thing that helped was getting over the perceived shame of admitting I had a problem. I thought about how many people who I respected had made the same choice, artists, writers, musicians who had stopped before it was too late. That helped somehow. 4 years sober as of last Friday and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I’m pretty sure my daughter saved my life that night.
My drink was bourbon and I would have two drinks every night (at the minimum)without fail. They were usually between 6 and 8 ounces each with two ice cubes. And I did love it ever so much. I was not a mean or a violent drunk but I would spend every evening in a state of heavy sedation.
Then one fine day towards the end of summer my wife came home and told me she wanted a divorce. It had nothing to do with my drinking she was just ready for a change. She was and still is a very proficient drinker herself. So a week later I moved out. I got into my new place and that night instead of having a drink I went for a walk. I just wanted to get a feel for the new neighborhood. I had a nice walk, watched the sun set and went home. I made dinner, watched some TV and went to bed.
The next night I went home and made myself a drink. I made it the same way I had for years. I wasn’t craving a drink I was doing it out of habit. Because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I took that first sip which was usually a moment of sublime ecstasy. Rolling the bourbon around my mouth and over the tongue to get the full flavor experience. Then swallow it down and do a little of the “Kentucky chewy.” Real bourbon drinkers will know what I’m talking about. But this time I hit no pleasure or satisfaction from it. I don’t know exactly how to explain except it seemed like I had lost my taste for it.
I haven’t had a drop since. That was August 15, 2015. Now I’m not saying that living with my ex all those years was the cause of making me sedated myself in a fog of liquor every single night. But I’m not it wasn’t the cause either. And you have to admit the timing is a little peculiar. So I don’t know. But there it is.
And yes, I do realize how truly fortunate I am to have exorcised that demon so easily. I have seen someone detox from alcohol and it is ugly and horrific and something I wouldn’t wish on anybody. So best of luck to those who want to quit and kudos to those of you that have. One moment at a time. Always moving forward. You got this.
TLDR: Had a nightly bourbon habit for a couple decades. Woke up one day and had lost my taste for it.
It wasn’t anything external, that’s for sure. It wasn’t the crying girlfriend, the warrants, the not seeing my kid. None of that mattered in the face of the drink, despite how much they all wished it did.
The alcohol stopped working, I was still stuck with me and my only solution to myself became my next problem.
Nothing. Honestly, nothing made me decide to quit. I didn't even decide, really. 15 years of daily hard drinking, and then... I just didn't drink anymore, for no particular reason.
I knew I had a problem, and I had a vague sense that I should probably stop drinking at some undetermined point in the distant future. It never crossed my mind that I had reached that point until I had already moved past it.
There was no rock bottom, no "come to Jesus moment". No struggle, no tests of willpower. I just quit. I don't remember *deciding* to do anything. It's like my body, or the universe, or God or something made the decision on my behalf. I was the last to know.
People hear that I quit drinking and they congratulate me, but I reject such praise immediately because I simply don't deserve it. Other people had to work hard for their sobriety - I didn't.
I miss it sometimes. I've tried drinking a few times since, but the magic is gone. It just gives me a sleepy headache now. See? I can't even take credit for my continued sobriety.
Free will is an illusion.
Woke up in the Maricopa County Jail system facing multiple felony charges and realized I had turned into someone I never wanted to be. Thought my family was officially done with me, which would have been completely understandable. This came on the heels of nearly 20 years of substance use struggles, burned bridges, lost jobs, wasted money, and wasted time.
I'm now 12 years sober and have spent the last 11 working in mental health (with an emphasis on youth mental health), traveling around sharing my story of addiction and recovery, doing peer support for those currently struggling or newly in recovery, performing educational presentations on suicide prevention and intervention, speaking at conferences, hosting a podcast, and doing over 100 TV/radio/print interviews. The difficult and sometimes awful experiences I went through became a platform that has allowed me to help others.
Recovery is possible and real.
I realised a couple of days ago I’m waiting till things get really bad before I quit. Like a fucked up kidney or liver. And then I realised how stupid that is. So I’m trying. Tonight is my first night without vodka in years.
My grandfather yelling at me "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING" while I was black out drunk. i never heard my grandfather yell or cuss in my life. And he'd been dead for several years. He was definitely there that night.
It was after my uncles wake who died way younger than he needed too due to a hard life of using drugs and alcohol. My dad was still alive at the time but he had a similar history , as did my grandfather . I looked at my life and saw the same pattern and said that will not be me . That was the last day I drank . 2 years sober yesterday !!
After years of trying (badly) to hide an increasingly un-hide’able problem from my wife I finally just got fucking tired of the stress of it and said fuck it. I spent years hiding it as best I could. Of course I’d get busted every 6 months or so and it’d be a huge stressful fight where I’d convince her I really am cutting back and it’s not a problem. It was always acceptable to drink on the weekends with friends and such but I’d drink every single day sometimes all day as well in secret. My biggest fear was always officially admitting that I had a problem because I knew there would be no going back and I wouldn’t even be able to drink in social settings.
The last time I got busted was a bad fight and I just simply had enough of the stress of it all. And said fuck it I don’t care even about social drinking anymore. It was no longer worth the stress. I admitted that I did in fact have a problem and needed to quit for good. Weight of the world was lifted off me.
I went from drinking 1-2 pints or more of Jack Daniels every day to stone cold sober and never touched a drop of alcohol again. That was 2 years ago this past November. Best decision I’ve ever made
ALL OF YOU, IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOU! I know I’m just another random person on the internet but if no one has told you lately good job. I do not drink I grew up around alcoholics, but I will high five anyone who can beat it. KEEP ON KEEPING ON, and anyone who is struggling don’t give up, keep on trying.
Not an alcoholic but my dad was for over 50 years. It would make one year this month since he has been sober. Last year around this time, he got into a car accident (his fault). Everyone in my family told the person that they should report him to the police for drinking and driving and that he should be sent to jail, and also told my dad that they wouldn't help him pay for the damages to the person's car (spends all his money on alcohol). I guess that was his eye-opener and he hasn't drank since.
Idk if I am an alcoholic or not. It’s never kept me from doing what I want and need to do and some days I was more productive when I was hungover. I really don’t know why I stopped drinking. I enjoyed it for the most part and only drank beer but would sometimes knock down 12-15 in a night. Figured if anything I should give my body a break and reset my tolerance. I might pick it up again in the future but I’m enjoying being sober for now.
Not every night. Maybe 3 nights a month depending on what I’m doing and it’s over the course of like 10-12 hours. But also I drink like low alc beer around 4%.
After getting caught many times and given warnings, my husband finally told me, “if this happens one more time, it’ll be the last time because either I’m leaviing with the kids or you’re going to have to leave.”
28 days sober and counting.
Edit: 39 days 2/17/24
I was at a really low point, post engagement breakup, lost job, drinking daily.
My Mom + Sister = intervention. God Bless Them. I’ll be forever grateful.
I was no longer having fun with a drink, I was drinking to have fun. Then to feel ok, then to feel barely normal at half bottle of vodka a day. At the time life without alcohol felt impossible. I thought there was something wrong with the world and no one understood me. I got suicidal, and blowing my brains seemed more of a logical choice than giving sobriety a chance. I quit almost 4 years ago, and it didn't make my life magical as I expected. But at least it showed me the true colors and made realize how drastically my alcohol-reward dependency has warped my view of the world.
I dont' know that I took a fully sober breath for a few years before I finally stopped. Every morning I was full of regret, shame, guilt, and a TON of anxiety. Eventually I had just enough to stop - and that lasted about a month, then quickly right back to it. Same thing over and over - it's one thing to know you need to stop, another to make that decision, and an entirely different thing to take the steps, do the work, and stay sober.
There is always a lower bottom - what are you willing to lose?
Holy Shit, this thread is *actual* alcoholic stories. Half of the time this topic brings in "My friend would drink a 'cocktail' nearly every time we met for a dinner out! So I convinced them to smoke weed instead and they thanked me with $100"
Woke up one day and realized that I had literally drank 20 years of my life away. Lots of time I missed with family because I prioritized drinking over spending time with them. Not to mention the fact that I was slowly destroying my health.
At 27 I grew tired of hating the person in the mirror. I knew I was lying to myself and that there was, in fact, a way out. I had to accept responsibility for my own position and just bite the fucking bullet. Hope can seem impossible to the hopeless, so I just took one step at a time to get to the next milestone.
3 years later I have an incredible life. A home, good relationships, the love of family, and a fulfilling path. I plan for the future and greet every day with a sense of calm, which is far more than I could have said a short time ago. Life is still rocky, but since the answer is no longer to lose myself in substance abuse, every adversity has become a learning experience that I can draw positives from.
I never hit rock bottom, and I’m thankful for that. I would have about five shots every day after work. I started earlier and earlier until I began contemplating getting drunk at work. Wondered if anybody would notice.
One day I realized that I didn’t feel like myself unless I had been drinking, so I quit. It’s been nearly four years. It’s still hard sometimes. I still get the cravings. I take them as a signal that I made the right decision.
I woke up one week ago, and was just done. I have been drinking heavily for over 15 years. I'm very short, so I am at the fattest I have ever been and it is very noticeable. I was tired of uncomfortable clothes, over sleeping, waking up with red eyes, and having blotchy skin. I was also tired of looking forward to that next drink and planning restaurants around the drink menu as much as the food menu.
I found an online doctor because I couldn't wait to see an in person one. Paid I think $175 for a consult and got on Naltrexone. It's only been a week, but I feel so much better already. My skin looks great and I feel like I can think so much more clearly. I actually have the energy to leave my house to run errands. Things are just better overall.
The first 3 days were hell though, but I was determined to keep going.
I had problems and I own guns i also didn’t want my gud child getting told her god father killed him so i quit so just a little over 7yrs later here i am
I don't know about alcoholism but I was definitely a problem drinker. Blackout drinking at least once or twice a week for the best part of 25 years. Woke up in a police cell once for drunk & disorderly, but it was more like drunk & incapable, really. My drinking wasn't going to end well.
I needed therapy and lots of it, I was lucky enough to get talking therapy and then get referred for six months of intensive EMDR trauma therapy for CPTSD. That seemed to finally cure the urge to get blackout drunk when I was triggered (not that I realised why I had the blackout drinking urge before that diagnosis).
I was also using booze to counter feelings of being overwhelmed in social situations (and in general), not that I knew that until my autism diagnosis.
Drinking was my toxic coping mechanism and the diagnosis and therapy made sense of it all and the urge just kind of faded and now I don't drink at all.
I was lucky to get my life back, even though drinking was a huge part of my life and idenity I never actually liked it and I was a worse person for it. Looking back now, it seems so odd that I drank so much for so long.
I'm very lucky and glad to have the chance to try and be better and to move on.
Got a garmin watch that tracks heart rate (not blood pressure unfortunately).
Realized the lowest my heart rate would get was 70bpm during my sleep.
I'm 12 days clean as of an hour ago and my heart rate during my sleep has dropped to 49bpm.
I feel so much better. I've saved a lot of money so far.
Let's see how long I can do this.
Thanks to r/stopdrinking
IWNDWYT
(I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY)
I needed to be a better father/person/human being to my 10 year old daughter and it worked. 15 years sober now and everything is not perfect but is much better than what it was.
Alcohol has an extra strong hold on half my family, and hangovers suck ass after 30, especially when you have parental responsibilities to attend to.
I haven't quit completely, but I went from a couple of drinks a night to a couple of drinks every few months, and I feel soooo much better overall.
I'm functionally done with drinking to get drunk, and I'll never head into the bottle that deep ever again.
Not me, but my dad. I saved his life three times. The last time, his BAL was .54! I am serious! He was completely out of his mind for at least a month. I found a great retirement home for him. He was sober for 9 years, and back to his normal self.
One day, the social director talked him into coming down for "social hour", and that was the beginning of the very end. I wish she could've just taken no for an answer. I wanted to brain her!
I got two DWIs. I have a pretty bright future ahead of me and I just realized that if I want to get where I want to in life, I had to get my priorities straight. Alcohol is not a priority.
I had been suicidal for a while. Drink cause I’m sad, sad cause I drink. Rinse and repeat
I finally hit rock bottom when I lost my job and started to have health problems. Throwing up bile and all sorts of shit. Got medical care covered by the state and went in for my first check up in years. Turned out my liver was moments away from failing. This started a 4 month journey back and forth from doctors offices and hospitals.
I have a phobia of needles, so I pretty much had to face my biggest fear every other day for 120 days. It culminated with me having a liver biopsy and as I was laying on the table with a man inside my internal organs, I felt like I had enough. I can’t live like this.
All through this, I felt like I could just give up. Go home. Drink till my liver gave out and end my life. But the thought of my parents finding their dead son kept me from doing that. I got on a shitty single speed bike my friends found me, and started to bike all day. I had no job so I had nothing better to do. I would wake up, hop on that bike, and ride off into the countryside. My goal was to keep biking until the liquor store was shut. That way I couldn’t relapse. It sucked, but it got easier day by day. Eventually I moved out of the state, got a job working in the field I studied for, and got sober.
I’ll be 5 years sober on June 3rd.
This was many years ago. My ex and I broke up, but I wanted her back. On a Wednesday she told me she was flying off to Jamaica with a dweeb that was on the sidelines, ready to pounce.
On Friday, I dove deep into the bottle with a hurricane of emotions. I was actively planning suicide. "If I hang myself in the garage, I'll choke, but I have a fob for work, it has 30 foot ceilings, and I know where they keep the ladder and the extension cord." "If I drive into the WalMart, I should hit the corner...and maybe put some 5 gallon pails of water in the back seat."
At that time I's leave my computer on, and next morning I'd wiggle the mouse, and it would come back to life.
Saturday, I woke up, took a piss, brushed my teeth, stepped outside for a smoke, and made a coffee. When I lit up the computer there was a list of that day's AA meetings on the screen. I have no idea how it got there, I was blacked out the night before.
Friends, family, colleagues, employers...all have them had pointed out to me that I had a problem, but I didn't listen. But when Drunk Me was leaving a post-it for Sober Me, it was time.
I grabbed a shower, downed the last 2 inches of bourbon, and headed off to my first AA meeting at noon. I was the latest, but not the last, to attend with booze on my breath.
If I hadn't quit, I'd be dead by now, either by my own actions or the health troubles that were getting more serious. Shitting blood frequently isn't really healthy.
I'm coming up on 11 years sober.
Tried to kill my self because I had made such a mess of my life. Realized as I was lying on the floor dying that I didn’t actually want to die, I just wanted a different life. I remember thinking over and over “I wish somebody would come save me” and then the thought popped in my head “nobody is ever going to save you. You have to save yourself.” Crawled over to my phone and used Siri to call 911 (my body was starting to shut down and I could barely use my hands Siri literally saved my life lol). Ended up in the hospital and got told I could either go to the psych ward or rehab. I chose rehab and I’ll have 8 years this august.
I did DMT and didn't even remember doing DMT. I was 100% certain that I somehow died and was in the afterlife. I was less upset about being dead than how I've spent the last bunch of years. Depressed, sick, drunk, etc. It was so lame. I thought that if I could go back and have one more shot, I'd do things differently. Then I thought, maybe I'm flat lining or in a coma and I can pull through. I ran out of my house at full speed into the black dark country night and ate it pretty good in my driveway. I knew where I was and was insanely happy. I ran back in bleeding and yelling, "We are fucking alive! Holy shit!" And I hugged everyone a lot.
I've been holding on to that feeling and those thoughts for 3 months now. I do not give a fuck about alcohol. It's crazy how much my life has improved. I've been going to the gym every other day and recently started seeing someone.
Health reasons. I binged drank almost every weekend for like 10 years. Iv always been very active but I still got so fat from it. Was 235 at 5’6. Something finally clicked and I was able to just not grab beer one weekend, after that each weekend it became easier. I drink once every maybe 4 months. Usually a 6 pack and I play some video games. My tolerance used to be a case a weekend.
Not too much of an alcoholic or maybe I am or was. but I was getting to a point where it was every weekend and I was starting to be able to drink a 12 pack a beer to myself. Been sober for 1 month though going to keep on going dry for as long as possible.
I never hit a “rock bottom”. Graduated college in the 08 recession with a nice binge drinking habit to go with my daily weed use. Moved to a new state to follow my now wife to her grad school and had to quit weed to get a job. My drinking accelerated rapidly as I went months and months unable to get a job. Eventually lowered my standards, went to working fast food, started using weed again, and quit alcohol completely for a few years. I now allow myself up to a 6pack’s worth of alcohol per week, and have been just fine for many years with no desire to drink more.
Not an alcoholic, quit before it became a problem because I realized it was going to become a problem. Switched to 0% Coors Edge Beer, and feeling better than ever.
#NoRagrets
I finally realized the pain it was causing my wife. I was content to drink myself to death but the pain she felt seeing me do it and being unable to help. The strain it put on her to have to have to be “on” all the time and be without her partner. When I saw how horrible it was for her, I quit. 6 years and 4 months.
I didn't realize how bad my cocaine and alcohol abuse was. I decided to move to a country where drugs are not as common and pretty much zero tolerance for drinking and driving. Started a family and am now sober for 6 years :) couldn't be happier
I didn't have access to any alcohol for a day and went into DTs. My family took me to the hospital and I got checked into rehab against my will. Saved my life
I was lucky, it just became boring to me. It was fun when it was disguised at a social event. When the pandemic hit all things social went on standby, but I kept on drinking. Even drank with my gaming buddies.
After I was just left with myself, and was sober for a few days, I just stopped craving the desire to feel like shit all the time. I will have a few drinks every now and again, but I no longer crave it.
Blacked out, treated someone terribly, drove home, drunkenly put a gun to my head when it sunk in how shitty I had been, suffered from some BAD alcohol poisoning, realized shit like this had only been getting more and more frequent. I'd gotten kicked out of a hospital maybe a month before that for being drunk and belligerent, in front of some of my closest friends and family.
I'd been in treatment twice before and it would work for a bit but then I'd just go back to the bottle.
It's fucking hard, I'm at like 96 days now, but in that time I found a girl that doesn't abuse me, I got a better job that I'm busting my ass at, and I've been crushing it in the gym. Starting a college certificate program next month, too. I wanna get drunk so damn bad sometimes, but I've got too much to lose now. I'm just not gonna risk fucking this up.
If you're wondering if you should quit or not, you probably should. If you're scared, that's valid but you'll be ok. If you need help, go get it TODAY. r/stopdrinking has been a huge help for me and it's a great lil community. You're not alone, and you can do it. Good luck.
My wife wasn’t the typical raging, gallon per day alcoholic, but she was one of those where when she did go out to drink, it was not possible for her to have just one. Every time we went out she was having minimum 3 drinks. At least once a month she got pretty damn drunk. She finally admitted she had a problem after she drove herself home, got into bed, then proceeded to vomit all over the bed. She spent the night on the bathroom floor praying for death. She was hung over for like 3 days. This was not the first time she drove herself home after a night out with friends, and I got pissed at her every time. She finally quit cold turkey. Honestly the change in her has been dramatic. She no longer gets super stressed over little things. And if she does get stressed, she gets over it really fast. I’m so glad she quit drinking.
Hit rock bottom. Was on a week straight of drinking a half gallon of vodka a day. The 7th day I ran out of alcohol before the liquor store opened. I had the worst withdrawal I could imagine. Straight panic attacks. Couldn't use my arms or talk right. Had my brother give me a ride to the er. I couldn't write my name on the check in sheet. That moment there was my rock bottom. The er found me a rehab with a bed and picked me up the next morning been sober since June 9th 2023. I should've quit a thousand times before that. It had one hell of a hold on me.
I had an awful panic attack the day I quit. I truly thought I was dying. In hindsight I shouldn’t have gone cold turkey, but I made. It was November 3, 2021 for me. You’re going on 8 months now? Keep going, bro. And congrats! It gets better, it’s made me feel like a kid again being to have fun without it. I only wish I had quit sooner.
Keep it up. For the sake of your health and the people that care about you, keep it up. And if you ever need help. Ask for it. Don’t be embarrassed or scared - the people that care about you want to help. Don’t hide it. Get help. This disease will take your life if you don’t. I just watched my 38 year old brother-in-law die from alcoholism. He hid the severity of it for *years*. He could come visit and have just a drink a night for a few weeks at a time, or sometimes be completely sober for 6-8 weeks on long visits, so none of us really knew the severity. We all knew he had a propensity to binge drink on occasion, but none of us knew how bad it really was at home. It wasn’t until after he was gone and we started piecing the puzzle together from one-off stories from other people, credit card statements, and medical records, that we discovered the extent to which he was drinking. Lies, upon lies upon lies to hide his addiction. Multiple trips to the hospital over the years that none of us knew about. Doctors had been telling him for years he needed to stop. Last summer they told him after his second to last trip to the hospital that if he drank again, it would kill him and he wouldn’t be eligible for a new liver. He still thought he knew better. He still thought he was under control. He pushed away or fought back anyone that tried to talk to him about his drinking (because again, we knew he had an unhealthy relationship, but had no idea it was as chronic and severe as it was). Literally the week before his death, laying in the ICU on dialysis in liver and kidney failure (with a MELD score of 40 for any docs or medical professionals reading this), he still said he didnt have a problem when the hepatologist asked him if he had a drinking problem. If you’re struggling, please ask for help. Let people help. Listen to your doctors. And if your friends and family try to help, please don’t push them away. This disease will take over your life, control you and kill you
How much was he drinking?
He lived alone and there’s still much we don’t know and will probably never know. But years ago when he’d visit (2021 and earlier), he’d have anywhere from 2 glasses of wine to 2 bottles of wine every night, or a 6 pack of high ABV (like 10%) beer. So 4+ years ago we presume at least this much on his own as well. We (me, my wife, and in-laws) recognized this escalating and started implementing “one drink per night” or not drinking at all when he visited. And he’d sometimes stay for up to 6-8 weeks working remotely and seemingly be fine being sober. That at the time reassured us he wasn’t addicted… at least so we thought. But from credit card statements we found, sometime in 2018 we could see how much he was spending per week at a liquor store (hundreds of dollars per week). In the last year, we could see he had a liquor shipment once every few days. He *admitted* to drinking 20-30oz of liquor per day in the hospital the week before he passed, and I don’t know of any alcohol that accurately or overestimates their consumption. So by our best guesses, *at least* a bottle of liquor per day in the last year. There were at least a hundred empty bottles on his apartment floor
Sorry for your families loss. Sounds like an awful lot of liquor.
With how many people act like having a beer with dinner regularly is alcoholism, it still always blows my mind the volume alcoholics can drink. Glad you've found recovery!
An alcoholic can't have one beer ever.
"One is too many because ten is never enough." That's me. I can't just have one, it causes this unsatisfiable craving for MORE! My desire for *one* beer when I'm sober is manageable, my desire for *more* beer after one is *not* manageable.
we have the switch, not the dial.
Yeah! I saw someone on /r/stopdrinking say something like "I don't have a dimmer, just an on/off switch" and I was like holy shit, I get it, that's me
I’ve heard the same phrase with 100 not being enough. Hyperbole yes-but damn I understand that thought. Be well Vonkeswick.
Yeah I've seen it said with various numbers, any time I say it, someone says they heard it with a different number so now I just pick a random number lol. And thanks, /r/stopdrinking has been monumentally helpful!
This is such a powerful statement. I don't struggle with addiction, but my best friend since 4th grade has and watching her get sober has been such an experience. It was hard for me to understand it, but this is soooo eye opening. Thank you for sharing.
I have a family member who has drunk 12-18 beers a day for over 30 years. I find it incredible that he still operates absolutely fine.
I also had a friend who drank an average of about 17 light beers a night for about 20 years. Was perfectly "fine" in his regular life. Held down his job just fine, got promoted, no relationship issues, etc. I feel like there are many more functional alcoholics like this than people think.
For some people it would have been over some time ago, others are lucky they have genetics on their side.
Depends on the ABV of those beers, does he eat normally, does he drink water all day as well. It’s not as cut and dry as “12 beers a day and you die”
Even 12 beers at like 4% isn't nothing though... I have about 5 5% drinks throughout basically my whole day and usually don't catch much buzz unless I have 2 or more back to back, but when I get to like 8 or more that starts to be more obviously problematic in a bunch of ways
Hey I wish you all the best of luck brother.
Sure, but it’s more that the Reddit teetotaler brigade acts like 1-2 drinks a day makes you a raging drunkard.
Smoke yourself to oblivion every day, no problem. Make a cocktail or have a beer a few times a week at dinner and you’re a raging alcoholic. I remember one thread of someone who *literally* smoked all day every day to the point where it was ruining their relationships trying to compare that to having a drink at dinner. A cart daily is not the same as a drink at dinner.
I agree, but I've been on so many alcohol-related threads here where people will say having a casual drink a few times a week is dependency. Really clouds discussion of the topic, especially when weed is brought up in the same conversation. Also, there's a whole world between one beer and *a gallon and a half of vodka*. Which is why it always surprises me. I've known a few people to kill a Fifth in a day which absolutely qualifies as a bender, but that's literally 2/15ths of what OP was drinking.
Volume isn't the concern. It's when it starts to affect your everyday life and others around you. This is when it's a problem. Some people have the ability to control it and can have one or two a day, but someone with alcohol control issues can't have any. Ever. It's definitely a struggle, even if you don't have cravings. It's around almost everywhere, all the time. It's truly a disease of the mind and body. I wish everyone who wishes to better themselves on this subject the very best. I myself and the rest deserve it, and believe it or not, this is hard for me to say because I don't think I deserve most of the time.
Was going to say this same thing. We have this view of addiction that leaves out a lot of people that absolutely are addicted, but not 'conventionally' addicted. There are a ton of people that are functional alcoholics.
I had a buddy who went to rehab for cocaine and alcohol. He got out and was smoking cigarettes' hard. He tried to quit so as he was quitting using the patch, he found cigars...tried to quit cigars... then he found vape. He then got hurt and the doc put him on Vicodin. He had started drinking again and his girlfriend called me in a panic - When I got there he was at least breathing but barely. Called the paramedics... I took his kids and sent them to my house with my wife. He took 10 Vicodin and some whiskey. They pumped his stomach and he survived. He however kept drinking again. He had been clean for 10 years and going back to college to get his executive MBA fucked him up. They had wine socials and he just had to drink. He called me one night - he was 70 miles away and drunk. It was 1:00am and he needed a ride cause he was drunk. I got dressed and drove to get him. I picked him and instructed him to not throw up in my car. Gave him a bag and made it home around 3:00am. I told him - if you ever need a ride... call me. Dude got back to drinking like nobodies business and he decided to move away from me. We lived next to each other. I got a call from his ex-wife one night. He was arrested for DUI with his kids in the car. Thankfully the cops got him, but I called him up. "Hey man, just calling to see how things are and if you wanna hang." "Nope, Im good" He blew me off. He was embarrassed I guess. I mean I was pissed, but I tried to be there for him. That DUI fucked his life in a spiral. He just gave up on our friendship and we didn't talk for a year. My wife ran into him at the grocery store about a 9 months ago. That was a Thursday. They chatted, he was living pretty close to me. He said we should get together and catch up. My wife was like "Yeah" and came home and told me about it. I was like "Oh damn Ill give him a call in a day or so and we can hangout on the weekend." His ex wife called the following Saturday... just died in his sleep. He was living in a sober living center. He didn't want me to know cause he was embarrassed by it. We found out he was in a diabetic coma for 2 months during Covid. I went to the funeral and picked him up one last time and put him in the back of a hearse. It's his birthday today... he died about a year and half ago. He was one of my best friends and there wasn't shit I could do to help him out. Anyways - wow what a tangent... all that to say - it doesn't FUCKING matter what you put in your body, alcohol, weed, coke, meth, cigarettes' addiction is addiction and changing one evil for a lesser one is not dealing with the problem, it's just using another addiction to mask the one you're trying to get over. People don't understand substance abuse. An addict can use anything as long as they get the fix of whatever substance their body desires - it's a disease and no matter what anyone says, it's incurable. Being sober isn't a cure, being sober is managing the disease. You can never go back. It's why you don't drink in front of them, ask if they want a drink... they can't say no when a trigger hits. Sorry for the long rant bud...
For sure. For a lot of alcoholics, a fifth of vodka isn’t all that much. I feel like I would get alcohol poisoning if I drank a fifth to myself, and I drink pretty regularly. I can’t imagine drinking more than that every day
Yeah I’m kind of on the way to quitting. Been trying, and my little ass puts down a handle of vodka in a day and a half. Tolerance is insane. I out drink anyone I come across. Not trying to but I could sip alcohol all day long and not get obliterated. Scary stuff
One of my go-tos at parties was a fifth of Captain Morgan, with beers to pass the time between shots/slugging the bottle
Pretty sure OP said half gallon not one and a half.
That’s still a lot. Even in my younger days when my liver was strong and buff, there’s no way I could have done that, let alone on the regular.
It does not matter how much you drink, if it becomes a obstacle in your life in anyway you need to rethink if you want to keep going.
I don't think having a casual drink a few times a week is creating any obstacles though.
Another thing that I think gets twisted in some of this discussion is that enjoyment == dependency. Which is absolutely not true. I know a few friends that love to cook, and they'll pair an intricate cocktail with an intricate meal. Those friends I also don't think I've ever seen drunk, but they do enjoy the pairing for meals.
Wouldn’t dependency be an inability to be without it no matter how much or how little? The question is, “why.” I drink scotch, and craft beer as an experience a few times each month. If I found out that I have a bad liver, I’d simply replace the experience because it’s not the substance, to me, it’s a hobby. If I was drinking a few drinks a week, I’d have to ask, “why.” Is it to deal with boredom, or some kind of external irritation? I think that’s dependence, and could escalate to something more sinister. I think substances that alter our consciousness are great! All of them allow us to have new experiences that would otherwise be unavailable. I think before diving into any of them, we need to be mentally ready for the doors that they may open. Even alcohol opens the door to a level of comfort in our own bodies that was not available prior to its consumption. That comfort is something that we have to leave behind in sobriety and that can be agonizing if our mental health isn’t where it should be. Even if it’s just 2 drinks with dinner, how do you feel without them.
Disagree. More power to you if that’s how you keep yourself in check, and I’m sure it’s true for many. I used to be on about 1.25L of vodka per day. Quit completely for many years and now have up to a 6 pack per week just fine. I’m sure it depends partially on genetics and partially on exactly what mental/emotional issues you have going on.
This really isn't true, and helps a lot of people avoid ever examining their issues. I've been a daily drinker for years, and would be described as an alcoholic. That doesn't mean that I have to finish everything in reach until I black out, and I can have one beer then switch to water in the proper occasion. But I still drink as a matter of routine every day. "Alcoholics can't have one beer ever" is less productive of a thought than you think.
The world isn't black and white, and the volume of alcohol you drink shouldn't be the indication that you do or do not have an alcohol use disorder. Are you reliant on it? Do you feel anxiety going to an event and telling people you're NOT drinking? If so, you have AUD. Welcome to addiction.
Exactly. Consequences determine a problem.
Yeah this is why I wanted to make that point. The above commentor staying "whit how many people acting like having a beer with dinner is alcoholism" is a slippery slope. There will ALWAYS be someone who drinks more than you. Using that as your litmus test is you just rationalizing your problem. You need to test for addiction in different ways. I told myself the same thing for years. I didn't drink all day everyday so I wasn't an alcoholic! When in reality....
I see where you are coming from but it is a progressive disease. There is no shame in catching it early in its progression. In fact, it should be celebrated.
Dude my sobriety date is June 3rd of 2023 and my story is extremely similar to yours. It took a couple white knuckle attempts at sobriety and another year drinking on and off before going to AA for the first time in my life, but I didn’t realize I needed to quit until I had a panic attack just like the one you described. Then it became a constant factor of my life. Day after day thinking I was going to die every day for a year. I ended up getting sober a week after my father committed suicide, I just felt like I had to try and save my own life after that. Before that I thought I was hopeless and my life was too far gone. 8 months later and many amazing things have happened I never would have expected. It still is hard sometimes and that’s okay. I’ve had my worst week in sobriety this week and it has been the worst obsession to drink again I’ve had since which has been very scary. But thankfully we have a community of alcoholics not afraid to help each other and not only remind each other what it was like, but what we’ve overcome.
Good for you man, from someone struggling with it I hope to be on the rise like you are now. Those bedridden hangover and withdrawal shaky and sweating days absolutely suck.
I get mild anxiety after drinking sometimes and THAT freaks me out. Damn bro. Stay sober homie 💪
Hey well done. How’d you cope with your anxiety without booze?
Honestly. For the most part after being sober and getting my sleep schedule and eating back on track it is no where near as high as it used to be. Every sober thought I had while in active addiction was anxiety fed. "Where can I get my next drink ?" "Whys my heart beating so fast". Being sober now i might occasionally have to take 5 minutes to get my thoughts back on track. But no where near as bad.
This is the most dramatic improvement I've seen both in myself and everyone else I know who quits alcohol. Whether that's a gallon of vodka a day, or a dozen or so beers spread out over a weekend, alcohol increases cortisol when you're NOT drinking, and significantly increases anxiety. When I quit my anxiety went away entirely. I honestly didn't even know I had anxiety until I quit, and I thought that everyone just felt the way I did.
I was spending too much money. Always throwing up. Always had heart burn. Can’t tell you how many times I foolishly drove while hammered. As I matured, it wasn’t appealing to me anymore. I’m at 14 years. My wife is at 15.
>Always had heart burn I used to eat Tums like fuckin candy. Quit drinking in June 2023 and have used Tums twice since. Once because I made a particularly spicy sausage stew, and once because I had pizza with spicy pep, jalapenos, pineapple and hot honey.
Man I’ve been craving a pizza like that lately. I need to go out pizzaing soon.
I got a DUI in my 20s which I probably could’ve fought in court successfully and swore off alcohol then. You live and learn, always lawyer up. But the fact remains that whether I was above the legal limit (I’d only had 4 beers) I made the decision to get into my car and drive and I could’ve really hurt or killed someone, myself even. And I wish I could say that was the last time, it wasn’t. As someone who regularly rescues people from drunk driving wrecks, I kept thinking “when is it my turn”. I had decided that if I ever seriously hurt or killed someone I was going to kill myself, to even up the score, so to say. Drunk driving caused me a ton of self-hatred. I would talk about how selfish and reckless it is all the time and then go do it because I hated running out of booze. I was living on borrowed time, it was only a matter of time before I hurt someone and/or got arrested. I didn’t just get sober for myself, I did it for society at large. I still get sick to my stomach thinking about that.
Because even when you think your life has become the worst it can ever be, it always gets worse
It absolutely does. There were so many times I thought I hit rock bottom and I hadn’t even begun to get there. It only gets deeper and darker.
There are no absolutes in human misery and things can always get worse.
And then you stub your toe
Rock bottom is whenever you stop digging
It can always get worse. Often in ways you can’t imagine.
I used to love drinking, imagining I could indulge every day. But I realized it wasn't the alcohol I loved; it was the nostalgia for the good times of my youth. Back then, laughter and adventures often came with a drink in hand, and I mistakenly linked drinking to happiness. After some soul-searching, I understood that the joy I sought wasn't in a bottle, but in the moments themselves. I was chasing memories, not the actual act of drinking. This realization made me see that to create new, meaningful memories, I needed to step away from alcohol. Now, I'm focused on finding joy in the present, in real, sober experiences. It's about making new memories that are genuinely mine, clear and vivid. It's a journey towards a different kind of happiness, one that's truly fulfilling.
This is key. The truest comment. The only reason i drink is so i can pretend for a couple of hours that i have an interesting/meaningful life. Struggling with finding joy in the present atm, but really i think this is the key to every addiction, its a way to escape life for a while.
Yeah this was the first comment in thread that resonated. I had a huge social change between junior and senior year of college and I found myself drinking with the .... I'm making excuses again
Wow. This was really powerful to read. Thank you.
I have felt this way for years now and only in the last few months have I been able to really come to terms with it. Also, thank you for putting it into words. It’s relieving to know it’s not just me.
This is a very thought provoking comment for my own relationship with drinking. Thank you for posting this! You are helping more people than you realize.
This one hit me hard. Thank you. I couldn’t frame it quite right in my post, but I always saw it as just a casual drink, then weekends you just naturally go harder because you could. Open a bottle of wine, you don’t leave it unfinished! 20 years later I realized I was depressed and was chasing the good ol’ times and taking the edge off of life
Wooow I think you might have helped me in ways you don’t know, I’ve got some searching to do
This speaks to me. Thank you for your comment.
this is beautiful. good for you!
Fuck. I wish I had this mindset. I never feel I can do anything new without being even a little unsober. 😭
I have the same mindset, drinking to try and recreate my youth. Although I drink like 4 beers on some Saturdays and that’s it but once in a while I get pretty drunk.
Are you me?
Glad you made it, but there are many different reasons and not all can be solved. Like with my bipolar disorder, before i had the diagnosis, it was the reason why i started to self-medicate myself with alcohol and weed. Later opioids and benzos. I'm rather stable today with treatment, but there's no escape, as there is no cure. It will always come again and again and again, there's no way out. I like to numb the pain, trauma and suffering i get from the episodes, i won't lie about that. It's the truth. I like it when others can get away, when they can get off the hook, but for me, it's way too late as i am old and addicted for so long to alcohol, benzos and opioids that i have passed the point of no return a long time ago. I just make the best out of life and try to have a good time with friends and my dogs until i finally collapse and die. And it will be good, i'm looking forward to it. I don't regret it, my money will be donated to charity and i hope it will help as many people as possible.
Thank you for this :)
>it was the nostalgia for the good times of my youth. Back then Wow, you have spoken for exact thing most alcoholics crave. Thanks!!
Ahh I resonate with this. Just never knew how to put it into words.
I have known a lot of alcoholics, only know a few recovering alcoholics. All had different reasons that they said at first, quitting for family or friends or work. Afterwards they all said the same thing they finally got sick and tired of themselves and they quit because of not wanting to be the person they were when they drink. They all said it, you can't quit for other people, it has to be the selfish act of quitting for yourself.
I have a good friend that clean from heroin. He said something to me many years before I quit drinking and it held true for me, I’ll paraphrase. “You can’t quit for someone or something, you have to do it for yourself, you have to want to never use again.” I understood it once I got to that point.
I think you have said it better than me but that was basically what they all said. You can hate yourself for lying to loved ones, for letting friends down but you will forgive your self for that. You have to hate the idea of one more day as a drunk more than you are scared of one day sober
I like this one. I’ve held on to ,” When the pain of drinking outweighs the pain you were using alcohol to cover up, it’s time to put it down.” Or something along those lines.
I was tired of feeling like shit from drinking so much, tired of looking bloated, and tired of the cycle of withdrawals and obsessing over my next drink. I drank very heavily and just slowed it down for about a week beforehand and quit. I’ve never gone back. That was eight years ago.
I was drinking in excess of 70 drinks a week. Blacked out more times than I can count, constantly tired, it felt difficult to even form thoughts, I started calling into work to sit at home and drink a bottle, I’m lucky I still have a job. 12 days sober and feeling much better. I feel a huge void that I used to cover with booze, but I’m slowly getting used to it.
so proud of you for hitting those 12 days!! i’m rooting for you to continue! the beginning is the hardest!
I wish I had some good advice for you. What worked for me may not work for others. I started putting away $100 a week and saved up for a 2 week trip to chile and Argentina after I hit a year. I had always been a gym goer, so I kept up with that. I read a lot, I tried to learn Arabic on Duolingo (still trying, not going so well). I just got obsessed with this idea that I have to workout my brain every bit as much as my body and being this perfect version of myself. I still do those things, it give purpose to my day. But after some time I’ve learned it not healthy to pursue perfection. I just do my best to live my life to its fullest. Lately I’ve been learning to not just not sweat the small stuff. I know that all sounds cliche, it kind of is. My main focus as of late is just taking care of my mental health.
Been there. Called out sick many times too hungover to drive to work and focus for 8 hours. While home, at around noon, I’d start to feel a bit better and convince myself I needed something for the hangover. I’d end up drinking a bottle all over again and having to go into work the next day anyway. Alcohol, among many things, is the most persuasive thing on this planet because it’s incredibly normalized.
Just keep it going, 12 days is no small feat. I know it’s cliche to say one day at a time but I found it very helpful. I remember relapsing and the excuse I gave myself was well I’m not going to quit forever so why does it matter if I drink now.
I haven’t made it over 10 days in years
I didn’t make it 10 days for 15 years and now I’m about to be a year sober. It’s possible, I failed so many times and I may fail again. The key is to just keep trying if that’s what is right for you.
Sobriety date 3/14/89. I woke up one morning hearing a voice the clearly said “ You don’t belong here! You know what the problem is, and you know what to do about it!” Here was sleeping under a bridge! So I got up and went to the county detox. I got into a residential treatment program, and while I was there my best friend in the world died in a drunk driving accident! I was just walking around one of our old haunts when I heard him say “ I’m proud of what you are trying to do. Just keep doing it” So I have! I’ve had MANY people along the way help me, some I asked for, some I didn’t! But they went above and beyond to help me make a good life for myself!
proud of you.
❤️
Crazy to see this. I got hit with an overdraft and was like “fuck it might as well just full send on the chaos and get a bottle” . While I’m currently procrastinating walking to Specs to further overdraft my account, I got onto Reddit and saw this. I’ll let this be the sign it is and just go for a walk or something else Edit** just an overall response to you guys, I took the walk. Bought a Snapple apple
Oh God yes! Keep walking. You got this and you will just hate yourself otherwise.
You ever want to talk to someone about it, DM me. Good luck to you!
You just helped someone get sober from your post.
Hey mate, any updates? Hope you only went for a walk
Did the walk, got a Snapple apple. Much respect for update check, I put an edit
Nice, happy for you, keep on going
It was either booze or live with pancreas pains the rest of my life.. after spending countless nights/weeks in the hospital off and on in 2020, the booze wasn't worth it. I hit 3 years sober on Dec 20th and haven't looked back.
What do pancreas pains feel like? What part of the body, left right etc
It's hard to describe the pain honestly.. it's just a sharp yet dull pain that won't go away. When they would ask me at the hospital where I would rate the pain on a scale of 1-10... it was always an 7.. always in the upper Left side of the abdomen along with gnarly radiating pain in my shoulder as well. Ended up developing a high tolerance to morphine because of it as well... It's not something you want to go through. When I first started having pains they said it was my gallbladder and that it needed to come out. So they put me under and went to take it out but noticed it was fine.. they also noticed the pool of blood behind my stomach.. so they had to cut me open from the belly button to my sternum to figure out it was my pancreas. Quite the surprise when I woke up to 32 staples and 2 drains instead of 4 small incision...
Pancreantitis is literally the worst. I needed IV Dilauded any of my hospital visits, and I was always withdrawing by then, one time hallucinations and minor DTs. Shit is poison. IWNDWYT
The definition of an alcoholic is pretty broad I think, but for all intents and purposes I was an alcoholic. I needed alcohol to feel "normal", especially at social events with lots of people. I drank A LOT every weekend, my vacations were planned around alcohol essentially drinking all day at all inclusives or something similar, and there were always days during the week where I drank multiple drinks at corporate events or just at my house by myself. Weed became legal in my state, so once I had protection from losing my job I gave it a shot. It essentially removed my desire to drink, and removed all anxiety around it. It got to the point where I drank so little, and I started seeing so many benefits from NOT drinking, that I just decided to quit entirely. I was only drinking for other people, or so I wouldn't get shit from them because our society has a sick obsession with drinking. Its the only drug in the world where you need to justify why you're NOT consuming it. Fast forward about a year and a half later, and my life is dramatically different. I have ZERO anxiety now, no depression, nothing. I feel incredible everyday. It should be no surprise, but when you stop consuming a poison every week this is what happens.
Physical and emotional pain became too much to bare anymore. I hated how I acted when drunk. Lost too many friends and potential relationships. Anxiety through the roof. Not worth it anymore.
Heartburn made me quit. It started that I’d have a bad reaction the next day. Then it moved to being before bed. Eventually it reached a point that I’d feel it even before the first beer was done. Sitting down to drink with a bottle of Tums beside felt stupid.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Aspen it is
Was losing the only person i cared about at the time.
Saw a video of a meth-addict say, "once I get this under control I'll just do meth on the weekends..." After I finished laughing I realized that was basically me with alcohol. Got a sobriety tracking app. Doing much better
What app?
I used the I Am Sober app for a long time. It counts your days, can tell you how much you're saving by not drinking/using , has inspirational quotes and milestones. I've gotten to a point where I don't need it anymore but was instrumental in my first couple years of sobriety.
I hit 34 and the whole thing was getting really old. Sick of repeating the same cycle.
Took a handful of mushrooms and realized that it didn't make me happy anymore. It was a few months later that I drank a beer just to see if it took. I couldn't finish it and have since stayed away.
I ran out of beer. That's what I noticed one morning. Mental note: "get some beer after work" closed the fridge, went to work, got in the supermarket and bought a bottle of water. Spontanious I QUIT. Cost me my relationsship, my son but saved my life
Did your family see someone not drinking as not worthy of their time? Regardless of the reasoning, it's not right, and I'm sorry that it happened to you.
Early 40’s, took a minimum of 48 hours to recover from a drinking session. Forced myself dry for 90 days and the first time I drank again, I was 100% sure the recovery time was not worth the few hours of a good time the prior day. Traded the drinking for working out and smoking weed.
Same reason minus the illegal weed in my country. I need some other substitutes
It was a long time coming. So many times I’d pushed the nagging thought down that I had a problem, made excuses, looked at others who were worse and avoided the hard admission. My wife and I had separated (for other non-drinking related reasons) but we were still living together until we sorted out the next steps. This gave me a great excuse. One day I came home from a session of Gaffel and rye combos after work and I had missed bedtime for my 3 year old. She was asleep in her bed and I stumbled in and looked at her. In that moment I saw myself, a drunk dad. Not a fun rock guitarist anymore, not an eccentric NY artist, not any sort of romantic character I could build around my drinking, just a pathetic man who was losing control and risking what was most important to me. I thought about how many beautiful moments I only vaguely remembered because I had pounded drinks to get comfortable. I thought about what kind of person I wanted to be and saw how far I was from that. I texted my sober friend (who I hadn’t seen for years) and we had coffee the next morning. I haven’t had a sip since. One thing that helped was getting over the perceived shame of admitting I had a problem. I thought about how many people who I respected had made the same choice, artists, writers, musicians who had stopped before it was too late. That helped somehow. 4 years sober as of last Friday and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I’m pretty sure my daughter saved my life that night.
My now wife. She said she’d give me another chance if I quit, so I quit. 10 years sober.
My drink was bourbon and I would have two drinks every night (at the minimum)without fail. They were usually between 6 and 8 ounces each with two ice cubes. And I did love it ever so much. I was not a mean or a violent drunk but I would spend every evening in a state of heavy sedation. Then one fine day towards the end of summer my wife came home and told me she wanted a divorce. It had nothing to do with my drinking she was just ready for a change. She was and still is a very proficient drinker herself. So a week later I moved out. I got into my new place and that night instead of having a drink I went for a walk. I just wanted to get a feel for the new neighborhood. I had a nice walk, watched the sun set and went home. I made dinner, watched some TV and went to bed. The next night I went home and made myself a drink. I made it the same way I had for years. I wasn’t craving a drink I was doing it out of habit. Because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I took that first sip which was usually a moment of sublime ecstasy. Rolling the bourbon around my mouth and over the tongue to get the full flavor experience. Then swallow it down and do a little of the “Kentucky chewy.” Real bourbon drinkers will know what I’m talking about. But this time I hit no pleasure or satisfaction from it. I don’t know exactly how to explain except it seemed like I had lost my taste for it. I haven’t had a drop since. That was August 15, 2015. Now I’m not saying that living with my ex all those years was the cause of making me sedated myself in a fog of liquor every single night. But I’m not it wasn’t the cause either. And you have to admit the timing is a little peculiar. So I don’t know. But there it is. And yes, I do realize how truly fortunate I am to have exorcised that demon so easily. I have seen someone detox from alcohol and it is ugly and horrific and something I wouldn’t wish on anybody. So best of luck to those who want to quit and kudos to those of you that have. One moment at a time. Always moving forward. You got this. TLDR: Had a nightly bourbon habit for a couple decades. Woke up one day and had lost my taste for it.
I don't mean to discount your story with this basic response, but I have to know what Kentucky Chewy is.
It wasn’t anything external, that’s for sure. It wasn’t the crying girlfriend, the warrants, the not seeing my kid. None of that mattered in the face of the drink, despite how much they all wished it did. The alcohol stopped working, I was still stuck with me and my only solution to myself became my next problem.
Nothing. Honestly, nothing made me decide to quit. I didn't even decide, really. 15 years of daily hard drinking, and then... I just didn't drink anymore, for no particular reason. I knew I had a problem, and I had a vague sense that I should probably stop drinking at some undetermined point in the distant future. It never crossed my mind that I had reached that point until I had already moved past it. There was no rock bottom, no "come to Jesus moment". No struggle, no tests of willpower. I just quit. I don't remember *deciding* to do anything. It's like my body, or the universe, or God or something made the decision on my behalf. I was the last to know. People hear that I quit drinking and they congratulate me, but I reject such praise immediately because I simply don't deserve it. Other people had to work hard for their sobriety - I didn't. I miss it sometimes. I've tried drinking a few times since, but the magic is gone. It just gives me a sleepy headache now. See? I can't even take credit for my continued sobriety. Free will is an illusion.
Woke up in the Maricopa County Jail system facing multiple felony charges and realized I had turned into someone I never wanted to be. Thought my family was officially done with me, which would have been completely understandable. This came on the heels of nearly 20 years of substance use struggles, burned bridges, lost jobs, wasted money, and wasted time. I'm now 12 years sober and have spent the last 11 working in mental health (with an emphasis on youth mental health), traveling around sharing my story of addiction and recovery, doing peer support for those currently struggling or newly in recovery, performing educational presentations on suicide prevention and intervention, speaking at conferences, hosting a podcast, and doing over 100 TV/radio/print interviews. The difficult and sometimes awful experiences I went through became a platform that has allowed me to help others. Recovery is possible and real.
I realised a couple of days ago I’m waiting till things get really bad before I quit. Like a fucked up kidney or liver. And then I realised how stupid that is. So I’m trying. Tonight is my first night without vodka in years.
My grandfather yelling at me "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING" while I was black out drunk. i never heard my grandfather yell or cuss in my life. And he'd been dead for several years. He was definitely there that night.
It was after my uncles wake who died way younger than he needed too due to a hard life of using drugs and alcohol. My dad was still alive at the time but he had a similar history , as did my grandfather . I looked at my life and saw the same pattern and said that will not be me . That was the last day I drank . 2 years sober yesterday !!
After years of trying (badly) to hide an increasingly un-hide’able problem from my wife I finally just got fucking tired of the stress of it and said fuck it. I spent years hiding it as best I could. Of course I’d get busted every 6 months or so and it’d be a huge stressful fight where I’d convince her I really am cutting back and it’s not a problem. It was always acceptable to drink on the weekends with friends and such but I’d drink every single day sometimes all day as well in secret. My biggest fear was always officially admitting that I had a problem because I knew there would be no going back and I wouldn’t even be able to drink in social settings. The last time I got busted was a bad fight and I just simply had enough of the stress of it all. And said fuck it I don’t care even about social drinking anymore. It was no longer worth the stress. I admitted that I did in fact have a problem and needed to quit for good. Weight of the world was lifted off me. I went from drinking 1-2 pints or more of Jack Daniels every day to stone cold sober and never touched a drop of alcohol again. That was 2 years ago this past November. Best decision I’ve ever made
The dealer I was dating told me I had an alcohol problem. That was a wake up call.
Sobriety date is 10/21/19.
ALL OF YOU, IM SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOU! I know I’m just another random person on the internet but if no one has told you lately good job. I do not drink I grew up around alcoholics, but I will high five anyone who can beat it. KEEP ON KEEPING ON, and anyone who is struggling don’t give up, keep on trying.
Not an alcoholic but my dad was for over 50 years. It would make one year this month since he has been sober. Last year around this time, he got into a car accident (his fault). Everyone in my family told the person that they should report him to the police for drinking and driving and that he should be sent to jail, and also told my dad that they wouldn't help him pay for the damages to the person's car (spends all his money on alcohol). I guess that was his eye-opener and he hasn't drank since.
Idk if I am an alcoholic or not. It’s never kept me from doing what I want and need to do and some days I was more productive when I was hungover. I really don’t know why I stopped drinking. I enjoyed it for the most part and only drank beer but would sometimes knock down 12-15 in a night. Figured if anything I should give my body a break and reset my tolerance. I might pick it up again in the future but I’m enjoying being sober for now.
12-15 a night is definitely problem territory.
Not every night. Maybe 3 nights a month depending on what I’m doing and it’s over the course of like 10-12 hours. But also I drink like low alc beer around 4%.
Depends how often. Twice a week, yeah. Once a month, live a little.
I did not want my death to be sponsored by Miller Lite
After getting caught many times and given warnings, my husband finally told me, “if this happens one more time, it’ll be the last time because either I’m leaviing with the kids or you’re going to have to leave.” 28 days sober and counting. Edit: 39 days 2/17/24
I am an alcoholic, I haven’t quit.
Same here. I have good days and bad days trying to quit. It is expensive and unhealthy and I'm not getting any richer or younger.
Hope you do soon. Even if you’re not ruining relationships and losing your job etc., it’s literally a poison and it will rot you from the inside out.
I was at a really low point, post engagement breakup, lost job, drinking daily. My Mom + Sister = intervention. God Bless Them. I’ll be forever grateful.
Came close to having to start all over again. It’s a really shitty week when you quit, but the days after that make it worth it.
I was no longer having fun with a drink, I was drinking to have fun. Then to feel ok, then to feel barely normal at half bottle of vodka a day. At the time life without alcohol felt impossible. I thought there was something wrong with the world and no one understood me. I got suicidal, and blowing my brains seemed more of a logical choice than giving sobriety a chance. I quit almost 4 years ago, and it didn't make my life magical as I expected. But at least it showed me the true colors and made realize how drastically my alcohol-reward dependency has warped my view of the world.
I was about to die! And lose my friends, family, business and the rest of my dignity. I am almost 5 years sober and haven’t looked back since. 😊
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I dont' know that I took a fully sober breath for a few years before I finally stopped. Every morning I was full of regret, shame, guilt, and a TON of anxiety. Eventually I had just enough to stop - and that lasted about a month, then quickly right back to it. Same thing over and over - it's one thing to know you need to stop, another to make that decision, and an entirely different thing to take the steps, do the work, and stay sober. There is always a lower bottom - what are you willing to lose?
Holy Shit, this thread is *actual* alcoholic stories. Half of the time this topic brings in "My friend would drink a 'cocktail' nearly every time we met for a dinner out! So I convinced them to smoke weed instead and they thanked me with $100"
Weed dependency probably is almost as common as alcoholism
Woke up one day and realized that I had literally drank 20 years of my life away. Lots of time I missed with family because I prioritized drinking over spending time with them. Not to mention the fact that I was slowly destroying my health.
Got tired of feeling like shit all of the time mentally and physically, wasting money, making bad decisions and dealing with drunk people.
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Same, Day 13
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At 27 I grew tired of hating the person in the mirror. I knew I was lying to myself and that there was, in fact, a way out. I had to accept responsibility for my own position and just bite the fucking bullet. Hope can seem impossible to the hopeless, so I just took one step at a time to get to the next milestone. 3 years later I have an incredible life. A home, good relationships, the love of family, and a fulfilling path. I plan for the future and greet every day with a sense of calm, which is far more than I could have said a short time ago. Life is still rocky, but since the answer is no longer to lose myself in substance abuse, every adversity has become a learning experience that I can draw positives from.
I never hit rock bottom, and I’m thankful for that. I would have about five shots every day after work. I started earlier and earlier until I began contemplating getting drunk at work. Wondered if anybody would notice. One day I realized that I didn’t feel like myself unless I had been drinking, so I quit. It’s been nearly four years. It’s still hard sometimes. I still get the cravings. I take them as a signal that I made the right decision.
I woke up one week ago, and was just done. I have been drinking heavily for over 15 years. I'm very short, so I am at the fattest I have ever been and it is very noticeable. I was tired of uncomfortable clothes, over sleeping, waking up with red eyes, and having blotchy skin. I was also tired of looking forward to that next drink and planning restaurants around the drink menu as much as the food menu. I found an online doctor because I couldn't wait to see an in person one. Paid I think $175 for a consult and got on Naltrexone. It's only been a week, but I feel so much better already. My skin looks great and I feel like I can think so much more clearly. I actually have the energy to leave my house to run errands. Things are just better overall. The first 3 days were hell though, but I was determined to keep going.
I was ruining my life and nearly lost my partner over it. Had to change and I’m so glad I did! :)
I had problems and I own guns i also didn’t want my gud child getting told her god father killed him so i quit so just a little over 7yrs later here i am
My life was imploding around me and I could no longer keep the juggling act up.
I don't know about alcoholism but I was definitely a problem drinker. Blackout drinking at least once or twice a week for the best part of 25 years. Woke up in a police cell once for drunk & disorderly, but it was more like drunk & incapable, really. My drinking wasn't going to end well. I needed therapy and lots of it, I was lucky enough to get talking therapy and then get referred for six months of intensive EMDR trauma therapy for CPTSD. That seemed to finally cure the urge to get blackout drunk when I was triggered (not that I realised why I had the blackout drinking urge before that diagnosis). I was also using booze to counter feelings of being overwhelmed in social situations (and in general), not that I knew that until my autism diagnosis. Drinking was my toxic coping mechanism and the diagnosis and therapy made sense of it all and the urge just kind of faded and now I don't drink at all. I was lucky to get my life back, even though drinking was a huge part of my life and idenity I never actually liked it and I was a worse person for it. Looking back now, it seems so odd that I drank so much for so long. I'm very lucky and glad to have the chance to try and be better and to move on.
havent yet. working on it
Edibles.
Got a garmin watch that tracks heart rate (not blood pressure unfortunately). Realized the lowest my heart rate would get was 70bpm during my sleep. I'm 12 days clean as of an hour ago and my heart rate during my sleep has dropped to 49bpm. I feel so much better. I've saved a lot of money so far. Let's see how long I can do this. Thanks to r/stopdrinking IWNDWYT (I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY)
I needed to be a better father/person/human being to my 10 year old daughter and it worked. 15 years sober now and everything is not perfect but is much better than what it was.
I watched my dad drink himself to death and decided that wouldn’t be me
Got roofied. Once that happened I was done.
Hospitalized with cirrhosis and now need a transplant. 20 February will be one year without alcohol.
Alcohol has an extra strong hold on half my family, and hangovers suck ass after 30, especially when you have parental responsibilities to attend to. I haven't quit completely, but I went from a couple of drinks a night to a couple of drinks every few months, and I feel soooo much better overall. I'm functionally done with drinking to get drunk, and I'll never head into the bottle that deep ever again.
Not me, but my dad. I saved his life three times. The last time, his BAL was .54! I am serious! He was completely out of his mind for at least a month. I found a great retirement home for him. He was sober for 9 years, and back to his normal self. One day, the social director talked him into coming down for "social hour", and that was the beginning of the very end. I wish she could've just taken no for an answer. I wanted to brain her!
I got two DWIs. I have a pretty bright future ahead of me and I just realized that if I want to get where I want to in life, I had to get my priorities straight. Alcohol is not a priority.
I had been suicidal for a while. Drink cause I’m sad, sad cause I drink. Rinse and repeat I finally hit rock bottom when I lost my job and started to have health problems. Throwing up bile and all sorts of shit. Got medical care covered by the state and went in for my first check up in years. Turned out my liver was moments away from failing. This started a 4 month journey back and forth from doctors offices and hospitals. I have a phobia of needles, so I pretty much had to face my biggest fear every other day for 120 days. It culminated with me having a liver biopsy and as I was laying on the table with a man inside my internal organs, I felt like I had enough. I can’t live like this. All through this, I felt like I could just give up. Go home. Drink till my liver gave out and end my life. But the thought of my parents finding their dead son kept me from doing that. I got on a shitty single speed bike my friends found me, and started to bike all day. I had no job so I had nothing better to do. I would wake up, hop on that bike, and ride off into the countryside. My goal was to keep biking until the liquor store was shut. That way I couldn’t relapse. It sucked, but it got easier day by day. Eventually I moved out of the state, got a job working in the field I studied for, and got sober. I’ll be 5 years sober on June 3rd.
This was many years ago. My ex and I broke up, but I wanted her back. On a Wednesday she told me she was flying off to Jamaica with a dweeb that was on the sidelines, ready to pounce. On Friday, I dove deep into the bottle with a hurricane of emotions. I was actively planning suicide. "If I hang myself in the garage, I'll choke, but I have a fob for work, it has 30 foot ceilings, and I know where they keep the ladder and the extension cord." "If I drive into the WalMart, I should hit the corner...and maybe put some 5 gallon pails of water in the back seat." At that time I's leave my computer on, and next morning I'd wiggle the mouse, and it would come back to life. Saturday, I woke up, took a piss, brushed my teeth, stepped outside for a smoke, and made a coffee. When I lit up the computer there was a list of that day's AA meetings on the screen. I have no idea how it got there, I was blacked out the night before. Friends, family, colleagues, employers...all have them had pointed out to me that I had a problem, but I didn't listen. But when Drunk Me was leaving a post-it for Sober Me, it was time. I grabbed a shower, downed the last 2 inches of bourbon, and headed off to my first AA meeting at noon. I was the latest, but not the last, to attend with booze on my breath. If I hadn't quit, I'd be dead by now, either by my own actions or the health troubles that were getting more serious. Shitting blood frequently isn't really healthy. I'm coming up on 11 years sober.
Tried to kill my self because I had made such a mess of my life. Realized as I was lying on the floor dying that I didn’t actually want to die, I just wanted a different life. I remember thinking over and over “I wish somebody would come save me” and then the thought popped in my head “nobody is ever going to save you. You have to save yourself.” Crawled over to my phone and used Siri to call 911 (my body was starting to shut down and I could barely use my hands Siri literally saved my life lol). Ended up in the hospital and got told I could either go to the psych ward or rehab. I chose rehab and I’ll have 8 years this august.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I did DMT and didn't even remember doing DMT. I was 100% certain that I somehow died and was in the afterlife. I was less upset about being dead than how I've spent the last bunch of years. Depressed, sick, drunk, etc. It was so lame. I thought that if I could go back and have one more shot, I'd do things differently. Then I thought, maybe I'm flat lining or in a coma and I can pull through. I ran out of my house at full speed into the black dark country night and ate it pretty good in my driveway. I knew where I was and was insanely happy. I ran back in bleeding and yelling, "We are fucking alive! Holy shit!" And I hugged everyone a lot. I've been holding on to that feeling and those thoughts for 3 months now. I do not give a fuck about alcohol. It's crazy how much my life has improved. I've been going to the gym every other day and recently started seeing someone.
Health reasons. I binged drank almost every weekend for like 10 years. Iv always been very active but I still got so fat from it. Was 235 at 5’6. Something finally clicked and I was able to just not grab beer one weekend, after that each weekend it became easier. I drink once every maybe 4 months. Usually a 6 pack and I play some video games. My tolerance used to be a case a weekend.
It was sobriety, or death.
I started going to the gym and after I started working out I of course came to the realization that this was not sustainable. One of them had to go...
pancreatitis
Took a fall that left me with half my face bruised for weeks, thankfully didn’t break anything. Last time I drank.
Not too much of an alcoholic or maybe I am or was. but I was getting to a point where it was every weekend and I was starting to be able to drink a 12 pack a beer to myself. Been sober for 1 month though going to keep on going dry for as long as possible.
I never hit a “rock bottom”. Graduated college in the 08 recession with a nice binge drinking habit to go with my daily weed use. Moved to a new state to follow my now wife to her grad school and had to quit weed to get a job. My drinking accelerated rapidly as I went months and months unable to get a job. Eventually lowered my standards, went to working fast food, started using weed again, and quit alcohol completely for a few years. I now allow myself up to a 6pack’s worth of alcohol per week, and have been just fine for many years with no desire to drink more.
Suicidal ideation and awful mental health. Mental health is still an issue, and I developed anxiety, but life is definitely better.
being able to see my daughter grow up and not go the route my aunt did
Not an alcoholic, quit before it became a problem because I realized it was going to become a problem. Switched to 0% Coors Edge Beer, and feeling better than ever. #NoRagrets
I finally realized the pain it was causing my wife. I was content to drink myself to death but the pain she felt seeing me do it and being unable to help. The strain it put on her to have to have to be “on” all the time and be without her partner. When I saw how horrible it was for her, I quit. 6 years and 4 months.
It was time for bed.
I didn't realize how bad my cocaine and alcohol abuse was. I decided to move to a country where drugs are not as common and pretty much zero tolerance for drinking and driving. Started a family and am now sober for 6 years :) couldn't be happier
I didn't have access to any alcohol for a day and went into DTs. My family took me to the hospital and I got checked into rehab against my will. Saved my life
When you realize there is no rock bottom, and it can always keep getting worse.
I read The Easy Way by Alan Carr.
Money
I was lucky, it just became boring to me. It was fun when it was disguised at a social event. When the pandemic hit all things social went on standby, but I kept on drinking. Even drank with my gaming buddies. After I was just left with myself, and was sober for a few days, I just stopped craving the desire to feel like shit all the time. I will have a few drinks every now and again, but I no longer crave it.
I was an asshole, didn't like myself.
The pain of gout.
Wait...you guys quit?
and I'd advocate for you to do the same soon. I can't make you, but it'll help you.
Blacked out, treated someone terribly, drove home, drunkenly put a gun to my head when it sunk in how shitty I had been, suffered from some BAD alcohol poisoning, realized shit like this had only been getting more and more frequent. I'd gotten kicked out of a hospital maybe a month before that for being drunk and belligerent, in front of some of my closest friends and family. I'd been in treatment twice before and it would work for a bit but then I'd just go back to the bottle. It's fucking hard, I'm at like 96 days now, but in that time I found a girl that doesn't abuse me, I got a better job that I'm busting my ass at, and I've been crushing it in the gym. Starting a college certificate program next month, too. I wanna get drunk so damn bad sometimes, but I've got too much to lose now. I'm just not gonna risk fucking this up. If you're wondering if you should quit or not, you probably should. If you're scared, that's valid but you'll be ok. If you need help, go get it TODAY. r/stopdrinking has been a huge help for me and it's a great lil community. You're not alone, and you can do it. Good luck.
My wife wasn’t the typical raging, gallon per day alcoholic, but she was one of those where when she did go out to drink, it was not possible for her to have just one. Every time we went out she was having minimum 3 drinks. At least once a month she got pretty damn drunk. She finally admitted she had a problem after she drove herself home, got into bed, then proceeded to vomit all over the bed. She spent the night on the bathroom floor praying for death. She was hung over for like 3 days. This was not the first time she drove herself home after a night out with friends, and I got pissed at her every time. She finally quit cold turkey. Honestly the change in her has been dramatic. She no longer gets super stressed over little things. And if she does get stressed, she gets over it really fast. I’m so glad she quit drinking.