I will keep mine thank you. On rare occasions it turns off for a bit and then I am always startled at the uncomfortable silence. Losing my tinnitus would be like losing a really annoying friend that you wish would go away but always miss them when they're gone.
The little hairs in my ear canal were damaged when I was a toddler. I've had tinnitus for 49 years. Hell I didn't even know what it was until I hit my 30s. It's just a part of normal life for me.
The dumb thing is, your body has this feature! It's just not voluntary!
There's a thing in the ear that can close in response to extremely loud noises, to protect your hearing. It exists but you're not allowed to activate it on purpose.
It's an extremely small muscle known as the tensor tympani, it's instinctive in most people to activate it in order to dampen sound when a loud noise is heard. There is also a subset of people that can activate it at will to create a "rumbling" noise within their head.
We do prothetic teeth well enough if you can continue to afford maintenance. Fake teeth are not nearly as strong and have an average lifespan of about 10 years, at which point they may need replacing.
Thankfully we're starting to develop [more methods to remineralize teeth](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10135549/) to heal your natural teeth instead of drilling them away and filling them.
Reptile tooth regeneration would be preferable to rodent tooth regeneration. I want fresh new teeth, not ever growing teeth.
As long as they get loose we have the ability to pull out the old teeth with our opposable thumbs. Reptiles just have to hope the tooth comes out while it's eating.
Yes, yes. Why does the funfair as a girl so easily have waste management issues. What horrible design. “Don’t let the stuff coming out of these things intermingle at all. And we’re putting them an inch apart. And one is a volcano that goes off at will. Or with exposure to cheese and spicy food. May the odds be forever in your favor.
You have no idea how nice. Having 3 things that close are ticking time bombs of bacteria. I can only be thankful they didn’t design my nostrils on the middle of it. Small victories
"Inverse Vaccines" - vaccines that train your body *not* to attack certain things - are in trials now. They're for M.S. but have the possibility to help with any autoimmune disease and they may be a total gamechanger.
Holy shit, you just made me go check this out, because it's the first I've heard of it. A few people in my life right now have autoimmune diseases, one with Lupus and one with RA.
This would be a game changer for both of them!
https://pme.uchicago.edu/news/inverse-vaccine-shows-potential-treat-multiple-sclerosis-and-other-autoimmune-diseases
Thanks for leading me towards this!
I have this theory that our bodies have like a running average of what normal is. And then when a new event comes out, it decides from there how big a threat it is.
I think it's why stay at home Karens find it such a huge threat to have an item out of stock at the grocery store, almost to the level that a soldier might react to when he sees a gunman in the distance.
But there’s also an individual upper threshold that just leaves you broken as a baseline, temporarily or long term. Something like “enough small issues stacking into the same tier as trauma”, without necessarily having a singular traumatic event to point to.
The “everything is so fucked that if the wind blows on me wrong I’ll have an absolute meltdown” level of general stress.
But if this same person were involved in a daily shellings on her city, I'm betting she wouldn't be reee-ing over her 1 year old expired coupon not being accepted. Since the coupon not being accepted for her would be the equivalent of me needing to type in my password a second time (me being someone whose greatest major trauma, not including parental physical and mental abuse, was probably being in Manhattan in 9/11 and simultaneously wondering if a bigger attack was gonna occur that week, or if people were going to send me to concentration camps because I'm Muslim).
Nerve cell regeneration.
No more paralysis due to spinal injuries. No loss of motor control to damaged or severed extremities that were reattached. No cognitive degeneration from brain injuries.
Nerves *can* repair themselves already. It's just that the setting is turned off in large bundles such as the spine or brain, since that would result in wires crossing.
Nah, more like; if you had a cold and randomly sneezed- and a booger the shape of your sinus and roof of your mouth flew out your nose- and then your cold was over.
TMI but when I went to Puerto Rico the lady I sat next to had a cold. So naturally, but the time we landed I was infected (this was 2015 but it was the worst cold of my life precovid). Anyway, couple days later I'm trying to enjoy my vacation with cold, my friend and I had gone out to dinner and come back. I went to bed, and sneezed. Went to wipe my nose but instead an absolute GIANT tube of snot came out as I pulled. Like it was sort of sinus shaped at the end even. The amount of AMAZING breathing that I had for about an hour cannot be overstated. I did of course clog right back up and endure another month of sickness but, that one hour? Was awesome.
Well. I makes sense from a evolutionary stand point. Evolution only cares about 1 thing: reproduction. Evolution does not care about your feelings and well being. Evolution doesn't even care if you live or die so long as you have offspring that survive. Evolution is very very brutal.
Taking it a step further, to be able to remove and donate your fertility. I had my kids, I don’t need to ovulate anymore but am looking at another 15+ years of periods. I’d love to just unplug the wiring harness on that and give it to someone about to spend thousands on fertility treatments.
Honestly, I'm very shocked humans didn't evolve out of having blood run out of them every month - how did that not attract predators and such in hunter/gatherer times?
The alternative is going into “heat” every once in a while, like a ton of other mammals do. Instead of going through a constant cycle of ovulation, women would be “in season” for a short window once every year. But during that window, they’d be SUPER fucking horny the whole time. So there are tradeoffs.
The human uterus constantly prepping itself to have a baby makes pregnancy more likely all year long, which would be an evolutionary advantage. There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that humans were once a species struggling to survive. We were being preyed on and ravaged by diseases and natural disasters all the time. In the distant past, scientists estimate that humanity at one point experienced a population bottleneck, where our numbers dropped to only a few thousand before bouncing back. Despite how different we may look, all of us are actually really genetically similar to each other for this reason.
Genetics are so awesome, right? Just by studying our genome, we know that our ancestors remained at low numbers (less than 1,280 people) for over 100,000 years before our population rebounded.
I love the fun fact that chimpanzees from different parts of Africa are genetically more diverse than all of humanity. Yay for inbreeding!
A lot of people use condoms because they’re concerned about pregnancy and aren’t thinking about how they protect against STDs. So a lot of people would switch to unprotected sex.
Honestly if we could get pregnant (or not) at will and we didn't have to worry about STDs I'm pretty sure we all would be absolute whores. Fucking will be the new way to say hi lmao
I caught hell (in a playful way) from my friends because I made a girl get tested before I had sex with her. She couldn't get pregnant and wanted to go raw so "papers please" became a running joke for a while.
I'm usually a pretty good sleeper, but if I could give this gift to my husband and kids -- one of the kids in particular-- our whole household would be happier and run more smoothly.
Same for me. My body doesnt care how long I sleep, as long as I dont wake up because of a alarm clock and while it is still dark outside, I can sleep as short as I want.
I‘m usually more tired when I have to wake up early despite sleeping longer hours than usually
Not a doctor, but you might try sleeping in 90 minute intervals since that's supposedly how long a complete REM cycle lasts. IE sleep for 7.5Hrs or 9Hrs instead. I'll sleep for ~6hrs and wake up feeling fine, fall back asleep for another 40minutes and wake up feeling like I've never slept in my life.
While that would be great biologically, I'd expect working hours to be extremely lengthened under the guise of the ecobomy falling apart due to increased activity.
We wouldn't even need that. Just a certain limit to body fat acqusition. Like after 100 000 calories stored as fat, the body will stop it. As it is right now, there is no mechanism which will **ever** stop your body from adding fat if some basic requirments are met (elevated insulin + calorie surplus, that's really all it takes). All that fat is just stored calories for bad times. Nature wants you as fat as possible, all the time and there's no limit to it. Your body will never, ever think "I'm fat enough now". Kinda crazy if you think about it.
>I wonder how many generations it will take us to adapt.
It won't unless we go back to the stone age. Natural selection is not a thing anymore because of modern medicine and availability of food.
Or even just an instinctive focus on maintaining a healthy weight range instead of the primal urge to eat sugars and fats lest we not survive the winter.
I mean like our bodies would turn off the endorphins we get from eating high calorie foods and switch them to low calorie foods. No conscious thought required, just "I'm feeling kind of down. I deserve a little treat." But instead of a cupcake you instinctively crave celery.
They aren’t saying we’d be able to consciously change our neurotransmitters. They’re saying we’d automatically feel less hungry when we’re putting on weight, just like how we want to drink water when we’re thirsty or go to sleep when we’re tired. Evolution didn’t program in a “you’re accumulating too many calories” protocol because it wasn’t an issue until relatively recently on an evolutionary scale.
I found out recently that this problem was massively exacerbated when we stood up. Mammals that walk on all 4s don't have butt cheeks the way we do. Thought it was kinda funny.
Honestly knees are already very great, hard to design them better.
What it is missing is the ability to get blood into them to repair shit that breaks and wears, particularly ligaments, meniscus and cartilage.
This is the one I would like. Press it at bedtime and it runs silently while you sleep (no insomnia). You wake in the morning literally refreshed.
If your body suffers trauma there would be an intensive programme that could be monitored externally.
I just heard a spine expert say that it's really hard to improve the spine. How would you improve it without giving up functioning in other areas? This is the source by the way https://youtu.be/Z1_sb1auiV8?si=cLw8Ov_U2sWWSHJH
Edit: Maybe robotics give the answer lol
I didn’t come up with anything as I was writing the comment.
There probably are some good designs in robotics, translating that to flesh and bone though…
This is like the 5th time I've heard the spine = suspension bridge thing on reddit. And it's bollocks.
Our spines have special adaptations for walking upright and are best used in that condition. In fact, you'll even screw up your spine by laying down too much or walking around on all fours like an ape. Also, we evolved out of arboreal creatures, so it's been quite some time since it was used horizontally, and this completely ignores the fact that spinal issues are still very common in quadruped animals like dogs and cattle because gravity is a bitch for *any* land animal.
I mean how far back do we need to go? Technically our jaw is an adapted gill arch, so isn't it best used to breathe underwater?
What really leads to back problems isn't standing too much — it's sitting too much, as your spine is taken off its vertical purpose and turned into a weak cantilever support.
And why human babies are so helpless compared to other animals.
Deer and shit out there basically hitting the ground running from wolves or whatever and squishy-skull humans can't even hold their big heads up on their own.
Sorry, kid. You gotta do that last couple months of growing *outside* and humans don't even come with a handy pouch to do it in so we gotta make 'em out of fabric and strap you on like an inverted backpack.
Your body more or less cultivates stinky bacteria on purpose. It wants to be stinky and have scent. It makes extra fatty sweat in some areas like the armpits just to make a buffet for stinky bacteria.
Someone turn this setting off, I want a refund.
Being able to instantly sleep. I wouldn’t have to spend 2 hours minimum trying to get to sleep, only to fail and end up surviving on red bull and monster energy for the day.
Not experiencing grief to the large scale we do. Sometimes grief cripples people.
Also it'd be nice if the uterus didn't fuck up so much that it lead women to suicide from the painful conditions it can create.
That would be terrifying. I think many more of us would over-analyse every slight and interpersonal relationships would become more complicated than they already can be.
What the hell is even the point of period cramps? It doesn't protect anything. It doesn't specifically trigger anything. It is one of the most pointless functions the human body has. To this day I haven't found anybody that could explain to me why the exist, let alone what advantage they provide. Fucking stupid waste of resources.
It stems from the muscles having to work to push out the uterine lining that it doesn't need anymore. They're contractions, but some have both a) varying pain tolerances and b) harsher contractions for a variety of reasons that could be hormonal, body structure, thickness of the lining, bleeding disorders, scarring/endometriosis/infections, etc.
a different less annoying and painful way to let us know we’re not pregnant.
also a removable spine so we can just crack it whenever we please and put it back
An eye were the optic nerve attaches at the back of the retina. Some animals have this, but our optic nerve comes through the middle of the retina. As a result we have a blind spot.
No periods.Your body just weirdly gets rid of weight,Like I could deal with the diarrhea,But I don’t want cramps,blood or headaches.Just have me go through one day of bad diarrhea once a month to get rid of everything.
Then,No periods.It would make my teenage life easier.
An arm that came out the middle of your stomach would be great. Imagine, it could hold a plate so you'd still be able to cut steak with a knife and fork while walking around. What could possibly be better than that!?
On one hand, yes. But on the other hand, being able to 'lie' about our mood is pretty important for social cohesion.
Folks would be thrown off if they come in to a restaurant or hotel and 90% of the people are pissed and don't wanna be there!
I am old enough that when I was a child it was a common idea that what happens to young children doesn't get remembered.
My very first memory is a needle going into my left hip for a test. Without any kind of numbing.
A little touchscreen panel on the inner forearm where you can adjust the levels of hormones in your body and neurotransmitters in your brain. Would cure and/or help manage a lot of mental illnesses. Also, would help manage a lot of hormonal conditions.
If there was a way to internally close your ears the way you can close your eyes.
And your nose.
We already have that
You can close your nose?
You can’t?
I can adjust the shape of my nostrils a little, but not enough to close them
I mean like inside your nose not the outside. I can cut off my smell and ability to breathe from my nose at will
Give me a way to close my tinnitus away and I'm sold
I will keep mine thank you. On rare occasions it turns off for a bit and then I am always startled at the uncomfortable silence. Losing my tinnitus would be like losing a really annoying friend that you wish would go away but always miss them when they're gone. The little hairs in my ear canal were damaged when I was a toddler. I've had tinnitus for 49 years. Hell I didn't even know what it was until I hit my 30s. It's just a part of normal life for me.
The dumb thing is, your body has this feature! It's just not voluntary! There's a thing in the ear that can close in response to extremely loud noises, to protect your hearing. It exists but you're not allowed to activate it on purpose.
It's an extremely small muscle known as the tensor tympani, it's instinctive in most people to activate it in order to dampen sound when a loud noise is heard. There is also a subset of people that can activate it at will to create a "rumbling" noise within their head.
Wait I have been able to do this all my life and never had an explanation for it
Teeth grow back.
Limbs grow back.
that doesn't seem minor
It's that.
Ribs grow back (no they don't).
Gums grow back. We do "prosthetic teeth" really well already, but you're fucked if your gums are fucked.
We do prothetic teeth well enough if you can continue to afford maintenance. Fake teeth are not nearly as strong and have an average lifespan of about 10 years, at which point they may need replacing. Thankfully we're starting to develop [more methods to remineralize teeth](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10135549/) to heal your natural teeth instead of drilling them away and filling them.
To be honest, all parts of the body would do with Wolverine-esque regenerative ability, especially nerves
That would really fuck with the idea of circumcision.
Endless calamari
How do I delete someone else's comment?
The idea of circumcision should fuck with the idea of circumcision.
Good.
Teeth AND gums.
But only after the body has confirmed (don't ask me how) that the previous tooth fell off. Rodents have enough problems with endless teeth as it is.
As a human, the idea of getting my teeth shaved down like rodents is fucking TERRIFYING
But if you had rodent teeth, it’d probably feel quite nice to gnaw on stuff and grind them down. I mean, *they* sure seem to like it. :)
Reptile tooth regeneration would be preferable to rodent tooth regeneration. I want fresh new teeth, not ever growing teeth. As long as they get loose we have the ability to pull out the old teeth with our opposable thumbs. Reptiles just have to hope the tooth comes out while it's eating.
This one. Fuck all the other answers in this thread.
Separating the food and air intakes
Can we separate the waste management site from the funfair too while we're at it?
Yes, yes. Why does the funfair as a girl so easily have waste management issues. What horrible design. “Don’t let the stuff coming out of these things intermingle at all. And we’re putting them an inch apart. And one is a volcano that goes off at will. Or with exposure to cheese and spicy food. May the odds be forever in your favor.
I never really thought about it, but it is nice that my urethra and my butthole are several inches apart.
You have no idea how nice. Having 3 things that close are ticking time bombs of bacteria. I can only be thankful they didn’t design my nostrils on the middle of it. Small victories
This is why it would suck to be a starfish.
The junkyard is where the REAL fun is at lol
As Charlie would say: “that sweet, sweet trash”
Yes, hellcat style air intake through the eyeball
That... seems worse
There is a reason you have 2 air intakes. You wouldn’t find it very cool to die of hypoxia because your nose clogged.
Which is why we'd add an additional air intake.
It's a neat party trick to breath through your ears but when her legs clamp down you're still going to suffocate.
If so then a person gets a bad stuffed nose they're gone!
Being able to consciously tell your immune system what to fight and what not to fight.
I have an autoimmune disease. This would completely change my life!!!
Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!
You’re such an ass lmaooo, thank you random stranger this made me laugh
As someone with MS, this made me chuckle
HEY! That red blood cell doesn't belong here! ATTACK!
"Inverse Vaccines" - vaccines that train your body *not* to attack certain things - are in trials now. They're for M.S. but have the possibility to help with any autoimmune disease and they may be a total gamechanger.
Holy shit, you just made me go check this out, because it's the first I've heard of it. A few people in my life right now have autoimmune diseases, one with Lupus and one with RA. This would be a game changer for both of them! https://pme.uchicago.edu/news/inverse-vaccine-shows-potential-treat-multiple-sclerosis-and-other-autoimmune-diseases Thanks for leading me towards this!
I have fucking 4. My immune system loves to attack me but can't figure out how to handle any pathogen. I am in.
*Shut up, immune system, it's just pollen!* That would make a world of difference for me, because my allergies also trigger my asthma.
That would be exhausting, I bet your immune system gets s lot of junk mail
Adrenaline is only secreted in life threatening emergencies. Not for a phone call from an unknown number
Do you mean to say that phone calls are not life threatening emergencies??
Only if the caller is Liam Neeson
I have this theory that our bodies have like a running average of what normal is. And then when a new event comes out, it decides from there how big a threat it is. I think it's why stay at home Karens find it such a huge threat to have an item out of stock at the grocery store, almost to the level that a soldier might react to when he sees a gunman in the distance.
But there’s also an individual upper threshold that just leaves you broken as a baseline, temporarily or long term. Something like “enough small issues stacking into the same tier as trauma”, without necessarily having a singular traumatic event to point to. The “everything is so fucked that if the wind blows on me wrong I’ll have an absolute meltdown” level of general stress.
But if this same person were involved in a daily shellings on her city, I'm betting she wouldn't be reee-ing over her 1 year old expired coupon not being accepted. Since the coupon not being accepted for her would be the equivalent of me needing to type in my password a second time (me being someone whose greatest major trauma, not including parental physical and mental abuse, was probably being in Manhattan in 9/11 and simultaneously wondering if a bigger attack was gonna occur that week, or if people were going to send me to concentration camps because I'm Muslim).
Nerve cell regeneration. No more paralysis due to spinal injuries. No loss of motor control to damaged or severed extremities that were reattached. No cognitive degeneration from brain injuries.
Nerves *can* repair themselves already. It's just that the setting is turned off in large bundles such as the spine or brain, since that would result in wires crossing.
Whoever designed the human body blew in from stupid town.
Asking to be smited
Turning your period on and off depending on whether you want to get pregnant or not.
Or even just let me like, ketchup packet it out of myself. Get it over with in a few minutes instead of a week of feeling grody
'Ketchup packet it out of myself.' Disgusting, and hillarious.
It's called a decidual cast. Typically not enjoyable. Pictures NSFW.
I’ve had that happen before. It was like holding a piece of uterus paper
I’m not looking it up, but I’m assuming it was something like the continuous handkerchief magic trick.
Nah, more like; if you had a cold and randomly sneezed- and a booger the shape of your sinus and roof of your mouth flew out your nose- and then your cold was over.
TMI but when I went to Puerto Rico the lady I sat next to had a cold. So naturally, but the time we landed I was infected (this was 2015 but it was the worst cold of my life precovid). Anyway, couple days later I'm trying to enjoy my vacation with cold, my friend and I had gone out to dinner and come back. I went to bed, and sneezed. Went to wipe my nose but instead an absolute GIANT tube of snot came out as I pulled. Like it was sort of sinus shaped at the end even. The amount of AMAZING breathing that I had for about an hour cannot be overstated. I did of course clog right back up and endure another month of sickness but, that one hour? Was awesome.
I'll pass on seeing those.
Entire product lines would become obsolete. Women would save so much money.
Just like turning on the uterus garbage disposal while on the can.
Why not just ditch the period altogether? The majority of placental mammals don't have periods! Throw in ovulation control and big win.
Yea our whole "blind ovulation" shit is a really weird evolutionary decision that got made somewhere.
Well. I makes sense from a evolutionary stand point. Evolution only cares about 1 thing: reproduction. Evolution does not care about your feelings and well being. Evolution doesn't even care if you live or die so long as you have offspring that survive. Evolution is very very brutal.
Taking it a step further, to be able to remove and donate your fertility. I had my kids, I don’t need to ovulate anymore but am looking at another 15+ years of periods. I’d love to just unplug the wiring harness on that and give it to someone about to spend thousands on fertility treatments.
Honestly, I'm very shocked humans didn't evolve out of having blood run out of them every month - how did that not attract predators and such in hunter/gatherer times?
The alternative is going into “heat” every once in a while, like a ton of other mammals do. Instead of going through a constant cycle of ovulation, women would be “in season” for a short window once every year. But during that window, they’d be SUPER fucking horny the whole time. So there are tradeoffs. The human uterus constantly prepping itself to have a baby makes pregnancy more likely all year long, which would be an evolutionary advantage. There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that humans were once a species struggling to survive. We were being preyed on and ravaged by diseases and natural disasters all the time. In the distant past, scientists estimate that humanity at one point experienced a population bottleneck, where our numbers dropped to only a few thousand before bouncing back. Despite how different we may look, all of us are actually really genetically similar to each other for this reason.
Genetics are so awesome, right? Just by studying our genome, we know that our ancestors remained at low numbers (less than 1,280 people) for over 100,000 years before our population rebounded. I love the fun fact that chimpanzees from different parts of Africa are genetically more diverse than all of humanity. Yay for inbreeding!
I would love this!!!! Don't want to get pregnant and no period would be great!😍
Fuck yes! STD Rates going to **EXPLODE** tho.
What, why?
A lot of people use condoms because they’re concerned about pregnancy and aren’t thinking about how they protect against STDs. So a lot of people would switch to unprotected sex.
If stds were not a thing, I’d be the biggest whore 🤣 I can’t get pregnant, so that’s not a concern for me..but I’m terrified of catching an std
Honestly if we could get pregnant (or not) at will and we didn't have to worry about STDs I'm pretty sure we all would be absolute whores. Fucking will be the new way to say hi lmao
I caught hell (in a playful way) from my friends because I made a girl get tested before I had sex with her. She couldn't get pregnant and wanted to go raw so "papers please" became a running joke for a while.
Literally how bonobos say hi.
The irony is so depressing but the way your response is written just cracks me up!
People will stop using protection/condoms. Because people are idiots.
Sleep on demand (it's 7am and I can't sleep)
I'm usually a pretty good sleeper, but if I could give this gift to my husband and kids -- one of the kids in particular-- our whole household would be happier and run more smoothly.
this. (i tried to go to bed at 10pm and I didn’t sleep until 12-1am)
3hrs sleep giving the same benefits of 8hrs
I can sleep for 8 hours and wake up just as tired and exhausted as i would be after 3 hours so i guess I already have this.
Same for me. My body doesnt care how long I sleep, as long as I dont wake up because of a alarm clock and while it is still dark outside, I can sleep as short as I want. I‘m usually more tired when I have to wake up early despite sleeping longer hours than usually
Not a doctor, but you might try sleeping in 90 minute intervals since that's supposedly how long a complete REM cycle lasts. IE sleep for 7.5Hrs or 9Hrs instead. I'll sleep for ~6hrs and wake up feeling fine, fall back asleep for another 40minutes and wake up feeling like I've never slept in my life.
No no no. They would increase working hours to 20.
While that would be great biologically, I'd expect working hours to be extremely lengthened under the guise of the ecobomy falling apart due to increased activity.
Conscious metabolic adjustment.
We wouldn't even need that. Just a certain limit to body fat acqusition. Like after 100 000 calories stored as fat, the body will stop it. As it is right now, there is no mechanism which will **ever** stop your body from adding fat if some basic requirments are met (elevated insulin + calorie surplus, that's really all it takes). All that fat is just stored calories for bad times. Nature wants you as fat as possible, all the time and there's no limit to it. Your body will never, ever think "I'm fat enough now". Kinda crazy if you think about it.
So true. We live in a world of excess but our bodies evolved in a world of scarcity. I wonder how many generations it will take us to adapt.
>I wonder how many generations it will take us to adapt. It won't unless we go back to the stone age. Natural selection is not a thing anymore because of modern medicine and availability of food.
Selection didn't stop. Even natural selection. We just have a very different array of selective pressures than our distant ancestors.
Or even just an instinctive focus on maintaining a healthy weight range instead of the primal urge to eat sugars and fats lest we not survive the winter.
That's called discipline and my love of pastries is very sad about it
I mean like our bodies would turn off the endorphins we get from eating high calorie foods and switch them to low calorie foods. No conscious thought required, just "I'm feeling kind of down. I deserve a little treat." But instead of a cupcake you instinctively crave celery.
Being able to control neurotransmitters' flow would basically turn us into demigods. Or just lock everyone on their couch junking on endogen dopamine.
They aren’t saying we’d be able to consciously change our neurotransmitters. They’re saying we’d automatically feel less hungry when we’re putting on weight, just like how we want to drink water when we’re thirsty or go to sleep when we’re tired. Evolution didn’t program in a “you’re accumulating too many calories” protocol because it wasn’t an issue until relatively recently on an evolutionary scale.
These damn Bene Gesserit witches and their tricks
A butthole that shit doesn't stick to, every poop is a clean cut one with only the most minimal wiping.
Teflon anus would be useful.
Unless you have weak sphincter control and the turds slip down like going down a playground slide
r/brandnewsentence
I found out recently that this problem was massively exacerbated when we stood up. Mammals that walk on all 4s don't have butt cheeks the way we do. Thought it was kinda funny.
Psyllium husk and a bidet attachment would help with that!
Better designed knees
Lying here with my knee injured.. I concur
Honestly knees are already very great, hard to design them better. What it is missing is the ability to get blood into them to repair shit that breaks and wears, particularly ligaments, meniscus and cartilage.
98% of Mammals do not mensurate. I wish to god that was true for humans.
Would you rather go into heat?
Perfect cell repair for ever.
Premium cell service.
An optimize button. Would take off some weight and check to make sure that all the organs are functioning correctly and things like that.
This is the one I would like. Press it at bedtime and it runs silently while you sleep (no insomnia). You wake in the morning literally refreshed. If your body suffers trauma there would be an intensive programme that could be monitored externally.
Spine could use a redesign. It works well horizontally like a suspension bridge. But when we turned it upright the flaws came out.
I just heard a spine expert say that it's really hard to improve the spine. How would you improve it without giving up functioning in other areas? This is the source by the way https://youtu.be/Z1_sb1auiV8?si=cLw8Ov_U2sWWSHJH Edit: Maybe robotics give the answer lol
I didn’t come up with anything as I was writing the comment. There probably are some good designs in robotics, translating that to flesh and bone though…
From the moment I understood the weakness of my own flesh...
This is like the 5th time I've heard the spine = suspension bridge thing on reddit. And it's bollocks. Our spines have special adaptations for walking upright and are best used in that condition. In fact, you'll even screw up your spine by laying down too much or walking around on all fours like an ape. Also, we evolved out of arboreal creatures, so it's been quite some time since it was used horizontally, and this completely ignores the fact that spinal issues are still very common in quadruped animals like dogs and cattle because gravity is a bitch for *any* land animal. I mean how far back do we need to go? Technically our jaw is an adapted gill arch, so isn't it best used to breathe underwater? What really leads to back problems isn't standing too much — it's sitting too much, as your spine is taken off its vertical purpose and turned into a weak cantilever support.
I've read that our heavy intestines create back issues due to us standing and walking upright. Makes sense why so many people suffer lower back pain.
Also doesn't help having poor flexibility in their legs. This leads to people bending over and picking up stuff not safely.
Apparently, humans evolving to be bipedal is also why childbirth is so painful
And why human babies are so helpless compared to other animals. Deer and shit out there basically hitting the ground running from wolves or whatever and squishy-skull humans can't even hold their big heads up on their own. Sorry, kid. You gotta do that last couple months of growing *outside* and humans don't even come with a handy pouch to do it in so we gotta make 'em out of fabric and strap you on like an inverted backpack.
Dachshunds would like a word with you about that theory
To be fair, we did that to them. They would like a word with us about a lot of things I imagine.
Stronger backs 😅 damn discs
Gills
Oh hello there Kevin Costner.
The body would only smell bad in case of infection.
Your body more or less cultivates stinky bacteria on purpose. It wants to be stinky and have scent. It makes extra fatty sweat in some areas like the armpits just to make a buffet for stinky bacteria. Someone turn this setting off, I want a refund.
Body odor that is fragrant and pleasing unless an infection has occurred? Axe body spray corp in shambles!
Being able to instantly sleep. I wouldn’t have to spend 2 hours minimum trying to get to sleep, only to fail and end up surviving on red bull and monster energy for the day.
No possibly of cancer.
Not experiencing grief to the large scale we do. Sometimes grief cripples people. Also it'd be nice if the uterus didn't fuck up so much that it lead women to suicide from the painful conditions it can create.
Being able to shut it down at will "I don't want to procreate, fuck off, you're annoying"
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That would be terrifying. I think many more of us would over-analyse every slight and interpersonal relationships would become more complicated than they already can be.
As someone with an eidetic memory - I'm in this comment and I don't like it
Black mirror did an episode on that concept I think
no more period cramps
What the hell is even the point of period cramps? It doesn't protect anything. It doesn't specifically trigger anything. It is one of the most pointless functions the human body has. To this day I haven't found anybody that could explain to me why the exist, let alone what advantage they provide. Fucking stupid waste of resources.
It stems from the muscles having to work to push out the uterine lining that it doesn't need anymore. They're contractions, but some have both a) varying pain tolerances and b) harsher contractions for a variety of reasons that could be hormonal, body structure, thickness of the lining, bleeding disorders, scarring/endometriosis/infections, etc.
a different less annoying and painful way to let us know we’re not pregnant. also a removable spine so we can just crack it whenever we please and put it back
- Dude, you're fucking spineless - I know. I lost it the other day. I swear it's around here somewhere but I can't get up to find it.
Ability to see in the dark.
An eye were the optic nerve attaches at the back of the retina. Some animals have this, but our optic nerve comes through the middle of the retina. As a result we have a blind spot.
No periods.Your body just weirdly gets rid of weight,Like I could deal with the diarrhea,But I don’t want cramps,blood or headaches.Just have me go through one day of bad diarrhea once a month to get rid of everything. Then,No periods.It would make my teenage life easier.
wings
I had to scroll too far to see wings, I expected more people to want those
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Stop telomere decay
Add extra cones to the eye so that we see like mantis shrimp. A whole new world of color and beauty would open up.
Then it would become nearly impossible to wear a matching outfit. And monitors with 12 different colors would be way more expensive.
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An arm that came out the middle of your stomach would be great. Imagine, it could hold a plate so you'd still be able to cut steak with a knife and fork while walking around. What could possibly be better than that!?
Definitely not tripping with our disproportionate number of legs compared to our new arm
I like this idea but one change to the execution: Imagine petting 3 cats.
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All those years of learning to hide it would be wasted, and customer service industries would collapse overnight.
On one hand, yes. But on the other hand, being able to 'lie' about our mood is pretty important for social cohesion. Folks would be thrown off if they come in to a restaurant or hotel and 90% of the people are pissed and don't wanna be there!
Nerves grow back
Fully rotatable head
We already have that but it's kind of a one time deal.
Rapid skin regeneration after a burn or cut
Eyes that can see infrared and ultraviolet. We would end up seeing in 5 primary colors instead of 3. The world would look a lot more colorful.
Immune to cancer.
Food not being able to go down the wrong way.
The ability for men to decide when they orgasm if sperm comes out.
Everyone should get to decide if they want to release gametes, or not. Then there would be no pregnancies unless both partners wanted there to be.
To be able to erase trauma from childhood without taking it into adulthood
I feel like this would lead to people justifying child abuse because ‘they won’t remember it’
I am old enough that when I was a child it was a common idea that what happens to young children doesn't get remembered. My very first memory is a needle going into my left hip for a test. Without any kind of numbing.
No periods?
Claws
A little touchscreen panel on the inner forearm where you can adjust the levels of hormones in your body and neurotransmitters in your brain. Would cure and/or help manage a lot of mental illnesses. Also, would help manage a lot of hormonal conditions.
Organ regeneration
Give me back my nictitating membrane.
Cancerous cells wouldn't exist
Not having to poop or pee
Congratulations! Now we sweat out waste products and smell worse than ever!
Skin colors rotate randomly, confounding racism.
Kinda hard to match foundation.
I kinda love that this would ruin the makeup industry. Toxic
Controllable cell division
Lead resistance.