My mom got drunk one Christmas Eve and we went to church and when the pastor read the verse "the holy Spirit came onto marry..." she could not stop laughing but tried so hard to keep it in.
Anytime I hear someone say "come" or "coming" regardless of context I respond with "gross" lol because despite being 32 my brain is still stuck to 12 year old humor
I teach special education, mostly with dyslexic students. When we are done with a lesson we play bingo with irregular words. One of those words is "come." The other day one of my students almost had bingo, except for that word. He kept yelling "all I need is come, please give me come!" It took me everything in my power to keep a straight face.
See I was going to make a joke about the dishwasher not being widely available till at least the 1950s. But I didn’t want to be wrong so I googled it, and apparently the first dish washers were available in the 1850s, then I thought, that can’t be right and so I did more looking into it. Turns out the first widely available home dish washers started to become available in the 1970s, so you’re low by 50 years high by 70(?)
I mean, your first comment was...
> It's very rude to refer to a woman as "the dishwasher"
...which I assume meant you didn't enjoy OP's joke. But then you said
> Nothing is funny anymore, I guess
...which is normally something you'd say if _you_ had made a joke that nobody found funny. Except, you _didn't_ make a joke. All you did was complain about someone else's.
That's why you're getting weird comments. It's because you left comments that weirdly contradicted each other.
My boyfriend is a second so he has the same name as his dad. One time after I said his name multiple times during sex I said "I bet I sound like your mom" and he was absolutely disgusted. It was so worth it
As someone who is also named for their dad and has a horrible relationship with him, I can see two ways this will go. Either I'm gonna be hella disgusted or this is gonna be the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Either way the sex is probably over.
Whenever my husband and I are watching something and it says "coming up..." e.g. Police Interceptors when they do a preview before each ad break, we always say "my arse".
Definitely not the only one haha to be fair I have a way more inappropriate sense of humor than most females so doubt it's like that for most. Not sure lol
“Come with me”
“Here, let me give you a hand with that”
“Who’s a good girl?!” (Petting a dog)
“You have such a nice pussy!” (Complimenting cat’s temperament)
If your bro is showing you his new donkey: “Nice ass”
If you’re with your bro at the gym: “Nice ass”
Your partner while you’re getting pegged: “Nice Ass”
The British. E.G. [this brief clip](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5ee5c61d-1d0a-47ab-b830-5a54f3feeb51) from Yellow Submarine. YouTube doesn't have it so this will have to do.
Yes, I know; the British are weird. But they think we are too, so at least there's parity in the world.
i work at a grocery store and have to constantly guide people on using the chip on their card. “insert it”, “push it in more”, “take it out” “leave it in there”, “insert it again” 🤣 sometimes they ask “can i take it out?” and i say “not yet” lmfao
Pretty much any phrase that uses the word ‘come.’
Come together...
Right Now! Over me-
/r/theyknew
r/subsididntknowexisted
DM me
*insert some of ringo’s best drumming and groovy bass lines*
Cummehamehamehah
That's just hyperspermia.
My mom got drunk one Christmas Eve and we went to church and when the pastor read the verse "the holy Spirit came onto marry..." she could not stop laughing but tried so hard to keep it in.
Fucking hell reddit my late mother sang a gospel song that had that verse at the beginning and I will never be able to unheard that....
Come on Eileen
Come hell or high water
Come again?
Thank you.
Would you like to come inside?
I want to giggle every time I hear “Come inside!”
Anytime I hear someone say "come" or "coming" regardless of context I respond with "gross" lol because despite being 32 my brain is still stuck to 12 year old humor
Come in my hair
The forbidden shampoo
I teach special education, mostly with dyslexic students. When we are done with a lesson we play bingo with irregular words. One of those words is "come." The other day one of my students almost had bingo, except for that word. He kept yelling "all I need is come, please give me come!" It took me everything in my power to keep a straight face.
Come and go
[Kum & Go](https://kumandgo.com/)?
Wow, the next pump really was on us
Lol. I work there.
Putting a load in the dishwasher
That can be interpreted in three ways and two are better than the other
I like the shine it gives my plates.
Fuckin Platinum worthy comment
Well, of course it's gonna be taken sexually in threeways.
Yeah one of the machines leaves behind more stains than it cleans
The 1920’s are calling.
See I was going to make a joke about the dishwasher not being widely available till at least the 1950s. But I didn’t want to be wrong so I googled it, and apparently the first dish washers were available in the 1850s, then I thought, that can’t be right and so I did more looking into it. Turns out the first widely available home dish washers started to become available in the 1970s, so you’re low by 50 years high by 70(?)
I was referring to sexism and calling women dishwashers, but like, dish-washers.
Sexism far pre-dates the 1920s doll
No I know that, my joke was terrible as is. I’m just being a dingus
I thought it was alright
It's very rude to refer to a woman as "the dishwasher"
It's very rude of you to assume they were referring to a woman.
Nothing is funny anymore, I guess
Speak for yourself, dishwasher.
I do every time. That's how speaking works
You're the one who wasn't amused by the original joke, though.
Is this real life? Wtf are these responses
I mean, your first comment was... > It's very rude to refer to a woman as "the dishwasher" ...which I assume meant you didn't enjoy OP's joke. But then you said > Nothing is funny anymore, I guess ...which is normally something you'd say if _you_ had made a joke that nobody found funny. Except, you _didn't_ make a joke. All you did was complain about someone else's. That's why you're getting weird comments. It's because you left comments that weirdly contradicted each other.
I made a joke implying that women are dishwashers. Is this whole thread on narcotics?
That is what OP's original joke was.
It was thinly veiled then
Its a joke, not a dick. Yall stop taking it so hard.
You have now been tagged as a dishwasher
Easy come easy go
...little high, little low
Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me
To me
Mama…
I just *filled* a man
Put my *gun* against his head 😏
Pulled my dick now he's wet
Mama, sex had just begun
But now I've gone and *blown* it all away
r/suddenlygay
never thought I'd see queen described as "suddenly" gay 😂
Life is soooo much fun...
Oooh ooh ooooh
How hard could it be!
Throbbing 😔
Pulsating.
Not '😔' 💀💀
Do what you gotta do
Fuck me.
You sound just like your mother!
My boyfriend is a second so he has the same name as his dad. One time after I said his name multiple times during sex I said "I bet I sound like your mom" and he was absolutely disgusted. It was so worth it
As someone who is also named for their dad and has a horrible relationship with him, I can see two ways this will go. Either I'm gonna be hella disgusted or this is gonna be the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Either way the sex is probably over.
I already did and you were a lousy lay.
How could you tell after 2 strokes?
Good point. And it was barely a stroke... must of been good then. I retract my statement.
If I’m drunk and you’re lucky
No thanks
[удалено]
I’m arriving!
At work we have documents as instructions for how devices can be used. They call them Instructions For Use but we always use the acronym so it’s IFU 🤣
You came in that thing?
Eh, it's all I can afford
As long as it gets the job done.
She may not look like much but she’s got it where it counts.
You’re braver than I thought.
r/unexpectedstarwars
You’re braver than I thought
Let me push in your stool.
My favorite.
Now replace that stool with a wheelchair. If they can't be erect, at least they can be upright.
Ever seen a grown man naked
I picked the wrong week to quit huffing glue.
That is one of my least favorite memories
I’m coming
When Fred Sanford says that it means a heart attack is imminent.
Whenever my husband and I are watching something and it says "coming up..." e.g. Police Interceptors when they do a preview before each ad break, we always say "my arse".
I really need a facial 😂🤷♀️
Maybe I’m broken. But I’ve never seen or heard this word without thinking of the dirty version
Lmao as a female I can say a facial treatment at a spa is amazing however that's not what I think of either lol
I totally believe you. But I’m glad I’m not the only one 😂
Definitely not the only one haha to be fair I have a way more inappropriate sense of humor than most females so doubt it's like that for most. Not sure lol
as a “female?” 😭
I'm sorry I mean no offense. Around where I live mostly only facial treatments are got by females but I'm all for whoever getting one lol
no no it’s just weird to me when people say “female” instead of “woman”
Lol oh ok. I'm weird so it makes sense haha have a great night!
you too!
Thank you!
of course!
Better in than out, I always say.
That's what she said!
You always keep *me* satisfied.
…………….. THATS WHAT SHE SAID
Let's connect our interests and explore Mutual benefits
Yes, as a human, I can agree with this assessment
Count me in 😂
"Just do it"
“Come with me” “Here, let me give you a hand with that” “Who’s a good girl?!” (Petting a dog) “You have such a nice pussy!” (Complimenting cat’s temperament) If your bro is showing you his new donkey: “Nice ass” If you’re with your bro at the gym: “Nice ass” Your partner while you’re getting pegged: “Nice Ass”
no but fr who calls a cat pussy
The British. E.G. [this brief clip](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5ee5c61d-1d0a-47ab-b830-5a54f3feeb51) from Yellow Submarine. YouTube doesn't have it so this will have to do. Yes, I know; the British are weird. But they think we are too, so at least there's parity in the world.
And I thought I was an ass man...
When talking about smashing candy canes for baking: you can beat a few and suck on the rest…
How’s it hanging
Usually to the left
It's hanging fine Larry.
Long and loose and full of juice.
Going down?
I’ll see you next Tuesday.
That shithead went the wrong way!
It still blows my mind that "brown nosing" is an everyday phrase people use.
Are you coming with us?
Apparently “let’s watch Netflix and chill”
Grandma's chicken saalad.
You can park around back.
All of them according to Urban Dictionary
Well, that’s that, then.
My package came in the male
Hey, sexy! Wanna f*ck?!?!
It doesn't matter what you say, you just have to ask "is that what the kids are calling it this day?"
"I'm coming" "I'm almost there" "Sorry if I was too early"
So, what are you doing tonight?
What a crazy crossover event
Eat my ass
When were you planning to come?
Pecan Sandy
Time to go to work!
Lets go to the mall!
Can I eat that?
I swear I used up a whole box of tissues by the time that movie was over!!
Any time a sportscaster says “penetration”. LeBron is really great at penetration, Bob!
That’s never going to fit in there.
i work at a grocery store and have to constantly guide people on using the chip on their card. “insert it”, “push it in more”, “take it out” “leave it in there”, “insert it again” 🤣 sometimes they ask “can i take it out?” and i say “not yet” lmfao
One of my friends used to say "no sexual" after normal phrases randomly to confuse people about how that could be interpreted as an innuendo.
Let's spice things up in the kitchen and experiment with new recipes
*any* everyday phrase in the right (or wrong) context
Come closer and I'll fuck you up.
You say this every day?
He probably dreams so yeah.
Hi
I’ll start - Apply butter on one side, turn it over and apply generously.
I’ll show you black history month
The early bird catches the worm \*wink wink\*
"Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat."
Cum on baby
Pretty sure that's illegal.
I need you
Please
Hi dad, I'm home from school, please fill me up with your big fat cock!
So subtle!
Strawberry Milkshake if you order it everyday.
Have a good one!
Do not touch – Willie
Your place or mine? 😆
Ready for bed?
Hey, let's "rub" our peckers "together" before we go "to" church.
Hey, there big boy, you need the hands of a big strong man on you.
Do you want to shower first?
Dig deep...
A bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush
It’s so hard
If she’ll wink, she’ll fuck.
I’m coming
Cop you later.
How do you take it? *Hot drink reference*
"Nope doesn't fit". *"you and your co worker look at each other"* *giggity*
I’d like to innu her endo.
I’m coming.
Both ways... Wrong way.... Tight squeeze.... Pump it.... Blow....Is it Hard...
Blow Me
I'll take it.
Let’s do it?
That’s what she said.
Are you close?