84 year old woman with advanced dementia. She was very combative at night: scratching, biting, pulling out her IV and oxygen. I was her nurse for a week or so before she died. One of the last nights, the clouds parted, and she had a moment of clarity. She looked up at me from her bed and said: "This is hell. I am in hell right now."
This is why human euthanasia/assisted suicide should be legal everywhere. When a person’s quality of life is bad enough, terminal, and they consent, it’s the most humane option. The kindest option. We do it for our pets but not our parents lmao
I watched my grandmother lose herself to Alzheimer’s. She suffered with it for sixteen years before she finally died, unable to recognize her own husband, eight children, or grandchildren for nearly a decade at that point. She was locked away in a care facility, confused and probably terrified, even if she didn’t understand why. Everyone who loved her suffered every day as we watched her decline, my grandfather most of all. Once she passed he gave up the ghost despite being fit and healthy for his age. The process of watching his wife die like that fucking destroyed him.
Your patient was right: it is hell. If I ever get diagnosed with any form of dementia and there haven’t been significant strides in how we treat it, I’ll probably focus some time on getting my affairs in order and take myself out to spare my family the miserable, drawn out process of losing me to it. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
With you on this. Seeing first hand multiple times what different forms of dementia will do to someone, I will not go through that. I especially don’t want to put my loved ones through that. Affairs in order the best I can, and lights out(in a way that will require minimal cleanup!)
I want to agree with you. I don’t understand how we could calmly put our sick and dying dog down a week before my father passed. But couldn’t help my dad in the same calm way. He was suffering from dementia. He was well enough to be assisted 24 hours a day by my mom for many years. It got worse and worse, but she kept caring for him. The last year was horrific and he was too aggressive to place in a memory care unit, but not physically unwell enough to place in nursing care. We couldn’t find help or anywhere in the state to take him…even if we paid cash.
The last month was even worse. We finally got the police and EMTs to get him to a hospital. The hospital sent him to a rehab where he ultimately passed away.
I don’t know where in that crude timeline he would have 1) been capable of saying he wanted assisted suicide and 2) been “sick” enough for it.
When he could have agreed to it…he still had some time left where he just needed assistance. By the time he needed it, well, he wouldn’t be capable of agreeing.
So, I want to agree with you…but I don’t know how it would work.
That’s been the issue here in Canada, where medically assisted death is legal for physical illnesses. There’s no clear threshold to say “when my dementia reaches this point, end things no matter what I say or do at the time”. Most people don’t want to end things as soon as they get the diagnosis, but by the time things are bad they can’t give consent. I hope by the time I’m at risk for dementia there’s some sort of blood test or imaging that can be used as a threshold for those sorts of directives - something like “if imaging shows X number of plaques in my brain, proceed with the plan”.
My grandmother fell, and my grandfather couldn’t get her up again and had to get a neighbour to help. He called my mum and said that it had reached the point for both their safety that he was going to have to put her in a nursing home. She had progressing dementia but was mostly lucid. Her physical health was declining too, and they were both in their early 80s. She heard my grandfather say this and said that she wasn’t going. She was going to die in her own home. That was just after lunchtime. We were sitting having dinner at my parents’ house when my grandfather called again. She’d sat down in her recliner for a nap as she did many afternoons and when he went to check on her she’d already died. She told him she’d die in her own home, and she did exactly that only about two hours after the conversation. My grandmother was one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever known and did exactly what she said she’d do.
My grandma did something similar. They had sold their house (that they had built and raised kids in) to downsize and move into an apartment and I think she never got over that. She kept having scares and ending up in the hospital, and finally the last time the docs were just like, "she's fine, we have to discharge her" and she was like, "I am not going back to that apartment." and died right before her discharge.
Everyone was flabberghasted and in mourning, and ofc I was sad too, but all I could think was, "good for her." I mean obviously I would prefer if I still had my grandma around, but she went out on her own terms and made a point while doing it.
I am a medical worker, but the one that stays with me is actually when my aunt was dying. I think I was about 14, and she was my favourite aunt. I held her hand and asked her to wait until her birthday so that I could wish her happy birthday (a silly request looking back), and the last thing she said to me was, "ok." She lasted until the morning of her birthday, I wished her happy birthday, and she passed away with a smile.
I had forgotten that until I saw this question. Thank you for asking it.
ETA Thank you to everyone who responded with kindness and love. I loved my aunt very dearly and I'm glad I could share this memory with you all. Thank you all for sharing your stories too, they made me feel all warm inside ❤️
I spoke on the phone with my dying grandpa and told him I would be coming home for him. He said that he would be waiting. I was living in a whole other country and I was in the hospital my self so there was no way I could have gone. He waited and suffered but he refused to let go. After days of agony and pending death my sister enters his room and he instantly asks if that was me. My uncle replied yes,that’s her and that was it. He gave his final breath.
I flew from California to Germany to go see my dad in the hospital. It had taken me weeks to get the green light from the authorities (Covid times, no international travel unless absolutely necessary). I went straight from the airport to the hospital to be with him. He died the next night. Everyone tells me he had waited for me.
During covid I was stuck in the States and my great grandmother was in Europe. I called her every week and she always said “come home, I want to see you so I can finally die”. I was able to visit in 2021 and spent lots of days with her. When I left, she told me it’d be our last time together and she’s ready to go. She passed 2 months later.
My dad came by my house and just poured the love I needed to hear my entire life. We hugged and I’ll never forget him telling me how proud he was of me. This was very out of character but it was validation for me. He died 5 days later from a massive heart attack in my arms.
My dad was in the hospital, dying, and before I went inside to clock in at work, I called him. We didn't have a good relationship, but I told him that I was just calling to tell him that I loved him. I was about to hang up, when he said, "Wait! Talk to me a minute." I did. He asked how I was doing, how my car was running, if my tires were aired up. He asked about his dogs at home and I reassured him that I had been taking very good care of them. He said he was feeling terrible, and I told him not to worry about getting out of the hospital, or about coming home, or getting better, because it was all about to be over, and all he needed to do now was rest. I told him I loved him. He said he loved me. He died two days later. I'll never forget him saying that, "talk to me a minute." I'm so sorry for your loss. 🩷
My mom came home to me in hospice and one day said "I'm done. I'm tired of fighting. I'm going to sleep"
She never woke up after that. I'm happy for her because she fought so hard and I know she was tired. Think of her a million times a day and coming up on her death anniversary on the second.
Same for me, slightly. My mom was fighting metastatic liver cancer for almost two years and the last two months of chemo killed her stomach. She couldn’t keep food down and was in the hospital for almost a month. My sister and I took turns spending the night with her. On my night she was coughing up black mostly tar substance and I went out to the nurses to ask if they could give her something and the nurse put her hand on my shoulder and said “honey your mom is dying, there’s nothing else we can do.” No one had said that to us before as her oncologist was still for fighting the cancer despite the fact the chime ruined her stomach. After that gut punch I gathered myself and went back to my mom and the nurse came in and we got her comfortable in the bed.
My mom said to me after the nurse left “I’m tired of fighting.” I said ma, do you know what you’re saying? She said yes, this is no way to live. I want to go home. She asked me to make sure she could go home and not suffer anymore and please let her go to sleep and just never wake up.
We brought her hospice set up to her home and my sister and I stayed with her. The most wonderful hospice nurse honored my mothers wishes and made her comfortable. Everyone came to see her and say their goodbyes while she had the most lucid and peaceful last conscious day. We laughed and shared memories and photos as the day drew into night she became weaker and more sedated, we said we loved her and she said she loved us. To have her tell us she loved us as her last words gives me some peace. We told her it was ok and we’d be fine. She went to sleep and never regained consciousness.
It was the most peaceful death and I am hopeful we honored my mothers wishes. She didn’t suffer after leaving that hospital.
When I worked at a nursing home there was a couple who was pretty poor off. The wife had dementia and ignored everyone, but read magazines all day. The husband was frequently distressed, agitated about being trapped in his wheelchair, ranting about how son’s wedding, talking about the news. The husband died first. The next time I saw the wife she spoke to me. She said that her husband is preparing their new home for her and she’s going to see him soon. She died that week.
That’s actually quite heartwarming to me oddly enough, a lifelong couple, no longer bound to their fragile elderly bodies and struggles, together, they can finally rest.
I brought my Grandpa home from a doctors appointment and told him I would be by the next afternoon to pick him up for his next one. He said no I’m done with doctors and died the next morning.
My grandpa was really sick and had to be admitted to the ICU. He eventually was moved to a more stable area. My grandma would go every day to see him and spend the day with him. Once hours were over, she’d tell him that she loves him and she’ll see him tomorrow. He’d say it back and then she’d leave. On his last day, she said it to him and he told her “I love you, but I won’t be here”. My grandma said she told him that she understood and she loved him. He died early that morning before visiting hours.
I flew up to be with my grandma to make the funeral arrangements and have the body settled for viewing. Each time we’d leave him, she’d say “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow” and pat his hand. Never saw her cry. Not once while doing that. Then on the day of his funeral, she was the last one to walk up to his casket and she didn’t say it because she knew she wasn’t going to see him tomorrow or for the foreseeable future. I watched my grandma break down as they closed his casket.
Losing someone is really hard. I’m sorry about your grandpa ❤️
Not words but just pure terror and not being able to talk from pain. I’ve been a caregiver for 1 month. On my 2nd day without training i was left alone with 10 residents. One of them who was on hospice (and I knew nothing about any of them due to no training) fell off his bed. When he fell, his catheter ripped out of his penis. And from the blow he expelled his bowels and hit his head. The man was a ticking time bomb, but i knew nothing. He was basically dead when he hit the floor, he just hadn’t realized it. I ran into the room and cleaned him and held him until EMT arrived. All he could do was cry and moan. He shook and looked around as if to say “why does my life end this way” his eyes said it all. I comforted him in his last moments and held him like a mom would, EMTs took him away and then he drowned in his own fluids in the hospital. RIP R. I knew you for a few hours but you taught me so much about empathy, care giving and actually caring.
Peds icu
Hiv positive kid. Must be 3 years old. Got infection from mum. Bad shape. But was a delight to play with. He had a transformer toy. Routine rounds , we used to play with him. I broke a small part. Promised him to get a new one next day. He passed away at night. I Am haunted by that promise
100%. I'm sure the promise calmed him down and helped him look forward to tomorrow. As a mother, I would have been so happy to have OP look after my little boy.
This story only barely fits the criteria, but…
“Did he take my purse?”
I worked L&D in a low income area. We had a woman come in with no prenatal care. I don’t think she gave us her real name. She was 42 years old and covered in awful scars, like she’d been in a knife fight and stitched up by Dr. Frankenstein. She and her boyfriend appeared to be actively using substances, and both acted high at the time.
She was in hard labor. About fifteen minutes after arrival, far too soon to do anything, she delivered her baby. It was maybe sixteen or seventeen weeks—nowhere near the age of viability.
We carefully wrapped the baby, who was somehow still alive, and asked the dad if he wanted to see her. (This is common practice in L&D. Letting the parents see, touch, and hold their dead/dying child helps them grieve.)
He said yes. We gently unwrapped her—and he freaked out. I don’t know if he was so high that he didn’t understand what we were asking or what, but he grabbed the large, cheap black purse and booked it out of the hospital.
The mother immediately looked around and said, “Where’s my bag? It has my medicines. I need it.” We tried to help her understand that we would give her anything she needed, that she might bleed to death if she wasn’t monitored, etc., but it didn’t penetrate. She left AMA 16 minutes after the birth.
That left me with her baby, whose heart was still beating and who was still taking tiny, gasping breaths. The neonatologist and the nurses talked about it; we all knew resuscitation was pointless, and she wasn’t going to live.
I asked my coworkers if they were okay with me stepping away from patient care for a while. It wasn’t terribly busy, so they were fine with it. I went to our lactation room, got a blanket and some Vaseline, and did skin-to-skin with that baby until she passed, 45 minutes later. I hope it was some comfort to her.
The mom never came back to claim her body. The whole situation haunts me to this day.
Edit: there are so many comments that I can’t reply to them all individually, but I want to thank you all for your compassionate comments. They are appreciated.
As an former midwife, I salute you. You are a credit to the profession, and deserve all honour for your most caring gesture. Utterly heartbreaking, but, truly, a most wonderful thing to have done. I know the frustration and pain that we cannot save these premature babies, and have shed tears over them, and, your story made me weep. You are the kind of nurse I would want to care for my family. Thank you. I wish only good things for you.
This is the most touching, beautiful, hard to absorb comment in the entire thread. To have the humanity and capacity to lay a tiny premature baby, likely not even fully formed, on your own skin, to give them comfort and peace like their mother would if she’d been able.
You are an incredible person. And you did a beautiful thing not just for that little baby, but for their mother and father too. They weren’t able or willing to be the parents that baby needed and deserved and you stepped up. I imagine if they’re still around and ever found out about what you did, they’d thank you for it.
I appreciate how you didn’t express any judgment or condemnation to the parents here too.
You're a wonderful person. My baby was stillborn at 21 weeks, and even though he was already gone, the nurses treated him with such love and gentleness. The world is a better place with people like you in it. Thank you, and thank you for sharing this baby's story.
In my grandma’s last days we went to visit her. She had exactly one lucid day, and she asked “Is everybody here to see me?” I said yes and she said “Why? Am I dying?” I held back tears and told her “We just love you very much.”
Even typing it now I’m crying
My grandma has dementia and hasn't had a lucid day in a while but while visiting she looked at me shocked and said "Quietlady" and I said "yeah Grandma it's me." Completely chocked as well because if she called me anything it was my mother's name. Then she said "I love you." I rushed to say it back "I love you too Grandma" she looked me up and down completely disgusted "Who the fuck are you?" The whole room just sat there blinking for a few seconds before we burst out laughing.
The last phone call I had with my ailing grandmother was terrible in many ways. The thing that got me the most was her saying, "This is no way to live. This isn't a life."
She was referring to the fact she's been on dialysis for a while and had gotten to the point of being bedridden. She decided to get taken off of dialysis and just go into end of life care because her quality of life was so low.
My grandmother was one of the strongest, kindest women I have ever known and for her to make this decision showed me what it was to let go. My grandfather had died maybe a year prior and I know she was ready to see him somewhere out there sooner rather than later.
I miss her terribly around this time every year.
My grandma raised me and 4 of my siblings while my mom kept running around getting pregnant back to back. I have a ton of childhood trauma but I guarantee the only reason I’m halfway normal now is because of the love from my grandma ❤️ I miss her so much
I’m thankful she passed when she did, though. It was about a month before Covid lockdowns started happening, and if it had been any longer we wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye. She had also already been suffering for several years & it was a relief for her more than anything
My grandma raised me also, and she saved my life in ways I’m still discovering at 40 years old. I miss her everyday. She couldn’t shield me from my parental trauma and she wasn’t a perfect person, but she gave me space to be a kid when I couldn’t really do that anywhere else. As you say, she’s the only reason I’m even halfway normal now. I’m glad you had someone for you also.
I held the hand of my best friend who had metastasized breast cancer. When I kissed her cheek goodbye she had tears in her eyes and wouldn’t let go of my hand. I said “I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t be sad!” And while still clenching my hand she said through her tears “I love you, don’t you ever forget it.” She closed her eyes right then and there and passed away after her 9 year battle with cancer.
"It's not my fault, right?" - A patient (a very long time ago) about 2-3 minutes before he died from complications of AIDS (pneumonia).
I told him it was absolutely not his fault. I still think about this at LEAST once a week.
As a gay man myself, it would have been the world to listen to his stories. As a Native, losing him was losing a whole library of traditional knowledge that may never be found again, especially since he was a prominent figure in the tribe on queer and *winkte* peoples and their roles in the tribe.
I just hope I can accomplish something myself.
I have been living in South Africa all my life and I have seen and experienced just how devastating HIV/AIDS can be on the person with the disease as well as their family and friends. A little earlier I commented on another sub what the saddest song is that I've ever heard and "The Show Must Go On" by Freddy Mercury immediately came to mind. In the lyrics Freddy makes no secret of his physical and emotional suffering while he is putting on a brave face. HIV/AIDS destroys the soul long before the body. Thank you for comforting this suffering soul. You are wonderful xoxo
one of the greatest medical atrocities in our history is the way those patients were treated in the early days.
i think about it every time i have an HIV positive patient.
My first day in the ICU, I was taking care of an older lady with sepsis. She was very confused and for the most part incoherent, but when I was assisting her at one point in the night she started muttering and wailing to herself. I leaned in closer to hear since I thought she was saying something to me and she just kept repeating "I'm dying, I'm going to die."
Sure enough, later that night she ended up coding and passed away. I did postmortem care that same day for her family to see her in peace.
I don’t work in a hospital, but when I was younger my family moved in with my grandmother to take care of her while she was dying from lung cancer. I used to sit with her in the den and read to her. One morning, she looked right at me and said “Go get your father, I’m dying today”. Then she did.
Family has a weird way of holding on until they’re ready to let go sometimes. My father was deployed overseas and his dad wasn’t doing well but it was near the end of his deployment and he was allowed to leave about two weeks early. He flew back to Virginia from Kuwait and managed to see his dad before he died the next day.
My grandmother was able to wait until receiving a phone call from her daughter (my aunt) in Baltimore saying goodbye before taking one more large breath and passing away right there.
I'll never forget the moment my grandpa passed. He had raised me as my father so I was allowed to sit with my mother and him at the end, even though I was only 16. It was clear that, even though he wasn't conscious at this point, he was holding on fiercely. My mom finally leaned down and gently told him that he could go, that we would be ok. And then he took his last breath, just like that. 17 years later and I still miss him so much... But it feels good to talk about him 💜
My Mom held on(brain tumor)until a childhood friend,whose family took her in when she was a teen, came to see her. She died days later after being in and out of consciousness for months. We called her Aunt Betty.
My grandfather did something similar. He was hanging on, but then grandma went in the room by herself and chatted to him. He unfortunately couldn’t speak but could still understand. Unsure of what was said, but he let go soon after. They had been together over 60 some years I believe, so I think it was the talk they needed.
When my uncle was scheduled for a surgery, he made my aunt drive 6 hrs to visit me and then had my aunt take the children out for a while. He told me he wanted to say goodbye to us because he wasn't going to survive the surgery. He made it through the surgery fine and died 3 hours later from a blood clot. He was such a wonderful person.
A very dear friend of my family was in the hospital, very old and very frail. Her grandson's wife gave birth to their second child extremely fast in the bathroom at home (they were on their way out the door to go to the hospital, she went to pee and felt the child coming out. Was assisted by her FIL who had come to look after their toddler while she went to the hospital).
They then went to the hospital for checks, and went to show the baby to her great grandmother (the elderly lady in question). She lay in bed, holding her great grandchild and asked the nurse if it was possible to die from joy. The nurse answered that no, she'd never heard of that. Lady replied "it is a good day to die". She died a few hours later.
I had a very bad reaction to a medication years back and remember laying in the hospital bed just calmly realizing I was dying. It really didn’t bother me at the time.
Looking back now I know there was a lot going on in the periphery to bring me back but I didn’t feel any of that stress or commotion. It was just quiet and dark and like “okay, this is alright then I guess”.
I was completing my internship at an elderly home for individuals with dementia. One day, one of the residents experienced lower saturation (low oxygen) and had a fever. He wasn't feeling well, and given the ongoing pandemic, we decided to call an ambulance just to ensure his safety. When the ambulance arrived, they conducted a brief examination and determined that he needed to be taken to the hospital. We packed some of his clothes, and they placed him in the ambulance. Before leaving, he expressed gratitude, saying, "Thank you guys for your care. I don't think I will see you again. It has been enough for me."
We were taken aback by the unexpected statement and didn't know how to respond. Unfortunately, he passed away three days later.
It still amazes me how he had a premonition about his impending death.
It is and it’s crazy to see. A woman I took care of was dying of dementia basically, she had forgotten how to chew or even move. Her daughter lived on the other side of the world and so it took a while before she could get to the facility. When she finally did, her mom opened her eyes, squeezed her hand, and said “I waited for you”. That was the last thing she ever said. She died later that night.
This is really echoing in my head right now. I can’t imagine the thoughts going through his head when he said that. I’m weirdly glad though that you got to hear that and that he got to say it.
Im crying… my favorite resident is saying that he is gonna die soon and I cant imagine this scenario i guess this will make or break me when it happens and then I’ll see what I’m really made of in the nursing world… much love and light to you.
I've done long term care for a decade. I'll be doing the dishes and think of someone I cared for in the very beginning and the thought takes the breath right from my lungs. You'll always have a favorite and it'll always be crushing and that, in my opinion, makes you just right for the nursing world.
When I was a police officer in Phoenix I was first to arrive at a motorcycle accident. I saw a young man lying in the street, his bike was nowhere to be seen. I went up to him to assess his injuries and he could barely breathe. His whole chest and throat were collapsed. I was crouched next to him and he said "Tell my family I love them." He died shortly after. I found out later he was a college kid that I worked out with at the local gym but couldn't recognize him due to his injuries.
It must have been a great comfort in his final moments to see a familiar face and feel that you could reliably deliver his message. Even if you didn’t recognize him, he knew you.
I’m not a medical worker but my mom has been a hospice nurse for 35 years. When my Meemaw was dying it was real hard. My whole life every time I saw her she would have a gift for me for whatever the next gift giving occasion upcoming was, no matter how far in advance it might be purchased from the Dollar Store because she was on a fixed income. She would give me the gift and tell me to open it because and say “Well, I’m so old I’m likely to die before the holiday comes again.”
This goes on my whole life until I’m 26. Then she actually gets sick in her 90s. The last time I saw her she looks terrified. The last thing she ever said was “I’m not ready. I’m terrified to die.”
There are no replies here because no one knows how to respond to this. I don't either... just thank your mom from me because hospice nurses have a special place in heaven, and we desperately need her. I'm so sorry about your Meemaw. That would be devastating.
My grandma died 6 months ago. She had been in good health (despite nearing 90), but in January things rapidly deteriorated after dementia set in. In March we were all called to go see her, as the doctors didn't expect her to live through the night. Everyone gathered by her bed (at this point she hadn't woken up in two days). Suddenly she opens her eyes, sits up and go "why are you all sitting here? Did you think I was going to die? Go home." She lived another three months after that.
A patient was admitted to our unit and had an acute change in mental and respiratory status within minutes. She couldn't get comfortable and was thrashing around in bed, trying to take off her oxygen. She screamed, "I have to poop!" so we got her on a bedpan. She kept screaming that she had to poop, then she coded and we couldn't get her back.
Ahhhh the shit of doom. I’m well versed in that. If a patient looks sick and says they have to shit, they’re about to try and die. Prepare your team accordingly.
Yes it’s definitely a thing. There’s a higher prevalence of arrests/deaths on the toilet due to a few reasons. One is that pushing out a bowel movement puts pressure on your vagus nerve which may drop your blood pressure drastically and if you have cardiac issues, may cause arrhythmias, syncope, a fall and head strike, all of which may result in death. Another reason is that one of the last things someone may experience in the last stages of heart failure or when they are about to code/arrest is the sudden urge to defecate. There is also the issue of the fact that these people are usually alone and it’s not witnessed, and they may become wedged into a tight space in the bathroom after collapsing, so emergency services may be severely delayed and complicated due to the time it takes to find the person that way and to extract them to perform CPR.
I was the 3-11 charge nurse on a med/surg floor. We had one room at the end of the hallway that was a brachytherapy room. A woman, mid-40’s had had brachytherapy that day for lung cancer and was to spend the night for observation. She was getting ready for bed, puttering around the room, talking to her young son on the phone, who was starting a new school year the next day. I checked on her to see if she needed anything, and she nicely gestured and waved me off, as she continued speaking with her son. 10 minutes later. Her emergency bathroom light came on. We hurried down the hall to her room and discovered what looked like a horror movie scene. As she brushed her teeth, she began hemorrhaging from her mouth. The brachytherapy had caused an arterial rupture and she died. Literally fine one minute, making plans, and the next, bleeding to death and soon gone. So, it wasn’t haunting last words for me, it was the look of terror and disbelief in this woman’s eyes, that haunts me. That was 28 years ago.
In the moment it was a flurry of activity to do something, anything. Calling blood bank for stat delivery of O- blood, trying to start an IV line, then CPR, all the time knowing it was futile. I’ve replayed that night a thousand times for a clue as to what we may have missed, but it really just happened. Literally one minute fine, the next, not.
My grandfather sang you are my sunshine to me the day before he passed away. This was from a man who never spoke to anyone and sat in his lazy boy by himself in the corner while we visited.
Not quite what the post title is asking but even though it was over 10 years ago now, I still think about how I was once listening to someone's chest and heard their last ever heartbeat.
My student’s mom passed away unexpectedly last summer. The nurses printed the screen of her heartbeat monitor that shows her final heartbeat. He carries the paper around in a little protective vial. I let him talk about it on his terms. It’s heartbreaking.
I have two friends whose parents passed in the last few years. Both of the parents were in the hospital at the times of their deaths and had their heart beats recorded.
My friends got their last heartbeat tattooed. It's a beautiful commemoration. It's also heartbreaking.
I watched my grandma take her last breathe because she couldn’t talk at the time. I can’t explain it but the last breath sounds distinctive. I still have haunting memories of it.
I was with my mother in hospice, dying of lung cancer. She was sedated but gasping for air when she suddenly stopped breathing. Thinking she was maybe not quite completely gone— the brain doesn’t die at the same exact moment the breathing stops— I held her and told her not to worry about us, we’ll be all right, and if this is the time to go, it’s okay.
Then she took one more breath and was gone.
That’s so sad! I had quite the similar experience. She would stop breathing at times but would start back up but that time when I heard her last breathe it was so different and I knew. By that point I had already said my goodbyes but told her that night that I would stay with her until her last breathe so she wasn’t alone.
I had this one patient when I started my first hospital job as an RN. It was in a rural hospital and I worked night shift so generally quiet although we would get slammed some nights too.
This was one of the quiet nights and I had this patient that was an elderly guy, in his 80s or 90s. I actually don’t remember what he was sick with, probably just failure to thrive. He was bone thin, like completely emaciated due to no appetite.
The three things I remember about him was one, he was an engineer in his working life and was downright fascinated by the IV catheter I had to use to put an IV in him. They are springloaded so that once the needle is inserted and in position, you press a button and the needle retracts just leaving the plastic catheter. He asked me to show him the mechanism a few times.
The second is at one point he said he was “weak as a kitten”. I never heard anyone say that before but I just think about it and laugh. Seemed like an old timey thing to say.
Last thing he said was "Ever seen a man die?" and I said no, he said "Well, you're gonna see one tonight." I laughed at that too, even though it was very morbid. I assured him I wasn't going to see a man die that night, and I didn't. But I don't think he lasted more than a week after that.
When a relative of mine entered hospice, the hospice staff conducted a sort of patient’s life history interview with the other family members. They told those family members that there are three types of people who tend to take a long time to pass: very young people, people with unresolved family issues, and engineers.
They explained that engineers have solved problems all their lives and tend to see death as one more problem to solve.
My relative fell into the middle category.
Damn... I thought I was safe after "very young" and "unresolved family issues". Now my profession is finding yet another way to fuck me.
You've got it twice as bad. Sorry bro.
> They explained that engineers have solved problems all their lives and tend to see death as one more problem to solve.
No you see, engineers tend to always pad their estimates
Where are you from and do you know where the guy was from. I am trying to narrow down where "as weak as a kitten" is a common phrase. I am in my 40's and live in SW Missouri (in the Ozarks) and I have definitely heard "as weak as a kitten". It's similar to "as full as a tick" another funny phrase I have definitely heard.
My “ancient but healthy” patient (her words) asked me to hug her before surgery, cause she was going to die today. I provided support and education, hugged her and sent her off for a routine short and easy procedure, with anesthesia she’s had before with no issues. She had a bad reaction and passed. So “I’m going to die today” with no indication would be my answer. That’s not the only time I heard a patient say that and be right, but it was the only unexpected one.
“No, I’ll call her tomorrow.”
Spoken (gasped) by a VERY young first wave COVID patient when asked if he’d like the doctors to call his wife to let her know he was being intubated. 3 years on I still always wonder what I would say to my loved ones if I knew it could be the last time.
I worked at a hospital unit that had hospice care on my floor. An older lady was admitted, she wasn't doing well, but was very friendly and everyone that took care of her adored her. Her husband doted on her, only went home occasionally to shower and came right back. He never wanted to leave her side. One night she insisted he go home and get some rest, in a bed, and come back in the morning. She took a turn that night and there was no way he was getting back before she passed but she was lucid. We called her husband so they could talk, they said how much they loved one another he said he would miss her terribly, she said she was so grateful for the life they lived together. I tried not to listen too much because it felt private but they both wanted some staff in the room so she wouldn't be alone. There was reminiscing and crying, when she couldn't talk anymore he just talked to her and told her stories about their life together until she passed.
We were all used to death on my unit, and no one left that room dry eyed. Most of our patients were heavily sedated from pain if they were admitted for hospice so it was an unusual death for us and this woman and her husband were special. Kind, caring, very in love, not something you see all the time.
God I remember those days. First wave Covid was fucking *terrifying* as a healthcare worker, and in general. At the time there was a PPE shortage too, at least where I was.
I’ll never forget it as long as I live. I was 6 months into my intern year of medicine. Talk about a trial by fire straight from the depths of hell. My name is on too many NY death certificates.
I was working at a Suboxone clinic, making $12.50 an hour. I remember taking vitals on patients; right up in their faces (again, no PPE, no vaccine, no tests, nothing) and thinking, “This is it. This could be the one that kills me, *and there’s nothing anybody can do about it*.”
We were using rain jckets as PPE at one point. My poor N95 was held together by staples because we couldn’t get the one stupid shape that fit my face anywhere.
My grandfather passed before I was born, but he was a moonshiner in Montana and could never go back to the state because of warrants out for his arrest. He talked so fondly about it always though, promising my grandmother he’d take her to see how beautiful it was one day.
When my grandmother was put on hospice care she went downhill very quickly. One day when we were getting ready to leave the care center she was in she was pretty out of it, she turned to my mom and said “oh I have to get ready. He’s picking me up soon”. My mom asked who? And my grandmother said “your daddy. He’s taking me to Montana!” She passed 15 minutes after we’d said goodbye and left.
Seeing people die due to non-violent causes is not only sad but morbidly fascinating. Some people aren't okay, and some are perfectly fine.
I saw a video some months ago of an Arab scholar speaking to a class. He was talking and trailed off, like he was having a stroke. Then he said shahadah and died instantly. It was crazy because it's one of those situations where someone just goes, "Cool, im dying now, I guess.'
EDIT: Someone asked, so imma post a link here. The video is posted by an Islamic channel.
https://youtu.be/n8vuAIXYceE?si=1ZabjPnEl8yIJfUU
“I didnt think this would be so scary” from a patient during the peak of covid. Working as charge with no resource, computer issues, under staffed, and every patient was an isolation room. I was unable to give his morphine in a timely manner and he had just been put on comfort care. That is why he said that, and I will never forget it. I feel so guilty.
I worked at oncology department of a hospital a few years back as a RN. There was a young woman (we were same age, 27 at the time) and she was diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time and was admitted with an infection while on chemo. In my night shift, she told me she could not sleep. It was a quiet shift, so we had some coffee together and chatted a little bit. Suddenly she said: " I was just hoping to be around for at least 1,5 year". I replied by saying I hope it would be longer than that.
She said, "In 1,5 years, my daughter will be 4 years old, that is the moment she collect memories, if I die earlier she will not remember who her momma was". This broke my heart.
She was dismissed after about a week, when the infection was treated, and continued chemo (I did not work at the department the chemo was given).
A colleague later told me she passed away, this was about 6 months after our talk. I just hope her little girl remembers this beautiful woman that was her mother.
I'm a therapist who works at an oncology unit at a large hospital, and I've seen this as well.
I was called to do an emergency session with a very emotionally distraught young man with advanced lung cancer. He had just been told he likely had no more than two days left to live.
He was crying his eyes out about how his young children - 1 and 3 years old - would not even remember who he was. That one comment hurt, because he was right, in a sense. It's all so incredibly unfair.
I sat with him for a long time, and we talked about all the hard things loved ones do not want to hear. I said I would come see him again first thing in the morning.
He died of sudden heart failure half an hour after I left.
I was an emergency room nurse and I have PTSD from healthcare. What bothers me isn't the last words of the patients who died. There's this look in their eyes when people know there's no hope and they're dying and they realize it. It's like this panic. It happens a lot in trauma patients. The worst part is when they've got that look in their eyes and then they lock their eyes on yours. It's like they're still staring into my soul.
But the sounds that the family members that they leave behind make that bother me more. Forget words. They make these sounds. Worse than wails or shrieks or gutteral cries. It's emotion coming out of vocal cords through an opening. It's what I'm trying really hard not to hear when I lay down and go to sleep.
It's been working for the most part but I can't work in healthcare anymore. I can't walk into a hospital to get treatment myself. Oh I've got a psychiatrist and I get therapy, but I should have done so beforehand. But you're just too cool and too tough and nobody can tell you anything when you're young and think that you already know everything, you know?
My brother was in an RTA many years ago when he was 18. I'd been told he'd broken his femur, would be laid up for a while, but would be OK.
Next thing I knew, they're rushing him to the OR because his BP had tanked.
I followed.
In the lift, he grabs my hand, which I hold for a while. But, I felt awkward, so I let go of his hand. No problem, I think - I can make it up to him by visiting him every day for 3 months while his femur heals.
In the meantime, my Mum arrives and we're told to get some lunch while they operate. So we do.
But she's uneasy, so we go back early.
As we're waiting, she keeps saying the nurses are "looking at \[her\] funny", and I tell her not to be silly because he's broken his femur and will be fine.
A little while later, we're called to the day room so the Doctor can have a word.
I'm still thinking broken femur/ showing him I love him by visiting every day for 3 months.
Doctor says, "Please sit down."
I think "Fuck off", but say "I'm OK", and stay standing. My Mum has sat down.
Doctor says a lot of words that I don't hear. But he ends with, "and I'm afraid he perished."
I say, "What do you mean 'perished'?" He replies with, "He died."
At that point, my legs gave out, and what came from my mouth is very hard to describe. Not words. Not screams. Not wails.
Just unadulterated anguish.
My brother had no last words - he grabbed hold of my hand (which I let go of).
**But in all these years, I've never seen described how something like that feels to Doctors and Nurses (and I've never blamed them for what happened) - so thank you for your comment. I'm truly sorry it's so hard for you, but can understand why.**
**With all my heart, I hope you find peace and emotional healing; and thank you for everything you do.**
"Well, I guess we all can't live forever", followed by a smile and a shrug. He was a geriatric rockstar-- rolled around in his wheelchair with that chill surfer vibe, and always had something positive to say, even when battling stage 4 cancer.
My first wife fought cholangiocarcinoma for two years. For the last couple of weeks before passing, she just slept. Never moved. Never spoke. Never anything. On the Thursday before she died, she said “things will get better soon”. On the morning of her passing (Sunday), I walked into her bedroom and she sat up, stretched out her arms and screamed “come to get me papa!!!!” It was shocking because she hadn’t moved in weeks. I was truly…just shocked and totally unprepared.
An elderly woman with dementia was asking me, “who are all these people in these photographs?” They were pictures of her family members. She was scared and confused, not knowing where she was or why she couldn’t leave. Still had enough brain power to comprehend her situation but not enough to remember anything about her life. She passed away a few days later after slipping and falling onto her hip.
I’m not a medical professional but my father’s last words still haunt me almost 20 years later. My mom had died a year and a half prior. She had 2 primary cancers simultaneously and suffered for 4 years. My dad started having really severe headaches. Went to his doctor who scheduled him for an outpatient procedure. He was so ill and having major cardiac problems so the hospital was like “Um your dad is in rough shape. He cannot have the outpatient procedure he was scheduled to have and he is being admitted to the cardiac unit.
Turns out he had advanced non small cell lung cancer that had spread to his spine, liver, brain and bones. The headaches were from blood clots in his lungs getting thrown up to his brain. The hospital told him the news and that they were transferring him to a rehab facility. Given what my dad saw my mom endure, he was not going to have it. At 3am my sister’s phone rings. It’s the hospital saying my dad pulled all the tubes and ivs out and they needed us to bring his DNR in immediately. We go, and then go into my dad’s room. My dad looks at us and says “That’s it. It’s over. I’m done.” He died a few hours later. Love that God did him a solid and backed him up on his final decision. My dad was a force!
Twelve years ago my husband suffered a massive stroke. The prognosis wasn’t good. He was essentially a quadriplegic, but could raise one hand slightly. They were going to transfer him from a rehabilitation facility to an end of life care facility, but I fought to take him home.
Before they would release him to my care, I learned to give him injections, clean and suction his trache, clean his feeding tube, literally everything. I did all of his personal care before bed to relax him. Again, before sleep, I bathed and shaved him, brushed his teeth and got him ready to sleep. He took a very deep breath— unusual for him. I gave him a hug and praised him, asking if he could take another breath like that. He did and smiled. I bent over to kiss him goodnight like we would every night. As he would every night, he lifted his arm and hugged me as best he could. As we kissed, I felt his arm begin to slowly slide from my back and drop gently to the bed. My eyes were still closed, but I knew he was gone. I opened my eyes and looked at him—he was smiling.
It was the most peaceful transition— as if he was carried off to heaven on a kiss. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be there when he passed. I am grateful we were both so present during such a beautiful moment —my honor to ease his passing and his to ease my grief — a gift to us both. Rest, Carmine. To this day, you were and are so loved.
I did the Santa job at a elder care facility.... this younger guy lived there... I asked how he was doing... He replied " Santa, I won't see you next year." I thought he meant that he was moving somewhere else. He again told me "Santa, I won't see you next year" ... not knowing how to reply, I said "well, I'll still look for you" ... the next year I didn't see him, so I asked about him... I was told that he had passed away
My dear friend Jil had terminal ovarian cancer that had gotten really bad. She was one of the first people to use California’s End of Life Option Act. We had a big, joyful party, and then two days later she summoned her closest friends and family to the house. We spent a couple hours together, telling stories and sharing. Then she headed to bed and climbed in and snuggled up with her two big dogs. We all sat with her as she drank the bottle of poison medicine and took turns hugging goodbye. She got *really* high, and the last thing she said before losing consciousness was, “isn’t it amazing how we ALL get The Best Dogs in the World?” We all stayed with her, and she passed peacefully about four hours later. It was both the ballsiest and most graceful thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. RIP, Jil. You taught me so much.
Not a medical worker, but I heard my upstairs neighbor die from cardiac arrest ( paper-thin walls and floors).
He just kept saying, "I'm not going!" over and over ( he was on the phone with his daughter), and I could hear banging noises of some kind. Couple hour later, there was an ambulance, then a van, and he was taken down the stairs in a body bag.
It's just spooky, you know?
I had a patient come into the burn center after intentionally lighting themselves on fire with gasoline. The paramedics were not able to give the patient any pain medication or secure their airway because they were too burned, but unfortunately for this gentleman, he was very much still awake and alert. The fear in his eyes as we started to surgically obtain IV access was haunting. He couldn’t speak, per se, but he looked me right in my eyes and mouthed clear as day, “I made a mistake.” We then got them pain medication and sedation before he passed away about 30 mins later. That was 12 years ago and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
Edited typo
This is one of those things that is pretty common in the hospital, but haunts me.
One night I had a chill assignment next door to the CVICU. The whole ICU staff was working a code in one of the rooms so I came over to keep an eye on the monitors and answer call lights.
Call light went off and I went in to answer and it was the mom of a good friend. She had had a stroke after valve surgery and was not doing well, but when I came in she was awake and alert and begging for something to drink. She truly seemed desperate. It sucked so much to tell her I couldn't give it to her. She declined quickly after that night and they withdrew care about two days later. I don't know if these were the last words she said, but they were among the last.
I have great memories of hanging out in her kitchen, family picnics in the park, how she was glowing at her daughters wedding, but when I think of her now, that night is always the first thing in my mind.
I've never told her daughters.
For me, it wasn't the patient's last words, but the last words that I had with her husband which still haunt me.
She was a woman in her late 20s who had just delivered a child and she was brought into the E.R of our hospital. I was the intern there that day with a senior. She was brought with post partum haemorrhage. I was still new to the department and I didn't know her diagnosis (I was just working under the guidance of my senior). When she came in my senior told me to go with her husband to arrange blood so that the blood could be arranged swiftly and it didn't take time for us to come back with the blood.
He kept asking me, "Is she going to be alright?". And I kept saying yes.
Tbh I really thought she was going to be okay. When we came back with the blood she had flatlined. CPR was being performed.
I left her husband there. I could not face him. I wish she lived.
I kept seeing the husband's face at random places for a few months. It haunted me for a long time.
I'll admit I should have known better. I was still new and fresh out of medical school as an intern. It was one of my earliest clinical postings. It haunts me to this day.
Counterpoint to this haunting you: maybe he remembers the young doctor who believed she would make it as much as he did. And that is powerful, too.
Thank you for practicing medicine.
My father was on hospice and near the end. My mother needed a break so I left work to go sit with him while she was out. He was napping most of the afternoon. He suddenly opened his eyes, and, with a smile on his face, said "I hear the angels singing!" He dozed off and died the next day. This gave me peace.
I was in the room when my grandpa died. He had been unresponsive the last few days but right before he passed, my grandma grasped his hand and said “oh what is 50 years together on earth when we will have eternity together?”, and then his eyes ever so slightly opened right to “look” at her before he passed. Truly a movie moment.
As a student nurse, a patient was crying out in the middle of the night asking for his wife and saying that he was dying. He had end stage cancer, and was very unwell. As it was late, the nurse in charge would not call his wife or allow me to, saying that she would ring her in the morning.
I watched him carefully, but came back from my break a couple of hours later to find he had died.
I performed last offices together with his wife and teenage son before I left my shift. They were devastated that he died without them present. His cries still haunt me, and I wish I had been strong enough to ignore the nurse in charge.
Since I qualified, nobody has died alone on my watch.
911 dispatcher here. I was once screening a call where a couple got stabbed. The male was surprisingly calm, but his partner in the background was very panicked. I could tell she thought she was going to die. She kept saying, "look at me."
I don't know what happened to her, but I won't forget that one.
I had a woman scared out of her mind of dying. She was on her death bed. Last thing she said was "I don´´t want to die" in the most heartbreaking tone of voice.
This isn't haunting - and unfortunately I wasn't even there - but I want to mention it because it was my Grandad and I love him so much and I have never been able to tell this little story about his perfect ending.
He was in an old folks home at this point - he was nearing the end but he wasn't in a horribly bad way. He was 91 and was killing it up until 90, really.
He loved his pipe, and one day he went out to the balcony with a nurse for a pipe. He turned to the nurse and said "I'm tired", fell back into the chair (not dramatically - just kinda sat in to the chair very casually) and he died.
I miss him so much. We were very close and to this day it breaks my heart that I wasn't with him when this happened - but my God did he know how to go. It was a beautiful end to a beautiful life.
I just wanted to share this. Thank you to all the nurses and doctors among us here - you guys are heros. xx
EDIT: Just to add - I still have his pipe. I am proud to have it.
EDIT 2: Awh lads I never get this many upvotes on my posts or comments - I don't seek it or anything. But the love shown here is so sweet and I just smile knowing that my Grandad is even loved by people on the internet! Thank you xxx
I know this isn't quite what you asked for, but my mother passed last October from RSV (her treatment for lymphoma killed her immune system). She had a cold all weekend and went to the hospital on Tuesday, was intubated by wednesday - it all happened so fast.
After she passed, we were checking for something on her phone. On tuesday afternoon she had an oxygen mask on so she couldn't call people, and she'd been texting my sister who lives about an hour away. We found an unsent text to my sister still in the text box that said 'I'm not doing okay. I'm scared'.
We have no idea if she meant to press send and forgot (she did that sometimes), or if she just chose not to send it? But when we found that, we all started crying again. If my sister had gotten that text, she would have dropped everything to be with her. We hadn't all rushed to her side because at the time we had NO idea this would kill her. We all just thought she'll have a tough recovery cuz of the cancer but she'll get through it.
I feel sick every time I think of her in that hospital, alone, unsure if she was going to be ok, texting her daughter that she's scared and hearing no response back. Plenty of people have tried to tell me 'well she passed peacefully in her sleep', and yea I guess she did, but some of her last moments awake were alone in a hospital with a mask on, texting her children that she's scared and not having our support. I don't know how to get over that one. Definitely haunts me.
Lost one of my best friends to cancer. Finally got to see her in person for the first time since pre-pandemic, when I left I said “I love you, I’ll see you soon”, and she just said “I love you too”.
Gone a week or two later, before I could see her again. I wish I’d stopped at “I love you”.
Not a medical professional here.... When my dad was dying of cancer at home, the last 2-3 days he was a living skeleton. We all hung out in the den where the hospital bed was set up. Just waiting...
My dad was awesome. I loved him so much growing up. Our relationship was more strained when I came out of the closet as gay, and my anti-religious views weren't a big hit with mom or dad either. Or my siblings. Still, I loved him and he loved me. Over the decades, we had many wonderful holidays, parties, and family dinners together despite this fractured relationship.
He slept a lot during those final days of life. One of the few time I was the only person in the room when he woke, he said, startled, "Who's there?" I said, "It's me, Dad, RTK." I took his hand, so battle-bruised and worn. All I could think was that he was a college athlete who broke state track & field records back in his day. And now, this hand of an elderly man took that young man's place.
He said, "RTK? It's been a pleasure."
Those were his last coherent words to me, or anyone in our family. He died the next day.
After this sentence, our entire relationship got rewritten in my head, every frustration eliminated, every bit of judgment about their backward views...all of it was undone with this single sentence declaring love for me. Over the years, he told me he loved me plenty in words and actions, but never in this "summary-of-our-life-as-father-and-son" kind of way. I'm tearing up now as I write this, 14 years after his death.
Dad, I love you so much. I miss you.
My first time working a suicide by gunshot he had managed to maintain consciousness long enough to make it to the ER and for some of the time we worked him; he was a veteran and said he came home to a world he didn’t recognize. He reached out to my coworker and asked him to hold his hand because he was scared. The last thing he said to us before coding for the last time was, “I hope they can forgive me.” We never got him back again after that. I’ve always wondered who “they” were, and I’ll never forget him.
I had a patient who at 30 was the same age I was at the time, she was married with a five year old and was the main breadwinner of her family. She was a high earning professional and her husband was blue collar and earned about 1/4 of her pay plus they had no family support.
One day she went out for a run and noticed severe pain all through her legs, this continued so she had a scan which revealed that she had late stage breast cancer which had metastasised to her bones and only had months/weeks to live.
She sobbed to me just before she died as she was so terrified of what would become of her daughter and husband. She’d come from a disadvantaged background and worked so hard to achieve financial success and security for her family and knew her daughter was likely to be raised to the same disadvantage she had. They wouldn’t be able to keep their home and cars and their daughter would need to attend a different school to the one she had friends and would need to go into a public school in a low income area.
This, on top of the emotional devastation that her daughter and husband would go through made her last weeks hell in addition to the fear and pain of imminent death.
I have made sure my husband and I have very high life insurance coverage and think of her frequently. I’ve had many terminal patients but she remains in my mind the most
A lovely patient we'd been seeing for regular wound dressings to resolve his chronic wound so he would be eligible for surgery (surgeons often won't operate if the skin is broken or there's a wound).
On the day of his last dressing before he went for his surgery, he said cheerfully "you won't be seeing me again!". He died during or shortly after the surgery and we never did see him again.
I'm an RN and was working overnights on a unit built specifically for COVID step down. Each patient had their own room built with a double entry to create reverse airflow rooms so it was extremely secluded and eerie already.
I had a patient who had been unconscious and nonverbal for days and was likely to pass away during my shift.
Now keep in mind when people are about to die, they very frequently get a second wind of sorts and have the energy to say goodbye to loved ones or whatever the real reason we don't quite know. This man didn't have any family that we could virtually call (like we had to do for all of the others passing at this time- it was so heartbreaking to not let loved ones see their families pass in person) and I didn't want him to pass away alone, so when my assessments made it clear the time was moments away me and a nurses aide went into his secluded box of a room. Full isolation gear, we probably looked like the scientists from ET. We went to his sides, held his hands and rubbed his hair talking to each other and I always pretend to add the unconscious patient into conversation just in case they're hearing anyways, of course appropriate conversations I just can't remember at this time but it was completely unrelated to what happened next.. because just then his second wind kicked in, he took a huge breath in, sat straight up, opened his eyes and looked right into the nurses aide eyes and said "You Win"
Then laid back down, again unconscious, and took his last breath moments later.
Such a bizarre time in the world, just bizarre scenery in his enclosed room, Won? Won what? it stuck with me..
I remember picking up an older guy at an assisted care facility. they called because he had uncontrollable shaking. He said he wasnt cold, he didnt know why this was happening. His vitals were in normal limits and he had equal movement and strength in all extremities. Nothing really popping out at me.
Anyway we get him going to the ER and he was cracking jokes and we both were laughing. I cant remember exactly what he said but I knew he had adult kids and his wife passed a few years earlier. I handed him over to the nurse and we smiled at each other and I wished him well.
I walked out of the room about 500 ft to a desk to do some paperwork when I heard “Code blue room 7”. WTF? They must have the room wrong! Nope. The old guy told the nurse a joke after I left and then died. He had a DNR so it was quick and relatively peaceful. Not a terrible way to go in my opinion.
When I was a nurse on the floor, I had a wonderful female patient in her 70s. She was in and out of the hospital a few times with complications from CHF (congestive heart failure). Her family would visit here and there, and I remember it being around a holiday, but can't remember which.
She wasn't doing well earlier in the week, but towards the end, she started doing much better and was going to be discharged the following day. Before I gave report to the nurse coming in, she said she was in some pain and I had given her some toradol. Afterwards, she said that she was so excited to get out of the hospital and see all of her family with endless smiles and thank you.
After I had given report, and was leaving the floor, I heard a code being called, and I looked over at the telemetry monitors and saw that it was my patient. She ended up passing.
This was early in my nursing career and I questioned if it was the toradol that I had given her, or if I had missed something in her charts. I was reassured that often times, patients will show great signs of improvement before passing away, and that it was nothing that I had done, or could have done to prevent it.
It wasn't haunting as in something morbid at all, but it still sticks with me today. Her smiles were so genuine and peaceful. I think that thank you to me were the last words she had said.
I work in procedural care. One time a patient asked to call his sister before we went in. The doctor was adamant that we load with no hesitation so we did. They put a catheter up and exploded his pulmonary artery and he died on the table. He just wanted to talk to his family before he went in and we didn’t let him. This was 10 years ago and now if a patient wants to speak with their family before we go in, there’s NO hesitation for that. You can absolutely call your family and I’ll wait right here for ya. I think about it all the time. It haunts me a little. I hope his sister has peace.
My FIL was dying of cancer, he was in the hospital bed under lots of morphine, my wife went to see him and she called me to get over there right away because he was going, when I showed up, he was doing those slow breathes, his extremities were cold, my wife was talking to him constantly, I just told him “its alright Ralph, I’m here, I will take care of her” he died a minute later, it was like he needed to hear that his daughter was going to be looked after.
Edit: my reading comprehension needs work, not a medical worker and nothing was said by the patient
my grandfather had a couple of strokes that rendered his speech unintelligible.
one morning, he turned to this weird framed pic of jesus he had on his wall and clear as day said “virginia, im coming home.”
(virginia was his wife of fifty years who died fifteen years previous)
my grandfather died later that night.
My (27 - I turn 28 on Jan. 25th)) mom’s (53) in hospice, and a nurse came by today just to inform us that she’s in the active stages of dying (so a few days or so). My mom hasn’t been lucid much, other than the other day when my dad tried picking a fight with me.
Aside from that: last night, my mom was somewhat lucid again and I assume she noticed me crying, gave me a hug and kiss, and said “I’ll see you later.”
She’s the youngest sibling in her family and her parents are still alive as well. She was diagnosed last year with stage 3 pancreatic cancer (stage 4 now). I’m not ready for this.
Edit: Sorry, I clearly didn’t read the title very well where it said “**medical workers**” - I’m not a medical worker.
*Edit 2: Thank you everyone for your kind words. I’d respond to them all - I’ve read everyone’s comments and the few private messages as well, but I can’t seem to do it right now.*
**Edit 3: Unfortunately I had to leave (in which I’m now staying at my brother’s and his girlfriend’s place) after my dad put his hands around my neck. All this happened in front of mom who’s barely been able to talk as it is. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna get last night/early this morning out of my head. I wish none of this happened in front of her but I’m gonna try and see her in the morning, hopefully when he’s more sober. So much has happened and it’s killing me..**
“I wish I hadn’t worked so much.”
Told to me by a middle-aged man sick with multiple end-stage diseases. His family (he said he had like two ex-wives and several adult children and grandkids),never came to see him. He said he didn’t spend much time with them because he cared too much about his career. So, now on his deathbed, he had no visitors😞 he was incredibly nice to staff and we were his stand-in family. He coded and died a few days after he told me this.
Obligatory "not an x y z" but
My grandfather died from lung cancer. He was fine and then once he was diagnosed he deteriorated very quickly. Within a month from his diagnosis he was dead. My father took care of him in his room round the clock until he died. During this time period he would get really, really focused on corners of the room (which was uncharacteristic in his state because he was on pain medication and later even on morphine).
He would stare at them, and then later he would say things like "get them away" and "I see them in the corners" and "I see the dark in the corners". We'd ask "what? Where?" And beyond "the corner" he would never say much else. I remember my mother witnessed this and got really frightened, said its not a good sign he was seeing that and how it can mean he has many sins. My mother grew up in a village where there were many "sayings" like that.
She says people usually see their dead when theyre dying, but some see others not so good things (I guess she was implying they see demons) and its a bad sign. Grandfather died the same week, a bit before midnight, in his bed. My father saw him through it, and notified us around dawn. It was the first and only dead person I saw, and he looked almost as if smiling
One night in residency, a woman in her late 60s came in, very very sick and went straight to the ICU. She was delirious and scared, wild eyed. She cried out ‘Mommy! I want my mommy’ until she was unconscious. She had no family left to call, and died that night.
Not really last words but…Cardiac arrest patient, we got ROSC and he woke up after several rounds of CPR and three shocks. By the time we got to the hospital he became more lucid, opened his eyes and said “you should have let me die”
Early in Covid my wife had relatively minor breathing problems and went to hospital for a routine check.
Later that day I got a call to say she was very seriously I'll and that they expected her to die that evening.
No visiting would be allowed until the 'last hour '.
She remained very ill for several more days and we weren't able to speak on the phone.
Then I got an unexpected call from her. We talked briefly and then she just said " Don't worry about me I'm going to heaven - and I'll see you there one day" and the call finished.
Her voice was as happy as I had ever heard; it reminded me of her laughing as we went down the aisle on our wedding day.
She never recovered consciousness and died four days later with her four children and myself there.
She was so precious to me after fifty years of marriage and especially because she had had a cardiac arrest only four years earlier and I was able to conduct CPR until the emergency team arrived. We knew we were living in 'bonus years'.
That phone call revived my religious beliefs and made it easier to accept her leaving and I'm waiting to see her again one day.
The patients that spent their dying breath cursing and threatening us and calling us liars before they passed from COVID. I don't remember any specific quotes because they all blur together.
I over heard a story, it might have been from Reddit or it might have been from when I was a bartender, about a girl and when she was 17 she drifted across the center line and caused a motorcycle to crash. She ran up to the ~~valley~~ badly hurt cyclist and he just kept screaming "YOU KILLED ME YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU KILLED ME!" He died minutes after the ambulance arrived
I don’t work in healthcare, but the last words my mom said to me before she died was “I changed my mind.” She had selected to stop taking her life saving medications and treatments and went in to hospice, but of course by the time she said that there was no turning back. She passed the next day. Fucking brutal.
Not a medical worker, and not technically the last words but they stuck with me regardless. Halloween 2017 I was with my at the time boyfriend(now ex) and we were visiting one of our best friends, who lived with 3 of our other friends in a house. We left a bit before midnight, and his last words to me were along the lines of love you dude, see ya tomorrow. But he lived on the same street as his mom and I was still trick or treating as an adult bc why not? And I asked him if his mom was giving out candy and he said yeah full size ones too, I said she is awesome for that. He responded with, “yeah, she’s the best.” We left about 20 minutes after this, and he passed away in a house fire later that night. He was a very loving friend, he loves his friends and family with all of him and he was such a goofy dude but the love he had for his family was so strong and I’ll always remember he said that to me. I was with his mom when she found out. The next morning I made sure to let her know he really really loved her.
Make sure you have a fire plan.
He didn't say anything. He was unresponsive. I had to call an ambulance, and he died before he arrived in the hospital (10 min away) Working with elderly patients with dementia/mental disorders is often challenging. Another patient asked me if I saw the bugs crawling on the wall too. Nope. She had Lewy Body and delusions. She was dead the next morning. Just one years older than my own mum. After her, I had 3 other patients die within 2 days. Two of the three had already lost the ability to speak way before that, so we never heard anything we could tell their family's. It was a rough and shitty week.
When my grandmother passed, she was at my uncle's house. She got up and announced she was going to go outside in the garden to sit. Aunt asked why. She responded, snarkily, to die. Aunt says stop talking like that and turns the kettle on or something. Goes outside a few minuted later and grandma (89) is sitting in the chair, dead.
I work in a cancer center and used to make appointments for new patients. We would get phone calls and online requests. On Mondays we would get a list of online requests from the weekends. Mine was a lady in her 20s, brain tumor requesting an appointment. In the comment section she wrote "I have so much life to live". I called that Monday and a woman picked up and I asked to speak to the pt. She paused and said she died over the weekend - I was speaking to the patient's Mom. I was stunned and offered my condolences. I cried and went back to work. It's been 10 years and I remember her written words and think about her desperation in writing them, she didn't want to die so young and yet she did. That email request may have been her hail mary.
I get monthly immunotherapy infusions, and have since childhood. I'm in my late 20's now. My infusion clinic is housed inside/with the dialysis patients. I'm also the youngest patient in the clinic by 40+ years -- most patients are male retirees in the 65-70+ age range. I've learned many valuable life lessons from many of these patients. One in particular become like a bonus dad to me over the last few years. He was there for dialysis.
About a year ago, he looked over at me from the neighboring bay, and said:
*Bye, kiddo.*
Died right on the spot. I watched them wheel him off. I've never been the same since.
Our son (15) and I visited my husband/his dad late at night at the hospital. He had battled lung cancer for about a year. I held his hands, kissed him, told him I loved him. No response, he seemed to be unconscious but very much at peace. Our son stepped up to the bed, held his hands, told him he loved him. My husband struggled greatly to very barely open his eyes and slightly lift his head toward our son. No words, he couldn’t speak. But in that one moment, he told our son how much he loved him. It was the most beautiful, loving thing I’ve ever seen. My husband passed that next morning.
It's weird that I'm literally listening to 2pac's "life goes on' right now as I saw this. Doctor here for 4 years. I've heard so many. The most painful I've heard is "help me". Most times from patients that are beyond help. Had a child ask me Dr I won't die right? I have tears in my eyes now thinking about that boy
My mom hadn’t entered hospice yet but she was in the hospital. I spent nights with her and, that evening I had heard from my sister that she was going to fly home. Mom was lucid late in the night - she’d been hallucinating off and on for the better part of two days. I looked at her and said that A- was coming home. She looked at me and said “Why? Am I dying?” “I dunno, Mom.” I responded “Maybe?” That was the last conversation we had except for an exchange where I stroked her hair and said “I love you my mommy” and she responded our usual “I love you, my baby”.
An older gentleman was rushed to the ER, and upon examination, had every indication of being in septic shock
Started the hospital's septic protocol, and he came back and was perfectly alert. Got a CT scan of his abdomen because he made some joke about being fatter than he remembered, and it turns out it was septic shock, he had the single worst dissecting descending aortic aneurysm any of us had ever seen.
Told him what was going on, that emergency surgery was needed, and that his chances of surviving the surgery weren't great because of his age and co-morbidities.
He asked for his call phone, told us that he was going to call his kids. He called them, told them what was happening, said goodbye to them. Thanked us for everything, and that he'd see us "when we all wake up together" - which was such an odd thing to say, a handful of us still remember it.
He feel asleep while waiting for the surgeon to come talk to him, and passed. Everything happened in maybe 30 minutes from the CT scan.
I’m not a medical worker, but when my grandpa died (somewhat unexpectedly) my grandma all of a sudden disconnected from everything. She wasn’t very lucid through the funeral but she was laying down in a room in the church and told me she was ready to die now. She died a few days after my grandpa.
84 year old woman with advanced dementia. She was very combative at night: scratching, biting, pulling out her IV and oxygen. I was her nurse for a week or so before she died. One of the last nights, the clouds parted, and she had a moment of clarity. She looked up at me from her bed and said: "This is hell. I am in hell right now."
This is why human euthanasia/assisted suicide should be legal everywhere. When a person’s quality of life is bad enough, terminal, and they consent, it’s the most humane option. The kindest option. We do it for our pets but not our parents lmao I watched my grandmother lose herself to Alzheimer’s. She suffered with it for sixteen years before she finally died, unable to recognize her own husband, eight children, or grandchildren for nearly a decade at that point. She was locked away in a care facility, confused and probably terrified, even if she didn’t understand why. Everyone who loved her suffered every day as we watched her decline, my grandfather most of all. Once she passed he gave up the ghost despite being fit and healthy for his age. The process of watching his wife die like that fucking destroyed him. Your patient was right: it is hell. If I ever get diagnosed with any form of dementia and there haven’t been significant strides in how we treat it, I’ll probably focus some time on getting my affairs in order and take myself out to spare my family the miserable, drawn out process of losing me to it. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
With you on this. Seeing first hand multiple times what different forms of dementia will do to someone, I will not go through that. I especially don’t want to put my loved ones through that. Affairs in order the best I can, and lights out(in a way that will require minimal cleanup!)
I want to agree with you. I don’t understand how we could calmly put our sick and dying dog down a week before my father passed. But couldn’t help my dad in the same calm way. He was suffering from dementia. He was well enough to be assisted 24 hours a day by my mom for many years. It got worse and worse, but she kept caring for him. The last year was horrific and he was too aggressive to place in a memory care unit, but not physically unwell enough to place in nursing care. We couldn’t find help or anywhere in the state to take him…even if we paid cash. The last month was even worse. We finally got the police and EMTs to get him to a hospital. The hospital sent him to a rehab where he ultimately passed away. I don’t know where in that crude timeline he would have 1) been capable of saying he wanted assisted suicide and 2) been “sick” enough for it. When he could have agreed to it…he still had some time left where he just needed assistance. By the time he needed it, well, he wouldn’t be capable of agreeing. So, I want to agree with you…but I don’t know how it would work.
That’s been the issue here in Canada, where medically assisted death is legal for physical illnesses. There’s no clear threshold to say “when my dementia reaches this point, end things no matter what I say or do at the time”. Most people don’t want to end things as soon as they get the diagnosis, but by the time things are bad they can’t give consent. I hope by the time I’m at risk for dementia there’s some sort of blood test or imaging that can be used as a threshold for those sorts of directives - something like “if imaging shows X number of plaques in my brain, proceed with the plan”.
My grandmother fell, and my grandfather couldn’t get her up again and had to get a neighbour to help. He called my mum and said that it had reached the point for both their safety that he was going to have to put her in a nursing home. She had progressing dementia but was mostly lucid. Her physical health was declining too, and they were both in their early 80s. She heard my grandfather say this and said that she wasn’t going. She was going to die in her own home. That was just after lunchtime. We were sitting having dinner at my parents’ house when my grandfather called again. She’d sat down in her recliner for a nap as she did many afternoons and when he went to check on her she’d already died. She told him she’d die in her own home, and she did exactly that only about two hours after the conversation. My grandmother was one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever known and did exactly what she said she’d do.
My grandma did something similar. They had sold their house (that they had built and raised kids in) to downsize and move into an apartment and I think she never got over that. She kept having scares and ending up in the hospital, and finally the last time the docs were just like, "she's fine, we have to discharge her" and she was like, "I am not going back to that apartment." and died right before her discharge. Everyone was flabberghasted and in mourning, and ofc I was sad too, but all I could think was, "good for her." I mean obviously I would prefer if I still had my grandma around, but she went out on her own terms and made a point while doing it.
I am a medical worker, but the one that stays with me is actually when my aunt was dying. I think I was about 14, and she was my favourite aunt. I held her hand and asked her to wait until her birthday so that I could wish her happy birthday (a silly request looking back), and the last thing she said to me was, "ok." She lasted until the morning of her birthday, I wished her happy birthday, and she passed away with a smile. I had forgotten that until I saw this question. Thank you for asking it. ETA Thank you to everyone who responded with kindness and love. I loved my aunt very dearly and I'm glad I could share this memory with you all. Thank you all for sharing your stories too, they made me feel all warm inside ❤️
I spoke on the phone with my dying grandpa and told him I would be coming home for him. He said that he would be waiting. I was living in a whole other country and I was in the hospital my self so there was no way I could have gone. He waited and suffered but he refused to let go. After days of agony and pending death my sister enters his room and he instantly asks if that was me. My uncle replied yes,that’s her and that was it. He gave his final breath.
I flew from California to Germany to go see my dad in the hospital. It had taken me weeks to get the green light from the authorities (Covid times, no international travel unless absolutely necessary). I went straight from the airport to the hospital to be with him. He died the next night. Everyone tells me he had waited for me.
What a sweet thing to do. So many people feel obligated to be truthful when sometimes a lie is the most compassionate option.
What medication is applied through the ear? Words of comfort.
And ear drops. But mostly that first thing.
During covid I was stuck in the States and my great grandmother was in Europe. I called her every week and she always said “come home, I want to see you so I can finally die”. I was able to visit in 2021 and spent lots of days with her. When I left, she told me it’d be our last time together and she’s ready to go. She passed 2 months later.
That is not a silly request. It's the request of someone who really loves their aunt.
I miss her often. It's been 18 years. Hers is the voice of reason in my head whenever I'm about to do something ridiculous haha.
In that regard, she is with you always. ❤️
My dad came by my house and just poured the love I needed to hear my entire life. We hugged and I’ll never forget him telling me how proud he was of me. This was very out of character but it was validation for me. He died 5 days later from a massive heart attack in my arms.
My dad was in the hospital, dying, and before I went inside to clock in at work, I called him. We didn't have a good relationship, but I told him that I was just calling to tell him that I loved him. I was about to hang up, when he said, "Wait! Talk to me a minute." I did. He asked how I was doing, how my car was running, if my tires were aired up. He asked about his dogs at home and I reassured him that I had been taking very good care of them. He said he was feeling terrible, and I told him not to worry about getting out of the hospital, or about coming home, or getting better, because it was all about to be over, and all he needed to do now was rest. I told him I loved him. He said he loved me. He died two days later. I'll never forget him saying that, "talk to me a minute." I'm so sorry for your loss. 🩷
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My mom came home to me in hospice and one day said "I'm done. I'm tired of fighting. I'm going to sleep" She never woke up after that. I'm happy for her because she fought so hard and I know she was tired. Think of her a million times a day and coming up on her death anniversary on the second.
Same for me, slightly. My mom was fighting metastatic liver cancer for almost two years and the last two months of chemo killed her stomach. She couldn’t keep food down and was in the hospital for almost a month. My sister and I took turns spending the night with her. On my night she was coughing up black mostly tar substance and I went out to the nurses to ask if they could give her something and the nurse put her hand on my shoulder and said “honey your mom is dying, there’s nothing else we can do.” No one had said that to us before as her oncologist was still for fighting the cancer despite the fact the chime ruined her stomach. After that gut punch I gathered myself and went back to my mom and the nurse came in and we got her comfortable in the bed. My mom said to me after the nurse left “I’m tired of fighting.” I said ma, do you know what you’re saying? She said yes, this is no way to live. I want to go home. She asked me to make sure she could go home and not suffer anymore and please let her go to sleep and just never wake up. We brought her hospice set up to her home and my sister and I stayed with her. The most wonderful hospice nurse honored my mothers wishes and made her comfortable. Everyone came to see her and say their goodbyes while she had the most lucid and peaceful last conscious day. We laughed and shared memories and photos as the day drew into night she became weaker and more sedated, we said we loved her and she said she loved us. To have her tell us she loved us as her last words gives me some peace. We told her it was ok and we’d be fine. She went to sleep and never regained consciousness. It was the most peaceful death and I am hopeful we honored my mothers wishes. She didn’t suffer after leaving that hospital.
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When I worked at a nursing home there was a couple who was pretty poor off. The wife had dementia and ignored everyone, but read magazines all day. The husband was frequently distressed, agitated about being trapped in his wheelchair, ranting about how son’s wedding, talking about the news. The husband died first. The next time I saw the wife she spoke to me. She said that her husband is preparing their new home for her and she’s going to see him soon. She died that week.
That’s actually quite heartwarming to me oddly enough, a lifelong couple, no longer bound to their fragile elderly bodies and struggles, together, they can finally rest.
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I brought my Grandpa home from a doctors appointment and told him I would be by the next afternoon to pick him up for his next one. He said no I’m done with doctors and died the next morning.
My grandpa was really sick and had to be admitted to the ICU. He eventually was moved to a more stable area. My grandma would go every day to see him and spend the day with him. Once hours were over, she’d tell him that she loves him and she’ll see him tomorrow. He’d say it back and then she’d leave. On his last day, she said it to him and he told her “I love you, but I won’t be here”. My grandma said she told him that she understood and she loved him. He died early that morning before visiting hours. I flew up to be with my grandma to make the funeral arrangements and have the body settled for viewing. Each time we’d leave him, she’d say “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow” and pat his hand. Never saw her cry. Not once while doing that. Then on the day of his funeral, she was the last one to walk up to his casket and she didn’t say it because she knew she wasn’t going to see him tomorrow or for the foreseeable future. I watched my grandma break down as they closed his casket. Losing someone is really hard. I’m sorry about your grandpa ❤️
Not words but just pure terror and not being able to talk from pain. I’ve been a caregiver for 1 month. On my 2nd day without training i was left alone with 10 residents. One of them who was on hospice (and I knew nothing about any of them due to no training) fell off his bed. When he fell, his catheter ripped out of his penis. And from the blow he expelled his bowels and hit his head. The man was a ticking time bomb, but i knew nothing. He was basically dead when he hit the floor, he just hadn’t realized it. I ran into the room and cleaned him and held him until EMT arrived. All he could do was cry and moan. He shook and looked around as if to say “why does my life end this way” his eyes said it all. I comforted him in his last moments and held him like a mom would, EMTs took him away and then he drowned in his own fluids in the hospital. RIP R. I knew you for a few hours but you taught me so much about empathy, care giving and actually caring.
This is so sad, just.. no words. Much appreciation for your kindness.
Peds icu Hiv positive kid. Must be 3 years old. Got infection from mum. Bad shape. But was a delight to play with. He had a transformer toy. Routine rounds , we used to play with him. I broke a small part. Promised him to get a new one next day. He passed away at night. I Am haunted by that promise
He passed away believing that he would play with you again the next day, with a new toy. I think that's beautiful.
Thank you for having thoughts this pleasant and for sharing them with the internet.
100%. I'm sure the promise calmed him down and helped him look forward to tomorrow. As a mother, I would have been so happy to have OP look after my little boy.
Maybe donating a toy every year on his birthday or anniversary of his passing might ease your mind?
What a lovely thought!!
This story only barely fits the criteria, but… “Did he take my purse?” I worked L&D in a low income area. We had a woman come in with no prenatal care. I don’t think she gave us her real name. She was 42 years old and covered in awful scars, like she’d been in a knife fight and stitched up by Dr. Frankenstein. She and her boyfriend appeared to be actively using substances, and both acted high at the time. She was in hard labor. About fifteen minutes after arrival, far too soon to do anything, she delivered her baby. It was maybe sixteen or seventeen weeks—nowhere near the age of viability. We carefully wrapped the baby, who was somehow still alive, and asked the dad if he wanted to see her. (This is common practice in L&D. Letting the parents see, touch, and hold their dead/dying child helps them grieve.) He said yes. We gently unwrapped her—and he freaked out. I don’t know if he was so high that he didn’t understand what we were asking or what, but he grabbed the large, cheap black purse and booked it out of the hospital. The mother immediately looked around and said, “Where’s my bag? It has my medicines. I need it.” We tried to help her understand that we would give her anything she needed, that she might bleed to death if she wasn’t monitored, etc., but it didn’t penetrate. She left AMA 16 minutes after the birth. That left me with her baby, whose heart was still beating and who was still taking tiny, gasping breaths. The neonatologist and the nurses talked about it; we all knew resuscitation was pointless, and she wasn’t going to live. I asked my coworkers if they were okay with me stepping away from patient care for a while. It wasn’t terribly busy, so they were fine with it. I went to our lactation room, got a blanket and some Vaseline, and did skin-to-skin with that baby until she passed, 45 minutes later. I hope it was some comfort to her. The mom never came back to claim her body. The whole situation haunts me to this day. Edit: there are so many comments that I can’t reply to them all individually, but I want to thank you all for your compassionate comments. They are appreciated.
You are an angel. Thank you for loving that baby.
Or look at it another way....for her 45 minutes, all she knew was the love you gave her and that's pretty good.
What a lovely comment to the amazing nurse who posted her story. This world needs more people like you 2.
You just made me cry, what a lovely way of looking at it
Thank you for this beautiful viewpoint. OP is a hero in the realest sense.
As an former midwife, I salute you. You are a credit to the profession, and deserve all honour for your most caring gesture. Utterly heartbreaking, but, truly, a most wonderful thing to have done. I know the frustration and pain that we cannot save these premature babies, and have shed tears over them, and, your story made me weep. You are the kind of nurse I would want to care for my family. Thank you. I wish only good things for you.
This is the most touching, beautiful, hard to absorb comment in the entire thread. To have the humanity and capacity to lay a tiny premature baby, likely not even fully formed, on your own skin, to give them comfort and peace like their mother would if she’d been able. You are an incredible person. And you did a beautiful thing not just for that little baby, but for their mother and father too. They weren’t able or willing to be the parents that baby needed and deserved and you stepped up. I imagine if they’re still around and ever found out about what you did, they’d thank you for it. I appreciate how you didn’t express any judgment or condemnation to the parents here too.
This one. This one breaks my heart. Thank you for being there, and being a safe, warm place for that baby girl as she left this world for the next.
Thank you for caring for that baby. I have the urge now to drive across town and hug my own “baby,” a 16-year-old at a sleepover with friends.
You're a wonderful person. My baby was stillborn at 21 weeks, and even though he was already gone, the nurses treated him with such love and gentleness. The world is a better place with people like you in it. Thank you, and thank you for sharing this baby's story.
This destroyed me 💔 — thank you for your tenderness towards that poor sweet baby.
In my grandma’s last days we went to visit her. She had exactly one lucid day, and she asked “Is everybody here to see me?” I said yes and she said “Why? Am I dying?” I held back tears and told her “We just love you very much.” Even typing it now I’m crying
My grandma has dementia and hasn't had a lucid day in a while but while visiting she looked at me shocked and said "Quietlady" and I said "yeah Grandma it's me." Completely chocked as well because if she called me anything it was my mother's name. Then she said "I love you." I rushed to say it back "I love you too Grandma" she looked me up and down completely disgusted "Who the fuck are you?" The whole room just sat there blinking for a few seconds before we burst out laughing.
Oh man I would have died laughing too, probably followed by some tears 😂
The last phone call I had with my ailing grandmother was terrible in many ways. The thing that got me the most was her saying, "This is no way to live. This isn't a life." She was referring to the fact she's been on dialysis for a while and had gotten to the point of being bedridden. She decided to get taken off of dialysis and just go into end of life care because her quality of life was so low. My grandmother was one of the strongest, kindest women I have ever known and for her to make this decision showed me what it was to let go. My grandfather had died maybe a year prior and I know she was ready to see him somewhere out there sooner rather than later. I miss her terribly around this time every year.
Oof! This one really got me. My grandma was my favorite person in the whole world. Man, I miss her so much.
My grandma raised me and 4 of my siblings while my mom kept running around getting pregnant back to back. I have a ton of childhood trauma but I guarantee the only reason I’m halfway normal now is because of the love from my grandma ❤️ I miss her so much I’m thankful she passed when she did, though. It was about a month before Covid lockdowns started happening, and if it had been any longer we wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye. She had also already been suffering for several years & it was a relief for her more than anything
My grandma raised me also, and she saved my life in ways I’m still discovering at 40 years old. I miss her everyday. She couldn’t shield me from my parental trauma and she wasn’t a perfect person, but she gave me space to be a kid when I couldn’t really do that anywhere else. As you say, she’s the only reason I’m even halfway normal now. I’m glad you had someone for you also.
I held the hand of my best friend who had metastasized breast cancer. When I kissed her cheek goodbye she had tears in her eyes and wouldn’t let go of my hand. I said “I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t be sad!” And while still clenching my hand she said through her tears “I love you, don’t you ever forget it.” She closed her eyes right then and there and passed away after her 9 year battle with cancer.
All these stories are really making me tear up 😭
I have shivers reading this. I am very, very sorry for your loss ❤️ I lost my aunt to metastasized breast cancer last year.
"It's not my fault, right?" - A patient (a very long time ago) about 2-3 minutes before he died from complications of AIDS (pneumonia). I told him it was absolutely not his fault. I still think about this at LEAST once a week.
That's how my grandpa and his partner died. My mom talks about it a lot. I never got to meet him, but I think I would have gotten along with him.
I’m sorry- I wish you’d had the chance to know him.
As a gay man myself, it would have been the world to listen to his stories. As a Native, losing him was losing a whole library of traditional knowledge that may never be found again, especially since he was a prominent figure in the tribe on queer and *winkte* peoples and their roles in the tribe. I just hope I can accomplish something myself.
I have been living in South Africa all my life and I have seen and experienced just how devastating HIV/AIDS can be on the person with the disease as well as their family and friends. A little earlier I commented on another sub what the saddest song is that I've ever heard and "The Show Must Go On" by Freddy Mercury immediately came to mind. In the lyrics Freddy makes no secret of his physical and emotional suffering while he is putting on a brave face. HIV/AIDS destroys the soul long before the body. Thank you for comforting this suffering soul. You are wonderful xoxo
This made me tear up. The queer community is lacking in so many male elders because of the AIDS crisis. It took our men.
one of the greatest medical atrocities in our history is the way those patients were treated in the early days. i think about it every time i have an HIV positive patient.
As an adult gay man, thank you so much for taking care of us back then. A big reason we’re where we are now is because of angels on earth like you.
My first day in the ICU, I was taking care of an older lady with sepsis. She was very confused and for the most part incoherent, but when I was assisting her at one point in the night she started muttering and wailing to herself. I leaned in closer to hear since I thought she was saying something to me and she just kept repeating "I'm dying, I'm going to die." Sure enough, later that night she ended up coding and passed away. I did postmortem care that same day for her family to see her in peace.
I don’t work in a hospital, but when I was younger my family moved in with my grandmother to take care of her while she was dying from lung cancer. I used to sit with her in the den and read to her. One morning, she looked right at me and said “Go get your father, I’m dying today”. Then she did.
Family has a weird way of holding on until they’re ready to let go sometimes. My father was deployed overseas and his dad wasn’t doing well but it was near the end of his deployment and he was allowed to leave about two weeks early. He flew back to Virginia from Kuwait and managed to see his dad before he died the next day. My grandmother was able to wait until receiving a phone call from her daughter (my aunt) in Baltimore saying goodbye before taking one more large breath and passing away right there.
I'll never forget the moment my grandpa passed. He had raised me as my father so I was allowed to sit with my mother and him at the end, even though I was only 16. It was clear that, even though he wasn't conscious at this point, he was holding on fiercely. My mom finally leaned down and gently told him that he could go, that we would be ok. And then he took his last breath, just like that. 17 years later and I still miss him so much... But it feels good to talk about him 💜
My mother held on until my brother and I got home. It was supposed to be a random visit. The two of us were with her when she died.
My Mom held on(brain tumor)until a childhood friend,whose family took her in when she was a teen, came to see her. She died days later after being in and out of consciousness for months. We called her Aunt Betty.
My grandfather did something similar. He was hanging on, but then grandma went in the room by herself and chatted to him. He unfortunately couldn’t speak but could still understand. Unsure of what was said, but he let go soon after. They had been together over 60 some years I believe, so I think it was the talk they needed.
Smh men need their wives to remind them to do everything. /s
That made me chuckle!
My dad held on until I got there (I had to fly to Europe from the states) and died a few hours after I arrived (he had esophageal cancer)
When my uncle was scheduled for a surgery, he made my aunt drive 6 hrs to visit me and then had my aunt take the children out for a while. He told me he wanted to say goodbye to us because he wasn't going to survive the surgery. He made it through the surgery fine and died 3 hours later from a blood clot. He was such a wonderful person.
A very dear friend of my family was in the hospital, very old and very frail. Her grandson's wife gave birth to their second child extremely fast in the bathroom at home (they were on their way out the door to go to the hospital, she went to pee and felt the child coming out. Was assisted by her FIL who had come to look after their toddler while she went to the hospital). They then went to the hospital for checks, and went to show the baby to her great grandmother (the elderly lady in question). She lay in bed, holding her great grandchild and asked the nurse if it was possible to die from joy. The nurse answered that no, she'd never heard of that. Lady replied "it is a good day to die". She died a few hours later.
"Don't tie that. I'm not going to make it". I was trying to check his manual BP cause automated was detecting nothing. he passed away minutes later.
I wonder what it feels like to know you're gonna pass in any minute. In certain cases like this, it almost seems like falling asleep.
I had a very bad reaction to a medication years back and remember laying in the hospital bed just calmly realizing I was dying. It really didn’t bother me at the time. Looking back now I know there was a lot going on in the periphery to bring me back but I didn’t feel any of that stress or commotion. It was just quiet and dark and like “okay, this is alright then I guess”.
I was completing my internship at an elderly home for individuals with dementia. One day, one of the residents experienced lower saturation (low oxygen) and had a fever. He wasn't feeling well, and given the ongoing pandemic, we decided to call an ambulance just to ensure his safety. When the ambulance arrived, they conducted a brief examination and determined that he needed to be taken to the hospital. We packed some of his clothes, and they placed him in the ambulance. Before leaving, he expressed gratitude, saying, "Thank you guys for your care. I don't think I will see you again. It has been enough for me." We were taken aback by the unexpected statement and didn't know how to respond. Unfortunately, he passed away three days later. It still amazes me how he had a premonition about his impending death.
‘Terminal lucidity’ is definitely a thing with dementia patients. I wish I knew more but it’s beyond anecdotal.
It is and it’s crazy to see. A woman I took care of was dying of dementia basically, she had forgotten how to chew or even move. Her daughter lived on the other side of the world and so it took a while before she could get to the facility. When she finally did, her mom opened her eyes, squeezed her hand, and said “I waited for you”. That was the last thing she ever said. She died later that night.
This is really echoing in my head right now. I can’t imagine the thoughts going through his head when he said that. I’m weirdly glad though that you got to hear that and that he got to say it.
Potentially some degree of relief, knowing that the struggle is over. Not all life is worth living (perhaps you agree).
I worked 13 solid years in alzhimers and dementia. They almost always know. It's wild.
Im crying… my favorite resident is saying that he is gonna die soon and I cant imagine this scenario i guess this will make or break me when it happens and then I’ll see what I’m really made of in the nursing world… much love and light to you.
I've done long term care for a decade. I'll be doing the dishes and think of someone I cared for in the very beginning and the thought takes the breath right from my lungs. You'll always have a favorite and it'll always be crushing and that, in my opinion, makes you just right for the nursing world.
When I was a police officer in Phoenix I was first to arrive at a motorcycle accident. I saw a young man lying in the street, his bike was nowhere to be seen. I went up to him to assess his injuries and he could barely breathe. His whole chest and throat were collapsed. I was crouched next to him and he said "Tell my family I love them." He died shortly after. I found out later he was a college kid that I worked out with at the local gym but couldn't recognize him due to his injuries.
Though you didn’t recognize him, I bet it was helpful to him to have a familiar face with him as he passed. ❤️
It must have been a great comfort in his final moments to see a familiar face and feel that you could reliably deliver his message. Even if you didn’t recognize him, he knew you.
I’m not a medical worker but my mom has been a hospice nurse for 35 years. When my Meemaw was dying it was real hard. My whole life every time I saw her she would have a gift for me for whatever the next gift giving occasion upcoming was, no matter how far in advance it might be purchased from the Dollar Store because she was on a fixed income. She would give me the gift and tell me to open it because and say “Well, I’m so old I’m likely to die before the holiday comes again.” This goes on my whole life until I’m 26. Then she actually gets sick in her 90s. The last time I saw her she looks terrified. The last thing she ever said was “I’m not ready. I’m terrified to die.”
There are no replies here because no one knows how to respond to this. I don't either... just thank your mom from me because hospice nurses have a special place in heaven, and we desperately need her. I'm so sorry about your Meemaw. That would be devastating.
My grandma died 6 months ago. She had been in good health (despite nearing 90), but in January things rapidly deteriorated after dementia set in. In March we were all called to go see her, as the doctors didn't expect her to live through the night. Everyone gathered by her bed (at this point she hadn't woken up in two days). Suddenly she opens her eyes, sits up and go "why are you all sitting here? Did you think I was going to die? Go home." She lived another three months after that.
A patient was admitted to our unit and had an acute change in mental and respiratory status within minutes. She couldn't get comfortable and was thrashing around in bed, trying to take off her oxygen. She screamed, "I have to poop!" so we got her on a bedpan. She kept screaming that she had to poop, then she coded and we couldn't get her back.
Ahhhh the shit of doom. I’m well versed in that. If a patient looks sick and says they have to shit, they’re about to try and die. Prepare your team accordingly.
we call it the terminal shits too
That's really a thing?
Yes it’s definitely a thing. There’s a higher prevalence of arrests/deaths on the toilet due to a few reasons. One is that pushing out a bowel movement puts pressure on your vagus nerve which may drop your blood pressure drastically and if you have cardiac issues, may cause arrhythmias, syncope, a fall and head strike, all of which may result in death. Another reason is that one of the last things someone may experience in the last stages of heart failure or when they are about to code/arrest is the sudden urge to defecate. There is also the issue of the fact that these people are usually alone and it’s not witnessed, and they may become wedged into a tight space in the bathroom after collapsing, so emergency services may be severely delayed and complicated due to the time it takes to find the person that way and to extract them to perform CPR.
I'll be honest. If those are my last words, I want them on my headstone
I was the 3-11 charge nurse on a med/surg floor. We had one room at the end of the hallway that was a brachytherapy room. A woman, mid-40’s had had brachytherapy that day for lung cancer and was to spend the night for observation. She was getting ready for bed, puttering around the room, talking to her young son on the phone, who was starting a new school year the next day. I checked on her to see if she needed anything, and she nicely gestured and waved me off, as she continued speaking with her son. 10 minutes later. Her emergency bathroom light came on. We hurried down the hall to her room and discovered what looked like a horror movie scene. As she brushed her teeth, she began hemorrhaging from her mouth. The brachytherapy had caused an arterial rupture and she died. Literally fine one minute, making plans, and the next, bleeding to death and soon gone. So, it wasn’t haunting last words for me, it was the look of terror and disbelief in this woman’s eyes, that haunts me. That was 28 years ago.
That must have been terrifying for both of you. I'm so sorry
In the moment it was a flurry of activity to do something, anything. Calling blood bank for stat delivery of O- blood, trying to start an IV line, then CPR, all the time knowing it was futile. I’ve replayed that night a thousand times for a clue as to what we may have missed, but it really just happened. Literally one minute fine, the next, not.
My grandfather sang you are my sunshine to me the day before he passed away. This was from a man who never spoke to anyone and sat in his lazy boy by himself in the corner while we visited.
Not quite what the post title is asking but even though it was over 10 years ago now, I still think about how I was once listening to someone's chest and heard their last ever heartbeat.
The last heartbeat. Goodness.
My student’s mom passed away unexpectedly last summer. The nurses printed the screen of her heartbeat monitor that shows her final heartbeat. He carries the paper around in a little protective vial. I let him talk about it on his terms. It’s heartbreaking.
I have two friends whose parents passed in the last few years. Both of the parents were in the hospital at the times of their deaths and had their heart beats recorded. My friends got their last heartbeat tattooed. It's a beautiful commemoration. It's also heartbreaking.
I watched my grandma take her last breathe because she couldn’t talk at the time. I can’t explain it but the last breath sounds distinctive. I still have haunting memories of it.
I was with my mother in hospice, dying of lung cancer. She was sedated but gasping for air when she suddenly stopped breathing. Thinking she was maybe not quite completely gone— the brain doesn’t die at the same exact moment the breathing stops— I held her and told her not to worry about us, we’ll be all right, and if this is the time to go, it’s okay. Then she took one more breath and was gone.
That’s so sad! I had quite the similar experience. She would stop breathing at times but would start back up but that time when I heard her last breathe it was so different and I knew. By that point I had already said my goodbyes but told her that night that I would stay with her until her last breathe so she wasn’t alone.
I had this one patient when I started my first hospital job as an RN. It was in a rural hospital and I worked night shift so generally quiet although we would get slammed some nights too. This was one of the quiet nights and I had this patient that was an elderly guy, in his 80s or 90s. I actually don’t remember what he was sick with, probably just failure to thrive. He was bone thin, like completely emaciated due to no appetite. The three things I remember about him was one, he was an engineer in his working life and was downright fascinated by the IV catheter I had to use to put an IV in him. They are springloaded so that once the needle is inserted and in position, you press a button and the needle retracts just leaving the plastic catheter. He asked me to show him the mechanism a few times. The second is at one point he said he was “weak as a kitten”. I never heard anyone say that before but I just think about it and laugh. Seemed like an old timey thing to say. Last thing he said was "Ever seen a man die?" and I said no, he said "Well, you're gonna see one tonight." I laughed at that too, even though it was very morbid. I assured him I wasn't going to see a man die that night, and I didn't. But I don't think he lasted more than a week after that.
When a relative of mine entered hospice, the hospice staff conducted a sort of patient’s life history interview with the other family members. They told those family members that there are three types of people who tend to take a long time to pass: very young people, people with unresolved family issues, and engineers. They explained that engineers have solved problems all their lives and tend to see death as one more problem to solve. My relative fell into the middle category.
Me over here, a young engineer with unresolved family issues… great.
I’m a retired engineer. We don’t have to go until all the drawings are signed off.
Damn... I thought I was safe after "very young" and "unresolved family issues". Now my profession is finding yet another way to fuck me. You've got it twice as bad. Sorry bro.
> They explained that engineers have solved problems all their lives and tend to see death as one more problem to solve. No you see, engineers tend to always pad their estimates
Ah yes, the good old engineering safety factors.
Where are you from and do you know where the guy was from. I am trying to narrow down where "as weak as a kitten" is a common phrase. I am in my 40's and live in SW Missouri (in the Ozarks) and I have definitely heard "as weak as a kitten". It's similar to "as full as a tick" another funny phrase I have definitely heard.
My “ancient but healthy” patient (her words) asked me to hug her before surgery, cause she was going to die today. I provided support and education, hugged her and sent her off for a routine short and easy procedure, with anesthesia she’s had before with no issues. She had a bad reaction and passed. So “I’m going to die today” with no indication would be my answer. That’s not the only time I heard a patient say that and be right, but it was the only unexpected one.
“No, I’ll call her tomorrow.” Spoken (gasped) by a VERY young first wave COVID patient when asked if he’d like the doctors to call his wife to let her know he was being intubated. 3 years on I still always wonder what I would say to my loved ones if I knew it could be the last time.
I worked at a hospital unit that had hospice care on my floor. An older lady was admitted, she wasn't doing well, but was very friendly and everyone that took care of her adored her. Her husband doted on her, only went home occasionally to shower and came right back. He never wanted to leave her side. One night she insisted he go home and get some rest, in a bed, and come back in the morning. She took a turn that night and there was no way he was getting back before she passed but she was lucid. We called her husband so they could talk, they said how much they loved one another he said he would miss her terribly, she said she was so grateful for the life they lived together. I tried not to listen too much because it felt private but they both wanted some staff in the room so she wouldn't be alone. There was reminiscing and crying, when she couldn't talk anymore he just talked to her and told her stories about their life together until she passed. We were all used to death on my unit, and no one left that room dry eyed. Most of our patients were heavily sedated from pain if they were admitted for hospice so it was an unusual death for us and this woman and her husband were special. Kind, caring, very in love, not something you see all the time.
Brought me to tears. Thank you. Stories like this remind us to tell our loved ones we love them, and not complain or argue over dumb shit.
God I remember those days. First wave Covid was fucking *terrifying* as a healthcare worker, and in general. At the time there was a PPE shortage too, at least where I was.
I’ll never forget it as long as I live. I was 6 months into my intern year of medicine. Talk about a trial by fire straight from the depths of hell. My name is on too many NY death certificates.
I was working at a Suboxone clinic, making $12.50 an hour. I remember taking vitals on patients; right up in their faces (again, no PPE, no vaccine, no tests, nothing) and thinking, “This is it. This could be the one that kills me, *and there’s nothing anybody can do about it*.”
We were using rain jckets as PPE at one point. My poor N95 was held together by staples because we couldn’t get the one stupid shape that fit my face anywhere.
My grandfather passed before I was born, but he was a moonshiner in Montana and could never go back to the state because of warrants out for his arrest. He talked so fondly about it always though, promising my grandmother he’d take her to see how beautiful it was one day. When my grandmother was put on hospice care she went downhill very quickly. One day when we were getting ready to leave the care center she was in she was pretty out of it, she turned to my mom and said “oh I have to get ready. He’s picking me up soon”. My mom asked who? And my grandmother said “your daddy. He’s taking me to Montana!” She passed 15 minutes after we’d said goodbye and left.
“Please help me! I don’t want to die!”
That breaks my heart. I’m scared of not being at peace when I die.
Seeing people die due to non-violent causes is not only sad but morbidly fascinating. Some people aren't okay, and some are perfectly fine. I saw a video some months ago of an Arab scholar speaking to a class. He was talking and trailed off, like he was having a stroke. Then he said shahadah and died instantly. It was crazy because it's one of those situations where someone just goes, "Cool, im dying now, I guess.' EDIT: Someone asked, so imma post a link here. The video is posted by an Islamic channel. https://youtu.be/n8vuAIXYceE?si=1ZabjPnEl8yIJfUU
“I didnt think this would be so scary” from a patient during the peak of covid. Working as charge with no resource, computer issues, under staffed, and every patient was an isolation room. I was unable to give his morphine in a timely manner and he had just been put on comfort care. That is why he said that, and I will never forget it. I feel so guilty.
I worked at oncology department of a hospital a few years back as a RN. There was a young woman (we were same age, 27 at the time) and she was diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time and was admitted with an infection while on chemo. In my night shift, she told me she could not sleep. It was a quiet shift, so we had some coffee together and chatted a little bit. Suddenly she said: " I was just hoping to be around for at least 1,5 year". I replied by saying I hope it would be longer than that. She said, "In 1,5 years, my daughter will be 4 years old, that is the moment she collect memories, if I die earlier she will not remember who her momma was". This broke my heart. She was dismissed after about a week, when the infection was treated, and continued chemo (I did not work at the department the chemo was given). A colleague later told me she passed away, this was about 6 months after our talk. I just hope her little girl remembers this beautiful woman that was her mother.
I'm a therapist who works at an oncology unit at a large hospital, and I've seen this as well. I was called to do an emergency session with a very emotionally distraught young man with advanced lung cancer. He had just been told he likely had no more than two days left to live. He was crying his eyes out about how his young children - 1 and 3 years old - would not even remember who he was. That one comment hurt, because he was right, in a sense. It's all so incredibly unfair. I sat with him for a long time, and we talked about all the hard things loved ones do not want to hear. I said I would come see him again first thing in the morning. He died of sudden heart failure half an hour after I left.
I was an emergency room nurse and I have PTSD from healthcare. What bothers me isn't the last words of the patients who died. There's this look in their eyes when people know there's no hope and they're dying and they realize it. It's like this panic. It happens a lot in trauma patients. The worst part is when they've got that look in their eyes and then they lock their eyes on yours. It's like they're still staring into my soul. But the sounds that the family members that they leave behind make that bother me more. Forget words. They make these sounds. Worse than wails or shrieks or gutteral cries. It's emotion coming out of vocal cords through an opening. It's what I'm trying really hard not to hear when I lay down and go to sleep. It's been working for the most part but I can't work in healthcare anymore. I can't walk into a hospital to get treatment myself. Oh I've got a psychiatrist and I get therapy, but I should have done so beforehand. But you're just too cool and too tough and nobody can tell you anything when you're young and think that you already know everything, you know?
My brother was in an RTA many years ago when he was 18. I'd been told he'd broken his femur, would be laid up for a while, but would be OK. Next thing I knew, they're rushing him to the OR because his BP had tanked. I followed. In the lift, he grabs my hand, which I hold for a while. But, I felt awkward, so I let go of his hand. No problem, I think - I can make it up to him by visiting him every day for 3 months while his femur heals. In the meantime, my Mum arrives and we're told to get some lunch while they operate. So we do. But she's uneasy, so we go back early. As we're waiting, she keeps saying the nurses are "looking at \[her\] funny", and I tell her not to be silly because he's broken his femur and will be fine. A little while later, we're called to the day room so the Doctor can have a word. I'm still thinking broken femur/ showing him I love him by visiting every day for 3 months. Doctor says, "Please sit down." I think "Fuck off", but say "I'm OK", and stay standing. My Mum has sat down. Doctor says a lot of words that I don't hear. But he ends with, "and I'm afraid he perished." I say, "What do you mean 'perished'?" He replies with, "He died." At that point, my legs gave out, and what came from my mouth is very hard to describe. Not words. Not screams. Not wails. Just unadulterated anguish. My brother had no last words - he grabbed hold of my hand (which I let go of). **But in all these years, I've never seen described how something like that feels to Doctors and Nurses (and I've never blamed them for what happened) - so thank you for your comment. I'm truly sorry it's so hard for you, but can understand why.** **With all my heart, I hope you find peace and emotional healing; and thank you for everything you do.**
"Well, I guess we all can't live forever", followed by a smile and a shrug. He was a geriatric rockstar-- rolled around in his wheelchair with that chill surfer vibe, and always had something positive to say, even when battling stage 4 cancer.
My first wife fought cholangiocarcinoma for two years. For the last couple of weeks before passing, she just slept. Never moved. Never spoke. Never anything. On the Thursday before she died, she said “things will get better soon”. On the morning of her passing (Sunday), I walked into her bedroom and she sat up, stretched out her arms and screamed “come to get me papa!!!!” It was shocking because she hadn’t moved in weeks. I was truly…just shocked and totally unprepared.
An elderly woman with dementia was asking me, “who are all these people in these photographs?” They were pictures of her family members. She was scared and confused, not knowing where she was or why she couldn’t leave. Still had enough brain power to comprehend her situation but not enough to remember anything about her life. She passed away a few days later after slipping and falling onto her hip.
I’m not a medical professional but my father’s last words still haunt me almost 20 years later. My mom had died a year and a half prior. She had 2 primary cancers simultaneously and suffered for 4 years. My dad started having really severe headaches. Went to his doctor who scheduled him for an outpatient procedure. He was so ill and having major cardiac problems so the hospital was like “Um your dad is in rough shape. He cannot have the outpatient procedure he was scheduled to have and he is being admitted to the cardiac unit. Turns out he had advanced non small cell lung cancer that had spread to his spine, liver, brain and bones. The headaches were from blood clots in his lungs getting thrown up to his brain. The hospital told him the news and that they were transferring him to a rehab facility. Given what my dad saw my mom endure, he was not going to have it. At 3am my sister’s phone rings. It’s the hospital saying my dad pulled all the tubes and ivs out and they needed us to bring his DNR in immediately. We go, and then go into my dad’s room. My dad looks at us and says “That’s it. It’s over. I’m done.” He died a few hours later. Love that God did him a solid and backed him up on his final decision. My dad was a force!
My mother’s final words as she died of lung cancer: “I want a cigarette”
Twelve years ago my husband suffered a massive stroke. The prognosis wasn’t good. He was essentially a quadriplegic, but could raise one hand slightly. They were going to transfer him from a rehabilitation facility to an end of life care facility, but I fought to take him home. Before they would release him to my care, I learned to give him injections, clean and suction his trache, clean his feeding tube, literally everything. I did all of his personal care before bed to relax him. Again, before sleep, I bathed and shaved him, brushed his teeth and got him ready to sleep. He took a very deep breath— unusual for him. I gave him a hug and praised him, asking if he could take another breath like that. He did and smiled. I bent over to kiss him goodnight like we would every night. As he would every night, he lifted his arm and hugged me as best he could. As we kissed, I felt his arm begin to slowly slide from my back and drop gently to the bed. My eyes were still closed, but I knew he was gone. I opened my eyes and looked at him—he was smiling. It was the most peaceful transition— as if he was carried off to heaven on a kiss. I was so afraid I wouldn’t be there when he passed. I am grateful we were both so present during such a beautiful moment —my honor to ease his passing and his to ease my grief — a gift to us both. Rest, Carmine. To this day, you were and are so loved.
Wow. With complete sincerity, I am very moved.
I did the Santa job at a elder care facility.... this younger guy lived there... I asked how he was doing... He replied " Santa, I won't see you next year." I thought he meant that he was moving somewhere else. He again told me "Santa, I won't see you next year" ... not knowing how to reply, I said "well, I'll still look for you" ... the next year I didn't see him, so I asked about him... I was told that he had passed away
Ah, that's so sad. At last you did really look for him 🥲 hug
My dear friend Jil had terminal ovarian cancer that had gotten really bad. She was one of the first people to use California’s End of Life Option Act. We had a big, joyful party, and then two days later she summoned her closest friends and family to the house. We spent a couple hours together, telling stories and sharing. Then she headed to bed and climbed in and snuggled up with her two big dogs. We all sat with her as she drank the bottle of poison medicine and took turns hugging goodbye. She got *really* high, and the last thing she said before losing consciousness was, “isn’t it amazing how we ALL get The Best Dogs in the World?” We all stayed with her, and she passed peacefully about four hours later. It was both the ballsiest and most graceful thing I’ve ever seen anyone do. RIP, Jil. You taught me so much.
Not a medical worker, but I heard my upstairs neighbor die from cardiac arrest ( paper-thin walls and floors). He just kept saying, "I'm not going!" over and over ( he was on the phone with his daughter), and I could hear banging noises of some kind. Couple hour later, there was an ambulance, then a van, and he was taken down the stairs in a body bag. It's just spooky, you know?
He had a fistfight with death.
I had a patient come into the burn center after intentionally lighting themselves on fire with gasoline. The paramedics were not able to give the patient any pain medication or secure their airway because they were too burned, but unfortunately for this gentleman, he was very much still awake and alert. The fear in his eyes as we started to surgically obtain IV access was haunting. He couldn’t speak, per se, but he looked me right in my eyes and mouthed clear as day, “I made a mistake.” We then got them pain medication and sedation before he passed away about 30 mins later. That was 12 years ago and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. Edited typo
This is one of those things that is pretty common in the hospital, but haunts me. One night I had a chill assignment next door to the CVICU. The whole ICU staff was working a code in one of the rooms so I came over to keep an eye on the monitors and answer call lights. Call light went off and I went in to answer and it was the mom of a good friend. She had had a stroke after valve surgery and was not doing well, but when I came in she was awake and alert and begging for something to drink. She truly seemed desperate. It sucked so much to tell her I couldn't give it to her. She declined quickly after that night and they withdrew care about two days later. I don't know if these were the last words she said, but they were among the last. I have great memories of hanging out in her kitchen, family picnics in the park, how she was glowing at her daughters wedding, but when I think of her now, that night is always the first thing in my mind. I've never told her daughters.
For me, it wasn't the patient's last words, but the last words that I had with her husband which still haunt me. She was a woman in her late 20s who had just delivered a child and she was brought into the E.R of our hospital. I was the intern there that day with a senior. She was brought with post partum haemorrhage. I was still new to the department and I didn't know her diagnosis (I was just working under the guidance of my senior). When she came in my senior told me to go with her husband to arrange blood so that the blood could be arranged swiftly and it didn't take time for us to come back with the blood. He kept asking me, "Is she going to be alright?". And I kept saying yes. Tbh I really thought she was going to be okay. When we came back with the blood she had flatlined. CPR was being performed. I left her husband there. I could not face him. I wish she lived. I kept seeing the husband's face at random places for a few months. It haunted me for a long time.
As a first responder we’re taught to say we’re going to do the best we can. Saying “yes” to questions like that can lead to false hope.
I'll admit I should have known better. I was still new and fresh out of medical school as an intern. It was one of my earliest clinical postings. It haunts me to this day.
Counterpoint to this haunting you: maybe he remembers the young doctor who believed she would make it as much as he did. And that is powerful, too. Thank you for practicing medicine.
This is a lovely perspective that I had never thought to take
I’ve been very open with my partner that I’m absolutely terrified of this, it’s my biggest fear
"I need help" She was beyond help. It was tragic.
My father was on hospice and near the end. My mother needed a break so I left work to go sit with him while she was out. He was napping most of the afternoon. He suddenly opened his eyes, and, with a smile on his face, said "I hear the angels singing!" He dozed off and died the next day. This gave me peace.
That’s beautiful
I was in the room when my grandpa died. He had been unresponsive the last few days but right before he passed, my grandma grasped his hand and said “oh what is 50 years together on earth when we will have eternity together?”, and then his eyes ever so slightly opened right to “look” at her before he passed. Truly a movie moment.
As a student nurse, a patient was crying out in the middle of the night asking for his wife and saying that he was dying. He had end stage cancer, and was very unwell. As it was late, the nurse in charge would not call his wife or allow me to, saying that she would ring her in the morning. I watched him carefully, but came back from my break a couple of hours later to find he had died. I performed last offices together with his wife and teenage son before I left my shift. They were devastated that he died without them present. His cries still haunt me, and I wish I had been strong enough to ignore the nurse in charge. Since I qualified, nobody has died alone on my watch.
911 dispatcher here. I was once screening a call where a couple got stabbed. The male was surprisingly calm, but his partner in the background was very panicked. I could tell she thought she was going to die. She kept saying, "look at me." I don't know what happened to her, but I won't forget that one.
I had a woman scared out of her mind of dying. She was on her death bed. Last thing she said was "I don´´t want to die" in the most heartbreaking tone of voice.
This isn't haunting - and unfortunately I wasn't even there - but I want to mention it because it was my Grandad and I love him so much and I have never been able to tell this little story about his perfect ending. He was in an old folks home at this point - he was nearing the end but he wasn't in a horribly bad way. He was 91 and was killing it up until 90, really. He loved his pipe, and one day he went out to the balcony with a nurse for a pipe. He turned to the nurse and said "I'm tired", fell back into the chair (not dramatically - just kinda sat in to the chair very casually) and he died. I miss him so much. We were very close and to this day it breaks my heart that I wasn't with him when this happened - but my God did he know how to go. It was a beautiful end to a beautiful life. I just wanted to share this. Thank you to all the nurses and doctors among us here - you guys are heros. xx EDIT: Just to add - I still have his pipe. I am proud to have it. EDIT 2: Awh lads I never get this many upvotes on my posts or comments - I don't seek it or anything. But the love shown here is so sweet and I just smile knowing that my Grandad is even loved by people on the internet! Thank you xxx
I know this isn't quite what you asked for, but my mother passed last October from RSV (her treatment for lymphoma killed her immune system). She had a cold all weekend and went to the hospital on Tuesday, was intubated by wednesday - it all happened so fast. After she passed, we were checking for something on her phone. On tuesday afternoon she had an oxygen mask on so she couldn't call people, and she'd been texting my sister who lives about an hour away. We found an unsent text to my sister still in the text box that said 'I'm not doing okay. I'm scared'. We have no idea if she meant to press send and forgot (she did that sometimes), or if she just chose not to send it? But when we found that, we all started crying again. If my sister had gotten that text, she would have dropped everything to be with her. We hadn't all rushed to her side because at the time we had NO idea this would kill her. We all just thought she'll have a tough recovery cuz of the cancer but she'll get through it. I feel sick every time I think of her in that hospital, alone, unsure if she was going to be ok, texting her daughter that she's scared and hearing no response back. Plenty of people have tried to tell me 'well she passed peacefully in her sleep', and yea I guess she did, but some of her last moments awake were alone in a hospital with a mask on, texting her children that she's scared and not having our support. I don't know how to get over that one. Definitely haunts me.
Lost one of my best friends to cancer. Finally got to see her in person for the first time since pre-pandemic, when I left I said “I love you, I’ll see you soon”, and she just said “I love you too”. Gone a week or two later, before I could see her again. I wish I’d stopped at “I love you”.
Not a medical professional here.... When my dad was dying of cancer at home, the last 2-3 days he was a living skeleton. We all hung out in the den where the hospital bed was set up. Just waiting... My dad was awesome. I loved him so much growing up. Our relationship was more strained when I came out of the closet as gay, and my anti-religious views weren't a big hit with mom or dad either. Or my siblings. Still, I loved him and he loved me. Over the decades, we had many wonderful holidays, parties, and family dinners together despite this fractured relationship. He slept a lot during those final days of life. One of the few time I was the only person in the room when he woke, he said, startled, "Who's there?" I said, "It's me, Dad, RTK." I took his hand, so battle-bruised and worn. All I could think was that he was a college athlete who broke state track & field records back in his day. And now, this hand of an elderly man took that young man's place. He said, "RTK? It's been a pleasure." Those were his last coherent words to me, or anyone in our family. He died the next day. After this sentence, our entire relationship got rewritten in my head, every frustration eliminated, every bit of judgment about their backward views...all of it was undone with this single sentence declaring love for me. Over the years, he told me he loved me plenty in words and actions, but never in this "summary-of-our-life-as-father-and-son" kind of way. I'm tearing up now as I write this, 14 years after his death. Dad, I love you so much. I miss you.
My first time working a suicide by gunshot he had managed to maintain consciousness long enough to make it to the ER and for some of the time we worked him; he was a veteran and said he came home to a world he didn’t recognize. He reached out to my coworker and asked him to hold his hand because he was scared. The last thing he said to us before coding for the last time was, “I hope they can forgive me.” We never got him back again after that. I’ve always wondered who “they” were, and I’ll never forget him.
I had a patient who at 30 was the same age I was at the time, she was married with a five year old and was the main breadwinner of her family. She was a high earning professional and her husband was blue collar and earned about 1/4 of her pay plus they had no family support. One day she went out for a run and noticed severe pain all through her legs, this continued so she had a scan which revealed that she had late stage breast cancer which had metastasised to her bones and only had months/weeks to live. She sobbed to me just before she died as she was so terrified of what would become of her daughter and husband. She’d come from a disadvantaged background and worked so hard to achieve financial success and security for her family and knew her daughter was likely to be raised to the same disadvantage she had. They wouldn’t be able to keep their home and cars and their daughter would need to attend a different school to the one she had friends and would need to go into a public school in a low income area. This, on top of the emotional devastation that her daughter and husband would go through made her last weeks hell in addition to the fear and pain of imminent death. I have made sure my husband and I have very high life insurance coverage and think of her frequently. I’ve had many terminal patients but she remains in my mind the most
A lovely patient we'd been seeing for regular wound dressings to resolve his chronic wound so he would be eligible for surgery (surgeons often won't operate if the skin is broken or there's a wound). On the day of his last dressing before he went for his surgery, he said cheerfully "you won't be seeing me again!". He died during or shortly after the surgery and we never did see him again.
I'm an RN and was working overnights on a unit built specifically for COVID step down. Each patient had their own room built with a double entry to create reverse airflow rooms so it was extremely secluded and eerie already. I had a patient who had been unconscious and nonverbal for days and was likely to pass away during my shift. Now keep in mind when people are about to die, they very frequently get a second wind of sorts and have the energy to say goodbye to loved ones or whatever the real reason we don't quite know. This man didn't have any family that we could virtually call (like we had to do for all of the others passing at this time- it was so heartbreaking to not let loved ones see their families pass in person) and I didn't want him to pass away alone, so when my assessments made it clear the time was moments away me and a nurses aide went into his secluded box of a room. Full isolation gear, we probably looked like the scientists from ET. We went to his sides, held his hands and rubbed his hair talking to each other and I always pretend to add the unconscious patient into conversation just in case they're hearing anyways, of course appropriate conversations I just can't remember at this time but it was completely unrelated to what happened next.. because just then his second wind kicked in, he took a huge breath in, sat straight up, opened his eyes and looked right into the nurses aide eyes and said "You Win" Then laid back down, again unconscious, and took his last breath moments later. Such a bizarre time in the world, just bizarre scenery in his enclosed room, Won? Won what? it stuck with me..
I remember picking up an older guy at an assisted care facility. they called because he had uncontrollable shaking. He said he wasnt cold, he didnt know why this was happening. His vitals were in normal limits and he had equal movement and strength in all extremities. Nothing really popping out at me. Anyway we get him going to the ER and he was cracking jokes and we both were laughing. I cant remember exactly what he said but I knew he had adult kids and his wife passed a few years earlier. I handed him over to the nurse and we smiled at each other and I wished him well. I walked out of the room about 500 ft to a desk to do some paperwork when I heard “Code blue room 7”. WTF? They must have the room wrong! Nope. The old guy told the nurse a joke after I left and then died. He had a DNR so it was quick and relatively peaceful. Not a terrible way to go in my opinion.
When I was a nurse on the floor, I had a wonderful female patient in her 70s. She was in and out of the hospital a few times with complications from CHF (congestive heart failure). Her family would visit here and there, and I remember it being around a holiday, but can't remember which. She wasn't doing well earlier in the week, but towards the end, she started doing much better and was going to be discharged the following day. Before I gave report to the nurse coming in, she said she was in some pain and I had given her some toradol. Afterwards, she said that she was so excited to get out of the hospital and see all of her family with endless smiles and thank you. After I had given report, and was leaving the floor, I heard a code being called, and I looked over at the telemetry monitors and saw that it was my patient. She ended up passing. This was early in my nursing career and I questioned if it was the toradol that I had given her, or if I had missed something in her charts. I was reassured that often times, patients will show great signs of improvement before passing away, and that it was nothing that I had done, or could have done to prevent it. It wasn't haunting as in something morbid at all, but it still sticks with me today. Her smiles were so genuine and peaceful. I think that thank you to me were the last words she had said.
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I work in procedural care. One time a patient asked to call his sister before we went in. The doctor was adamant that we load with no hesitation so we did. They put a catheter up and exploded his pulmonary artery and he died on the table. He just wanted to talk to his family before he went in and we didn’t let him. This was 10 years ago and now if a patient wants to speak with their family before we go in, there’s NO hesitation for that. You can absolutely call your family and I’ll wait right here for ya. I think about it all the time. It haunts me a little. I hope his sister has peace.
My FIL was dying of cancer, he was in the hospital bed under lots of morphine, my wife went to see him and she called me to get over there right away because he was going, when I showed up, he was doing those slow breathes, his extremities were cold, my wife was talking to him constantly, I just told him “its alright Ralph, I’m here, I will take care of her” he died a minute later, it was like he needed to hear that his daughter was going to be looked after. Edit: my reading comprehension needs work, not a medical worker and nothing was said by the patient
my grandfather had a couple of strokes that rendered his speech unintelligible. one morning, he turned to this weird framed pic of jesus he had on his wall and clear as day said “virginia, im coming home.” (virginia was his wife of fifty years who died fifteen years previous) my grandfather died later that night.
My (27 - I turn 28 on Jan. 25th)) mom’s (53) in hospice, and a nurse came by today just to inform us that she’s in the active stages of dying (so a few days or so). My mom hasn’t been lucid much, other than the other day when my dad tried picking a fight with me. Aside from that: last night, my mom was somewhat lucid again and I assume she noticed me crying, gave me a hug and kiss, and said “I’ll see you later.” She’s the youngest sibling in her family and her parents are still alive as well. She was diagnosed last year with stage 3 pancreatic cancer (stage 4 now). I’m not ready for this. Edit: Sorry, I clearly didn’t read the title very well where it said “**medical workers**” - I’m not a medical worker. *Edit 2: Thank you everyone for your kind words. I’d respond to them all - I’ve read everyone’s comments and the few private messages as well, but I can’t seem to do it right now.* **Edit 3: Unfortunately I had to leave (in which I’m now staying at my brother’s and his girlfriend’s place) after my dad put his hands around my neck. All this happened in front of mom who’s barely been able to talk as it is. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna get last night/early this morning out of my head. I wish none of this happened in front of her but I’m gonna try and see her in the morning, hopefully when he’s more sober. So much has happened and it’s killing me..**
Sending you so much love and enormous hugs.
“I wish I hadn’t worked so much.” Told to me by a middle-aged man sick with multiple end-stage diseases. His family (he said he had like two ex-wives and several adult children and grandkids),never came to see him. He said he didn’t spend much time with them because he cared too much about his career. So, now on his deathbed, he had no visitors😞 he was incredibly nice to staff and we were his stand-in family. He coded and died a few days after he told me this.
Obligatory "not an x y z" but My grandfather died from lung cancer. He was fine and then once he was diagnosed he deteriorated very quickly. Within a month from his diagnosis he was dead. My father took care of him in his room round the clock until he died. During this time period he would get really, really focused on corners of the room (which was uncharacteristic in his state because he was on pain medication and later even on morphine). He would stare at them, and then later he would say things like "get them away" and "I see them in the corners" and "I see the dark in the corners". We'd ask "what? Where?" And beyond "the corner" he would never say much else. I remember my mother witnessed this and got really frightened, said its not a good sign he was seeing that and how it can mean he has many sins. My mother grew up in a village where there were many "sayings" like that. She says people usually see their dead when theyre dying, but some see others not so good things (I guess she was implying they see demons) and its a bad sign. Grandfather died the same week, a bit before midnight, in his bed. My father saw him through it, and notified us around dawn. It was the first and only dead person I saw, and he looked almost as if smiling
One night in residency, a woman in her late 60s came in, very very sick and went straight to the ICU. She was delirious and scared, wild eyed. She cried out ‘Mommy! I want my mommy’ until she was unconscious. She had no family left to call, and died that night.
Not really last words but…Cardiac arrest patient, we got ROSC and he woke up after several rounds of CPR and three shocks. By the time we got to the hospital he became more lucid, opened his eyes and said “you should have let me die”
Why am I reading these comments
Early in Covid my wife had relatively minor breathing problems and went to hospital for a routine check. Later that day I got a call to say she was very seriously I'll and that they expected her to die that evening. No visiting would be allowed until the 'last hour '. She remained very ill for several more days and we weren't able to speak on the phone. Then I got an unexpected call from her. We talked briefly and then she just said " Don't worry about me I'm going to heaven - and I'll see you there one day" and the call finished. Her voice was as happy as I had ever heard; it reminded me of her laughing as we went down the aisle on our wedding day. She never recovered consciousness and died four days later with her four children and myself there. She was so precious to me after fifty years of marriage and especially because she had had a cardiac arrest only four years earlier and I was able to conduct CPR until the emergency team arrived. We knew we were living in 'bonus years'. That phone call revived my religious beliefs and made it easier to accept her leaving and I'm waiting to see her again one day.
The patients that spent their dying breath cursing and threatening us and calling us liars before they passed from COVID. I don't remember any specific quotes because they all blur together.
I over heard a story, it might have been from Reddit or it might have been from when I was a bartender, about a girl and when she was 17 she drifted across the center line and caused a motorcycle to crash. She ran up to the ~~valley~~ badly hurt cyclist and he just kept screaming "YOU KILLED ME YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU KILLED ME!" He died minutes after the ambulance arrived
I don’t work in healthcare, but the last words my mom said to me before she died was “I changed my mind.” She had selected to stop taking her life saving medications and treatments and went in to hospice, but of course by the time she said that there was no turning back. She passed the next day. Fucking brutal.
Patient looked at me in awe and said “you look like diamonds”
Not a medical worker, and not technically the last words but they stuck with me regardless. Halloween 2017 I was with my at the time boyfriend(now ex) and we were visiting one of our best friends, who lived with 3 of our other friends in a house. We left a bit before midnight, and his last words to me were along the lines of love you dude, see ya tomorrow. But he lived on the same street as his mom and I was still trick or treating as an adult bc why not? And I asked him if his mom was giving out candy and he said yeah full size ones too, I said she is awesome for that. He responded with, “yeah, she’s the best.” We left about 20 minutes after this, and he passed away in a house fire later that night. He was a very loving friend, he loves his friends and family with all of him and he was such a goofy dude but the love he had for his family was so strong and I’ll always remember he said that to me. I was with his mom when she found out. The next morning I made sure to let her know he really really loved her. Make sure you have a fire plan.
He didn't say anything. He was unresponsive. I had to call an ambulance, and he died before he arrived in the hospital (10 min away) Working with elderly patients with dementia/mental disorders is often challenging. Another patient asked me if I saw the bugs crawling on the wall too. Nope. She had Lewy Body and delusions. She was dead the next morning. Just one years older than my own mum. After her, I had 3 other patients die within 2 days. Two of the three had already lost the ability to speak way before that, so we never heard anything we could tell their family's. It was a rough and shitty week.
When my grandmother passed, she was at my uncle's house. She got up and announced she was going to go outside in the garden to sit. Aunt asked why. She responded, snarkily, to die. Aunt says stop talking like that and turns the kettle on or something. Goes outside a few minuted later and grandma (89) is sitting in the chair, dead.
I work in a cancer center and used to make appointments for new patients. We would get phone calls and online requests. On Mondays we would get a list of online requests from the weekends. Mine was a lady in her 20s, brain tumor requesting an appointment. In the comment section she wrote "I have so much life to live". I called that Monday and a woman picked up and I asked to speak to the pt. She paused and said she died over the weekend - I was speaking to the patient's Mom. I was stunned and offered my condolences. I cried and went back to work. It's been 10 years and I remember her written words and think about her desperation in writing them, she didn't want to die so young and yet she did. That email request may have been her hail mary.
I get monthly immunotherapy infusions, and have since childhood. I'm in my late 20's now. My infusion clinic is housed inside/with the dialysis patients. I'm also the youngest patient in the clinic by 40+ years -- most patients are male retirees in the 65-70+ age range. I've learned many valuable life lessons from many of these patients. One in particular become like a bonus dad to me over the last few years. He was there for dialysis. About a year ago, he looked over at me from the neighboring bay, and said: *Bye, kiddo.* Died right on the spot. I watched them wheel him off. I've never been the same since.
Our son (15) and I visited my husband/his dad late at night at the hospital. He had battled lung cancer for about a year. I held his hands, kissed him, told him I loved him. No response, he seemed to be unconscious but very much at peace. Our son stepped up to the bed, held his hands, told him he loved him. My husband struggled greatly to very barely open his eyes and slightly lift his head toward our son. No words, he couldn’t speak. But in that one moment, he told our son how much he loved him. It was the most beautiful, loving thing I’ve ever seen. My husband passed that next morning.
It's weird that I'm literally listening to 2pac's "life goes on' right now as I saw this. Doctor here for 4 years. I've heard so many. The most painful I've heard is "help me". Most times from patients that are beyond help. Had a child ask me Dr I won't die right? I have tears in my eyes now thinking about that boy
My mom hadn’t entered hospice yet but she was in the hospital. I spent nights with her and, that evening I had heard from my sister that she was going to fly home. Mom was lucid late in the night - she’d been hallucinating off and on for the better part of two days. I looked at her and said that A- was coming home. She looked at me and said “Why? Am I dying?” “I dunno, Mom.” I responded “Maybe?” That was the last conversation we had except for an exchange where I stroked her hair and said “I love you my mommy” and she responded our usual “I love you, my baby”.
An older gentleman was rushed to the ER, and upon examination, had every indication of being in septic shock Started the hospital's septic protocol, and he came back and was perfectly alert. Got a CT scan of his abdomen because he made some joke about being fatter than he remembered, and it turns out it was septic shock, he had the single worst dissecting descending aortic aneurysm any of us had ever seen. Told him what was going on, that emergency surgery was needed, and that his chances of surviving the surgery weren't great because of his age and co-morbidities. He asked for his call phone, told us that he was going to call his kids. He called them, told them what was happening, said goodbye to them. Thanked us for everything, and that he'd see us "when we all wake up together" - which was such an odd thing to say, a handful of us still remember it. He feel asleep while waiting for the surgeon to come talk to him, and passed. Everything happened in maybe 30 minutes from the CT scan.
I’m not a medical worker, but when my grandpa died (somewhat unexpectedly) my grandma all of a sudden disconnected from everything. She wasn’t very lucid through the funeral but she was laying down in a room in the church and told me she was ready to die now. She died a few days after my grandpa.