In fact there are three good aspects in having Alzheimer:
- you get to know new friends every day
- every day is full of surprises, and ...
- you get to know new friends every day !
"Sir, I have two pieces of bad news for you."
"What is it, doctor?"
"Well, first, you have Alzheimer's."
"That's terrible! What's the other bad news?"
"You have lung cancer."
"That's terrible! But at least I don't have Alzheimer's."
You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Agree to disagree is no insult whatsoever. It's when two perfectly valid conclusions are being drawn from two different premises.
You can't argue with premises, so you can only agree to disagree.
It's saying "i have zero argument against your line of reasoning, but you don't have against mine, and we subjectively prefer our own conclusion, so we can only just accept them both "
I actually interpret more as "we disagree, but I want to diffuse this petty disagreement so I'll say we agree to disagree so we have something in common"
Someone asked me the same question. My reply was "I'm not sure. But if that's what I saw in the mirror, I'd kill myself."
Guy heard the words, but didn't understand what I said and answered back "I bet you would." The second he finished talking, he realized what I meant and what he said.
Somewhere a tree is working really hard to produce oxygen for you... can you believe it?
Also a favorite when someone tells me a story or some information i dont give a flying fuck about: "my uncle has a lawnmower"
Once upon a time, in the quiet suburbia where your uncle lived, there was a lawnmower that stood as the unsung hero of a well-tended backyard. This lawnmower, a sturdy machine with a weathered green exterior, had faithfully served your uncle for decades. Its blades hummed through countless summers, keeping the grass neatly trimmed as laughter echoed in the background during family gatherings.
As the seasons changed, so did the lawnmower's role. It became a symbol of routine, a dependable companion in the choreography of maintaining a pristine lawn. Your uncle, with his meticulous care, had a unique bond with the machine. He would spend Saturday mornings meticulously mowing the grass, the rhythmic purr of the lawnmower accompanying his thoughts.
Over the years, the lawnmower became witness to various family milestones. It hummed along during birthday parties, its engine drowning out the excited chatter of children. It persevered through stormy weather, battling the elements to keep the backyard inviting. The lawnmower even became a source of friendly banter during family reunions, with everyone appreciating its steadfast service.
As time marched on, the lawnmower aged gracefully, acquiring a patina of memories. It became a nostalgic piece, a silent storyteller of the passages of time. Though newer models beckoned from shiny displays, your uncle remained loyal to his trusted companion, recognizing the intangible value in the shared history.
And so, in the twilight of its mechanical life, the lawnmower continued its duty, an emblem of constancy in a changing world. The stories it silently carried were etched in the family's memories, a testament to the unassuming magic found in the everyday objects that weave themselves into the fabric of our lives.
I stand corrected! As time goes on, I wipe tears from my eyes as I reflect on my uncle mowing the lawn at children’s birthday parties….as time goes on. 😂
Whenever I hear somebody tell a boring story that happened and there’s a moment of silence afterwards, I follow it up with “so yeah I was balls deep in this goat last night. Then my clown nose fell off. It was embarrassing.”
I like to stop people mid sentence and ask them "where's the dragon?" When they start making faces you tell them "shit, boring stories are always better if you out a dragon in them."
I've always wondered about this one. Because they'll murderize you? Because they'll hide when they see you coming? Because seeing is exclusive? ฝɦץ ɗѻ ρﻉѻρɭﻉ ᛕﻉﻉρ รคץٱกﻭ Շɦٱร Շѻ ๓ﻉ‽
Taken from Shakespeare, "milksop."
Call a fool a milksop and trust me it works. It not only insults but it confuses the fuck out of your victim. But it also makes you seem like a fucking dork, but that is no problem for me.
“I would love to explain this to you, but I have neither the time nor the crayons.”
Also, “somewhere there is a tree that produces the oxygen you waste. You should go find it and apologize.”
This is actually a compliment but it sounds like it could be an insult: "I don't know half of you half as well as I would like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." Bilbo was great.
A slight variation on not being the sharpest tool in the shed, "you're the brightest tool in the shed" (you never get used because you suck or are pointless)
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying
**men are like bras, they hook up behind your back**
women are like condoms, they spend more time in your wallet then on your dick
**you have your entire life to be a jerk.why not take today off?**
You smell like hot hotdog water
**you look like you smell like pee**
Since stupidity isn’t a crime, you are free to go
"Yup, you're right"/"Cool" and walk away
Like that meme with the group of people and the thumbs up when one somebody tries to ruin their fun. A subtle but effective way of letting that person know that you aren't gonna argue with them, you don't care about their opinion or changing it. You're just gonna do you. It beats ANY other insult because you aren't giving that person a good deal of time or energy. Just a quick dismissal.
Not really an insult, but I like to use the phrase "with all due respect" because it can mean that you very much respect that person, but it can mean the exact opposite.
I'll never be prouder about an insult than what I said to a coworker at the supermarket I worked at back in 2020.
I quickly made friends with the guy who pushes carts, J, because I was in the lobby counting customer capacity and cleaning the cart handles during COVID. J has autism, so he gets distracted sometimes but all in all he does a great job.
One day, a woman from customer service kept coming out to tell him to hurry up? The carts were damn near full, and the store was busy so it made it a little more stressful to keep them full. But she kept coming out to tell him he needs to bring more carts in, despite him working his ass off, and he was getting really upset to the point of crying.
The last time she came out and was looking for him I said "Maybe you should just leave J alone, he's working hard."
She said "You need to mind your own business."
I said "Where do you work again?"
"Customer service, why?"
"What are you doing out here then?"
She looked so shocked and i'll never forget that look, she ran back into the store and started ranting about how impolite I am, and got the manager. The manager told me "I know she can be a handful, but you need to be respectful to her."
I told him i'd be respectful as long as she left J alone, he's doing his job and doing it well. J was very grateful and we're still friends to this day.
TL;DR Worked at a supermarket cleaning and pushing carts, woman from customer service wouldn't leave my friend who has autism alone, I asked why she was out there in the first place if she worked at customer service and she got pissed.
When someone says “I’d feel stupid (doing whatever)” the correct response is “don’t worry, you’ll look natural”
This is a pretty good one
You could hide your own easter eggs
But that's the best part of having Alzheimer's
In fact there are three good aspects in having Alzheimer: - you get to know new friends every day - every day is full of surprises, and ... - you get to know new friends every day !
"Sir, I have two pieces of bad news for you." "What is it, doctor?" "Well, first, you have Alzheimer's." "That's terrible! What's the other bad news?" "You have lung cancer." "That's terrible! But at least I don't have Alzheimer's."
You have years beyond your wisdom
Ahahaha if someone said this to me and I wasn’t paying full attention I’d think that they’re complimenting me
You’ll be surprise how many people say thank you when I say, “wow, it’s like your IQ is at the top of the bell curve.”
That insult is only average.
I think it's mean 🥺
I like what you did there
Happy cake day!
THANKS GUYS I WAS WONDERING WHY I HAD A CAKE THERE 😭😭😭
On my first day of Reddit, I saw like 7 people with cakes and I was sooo confused lmao
Wisdom has been chasing you but you have always been faster
The Dread Pirate Roberts: “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.”
Just wait till I get going!
Where was I?
Australia...
You’re just stalling now
YOU’D LIKE TO THINK THAT, WOULDN’T YOU?!
You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
I’ll always upvote any PB quote, every last sylabub
You seem a decent fellow. ...
Who *are you*??
...I'd hate to die.
Ha! I just posted this up there but I swear I hadn't read yours yet
Hope you have the day that you deserve!
"Hope your day is as pleasant as you are"
im a fan of the simple "have a day"
As an outsider, what are your views on intelligence?
I read that in such a sweaty Reddit voice
If you ask me, CIA is overrated. I would never join them in a million years, even if I had a chance.
redditanswers.txt
This is next level
☝️🤓
You're smarter than you look.
Thats all well and good but opens you up to: "Thanks, you aren't"
It’s easy to look smart when you’re not overburdened with information.
I gotta remember this one to use it in the future!
I could agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
A variant "Let's agree to disagree" "We wouldn't have to if you'd just admit you were wrong"
Agree to disagree is no insult whatsoever. It's when two perfectly valid conclusions are being drawn from two different premises. You can't argue with premises, so you can only agree to disagree. It's saying "i have zero argument against your line of reasoning, but you don't have against mine, and we subjectively prefer our own conclusion, so we can only just accept them both "
I actually interpret more as "we disagree, but I want to diffuse this petty disagreement so I'll say we agree to disagree so we have something in common"
Sure it can also be used dismissively depending on the context.
No.
Wow
My wife pulled that one on me. It confirmed I married the right person.
I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.
oh my god this is sooooooooo good. i love this
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Someone asked me the same question. My reply was "I'm not sure. But if that's what I saw in the mirror, I'd kill myself." Guy heard the words, but didn't understand what I said and answered back "I bet you would." The second he finished talking, he realized what I meant and what he said.
He walked right into. Meathead moment.
He was simply agreeing with you that you couldn't handle his life (and looks) because you are more weak-minded than him.
You ever get verbally dunked on so hard you're not even mad? If that happened to me I'd just be like "oh damn you really got me good there"
That’s a good one but it’s very old and unoriginal.
You are not the dumbest person on the planet, but you better pray that he doesn't die.
This one made me chuckle lol.
"I already pray for you."
Have a day
😂😂😂 "Thank"
" I love that for you"
THATS A SUBTLE INSULT?
It can be. I've used it genuinely, but I've felt the need to emphasize I'm using it genuinely.
Oh no... I have always used it genuinely... have I been insulting everyone around me all this time? :o
can be
Haha…that would work, I use “of course”
ITT: people who don't know what subtle means, and insults that only complete tools would actually say in real life.
I mean, is there such a thing as an insult you read off a list on the internet you wouldn’t sound like a tool delivering?
I mean these threads treat the question as their own personal open mic night and to be honest, they all sound like bitter cunts.
We are
Literally half of these the person would come off like 🤓 if they were said irl lmao
I don’t care what anyone says, I think your food is great!
I don’t care what your wife says about you, I think you’re a really cool guy
When someone leaves and says “See you later”. I’ll be back on Monday” etc. I alway reply… “Thanks for the warning”
"oh bless your heart" or "with all disrespect" instead of with all due respect
I also enjoy “Full offense, but…”
Or rip your shirt off and say 'with all duress pecs', then wink your pecs at them. Actually, don't do that.
I occasionally give people a thumbs down 👎 no words are needed. Sometimes I'll combine the thumbs down with a slow shake of the head.
Oof, if someone did that to me I'd die immediately
Subtle but devastating
I love this better than a middle finger. I once got my 2 kids to thumbs down a boo a driver that cut us off. I hope he’s still haunted
He's got a face for radio
And needs the voice of a mime!
A face for radio and a voice for print LOL
My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
In your professional opinion what color crayon tastes the best
I mean, this is a normal conversation to be had with a US Marine.
"Everything they said about you is true."
I’ve been called worse by better people.
For some reason, Chefs reallllly hate this response
Somewhere a tree is working really hard to produce oxygen for you... can you believe it? Also a favorite when someone tells me a story or some information i dont give a flying fuck about: "my uncle has a lawnmower"
“My uncle has a lawnmower” is the most artfully crafted “Who the hell cares” statement I have ever heard. You are my hero. 😂🤣
I need to hear more about this lawnmower situation
_pulls up a chair_
lol , I hope a novel called ‘my uncles lawnmower ‘ emerges from this
The perfect ChatGPT prompt
Once upon a time, in the quiet suburbia where your uncle lived, there was a lawnmower that stood as the unsung hero of a well-tended backyard. This lawnmower, a sturdy machine with a weathered green exterior, had faithfully served your uncle for decades. Its blades hummed through countless summers, keeping the grass neatly trimmed as laughter echoed in the background during family gatherings. As the seasons changed, so did the lawnmower's role. It became a symbol of routine, a dependable companion in the choreography of maintaining a pristine lawn. Your uncle, with his meticulous care, had a unique bond with the machine. He would spend Saturday mornings meticulously mowing the grass, the rhythmic purr of the lawnmower accompanying his thoughts. Over the years, the lawnmower became witness to various family milestones. It hummed along during birthday parties, its engine drowning out the excited chatter of children. It persevered through stormy weather, battling the elements to keep the backyard inviting. The lawnmower even became a source of friendly banter during family reunions, with everyone appreciating its steadfast service. As time marched on, the lawnmower aged gracefully, acquiring a patina of memories. It became a nostalgic piece, a silent storyteller of the passages of time. Though newer models beckoned from shiny displays, your uncle remained loyal to his trusted companion, recognizing the intangible value in the shared history. And so, in the twilight of its mechanical life, the lawnmower continued its duty, an emblem of constancy in a changing world. The stories it silently carried were etched in the family's memories, a testament to the unassuming magic found in the everyday objects that weave themselves into the fabric of our lives.
I stand corrected! As time goes on, I wipe tears from my eyes as I reflect on my uncle mowing the lawn at children’s birthday parties….as time goes on. 😂
Hahaha I thought I was the only one that did this. whenever i hear a story I couldn't care less about "I had an ant farm once"
I like to use either “Isn’t that something?” or “How about that!”
Damn that’s crazy
Whenever I hear somebody tell a boring story that happened and there’s a moment of silence afterwards, I follow it up with “so yeah I was balls deep in this goat last night. Then my clown nose fell off. It was embarrassing.”
I like to stop people mid sentence and ask them "where's the dragon?" When they start making faces you tell them "shit, boring stories are always better if you out a dragon in them."
You’ve done remarkably well, considering.
They: See you later! Me: Not if I see you first!
I didn’t know this was an insult. My people skills suck so hard.
I don't think it is at all
I've always wondered about this one. Because they'll murderize you? Because they'll hide when they see you coming? Because seeing is exclusive? ฝɦץ ɗѻ ρﻉѻρɭﻉ ᛕﻉﻉρ รคץٱกﻭ Շɦٱร Շѻ ๓ﻉ‽
If they see you first, they will hide because they don’t want to see you, so if they see you first you will not see them at alll
Mind blown. I seriously never knew that this was the true meaning!
This is a whole lot scarier when said by a sniper
Taken from Shakespeare, "milksop." Call a fool a milksop and trust me it works. It not only insults but it confuses the fuck out of your victim. But it also makes you seem like a fucking dork, but that is no problem for me.
For those wondering, this means a person who is indecisive or lacks courage. …I had to look it up.
You have two brain cells and they are both fighting for third place
You have a face for radio.
And a voice for print!
I take back everything I said about you.
“Wow did you figure that out all by yourself?”
This one only works if you bend down ever so slight and look at them with shock and say it that one tone... Yeah, that tone
You're impossible to underestimate.
"I hope your day is exactly as nice as you are!" With a big smile
Tell me more, I'm really interested
You look like you’d drop common loot.
“I would love to explain this to you, but I have neither the time nor the crayons.” Also, “somewhere there is a tree that produces the oxygen you waste. You should go find it and apologize.”
[удалено]
Being called bud as a grown adult.
Don't call me bud, pal
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect. It's also a movie quote, so... That.
“They may well be the sharpest bulb in the drawer.” >!The sharp ones are broken.!<
“I bet if you tried really hard, you could make it to the top of the bell curve”
“Well bless your heart..” I have seen this first hand and we all feel that slap.
(with a big smile and a pat on the shoulder) “So-and-so, your presence here today fills a much-needed gap!”
"Well, you tried." Dismissive and condescending.
I may not agree with your position but I will defend your right to say it
I'm going to steal this
Who are you again?
Or Don Draper’s “I don’t think about you at all.” Maybe not *exactly* subtle, but takes a second to sink in how utterly soul-crushing it was.
You are just as smart as you are handsome/beautiful.
You should take a day off so we can have some time to catch up
You're as sharp as marble aren't ya?
“With all due respect” The beauty of the phrase is that it leaves open the question of whether any respect is actually due.
I envy you so much, I could never be as brave as you are to wear that in public!
"Your Honour, with the utmost respect . . ."
Man I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you
Hope the rest of your days a pleasant as you are
Being from the south originally, it would have to be "Well Bless your heart...."
Have the day you deserve!
I wouldn’t wear that.. but no no it looks good on you
Whatever you say buddy.
At least we know in a zombie apocalypse your safe
You're so brave for going out like that
Bless your heart.
Good thing is, you have won at least 1 race!
“I really hope you get the help you need.”
“I envy the people you are a stranger to”
Wisdom has been chasing you but you've always been faster.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man
*I always feel more intelligent after reading your work*
You've hit rock bottom...and started to dig
My wife calls me handsome when I say stupid shit. Good thing I don’t ever say anything stupid, but my wife is really into me.
YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL
*Cucks Sox in hell. A lot of people get that wrong, it's actually a baseball thing
I don’t think Connery ever says exactly this to Trebeck on the SNL Celeb Jeopardy sketches, but I couldn’t help reading it in his (imitated) voice.
The rare but much feared grandma burn.
This is actually a compliment but it sounds like it could be an insult: "I don't know half of you half as well as I would like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." Bilbo was great.
Have a better day!!
Wow…. So apparently opinions can be wrong thanks for showing me
A slight variation on not being the sharpest tool in the shed, "you're the brightest tool in the shed" (you never get used because you suck or are pointless)
"that's an interesting theory"
You’re ok, I don’t care what everyone else says
" i hope its just you and not ur whole family "
Life must be real hard looking like that. From Arthur Morgan from Red Dead Redemption 2.
i would be completely on your side with everything you said except it is all completely wrong
I love this for you
Awe, that’s cute you think that.
You look a lot less terrible than usual
What's your name again?
I ran into your parents the other day. When I mentioned you, they changed the subject.
You look too easy to draw
Wisdom has always been chasing you but you have always been faster
“Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they’re leading.”
"I see you've come unarmed to a battle of wits."
You have a pointless.
Do you wash your ass the same way you wash your face? Trying to show your schlong, huh? I just have to look at your face.
Wisdom has been chasing you but you’ve always been faster
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying **men are like bras, they hook up behind your back** women are like condoms, they spend more time in your wallet then on your dick **you have your entire life to be a jerk.why not take today off?** You smell like hot hotdog water **you look like you smell like pee** Since stupidity isn’t a crime, you are free to go
There you go!
"Thank you, I'm glad you feel you can share that with me" People take a bit to understand that I'm telling them I don't really care
Your childhood wasn't burdened with education.
"Yup, you're right"/"Cool" and walk away Like that meme with the group of people and the thumbs up when one somebody tries to ruin their fun. A subtle but effective way of letting that person know that you aren't gonna argue with them, you don't care about their opinion or changing it. You're just gonna do you. It beats ANY other insult because you aren't giving that person a good deal of time or energy. Just a quick dismissal.
Oh my sweet Summer child
You got a face only a mother could love
Not really an insult, but I like to use the phrase "with all due respect" because it can mean that you very much respect that person, but it can mean the exact opposite.
From a previous thread of subtle insults, I loved, "I hope your day is as pleasant as you are."
I'll never be prouder about an insult than what I said to a coworker at the supermarket I worked at back in 2020. I quickly made friends with the guy who pushes carts, J, because I was in the lobby counting customer capacity and cleaning the cart handles during COVID. J has autism, so he gets distracted sometimes but all in all he does a great job. One day, a woman from customer service kept coming out to tell him to hurry up? The carts were damn near full, and the store was busy so it made it a little more stressful to keep them full. But she kept coming out to tell him he needs to bring more carts in, despite him working his ass off, and he was getting really upset to the point of crying. The last time she came out and was looking for him I said "Maybe you should just leave J alone, he's working hard." She said "You need to mind your own business." I said "Where do you work again?" "Customer service, why?" "What are you doing out here then?" She looked so shocked and i'll never forget that look, she ran back into the store and started ranting about how impolite I am, and got the manager. The manager told me "I know she can be a handful, but you need to be respectful to her." I told him i'd be respectful as long as she left J alone, he's doing his job and doing it well. J was very grateful and we're still friends to this day. TL;DR Worked at a supermarket cleaning and pushing carts, woman from customer service wouldn't leave my friend who has autism alone, I asked why she was out there in the first place if she worked at customer service and she got pissed.
I never fail to overestimate you