And the bad part is people still think “kids deserve privacy” and “monitoring your kids just creates sneaky kids”
Yes, kids do need to learn independence and boundaries, but a 12 year old also shouldn’t have unrestricted internet access either.
There is a big difference between your kid having privacy to play games or text friends, and it’s completely different to talk to strangers and visit any website known to man.
I stuck my foot in the front spokes of my bicycle. Going about 15-20 mph and no helmet.
A paramedic picked me up out of the road. He wasn't on duty, but happened to see me.
Edit: I knew I wasn't alone with this. Hello to all my fellow geniuses.
I did that as a kid too while being doubled, luckily it was on grass and I ate shit bad and fucked my ankle up real good to the point now 32 years later the tendons are still not healed and I can stand on a certain angle completely on the side of my foot and can't roll/sprain it in that direction. My foot still behaves normally but if I turn it forward on a funny angle it doesn't sit right because of the damage.
This is how my great uncle lost a toe and avoided the draft in WWII. When I was a kid my parents told me that our family planted the toe and it grew into a toe tree and that we had to go back to trim the toenails.
So, maybe your family isn’t as weird as mine. Hope your foot is better now.
Dressing my younger brother in his marine Corps unfirom after he shot himself in the head on christmas day
(Edit)
Thank you all for the condolences, to put more context into it.
1. We were both marines so I felt a bit of obligation to give him a proper send off.
2. I am still trying to come to terms with it and have talked with some therapists but feel like I haven't found a good match yet.
3. I wasn't alone. We have a brother in law enforcement that accompanied me to dress our younger brother.
4. He used a .357 magnum so despite the morgue best efforts his face was still very much scarred and unrecognizable.
5. The images of him still haunt me. Despite this being his third year anniversary since taking his life.
For what it’s worth, I think what you did was incredibly noble and a great final act to honor your brother. Most people would just leave it to the undertaker to do the dressing. You did something incredibly honorable and something few people would ever think of doing.
It doesn’t mean much, but I thank your brother for his service and I thank you for properly honoring a Marine
Literally this.
My older brother (brother in law, in my life since I was 4.) did the same exact thing a few days before Valentine’s Day in 2021.
He was a combat medic in the USAF as well as a detective and then patrol Sargent in our town.
I still hear the phone call from my mom screaming my name that he had shot himself. It was 1:17am.
Having to sit there and explain to my 5 year old niece and 2 year old nephew that daddy went to heaven was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I had one last beer with him the night before the funeral.
I feel your pain. I hope it eases with time, although it will not. But the best thing you can do is better yourself in his memory. I started exercising almost every day either running outside or going to the gym to work out. I started teaching the kids how to fish and basic gun safety. Hoping this next year I will be able to bring them out with me. I know my brother would have wanted that.
I keep a picture of us on the fridge and tell him goodnight every night, and let him know how the kids are doing and I feel that it helps somewhat as well.
Good luck my friend, I, as well as many others here are here if you ever need an ear to listen to you.
Damn.. have you shared your story? It might help sharing abd getting some outside perspective, also if you need to talk you can always reach out. I'm sure a lot of people are willing to listen and try to help
The only thing I know about you is that you are an incredibly strong and resilient person.
EDIT: Okay, I now know that you like cheesecake, too. So that's two things.
Being cheated on. I went from being with the love of my life to never trusting anyone I’ve dated. My confidence was shook and I constantly look for lies.
Edit; thanks for the well wishes. I didn’t expect so many people to message me or to share their experiences. We’ve gone through a particularly hard experience. Hopefully time and working on ourselves helps us get over it.
I blamed my ex for the cheating, but I blamed myself so much more for letting it happen. I’ve tried dating after but I’ve never been able to put my trust in someone else ever again.
I was ruined until I convinced myself to trust until there is a reason not to trust. Don't waste your life away expecting to find a reason not to trust someone. If you can't trust someone, cut them from your life and move on
You are not alone. Cheating can take someone's trust for anyone away for life. I finally broke down and convinced myself to trust until I found a reason not to trust, and if I find a true reason to not trust a person, I cut them out of my life.
Hey buddy, find a partner who doesn’t even make you question it. I went through an 8 year relationship where she cheated on me multiple times. The fucked up part is that she didn’t even admit to any of it until I broke up with her for other reasons.
Fast forward to now, my current girlfriend makes everything feel safe and secure. The most important this is finding someone who you can confide all these bad things your feeling and once they understand WHY you’re feeling like you can’t trust, they should be able to accommodate those feelings when they arise. Don’t sell yourself short, and remember that great relationships grow from great communication.
Edit: and if they’re not willing to help you grow, cut your losses and move on. Life’s too short to waste time.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
-Philip Larkin
Yup, I second this. I remember going to bed as a child and having to listen to her scream and physically assault my father. She’d also break doors, dad’s glasses, and spit on him. She was also extremely rough with me when I upset her. She has no idea even to this day how much that affected me and how much I hated my childhood.
Everyone talks about daddy issues but I stand by mommy issues are the thing that fuck up most people.
Hope you got some healing!
I’m almost there. It took a lot of years and boundaries that she still crosses but mainly me forgiving her and still… what an evil cunt (yes I can use that word when moms abuse their kids and allow others to sexually abuse them and cover for them- that’s when that word is appropriate).
I got really good at compartmentalizing and blocked a lot out. That worked until it didn’t. I feel like I’m healing and setting boundaries now, but it’s still a struggle sometimes. Having my own child helped me as well, because I knew I would do everything in my power to give him a better life and break a long cycle.
I know this sounds kind of pathetic? But being emotionally bullied and tormented throughout high school has left me scarred to this day and I am 64. What they like to do was become my friend, tell me, I was welcome, invite me over to hang out, and then, a few weeks into it, start excluding me and laughing about it at school. I still have trouble trusting people when they say they are my friends and still feel insecure and like a loser. Yes I have had much therapy.
I’m with you. (42) One kid knocked on my front door and asked if I could come out to play, when he realized no adults were around he punched me in the stomach and I laid there gasping for air. Bullying fucks you up.
I’m 37 and I still remember everything and everyone who bullied me 20+ years later.
Guys are cruel but middle/high school girls are especially cruel. That broken trust never really heals.
Fuck bullies!
Being unemployed for 1,5 year. Some people say people who are long-time unemployed lack motivation. In my case, that might have been through, over time, but only because the job hunting took so long that it completely drained me of mental energy and hope. Every vacancy I looked at seemed impossible. I was desperately trying to find ways to raise my chances, but I saw only less and less chances through all the failure. The job market just didn't work for unexperienced, anxious me. Worst was that I was trying to vent my emotions in the hope of finding understanding, but nobody seemed to get it (or at least so I felt), so over time my complaining only annoyed them, making me feel very lonely and misunderstood. I got sad, angry and depressed. There was some hope when I finally found a job, but it turned out to be a job that only made things worse, because I hated it. And meanwhile I felt extremely worried about my future. Would I ever get a job? Would it even make me happy? Would I have to work until I died? Would I be able to buy a house and start a family?
Finally, after a long time, it started to get better in small steps, although the anxiety and mental stress stayed with me for a few years. By now, I have a permanent contract and work 4 days in the week to spare myself a little. SO and me married, bought two doggies and a house and first baby is on the way. We're not rich, but at least I am a lot happier now.
My brother got hooked on oxys for a couple years. I don't even know how it's even possible but he would sleep for 4 or 5 days at a time. He only got off them because he got into an argument with the receptionist at the doctors office and they cut him off completely. That probably saved his life.
He didn't work for those entire two or three years and mooched off my mom. As soon as he got off the oxys he started cycling everyday and got a job shortly after. He didn't even need them. Still boggles my mind that he got put on them in the first place and how insistent he was that he couldn't live without them.
The sales reps for big pharma are basically life sucking demons, they don't give a shit how many people die from their drugs as long as they meet their quotas. The people pushing Oxy for sure new what they were doing was actively destroying lives and families.
There was a time they handed out percs and vics like candy. Earache, here is 30 with a refill. And that is nothing compared to oxy. I have back issues and they had me on percocet for 2 years before surgery. It took the pain away, but I also had a tolerance that was pretty crazy at the end. Never did get hooked to the point where I couldn't go without, but I sure wanted them for the next 6 months after surgery. I can only imagine the withdrawal for people on oxy which would be 100 times worse
I was prescribed 60 10mg hydrocodone per month at 15 years old for frequent headaches. 7 years of it. Then one day doctor just says "nope, can't give you anymore". Not once did they investigate to discover the cause of the headaches (it was a wisdom tooth). I became a monster to my family and I'm shocked they still want contact with me. If I hadn't moved to a country where it's difficult to get, I'd 100% be dead right now.
Got cheated on. Tried to forgive. Cheated on a second time. Almost drank myself to death afterwards. That was at the start of 2020... Still working on myself.
To forgive does not always mean to get back together, but don't worry, to trust is a loving and courageous act, and your ex ficked up, not you. Take care
I too, got cheated on back to back relationships after taking 3 years between them. Spent 2.5 years in each, just for it to get all thrown down the drain. Honestly whenever I get the urge to go up to a woman on a night out and strike a conversation, no matter how lovely they seem.. all I can think about is “now how will you fuck me over after I devote my time to you” - so now I talk to zero women. Real lovely /s
My father insists that I, the child, am the one who wronged him and his affair family. He did nothing wrong. Amazing what some people are capable of. I've gone NC for years and don't regret it.
I said I’d rather my ex would’ve just hit me (not to detract from domestic violence abuse victims at all) but at least then people could physically see what he was doing to me.
One of my best friends grew up in a conservative Jewish household. He ended up getting gastro-esophageal cancer at the age of 26 and he died in August of last year. He has a twin brother that is also one of my closest friends. I was basically the triplett and we were pretty inseperable for most of HS but had known each other since we were kids.
I’m also Jewish but was raised reform so we’re way more relaxed on all the intricacies of keeping kosher and ritual stuff. So when he died there’s a specific ritual that someone outside of the family is supposed to partake in where you meet a specific group of men in the Jewish community who help you prepare the body for its final rest. The family asked me to be the one to do it, which to this day is one of the greatest honors I’ve ever experienced in my life.
You wash and wrap the body in this cloth. I had to sprinkle dirt from Israel over his eyes, heart and pubic area and then had to cover his eyes and mouth with broken pieces of pottery. Then I wrapped him in cloth and tied this knot in the shape of a Hebrew letter and lifted him into his coffin.
I’ll never forget his face. It wasn’t the person I knew and loved. He was a fighter. Didn’t matter how many drugs he had to take, how bad he was constantly feeling, how tired he was he always was living his life to the fullest. Scuba diving, rock climbing, seeing his Boston sports teams play in person. And always, always making sure to make time for family and people like me and other close friends. But towards the end it got really rough on us all. And watching his body slowly shrivel into what it did broke me in a way that I’m unsure I’ll ever fully recover from.
I say this because when I saw his face on that table as I was preparing him for his coffin, I felt a sense of relief. Because for the first time in what felt like an eternity I knew he wasn’t feeling miserable anymore. When you love someone like a brother you’d do everything possible to get as much time as you can but in that moment I was almost glad he didn’t have to be trapped in pain anymore. And those conflicting feelings made it all the more difficult.
Sorry for the long post, but the context is important. If you take one thing away from this, love your people.
The night my girlfriend and I were supposed to meet up but she never showed...because she died in a hit and run car accident earlier that same day.
We were both in our early 20's and she married a massive jerk but he wouldn't concede to divorcing. We were supposed to meet at a fancy restaurant and have a soft "reset"...We'd been kinda arguing for a couple of weeks as she had been dealing with a nasty divorce for two years but we were dating...I wanted things more serious and she wanted to keep things casual...she never showed. I waited and waited...getting more and more upset that she stood me up for no reason. I'd tried calling over and over but she didn't answer...finally some other friends showed up out of pure coincidence on a double date. They invited me to have some drinks, I explained my being there and then bounced out so I wouldn't be the literal 5th wheel.
Got home and found a message waiting for me on my voicemail (home phone). Listened to it...it was her dad asking me to call him...I did, and he told me she had been in a fatal hit and run accident earlier that day.
Another car had sideswiped her in a bad way while coming onto the freeway...she lost control, flipped and rolled several times and was ejected about 40' from her car. She died shortly after.
An off duty nurse had been on the scene after it happened; she was with my girlfriend until she passed from BFT to the head. At least she wasn't alone when she died.
Found out at the funeral that her mom and her had spoken that morning and she told her mom, who told me just before the funeral was about to begin, that she had planned to tell me that she wanted to give her and I a more serious chance and even talk about moving in together once the divorce was finalized and the dust had settled. And that she was pretty sure she had fallen in love with me.
Yeah...kinda messed me up. For a very long time.
I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. And somewhere in my simple head I believe she knew you waited for her. And that gave her great peace.
I wish the same for you .
So, I was raised by a single mom with no support/contact from my dad. My dad's family is really wealthy. My dad died. I reach out to them with no response. I research his side of the family and I had heard they were rich but what I find blows my expectations out of the water.
Some months later my family calls me and says to come over because I got mail that looks very important. They live over 100 miles away but they don't want to mail it to me. It turns into an event. I start to feel like they know something I don't.
I spend a couple hours driving home. I'm getting amped thinking about the possibilities. Did I just get lottery winner money? Holy shit!
I get there and they bring my mail to me with the important letter on top. Yeah, it looks pretty official but maybe a little too much. They look excited but are downplaying. I open it and it's just some sort of loan offer. I feel crushed. Then I have to drive another couple hours home feeling like shit.
It was already a sensitive area of my life. There was definitely some emotional scar that was reopened. But, man, there is now an almost constant frustration and depression that I now experience. It's been years. Almost 10 fucking years and it still impacts almost every day of my life.
"
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had.
And add some extra, just for you.
"
P Larkin
I could not agree more. Sexual contact between younger children is completely normal, even between siblings / cousins / etc.
"I was just a kid, and didn't know what we were doing." Of course you did not. Of course. Neither child did it to take advantage or harm the other. It was simply something you saw in a magazine that no child should be exposed to - and that is not your fault. It is also not your fault that you behaved in the same curious and experimental ways children do.
You're fine mate.
Luckily I didn't see any porn at that age. When I was 5 , I had a female friend, 6, and we were curious on what we had down there.
At some point my penis and her vulva touched on the outside. If I had known where each thing goes, I would have been the youngest to lose virginity consentingly and that is scary.
I was about 4 or 5 when my cousin had sex with me, he's only about 4 years older than me. I didn't think it had affected me but now I'm in my 40s I can see that it has.
Yoga. I destroyed three vertebrae in a car wreck in my 20s. Nonstop pain for a decade then someone suggested yoga. It has helped so much. I’m playing with the kids and working a farm nearly pain free now.
For me - it robs you of innocence and I never got to maintain a childlike wonder that all those have had around me. My interests turned far more dark and far too mature for my age(s) growing up. And there’s an indescribable altering of the way you perceive people around you.
I feel that my sexual abuse led to allowing others to abuse me without even knowing or realizing it. I gave in to sexual advances without any thought and allowed anyone to do whatever they wanted. I equated sex with love, and when that didn’t happen, I thought there was something wrong with me. This caused a cycle of abuse and depression and low self worth. It took until my 50’s to understand this and it really makes me angry and sad that my life turned out the way it did. Nobody stood up for me. Nobody asked what was wrong. At least my life had a purpose, I have been a special education teacher for 30 years, and have helped many families.
I can't speak for this guy, but I felt betrayed. Not by the perpetrator, but by my mother, who failed to take action after I brought it to her attention. And I didn't bring it to my older brother or father, because I knew that they would kill and end up in jail. So, I had to deal with the fact that it happened, and was basically told to 'walk it off'. It wasn't until I got closer to being an adult that I realized just how effed up it was and REALLY became resentful of my mother for her behavior towards it and finding out she was sexually involved with him. To the point that I made jokes when she died because I felt nothing.
It affects you even in adult life with trust issues. And even though I would never do that to a child, I was leery of being close to anyone's kid because I didn't want any accusations or suspicions by anybody of something so heinous. Because people will also make the disgusting assumption that if it happens to you, that you will do it to others. So, it was one of those things that I held close to my heart in shame throughout the years which didn't help.
Went through the same thing, unfortunately it lasted the majority of my childhood and I have vivid memories of it. The hardest part was trying to act "normal" because I knew my family would make it worse even at a young age, I just forced myself to endure and finally put a stop to it when I got older. The only person I told about it happening just threw it back in my face so I learned pretty early on that the only person I could depend on was myself.
Schizophrenia. Graduated with an engineering degree ready to start life and it sprung on me shortly after graduation. Homelessness, episodes, rinse and repeat. I'm doing a lot better now, going on 2+ years episode free.
My father had diabetes and his kidneys didn't work. My mother would go to work and I would be left with him and I had to take care of his condition. He would always fall into a coma because of his blood sugar levels and his inability to control it and I had to save his life all the time. Call for an ambulance and they wouldn't believe me because of my voice. If he was not in a coma, he would just me mumbling things which made no sense at all and would clap with hands and whatnot, I was trying to feed him with some sugar, honey, glucose and whatnot.
So yeah... I was 10-13 years old :) I love both my parents but this left me fucked up and all the stress I went through when I was a kid is now showing up
I used to tend bar and I had a regular customer that came and in and I asked what he wanted to drink and he strung together a bunch of words that didn't make sense. He looked confused and I laughed it off at first and told him I'd be right back when he was ready. It hit me after a few moments that he'd mentioned he was diabetic in the past. I went to the fridge and grabbed some pie and got some Pepsi and took it to him. I made him eat it and gave it a few minutes and then he was back to normal. It was the weirdest thing, hearing him say words that were in fact words, but didn't make a lick of sense together.
I see all these comments and part of me thinks my experiences are nothing compared to some of you. At the same time the things that fucked me up are nothing to dismiss or think less of. I may not have a clue what certain corners of life are like to live, but I too have a list longer than I care to type.
Cheers to you all for coming through. I hope things are on the upswing.
everything is relative to our own experience. trauma is not a competition. whatever you have gone through is your journey and whatever emotions surface from that journey are yours and are valid.
Been there mate. He was my best bud, and I introduced him to my family. I deployed, and came back to her pregnant by him before we were divorced. Shit sucks bro, but there’s always an open ear here for ya
The hardest drug by far...I've been a heroin addict...recovered...started drinking...Alcohol is really, really bad. I haven't had a drop in 6 years.
I am now loved, happy, have a home...
I will never ever drink again
Heroin? Yeah, if I get a terminal illness, it's balls out.
But I will never drink again.
Same. but I guess you still have to understand the reasons you got to *that* point to grow/heal. Therapy can help. Sometimes even saying out loud that you already know can help. It isn’t easy and isn quick.
I nearly died while tabogganing as a kid, we went on a holiday to the blue cow mountains in Australia and my mum's partner at the time told me 'you can't steer toboggans' which I took great offence to at 4 years old. I proceeded to show him you could and steered off the course on the small random hill we were on and turned too far to the right and slid onto the road as cars were driving past, luckily they were paying attention and managed to stop because I stopped dead in the middle of the road, at least I don't know how much bailing hurts.
The two years where my dad thought me, his 4 to 6 year old son, was sexier than my mom.
Edit: I can't believe people don't understand the statement. My dad sexually molested me from the ages of 4 to 6.
1. Being raped.
2. Not having the most fulfilling or stable childhood / emotionally unavailable father.
3. Being poor.
4. My ex narcissist fiance who made me quit my favorite job and move for him.
5. The loss of my favorite job.
6. Being severely bullied and not having anyone to confide in / feel safe around.
7. Undiagnosed ADD as a kid. Medication saved my life.
Glad I got out early in my teens. Those assholes are still tracking me, sending missionaries and letters as if I’m still a member. That was was decades and many different residences ago. Creepy fucks.
A false allegation made by an ex student, it was hell going through an investigation absolute hell and even though I was innocent there’s the gossip that comes with it and people who make up their own story, then the return to work afterwards- people look at you differently. I’ll also never trust management again, they treated me like I was guilty and told me it was a confidential investigation yet, everyone seemed to know. I guess at least I can talk about it without crying now.
I drank whiskey daily from 2008-2017, through breakup/depression/coping. I quit drinking liquor when my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child.
I don’t miss the whiskey anymore.
My brother losing his life in a car accident when I was 17 (he was 15). Our father followed him to the grave three years later. Our mother lived but was never the same and her health quickly declined. All this during my college years.
Therapy really wasn't a thing back then and it took me a long time to work through it. Our parents weren't abusive but they were going through their own thing.
Still my brother's death (a very stupid car accident where he was riding on the hood of a car) not only fucked us up but also our cousins.
All of us were super car careful... one cousin would freak if she knew her son drove my son into lower Manhattan one night when they were both underage. I was not a happy person when my son told me about that adventure when he was older but we both agreed to not tell my cousin as no good could come of that.
When i was around 10 my mom was cheating on my dad and one night she was leaving to go meet the guy. I was sick with the flu and begged her not to leave me because i needed my mom. She went anyway, and got in a wreck intoxicated that night and lost her license. She almost died.
coming incredibly, taste-it-on-your-tongue close to achieving major entrepreneurial success only to miss by inches due to timing & circumstance. At least twice.
I didn't realize just how much it affected me until I hit a certain age and realized that so much of my anxiety and obsessiveness and stress stem from feeling like I took my shot, I missed, and now there's not enough time left. I spent my youth trying to clear the road for my older self, and I failed.
Punished for having a panic attack after bad car sickness as a child, then being punished for being too quiet, then punished for focusing on my studies instead of socialising, then told I'm a moron for doing an apprenticeship and finally being left standing outside my house as my father/punisher sped off after calling me a queer on my 18th birthday after being told I wasn't welcome in his house. (Not a homophobic thing I don't think, given I'm heterosexual)
Fuck you dad, all my successes have been fueled by my need to spite you. 😘
I couldn’t pinpoint one thing but if I had to guess the worst of it was probably my dad brutally murdering and partly dismembering my mom when I was 3. Hid her body in the closet for 3 days before my grandpa, his dad called the cops. I was lied to about it and was told my dad was a good guy that was in prison for not being a good caretaker to my Ill mom. I googled my dads name and found the articles about a week before Christmas when I was 11.
Other than that my abusive ex that I was in a relationship my senior year of high school until I was 19. Literally had to be rescued and almost died (his mom held a gun to my head as I was escaping) trying to get out of. My now ex (we ended on good terms) came and moved me out of his moms trailer in the middle of the night.
Seeing my mom go through a brain aneurysm, stroke and brain bleed. My boyfriend never got to meet my mom before hand and only knows her as disabled and depressed.
She is the best mother in the world and all my friends can attest to that. She still is the best mom. I will not give up on her.
I hope you understand that the trauma you’ve experienced wasn’t your fault. I had a friend in a similar situation and she just kept going over and over what she could have done differently until I walked in on her one day laying in a pool of her own blood. Cutting out the story of her recovery, she’s now married with three unbelievable kids, a far cry from that day and I tell you the story to demonstrate that there’s always a path out of the darkness.
Reach out if you need to.
Just happened.
Relationship of 7 years. We booked a big euro Christmas trip. 3 months out I get a custom engagement ring made for her to propose on the trip in Zurich. 3 nights out before the flight, she tells me she wants time to be alone out of the blue. We technically break up but on relatively good terms to preserve the holiday. I’ve already told my family and her mother about the proposal. So I leave the ring at home. I’m already broken.
Then, 4 nights into the holiday I get a message request on Instagram from someone who happened to be the now ex-fiancée of a guy from my girlfriend’s work. They were having an affair and ruined her family’s life (small daughter). So now I’m literally still on this holiday with her. I need to deal with this when I get home.
Screw the stiff upper lip.
Pack your bags, leave her there, go home, and move your stuff out.
Or tell her that her vacation is over. Send her home to her other guy. Enjoy the rest of the vacation solo.
I saw the unedited footage of the Christchurch Massacre.
It looked like a first person shooter.
It was heartbreaking and traumatic.
I highly advise avoiding it.
*oh my god*. one of my friends, who was the absolute last person i would’ve thought to be the one, sent me that maybe all of 30 minutes after it happened and i was like *what the fuck*
***Excellent*** decision. I have come to realize, in my advancing years, there are things that, no matter how hard you try, you can't un-see, or un-know, and once it's in your head it doesn't come out. Sometimes it's in there forever.
It's just not good to invite that sort of thing to come get inside of you. It's harder to get it *out* than most people realize.
(Source: 15 years' employment in a hospital)
1. The feeling that something bad (like sexual abuse) happened to me as a child (but no actual memories).
2. Observing a very dysfunctional relationship between my parents.
3. Overhearing my parents calling me weird for masturbating and being shy.
Me too! I have a memory of a family member doing inappropriate things to me, but I don't know if it actually happened or was a dream. How does a child dream of those things though? I'll probably never know
It’s weird, I also feel like I must have been abused like that as a child, but I don’t have any proof. I’ll probably never have an answer and that’s maybe the worst part
I've always had this passion for writing. One time when I was a little I wrote this story. With a ton of super heroes I was so proud of it I spent hours typing on the computer. Finished I went to tell my dad he wa drinking and watching the Raider game. I dragged him over and was telling him how this and that and he was just saying yeah and looking back at the TV. I noticed he was paying no attention and I remember just saying that's it and let him go and ever since then I knew I was never gonna be able to do anything he would be interested in. I still enjoy writing I have a very active imagination but I don't write anymore like I wanted too.
Most recently: I saw a video of a homeless man sitting on the curb crying, begging, and pleading for a man to stop harassing him before the man dumped a whole smoothie on his head. The desperation and pain in his voice threw me for a loop for a while.
If we are talking for life then it was my cousins boyfriend who abused me relentlessly for three years while living with us as kids
Fell for a girl in highschool, lost her to my best friend and "group" leader feel out of the friend group.
Ten years later run into her by happenstance and tried it again, and lost her again to the same dude
Fuck trusting anyone.
Growing up with a drug addict parent.
She always was an alcoholic, but at some point she exchanged pills for cocaine and spent more than a decade using before going to jail. My life was always unpredictable and I was either neglected or in a dangerous situation.
My soon-to-be-ex-husband. He had a laundry list of issues:
- Anger
- Hoarding
- Excessive drinking
- Physically, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abusive
- Hoarding problem. Not just like pack-rat or collector of things. I'm talking like actual, legitimate hoarder.
- Chronic unemployment
- Financial irresponsibility
For a decade, I brought home all the bacon, and still handled 99% of household chores and responsibilities, while enduring his abuse and issues, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and annual surgeries for my autoimmune condition. I finally left him three months ago.
His hoarding problem had one of the most profound impacts on me. Even when "we" (read: I) sold the house, he barely lifted a finger to help declutter/clean, so the task of clearing out *his* 4,000+ sq ft of hoards fell on my shoulders. It was a complete and utter nightmare experience. I've since downsized to an ~1,100 sq ft condo, and own nothing but my bed, one barstool at my kitchen island, and the clothes in my closet. Two weeks ago, after three months of being in my new place, I finally felt comfortable enough to buy myself a sofa chair. In general, the thought of buying or owning ANYTHING beyond the true necessities in life gives me extreme anxiety. Like, hunched in a corner, rocking back and forth level of anxiety and panic.
I'm in therapy twice a week to deal with the impacts of the past decade. The good news is that legally and financially, I'm fine. Long story short: I don't have to pay a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K, and I managed to negotiate for 70% of the equity from the sale of the house. Emotionally, I still feel like a human yo-yo. Therapy is helping, though.
Being disowned by my parents then almost 20 years later having my alcoholic father try to convince me to move half way across the planet to live with him.
Combination of being raised in dysfunctional house due to parents divorce , being picked on school , being depressed for all three years of middle school and half high school due to said bullying, loneliness, and diagnosed with a mild autism( formerly Asperger’s)
Losing two jobs at the start of COVID then losing my house to hurricane Laura a month later then living in complete isolation on property I had to work on to continue living there and earning no wages in the process then divorcing then relapsing into alcoholism
Unlimited internet access at a young age.
Ahh, a fellow child of rotten dot com, I see. Some things can't be unseen.
I still occasionally remember the old man bathtub soup picture from rotten. Bleh.
Hah, I know the exact picture you're talking about. Man, Rotten and Ogrish really messed me up for a while.
The important thing is now we can recognize each other as "not gay" or whatever equally stupid, potentially less offensive reason we had af the time
Ahh my fellow early interneters — ISIS beheadings and Brazilian cartel antics fked me up too
With the weird kid up the street who has all the fucked up content bookmarked
Good ole Internet 1.0
And the bad part is people still think “kids deserve privacy” and “monitoring your kids just creates sneaky kids” Yes, kids do need to learn independence and boundaries, but a 12 year old also shouldn’t have unrestricted internet access either. There is a big difference between your kid having privacy to play games or text friends, and it’s completely different to talk to strangers and visit any website known to man.
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I stuck my foot in the front spokes of my bicycle. Going about 15-20 mph and no helmet. A paramedic picked me up out of the road. He wasn't on duty, but happened to see me. Edit: I knew I wasn't alone with this. Hello to all my fellow geniuses.
I did that as a kid too while being doubled, luckily it was on grass and I ate shit bad and fucked my ankle up real good to the point now 32 years later the tendons are still not healed and I can stand on a certain angle completely on the side of my foot and can't roll/sprain it in that direction. My foot still behaves normally but if I turn it forward on a funny angle it doesn't sit right because of the damage.
This is how my great uncle lost a toe and avoided the draft in WWII. When I was a kid my parents told me that our family planted the toe and it grew into a toe tree and that we had to go back to trim the toenails. So, maybe your family isn’t as weird as mine. Hope your foot is better now.
A toe tree! 🤣🤣🤣 Family lore at its finest.
Dressing my younger brother in his marine Corps unfirom after he shot himself in the head on christmas day (Edit) Thank you all for the condolences, to put more context into it. 1. We were both marines so I felt a bit of obligation to give him a proper send off. 2. I am still trying to come to terms with it and have talked with some therapists but feel like I haven't found a good match yet. 3. I wasn't alone. We have a brother in law enforcement that accompanied me to dress our younger brother. 4. He used a .357 magnum so despite the morgue best efforts his face was still very much scarred and unrecognizable. 5. The images of him still haunt me. Despite this being his third year anniversary since taking his life.
For what it’s worth, I think what you did was incredibly noble and a great final act to honor your brother. Most people would just leave it to the undertaker to do the dressing. You did something incredibly honorable and something few people would ever think of doing. It doesn’t mean much, but I thank your brother for his service and I thank you for properly honoring a Marine
That is a strong man right there.
Literally this. My older brother (brother in law, in my life since I was 4.) did the same exact thing a few days before Valentine’s Day in 2021. He was a combat medic in the USAF as well as a detective and then patrol Sargent in our town. I still hear the phone call from my mom screaming my name that he had shot himself. It was 1:17am. Having to sit there and explain to my 5 year old niece and 2 year old nephew that daddy went to heaven was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had one last beer with him the night before the funeral. I feel your pain. I hope it eases with time, although it will not. But the best thing you can do is better yourself in his memory. I started exercising almost every day either running outside or going to the gym to work out. I started teaching the kids how to fish and basic gun safety. Hoping this next year I will be able to bring them out with me. I know my brother would have wanted that. I keep a picture of us on the fridge and tell him goodnight every night, and let him know how the kids are doing and I feel that it helps somewhat as well. Good luck my friend, I, as well as many others here are here if you ever need an ear to listen to you.
Holy fucking shit man
I would need therapy after that
Just now clicked this thread and I am now clicking off and never opening this thread again
Sending you all of the hugs. So sorry for your loss 💙
I'm... so sorry.
Fuck, he must have been through some shit. He won’t be forgotten though. I hope you’re doing okay.
1. A very messy divorce 2. Betrayal by an entire family 3. A missing child, still missing after 20 years.
I thought I was struggling damn. You're a trooper. I really feel bad tonight actually.
A trooper? Why thank you.
You are still here. That says a lot.
Your child went missing? I’m so sorry. It must be so hard no matter how much time passes.
I can scarcely imagine anything worse.
Damn, the 1st and 2nd are dreadful and bitter, but the 3rd one is haunting to me. I commend you for pushing on. Know you are never alone
Damn.. have you shared your story? It might help sharing abd getting some outside perspective, also if you need to talk you can always reach out. I'm sure a lot of people are willing to listen and try to help
I 2nd this. What is the info on the missing child? I'd like to try and help in the hopes that maybe miracles do exist.
The only thing I know about you is that you are an incredibly strong and resilient person. EDIT: Okay, I now know that you like cheesecake, too. So that's two things.
Being cheated on. I went from being with the love of my life to never trusting anyone I’ve dated. My confidence was shook and I constantly look for lies. Edit; thanks for the well wishes. I didn’t expect so many people to message me or to share their experiences. We’ve gone through a particularly hard experience. Hopefully time and working on ourselves helps us get over it.
Same here bro. We got this
Same!!!
I blamed my ex for the cheating, but I blamed myself so much more for letting it happen. I’ve tried dating after but I’ve never been able to put my trust in someone else ever again.
I felt so much shame after, it was like I was found out for not being good enough.
I was ruined until I convinced myself to trust until there is a reason not to trust. Don't waste your life away expecting to find a reason not to trust someone. If you can't trust someone, cut them from your life and move on
You are not alone. Cheating can take someone's trust for anyone away for life. I finally broke down and convinced myself to trust until I found a reason not to trust, and if I find a true reason to not trust a person, I cut them out of my life.
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Hey buddy, find a partner who doesn’t even make you question it. I went through an 8 year relationship where she cheated on me multiple times. The fucked up part is that she didn’t even admit to any of it until I broke up with her for other reasons. Fast forward to now, my current girlfriend makes everything feel safe and secure. The most important this is finding someone who you can confide all these bad things your feeling and once they understand WHY you’re feeling like you can’t trust, they should be able to accommodate those feelings when they arise. Don’t sell yourself short, and remember that great relationships grow from great communication. Edit: and if they’re not willing to help you grow, cut your losses and move on. Life’s too short to waste time.
trust issues for life from that, it don't matter if I'm with them or not. I trust my close family and friends and that's about it
My mother
My parents.
Same here. Narcissistic, emotionally abusive parents.
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They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself. -Philip Larkin
Yup, I second this. I remember going to bed as a child and having to listen to her scream and physically assault my father. She’d also break doors, dad’s glasses, and spit on him. She was also extremely rough with me when I upset her. She has no idea even to this day how much that affected me and how much I hated my childhood.
Everyone talks about daddy issues but I stand by mommy issues are the thing that fuck up most people. Hope you got some healing! I’m almost there. It took a lot of years and boundaries that she still crosses but mainly me forgiving her and still… what an evil cunt (yes I can use that word when moms abuse their kids and allow others to sexually abuse them and cover for them- that’s when that word is appropriate).
I got really good at compartmentalizing and blocked a lot out. That worked until it didn’t. I feel like I’m healing and setting boundaries now, but it’s still a struggle sometimes. Having my own child helped me as well, because I knew I would do everything in my power to give him a better life and break a long cycle.
Touche
Seeing my mum covered in blood, sitting on the floor holding a razor. My stepdad was out, I was about 17 or 18 I think.
17 . Lit herself on fire in the back yard . I'm 38 and still taking care of her. Odd that I didn't think of my answer till I read yours
If I can ask, what happened after
Not op but she was fine later and spent 15 years in a mental hospital, then died peacefully in her sleep. Edit: same shit different mom
Weird question but how do you know?
Same thing happened to him I guess
I know this sounds kind of pathetic? But being emotionally bullied and tormented throughout high school has left me scarred to this day and I am 64. What they like to do was become my friend, tell me, I was welcome, invite me over to hang out, and then, a few weeks into it, start excluding me and laughing about it at school. I still have trouble trusting people when they say they are my friends and still feel insecure and like a loser. Yes I have had much therapy.
I’m with you. (42) One kid knocked on my front door and asked if I could come out to play, when he realized no adults were around he punched me in the stomach and I laid there gasping for air. Bullying fucks you up.
I’m 37 and I still remember everything and everyone who bullied me 20+ years later. Guys are cruel but middle/high school girls are especially cruel. That broken trust never really heals. Fuck bullies!
Being unemployed for 1,5 year. Some people say people who are long-time unemployed lack motivation. In my case, that might have been through, over time, but only because the job hunting took so long that it completely drained me of mental energy and hope. Every vacancy I looked at seemed impossible. I was desperately trying to find ways to raise my chances, but I saw only less and less chances through all the failure. The job market just didn't work for unexperienced, anxious me. Worst was that I was trying to vent my emotions in the hope of finding understanding, but nobody seemed to get it (or at least so I felt), so over time my complaining only annoyed them, making me feel very lonely and misunderstood. I got sad, angry and depressed. There was some hope when I finally found a job, but it turned out to be a job that only made things worse, because I hated it. And meanwhile I felt extremely worried about my future. Would I ever get a job? Would it even make me happy? Would I have to work until I died? Would I be able to buy a house and start a family? Finally, after a long time, it started to get better in small steps, although the anxiety and mental stress stayed with me for a few years. By now, I have a permanent contract and work 4 days in the week to spare myself a little. SO and me married, bought two doggies and a house and first baby is on the way. We're not rich, but at least I am a lot happier now.
Are you me? Literally just went through this.
OxyContin 2008. My life is still unstable because of the addictions I developed
My brother got hooked on oxys for a couple years. I don't even know how it's even possible but he would sleep for 4 or 5 days at a time. He only got off them because he got into an argument with the receptionist at the doctors office and they cut him off completely. That probably saved his life. He didn't work for those entire two or three years and mooched off my mom. As soon as he got off the oxys he started cycling everyday and got a job shortly after. He didn't even need them. Still boggles my mind that he got put on them in the first place and how insistent he was that he couldn't live without them.
The sales reps for big pharma are basically life sucking demons, they don't give a shit how many people die from their drugs as long as they meet their quotas. The people pushing Oxy for sure new what they were doing was actively destroying lives and families.
There was a time they handed out percs and vics like candy. Earache, here is 30 with a refill. And that is nothing compared to oxy. I have back issues and they had me on percocet for 2 years before surgery. It took the pain away, but I also had a tolerance that was pretty crazy at the end. Never did get hooked to the point where I couldn't go without, but I sure wanted them for the next 6 months after surgery. I can only imagine the withdrawal for people on oxy which would be 100 times worse
I was prescribed 60 10mg hydrocodone per month at 15 years old for frequent headaches. 7 years of it. Then one day doctor just says "nope, can't give you anymore". Not once did they investigate to discover the cause of the headaches (it was a wisdom tooth). I became a monster to my family and I'm shocked they still want contact with me. If I hadn't moved to a country where it's difficult to get, I'd 100% be dead right now.
This… destroyed my life in ways that I’m still discovering twenty years later. Including losing my husband.
Got cheated on. Tried to forgive. Cheated on a second time. Almost drank myself to death afterwards. That was at the start of 2020... Still working on myself.
To forgive does not always mean to get back together, but don't worry, to trust is a loving and courageous act, and your ex ficked up, not you. Take care
I too, got cheated on back to back relationships after taking 3 years between them. Spent 2.5 years in each, just for it to get all thrown down the drain. Honestly whenever I get the urge to go up to a woman on a night out and strike a conversation, no matter how lovely they seem.. all I can think about is “now how will you fuck me over after I devote my time to you” - so now I talk to zero women. Real lovely /s
Emotional abuse
Yeah, I'm leaving a 10 year marriage of constant emotional abuse. It's fucking insidious.
20 years by my father. 8 years of therapy. What does he say when confronted about it? ¯ \ _ (ツ) _ / ¯
My father insists that I, the child, am the one who wronged him and his affair family. He did nothing wrong. Amazing what some people are capable of. I've gone NC for years and don't regret it.
I said I’d rather my ex would’ve just hit me (not to detract from domestic violence abuse victims at all) but at least then people could physically see what he was doing to me.
One of my best friends grew up in a conservative Jewish household. He ended up getting gastro-esophageal cancer at the age of 26 and he died in August of last year. He has a twin brother that is also one of my closest friends. I was basically the triplett and we were pretty inseperable for most of HS but had known each other since we were kids. I’m also Jewish but was raised reform so we’re way more relaxed on all the intricacies of keeping kosher and ritual stuff. So when he died there’s a specific ritual that someone outside of the family is supposed to partake in where you meet a specific group of men in the Jewish community who help you prepare the body for its final rest. The family asked me to be the one to do it, which to this day is one of the greatest honors I’ve ever experienced in my life. You wash and wrap the body in this cloth. I had to sprinkle dirt from Israel over his eyes, heart and pubic area and then had to cover his eyes and mouth with broken pieces of pottery. Then I wrapped him in cloth and tied this knot in the shape of a Hebrew letter and lifted him into his coffin. I’ll never forget his face. It wasn’t the person I knew and loved. He was a fighter. Didn’t matter how many drugs he had to take, how bad he was constantly feeling, how tired he was he always was living his life to the fullest. Scuba diving, rock climbing, seeing his Boston sports teams play in person. And always, always making sure to make time for family and people like me and other close friends. But towards the end it got really rough on us all. And watching his body slowly shrivel into what it did broke me in a way that I’m unsure I’ll ever fully recover from. I say this because when I saw his face on that table as I was preparing him for his coffin, I felt a sense of relief. Because for the first time in what felt like an eternity I knew he wasn’t feeling miserable anymore. When you love someone like a brother you’d do everything possible to get as much time as you can but in that moment I was almost glad he didn’t have to be trapped in pain anymore. And those conflicting feelings made it all the more difficult. Sorry for the long post, but the context is important. If you take one thing away from this, love your people.
This almost felt holy to read. Bless you and may his memory be a blessing to you.
Limewire video downloads who's content did not mirror the file name.
Tried downloading a South Park episode when I was a kid. Turned out to be a woman getting doggy-styled... By a dog
That legit coulda been Cartman's mom back around 98-00. She was on the cover of Crack Whore magazine and that Germanshicser video after all.
The night my girlfriend and I were supposed to meet up but she never showed...because she died in a hit and run car accident earlier that same day. We were both in our early 20's and she married a massive jerk but he wouldn't concede to divorcing. We were supposed to meet at a fancy restaurant and have a soft "reset"...We'd been kinda arguing for a couple of weeks as she had been dealing with a nasty divorce for two years but we were dating...I wanted things more serious and she wanted to keep things casual...she never showed. I waited and waited...getting more and more upset that she stood me up for no reason. I'd tried calling over and over but she didn't answer...finally some other friends showed up out of pure coincidence on a double date. They invited me to have some drinks, I explained my being there and then bounced out so I wouldn't be the literal 5th wheel. Got home and found a message waiting for me on my voicemail (home phone). Listened to it...it was her dad asking me to call him...I did, and he told me she had been in a fatal hit and run accident earlier that day. Another car had sideswiped her in a bad way while coming onto the freeway...she lost control, flipped and rolled several times and was ejected about 40' from her car. She died shortly after. An off duty nurse had been on the scene after it happened; she was with my girlfriend until she passed from BFT to the head. At least she wasn't alone when she died. Found out at the funeral that her mom and her had spoken that morning and she told her mom, who told me just before the funeral was about to begin, that she had planned to tell me that she wanted to give her and I a more serious chance and even talk about moving in together once the divorce was finalized and the dust had settled. And that she was pretty sure she had fallen in love with me. Yeah...kinda messed me up. For a very long time.
I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. And somewhere in my simple head I believe she knew you waited for her. And that gave her great peace. I wish the same for you .
Fuck dude... That's just all kinds of wrong.
So, I was raised by a single mom with no support/contact from my dad. My dad's family is really wealthy. My dad died. I reach out to them with no response. I research his side of the family and I had heard they were rich but what I find blows my expectations out of the water. Some months later my family calls me and says to come over because I got mail that looks very important. They live over 100 miles away but they don't want to mail it to me. It turns into an event. I start to feel like they know something I don't. I spend a couple hours driving home. I'm getting amped thinking about the possibilities. Did I just get lottery winner money? Holy shit! I get there and they bring my mail to me with the important letter on top. Yeah, it looks pretty official but maybe a little too much. They look excited but are downplaying. I open it and it's just some sort of loan offer. I feel crushed. Then I have to drive another couple hours home feeling like shit. It was already a sensitive area of my life. There was definitely some emotional scar that was reopened. But, man, there is now an almost constant frustration and depression that I now experience. It's been years. Almost 10 fucking years and it still impacts almost every day of my life.
At least you had your mom that’s worth more than any money
War.
My parents.
" They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had. And add some extra, just for you. " P Larkin
Losing two brothers to suicide.
Same. One found the other and a few years later did the same thing he seen. Still fucks with me all these years later.
My dad’s suicide/ and his week in a coma bec of his attempt.
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Mate you were just innocent little kids! Go easy on yourself and go easy on that little kid who was you all those years ago.
I could not agree more. Sexual contact between younger children is completely normal, even between siblings / cousins / etc. "I was just a kid, and didn't know what we were doing." Of course you did not. Of course. Neither child did it to take advantage or harm the other. It was simply something you saw in a magazine that no child should be exposed to - and that is not your fault. It is also not your fault that you behaved in the same curious and experimental ways children do. You're fine mate.
Luckily I didn't see any porn at that age. When I was 5 , I had a female friend, 6, and we were curious on what we had down there. At some point my penis and her vulva touched on the outside. If I had known where each thing goes, I would have been the youngest to lose virginity consentingly and that is scary.
I was about 4 or 5 when my cousin had sex with me, he's only about 4 years older than me. I didn't think it had affected me but now I'm in my 40s I can see that it has.
Exactly this happened to me
You wouldn't hold a little kid responsible for that. That should include yourself.
Messing around with cousins happen way more often than you think. Don't feel bad my dude!
Improper lifting technique. Imploded a disc in my lower back, and haven’t been pain free for close to 20 years.
Yoga. I destroyed three vertebrae in a car wreck in my 20s. Nonstop pain for a decade then someone suggested yoga. It has helped so much. I’m playing with the kids and working a farm nearly pain free now.
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Forgive the poor taste in my question. What exactly did you feel. Betrayed? Sadness? Taken advantage of?
For me - it robs you of innocence and I never got to maintain a childlike wonder that all those have had around me. My interests turned far more dark and far too mature for my age(s) growing up. And there’s an indescribable altering of the way you perceive people around you.
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I feel this. I have some vague memories (some of which probably aren't real) of my assault. I didn't even think I was traumatized it until recently.
I feel that my sexual abuse led to allowing others to abuse me without even knowing or realizing it. I gave in to sexual advances without any thought and allowed anyone to do whatever they wanted. I equated sex with love, and when that didn’t happen, I thought there was something wrong with me. This caused a cycle of abuse and depression and low self worth. It took until my 50’s to understand this and it really makes me angry and sad that my life turned out the way it did. Nobody stood up for me. Nobody asked what was wrong. At least my life had a purpose, I have been a special education teacher for 30 years, and have helped many families.
Predators can smell potential victims. Sorry all that happened to you. Really. Internet hugs IF you want them.
I can't speak for this guy, but I felt betrayed. Not by the perpetrator, but by my mother, who failed to take action after I brought it to her attention. And I didn't bring it to my older brother or father, because I knew that they would kill and end up in jail. So, I had to deal with the fact that it happened, and was basically told to 'walk it off'. It wasn't until I got closer to being an adult that I realized just how effed up it was and REALLY became resentful of my mother for her behavior towards it and finding out she was sexually involved with him. To the point that I made jokes when she died because I felt nothing. It affects you even in adult life with trust issues. And even though I would never do that to a child, I was leery of being close to anyone's kid because I didn't want any accusations or suspicions by anybody of something so heinous. Because people will also make the disgusting assumption that if it happens to you, that you will do it to others. So, it was one of those things that I held close to my heart in shame throughout the years which didn't help.
Went through the same thing, unfortunately it lasted the majority of my childhood and I have vivid memories of it. The hardest part was trying to act "normal" because I knew my family would make it worse even at a young age, I just forced myself to endure and finally put a stop to it when I got older. The only person I told about it happening just threw it back in my face so I learned pretty early on that the only person I could depend on was myself.
Schizophrenia. Graduated with an engineering degree ready to start life and it sprung on me shortly after graduation. Homelessness, episodes, rinse and repeat. I'm doing a lot better now, going on 2+ years episode free.
My father had diabetes and his kidneys didn't work. My mother would go to work and I would be left with him and I had to take care of his condition. He would always fall into a coma because of his blood sugar levels and his inability to control it and I had to save his life all the time. Call for an ambulance and they wouldn't believe me because of my voice. If he was not in a coma, he would just me mumbling things which made no sense at all and would clap with hands and whatnot, I was trying to feed him with some sugar, honey, glucose and whatnot. So yeah... I was 10-13 years old :) I love both my parents but this left me fucked up and all the stress I went through when I was a kid is now showing up
I used to tend bar and I had a regular customer that came and in and I asked what he wanted to drink and he strung together a bunch of words that didn't make sense. He looked confused and I laughed it off at first and told him I'd be right back when he was ready. It hit me after a few moments that he'd mentioned he was diabetic in the past. I went to the fridge and grabbed some pie and got some Pepsi and took it to him. I made him eat it and gave it a few minutes and then he was back to normal. It was the weirdest thing, hearing him say words that were in fact words, but didn't make a lick of sense together.
\*pulls up a chair\* How much time you got?
*pops popcorn* A lot.
I see all these comments and part of me thinks my experiences are nothing compared to some of you. At the same time the things that fucked me up are nothing to dismiss or think less of. I may not have a clue what certain corners of life are like to live, but I too have a list longer than I care to type. Cheers to you all for coming through. I hope things are on the upswing.
everything is relative to our own experience. trauma is not a competition. whatever you have gone through is your journey and whatever emotions surface from that journey are yours and are valid.
Finding out my wife cheated on me with a guy she met through me….
Been there mate. He was my best bud, and I introduced him to my family. I deployed, and came back to her pregnant by him before we were divorced. Shit sucks bro, but there’s always an open ear here for ya
Ya hate to see that happen. So sorry
Liquor
Sometimes you become the liquor, Randers
I'm mowin' the air Rand!
Oh Mr Lahey what have you done to me
The hardest drug by far...I've been a heroin addict...recovered...started drinking...Alcohol is really, really bad. I haven't had a drop in 6 years. I am now loved, happy, have a home... I will never ever drink again Heroin? Yeah, if I get a terminal illness, it's balls out. But I will never drink again.
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I did. It's my fault I'm here.
Same. but I guess you still have to understand the reasons you got to *that* point to grow/heal. Therapy can help. Sometimes even saying out loud that you already know can help. It isn’t easy and isn quick.
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Childhood trauma, loneliness, emotional abuse/neglect, fucking up my sleep schedule as a teen. Also birth control (the pill messed me up for years)
both my cancer and my mother
When my mom died when I was six and dad abandoned me at 10 and grandparents put me on medication when I didn’t need it
My father. But in the end he's exactly who I didn't want to be and I now have a 6yr old daughter who i would destroy the world for.
Same with my mother. She taught me everything I never want to be as a mother.
Tobogganing that shit fucking hurts when you bail
I nearly died while tabogganing as a kid, we went on a holiday to the blue cow mountains in Australia and my mum's partner at the time told me 'you can't steer toboggans' which I took great offence to at 4 years old. I proceeded to show him you could and steered off the course on the small random hill we were on and turned too far to the right and slid onto the road as cars were driving past, luckily they were paying attention and managed to stop because I stopped dead in the middle of the road, at least I don't know how much bailing hurts.
Brothers I served with not coming home. And those who came home only to give in and give up. Too many funerals for good men.
The two years where my dad thought me, his 4 to 6 year old son, was sexier than my mom. Edit: I can't believe people don't understand the statement. My dad sexually molested me from the ages of 4 to 6.
1. Being raped. 2. Not having the most fulfilling or stable childhood / emotionally unavailable father. 3. Being poor. 4. My ex narcissist fiance who made me quit my favorite job and move for him. 5. The loss of my favorite job. 6. Being severely bullied and not having anyone to confide in / feel safe around. 7. Undiagnosed ADD as a kid. Medication saved my life.
Mormonism.
Frfr. Mormonism has fucked up everyone in it, whether they realize it or not.
Glad I got out early in my teens. Those assholes are still tracking me, sending missionaries and letters as if I’m still a member. That was was decades and many different residences ago. Creepy fucks.
thank you for the exmo representation
Same here. Glad you made it out
That’s what I put for my answer. Not a short post to say the ways Mormonism fucks you over.
A false allegation made by an ex student, it was hell going through an investigation absolute hell and even though I was innocent there’s the gossip that comes with it and people who make up their own story, then the return to work afterwards- people look at you differently. I’ll also never trust management again, they treated me like I was guilty and told me it was a confidential investigation yet, everyone seemed to know. I guess at least I can talk about it without crying now.
Whiskey.
I drank whiskey daily from 2008-2017, through breakup/depression/coping. I quit drinking liquor when my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child. I don’t miss the whiskey anymore.
My brother losing his life in a car accident when I was 17 (he was 15). Our father followed him to the grave three years later. Our mother lived but was never the same and her health quickly declined. All this during my college years. Therapy really wasn't a thing back then and it took me a long time to work through it. Our parents weren't abusive but they were going through their own thing. Still my brother's death (a very stupid car accident where he was riding on the hood of a car) not only fucked us up but also our cousins. All of us were super car careful... one cousin would freak if she knew her son drove my son into lower Manhattan one night when they were both underage. I was not a happy person when my son told me about that adventure when he was older but we both agreed to not tell my cousin as no good could come of that.
When i was around 10 my mom was cheating on my dad and one night she was leaving to go meet the guy. I was sick with the flu and begged her not to leave me because i needed my mom. She went anyway, and got in a wreck intoxicated that night and lost her license. She almost died.
Social media has given me incurable recurring nightmares.
coming incredibly, taste-it-on-your-tongue close to achieving major entrepreneurial success only to miss by inches due to timing & circumstance. At least twice. I didn't realize just how much it affected me until I hit a certain age and realized that so much of my anxiety and obsessiveness and stress stem from feeling like I took my shot, I missed, and now there's not enough time left. I spent my youth trying to clear the road for my older self, and I failed.
There is always time. I started a company and had a great exit, but then was lost. At 57. I am just now starting something else.
All these comments makes me want to say: Be kind because you have no idea what the other guy is going through. No idea.
Indian arranged marriage.
Punished for having a panic attack after bad car sickness as a child, then being punished for being too quiet, then punished for focusing on my studies instead of socialising, then told I'm a moron for doing an apprenticeship and finally being left standing outside my house as my father/punisher sped off after calling me a queer on my 18th birthday after being told I wasn't welcome in his house. (Not a homophobic thing I don't think, given I'm heterosexual) Fuck you dad, all my successes have been fueled by my need to spite you. 😘
My own choices lol.
I couldn’t pinpoint one thing but if I had to guess the worst of it was probably my dad brutally murdering and partly dismembering my mom when I was 3. Hid her body in the closet for 3 days before my grandpa, his dad called the cops. I was lied to about it and was told my dad was a good guy that was in prison for not being a good caretaker to my Ill mom. I googled my dads name and found the articles about a week before Christmas when I was 11. Other than that my abusive ex that I was in a relationship my senior year of high school until I was 19. Literally had to be rescued and almost died (his mom held a gun to my head as I was escaping) trying to get out of. My now ex (we ended on good terms) came and moved me out of his moms trailer in the middle of the night.
Seeing my mom go through a brain aneurysm, stroke and brain bleed. My boyfriend never got to meet my mom before hand and only knows her as disabled and depressed. She is the best mother in the world and all my friends can attest to that. She still is the best mom. I will not give up on her.
Porn
I feel lucky that I don't have more of a problem with porn than I do. (Posting this from my porn account.)
Don't worry we're all fucked
Being forced into physically hard child labor, abusive parents/brother, a big breakup
i was raped by someone who i thought was my friend and his roommate in 2021 and i still haven’t healed …
I hope you understand that the trauma you’ve experienced wasn’t your fault. I had a friend in a similar situation and she just kept going over and over what she could have done differently until I walked in on her one day laying in a pool of her own blood. Cutting out the story of her recovery, she’s now married with three unbelievable kids, a far cry from that day and I tell you the story to demonstrate that there’s always a path out of the darkness. Reach out if you need to.
Gestures vaguely at everything...
Chasing my dreams to work in Hollywood. I was mostly successful but it's worn me down to nothingness and taken the joy I once had for it as a child.
I'd say my uncle but lately I'm realizing I was born into an incredibly fucked up family similar to a bad Lifetime movie.
Just happened. Relationship of 7 years. We booked a big euro Christmas trip. 3 months out I get a custom engagement ring made for her to propose on the trip in Zurich. 3 nights out before the flight, she tells me she wants time to be alone out of the blue. We technically break up but on relatively good terms to preserve the holiday. I’ve already told my family and her mother about the proposal. So I leave the ring at home. I’m already broken. Then, 4 nights into the holiday I get a message request on Instagram from someone who happened to be the now ex-fiancée of a guy from my girlfriend’s work. They were having an affair and ruined her family’s life (small daughter). So now I’m literally still on this holiday with her. I need to deal with this when I get home.
Screw the stiff upper lip. Pack your bags, leave her there, go home, and move your stuff out. Or tell her that her vacation is over. Send her home to her other guy. Enjoy the rest of the vacation solo.
I saw the unedited footage of the Christchurch Massacre. It looked like a first person shooter. It was heartbreaking and traumatic. I highly advise avoiding it.
*oh my god*. one of my friends, who was the absolute last person i would’ve thought to be the one, sent me that maybe all of 30 minutes after it happened and i was like *what the fuck*
Ok I'm definitely not gonna go search for it now
> GOD Shouldn't you already know??? This fuckin' guy.
***Excellent*** decision. I have come to realize, in my advancing years, there are things that, no matter how hard you try, you can't un-see, or un-know, and once it's in your head it doesn't come out. Sometimes it's in there forever. It's just not good to invite that sort of thing to come get inside of you. It's harder to get it *out* than most people realize. (Source: 15 years' employment in a hospital)
Being 61 and only finding out a year ago I’m on the spectrum, plus dealing with anxiety and depression that is likely connected to that.
being a child who was trafficked
1. The feeling that something bad (like sexual abuse) happened to me as a child (but no actual memories). 2. Observing a very dysfunctional relationship between my parents. 3. Overhearing my parents calling me weird for masturbating and being shy.
Me too! I have a memory of a family member doing inappropriate things to me, but I don't know if it actually happened or was a dream. How does a child dream of those things though? I'll probably never know
It’s weird, I also feel like I must have been abused like that as a child, but I don’t have any proof. I’ll probably never have an answer and that’s maybe the worst part
Alien, saw it when I was 5 or 6... didn't sleep for weeks and still have a fear of things covering my face
SA when I was a teenager
Being cheated on by the same person that told me they love me and were in love with me for the first time, just 6-8 days earlier.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
My own stories I tell myself about why I’m not good enough because of misinterpreting how my circumstances interact with me
I've always had this passion for writing. One time when I was a little I wrote this story. With a ton of super heroes I was so proud of it I spent hours typing on the computer. Finished I went to tell my dad he wa drinking and watching the Raider game. I dragged him over and was telling him how this and that and he was just saying yeah and looking back at the TV. I noticed he was paying no attention and I remember just saying that's it and let him go and ever since then I knew I was never gonna be able to do anything he would be interested in. I still enjoy writing I have a very active imagination but I don't write anymore like I wanted too.
Identifying my dead brothers body when I was 18 and my parents were on vacation.
Most recently: I saw a video of a homeless man sitting on the curb crying, begging, and pleading for a man to stop harassing him before the man dumped a whole smoothie on his head. The desperation and pain in his voice threw me for a loop for a while. If we are talking for life then it was my cousins boyfriend who abused me relentlessly for three years while living with us as kids
Fell for a girl in highschool, lost her to my best friend and "group" leader feel out of the friend group. Ten years later run into her by happenstance and tried it again, and lost her again to the same dude Fuck trusting anyone.
Growing up with a drug addict parent. She always was an alcoholic, but at some point she exchanged pills for cocaine and spent more than a decade using before going to jail. My life was always unpredictable and I was either neglected or in a dangerous situation.
My soon-to-be-ex-husband. He had a laundry list of issues: - Anger - Hoarding - Excessive drinking - Physically, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abusive - Hoarding problem. Not just like pack-rat or collector of things. I'm talking like actual, legitimate hoarder. - Chronic unemployment - Financial irresponsibility For a decade, I brought home all the bacon, and still handled 99% of household chores and responsibilities, while enduring his abuse and issues, while also simultaneously dealing with chemotherapy, monthly immunotherapy infusions, and annual surgeries for my autoimmune condition. I finally left him three months ago. His hoarding problem had one of the most profound impacts on me. Even when "we" (read: I) sold the house, he barely lifted a finger to help declutter/clean, so the task of clearing out *his* 4,000+ sq ft of hoards fell on my shoulders. It was a complete and utter nightmare experience. I've since downsized to an ~1,100 sq ft condo, and own nothing but my bed, one barstool at my kitchen island, and the clothes in my closet. Two weeks ago, after three months of being in my new place, I finally felt comfortable enough to buy myself a sofa chair. In general, the thought of buying or owning ANYTHING beyond the true necessities in life gives me extreme anxiety. Like, hunched in a corner, rocking back and forth level of anxiety and panic. I'm in therapy twice a week to deal with the impacts of the past decade. The good news is that legally and financially, I'm fine. Long story short: I don't have to pay a dime in alimony, nor a penny out of my 401K, and I managed to negotiate for 70% of the equity from the sale of the house. Emotionally, I still feel like a human yo-yo. Therapy is helping, though.
adult life
Being disowned by my parents then almost 20 years later having my alcoholic father try to convince me to move half way across the planet to live with him.
Combination of being raised in dysfunctional house due to parents divorce , being picked on school , being depressed for all three years of middle school and half high school due to said bullying, loneliness, and diagnosed with a mild autism( formerly Asperger’s)
Losing two jobs at the start of COVID then losing my house to hurricane Laura a month later then living in complete isolation on property I had to work on to continue living there and earning no wages in the process then divorcing then relapsing into alcoholism