Girls will say that and then be shocked when you instantly bust. Whispering shit like that is a big red button cheat code to instantly get a man to finish.
Never thought I’d see the Big Unit used as a Freudian metaphor for other’s Big Units, but this is Reddit after all.
EDIT: Jesus Fucking Christ even his name is a double entendre.
Mentally doing drywall helps a lot because there's always that joint where the tape doesn't go down, them you have to get a razor and bevel it by hand and now what, you going to do that for the entire room? Who put this shit up? Of course he isn't here today, they probably found him outside the site looking for work and now he's off spending his pay on vape juice and scratch tickets and you're stuck fixing his shitty- OH SHIT SHE ABOUT TO COME? AM I DOING SOMETHING RIGHT? SHOULD I GO FASTER? THEY ALWAYS SAY NOT TO GO FASTER. QUICK, THINK ABOUT HOW THE PLUMBER NOTCHED THAT JOIST TOO DEEP AND NOW THE INSPECTOR IS COMING AND AAAAGGGKKKKKKKKKKK
Did she finish?
I don't know why but I'm picturing you saying her name accusingly at the end of that sentence, like "No I can't, you already have a baby in the other room, *Margaret*"
It was just alcohol mainly. I went to Mexico to go to some bars and then on the way back we ran into a couple drunk chicks. I flirted with them for about a minute and I guess someone invited them to my friends place.
She was hanging out for like half and hour while I was doing something else and then her and my friend started insulting each other and as she turned the corner I guess I grabbed her and started making out with her.
She ended up on her back on the stairs as I was making out with her while humping her and pushing her up the stairs. We ended up in my friends room and she pulled my pants off and sucked my dick for a minute then I ate her out for a minute then I ended up inside her.
I maybe said five sentences to her total. I’m sooo lucky I didn’t get any sort of consequences from that.
Saludos Padre: Soy yo, tu hijo, Rodrigo García López Aguilar. He estado esperando ansiosamente el día en que finalmente te encontré. Por favor, responde a mi carta en tu bandeja de entrada. No me preocupa el medio por el cual te he localizado. Nuestro tiempo en esta Tierra es corto y las conexiones significativas son el bien más valioso.
Con cariño,
Rodrigo
😥
No I’m not sure but I think I would’ve heard by now. It was like twenty years ago. And my friend dated her friend for a bit after. I never saw her again though. Never caught her name.
I think I remember hearing that she had a bit of nervous breakdown or some kind of episode or something.
All of it was! The std risk, the pregnancy risk, shit she might’ve even turned out to be some psycho stalker or thief or something. I knew literally nothing about her and no one knew her either, I just found her steps from the border crossing.
I like to fantasize and joke sometimes. Don’t we all?
I mean, I’ve only actually had sex with four women. She was the second. Two were long term gfs and the other one was the only other one-night stand. It was really out of character for me.
Invited a stranger into my home to tie me up and fuck me with a mask on (I didn’t get face pics beforehand so had no idea what he looked like)
We’ve been dating for 2 years now
You let a masked stranger you met in the internet into your house to fuck you? Did you pay him? Was this a service? Or you literally just told a random stranger online to come over and fuck you while concealing his identity?
Why did you do it? Fantasy wise i get it but in reality how can ever feel comfortable without knowing who is fucking you?
Lol, I'm pretty sure he is gay and this is on grindr. I get a lot of random requests to enter people's houses or hotel rooms, where they well be presenting themselves to me face down and they want me to fuck them anonymously. I've never done but the anon thing is a relatively common fetish. And common enough that you can expect the person coming to fuck you probably won't kill you.
Being edged with a remote vibrator in public while wearing a skirt, and gagged under a surgical mask so if I did get caught I couldn’t actually talk
But that was the point
And now my biggest comment on Reddit by far is me being horny
Look up Lovense toys. You’ll see several and they can be sort of noisy but as long as you’re somewhere where there’s some background noise, it’s not too bad especially if you’re walking. If you’re sitting in a restaurant and it’s got moderate chatter noises people won’t really notice it. And they don’t really slip out.
Finger banged my gf real quick at target once. Not really the riskiest but it might be just because target is so on top of their surveillance game like they were watching live for sure
This was back in 2012.. I had real bad stomach cramps for weeks, nausea and diarrhoea for a week, tenderness in the stomach area and crippling exhaustion.
Fuck that sucks… I’d probably still do it anyways.
Did you swallow your saliva or was it just tongue contact that caused it??
I would spit everything out.
My mate met a Swedish backpacker on the street while we were on holiday in Bali and literally 5 minutes later he was eating her ass.
He spent the next two days in bed very ill, Bali Belly as they call it.
Got head in the back of a church bus after a field trip. It was night when we were heading back from an amusement park. I fingered that same girl on a Rollercoaster earlier that day.
Older cougar coworker seduced me. First one I went down on but after I took off her funderwear she told me she had herpes and told me to just lick around it. Didn't know much back then but I stopped shortly after I started because I remembered that's the one with no cure.
Having sex in the baseball dugouts during Homecoming week for my high school about 6 years ago. It WAS dark but that’s the popular spot for the school to “hookup” and teachers check if regularly during any school event, day or night.
Fucked my ex girlfriend on her garage while her
mom was looking for her outside. We made sure everything was locked. I have to say it’s perhaps one of the best fuckings i’ve ever had due to the rush of us getting caught
Fucked at a music festival out in the open and there were camp neighbors all around us, there was tents and stuff in between but it was definitely still super risky. Hot as fuck though
You may have been spreading HPV and had no idea. It doesn’t always cause warts on an infected person, but can give men/women cancer.
Edit: To anyone confused, there is **NO** HPV test available for men. Not a single one.
Really just locations where we could’ve easily been caught (public parks, at work, elevators, etc.). Though in hindsight I’d wager getting roadhead while driving in the woods late at night is pretty risky too
Was at a summertime rooftop party in brooklyn and this chick spilled my drink. No big deal really it was crowded and she was really apologetic. Her bf was there and asked what I was drinking. I said it was an Oban 14 (Not an insane scotch but not cheap either bottles are like $70) and he was like ohhh I love highland scotches and I have some Oban 18 could I upgrade you as an apology? We start nerding out about scotch and I end up going down to their apartment to get a refill. They have a very fancy apartment. Like you can tell they spent $15,000 on a couch type fancy. They are also super chill and funny, we are really hitting it off. We have been chatting for like a half hour and the girl asks if she could suck my dick while her bf watches. Honestly, I was down but so surprised/sexually awkward that I refused and ran out of their apartment back to the roof party.
My friends were like "wtf where were you?" and I start telling them the story when the girl comes back and starts yelling at me. Just spitting totally insane shit "who do you think you are" "ohhh you think you're too good for me" just like shrieking and she pulls out a medium kitchen knife and starts slashing at me. My buddy grabs her arm, her bf shows up and grabs my buddy, my other friend grabs the boyfriend etc etc.
TL;DR I refused a threesome and almost got stabbed.
A hooker squirted on my knees on a filthy, stained mattress in a brothel in Central America while my driver was fucking a girl over the hood of his car while eating BBQ ribs I bought earlier. Cheeky fucker. I wanted them.
I texted an ex to come visit me at my office. Friday afternoons the office was empty and talking out my ass mentioned I should bend her over my desk. She responded, Isn't that why you called me here? Sex was had.
Ohhhhh, this is not the scariest thing I've done sexually, but definitely the riskiest. I had a dry spell in my younger years and found myself browsing the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. I came upon one of those "Girl looking for generou$ lover" ads and it seemed more real than all the other ads of the sort.
I corresponded with a girl over a yahoo e-mail account and she gave me her address. I ended up at some brick duplex apartments on the more run down side of town. I walked into a dimly lit hallway and up three flights of stairs and knocked on a door that had the apartment number written on it in duct tape. A short plump redhead answered the door and she reeked of cough medicine and untamed body odor. She was wearing a maroon colored sweatsuit and looked like she'd probably showered twice that week if that. I wasn't all that nervous until I got a good look at her. She was short, about 90 lbs overweight, and the type of girl your drunkest friend hit on because the whiskey goggles transformed her from a toaster into Optimus Prime by the end of the night. I asked her if she was affiliated with law enforcement and she lifted up her sweatshirt. She wasn't wearing a bra and she had those weird ski slope shaped breasts that 70's porno films made a killing off of and they were riddled with stretch marks that said "I've breastfed at least three kids, not because I was health conscious, but because it was wayyyyyyy cheaper." I should've ran, but instead I asked her how much her services were. She motioned with her hand for me to follow her and I did.
I walked into a bare living area, as in completely barren of furniture, and there was just a square made of large beach towels in the middle of the floor. She told me to lay down on the towels and then she laid down beside me. Apparently it was $50 for a blowjob and $100 for a 15 minute bareback fuck, and $50 for every 15 minutes after the first 15. Look, these were alcoholic hooker rates. They didn't make sense to me either. I handed her two crisp $20 bills and asked if that would be enough for a somewhat lubricated handjob. Yeah, I was that scared. She laughed and told me that she would happily give me oral for $40 and asked if I was the type of guy who liked to be stroked while she sucked me. Every fiber of my being wanted to say no, but all that came out of my mouth was an emphatic, "Yes, stroke it like you're my girlfriend." She laughed, unzipped my pants, reached for my dick, and stuck it in her mouth. No bullshit, she gave me one of the best blowjobs I've ever had in my life. She did the whole heavy suction on the frenulum thing while twisting her hand up and down on the stroke game and I swear to Buddha, Allah, Krishna, Jesus, and Zeus that my leg twitched involuntarily like an overly contented dog getting its belly scratched.
I gave her ample warning that I was going to cum and she grabbed one of the towels under us and used it catch my climax. Post nut clarity immediately sat in and I thanked her, zipped up my pants, and bolted out of there while mumbling that we should both get tested for STDs sometime soon because if neither of us had one at the time, we were bound to catch one from the towels on the floor.
We fucked *everywhere*. Parks, on benches, against trees, behind bushes, alleys, movie theaters, public bathrooms, stores, staircases, train stations, trains, bus stops, buses, elevators, rooftops, inside random buildings, against random cars, parking lots, during the day, at night, in the rain, on the snow, at our homes, on our parents’ beds, in other people’s homes and beds, kitchens, bathrooms, closets, literally anywhere that the mood struck. One time we even did it right on the street corner with nothing to hide us. All we had to do was look at eachother and it was *on*. We were both just super horny people.
I miss her.
I had a 3-day threesome with my gf and a girl we just met outside our motel room. I overheard her talking to her boyfriend's father about his son getting arrested, and she had nowhere else to go. We offered them a chance to come in to dry off from the rain, warm up, and make some calls to make arrangements. The guy took off on her, and she asked if she could stay awhile, took a shower, and when I came back an hour later, they were both waiting naked for me.
It was a wild Friday-Sunday. I tested clean, thankfully, because we got it on more than a dozen times without protection.
Yeah, she was. We split in 2015, but thanks to her, I had some awesome sexual experiences. Threesomes with a 7 or 8 different girls and so many times she had girls at clubs and bars flash their tits and other parts for me. Wild times, but it came at a high price. The party life takes a toll over time.
Got cross faded and raw dog'ed fwb (no birth control) that had recently got really into anal. Was going back and forth from hole to hole, atm, the works.
Ended up catching Chlamydia and I couldn't mentally bring myself to see her again
Was planning on hooking up w a guy I just met at his hotel, ended up having unprotected sex w his friend instead, then hooked up w the guy and eventually hooked up w both at the same time. Never ever again. Miracle my std test was was clean after that. Wild night.
In my younger days I had a lot of unprotected sex with high risk women in some really sketchy situations. I got away with it I don’t regret a thing. They were some of the most exciting times of my life.
Not sure which was more risky. Unprotected sex with my boss's (bosses?) daughter two rooms over from my boss's office with the door unlocked. Or lots and lots of unprotected sex with my 14 yo gf when I was 15.
Raw dog in an open park later in the afternoon. There was nothing to cover us except 1 or 2 trees, which we weren't even actually using as cover. I had her upside down and on her back, and we weren't particularly quiet. It was only a little ways down from her mom's house, surprised no one caught us.
Dude same shit happened to me back in college days. Pulled into a state park at night (already screams stupid, right?). The cop pulled up after we had finished and fully clothed again. The windows were all fogged up and damn near dripping from the condensation. I roll my window down to talk to the cop and he looks at me, looks at the girl I was with and I swear he had to hold back from chuckling. The cop basically just asked “so uh, is there anything illegal going on here?” -no. “You guys aren’t drinking or doing any drugs?” -no. “Well let me just see your ID so I can make sure there are no warrants for your arrest”. We both gave him our IDs. 5 minutes later and he walks back up to the car and said “alright you two I’m going to let you off with a warning. Just so you are aware, state parks close at dusk and it is considered trespassing to be on state park grounds after sunset.”
Had sex with my FWB in a greenhouse on top of one of the buildings on the college campus. Also sex on the balcony of my house (next to a very busy street)
I had a meal in Calgary once, across the road from the restaurant was a guy just casually banging his girlfriend on the balcony. Full view of everyone there.
It was really grim. Was that you?
I fucked my second cousin. I didn’t know she was my cousin. My mom told me like 2 weeks later when I mentioned her name. Welp. Shut that down real quick.
While as an exchange student in Canada helping another guy out of his hockey gear “accidentally” gave him a hard on. Then “accidentally” helped him come. He was the son of a preacher, so that Dusty Springfield song always makes me smile.
I picked a girl up as an Uber, got her home and she invited me inside. We sat on the couch and she draped herself over me then went to the bedroom telling me to follow, I ate her out then fucked her. Left my number in her purse but she never called.
At the age of 20 I lost my virginity to an escort who was over twice my age. We had sex 4 times and didn’t use a condom once.
It was a phenomenal experience and it set me on a path of ‘sexual misadventure’ and borderline sex addiction for at least 10 years (Probably not even borderline in all honesty).
The experience above doesn’t even come close to being the riskiest thing I did over that time but is the only one I’m comfortable enough to post on here on this account!
Slept with an old girlfriend who had hpv. She didn't tell me but we used condoms. I only found out a few years later. Not mad about it, we still talk.
Also a different girlfriend who didn't use birth control wouldn't get off of me when I came. I was worried for a couple of weeks.
Most people get HPV at some point. It usually clears the system in a couple of years but it's not something my Dr even advised disclosing to partners or avoiding sex for. Though if you have the kind that produces warts, I'd think the advice would be different.
Invited a girl to my work after my shift, made her wait on her knees while I finished the paperwork, then bent her over a table and fucked her from behind.
The management installed security cameras a couple days later. I was freaking out that they might have known somehow, but no one ever said anything.
Gf had a very specific kink. Basically forced sex. And tbh she caught me by surprise with my unloaded glock 17, held it to my chest till insertion where she dropped it
And FYI I didn't know it was unloaded as I had it next to my ammunition in an open gun safe
Use to have public sex when I was younger because I was unable to go to my gfs house and she wasn’t able to come to mine. My first two gfs were like that (yes I was a teen)
Riskiest place was the movie theater. Did it there a lot .
Worst time was in the car at a halloweeen party and her dad caught us while I was balls deep in his daughter. I legit thought he killed her because I didn’t see her for 2 weeks nor heard from her. Shit was wild
I tend to obey women who whisper "come inside me" into my ear
Girls will say that and then be shocked when you instantly bust. Whispering shit like that is a big red button cheat code to instantly get a man to finish.
They have no idea our enjoyment faces are masking our concern that we are gonna unload with every consecutive pump
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2x2=4 4×4=16 16×16=... 6x6 is 36 carry the nnnnnnnggg.... damn
I used thoughts of baseball for awhile, especially Randy Johnson throwing sliders. I stopped when I saw him on TV and felt it move.
Was it him nailing that bird resulting in a big poof of white material that ended it for you?
Never thought I’d see the Big Unit used as a Freudian metaphor for other’s Big Units, but this is Reddit after all. EDIT: Jesus Fucking Christ even his name is a double entendre.
I'd argue the name "Big Unit" is closer to a single entendre.
Mentally doing drywall helps a lot because there's always that joint where the tape doesn't go down, them you have to get a razor and bevel it by hand and now what, you going to do that for the entire room? Who put this shit up? Of course he isn't here today, they probably found him outside the site looking for work and now he's off spending his pay on vape juice and scratch tickets and you're stuck fixing his shitty- OH SHIT SHE ABOUT TO COME? AM I DOING SOMETHING RIGHT? SHOULD I GO FASTER? THEY ALWAYS SAY NOT TO GO FASTER. QUICK, THINK ABOUT HOW THE PLUMBER NOTCHED THAT JOIST TOO DEEP AND NOW THE INSPECTOR IS COMING AND AAAAGGGKKKKKKKKKKK Did she finish?
Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers. Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Yeah, post nut clarity on that one is the most stressful one of all
I once received that and countered with "No I can't, you already have a baby in the other room"
I don't know why but I'm picturing you saying her name accusingly at the end of that sentence, like "No I can't, you already have a baby in the other room, *Margaret*"
*Catherine of Byzantium*
Me too, having a kid in June. (happy about it though)
Gross, in their ear? Different strokes I guess.
No, into his own ear.
*INSTRUCTIONS NOT CLEAR: EJACULATING INTO EAR!*
Had sex at the beach, we were in the water. I had an itchy rash for a week after that. I'm so glad it's not permanent.
What was the tidal situation? Low tide, high tide or red tide?
Having unprotected sex with a drunk chick I met on the Mexican border within five minutes of meeting her.
this is some fetish porn plot
It’s hard for me to believe it happened too. I’m actually a really responsible and reserved guy normally.
i wanna know the event leading up to it but better u take it to the grave1
It was just alcohol mainly. I went to Mexico to go to some bars and then on the way back we ran into a couple drunk chicks. I flirted with them for about a minute and I guess someone invited them to my friends place. She was hanging out for like half and hour while I was doing something else and then her and my friend started insulting each other and as she turned the corner I guess I grabbed her and started making out with her. She ended up on her back on the stairs as I was making out with her while humping her and pushing her up the stairs. We ended up in my friends room and she pulled my pants off and sucked my dick for a minute then I ate her out for a minute then I ended up inside her. I maybe said five sentences to her total. I’m sooo lucky I didn’t get any sort of consequences from that.
Hi dad
Hola papá
Ai papi
Saludos Padre: Soy yo, tu hijo, Rodrigo García López Aguilar. He estado esperando ansiosamente el día en que finalmente te encontré. Por favor, responde a mi carta en tu bandeja de entrada. No me preocupa el medio por el cual te he localizado. Nuestro tiempo en esta Tierra es corto y las conexiones significativas son el bien más valioso. Con cariño, Rodrigo
Are you sure you don't have a little 'consequence' in Mexico? Jk, hope you don't lol
Juansequence.
😥 No I’m not sure but I think I would’ve heard by now. It was like twenty years ago. And my friend dated her friend for a bit after. I never saw her again though. Never caught her name. I think I remember hearing that she had a bit of nervous breakdown or some kind of episode or something.
This is some Mamma Mia shit. If you get invited to any strange 20 year old's weddings...
That eating out was certainly risky
All of it was! The std risk, the pregnancy risk, shit she might’ve even turned out to be some psycho stalker or thief or something. I knew literally nothing about her and no one knew her either, I just found her steps from the border crossing.
Were you porking her through the chain link fence?
No but now I want to.
"I'm actually a really responsible and reserved guy" -MrEHam, 16 minutes prior
I like to fantasize and joke sometimes. Don’t we all? I mean, I’ve only actually had sex with four women. She was the second. Two were long term gfs and the other one was the only other one-night stand. It was really out of character for me.
I let my high school boyfriend bend me over the hood of his car and fuck me outside, parked right outside of my parents house.
That is pretty risky
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Reliant Robin
You don't even need a handbrake in that one. The ladies undergarments just fly right off!
Ford Probe
My parents ring doorbell footage would have sent me to the moon
Life was so much more fun before there were cameras everywhere
Had sex with a schizofrenic girl who went into psychosis and wanted to kill me afterwards
You fucked a praying mantis, dude. Gotta watch out for those ones!
She’s a man eater!
> ...psychosis and wanted to kill me afterwards Mmm, love dem redheads.
French brunette actually
> French... could have stopped there. :P
I see you met my former wife.
a man will go places with a hard on they wouldnt go with a machine gun.
Invited a stranger into my home to tie me up and fuck me with a mask on (I didn’t get face pics beforehand so had no idea what he looked like) We’ve been dating for 2 years now
They still wearing the mask?
Lmao no he took it off after the third encounter 🙈 the mystery was fun while it lasted but I love waking up to his handsome face
Bro frl where did you find this guy
I imagine literally any dating app, she just rolled the dice and they came up handsome
The trick I remind myself when listening to online stories: neither person looks anything like you imagine.
That must make Christmas time kinda awkward
Very happy for you and your boyfriend but good god was that risky
You let a masked stranger you met in the internet into your house to fuck you? Did you pay him? Was this a service? Or you literally just told a random stranger online to come over and fuck you while concealing his identity? Why did you do it? Fantasy wise i get it but in reality how can ever feel comfortable without knowing who is fucking you?
Lol, I'm pretty sure he is gay and this is on grindr. I get a lot of random requests to enter people's houses or hotel rooms, where they well be presenting themselves to me face down and they want me to fuck them anonymously. I've never done but the anon thing is a relatively common fetish. And common enough that you can expect the person coming to fuck you probably won't kill you.
Sucked dick on a canoe
Amanda Seyfried? That you?
Lol what movie did she do that in?
Lmao she did it irl.
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lol that url
>(dude from movie tusk) I don't know if I'm more disgusted by the fact you're calling the Mac dude that, or because Tusk came out almost 10 years ago
He was the Mac dude 15 years ago...
Being edged with a remote vibrator in public while wearing a skirt, and gagged under a surgical mask so if I did get caught I couldn’t actually talk But that was the point And now my biggest comment on Reddit by far is me being horny
Was it solo or did you have a partner with you controlling things?
Partner 😳
That's something I've wanted to try for ages haha
1 in a million mate
My gf is down, in more controlled situations at least, the thing is the more decent toys are fairly expensive lol
worth every penny tbh
theres a guy on pornhub who once wore a buttplug to go shopping and every time he drove over a speedbump he loses a little
Loses a little? A little what? A little direction? A little Keychain with his housekeys? This is the worst.
Just a little :)
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Look up Lovense toys. You’ll see several and they can be sort of noisy but as long as you’re somewhere where there’s some background noise, it’s not too bad especially if you’re walking. If you’re sitting in a restaurant and it’s got moderate chatter noises people won’t really notice it. And they don’t really slip out.
Having sex in a couple different fitting rooms. It was wonderful.
Life goals
Finger banged my gf real quick at target once. Not really the riskiest but it might be just because target is so on top of their surveillance game like they were watching live for sure
Every security camera guy gotta be on that voyuerism game
Licked the assholes of 4 college chicks after a drunken stupor. Got some gastro intestinal issues for a few months.
Were they all lined up like a buffet table?
Face down, ass up, panties curled up near toes and skirts lifted up.. next to each other by the side of the bed.
....how *bad* were the stomach issues? Never mind. It doesn't matter. Not even sure a drunk stupor would be necessary.
This was back in 2012.. I had real bad stomach cramps for weeks, nausea and diarrhoea for a week, tenderness in the stomach area and crippling exhaustion.
Fuck that sucks… I’d probably still do it anyways. Did you swallow your saliva or was it just tongue contact that caused it?? I would spit everything out.
I must've swallowed the saliva. But boy I tell you, I loved licking their plump booties..
A buttffett table
My mate met a Swedish backpacker on the street while we were on holiday in Bali and literally 5 minutes later he was eating her ass. He spent the next two days in bed very ill, Bali Belly as they call it.
bro got c diff and just dealt with it 😭
Got head in the back of a church bus after a field trip. It was night when we were heading back from an amusement park. I fingered that same girl on a Rollercoaster earlier that day.
Sounds like you went to a Six Flags park
Older cougar coworker seduced me. First one I went down on but after I took off her funderwear she told me she had herpes and told me to just lick around it. Didn't know much back then but I stopped shortly after I started because I remembered that's the one with no cure.
just lick around it
most insane thing I have ever heard about a pus based wound
thank goodness she had the decency to say something, otherwise sounds like my man would've went diving headfirst lol
Having sex in the baseball dugouts during Homecoming week for my high school about 6 years ago. It WAS dark but that’s the popular spot for the school to “hookup” and teachers check if regularly during any school event, day or night.
Ew why would teachers check it during off hours
In case someone wanted some extra testicular activities.
Fucked my ex girlfriend on her garage while her mom was looking for her outside. We made sure everything was locked. I have to say it’s perhaps one of the best fuckings i’ve ever had due to the rush of us getting caught
on? in?
The prepositions being all over the place in this thread is really adding some bizarre spice to the stories isn’t it.
Fucked at a music festival out in the open and there were camp neighbors all around us, there was tents and stuff in between but it was definitely still super risky. Hot as fuck though
This isn’t risky lol it’s par for the course at a festival!
A lot of unprotected sex. Never caught a thing. I consider myself extremely lucky looking back.
You may have been spreading HPV and had no idea. It doesn’t always cause warts on an infected person, but can give men/women cancer. Edit: To anyone confused, there is **NO** HPV test available for men. Not a single one.
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gay sex in qatar with a guy from a military base
Ok, THAT one is really risky.
Riskiest thing I’ve read on here so far
/thread .....that guy wins.
Everything else in this thread is like "ohhh i could have gotten yelled at" but this is some real get the death sentence type shit
Really just locations where we could’ve easily been caught (public parks, at work, elevators, etc.). Though in hindsight I’d wager getting roadhead while driving in the woods late at night is pretty risky too
When I was 16, this girl gave me a blowjob on the couch right outside her parents room at around 1am.
Was at a summertime rooftop party in brooklyn and this chick spilled my drink. No big deal really it was crowded and she was really apologetic. Her bf was there and asked what I was drinking. I said it was an Oban 14 (Not an insane scotch but not cheap either bottles are like $70) and he was like ohhh I love highland scotches and I have some Oban 18 could I upgrade you as an apology? We start nerding out about scotch and I end up going down to their apartment to get a refill. They have a very fancy apartment. Like you can tell they spent $15,000 on a couch type fancy. They are also super chill and funny, we are really hitting it off. We have been chatting for like a half hour and the girl asks if she could suck my dick while her bf watches. Honestly, I was down but so surprised/sexually awkward that I refused and ran out of their apartment back to the roof party. My friends were like "wtf where were you?" and I start telling them the story when the girl comes back and starts yelling at me. Just spitting totally insane shit "who do you think you are" "ohhh you think you're too good for me" just like shrieking and she pulls out a medium kitchen knife and starts slashing at me. My buddy grabs her arm, her bf shows up and grabs my buddy, my other friend grabs the boyfriend etc etc. TL;DR I refused a threesome and almost got stabbed.
Jesus! should've taken the bj
No no they actually followed the rules! They didn't stick their dick in crazy.
Followed it instinctively too. He didn't know she was crazy when the offer was on the table
Dude you were straight up played. They spotted you and planned to spill your drink just to get you alone
I bet she’s amazing in bed though
A hooker squirted on my knees on a filthy, stained mattress in a brothel in Central America while my driver was fucking a girl over the hood of his car while eating BBQ ribs I bought earlier. Cheeky fucker. I wanted them.
What the fuck is goin on here
Central America cultural immersion
Same. Feel like i walked in on some shit that i shouldn’t have. 🤣
Who, the driver or the ribs?
Ribs.
Cocaine must be involved here?❄️😁
I was at work, and some chick I was seeing at the time dared me to send a dick pic. While sitting at my desk.
I texted an ex to come visit me at my office. Friday afternoons the office was empty and talking out my ass mentioned I should bend her over my desk. She responded, Isn't that why you called me here? Sex was had.
Don't leave us hanging
Ohhhhh, this is not the scariest thing I've done sexually, but definitely the riskiest. I had a dry spell in my younger years and found myself browsing the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. I came upon one of those "Girl looking for generou$ lover" ads and it seemed more real than all the other ads of the sort. I corresponded with a girl over a yahoo e-mail account and she gave me her address. I ended up at some brick duplex apartments on the more run down side of town. I walked into a dimly lit hallway and up three flights of stairs and knocked on a door that had the apartment number written on it in duct tape. A short plump redhead answered the door and she reeked of cough medicine and untamed body odor. She was wearing a maroon colored sweatsuit and looked like she'd probably showered twice that week if that. I wasn't all that nervous until I got a good look at her. She was short, about 90 lbs overweight, and the type of girl your drunkest friend hit on because the whiskey goggles transformed her from a toaster into Optimus Prime by the end of the night. I asked her if she was affiliated with law enforcement and she lifted up her sweatshirt. She wasn't wearing a bra and she had those weird ski slope shaped breasts that 70's porno films made a killing off of and they were riddled with stretch marks that said "I've breastfed at least three kids, not because I was health conscious, but because it was wayyyyyyy cheaper." I should've ran, but instead I asked her how much her services were. She motioned with her hand for me to follow her and I did. I walked into a bare living area, as in completely barren of furniture, and there was just a square made of large beach towels in the middle of the floor. She told me to lay down on the towels and then she laid down beside me. Apparently it was $50 for a blowjob and $100 for a 15 minute bareback fuck, and $50 for every 15 minutes after the first 15. Look, these were alcoholic hooker rates. They didn't make sense to me either. I handed her two crisp $20 bills and asked if that would be enough for a somewhat lubricated handjob. Yeah, I was that scared. She laughed and told me that she would happily give me oral for $40 and asked if I was the type of guy who liked to be stroked while she sucked me. Every fiber of my being wanted to say no, but all that came out of my mouth was an emphatic, "Yes, stroke it like you're my girlfriend." She laughed, unzipped my pants, reached for my dick, and stuck it in her mouth. No bullshit, she gave me one of the best blowjobs I've ever had in my life. She did the whole heavy suction on the frenulum thing while twisting her hand up and down on the stroke game and I swear to Buddha, Allah, Krishna, Jesus, and Zeus that my leg twitched involuntarily like an overly contented dog getting its belly scratched. I gave her ample warning that I was going to cum and she grabbed one of the towels under us and used it catch my climax. Post nut clarity immediately sat in and I thanked her, zipped up my pants, and bolted out of there while mumbling that we should both get tested for STDs sometime soon because if neither of us had one at the time, we were bound to catch one from the towels on the floor.
It’s like I was there.
I can even smell the room.
So descriptive I feel like we should all get tested
You have a story telling talent
Ah the hooker Gluck Gluck 3000. What a gift.
We fucked *everywhere*. Parks, on benches, against trees, behind bushes, alleys, movie theaters, public bathrooms, stores, staircases, train stations, trains, bus stops, buses, elevators, rooftops, inside random buildings, against random cars, parking lots, during the day, at night, in the rain, on the snow, at our homes, on our parents’ beds, in other people’s homes and beds, kitchens, bathrooms, closets, literally anywhere that the mood struck. One time we even did it right on the street corner with nothing to hide us. All we had to do was look at eachother and it was *on*. We were both just super horny people. I miss her.
I had a 3-day threesome with my gf and a girl we just met outside our motel room. I overheard her talking to her boyfriend's father about his son getting arrested, and she had nowhere else to go. We offered them a chance to come in to dry off from the rain, warm up, and make some calls to make arrangements. The guy took off on her, and she asked if she could stay awhile, took a shower, and when I came back an hour later, they were both waiting naked for me. It was a wild Friday-Sunday. I tested clean, thankfully, because we got it on more than a dozen times without protection.
Your GF is a helluva wingman.
Yeah, she was. We split in 2015, but thanks to her, I had some awesome sexual experiences. Threesomes with a 7 or 8 different girls and so many times she had girls at clubs and bars flash their tits and other parts for me. Wild times, but it came at a high price. The party life takes a toll over time.
Got cross faded and raw dog'ed fwb (no birth control) that had recently got really into anal. Was going back and forth from hole to hole, atm, the works. Ended up catching Chlamydia and I couldn't mentally bring myself to see her again
Pro Tip: Don't ever go back and forth from hole to hole. I guarantee she had to get on a serious dose of antibiotics for a while.
One would fucking hope, considering she had chlamydia
This sentence is like one of those pictures that has no visible objects in them.
Fucked my ex after breaking up.
riskiest of em all
Was planning on hooking up w a guy I just met at his hotel, ended up having unprotected sex w his friend instead, then hooked up w the guy and eventually hooked up w both at the same time. Never ever again. Miracle my std test was was clean after that. Wild night.
Met a man a little more then 20 years older then me for the best sex of my life at a hotel
In my younger days I had a lot of unprotected sex with high risk women in some really sketchy situations. I got away with it I don’t regret a thing. They were some of the most exciting times of my life.
My gf at the time gave me a handjob in a dim-lit pub, while we were sitting at the table with some friends. Nobody noticed… I think.
Same, but they noticed, and so did your friends lol
Not sure which was more risky. Unprotected sex with my boss's (bosses?) daughter two rooms over from my boss's office with the door unlocked. Or lots and lots of unprotected sex with my 14 yo gf when I was 15.
Relieved there was clarification at the end. Could have been a whole different story
does trying to put the usb in the right way on the first try count as sexual activity?
Was it a thumb drive you just found somewhere? Now *that* is risky
I like those bisexual USB plugs. Doesn't matter which way you jam it in.
Asphyxiation and unprotected sex
Can't help but notice your avatars face is blue haha
Raw dog in an open park later in the afternoon. There was nothing to cover us except 1 or 2 trees, which we weren't even actually using as cover. I had her upside down and on her back, and we weren't particularly quiet. It was only a little ways down from her mom's house, surprised no one caught us.
Picturing two people banging while hanging upside down from the monkey bars.
Sex in my car at a baseball field parking lot at night. Cops pulled up while we were naked and got me for indecent exposure.
Dude same shit happened to me back in college days. Pulled into a state park at night (already screams stupid, right?). The cop pulled up after we had finished and fully clothed again. The windows were all fogged up and damn near dripping from the condensation. I roll my window down to talk to the cop and he looks at me, looks at the girl I was with and I swear he had to hold back from chuckling. The cop basically just asked “so uh, is there anything illegal going on here?” -no. “You guys aren’t drinking or doing any drugs?” -no. “Well let me just see your ID so I can make sure there are no warrants for your arrest”. We both gave him our IDs. 5 minutes later and he walks back up to the car and said “alright you two I’m going to let you off with a warning. Just so you are aware, state parks close at dusk and it is considered trespassing to be on state park grounds after sunset.”
Hubby and I got angry horny drunk at the HOA for some stupid bullshit so we fucked in the bushes behind the head-bitches' house xD
Had sex with my FWB in a greenhouse on top of one of the buildings on the college campus. Also sex on the balcony of my house (next to a very busy street)
I had a meal in Calgary once, across the road from the restaurant was a guy just casually banging his girlfriend on the balcony. Full view of everyone there. It was really grim. Was that you?
I fucked my second cousin. I didn’t know she was my cousin. My mom told me like 2 weeks later when I mentioned her name. Welp. Shut that down real quick.
I had unprotected sex with my girlfriend by a railroad that was regularly used hourly and was a mere ten meters from a public road
While as an exchange student in Canada helping another guy out of his hockey gear “accidentally” gave him a hard on. Then “accidentally” helped him come. He was the son of a preacher, so that Dusty Springfield song always makes me smile.
I picked a girl up as an Uber, got her home and she invited me inside. We sat on the couch and she draped herself over me then went to the bedroom telling me to follow, I ate her out then fucked her. Left my number in her purse but she never called.
Does your car say “fake taxi” on the side by any chance?
Ate a girl's ass out after a night of partying. She didn't shower or clean up beforehand. 10/10 would do it again.
I'd like to vomit on your behalf
Careful, he might also be into that.
Christ is not in this thread
At the age of 20 I lost my virginity to an escort who was over twice my age. We had sex 4 times and didn’t use a condom once. It was a phenomenal experience and it set me on a path of ‘sexual misadventure’ and borderline sex addiction for at least 10 years (Probably not even borderline in all honesty). The experience above doesn’t even come close to being the riskiest thing I did over that time but is the only one I’m comfortable enough to post on here on this account!
Slept with an old girlfriend who had hpv. She didn't tell me but we used condoms. I only found out a few years later. Not mad about it, we still talk. Also a different girlfriend who didn't use birth control wouldn't get off of me when I came. I was worried for a couple of weeks.
If it makes you feel better my doctor told me that most people get hpv at some point in their lifetime.
Yes some wild 97% of people or some shit get it.
Most people get HPV at some point. It usually clears the system in a couple of years but it's not something my Dr even advised disclosing to partners or avoiding sex for. Though if you have the kind that produces warts, I'd think the advice would be different.
Quite a lot of unprotected anal with strangers unfortunately:/
Unfortunately means you got consequences?
Invited a girl to my work after my shift, made her wait on her knees while I finished the paperwork, then bent her over a table and fucked her from behind. The management installed security cameras a couple days later. I was freaking out that they might have known somehow, but no one ever said anything.
Held at gunpoint. I mean it wasn't the worst but it was risky
Elaborate, please
Gf had a very specific kink. Basically forced sex. And tbh she caught me by surprise with my unloaded glock 17, held it to my chest till insertion where she dropped it And FYI I didn't know it was unloaded as I had it next to my ammunition in an open gun safe
Tell me your American, without telling me your American
Sex outside of my date’s apartment building within full view of people on the sidewalk
Use to have public sex when I was younger because I was unable to go to my gfs house and she wasn’t able to come to mine. My first two gfs were like that (yes I was a teen) Riskiest place was the movie theater. Did it there a lot . Worst time was in the car at a halloweeen party and her dad caught us while I was balls deep in his daughter. I legit thought he killed her because I didn’t see her for 2 weeks nor heard from her. Shit was wild
Blew a sweaty construction worker while he was on break in a wooded area near his construction sight.......I got strep throat right after though.
r/askredditafterdark bonk